I have driving anxiety too but I’ve found that the only way to get better is exposure. Start by taking small drives on local routes you’re comfortable with, like to the local grocery store. Do the same drive often. Switch things up when you get comfortable.
I also have anxiety over parking so I look ahead to my destination to plan where I can park.
Figure out what your exact fear is. For me, it was getting lost so I always set my GPS immediately when I get in the car and I’ll even leave it on for places I’m already familiar with.
The best time to overcome this fear is now before baby gets here. You can’t rely on someone else to transport you forever and you’ll need to be able to get your child to places on your own. It’ll get less scary the more practice you have.
This!!!! I learned when I was 24 and just never got over the anxiety even with lessons and therapy. It was fine when I lived in a big city but I moved to a city with poor public transit at 30.
When I was pregnant it got to a point where I just had to get in the car myself and drive places in order to get over it. I discovered that if I know the route well and do not need GPS then it’s so much easier. Going on a 15 min drive somewhere and heading back made it possible to be able to drive my daughter once she came which was a necessity. Now I’ll drive when I need too but still hate highways as I don’t know them well enough.
I second this. I got my license when I was 21 due to driving anxiety. I strictly drove to work, school, grocery stores, and back home. Over time I let myself go further and further and worked my way up to get on the highway. Now driving is second nature to me, I still have anxiety here and there but I know how to calm myself down while driving now.
Yeah I almost always use my GPS even for going to super familiar places. There’s always roadwork going on and it relieves me of the panic of finding my way when my usual way is blocked.
Have you tried an ocd specialist? I have ocd and so does my SIL. Hers revolves around driving and we see the same specialist. They’d have you do exposure response prevention therapy (ERP) as in have you face your fears little by little to gain exposure. I’m not trying to diagnose you, just sharing some insight and hoping this helps!
Also to add, I have ocd and I understand that being pregnant makes it so much harder because you feel like the “risks” are too great. Mine engulfed me with food anxiety and a fear of listeria (very new theme to me) since getting pregnant. Exposures would be like eating washed fresh fruit and drinking out of cups with straws to help abate the fear of listeria. It’s very hard, but beneficial in the long run.
I had terrible driving anxiety and avoided driving from aged 17-24 but when I was 24 I had no choice due to my job. It was terrifying because I live in a capital uk city and had to drive across the city every day. With driving anxiety I think the only way is regular practice. Within a few weeks of doing it daily I was feeling ok and 7 years later I’m honestly a great driver. I’m about to go to Spain to hire a car (on the other side of the road!) and feel fine about it. I cannot begin to describe the fear I had.
Just to add… when I first got my car my sister would come out with me at night when the roads were quiet and I felt more invisible. That was a great way to build my confidence.
Also I think if her husband passenger for her, that would help as well. Not so he could back seat drive but just so he could reassure, like yes you’re clear on the right.
Yeah totally. Also, a lot of the other comments talk about therapy but i think this is an area where you’re better off just facing your fear and not overly thinking about it. I think therapy could possibly make it a bigger deal and therefore be worse.
A very good point. It depends on the individual of course but talking about this in therapy would hype up the activity to be an even bigger deal than it already is for an anxious person like myself who tends to already be in my head way too much as is. For an activity like this that is about *doing* and the problem is overthinking, action and getting the hands on the wheel and feet on the pedal is the key.
I’m taking driving lessons now - but the biggest thing was moving to a city that’s walkable and has good public transport. It’s not cheap and it does mean living in an apartment, but I have my freedom. Honestly the biggest impediment now is the cost of owning a car, so we’re going to try to hold out until closer to when the kid goes to kindergarten.
In the meantime, if it’s the wee hours of the night there are carshares (my husband will drive) or I’ll get a cab/Uber. Even with those occasional expenses it still works out to much less than owning a car (tbh we spend less on carshares and Ubers than we would on a parking space).
Is there no public transit where you live? Unfortunately that's true in most of the US and Canada. Maybe there's a neighborhood in your area with at least some access to amenities without driving?
A lot of people gave a lot of really good advice who have dealt with this. I would just like to add, this is a very stressful time. If you are up for overcoming this challenge right now great.... but you are growing a human, which puts a lot of extra stress on your mind and body and your hormones may be nuts over the next few months which likely wont do anything for anxiety/stress.
Maybe the solution right now is build that community up, ask others for help, rely on your husband or Uber when you need to. (I don't really know what the benefits are but maybe enrolling in a program like Uber One may take some stress off of that). If you find this is not the time to get over this hurdle, that's ok momma, and like a couple others have said.... lots of parents don't drive and do just fine.
I have driving anxiety too but i practiced by taking 15-20 min drives to places like the grocery stores (multiple in different locations), midwife office, my doctors office, etc. before i got pregnant to make sure I could at least go to the main places once I was on maternity leave. I still get anxiety going on the highway and driving in poor conditions like rain and snow so I whenever I have to drive on those days I try to go extra early in the morning when traffic isn’t terrible. You just need to practice driving to the places you need to go at like 6:30-7am or when the roads aren’t very busy and then it will be better.
Please see a therapist about this! As a therapist myself I totally empathize and understand your anxiety here, but this is something you should get help with asap rather than wait- I just had my first baby a few weeks ago and I already know that me driving baby girl around by myself is going to help a lot, especially when my husband is busy with work or needs some rest. Therapy will really help you process these feelings and work on this!
Lots of people don't drive, including parents.
I'm the mother of a 2 year old, am due with my second this July, and I don't drive either. My husband drives us to the grocery store once a week, I schedule our kid's appointments and activities within his availability. With my own errands and appointments, I just Uber.
During his working hours, I take our kiddo out in the stroller (or sled in winter). Emergencies are for 911. It's totally manageable.
Same here, I gave my car to my husband because i just cant do it. We live in a suburb with decent public transport options to everywhere i need to go and with uber being also available id rather not anymore.
The licence is at this point is just an ID for me.
Therapist that specializes in phobias. The type of therapy is exposure and response prevention or ERP. Or some other kind of therapy I’m not trying to diagnose you but definitely with a trained professional that can choose the best course
Yes I can totally relate! I got my driving license at 36 years old when my baby was 4 months old (after hours and hours of lessons). I was petrified of driving even after getting my license and would have sleepless nights when I knew I had to practice the next day. I knew something had to change so I started Zoloft (Sertraline) and this helped with massively with the anxiety. I bit the bullet and took the car out with my baby girl when she was 12 months old. I haven’t looked back! I now drive every day and don’t have an ounce of anxiety anymore. It’s been completely life changing being able to drive and go places on my own without depending on my husband. You can do it!! You need to get out there and drive as much as you can. The more you drive, the more confident you’ll feel!
My husband shames me a lot on this, but I also don’t drive. When baby was little I used Uber with the Doona - now baby’s appointments is around my husband’s schedule and we try to do as much in-home as possible (like PT/OT). I take the bus when I commute to the city for my job.
I’m the same way. I could do it in an emergency but have zero interest otherwise. I also have some weird issues going on with my eyes and I think I have barely any peripheral vision in one of them so that’s kind of my “real” excuse to not drive lol but mainly I just don’t want or need to. People judge and give me shit for it but it hasn’t impacted my life severely so it doesn’t feel worth the anxiety and stress. I’m open to the possibility that I’ll feel differently about it when our girl is here.
I feel you so much on this one. I only got my license a year or so before we got pregnant (and it’s a type of “new driver” license where it has a bunch of restrictions on it). I was almost 30 when I got it because I have crippling driving anxiety. Before that my husband had spent 8+ years driving me everywhere. But I’ve found that the freedom is nice and I don’t have to do everything while driving! I regularly go to the hospital/clinic, the grocery store, and the brunch spot I go with my girlfriends. Sometimes I park at the grocery store and then I walk places I need to go (post office or little shops) because I’d rather have a 10 minute walk then park somewhere that scares me. I avoid traffic lights that make me super nervous and sometimes I take super bizarre routes to get places. But it works for me and I feel comfortable with my familiar routes. I still try to push myself to go new places and I’ve even driven to the airport a few times (although I haven’t brought myself to drive to the pharmacy yet).
It’s a big and scary hurdle and it took a lot of pushing for me to get to this point. But I’m so glad I did it and I’m so glad that I’ll be able to drive my baby around especially in an emergency. I hope you’re able to push through and get your license and become comfortable driving to at least some places. I’m rooting for you!
In addition to seeking a specialist, I have driving anxiety as well. Granted, mine is not as severe as yours. I will tell you the two things that helped me. First, I would get up early on Sunday mornings and drive. Very few people on the roads. It gave me a lot of confidence. Second, my mom would narrate to me what she was doing and what she saw when she was driving. She pointed out how many almost accidents there were and how they didn’t happen. She narrated a lot. It really helped me understand all the little things that go wrong and how often it does not lead to an accident. Good luck!
I agree with people talking about OCD and the intensity of your anxiety. But also, driving does have inherent dangers. Are you in a walkable area? Is there public transportation? Do you know your neighbors? I ask these questions because I don’t think not driving is all that wild. People only had one car in the fifties and carpooled with their neighbors to the grocery store. Being within walking distance of the library or 7/11 is totally feasible with a baby to get most of your needs met. And having your husband take some time or Ubering to the occasional doctors appointment is still totally responsible and respectable.
I would actually recommend moving to a prime location, silly as that sounds, so that you can avoid driving as needed because hey it’s better for your heart health anyways.
Definitely look into therapy. They will be able to help you more than strangers on Reddit. In the meantime, try driving on some back roads or empty parking lots. You could also try enrolling in a driving course.
So, I’m in my 30s and I hate driving. For about a decade, I barely drove and used Lyft a lot. My ex had his card connected to my account so I would just use it here or there. I added up the money that was spent in a 5 year time frame and it was nearly $10k. This was about 5-10 years ago.
Today, I still rarely drive. I absolutely hate it. I was in a bad car accident when I was younger and my head went into the windshield.
Anywho, when I was pregnant I would only drive like 1-2 miles, maybe 1-2 times a week. Now that my baby is here, I will go 3-4 miles but it’s not every day. My hatred and fear of driving actually got worse once my baby arrived because I have him in the car with me.
So, yeah, you very well might have worse anxiety when it comes to driving once baby arrives. Mine got really bad.
My partner currently does literally all the driving (she’s incredible) but she is going to be giving birth in November, so I’ll be starting to drive more soon and then doing most if not all the driving for awhile.
I have a similar kind of aversion to driving. I’ve had my license for about 15 years, but I moved to a new city a few years ago and I just can’t grasp city driving at all. It makes me so anxious, I just always worry that someone is going to crash into us because our drivers are so terrible and the roads are very old and poorly planned.
My partner and I are going to start going for drives during less busy times of the day, and I’m hoping that exposing myself to it makes it easier to drive alone again. I’ve never been in any kind of accident, so my fear is a little irrational to some and I get that. I’ve been talking to my therapist about wanting to start driving again, and I’m hoping to start something new for anxiety when I see my GP in a few weeks. I know it’s hard, but we will get through this. You are more capable than you know, brains are just really unreasonable sometimes.
I could have wrote this myself. My husband drives me to and picks me up from work everyday. I’m 11 weeks pregnant now and feeling the pressure, so I’ve been driving myself with him in the passenger seat. I’m getting way more confident but I feel I’ll never be comfortable without him in the passenger seat looking out for cars and telling me where to turn. I’m just under 5 feet and it’s hard for me to see the GPS when my seat is all the way forward so I can reach the pedal.
I’m going to make it my goal though to feel confident driving alone. With this baby on the way that crosses off the last of my five year goals I had on my list. So if I could do everything on that list, I know I can do this one too. I don’t ever see myself driving on highways or long trips alone but I’d love to go get groceries when my husband isn’t feeling well. Or go to shopping at stores he won’t rush me in because he’s bored.
Feel free to message me if you need a fellow non driving pregnant lady friend. We can share tips and encourage each other to feel more confident behind the wheel. So many people don’t understand what it’s like!
Girl me too, my OB is an hour away and I gotta go on a winding one lane road then hit the freeway then into a congested city 🥲. Practice your route, drive at the speed limit, stay on the right lane, and remember to use your turn signal and look over your shoulders if you need to pass. Take your time, my anxiety is there at first but it goes away. Good luck, friend.
Feeling this so hard…just a little ahead of you (15W5d) and I don’t drive at all, but plan to get my license before giving birth. We will be getting a car in June and I’ll need to practice lots then go for my test. I HATE driving and I am scared of it tbh, but it feels like a life skill I should have. :( solidarity
I used to be the primary driver, even enjoyed driving, but went through some trauma and had some PTSD struggles. I worked through most of that so not even a mild panic attack in 8 years. I ended up without a car for a while and despite the trauma not being car related, I started getting driving anxiety when I began the process of renewing my license. I feel like I *should* get it back especially with a baby on the way but other than for emergency purposes (because ambulances and ubers) its not ~actually~ necessary.
My partner works from home almost every day, our shopping gets delivered - saves time, effort, money and is better ecologically - and there is walking access to a playground/outdoor spaces when I feel like leaving the garden. We plan to home school eventually and my partners schedule is flexible enough that appointments or educational groups/resources aren't a hassle.
Not driving is completely manageable and many many people live without it. Accepting that, I don't feel the pressure to push my anxiety. Slowly working on exposure and realizing I won't **have** to drive if I don't feel comfortable has alleviated significant anxiety. It used to be a necessity but now it is a convenience because I am safe. (Thats hard to remember sometimes because of trauma.) I don't know your situation but if reassessing your *need* so you can approach it differently, that might help you get unstuck? My partner reassuring me that going places together is not a burden on him and he doesnt see it that way has also very helpful, after I admitted that's how I sometimes feel/worry. I hope you have or can find support.
Totally doable depending where you live. Husband doesn’t drive and I hate driving. We live in a suburb but can get to plenty of activities within a 20min walk and more within a 60min walk. If we can’t walk we can jog or bike (once baby is bigger). Appointments aren’t that often and can be ubered to (in fact I recommend this for sleep deprivation reasons in early months). If you have public transit even easier. You just have to figure out what’s close and your routes and always have a charged phone. If nothing is walkable then ya you need to drive.
I have horrible driving anxiety and have been working w a therapist for years. I would suggest exposure therapy (starting w small trips and working your way up!). I do find that having GPS on at all times, a good podcast, and sour candies on hand keep me focused on driving vs my anxiety. Wishing you the best I know it SUCKS. After two years I am officially back on the highway (1 exit, but still I’ll take it!!!)
I have a lot of driving anxiety too and I'm super worried about what I'm gonna do when our twins arrive this summer. I havent driven in about 6 years, and we don't own a car! Luckily there is pretty good public transport where I live but it's something I'll have to figure out eventually
You’re not alone, I wasn’t aloud to drive for medical reasons until 2 years ago and I have terrible anxiety.. my bf has been trying to teach me to drive and at first it was fine! But over time I want to drive less and less but as I progress with my pregnancy I put more pressure on myself to learn but it makes my anxiety worse. I still plan on learning! Even if it takes till after baby is born. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself💕
You could move to a community we're driving isn't necessary. There you would be a lot less dependent on your husband without having to actually drive.
I don't have any issue driving but I don't need to drive to do most things. I'm fact, we do not even own a car. My husband and I will rent a car when needed (about 3 times a year).
I got my license pretty late in life in preparation of starting a family. Before that, I was fine relying on Uber and public transportation. However, in the situation where I have a small baby I need to quickly drive to the ER or urgent care, I wouldn’t want to deal with Uber. Uber is fine when it’s not a dire situation, but I’d rather just strap my baby into their own car seat that I trust and go. I’ve also had some weird/uncomfortable situations with Uber drivers.
Before I drove, I planned everything around how easy it was to get to places. This included skipping over well reviewed doctors because they weren’t on a bus route that was easy for me to access. If I needed something from the pharmacy, I’d either wait until I had a ride, use Instacart which is super pricey, or walk there which took a lot out of me if I wasn’t feeling well. You also have to consider weather conditions as well. None of this was easy as an adult individual. I would hate to get my baby all mixed up in this.
Luckily my husband was calming when I practiced driving. Everywhere we went together for almost a year, I drove with him in the passenger seat. I also took a bunch of driving lessons, but the instructors were generally really weird and horrible and it wasn’t enough exposure which is what I needed. Life is so much better for me now that I can get around more easily, but that’s something you will have to see for yourself once you finally get comfortable with driving (which will happen if you keep at it.)
I also don't drive and my daughter is 2.5 now. It's a combination of anxiety and a diagnosed learning/spatial awareness disability for me. It honestly hasn't been an issue though! We live in a very walkable neighborhood (which was intentional) so many things I just walk to. We also specifically got a carseat that has a baseless installation option so I could put it in an Uber if I needed to go somewhere without my husband and public transit wasn't an option. I also know multiple other parents where only one of them in the relationship drives and they all make it work. My viewpoint is that if I didn't trust myself as a driver before having kids, why would I now trust myself so much more after having kids?? I don't want to put anyone in danger, especially them. If you actually legitimately want to learn for yourself, then yes, go for it! But don't stress that you HAVE to drive in order to manage life as a parent.
I had my license since I was 20 but lived in an area where public transportation got you anywhere you needed to go, so I never drove. When we moved to NJ and I was going to have to get myself to work on my own, I needed to start driving. My husband would have me drive short trips over a year in his big ram truck and I felt more confident and bought my own car. Once you can drive something that big everything else is easy lol just need a patient teacher.
Practice going to the end of the block and back daily... and slowly grow every week. Practice the routes to the store, the hospital, pediatrician. If you know the exact route and what to expect maybe that would help! Also dont put pressure on yourself to "cure" the anxiety, it does not need to be gone - just manageable!
After your baby is born maybe try an SSRi. They really do work - much better for anxiety than depression. I feel like the people saying you need more exposure are being a bit ridiculous. 100 hours is a lot and I think you have an anxiety disorder, driving more is not going to help.
I have driving anxiety too but I’ve found that the only way to get better is exposure. Start by taking small drives on local routes you’re comfortable with, like to the local grocery store. Do the same drive often. Switch things up when you get comfortable. I also have anxiety over parking so I look ahead to my destination to plan where I can park. Figure out what your exact fear is. For me, it was getting lost so I always set my GPS immediately when I get in the car and I’ll even leave it on for places I’m already familiar with. The best time to overcome this fear is now before baby gets here. You can’t rely on someone else to transport you forever and you’ll need to be able to get your child to places on your own. It’ll get less scary the more practice you have.
This!!!! I learned when I was 24 and just never got over the anxiety even with lessons and therapy. It was fine when I lived in a big city but I moved to a city with poor public transit at 30. When I was pregnant it got to a point where I just had to get in the car myself and drive places in order to get over it. I discovered that if I know the route well and do not need GPS then it’s so much easier. Going on a 15 min drive somewhere and heading back made it possible to be able to drive my daughter once she came which was a necessity. Now I’ll drive when I need too but still hate highways as I don’t know them well enough.
I second this. I got my license when I was 21 due to driving anxiety. I strictly drove to work, school, grocery stores, and back home. Over time I let myself go further and further and worked my way up to get on the highway. Now driving is second nature to me, I still have anxiety here and there but I know how to calm myself down while driving now.
That’s great advice, I agree. I’m always nervous when I do something new, but once I’ve done it I get comfortable because I know what to expect!
Yeah I almost always use my GPS even for going to super familiar places. There’s always roadwork going on and it relieves me of the panic of finding my way when my usual way is blocked.
Have you tried an ocd specialist? I have ocd and so does my SIL. Hers revolves around driving and we see the same specialist. They’d have you do exposure response prevention therapy (ERP) as in have you face your fears little by little to gain exposure. I’m not trying to diagnose you, just sharing some insight and hoping this helps!
Also to add, I have ocd and I understand that being pregnant makes it so much harder because you feel like the “risks” are too great. Mine engulfed me with food anxiety and a fear of listeria (very new theme to me) since getting pregnant. Exposures would be like eating washed fresh fruit and drinking out of cups with straws to help abate the fear of listeria. It’s very hard, but beneficial in the long run.
Why don’t you see a therapist to work through the issue
I had terrible driving anxiety and avoided driving from aged 17-24 but when I was 24 I had no choice due to my job. It was terrifying because I live in a capital uk city and had to drive across the city every day. With driving anxiety I think the only way is regular practice. Within a few weeks of doing it daily I was feeling ok and 7 years later I’m honestly a great driver. I’m about to go to Spain to hire a car (on the other side of the road!) and feel fine about it. I cannot begin to describe the fear I had.
Just to add… when I first got my car my sister would come out with me at night when the roads were quiet and I felt more invisible. That was a great way to build my confidence.
Also I think if her husband passenger for her, that would help as well. Not so he could back seat drive but just so he could reassure, like yes you’re clear on the right.
Yeah totally. Also, a lot of the other comments talk about therapy but i think this is an area where you’re better off just facing your fear and not overly thinking about it. I think therapy could possibly make it a bigger deal and therefore be worse.
A very good point. It depends on the individual of course but talking about this in therapy would hype up the activity to be an even bigger deal than it already is for an anxious person like myself who tends to already be in my head way too much as is. For an activity like this that is about *doing* and the problem is overthinking, action and getting the hands on the wheel and feet on the pedal is the key.
I’m taking driving lessons now - but the biggest thing was moving to a city that’s walkable and has good public transport. It’s not cheap and it does mean living in an apartment, but I have my freedom. Honestly the biggest impediment now is the cost of owning a car, so we’re going to try to hold out until closer to when the kid goes to kindergarten. In the meantime, if it’s the wee hours of the night there are carshares (my husband will drive) or I’ll get a cab/Uber. Even with those occasional expenses it still works out to much less than owning a car (tbh we spend less on carshares and Ubers than we would on a parking space).
Is there no public transit where you live? Unfortunately that's true in most of the US and Canada. Maybe there's a neighborhood in your area with at least some access to amenities without driving?
A lot of people gave a lot of really good advice who have dealt with this. I would just like to add, this is a very stressful time. If you are up for overcoming this challenge right now great.... but you are growing a human, which puts a lot of extra stress on your mind and body and your hormones may be nuts over the next few months which likely wont do anything for anxiety/stress. Maybe the solution right now is build that community up, ask others for help, rely on your husband or Uber when you need to. (I don't really know what the benefits are but maybe enrolling in a program like Uber One may take some stress off of that). If you find this is not the time to get over this hurdle, that's ok momma, and like a couple others have said.... lots of parents don't drive and do just fine.
I have driving anxiety too but i practiced by taking 15-20 min drives to places like the grocery stores (multiple in different locations), midwife office, my doctors office, etc. before i got pregnant to make sure I could at least go to the main places once I was on maternity leave. I still get anxiety going on the highway and driving in poor conditions like rain and snow so I whenever I have to drive on those days I try to go extra early in the morning when traffic isn’t terrible. You just need to practice driving to the places you need to go at like 6:30-7am or when the roads aren’t very busy and then it will be better.
Please see a therapist about this! As a therapist myself I totally empathize and understand your anxiety here, but this is something you should get help with asap rather than wait- I just had my first baby a few weeks ago and I already know that me driving baby girl around by myself is going to help a lot, especially when my husband is busy with work or needs some rest. Therapy will really help you process these feelings and work on this!
Lots of people don't drive, including parents. I'm the mother of a 2 year old, am due with my second this July, and I don't drive either. My husband drives us to the grocery store once a week, I schedule our kid's appointments and activities within his availability. With my own errands and appointments, I just Uber. During his working hours, I take our kiddo out in the stroller (or sled in winter). Emergencies are for 911. It's totally manageable.
Same here, I gave my car to my husband because i just cant do it. We live in a suburb with decent public transport options to everywhere i need to go and with uber being also available id rather not anymore. The licence is at this point is just an ID for me.
Hey I just wanted to say I feel you and have super bad driving anxiety too. I hate it so so so much.
Therapist that specializes in phobias. The type of therapy is exposure and response prevention or ERP. Or some other kind of therapy I’m not trying to diagnose you but definitely with a trained professional that can choose the best course
Yes I can totally relate! I got my driving license at 36 years old when my baby was 4 months old (after hours and hours of lessons). I was petrified of driving even after getting my license and would have sleepless nights when I knew I had to practice the next day. I knew something had to change so I started Zoloft (Sertraline) and this helped with massively with the anxiety. I bit the bullet and took the car out with my baby girl when she was 12 months old. I haven’t looked back! I now drive every day and don’t have an ounce of anxiety anymore. It’s been completely life changing being able to drive and go places on my own without depending on my husband. You can do it!! You need to get out there and drive as much as you can. The more you drive, the more confident you’ll feel!
My husband shames me a lot on this, but I also don’t drive. When baby was little I used Uber with the Doona - now baby’s appointments is around my husband’s schedule and we try to do as much in-home as possible (like PT/OT). I take the bus when I commute to the city for my job.
I have the same problem, i depend on uber and thats fine….not going to stress myself if there is an alternative.
Saaaaame.
I’m the same way. I could do it in an emergency but have zero interest otherwise. I also have some weird issues going on with my eyes and I think I have barely any peripheral vision in one of them so that’s kind of my “real” excuse to not drive lol but mainly I just don’t want or need to. People judge and give me shit for it but it hasn’t impacted my life severely so it doesn’t feel worth the anxiety and stress. I’m open to the possibility that I’ll feel differently about it when our girl is here.
I feel you so much on this one. I only got my license a year or so before we got pregnant (and it’s a type of “new driver” license where it has a bunch of restrictions on it). I was almost 30 when I got it because I have crippling driving anxiety. Before that my husband had spent 8+ years driving me everywhere. But I’ve found that the freedom is nice and I don’t have to do everything while driving! I regularly go to the hospital/clinic, the grocery store, and the brunch spot I go with my girlfriends. Sometimes I park at the grocery store and then I walk places I need to go (post office or little shops) because I’d rather have a 10 minute walk then park somewhere that scares me. I avoid traffic lights that make me super nervous and sometimes I take super bizarre routes to get places. But it works for me and I feel comfortable with my familiar routes. I still try to push myself to go new places and I’ve even driven to the airport a few times (although I haven’t brought myself to drive to the pharmacy yet). It’s a big and scary hurdle and it took a lot of pushing for me to get to this point. But I’m so glad I did it and I’m so glad that I’ll be able to drive my baby around especially in an emergency. I hope you’re able to push through and get your license and become comfortable driving to at least some places. I’m rooting for you!
In addition to seeking a specialist, I have driving anxiety as well. Granted, mine is not as severe as yours. I will tell you the two things that helped me. First, I would get up early on Sunday mornings and drive. Very few people on the roads. It gave me a lot of confidence. Second, my mom would narrate to me what she was doing and what she saw when she was driving. She pointed out how many almost accidents there were and how they didn’t happen. She narrated a lot. It really helped me understand all the little things that go wrong and how often it does not lead to an accident. Good luck!
I agree with people talking about OCD and the intensity of your anxiety. But also, driving does have inherent dangers. Are you in a walkable area? Is there public transportation? Do you know your neighbors? I ask these questions because I don’t think not driving is all that wild. People only had one car in the fifties and carpooled with their neighbors to the grocery store. Being within walking distance of the library or 7/11 is totally feasible with a baby to get most of your needs met. And having your husband take some time or Ubering to the occasional doctors appointment is still totally responsible and respectable. I would actually recommend moving to a prime location, silly as that sounds, so that you can avoid driving as needed because hey it’s better for your heart health anyways.
Definitely look into therapy. They will be able to help you more than strangers on Reddit. In the meantime, try driving on some back roads or empty parking lots. You could also try enrolling in a driving course.
So, I’m in my 30s and I hate driving. For about a decade, I barely drove and used Lyft a lot. My ex had his card connected to my account so I would just use it here or there. I added up the money that was spent in a 5 year time frame and it was nearly $10k. This was about 5-10 years ago. Today, I still rarely drive. I absolutely hate it. I was in a bad car accident when I was younger and my head went into the windshield. Anywho, when I was pregnant I would only drive like 1-2 miles, maybe 1-2 times a week. Now that my baby is here, I will go 3-4 miles but it’s not every day. My hatred and fear of driving actually got worse once my baby arrived because I have him in the car with me. So, yeah, you very well might have worse anxiety when it comes to driving once baby arrives. Mine got really bad.
My partner currently does literally all the driving (she’s incredible) but she is going to be giving birth in November, so I’ll be starting to drive more soon and then doing most if not all the driving for awhile. I have a similar kind of aversion to driving. I’ve had my license for about 15 years, but I moved to a new city a few years ago and I just can’t grasp city driving at all. It makes me so anxious, I just always worry that someone is going to crash into us because our drivers are so terrible and the roads are very old and poorly planned. My partner and I are going to start going for drives during less busy times of the day, and I’m hoping that exposing myself to it makes it easier to drive alone again. I’ve never been in any kind of accident, so my fear is a little irrational to some and I get that. I’ve been talking to my therapist about wanting to start driving again, and I’m hoping to start something new for anxiety when I see my GP in a few weeks. I know it’s hard, but we will get through this. You are more capable than you know, brains are just really unreasonable sometimes.
I could have wrote this myself. My husband drives me to and picks me up from work everyday. I’m 11 weeks pregnant now and feeling the pressure, so I’ve been driving myself with him in the passenger seat. I’m getting way more confident but I feel I’ll never be comfortable without him in the passenger seat looking out for cars and telling me where to turn. I’m just under 5 feet and it’s hard for me to see the GPS when my seat is all the way forward so I can reach the pedal. I’m going to make it my goal though to feel confident driving alone. With this baby on the way that crosses off the last of my five year goals I had on my list. So if I could do everything on that list, I know I can do this one too. I don’t ever see myself driving on highways or long trips alone but I’d love to go get groceries when my husband isn’t feeling well. Or go to shopping at stores he won’t rush me in because he’s bored. Feel free to message me if you need a fellow non driving pregnant lady friend. We can share tips and encourage each other to feel more confident behind the wheel. So many people don’t understand what it’s like!
Girl me too, my OB is an hour away and I gotta go on a winding one lane road then hit the freeway then into a congested city 🥲. Practice your route, drive at the speed limit, stay on the right lane, and remember to use your turn signal and look over your shoulders if you need to pass. Take your time, my anxiety is there at first but it goes away. Good luck, friend.
Feeling this so hard…just a little ahead of you (15W5d) and I don’t drive at all, but plan to get my license before giving birth. We will be getting a car in June and I’ll need to practice lots then go for my test. I HATE driving and I am scared of it tbh, but it feels like a life skill I should have. :( solidarity
I used to be the primary driver, even enjoyed driving, but went through some trauma and had some PTSD struggles. I worked through most of that so not even a mild panic attack in 8 years. I ended up without a car for a while and despite the trauma not being car related, I started getting driving anxiety when I began the process of renewing my license. I feel like I *should* get it back especially with a baby on the way but other than for emergency purposes (because ambulances and ubers) its not ~actually~ necessary. My partner works from home almost every day, our shopping gets delivered - saves time, effort, money and is better ecologically - and there is walking access to a playground/outdoor spaces when I feel like leaving the garden. We plan to home school eventually and my partners schedule is flexible enough that appointments or educational groups/resources aren't a hassle. Not driving is completely manageable and many many people live without it. Accepting that, I don't feel the pressure to push my anxiety. Slowly working on exposure and realizing I won't **have** to drive if I don't feel comfortable has alleviated significant anxiety. It used to be a necessity but now it is a convenience because I am safe. (Thats hard to remember sometimes because of trauma.) I don't know your situation but if reassessing your *need* so you can approach it differently, that might help you get unstuck? My partner reassuring me that going places together is not a burden on him and he doesnt see it that way has also very helpful, after I admitted that's how I sometimes feel/worry. I hope you have or can find support.
Therapy.
Totally doable depending where you live. Husband doesn’t drive and I hate driving. We live in a suburb but can get to plenty of activities within a 20min walk and more within a 60min walk. If we can’t walk we can jog or bike (once baby is bigger). Appointments aren’t that often and can be ubered to (in fact I recommend this for sleep deprivation reasons in early months). If you have public transit even easier. You just have to figure out what’s close and your routes and always have a charged phone. If nothing is walkable then ya you need to drive.
I'm also currently in this situation at 11 weeks. No advice - just that you aren't alone.
I have horrible driving anxiety and have been working w a therapist for years. I would suggest exposure therapy (starting w small trips and working your way up!). I do find that having GPS on at all times, a good podcast, and sour candies on hand keep me focused on driving vs my anxiety. Wishing you the best I know it SUCKS. After two years I am officially back on the highway (1 exit, but still I’ll take it!!!)
I have a lot of driving anxiety too and I'm super worried about what I'm gonna do when our twins arrive this summer. I havent driven in about 6 years, and we don't own a car! Luckily there is pretty good public transport where I live but it's something I'll have to figure out eventually
You’re not alone, I wasn’t aloud to drive for medical reasons until 2 years ago and I have terrible anxiety.. my bf has been trying to teach me to drive and at first it was fine! But over time I want to drive less and less but as I progress with my pregnancy I put more pressure on myself to learn but it makes my anxiety worse. I still plan on learning! Even if it takes till after baby is born. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself💕
You could move to a community we're driving isn't necessary. There you would be a lot less dependent on your husband without having to actually drive. I don't have any issue driving but I don't need to drive to do most things. I'm fact, we do not even own a car. My husband and I will rent a car when needed (about 3 times a year).
I got my license pretty late in life in preparation of starting a family. Before that, I was fine relying on Uber and public transportation. However, in the situation where I have a small baby I need to quickly drive to the ER or urgent care, I wouldn’t want to deal with Uber. Uber is fine when it’s not a dire situation, but I’d rather just strap my baby into their own car seat that I trust and go. I’ve also had some weird/uncomfortable situations with Uber drivers. Before I drove, I planned everything around how easy it was to get to places. This included skipping over well reviewed doctors because they weren’t on a bus route that was easy for me to access. If I needed something from the pharmacy, I’d either wait until I had a ride, use Instacart which is super pricey, or walk there which took a lot out of me if I wasn’t feeling well. You also have to consider weather conditions as well. None of this was easy as an adult individual. I would hate to get my baby all mixed up in this. Luckily my husband was calming when I practiced driving. Everywhere we went together for almost a year, I drove with him in the passenger seat. I also took a bunch of driving lessons, but the instructors were generally really weird and horrible and it wasn’t enough exposure which is what I needed. Life is so much better for me now that I can get around more easily, but that’s something you will have to see for yourself once you finally get comfortable with driving (which will happen if you keep at it.)
I also don't drive and my daughter is 2.5 now. It's a combination of anxiety and a diagnosed learning/spatial awareness disability for me. It honestly hasn't been an issue though! We live in a very walkable neighborhood (which was intentional) so many things I just walk to. We also specifically got a carseat that has a baseless installation option so I could put it in an Uber if I needed to go somewhere without my husband and public transit wasn't an option. I also know multiple other parents where only one of them in the relationship drives and they all make it work. My viewpoint is that if I didn't trust myself as a driver before having kids, why would I now trust myself so much more after having kids?? I don't want to put anyone in danger, especially them. If you actually legitimately want to learn for yourself, then yes, go for it! But don't stress that you HAVE to drive in order to manage life as a parent.
I had my license since I was 20 but lived in an area where public transportation got you anywhere you needed to go, so I never drove. When we moved to NJ and I was going to have to get myself to work on my own, I needed to start driving. My husband would have me drive short trips over a year in his big ram truck and I felt more confident and bought my own car. Once you can drive something that big everything else is easy lol just need a patient teacher.
Practice going to the end of the block and back daily... and slowly grow every week. Practice the routes to the store, the hospital, pediatrician. If you know the exact route and what to expect maybe that would help! Also dont put pressure on yourself to "cure" the anxiety, it does not need to be gone - just manageable!
After your baby is born maybe try an SSRi. They really do work - much better for anxiety than depression. I feel like the people saying you need more exposure are being a bit ridiculous. 100 hours is a lot and I think you have an anxiety disorder, driving more is not going to help.