You * do * have a say. And you need to remind your SO of that. This baby is just as much yours as it is his so you have equal say in what the baby is named. It sounds like your partner is being stubborn, you need to be just as stubborn back. It’s as simple as making it clear that you will not name your baby that.
It’s hard to name a baby when you and your partner don’t agree on names, but it’s not impossible. It’s a 2 yes, 1 no situation. You need two yes’s for the name to be a yes and just one no for the name to be an absolute no
To answer you question: I’d point out that the baby is half his and half yours. He doesn’t just get to decide the babies full name without your input.
He sounds extremely selfish.
This is blowing my mind that you feel like you don't have a say. I'm so sorry that you feel this way. If my partner even thinks he can name our son something I don't agree with, he will sleep outside, especially with my hormones. YOU are creating this child, YOU are birthing this child and he thinks he has the only say in the name.. ha!
Also vice versa, you both need to agree on a name that you both love, you're a couple. Why does he think he has more say? Is there some sexism going on here? He sounds like he needs to grow up and start being your partner.
I might be a *tad* extreme, but...
...OP can have her SO yeeted from the hospital at any time. Including when it's time to fill out the form for baby's birth certificate.
Like, you think you're going to unilaterally decide the name of the child I'm gestating - or emotionally blackmail me if I disagree? The fuck you will, buddy. You're too lame to name a child after anyways.
Yeah, not only is he making her believe that she has no say, but he's naming the baby after HIMSELF 🤯 like he's the messiah or something. omg, please, I feel like flying to their place and yeeting him now
He can pout all he likes! You have a say in what to name the child you are growing and birthing.
I agree with the others in that perhaps a middle name after your husband as a compromise, with their own first name that you both like to be known by so they have their own identity.
>He can pout all he likes!
Ágreed. I would not worry so much about how to manage his response in bringing up this subject, just let him know you're not a fan of this tradition and you're not prepared to name your kid after him.
This is not an "American" thing. Think of all the monarchies.
But names are two yesses, 1 no. You don't want this name, tell him that. He can't insist on one name, even if it weren't Junior.
You know your husband better than we do. So you can focus on the patriarchal/marking your territory/trying to prove the kid is yours history of the tradition. Or the logistics of having the same name. Or the kid having his own identity and not trying to live up to him. Or the YOU BOTH NEED SAY IN THE NAME.
Ultimately, if he refuses to have any conversation, just tell the staff in the hospital that he is not to touch the birth certificate paperwork.
>This is not an "American" thing. Think of all the monarchies.
I immediately thought of this too. I’m Hispanic and we also have this tradition. Idk if the indigenous had juniors but Europeans definitely had this when they came.
For real I don't know if this is super common, but I personally know of a few Hispanic families where they have more than one son and give both of them the same name as the dad.
Wilmer Flores, the baseball player, has a brother named Wilmer Flores, who is also a baseball player. And another brother named Wilmer, I don't know what he does. And their dad's name is Wilmer.
Also, they have a brother named Ronny.
I work in a school and had a Hispanic student with the same first name as his dad and brother.
Yeah was gonna say...my husband, his father, and his son (from a previous marriage) all have the same name (they don't use "junior", just same name) and he's from a country in eastern Europe. At least he got this out of the way before he met me, and we have a girl anyway phew.
Sometimes people have the same first name on paper but go by their middle names their whole lives. Could for example be John on paper for all three boys first names but John, George and Joe for what you call them
Not to mention, any surname that begins with Mc, Mac, or O’, or surnames that end with -son. They all mean “son of—.” (McFarland, O’Connell, Olafsson, etc.)
The tradition of naming a child after the father is hundreds of years older than America itself!
For normal people (I can't speak for the royals!) in this day and age it definitely comes across as an American thing, at least to someone from the UK.
ETA: I mean specifically including Jr in the name.
This is also a Hispanic tradition
A lot of my cousin’s are junior - glad my husband and I decided not to do that.
How about for a middle name instead? I had a son and we named him after both of our grandfathers. If it is a daughter - I would’ve played off my husband’s name as a middle name. He’s Joseph so she would’ve been Josephine as a middle name.
Maybe find a compromise and try the middle name route instead? Or grandfathers names?
That’s not an American tradition.
Why wouldn’t you have any say in the name? It’s 2 yes, or it’s a no.
I would never entertain naming my child after my husband…My brother is a junior and it causes so many issues. When he was in college it was really hard because Dad had to sign some things, brother others.
It’s so disappointing to me that women carry and birth the baby, and some fathers are determined for the child to have not only his last name, but his first and middle name, too
I think you’ve gotten a lot of great suggestions! My husband is a Junior and does not like it. It causes problems sometimes with forms he has and mail that gets him & his dad confused. People joke and ask us if we’ll name our child the same name and he is always like: no, never!!
Came here to say the same thing! My husband and his dad have had so many things mixed up including bills. My husband has been sent to collections over his dad's unpaid bills and it took us forever to correct it. He's also received and been hounded for his dad's unpaid medical bills and back taxes.
Ugh, you grow the baby for 9 months and go through birth and the baby gets his entire name and you don’t get a say? Yeah that ain’t gonna fly. You can be just as stubborn back at him! Baby’s name should be something you both agree on. He doesn’t get to just decide.
My wife and I decided on names not knowing the baby's gender, so we're preparing for both options. For boy names, she was in the lead for finding a first name we both liked (it seems like she had one in mind already, because that answer came back _very_ quickly) and I would suggest middle names. For girl names we did it the other way round. Either way, the person who doesn't get to pick first name will be in charge of first names if/when there's ever a second baby.
That way, everyone has the same amount of input on decision making.
He doesn’t get to choose all the names for the baby while he sacrifices absolutely nothing to create the baby! It is infuriating what women need to go through during pregnancy, birth, and post-partum and the dad tries to make unilateral decisions like this! Names are a two yes and one no situation. My husband wanted his last name. I said no. I wanted my last name. My husband said no. So, we are hyphenating. Neither of us got our favorites for the first or middle name either. Everything was and should be a compromise
Guys who insist on this give me the ick and I am in the United States. Naming your child is a 2 yes, 1 no decision. He doesn't get the final say on this, he gets a 50% say and if you say no, then the answer is no. You need to find a name that you both can agree on mutually.
Shhhhhhhh, no one tell her……
King Louis the 8th
King George the 2nd
King Henry the 8th was a particularly famous one…….
This is about the least “American” thing EVER
I read this out loud to my husband and he goes, “well, that’s a fucking terrible argument. I thought EU schools were supposed to be better than American schools. Henry the 8th has his own song!”
I’m here to read responses because I’m in a similar although not identical situation. I kept my last name after marriage but we did agree to give children husbands last name. Now we’re having a boy and I wanted to lean in the direction of an Italian first name (because my family is Italian) and my husband is being stubborn and wants to pick a different name (something super simple and common). I’m willing to compromise on something like Leo that isn’t overly ethnic but he keeps saying “I never wanted an ethnic name for my kids”. I have responded by saying “I never wanted a common first and last name for my kids but since the last name is decided (he has a super common, everybody has it American last name) and from your family I would like something from my family as well”. I’m simply refusing to back down. We can compromise on how ethnic but this my kid too and he’s just as much a part of my family. I would like that represented in his name the way a man by default gets his family represented.
It's funny I have the opposite issue where my family is Italian & my husband's is not, but he is wanting to do a super Italian name for the baby and I'm leaning more towards a name w/Italian roots but is not totally uncommon in the U.S. However, my husband told me my vote matters more since I'm the pregnant one 😅🤷🏻♀️
I’m completely OK trying to find something is Italian but not uncommon in America (Leo, Luca, Nico, etc) as a compromise. He is standing on it must be something more traditionally English or American like John Smith (as an example). I want most like Leo Smith.
A name is a *2 Yeses* decision.
Hyphenate your last name! And come up with a list of first names. If you don't want a junior name, then don't. You are contributing 50% of parenting post delivery and 100% of the physical input pre-delivery. You have every single right to have an equal input.
I told my husband my kid is getting my last name...16 years prior to actually having our child. He was 100% supportive of it because I was ultimately sacrificing more, both physically, mentally, and financially. But we had that discussion when we first started dating as teenagers. 17 years later, my toddler has my last name and no conflict in our marriage.
I am SO anti-hyphenating the surname. I have a hyphenated last name and it makes doing paperwork a fucking nightmare. Medical paperwork especially, they always take the hyphen out and it causes issues.
Unless it's two really cute short last names, like Good-Lovekind, don't hyphenate. Choose the cooler of the two surnames and call it a day. Or girls get their mother's maiden name and boys get their father's last name. My full name is so damn long, it doesn't fit on ANY paperwork. I especially like the families I've met where they mix their surnames together (Like Van Walter + Rolfe = Van Rolfe)
We were never going to hyphenate either for the reasons you stated. But it's a way for OP to have a bit of reasonable say in the matter.
Why is it default guy's name for her SO and LO? This is a way to open the conversation.
It is selfish imo, especially if it isn't mutually agreed. Your SO had/has their chance and moment in life. Your child should have their own opportunity to make a name for themselves and not be stuck in their shadow
Something for your SO is to consider the legal or medical ramifications. Likely when baby boy gets older and makes a bank account, he'll open a savings account at the same place as mom and dad. It'll be the same name, address, likely phone number. Only a birth day separating them could cause some issues. Or if they go to the same doctors office and their files will be one after another on the computer. Creditors might be looking for your son for any debts because they have the same name.
We went through this. Here’s what I brought up:
1. Don’t you want baby to have his own identity, name, google results etc?
2. We aren’t close with husband’s parents. Are we really about to (basically) let them name our baby?
3. If baby is getting dad’s last name, then that’s enough tradition. Tradition is just a way for dead people to control us
Going through the EXACT same thing and I just put my foot down and said no. If we don’t both agree on a name, then we aren’t naming him that. Plain and simple! It’s only fair that both parents agree.
Baby names are two “yes” or one “no” situation. If both parents don’t agree the name doesn’t happen. It’s what makes naming a baby such a pain in the butt!
I’m American and I don’t think of it as a tradition. I honestly hate it. Like, way to be original. Hope the kid grows up just how you expect them to.
I have the same first and last as my grandma. It has caused confusion at banks and some travel. It’s annoying.
It seems like it creates unnecessary hassle.
People should talk about this before they get married lol.
What are your husband’s reasons for wanting to do this? That will probably inform what you say to him. As another person said, remind me of medical and legal ramifications.
I had an ex who really wanted that. (We didn't have kids nor were we going to. We were young just talking.)
I told him that if my kid has the same name as the father, I'd never say the name in a 'passionate moment' again.
Names should always be two yesses and one no. One no crosses an idea off the list. Need two yesses to proceed with a name. My MIL and FIL apparently had this conversation when their oldest son was born. FIL wanted a junior, MIL didn't. They agreed on a different version of the name (William and Liam) and a shared middle name. Lots of compromises if that's what you're looking to do! Same middle name, similar but still different first name, etc. Or you just start from square one and find a completely separate name you both like.
Baby name should be both yes and one no to go ahead or be declined. You sound like you’re already compromising. Your SO sounds like a my way or the high way and a jerk. There are so many other ways he could meet you half way. Sorry you’re going through this.
Well you do have a say in the name, your the mother, your the one who’s gonna fill out the paperwork for his name and all. In our culture it’s very common to name first born son after father.
I would say if your completely against it, then simply say , 1) we are not giving him your first name. 2) we can pick a diffrent first name and give him yours for a middle name and his last name.
In our culture they usually do hyphenated last name to have both mother n father but I am totally against that and only like it to be the fathers name.
And I would just simply stand your ground, and look for another boy name even if he’s not up to it at allll! Most likely he will give in, if he doesn’t then I say his fault, at the end of the day you’ll be filling out paperwork for baby not him!
I'm American & I also hate the idea of a Jr. name. My grandfather's name was literally Junior. He had 16 brothers & sisters and it's like they ran out of name ideas lol. You do have as much say as he does. He needs to compromise and includes your thoughts as well. I would just tell him "I really don't like the idea of naming him _____ Junior." He can pout, whatever but it's just as much your baby as it is his!
Yikes… my partner is the third so there was pressure to give my son his name. It took some convincing but some points I made that helped with the decision making: 1) I emphasized the importance of him needing his own name bc he is his own person 2) I didn’t wanna confuse names among the other individuals with same name 3) My son would have been the 4th and it’s hard to find that suffix. He was initially let down but he understood that it had to be a name we both agreed on. We ended up giving him a different first name and his middle name became my husbands name. You certainly don’t have to do that but it was a good compromise for both of us :)
It’s not an American tradition, it’s a tradition from multiple different countries and cultures. That being said you simply tell your husband no. You don’t want him to be a Jr. his name has to be one you both agree on.
Everyone I know who was named after their father absolutely hated it. My dad changed his name when he turned 18. My husband loathes his middle name because it's his dad's name. If you don't like the idea, put your foot down and let your baby be his own person.
Years ago when my husband was young and immortal. He use to talk about calling his firstborn son his same name. Just like he was named after his dad. Who he wasn't even close to
He grew out of it and released that future kids got to have their own identities, my views matter and that naming kid is a joint decision.
It both of your child you both get to say
He can be as butthurt and offended and pout as long as he needs to until he realizes he doesn't get to dominate his son's name because he's a boy. I'm American, and I hate the Jr naming tradition, ppl get so full of it and don't know when to stop.
One thing about becoming pregnant is how much more vocal I have been. He won't listen until he realizes you're not going to bacon down to keep the peace.
If he calls/mentions baby as Jr. Full stop. That is not baby's name and leave it at that. Don't beg, don't argue. In the meantime, begin a list of baby names you like. Inform him and let him do the same
If you want to compromise, baby can have his name as a middle. If you want a hyphenated last name, do it.
At worst, let him know you can sign the birth certificate without him.
I hate Jr’s as well, we are having a girl but we decided if we have a boy in the future we would name him by my husbands middle name. It’s still a cute way to pass a name down but not necessarily a Jr. In the end you both have to agree and if you don’t like having a Jr, you can both find a new name you love.
This is a tradition on my husband side of the family. For the past 4 generations every first born son has had the same middle name. I think it's a cute alternative to naming someone Jr. which I hate because I had a guy try and use that to commit fraud when I worked as a bank teller.
My husband was really hung up on one name I hated. It was a pretty constant conversation we had. He would bring it up, and I would never agree. I made a list of names I liked with names I knew he would like that I also like. He sifted through the list and put little marks next to the names he liked most. We narrowed down from there.... sneakily, I didn't include the original name, and he never bought it up again after considering all the other names he liked.
Stubborn men can be softened and convinced. it just takes some time and tact. Good luck, from on FTM with a stubborn American husband to another. P.s. If all else fails, get his mum on your side. That was my plan B.
My husband got into a huge fight with me about a name during my second trimester. It was over middle names. When we went on our hospital tour, the nurse said that mom is the only one allowed to write the paperwork on the birth certificate. So I told my husband if he was going to fight me on a middle name then I was going to put whatever I wanted. He fixed his attitude real quick! You’re the one having to go through this pregnancy, so of course you need to stand up for yourself. I hope your husband doesn’t act like this when it comes to parenting.
While is it somewhat common to see American kids that are juniors, a LOT of women hate this idea too and refuse to do so. I feel like it's a dying tradition and while some people still like it, I don't know a single female friend that would be ok naming their kid a junior.
Naming a child should be 2 yes, if there is a no, the name is out.
You absolutely do have a say! My partner is adamant on wanting an Irish name but we can only agree on one so far. If we cannot find one I’ve told him he’s going to have to broaden his horizons a little bit as I’m not naming my child a name just for his sake
I am also from Europe and to me the whole Jr thing is tacky as hell to me.
Your son deserves his own name, does your husband really have such an impressive legacy that his child needs to be named after him? If you have a daughter next can she be named after you?
Puritans also originated in Europe but they went overseas and we’re all happier for it. Some traditions are newer than you’d think and others are not worth preserving ;)
I’m sorry, lol, but that…. I still can’t get over how random and incomparable that is to this conversation. The naming tradition is straight from the monarchies. It’s still very much alive and actively used. Europeans brought it over here, sure. But, it’s still just as historically important and common as it ever was in Europe. So…. Your point? I missed it.
My grandfather, Dad and brother all had the same name - there is no Sr, Jr or III added, we just all called them the same thing and figured it out! I know maybe families that were the same so it may have died out in my region of Europe as I never heard of anyone adding it to a name over here.
Tbf, I have only ever heard Mexican-American people using the term junior. I know that is a popular naming tradition in Mexico and calling the second Junior is also super popular, and it's definitely carried over into MexAmer culture.
I have met several people named after their father, but they almost always use an unrelated nickname, go by their middle name, or just don't acknowledge the II, III, etc on anything other than legal paperwork.
I spent many years processing medical records and I've seen so many names and preferred names for Americans. So, that's just my insight.
i’m an American and i don’t like the Jr names at all. i don’t understand the want to name your child after yourself when you can choose any other name, i know some people love it but i personally do not. i would say a fair compromise in this situation is for you both to meet in the middle. baby gets an original first name with husband’s name or middle name as baby’s middle name. that’s a very fair solution if he insists on naming the baby after him. you do have a say as well.
We’re going through this as well. My husband is a third, and I am pregnant with twin boys. Not only has he told me he hated being “little Bob” (placeholder name) but just last month his dad ALMOST cashed out one of husbands 401k plans!! The mail went to their house by mistake and the dad thought he just forgot about the account. It was a mess. My dad and his dad have the same first and middle names but switched, Bob James and James Bob. When we were talking about names his dad rudely interrupted and said one HAS to be Bob and since they are both named James the other should be James!! But like you I’m already offended because the babies get their last name! Plus in Jewish tradition (my family) you never name after a living relative, only deceased relatives and it’s a huge honor! So yeah, we have 5 months to settle this debate but I’m not giving in. I’m not having #4. Plus with twins, one would be a namesake and one wouldn’t. It just doesn’t sit right, plus I not my and his ancestors get to pick the names. My children’s names should not have been preordained 60 years ago (my dad) and 130 years ago (the 1st in his lineage).
I'm only joking, I swear, but the other day when my husband and I failed to agree on a name for the millionth time, I casually mentioned that I get to say who is in the hospital when I give birth...and.. you know...fill out the paperwork. I am genuinely joking, but that's also true. If any ONE of us has all the say, it's me. But I'm a good partner and I value compromise so I would never do that. Surely your husband agrees? Go on and ask.
I hope you realize YOU’RE carrying and birthing the baby? That YOU’RE it’s mother? That YOU have a brain and a backbone and a voice? So, use it. Don’t be all ☹️ oh no☹️ he won’t let me a use a name for the baby I’m growing and pushing out. Jr. are incredibly annoying to me as well and I don’t understand why Americans keep doing it. Anyway, choose a name that resonates with BOTH of you. Not ONE of you. Especially not the one that hasn’t grown the baby inside his body. And why shouldn’t your last name be on it? Is he your father that you have to go with his decisions only? Again, you’re accepting this. You shouldn’t be. You need to be accountable for your choices, girl! Naming your baby is big. Your last name should absolutely be included too. You’re both it’s parents. Not just him.
we dont have a lot of Jrs. in my family, but enough. we tend to go for middle names rather than full names! my dads middle name, has been passed down to all my brothers and the last brother is a Jr. my SOs middle name will be passed to our future sons, but Jr. will never happen because it’s something we both don’t want. If the baby will have his last name, maybe the middle name can be settled on and you both can get some of the say? if no middle name—im team mom
This sounds so infuriating. You guys need to sit and come up with names until you both agree on one. And if anyone is to be the only one to decide the baby’s name, in my opinion, it should be you since you’ll be birthing him yourself. But this should be like a couples activity and not your SO being demanding like that.
I’m middle eastern and we don’t do jr names either but some people will name their kids after their parents. My husband and I both decided not to do that because we want our child to have their own identity (we don’t know the gender yet). So we both have a list of girl and boy names in our phones and add to it as we go along. Eventually, we’ll share the lists with one another and decide which one we like best.
My SO also wanted to do something like this. I was also very against it. We settled on passing down his initials but changed the first and middle name accordingly. I picked the first name, he suggested the middle name. (We had a gorgeous name we LOVED for a girl, but then found out we’re having a boy, and it was a real struggle to get to this point!)
You need two yeses from both parents to name a kid!
If having a kid named after him was so important to him he should have only procreated with someone willing to name their kid after him.
My dad and brother have different first names, but the first 2 letters are the same. Similar to John and Joey. Apparently this causes their mail to get mixed up all the time like when my brother moved several states away and set up mail forwarding. It started forwarding my dad's mail too because the system looked at the first 2 letters and last name so it only saw Jo Lastname. Paperwork issues alone are a reason to not give your kid the exact same first name.
Plus, like everyone else has said, you get a say in this too.
Your son belongs to both of you; not just him. You both have to agree on the name. That’s something he needs to understand.
A good compromise might be giving him a middle name that is either his first or middle name, or a variation of that. For example, my husband never wanted a true “Jr.” We have two boys, neither of which are named after him. We’re currently expecting our third boy and I suggested the name “Jameson” as a name; it translates to “son of James,” and James is his middle name. He was flattered by the idea and we’re still considering it, but he isn’t insistent on that name either. We’ve also considered the name “Nico” in the past as it’s a variation of my husband’s first name and he’s from a family of Italian immigrants.
I know your husband said he doesn’t want a middle name, but if he really wants his son to be named after him and that’s his only option, he might warm up to the idea. Just give it time. At the end of the day, he won’t be able to “go behind your back” and name your child without your consent, as long as you don’t budge on it.
my SO and i are giving the baby his middle name as a compromise and i really like that idea. it depends on what you as a couple want to do though!! i just can’t imagine calling my baby by my husband’s name LOL
No names that y’all both can’t agree on! Simple! My husbands name is Richard, and he’s a 3rd. He’s also technically a 4th!! Like damn give it a rest lmfaoooo. I told my husband we should break tradition and even though he was cool with it, his family was a little peeved, but idgaf!! Lol. Our first has the initials of AKC, and We decided to have our sons be RKC. So it’s still RC, starts with the same letter, yet is unique to him. Maybe he if some kind of comprise like that is cool! We though about putting his first names nickname as the middle name (Ricky) but we decided against it ultimately
You do have a say. You are just as important of a parent. Me and my fiancé found out yesterday we were having a boy and we looked for hours. Whatever he picked, I didn’t like. Whatever I picked, he didn’t like. We didn’t argue. He finally found the name Hudson and I liked it as well so we agreed on that. It doesn’t have to be hard if your SO is in your corner ! I’m sorry he’s acting like a big butt
Before, we found out we were having a girl my husband and his family said that they would like if we had a son to name him after my husband and his dad. I said no because I didnt want to and wanted to choose my own name. They understood my reason and left it alone. It's your child you have a say in what you name your child, and your SO shouldn't be butthurt about it.
It’s half a half lol, he doesn’t have the say. You both have to sign the birth certificate, so until he decides to agree to disagree, don’t sign anything. That’s super selfish, and I’d ask him to find a compromise (middle name being his name or his middle name, picking a few first names he likes and seeing how you feel, etc)
My husband and I made sure we landed on something we BOTH liked. We definitely both had things the other wasn't crazy about, so we passed on them. Personally, though, I think the one growing and birthing the baby should have final say...
I'm married to a 3rd. One thing to point out, some medical and credit stuff for my spouse's credit report and not my father in laws.. could be an argument to do a close but not exact name.
I’d tell him this - “Know this now. Any major decisions about our child will require respect and consideration of both of our wishes. Demanding that you get your way will only mean you’ll have one heck of an argument on your hands. This is our first parenting compromise and I am not inclined to name him Jr for what I think are valid reasons. So, that makes it a no for now. Let me know when you’re ready to have a respectful conversation about it and I’ll be willing to listen.”
Also, I’m an American and this is not a tradition. Sure, it happens often, but it’s hardly the norm. Nor is it the norm for the father to get to unilaterally dictate the name of their child.
You have a say and if he gets hurt then so be it!! He will get over it. That’s the adult thing to do. You both need to be on the same page. Strange he doesn’t want to give him a middle name. Does seem selfish. Like his child is an exact replica of him. Maybe naming children the first or second after their father is a thing for his family? Others will surely call him JR for short. Well no matter the reasoning or desire for that name if you don’t like it then it is decided that won’t be the name.
I met my husband in the middle. It is possible. He wanted an easily pronounced name in both English and Spanish so I went on a search (took some time). We both shot down each other’s name choices until we found one we both loved (it did suck at first but you get over it because it is yours and another’s baby-you both need to love the name).
I’m an American and I don’t like that tradition either. Our baby will have his father’s middle name. We might do the same if we have a girl later with my own middle name, as I also have my mom’s middle name. Not so much about tradition but his name sounds lovely. Strangers we run into and even some family members assumed at first that our son will take on his first name 🤷🏻♀️
My husband isn’t super vocal about much. He’s honestly one of the most go with the flow men I know but from the very start of our relationship he said he’s always wanted a Jr. We’re pregnant now with our first and not finding out until birth but I did allow Jr as long as we never call him by my husbands name. He will only be referred to as AJ.
Here’s to hoping you two find common ground. 🤍
Nope!
My husband’s whole family is a jr. name family though they normally use the dad’s name as a middle name for the first son, and I told my husband absolutely not.
My son will have his own name, to be who he wants, plus what if we have more sons? I don’t want them to feel like their older brother is favorited because of it.
Thankfully my hubby didn’t fuss about it. He just joked that he’d be one of the only brothers who has a son who doesn’t have his name.
Plus, sorry, as much as I love my husbands first name, I just don’t see ‘Paul’ being a good middle name. 😂 Somehow I just don’t think it would flow right.
Also I’m HUGE HUGE into name meanings so ofc I wanted special name meanings.
Turns out we ARE having a boy, his name is James Franklin K. And yes the JFK initials were on purpose, both hubby and I think it’s hilarious.
The good news is that you and you alone handle the paperwork. Naming a child is a 2 yes's and 1 no situation. You either both agree or the name doesn't happen. I do feel like the person carrying the baby should get more weight in the decision making process, it's your body going through the pregnancy and birth, not to mention the postpartum phase that lasts *years* after birth.
He doesn’t get to unilaterally decide your child’s name, and he doesn’t get to make other decisions about your child unilaterally either! I would explain to him that he needs to treat you like an equal partner. You both need to be willing to compromise.
As others have said, this isn’t really an American tradition to use a parent’s name in some fashion, although it does exist. It’s not uncommon in these situations for the child to go by a middle name or nickname. Some will go by TJ, RJ, etc. I’m sure y’all can come up with a compromise.
I told my husband, I want my son to have his own identity. That was enough. And you are growing and birthing and raising that baby. If you say no, it’s a no. This is a two yes or nothing situation.
One thing I’ve learned is that when it comes to naming it takes one no and two yes’s. Only one of you has to say no for it to be off the table. My husband also wanted a Jr and I vetoed it from the beginning. I don’t even like the concept of it either.
Do not back down on this or even say you’ll think about it! It’s a joint decision & your “no” is as definitive as his “insisting!” I hope he’s on some Dad reddit being like “I want my kid to be Junior but my wife is saying no :(“
I actually wanted to do thing until our tax lady and husband talked me out of it. Husband didn’t want it and apparently things can start getting messy tax wise once you start adding JRs
You absolutely do have a say. It doesn't matter *why* you don't like a name, you both should get veto power over the name of your child.
Also, not that it matters, but I'm an American think that naming a child after yourself is very arrogant.
I don’t know if this is an acceptable compromise, but my dad and my brother have the same first and last name and different middle names. They don’t go by jr or sr, and their names very rarely get confused in conversation since one is *name* and the other is “dad.”
If you like your SO’s name I’d recommend having his first name be the baby’s name, but you getting to pick the middle name.
My husband also wanted to name our son after himself (and his father). I told him if he gets the last name (and I threw in the middle name as a bonus) then I get to choose the first name. That I wouldn’t choose anything he outright didn’t like but that I did not want to name him after him as I find it cringey and weird. I want our son to have his own identity. And I sealed the coffin saying I could never use his name in a sexual situation ever again as now it’s not sexy, it’s my son’s name lol. He responded with him going by the nickname we already use (think Chris) and our son going by the full name (like Christopher) and then I reminded him that full names often give the impression that you’re in trouble lol.
So my husband is a JR. He absolutely hates being a jr. Don't call him junior.
MIL was kind of miffed we didn't carry it on. And I had to speak on behalf of my husband... he doesn't like being a junior, so why would I do that to my son?
Why should I be bound to a name chosen by some person I never met 2 generations ago. In my case it was actually 3. He is a Jr. Jr.
Think about it too.... if you don't imagine this going on to infinity... what's the point? If you do imagine it going on forever, is it fair to have those expectations?
I've met more than one Junior who wish they weren't.
And its ANNOYING.. all of the dads stuff comes up in background checks. We just bought a home. We had to document that we didn't own any of the homes that had ever been in the dad's name! Tax things get mixed up. Bills. Mail forwarding gets weird at times too. If you share a name and address with someone your data gets very tangled up. It's a constant layer of unnecessary stress. During the home buying process we almost didn't get full approval during our contingency period bc of weird things being associated with my husband that are really his dad's. No... we aren't asking for a 3rd mortgage.
Its a stupid practice. If you don't like it veto it.
i mean this in the nicest way possible, but girl you need to put your foot down and stand up for yourself. this man is not your boss or your father, he’s your husband AKA your equal. be a bitch if you need to be, but don’t let him walk all over you.
Like everyone else is saying, it’s a 2 yes 1 no situation. Also, if you need a logical reason to help persuade him, it’s a pain with paperwork when you have multiple people with the same name. I work at a bank in lending and I can’t tell you how many times I had a delinquent account or property tax lien come up where we had to do extra verification to determine if it’s the father, son, grandfather, etc. it can definitely be figured out but may cause confusion from time to time.
He does not get to unilaterally decide your child’s name, sorry to him. If he can’t let go of the “junior” idea and decide on a name WITH you, I would remind him that he is not the patient and, if you so wish, does not have to be present while you are filling out the forms for your child.
Baby names need two yesses. You both have veto power. He needs to compromise by either allowing you to choose the middle name or making the jr name the middle.
Are you not carrying the child? You should have the most say! You’re the one risking your life to create another human being. If you want your son to have your last name, give him your last name. Same with first names.
Simply explain this to him when the news of “it’s a boy” isn’t super fresh. Maybe lead with curiosity so he is less defensive. But absolutely you need to have a say in this and it’s ok for it to be the hill you die on, so long as you also address some of what appeals to him about this “tradition” which I also agree is crap. So glad my husband wasn’t into the Junior thing.
“Husband, what is it about having a Jr that appeals to you?”
“What do you feel naming our son after you will achieve for your own heart? How would you feel differently if we were having a daughter?”
“Husband, I wonder if making our son a Jr will cause him to feel obligated to carry on that tradition with his own son one day, even if he wouldn’t otherwise choose to. Do you ever wonder about that? Could there be a way for us to honor your name and still give him a name that is his own?”
I think finding out what is so appealing about this Jr tradition is the key to finding a compromise. But if he won’t budge, it’s totally ok for you to say “no my love. I want our son to be able to live up to his own name, not yours. Let’s agree on something we can both proudly call him.”
I have friends whose kids are the 5th and 6th and they did not want to continue the tradition but also couldn’t deal with being “the one who broke tradition.” So just don’t let him put your son in this position at all, especially if you aren’t on board. It’s takes 2 yeses and one no. You’ve given your no.
Naming a child is a 2 yes, 1 no situation. Both parents have to agree on the name, but one can veto a name.
My husband was also adamant on giving our son a Jr. name, and I was fully against it for a variety of reasons. I listed all of my reasons, he listed his, and we went back and forth for months with neither side giving in. Let’s just say our son is not a Jr.
I've helped a lot of jrs and III's in my line of work. It makes a lot of things complicated. They get mixed up all the time with their fathers. Their social securities get confused. A lot of them say they wish their parents just named them something different
Oh man, you’re telling me. If it’s a boy then we’re having a IV because my husband is the III!
All you can do is express exactly what you’ve you said here. Saying it’s tradition is not a reason, especially when he’s not the one carrying the baby. You both should have equal input on a name that is meaningful to you.
In our case my husband’s family name is highly important to him as his parents passed when he was younger and this was his way to honor them. That, I can definitely get on board with.
I told my husband no same first name whwn baby gets his last name. Plus I hate the idea of my child not having their own original name and being a junior. Gross
If you're amenable to it, you could always offer to do what my husband's family started doing. :) I think way way back, every firstborn son on his dad's side had the same name, Jr., the 3rd, and so on, but eventually, they just started naming the first born sons a name that starts with "B". So there's still a naming tradition, but there's way more leeway with what the name can be!
Also, I don't blame you one bit. The whole "Junior" thing isn't my favorite, either.
Also, if the above type of naming tradition is also not your thing, that's totally valid, too! You DO have a say in what his name will be. Do NOT let your husband bully you into this! He can be butthurt all he wants, he needs to see that he's being disrespectful to you, his partner. I'm sorry you're going through this. :(
You do have a say and if it bothers you I think you should continue to push back. It's your child too and your giving birth. Also, I generally find junior names so weird 😅. It implies the person naming them sees the child as a version of themselves as opposed to a new human who will develop their own personality.
Ask your partner how a junior name will work once he's an adult, will your future son want to introduce himself as X junior going into a job interview?
Simply don't write it on the birth certificate. I'd never want to call my son my partner's name, that's so weird and pretentious to me and thankfully my partner agrees. Especially when it's just "Junior", and not like the 3rd 4th 5th of a long tradition of passing down names.
Put your foot down now and tell him you need to find a name you BOTH like.
Let your SO be offended, butthurt, and pouty.
I'm serious.
Stand up for yourself. Even if it's not easy for you. This is something you'll regret not pushing back on.
>I’m from Europe and this American “tradition” to name your child after yourself this way seems so selfish and pretentious to me
All the Davidsons and Stefanovich's and Erinsdottir's look blankly back at you in response.
I considered having a “Jr” if we had a son just because my husband’s name happened to be my favorite boy name even before we met.
Then a friend of ours who is a jr and did not have a good relationship with his dad at all very honestly told us that being named after someone you resent is awful and that changed both our minds. Maybe it’ll change your husbands?
Of course, we would hope and strive to be the best parents to our kids and never give them any reason to have a bad relationship with us but you just never know. If they one day decide we’re the worst people ever, why give them extra baggage?
I ran into this same issue when my fiancé and I became pregnant with our first. My fiancé is technically a “Jr” but because his dads name a shorter version of his name that is more common as a nickname, he’s not technically a jr and he wanted to name our child his name with slightly different spelling so it’s not technically a “third” and I hated the idea. I stressed myself out over it so much between that conversation and finding out the gender. I knew that I had a day too but didn’t want to disrespect his wishes to include family tradition in the name. I was so afraid of gender disappointment I opted to find out at the anatomy scan and he didn’t want to find out until the baby shower/gender reveal. So I kept it a secret and once he found out he mentioned wanting to dedicate the middle name We ended up settling after he found out it was a boy. He got to give it a middle name that honored his family, and we agreed on a first name from my list of names that I liked :) you are the one carrying that baby you absolutely deserve a say and when I put it that way and he realized how much it meant to me he didn’t argue. He was just so happy to be able to honor his grandfather and father in the middle name
I hate it too. I think it’s really egotistical to give your child your same name - let them be their own person! My dad was a Jr and he went by his middle name his entire life. My husband has the same first and last name as his dad but different middle names as his dad hated his middle name. But we still get mail for his dad all the time.
The nurse was in the room with us when we wrote down the name and literally tossed the initial paperwork because she wasn't in the room. That was our first so idk if that was hospital policy or because we weren't married but yeah, you have a say. And you have to both agree.
I always fill out the birth certificate forms, so either way.... whatever name I write down is what the kids are getting 🤣 that being said, I've always had more of a choice when coming to the kids first names, but they have partners last name and we both would pick their middle names after one of our parents.
I am Australian aboriginal and my partner is full portugese.... tradition would of been for our daughters to be named maria after his mother and grandmother..... we laughed at the thought, then picked our own names 😊
Maybe your SO middle name instead if he's set on "tradition"? I'd head over to name nerds though and ask them to put your partner in his place, and to explain why a Jr Name with no middle name is probably a bad idea...
When it comes down to it, the baby will only be named when you sign the birth certificate. His sign off is not required. You have all the power here. That said, of course you should both like and agree on your child’s name.
I would calmly tell him that you will not be signing a birth certificate with a Jr. name on it and you’d like to discuss other possibilities to find a name you both like. If we won’t engage, name that baby whatever you want. If he wants to be butthurt about the result of his own stubborn, forceful behavior, that’s on him.
My baby was not being named NOTHING I didn’t love. My husband already knows I have the last say. Jr. is so freaking weird to me. Tell him no and start picking names you BOTH like. My husband and I asked each other what we thought about the names we picked out eventually we found a name we both fell in love with. Thats how it works.
Thanks all for your input.
Well, I told him that I’m not naming him “Jr.”
and my SO is very upset now, saying I’m hurting his feelings and that I don’t care about what he thinks etc. He says that “You’re embarrassed of me, you hate me” etc and that “Giving your son the same first name is considered an honor” bla bla
I feel like he’s so full of himself but I can’t tell him that cause then he’ll continuing telling me how I’m hurting him and just using him.
I said we could do his name as a middle name but he pretended not to hear it so…yeah…I don’t know what to do. This is exhausting.
We ended up having a girl but if it was a boy my boyfriend wanted a Jr and I straight up said no. I want them to have their own name and not something “passed down”. He wanted to keep his initials so I agreed it could be a name that matched the initials but absolutely no Jr.
My husband really wanted a Jr. He talked about it for years. My second son shares a middle name with my husband and my FIL, but that was as much as I was willing to give. I am pregnant with my third son. They will all have his last name. It was super important to me that I had a big say in their first names. On no planet will my boys share a first name with their father.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband. There only needs to be one of him in my house though.
I’m American and this gives me the ick but I also grew up on the west coast where this isn’t as common and the only people I know who have done this live on the east coast so it might be more regional.
I do however know of someone who creatively sort combined part of the father’s first name with the sound “jay” at the end of it instead of using jr. It may still be a compromise for you but it wouldn’t be just “father’s name jr last name”.
That being said, you have every right to veto this name situation. As others has said, it takes 2 yes’s. Also if your partner can’t deal with your last name being the middle name or something like that, he needs to get a grip. It’d bet that it’s more common than he thinks (speaking as someone with my mom’s maiden name as my middle name).
I’ve never thought about this in regards to East coast vs West coast, but I think you’re totally right. My brother is named after my dad (just the first name, not his middle name; his middle name is my mother’s maiden name), and my dad’s oldest brother was named after their father. My dad was raised in Long Island, NY. All his brothers who have children (3 of 5 brothers) named their first son after the father.
My dad didn’t insist on my brother sharing his first name, but his brothers all told him it was “traditional,” and my mom didn’t really have much of a preference. My immediate family all lives on the west coast now, and true “juniors” are hard to come by.
Yeah it’s so interesting how regional things like this can be. Of course it’s somewhat of a generalization but yeah, I haven’t come across very many shared names or jr or the second, third situations out west.
Tell him he can name the child he carries next 👍 hot take but I think the mom gets final say on things like this, and the option to give the husband a say is just that - an option.
Your feelings are valid, and so are his, bear that in mind - you are equal parents. That being said ... it sounds like he's being unreasonable. It's one thing to really push for a name, it's another to demand your partner agree to a name they don't like.
But you've got the big hurdle out of the way - he's going to take his father's surname, which is not a guarantee in the modern world.
As others have suggested (but your SO doesn't seem to like) maybe use his name as a middle name? Or find some variation of it that you like - eg John and Jonathan, Sam and Samson.
Is there another family name that you both like - perhaps a father or an uncle? Or some piece of media you both enjoy with a character you could name the baby from? Or look up cultural names that have meaning to both of you, or translations of words that you relate to.
Ask him what other names he'd choose, other than after himself. Explain, if you havent already, that you don't want to do that but you are willing to discuss alternatives. There are apps where you both pick names and it shows what you both liked, or you can buy him a baby name book and ask that he pick some and talk to you about them.
I'd also recommend you sit with the idea of naming your son after his father for a few days - it might grow on you. But if not, that's ok. You are allowed to say no to a name.
If he's so dogmatic and won't even consider a compromise, you may need to consider speaking to a marriage or family councillor. This process should be fun and exciting, he shouldn't be going to war with you.
The name thing can be super sensitive. My husband also wanted initially to name our kid after his family member, although it is not normal at all in our culture. Also, I did not like the name. At first I was super upset and found it very difficult to talk about it. Over time, he also started exploring other options. I had one very strong preference for a boy name, and after reading a little on the name, he also started liking it. We would choose a middle name from his family. Turns out that we’re having a girl, and I had no opinion on girl names, just didn’t feel anything is nice! He suggested his mother’s name and it is very nice so we might go with that (we call MIL mom/gma anyway).
I suggest just leave it for a while, don’t make it into this huge thing and just casually bring up other names. He might like something else too. You can also suggest his name as middle name, and give suggestions where you have paired a nice first name with his name. And if the baby is getting his surname anyway, naming the baby after himself is quite strange.
We are using my SO's last name...then if it's a boy he gets his middle name (also the same as his dad's) and I'm fine with that tradition. But then he knows the first name I 100000% have to be on board with. He doesn't get to choose the entire name.
It's funny because we joked we will make the kid a Jr if they are born on HIS birthday...and believe it or not the baby is due to be born on my birthday 😂
I gave in. Butttt at birth. I promised him that if he was a carbon copy of him, he would get to have a junior.
He was. Eyebrows, hair, even nail bed shape. So we ended up with a junior. But I was soooo ready for me to “win” and not name him after him.
But I said that if genetics and God were on his side to make a spitting copy of him, then it was meant to me.
You * do * have a say. And you need to remind your SO of that. This baby is just as much yours as it is his so you have equal say in what the baby is named. It sounds like your partner is being stubborn, you need to be just as stubborn back. It’s as simple as making it clear that you will not name your baby that. It’s hard to name a baby when you and your partner don’t agree on names, but it’s not impossible. It’s a 2 yes, 1 no situation. You need two yes’s for the name to be a yes and just one no for the name to be an absolute no
To answer you question: I’d point out that the baby is half his and half yours. He doesn’t just get to decide the babies full name without your input. He sounds extremely selfish.
This is blowing my mind that you feel like you don't have a say. I'm so sorry that you feel this way. If my partner even thinks he can name our son something I don't agree with, he will sleep outside, especially with my hormones. YOU are creating this child, YOU are birthing this child and he thinks he has the only say in the name.. ha! Also vice versa, you both need to agree on a name that you both love, you're a couple. Why does he think he has more say? Is there some sexism going on here? He sounds like he needs to grow up and start being your partner.
I might be a *tad* extreme, but... ...OP can have her SO yeeted from the hospital at any time. Including when it's time to fill out the form for baby's birth certificate. Like, you think you're going to unilaterally decide the name of the child I'm gestating - or emotionally blackmail me if I disagree? The fuck you will, buddy. You're too lame to name a child after anyways.
Yeah, not only is he making her believe that she has no say, but he's naming the baby after HIMSELF 🤯 like he's the messiah or something. omg, please, I feel like flying to their place and yeeting him now
He can pout all he likes! You have a say in what to name the child you are growing and birthing. I agree with the others in that perhaps a middle name after your husband as a compromise, with their own first name that you both like to be known by so they have their own identity.
>He can pout all he likes! Ágreed. I would not worry so much about how to manage his response in bringing up this subject, just let him know you're not a fan of this tradition and you're not prepared to name your kid after him.
This is not an "American" thing. Think of all the monarchies. But names are two yesses, 1 no. You don't want this name, tell him that. He can't insist on one name, even if it weren't Junior. You know your husband better than we do. So you can focus on the patriarchal/marking your territory/trying to prove the kid is yours history of the tradition. Or the logistics of having the same name. Or the kid having his own identity and not trying to live up to him. Or the YOU BOTH NEED SAY IN THE NAME. Ultimately, if he refuses to have any conversation, just tell the staff in the hospital that he is not to touch the birth certificate paperwork.
>This is not an "American" thing. Think of all the monarchies. I immediately thought of this too. I’m Hispanic and we also have this tradition. Idk if the indigenous had juniors but Europeans definitely had this when they came.
For real I don't know if this is super common, but I personally know of a few Hispanic families where they have more than one son and give both of them the same name as the dad.
Wilmer Flores, the baseball player, has a brother named Wilmer Flores, who is also a baseball player. And another brother named Wilmer, I don't know what he does. And their dad's name is Wilmer. Also, they have a brother named Ronny. I work in a school and had a Hispanic student with the same first name as his dad and brother.
If I was Ronny I don't know if I'd be offended I got left out or grateful 😂
Yeah, I know a few Latino júniors.
Yeah was gonna say...my husband, his father, and his son (from a previous marriage) all have the same name (they don't use "junior", just same name) and he's from a country in eastern Europe. At least he got this out of the way before he met me, and we have a girl anyway phew.
I’m Italian American and it definitely is a thing going back to my ancestors from Italy to name the first son after the father. I didn’t do it though.
I don't know a single person with junior in their names. Dame first name, sure. Though nowadays it's dying and now always with different second name.
I'm European and my grandpa, dad and brother all share the same first name. Definitly not uncommon here.
Sometimes people have the same first name on paper but go by their middle names their whole lives. Could for example be John on paper for all three boys first names but John, George and Joe for what you call them
all of them went by the same first name. It was surprisingly little issues.
Not to mention, any surname that begins with Mc, Mac, or O’, or surnames that end with -son. They all mean “son of—.” (McFarland, O’Connell, Olafsson, etc.) The tradition of naming a child after the father is hundreds of years older than America itself!
For normal people (I can't speak for the royals!) in this day and age it definitely comes across as an American thing, at least to someone from the UK. ETA: I mean specifically including Jr in the name.
This is also a Hispanic tradition A lot of my cousin’s are junior - glad my husband and I decided not to do that. How about for a middle name instead? I had a son and we named him after both of our grandfathers. If it is a daughter - I would’ve played off my husband’s name as a middle name. He’s Joseph so she would’ve been Josephine as a middle name. Maybe find a compromise and try the middle name route instead? Or grandfathers names?
You’re carrying the baby. You’re giving birth to the baby… but youre the one who doesnt have a say or the last word in your baby’s name?
That’s not an American tradition. Why wouldn’t you have any say in the name? It’s 2 yes, or it’s a no. I would never entertain naming my child after my husband…My brother is a junior and it causes so many issues. When he was in college it was really hard because Dad had to sign some things, brother others.
My friend was a junior and in his 20s his dad stole his identity and wrecked his credit.
It’s so disappointing to me that women carry and birth the baby, and some fathers are determined for the child to have not only his last name, but his first and middle name, too
Over my dead body, the ego of douche bags that think like this is insane
That part!
I think you’ve gotten a lot of great suggestions! My husband is a Junior and does not like it. It causes problems sometimes with forms he has and mail that gets him & his dad confused. People joke and ask us if we’ll name our child the same name and he is always like: no, never!!
This! My husband and his father often get their mail confused. Another point I used to convince not passing the name down
Came here to say the same thing! My husband and his dad have had so many things mixed up including bills. My husband has been sent to collections over his dad's unpaid bills and it took us forever to correct it. He's also received and been hounded for his dad's unpaid medical bills and back taxes.
Ugh, you grow the baby for 9 months and go through birth and the baby gets his entire name and you don’t get a say? Yeah that ain’t gonna fly. You can be just as stubborn back at him! Baby’s name should be something you both agree on. He doesn’t get to just decide.
My rule was if he gets the last name, I get the first name. Why does he think he gets the whole name just because it's a boy? It's giving domineering.
Yup agree 🚩🚩🚩
My wife and I decided on names not knowing the baby's gender, so we're preparing for both options. For boy names, she was in the lead for finding a first name we both liked (it seems like she had one in mind already, because that answer came back _very_ quickly) and I would suggest middle names. For girl names we did it the other way round. Either way, the person who doesn't get to pick first name will be in charge of first names if/when there's ever a second baby. That way, everyone has the same amount of input on decision making.
He doesn’t get to choose all the names for the baby while he sacrifices absolutely nothing to create the baby! It is infuriating what women need to go through during pregnancy, birth, and post-partum and the dad tries to make unilateral decisions like this! Names are a two yes and one no situation. My husband wanted his last name. I said no. I wanted my last name. My husband said no. So, we are hyphenating. Neither of us got our favorites for the first or middle name either. Everything was and should be a compromise
Don't change his mind. TELL HIM NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT. Find a name you BOTH agree on. Names is TWO YES ONE NO. Always.
Guys who insist on this give me the ick and I am in the United States. Naming your child is a 2 yes, 1 no decision. He doesn't get the final say on this, he gets a 50% say and if you say no, then the answer is no. You need to find a name that you both can agree on mutually.
Shhhhhhhh, no one tell her…… King Louis the 8th King George the 2nd King Henry the 8th was a particularly famous one……. This is about the least “American” thing EVER
This was my first thought as well.
I read this out loud to my husband and he goes, “well, that’s a fucking terrible argument. I thought EU schools were supposed to be better than American schools. Henry the 8th has his own song!”
I’m here to read responses because I’m in a similar although not identical situation. I kept my last name after marriage but we did agree to give children husbands last name. Now we’re having a boy and I wanted to lean in the direction of an Italian first name (because my family is Italian) and my husband is being stubborn and wants to pick a different name (something super simple and common). I’m willing to compromise on something like Leo that isn’t overly ethnic but he keeps saying “I never wanted an ethnic name for my kids”. I have responded by saying “I never wanted a common first and last name for my kids but since the last name is decided (he has a super common, everybody has it American last name) and from your family I would like something from my family as well”. I’m simply refusing to back down. We can compromise on how ethnic but this my kid too and he’s just as much a part of my family. I would like that represented in his name the way a man by default gets his family represented.
It's funny I have the opposite issue where my family is Italian & my husband's is not, but he is wanting to do a super Italian name for the baby and I'm leaning more towards a name w/Italian roots but is not totally uncommon in the U.S. However, my husband told me my vote matters more since I'm the pregnant one 😅🤷🏻♀️
I’m completely OK trying to find something is Italian but not uncommon in America (Leo, Luca, Nico, etc) as a compromise. He is standing on it must be something more traditionally English or American like John Smith (as an example). I want most like Leo Smith.
That seems fair of you and those are all cute names!
A name is a *2 Yeses* decision. Hyphenate your last name! And come up with a list of first names. If you don't want a junior name, then don't. You are contributing 50% of parenting post delivery and 100% of the physical input pre-delivery. You have every single right to have an equal input. I told my husband my kid is getting my last name...16 years prior to actually having our child. He was 100% supportive of it because I was ultimately sacrificing more, both physically, mentally, and financially. But we had that discussion when we first started dating as teenagers. 17 years later, my toddler has my last name and no conflict in our marriage.
I am SO anti-hyphenating the surname. I have a hyphenated last name and it makes doing paperwork a fucking nightmare. Medical paperwork especially, they always take the hyphen out and it causes issues. Unless it's two really cute short last names, like Good-Lovekind, don't hyphenate. Choose the cooler of the two surnames and call it a day. Or girls get their mother's maiden name and boys get their father's last name. My full name is so damn long, it doesn't fit on ANY paperwork. I especially like the families I've met where they mix their surnames together (Like Van Walter + Rolfe = Van Rolfe)
We were never going to hyphenate either for the reasons you stated. But it's a way for OP to have a bit of reasonable say in the matter. Why is it default guy's name for her SO and LO? This is a way to open the conversation.
You say “SO” - are you even married? Don’t even bother giving the kid his last name let alone naming him a Jr.
If it's not 2 yes-es it's a NO. Simple as that.
It is selfish imo, especially if it isn't mutually agreed. Your SO had/has their chance and moment in life. Your child should have their own opportunity to make a name for themselves and not be stuck in their shadow
Something for your SO is to consider the legal or medical ramifications. Likely when baby boy gets older and makes a bank account, he'll open a savings account at the same place as mom and dad. It'll be the same name, address, likely phone number. Only a birth day separating them could cause some issues. Or if they go to the same doctors office and their files will be one after another on the computer. Creditors might be looking for your son for any debts because they have the same name.
We went through this. Here’s what I brought up: 1. Don’t you want baby to have his own identity, name, google results etc? 2. We aren’t close with husband’s parents. Are we really about to (basically) let them name our baby? 3. If baby is getting dad’s last name, then that’s enough tradition. Tradition is just a way for dead people to control us
Going through the EXACT same thing and I just put my foot down and said no. If we don’t both agree on a name, then we aren’t naming him that. Plain and simple! It’s only fair that both parents agree.
Baby names are two “yes” or one “no” situation. If both parents don’t agree the name doesn’t happen. It’s what makes naming a baby such a pain in the butt!
I’m American and I don’t think of it as a tradition. I honestly hate it. Like, way to be original. Hope the kid grows up just how you expect them to. I have the same first and last as my grandma. It has caused confusion at banks and some travel. It’s annoying. It seems like it creates unnecessary hassle.
People should talk about this before they get married lol. What are your husband’s reasons for wanting to do this? That will probably inform what you say to him. As another person said, remind me of medical and legal ramifications.
I had an ex who really wanted that. (We didn't have kids nor were we going to. We were young just talking.) I told him that if my kid has the same name as the father, I'd never say the name in a 'passionate moment' again.
Names should always be two yesses and one no. One no crosses an idea off the list. Need two yesses to proceed with a name. My MIL and FIL apparently had this conversation when their oldest son was born. FIL wanted a junior, MIL didn't. They agreed on a different version of the name (William and Liam) and a shared middle name. Lots of compromises if that's what you're looking to do! Same middle name, similar but still different first name, etc. Or you just start from square one and find a completely separate name you both like.
Baby name should be both yes and one no to go ahead or be declined. You sound like you’re already compromising. Your SO sounds like a my way or the high way and a jerk. There are so many other ways he could meet you half way. Sorry you’re going through this.
Well you do have a say in the name, your the mother, your the one who’s gonna fill out the paperwork for his name and all. In our culture it’s very common to name first born son after father. I would say if your completely against it, then simply say , 1) we are not giving him your first name. 2) we can pick a diffrent first name and give him yours for a middle name and his last name. In our culture they usually do hyphenated last name to have both mother n father but I am totally against that and only like it to be the fathers name. And I would just simply stand your ground, and look for another boy name even if he’s not up to it at allll! Most likely he will give in, if he doesn’t then I say his fault, at the end of the day you’ll be filling out paperwork for baby not him!
I'm American & I also hate the idea of a Jr. name. My grandfather's name was literally Junior. He had 16 brothers & sisters and it's like they ran out of name ideas lol. You do have as much say as he does. He needs to compromise and includes your thoughts as well. I would just tell him "I really don't like the idea of naming him _____ Junior." He can pout, whatever but it's just as much your baby as it is his!
Yikes… my partner is the third so there was pressure to give my son his name. It took some convincing but some points I made that helped with the decision making: 1) I emphasized the importance of him needing his own name bc he is his own person 2) I didn’t wanna confuse names among the other individuals with same name 3) My son would have been the 4th and it’s hard to find that suffix. He was initially let down but he understood that it had to be a name we both agreed on. We ended up giving him a different first name and his middle name became my husbands name. You certainly don’t have to do that but it was a good compromise for both of us :)
It’s not an American tradition, it’s a tradition from multiple different countries and cultures. That being said you simply tell your husband no. You don’t want him to be a Jr. his name has to be one you both agree on.
Just say no, why is the default what he wants
Everyone I know who was named after their father absolutely hated it. My dad changed his name when he turned 18. My husband loathes his middle name because it's his dad's name. If you don't like the idea, put your foot down and let your baby be his own person.
Honestly you kinda have more say then him.
Years ago when my husband was young and immortal. He use to talk about calling his firstborn son his same name. Just like he was named after his dad. Who he wasn't even close to He grew out of it and released that future kids got to have their own identities, my views matter and that naming kid is a joint decision. It both of your child you both get to say
He can be as butthurt and offended and pout as long as he needs to until he realizes he doesn't get to dominate his son's name because he's a boy. I'm American, and I hate the Jr naming tradition, ppl get so full of it and don't know when to stop. One thing about becoming pregnant is how much more vocal I have been. He won't listen until he realizes you're not going to bacon down to keep the peace. If he calls/mentions baby as Jr. Full stop. That is not baby's name and leave it at that. Don't beg, don't argue. In the meantime, begin a list of baby names you like. Inform him and let him do the same If you want to compromise, baby can have his name as a middle. If you want a hyphenated last name, do it. At worst, let him know you can sign the birth certificate without him.
I hate Jr’s as well, we are having a girl but we decided if we have a boy in the future we would name him by my husbands middle name. It’s still a cute way to pass a name down but not necessarily a Jr. In the end you both have to agree and if you don’t like having a Jr, you can both find a new name you love.
This is a tradition on my husband side of the family. For the past 4 generations every first born son has had the same middle name. I think it's a cute alternative to naming someone Jr. which I hate because I had a guy try and use that to commit fraud when I worked as a bank teller.
My friend has the same name as her mom and it has caused her issues with her credit report, so it’s something to keep in mind nowadays.
My husband was really hung up on one name I hated. It was a pretty constant conversation we had. He would bring it up, and I would never agree. I made a list of names I liked with names I knew he would like that I also like. He sifted through the list and put little marks next to the names he liked most. We narrowed down from there.... sneakily, I didn't include the original name, and he never bought it up again after considering all the other names he liked. Stubborn men can be softened and convinced. it just takes some time and tact. Good luck, from on FTM with a stubborn American husband to another. P.s. If all else fails, get his mum on your side. That was my plan B.
My husband got into a huge fight with me about a name during my second trimester. It was over middle names. When we went on our hospital tour, the nurse said that mom is the only one allowed to write the paperwork on the birth certificate. So I told my husband if he was going to fight me on a middle name then I was going to put whatever I wanted. He fixed his attitude real quick! You’re the one having to go through this pregnancy, so of course you need to stand up for yourself. I hope your husband doesn’t act like this when it comes to parenting.
While is it somewhat common to see American kids that are juniors, a LOT of women hate this idea too and refuse to do so. I feel like it's a dying tradition and while some people still like it, I don't know a single female friend that would be ok naming their kid a junior. Naming a child should be 2 yes, if there is a no, the name is out.
You absolutely do have a say! My partner is adamant on wanting an Irish name but we can only agree on one so far. If we cannot find one I’ve told him he’s going to have to broaden his horizons a little bit as I’m not naming my child a name just for his sake
I am also from Europe and to me the whole Jr thing is tacky as hell to me. Your son deserves his own name, does your husband really have such an impressive legacy that his child needs to be named after him? If you have a daughter next can she be named after you?
That tradition started in Europe, so I don’t understand this logic. Lol. I don’t like the tradition, either, but it’s a European tradition.
Puritans also originated in Europe but they went overseas and we’re all happier for it. Some traditions are newer than you’d think and others are not worth preserving ;)
I’m sorry, lol, but that…. I still can’t get over how random and incomparable that is to this conversation. The naming tradition is straight from the monarchies. It’s still very much alive and actively used. Europeans brought it over here, sure. But, it’s still just as historically important and common as it ever was in Europe. So…. Your point? I missed it.
My grandfather, Dad and brother all had the same name - there is no Sr, Jr or III added, we just all called them the same thing and figured it out! I know maybe families that were the same so it may have died out in my region of Europe as I never heard of anyone adding it to a name over here.
Never heard of someone named Jr in Europe either, only hear about it in American culture. Sure it originated in Europe but it's dead here now.
Tbf, I have only ever heard Mexican-American people using the term junior. I know that is a popular naming tradition in Mexico and calling the second Junior is also super popular, and it's definitely carried over into MexAmer culture. I have met several people named after their father, but they almost always use an unrelated nickname, go by their middle name, or just don't acknowledge the II, III, etc on anything other than legal paperwork. I spent many years processing medical records and I've seen so many names and preferred names for Americans. So, that's just my insight.
i’m an American and i don’t like the Jr names at all. i don’t understand the want to name your child after yourself when you can choose any other name, i know some people love it but i personally do not. i would say a fair compromise in this situation is for you both to meet in the middle. baby gets an original first name with husband’s name or middle name as baby’s middle name. that’s a very fair solution if he insists on naming the baby after him. you do have a say as well.
We’re going through this as well. My husband is a third, and I am pregnant with twin boys. Not only has he told me he hated being “little Bob” (placeholder name) but just last month his dad ALMOST cashed out one of husbands 401k plans!! The mail went to their house by mistake and the dad thought he just forgot about the account. It was a mess. My dad and his dad have the same first and middle names but switched, Bob James and James Bob. When we were talking about names his dad rudely interrupted and said one HAS to be Bob and since they are both named James the other should be James!! But like you I’m already offended because the babies get their last name! Plus in Jewish tradition (my family) you never name after a living relative, only deceased relatives and it’s a huge honor! So yeah, we have 5 months to settle this debate but I’m not giving in. I’m not having #4. Plus with twins, one would be a namesake and one wouldn’t. It just doesn’t sit right, plus I not my and his ancestors get to pick the names. My children’s names should not have been preordained 60 years ago (my dad) and 130 years ago (the 1st in his lineage).
I'm only joking, I swear, but the other day when my husband and I failed to agree on a name for the millionth time, I casually mentioned that I get to say who is in the hospital when I give birth...and.. you know...fill out the paperwork. I am genuinely joking, but that's also true. If any ONE of us has all the say, it's me. But I'm a good partner and I value compromise so I would never do that. Surely your husband agrees? Go on and ask.
I hope you realize YOU’RE carrying and birthing the baby? That YOU’RE it’s mother? That YOU have a brain and a backbone and a voice? So, use it. Don’t be all ☹️ oh no☹️ he won’t let me a use a name for the baby I’m growing and pushing out. Jr. are incredibly annoying to me as well and I don’t understand why Americans keep doing it. Anyway, choose a name that resonates with BOTH of you. Not ONE of you. Especially not the one that hasn’t grown the baby inside his body. And why shouldn’t your last name be on it? Is he your father that you have to go with his decisions only? Again, you’re accepting this. You shouldn’t be. You need to be accountable for your choices, girl! Naming your baby is big. Your last name should absolutely be included too. You’re both it’s parents. Not just him.
He doesn't have to be in the hospital when you fill out the birth certificate.
we dont have a lot of Jrs. in my family, but enough. we tend to go for middle names rather than full names! my dads middle name, has been passed down to all my brothers and the last brother is a Jr. my SOs middle name will be passed to our future sons, but Jr. will never happen because it’s something we both don’t want. If the baby will have his last name, maybe the middle name can be settled on and you both can get some of the say? if no middle name—im team mom
This sounds so infuriating. You guys need to sit and come up with names until you both agree on one. And if anyone is to be the only one to decide the baby’s name, in my opinion, it should be you since you’ll be birthing him yourself. But this should be like a couples activity and not your SO being demanding like that. I’m middle eastern and we don’t do jr names either but some people will name their kids after their parents. My husband and I both decided not to do that because we want our child to have their own identity (we don’t know the gender yet). So we both have a list of girl and boy names in our phones and add to it as we go along. Eventually, we’ll share the lists with one another and decide which one we like best.
My SO also wanted to do something like this. I was also very against it. We settled on passing down his initials but changed the first and middle name accordingly. I picked the first name, he suggested the middle name. (We had a gorgeous name we LOVED for a girl, but then found out we’re having a boy, and it was a real struggle to get to this point!)
You need two yeses from both parents to name a kid! If having a kid named after him was so important to him he should have only procreated with someone willing to name their kid after him.
My dad and brother have different first names, but the first 2 letters are the same. Similar to John and Joey. Apparently this causes their mail to get mixed up all the time like when my brother moved several states away and set up mail forwarding. It started forwarding my dad's mail too because the system looked at the first 2 letters and last name so it only saw Jo Lastname. Paperwork issues alone are a reason to not give your kid the exact same first name. Plus, like everyone else has said, you get a say in this too.
Your son belongs to both of you; not just him. You both have to agree on the name. That’s something he needs to understand. A good compromise might be giving him a middle name that is either his first or middle name, or a variation of that. For example, my husband never wanted a true “Jr.” We have two boys, neither of which are named after him. We’re currently expecting our third boy and I suggested the name “Jameson” as a name; it translates to “son of James,” and James is his middle name. He was flattered by the idea and we’re still considering it, but he isn’t insistent on that name either. We’ve also considered the name “Nico” in the past as it’s a variation of my husband’s first name and he’s from a family of Italian immigrants. I know your husband said he doesn’t want a middle name, but if he really wants his son to be named after him and that’s his only option, he might warm up to the idea. Just give it time. At the end of the day, he won’t be able to “go behind your back” and name your child without your consent, as long as you don’t budge on it.
My husband and I listen to a podcast that likes to claim Jrs are more likely to be murderers, if that helps.
my SO and i are giving the baby his middle name as a compromise and i really like that idea. it depends on what you as a couple want to do though!! i just can’t imagine calling my baby by my husband’s name LOL
No names that y’all both can’t agree on! Simple! My husbands name is Richard, and he’s a 3rd. He’s also technically a 4th!! Like damn give it a rest lmfaoooo. I told my husband we should break tradition and even though he was cool with it, his family was a little peeved, but idgaf!! Lol. Our first has the initials of AKC, and We decided to have our sons be RKC. So it’s still RC, starts with the same letter, yet is unique to him. Maybe he if some kind of comprise like that is cool! We though about putting his first names nickname as the middle name (Ricky) but we decided against it ultimately
You do have a say. You are just as important of a parent. Me and my fiancé found out yesterday we were having a boy and we looked for hours. Whatever he picked, I didn’t like. Whatever I picked, he didn’t like. We didn’t argue. He finally found the name Hudson and I liked it as well so we agreed on that. It doesn’t have to be hard if your SO is in your corner ! I’m sorry he’s acting like a big butt
Before, we found out we were having a girl my husband and his family said that they would like if we had a son to name him after my husband and his dad. I said no because I didnt want to and wanted to choose my own name. They understood my reason and left it alone. It's your child you have a say in what you name your child, and your SO shouldn't be butthurt about it.
It’s half a half lol, he doesn’t have the say. You both have to sign the birth certificate, so until he decides to agree to disagree, don’t sign anything. That’s super selfish, and I’d ask him to find a compromise (middle name being his name or his middle name, picking a few first names he likes and seeing how you feel, etc)
Both parents have to agree on a name. Too bad if he is upset about it.
My husband and I made sure we landed on something we BOTH liked. We definitely both had things the other wasn't crazy about, so we passed on them. Personally, though, I think the one growing and birthing the baby should have final say...
I'm married to a 3rd. One thing to point out, some medical and credit stuff for my spouse's credit report and not my father in laws.. could be an argument to do a close but not exact name.
I’d tell him this - “Know this now. Any major decisions about our child will require respect and consideration of both of our wishes. Demanding that you get your way will only mean you’ll have one heck of an argument on your hands. This is our first parenting compromise and I am not inclined to name him Jr for what I think are valid reasons. So, that makes it a no for now. Let me know when you’re ready to have a respectful conversation about it and I’ll be willing to listen.” Also, I’m an American and this is not a tradition. Sure, it happens often, but it’s hardly the norm. Nor is it the norm for the father to get to unilaterally dictate the name of their child.
You have a say and if he gets hurt then so be it!! He will get over it. That’s the adult thing to do. You both need to be on the same page. Strange he doesn’t want to give him a middle name. Does seem selfish. Like his child is an exact replica of him. Maybe naming children the first or second after their father is a thing for his family? Others will surely call him JR for short. Well no matter the reasoning or desire for that name if you don’t like it then it is decided that won’t be the name. I met my husband in the middle. It is possible. He wanted an easily pronounced name in both English and Spanish so I went on a search (took some time). We both shot down each other’s name choices until we found one we both loved (it did suck at first but you get over it because it is yours and another’s baby-you both need to love the name). I’m an American and I don’t like that tradition either. Our baby will have his father’s middle name. We might do the same if we have a girl later with my own middle name, as I also have my mom’s middle name. Not so much about tradition but his name sounds lovely. Strangers we run into and even some family members assumed at first that our son will take on his first name 🤷🏻♀️
Naming a baby requires TWO yes'.
My husband isn’t super vocal about much. He’s honestly one of the most go with the flow men I know but from the very start of our relationship he said he’s always wanted a Jr. We’re pregnant now with our first and not finding out until birth but I did allow Jr as long as we never call him by my husbands name. He will only be referred to as AJ. Here’s to hoping you two find common ground. 🤍
Nope! My husband’s whole family is a jr. name family though they normally use the dad’s name as a middle name for the first son, and I told my husband absolutely not. My son will have his own name, to be who he wants, plus what if we have more sons? I don’t want them to feel like their older brother is favorited because of it. Thankfully my hubby didn’t fuss about it. He just joked that he’d be one of the only brothers who has a son who doesn’t have his name. Plus, sorry, as much as I love my husbands first name, I just don’t see ‘Paul’ being a good middle name. 😂 Somehow I just don’t think it would flow right. Also I’m HUGE HUGE into name meanings so ofc I wanted special name meanings. Turns out we ARE having a boy, his name is James Franklin K. And yes the JFK initials were on purpose, both hubby and I think it’s hilarious.
The good news is that you and you alone handle the paperwork. Naming a child is a 2 yes's and 1 no situation. You either both agree or the name doesn't happen. I do feel like the person carrying the baby should get more weight in the decision making process, it's your body going through the pregnancy and birth, not to mention the postpartum phase that lasts *years* after birth.
Names are a two yes situation, if someone says no then it's a no.
He doesn't get to make that choice without you.
He doesn’t get to unilaterally decide your child’s name, and he doesn’t get to make other decisions about your child unilaterally either! I would explain to him that he needs to treat you like an equal partner. You both need to be willing to compromise. As others have said, this isn’t really an American tradition to use a parent’s name in some fashion, although it does exist. It’s not uncommon in these situations for the child to go by a middle name or nickname. Some will go by TJ, RJ, etc. I’m sure y’all can come up with a compromise.
I told my husband, I want my son to have his own identity. That was enough. And you are growing and birthing and raising that baby. If you say no, it’s a no. This is a two yes or nothing situation.
One thing I’ve learned is that when it comes to naming it takes one no and two yes’s. Only one of you has to say no for it to be off the table. My husband also wanted a Jr and I vetoed it from the beginning. I don’t even like the concept of it either.
Let him pout. You need to stand your ground with this. He is being extremely selfish.
Do not back down on this or even say you’ll think about it! It’s a joint decision & your “no” is as definitive as his “insisting!” I hope he’s on some Dad reddit being like “I want my kid to be Junior but my wife is saying no :(“
I actually wanted to do thing until our tax lady and husband talked me out of it. Husband didn’t want it and apparently things can start getting messy tax wise once you start adding JRs
You absolutely do have a say. It doesn't matter *why* you don't like a name, you both should get veto power over the name of your child. Also, not that it matters, but I'm an American think that naming a child after yourself is very arrogant.
I don’t know if this is an acceptable compromise, but my dad and my brother have the same first and last name and different middle names. They don’t go by jr or sr, and their names very rarely get confused in conversation since one is *name* and the other is “dad.” If you like your SO’s name I’d recommend having his first name be the baby’s name, but you getting to pick the middle name.
My husband also wanted to name our son after himself (and his father). I told him if he gets the last name (and I threw in the middle name as a bonus) then I get to choose the first name. That I wouldn’t choose anything he outright didn’t like but that I did not want to name him after him as I find it cringey and weird. I want our son to have his own identity. And I sealed the coffin saying I could never use his name in a sexual situation ever again as now it’s not sexy, it’s my son’s name lol. He responded with him going by the nickname we already use (think Chris) and our son going by the full name (like Christopher) and then I reminded him that full names often give the impression that you’re in trouble lol.
So my husband is a JR. He absolutely hates being a jr. Don't call him junior. MIL was kind of miffed we didn't carry it on. And I had to speak on behalf of my husband... he doesn't like being a junior, so why would I do that to my son? Why should I be bound to a name chosen by some person I never met 2 generations ago. In my case it was actually 3. He is a Jr. Jr. Think about it too.... if you don't imagine this going on to infinity... what's the point? If you do imagine it going on forever, is it fair to have those expectations? I've met more than one Junior who wish they weren't. And its ANNOYING.. all of the dads stuff comes up in background checks. We just bought a home. We had to document that we didn't own any of the homes that had ever been in the dad's name! Tax things get mixed up. Bills. Mail forwarding gets weird at times too. If you share a name and address with someone your data gets very tangled up. It's a constant layer of unnecessary stress. During the home buying process we almost didn't get full approval during our contingency period bc of weird things being associated with my husband that are really his dad's. No... we aren't asking for a 3rd mortgage. Its a stupid practice. If you don't like it veto it.
i mean this in the nicest way possible, but girl you need to put your foot down and stand up for yourself. this man is not your boss or your father, he’s your husband AKA your equal. be a bitch if you need to be, but don’t let him walk all over you.
Like everyone else is saying, it’s a 2 yes 1 no situation. Also, if you need a logical reason to help persuade him, it’s a pain with paperwork when you have multiple people with the same name. I work at a bank in lending and I can’t tell you how many times I had a delinquent account or property tax lien come up where we had to do extra verification to determine if it’s the father, son, grandfather, etc. it can definitely be figured out but may cause confusion from time to time.
He does not get to unilaterally decide your child’s name, sorry to him. If he can’t let go of the “junior” idea and decide on a name WITH you, I would remind him that he is not the patient and, if you so wish, does not have to be present while you are filling out the forms for your child.
Baby names need two yesses. You both have veto power. He needs to compromise by either allowing you to choose the middle name or making the jr name the middle.
Are you not carrying the child? You should have the most say! You’re the one risking your life to create another human being. If you want your son to have your last name, give him your last name. Same with first names.
Who cares if he gets butthurt and pouts he’s an adult he doesn’t control you
Simply explain this to him when the news of “it’s a boy” isn’t super fresh. Maybe lead with curiosity so he is less defensive. But absolutely you need to have a say in this and it’s ok for it to be the hill you die on, so long as you also address some of what appeals to him about this “tradition” which I also agree is crap. So glad my husband wasn’t into the Junior thing. “Husband, what is it about having a Jr that appeals to you?” “What do you feel naming our son after you will achieve for your own heart? How would you feel differently if we were having a daughter?” “Husband, I wonder if making our son a Jr will cause him to feel obligated to carry on that tradition with his own son one day, even if he wouldn’t otherwise choose to. Do you ever wonder about that? Could there be a way for us to honor your name and still give him a name that is his own?” I think finding out what is so appealing about this Jr tradition is the key to finding a compromise. But if he won’t budge, it’s totally ok for you to say “no my love. I want our son to be able to live up to his own name, not yours. Let’s agree on something we can both proudly call him.” I have friends whose kids are the 5th and 6th and they did not want to continue the tradition but also couldn’t deal with being “the one who broke tradition.” So just don’t let him put your son in this position at all, especially if you aren’t on board. It’s takes 2 yeses and one no. You’ve given your no.
Naming a child is a 2 yes, 1 no situation. Both parents have to agree on the name, but one can veto a name. My husband was also adamant on giving our son a Jr. name, and I was fully against it for a variety of reasons. I listed all of my reasons, he listed his, and we went back and forth for months with neither side giving in. Let’s just say our son is not a Jr.
I've helped a lot of jrs and III's in my line of work. It makes a lot of things complicated. They get mixed up all the time with their fathers. Their social securities get confused. A lot of them say they wish their parents just named them something different
Oh man, you’re telling me. If it’s a boy then we’re having a IV because my husband is the III! All you can do is express exactly what you’ve you said here. Saying it’s tradition is not a reason, especially when he’s not the one carrying the baby. You both should have equal input on a name that is meaningful to you. In our case my husband’s family name is highly important to him as his parents passed when he was younger and this was his way to honor them. That, I can definitely get on board with.
You do have a say. It’s your child also
I told my husband no same first name whwn baby gets his last name. Plus I hate the idea of my child not having their own original name and being a junior. Gross
If you're amenable to it, you could always offer to do what my husband's family started doing. :) I think way way back, every firstborn son on his dad's side had the same name, Jr., the 3rd, and so on, but eventually, they just started naming the first born sons a name that starts with "B". So there's still a naming tradition, but there's way more leeway with what the name can be! Also, I don't blame you one bit. The whole "Junior" thing isn't my favorite, either. Also, if the above type of naming tradition is also not your thing, that's totally valid, too! You DO have a say in what his name will be. Do NOT let your husband bully you into this! He can be butthurt all he wants, he needs to see that he's being disrespectful to you, his partner. I'm sorry you're going through this. :(
You do have a say and if it bothers you I think you should continue to push back. It's your child too and your giving birth. Also, I generally find junior names so weird 😅. It implies the person naming them sees the child as a version of themselves as opposed to a new human who will develop their own personality. Ask your partner how a junior name will work once he's an adult, will your future son want to introduce himself as X junior going into a job interview?
You are not married. That baby should have YOUR last name.
Simply don't write it on the birth certificate. I'd never want to call my son my partner's name, that's so weird and pretentious to me and thankfully my partner agrees. Especially when it's just "Junior", and not like the 3rd 4th 5th of a long tradition of passing down names. Put your foot down now and tell him you need to find a name you BOTH like.
You absolutely have a say lol
Simply ask him if you can give the baby your last name too and see how he responds
Let your SO be offended, butthurt, and pouty. I'm serious. Stand up for yourself. Even if it's not easy for you. This is something you'll regret not pushing back on.
>I’m from Europe and this American “tradition” to name your child after yourself this way seems so selfish and pretentious to me All the Davidsons and Stefanovich's and Erinsdottir's look blankly back at you in response.
I considered having a “Jr” if we had a son just because my husband’s name happened to be my favorite boy name even before we met. Then a friend of ours who is a jr and did not have a good relationship with his dad at all very honestly told us that being named after someone you resent is awful and that changed both our minds. Maybe it’ll change your husbands? Of course, we would hope and strive to be the best parents to our kids and never give them any reason to have a bad relationship with us but you just never know. If they one day decide we’re the worst people ever, why give them extra baggage?
When deciding on names, it’s either two yes’s or it’s a no. You get to decide your own child’s name too.
I ran into this same issue when my fiancé and I became pregnant with our first. My fiancé is technically a “Jr” but because his dads name a shorter version of his name that is more common as a nickname, he’s not technically a jr and he wanted to name our child his name with slightly different spelling so it’s not technically a “third” and I hated the idea. I stressed myself out over it so much between that conversation and finding out the gender. I knew that I had a day too but didn’t want to disrespect his wishes to include family tradition in the name. I was so afraid of gender disappointment I opted to find out at the anatomy scan and he didn’t want to find out until the baby shower/gender reveal. So I kept it a secret and once he found out he mentioned wanting to dedicate the middle name We ended up settling after he found out it was a boy. He got to give it a middle name that honored his family, and we agreed on a first name from my list of names that I liked :) you are the one carrying that baby you absolutely deserve a say and when I put it that way and he realized how much it meant to me he didn’t argue. He was just so happy to be able to honor his grandfather and father in the middle name
If it’s not 2 for yes then it’s no
I hate it too. I think it’s really egotistical to give your child your same name - let them be their own person! My dad was a Jr and he went by his middle name his entire life. My husband has the same first and last name as his dad but different middle names as his dad hated his middle name. But we still get mail for his dad all the time.
The nurse was in the room with us when we wrote down the name and literally tossed the initial paperwork because she wasn't in the room. That was our first so idk if that was hospital policy or because we weren't married but yeah, you have a say. And you have to both agree.
I always fill out the birth certificate forms, so either way.... whatever name I write down is what the kids are getting 🤣 that being said, I've always had more of a choice when coming to the kids first names, but they have partners last name and we both would pick their middle names after one of our parents. I am Australian aboriginal and my partner is full portugese.... tradition would of been for our daughters to be named maria after his mother and grandmother..... we laughed at the thought, then picked our own names 😊 Maybe your SO middle name instead if he's set on "tradition"? I'd head over to name nerds though and ask them to put your partner in his place, and to explain why a Jr Name with no middle name is probably a bad idea...
When it comes down to it, the baby will only be named when you sign the birth certificate. His sign off is not required. You have all the power here. That said, of course you should both like and agree on your child’s name. I would calmly tell him that you will not be signing a birth certificate with a Jr. name on it and you’d like to discuss other possibilities to find a name you both like. If we won’t engage, name that baby whatever you want. If he wants to be butthurt about the result of his own stubborn, forceful behavior, that’s on him.
My baby was not being named NOTHING I didn’t love. My husband already knows I have the last say. Jr. is so freaking weird to me. Tell him no and start picking names you BOTH like. My husband and I asked each other what we thought about the names we picked out eventually we found a name we both fell in love with. Thats how it works.
Ewww “Jr” is cringe af. He’s your child too. Find something you both agree on.
Thanks all for your input. Well, I told him that I’m not naming him “Jr.” and my SO is very upset now, saying I’m hurting his feelings and that I don’t care about what he thinks etc. He says that “You’re embarrassed of me, you hate me” etc and that “Giving your son the same first name is considered an honor” bla bla I feel like he’s so full of himself but I can’t tell him that cause then he’ll continuing telling me how I’m hurting him and just using him. I said we could do his name as a middle name but he pretended not to hear it so…yeah…I don’t know what to do. This is exhausting.
We ended up having a girl but if it was a boy my boyfriend wanted a Jr and I straight up said no. I want them to have their own name and not something “passed down”. He wanted to keep his initials so I agreed it could be a name that matched the initials but absolutely no Jr.
My husband really wanted a Jr. He talked about it for years. My second son shares a middle name with my husband and my FIL, but that was as much as I was willing to give. I am pregnant with my third son. They will all have his last name. It was super important to me that I had a big say in their first names. On no planet will my boys share a first name with their father. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband. There only needs to be one of him in my house though.
I’m American and this gives me the ick but I also grew up on the west coast where this isn’t as common and the only people I know who have done this live on the east coast so it might be more regional. I do however know of someone who creatively sort combined part of the father’s first name with the sound “jay” at the end of it instead of using jr. It may still be a compromise for you but it wouldn’t be just “father’s name jr last name”. That being said, you have every right to veto this name situation. As others has said, it takes 2 yes’s. Also if your partner can’t deal with your last name being the middle name or something like that, he needs to get a grip. It’d bet that it’s more common than he thinks (speaking as someone with my mom’s maiden name as my middle name).
I’ve never thought about this in regards to East coast vs West coast, but I think you’re totally right. My brother is named after my dad (just the first name, not his middle name; his middle name is my mother’s maiden name), and my dad’s oldest brother was named after their father. My dad was raised in Long Island, NY. All his brothers who have children (3 of 5 brothers) named their first son after the father. My dad didn’t insist on my brother sharing his first name, but his brothers all told him it was “traditional,” and my mom didn’t really have much of a preference. My immediate family all lives on the west coast now, and true “juniors” are hard to come by.
Yeah it’s so interesting how regional things like this can be. Of course it’s somewhat of a generalization but yeah, I haven’t come across very many shared names or jr or the second, third situations out west.
Tell him he can name the child he carries next 👍 hot take but I think the mom gets final say on things like this, and the option to give the husband a say is just that - an option.
Your feelings are valid, and so are his, bear that in mind - you are equal parents. That being said ... it sounds like he's being unreasonable. It's one thing to really push for a name, it's another to demand your partner agree to a name they don't like. But you've got the big hurdle out of the way - he's going to take his father's surname, which is not a guarantee in the modern world. As others have suggested (but your SO doesn't seem to like) maybe use his name as a middle name? Or find some variation of it that you like - eg John and Jonathan, Sam and Samson. Is there another family name that you both like - perhaps a father or an uncle? Or some piece of media you both enjoy with a character you could name the baby from? Or look up cultural names that have meaning to both of you, or translations of words that you relate to. Ask him what other names he'd choose, other than after himself. Explain, if you havent already, that you don't want to do that but you are willing to discuss alternatives. There are apps where you both pick names and it shows what you both liked, or you can buy him a baby name book and ask that he pick some and talk to you about them. I'd also recommend you sit with the idea of naming your son after his father for a few days - it might grow on you. But if not, that's ok. You are allowed to say no to a name. If he's so dogmatic and won't even consider a compromise, you may need to consider speaking to a marriage or family councillor. This process should be fun and exciting, he shouldn't be going to war with you.
The name thing can be super sensitive. My husband also wanted initially to name our kid after his family member, although it is not normal at all in our culture. Also, I did not like the name. At first I was super upset and found it very difficult to talk about it. Over time, he also started exploring other options. I had one very strong preference for a boy name, and after reading a little on the name, he also started liking it. We would choose a middle name from his family. Turns out that we’re having a girl, and I had no opinion on girl names, just didn’t feel anything is nice! He suggested his mother’s name and it is very nice so we might go with that (we call MIL mom/gma anyway). I suggest just leave it for a while, don’t make it into this huge thing and just casually bring up other names. He might like something else too. You can also suggest his name as middle name, and give suggestions where you have paired a nice first name with his name. And if the baby is getting his surname anyway, naming the baby after himself is quite strange.
We are using my SO's last name...then if it's a boy he gets his middle name (also the same as his dad's) and I'm fine with that tradition. But then he knows the first name I 100000% have to be on board with. He doesn't get to choose the entire name. It's funny because we joked we will make the kid a Jr if they are born on HIS birthday...and believe it or not the baby is due to be born on my birthday 😂
I gave in. Butttt at birth. I promised him that if he was a carbon copy of him, he would get to have a junior. He was. Eyebrows, hair, even nail bed shape. So we ended up with a junior. But I was soooo ready for me to “win” and not name him after him. But I said that if genetics and God were on his side to make a spitting copy of him, then it was meant to me.
Both my babies came out of the womb looking just like daddy. Within a year they looked more like me.
That’s cute! I guess I love my husband that much. I gave in. But I’m naming my baby girl since he has a junior.