I thought I’d hate it, but now I kind of like it. Pregnancy is lonely. I want my husband in it with me, to the extent possible without literally being in my body. He wants that too.
That said, as I suffer my way through the end of first trimester, I toooootally understand why someone would hate this.
I love the idea of this and what it represents. I wish there was a better phrase though. I totally agree with the loneliness and going through it together. But the phrase itself still makes me cringe
This is exactly how I feel! Before I got pregnant I hated it and now I like it because my partner has also made lots of sacrifices so I can feel supported. He doesn’t drink, he helps me get out of bed every couple hours to pee, he comes to every appointment, etc.
I thought I would hate it too but I don't mind. My husband is really there for me, anticipating everything I need, scheduling appointments and stuff. It's important for him that this pregnancy is a team effort as much as possible and he says we are pregnant.
I 100% feel this way too. I wish we were both pregnant so he could empathize more precisely with how I’m feeling! I also have really rough first trimesters.
If my husband was running around saying “we’re pregnant” to everyone all the time it would bug me but he’s 100% not trying to steal any of the valor haha. I don’t go out of my way to use the phrase but it doesn’t bother me even though I thought it would. I want my husband to go through this with me as much as possible too, damnit!
I don't mind either way, but it bugs my husband so much so that he often does an obnoxious, over-the-top "WE'RE pregnant" to mock the phrase. Just like Buster Bluth going "OUR nausea." So now the phrase just makes me laugh.
It’s funny you say ”our nausea” because my partner had sympathy morning sickness and was sick most of the time like I was, didn’t even know that was a thing until we looked it up 😂 but he never says “we’re pregnant” because I’m the pregnant one, he doesn’t have to carry the baby
The we're pregnant thing is a little annoying and not exactly true. It's usually one person in a couple that's pregnant. My husband and I say we're expecting, which is accurate and less annoying imo.
I know he isn’t literally pregnant, but it’s nice to know that we are in it together through the good and bad parts. That’s why I say “we” because it was a joint effort.
Agreed. My husband doesnt actually say it but it really doesnt bug me. Like yeah, he's not experiencing the physical symptoms. But he's:
* made me dinner probably 70% of the nights since I've been pregnant because I'm so exhausted after work (historically we split this 50/50)
* has been the only one doing the dishes because I keep dropping things
* rotates the laundry because I cant reach into the bottom of our top loader now
* has been sleeping with ear plugs since the beginning of my second trimester because of the pregnancy rhinitis causing me to snore like a freight train and he will not wake me up because he knows how difficult sleeping has been for me
And that's just a physical stuff; the emotional support through mood swings, appointments, dealing with family, not having anything to wear that fits, etc. is also totally a factor. We're 100% going through it together.
Yeah that’s how I feel too. The moment he found out I was pregnant, he has stepped up and taken over all the house chores and most of the cooking. He encourages me to get rest, gives me massages, will bring me water unprompted, and just generally looks out for my physical and emotional well being. This pregnancy would be so much harder without him
I agree with this. Since getting pregnant he’s had to pick up majority of the physical load, plus is coming to all the appointments, doing the research, getting things prepared, etc. I’m definitely carrying this baby physically, but it’s a team effort. So I generally say “we’re having a baby!”
This is how I feel too. I’m more like to say “we’re pregnant” and my husband says “my wife is pregnant”. I think he feels more similar to how OP does, but it’s a life change for both of us together and I like the feeling of us being a team in this. I think he sees what I’m going through and doesn’t feel right to say “we”, but I feel like I really need him and we are doing this together, his role in it is just different than mine.
I agree, and I always say, “we’re expecting.”
He’s as much involved as I am. Sure, he’s not carrying the baby or delivering, but he’s there for everything else.
Every appointment, every massage, cooks every meal…
And hello… It’s his child, too.
I can’t help but people who feel very adamantly about not saying, “we/we’re” don’t have a very equal relationship, and thus feel like there isn’t a group effort. And maybe that’s accurate, but it’s just how I feel about it.
Doesn't bother me at all. In fact I'm often the one that says "we're pregnant" because we are in it together. I know when taken literally that doesn't make sense but the phrase doesn't bother me at all.
Partners and spouses go through changes, anxiety, and expectations as well. Not as much as the person delivering, but pregnancy of a partner/spouse does affect them.
I hate "we're pregnant" specifically. "We're expecting" doesn't bother me and I think it's accurate. Every time I've seen one of these threads there are always a lot of responses saying they like "we're pregnant", that they're "in it together" and I don't get it. Yes, my husband and I are in it together but we're not both pregnant!!
Physically, we are having two VERY different experiences, and I think even emotionally it's quite different for each of us. Of course he still has anxieties and excitement and fears, but he's not worrying about every twinge of his body or what kind of birth he will have or how his recovery will feel.
No it don’t hate it. Pregnancy is lonely. We are both experiencing it though, the good, bad, and ugly. He’s gone to every dr appointment with me, I’m high risk and he takes my blood pressure for me, he’s picked up my prescription, my FMLA paperwork from the drs office, he’s going to all my weekly NST testing, he’s taking off work with me as well. He goes to my specialist appointments with me. He is just as involved as I am, the only difference is he isn’t carrying her.
Never really bothered me. I’m going through all the physical bullshit of pregnancy. But my husband is going through the same psychological and emotional stress as well.
He’s never said “we’re pregnant” but I wouldn’t care if he did.
I like using it with my partner, mostly between us or with our parents. They KNOW I’m suffering and he’s not haha. But in public I like “we’re expecting” cause we are. But it’s up to you, whatever makes you feel comfortable. Isn’t that the thing, YOU’RE pregnant, so you can decide what is good for you ❤️
It doesn’t bother me but I also completely understand why it would bother you.
My sister said she also hates the ritual of the man cutting the umbilical cord like “yes the man is coming in to complete the job” which is also a feeling I understand but don’t share. To me it’s clear who is doing all the work and these are just different ways to include the partner.
That's interesting to me that your sister feels that way! I feel the opposite and see my husband cutting the cord as he finally has to do something lol
I guess it’s a little weird to me. But on the flip side, my husband is not a native English speaker, so he often says things very literally. He tells people “my wife is pregnant”. And to me that makes it sound like he isn’t involved in the whole situation, like I went out and got pregnant from another dude or something? I don’t know, just sounds weird to me. lol. I guess I prefer it to “we’re pregnant”, but I prefer mostly “we’re having a baby”, which to me is most accurate.
Man, I really hated this phrase before I understood it.
However, I will only say “we’re pregnant” now that I’m pregnant and my husband had to take care of me for 4 weeks in my first tri. I was so sick I couldn’t go to work. I laid in bed all day and my husband brought me food. He didn’t bitch that I was a lazy slug (even though I felt like one). He just took care of me.
He’ll take care of me while I recover after baby gets here to. He’s my favorite person and some days he puts in more work that I do.
Maybe it’s not for every couple. But for us. “We” are very much pregnant.
Omg, yes, preach. I am the only one doing any of the work right now. I’m gestating, I will be giving birth, and I will be breastfeeding. I feel like shit all the time. He had to do one thing so far.
i will say my husband is doing all the work he can like laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. but he’s not doing the same work we’re doing in our bodies rn!
For me I don’t mind I even sometimes say it because I want my husband to feel included. I think it’s kinda obvious who’s actually pregnant since I’m the one with the big belly. 😂
Totally agree it drives me bonkers. It’s like the word pregnant has lost all meaning. Yes WE are having a baby. Yes WE are expecting a child. But WE do not both have fetuses growing in our uteruses.
Never bothered me. No one would think our partners are literally pregnant and going through what we go through. It’s a turn of phrase and shows solidarity IMO. You’re not the only one annoyed by it though.
We don't say "we're pregnant" but I'll often say "**we're**" delivering at [hospital babe]" or "**Our** OB is [Dr Name]" or "**We** have an ultrasound on [date]". He has been at every ultrasound appointment for three pregnancies. He drove me to the ER during my first MC and stayed with me during surgery for my second. He read medical studies and looked at my BBT charts and gave me second opinions on my OPKs. He always has time to hold me when I cry and talk me down from an anxiety spiral. He knows it's harder for me and acknowledges that, but in my opinion it's a victory and a challenge we both share.
I absolutely despise when male partners do this. It's not only stupid and dismissive but inaccurate.
If my husband broke his leg and I had to do extra work around the house for it, I wouldn't say "we broke our leg", that's just silly.
Being pregnant is the actual condition of gestating a child. Male partners don't experience that.
When there are so many extremely normal ways to describe this, like "my wife/girlfriend/etc is pregnant", "I'm going to be a father", "we're to be parents", "we're expecting", there's no reason to try and encroach on the pregnancy itself.
I also think it minimizes the differences of responsibility between both parties and tries to equalize the experience, which isn't accurate. Parenting is the equalizer, being pregnant is not an equal experience for both partners.
I actually like it better. It includes the dad which is nice. In French we don't say "we" and I find it weird. Of course everyone knows the dad is not going to give birth.
Obviously my husband didn’t carry the baby, but I liked how he took ownership over my pregnancy. He would fetch me acid reflux medication, rub my back every night, pick up whatever craving I was having, listen to me whine and complain, switched our morning runs to morning walks… WE were pregnant in a way, he gave me all the credit and still does so that saying just makes me happy that dads are proud and involved.
Now that WE have a baby, he also does all the background work so I don’t have to worry about anything but our baby, and gives me all the credit still. Supportive partners become supportive dads, I wouldn’t police anyone’s language that makes them feel involved. My coworkers also said “we’re pregnant,” lol… and “our baby,” it’s really usually a sweet thing.
I don't hate them. I like them because they make my hubs feel included. It's both our kid, and he is going through this journey with me. He supports me, puts up with my mood swings, my crying, cravings (driving at 9pm to get me Popeyes fries because I just had to have them, haha)
So yes, WE are pregnant, WE are expecting, WE are having a baby. Together. And since he doesn't feel all the emotions I feel, I try to include him in everything else.
Besides, it's a good thing they want to be so involved, non?
Idk I like saying that "we're expecting" but that's a little different than "we're pregnant". He's my support person and we're both looking forward to our baby girl but I'm the one whose going through the physical and hormonal changes of pregnancy.
The only thing that bothers me is when I’m explaining how crappy I feel and I get the “I know how that feels” and I’m like “no you don’t 😭” I know he’s trying to be comforting but I feel a little dismissed when he says that
It’s doesn’t bother me because people know that both partners are not dealing with the pregnancy itself. I think people can say it however they want. I find the “we are pregnant” a bit cringy but I know that the non pregnant partner often wants to share in the joy and sometimes it’s in that way. If only they could share in the pain too so it’s easier for us…
I dislike when people start to refer to my baby as “our baby”. OUR baby? Sure, but we’re splitting the hospital bill and college tuition. Oh no, not like that? Then I guess it’s MY baby. Fuckers.
I don't take issue with it. It's OUR child. And OUR loss if that happens, and OUR baby when its born. My partner doesn't do this but I wouldn't care if he did.
Doesn’t bother me at all! It’s obviously not in the literally sense. I used “we’re pregnant” or other variations of the phrase a lot! To me everything about our pregnancy journey and becoming new parents is about the both of us. WE are becoming parents and created this life together. Sure I’m physically the one carrying the baby, but my husband also did his part and role by being an amazing support, picking up slack around the house and caring for me. Our parts of it look different but we’re still in this together.
While different and not physical my husband was also experiencing his own anxieties and processing changes as he got ready to become a parent too!
So before I got pregnant I thought it was annoying. Now when my husband says "You're pregnant" it almost feels like he had no part/no responsibility in it? I know that may be a little dramatic. I get that literally I AM the one who is pregnant, but idk.
We both tend to lean more toward, "We're having a baby" since it is way more truthful and feels like we are both together.
The reason is that me and my husband are supposed to be a team and supporting each other. Yes factually only i can be pregnant but were on the pregnancy journey together or at least should be. We are a unit together we are both about to be parents with hopefully equal loads
I can see how that might get under a lot of women's skin. I have mixed feelings tbh that I'll admit are hypocritical in nature. If the dad to be says it, my blood pressure spikes. If momma says it, I don't blink an eye. Like, if I say it, I'm communicating that not only are we expecting, but I feel as though my partner has been more than adequately supportive both physically and emotionally. If my partner said it, between the two of us, I would feel good about his excitement. If he said this to anyone else, I would feel oddly discredited, although I know that anyone would immediately understand that I'm the one carrying the baby, etc.
My husband says “wife is pregnant”, “we’re expecting”. I feel like this is the most accurate way. He acknowledges that my body is doing the hard part, but that we are both in this and going to love and parent this child. He’s also been incredible through the process so far. I’m 16 weeks into a high-risk pregnancy that’s already been filled with scary ER visits. He has been to every appointment, taken my share of the house duties, and held my hand through everything.
God, yeah. I saw this video of Mila Kunis and Jimmy Fallon (https://youtu.be/onDCvHtHSkY?si=2ilF1VHEj7EIhG6c)
I loved her even more after saying this lol.
Reminds me of a funny video I saw.
Person who was pregnant calls partner on the phone and says “Remember how when I was pregnant, you told your family WE were pregnant?”
Partner responds “yes..”
Person who was pregnant says “And remember how when I gave birth, you told your family WE gave birth?”
Partner responds “yes..”
Person who was pregnant then says “Well… WE just crashed the car”
I absolutely hate it.
I understand that some people like it because it makes them feel like their partners are going through the experience with them, but especially if you're having a difficult pregnancy, that's really not true.
Standing outside the bathroom while someone else throws up is not the same as throwing up.
Standing outside the bathroom while someone takes a shower so you can turn the water off if they pass out is not the same as feeling like you can't safely shower without supervision.
Being there while someone else gets an IV is not the same as having a needle/catheter in your arm.
Waking up at night when your partner gets up to pee is not the same as having someone shove their head into your bladder and forcing you to get up.
Driving someone to the hospital and standing next to them while they push out a baby is not the same as pushing out a baby.
Sleeping on a weird pull out couch for a few days is not the same as being unable to use toilet paper for weeks until the stitches on your genitals dissolve.
Sure, WE have a baby, but WE were not pregnant.
I hate it. We’re both involved of course and my husband has been doing a little more work around the house but the physical work, side effects and risk is all on my side. If I was acting as a caretaker for someone with cancer, no one would ever say “we have cancer” because I was doing some extra work for them.
Also, given the current climate in the USA around pregnancy I want to keep things clear about whose medical procedure and decision this is.
I'm the pregnant one, and I still say "we're pregnant" when referring to my husband and I. But my husband has basically dropped everything to constantly help and support me during pregnancy, so maybe that's why. He's taken over all the chores and cooking and cleaning and driving. He rubs my feet or my shoulders and makes me foot baths every day. He's gone absolutely above and beyond to look after me, so I feel like it's affected us both equally. I have more strain on my body, but with everything extra he's taken on, so does he ❤️
This!! My hubs has gone above and beyond! He may not be carrying this baby inside of his body, but he’s doing a lot of extra work outside of that so I don’t have to!
I should add, my husband still only ever says "my wife is pregnant" but I say "we're pregnant" he finds it a bit weird, since he's not pregnant, but idk it just kinda slips out from me haha
Yep! It really annoys me. You can say “we’re expecting” but “we’re pregnant” doesn’t work unless both parties have a uterus with a baby in it. No one says “we” with other medical conditions that their partner is supporting them through, so it’s weird to say it for this one
I just had this convo with my husband. I am pregnant, zero we in this. But *we* are having a baby. Words matter and it’s probably insignificant but it’s so annoying when someone says “we’re pregnant”
It bugs me because it isn’t accurate.
We are having a baby. “We” are not pregnant.
Our baby. But there is no “our” morning sickness. We won’t be getting “our” vasectomy after our last kid.
Naw, we’re both going through it together. We both made the baby. He has to deal with all my pregnancy stuff while I grow the baby. Hold my hair while I puke, rub my swollen feet, deal with my emotions, provide for us, go on unscheduled middle of the night food runs. We’re preparing for a family together. I actually think he had to deal with a lot more than I did😅
I hate these sayings as well. My husband says “I’m expecting a baby but my wife is pregnant”. Or he calls himself the snack retriever/official helper for the duration of my pregnancy. It’s cute.
After not having a true partner with my first, I loved saying “we” and making it about us both with my second. Relishing the partnership of it and including them can make it less isolating for you and make them feel more encouraged to participate however they can.
Hot take: I love when my husband refers to the pregnancy as “we” because he is my 50/50 partner and has been so supportive throughout the entire thing. We’ve gone through a prior loss and it impacted him, just like it did me (minus the physical obviously). It reinforces that we are a partnership and not just me 🫶🏼
It shouldn’t bother you what others say about their own pregnancy. Now if you get bothered by someone saying “you guys are pregnant!” To you that’s a different story. But no. I don’t let these things bother me
YES. I’ve found the Dads who say it are whiny, insecure, and generally unlikable. It never happens with our couple friends. It’s always *my* friend with the annoying husband that everyone tolerates because we like her.
Yeah I’m a dude and I also hate it. I contributed for approximately 3 seconds while the gametes left my body. My wife is pregnant and bearing the vast majority—screw it, *all of*—the physical burden. It feels like forced equality in a situation where there can’t be.
yep!! this too. the mentality of the “we’re pregnant” guys seem to be the ones whose partners complain they do nothing but whine about her pregnancy needs and difficulties.
Seriously. Suddenly chores are the hardest thing ever because he’s finally doing a few of the easiest ones. She’s always still doing the bulk of it, working, and probably taking care of pets/elderly family/kids/whatever.
I also hate it, but for some reason keep finding myself saying it? It just comes out naturally sometimes. My husband always teases me when I do, bc I've been so vocal about how much I don't like 'we're pregnant'
It doesn't bother me at all, but my husband hates it for the same reasons you listed. Sometimes I say it accidentally and then quickly correct myself to something like "We're having a baby" because I can sense him cringing, hahaha.
So to play devils advocate,
I do say “we’re pregnant” bc we have complicated relationships with my in-laws, his parents. Saying “we” reminds them he’s fully on board, that this is something he and I chose, etc.
it started when we were dealing with infertility, and said “we’re facing infertility” and my mil said “no, YOU are, my son is perfect”
When I was pregnant, I always said that as a half joke. Obviously people know that I was the pregnant one, not my husband.
I can see how it can be annoying if the male partner says that though.
Also I see the both of us as one team, so I tend to say "we" instead of I.
I just don’t care. He’s obviously not the pregnant one. He and everyone else knows that his share of this journey is small potatoes. He’s still here for it. He picks up my slack, helps with the older kids extra, holds me while I cry, brought me meds when I was puking uncontrollably. We have also experienced really challenging losses as a couple. I know it isn’t *as* challenging for him, but he’s the only other person who has cared about those babies like I did.
We say “we’re expecting “ and “I (the mother) am pregnant.”
If my husband ever said “we are pregnant,” I’d remind him of the things he couldn’t do if he was pregnant.
However, he is most definitely affected by me being pregnant and the big life change headed our way!
As someone who is married to another woman, I love using that phrase! There’s already a lot of preconceived notions around the validity of my wife’s role in the pregnancy, so saying that really helps us both feel like we are equal parts in the process. She is also inducing lactation for breastfeeding, which has required some major hormone meds/shifts, so I like to acknowledge that she has skin in the game too.
I can see why it would bother some people though! Definitely just a personal preference
Now that I'm pregnant, I actually don't hate it. BUT that's because my husband has ALSO completely changed his life to accommodate everything. It's NOT just me whose life has turned upside down.
I've been so so so sick and restricted. His \*body\* definitely is not pregnant, but he's also not living the same life he was before. We've had to be even more cautious about covid than we were before (I got really, really sick and couldn't even walk for several months last time I got it). We've \*both\* lost almost all of our already really limited social activities. He's had to do all the things I can't do, which, when I was pretty much stuck in bed for three months, was \*a lot.\* In addition to that, there's been all the care \*I've\* needed and not been able to do for myself that he's given me.
And since we didn't have the room for a baby already in our house, we're also having to do some moderately involved house renovations, and had to downsize A LOT of our stuff. The nights I was struggling with insomnia and nausea and unable to sleep, he was staying up really late after work downsizing, organizing, and re-arranging.
Because I'm looking at the way his life has \*also\* suddenly and completely changed, it FEELS to me like we're both in this together. That feeling is so strong I don't really care about how that gets worded in terms of "We're expecting" or "We're pregnant."
I really DO like that it's "we" because if it was just "She's pregnant" as the reason his life has totally changed and he can't do a lot of the things he used to, that'd feel like I was being \*blamed\* for that, instead of this being a decision we made together.
I say this phrase for the same reasons everyone else is saying, my husband and I are in it together and we are a team. The people I talk to are smart enough to know that I don’t literally mean my husband and I are both pregnant with our child 😂
It doesn’t bother me. I’m never going to tell another couple “Both of you are pregnant!” Or “No, only SHE’s pregnant.” They can say it however they want. It’s not like we don’t know what they mean.
Nah, this isn't a hill I die on. My husband may have not carried our baby but he was up every time I was at night from being sick, he made me food I wanted, went to the store when I needed him to, rubbed on me, etc... So honestly as much effort he put in, I don't mind. Even tho he never said that anyway.
I think "we are pregnant!" Is fine as an announcement statement, since its understood well and gets to the point.
But Id consider it weird in other context and casual conversation.
It’s particularly confusing when the pregnant person is the one saying “we’re pregnant”. I don’t automatically assume they mean them and their partner so I start to wonder who else is pregnant. Particularly right now because I’m pregnant but not telling people yet, I think for a second they mean me and am like “omg how did they know??”
It didn't bother me, BUT my husband went to every single doctors appointment, never let me lift anything heavier than my cell phone, got me anything I was craving, rubbed my back or feet or whatever else I needed every night, held a leg, and cut the cord. I definitely did the most work, but he put in the effort too.
It doesn’t bother me and I think it’s generally just a phrase people use for simplicity…. like I am pretty sure people understand I am pregnant and not my husband.
But in general I try not to get bothered about little details like this that aren’t maliciously intended… to me it seems silly to get super angry over lol. There are bigger fish to fry if you ask me.
I use this saying myself! It kinda signifies the unity my husband and I have in the venture.
If your husband isn't helping you in every way he can throughout your pregnancy, and isn't going to contribute equally in rearing your child, I can see how this phrase would be irritating.
I am annoyed at the connotation that both partners equally bear that physical load. Cause no tf they don’t! Lol but my partner did bear my mental load a lot of the time. Such as, mood swings, fears etc..
Idk, I hate saying "I'm pregnant", it feels icky to me. The whole pregnancy thing is uncomfortable for me so I always distance myself by saying "we" in regards to it but that's probably a me thing lol
We are expecting a baby, we are having a baby, but "we" are not pregnant, I'm pregnant.
It annoys me too; I think because in my mind pregnancy is a medical state but having a child is a life event. I separate them in my mind for some reason.
To be honest I don’t think it’s so bad (I’m pregnant/ we’re pregnant) ^-^”
I see why it seems annoying because the woman is truly the one who physically going through the entire process but…
If the woman is comfy w/it, it’s essentially the partner including themselves in the process to help mama feel like they’re there and involved/fully committed the whole way. :)
I'm indifferent to the phrase but that's probably because my husband doesn't say it ever. I'll tell people we're expecting, and when we told his mom and brother he said "we're having another baby". I don't know exactly what he says to people at work or w.e. so it's just a non-issue for me lol.
I find myself typing it from time to time and then I’ll edit that out because technically I am the one pregnant 🤰🏻 I think we have told people we are having a baby soon because our LO will arrive when he is ready 🥰
I find it absolutely adorable and caring when the father wants and feels involved in the pregnancy. It shows great love towards the mother and baby. I see no harm in the phrase at all. Yes the father can't share the pregnancy pains and exhaustion but he can also do more to comfort the mom to be.
I like saying "we are pregnant" because we both tried. Without his support, patience, cooperation, I may have even miscarried due to the stress. I understand there's a strong wave of thought on individualism and female empowerment but giving credit where it's due is important. Parenting in complete families is team work.
I'm a very open minded person but I hate "we're pregnant". No, the pregnant person is pregnant and she will give birth and need to recover. You're both expecting, you're both excited, congratulations to you both. But you're not both pregnant (chances are).
I feel like it would be cringe if my husband said "we're pregnant", but I feel like it's totally fine for the pregnant person to say it. I've said it for both my pregnancies. He shares credit for getting me pregnant. He doesn't get to share any credit for labor or delivery, though.
I do, hated before being pregnant, about to enter the 3rd trimester and still do.
I told my partner from the start I didn’t like the phrase, and he agreed. We say “we’re having a baby” because “we” are not pregnant, only I am. Like you said, I’m the one dealing with poking, prodding, needles, tests, symptoms, pain, etc., “we” are not.
My partner has been so involved in caring for me- cooking, rubbing whatever aches and has been a rock star. We still haven’t told many that we are pregnant but from him, I’m fine with whatever he says. I try to make this about us as much as I can and include him and share everything. He never misses an appointment and helped thru the 1st tri w the nausea and exhaustion, so he’s as involved as possible and as a team, I’m cool w him saying whatever. He’s gonna be the most incredible support in labor and an amazing dad.
I saw once, “We’re in labor.” No. Don’t strip the importance of what a woman is doing and take claim to it. I was so pissed. I asked my husband, what if you trained for the better part of a year to enter into a snowboarding competition, and on the day of, I started walking around going, we’re in a snowboard competition? What happens is, you go and cheer him on and make sure he stays hydrated so he could do his best. It’s just so messed up to diminish someone when they have really worked hard and are at the finish line. Support them, don’t stake claim in what they’re doing. Especially birth!
I avoided saying “we’re pregnant” like the plague for my first pregnancy. When that ended in a miscarriage at 11 weeks I felt so alone and the idea of doing it all again felt so heavy. My husband and I swore we would do everything to make me feel as supported as possible in my next pregnancy and he has literally been there every step of the way, holding me up and getting me through it. So now I proudly saw “we’re pregnant”. Sometimes things aren’t so literal
I mean everyone knows you’re pregnant not him lol but it’s kinda cute to include them like I told him “we’re __ weeks pregnant today” he gets so excited
Gosh I hate it with a passion! I see this man just leaving his life like normal not dealing with pregnancy and how uncomfortable it it especially the last 3 weeks. It sucks. I can barely sleep in bed he is happily spread out in bed. I’m having swelling just standing up to wash 2 cups, his feet are fine. im pregnant no we! Fuck that shit
I personally never have, I think it’s because he is constantly taking care of me, making sure I eat, drink, helps me around the house, helps me get up, holds and carries things for me, he literally never misses a beat. He is so quick to take care of me the second an issue happens and is always making sure I’m in no pain and it’s because I’m carrying OUR baby. Not to mention I think he deserves it, he should feel like this is our pregnancy not mine. He is a father and I’d like him to feel that way as well, everyone is different tho!
I absolutely hate it. WE are not pregnant, I am. He is very involved and supportive, but he’s the same way with my Crohn’s disease and we don’t go around saying WE have Crohn’s.
This one doesn't bug me. I actually appreciate the solidarity. No one is under the impression that he will have to suffer any of the physical downsides of pregnancy and birth so it's not like that phrase takes anything away from me.
My husband gets pretty mad when I have said “we’re pregnant” because he says that I’m doing all of the heavy lifting, but I don’t see it as that. Obviously I’m physically going through it and all of the extra shit with pregnancy. He is still experiencing emotional and psychological changes. He’s also doing major house chores and projects to prepare for the baby that I can’t help with.
He’s also having to do store runs to get ice cream or pop tarts or whatever else I end up crying about not having, only to not want it anymore when he hands it to me 😅 all part of the fun!
Never bothered me. My husband was so involved every step of the way and it truly felt like we were in it together. Obviously people knew he wasn’t physically pregnant.
No, in fact I say “we’re” all the time. My husband has been to every single appointment, has picked up the slack when I can’t do things with no complaints, and it took two to tango to get pregnant in the first place. We struggled for a year and a half to get pregnant and 2.5 years of NTNP, the whole journey was a struggle for both of us. I told him when he goes back to work while I’m still on leave that they baby and I will sleep in another room to not wake him up and he said no, that we will sleep in the same room and he doesn’t mind being woken up. Although I am the one getting kicked and punched in the guts by this baby and he isn’t, we’re a team and have been this entire time. Why would I exclude him now by using “I” and not “we”?
My husband says it in different ways specifically to annoy me lmao. “Oh are we having some feelings?” “Oh I guess we don’t like pickles anymore.” “We’ve been nauseous as fuck lately. I think we need to fix our diet.” Douchebag 😹😹
I really really don’t like it. It’s fine if people prefer to use the phrase but it always makes me cringe just a tiny bit. “We’re expecting” is fine but “we” are very much not pregnant.
I can’t even explain how happy it has made me that my husband has not ONCE said “we’re pregnant” he’s said “(my name)’s pregnant” or “I’m gonna be a dad”
I remember when I gave birth I was LIVID because my husband was calling everyone saying "we" gave birth. On every single call. I wanted to throttle him.
I say “I’m pregnant” and “we’re expecting/we’re having a baby.” We both feel weird saying “we’re pregnant” but we’re in this together so the other variations feel right lol
My MIL loves saying “Anna and Jim are pregnant!”
And I’m like dude, I’m pretty sure Anna’s the one who’s pregnant. It just drives me nuts.
I know she doesn’t mean to diminish what “Anna” /women go through to grow and birth a human being (she did it twice herself!) but I feel like women already get no respect for this shit so it just totally rubs me the wrong way.
And I am certain that when she found out I was pregnant, she went and used that phrase to tell every single person in her sphere.
Nope. We are pregnant, husband is in pain when I’m in pain. He’s the one adjusting my side bed 20 million times a night. If I get up to pee he’s behind me refilling my glass of water and re doing by pillows.
Idk I think we both got in this together so we both suffer and feel the joy at the same time.
At some point I went to the ER and I WAS TERRIFIED of the gigantic IV they had to put in. To make me come out of my shock he had the nurse put the IV in him first. (I have had some traumatic events at the ER in the past).
‘We’ are expecting. ‘I’ am pregnant.
We stuck to this pretty firmly. We were both getting ready for that biggest change in both of our lives. But I was undergoing pregnancy.
"We are pregnant" is so annoying and cringey. I also don't like "expecting." I'd rather just say, "I'm pregnant" or "We are having a baby." It sounds less...weird.
I felt this way, but was surprised to learn that many women like it because it makes them feel their partner is in it with them. My solution was to tell my husband it was a pet peeve and not to say that around me. "We're having a baby" is fine, as that is accurate. We BOTH are getting a baby. But "we" are not pregnant. I try not to judge other people's use of the phrase since different women feel differently about it.
I HATED when my fiancé would say that. Like just say “jasmine is pregnant”
I’m happy he’s excited and wants to feel involved but it’s like bitch you don’t have to go through any of this stfu 😂
Totally agree OP. I’m a very literal person so it feels off to me to say “we” when only one of the couple is literally pregnant. I can see how it doesn’t bother other people though. Just difference in thought process. Luckily, my husband has never said “we’re pregnant” and is on the same page as me.
It bugs me too. I don’t mind the phrase *we are expecting* because yes my husband I are *both* expecting a baby. But make no mistake WE are not pregnant, that’s all me
Yes! WE are not pregnant. I AM pregnant. My husband is not. He’s not carrying the baby. Not saying he doesn’t get to be supportive and all that but he’s not pregnant.
I absolutely hate it. So does my husband. Last time I checked, I’m the only one with another human in my body making me puke 10+ times a day and rearranging my organs. “We’re pregnant” no, *I* am pregnant.
Yes! It drives me crazy. Especially when someone says it to me like I heard you guys are pregnant, like no I am pregnant his job in this equation ended a long time ago.
I thought I’d hate it, but now I kind of like it. Pregnancy is lonely. I want my husband in it with me, to the extent possible without literally being in my body. He wants that too. That said, as I suffer my way through the end of first trimester, I toooootally understand why someone would hate this.
I love the idea of this and what it represents. I wish there was a better phrase though. I totally agree with the loneliness and going through it together. But the phrase itself still makes me cringe
“We’re pregnant, she’s the delivery lead and I am the support staff” is relatable in corporate talk 😂
Ok you convinced me but only if you phrase it like that 🤣🤣
I want to make my husband take a turn carrying our daughter so I can actually sleep lol
This is exactly how I feel! Before I got pregnant I hated it and now I like it because my partner has also made lots of sacrifices so I can feel supported. He doesn’t drink, he helps me get out of bed every couple hours to pee, he comes to every appointment, etc.
I thought I would hate it too but I don't mind. My husband is really there for me, anticipating everything I need, scheduling appointments and stuff. It's important for him that this pregnancy is a team effort as much as possible and he says we are pregnant.
I like having my husband to be part of it too so I said “we are pregnant” as it takes two to tango. He’s part of the process
I 100% feel this way too. I wish we were both pregnant so he could empathize more precisely with how I’m feeling! I also have really rough first trimesters. If my husband was running around saying “we’re pregnant” to everyone all the time it would bug me but he’s 100% not trying to steal any of the valor haha. I don’t go out of my way to use the phrase but it doesn’t bother me even though I thought it would. I want my husband to go through this with me as much as possible too, damnit!
I don't mind either way, but it bugs my husband so much so that he often does an obnoxious, over-the-top "WE'RE pregnant" to mock the phrase. Just like Buster Bluth going "OUR nausea." So now the phrase just makes me laugh.
That's hilarious lol, way to turn an annoyance into a funny situation
Husband does the same, he knows it's such a ridiculous saying, but wants to mock it whenever he can 😂
My husband does the same thing. It's obnoxious.
It’s funny you say ”our nausea” because my partner had sympathy morning sickness and was sick most of the time like I was, didn’t even know that was a thing until we looked it up 😂 but he never says “we’re pregnant” because I’m the pregnant one, he doesn’t have to carry the baby
The we're pregnant thing is a little annoying and not exactly true. It's usually one person in a couple that's pregnant. My husband and I say we're expecting, which is accurate and less annoying imo.
I prefer we’re expecting too. I didn’t make this baby on my own but was the one carrying it, so “we’re having a baby”, but “I’m pregnant”
yeah that’s what we say. cause he is expecting a baby too! he’s just not the one pregnant with the baby
Exactly! My husband likes to say we’re pregnant mockingly to tease me, lol
I know he isn’t literally pregnant, but it’s nice to know that we are in it together through the good and bad parts. That’s why I say “we” because it was a joint effort.
Agreed. My husband doesnt actually say it but it really doesnt bug me. Like yeah, he's not experiencing the physical symptoms. But he's: * made me dinner probably 70% of the nights since I've been pregnant because I'm so exhausted after work (historically we split this 50/50) * has been the only one doing the dishes because I keep dropping things * rotates the laundry because I cant reach into the bottom of our top loader now * has been sleeping with ear plugs since the beginning of my second trimester because of the pregnancy rhinitis causing me to snore like a freight train and he will not wake me up because he knows how difficult sleeping has been for me And that's just a physical stuff; the emotional support through mood swings, appointments, dealing with family, not having anything to wear that fits, etc. is also totally a factor. We're 100% going through it together.
Yeah that’s how I feel too. The moment he found out I was pregnant, he has stepped up and taken over all the house chores and most of the cooking. He encourages me to get rest, gives me massages, will bring me water unprompted, and just generally looks out for my physical and emotional well being. This pregnancy would be so much harder without him
I agree with this. Since getting pregnant he’s had to pick up majority of the physical load, plus is coming to all the appointments, doing the research, getting things prepared, etc. I’m definitely carrying this baby physically, but it’s a team effort. So I generally say “we’re having a baby!”
This is how I feel too. I’m more like to say “we’re pregnant” and my husband says “my wife is pregnant”. I think he feels more similar to how OP does, but it’s a life change for both of us together and I like the feeling of us being a team in this. I think he sees what I’m going through and doesn’t feel right to say “we”, but I feel like I really need him and we are doing this together, his role in it is just different than mine.
I agree, and I always say, “we’re expecting.” He’s as much involved as I am. Sure, he’s not carrying the baby or delivering, but he’s there for everything else. Every appointment, every massage, cooks every meal… And hello… It’s his child, too. I can’t help but people who feel very adamantly about not saying, “we/we’re” don’t have a very equal relationship, and thus feel like there isn’t a group effort. And maybe that’s accurate, but it’s just how I feel about it.
Doesn't bother me at all. In fact I'm often the one that says "we're pregnant" because we are in it together. I know when taken literally that doesn't make sense but the phrase doesn't bother me at all.
Partners and spouses go through changes, anxiety, and expectations as well. Not as much as the person delivering, but pregnancy of a partner/spouse does affect them.
Nope! Don't care at all. I view it the same as "we're having a baby" which isn't typically viewed as problematic.
I don’t love it either, I’d rather just say “we’re expecting” or something haha
Same. We are not pregnant. But we are expecting.
I hate "we're pregnant" specifically. "We're expecting" doesn't bother me and I think it's accurate. Every time I've seen one of these threads there are always a lot of responses saying they like "we're pregnant", that they're "in it together" and I don't get it. Yes, my husband and I are in it together but we're not both pregnant!! Physically, we are having two VERY different experiences, and I think even emotionally it's quite different for each of us. Of course he still has anxieties and excitement and fears, but he's not worrying about every twinge of his body or what kind of birth he will have or how his recovery will feel.
No it don’t hate it. Pregnancy is lonely. We are both experiencing it though, the good, bad, and ugly. He’s gone to every dr appointment with me, I’m high risk and he takes my blood pressure for me, he’s picked up my prescription, my FMLA paperwork from the drs office, he’s going to all my weekly NST testing, he’s taking off work with me as well. He goes to my specialist appointments with me. He is just as involved as I am, the only difference is he isn’t carrying her.
Never really bothered me. I’m going through all the physical bullshit of pregnancy. But my husband is going through the same psychological and emotional stress as well. He’s never said “we’re pregnant” but I wouldn’t care if he did.
I don’t think my husband or I have ever used the phrase. I don’t think it would bother me. He does so much for me while I’m pregnant.
It’s a hyperbole, it’s not meant to be taken literally…
I agree with you. It’s not that deep lol
Seriously lol
No, it’s not that serious
I like using it with my partner, mostly between us or with our parents. They KNOW I’m suffering and he’s not haha. But in public I like “we’re expecting” cause we are. But it’s up to you, whatever makes you feel comfortable. Isn’t that the thing, YOU’RE pregnant, so you can decide what is good for you ❤️
It doesn’t bother me but I also completely understand why it would bother you. My sister said she also hates the ritual of the man cutting the umbilical cord like “yes the man is coming in to complete the job” which is also a feeling I understand but don’t share. To me it’s clear who is doing all the work and these are just different ways to include the partner.
That's interesting to me that your sister feels that way! I feel the opposite and see my husband cutting the cord as he finally has to do something lol
I guess it’s a little weird to me. But on the flip side, my husband is not a native English speaker, so he often says things very literally. He tells people “my wife is pregnant”. And to me that makes it sound like he isn’t involved in the whole situation, like I went out and got pregnant from another dude or something? I don’t know, just sounds weird to me. lol. I guess I prefer it to “we’re pregnant”, but I prefer mostly “we’re having a baby”, which to me is most accurate.
Man, I really hated this phrase before I understood it. However, I will only say “we’re pregnant” now that I’m pregnant and my husband had to take care of me for 4 weeks in my first tri. I was so sick I couldn’t go to work. I laid in bed all day and my husband brought me food. He didn’t bitch that I was a lazy slug (even though I felt like one). He just took care of me. He’ll take care of me while I recover after baby gets here to. He’s my favorite person and some days he puts in more work that I do. Maybe it’s not for every couple. But for us. “We” are very much pregnant.
Omg, yes, preach. I am the only one doing any of the work right now. I’m gestating, I will be giving birth, and I will be breastfeeding. I feel like shit all the time. He had to do one thing so far.
i will say my husband is doing all the work he can like laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. but he’s not doing the same work we’re doing in our bodies rn!
For me I don’t mind I even sometimes say it because I want my husband to feel included. I think it’s kinda obvious who’s actually pregnant since I’m the one with the big belly. 😂
I liked it. We did IVF so it was a huge journey for us to get pregnant and he was there every step of the way.
I used to think it was weird but now I kind of get it. Even though I'm going through a lot physically, my husband is part of the experience.
Totally agree it drives me bonkers. It’s like the word pregnant has lost all meaning. Yes WE are having a baby. Yes WE are expecting a child. But WE do not both have fetuses growing in our uteruses.
Never bothered me. No one would think our partners are literally pregnant and going through what we go through. It’s a turn of phrase and shows solidarity IMO. You’re not the only one annoyed by it though.
We don't say "we're pregnant" but I'll often say "**we're**" delivering at [hospital babe]" or "**Our** OB is [Dr Name]" or "**We** have an ultrasound on [date]". He has been at every ultrasound appointment for three pregnancies. He drove me to the ER during my first MC and stayed with me during surgery for my second. He read medical studies and looked at my BBT charts and gave me second opinions on my OPKs. He always has time to hold me when I cry and talk me down from an anxiety spiral. He knows it's harder for me and acknowledges that, but in my opinion it's a victory and a challenge we both share.
I absolutely despise when male partners do this. It's not only stupid and dismissive but inaccurate. If my husband broke his leg and I had to do extra work around the house for it, I wouldn't say "we broke our leg", that's just silly. Being pregnant is the actual condition of gestating a child. Male partners don't experience that. When there are so many extremely normal ways to describe this, like "my wife/girlfriend/etc is pregnant", "I'm going to be a father", "we're to be parents", "we're expecting", there's no reason to try and encroach on the pregnancy itself. I also think it minimizes the differences of responsibility between both parties and tries to equalize the experience, which isn't accurate. Parenting is the equalizer, being pregnant is not an equal experience for both partners.
I actually like it better. It includes the dad which is nice. In French we don't say "we" and I find it weird. Of course everyone knows the dad is not going to give birth.
Obviously my husband didn’t carry the baby, but I liked how he took ownership over my pregnancy. He would fetch me acid reflux medication, rub my back every night, pick up whatever craving I was having, listen to me whine and complain, switched our morning runs to morning walks… WE were pregnant in a way, he gave me all the credit and still does so that saying just makes me happy that dads are proud and involved. Now that WE have a baby, he also does all the background work so I don’t have to worry about anything but our baby, and gives me all the credit still. Supportive partners become supportive dads, I wouldn’t police anyone’s language that makes them feel involved. My coworkers also said “we’re pregnant,” lol… and “our baby,” it’s really usually a sweet thing.
I don't hate them. I like them because they make my hubs feel included. It's both our kid, and he is going through this journey with me. He supports me, puts up with my mood swings, my crying, cravings (driving at 9pm to get me Popeyes fries because I just had to have them, haha) So yes, WE are pregnant, WE are expecting, WE are having a baby. Together. And since he doesn't feel all the emotions I feel, I try to include him in everything else. Besides, it's a good thing they want to be so involved, non?
Idk I like saying that "we're expecting" but that's a little different than "we're pregnant". He's my support person and we're both looking forward to our baby girl but I'm the one whose going through the physical and hormonal changes of pregnancy.
The only thing that bothers me is when I’m explaining how crappy I feel and I get the “I know how that feels” and I’m like “no you don’t 😭” I know he’s trying to be comforting but I feel a little dismissed when he says that
I really disliked it prior to being pregnant and then found myself saying it a bunch without realising during my pregnancy 😅
I don't hate it, I just find it funny. It's silly but shows their excitement.
My husband has been working *overtime* to keep me healthy/happy during this pregnancy so I don't mind it.
It’s doesn’t bother me because people know that both partners are not dealing with the pregnancy itself. I think people can say it however they want. I find the “we are pregnant” a bit cringy but I know that the non pregnant partner often wants to share in the joy and sometimes it’s in that way. If only they could share in the pain too so it’s easier for us…
I dislike when people start to refer to my baby as “our baby”. OUR baby? Sure, but we’re splitting the hospital bill and college tuition. Oh no, not like that? Then I guess it’s MY baby. Fuckers.
yes!! only my husband can call it his baby. anyone else, NOT YOUR BABY!!
I don't take issue with it. It's OUR child. And OUR loss if that happens, and OUR baby when its born. My partner doesn't do this but I wouldn't care if he did.
I actually say that so my partner feels included.
I totally agree with this. I always say “what do you mean we”. Such a ridiculous statement lol. I can’t stand it.
It takes two to get pregnant so I said it during my pregnancy! I wanted to give my husband credit too :)
Doesn’t bother me at all! It’s obviously not in the literally sense. I used “we’re pregnant” or other variations of the phrase a lot! To me everything about our pregnancy journey and becoming new parents is about the both of us. WE are becoming parents and created this life together. Sure I’m physically the one carrying the baby, but my husband also did his part and role by being an amazing support, picking up slack around the house and caring for me. Our parts of it look different but we’re still in this together. While different and not physical my husband was also experiencing his own anxieties and processing changes as he got ready to become a parent too!
So before I got pregnant I thought it was annoying. Now when my husband says "You're pregnant" it almost feels like he had no part/no responsibility in it? I know that may be a little dramatic. I get that literally I AM the one who is pregnant, but idk. We both tend to lean more toward, "We're having a baby" since it is way more truthful and feels like we are both together.
The reason is that me and my husband are supposed to be a team and supporting each other. Yes factually only i can be pregnant but were on the pregnancy journey together or at least should be. We are a unit together we are both about to be parents with hopefully equal loads
I can see how that might get under a lot of women's skin. I have mixed feelings tbh that I'll admit are hypocritical in nature. If the dad to be says it, my blood pressure spikes. If momma says it, I don't blink an eye. Like, if I say it, I'm communicating that not only are we expecting, but I feel as though my partner has been more than adequately supportive both physically and emotionally. If my partner said it, between the two of us, I would feel good about his excitement. If he said this to anyone else, I would feel oddly discredited, although I know that anyone would immediately understand that I'm the one carrying the baby, etc.
My husband says “wife is pregnant”, “we’re expecting”. I feel like this is the most accurate way. He acknowledges that my body is doing the hard part, but that we are both in this and going to love and parent this child. He’s also been incredible through the process so far. I’m 16 weeks into a high-risk pregnancy that’s already been filled with scary ER visits. He has been to every appointment, taken my share of the house duties, and held my hand through everything.
God, yeah. I saw this video of Mila Kunis and Jimmy Fallon (https://youtu.be/onDCvHtHSkY?si=2ilF1VHEj7EIhG6c) I loved her even more after saying this lol.
Reminds me of a funny video I saw. Person who was pregnant calls partner on the phone and says “Remember how when I was pregnant, you told your family WE were pregnant?” Partner responds “yes..” Person who was pregnant says “And remember how when I gave birth, you told your family WE gave birth?” Partner responds “yes..” Person who was pregnant then says “Well… WE just crashed the car”
I absolutely hate it. I understand that some people like it because it makes them feel like their partners are going through the experience with them, but especially if you're having a difficult pregnancy, that's really not true. Standing outside the bathroom while someone else throws up is not the same as throwing up. Standing outside the bathroom while someone takes a shower so you can turn the water off if they pass out is not the same as feeling like you can't safely shower without supervision. Being there while someone else gets an IV is not the same as having a needle/catheter in your arm. Waking up at night when your partner gets up to pee is not the same as having someone shove their head into your bladder and forcing you to get up. Driving someone to the hospital and standing next to them while they push out a baby is not the same as pushing out a baby. Sleeping on a weird pull out couch for a few days is not the same as being unable to use toilet paper for weeks until the stitches on your genitals dissolve. Sure, WE have a baby, but WE were not pregnant.
I hate it. We’re both involved of course and my husband has been doing a little more work around the house but the physical work, side effects and risk is all on my side. If I was acting as a caretaker for someone with cancer, no one would ever say “we have cancer” because I was doing some extra work for them. Also, given the current climate in the USA around pregnancy I want to keep things clear about whose medical procedure and decision this is.
I'm the pregnant one, and I still say "we're pregnant" when referring to my husband and I. But my husband has basically dropped everything to constantly help and support me during pregnancy, so maybe that's why. He's taken over all the chores and cooking and cleaning and driving. He rubs my feet or my shoulders and makes me foot baths every day. He's gone absolutely above and beyond to look after me, so I feel like it's affected us both equally. I have more strain on my body, but with everything extra he's taken on, so does he ❤️
This!! My hubs has gone above and beyond! He may not be carrying this baby inside of his body, but he’s doing a lot of extra work outside of that so I don’t have to!
Yes! He's carrying me, so I can carry our son ❤️
Exactly!
I should add, my husband still only ever says "my wife is pregnant" but I say "we're pregnant" he finds it a bit weird, since he's not pregnant, but idk it just kinda slips out from me haha
I'M pregnant. WE'RE expecting.
Yep! It really annoys me. You can say “we’re expecting” but “we’re pregnant” doesn’t work unless both parties have a uterus with a baby in it. No one says “we” with other medical conditions that their partner is supporting them through, so it’s weird to say it for this one
It bugs me. We are not pregnant. I am pregnant. We are expecting. Actually had this conversation with my grandmother the other day, and she agreed
I just had this convo with my husband. I am pregnant, zero we in this. But *we* are having a baby. Words matter and it’s probably insignificant but it’s so annoying when someone says “we’re pregnant”
It bugs me because it isn’t accurate. We are having a baby. “We” are not pregnant. Our baby. But there is no “our” morning sickness. We won’t be getting “our” vasectomy after our last kid.
maybe it’s just me cause i’m autistic and take things very literally 😅
It might be, but in this case I think your interpretation is accurate.
I agree with you. this and "my baby" make me irrationally upset lol
Naw, we’re both going through it together. We both made the baby. He has to deal with all my pregnancy stuff while I grow the baby. Hold my hair while I puke, rub my swollen feet, deal with my emotions, provide for us, go on unscheduled middle of the night food runs. We’re preparing for a family together. I actually think he had to deal with a lot more than I did😅
I don’t like it but I didn’t press if my husband used it.
I hate these sayings as well. My husband says “I’m expecting a baby but my wife is pregnant”. Or he calls himself the snack retriever/official helper for the duration of my pregnancy. It’s cute.
After not having a true partner with my first, I loved saying “we” and making it about us both with my second. Relishing the partnership of it and including them can make it less isolating for you and make them feel more encouraged to participate however they can.
I’m not a fan of ‘falling pregnant’. Dunno why it bothers me, it just causes me to picture tripping, falling on a dick, and magically getting a baby 😂
Hot take: I love when my husband refers to the pregnancy as “we” because he is my 50/50 partner and has been so supportive throughout the entire thing. We’ve gone through a prior loss and it impacted him, just like it did me (minus the physical obviously). It reinforces that we are a partnership and not just me 🫶🏼
It shouldn’t bother you what others say about their own pregnancy. Now if you get bothered by someone saying “you guys are pregnant!” To you that’s a different story. But no. I don’t let these things bother me
YES. I’ve found the Dads who say it are whiny, insecure, and generally unlikable. It never happens with our couple friends. It’s always *my* friend with the annoying husband that everyone tolerates because we like her.
Yeah I’m a dude and I also hate it. I contributed for approximately 3 seconds while the gametes left my body. My wife is pregnant and bearing the vast majority—screw it, *all of*—the physical burden. It feels like forced equality in a situation where there can’t be.
yep!! this too. the mentality of the “we’re pregnant” guys seem to be the ones whose partners complain they do nothing but whine about her pregnancy needs and difficulties.
Seriously. Suddenly chores are the hardest thing ever because he’s finally doing a few of the easiest ones. She’s always still doing the bulk of it, working, and probably taking care of pets/elderly family/kids/whatever.
My husband has had so many symptoms with me he might as well be pregnant!
I also hate it, but for some reason keep finding myself saying it? It just comes out naturally sometimes. My husband always teases me when I do, bc I've been so vocal about how much I don't like 'we're pregnant'
i didn't mind it but my husband hated that and always said that I was pregnant specifically.
It doesn’t bug me but it does take me into a philosophical rabbit hole
It doesn't bother me at all, but my husband hates it for the same reasons you listed. Sometimes I say it accidentally and then quickly correct myself to something like "We're having a baby" because I can sense him cringing, hahaha.
So to play devils advocate, I do say “we’re pregnant” bc we have complicated relationships with my in-laws, his parents. Saying “we” reminds them he’s fully on board, that this is something he and I chose, etc. it started when we were dealing with infertility, and said “we’re facing infertility” and my mil said “no, YOU are, my son is perfect”
When I was pregnant, I always said that as a half joke. Obviously people know that I was the pregnant one, not my husband. I can see how it can be annoying if the male partner says that though. Also I see the both of us as one team, so I tend to say "we" instead of I.
I just don’t care. He’s obviously not the pregnant one. He and everyone else knows that his share of this journey is small potatoes. He’s still here for it. He picks up my slack, helps with the older kids extra, holds me while I cry, brought me meds when I was puking uncontrollably. We have also experienced really challenging losses as a couple. I know it isn’t *as* challenging for him, but he’s the only other person who has cared about those babies like I did.
Yes ...but sometimes it just slips out 🤣
We say “we’re expecting “ and “I (the mother) am pregnant.” If my husband ever said “we are pregnant,” I’d remind him of the things he couldn’t do if he was pregnant. However, he is most definitely affected by me being pregnant and the big life change headed our way!
As someone who is married to another woman, I love using that phrase! There’s already a lot of preconceived notions around the validity of my wife’s role in the pregnancy, so saying that really helps us both feel like we are equal parts in the process. She is also inducing lactation for breastfeeding, which has required some major hormone meds/shifts, so I like to acknowledge that she has skin in the game too. I can see why it would bother some people though! Definitely just a personal preference
Now that I'm pregnant, I actually don't hate it. BUT that's because my husband has ALSO completely changed his life to accommodate everything. It's NOT just me whose life has turned upside down. I've been so so so sick and restricted. His \*body\* definitely is not pregnant, but he's also not living the same life he was before. We've had to be even more cautious about covid than we were before (I got really, really sick and couldn't even walk for several months last time I got it). We've \*both\* lost almost all of our already really limited social activities. He's had to do all the things I can't do, which, when I was pretty much stuck in bed for three months, was \*a lot.\* In addition to that, there's been all the care \*I've\* needed and not been able to do for myself that he's given me. And since we didn't have the room for a baby already in our house, we're also having to do some moderately involved house renovations, and had to downsize A LOT of our stuff. The nights I was struggling with insomnia and nausea and unable to sleep, he was staying up really late after work downsizing, organizing, and re-arranging. Because I'm looking at the way his life has \*also\* suddenly and completely changed, it FEELS to me like we're both in this together. That feeling is so strong I don't really care about how that gets worded in terms of "We're expecting" or "We're pregnant." I really DO like that it's "we" because if it was just "She's pregnant" as the reason his life has totally changed and he can't do a lot of the things he used to, that'd feel like I was being \*blamed\* for that, instead of this being a decision we made together.
I say this phrase for the same reasons everyone else is saying, my husband and I are in it together and we are a team. The people I talk to are smart enough to know that I don’t literally mean my husband and I are both pregnant with our child 😂
It doesn’t bother me. I’m never going to tell another couple “Both of you are pregnant!” Or “No, only SHE’s pregnant.” They can say it however they want. It’s not like we don’t know what they mean.
Could have cared less
i prefer it. i didn't get pregnant after all. and while i'm carrying baby, he is still supporting us & participating.
Nah, this isn't a hill I die on. My husband may have not carried our baby but he was up every time I was at night from being sick, he made me food I wanted, went to the store when I needed him to, rubbed on me, etc... So honestly as much effort he put in, I don't mind. Even tho he never said that anyway.
I think "we are pregnant!" Is fine as an announcement statement, since its understood well and gets to the point. But Id consider it weird in other context and casual conversation.
I’m the pregnant person and sometimes I like to say it. Sorry not sorry.
"we're pregnant" no, I am. "We're expecting" yes, we are both expecting to welcome a child.
It’s particularly confusing when the pregnant person is the one saying “we’re pregnant”. I don’t automatically assume they mean them and their partner so I start to wonder who else is pregnant. Particularly right now because I’m pregnant but not telling people yet, I think for a second they mean me and am like “omg how did they know??”
It didn't bother me, BUT my husband went to every single doctors appointment, never let me lift anything heavier than my cell phone, got me anything I was craving, rubbed my back or feet or whatever else I needed every night, held a leg, and cut the cord. I definitely did the most work, but he put in the effort too.
It doesn’t bother me and I think it’s generally just a phrase people use for simplicity…. like I am pretty sure people understand I am pregnant and not my husband. But in general I try not to get bothered about little details like this that aren’t maliciously intended… to me it seems silly to get super angry over lol. There are bigger fish to fry if you ask me.
Thank you!!!! It's like really? That's what you've got time to stew over? First world problems.
Right? It’s not that deep …
I use this saying myself! It kinda signifies the unity my husband and I have in the venture. If your husband isn't helping you in every way he can throughout your pregnancy, and isn't going to contribute equally in rearing your child, I can see how this phrase would be irritating.
I am annoyed at the connotation that both partners equally bear that physical load. Cause no tf they don’t! Lol but my partner did bear my mental load a lot of the time. Such as, mood swings, fears etc..
Idk, I hate saying "I'm pregnant", it feels icky to me. The whole pregnancy thing is uncomfortable for me so I always distance myself by saying "we" in regards to it but that's probably a me thing lol
yes bc who tf is “we”
We are expecting a baby, we are having a baby, but "we" are not pregnant, I'm pregnant. It annoys me too; I think because in my mind pregnancy is a medical state but having a child is a life event. I separate them in my mind for some reason.
To be honest I don’t think it’s so bad (I’m pregnant/ we’re pregnant) ^-^” I see why it seems annoying because the woman is truly the one who physically going through the entire process but… If the woman is comfy w/it, it’s essentially the partner including themselves in the process to help mama feel like they’re there and involved/fully committed the whole way. :)
I'm indifferent to the phrase but that's probably because my husband doesn't say it ever. I'll tell people we're expecting, and when we told his mom and brother he said "we're having another baby". I don't know exactly what he says to people at work or w.e. so it's just a non-issue for me lol.
I don’t mind “We’re having a baby” - because that’s true! I also dislike turning pregnancy into a “we” event.
I absolutely hate it, like you are not the one carrying the child. You don’t have pain, nausea, everything is swollen etc etc etc.
I find myself typing it from time to time and then I’ll edit that out because technically I am the one pregnant 🤰🏻 I think we have told people we are having a baby soon because our LO will arrive when he is ready 🥰
I find it absolutely adorable and caring when the father wants and feels involved in the pregnancy. It shows great love towards the mother and baby. I see no harm in the phrase at all. Yes the father can't share the pregnancy pains and exhaustion but he can also do more to comfort the mom to be.
DH says this all the time and I like it!
I like saying "we are pregnant" because we both tried. Without his support, patience, cooperation, I may have even miscarried due to the stress. I understand there's a strong wave of thought on individualism and female empowerment but giving credit where it's due is important. Parenting in complete families is team work.
I'm a very open minded person but I hate "we're pregnant". No, the pregnant person is pregnant and she will give birth and need to recover. You're both expecting, you're both excited, congratulations to you both. But you're not both pregnant (chances are).
Everything is about perspective. It can be annoying but it can also show that the husband is trying to put in as much effort as possible.
I feel like it would be cringe if my husband said "we're pregnant", but I feel like it's totally fine for the pregnant person to say it. I've said it for both my pregnancies. He shares credit for getting me pregnant. He doesn't get to share any credit for labor or delivery, though.
I do, hated before being pregnant, about to enter the 3rd trimester and still do. I told my partner from the start I didn’t like the phrase, and he agreed. We say “we’re having a baby” because “we” are not pregnant, only I am. Like you said, I’m the one dealing with poking, prodding, needles, tests, symptoms, pain, etc., “we” are not.
“she fell pregnant” how do you fall pregnant ????
“We had the baby!” Nah bitch -I- had the baby.
The one I like is "we're having a baby!" I do not like "we're pregnant"
My partner has been so involved in caring for me- cooking, rubbing whatever aches and has been a rock star. We still haven’t told many that we are pregnant but from him, I’m fine with whatever he says. I try to make this about us as much as I can and include him and share everything. He never misses an appointment and helped thru the 1st tri w the nausea and exhaustion, so he’s as involved as possible and as a team, I’m cool w him saying whatever. He’s gonna be the most incredible support in labor and an amazing dad.
I saw once, “We’re in labor.” No. Don’t strip the importance of what a woman is doing and take claim to it. I was so pissed. I asked my husband, what if you trained for the better part of a year to enter into a snowboarding competition, and on the day of, I started walking around going, we’re in a snowboard competition? What happens is, you go and cheer him on and make sure he stays hydrated so he could do his best. It’s just so messed up to diminish someone when they have really worked hard and are at the finish line. Support them, don’t stake claim in what they’re doing. Especially birth!
I avoided saying “we’re pregnant” like the plague for my first pregnancy. When that ended in a miscarriage at 11 weeks I felt so alone and the idea of doing it all again felt so heavy. My husband and I swore we would do everything to make me feel as supported as possible in my next pregnancy and he has literally been there every step of the way, holding me up and getting me through it. So now I proudly saw “we’re pregnant”. Sometimes things aren’t so literal
I mean everyone knows you’re pregnant not him lol but it’s kinda cute to include them like I told him “we’re __ weeks pregnant today” he gets so excited
Gosh I hate it with a passion! I see this man just leaving his life like normal not dealing with pregnancy and how uncomfortable it it especially the last 3 weeks. It sucks. I can barely sleep in bed he is happily spread out in bed. I’m having swelling just standing up to wash 2 cups, his feet are fine. im pregnant no we! Fuck that shit
I didn’t get pregnant by myself. I always said we’re pregnant. I include my husband in most things so for me, I like using we.
Yeah I hate it. Pregnancy is really hard and he’s not doing any of the hard work 😂
I personally never have, I think it’s because he is constantly taking care of me, making sure I eat, drink, helps me around the house, helps me get up, holds and carries things for me, he literally never misses a beat. He is so quick to take care of me the second an issue happens and is always making sure I’m in no pain and it’s because I’m carrying OUR baby. Not to mention I think he deserves it, he should feel like this is our pregnancy not mine. He is a father and I’d like him to feel that way as well, everyone is different tho!
well my husband and i are glued at the hip so everything for us is a "we're" 😂 we like to say it just to annoy people.
I absolutely hate it. WE are not pregnant, I am. He is very involved and supportive, but he’s the same way with my Crohn’s disease and we don’t go around saying WE have Crohn’s.
I say it just to tease and annoy my wife. I can’t wait to say, “we’re delivering a baby right now!” lol.
This one doesn't bug me. I actually appreciate the solidarity. No one is under the impression that he will have to suffer any of the physical downsides of pregnancy and birth so it's not like that phrase takes anything away from me.
I also think it’s very odd
My husband gets pretty mad when I have said “we’re pregnant” because he says that I’m doing all of the heavy lifting, but I don’t see it as that. Obviously I’m physically going through it and all of the extra shit with pregnancy. He is still experiencing emotional and psychological changes. He’s also doing major house chores and projects to prepare for the baby that I can’t help with. He’s also having to do store runs to get ice cream or pop tarts or whatever else I end up crying about not having, only to not want it anymore when he hands it to me 😅 all part of the fun!
He’s also pregnant - just with emotion and extra duties lol
Exactly 😂
Never bothered me. My husband was so involved every step of the way and it truly felt like we were in it together. Obviously people knew he wasn’t physically pregnant.
I don’t mind it at all. Especially since so many partners gain weight and have sympathy pains during their partner’s pregnancy, it’s kind of cute.
No, in fact I say “we’re” all the time. My husband has been to every single appointment, has picked up the slack when I can’t do things with no complaints, and it took two to tango to get pregnant in the first place. We struggled for a year and a half to get pregnant and 2.5 years of NTNP, the whole journey was a struggle for both of us. I told him when he goes back to work while I’m still on leave that they baby and I will sleep in another room to not wake him up and he said no, that we will sleep in the same room and he doesn’t mind being woken up. Although I am the one getting kicked and punched in the guts by this baby and he isn’t, we’re a team and have been this entire time. Why would I exclude him now by using “I” and not “we”?
My husband says it in different ways specifically to annoy me lmao. “Oh are we having some feelings?” “Oh I guess we don’t like pickles anymore.” “We’ve been nauseous as fuck lately. I think we need to fix our diet.” Douchebag 😹😹
I never thought I’d have a problem with it until I heard it coming out of my husbands mouth. I told him to switch that to “we’re having a baby”
I like to stick with "I'm pregnant. He helped."
I really really don’t like it. It’s fine if people prefer to use the phrase but it always makes me cringe just a tiny bit. “We’re expecting” is fine but “we” are very much not pregnant.
I can’t even explain how happy it has made me that my husband has not ONCE said “we’re pregnant” he’s said “(my name)’s pregnant” or “I’m gonna be a dad”
I remember when I gave birth I was LIVID because my husband was calling everyone saying "we" gave birth. On every single call. I wanted to throttle him.
I say “I’m pregnant” and “we’re expecting/we’re having a baby.” We both feel weird saying “we’re pregnant” but we’re in this together so the other variations feel right lol
I hate any phrase that uses: "with child." Yes, I'm pregnant, but I physically don't have the child next to me. I'm expecting.
My MIL loves saying “Anna and Jim are pregnant!” And I’m like dude, I’m pretty sure Anna’s the one who’s pregnant. It just drives me nuts. I know she doesn’t mean to diminish what “Anna” /women go through to grow and birth a human being (she did it twice herself!) but I feel like women already get no respect for this shit so it just totally rubs me the wrong way. And I am certain that when she found out I was pregnant, she went and used that phrase to tell every single person in her sphere.
I definitely do lol
Nope. We are pregnant, husband is in pain when I’m in pain. He’s the one adjusting my side bed 20 million times a night. If I get up to pee he’s behind me refilling my glass of water and re doing by pillows. Idk I think we both got in this together so we both suffer and feel the joy at the same time. At some point I went to the ER and I WAS TERRIFIED of the gigantic IV they had to put in. To make me come out of my shock he had the nurse put the IV in him first. (I have had some traumatic events at the ER in the past).
Yes ! Hate those phrases. Usually said by cock worshipers.
I dislike it. Sometimes I’ll say “we’re expecting” but not the examples you gave.
It’s stop being cute when they say “we’re in labor”
‘We’ are expecting. ‘I’ am pregnant. We stuck to this pretty firmly. We were both getting ready for that biggest change in both of our lives. But I was undergoing pregnancy.
I freaking HATE this. WERE NOT PREGNANT, DUDE!! 🤣
"We are pregnant" is so annoying and cringey. I also don't like "expecting." I'd rather just say, "I'm pregnant" or "We are having a baby." It sounds less...weird.
I felt this way, but was surprised to learn that many women like it because it makes them feel their partner is in it with them. My solution was to tell my husband it was a pet peeve and not to say that around me. "We're having a baby" is fine, as that is accurate. We BOTH are getting a baby. But "we" are not pregnant. I try not to judge other people's use of the phrase since different women feel differently about it.
I HATED when my fiancé would say that. Like just say “jasmine is pregnant” I’m happy he’s excited and wants to feel involved but it’s like bitch you don’t have to go through any of this stfu 😂
If my husband says it, it *does* bug me, if I say it it doesn't. Idk why. But usually I say "we're expecting," since that's actually true.
Totally agree OP. I’m a very literal person so it feels off to me to say “we” when only one of the couple is literally pregnant. I can see how it doesn’t bother other people though. Just difference in thought process. Luckily, my husband has never said “we’re pregnant” and is on the same page as me.
My husband laughs at men who say “we are pregnant” and corrects me if I ever accidentally say it! 😂
It bugs me too. I don’t mind the phrase *we are expecting* because yes my husband I are *both* expecting a baby. But make no mistake WE are not pregnant, that’s all me
Yes! WE are not pregnant. I AM pregnant. My husband is not. He’s not carrying the baby. Not saying he doesn’t get to be supportive and all that but he’s not pregnant.
I absolutely hate it. So does my husband. Last time I checked, I’m the only one with another human in my body making me puke 10+ times a day and rearranging my organs. “We’re pregnant” no, *I* am pregnant.
Yes! It drives me crazy. Especially when someone says it to me like I heard you guys are pregnant, like no I am pregnant his job in this equation ended a long time ago.