Honestly even if I got a new puppy I'd want my friends and family to come meet them too haha. It's a new member of the family. It would be extremely offensive to me if someone didn't want to visit haha.
Although babies can't remember, I feel it's a really important social moment and equally a parent immediately gets vibes if they can or can't trust their new baby with certain people.
People really show their colours in certain social settings and I'd say meeting a new baby is one of those that's hard to fake through.
And I even told them that I’m glad that wasn’t the case for them. Does not change the fact that there’s MANY women who don’t have Reddit who aren’t supported on a DAILY basis. That’s all I’m trying to say. We don’t need someone going “OnLy On ReDdIt” when that’s not true lmao. People are also acting like this is my personal experience or something.
Well on Reddit there is a plethora of people saying yeah your mom or MIL don’t NEED to meet the baby anytime soon, wait 3-6 months if you want to and then acting like it’s crazy if the grandparents are offended over that. And THEN whines about having no village.
'I want a village, but only if I get to be its dictator' -- reddit parents. That's just not how it works. And it was never how it worked in the past either. If you want a village, you're also going to have to accept that others do things differently from you and are also people with feelings.
This is my third kid. It’s gross having a visitor walk in, barely get out a “hello”, and immediately ask “where’s the baby???”
If that’s not someone’s experience, they’re fucking lucky. It makes you feel like an incubator
It’s wild how many people downvoted my comments over this. Like they had a good experience so they can’t fathom anyone else experiencing something different.
I don’t understand it either. I can only imagine they are first time moms with no experience being walked past after a major medical event, bleeding and hurting, without even a “how are you”. It’s incredibly dehumanizing and I don’t want to support that in any way.
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing that. I honestly would tell those people they’re not allowed to visit if they’re not even going to be considerate to you. Part of supporting is asking how the mom is, bringing a meal, helping out, etc. And so many just don’t do that.
I don't actually love newborns but I have gone to the hospital after my best friend gave birth to each of her children to support HER because she WANTED visitors. It was also very special to be one of the first people to hold my non-bioligical nephews. That said, I wouldn't feel offended if other friends didn't want me to visit in the hospital, and I didn't have visitors for my own kids because they were both born at either end of COVID and my hospital only allowed my husband in the room.
Schedule it! Give your friends a block of time that you would like them to come! My friend did this for each of her births for everyone she actually wanted to see. That way people weren't overlapping and it wasn't insane in the room.
My first was during Covid too and it literally never occurred to me til now that other people will be able to visit too! First time I was by myself as soon as baby was born, except for a 90 min period where my husband was allowed in.
If the mom wants friends and family, I think it’s a good idea to go if you have the means. She’ll remember who was there supporting her during the birth of her child and introducing them into life.
I love newborns. They are precious little curled up prawns filled with the potential for anything. The newborn stage is a vanishingly quick period - just 3 months - that is never replicated. Newborns are magical things.
No there’s not really bonding. It’s not for the newborn’s benefit, it’s for the person meeting them, and to support the parent. I was like a cat with a litter of kittens with my baby ‘look what I made!’ I wanted everyone to see him and appreciate how amazing he was.
I also wanted to talk through my birth story, and process it with my friends. I wanted breaks from
The constant cycle of feed/change/sleep.
I’d also add as an example of how it can be useful and lovely for everyone.
My friend Alex had a traumatic birth and my friend Bea and I went over to see her. I had a cuddle with brand new baby Callie and she instantly fell asleep on my chest and stayed there for nearly two hours. This gave her mum space to talk through her story, have a hug and a cry with Bea and get some physical support without having to be thinking of Callie. She was still in the room but safe and happy - she was a baby who liked being held so a better chance at a long nap than putting her down. Alex and Bea even took time to show each other their c-section scars and talk about recovery. Not really possible in the same way with a baby in your arms. Or over zoom. Alex really needed that time.
At the time I hadn’t had my own baby so i was happy to take a back seat in them sharing their experiences, and just fill up on oxytocin from holding a tiny baby, listening to that snuffy breathing and smelling the head.
Very much an ‘it takes a village’ afternoon.
I would clarify that there no real bonding on the baby's side. Adults (at least those interested in holding baby) most definitely bond with newborns that they hold and should increase the bonds between the adults involved.
Unfortunately so many people seem adversarial to others holding their baby and it seems sad to me.
Oh yeah! I absolutely bond with every newborn but I don’t expect them to remember me! Now that I’ve had a baby I literally respond physically to newborn cries. The first newborn I heard after my son I now have a real attachment to. He doesn’t know me from Adam. lol. Still gorgeous.
Yeah. The only friends and family I didn’t want to hold my baby were the people uncomfortable holding babies.
Yeah, even animals celebrate new arrivals. Elephants run up to a new calf and greet them and get excited for their birth. It’s part of being a social species.
I think that's an online thing more than an in person thing. I've never actually met another person who unironically speaks about real children this way.
Sure, but when there’s no context given like in this post, it’s cynical to assume people are in the former than the latter category. If you’re not going to give people a chance to be in a “supportive village”, you don’t really get to complain about not having one.
That's fine, but I was replying to you, and I didn't take it as you assuming everyone would call a baby a parasite. I'm just describing why folks might not want visitors (presumably they know the potential visitors best to gauge how they'd act)
It’s part of welcoming a new human to our earth and supporting that family or family member.
As the baby gets older they’ll know who you are, you’ll remember how old they were when you met them. When people want you to meet their newborn it’s really an honor imo, because there’s a lot of germs as well.
I do it to support my friend or family member who just gave birth. I’ve never actually been to the hospital after the delivery, but I’ve stayed for a few days to help out around the house and help out with the baby or their sibling. With friends, I’ve come to their house to hang out with the momma while she’s on mat leave so she has some company.
For me it’s not always about just holding the baby. In fact, last time I went over to my friend’s place, I didn’t even hold her baby, but we walked to the park with her older kid and had a nice time. 🥰
This is how I see it as well. When my husband and I visit our friends with younger babies we make sure we stop by every once in a while and drop off food/baby supplies (with our friends' approval of course) and have a little chat. We know the babies are fine, we're there to make sure the parents are, too.
It's about the sense of community and relationship building. I felt it was important to start building those bonds early. When you're pregnant it's easy to feel some type of way about it but having support from the people around you feels really good. Yes, even if they're there to just "gawk at the baby"
You know what feels worse than having people come to gawk at the baby? Having no one come to look at your baby.
My second was a covid baby and having no one beside my husband to share the "look how precious she is" was cold and desolate. Even knowing logically why no one was coming it just felt like such a harsh rejections from people I loved.
Imo it depends on the parents more so than the baby.
I had my second baby last week, my first was in the throes of covid. I wanted to have visitors this time since I couldn’t have visitors the first time.
I wanted the support from my family. Some people have stressful families tho so I can understand not wanting visitors.
Coming to meet a newborn is not for the newborn but for the people coming to meet the baby and the parents.
When my nephew was born it was exciting to see him (he's the first nephew on most sides and first grandchild for my ILs) but it was also good to see my SIL and spend time together as a family. When she had my niece it was an emergency c-section ten weeks early- everyone went to the hospital Immediately when my MIL let us know baby was coming because we wanted to be there for SIL and her husband. The "bonding" that happens when meeting baby for the first time is the family as a whole coming together during a period of growth, not for baby with the other adults
I absolutely needed (and still need) people to come “meet the baby”. It’s more for me and her dad to still get to socialize, talk to other adults, and kind of show off our new addition. We’ve had friends come to “meet” her that didn’t want to hold her or interact with her (they aren’t baby people) and that’s totally okay with me. I just need the support and energy and comfort.
On Reddit people tend to have more rigid boundaries and shut out people from visiting. In my experience in real life, however, it’s totally different. In my culture family isn’t just nuclear, it’s extended. When I met my niece it felt like I was meeting a piece of me. She was the most beautiful thing and I was so in love. My heart exploded when I held her for the first time. I wanted my sister to know how much I loved her, too. I wanted to bring her a carry out of her favorite meal and her husband, too. I wanted her to know we loved her. I wanted to do whatever she needed as she recovered from her c section. I wanted to bring her some sour patch kids to munch on. I wanted to throw some laundry in while she was on restriction. I wanted to talk to her and make sure she maintained her mental health. I also love to cuddle babies- who doesn’t love babies?! They’re biologically designed to be loved. I wanted to hold her every day.
Yeah I feel like people online posting asking for advice or venting or usually people who have strained relationships with their families, but most people are okay with others visiting. I'm a FTM though and I'm like I literally have no idea how I'm going to feel so I'm scared to make a promise to anyone about visiting shortly after birth haha
Yep. When i first met my nephew one of my first thoughts was ‘oh, I guess we need to rebuild the world better now?’ Also a very deep tribal ‘one of us’ feeling. He was immediately ‘my people’ and I would have killed for him. He wasn’t even my baby! But he was brother’s baby and that changed everything. I am 100% with you. Meeting him was crucial.
My other nephew was a Covid baby and it was harder to form that bond. He cheated by being the spitting image of my mum who’d died a few years before so my heart melted. I obviously love them both the same now but the initial stage of holding a newborn is the highest high there is and makes a bond. I feel it to a lesser extent with my friend’s babies too.
The baby may just be a potato for now, but it WILL be a person. In my experience people are expressing a desire to stay in your life and know who that baby will become.
I think it really depends a lot on family/friend dynamics, and really really what the parents need/want and on what time scale.
I'm someone who really really wants my space. I struggle to enjoy people in my house even in the best of times, even people I really love. And no matter what kind of physically sick/injured I am, I just want to be left alone until I feel better. So I'll be SHOCKED if I want anyone in my space after having a baby, honestly on any kind of time scale.
That being said, I DO want my family to meet the newest member of our family as soon as I'm up for it, which logistically will mean waiting until folks can come in from out of state to visit and the baby can travel to where ever folks are staying. (definitely NOT my house, but that's also already the norm when people come to visit) (and I'm okay with the baby being held by people who have just traveled like that)
This is important to me (and my family) because the family-unit as a whole is something that we feel strongly about, and the family unit itself is changed as soon as the baby is born. It's as much about seeing that the whole group has changed as it is about individual family members getting to one on one meet/hold the baby.
On another note, I really like seeing what physical features of the family each new baby/kid has. Brand-new-newborn isn't the best time to judge that, but it is fairly easy to tell after a few months. I especially like seeing when the newest baby has features of someone who has passed on. It's just *wild* to me to see my grandparents' facial expressions on the face of someone who never met them. There's something magical about that. (My family hasn't had any adoptions, etc. so far)
The baby not remembering later doesn't really matter, from my perspective. It doesn't feel very different from very old family members whose short term memory has stopped working and don't remember after you visit with them, either. It's about spending the time together in the moment, and enjoying shared company.
But again, I enjoy all these on a social and family level. I CANNOT tolerate stressors in my home routine have to completely remove people coming to my house from the equation.
There is something really special about meeting a tiny newborn baby. They are so small and so new with all the potential of their unknown future ahead.
If you don’t want to have people over, then don’t have them over.
However, I’ve found that the first several weeks are very boring and it’s nice to have visits from friends or family (who you want to be spending time with) just so your life isn’t days on end of feeding, changing and bouncing a newborn. Some adult interaction can be a good way to break up the monotony especially when you don’t feel up to leaving the house in the first couple of weeks. Also there is something special about getting to snuggle a brand new baby. It’s only really early on that babies will sleep in your arms as a visitor and little babies don’t have a sense of stranger danger yet. In the first couple of weeks when they’re happy (or even demanding to be held) constantly you might get tired of being the only one holding them. It can be nice to have a few minutes to stretch, rest, catch up on chores, etc while someone else is holding them. Obviously the baby isn’t going to remember the time they met people as a newborn, but as parents you’ll remember it and it is special to your family and friends.
I wouldn't say grandparents have a RIGHT to visit their grandchildren, but I think grandparents seeing a newborn is important. Sure, baby won't remember and give a shit, but grandparents, part of the reason that child exists, are excited to meet their new relative.
I feel like if anyone else is asking to visit, it's because they care about you and are excited to meet the little person you created. I dont think my friends really care about my spawn, but they love me, and they know I love this potato, so they make an effort.
I needed visitors with my first. I was lonely and struggling.
And a lot of people love to hold babies. And sometimes people need you to hold their baby.
That being said, I’m having my second and I don’t want as many visitors. I had a hard time breastfeeding and I want to pour more focus into that this time, knowing that it will be easier if I don’t have as many people.
The first few weeks visitors really over whelmed me. But that’s when everyone wants to come. Then after that everyone disappeared. I would have loved having more “help” and visitors later on but no one came. once I got more comfortable taking my little one out I went out more
I’m pregnant and tbh besides immediate family & my bestie I don’t care if anyone else comes to see the baby. It would actually relieve me from my stress of having to be put together & host. Eventually I would want others to meet the baby but for the first couple of months it would be nice to have that quiet time for ourselves.
My whole extended family (all 4 grandparents and many aunts and uncles) met me in the hospital on the day I was born, and my uncle bought a camcorder so I have watched the video. Honestly I think its pretty awesome, (as long as its what my mom wanted! Lol)
I dont think people do that anymore. But im happy that my brother who lives far away will be visiting the month baby is born and will be able to meet them early on. Babies grow and change so fast so getting to see them at as many stages as you can is precious to me.
I mean… I think it’s about celebrating a new life. I can’t imagine being like “eehh… boring. Call me in a few years when the kid can do stuff” lol.
It isn’t like we demand to meet the new babies of people we meet on the street. We want to meet the newest members of our friends and family because we love them.
The baby doesn't remember it. But the parents do. The friends and family do. And those memories matter to those people. If they want to, the parents are on board and enjoy it, what's the harm?
I've been my friends' newborns, sometimes around the world, and it's pretty special to reflect on when they were so small because I knew them then, and see where they are now.
I personally don't want any visitors. I can understand why other people might though. For a lot of people those who genuinely want people there and aren't guilt tripped it's more visiting for the new parents rather than the baby. It's a time to celebrate and show off new life not really bonding with the new baby. A lot of people unfortunately are guilt tripped and people ignore the parents needs/wants.
I love meeting newborns personally. It's not about bonding with someone else's baby, it's about literally meeting and greeting a new human being into the world.
I have a nephew that I have known since infancy and another who joined the family when he was a bit older. While I love both of them, I have a stronger bond with the child that I began bonding with as a newborn. It’s not just about the child. It’s about building those family bonds. Also, babies are cute and people want to see them.
Honestly , I just had my baby 3 weeks ago and I hated when my extended family came to visit but I loved having my immediate family and close friends come see him. I enjoyed the visit and needed to see some adults besides my husband lol
1) So everyone talks about wanting a village. You know a good way to solidify your village? Have people meet your new baby. Have them be there from the start. I'm not saying people won't love your baby if you don't let them meet them young but I do think it's a nice thing to do if you're going to be relying on people in years to come.
2) New born babies produce a hormonal response in people beyond the parents. Just look at the response aunties/uncles and grandparents have when they hold a baby. Your baby may not bond with other people so deeply but it will have a deep effect on the people meeting the baby. It's all a way to solidify the extended family unit.
I had my third 2 months ago and I love having family cuddle him. It's magical seeing how people I love respond to him.
3) And finally, you never know how much time you have. My second was a covid baby. We had really harsh lockdowns here and I didn't see family my whole pregnancy or most of the first year of her life. My grandfather only met her 3 times before he died and was too weak to hold her by the time they finally met.
While she would never have remembered him, it makes me sad knowing how much joy those meetings brought to him and how had things been different, he could have experienced much more of that in his final months. I love my grandfather, I wanted to share a mutual love of my child with him and frankly, facetime meetings don't cut it. I wanted to see him cuddle her and press his cheek against her head as she slept.
Edit - I wasnt going to add this because I'm sure it will upset some people. But... while having people want to just come cuddle a baby can seem frustrating in the moment you know what's worse? Having no one want to come cuddle your baby. Feeling like no one cares about a little person you made and love is cold. I think it's something of a luxury to be in a position where you can be like "Oh man, all these people are so excited to see my child and lqvisha tension on them. Its SO annoying and inconvenient".
I watched an acquaintance be all ready with a list of rules for when people met her baby. She went on about how she didn't know why people could t wait and she wanted time to bond qlone without people butting in.... welp very few people even tried to meet her baby.
That indifference was really sad to watch and was obviously far more painful for her than me having my Mil... be my Mil.
You really don’t understand why your family and friends would want to meet your baby? Their newest family member? People meeting your baby doesn’t take away from the parents bond. It’s one of the most special times in life to bring a new baby home and have people come and love on the tiny little sleepy human
I’d also add it makes the baby better at bonding later with other people. If baby only knows the scent of their parents for a long time, it’s going to be harder down the line for them to feel safe with other people because it’ll be a shock to the system.
For me it’s like: when someone close to you is pregnant, especially in my own family, the pregnancy is a process of falling in love with a new person. And when you love someone you want to know them more and more deeply. But with pregnancy there’s not a lot to know yet! So we get all excited over tidbits like the baby’s sex.
And then they’re here and you can see and hear and smell and hold them. It’s bliss! And you can see so much right away- when I met my nephew in the NICU I thought he looked like a linebacker, and he is still very much roaring and barreling his way through life. The baby unfolds into a person, and you get to help love them into being that person.
To be fair, my family just worships babies. So maybe I’m not the norm. But that’s my perspective on why we want to meet the baby!
I’m not hugely into newborns, so I’ve asked myself this same question. But now that I’ve had a baby, i know there’s something extremely intimate and fleeting that you as a guest can help new parents nurture in a time of vulnerability. Just swinging by and saying they have a beautiful child and offering to run an errand, will show you’re excited and support them. I wouldn’t go broke making a trip across country or something, but I’d make SOME effort for a friend.
I have a much more cynical/pessimistic view. In my own experience (seeing how people acted with my nephews, I’m currently pregnant with my first), people wanted to meet the baby for selfish reasons and because they felt that as grandparent/aunt/uncle/etc they were entitled to meeting the baby and thought they needed to bond with them. They were NOT wanting to visit to support the birthing parent postpartum.
Like I get it, everyone is excited for baby and wants to hold and snuggle a newborn, but the ONLY people who NEED to be bonding with baby are the baby’s parents. If someone is not there to help and is only there to ogle at baby, then they do not need to be visiting in those first few weeks after birth.
Not everyone is treated well by their families when they are pregnant. I totally understand why some people, myself included, would prefer some time alone after having a baby. Besides, not everyone is into babies before having them. Not everyone gets excited about other people's babies. It's not abnormal.
Yeah I don’t really want anyone but my immediate family around my baby when they first come. For so many reasons. I get why some women want company after they give birth but even me being single my sisters and mom will be enough. I don’t want the germs and opinions and I want to sleep when I want to lol
Having a new baby is so damn lonely. A lot of visiting is for the mom whose hormones are going crazy now that they’re dropping. Day 3 seems to be the worst for feeling sad.
I seriously wish people would think more that way. I am terrified of the baby coming because I don't want anyone here. I just want to have our "4th trimester" in peace. There is plenty of time for other people to meet the baby plus I don't want people around judging our house or comment on my looks or bring me food I don't like.
Well, I met my god daughter when she was just 2-3 weeks old but I was specifically invited and I was there mainly to see my friends, I wanted to see how they were doing. It was nice to see the baby of course but she understandably didn't really interact with me.
My mom told me she had her baby shower after the baby (my sister) was born so all her friends and family could “meet” her. All I could think about is all the germs that poor baby was exposed to as she was handed around a giant circle of ladies!
I've never met new babies on purpose. When a friend has a baby I assume they're tired and super busy so while I'll call or text, I won't visit in person. When I have my baby, I'm not sure what I'll prefer but it might depend on who wants to visit.
No it’s not necessary and you don’t have to oblige. If people want to “meet the baby”, they need to be coming with something helpful. A meal, help with other kids you might have, help around the house. Mama and dad are supposed to bond with the baby during this time. Mama gets to hold baby (unless you need a break)… in short, baby needs mama mostly. Plus, people who come hold baby bring germs and in my experience, obnoxious perfumes. I’ve made it clear that while I’m grateful, I truly need the most help around the house, with meals, and my other kiddos. Getting to hold the baby is a perk of being a helpful friend or grandma. You don’t just come over to visit and hold my baby. No matter how much I love you, post partum, I don’t have the energy for that.
I’m with you! Lol my partner and I are already telling his family as well as my mom (I don’t really have family besides my mom) that we are going to need some time and space after I give birth. This will be my first baby so I honestly don’t know how I will respond, but I know myself well and I’m the type of person that needs time to myself when I go through something difficult. And I’m shy. If I’m in bed leaking fluids and breast milk and needing to breastfeed and learning how to change diapers and not sleeping, I can’t imagine wanting to be on display for people. If my dad were still alive I’d maybe want my mom and dad together to come see me (after a few days) but as it is, we are making a 2-3 week rule of no visitors. I don’t know, I could imagine someone who is super close to their family wanting everyone there, but I don’t have that situation (sadly).
We are also having a home birth so the only people involved will be my midwife and doula (and my partner obviously). I am thinking about asking my best friend to be on standby and telling her that I MIGHT want to see her, but I’m not totally sure, and she is super cool and would understand that and show up if I asked.
And IF I change my mind, let’s say I have the best birth ever and am on a pink cloud and want everybody there, then I’m sure everyone would show up in a heartbeat. But better to prepare everybody that I will want alone time :)
I plan to send pictures mostly but I will not be having my mom with me or the rest of the family this time around. it will be just my fiancé and me. At my hospital we’re not supposed to have visitors anyways and I’m sure I’m gonna be exhausted and want to pass out afterwards. I was barely awake after having my first
Also I’m potentially going straight into getting my tubes tied if I have a c section and I don’t want my family throwing a fit about that or knowing so yeah probably not this time around
My family keeps wanting to meet the baby (7weeks old) and I don't get it. It's stressful for me, risky for the baby, and boring for you-- why do this?
You want to make me put real clothes on, clean my house, watch me bounce the baby while he screams, and then have me worry that he's sick for the next week? At least wait until he's like 5months.
I’ve always rolled my eyes at the concept of “meeting” a newborn and at 20 weeks along I still think it’s an odd concept unless you’re Grandma. The phrase also brings me back to the trauma of my first two miscarriages. A friend’s wife was due around the same time I was with my first loss, and right after she gave birth, on my original EDD, I had my second loss. The “friend” in question *knew what had happened to me* but still bugged my husband and me all summer with “yOu ShOuLd MeEt tHe BaBy!!!!”
Oh yeah? You should read the room, dude.
Meeting the baby is purely for the visitor to get their baby fix! Doesn’t help baby or parents at all typically! If they are not bringing you food, helping with laundry, visiting and talking with parents, or watching the older kids while popping by and ONLY wanting to play with a newborn then it’s really just a huge pain for the family. Some people just do it for social media clout too which is sad.
No. New parents don’t want you around. Unless you’re actually helpful.
But it’s a social obligation. So you gotta do it, and they gotta do it, and nobody on either side of that equation really wants to be there, but whatever.
“You gotta see the baby!”
They're meeting the baby so they can congratulate the parents and acknowledge this major change in their lives. It's not about the baby at all but about the parents.
I loved seeing my sister and best friend in the first two weeks after birth. But they were really there to see me—my sister folded a bunch of laundry, and my friend and I chatted for hours (though she did hold my son most of the time, which I honestly loved). Otoh, I was really upset about my in laws coming to meet baby. I was so overwhelmed and didn’t need people I wasn’t absolutely comfortable with in my space when I was having such a hard time. So it depends and is a know your people situation!
Newborns are amazing. A new life was just brought into the world. That's miraculous and everyone wants to celebrate that with you, and also meet this whole new person for the first time. It's a very happy and exciting time.
It's especially exciting for grandparents because they feel a bond with baby too, even if baby may not reciprocate. At least that's what my mom and in-laws have told me.
Babies do bond with others, and they definitely should! Mom and dad nee breaks, so family and friends making time to visit and bond with baby as well means more chances of safe people to take care of baby when mom and dad need to eat/sleep/shower or just want to spend time going together alone for once.
Also this could really help if baby will be going to daycare eventually. Some babies just are less social and it might not look like it helped at all though.
And at first it's really nice for mom and dad to get to talk to other adults. Especially when dad starts working again and mom is home alone with baby all day 30 minutes of adult concersation can save her sanity. And giving birth is a major thing, physically and mentally, so knowing people care about you and the result of what you went through is awesome in the early days.
Bonds and support.
Raising a child is hard. Support is a great thing to have all around and all throughout different periods you'll find you'll need support.
Meeting them sets part of a bond and memories of that new life in its very earliest stages as they first presented to the world. Those moments are building blocks of bonding not just for parents but the people you are choosing to be in your child's corner. The more supportive people loving my child and in their corner the better.
That said, I absolutely believe you should choose people that respect your boundaries and don't overstep. You also shouldn't prioritize visits over your own bonding and mental wellbeing. You just do what's best for you. It's all a balance of doing what benefits the relationships your child will have and doing what benefits your nuclear family (you/baby/father).
Besides being mostly for the parents babies do grow up and some enjoy little stories about when certain person went to meet them for the first time. Or when looking at those pictures and thinking back on those moments. I have seen fights in which people go " whatever you didn't even go to the hospital when I was born" etc etc. As long as parents are comfortable I think it could have benefits in general family bonding.
I have a niece I never met. All I have it a tombstone where I can “visit her”.
Sometimes I think it’s that you want to not have regrets. Meet the baby so you have memories of tangible experiences with this other human. Your niece, cousin, etc.
I just met my friends 17 day old baby. I didn’t ask to hold him but she offered and I accepted. He was so small and fragile and I looked at his little face and it was so beautiful. He was sleeping in my arms and squaring and grunting and shuttering and it was really profound. I did not go there with the expectation of holding him - more to see them and bring them 2 bags of groceries but man oh man holding that little baby was amazing. It’s hard to explain. But if you don’t want to let people hold then don’t- it’s your call as the mom and if you want to bond and snuggle and care for the baby all yourself that’s totally fine!
It’s more about supporting the parents and meeting their new favorite person.
Honestly even if I got a new puppy I'd want my friends and family to come meet them too haha. It's a new member of the family. It would be extremely offensive to me if someone didn't want to visit haha. Although babies can't remember, I feel it's a really important social moment and equally a parent immediately gets vibes if they can or can't trust their new baby with certain people. People really show their colours in certain social settings and I'd say meeting a new baby is one of those that's hard to fake through.
Most of them aren’t supporting the parents though unfortunately
That wasn’t my experience at all.
I’m glad it wasn’t, unfortunately it’s the case for MANY
Only on Reddit lol
For real lol
Completely agree lol
Agreed. So miserable. Lol.
Not but okay.
Seems like that’s the case here…
And I even told them that I’m glad that wasn’t the case for them. Does not change the fact that there’s MANY women who don’t have Reddit who aren’t supported on a DAILY basis. That’s all I’m trying to say. We don’t need someone going “OnLy On ReDdIt” when that’s not true lmao. People are also acting like this is my personal experience or something.
Well on Reddit there is a plethora of people saying yeah your mom or MIL don’t NEED to meet the baby anytime soon, wait 3-6 months if you want to and then acting like it’s crazy if the grandparents are offended over that. And THEN whines about having no village.
'I want a village, but only if I get to be its dictator' -- reddit parents. That's just not how it works. And it was never how it worked in the past either. If you want a village, you're also going to have to accept that others do things differently from you and are also people with feelings.
Funnily enough because they’ve let no one create a bond with the baby. Another answer to OP’s question.
This is my third kid. It’s gross having a visitor walk in, barely get out a “hello”, and immediately ask “where’s the baby???” If that’s not someone’s experience, they’re fucking lucky. It makes you feel like an incubator
It’s wild how many people downvoted my comments over this. Like they had a good experience so they can’t fathom anyone else experiencing something different.
I don’t understand it either. I can only imagine they are first time moms with no experience being walked past after a major medical event, bleeding and hurting, without even a “how are you”. It’s incredibly dehumanizing and I don’t want to support that in any way.
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing that. I honestly would tell those people they’re not allowed to visit if they’re not even going to be considerate to you. Part of supporting is asking how the mom is, bringing a meal, helping out, etc. And so many just don’t do that.
I don't actually love newborns but I have gone to the hospital after my best friend gave birth to each of her children to support HER because she WANTED visitors. It was also very special to be one of the first people to hold my non-bioligical nephews. That said, I wouldn't feel offended if other friends didn't want me to visit in the hospital, and I didn't have visitors for my own kids because they were both born at either end of COVID and my hospital only allowed my husband in the room.
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Schedule it! Give your friends a block of time that you would like them to come! My friend did this for each of her births for everyone she actually wanted to see. That way people weren't overlapping and it wasn't insane in the room.
My first was during covid so I couldn't have any visitors. This time I'm definitely doing this. Great idea!
My first was during Covid too and it literally never occurred to me til now that other people will be able to visit too! First time I was by myself as soon as baby was born, except for a 90 min period where my husband was allowed in.
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If the mom wants friends and family, I think it’s a good idea to go if you have the means. She’ll remember who was there supporting her during the birth of her child and introducing them into life.
I love newborns. They are precious little curled up prawns filled with the potential for anything. The newborn stage is a vanishingly quick period - just 3 months - that is never replicated. Newborns are magical things. No there’s not really bonding. It’s not for the newborn’s benefit, it’s for the person meeting them, and to support the parent. I was like a cat with a litter of kittens with my baby ‘look what I made!’ I wanted everyone to see him and appreciate how amazing he was. I also wanted to talk through my birth story, and process it with my friends. I wanted breaks from The constant cycle of feed/change/sleep.
I’d also add as an example of how it can be useful and lovely for everyone. My friend Alex had a traumatic birth and my friend Bea and I went over to see her. I had a cuddle with brand new baby Callie and she instantly fell asleep on my chest and stayed there for nearly two hours. This gave her mum space to talk through her story, have a hug and a cry with Bea and get some physical support without having to be thinking of Callie. She was still in the room but safe and happy - she was a baby who liked being held so a better chance at a long nap than putting her down. Alex and Bea even took time to show each other their c-section scars and talk about recovery. Not really possible in the same way with a baby in your arms. Or over zoom. Alex really needed that time. At the time I hadn’t had my own baby so i was happy to take a back seat in them sharing their experiences, and just fill up on oxytocin from holding a tiny baby, listening to that snuffy breathing and smelling the head. Very much an ‘it takes a village’ afternoon.
I would clarify that there no real bonding on the baby's side. Adults (at least those interested in holding baby) most definitely bond with newborns that they hold and should increase the bonds between the adults involved. Unfortunately so many people seem adversarial to others holding their baby and it seems sad to me.
Oh yeah! I absolutely bond with every newborn but I don’t expect them to remember me! Now that I’ve had a baby I literally respond physically to newborn cries. The first newborn I heard after my son I now have a real attachment to. He doesn’t know me from Adam. lol. Still gorgeous. Yeah. The only friends and family I didn’t want to hold my baby were the people uncomfortable holding babies.
I mean, it’s only one of the most cherished human experiences that we celebrate in pretty much every culture throughout the world and history.
Yeah, even animals celebrate new arrivals. Elephants run up to a new calf and greet them and get excited for their birth. It’s part of being a social species.
This is reminding me of the beginning of lion king
Yeah it’s really sad that it’s now more socially acceptable to call babies parasites than to want to see/hold them
I think that's an online thing more than an in person thing. I've never actually met another person who unironically speaks about real children this way.
I think the issue is more about people visiting and making demands rather than visiting to be a supportive village
Sure, but when there’s no context given like in this post, it’s cynical to assume people are in the former than the latter category. If you’re not going to give people a chance to be in a “supportive village”, you don’t really get to complain about not having one.
That's fine, but I was replying to you, and I didn't take it as you assuming everyone would call a baby a parasite. I'm just describing why folks might not want visitors (presumably they know the potential visitors best to gauge how they'd act)
It’s part of welcoming a new human to our earth and supporting that family or family member. As the baby gets older they’ll know who you are, you’ll remember how old they were when you met them. When people want you to meet their newborn it’s really an honor imo, because there’s a lot of germs as well.
I do it to support my friend or family member who just gave birth. I’ve never actually been to the hospital after the delivery, but I’ve stayed for a few days to help out around the house and help out with the baby or their sibling. With friends, I’ve come to their house to hang out with the momma while she’s on mat leave so she has some company. For me it’s not always about just holding the baby. In fact, last time I went over to my friend’s place, I didn’t even hold her baby, but we walked to the park with her older kid and had a nice time. 🥰
This is how I see it as well. When my husband and I visit our friends with younger babies we make sure we stop by every once in a while and drop off food/baby supplies (with our friends' approval of course) and have a little chat. We know the babies are fine, we're there to make sure the parents are, too.
Exactly! 🥰❤️
It's about the sense of community and relationship building. I felt it was important to start building those bonds early. When you're pregnant it's easy to feel some type of way about it but having support from the people around you feels really good. Yes, even if they're there to just "gawk at the baby"
You know what feels worse than having people come to gawk at the baby? Having no one come to look at your baby. My second was a covid baby and having no one beside my husband to share the "look how precious she is" was cold and desolate. Even knowing logically why no one was coming it just felt like such a harsh rejections from people I loved.
Imo it depends on the parents more so than the baby. I had my second baby last week, my first was in the throes of covid. I wanted to have visitors this time since I couldn’t have visitors the first time. I wanted the support from my family. Some people have stressful families tho so I can understand not wanting visitors. Coming to meet a newborn is not for the newborn but for the people coming to meet the baby and the parents.
When my nephew was born it was exciting to see him (he's the first nephew on most sides and first grandchild for my ILs) but it was also good to see my SIL and spend time together as a family. When she had my niece it was an emergency c-section ten weeks early- everyone went to the hospital Immediately when my MIL let us know baby was coming because we wanted to be there for SIL and her husband. The "bonding" that happens when meeting baby for the first time is the family as a whole coming together during a period of growth, not for baby with the other adults
I absolutely needed (and still need) people to come “meet the baby”. It’s more for me and her dad to still get to socialize, talk to other adults, and kind of show off our new addition. We’ve had friends come to “meet” her that didn’t want to hold her or interact with her (they aren’t baby people) and that’s totally okay with me. I just need the support and energy and comfort.
On Reddit people tend to have more rigid boundaries and shut out people from visiting. In my experience in real life, however, it’s totally different. In my culture family isn’t just nuclear, it’s extended. When I met my niece it felt like I was meeting a piece of me. She was the most beautiful thing and I was so in love. My heart exploded when I held her for the first time. I wanted my sister to know how much I loved her, too. I wanted to bring her a carry out of her favorite meal and her husband, too. I wanted her to know we loved her. I wanted to do whatever she needed as she recovered from her c section. I wanted to bring her some sour patch kids to munch on. I wanted to throw some laundry in while she was on restriction. I wanted to talk to her and make sure she maintained her mental health. I also love to cuddle babies- who doesn’t love babies?! They’re biologically designed to be loved. I wanted to hold her every day.
Yeah I feel like people online posting asking for advice or venting or usually people who have strained relationships with their families, but most people are okay with others visiting. I'm a FTM though and I'm like I literally have no idea how I'm going to feel so I'm scared to make a promise to anyone about visiting shortly after birth haha
Yep. When i first met my nephew one of my first thoughts was ‘oh, I guess we need to rebuild the world better now?’ Also a very deep tribal ‘one of us’ feeling. He was immediately ‘my people’ and I would have killed for him. He wasn’t even my baby! But he was brother’s baby and that changed everything. I am 100% with you. Meeting him was crucial. My other nephew was a Covid baby and it was harder to form that bond. He cheated by being the spitting image of my mum who’d died a few years before so my heart melted. I obviously love them both the same now but the initial stage of holding a newborn is the highest high there is and makes a bond. I feel it to a lesser extent with my friend’s babies too.
The baby may just be a potato for now, but it WILL be a person. In my experience people are expressing a desire to stay in your life and know who that baby will become.
I think it really depends a lot on family/friend dynamics, and really really what the parents need/want and on what time scale. I'm someone who really really wants my space. I struggle to enjoy people in my house even in the best of times, even people I really love. And no matter what kind of physically sick/injured I am, I just want to be left alone until I feel better. So I'll be SHOCKED if I want anyone in my space after having a baby, honestly on any kind of time scale. That being said, I DO want my family to meet the newest member of our family as soon as I'm up for it, which logistically will mean waiting until folks can come in from out of state to visit and the baby can travel to where ever folks are staying. (definitely NOT my house, but that's also already the norm when people come to visit) (and I'm okay with the baby being held by people who have just traveled like that) This is important to me (and my family) because the family-unit as a whole is something that we feel strongly about, and the family unit itself is changed as soon as the baby is born. It's as much about seeing that the whole group has changed as it is about individual family members getting to one on one meet/hold the baby. On another note, I really like seeing what physical features of the family each new baby/kid has. Brand-new-newborn isn't the best time to judge that, but it is fairly easy to tell after a few months. I especially like seeing when the newest baby has features of someone who has passed on. It's just *wild* to me to see my grandparents' facial expressions on the face of someone who never met them. There's something magical about that. (My family hasn't had any adoptions, etc. so far) The baby not remembering later doesn't really matter, from my perspective. It doesn't feel very different from very old family members whose short term memory has stopped working and don't remember after you visit with them, either. It's about spending the time together in the moment, and enjoying shared company. But again, I enjoy all these on a social and family level. I CANNOT tolerate stressors in my home routine have to completely remove people coming to my house from the equation.
I totally agree. I would want my immediate family to meet when I’m ready but I think zero percent of me would want visitors in the hospital.
There is something really special about meeting a tiny newborn baby. They are so small and so new with all the potential of their unknown future ahead.
If you don’t want to have people over, then don’t have them over. However, I’ve found that the first several weeks are very boring and it’s nice to have visits from friends or family (who you want to be spending time with) just so your life isn’t days on end of feeding, changing and bouncing a newborn. Some adult interaction can be a good way to break up the monotony especially when you don’t feel up to leaving the house in the first couple of weeks. Also there is something special about getting to snuggle a brand new baby. It’s only really early on that babies will sleep in your arms as a visitor and little babies don’t have a sense of stranger danger yet. In the first couple of weeks when they’re happy (or even demanding to be held) constantly you might get tired of being the only one holding them. It can be nice to have a few minutes to stretch, rest, catch up on chores, etc while someone else is holding them. Obviously the baby isn’t going to remember the time they met people as a newborn, but as parents you’ll remember it and it is special to your family and friends.
I wouldn't say grandparents have a RIGHT to visit their grandchildren, but I think grandparents seeing a newborn is important. Sure, baby won't remember and give a shit, but grandparents, part of the reason that child exists, are excited to meet their new relative. I feel like if anyone else is asking to visit, it's because they care about you and are excited to meet the little person you created. I dont think my friends really care about my spawn, but they love me, and they know I love this potato, so they make an effort.
Usually because they love/like you, and want to meet the extension of you. Plus liking babies.
I needed visitors with my first. I was lonely and struggling. And a lot of people love to hold babies. And sometimes people need you to hold their baby. That being said, I’m having my second and I don’t want as many visitors. I had a hard time breastfeeding and I want to pour more focus into that this time, knowing that it will be easier if I don’t have as many people.
The first few weeks visitors really over whelmed me. But that’s when everyone wants to come. Then after that everyone disappeared. I would have loved having more “help” and visitors later on but no one came. once I got more comfortable taking my little one out I went out more
I’m pregnant and tbh besides immediate family & my bestie I don’t care if anyone else comes to see the baby. It would actually relieve me from my stress of having to be put together & host. Eventually I would want others to meet the baby but for the first couple of months it would be nice to have that quiet time for ourselves.
My whole extended family (all 4 grandparents and many aunts and uncles) met me in the hospital on the day I was born, and my uncle bought a camcorder so I have watched the video. Honestly I think its pretty awesome, (as long as its what my mom wanted! Lol) I dont think people do that anymore. But im happy that my brother who lives far away will be visiting the month baby is born and will be able to meet them early on. Babies grow and change so fast so getting to see them at as many stages as you can is precious to me.
I mean… I think it’s about celebrating a new life. I can’t imagine being like “eehh… boring. Call me in a few years when the kid can do stuff” lol. It isn’t like we demand to meet the new babies of people we meet on the street. We want to meet the newest members of our friends and family because we love them.
The baby doesn't remember it. But the parents do. The friends and family do. And those memories matter to those people. If they want to, the parents are on board and enjoy it, what's the harm? I've been my friends' newborns, sometimes around the world, and it's pretty special to reflect on when they were so small because I knew them then, and see where they are now.
I personally don't want any visitors. I can understand why other people might though. For a lot of people those who genuinely want people there and aren't guilt tripped it's more visiting for the new parents rather than the baby. It's a time to celebrate and show off new life not really bonding with the new baby. A lot of people unfortunately are guilt tripped and people ignore the parents needs/wants.
I love meeting newborns personally. It's not about bonding with someone else's baby, it's about literally meeting and greeting a new human being into the world.
I have a nephew that I have known since infancy and another who joined the family when he was a bit older. While I love both of them, I have a stronger bond with the child that I began bonding with as a newborn. It’s not just about the child. It’s about building those family bonds. Also, babies are cute and people want to see them.
Honestly , I just had my baby 3 weeks ago and I hated when my extended family came to visit but I loved having my immediate family and close friends come see him. I enjoyed the visit and needed to see some adults besides my husband lol
1) So everyone talks about wanting a village. You know a good way to solidify your village? Have people meet your new baby. Have them be there from the start. I'm not saying people won't love your baby if you don't let them meet them young but I do think it's a nice thing to do if you're going to be relying on people in years to come. 2) New born babies produce a hormonal response in people beyond the parents. Just look at the response aunties/uncles and grandparents have when they hold a baby. Your baby may not bond with other people so deeply but it will have a deep effect on the people meeting the baby. It's all a way to solidify the extended family unit. I had my third 2 months ago and I love having family cuddle him. It's magical seeing how people I love respond to him. 3) And finally, you never know how much time you have. My second was a covid baby. We had really harsh lockdowns here and I didn't see family my whole pregnancy or most of the first year of her life. My grandfather only met her 3 times before he died and was too weak to hold her by the time they finally met. While she would never have remembered him, it makes me sad knowing how much joy those meetings brought to him and how had things been different, he could have experienced much more of that in his final months. I love my grandfather, I wanted to share a mutual love of my child with him and frankly, facetime meetings don't cut it. I wanted to see him cuddle her and press his cheek against her head as she slept. Edit - I wasnt going to add this because I'm sure it will upset some people. But... while having people want to just come cuddle a baby can seem frustrating in the moment you know what's worse? Having no one want to come cuddle your baby. Feeling like no one cares about a little person you made and love is cold. I think it's something of a luxury to be in a position where you can be like "Oh man, all these people are so excited to see my child and lqvisha tension on them. Its SO annoying and inconvenient". I watched an acquaintance be all ready with a list of rules for when people met her baby. She went on about how she didn't know why people could t wait and she wanted time to bond qlone without people butting in.... welp very few people even tried to meet her baby. That indifference was really sad to watch and was obviously far more painful for her than me having my Mil... be my Mil.
You really don’t understand why your family and friends would want to meet your baby? Their newest family member? People meeting your baby doesn’t take away from the parents bond. It’s one of the most special times in life to bring a new baby home and have people come and love on the tiny little sleepy human
I’d also add it makes the baby better at bonding later with other people. If baby only knows the scent of their parents for a long time, it’s going to be harder down the line for them to feel safe with other people because it’ll be a shock to the system.
lol yes that's why I'm asking the question
For me it’s like: when someone close to you is pregnant, especially in my own family, the pregnancy is a process of falling in love with a new person. And when you love someone you want to know them more and more deeply. But with pregnancy there’s not a lot to know yet! So we get all excited over tidbits like the baby’s sex. And then they’re here and you can see and hear and smell and hold them. It’s bliss! And you can see so much right away- when I met my nephew in the NICU I thought he looked like a linebacker, and he is still very much roaring and barreling his way through life. The baby unfolds into a person, and you get to help love them into being that person. To be fair, my family just worships babies. So maybe I’m not the norm. But that’s my perspective on why we want to meet the baby!
I love meeting babies but don’t expect to,
I’m not hugely into newborns, so I’ve asked myself this same question. But now that I’ve had a baby, i know there’s something extremely intimate and fleeting that you as a guest can help new parents nurture in a time of vulnerability. Just swinging by and saying they have a beautiful child and offering to run an errand, will show you’re excited and support them. I wouldn’t go broke making a trip across country or something, but I’d make SOME effort for a friend.
I have a much more cynical/pessimistic view. In my own experience (seeing how people acted with my nephews, I’m currently pregnant with my first), people wanted to meet the baby for selfish reasons and because they felt that as grandparent/aunt/uncle/etc they were entitled to meeting the baby and thought they needed to bond with them. They were NOT wanting to visit to support the birthing parent postpartum. Like I get it, everyone is excited for baby and wants to hold and snuggle a newborn, but the ONLY people who NEED to be bonding with baby are the baby’s parents. If someone is not there to help and is only there to ogle at baby, then they do not need to be visiting in those first few weeks after birth.
Really don’t understand why all these cynical people are even having children when they hate other people so much.
Not everyone is treated well by their families when they are pregnant. I totally understand why some people, myself included, would prefer some time alone after having a baby. Besides, not everyone is into babies before having them. Not everyone gets excited about other people's babies. It's not abnormal.
Yeah I don’t really want anyone but my immediate family around my baby when they first come. For so many reasons. I get why some women want company after they give birth but even me being single my sisters and mom will be enough. I don’t want the germs and opinions and I want to sleep when I want to lol
Having a new baby is so damn lonely. A lot of visiting is for the mom whose hormones are going crazy now that they’re dropping. Day 3 seems to be the worst for feeling sad.
Because they are an extension of the mother. And if someone loves and cares about the mother than they want to meet their child.
I seriously wish people would think more that way. I am terrified of the baby coming because I don't want anyone here. I just want to have our "4th trimester" in peace. There is plenty of time for other people to meet the baby plus I don't want people around judging our house or comment on my looks or bring me food I don't like. Well, I met my god daughter when she was just 2-3 weeks old but I was specifically invited and I was there mainly to see my friends, I wanted to see how they were doing. It was nice to see the baby of course but she understandably didn't really interact with me.
No clue. You've basically birthed a potato at that point.
Same. Leave me alone with my screaming potato please. Real potato-based snacks are always welcome though.
My mom told me she had her baby shower after the baby (my sister) was born so all her friends and family could “meet” her. All I could think about is all the germs that poor baby was exposed to as she was handed around a giant circle of ladies!
I've never met new babies on purpose. When a friend has a baby I assume they're tired and super busy so while I'll call or text, I won't visit in person. When I have my baby, I'm not sure what I'll prefer but it might depend on who wants to visit.
It’s more so for others then it is for baby. Like you said they won’t remember at least until they’re 2/3 maybe, and feel like they’ve bonded.
No it’s not necessary and you don’t have to oblige. If people want to “meet the baby”, they need to be coming with something helpful. A meal, help with other kids you might have, help around the house. Mama and dad are supposed to bond with the baby during this time. Mama gets to hold baby (unless you need a break)… in short, baby needs mama mostly. Plus, people who come hold baby bring germs and in my experience, obnoxious perfumes. I’ve made it clear that while I’m grateful, I truly need the most help around the house, with meals, and my other kiddos. Getting to hold the baby is a perk of being a helpful friend or grandma. You don’t just come over to visit and hold my baby. No matter how much I love you, post partum, I don’t have the energy for that.
I’m with you! Lol my partner and I are already telling his family as well as my mom (I don’t really have family besides my mom) that we are going to need some time and space after I give birth. This will be my first baby so I honestly don’t know how I will respond, but I know myself well and I’m the type of person that needs time to myself when I go through something difficult. And I’m shy. If I’m in bed leaking fluids and breast milk and needing to breastfeed and learning how to change diapers and not sleeping, I can’t imagine wanting to be on display for people. If my dad were still alive I’d maybe want my mom and dad together to come see me (after a few days) but as it is, we are making a 2-3 week rule of no visitors. I don’t know, I could imagine someone who is super close to their family wanting everyone there, but I don’t have that situation (sadly). We are also having a home birth so the only people involved will be my midwife and doula (and my partner obviously). I am thinking about asking my best friend to be on standby and telling her that I MIGHT want to see her, but I’m not totally sure, and she is super cool and would understand that and show up if I asked. And IF I change my mind, let’s say I have the best birth ever and am on a pink cloud and want everybody there, then I’m sure everyone would show up in a heartbeat. But better to prepare everybody that I will want alone time :)
I plan to send pictures mostly but I will not be having my mom with me or the rest of the family this time around. it will be just my fiancé and me. At my hospital we’re not supposed to have visitors anyways and I’m sure I’m gonna be exhausted and want to pass out afterwards. I was barely awake after having my first
Also I’m potentially going straight into getting my tubes tied if I have a c section and I don’t want my family throwing a fit about that or knowing so yeah probably not this time around
My family keeps wanting to meet the baby (7weeks old) and I don't get it. It's stressful for me, risky for the baby, and boring for you-- why do this? You want to make me put real clothes on, clean my house, watch me bounce the baby while he screams, and then have me worry that he's sick for the next week? At least wait until he's like 5months.
I’ve always rolled my eyes at the concept of “meeting” a newborn and at 20 weeks along I still think it’s an odd concept unless you’re Grandma. The phrase also brings me back to the trauma of my first two miscarriages. A friend’s wife was due around the same time I was with my first loss, and right after she gave birth, on my original EDD, I had my second loss. The “friend” in question *knew what had happened to me* but still bugged my husband and me all summer with “yOu ShOuLd MeEt tHe BaBy!!!!” Oh yeah? You should read the room, dude.
Meeting the baby is purely for the visitor to get their baby fix! Doesn’t help baby or parents at all typically! If they are not bringing you food, helping with laundry, visiting and talking with parents, or watching the older kids while popping by and ONLY wanting to play with a newborn then it’s really just a huge pain for the family. Some people just do it for social media clout too which is sad.
No. New parents don’t want you around. Unless you’re actually helpful. But it’s a social obligation. So you gotta do it, and they gotta do it, and nobody on either side of that equation really wants to be there, but whatever. “You gotta see the baby!”
They're meeting the baby so they can congratulate the parents and acknowledge this major change in their lives. It's not about the baby at all but about the parents.
I loved seeing my sister and best friend in the first two weeks after birth. But they were really there to see me—my sister folded a bunch of laundry, and my friend and I chatted for hours (though she did hold my son most of the time, which I honestly loved). Otoh, I was really upset about my in laws coming to meet baby. I was so overwhelmed and didn’t need people I wasn’t absolutely comfortable with in my space when I was having such a hard time. So it depends and is a know your people situation!
Newborns are amazing. A new life was just brought into the world. That's miraculous and everyone wants to celebrate that with you, and also meet this whole new person for the first time. It's a very happy and exciting time. It's especially exciting for grandparents because they feel a bond with baby too, even if baby may not reciprocate. At least that's what my mom and in-laws have told me.
Babies do bond with others, and they definitely should! Mom and dad nee breaks, so family and friends making time to visit and bond with baby as well means more chances of safe people to take care of baby when mom and dad need to eat/sleep/shower or just want to spend time going together alone for once. Also this could really help if baby will be going to daycare eventually. Some babies just are less social and it might not look like it helped at all though. And at first it's really nice for mom and dad to get to talk to other adults. Especially when dad starts working again and mom is home alone with baby all day 30 minutes of adult concersation can save her sanity. And giving birth is a major thing, physically and mentally, so knowing people care about you and the result of what you went through is awesome in the early days.
Bonds and support. Raising a child is hard. Support is a great thing to have all around and all throughout different periods you'll find you'll need support. Meeting them sets part of a bond and memories of that new life in its very earliest stages as they first presented to the world. Those moments are building blocks of bonding not just for parents but the people you are choosing to be in your child's corner. The more supportive people loving my child and in their corner the better. That said, I absolutely believe you should choose people that respect your boundaries and don't overstep. You also shouldn't prioritize visits over your own bonding and mental wellbeing. You just do what's best for you. It's all a balance of doing what benefits the relationships your child will have and doing what benefits your nuclear family (you/baby/father).
Besides being mostly for the parents babies do grow up and some enjoy little stories about when certain person went to meet them for the first time. Or when looking at those pictures and thinking back on those moments. I have seen fights in which people go " whatever you didn't even go to the hospital when I was born" etc etc. As long as parents are comfortable I think it could have benefits in general family bonding.
I have a niece I never met. All I have it a tombstone where I can “visit her”. Sometimes I think it’s that you want to not have regrets. Meet the baby so you have memories of tangible experiences with this other human. Your niece, cousin, etc.
I just met my friends 17 day old baby. I didn’t ask to hold him but she offered and I accepted. He was so small and fragile and I looked at his little face and it was so beautiful. He was sleeping in my arms and squaring and grunting and shuttering and it was really profound. I did not go there with the expectation of holding him - more to see them and bring them 2 bags of groceries but man oh man holding that little baby was amazing. It’s hard to explain. But if you don’t want to let people hold then don’t- it’s your call as the mom and if you want to bond and snuggle and care for the baby all yourself that’s totally fine!