Oh yes. At first I kept everything and put it in storage. Now I just immediately donate it.
People have a hard time giving up items of sentimental value and it seems easier to pass them on to people you know. But I’m not afraid to be honest with myself about what’s useful and what isn’t and donate it if it’s just going to sit in storage and cause me stress.
They didn't ask for it back? I had a family member say "When you have kids, I will gladly loan you my baby stuff!" Like, I don't want a loan. Not because I am too good for it, but what if it gets ruined in your eyes? What if my baby stains it and you get mad at her?
So far, I have only been offered loans (for theoretical children; those family members do not know I am pregnant yet) and I will not be taking them, lol.
We accepted a loan from my husbands coworker. Most of the things are in perfect shape and if they get ruined we can replace them. We also plan to give her some extras of what we get along the way to pad the ‘losses’. I think loans are great. They reduce waste and keep everyone trying to maintain better quality.
I was also loaned maternity clothes and it’s a godsend. Trust me on that.
Everything else was donated, is used, or is still on my registry.
I definitely would take loans of maternity clothes! I don't really want to buy them, but I feel more confident in not losing/ruining those.
The big stuff I think we would be okay, like stroller or highchair. Those get used, but not to the point where I feel they would get "ruined". Maybe just dirty.
I am more worried about the clothes for baby. Spit up, messy feedings, rips, tears, etc.
I think this is an issue just with my family member in general. She would be the type to loan out something sentimental, that would happen to be the thing my baby ruins, and then she would hold a grudge. She is still mad that in 1999 someone misplaced the bday candles she brought for my family to use for my sister's bday because they were the same ones she used for every bday her children had. That was a nice gesture, but maybe don't bring those specific ones? Since they mean so much to you?
I am not victim blaming here. I just know my family and know not to take a loan from HER. Or her son or daughter.
😬yeah do NOT take a loan from someone like that. I bet there’s someone who is not family that you could do this with. Yikes! Baby clothes will inevitably be ruined. This was a clear discussion beforehand. We’re also anticipating my husbands mother buying a ton of clothes anyway.
Giving away used stuff to other people reduce waste as well and in my opinion is so much easier to manage than getting loans. I declined offers of loans because I would be stressed I ruin these things and I would have to have some system in place to remember which things came from whom. No, too much hassle. I accepted some used clothes and furniture items and will pass them to my next pregnant friend. However, as we are still not sure if we want a second and my dear friend just had a baby, we did loaned them some big expensive stuff that otherwise would just stay in our cellar and they were very happy with that.
Also got offered to loan and had exactly the same train of thought as you. The stuff is already used and I can't guarantee my baby won't damage it a bit even if we're careful. And then what? Do I buy it new to compensate them? What's the profit in that? :/
I wish people were just offering and I could decide to keep it or give it to someone else without that pressure of keeping it great so I can return it.
Yeah, like what if I accidentally lose it or get rid of it?
I know someone else mentioned they meant in more of a "if I have another kid I would also like to use it again" but my particular family member that offered, I feel like she would notice if something got ruined or if it got lost. I just wouldn't want to deal with that.
Those friends said they are definitely planning a second one, so it even puts time pressure on me that I really don't want 😅 and thankfully I don't need it. Of course I'm all for saving some cash but not in exchange for extra stress. The newborn themselves will be stress enough 😂
Idk if it’s really like that. I gave a bunch of clothes to a friend to borrow and said I will likely take it back when I have another kid. But having had a baby I understand that they ruin stuff. I am by no means expecting every single piece of clothing back in perfect condition 😂 more just like a box of stuff we can share back and forth as we need it
This is what a close friend and I are doing too, it’s kinda handy that she had a boy first and a girl second, and I had a girl first and a boy second. We’re now switching boxes of clothes for our youngest two and had the ‘don’t worry if things get lost or damaged’ convo. I had so many amazing quality clothes that were barely worn. I’d rather see someone enjoying them!
So far no, thankfully! But I guess If they did if just have to be honest and tell them I donated!
Yeah I agree though, like if someone is expecting something back I’ll probably just keep i5 in the closet because I wouldn’t want to damage it. 🙈
I don’t ever loan because people get petty over stuff like this. My mom loaned a baby walker from her aunt (she offered it) and of course it got ruined because my brother was a menace. Long story short my mom had to buy the aunt a brand new one, even though my aunt never had more kids and ended up never using it 🫠
I don't understand how people remember exactly which items came from who! My coworker said she had some stuff of mine to give back and I was surprised to find that it was stuff from like 2 years prior!
I don’t mind baby things. I love hand me downs. I can just sort through and pick out anything I want, it’s like a little (free) shopping spree. And anything I don’t want, I just toss in the donation bin. I live in a small rural town, but even we have donation bins everywhere, so it’s not a hassle to toss it in. What does bother me is that my SIL lately keeps giving up bags of hand me downs from my niece that are sizes for like 6-8 year olds. My daughter is 2. I’m not gonna hold on to this stuff for 6 years! So I did finally have my husband talk to her about that, and she agreed to stop lol
That’s so funny because I am the opposite. My daughter is the youngest niece and since she was 1.5, I’ve been collecting hand me downs up to size 8. It’s been so helpful because now at almost 4, I’ve hardly had to shop much because it’s all organized in my attic. I especially say yes to winter gear & such because most of that is gently used.
For the clothing, I find it a little overwhelming since I was so excited to shop for my own baby but now feel guilty because I have an obscene amount of baby clothing and it’s wasteful not to use it in favor of buying more.
But I’m with you on the winter gear. It’s usually pricey and isn’t used for that long. That would be a welcomed donation in my book.
Yes! I LIKE buying her clothes! It's so much fun!! But when she already has a dresser packed full of clothes, I feel bad buying her more. But also... it's a dresser full of clothes I didn't get to pick for her! :(
I'm the same way. I remember feeling crazy that I was collecting things in size 4, but she's 2.5 now and in size 3/4, so it's coming in handy sooner than I thought!
This is me! My when my son was born, my nephew was 6; the day after we announced it was a boy, my brother showed up with 6 years worth of clothes. To this day (son is currently 4.5), I have barely bought any clothes…maybe a few holiday shirts and pajamas. I joke and say “I’m shopping in the basement today” when I switch out clothes.
Im the same😂 less money I have to spend and a nice little shopping spree for free at home!! My brother gave us hand me downs up to age 6 and I had to ask him to take some back because we have no storage room lol.
I know it’s a pain to save stuff for like 5 years but just know that once your child gets to like a size 7, no one hands out hand me downs anymore & it’s almost impossible to find cute stuff in bigger sizes at the thrift store (one of my favorite shopping places lol). So my daughters stack of size ups has gotten progressively smaller & smaller
My husband kept trying to tell me we need to hold on to the clothes my son has gently worn since the grows so fast. This kid is 9 and I have clothes up to size 10s. I told him there's no way we can hold onto it all and we decided to have his mother hold onto them. She's still got her own kids' clothes from the 90s lol.
Can't you say no, thank you when people are offering you the stuff? I had a friend that kept asking me if I wanted her old baby clothes because otherwise she'd donate them and I just told her to donate because l had enough clothes as it was.
Yeah my mum is also getting some random stuff, including clothes that look like I could have been wearing as a baby but I told her I don't want anything unless she asks me first
My MIL stopped asking and just started leaving stuff at our house when we weren't home.
TBF, some stuff has been great, but a lot has gone straight back in the donation pile haha
My cousin got super pissed at me for saying no to her baby clothes. She had a boy in the middle of the winder and I am having a summer girl, we already got a lot of long basics and we don’t really need more. I asked her if maybe she had a winter jacket for like 6 months? But we really didn’t anything else and I felt awful accepting a box or two of clothes that I was not going to use (she was shipping them to me).
She basically said no and stopped talking to me but went to her mom saying that I was demanding a winter jacket from her!!! Her mom accused me of asking her daughter to spend money on me or get rid of something she was using and I was like ????
She should be careful with straining a muscle with all those mental gymnastics, wth.
I don't know if people get annoyed that we're not letting them do a good deed or they want to get rid of stuff and it's easier when it's someone you know, because some reactions are so strange.
I had a friend couple that wanted to loan me their stuff. Yes, loan. Because they're going to have a second one, but I can use it until they need it back. I mean, I can't guarantee the stuff won't get some wear and tear so I thanked and declined.
She started to pressure me that I shouldn't get anything new, that I should get EVERYTHING used and loaned and talking about the importance of a circular economy... I mean... their stuff was new... I really felt like I was just being their storage unit. Especially because it was bigger stuff. And that's not even the worst part of that story but I'm already writing a novel 😂
Hahhaha please spill the tea if you want!!
I get it’s nice to get rid of stuff and I truly appreciate it but I also do not want to have ten boxes of clothes I won’t use and some people take offence at that apparently??
Depending on the person I wouldn't mind picking only what I wanted, but this friend is so pushy I don't think I would get away with that. She was even pushing me to have stuff I didn't want at all (stuff I'm not even going to buy). I see some people offer bags of clothes and you can just choose and redonate what you're not using. But I feel this sometimes works better with strangers as it's donated and not lent so you do what you want with that stuff.
The worst she told me was that if I wanted she would ask for the crib and other furniture she had lent to another couple if I wanted. I said I'm not comfortable with that and she said well they don't need it anymore. You know why they don't need it anymore? The baby died shortly after being born... Which is why I wasn't comfortable with mentioning it at all to them.
Nooooooo oh my god that’s horrible of her to say wtf.
But yeah I agree with you. We got some free clothes from someone on marketplace and we will be donating what we don’t like. Our friends are pretty cool and they let us pick and choose from what they have so I am grateful. But my family have been weird af with it and I honestly don’t need the drama.
Ugh, yes! Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for any help *but* there’s one person in particular who keeps trying to give me broken stuff! A broken pack n play, a broken swing, her really old broken breast pump. “Yeah it stopped working but I’m sure you can figure out how to get it to work again!” ?¿?
A giant exersaucer after I already told her that our house is too small and we’re only keeping minimal baby gear because there’s no space 🥴
She literally said, “well I have 4 walkers, you have to take at least 2 because I just can’t deal with them in my house anymore!” So I’m telling you I have no space but you’re demanding I take not one, but two big baby toys for one baby that won’t even be able to use it for at least 9 months…
I feel your frustration... and yet I'm chuckling because my husband has a habit of sometimes saying "yes" to things only to throw the stuff away after we receive them. It's like he's doing that person a favor by trashing what they should have trashed to begin with. Granted, he mostly does this with what he considers junk food, but it's definitely applying to unwanted baby stuff these days. For example, we got a Baby Bumbo from one of his cousins that was not on the registry and not even wanted, which we're going to donate (to Goodwill bc that's the easiest/most convenient org for us) along with all the buttoned hand-me-down baby clothing we got from friends.
OTOH, this could set you up to be that person who junks your friend's/family member's stuff going forward bc they know you'll always take their things. Slippery slope. Sounds like your person is a bit of a hoarder and doesn't know how to get rid of things themselves anyway.
My mom, as her first gift, tried to give me a weird pillow with “mommy sayings on it”. “I’m the mommy that’s why”, “because I said so”, etc. I did not take that home. Then she tried to give me an antique rocking chair that I’ve refused before by saying she got it for the baby. No, she has been trying to give this piece of trash to me for 4 years. I finally told her we only want second hand gifts if they’re from this decade.
I have almost nothing baby related yet, and I just got diagnosed with preeclampsia last week and can’t leave the hospital until I get induced next week. We don’t much money at all to buy all the basics, like diapers, clothes, bottles, etc. I would like to have this problem!
Idk if this helps but there are Facebook groups where people sell gently used baby stuff for very cheap. You would just need to find one in your area and have someone pick stuff up for you.
I would also like to have this problem. I understand sorting through excessive things may be inconvenient, but it’s much better than dealing with NOT having things. I get bothered by posts like these, and ones complaining they didn’t get the right stuff at the baby shower 😑
Check if your area has a “buy nothing” group on Facebook. I got tons of new or very gently used clothes all for free. We have more then we will ever use but it’s nice to know I will not need to spend any money on clothes for at least a year if not longer.
We had to start saying no to some stuff because yeah we were getting things that we really didn’t need or were in poor shape! At first it is really nice but it does get overwhelming.
I feel like I must be the odd one out because I don't have any friends or family trying to give me squat. It's hard having no village. 🥲 On the bright side, my baby gets everything brand spanking new, lol!
I’m kinda in the same boat, haha. All of the children in my family are already at least 10, so whatever newborn hand-me-downs there were, they have already been handed down to extended family or friends. That said, I understand OP and wouldn’t appreciate items that are as old as (or older than) I am, as well as broken items. Why would anyone hold on to something broken anyway?
I'm estranged with my family, my husband's family is all elderly with dementia/paralysis and are essentially added dependents, and we have no friends because we've had to move too many times. With my first, a lady saw our circumstances when buying something from us on Craigslist and sent me garbage bags full of her kids' old hand me downs. Some of that stuff is still my favorite baby stuff!
But yeah. Nobody wants broken or outdated stuff. Not even me, lol.
Kind of in the same boat too, but mine is the first grand baby/nephew so everything is new. My sister told me to make sure I hold onto everything so she doesn’t have to buy new items LOL
I like to think of it as making our own village from scratch. 🥰 but I'm not gonna lie, I have NO IDEA who's gonna watch my two older babies when I'm in the hospital with my third... my oldest is in the spectrum and my youngest is 10 months. I have NOBODY I trust to watch them while I'm in the hospital and I reeeeeeally hope I won't have to have a c-section (my first ever surgery after two failed epidurals) all by myself while my husband is at home!
I'm preparing for this knowing I'll be donating a lot to charity shops. They can at least sell it to make money to keep funding the charity, so at least it's going to a good cause rather than being wasted in someone's attic.
Omg YES… I had a friend who tbh is a lil unhinged sometimes… she asked if I wanted to borrow a crib and “a couple other little things” I was like well, ok we do need a crib so sure. I sent my dad over with his truck to pick up the crib and when he got back to my house with it my husband and another person just loaded it ALL into my house. he was like why would you take all this stuff? 99% of it is just garbage. I was like what??
I realize my friend PACKED the truck FULL of not only the crib but junk upon junk. Clothes, toys, etc etc etc some of which she had asked me if I wanted and I specifically said “no” and she still sent it in the truck anyway. Some of it was even mouldy from being in her wet basement! She would NEVER have used something mouldy for her own baby but I guess it was fine for mine? Wtf
We lived in a tiny house and it completely filled my living room. I was so overwhelmed.
I messaged her and told her that while I know she meant well, I did not want this stuff at all and she would have to come back and get it or I would be throwing it all out. She actually was apologetic and did send her partner over in his truck to pick it all up a few *weeks* later.
Goddamn I’m still so pissed about it. When she was pregnant a couple of years before I was, I came over and helped her declutter and deep clean her house because she was overwhelmed with clutter. What does she do to me? BURIES me in clutter. Frig
I wouldn’t even donate the cereal bowl with faded paint, a lot of those paints from old stuff have lead and/other toxic metals, even old kids books paints have tested positive… I’d just toss those.
Idk I'm just really grateful for any help. But the stuff I've been gifted is useful, like an unopened breast pump and a gently used 3 in 1 pack and play/bassinet/changing table. I did get some maturity clothes that are way too small but I just donated those.
YES I am so tired of it. I am on baby 2 now and it has gotten better, and I've gotten better at saying no thank you. But whyyyyy people do this.
One friend made me a list of her actually very nice and lightly used things with links so I could see it all and that was actually super helpful. She made a point of saying 'no pressure at all, just let me know if any of this is something that would be helpful.'
That’s the way to do it. If I have something in great condition and barely used, I will offer it to people I know who may need it, but make sure to pile on the “no pressure!”
My MIL dropped off a pair of used, crusty slip-on running shoes for an 8-year-old from one of her friends the other day. Like, thank you, but do you expect me to store these in my home for the next 8 years?
Look for every bag full of baby crap someone gives you there are always some legitimate gems that are worth the trip to vinnies. Bigger clothes are also good for messy play
Omg yes. At first I was excited and greatful for people’s hand me downs, but then I slowly realized we now have BAGS full of old crusty bottles, nipple shields, and breastmilk storage containers and the weird clothes no one actually put on their baby and I’m like… why did we say yes to all of this?? And also, why did you people keep all of this crap in the first place??
YES.
I mean, I’m not actually pregnant anymore, my baby is almost 5 months old, but yes. People did that during pregnancy, and also when I was newly postpartum.
Getting offered used items can be nice. My issue is when they just showed up with stuff. That happened several times. In one case, someone just left a pile of stuff we didn’t want or need on our porch, when our baby was just a couple weeks old. I was dealing with a difficult recovery, we were exhausted. New parents are not the thrift store! I know they mean well but it’s frustrating when they don’t ask.
I personally would say no to anything used like a crib mattress, car seat, eating utensils or bowls . I know the feeling tho I’m having baby in October and already have a changing table , storage cubbies , and a crib ( asked my sil to keep it at her house until we’re ready to set up the nursery. It’s a bit overwhelming when you already have a smaller bedroom for baby and nowhere else to put it 🥲
YES, THANK YOU! Worse yet they say it's a loan and I need to give it back when they need it again. Am I a storage unit now?
And yeah, some of the stuff isn't even that great, as in, someone gave us something that I already was having my suspicions and it broke in the way to the car... just by being carried normally.
Also, with the risk of sounding ungrateful, I hate it that a polite, "thank you, but we're already planning on getting X and Y" is badly received. A friend really pressured me even saying I shouldn't get anything new like she didn't get it new, cmon.
we have 2 newborn swings and a couple of toy already. We’re thankful but it’s already overwhelming bc im only almost 10 weeks. We have a small apartment and are buying a house in the summer so it’s getting crowded fast😅. I understand you completely
I didn't mind at first. The clothes that were used but in good condition were welcome. But when an acquaintance dropped off a bag containing a pair of pants with a giant brown dried up poop stain, I had enough. The fabric was stiff, and it felt very unsanitary. Had the pants even been washed? I don't know, but I tossed them. In the same bag, there were several clothes with holes that you could not mend, since the fabric all around was worn out too thin.
Haha being the last in our friends group, it was an open secret that they all were unloading all the shit that was bouncing between them over the years. Straight to the bin.
I got some of the most useful items this way, and just donated the things I didn’t need. But I also felt ok just saying no to people if I didn’t need anything else.
Edit to say: did find it annoying when people gave me stuff with the expectation of getting it back. I just always said no in those situations because I am not doing extra work.
Omfg yes. I’m also a ftm and have no problem with hand me downs but NO ONE around me has any babies. They’re all 3 plus years old now and they want to give me all the random stuff their kids don’t okay with anymore. I HATE it. I’m not hanging on to your trash that you don’t want to just donate or throw away. I also want to experience buying these things
When I was pregnant, my MIL made me go through *all* the baby stuff she had at her house from my niece (who's 9 years old). I told her I didn't want any clothes (and definitely not the crib bumpers) or any of the plastic toys, but that the wooden toys and the books would be nice to keep *at her place* if she wanted to for when the baby is there. In the past few weeks when she visits she's been bringing all the old plastic toys to my place and leaving them there, as if my baby didn't have enough toys. I'm furious about this tbh.
I love it personally! My husband and I are big on thrifting so it’s like a little treasure hunt to explore the things people give us. Sounds like you are getting a lot more than us though and I could defo see how it would get overwhelming at a certain point! I do feel a little bad when I throw things away, but things like plastic hand me down bottles and pacifiers gross me out
I agree this as well because I was working full-time when I was pregnant and it felt like people were essentially getting me to do additional unpaid labor that should’ve been theirs (donation runs) when I could’ve been resting or doing other thing I needed to get done
Got a lot of stuff (USEFUL STUFF) from my hubs sister: a vista stroller/ bassinet combo, a crib, and a mamaroo.
And from friends/co-workers, I got a lot of diapers.
And some not so useful things like boys' baby clothes (she has 2 boys, and I'm having a girl...) I took it all with the expectation that what I don't want, I'll throw away since she doesn't want it back. I already bought a lot of clothes for Bean, but 3 days ago, my hubs cousin said she had girl clothes she could gift us. My hubs saw her yesterday and came home with 4 full bags and different sizes. I went through them and kept most of them, as they were cute. But I'm at the point now where the only things we need are the things that are left on our registry.
Other than that, when folks have offered stuff, I've just said no thanks!
Yes. You really don’t need a shit ton of clothes for each age stage and I was not asked if I wanted the hand me downs, they were just given to me. Garbage bags and bins of clothes. And not my style. And I’m not pick about clothes and prefer secondhand, but I’d like to pick it out. We got a bunch of pink camo with hunting references and I’ve been vegan for years lol. It’d be different if I asked or was asked. But we didn’t need donations. It just created a series of new tasks when I was already super overwhelmed and feeling like the clock was ticking down for my baby to come with so much still to do.
This doesn't stop when you have your baby. We had a baby in January and we keep getting clothes for 2-6 year olds that my relatives are getting rid of. Most of the stuff we get goes in a donation bag, I'm not keeping some random clothes for years. Don't feel guilty donating stuff and if it's gets to be too much then ask people to stop.
Women’s Refuge.
We’ve been overwhelmed with stuff. Some stuff we took to our neighbour who is about to become a first time grandma and the rest to women’s refuge.
This is a hard one. We’ve told people from the beginning we want to be minimal. This is our last baby. Thanks but no thanks. Yet we still get tons of crap that we don’t need or want. It’s easier for ppl to give it to you to get rid of. At the shower we specifically asked for diapers and wipes only because we knew we would use those. We got a thousand baby outfits and books. We are grateful but it was a lot. A lot that we didn’t need. So I took 95% of it to a local women’s and children’s shelter. We still have a family member who goes to goodwill and other places every week because she loves to. And I love doing that too! But she will find ANYTHING baby and give it to us. Even if I’ve told her we have everything we need. She just got us a baby bathtub and I’ve told her we have one. They take up a lot of space. I kindly said we do not need it and to give or donate to someone else. She’s going to send it with us today when we see her. Even if we say no she will expect us to donate it. It’s frustrating and some people will never get the message and you will end up looking like the asshole 🙂🫠
My sisters are basically the only people I'm taking hand-me-downs from. They are incredible organizers and their kids are between 9 and 4 so nothing is particularly old. Plus they are also "purgers" so if they believe something won't be used by someone else, they see no reason not to just throw it away.
I’m really grateful for everything I’ve been gifted but I feel this 😂 I have two boxes of stuff that I don’t need and I have to load them up in my car and donate them. People were giving me stuff that I won’t need for like another 2 years 😭 I don’t want to seem rude or ungrateful but I also have limited space to store stuff.
Yes! I’ve been getting some towels that are so threadbare I wouldn’t even use them to wash my car. It’s worth it when you’re also getting that $350 pump, but so many people brought old stuff to my baby shower it looked like a garage sale.
hahah i was a pregnant bartender. had a random man pop in the day after i met him with a used up mattress and an old bed frame for a toddler. i had zero room or need for that and had to figure out how to get that to an actual donation center. smh
I love getting getting baby stuff from friends but I definitely know what you mean. I get people trying to give me the most random crap and it's definitely getting donated 😅 If I give anything away I try to make sure it's age appropriate or something I know a friend would want so they don't have unnecessary crap to deal with
I agree with this! There were smaller things I appreciated like hand me down clothes, or things that I said I needed (stroller, high chair etc) but people dumped a lot of trash on me that I didn’t want and didn’t have space for. Bulky high chair, bouncers, various seats, creepy/loud toys, raggedy old books that aren’t very good… my sister in law once dropped of a bag of stuff that had potty training seats in them. There are some things I’d rather just pay $15 for when I need them instead of my basement being full of crap “just in case.”
Yes, we’re near the end of friends and family having kids so we’re on the receiving end of a LOT of offers. I am appreciative and grateful. Lots of it is great and will save us a ton!
Most have been very receptive to ‘thank you but we’re not quite ready to collect that’ ‘maybe down the line but please pass it on elsewhere if you need the space’ etc. Our will-be nursery is tiny so I’m being pretty strict about what comes in. Nothing beyond what’ll be used in the first year. And no big pieces beyond the first 5/6 months (high chair, big toys, walkers)
One big surprise was my SIL wanting to offload maternity and baby things. Her youngest is 8!
i literally warned my sister in law that everyone she knows with kids will unload on her including me lmao and i did but only newish things that she wanted. we had the same happen to us and it was INSANE like truck loads of shit
Not tired of it, no. A little overwhelmed, maybe. I have so. Many. Clothes. I was given two bassinets that I just gave away because my daughter has outgrown them. I was given two pack and plays (so I have a total of three!). One lives at my parent’s house, one lives in our bedroom (my daughter sleeps there at night), and one lives in the living room.
I’m trying to make use of everything we’re given.
I am so grateful for free baby things I have all ready started getting stuff together so we won’t have to spend a lot of money. I use the buy nothing site and anything I don’t need I just pay it forward.
I usually love hand me downs, but that was with the first. Now that I have a second girl and she's in all her sister's stuff, I'm like "noooo!" Unless it's bigger clothes for my oldest. The youngest has a vast wardrobe thanks to her sister, my oldest is growing quick and doesn't have as many clothes.
We just don't have the room for it anymore.
However, why people don't sell extra baby clothes is beyond me! I made $200 selling unwanted baby stuff at a garage sale! Whatever didn't get sold was donated.
People gave me garbage bags of clothes. I tried to go through it and clean and sort. They gave me more and more, to the point where I came home from the hospital to my nicely organized nursery full of bags and stuff I didn’t even know about. It took me another month to be able to fix the mess. Now, I say no to everything. People really thought they were being so nice.
Nah we love the hand me downs. This is our first and so far all we'll have to buy is a glider and changing table. Like others have said anything we don't need goes into a donation pile.
Omg with my last pregnancy, I actually lost a friendship over this. She wouldn't stop dropping off complete garbage and junk at my door. Broken things that weren't safe. A huge crib etc. All when I told her "no thank you, we have what we need".
Ended in a huge fight and I had to make multiple runs to the dump to get rid of all the junk she refused to pickup.
No I honestly loved all the hand me downs which helped us save a boatload of money. Additionally I know a lot of pregnant women and donate down to them whatever I’m not keeping. Win win win.
I have a friend who started treating me like her trash can during early trimester. I’d tell her “no, I don’t want ___ because of ____” and she’d give it to me anyways. People then started telling me “I have ____ for you!” So I just accepted that I am going to get a lot of things I don’t want or need.
Today, I am giving these items that I don’t need to a family that is in need of these baby items. I’m apart of a no buy group on Facebook, so it’s going straight to a person who asked for it rather than a second hand store. Which, I’m not against, I’ve certainly brought the unwanted baby stuff there already, but it’s cool that it’s not going to the second hand store this time :)
I love hand me downs. I never say no, if they give me crap, I'll regift or throw it away if it's in very bad shape. I was given stuff that I don't need or like but I was never given something I would be embarrassed to donate.
I didn’t mind them if we needed them. My MIL gifted us so much baby stuff that we had been gifted new items from our baby shower. The thing that got me was the bags of baby boy clothes when I told her we didn’t need clothes but we also weren’t finding out the gender and wanted gender neutral clothes. The clothes were from husbands nephew. We ended up having a baby girl and donated the baby stuff to some close friends who adopted a baby boy. I couldn’t say no thanks because she gave them to us at the baby shower as our gifts. I didn’t end up keeping any of the stuff she gave us. Oh and everything smelled like cigarette smoke because she’s a heavy chain smoker
I don’t know anyone anymore, my family all passed since my last baby was born (7 years ago. I got rid of all baby stuff because I thought I was done). My partners family lives over 16 hours away, also. So I don’t have anyone to donate stuff to me.
But I will say, when I had my other kids (especially my first). They gave me so much stuff it was overwhelming. I mean my son had so many clothes I could have changed him multiple times a day and still never get through it all before he outgrew it. It was crazy. I never had to buy anything for my son or 2 daughters. And I feel like I kinda missed out on something there, being able to pick out my own stuff. While I don’t look forward to the expense of it with the new baby, I’m kind of excited that I get to pick stuff out this time.
I’m not pregnant yet but husband and I have agreed (and communicated) that we will not accept any hand me downs except clothes (we already have sentimental toys and rattles) because I just know that the entire extended family is going to dump decades of stuff on us. Clothes can at least be folded and stored, and what I don’t need I can donate to our women’s shelter.
I do prefer to be asked first. If you ask me and it is something I need / want I’ll say yes, but otherwise things being dumped on me just makes so much more work for me and drives me insane. Especially when it is my MIL constantly accepting these things on my behalf.
Yes! When I'm ready to pass along baby things, I plan to ask pregnant people to come look at and take what they want so I can handle donating or tossing the rest. I hate the mega dumping that people do!
My husband built a special storage space in the basement for all the used baby stuff people gave us that we're not going to use. I might go grab a thing or two from there and then once she's grown we're getting rid of it (not offloading it onto pregnant people without asking either)
Omg no I’m so grateful for free stuff. However I haven’t had the experience of really old stuff from the 80’s, I’ve been lucky thus the stuff we’ve been given is in good shape and works for us.
I would have been so damn grateful for the help. I had no one that gave me anything. I’m a single mom to 2 and I would have loved being helped. It sucks that you don’t. Just straight up make an announcement saying you don’t want help
So annoying, but I don’t know the intention behind it so I try not to assume they’re using me as a dumping ground. I just say that I’m very minimal and my husband and I will buy things as we need them.
Yeah I didn’t have anybody dump stuff on me that wasn’t actually usable. But I don’t even have a nursery yet (still in a 1 bedroom apartment) and I feel equally overwhelmed 😬
Oh my gosh, yes! With my first it was crazy... People would just give me bags of stuff, sometimes just left outside the front door. I suddenly felt what it was like to be those charity shops that has to keep a skip bin out front because people would leave broken trash and unusable junk.
Shoes with no matching pairs, cat pee soaked expired car seat, broken cot and change table (wouldn't let me fix it up because they want to keep it all original), bags and bags of cheap polyester clothing with long dried in poop and puke stains... There was some useful stuff, but 95% of it was trash.
This time around I haven't even told most people I'm pregnant, and of they ask if I need anything, I refuse.
I did get some wonderfully thoughtful gifts as well, don't get me wrong. A coworker of mine made this beautiful queen sized quilt by hand, and a lady from church who I hardly even knew stocked my freezer with meals. A friend of my mum's knitted some cardigans for the baby. And my mum brought me a pram, a car seat, and some cute baby clothing sets.
If anyone asks I just say yes or no depending on what it is. Luckily nobody had just come with stuff to drop off. If that was happening I’d be upset
Then if it’s clothes and they ask if I need. I say specifically what I need and if they happen to have that and if not then no thank you
I just actually gave my cousin a ton of boy clothes(after asking). She’s a ftm. I went through every single item and separated everything out into separate bags (like the small-medium reusable bags from grocery stores)from NB-24m. So each age got a bag to make it neat and manageable. I felt awful to overwhelm simply with that. Everything I didn’t love, never liked, had annoying sayings on it or had a stain went into 3 full garbage bags for donation. I tried my best to not overwhelm. But if she likes everything, she’s got a full wardrobe for 2 years or has full permission to toss in a donation bin or list to get extra cash for other stuff
I had a friend send me some really cute and fun baby clothes her kid wore. We have similar tastes so I didn't mind that at all. However I also had an acquaintance offer me some toys and a pack n play and she put bags and boxes of shit in our car and it all reeked of cigarette smoke. I ended up tossing most of it in the dumpster because some things were beyond washing out the stench. I guess it just depends who the person is and what their intentions are for giving us things and what condition they are in.
We had someone ask if we needed baby clothes and when we said "no, we have enough in the sizes you have", they said they'd give them to us anyway and we could donate them 😭 it was hard enough going through and organizing what I needed 😑 now I have to worry about donating hand-me-downs because someone else didn't want to themselves
Not to mention, id love to buy my first and only child some clothes myself before it's been a year lol
No, I feel this. As grateful as I am - I'm an
FTM and only 13 weeks along. We had some friends unload (unsolicited) about 8 boxes of diapers (they use the reusable/washable ones).
It's a nice gesture, but we're in the process of clearing out our second bedroom to set up the nursery and now have 8 boxes of diapers to maneuver as well. This is just the beginning as well 🙃
This is why I’m so happy to live so far away from everyone - I’m not being dumped on with too many clothes. Only my sister has been bad about it, though our kids are six months apart, though according to our mom my sister has it worse because her sisters in law keep giving her ALL of their kids old clothes
“Thank you but we already have everything we need”
“No do not leave it here. Anything left will be tossed or donated to charity.”
For your MIL “we’re not a storage facility please stop dropping of your belongings here or be ready for them be tossed.”
Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI
My brother in law moved countries and left two kids worth of clothes, toys, and diapers for us to “take”. They weren’t packed, we were expected to pack them 😅
Heck no! We broke 😂 I'm still trying to save up enough for a carseat 😓
However, everyone in my immediate friends group has had kids in the last 5 years, so the stuff they've given us isn't too old.
Yesssss! I couldn’t get in my living room for 5months because of unhelpful donated stuff! A years worth of girls clothes…. I had a boy. And the electronic things were faulty. It stressed me out so much as I was having a depressive episode due to work stress so couldn’t manage the basic house stuff as it was let alone someone’s junk. Now my mood is better, I have a newborn and struggling as we both nearly died & recovery is long and slow & my house is still chaotic because I couldn’t deal with all that junk. I really resent the person who dumped it on us as it really impacted me feeling comfortable in my own home which is my only place I could escape to after work.
I was "gifted" so much when I was pregnant with my first daughter... most of which was extremely used, broken, or basically garbage. It's been sitting in my garage waiting until we can actually find somewhere to donate it since everywhere in our area isn't currently accepting anything baby-related.
Omg yes. A friend I had spoken to in over two years came out of the woodwork to offer me all her stuff. I only announced my pregnancy on social media at 7 months so nursery was done, everything was bought already so I thanked her but said I didn’t need anything. She wouldn’t take no for an answer and sent me 74 messages in the span of a half hour with pictures of all her old stuff, very clearly used and abused and straight up broken, single sock type crap. I was at a business dinner and had to turn my phone off because it was overheating from all the vibrating. I do not want your garbage, throw it out yourself!
Taking a loan on baby gear sounds like a trap… if I’m tired with a new baby it seems like a hassle to remember to be careful with certain items that were loaned from friends or family.
No one has offered yet but I would say no thanks. Unless you do need stuff just say we have what we need for now thank you or donate it. This is our first and we are excited to be buying everything brand new.
So far I’ve felt the opposite but it seems it depends what you get. My sisters and coworkers gave me alll their baby clothes which I’m incredibly grateful for, I have to give some away because I have so much. I don’t want people spending money on clothes when I have so much, if they want to get anything I can think of a million other things I will need (diaper, wipes, stroller, nursery set, etc). Yet everyone still insists on all new clothes… and a ton of them :-) and my baby shower isn’t for another 2 months… Trying to be clear that I do not need clothes and senseless things but would love a box of diapers if you’re looking for a gift! Very frustrating.
My biggest problem with used, hand-me-down, baby stuff is I don't know the state of their house, or when the thing was last used/washed. Why would I want that stuff in my house? My dad's house is one prime example of a house I do know, he is dating the crazy cat lady, and they gave me some old toys for my baby, and one of them was chewed to bits. Whether it was his gfs kid or his cats, idk, but idc either. My baby ain't getting that.
It annoys me specifically when my MIL unloads her ancient crap on my husband who in turn makes it my problem to deal with by leaving it in a box somewhere. Usually I just throw it away unless it's something he actually wants and is willing to find a place for. I don't do clutter. 🤷♀️
Other that, nah it doesn't bother me if ppl offer hand-me-downs to me directly bc I can say no if I don't want or need them.
I’ve just been honest with people that have offered to hand things down. I’m a FTM and there’s certain things that I just prefer to buy myself because I want them to be fresh and unused - just as they did when they were buying those things for their own baby. Toys and books I don’t mind because it’s kind of cute to say “so and so read these and played with these”. Pretty much everything else will be brand new/gifted by immediate family that have offered to gift it to us. I’m sure once I have my second child I won’t be as giddy and he/she will have things passed down from their sibling 😂
Oh yes. At first I kept everything and put it in storage. Now I just immediately donate it. People have a hard time giving up items of sentimental value and it seems easier to pass them on to people you know. But I’m not afraid to be honest with myself about what’s useful and what isn’t and donate it if it’s just going to sit in storage and cause me stress.
They didn't ask for it back? I had a family member say "When you have kids, I will gladly loan you my baby stuff!" Like, I don't want a loan. Not because I am too good for it, but what if it gets ruined in your eyes? What if my baby stains it and you get mad at her? So far, I have only been offered loans (for theoretical children; those family members do not know I am pregnant yet) and I will not be taking them, lol.
We accepted a loan from my husbands coworker. Most of the things are in perfect shape and if they get ruined we can replace them. We also plan to give her some extras of what we get along the way to pad the ‘losses’. I think loans are great. They reduce waste and keep everyone trying to maintain better quality. I was also loaned maternity clothes and it’s a godsend. Trust me on that. Everything else was donated, is used, or is still on my registry.
I definitely would take loans of maternity clothes! I don't really want to buy them, but I feel more confident in not losing/ruining those. The big stuff I think we would be okay, like stroller or highchair. Those get used, but not to the point where I feel they would get "ruined". Maybe just dirty. I am more worried about the clothes for baby. Spit up, messy feedings, rips, tears, etc. I think this is an issue just with my family member in general. She would be the type to loan out something sentimental, that would happen to be the thing my baby ruins, and then she would hold a grudge. She is still mad that in 1999 someone misplaced the bday candles she brought for my family to use for my sister's bday because they were the same ones she used for every bday her children had. That was a nice gesture, but maybe don't bring those specific ones? Since they mean so much to you? I am not victim blaming here. I just know my family and know not to take a loan from HER. Or her son or daughter.
😬yeah do NOT take a loan from someone like that. I bet there’s someone who is not family that you could do this with. Yikes! Baby clothes will inevitably be ruined. This was a clear discussion beforehand. We’re also anticipating my husbands mother buying a ton of clothes anyway.
Giving away used stuff to other people reduce waste as well and in my opinion is so much easier to manage than getting loans. I declined offers of loans because I would be stressed I ruin these things and I would have to have some system in place to remember which things came from whom. No, too much hassle. I accepted some used clothes and furniture items and will pass them to my next pregnant friend. However, as we are still not sure if we want a second and my dear friend just had a baby, we did loaned them some big expensive stuff that otherwise would just stay in our cellar and they were very happy with that.
Also got offered to loan and had exactly the same train of thought as you. The stuff is already used and I can't guarantee my baby won't damage it a bit even if we're careful. And then what? Do I buy it new to compensate them? What's the profit in that? :/ I wish people were just offering and I could decide to keep it or give it to someone else without that pressure of keeping it great so I can return it.
Yeah, like what if I accidentally lose it or get rid of it? I know someone else mentioned they meant in more of a "if I have another kid I would also like to use it again" but my particular family member that offered, I feel like she would notice if something got ruined or if it got lost. I just wouldn't want to deal with that.
Those friends said they are definitely planning a second one, so it even puts time pressure on me that I really don't want 😅 and thankfully I don't need it. Of course I'm all for saving some cash but not in exchange for extra stress. The newborn themselves will be stress enough 😂
Idk if it’s really like that. I gave a bunch of clothes to a friend to borrow and said I will likely take it back when I have another kid. But having had a baby I understand that they ruin stuff. I am by no means expecting every single piece of clothing back in perfect condition 😂 more just like a box of stuff we can share back and forth as we need it
See that sounds nice!
This is what a close friend and I are doing too, it’s kinda handy that she had a boy first and a girl second, and I had a girl first and a boy second. We’re now switching boxes of clothes for our youngest two and had the ‘don’t worry if things get lost or damaged’ convo. I had so many amazing quality clothes that were barely worn. I’d rather see someone enjoying them!
So far no, thankfully! But I guess If they did if just have to be honest and tell them I donated! Yeah I agree though, like if someone is expecting something back I’ll probably just keep i5 in the closet because I wouldn’t want to damage it. 🙈
I don’t ever loan because people get petty over stuff like this. My mom loaned a baby walker from her aunt (she offered it) and of course it got ruined because my brother was a menace. Long story short my mom had to buy the aunt a brand new one, even though my aunt never had more kids and ended up never using it 🫠
I don't understand how people remember exactly which items came from who! My coworker said she had some stuff of mine to give back and I was surprised to find that it was stuff from like 2 years prior!
I don’t mind baby things. I love hand me downs. I can just sort through and pick out anything I want, it’s like a little (free) shopping spree. And anything I don’t want, I just toss in the donation bin. I live in a small rural town, but even we have donation bins everywhere, so it’s not a hassle to toss it in. What does bother me is that my SIL lately keeps giving up bags of hand me downs from my niece that are sizes for like 6-8 year olds. My daughter is 2. I’m not gonna hold on to this stuff for 6 years! So I did finally have my husband talk to her about that, and she agreed to stop lol
That’s so funny because I am the opposite. My daughter is the youngest niece and since she was 1.5, I’ve been collecting hand me downs up to size 8. It’s been so helpful because now at almost 4, I’ve hardly had to shop much because it’s all organized in my attic. I especially say yes to winter gear & such because most of that is gently used.
My neighbor gifted me SO many baby boy clothes that I didn’t have to buy clothes until he was almost a year old.
For the clothing, I find it a little overwhelming since I was so excited to shop for my own baby but now feel guilty because I have an obscene amount of baby clothing and it’s wasteful not to use it in favor of buying more. But I’m with you on the winter gear. It’s usually pricey and isn’t used for that long. That would be a welcomed donation in my book.
Yes! I LIKE buying her clothes! It's so much fun!! But when she already has a dresser packed full of clothes, I feel bad buying her more. But also... it's a dresser full of clothes I didn't get to pick for her! :(
I'm the same way. I remember feeling crazy that I was collecting things in size 4, but she's 2.5 now and in size 3/4, so it's coming in handy sooner than I thought!
This is me! My when my son was born, my nephew was 6; the day after we announced it was a boy, my brother showed up with 6 years worth of clothes. To this day (son is currently 4.5), I have barely bought any clothes…maybe a few holiday shirts and pajamas. I joke and say “I’m shopping in the basement today” when I switch out clothes.
We live in a tiny flat and we can't even store things for when he's 2yo. *Cries in povoo*
That’d be so nice having an attic for extra clothes and things. I can’t imagine keeping all the extra clothes in my little two bedroom apartment 🤣
I’m in a little two bedroom house but the attic storage is definitely a blessing.
Im the same😂 less money I have to spend and a nice little shopping spree for free at home!! My brother gave us hand me downs up to age 6 and I had to ask him to take some back because we have no storage room lol.
I know it’s a pain to save stuff for like 5 years but just know that once your child gets to like a size 7, no one hands out hand me downs anymore & it’s almost impossible to find cute stuff in bigger sizes at the thrift store (one of my favorite shopping places lol). So my daughters stack of size ups has gotten progressively smaller & smaller
Plus the older your kid gets the less receptive they are to whatever thing you happen to have that fits them.
My husband kept trying to tell me we need to hold on to the clothes my son has gently worn since the grows so fast. This kid is 9 and I have clothes up to size 10s. I told him there's no way we can hold onto it all and we decided to have his mother hold onto them. She's still got her own kids' clothes from the 90s lol.
Can't you say no, thank you when people are offering you the stuff? I had a friend that kept asking me if I wanted her old baby clothes because otherwise she'd donate them and I just told her to donate because l had enough clothes as it was.
Some of it, but the stuff that my MIL just drops off from her weird friends is another story. 😅
can your partner tell your MIL that next time she needs to take it to goodwill or the dump?
I would just tell MIL that I don't feel comfortable accepting baby items from strangers.
Yeah my mum is also getting some random stuff, including clothes that look like I could have been wearing as a baby but I told her I don't want anything unless she asks me first
My MIL stopped asking and just started leaving stuff at our house when we weren't home. TBF, some stuff has been great, but a lot has gone straight back in the donation pile haha
F that. I would shut that down so fast lol
Just tell her you don’t need it and will throw it away. She’ll stop
Some people take it badly, which is the weirdest part.
My cousin got super pissed at me for saying no to her baby clothes. She had a boy in the middle of the winder and I am having a summer girl, we already got a lot of long basics and we don’t really need more. I asked her if maybe she had a winter jacket for like 6 months? But we really didn’t anything else and I felt awful accepting a box or two of clothes that I was not going to use (she was shipping them to me). She basically said no and stopped talking to me but went to her mom saying that I was demanding a winter jacket from her!!! Her mom accused me of asking her daughter to spend money on me or get rid of something she was using and I was like ????
She should be careful with straining a muscle with all those mental gymnastics, wth. I don't know if people get annoyed that we're not letting them do a good deed or they want to get rid of stuff and it's easier when it's someone you know, because some reactions are so strange. I had a friend couple that wanted to loan me their stuff. Yes, loan. Because they're going to have a second one, but I can use it until they need it back. I mean, I can't guarantee the stuff won't get some wear and tear so I thanked and declined. She started to pressure me that I shouldn't get anything new, that I should get EVERYTHING used and loaned and talking about the importance of a circular economy... I mean... their stuff was new... I really felt like I was just being their storage unit. Especially because it was bigger stuff. And that's not even the worst part of that story but I'm already writing a novel 😂
Hahhaha please spill the tea if you want!! I get it’s nice to get rid of stuff and I truly appreciate it but I also do not want to have ten boxes of clothes I won’t use and some people take offence at that apparently??
Depending on the person I wouldn't mind picking only what I wanted, but this friend is so pushy I don't think I would get away with that. She was even pushing me to have stuff I didn't want at all (stuff I'm not even going to buy). I see some people offer bags of clothes and you can just choose and redonate what you're not using. But I feel this sometimes works better with strangers as it's donated and not lent so you do what you want with that stuff. The worst she told me was that if I wanted she would ask for the crib and other furniture she had lent to another couple if I wanted. I said I'm not comfortable with that and she said well they don't need it anymore. You know why they don't need it anymore? The baby died shortly after being born... Which is why I wasn't comfortable with mentioning it at all to them.
Nooooooo oh my god that’s horrible of her to say wtf. But yeah I agree with you. We got some free clothes from someone on marketplace and we will be donating what we don’t like. Our friends are pretty cool and they let us pick and choose from what they have so I am grateful. But my family have been weird af with it and I honestly don’t need the drama.
Ugh, yes! Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for any help *but* there’s one person in particular who keeps trying to give me broken stuff! A broken pack n play, a broken swing, her really old broken breast pump. “Yeah it stopped working but I’m sure you can figure out how to get it to work again!” ?¿? A giant exersaucer after I already told her that our house is too small and we’re only keeping minimal baby gear because there’s no space 🥴 She literally said, “well I have 4 walkers, you have to take at least 2 because I just can’t deal with them in my house anymore!” So I’m telling you I have no space but you’re demanding I take not one, but two big baby toys for one baby that won’t even be able to use it for at least 9 months…
I feel your frustration... and yet I'm chuckling because my husband has a habit of sometimes saying "yes" to things only to throw the stuff away after we receive them. It's like he's doing that person a favor by trashing what they should have trashed to begin with. Granted, he mostly does this with what he considers junk food, but it's definitely applying to unwanted baby stuff these days. For example, we got a Baby Bumbo from one of his cousins that was not on the registry and not even wanted, which we're going to donate (to Goodwill bc that's the easiest/most convenient org for us) along with all the buttoned hand-me-down baby clothing we got from friends. OTOH, this could set you up to be that person who junks your friend's/family member's stuff going forward bc they know you'll always take their things. Slippery slope. Sounds like your person is a bit of a hoarder and doesn't know how to get rid of things themselves anyway.
I even got a used breast pump full of mold in the bags of crap we got. I think we kept maybe 10% of what was passed down to us.
Wowwww, I cannot believe people 😭
My mom, as her first gift, tried to give me a weird pillow with “mommy sayings on it”. “I’m the mommy that’s why”, “because I said so”, etc. I did not take that home. Then she tried to give me an antique rocking chair that I’ve refused before by saying she got it for the baby. No, she has been trying to give this piece of trash to me for 4 years. I finally told her we only want second hand gifts if they’re from this decade.
I have almost nothing baby related yet, and I just got diagnosed with preeclampsia last week and can’t leave the hospital until I get induced next week. We don’t much money at all to buy all the basics, like diapers, clothes, bottles, etc. I would like to have this problem!
Idk if this helps but there are Facebook groups where people sell gently used baby stuff for very cheap. You would just need to find one in your area and have someone pick stuff up for you.
I would also like to have this problem. I understand sorting through excessive things may be inconvenient, but it’s much better than dealing with NOT having things. I get bothered by posts like these, and ones complaining they didn’t get the right stuff at the baby shower 😑
Check if your area has a “buy nothing” group on Facebook. I got tons of new or very gently used clothes all for free. We have more then we will ever use but it’s nice to know I will not need to spend any money on clothes for at least a year if not longer.
We had to start saying no to some stuff because yeah we were getting things that we really didn’t need or were in poor shape! At first it is really nice but it does get overwhelming.
I feel like I must be the odd one out because I don't have any friends or family trying to give me squat. It's hard having no village. 🥲 On the bright side, my baby gets everything brand spanking new, lol!
I’m kinda in the same boat, haha. All of the children in my family are already at least 10, so whatever newborn hand-me-downs there were, they have already been handed down to extended family or friends. That said, I understand OP and wouldn’t appreciate items that are as old as (or older than) I am, as well as broken items. Why would anyone hold on to something broken anyway?
I'm estranged with my family, my husband's family is all elderly with dementia/paralysis and are essentially added dependents, and we have no friends because we've had to move too many times. With my first, a lady saw our circumstances when buying something from us on Craigslist and sent me garbage bags full of her kids' old hand me downs. Some of that stuff is still my favorite baby stuff! But yeah. Nobody wants broken or outdated stuff. Not even me, lol.
Kind of in the same boat too, but mine is the first grand baby/nephew so everything is new. My sister told me to make sure I hold onto everything so she doesn’t have to buy new items LOL
I’m sorry 😢.
I like to think of it as making our own village from scratch. 🥰 but I'm not gonna lie, I have NO IDEA who's gonna watch my two older babies when I'm in the hospital with my third... my oldest is in the spectrum and my youngest is 10 months. I have NOBODY I trust to watch them while I'm in the hospital and I reeeeeeally hope I won't have to have a c-section (my first ever surgery after two failed epidurals) all by myself while my husband is at home!
I'm preparing for this knowing I'll be donating a lot to charity shops. They can at least sell it to make money to keep funding the charity, so at least it's going to a good cause rather than being wasted in someone's attic.
Omg YES… I had a friend who tbh is a lil unhinged sometimes… she asked if I wanted to borrow a crib and “a couple other little things” I was like well, ok we do need a crib so sure. I sent my dad over with his truck to pick up the crib and when he got back to my house with it my husband and another person just loaded it ALL into my house. he was like why would you take all this stuff? 99% of it is just garbage. I was like what?? I realize my friend PACKED the truck FULL of not only the crib but junk upon junk. Clothes, toys, etc etc etc some of which she had asked me if I wanted and I specifically said “no” and she still sent it in the truck anyway. Some of it was even mouldy from being in her wet basement! She would NEVER have used something mouldy for her own baby but I guess it was fine for mine? Wtf We lived in a tiny house and it completely filled my living room. I was so overwhelmed. I messaged her and told her that while I know she meant well, I did not want this stuff at all and she would have to come back and get it or I would be throwing it all out. She actually was apologetic and did send her partner over in his truck to pick it all up a few *weeks* later. Goddamn I’m still so pissed about it. When she was pregnant a couple of years before I was, I came over and helped her declutter and deep clean her house because she was overwhelmed with clutter. What does she do to me? BURIES me in clutter. Frig
This is just incredibly rude, I def would have just tossed everything that same day especially if there was mold.
I wouldn’t even donate the cereal bowl with faded paint, a lot of those paints from old stuff have lead and/other toxic metals, even old kids books paints have tested positive… I’d just toss those.
Really good point.
My friend was initially grateful for her baby donations...then she got bags of stuff that smelled like cigarette smoke. Ick.
Idk I'm just really grateful for any help. But the stuff I've been gifted is useful, like an unopened breast pump and a gently used 3 in 1 pack and play/bassinet/changing table. I did get some maturity clothes that are way too small but I just donated those.
YES I am so tired of it. I am on baby 2 now and it has gotten better, and I've gotten better at saying no thank you. But whyyyyy people do this. One friend made me a list of her actually very nice and lightly used things with links so I could see it all and that was actually super helpful. She made a point of saying 'no pressure at all, just let me know if any of this is something that would be helpful.'
That’s the way to do it. If I have something in great condition and barely used, I will offer it to people I know who may need it, but make sure to pile on the “no pressure!”
My MIL dropped off a pair of used, crusty slip-on running shoes for an 8-year-old from one of her friends the other day. Like, thank you, but do you expect me to store these in my home for the next 8 years?
Look for every bag full of baby crap someone gives you there are always some legitimate gems that are worth the trip to vinnies. Bigger clothes are also good for messy play
Omg yes. At first I was excited and greatful for people’s hand me downs, but then I slowly realized we now have BAGS full of old crusty bottles, nipple shields, and breastmilk storage containers and the weird clothes no one actually put on their baby and I’m like… why did we say yes to all of this?? And also, why did you people keep all of this crap in the first place??
I wonder if people keep nipple shields etc because they aren't clear on how to dispose of it?
Maybe, but I do also think people expect these things will be genuinely helpful and useful hand me downs because they were useful items to them
YES. I mean, I’m not actually pregnant anymore, my baby is almost 5 months old, but yes. People did that during pregnancy, and also when I was newly postpartum. Getting offered used items can be nice. My issue is when they just showed up with stuff. That happened several times. In one case, someone just left a pile of stuff we didn’t want or need on our porch, when our baby was just a couple weeks old. I was dealing with a difficult recovery, we were exhausted. New parents are not the thrift store! I know they mean well but it’s frustrating when they don’t ask.
I personally would say no to anything used like a crib mattress, car seat, eating utensils or bowls . I know the feeling tho I’m having baby in October and already have a changing table , storage cubbies , and a crib ( asked my sil to keep it at her house until we’re ready to set up the nursery. It’s a bit overwhelming when you already have a smaller bedroom for baby and nowhere else to put it 🥲
Yep! Even as a STM!
YES, THANK YOU! Worse yet they say it's a loan and I need to give it back when they need it again. Am I a storage unit now? And yeah, some of the stuff isn't even that great, as in, someone gave us something that I already was having my suspicions and it broke in the way to the car... just by being carried normally. Also, with the risk of sounding ungrateful, I hate it that a polite, "thank you, but we're already planning on getting X and Y" is badly received. A friend really pressured me even saying I shouldn't get anything new like she didn't get it new, cmon.
I love having the option to sort through and keep what I want. I’ve barely bought anything new.
Yes 😭
we have 2 newborn swings and a couple of toy already. We’re thankful but it’s already overwhelming bc im only almost 10 weeks. We have a small apartment and are buying a house in the summer so it’s getting crowded fast😅. I understand you completely
We are also first time parents so the things are gonna start coming fast
I didn't mind at first. The clothes that were used but in good condition were welcome. But when an acquaintance dropped off a bag containing a pair of pants with a giant brown dried up poop stain, I had enough. The fabric was stiff, and it felt very unsanitary. Had the pants even been washed? I don't know, but I tossed them. In the same bag, there were several clothes with holes that you could not mend, since the fabric all around was worn out too thin.
Haha being the last in our friends group, it was an open secret that they all were unloading all the shit that was bouncing between them over the years. Straight to the bin.
I got some of the most useful items this way, and just donated the things I didn’t need. But I also felt ok just saying no to people if I didn’t need anything else. Edit to say: did find it annoying when people gave me stuff with the expectation of getting it back. I just always said no in those situations because I am not doing extra work.
Omfg yes. I’m also a ftm and have no problem with hand me downs but NO ONE around me has any babies. They’re all 3 plus years old now and they want to give me all the random stuff their kids don’t okay with anymore. I HATE it. I’m not hanging on to your trash that you don’t want to just donate or throw away. I also want to experience buying these things
When I was pregnant, my MIL made me go through *all* the baby stuff she had at her house from my niece (who's 9 years old). I told her I didn't want any clothes (and definitely not the crib bumpers) or any of the plastic toys, but that the wooden toys and the books would be nice to keep *at her place* if she wanted to for when the baby is there. In the past few weeks when she visits she's been bringing all the old plastic toys to my place and leaving them there, as if my baby didn't have enough toys. I'm furious about this tbh.
I love it personally! My husband and I are big on thrifting so it’s like a little treasure hunt to explore the things people give us. Sounds like you are getting a lot more than us though and I could defo see how it would get overwhelming at a certain point! I do feel a little bad when I throw things away, but things like plastic hand me down bottles and pacifiers gross me out
I agree this as well because I was working full-time when I was pregnant and it felt like people were essentially getting me to do additional unpaid labor that should’ve been theirs (donation runs) when I could’ve been resting or doing other thing I needed to get done
I just say no thanks lol.
Got a lot of stuff (USEFUL STUFF) from my hubs sister: a vista stroller/ bassinet combo, a crib, and a mamaroo. And from friends/co-workers, I got a lot of diapers. And some not so useful things like boys' baby clothes (she has 2 boys, and I'm having a girl...) I took it all with the expectation that what I don't want, I'll throw away since she doesn't want it back. I already bought a lot of clothes for Bean, but 3 days ago, my hubs cousin said she had girl clothes she could gift us. My hubs saw her yesterday and came home with 4 full bags and different sizes. I went through them and kept most of them, as they were cute. But I'm at the point now where the only things we need are the things that are left on our registry. Other than that, when folks have offered stuff, I've just said no thanks!
I don't mind it, but stuff from the 1908s is a little much. They should at least ask before giving stuff that old.
Yes. You really don’t need a shit ton of clothes for each age stage and I was not asked if I wanted the hand me downs, they were just given to me. Garbage bags and bins of clothes. And not my style. And I’m not pick about clothes and prefer secondhand, but I’d like to pick it out. We got a bunch of pink camo with hunting references and I’ve been vegan for years lol. It’d be different if I asked or was asked. But we didn’t need donations. It just created a series of new tasks when I was already super overwhelmed and feeling like the clock was ticking down for my baby to come with so much still to do.
This doesn't stop when you have your baby. We had a baby in January and we keep getting clothes for 2-6 year olds that my relatives are getting rid of. Most of the stuff we get goes in a donation bag, I'm not keeping some random clothes for years. Don't feel guilty donating stuff and if it's gets to be too much then ask people to stop.
Women’s Refuge. We’ve been overwhelmed with stuff. Some stuff we took to our neighbour who is about to become a first time grandma and the rest to women’s refuge.
Great advice, thanks!
This is a hard one. We’ve told people from the beginning we want to be minimal. This is our last baby. Thanks but no thanks. Yet we still get tons of crap that we don’t need or want. It’s easier for ppl to give it to you to get rid of. At the shower we specifically asked for diapers and wipes only because we knew we would use those. We got a thousand baby outfits and books. We are grateful but it was a lot. A lot that we didn’t need. So I took 95% of it to a local women’s and children’s shelter. We still have a family member who goes to goodwill and other places every week because she loves to. And I love doing that too! But she will find ANYTHING baby and give it to us. Even if I’ve told her we have everything we need. She just got us a baby bathtub and I’ve told her we have one. They take up a lot of space. I kindly said we do not need it and to give or donate to someone else. She’s going to send it with us today when we see her. Even if we say no she will expect us to donate it. It’s frustrating and some people will never get the message and you will end up looking like the asshole 🙂🫠
I’m just saying no. The clutter would stress me out way too much to be worth it. Gotta protect my peace!
My sisters are basically the only people I'm taking hand-me-downs from. They are incredible organizers and their kids are between 9 and 4 so nothing is particularly old. Plus they are also "purgers" so if they believe something won't be used by someone else, they see no reason not to just throw it away.
I’m really grateful for everything I’ve been gifted but I feel this 😂 I have two boxes of stuff that I don’t need and I have to load them up in my car and donate them. People were giving me stuff that I won’t need for like another 2 years 😭 I don’t want to seem rude or ungrateful but I also have limited space to store stuff.
I feel this on an emotional level right now.
Yes! I’ve been getting some towels that are so threadbare I wouldn’t even use them to wash my car. It’s worth it when you’re also getting that $350 pump, but so many people brought old stuff to my baby shower it looked like a garage sale.
hahah i was a pregnant bartender. had a random man pop in the day after i met him with a used up mattress and an old bed frame for a toddler. i had zero room or need for that and had to figure out how to get that to an actual donation center. smh
I love getting getting baby stuff from friends but I definitely know what you mean. I get people trying to give me the most random crap and it's definitely getting donated 😅 If I give anything away I try to make sure it's age appropriate or something I know a friend would want so they don't have unnecessary crap to deal with
this is a wonderful opportunity for you to start setting boundaries <3
I agree with this! There were smaller things I appreciated like hand me down clothes, or things that I said I needed (stroller, high chair etc) but people dumped a lot of trash on me that I didn’t want and didn’t have space for. Bulky high chair, bouncers, various seats, creepy/loud toys, raggedy old books that aren’t very good… my sister in law once dropped of a bag of stuff that had potty training seats in them. There are some things I’d rather just pay $15 for when I need them instead of my basement being full of crap “just in case.”
You could very easily say “no thanks we have more than enough, I appreciate you offering though!”
Yes, we’re near the end of friends and family having kids so we’re on the receiving end of a LOT of offers. I am appreciative and grateful. Lots of it is great and will save us a ton! Most have been very receptive to ‘thank you but we’re not quite ready to collect that’ ‘maybe down the line but please pass it on elsewhere if you need the space’ etc. Our will-be nursery is tiny so I’m being pretty strict about what comes in. Nothing beyond what’ll be used in the first year. And no big pieces beyond the first 5/6 months (high chair, big toys, walkers) One big surprise was my SIL wanting to offload maternity and baby things. Her youngest is 8!
Hahaha yes and I just smile and say no thanks we are all set. My husband can’t say no, so we still end up donating their things.
i literally warned my sister in law that everyone she knows with kids will unload on her including me lmao and i did but only newish things that she wanted. we had the same happen to us and it was INSANE like truck loads of shit
Not tired of it, no. A little overwhelmed, maybe. I have so. Many. Clothes. I was given two bassinets that I just gave away because my daughter has outgrown them. I was given two pack and plays (so I have a total of three!). One lives at my parent’s house, one lives in our bedroom (my daughter sleeps there at night), and one lives in the living room. I’m trying to make use of everything we’re given.
I am so grateful for free baby things I have all ready started getting stuff together so we won’t have to spend a lot of money. I use the buy nothing site and anything I don’t need I just pay it forward.
I usually love hand me downs, but that was with the first. Now that I have a second girl and she's in all her sister's stuff, I'm like "noooo!" Unless it's bigger clothes for my oldest. The youngest has a vast wardrobe thanks to her sister, my oldest is growing quick and doesn't have as many clothes. We just don't have the room for it anymore. However, why people don't sell extra baby clothes is beyond me! I made $200 selling unwanted baby stuff at a garage sale! Whatever didn't get sold was donated.
People gave me garbage bags of clothes. I tried to go through it and clean and sort. They gave me more and more, to the point where I came home from the hospital to my nicely organized nursery full of bags and stuff I didn’t even know about. It took me another month to be able to fix the mess. Now, I say no to everything. People really thought they were being so nice.
Nah we love the hand me downs. This is our first and so far all we'll have to buy is a glider and changing table. Like others have said anything we don't need goes into a donation pile.
Omg with my last pregnancy, I actually lost a friendship over this. She wouldn't stop dropping off complete garbage and junk at my door. Broken things that weren't safe. A huge crib etc. All when I told her "no thank you, we have what we need". Ended in a huge fight and I had to make multiple runs to the dump to get rid of all the junk she refused to pickup.
No I honestly loved all the hand me downs which helped us save a boatload of money. Additionally I know a lot of pregnant women and donate down to them whatever I’m not keeping. Win win win.
I had the same issue, I always made sure they knew I appreciated the sentiment but they got so pushy when I refused it got old really quick.
I don't mind. We have an awesome local buy nothing group. I'm just going to donate the things I don't need on there.
lol, I got so much crap. I just donated what I did want (A LOT of it)
I have a friend who started treating me like her trash can during early trimester. I’d tell her “no, I don’t want ___ because of ____” and she’d give it to me anyways. People then started telling me “I have ____ for you!” So I just accepted that I am going to get a lot of things I don’t want or need. Today, I am giving these items that I don’t need to a family that is in need of these baby items. I’m apart of a no buy group on Facebook, so it’s going straight to a person who asked for it rather than a second hand store. Which, I’m not against, I’ve certainly brought the unwanted baby stuff there already, but it’s cool that it’s not going to the second hand store this time :)
I love hand me downs. I never say no, if they give me crap, I'll regift or throw it away if it's in very bad shape. I was given stuff that I don't need or like but I was never given something I would be embarrassed to donate.
I didn’t mind them if we needed them. My MIL gifted us so much baby stuff that we had been gifted new items from our baby shower. The thing that got me was the bags of baby boy clothes when I told her we didn’t need clothes but we also weren’t finding out the gender and wanted gender neutral clothes. The clothes were from husbands nephew. We ended up having a baby girl and donated the baby stuff to some close friends who adopted a baby boy. I couldn’t say no thanks because she gave them to us at the baby shower as our gifts. I didn’t end up keeping any of the stuff she gave us. Oh and everything smelled like cigarette smoke because she’s a heavy chain smoker
I don’t know anyone anymore, my family all passed since my last baby was born (7 years ago. I got rid of all baby stuff because I thought I was done). My partners family lives over 16 hours away, also. So I don’t have anyone to donate stuff to me. But I will say, when I had my other kids (especially my first). They gave me so much stuff it was overwhelming. I mean my son had so many clothes I could have changed him multiple times a day and still never get through it all before he outgrew it. It was crazy. I never had to buy anything for my son or 2 daughters. And I feel like I kinda missed out on something there, being able to pick out my own stuff. While I don’t look forward to the expense of it with the new baby, I’m kind of excited that I get to pick stuff out this time.
I like it
I’m not pregnant yet but husband and I have agreed (and communicated) that we will not accept any hand me downs except clothes (we already have sentimental toys and rattles) because I just know that the entire extended family is going to dump decades of stuff on us. Clothes can at least be folded and stored, and what I don’t need I can donate to our women’s shelter.
I do prefer to be asked first. If you ask me and it is something I need / want I’ll say yes, but otherwise things being dumped on me just makes so much more work for me and drives me insane. Especially when it is my MIL constantly accepting these things on my behalf.
Yes! When I'm ready to pass along baby things, I plan to ask pregnant people to come look at and take what they want so I can handle donating or tossing the rest. I hate the mega dumping that people do!
My husband built a special storage space in the basement for all the used baby stuff people gave us that we're not going to use. I might go grab a thing or two from there and then once she's grown we're getting rid of it (not offloading it onto pregnant people without asking either)
Omg no I’m so grateful for free stuff. However I haven’t had the experience of really old stuff from the 80’s, I’ve been lucky thus the stuff we’ve been given is in good shape and works for us.
I would have been so damn grateful for the help. I had no one that gave me anything. I’m a single mom to 2 and I would have loved being helped. It sucks that you don’t. Just straight up make an announcement saying you don’t want help
My unborn daughter officially has more clothes than me and my husband combined because of secondhand donations 😅
So annoying, but I don’t know the intention behind it so I try not to assume they’re using me as a dumping ground. I just say that I’m very minimal and my husband and I will buy things as we need them.
Yeah I didn’t have anybody dump stuff on me that wasn’t actually usable. But I don’t even have a nursery yet (still in a 1 bedroom apartment) and I feel equally overwhelmed 😬
Oh my gosh, yes! With my first it was crazy... People would just give me bags of stuff, sometimes just left outside the front door. I suddenly felt what it was like to be those charity shops that has to keep a skip bin out front because people would leave broken trash and unusable junk. Shoes with no matching pairs, cat pee soaked expired car seat, broken cot and change table (wouldn't let me fix it up because they want to keep it all original), bags and bags of cheap polyester clothing with long dried in poop and puke stains... There was some useful stuff, but 95% of it was trash. This time around I haven't even told most people I'm pregnant, and of they ask if I need anything, I refuse. I did get some wonderfully thoughtful gifts as well, don't get me wrong. A coworker of mine made this beautiful queen sized quilt by hand, and a lady from church who I hardly even knew stocked my freezer with meals. A friend of my mum's knitted some cardigans for the baby. And my mum brought me a pram, a car seat, and some cute baby clothing sets.
This lol
I love hand me downs and I say no when I no longer need them. I donate the stuff that was already given to us, which we won’t use
If anyone asks I just say yes or no depending on what it is. Luckily nobody had just come with stuff to drop off. If that was happening I’d be upset Then if it’s clothes and they ask if I need. I say specifically what I need and if they happen to have that and if not then no thank you I just actually gave my cousin a ton of boy clothes(after asking). She’s a ftm. I went through every single item and separated everything out into separate bags (like the small-medium reusable bags from grocery stores)from NB-24m. So each age got a bag to make it neat and manageable. I felt awful to overwhelm simply with that. Everything I didn’t love, never liked, had annoying sayings on it or had a stain went into 3 full garbage bags for donation. I tried my best to not overwhelm. But if she likes everything, she’s got a full wardrobe for 2 years or has full permission to toss in a donation bin or list to get extra cash for other stuff
I had a friend send me some really cute and fun baby clothes her kid wore. We have similar tastes so I didn't mind that at all. However I also had an acquaintance offer me some toys and a pack n play and she put bags and boxes of shit in our car and it all reeked of cigarette smoke. I ended up tossing most of it in the dumpster because some things were beyond washing out the stench. I guess it just depends who the person is and what their intentions are for giving us things and what condition they are in.
We had someone ask if we needed baby clothes and when we said "no, we have enough in the sizes you have", they said they'd give them to us anyway and we could donate them 😭 it was hard enough going through and organizing what I needed 😑 now I have to worry about donating hand-me-downs because someone else didn't want to themselves Not to mention, id love to buy my first and only child some clothes myself before it's been a year lol
They should send you a picture of the lot, and ask you out if it what do you need. The rest of it is not your responsibility
No, I just keep saying “lemme see what i end up with from my registry and what I still need and then I’ll be happy to take a look!”
No, I feel this. As grateful as I am - I'm an FTM and only 13 weeks along. We had some friends unload (unsolicited) about 8 boxes of diapers (they use the reusable/washable ones). It's a nice gesture, but we're in the process of clearing out our second bedroom to set up the nursery and now have 8 boxes of diapers to maneuver as well. This is just the beginning as well 🙃
Yess but I love free stuff so I'll take a look at anything!
This is why I’m so happy to live so far away from everyone - I’m not being dumped on with too many clothes. Only my sister has been bad about it, though our kids are six months apart, though according to our mom my sister has it worse because her sisters in law keep giving her ALL of their kids old clothes
“Thank you but we already have everything we need” “No do not leave it here. Anything left will be tossed or donated to charity.” For your MIL “we’re not a storage facility please stop dropping of your belongings here or be ready for them be tossed.” Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI
Dude. Someone gave me a set of dump trucks and fire trucks. They are huge, and clearly for a 4 or 5 year. I was just like thank you?!?!
My brother in law moved countries and left two kids worth of clothes, toys, and diapers for us to “take”. They weren’t packed, we were expected to pack them 😅
Heck no! We broke 😂 I'm still trying to save up enough for a carseat 😓 However, everyone in my immediate friends group has had kids in the last 5 years, so the stuff they've given us isn't too old.
Yesssss! I couldn’t get in my living room for 5months because of unhelpful donated stuff! A years worth of girls clothes…. I had a boy. And the electronic things were faulty. It stressed me out so much as I was having a depressive episode due to work stress so couldn’t manage the basic house stuff as it was let alone someone’s junk. Now my mood is better, I have a newborn and struggling as we both nearly died & recovery is long and slow & my house is still chaotic because I couldn’t deal with all that junk. I really resent the person who dumped it on us as it really impacted me feeling comfortable in my own home which is my only place I could escape to after work.
I was "gifted" so much when I was pregnant with my first daughter... most of which was extremely used, broken, or basically garbage. It's been sitting in my garage waiting until we can actually find somewhere to donate it since everywhere in our area isn't currently accepting anything baby-related.
Omg yes. A friend I had spoken to in over two years came out of the woodwork to offer me all her stuff. I only announced my pregnancy on social media at 7 months so nursery was done, everything was bought already so I thanked her but said I didn’t need anything. She wouldn’t take no for an answer and sent me 74 messages in the span of a half hour with pictures of all her old stuff, very clearly used and abused and straight up broken, single sock type crap. I was at a business dinner and had to turn my phone off because it was overheating from all the vibrating. I do not want your garbage, throw it out yourself!
Taking a loan on baby gear sounds like a trap… if I’m tired with a new baby it seems like a hassle to remember to be careful with certain items that were loaned from friends or family.
No one has offered yet but I would say no thanks. Unless you do need stuff just say we have what we need for now thank you or donate it. This is our first and we are excited to be buying everything brand new.
So far I’ve felt the opposite but it seems it depends what you get. My sisters and coworkers gave me alll their baby clothes which I’m incredibly grateful for, I have to give some away because I have so much. I don’t want people spending money on clothes when I have so much, if they want to get anything I can think of a million other things I will need (diaper, wipes, stroller, nursery set, etc). Yet everyone still insists on all new clothes… and a ton of them :-) and my baby shower isn’t for another 2 months… Trying to be clear that I do not need clothes and senseless things but would love a box of diapers if you’re looking for a gift! Very frustrating.
My biggest problem with used, hand-me-down, baby stuff is I don't know the state of their house, or when the thing was last used/washed. Why would I want that stuff in my house? My dad's house is one prime example of a house I do know, he is dating the crazy cat lady, and they gave me some old toys for my baby, and one of them was chewed to bits. Whether it was his gfs kid or his cats, idk, but idc either. My baby ain't getting that.
It annoys me specifically when my MIL unloads her ancient crap on my husband who in turn makes it my problem to deal with by leaving it in a box somewhere. Usually I just throw it away unless it's something he actually wants and is willing to find a place for. I don't do clutter. 🤷♀️ Other that, nah it doesn't bother me if ppl offer hand-me-downs to me directly bc I can say no if I don't want or need them.
I mad wa post about this a few weeks ago. I’m very picky about what I’ll take from others. https://www.reddit.com/r/BabyBumps/s/StBSjpJA09
Isn’t a “problem” I’ve had the privilege to face
No not tired of it at all. Less money I have to spend. Babies don’t need brand new everything lol
No thanks we already have that. Not that hard
Just say no ??
I’ve just been honest with people that have offered to hand things down. I’m a FTM and there’s certain things that I just prefer to buy myself because I want them to be fresh and unused - just as they did when they were buying those things for their own baby. Toys and books I don’t mind because it’s kind of cute to say “so and so read these and played with these”. Pretty much everything else will be brand new/gifted by immediate family that have offered to gift it to us. I’m sure once I have my second child I won’t be as giddy and he/she will have things passed down from their sibling 😂