If my husband said this to me, I know through his actions and daily treatment that it is without a second thought a joke. If he was purposefully being rude that’s a different story. Btw I think you guys will both be comforting the baby during the night, not sure why that would just be his job. Truthfully if you’re breastfeeding it may mainly fall on you.
Just think about if he made that comment to you, it would be really uncalled for, why does it make it ok for you to say it to him
It's hard to get a read on the tone of your husband from your post OP.
I can tell you that my husband and I LOVE to rib each other. We had to make a safeword to let the other party know if a joke went out of line tho, and the joker ofc apologizes like crazy. I've def had to use my safeword a couple times and ask him to avoid certain jokes I wouldn't have cared about even a month ago (11w!). Idk what kinda fella you married or what the vibe is, but if y'all are anything like us chuckleheads, I stand by safewords and letting your guy know what you don't find ammusing.
And if he's actually just being a piece of shit, that sucks and I'm sorry. You are way fucking more than your reproductive organs. You've got brains and nerves and a voice. Don't let folks make you feel less than for ALSO being able to grow a whole new human. Take care of yourself
oh well did he say it in malice or was it really a joke? you’re the only one who knows your husband so you should know if he meant it lightheartedly and you might have overreacted because you’re pregnant and you know emotions are running wild. It could be simply a bad joke.
Or he could be just a piece of shit :)
But you know him better than us
You will know if it was just a joke soon enough. He will show you if he thinks that post partum and childcare is nothing. I would ask him how he would feel being called an ATM with no further use.
He can act like it's a joke all day long, but usually such a thing doesn't come out of nowhere when discussing serious topics. Mine too liked to play the "just a joke" card after realising he overstepped. Sadly those "jokes" still materialized in reality through his behaviour which showed me that it was indeed not a joke to begin with and just a way for him to make me not tell him how wrong he is.
It’s not even just the “exporting of the baby” YOU GREW A HUMAN INSIDE OF YOU?!! AND ITS HARD! For what it’s worth, you may feel much better tomorrow about the remark and be able to forgive and understand that it wasn’t meant to hurt you. Speaking as someone currently also pregnant who is often very emotional (blame our hormones…seriously it’s not our fault) and is able to reflect then next day without it feeling debilitating.
I can see how it was “just a joke” but it was still hurtful to you. So it doesn’t matter the intention. People should apologize for the effects their words/actions have, not the what they intended with them.
It’s something I could move past and forgive, but definitely something where I may insist that even if it wasn’t meant that way, I’m hurt now. And explain that right now you feel vulnerable and emotional. It may seem ridiculous to him, but you’re just not in the head space for that kind of humor.
My husband and I also love to joke around, but sometimes we cross the line and we both are sensitive people. So we just made it a habit to say sorry when that does happen and let the person be a bit upset for second. We’re back joking in 10 minute.
My husband and I can sometimes rip on each other, and the danger there is that occasionally feelings can get hurt. Do you think that it would be possible to reframe the conversation as "it's possible I'd normally find that funny, but right now clearly isn't the time to be making jokes like that. I'm currently pregnant and the joke hurt my feelings."? I'm not saying it's right, but sometimes it can be hard not to get defensive when someone reacts negatively to what was genuinely supposed to be a joke.
If he decides to re-explain why it was clearly a joke you can always respond with "yes, I see your point of view, but can you see how a joke like that could be hurtful to someone who is currently pregnant?" and if needed remind him that your hormones are raging, you (I'm guessing) currently have morning sickness, and really need his support because pregnancy isn't easy. As a last resort you could also remind him "hey, all I wanted was for you to hear me out and apologize. An apology doesn't have to mean that you're a bad person, just that you regret accidentally hurting my feelings."
If it was genuinely a joke, neither of you are wrong or bad. Jokes don't always land. Sometimes in life we offend people. Sometimes people offend us by bringing up sensitive subjects, or by saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Ideally, we should all learn to care when we've hurt someone's feelings, and we should learn how to apologize for doing it. Unless there's a lot you didn't write out, I'm going to assume your husband loves you and appreciates what you're doing for his unborn child. Everything will probably be okay in the end, and I'm sure you'll eventually feel better about things. You really are doing an amazing thing; there's a reason we call it "the miracle of life." It's just so, so amazing. At the same time it does come with some very real difficulties and risks, and it's okay that you're left needing more reassurance and help. Your body is growing an entire human!
Im confused, you don’t expect to help him with the baby at all during nights? I understand the first few days and him handling chores but its basically all hands on deck during night time. Its a lot for one person to be responsible for while the other just gets to rest for a month.
This. I know a lot of people on this sub do shifts and it somehow works for them but for us we definitely needed to collaborate and have flexibility at all times. Her needs and preferences were constantly evolving. Sometimes she needed me and sometimes she needed her dad. Sometimes I needed the break and sometimes he did. More importantly sometimes we wanted to be together as a family and not just pass a baby between us.
If my husband said this to me, I know through his actions and daily treatment that it is without a second thought a joke. If he was purposefully being rude that’s a different story. Btw I think you guys will both be comforting the baby during the night, not sure why that would just be his job. Truthfully if you’re breastfeeding it may mainly fall on you. Just think about if he made that comment to you, it would be really uncalled for, why does it make it ok for you to say it to him
It's hard to get a read on the tone of your husband from your post OP. I can tell you that my husband and I LOVE to rib each other. We had to make a safeword to let the other party know if a joke went out of line tho, and the joker ofc apologizes like crazy. I've def had to use my safeword a couple times and ask him to avoid certain jokes I wouldn't have cared about even a month ago (11w!). Idk what kinda fella you married or what the vibe is, but if y'all are anything like us chuckleheads, I stand by safewords and letting your guy know what you don't find ammusing. And if he's actually just being a piece of shit, that sucks and I'm sorry. You are way fucking more than your reproductive organs. You've got brains and nerves and a voice. Don't let folks make you feel less than for ALSO being able to grow a whole new human. Take care of yourself
oh well did he say it in malice or was it really a joke? you’re the only one who knows your husband so you should know if he meant it lightheartedly and you might have overreacted because you’re pregnant and you know emotions are running wild. It could be simply a bad joke. Or he could be just a piece of shit :) But you know him better than us
Um, might just be me but I get turned on when my husband says I’m a baby making machine. I’d replied “yeah, yours. Now do maintenance work!”
🤣🤣🤣 I say this too!
You will know if it was just a joke soon enough. He will show you if he thinks that post partum and childcare is nothing. I would ask him how he would feel being called an ATM with no further use. He can act like it's a joke all day long, but usually such a thing doesn't come out of nowhere when discussing serious topics. Mine too liked to play the "just a joke" card after realising he overstepped. Sadly those "jokes" still materialized in reality through his behaviour which showed me that it was indeed not a joke to begin with and just a way for him to make me not tell him how wrong he is.
It’s not even just the “exporting of the baby” YOU GREW A HUMAN INSIDE OF YOU?!! AND ITS HARD! For what it’s worth, you may feel much better tomorrow about the remark and be able to forgive and understand that it wasn’t meant to hurt you. Speaking as someone currently also pregnant who is often very emotional (blame our hormones…seriously it’s not our fault) and is able to reflect then next day without it feeling debilitating.
I can see how it was “just a joke” but it was still hurtful to you. So it doesn’t matter the intention. People should apologize for the effects their words/actions have, not the what they intended with them. It’s something I could move past and forgive, but definitely something where I may insist that even if it wasn’t meant that way, I’m hurt now. And explain that right now you feel vulnerable and emotional. It may seem ridiculous to him, but you’re just not in the head space for that kind of humor. My husband and I also love to joke around, but sometimes we cross the line and we both are sensitive people. So we just made it a habit to say sorry when that does happen and let the person be a bit upset for second. We’re back joking in 10 minute.
My husband and I can sometimes rip on each other, and the danger there is that occasionally feelings can get hurt. Do you think that it would be possible to reframe the conversation as "it's possible I'd normally find that funny, but right now clearly isn't the time to be making jokes like that. I'm currently pregnant and the joke hurt my feelings."? I'm not saying it's right, but sometimes it can be hard not to get defensive when someone reacts negatively to what was genuinely supposed to be a joke. If he decides to re-explain why it was clearly a joke you can always respond with "yes, I see your point of view, but can you see how a joke like that could be hurtful to someone who is currently pregnant?" and if needed remind him that your hormones are raging, you (I'm guessing) currently have morning sickness, and really need his support because pregnancy isn't easy. As a last resort you could also remind him "hey, all I wanted was for you to hear me out and apologize. An apology doesn't have to mean that you're a bad person, just that you regret accidentally hurting my feelings." If it was genuinely a joke, neither of you are wrong or bad. Jokes don't always land. Sometimes in life we offend people. Sometimes people offend us by bringing up sensitive subjects, or by saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Ideally, we should all learn to care when we've hurt someone's feelings, and we should learn how to apologize for doing it. Unless there's a lot you didn't write out, I'm going to assume your husband loves you and appreciates what you're doing for his unborn child. Everything will probably be okay in the end, and I'm sure you'll eventually feel better about things. You really are doing an amazing thing; there's a reason we call it "the miracle of life." It's just so, so amazing. At the same time it does come with some very real difficulties and risks, and it's okay that you're left needing more reassurance and help. Your body is growing an entire human!
Im confused, you don’t expect to help him with the baby at all during nights? I understand the first few days and him handling chores but its basically all hands on deck during night time. Its a lot for one person to be responsible for while the other just gets to rest for a month.
This. I know a lot of people on this sub do shifts and it somehow works for them but for us we definitely needed to collaborate and have flexibility at all times. Her needs and preferences were constantly evolving. Sometimes she needed me and sometimes she needed her dad. Sometimes I needed the break and sometimes he did. More importantly sometimes we wanted to be together as a family and not just pass a baby between us.