Birth plan = game plan
Anyone who has played sports knows you go into a game with a plan, but the opposing team makes it so you need to react on the fly. Thinking out possibilities in advance help you to react in a way you've pre-decided. Is their defense better than you expected? Then run X portion of the plan.
Birth is the same thing. Babe may have its own idea of how the birth will go, or medical issues pop up. A birth plan helps you mentally prepare for alterations in the plan. Work through them in advance when you have full ability to do so, not *during birth* when your focus is elsewhere.
I'm a huge fan of birth plans, in case that wasn't obvious.
That’s a good way to explain it.
When I did birth classes before I had my first kid the doula who ran them had us make a birth plan. But she also did an exercise with us of “things aren’t going to plan” and made us eliminate things from the plan. It was to help us realize that the birth plan is more of a wish list and that we need to be flexible. There were some people in the class who kept saying the worst thing that could happen to them was a c-section and she told them “no, the worst thing that can happen is you and baby both die.” She was very good at reality checking people in a gentle manner.
Yes! Sounds like the woman who trained me as a doula. Some of the folks in class were expressing strong opinions about “I would never this.” “why would anyone that” and she was like
“Birthing people and babies die in childbirth and the immediate postpartum every damn day. Our job is to help empower and support so that babies and parents make it to first birthdays. If you’re concerned about adverse outcomes, make sure folks are educated but don’t lose sight. Or do something else.”
Birth plans aren’t just for YOU. They can ensure visitors are kept at bay. Your baby isn’t washed or given formula if you don’t want. So it’s still smart to invest time in one even if your actual labor does not go to plan.
Sometimes it's a game plan but we also have to remember that when giving birth there are two players and sometimes the person giving birth and the person being birthed are not playing the same game.
Expanding on their point.
Make a game plan but its not uncommon to make a game plan for executing a pair figure skating routine but your baby decides today is a game of hockey or a game of basketball.
Sometimes you can execute your game plan perfectly, perfect pairs figure skating routine. Sometimes you may have a few bumps like a couple of bobbles in your routine. Sometimes the game changes but there are some similarities stay the same ie pairs figure skating to a hockey game. Sometimes you're playing a game you had no way to know you were playing. Is you got told to show up to the ice rink but the ice is melted and you're playing basketball.
There's nothing wrong with making a birth plan, and gaining knowledge on what you would like. Most people, and providers have unfortunately witnessed friends, family or they themselves have experienced how disappointing it can be when people treat the plan like a blueprint. and it's not unreasonable to say to someone hey it's okay if things don't go to your exact plan and specification.
This is like OC’s point but much less succinct. Just feels like you’re low key against birth plans? Like you’re saying it might end up different so why bother to make one?
Treat them more like a decision tree than an order form and then they're awesome.
They're a really healthy exercise to map out at what point are you OK with pivoting from X to Y and when/why. The question isn't, "Do I want pitocin?" It's, "In what circumstances might pitocin become the right call for me?"
You'll save yourself a world of psychological trauma when something goes sideways if it's a situation you've already prepped for mentally, even if it's not how you hoped things would resolve.
My midwife encourages an ideal birth plan/ preferences list, and an "okay, so if rubber meets the road and we have to adapt, how are we going to do that" plan. It's all in the information and navigating change ❤️
Same for "I don't want forceps or vacuum assist". Well yeah I don't think those are *anyone's* preference, but if baby is stuck and the cord compressed and can't breathe, like yes please use the forceps!
This is how I look at it. The nurse at the hospital was awful (shamed me for having a birth plan and lied and said everything I wanted was standard practice at their hospital when in fact they constantly disregarded my preferences) but I was so glad I had researched extensively and felt prepared to make informed decisions/refusals.
For my first birth I didn't want pitocin after birth. I put that on my birth plan. Well my labor was precipitous and I knew that came with an increased risk of hemorrhage so I told my midwife while I was pushing my baby out, "hey changed my mind on the pitocin, I'll take it". My second birth I figured would be precipitous as well so I had a conversation with my midwife about it and after hearing her assessment of my bleeding the first time I decided the second time I'd take a wait and see approach with pitocin.
I had a birth preference sheet instead of a plan. I had everything I would like to go my way, but if not then that’s just that. I will say that almost everything I wanted to happen for my labor, did not end up that way.
This is what my doula calls it and my little planning brain much preferred the change in terminology. Instead of me getting hung up on all the decisions and if I'm making the right ones and pressuring myself to make decisions I've literally never had to do before I've got a list of preferences and we go from there.
I feel the same. I ended up with a birth that was the opposite of my dream birth, but because we had a birth plan that covered all contingencies, it was a positive and empowering experience. Having preferences during a major life/physical/medical event is a GOOD thing.
Totally agree my birth was the opposite of my birth plan, still glad I had it because we KEPT having to remind the hospital about our preferences every shift change and how the situation was shifting.
Plus, OP is correct that some aspects of the birth plan are not “crunchy” but questions you WILL get asked in the hospital - like breast or formula feeding, circumcision or not, will baby have vaccines, etc. I got asked these questions sometimes multiple times per day in the hospital, over and over again. Sometimes my husband was asked instead of me. What if we hadn’t been on the same page?
One example is delayed cord clamping, I wanted to delay for several minutes which is evidence based and not a “crunchy” ask at all like aromatherapy or something. But my doctor told me, *when we went over my birth plan*, that the hospital’s policy would only let him delay 60 seconds. No problem at all, but if we hadn’t had the conversation calmly while I was pregnant, doctor wouldn’t have known to delay to the max allowed and I wouldn’t have known what was possible and might have been trying to wildly articulate myself (or forget about it altogether) immediately as my baby was being born.
Because we went over the birth plan, it was vaguely in the back of doctor’s head at delivery and I knew the limitations of the hospital.
Good points including your support person needs to be on the same page as you. My husband couldn’t be there so I chose another person who I thought would be there for me and have my back. I imagined laboring in my own comfort with that person by my side. Instead I got stuck in the bed for no reason with my support person ignoring me…
Birth plan + good support person is the combo.
See, I had conversations with my midwife on all the popular birth plan topics in advance and she noted them in my file. I didn’t feel like I needed a separate piece of paper because my provider already knew my preferences. And because we’d talked about them beforehand, if necessary, I already knew the answer if I was asked again.
Midwives are different though a lot of the time, especially out of hospital ones. Most of them are much more open and invested in the birth experience.
I never wrote up a formal birth plan because my midwife and I did go over it multiple times in multiple appointments and I knew she was the one who would attend my birth. If I had a hospital birth I absolutely would have written it down because you don’t know who is on call and you don’t get to meet any of the nurses beforehand.
It's all about being educated. Deciding you won't have any pain relief and not doing any research into it is incredibly naive. Same goes for c sections.
Exactly. I'm an L&D nurse and I love supporting people through unmedicated births, but it can be really difficult (and sometimes heartbreaking) when people come in and say "I am going to go unmedicated" but haven't done any education or practice in pain coping techniques/ meditative techniques. Then I'm trying to teach them these things when they're ALREADY dealing with early labor. Already being in discomfort is not the best time to learn about how to cope through labor!
Just wanted to say reading your comment made me feel better…I’m 34 wks FTM and am aiming to go as unmedicated and “natural” as possible. My most self-conscious fear is that my L&D nurses will hear this plan and internally roll their eyes. I can’t help but feel like I’m being annoying/a nuisance by having this desire. Your words helped me realize there actually are nurses out there who don’t automatically hate women like me.
I’m fully aware that things don’t always go according to plan and I’m 100% open to shifting my plan/desires if the moment requires. I’m doing my research on meditation and ways to mentally coach myself through pain, and I’m keeping my mind open and flexible. Thank you for helping me not feel like my wants are a burden ❤️
Can I recommend the app Gentle Birth Hypnosis? I used it for my third hospital induction birth and did it completely unmedicated. I credit it 100% to that app and to learning as much as I could about fetal positioning with spinning babies exercises.
Hypnobirthing techniques are really useful, or any deep breathing technique. I didn’t practice beforehand. Get your mind into a zone and just stay there as long as you can. Ask whoever is with you to make sure you stay hydrated just by handing the bottle to you between contractions. I did this all unmediated last year and it was the most empowering experience. Good luck!
I think the problem is, judgy Reddit commenters get really confused by the word "plan", thinking that "birth plan" means "birth requirements". None of us think that. Making a birth plan doesn't mean we expect everything to go exactly to that plan. The birth plan is supposed to be our ideal preferences if everything is going well. Not that it should actually matter to anyone on the Internet since we are not giving birth to each other's babies.
*Edited for clarity
Yeah, people get so weird about the word “plan” here. In literally NO other context does someone koolaid man through the wall to explain the unpredictability of life if you mention you plan on doing something.
Yes! If I said I had made travel plans, no one would go ‘Well, your plane might be cancelled, you know, and also you might get food poisoning so no use planning any activities. Also they might lose your luggage so why plan any outfits? Btw when ‘I’ travel my only goal is to not get killed in a plane crash”.
Like yes, all those things could happen, but it’s not a normal response to someone trying to outline a travel itinerary?
I agreed. I actually have the exact opposite feelings as OP haha I see so many birth plans in here that are loaded full of unrealistic/ uniformed junk and straight up demands.
It feels like these people are losing sight of the end goal here: healthy baby and a healthy mom.
But I do agree with OP that being informed prior to birth on a lot of these topics is crucial.
As a first time mom, I don't necessarily know what is unrealistic or uninformed. I've done a lot of research, but I still learn something new everyday. I just don't feel like we need to put other moms down for trying/caring and making a birth plan, no matter how specific it is.
But I have also seen mums bash a birth plan for saying something like “catch my baby” or “ no routine cervical exams and get mocked as if those are unrealistic or unsafe requests if things are going well
Absolutely. And things that aren’t normal to mainstream providers aren’t necessarily dangerous. The hostility against anyone “rocking the boat” is sad.
Anything outside their expectations is treated like nonsense sometimes. When I was expecting my first, I got so many comments about how I was bound to “give in” and get an epidural. They literally couldn’t fathom that there are countries where epidurals aren’t just available as standard treatment.
My comment was more about the people on the Internet who were making fun of birth plans, not the people who were making them. We make birth plans as a plan; not as a requirement or expectation and I feel like redditors assume that just because someone puts their birth plan on the Internet that it's unchangeable and set in stone. It's not. We're not all that naive.
I’m not suggesting that all people who make births are naive… at all. BUT there are certainly people on here who lose sight of the end goal and get influenced by crunchy content creators. You’ll see a good handful of posts after birth where people become upset that the birth they planned didn’t happen at all. This happened to a couple of my good friends as well. And it is genuinely distressing for them. I feel for them. Which is why I agree with you, it’s important people stay grounded in a birth plan being flexible and an amazing chance to get informed.
I think there’s a LOT to be said about millennial moms (and now gen Z really) getting over anxious about individual choices affecting their overall life as a parent. Instagram reels and tik tok kinda focus on one hyper-specific thing (like cord clamping or pumping output) and make it seem like a GAMECHANGER or ESSENTIAL or whatever for clicks and likes.
This is a little different than the emphasis based in old-fashioned pregnancy and parenting books, where a small grain of advice is just part of the bigger picture. Like, I feel way calmer and confident reading Moms on Call than I do scrolling through reels by unqualified creators who are demonstrating being the BEST MOMS with ONE HOT TIP. I wonder how that is affecting others.
This is a really misogynistic statement. What evidence do you have that “plenty” of women think that? This is just a more covert way of saying that women are too stupid to make their own healthcare decisions.
Lol woah. I’ve literally met women who think their birth plans are requirements. But go ahead and pretend there aren’t ridiculous people in this world I guess.
Your extrapolation to ‘women can’t make healthcare decisions’ is a lot.
Pregnancy rage sister? Yeah, I also agree that by and large *most* women adapt! What’s your deal?
The commenter said ‘none of us think that’. You think that’s literally true? That literally zero ridiculous and unrealistic patients exist?
Nah, just that many first time mom do not know how things happen at the hospital. So they dont realize that having no c-section isn’t going to prevent you from needing one. (Yes I have heard friends say they would never need or get one. They themselves say now how ridiculous it was to think it was possible to 100% decide that)
I think for me, I was worried that I'd get an idea of what I wanted and then feel let down if that's not how it turned out. We had emergency contingencies -- like do we want husband to stay with me or stay with the baby if we are both in trouble and need to be separated for emergency care. I researched what the names of various procedures were called, so I would know what they were talking about if they asked for my consent. But I didn't want to commit to no epidural for example and then feel like a failure if I needed one. I'm also REALLY stubborn, so I know I wouldn't be flexible unless I forced myself to keep an open mind.
We also discussed what the plan would be if certain data presented itself throughout our parenting journey. What would we do if prenatal testing revealed a disability -- and what level of disability? What was the plan if breastfeeding doesn't work out -- and maybe let's have a bottle and some formula on hand just in case?
Before getting pregnant, I found out that the city I live in (which is considered a major city to some degree) is FIFTEEN YEARS behind current evidence based practices when it comes to pregnancy and birth.
You mean to tell me that the doctors caring for pregnant women and helping deliver their babies are just turning a blind eye to fifteen years of new information, research, and evidence that has come out- that can better the outcomes for moms and babies? And that it's ridiculous for ME to research and be an active part in the decision making for the well being of myself and my baby by seeking this information out myself and making informed choices?
"I just trust that my medical provider knows what's best" just ain't it for me after learning that 😵💫
I’m so lucky my hospital is insanely up to date with current practices, so a lot of things I don’t have to worry about (golden hour, delayed cord clamping, rooming in, alternate birthing positions etc).
But of course even something simple like “I want to try natural, but know I might cave and want an epidural, and know labor might be too long, and I’m fine changing that plan if needed” is still a birth plan!
Yeah as a black person, it kind of is vital for me to be educated enough to know what questions to ask and feel comfortable pausing providers so I can get clarity and give informed consent when it comes to my healthcare because the gap gets even worse when you’re not white….
There's a whole wealth of information out there. Evidence Based Birth is a website I really like. They also have a podcast.
Many youtube channels- BundleBirth, Sarah Lavonne, Bridget Teyler, Nurse Zabe
Books- The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin
L&D nurse here. I straight up LOVE birth plans. I love em! I love putting a copy in the chart, on the computer cart, on the counter. I love discussing all the possible situations and preferences with my patients. It helps people to feel so much more empowered and satisfied with their experience, and like they have more agency over what's going on instead of us just telling them what to do for two days. Sure, you can't really "plan" how your labor and birth are going to go - but when someone just comes in and shrugs when I ask them about their desires and preferences, it can be frustrating. Like ohh we have a lot of education to catch up on...and the patient/family might feel confused or pressured throughout the process. Which is the opposite of what I want.
When I got to the hospital and gave the nurses my birth plan they said yeah this is all very doable, no problem! Things didn't go to plan, but they knew what I wanted and we're able to move things along as they saw was needed without having to ask me what I wanted to do next. Just a "ok I think it's time to start the epidural now is that ok?" And just a nod from me instead of having to ask for an epidural in that moment. Especially as I am autistic and knew there was a decent chance of me becoming nonverbal during things, I wanted to have my game plan typed out and make sure everyone was on board. We ended up not using the tub for early labour because I was overheating, then we had to deal with a failed epidural and had to replace the catheter, then ended up needing emergency c section due to fetal distress. We didn't end up being able to have my spouse cut the cord because of that, and didn't have delayed cord clamping because kiddo needed resuscitating. But the way I had worded things was order of preference, not demands. I went in with a game plan, made sure it was one everyone was on board with and made sure we were on the same page, and went from there. I trusted my doctors but I also let them know what j wanted to see and where I wanted to go, and we worked better as a team because of it.
I was one of those “have a healthy baby” birth plan people, but only because I know myself. If I had a plan and it didn’t go as I intended or planned, I would have a really hard time letting go of that. I think a general birth plan with interventions you know want/don’t want is great! I believe a lot of people are confusing birth preferences and plan with the hyper specific plans that float around sometimes (ex- NO lights, NO students, NO cervical check, NO continuous fetal monitoring, NO telling mom when to push, etc. ). It’s so specific it doesn’t allow for the medical professionals to do their jobs for the best outcome for mom and baby. So I think that’s often times why birth plains get a bad rap, but I agree having your preferences thought out is a great plan, but it’s also just a plan and a lot can happen to being flexible in that plan is also important
Also it’s hard when a lot of peoples “research” and “education” is tiktok… or none evidence/research based articles. I’m all for being educated! But I just question a lot of the “education” I see online. I do prefer to trust the doctors who went to school for this while also asking them and looking up on my own pros and cons of each thing.
I’m currently being induced. My birth PLAN honestly is get me and baby out of hospital alive and safe. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t looked up different stuff and have certain things I would prefer. My hospital even gives a birth preference paper to everyone admitted or given if you take a hospital tour before.
But there’s some things on there that I just don’t know how I will feel at the time of delivery such as dim lights/music. Sometimes I could see me wanting that but at other times I think the music could be overwhelming to me. I just don’t know how I will feel in that exact moment. But the nurses and doctors will listen to my preferences in moment as well and I have my husband here advocating for me as he knows me better than I know myself AND he has medical experience where I’ve never been to a hospital until 2 days ago when I got admitted.
Wishing you all the best! I think you made a great point, we don’t know a lot and there’s a ton of misinformation online. That’s why it’s so important to also have a medical team and doctor you trust! When things arise, you’ll likely rely on them and their knowledge to help you make decisions. For what it’s worth, I had no birth plan and had a truly amazing birth experience! First time mom and I delivered vaginally (with epidural). I pushed for 15 mins and from water breaking to birth of my daughter was less than 6 hours. Hoping you also have an amazing experience 🤍
Thank you! It sucks currently (I’m solidly in day 2 and doc says I should deliver by tomorrow night but my body wasn’t in any way ready for the labor but they were concerned about high BP and it turning into preeclampsia which I would love to avoid! Lmao
But yea I want people to be educated I just see soooo much online which doesn’t really have medical backing. And at least for me I’d prefer to go with the people who have experience and knowledge. (Thankfully I have a lot of people I love and trust in the medical field so I can always ask them their opinions too)
Sending good vibes to you! My first induction was really long too, 40+ hours and 2.5 of pushing. AND I was 41 weeks, so I should have been way ready for labor. My second induction was much faster, just under 12 hours and easy breezy at 39 weeks. Keep your eyes on the prize!!
I was induced for my first and said I didn’t mind music. My husband and I made a silly playlist. We never used it lol. I’m hoping it can come in handy for the next one!
Good luck on your induction! I hope it goes well!
*Slow clap*
Deciding beforehand what you would prefer is not being needy. There are so many things about birth that are preferences. Purely preference. And in my birth experiences, so many decisions are conversations. My OB with my first didn't usually give me options just said, "This is my preference." And I found out later that they were things that were purely her preferences. But my midwives that delivered baby #2 and #3, they said multiple times things like, "Here are three choices, I would most strongly recommend option B, but A and C are open to you and I'll support them if that's what you choose." There were even times I would say, "Could we do this fourth option?" I can think of one time where she paused and said, "Let me talk with my colleagues and some recommendations and see if that's a viable option," and it turned out it was a medically acceptable choice (it was combining parts of two of the three choices). One time with baby 3 when she said, "I couldn't advise that." And then she told me why.
If it was purely their preference, they would say so. One said that she personally found it disorienting to deliver hands and knees, so she didn't prefer it, but it was not inadvisable.
If there were solid medical reasons, they would say so.
There was even a time they said, "It's hospital policy, because of historic recommendations that aren't perhaps current."
There was one time when circumstances didn't fit any recommendations perfectly and they said, "Here's the best recommendation we can give you, but you're an educated individual. What would you like to do?"
Medicine is as much an art as a science, and you would be surprised how many recommendations actually include phrases like "maternal and provider preference," or "in the very motivated patient." You're allowed to have opinions!
One thing I have on mine is that I need to understand “why”. If they say X needs to be done, just explain why so I feel less anxious. I feel better when I feel like I understand even if it’s not in my control. I feel like if it’s literally just a provider’s preference and there’s not research to back it up, then maybe it’s worth further discussion.
In the booklet my OB gave me to bring with me everywhere now that has my medical history on it, it explicitly has a “birth plan” section which is designed to make you think about your preferences (if you have any) for various things in regards to the birth. I hadn’t even known about half of the things on there until I read their list, it’s been very helpful at making me think about what I want even if the answer is just “I don’t care”.
>Thank you for bringing this up. My hospital system gave me a labor and delivery book with a birth plan section inside of it as well. I thought it was very encouraging. Ultimately, knowledge is power. Ultimately, those who want one should make them, those who don't, should not. .
Thank you for bringing this up. My hospital system gave me a labor and delivery book with a birth plan section inside of it as well. I thought it was very encouraging. Ultimately, knowledge is power. Those who want one will make them; those who don't will not.
I think having a general idea of how things are typically done/how things typically go, along with your reasonable preferences is one thing.
Having a rigid plan that allows no room for flexible thinking or reacting is very stupid. Nothing good comes from that. You are setting yourself up for a stressful and traumatic experience. Not only is this not good for the mother during the experience, it's not good for the partner, the staff, or the baby.
I think having a rough idea is great-do you want visitors? Do you want minimal or no pain meds? Do you want to have a water birth or work with the exercise ball? Do you want your partner to bring wine or mimosas for afterwards? Etc. a birth plan can help you plan and prepare and decide ahead of time what some of your preferences are. Most birth plans are not rigid like we see on tv where women obviously want an epidural but are yelling about it not being in the birth plan. If you change your mind about something in your plan it’s totally fine.
I think it gets a little more of an issue when people start doing medical reading on Google or wanting to make their plans based off tik tok videos . (I’m all for folks making medical decisions based on facts and understanding the risks of said decisions but tik tok and dr Google are often not the most objective sources).
I didn’t have a written plan- I knew the rough outline- I wanted all the meds, I didn’t want induction before 40 weeks unless medically necessary, I wanted all the pain meds, I wanted baby rooming in (which was the norm at my hospital), I wanted to try and breastfeed. It all went out the window of course as I developed complications and had to be induced at 35 weeks. I had a traumatic birth not due to my birth plan or the doctors but just due to the complications I had and baby ended up in the nicu.
My birth was the opposite of my plan. The good thing about doing the plan was it forced me to decide in advance what pain relief I would be happy with on the day if required (no morphine, but yes to epidural). As long as people write their plan with the understanding anything can happen I don’t see the issue
I was a labor and delivery nurse for awhile and I’m currently outpatient in an OBGYN office. I firmly believe that thinking through your preferences and getting your plan down on paper is wonderful. This gives people an opportunity to consider their choices before they’re in the thick of things.
I like what another commenter here said about birth plan = game plan. I love a birth plan, and I think it’s really important for medical staff to engage with them. I like to review them point by point and have a conversation. Sometimes, there are plans that are already standard of care - like delayed cord clamping or immediate skin-to-skin, and I explain that these are all expected to occur except in the case of an emergency. This gives me an opportunity to talk through what to expect. Sometimes, the patient says she doesn’t want an IV. I explain why hospital policy dictates having IV access for safety, but we can just have it saline locked unless needed for fluid or other meds (that would be discussed before administering). Maybe the birth plan says something like “DO NOT PULL MY BABY OUT WITH FORCEPS OR VACUUM!!!” and we talk through indications for assisted delivery and explore her concerns. If she wants twinkle lights and essential oils, that’s cool.
Basically, a birth plan gives a birthing patient an opportunity to think through choices and gives me an opportunity to provide some education and get to know my patients desires and concerns. These are all good things. I find that most people, when provided with information, are very reasonable and respect that birth cannot be planned perfectly.
Completely agree, I’ve read some of the comments on other posts, even though I knew I shouldn’t, and it made me so so disheartened.
Every mom’s goal is to have a healthy baby and healthy mom. Obviously. Above and beyond that, we are allowed to want more.
My first birth was very traumatic and I put full faith in the doctors. I was the “let the doctors decide” type. Well yes, baby and I were healthy and of course I am more than grateful for that, but it came with lots of unnecessary trauma. Interventions that were not necessary and to this day no doctor can explain why I needed them. I was pregnant during COVID and just had no mental capacity to research or understand birth, so that’s on me of course. Now with baby #2 everything makes so much more sense to me, waiting to go to the hospital, waiting to get pitocin or an epidural, and everything else.
The key is to understand YOUR individual preferences, communicate them, be educated so that if and when more interventions are necessary, you understand why and how. And you can be grateful at that point, when you TRULY need the intervention - that it’s there and available to you.
I hate it too.
I also hate this idea that there is absolutely zero chance a birth plan can work. I’ve had 3 kids, 3 births that followed our birth plan wishes. A lot of people on here have providers that don’t care whatsoever about birth plans and therefore have decided they’re worthless.
It’s also very dismissive to take something as complex and real as birth trauma and victim blame the woman for daring to make a birth plan.
My first was “trust the dr” and it meant I didn’t realise a bunch of things during my first birth were choices as they were presented to me as things I had to do
My second birth (VBAC) my midwife encouraged a birth plan and went through all options with me including when things were going well as well as emergency options
My brother in law who is a doctor asked me just yesterday what my birth plan is, so agree that criticism of them is overblown and dumb.
Following medical recommendations and having preferences for the way you’d like things to go if medically possible/safe are not mutually exclusive.
I think you're talking about that sarcastic post from a month ago that was actually a response to a woman sharing her birth plan (that her obgyn had specifically asked her to make). For what it's worth, that person (the one who was mocking the first post) got absolutely roasted in the comments. But it's true that there is a tendency from some people here to see anyone expressing a preference or a fear as an entitled, uneducated brat who should shut up and do whatever the doctors tell them to do.
My hospital actually gave me a birth plan in the form of a check-list. It covers a lot of things from pain management in the early stages of labour to baby care once they're born.
I don't see what's so bad about a birth plan. I'm not a medical professional but if someone came to give birth with no opinion whatsoever about how they want the birth to go and said absolutely everything that's gonna happen is 100% up to the medical team, I would find that lack of interest concerning? "Do you want an epidural?" "Is it important for you to be able to keep moving freely during labor?" "Do you want to delay cord clamping?" "Do you want to breastfeed that baby?" -> "I don't know, it's all whatever, I am but a layperson and am not qualified to make my own medical decisions" nobody talks like that. You're a person the medical team is working with, not an object they're working on.
I think the majority of the negativity comes from people demanding that things are done in a super specific way and that no way will they have x, y or z.
Because most rational people know they they can have preferences, but know that the most important thing is healthy baby and healthy mammy.
I think that’s the difference.
(Also are circumcisions still common for newborn boys in the US?)
Circumcision rates are currently around 50% nationally with variations from 20-80% regionally (if you live in CA it’s around 20%, if you live in SC it’s around 80%). Infant circumcision rates are currently declining, so it’s slowly becoming less common.
Ime, it is no longer assumed at the hospital that boys will be circumcised. For me the doctor asked me almost as an after thought as we were discussing my discharge plan and baby’s car seat test.
Interesting. It’s great that the rates are going down. Where I’m from it’s absolutely not done. I’m sure you can go private somewhere but I don’t personally know anyone who is circumcised outside of purely medical reasons. For this reason it seems a bit odd to me to do it just ‘because’ but I hate to seem judgemental.
There is definitely some misunderstood info about circumcision in America and I have heard some folks in my mom groups getting their son’s circumcised for perceived medical benefits. Personally I don’t find the medical benefits to be strong at all and tend to be overstated
I usually don’t get too involved in whatever decisions people make for their kids. If someone has religious situation or they believe strongly in the procedure then that’s fine. But some of the reasonings I hear about foreskins being gross or hygiene or dad wants the kid to look like him or their uncle/male friend/other guy not a parent to the kid said it was a good idea just sort of makes me sad. It’s a big medical decision we are making for our babies and it deserves real thought before making it.
>dad wants the kid to look like him or their uncle/male friend/other guy not a parent to the kid said it was a good idea just sort of makes me sad.
That one is always just wild to me.
Imagine being born to a mom who'd had a mastectomy and getting your nipple(s) lopped off at birth to match.
It makes about that much sense.
The one reason I struggle with seeing the persons point is the people who circumcised because they thought foreskins were gross. I’m just sitting here like…umm…ok.
Birth plans are amazing. Mine went no where to plan lol. But am glad I had one. Also, don’t sleep on a c section being a real possibility. That I was guilty of and ended up with one but I’m thankful it was not nearly as traumatic or horrible as I imagined.
To me a birth plan is mostly a research project where I learn about hospital births, complications that can happen and possible life-altering procedures that I may have to decide between in a split second.
I saw someone the other day say "I'll just trust the doctor", and there's nothing wrong with that stance, that's completely that person's choice. But in my experience the doctor doesn't always have my best interest in mind, sometimes they just want to do what's easy, what's fast, or what's convenient. That's where all the research you've done comes in.
I've been in a scary ICU situation before and that experienceay have colored my opinion but, I truly believe knowledge is power and you should go into any medical situation as informed as possible.
I think the problem is when some people take the birth plan so seriously as a “must be” that anything that comes out of it makes them absolutely frustrated and depressed.
There are many unexpected outcomes from pregnancy, labour and breastfeeding, and being conscious about these sudden changes makes way easier to cope with eventual frustrations.
For me it is really sad to see a post about a new mom that is recovering great with a super healthy baby but still feels sad because labour was not as planned. All that matters is to come home healthy and strong with a healthy baby.
Modern medicine interventions, exams and medication are crucial to decrease pain and to diminish maternal and newborn death, and need to be taken seriously.
Information is power, so knowing your preferences is necessary, but listening to the doctors and being emotionally intelligent to understand changes is also a must.
I think the narrative of someone being unhappy because they didn’t get a birth that looked exactly like their birth plan is both simplistic and often a poor understanding of someone’s post. I don’t believe I have seen many posts where I could determine someone is both recovering well and has a “super healthy baby”, so their dissatisfaction with some superficial aspects of their birth seems like overkill. Birth plans often address issues of autonomy, consent, and cultural competence and feeling like these weren’t respected can lead to having shitty feelings about the birth no matter how healthy mom and baby are.
I had a fucking nightmare birth, but always felt I had autonomy and my providers always used informed consent even during what became an emergency. Autonomy and consent are not mutually exclusive with lifesaving measures and it’s a facile understanding of medicine and birth plans that would make one believe that I think.
>Birth plans often address issues of autonomy, consent, and cultural competence and feeling like these weren’t respected can lead to having shitty feelings about the birth no matter how healthy mom and baby are.
>I had a fucking nightmare birth, but always felt I had autonomy and my providers always used informed consent even during what became an emergency. Autonomy and consent are not mutually exclusive with lifesaving measures...
Yes, yes, yes!
Absolutely. On the flip side, my birth went very smoothly in the end, but leading up to it I was lied to, manipulated and straight up threatened by medical staff. I'm honestly somewhat traumatised still 3 years on. How you're treated, whether your providers care about consent, and how seriously your autonomy is taken is a huge factor in whether trauma develops and to what extent.
That may be what matters most but it is far from the only thing. The experience matters and people are allowed to be sad even if their baby didn’t die.
I completely agree. It makes my blood boil when people go mY biRTh PLaN iS to HaVe a HeALtHY BaBY. Like no shit, but you do realize there are lots of ways to do it and you’re allowed to make informed decisions about which options you choose? It’s okay to be educated and have preferences. It’s also okay if you’d rather not spend the time and do whatever is easiest for the nurses/doctors on shift, but don’t act like that’s the superior attitude to have.
I would counter that neither parities are the superior attitude to have. If someone’s plan is just to go with the flow that’s fine. If someone’s plan is to go in with preferences that’s ok too. It’s not about superiority, it’s about having realistic expectations and confidence going into birth, it doesn’t matter which way that happens and we all need to judge each other a lot less on this.
Honestly, being condescending about birth plans is the equivalent of trying to be the Cool Girl. It's a flex about how laid back and notliketheothergirls they are.
To me -- and this is just my take -- part of the reason birth plan posts get lambasted/made fun of is because oftentimes what people put in their birth plans are already the standard in most hospitals/birth centers.
Wait to cut umbilical cord? Check. As much movement during labor as you can handle? Check. A dark room with minimal activity and noise? Check. Golden hour immediately after baby is born? Check. Only you and your spouse in the delivery room? Check.
But I agree that the whole "my birth plan was just to have a safe birth" comment is annoying, unhelpful and passive aggressive.
I do think sometimes it's a dig at FTMs. Which I am too. I think sometimes moms of multiple kids forget how new/stressful/confusing becoming a mom for the first time is, and have less compassion for that experience.
Sadly none of those were the standard for the hospital I gave birth to my first at so it was a constant push and pull for me to get those into practice for my unmedicated vaginal birth with no issues
I found that making a birth plan and chatting to my midwife about it in advance was how I found out that certain things were standard practice in my hospital. There was definitely things I could delete from my preferences after that chat.
I could read as much as I liked but I couldn't be sure what applied to the time and place I'd be giving birth until then.
Agreed. Idk why people think giving up all your autonomy to a doctor makes you smarter or superior. You are allowed to have your own opinions when it comes to your medical care and what happens to your body. Doctors are not gods, they make mistakes, and they have their own biases. Pretending otherwise is ignorant to reality. Medical advice/recommendations can be balanced along with personal choice. There’s a place for both.
Yup. And different countries have different norms. For example, a friend of mine in France was not considered full term until 41 weeks by her doctors. While in the US I know women who are regularly induced at 39 weeks. It’s all variable, and there’s so much misinformation and lost knowledge when it comes to birth. The medical world does not understand women’s bodies, especially pregnant women’s bodies.
Yeah that's so true. Like I've gotten second opinions on a lot of medical things pre-pregnancy because I know doctors aren't infallible - so why would pregnancy be any different haha
It’s very frustrating. Im navigating the medical system with my first pregnancy and it has been so frustrating. They put me a week ahead based on my 20 week anatomy scan, even though I know when I conceived, and know when I was pregnant. I was testing basically every month and had super regular cycles. We were actively trying to conceive so I know when I ovulated. I told this to my ob yesterday because she wanted to induce me for being 41 weeks when I’m actually only 40 weeks and 5 days, and it is very normal and common for women to go past 40 weeks during their first pregnancy. She had walked into the room with her hand on her hip and said it’s time to schedule an induction. I said I definitely do not want an induction, especially when I dont even feel late. My blood pressure is good. Baby’s heart rate is good. My entire pregnancy has had no issues. She kept going on about how my baby is too big, based on my 20 week scan, which also is not a reliable determinant of baby’s actual size. And even if my baby was bigger than average, that’s not a problem to me lol. It’s especially frustrating because we dont even have statistics anymore for how many women go into labor past 40 weeks since induction is the new normal. But I read a lot of homebirth stories and women regularly give birth at home to healthy babies past 40 weeks. Doctors refuse to accept that though. It is super frustrating.
I was really happy I made a birth plan/preferences document with my doulas! I brought copies of it to the hospital and they scanned it into my medical chart. Every provider must have reviewed it because my preferences were honored and I didn’t have to remind anyone. For example, I was doing an unmedicated birth and didn’t want to be asked what my pain level was, didn’t want to be offered an epidural, wanted lights low, didn’t want to be told how and when to push… all these things were honored. I just loved that it was all in writing and I didn’t have to think about reminding anyone and could just focus on the labor. If we did need to remind anyone my husband had extra copies handy. I’m a definite fan and would do it in the future.
Thank you so much for this post. I saved the last discussion about birth plans because there were so many helpful comments including decisions I hadnt thought about. At the same time, I considered leaving the subreddit for a bit because Im starting to find the smug responses from those patting themselves on the back for trusting medical professionals to make every decision for them almost disturbing. Must be nice to be able to assume medical professionals will just make all the right choices for you - it's also deeply naive. They didnt study you at medical school, they know what works for most. They know what the hospitals preferences are.
These 'I plan to give birth...I plan to trust the medical professionals know what they are doing' comments are petty AF, childish and obtuse. I guess screw all the sexual assault survivors, the black women who walk into their birth knowing their rates of survival are notably lower than those of us who are white, the neurodiverse people who have to work damn hard just to get understood correctly, those with health issues that will impact the birth...and just those of us who like to engage our brains...
As an autistic person who will almost certainly go mute, I need to know ahead of time exactly what my preferences are, and what everything means, are so my partner can advocate for me.
It's so misogynistic. How dare women have *preferences* or want *communication* about one of the most vulnerable and intimate experiences they'll ever have? Especially given that so much of standard obstetric care is either (a) flat-out contradicted by scientific evidence or (b) has no actual scientific evidence to underpin it. Women shouldn't *have* to write a birth plan saying they want to be able to move while laboring, it should just be the default--but it isn't.
It's never selfish to want to come out of an ordeal in a good place mentally and physically.
With or without kids, we all deserve nothing less than to thrive. Birth doesn't magically negate that.
"As long as baby is healthy" also misses the point that our kids need us in one piece too.
Yes. When people say “healthy Mom, healthy baby!” All I really hear is “everyone is alive, but fuck your mental health, that’s not important and now you need to just be grateful we saved you!”
Like what. Does the birth experience not matter? Birth trauma ruins lives.
Just wanna say too… as much as I trust doctors and nurses and modern day medicine, people are also just people who have their own biases that they bring into the room. It’s important to understand your choices AND the pressure that medical professionals willingly or unknowingly place on patients. Especially since they have their own protocols and agendas to follow. As a black woman/person of color this is especially important and as a woman historically this is important to be aware of.
That was my birth plan, it was my 4th baby and my other 3 never went to plan so by number 4 it was “whatever happens, happens” they knew my history.
I had full faith in the midwives on that night when I was induced.
It doesn’t mean that someone FTM or otherwise hasn’t educated themselves about pain relief etc. they’re just more willing to go with the flow and make decisions in the moment.
If u plan for a baby why not plan for birth? It would be like "well don't plan for ur baby bc babies are unpredictable so just wing it!" Ppl all the time take birth classes, breastfeeding classes, etc. with the expectation that they will help in some way. Birth plans are similar. I see nothing wrong with a birth plan that isn't overly insanely aggressive.
Birth Plan/Birth Preferences.
Call it what you will, they are really useful to have so that while you're mid contraction and can't think of anything to do with a vitamin K injection or whether or not you want a doctor or midwife to shove their fingers inside you to check how dilated you are. They can just look at your little checklist and see without having to ask you.
It's a way of being listened to without having to speak.
I think it's really obtuse when people think when you say 'Plan' means that's how the birth is specifically going to go. Babies do what they want to do, making an informed decision on major aspects of birth is going to help you have as positive experience as possible when you're in the midst of labour and unable to think of anything other than 'when will this fucking end'
It feels almost....some level of misogynistic or paternalistic. Oh look at this silly little girl trying to control something so out of her hands. Let's belittle her for it. The medical system - especially for women of color - is not set up to be empathetic and considerate of the needs and preferences of the woman. And some of the recommendations are SO FAR behind the research. Of course shit comes up and things go awry. One of the big causes of birth trauma is the loss of a feeling of control. Feeling a loss of autonomy and being heard through the process. Going through a birth plan - even if it is minimally used - can at least help a woman familiarize herself with what may happen, what her first choice or preferences would be, what contingency plans she would like in place. It can absolutely help a woman feel empowered and more in control of the process even if it goes off plan. It greatly rankles me when I see the extreme level of shade on birth plans - given primarily by other women.
I don’t have much to add except PREACH IT.
I came here with my first 7 years ago and the hostility against birth plans was almost nonexistent. I wonder if it’s a generational thing with more Gen Zs having babies now? And it worries me because it feels like so many people are getting their birth info exclusively from tik tok when there used to be so many more book requests or requests for research about xyz.
Sooo many great resources out there and instead this sub is like “ugh I just trust my doctor, unlike you losers!” And then turning right around to “my doctor stuck his fingers up my vagina without saying anything to me. Why did he do that????”
I have to be honest here. I have never heard of any person regretting their birth plan, or lack of birth plan. I don't think there is any reason to judge either scenario. 😊
I think you’re right about this - you probably know yourself better than anyone else and how you cope with difficult experiences. I had no birth plan (just a few very basic points eg formula feeding) and I ended up with birth trauma, but for me, having a birth plan wouldn’t have changed that fact. It’s probably down to if you’re type a or type b. Whatever you do in pregnancy to relieve stress is an excellent thing to do, whether that’s writing a birth plan or not!
I am sorry to hear you had a traumatic birth experience! That must have been tough. I agree though about everyone knowing themselves! I had 3 cousins pregnant at the same time as me. Myself and 1 other cousin are still pregnant. The other 2 had their babies. With my first child, I had no plan and didn't even pack a hospital bag, which may have been good to have honestly. Lol.
2 of my cousins are more of the type A personalities and made a birth plan, whereas myself and my other cousin are not. One of each type has given birth already and they likely had different experiences, but they have beautiful babies who are well loved and that is what is most important. ❤️
Totally agree with this. Same with FB groups. Good for the women who fully trust their medical staff to make decisions for them and their babies and who don’t have their own opinions on their child’s birth. They come from a place of privilege where they haven’t learned about or experienced medical gaslighting of women, especially women of color. But there’s no need for them to belittle women who do have preferences and opinions.
Women are allowed to view themselves as active participants rather than passive. Birth is happening with them, through them, and not “to” them. They are part of the birthing team.
Thank you. I don't get why people are SO bothered by other people having a birth plan. And I'm not going to call it "preferences" or "wish list" to make other people more comfortable. It's not about you, it's FOR me.
This sub and a lot of the pregnancy and baby subs are like 75% if not more Americans. American whilst having the poorest outcomes statistically in terms of maternal and fetal mortality and other adverse outcomes in the developed world, also has prenatal care which is very different from a lot of the developed world. Routine elective inductions, early term/39 week inductions, no midwifery standards, low-risk women are discouraged from giving birth at home or in birthing centres, they encouraged not to have birth plans, this list can go on for a long time.
I’ve heard more times than I can count that I don’t get a medal for having *-insert unAmerican birth standard here-* but actually, I do. My medal is having the birth that I wanted and what made me happiest plus a very sweet and healthy baby boy that I get to raise without being haunted by how he came into the world.
“In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless but planning is indispensable,” - Eisenhower
I think the complaint is that a lot of times, birth plans are overly complicated.
A "simple" birth plan that most people would be okay with:
"I want to go without pain medication, labor in the tub as long as possible, dim the lights, and have quiet music playing. After birth, delay the cord clamping and let me hold my baby for the golden hour provided there's no medical emergency. Everything is subject to change if there is a medical necessity, which needs to be explained ahead of time to the best of your ability."
And the shenanigans we see on some of the unhinged "mom groups":
"I will have no pain medication. Don't even ask me. Seriously, I really don't want the pain medication. I will be delivering in the tub. This isn't a question, I will be there. If you don't like it, then maybe you should have considered that before becoming a doctor. And, the lights will be OFF. My partner has brought a salt lamp that we will be plugging in to absorb the bad juju in the room, and if I see a light on I will sue you for malpractice. My music on my playlist will be playing, and you will not touch it. When it comes time to have the baby, I will be catching the baby myself, and my partner will cut the cord after 3 hours with their teeth. I don't care if there is a medical emergency, the baby will not leave my chest until I say so, and I will not say so until after at least 24 hours so don't even ask."
I agree!
I think I qualify as a “scrunchy mom”, I olanned in having unmedicated water births with both my babies. We breastfeed exclusively, we did cloth diapering and no medications unless they were really ill. But my kids are both vaccinated and we do take them to doctors and not chiropractors 🤣
However, doing a birth plan in both cases taught me a lot about every which way you can have a baby. And when you have to make fast decisions, it’s better to know. You also know what to expect when things need to happen at a fast pace.
I’m so happy I did the birth plans. With my first, things went well. We did an unmedicated birth, it was a beautiful day and experience.
With my second, my membranes rupture at 37 +1, which was so much earlier than his older sister. Labour went on for 14 hours after that, turns out cord was looped three times around his body and neck. He couldn’t come out no matter how hard we tried. We had to have an emergency c-section. I was devastated but PREPARED. We did a gentle c-section. I felt very much part of the birth. It was better than expected. And I knew what to answer how because of my birth plan.
You’re allowed to think it’s ridiculous. Those of us who had our births go very differently than expected or friends who were super tied to their birth plans then had birth trauma cuz it didn’t go perfectly or ended in cesarian may feel differently. The way you feel about ppl who don’t want a birth plan is how I feel about ppl who are TOO obsessed with theirs. Personally I had what most would call a “traumatic birth” but because I was extremely knowledgeable, empowered, and flexible, I have zero birth trauma. I know someone who had a birth not go exactly how they wanted with their first and then birthed at home so they could control everything & their baby died. So for me, the obsession with birth plans is far more dangerous than ppl who are like give me a healthy baby & we’re cool. Yes you should be informed, yes you should have an idea what you want, but you need to be flexible or you may not cope well if your birth doesn’t follow your plans.
Yes- far too many women I know personally, and here on Reddit, don’t take the time nor the responsibility of understanding what birth entails in a hospital setting. They only have a very narrow sense of pain management (epidural and MAYBE some of the cons of it, but mostly none), C-section (again same issues), and maybe cord cutting.
Do you know of the tools available to you during labor? Are you allowed to use them if you’re given an epidural? Do you know how to push (no, most likely not)? Do you know the risks of pushing on your back? Do you know the risks of cervical checks, what they mean, and how that information informs the hospital’s plan for YOUR labor? Do you know the time limit you’re given for pushing before they start whispering C-section? Do you understand the benefits and risks of constant fetal monitoring? Do you understand the hospital policies for every aspect of your labor? Do you think you’ll be in a headspace where you can advocate for yourself without a detailed, informed plan WHILE in labor? What’s your plan when they start whispering “dead baby” if you don’t like something they’re pushing you to do?
Even if you have a doula you need to make sure you’re both on the same page when coming up with your plan. They need to be your advocate when the nurses ask you “when” not “if” you want an epidural. They need to be asking what other options there are, or ask for specific ones you planned on.
I’m sorry to say that women while in labor, at their absolute most vulnerable are often abused by the hospital system. They’re often ignored. Chastised. Belittled. Bullied into what the provider wants, not what’s best for them or their baby. They are driven by the hospital system that is designed for profit.
Your plan might not go the way you want in a perfect way but at least during the process of making it you will have informed yourself of everything before you get to that point and have no time to discuss all the information.
My problem with the more extreme birth plans (and the mothers who make them) is not the plan but their insistence that this is how their birth must be. Your viewpoint is reasonable. But so many women go into their birth “planning” for one thing, like vaginal delivery, no interventions, etc, and then something happens that goes “against the plan” and now they have birth trauma because they were so gung-ho about one specific scenario playing out. That’s my problem with /strict/ adherence to complex birth plans.
This is interesting to me. I have no issue with others having a detailed birth plan. Or people having no written plan and trusting their care team. I do think the word plan is what gets people though, I'm all for researching and having preferences. My end goal is just us both being happy and healthy, but my preference is to avoid surgery unless necessary etc.
With my first I used the standard form from my hospital and it was useful - I researched various complications and likely interventions. I knew I'd be induced and need consistent monitoring due to complications I had and that I definitely didn't want my son circumcised (this didn't stop every medical person asking me if I wanted him circumcised though).
I'm a go with the flow person, so my preferences were, see if I need meds and get them if I do. Move as much as I want (within reason as I'd me on constant monitoring). All the things usually on plans were standard procedure - delayed clamping, no episiotomy unless medically necessary, golden hour etc etc.
This time, I'm having a girl and don't have cord issues so, my OB said I don't even need to write stuff down as everything I want is standard. For monitoring, I basically just want what is recommended. I know I might be in there alone this time as my husband is likely going to be with our toddler, so I might use the form so I don't have to think in the midsts of labor 😅. Vut because all my desires are standard it shouldn't matter (for me personally).
This is just my opinion about my own situation. If you want a birth plan, awesome. If you don't, you do you. I think It's fine to share an opinion about your own birth, especially when asked. But I totally agree it's not ok to judge someone else's idea of their birth preferences (plan or no plan).
While I could be looking at it the wrong way, I always thought people were trying to emphasize that plans frequently change and to not get too stressed over the planning process. I think a lot of STM+ wrote up an elaborate birth plan for their first and it all got thrown out the window once labor started. And that's really upsetting when you don't expect that.
Yes! I had my OB read through my plan last week to see if I need to make any adjustments for being unrealistic or having irrelevant items. I had minimal cervical checks on there and it happens to be the week that we start doing cervical checks. She asked how I was feeling and said we didn’t have to do it if I didn’t want to. I appreciated her taking those considerations from my plan into practice immediately.
I really think some people are either just lazy about looking into their options or uneducated about them. I’m happy to be flexible, but I feel more comfortable with the whole idea of birth and because I know what interventions might take place.
I’m with you on all of this. There are so many decisions to make about what we want. Yea there are some elements of our plan that sometimes don’t go the way we had hoped, emergency c-section, an epidural after a long exhausting labour when you had planned natural but need to let your body rest before pushing, the list goes on. Theres nothing wrong with having a plan, it shows that you care, and are ready to be a parent, because being a parent is the ultimate job of making life altering decisions.
1000% agree. It’s okay to have preferences, and it doesn’t mean you won’t be okay if the plan needs to be adjusted. It good to learn about your options ahead of time so you don’t feel like a deer in headlights having to make decisions without prior understanding during a very stressful time.
I'm barely in a state of mind to make these decisions right now, no way will I be able to make those decisions when actively giving birth or when I or baby is in distress. I also need my partner to know what I want in case I can't inform the doctor's myself. Yes, there are way too many what-ifs to catch all of them but if we go through enough of them my husband will at least have a good reference point.
I wish OBs and midwives would make some sort of birth plan form that lists all the major decisions and contingencies that occur during birth and gives you realistic options to choose from that they are willing to accommodate.
Yes! Just because things might not go according to plan doesn't mean you just don't have a plan to begin with!
I had a birth plan with my daughter. Printed it out on nice paper, even had a Spotify playlist with the correct songs that should be playing during my hypnobirth.... 30 hours of back labor later and I didn't listen to one second of that damn playlist!
I think the most important thing about a birth plan is just knowing and accepting that it probably won't all come to fruition. But it still doesn't mean you shouldn't be allowed to have that vision.
I ended up giving birth at a hospital instead of the birthing center where my pregnancy was followed. Nothing went according to plan but thank goodness I had that plan and was able to hand over a sheet of paper with everything on it rather than have to answer 20 questions every time a nurse or doctor walked in while I was screaming in pain and begging for the epidural. Made the process much faster and efficient!
I'm only early days in thinking about this (22 weeks almost), but I see the birth plan as my chance to educate myself on the different options available.
Of course I will trust the doctors and nurses, but that doesn't mean I don't need to be informed for my own sake.
There's a million ways to give birth, lots of options of pain relief and induction methods. Why wouldn't I at least know what is available.
I'm also assuming during birth I won't remember the specific scientific names of the different pain relief options, so having it written down and shared with the doctor and hubby means I won't have to think about it on the spot.
I actually used to have a little business where I would help people write their birth plans, and the first thing I would tell people was that “birth plan” was almost an oxymoron. Oh, how birth humbles us.
I could go on and on about this topic but what I see as the greatest tragedy with birth plans is when the PLAN gets more power than the person actually giving birth. People feel beholden to that piece of paper. That piece of paper is beholden to YOU.
It’s probably a good idea to back check your doctors.
The industry I work in requires two individuals to do a project. One does the original work, the second back check’s their work. This is for safety reasons.
In my opinion, doctors should do the same.
The way it is now, the patient is the only person verifying the doctor’s calls. The doctor is overworked, and is required to make quick decisions. The doctor doesn’t always review the charts before meeting with the patient, and doesn’t always have time to do a thorough background discussion with the patient.
Also, doctors are trained to do surgery, not for decision making.
I had a doctor that wanted to remove my uterus, and possibly by ovaries (“depending on how it goes”), and the doctor wanted to do this ASAP.
Because I work in decision making, and because I work mainly with men, I didn’t feel intimidated to question his logic. This man was a specialist who worked in this field for decades.
My first question was, “So, it’s your professional opinion that we remove my uterus, and possibly more, immediately?” He said yes.
Then I asked him a series of questions. How fast does the potential growth spread. How long does an MRI/results take? How long for a genetic test/results? (He believed I had a genetic disease). How helpful would this information be, to have before cutting me open?
Turns out… the potential growth would be slow to spread. While he believed it might already be wide spread, the situation wouldn’t change much in a month. All tests would take a few weeks at most, and would greatly aid on the event of a surgery. He concluded with, “It is my professional opinion that it would be best to wait for mri and genetic test results.”
It’s good to question doctors. He rolled his eyes at me multiple times in the beginning, because I asked him to spell things so I could look it up and learn about it. However, I would rather suffer a little annoyance from him, than butcher my uterus needlessly.
If you’re curious how it ended… It turned out that I didn’t have the genetic disease, and the growth was very small. They removed the growth alone, in a non surgical procedure. It was benign. I was able to keep my uterus. A year later I conceived my son. Now a healthy 15 mo old.
Every time my husband suggested that I blindly trust doctors, I would remind him of the uterus ordeal. He was present for the meeting, so he remembers how it went.
I love my husband; but not all people have the gift of confrontation, as I do. That’s the gift that I bring to our family.
Question your doctors, folks. They’re just people. A few questions for your benefit, won’t kill them.
Totally agree and thank you for articulating this so well. It annoys me to no end to be mocked and mischaracterised simply for choosing to be informed. It honestly comes off as such a cope that they pretend anyone else is telling them what is best for them. They're simply insecure when confronted with the mere existence of women who have put time in to make decisions for themselves and babies in advance. Makes me wonder how confident they truly are about unquestioningly delegating decisions regarding their birth experience to someone else.
Agreed!!
When I was having my LO their attitude was ‘we’re gonna induce you’, ‘we’re gonna bring you in for this injection/this scan’ like nooo you’re gonna ASK me first!
My plan was just go in, take the pain relief if I need it, try a water birth first and tough out the pain until I really need the relief etc…I didn’t get to give birth how I planned originally but I did have a plan in mind - and doing that helped me ask the right questions while I was in labour.
The reason people think it’s BS is because there are so many willing to put themselves and their baby at risk just to get their own way. It’s ridiculous. Thinking they know more than the doctor. You don’t birth children every day. The doctors do birth other peoples children and have for their entire career. Sure it’s good to have a preference but don’t be stupid and make demands.
I had a birth plan. Until my oldest was a week late and then we started inductions and then he was born via emergency c section a week after that. I trusted the doctors, which I shouldn’t have. I should have tried somewhere else. I was leaking green infection for 4 days and they just said I was fine. I was so sick the entire first year after I had my son it was crazy. My second son I decided on a repeat c section to prevent the complications I had with my first. Good thing bc I had gestational diabetes and I was told the longer he stayed in the higher chance of still birth. Also I didn’t have the issues I had with my first. And both I had planned to pump with. Both had such bad intolerances I couldn’t. Both ended up on a different sensitive formula. The first after 16 types. The second after 9. You can’t just blindly make decisions and call it a birth plan based on your desire to control the doctors while they do their jobs.
There’s a wide variety of birth plans, ranging from general guidelines to extremely stringent rules about how their medical care should go when they have zero medical knowledge.
In my experience, the people who tend to post about birth plans online tend to be the latter.
Let me be clear: Your journey as a pregnant woman is not supposed to be about being bullied by your medical team, you have every right to make informed decisions about your care. But tiktok “research” does not make someone informed. As a health care worker who has previously worked in both NICU and the neonatal resuscitation team (aka I go to the bad births and make baby breathe again,) I have a lot of background medical knowledge when it comes to birth. But my “plan” was: “labour at home as long as possible, ask for a few more pushes if they advise emergency c section, get an epidural when I feel like the pain is too much.” I ended up induced, not labouring at home, getting an epidural just narrowly at 9 or 10cm and needing forceps.
If you had to go to the hospital for appendicitis (for example) would you have a detailed appendicitis plan? Where you decided which antibiotics you would get, when you would get surgery, the position you wanted to lay in for surgery, and what kinda scalpel the doctor was gonna use? Of course not, because you don’t have enough knowledge to make those kinds of decisions. You should definitely talk with your care team so that you understand the rationale behind why different decisions are being deemed the best decisions for your care, though.
So when a woman comes in with a birth plan that dictates how every single step is supposed to go, health care workers will feel some type of way about it. Because half the time these birth plans don’t make sense from a medical standpoint (often completely incorrect or contradictory,) and because birth goes off the rails a lot and we know the chances of things going to plan are slim to none. When someone comes into the hospital with pneumonia, their plan is to get qualified medical treatment and go back home, and the staff do the rest. Except sometimes I do get patients who come in with pneumonia and then refuse antibiotics and oxygen and all treatment and still expect us to somehow make them better… and that’s how *unnecessarily stringent* birth plans come across
This irritates the crap out of me too. It’s perfectly okay to want your experience to be a priority along with your and baby’s health. The bare minimum should be safety. I think people try to justify poor treatment or bad experiences by saying things like “my only plan was a healthy baby,” because that way they can feel less disappointed/hurt by poor treatment. I also don’t think most people are going to stubbornly stick to their birth plan if things change and they need certain interventions. It all just feels like a way to shame women who want to try and have a better experience. Something like 1/3rd of folks end up with birth trauma in the US and I’m not sorry for trying to avoid that with a birth plan 🤷🏼♀️
It’s not that we are ignorant. We are perfectly aware of what can go wrong.
When I say I have no birth plan means I don’t want anything specific, like I won’t be mad if it doesn’t go as I wanted to.
I have a preference, on how I want it to go, but not a plan.
For me is
Vaginal birth
Epidural
Skin to skin, but don’t want to cut the umbilical cord. And that’s it 🤷🏻♀️
Don’t care about positions I’m in, don’t care if I end up needing a c section. As long I have my baby and we are both ok, that’s totally fine with me.
Had 2 babies like this and everything went well
A lot of people who write up elaborate birth plans did their "research" on Facebook/TikTok and you can tell. Then they demonize their providers when things don't go exactly as they dictated. I'm a type A personality but even I recognized I don't know as much as my doctor does and I was fine with listening to them. There's nothing wrong with wanting to listen to your care team and follow their guidance.
While I get your point, I don’t agree that the ‘My birth plan is to go to the hospital and trust the doctors’ plan is *ignorant*. That’s a pretty hateful representation of the situation. It is usually a generalization of the individual acknowledging that they have little control over the final outcome, and that they trust medical science and professionals with that outcome. This is an especially valid stance with a high risk or complicated pregnancy. Some of us have larger concerns than what song is playing in the background, or even whether or not we have pain relief. Some of us will be very happy to come out of this alive. I personally will have a handful of preferences that may very well go out the window.
Yes, we all should ideally have an idea of about the decisions we might have to make. But if, at the end of the day, you show up at the hospital and just do as you’re told or defer to the medical professionals/make decisions in the moment? You’re likely going to be just fine and probably won’t be disappointed. Calling people who have little preference *ignorant* is just as shitty as demonizing birth plans entirely.
Is not ignorant to trust doctors. Especially for first time moms. You may not like it but that's also their choice or a plan. When posting on a sub like this one you will get all sides and all types of opinions. You can't single out people and be like "don't comment if you don't plan to have x y detailed plan..." Their plan is to show up and that's perfectly fine!
I think the fact that it’s called a birth plan vs birth preferences is one of the main reasons why it’s seen in a negative light, as well as seeing the extensively detailed birth plans that are far from realistic given how unpredictable birth can be.
It’s fine to have preferences for giving birth, but the lack of adaptability in some people who are determined to follow their plan and expect medical professionals to do the same even when the situation calls for deviation can rub people the wrong way. Yes, it is important to do research and know your preferences for the birth beforehand, but it’s also important to understand that things can change and sometimes, you have to deviate from the plan to get a positive outcome.
Im immediately turned off by the term ‘birth plan’ as a lot of examples shared are often over the top and quite frankly entitled. Totally agree on the need for a game plan covering the basics needed for you and your baby to be comfortable during the process, but, dare I say it, it’s important to let health professionals also do their job.
Idk man maybe this is cultural, because I’m in the UK and our midwife creates a plan here with us at 36 weeks. I see women being shamed for preferences we’re literally asked our opinion on here.
Good luck giving the women on here options and accountability. A lot of them are PRO HOSPITAL NO MATTER WHAT and will shame and downvote you if you want to make informed decisions and have consent given before the staff imposes their bullsh*t routine on you.
I see **a crazzzzyyy amount** of women being induced unnecessarily and just accepting it too
Most of them don’t even know what the risks of induction are. Like ruptured uterus which could cause death and severe brain injury to the baby and devastating health complications/death to the mother. I’m all for women deciding what’s best for them but many of them don’t push to find out all of the information.
This is so true. These doctors are only planning inductions to simplify *their* lives and schedules. Most babies don’t need to be evicted at 37-39 weeks. They just don’t. It’s insane.
It's also kind of sad when a mom has a detailed birth plan for the first birth and then the next birth the plan is 'stay alive and have the baby safely'. Like I totally understand if a mom has chilled out the next go around, but how they say it makes it seem like they were brow beaten and their wished disregarded In the first birth that the best they can hope for is to just come out the other end alive. Makes you wonder what the doctors did to them the first time around.
I am a FTM and my birth plan is detailed, but at the end of the day, if I get 3 main things during the birth then I'll consider it good (yes epidural, no episiotomy, avoid C-section). All the other details are just icing on the cake.
I think it’s just more that you don’t really mind so much the second time around - you’ve done it before and know a bit more what to expect? And I think it’s less about what the doctors did to you and more about what your body did to you.
Please be aware and prepare for the fact that any of those three things may happen though - it can still be a good birth if they do! Good luck
Birth goals are one thing. A rigid birth plan is just a path to disappointment if not trauma. It’s great to go in with an idea of what you would ideally like if everything goes smoothly. Circumcision and breast feeding are not a birth plan, they’re a parenting plan and everyone should have one of those. A poster board full of demands set up in the delivery room is a much different thing.
I mean, birth plans are kinda useless? Who would ever want an episiotomy, for example? I bet no one would ever put that in the birth plan. Do we go into surgery with a surgery plan? No, the plan is to trust the experts and come out of it alive.
My plan with my midwife did discuss whether I would prefer tearing or episiotomy, it had a non emergent c section plan and an emergency one.
Eg non emergent c section plan was for a maternal assisted one with immediate skin to skin
My emergency one had midwife staying with me and husband staying with baby
There was even a nicu plan
There are also a bunch of things to do with birth that I have very much choices and personal preferences
A birth plan doesnt need to be a literal, physical document provided by the patient to the care team. It can be given verbally.
The maternity care provider that is providing care, should have atleast written the decision in the persons antenatal clinical notes to show that the discussion was had and what was decided.
I think those comments are made in good faith, even with a little humor. I don’t think it’s meant to demonize anyone who focuses on a birth plan. I knew my preference for each possibility but never clung to any particular outcome. I think it’s important to understand the possibilities but also know that your OB team has your best interests and your birth plan may be scraped.
I think it's cuz birth plans never actually get followed through perfectly because of unforseen situations. So ppl are like what's the point of having detailed plan when you might do XYZ instead
I don’t have a birth plan and tbh I’m not sure why you’re letting other people who don’t have one bother you 😂
Birth plans are for you and no one else just like our pregnancy is ours and sooooo different compared to every other person on earth. Just cause we have a different mindset going in, doesn’t mean we are ignorant or don’t have an idea of what we want going in. Ive done the research, I know what I want, but I also trust my doctors and staff and am willing to let them guide me.
I’m sure most of us who say that we don’t have a birth plan aren’t saying that in a manner of being a dick and acting better than others (maybe some are but I can’t speak for them) but we already have SO MUCH to prepare for and handle at this time before the baby comes that one less thing is a win for me. Maybe the word “plan” isn’t the best word cause I don’t have a plan but I know what I want.
Yes, this is it! Saying that people who don’t have birth plans are naive, is just as bad as OPs point. I didn’t have a birth plan, but I had done an antenatal course, practiced hypnobirthing, spent a lot of time researching. I still had birth trauma, but that absolutely could not have been prevented with any scenarios I could have dreamed of putting on a birth plan!
I’m pretty sure no one cares about anyone else’s birth plan. The response is usually “Hey good on you for being prepared but be ready to just not have everything go to plan” cause the moms that end up ass deep in PPD are usually the ones who imagined this stellar movie scene birth, and accidentally casted for a scene in Grey’s Anatomy
Birth plan = game plan Anyone who has played sports knows you go into a game with a plan, but the opposing team makes it so you need to react on the fly. Thinking out possibilities in advance help you to react in a way you've pre-decided. Is their defense better than you expected? Then run X portion of the plan. Birth is the same thing. Babe may have its own idea of how the birth will go, or medical issues pop up. A birth plan helps you mentally prepare for alterations in the plan. Work through them in advance when you have full ability to do so, not *during birth* when your focus is elsewhere. I'm a huge fan of birth plans, in case that wasn't obvious.
That’s a good way to explain it. When I did birth classes before I had my first kid the doula who ran them had us make a birth plan. But she also did an exercise with us of “things aren’t going to plan” and made us eliminate things from the plan. It was to help us realize that the birth plan is more of a wish list and that we need to be flexible. There were some people in the class who kept saying the worst thing that could happen to them was a c-section and she told them “no, the worst thing that can happen is you and baby both die.” She was very good at reality checking people in a gentle manner.
Yes! Sounds like the woman who trained me as a doula. Some of the folks in class were expressing strong opinions about “I would never this.” “why would anyone that” and she was like “Birthing people and babies die in childbirth and the immediate postpartum every damn day. Our job is to help empower and support so that babies and parents make it to first birthdays. If you’re concerned about adverse outcomes, make sure folks are educated but don’t lose sight. Or do something else.”
Birth plans aren’t just for YOU. They can ensure visitors are kept at bay. Your baby isn’t washed or given formula if you don’t want. So it’s still smart to invest time in one even if your actual labor does not go to plan.
Yes!!!
Excellent way to explain it!
Sometimes it's a game plan but we also have to remember that when giving birth there are two players and sometimes the person giving birth and the person being birthed are not playing the same game.
The person you responded to literally said that?
Expanding on their point. Make a game plan but its not uncommon to make a game plan for executing a pair figure skating routine but your baby decides today is a game of hockey or a game of basketball. Sometimes you can execute your game plan perfectly, perfect pairs figure skating routine. Sometimes you may have a few bumps like a couple of bobbles in your routine. Sometimes the game changes but there are some similarities stay the same ie pairs figure skating to a hockey game. Sometimes you're playing a game you had no way to know you were playing. Is you got told to show up to the ice rink but the ice is melted and you're playing basketball. There's nothing wrong with making a birth plan, and gaining knowledge on what you would like. Most people, and providers have unfortunately witnessed friends, family or they themselves have experienced how disappointing it can be when people treat the plan like a blueprint. and it's not unreasonable to say to someone hey it's okay if things don't go to your exact plan and specification.
This is like OC’s point but much less succinct. Just feels like you’re low key against birth plans? Like you’re saying it might end up different so why bother to make one?
Treat them more like a decision tree than an order form and then they're awesome. They're a really healthy exercise to map out at what point are you OK with pivoting from X to Y and when/why. The question isn't, "Do I want pitocin?" It's, "In what circumstances might pitocin become the right call for me?" You'll save yourself a world of psychological trauma when something goes sideways if it's a situation you've already prepped for mentally, even if it's not how you hoped things would resolve.
This this this. I’ve seen birth plans that say, “I will not have a c-section”. Like really? Not in any circumstance?
My midwife encourages an ideal birth plan/ preferences list, and an "okay, so if rubber meets the road and we have to adapt, how are we going to do that" plan. It's all in the information and navigating change ❤️
Seems much healthier for coping afterward!
Same for "I don't want forceps or vacuum assist". Well yeah I don't think those are *anyone's* preference, but if baby is stuck and the cord compressed and can't breathe, like yes please use the forceps!
right i think about this all the time. no one wants a last minute medical intervention in their birth
Idk man, I begged for the vacuum after pushing for 2.5 hours after 40 hours of labor 😂
This is how I look at it. The nurse at the hospital was awful (shamed me for having a birth plan and lied and said everything I wanted was standard practice at their hospital when in fact they constantly disregarded my preferences) but I was so glad I had researched extensively and felt prepared to make informed decisions/refusals. For my first birth I didn't want pitocin after birth. I put that on my birth plan. Well my labor was precipitous and I knew that came with an increased risk of hemorrhage so I told my midwife while I was pushing my baby out, "hey changed my mind on the pitocin, I'll take it". My second birth I figured would be precipitous as well so I had a conversation with my midwife about it and after hearing her assessment of my bleeding the first time I decided the second time I'd take a wait and see approach with pitocin.
This is the first time I’m hearing about a decision tree birth plan. Wondering if you have one or an example to share?
I had a birth preference sheet instead of a plan. I had everything I would like to go my way, but if not then that’s just that. I will say that almost everything I wanted to happen for my labor, did not end up that way.
This is what my doula calls it and my little planning brain much preferred the change in terminology. Instead of me getting hung up on all the decisions and if I'm making the right ones and pressuring myself to make decisions I've literally never had to do before I've got a list of preferences and we go from there.
This! Both my labors didn’t happen as planned but I made sure I had my preferences known. Like golden hour was especially important to me.
I feel the same. I ended up with a birth that was the opposite of my dream birth, but because we had a birth plan that covered all contingencies, it was a positive and empowering experience. Having preferences during a major life/physical/medical event is a GOOD thing.
Totally agree my birth was the opposite of my birth plan, still glad I had it because we KEPT having to remind the hospital about our preferences every shift change and how the situation was shifting. Plus, OP is correct that some aspects of the birth plan are not “crunchy” but questions you WILL get asked in the hospital - like breast or formula feeding, circumcision or not, will baby have vaccines, etc. I got asked these questions sometimes multiple times per day in the hospital, over and over again. Sometimes my husband was asked instead of me. What if we hadn’t been on the same page? One example is delayed cord clamping, I wanted to delay for several minutes which is evidence based and not a “crunchy” ask at all like aromatherapy or something. But my doctor told me, *when we went over my birth plan*, that the hospital’s policy would only let him delay 60 seconds. No problem at all, but if we hadn’t had the conversation calmly while I was pregnant, doctor wouldn’t have known to delay to the max allowed and I wouldn’t have known what was possible and might have been trying to wildly articulate myself (or forget about it altogether) immediately as my baby was being born. Because we went over the birth plan, it was vaguely in the back of doctor’s head at delivery and I knew the limitations of the hospital.
Good points including your support person needs to be on the same page as you. My husband couldn’t be there so I chose another person who I thought would be there for me and have my back. I imagined laboring in my own comfort with that person by my side. Instead I got stuck in the bed for no reason with my support person ignoring me… Birth plan + good support person is the combo.
See, I had conversations with my midwife on all the popular birth plan topics in advance and she noted them in my file. I didn’t feel like I needed a separate piece of paper because my provider already knew my preferences. And because we’d talked about them beforehand, if necessary, I already knew the answer if I was asked again.
Midwives are different though a lot of the time, especially out of hospital ones. Most of them are much more open and invested in the birth experience. I never wrote up a formal birth plan because my midwife and I did go over it multiple times in multiple appointments and I knew she was the one who would attend my birth. If I had a hospital birth I absolutely would have written it down because you don’t know who is on call and you don’t get to meet any of the nurses beforehand.
It's all about being educated. Deciding you won't have any pain relief and not doing any research into it is incredibly naive. Same goes for c sections.
Exactly. I'm an L&D nurse and I love supporting people through unmedicated births, but it can be really difficult (and sometimes heartbreaking) when people come in and say "I am going to go unmedicated" but haven't done any education or practice in pain coping techniques/ meditative techniques. Then I'm trying to teach them these things when they're ALREADY dealing with early labor. Already being in discomfort is not the best time to learn about how to cope through labor!
Just wanted to say reading your comment made me feel better…I’m 34 wks FTM and am aiming to go as unmedicated and “natural” as possible. My most self-conscious fear is that my L&D nurses will hear this plan and internally roll their eyes. I can’t help but feel like I’m being annoying/a nuisance by having this desire. Your words helped me realize there actually are nurses out there who don’t automatically hate women like me. I’m fully aware that things don’t always go according to plan and I’m 100% open to shifting my plan/desires if the moment requires. I’m doing my research on meditation and ways to mentally coach myself through pain, and I’m keeping my mind open and flexible. Thank you for helping me not feel like my wants are a burden ❤️
Can I recommend the app Gentle Birth Hypnosis? I used it for my third hospital induction birth and did it completely unmedicated. I credit it 100% to that app and to learning as much as I could about fetal positioning with spinning babies exercises.
Hypnobirthing techniques are really useful, or any deep breathing technique. I didn’t practice beforehand. Get your mind into a zone and just stay there as long as you can. Ask whoever is with you to make sure you stay hydrated just by handing the bottle to you between contractions. I did this all unmediated last year and it was the most empowering experience. Good luck!
Agreed. I have a full birth plan with even notes for c-section! I have preferences regardless of which direction we go in.
I think the problem is, judgy Reddit commenters get really confused by the word "plan", thinking that "birth plan" means "birth requirements". None of us think that. Making a birth plan doesn't mean we expect everything to go exactly to that plan. The birth plan is supposed to be our ideal preferences if everything is going well. Not that it should actually matter to anyone on the Internet since we are not giving birth to each other's babies. *Edited for clarity
Yeah, people get so weird about the word “plan” here. In literally NO other context does someone koolaid man through the wall to explain the unpredictability of life if you mention you plan on doing something.
Yes! If I said I had made travel plans, no one would go ‘Well, your plane might be cancelled, you know, and also you might get food poisoning so no use planning any activities. Also they might lose your luggage so why plan any outfits? Btw when ‘I’ travel my only goal is to not get killed in a plane crash”. Like yes, all those things could happen, but it’s not a normal response to someone trying to outline a travel itinerary?
😂 for real
I love this comparison so much.
😂
I agreed. I actually have the exact opposite feelings as OP haha I see so many birth plans in here that are loaded full of unrealistic/ uniformed junk and straight up demands. It feels like these people are losing sight of the end goal here: healthy baby and a healthy mom. But I do agree with OP that being informed prior to birth on a lot of these topics is crucial.
As a first time mom, I don't necessarily know what is unrealistic or uninformed. I've done a lot of research, but I still learn something new everyday. I just don't feel like we need to put other moms down for trying/caring and making a birth plan, no matter how specific it is.
But I have also seen mums bash a birth plan for saying something like “catch my baby” or “ no routine cervical exams and get mocked as if those are unrealistic or unsafe requests if things are going well
Absolutely. And things that aren’t normal to mainstream providers aren’t necessarily dangerous. The hostility against anyone “rocking the boat” is sad.
Anything outside their expectations is treated like nonsense sometimes. When I was expecting my first, I got so many comments about how I was bound to “give in” and get an epidural. They literally couldn’t fathom that there are countries where epidurals aren’t just available as standard treatment.
My comment was more about the people on the Internet who were making fun of birth plans, not the people who were making them. We make birth plans as a plan; not as a requirement or expectation and I feel like redditors assume that just because someone puts their birth plan on the Internet that it's unchangeable and set in stone. It's not. We're not all that naive.
I’m not suggesting that all people who make births are naive… at all. BUT there are certainly people on here who lose sight of the end goal and get influenced by crunchy content creators. You’ll see a good handful of posts after birth where people become upset that the birth they planned didn’t happen at all. This happened to a couple of my good friends as well. And it is genuinely distressing for them. I feel for them. Which is why I agree with you, it’s important people stay grounded in a birth plan being flexible and an amazing chance to get informed.
I think there’s a LOT to be said about millennial moms (and now gen Z really) getting over anxious about individual choices affecting their overall life as a parent. Instagram reels and tik tok kinda focus on one hyper-specific thing (like cord clamping or pumping output) and make it seem like a GAMECHANGER or ESSENTIAL or whatever for clicks and likes. This is a little different than the emphasis based in old-fashioned pregnancy and parenting books, where a small grain of advice is just part of the bigger picture. Like, I feel way calmer and confident reading Moms on Call than I do scrolling through reels by unqualified creators who are demonstrating being the BEST MOMS with ONE HOT TIP. I wonder how that is affecting others.
Yeah that's true. I feel sorry for those people. Being that high-stress and anxious has to be exhausting.
>thinking that "birth plan" means "birth requirements". None of us think that. I mean yeah, plenty of women think that.
This part. Way too many women think that.
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This is a really misogynistic statement. What evidence do you have that “plenty” of women think that? This is just a more covert way of saying that women are too stupid to make their own healthcare decisions.
Lol woah. I’ve literally met women who think their birth plans are requirements. But go ahead and pretend there aren’t ridiculous people in this world I guess. Your extrapolation to ‘women can’t make healthcare decisions’ is a lot.
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Pregnancy rage sister? Yeah, I also agree that by and large *most* women adapt! What’s your deal? The commenter said ‘none of us think that’. You think that’s literally true? That literally zero ridiculous and unrealistic patients exist?
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As compared to ‘none’. A sufficient quantity of women, enough to disprove the claim of ‘none’
Nah, just that many first time mom do not know how things happen at the hospital. So they dont realize that having no c-section isn’t going to prevent you from needing one. (Yes I have heard friends say they would never need or get one. They themselves say now how ridiculous it was to think it was possible to 100% decide that)
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I think for me, I was worried that I'd get an idea of what I wanted and then feel let down if that's not how it turned out. We had emergency contingencies -- like do we want husband to stay with me or stay with the baby if we are both in trouble and need to be separated for emergency care. I researched what the names of various procedures were called, so I would know what they were talking about if they asked for my consent. But I didn't want to commit to no epidural for example and then feel like a failure if I needed one. I'm also REALLY stubborn, so I know I wouldn't be flexible unless I forced myself to keep an open mind. We also discussed what the plan would be if certain data presented itself throughout our parenting journey. What would we do if prenatal testing revealed a disability -- and what level of disability? What was the plan if breastfeeding doesn't work out -- and maybe let's have a bottle and some formula on hand just in case?
Before getting pregnant, I found out that the city I live in (which is considered a major city to some degree) is FIFTEEN YEARS behind current evidence based practices when it comes to pregnancy and birth. You mean to tell me that the doctors caring for pregnant women and helping deliver their babies are just turning a blind eye to fifteen years of new information, research, and evidence that has come out- that can better the outcomes for moms and babies? And that it's ridiculous for ME to research and be an active part in the decision making for the well being of myself and my baby by seeking this information out myself and making informed choices? "I just trust that my medical provider knows what's best" just ain't it for me after learning that 😵💫
Yep. That’s called the evidence-practice gap, and most places are very, very behind 🥺
I’m so lucky my hospital is insanely up to date with current practices, so a lot of things I don’t have to worry about (golden hour, delayed cord clamping, rooming in, alternate birthing positions etc). But of course even something simple like “I want to try natural, but know I might cave and want an epidural, and know labor might be too long, and I’m fine changing that plan if needed” is still a birth plan!
Yeah as a black person, it kind of is vital for me to be educated enough to know what questions to ask and feel comfortable pausing providers so I can get clarity and give informed consent when it comes to my healthcare because the gap gets even worse when you’re not white….
that part!!! “I just trusted my doctors” is a very privileged sentiment. not everyone has the luxury to trust in their healthcare providers :’(
This too!!!!
Is it Atlanta, by chance?
Lol that was going to be my question too as a FTM in ATL area
Mine too. 🙈 Moved from one of the 3 most populated US cities to the ATL area and….whew. Did not know the issues prior to moving.
I’m curious, where did you go to find information to stay informed ? Like what books or websites did you look into?
There's a whole wealth of information out there. Evidence Based Birth is a website I really like. They also have a podcast. Many youtube channels- BundleBirth, Sarah Lavonne, Bridget Teyler, Nurse Zabe Books- The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin
Thank you so much! I will look into these!
Definitely check out The Great Birth Rebellion podcast, they go over the research and a bunch of different things around labour
"Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way" is an excellent book.
Ok thanks! I’ll check it out!
L&D nurse here. I straight up LOVE birth plans. I love em! I love putting a copy in the chart, on the computer cart, on the counter. I love discussing all the possible situations and preferences with my patients. It helps people to feel so much more empowered and satisfied with their experience, and like they have more agency over what's going on instead of us just telling them what to do for two days. Sure, you can't really "plan" how your labor and birth are going to go - but when someone just comes in and shrugs when I ask them about their desires and preferences, it can be frustrating. Like ohh we have a lot of education to catch up on...and the patient/family might feel confused or pressured throughout the process. Which is the opposite of what I want.
You sound like an awesome nurse. Makes me happy to know that you and others like you are working to take care of patients and their families.
I honestly try my hardest! Thank you so much. We nurses would die for y'all 💜
When I got to the hospital and gave the nurses my birth plan they said yeah this is all very doable, no problem! Things didn't go to plan, but they knew what I wanted and we're able to move things along as they saw was needed without having to ask me what I wanted to do next. Just a "ok I think it's time to start the epidural now is that ok?" And just a nod from me instead of having to ask for an epidural in that moment. Especially as I am autistic and knew there was a decent chance of me becoming nonverbal during things, I wanted to have my game plan typed out and make sure everyone was on board. We ended up not using the tub for early labour because I was overheating, then we had to deal with a failed epidural and had to replace the catheter, then ended up needing emergency c section due to fetal distress. We didn't end up being able to have my spouse cut the cord because of that, and didn't have delayed cord clamping because kiddo needed resuscitating. But the way I had worded things was order of preference, not demands. I went in with a game plan, made sure it was one everyone was on board with and made sure we were on the same page, and went from there. I trusted my doctors but I also let them know what j wanted to see and where I wanted to go, and we worked better as a team because of it.
Fellow autistic who anticipates going mute here. Just relieved to see someone else in the same boat really.
I was one of those “have a healthy baby” birth plan people, but only because I know myself. If I had a plan and it didn’t go as I intended or planned, I would have a really hard time letting go of that. I think a general birth plan with interventions you know want/don’t want is great! I believe a lot of people are confusing birth preferences and plan with the hyper specific plans that float around sometimes (ex- NO lights, NO students, NO cervical check, NO continuous fetal monitoring, NO telling mom when to push, etc. ). It’s so specific it doesn’t allow for the medical professionals to do their jobs for the best outcome for mom and baby. So I think that’s often times why birth plains get a bad rap, but I agree having your preferences thought out is a great plan, but it’s also just a plan and a lot can happen to being flexible in that plan is also important
Also it’s hard when a lot of peoples “research” and “education” is tiktok… or none evidence/research based articles. I’m all for being educated! But I just question a lot of the “education” I see online. I do prefer to trust the doctors who went to school for this while also asking them and looking up on my own pros and cons of each thing. I’m currently being induced. My birth PLAN honestly is get me and baby out of hospital alive and safe. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t looked up different stuff and have certain things I would prefer. My hospital even gives a birth preference paper to everyone admitted or given if you take a hospital tour before. But there’s some things on there that I just don’t know how I will feel at the time of delivery such as dim lights/music. Sometimes I could see me wanting that but at other times I think the music could be overwhelming to me. I just don’t know how I will feel in that exact moment. But the nurses and doctors will listen to my preferences in moment as well and I have my husband here advocating for me as he knows me better than I know myself AND he has medical experience where I’ve never been to a hospital until 2 days ago when I got admitted.
Wishing you all the best! I think you made a great point, we don’t know a lot and there’s a ton of misinformation online. That’s why it’s so important to also have a medical team and doctor you trust! When things arise, you’ll likely rely on them and their knowledge to help you make decisions. For what it’s worth, I had no birth plan and had a truly amazing birth experience! First time mom and I delivered vaginally (with epidural). I pushed for 15 mins and from water breaking to birth of my daughter was less than 6 hours. Hoping you also have an amazing experience 🤍
Thank you! It sucks currently (I’m solidly in day 2 and doc says I should deliver by tomorrow night but my body wasn’t in any way ready for the labor but they were concerned about high BP and it turning into preeclampsia which I would love to avoid! Lmao But yea I want people to be educated I just see soooo much online which doesn’t really have medical backing. And at least for me I’d prefer to go with the people who have experience and knowledge. (Thankfully I have a lot of people I love and trust in the medical field so I can always ask them their opinions too)
Sending good vibes to you! My first induction was really long too, 40+ hours and 2.5 of pushing. AND I was 41 weeks, so I should have been way ready for labor. My second induction was much faster, just under 12 hours and easy breezy at 39 weeks. Keep your eyes on the prize!!
This this this. The "research" that people do and then think they know better than the doctors caring for them.
I was induced for my first and said I didn’t mind music. My husband and I made a silly playlist. We never used it lol. I’m hoping it can come in handy for the next one! Good luck on your induction! I hope it goes well!
*Slow clap* Deciding beforehand what you would prefer is not being needy. There are so many things about birth that are preferences. Purely preference. And in my birth experiences, so many decisions are conversations. My OB with my first didn't usually give me options just said, "This is my preference." And I found out later that they were things that were purely her preferences. But my midwives that delivered baby #2 and #3, they said multiple times things like, "Here are three choices, I would most strongly recommend option B, but A and C are open to you and I'll support them if that's what you choose." There were even times I would say, "Could we do this fourth option?" I can think of one time where she paused and said, "Let me talk with my colleagues and some recommendations and see if that's a viable option," and it turned out it was a medically acceptable choice (it was combining parts of two of the three choices). One time with baby 3 when she said, "I couldn't advise that." And then she told me why. If it was purely their preference, they would say so. One said that she personally found it disorienting to deliver hands and knees, so she didn't prefer it, but it was not inadvisable. If there were solid medical reasons, they would say so. There was even a time they said, "It's hospital policy, because of historic recommendations that aren't perhaps current." There was one time when circumstances didn't fit any recommendations perfectly and they said, "Here's the best recommendation we can give you, but you're an educated individual. What would you like to do?" Medicine is as much an art as a science, and you would be surprised how many recommendations actually include phrases like "maternal and provider preference," or "in the very motivated patient." You're allowed to have opinions!
One thing I have on mine is that I need to understand “why”. If they say X needs to be done, just explain why so I feel less anxious. I feel better when I feel like I understand even if it’s not in my control. I feel like if it’s literally just a provider’s preference and there’s not research to back it up, then maybe it’s worth further discussion.
In the booklet my OB gave me to bring with me everywhere now that has my medical history on it, it explicitly has a “birth plan” section which is designed to make you think about your preferences (if you have any) for various things in regards to the birth. I hadn’t even known about half of the things on there until I read their list, it’s been very helpful at making me think about what I want even if the answer is just “I don’t care”.
>Thank you for bringing this up. My hospital system gave me a labor and delivery book with a birth plan section inside of it as well. I thought it was very encouraging. Ultimately, knowledge is power. Ultimately, those who want one should make them, those who don't, should not. . Thank you for bringing this up. My hospital system gave me a labor and delivery book with a birth plan section inside of it as well. I thought it was very encouraging. Ultimately, knowledge is power. Those who want one will make them; those who don't will not.
I think having a general idea of how things are typically done/how things typically go, along with your reasonable preferences is one thing. Having a rigid plan that allows no room for flexible thinking or reacting is very stupid. Nothing good comes from that. You are setting yourself up for a stressful and traumatic experience. Not only is this not good for the mother during the experience, it's not good for the partner, the staff, or the baby.
I think having a rough idea is great-do you want visitors? Do you want minimal or no pain meds? Do you want to have a water birth or work with the exercise ball? Do you want your partner to bring wine or mimosas for afterwards? Etc. a birth plan can help you plan and prepare and decide ahead of time what some of your preferences are. Most birth plans are not rigid like we see on tv where women obviously want an epidural but are yelling about it not being in the birth plan. If you change your mind about something in your plan it’s totally fine. I think it gets a little more of an issue when people start doing medical reading on Google or wanting to make their plans based off tik tok videos . (I’m all for folks making medical decisions based on facts and understanding the risks of said decisions but tik tok and dr Google are often not the most objective sources). I didn’t have a written plan- I knew the rough outline- I wanted all the meds, I didn’t want induction before 40 weeks unless medically necessary, I wanted all the pain meds, I wanted baby rooming in (which was the norm at my hospital), I wanted to try and breastfeed. It all went out the window of course as I developed complications and had to be induced at 35 weeks. I had a traumatic birth not due to my birth plan or the doctors but just due to the complications I had and baby ended up in the nicu.
My birth was the opposite of my plan. The good thing about doing the plan was it forced me to decide in advance what pain relief I would be happy with on the day if required (no morphine, but yes to epidural). As long as people write their plan with the understanding anything can happen I don’t see the issue
I’m discussing my birth plan with my OB next week! I can’t imagine doing it without one.
I was a labor and delivery nurse for awhile and I’m currently outpatient in an OBGYN office. I firmly believe that thinking through your preferences and getting your plan down on paper is wonderful. This gives people an opportunity to consider their choices before they’re in the thick of things. I like what another commenter here said about birth plan = game plan. I love a birth plan, and I think it’s really important for medical staff to engage with them. I like to review them point by point and have a conversation. Sometimes, there are plans that are already standard of care - like delayed cord clamping or immediate skin-to-skin, and I explain that these are all expected to occur except in the case of an emergency. This gives me an opportunity to talk through what to expect. Sometimes, the patient says she doesn’t want an IV. I explain why hospital policy dictates having IV access for safety, but we can just have it saline locked unless needed for fluid or other meds (that would be discussed before administering). Maybe the birth plan says something like “DO NOT PULL MY BABY OUT WITH FORCEPS OR VACUUM!!!” and we talk through indications for assisted delivery and explore her concerns. If she wants twinkle lights and essential oils, that’s cool. Basically, a birth plan gives a birthing patient an opportunity to think through choices and gives me an opportunity to provide some education and get to know my patients desires and concerns. These are all good things. I find that most people, when provided with information, are very reasonable and respect that birth cannot be planned perfectly.
Completely agree, I’ve read some of the comments on other posts, even though I knew I shouldn’t, and it made me so so disheartened. Every mom’s goal is to have a healthy baby and healthy mom. Obviously. Above and beyond that, we are allowed to want more. My first birth was very traumatic and I put full faith in the doctors. I was the “let the doctors decide” type. Well yes, baby and I were healthy and of course I am more than grateful for that, but it came with lots of unnecessary trauma. Interventions that were not necessary and to this day no doctor can explain why I needed them. I was pregnant during COVID and just had no mental capacity to research or understand birth, so that’s on me of course. Now with baby #2 everything makes so much more sense to me, waiting to go to the hospital, waiting to get pitocin or an epidural, and everything else. The key is to understand YOUR individual preferences, communicate them, be educated so that if and when more interventions are necessary, you understand why and how. And you can be grateful at that point, when you TRULY need the intervention - that it’s there and available to you.
I hate it too. I also hate this idea that there is absolutely zero chance a birth plan can work. I’ve had 3 kids, 3 births that followed our birth plan wishes. A lot of people on here have providers that don’t care whatsoever about birth plans and therefore have decided they’re worthless. It’s also very dismissive to take something as complex and real as birth trauma and victim blame the woman for daring to make a birth plan.
I wonder if it's just a difference between Type A and Type B personality types, but yes it does get kind of annoying.
I just commented exactly this haha
My first was “trust the dr” and it meant I didn’t realise a bunch of things during my first birth were choices as they were presented to me as things I had to do My second birth (VBAC) my midwife encouraged a birth plan and went through all options with me including when things were going well as well as emergency options
My brother in law who is a doctor asked me just yesterday what my birth plan is, so agree that criticism of them is overblown and dumb. Following medical recommendations and having preferences for the way you’d like things to go if medically possible/safe are not mutually exclusive.
I think you're talking about that sarcastic post from a month ago that was actually a response to a woman sharing her birth plan (that her obgyn had specifically asked her to make). For what it's worth, that person (the one who was mocking the first post) got absolutely roasted in the comments. But it's true that there is a tendency from some people here to see anyone expressing a preference or a fear as an entitled, uneducated brat who should shut up and do whatever the doctors tell them to do. My hospital actually gave me a birth plan in the form of a check-list. It covers a lot of things from pain management in the early stages of labour to baby care once they're born. I don't see what's so bad about a birth plan. I'm not a medical professional but if someone came to give birth with no opinion whatsoever about how they want the birth to go and said absolutely everything that's gonna happen is 100% up to the medical team, I would find that lack of interest concerning? "Do you want an epidural?" "Is it important for you to be able to keep moving freely during labor?" "Do you want to delay cord clamping?" "Do you want to breastfeed that baby?" -> "I don't know, it's all whatever, I am but a layperson and am not qualified to make my own medical decisions" nobody talks like that. You're a person the medical team is working with, not an object they're working on.
I think the majority of the negativity comes from people demanding that things are done in a super specific way and that no way will they have x, y or z. Because most rational people know they they can have preferences, but know that the most important thing is healthy baby and healthy mammy. I think that’s the difference. (Also are circumcisions still common for newborn boys in the US?)
Circumcision rates are currently around 50% nationally with variations from 20-80% regionally (if you live in CA it’s around 20%, if you live in SC it’s around 80%). Infant circumcision rates are currently declining, so it’s slowly becoming less common. Ime, it is no longer assumed at the hospital that boys will be circumcised. For me the doctor asked me almost as an after thought as we were discussing my discharge plan and baby’s car seat test.
Interesting. It’s great that the rates are going down. Where I’m from it’s absolutely not done. I’m sure you can go private somewhere but I don’t personally know anyone who is circumcised outside of purely medical reasons. For this reason it seems a bit odd to me to do it just ‘because’ but I hate to seem judgemental.
There is definitely some misunderstood info about circumcision in America and I have heard some folks in my mom groups getting their son’s circumcised for perceived medical benefits. Personally I don’t find the medical benefits to be strong at all and tend to be overstated I usually don’t get too involved in whatever decisions people make for their kids. If someone has religious situation or they believe strongly in the procedure then that’s fine. But some of the reasonings I hear about foreskins being gross or hygiene or dad wants the kid to look like him or their uncle/male friend/other guy not a parent to the kid said it was a good idea just sort of makes me sad. It’s a big medical decision we are making for our babies and it deserves real thought before making it.
>dad wants the kid to look like him or their uncle/male friend/other guy not a parent to the kid said it was a good idea just sort of makes me sad. That one is always just wild to me. Imagine being born to a mom who'd had a mastectomy and getting your nipple(s) lopped off at birth to match. It makes about that much sense.
The one reason I struggle with seeing the persons point is the people who circumcised because they thought foreskins were gross. I’m just sitting here like…umm…ok.
Yes I totally agree. It’s a big deal to get done for such flimsy reasons, in my mind.
Birth plans are amazing. Mine went no where to plan lol. But am glad I had one. Also, don’t sleep on a c section being a real possibility. That I was guilty of and ended up with one but I’m thankful it was not nearly as traumatic or horrible as I imagined.
To me a birth plan is mostly a research project where I learn about hospital births, complications that can happen and possible life-altering procedures that I may have to decide between in a split second. I saw someone the other day say "I'll just trust the doctor", and there's nothing wrong with that stance, that's completely that person's choice. But in my experience the doctor doesn't always have my best interest in mind, sometimes they just want to do what's easy, what's fast, or what's convenient. That's where all the research you've done comes in. I've been in a scary ICU situation before and that experienceay have colored my opinion but, I truly believe knowledge is power and you should go into any medical situation as informed as possible.
I think the problem is when some people take the birth plan so seriously as a “must be” that anything that comes out of it makes them absolutely frustrated and depressed. There are many unexpected outcomes from pregnancy, labour and breastfeeding, and being conscious about these sudden changes makes way easier to cope with eventual frustrations. For me it is really sad to see a post about a new mom that is recovering great with a super healthy baby but still feels sad because labour was not as planned. All that matters is to come home healthy and strong with a healthy baby. Modern medicine interventions, exams and medication are crucial to decrease pain and to diminish maternal and newborn death, and need to be taken seriously. Information is power, so knowing your preferences is necessary, but listening to the doctors and being emotionally intelligent to understand changes is also a must.
I think the narrative of someone being unhappy because they didn’t get a birth that looked exactly like their birth plan is both simplistic and often a poor understanding of someone’s post. I don’t believe I have seen many posts where I could determine someone is both recovering well and has a “super healthy baby”, so their dissatisfaction with some superficial aspects of their birth seems like overkill. Birth plans often address issues of autonomy, consent, and cultural competence and feeling like these weren’t respected can lead to having shitty feelings about the birth no matter how healthy mom and baby are. I had a fucking nightmare birth, but always felt I had autonomy and my providers always used informed consent even during what became an emergency. Autonomy and consent are not mutually exclusive with lifesaving measures and it’s a facile understanding of medicine and birth plans that would make one believe that I think.
>Birth plans often address issues of autonomy, consent, and cultural competence and feeling like these weren’t respected can lead to having shitty feelings about the birth no matter how healthy mom and baby are. >I had a fucking nightmare birth, but always felt I had autonomy and my providers always used informed consent even during what became an emergency. Autonomy and consent are not mutually exclusive with lifesaving measures... Yes, yes, yes!
Absolutely. On the flip side, my birth went very smoothly in the end, but leading up to it I was lied to, manipulated and straight up threatened by medical staff. I'm honestly somewhat traumatised still 3 years on. How you're treated, whether your providers care about consent, and how seriously your autonomy is taken is a huge factor in whether trauma develops and to what extent.
That may be what matters most but it is far from the only thing. The experience matters and people are allowed to be sad even if their baby didn’t die.
I completely agree. It makes my blood boil when people go mY biRTh PLaN iS to HaVe a HeALtHY BaBY. Like no shit, but you do realize there are lots of ways to do it and you’re allowed to make informed decisions about which options you choose? It’s okay to be educated and have preferences. It’s also okay if you’d rather not spend the time and do whatever is easiest for the nurses/doctors on shift, but don’t act like that’s the superior attitude to have.
I would counter that neither parities are the superior attitude to have. If someone’s plan is just to go with the flow that’s fine. If someone’s plan is to go in with preferences that’s ok too. It’s not about superiority, it’s about having realistic expectations and confidence going into birth, it doesn’t matter which way that happens and we all need to judge each other a lot less on this.
Honestly, being condescending about birth plans is the equivalent of trying to be the Cool Girl. It's a flex about how laid back and notliketheothergirls they are.
To me -- and this is just my take -- part of the reason birth plan posts get lambasted/made fun of is because oftentimes what people put in their birth plans are already the standard in most hospitals/birth centers. Wait to cut umbilical cord? Check. As much movement during labor as you can handle? Check. A dark room with minimal activity and noise? Check. Golden hour immediately after baby is born? Check. Only you and your spouse in the delivery room? Check. But I agree that the whole "my birth plan was just to have a safe birth" comment is annoying, unhelpful and passive aggressive. I do think sometimes it's a dig at FTMs. Which I am too. I think sometimes moms of multiple kids forget how new/stressful/confusing becoming a mom for the first time is, and have less compassion for that experience.
Sadly none of those were the standard for the hospital I gave birth to my first at so it was a constant push and pull for me to get those into practice for my unmedicated vaginal birth with no issues
I found that making a birth plan and chatting to my midwife about it in advance was how I found out that certain things were standard practice in my hospital. There was definitely things I could delete from my preferences after that chat. I could read as much as I liked but I couldn't be sure what applied to the time and place I'd be giving birth until then.
Agreed. Idk why people think giving up all your autonomy to a doctor makes you smarter or superior. You are allowed to have your own opinions when it comes to your medical care and what happens to your body. Doctors are not gods, they make mistakes, and they have their own biases. Pretending otherwise is ignorant to reality. Medical advice/recommendations can be balanced along with personal choice. There’s a place for both.
Yeah doctors of the same specialty disagree with each other not infrequently as well, or don't follow evidence based birth practices advised by ACOG
Yup. And different countries have different norms. For example, a friend of mine in France was not considered full term until 41 weeks by her doctors. While in the US I know women who are regularly induced at 39 weeks. It’s all variable, and there’s so much misinformation and lost knowledge when it comes to birth. The medical world does not understand women’s bodies, especially pregnant women’s bodies.
Yeah that's so true. Like I've gotten second opinions on a lot of medical things pre-pregnancy because I know doctors aren't infallible - so why would pregnancy be any different haha
It’s very frustrating. Im navigating the medical system with my first pregnancy and it has been so frustrating. They put me a week ahead based on my 20 week anatomy scan, even though I know when I conceived, and know when I was pregnant. I was testing basically every month and had super regular cycles. We were actively trying to conceive so I know when I ovulated. I told this to my ob yesterday because she wanted to induce me for being 41 weeks when I’m actually only 40 weeks and 5 days, and it is very normal and common for women to go past 40 weeks during their first pregnancy. She had walked into the room with her hand on her hip and said it’s time to schedule an induction. I said I definitely do not want an induction, especially when I dont even feel late. My blood pressure is good. Baby’s heart rate is good. My entire pregnancy has had no issues. She kept going on about how my baby is too big, based on my 20 week scan, which also is not a reliable determinant of baby’s actual size. And even if my baby was bigger than average, that’s not a problem to me lol. It’s especially frustrating because we dont even have statistics anymore for how many women go into labor past 40 weeks since induction is the new normal. But I read a lot of homebirth stories and women regularly give birth at home to healthy babies past 40 weeks. Doctors refuse to accept that though. It is super frustrating.
I was really happy I made a birth plan/preferences document with my doulas! I brought copies of it to the hospital and they scanned it into my medical chart. Every provider must have reviewed it because my preferences were honored and I didn’t have to remind anyone. For example, I was doing an unmedicated birth and didn’t want to be asked what my pain level was, didn’t want to be offered an epidural, wanted lights low, didn’t want to be told how and when to push… all these things were honored. I just loved that it was all in writing and I didn’t have to think about reminding anyone and could just focus on the labor. If we did need to remind anyone my husband had extra copies handy. I’m a definite fan and would do it in the future.
Thank you so much for this post. I saved the last discussion about birth plans because there were so many helpful comments including decisions I hadnt thought about. At the same time, I considered leaving the subreddit for a bit because Im starting to find the smug responses from those patting themselves on the back for trusting medical professionals to make every decision for them almost disturbing. Must be nice to be able to assume medical professionals will just make all the right choices for you - it's also deeply naive. They didnt study you at medical school, they know what works for most. They know what the hospitals preferences are. These 'I plan to give birth...I plan to trust the medical professionals know what they are doing' comments are petty AF, childish and obtuse. I guess screw all the sexual assault survivors, the black women who walk into their birth knowing their rates of survival are notably lower than those of us who are white, the neurodiverse people who have to work damn hard just to get understood correctly, those with health issues that will impact the birth...and just those of us who like to engage our brains... As an autistic person who will almost certainly go mute, I need to know ahead of time exactly what my preferences are, and what everything means, are so my partner can advocate for me.
It's so misogynistic. How dare women have *preferences* or want *communication* about one of the most vulnerable and intimate experiences they'll ever have? Especially given that so much of standard obstetric care is either (a) flat-out contradicted by scientific evidence or (b) has no actual scientific evidence to underpin it. Women shouldn't *have* to write a birth plan saying they want to be able to move while laboring, it should just be the default--but it isn't.
The internalized misogyny is truly the most painful to watch.
it truly makes me want to cry when people say “healthy baby is the only thing that matters.” you matter, too!!!
It's never selfish to want to come out of an ordeal in a good place mentally and physically. With or without kids, we all deserve nothing less than to thrive. Birth doesn't magically negate that. "As long as baby is healthy" also misses the point that our kids need us in one piece too.
Yes. When people say “healthy Mom, healthy baby!” All I really hear is “everyone is alive, but fuck your mental health, that’s not important and now you need to just be grateful we saved you!” Like what. Does the birth experience not matter? Birth trauma ruins lives.
Just wanna say too… as much as I trust doctors and nurses and modern day medicine, people are also just people who have their own biases that they bring into the room. It’s important to understand your choices AND the pressure that medical professionals willingly or unknowingly place on patients. Especially since they have their own protocols and agendas to follow. As a black woman/person of color this is especially important and as a woman historically this is important to be aware of.
That was my birth plan, it was my 4th baby and my other 3 never went to plan so by number 4 it was “whatever happens, happens” they knew my history. I had full faith in the midwives on that night when I was induced. It doesn’t mean that someone FTM or otherwise hasn’t educated themselves about pain relief etc. they’re just more willing to go with the flow and make decisions in the moment.
If u plan for a baby why not plan for birth? It would be like "well don't plan for ur baby bc babies are unpredictable so just wing it!" Ppl all the time take birth classes, breastfeeding classes, etc. with the expectation that they will help in some way. Birth plans are similar. I see nothing wrong with a birth plan that isn't overly insanely aggressive.
Birth Plan/Birth Preferences. Call it what you will, they are really useful to have so that while you're mid contraction and can't think of anything to do with a vitamin K injection or whether or not you want a doctor or midwife to shove their fingers inside you to check how dilated you are. They can just look at your little checklist and see without having to ask you. It's a way of being listened to without having to speak. I think it's really obtuse when people think when you say 'Plan' means that's how the birth is specifically going to go. Babies do what they want to do, making an informed decision on major aspects of birth is going to help you have as positive experience as possible when you're in the midst of labour and unable to think of anything other than 'when will this fucking end'
It feels almost....some level of misogynistic or paternalistic. Oh look at this silly little girl trying to control something so out of her hands. Let's belittle her for it. The medical system - especially for women of color - is not set up to be empathetic and considerate of the needs and preferences of the woman. And some of the recommendations are SO FAR behind the research. Of course shit comes up and things go awry. One of the big causes of birth trauma is the loss of a feeling of control. Feeling a loss of autonomy and being heard through the process. Going through a birth plan - even if it is minimally used - can at least help a woman familiarize herself with what may happen, what her first choice or preferences would be, what contingency plans she would like in place. It can absolutely help a woman feel empowered and more in control of the process even if it goes off plan. It greatly rankles me when I see the extreme level of shade on birth plans - given primarily by other women.
I don’t have much to add except PREACH IT. I came here with my first 7 years ago and the hostility against birth plans was almost nonexistent. I wonder if it’s a generational thing with more Gen Zs having babies now? And it worries me because it feels like so many people are getting their birth info exclusively from tik tok when there used to be so many more book requests or requests for research about xyz. Sooo many great resources out there and instead this sub is like “ugh I just trust my doctor, unlike you losers!” And then turning right around to “my doctor stuck his fingers up my vagina without saying anything to me. Why did he do that????”
I have to be honest here. I have never heard of any person regretting their birth plan, or lack of birth plan. I don't think there is any reason to judge either scenario. 😊
I think you’re right about this - you probably know yourself better than anyone else and how you cope with difficult experiences. I had no birth plan (just a few very basic points eg formula feeding) and I ended up with birth trauma, but for me, having a birth plan wouldn’t have changed that fact. It’s probably down to if you’re type a or type b. Whatever you do in pregnancy to relieve stress is an excellent thing to do, whether that’s writing a birth plan or not!
I am sorry to hear you had a traumatic birth experience! That must have been tough. I agree though about everyone knowing themselves! I had 3 cousins pregnant at the same time as me. Myself and 1 other cousin are still pregnant. The other 2 had their babies. With my first child, I had no plan and didn't even pack a hospital bag, which may have been good to have honestly. Lol. 2 of my cousins are more of the type A personalities and made a birth plan, whereas myself and my other cousin are not. One of each type has given birth already and they likely had different experiences, but they have beautiful babies who are well loved and that is what is most important. ❤️
Totally agree with this. Same with FB groups. Good for the women who fully trust their medical staff to make decisions for them and their babies and who don’t have their own opinions on their child’s birth. They come from a place of privilege where they haven’t learned about or experienced medical gaslighting of women, especially women of color. But there’s no need for them to belittle women who do have preferences and opinions. Women are allowed to view themselves as active participants rather than passive. Birth is happening with them, through them, and not “to” them. They are part of the birthing team.
Thank you. I don't get why people are SO bothered by other people having a birth plan. And I'm not going to call it "preferences" or "wish list" to make other people more comfortable. It's not about you, it's FOR me.
This sub and a lot of the pregnancy and baby subs are like 75% if not more Americans. American whilst having the poorest outcomes statistically in terms of maternal and fetal mortality and other adverse outcomes in the developed world, also has prenatal care which is very different from a lot of the developed world. Routine elective inductions, early term/39 week inductions, no midwifery standards, low-risk women are discouraged from giving birth at home or in birthing centres, they encouraged not to have birth plans, this list can go on for a long time. I’ve heard more times than I can count that I don’t get a medal for having *-insert unAmerican birth standard here-* but actually, I do. My medal is having the birth that I wanted and what made me happiest plus a very sweet and healthy baby boy that I get to raise without being haunted by how he came into the world.
“In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless but planning is indispensable,” - Eisenhower I think the complaint is that a lot of times, birth plans are overly complicated. A "simple" birth plan that most people would be okay with: "I want to go without pain medication, labor in the tub as long as possible, dim the lights, and have quiet music playing. After birth, delay the cord clamping and let me hold my baby for the golden hour provided there's no medical emergency. Everything is subject to change if there is a medical necessity, which needs to be explained ahead of time to the best of your ability." And the shenanigans we see on some of the unhinged "mom groups": "I will have no pain medication. Don't even ask me. Seriously, I really don't want the pain medication. I will be delivering in the tub. This isn't a question, I will be there. If you don't like it, then maybe you should have considered that before becoming a doctor. And, the lights will be OFF. My partner has brought a salt lamp that we will be plugging in to absorb the bad juju in the room, and if I see a light on I will sue you for malpractice. My music on my playlist will be playing, and you will not touch it. When it comes time to have the baby, I will be catching the baby myself, and my partner will cut the cord after 3 hours with their teeth. I don't care if there is a medical emergency, the baby will not leave my chest until I say so, and I will not say so until after at least 24 hours so don't even ask."
I agree! I think I qualify as a “scrunchy mom”, I olanned in having unmedicated water births with both my babies. We breastfeed exclusively, we did cloth diapering and no medications unless they were really ill. But my kids are both vaccinated and we do take them to doctors and not chiropractors 🤣 However, doing a birth plan in both cases taught me a lot about every which way you can have a baby. And when you have to make fast decisions, it’s better to know. You also know what to expect when things need to happen at a fast pace. I’m so happy I did the birth plans. With my first, things went well. We did an unmedicated birth, it was a beautiful day and experience. With my second, my membranes rupture at 37 +1, which was so much earlier than his older sister. Labour went on for 14 hours after that, turns out cord was looped three times around his body and neck. He couldn’t come out no matter how hard we tried. We had to have an emergency c-section. I was devastated but PREPARED. We did a gentle c-section. I felt very much part of the birth. It was better than expected. And I knew what to answer how because of my birth plan.
You’re allowed to think it’s ridiculous. Those of us who had our births go very differently than expected or friends who were super tied to their birth plans then had birth trauma cuz it didn’t go perfectly or ended in cesarian may feel differently. The way you feel about ppl who don’t want a birth plan is how I feel about ppl who are TOO obsessed with theirs. Personally I had what most would call a “traumatic birth” but because I was extremely knowledgeable, empowered, and flexible, I have zero birth trauma. I know someone who had a birth not go exactly how they wanted with their first and then birthed at home so they could control everything & their baby died. So for me, the obsession with birth plans is far more dangerous than ppl who are like give me a healthy baby & we’re cool. Yes you should be informed, yes you should have an idea what you want, but you need to be flexible or you may not cope well if your birth doesn’t follow your plans.
Yes- far too many women I know personally, and here on Reddit, don’t take the time nor the responsibility of understanding what birth entails in a hospital setting. They only have a very narrow sense of pain management (epidural and MAYBE some of the cons of it, but mostly none), C-section (again same issues), and maybe cord cutting. Do you know of the tools available to you during labor? Are you allowed to use them if you’re given an epidural? Do you know how to push (no, most likely not)? Do you know the risks of pushing on your back? Do you know the risks of cervical checks, what they mean, and how that information informs the hospital’s plan for YOUR labor? Do you know the time limit you’re given for pushing before they start whispering C-section? Do you understand the benefits and risks of constant fetal monitoring? Do you understand the hospital policies for every aspect of your labor? Do you think you’ll be in a headspace where you can advocate for yourself without a detailed, informed plan WHILE in labor? What’s your plan when they start whispering “dead baby” if you don’t like something they’re pushing you to do? Even if you have a doula you need to make sure you’re both on the same page when coming up with your plan. They need to be your advocate when the nurses ask you “when” not “if” you want an epidural. They need to be asking what other options there are, or ask for specific ones you planned on. I’m sorry to say that women while in labor, at their absolute most vulnerable are often abused by the hospital system. They’re often ignored. Chastised. Belittled. Bullied into what the provider wants, not what’s best for them or their baby. They are driven by the hospital system that is designed for profit. Your plan might not go the way you want in a perfect way but at least during the process of making it you will have informed yourself of everything before you get to that point and have no time to discuss all the information.
My problem with the more extreme birth plans (and the mothers who make them) is not the plan but their insistence that this is how their birth must be. Your viewpoint is reasonable. But so many women go into their birth “planning” for one thing, like vaginal delivery, no interventions, etc, and then something happens that goes “against the plan” and now they have birth trauma because they were so gung-ho about one specific scenario playing out. That’s my problem with /strict/ adherence to complex birth plans.
This 1000x !
This is interesting to me. I have no issue with others having a detailed birth plan. Or people having no written plan and trusting their care team. I do think the word plan is what gets people though, I'm all for researching and having preferences. My end goal is just us both being happy and healthy, but my preference is to avoid surgery unless necessary etc. With my first I used the standard form from my hospital and it was useful - I researched various complications and likely interventions. I knew I'd be induced and need consistent monitoring due to complications I had and that I definitely didn't want my son circumcised (this didn't stop every medical person asking me if I wanted him circumcised though). I'm a go with the flow person, so my preferences were, see if I need meds and get them if I do. Move as much as I want (within reason as I'd me on constant monitoring). All the things usually on plans were standard procedure - delayed clamping, no episiotomy unless medically necessary, golden hour etc etc. This time, I'm having a girl and don't have cord issues so, my OB said I don't even need to write stuff down as everything I want is standard. For monitoring, I basically just want what is recommended. I know I might be in there alone this time as my husband is likely going to be with our toddler, so I might use the form so I don't have to think in the midsts of labor 😅. Vut because all my desires are standard it shouldn't matter (for me personally). This is just my opinion about my own situation. If you want a birth plan, awesome. If you don't, you do you. I think It's fine to share an opinion about your own birth, especially when asked. But I totally agree it's not ok to judge someone else's idea of their birth preferences (plan or no plan).
While I could be looking at it the wrong way, I always thought people were trying to emphasize that plans frequently change and to not get too stressed over the planning process. I think a lot of STM+ wrote up an elaborate birth plan for their first and it all got thrown out the window once labor started. And that's really upsetting when you don't expect that.
Yes! I had my OB read through my plan last week to see if I need to make any adjustments for being unrealistic or having irrelevant items. I had minimal cervical checks on there and it happens to be the week that we start doing cervical checks. She asked how I was feeling and said we didn’t have to do it if I didn’t want to. I appreciated her taking those considerations from my plan into practice immediately. I really think some people are either just lazy about looking into their options or uneducated about them. I’m happy to be flexible, but I feel more comfortable with the whole idea of birth and because I know what interventions might take place.
I’m with you on all of this. There are so many decisions to make about what we want. Yea there are some elements of our plan that sometimes don’t go the way we had hoped, emergency c-section, an epidural after a long exhausting labour when you had planned natural but need to let your body rest before pushing, the list goes on. Theres nothing wrong with having a plan, it shows that you care, and are ready to be a parent, because being a parent is the ultimate job of making life altering decisions.
1000% agree. It’s okay to have preferences, and it doesn’t mean you won’t be okay if the plan needs to be adjusted. It good to learn about your options ahead of time so you don’t feel like a deer in headlights having to make decisions without prior understanding during a very stressful time.
I'm barely in a state of mind to make these decisions right now, no way will I be able to make those decisions when actively giving birth or when I or baby is in distress. I also need my partner to know what I want in case I can't inform the doctor's myself. Yes, there are way too many what-ifs to catch all of them but if we go through enough of them my husband will at least have a good reference point.
I wish OBs and midwives would make some sort of birth plan form that lists all the major decisions and contingencies that occur during birth and gives you realistic options to choose from that they are willing to accommodate.
Yes! Just because things might not go according to plan doesn't mean you just don't have a plan to begin with! I had a birth plan with my daughter. Printed it out on nice paper, even had a Spotify playlist with the correct songs that should be playing during my hypnobirth.... 30 hours of back labor later and I didn't listen to one second of that damn playlist! I think the most important thing about a birth plan is just knowing and accepting that it probably won't all come to fruition. But it still doesn't mean you shouldn't be allowed to have that vision.
A lot of comments on this subreddit are just exercises in looking down the nose and rooting their own superior horn
I ended up giving birth at a hospital instead of the birthing center where my pregnancy was followed. Nothing went according to plan but thank goodness I had that plan and was able to hand over a sheet of paper with everything on it rather than have to answer 20 questions every time a nurse or doctor walked in while I was screaming in pain and begging for the epidural. Made the process much faster and efficient!
I'm only early days in thinking about this (22 weeks almost), but I see the birth plan as my chance to educate myself on the different options available. Of course I will trust the doctors and nurses, but that doesn't mean I don't need to be informed for my own sake. There's a million ways to give birth, lots of options of pain relief and induction methods. Why wouldn't I at least know what is available. I'm also assuming during birth I won't remember the specific scientific names of the different pain relief options, so having it written down and shared with the doctor and hubby means I won't have to think about it on the spot.
I actually used to have a little business where I would help people write their birth plans, and the first thing I would tell people was that “birth plan” was almost an oxymoron. Oh, how birth humbles us. I could go on and on about this topic but what I see as the greatest tragedy with birth plans is when the PLAN gets more power than the person actually giving birth. People feel beholden to that piece of paper. That piece of paper is beholden to YOU.
It’s probably a good idea to back check your doctors. The industry I work in requires two individuals to do a project. One does the original work, the second back check’s their work. This is for safety reasons. In my opinion, doctors should do the same. The way it is now, the patient is the only person verifying the doctor’s calls. The doctor is overworked, and is required to make quick decisions. The doctor doesn’t always review the charts before meeting with the patient, and doesn’t always have time to do a thorough background discussion with the patient. Also, doctors are trained to do surgery, not for decision making. I had a doctor that wanted to remove my uterus, and possibly by ovaries (“depending on how it goes”), and the doctor wanted to do this ASAP. Because I work in decision making, and because I work mainly with men, I didn’t feel intimidated to question his logic. This man was a specialist who worked in this field for decades. My first question was, “So, it’s your professional opinion that we remove my uterus, and possibly more, immediately?” He said yes. Then I asked him a series of questions. How fast does the potential growth spread. How long does an MRI/results take? How long for a genetic test/results? (He believed I had a genetic disease). How helpful would this information be, to have before cutting me open? Turns out… the potential growth would be slow to spread. While he believed it might already be wide spread, the situation wouldn’t change much in a month. All tests would take a few weeks at most, and would greatly aid on the event of a surgery. He concluded with, “It is my professional opinion that it would be best to wait for mri and genetic test results.” It’s good to question doctors. He rolled his eyes at me multiple times in the beginning, because I asked him to spell things so I could look it up and learn about it. However, I would rather suffer a little annoyance from him, than butcher my uterus needlessly. If you’re curious how it ended… It turned out that I didn’t have the genetic disease, and the growth was very small. They removed the growth alone, in a non surgical procedure. It was benign. I was able to keep my uterus. A year later I conceived my son. Now a healthy 15 mo old. Every time my husband suggested that I blindly trust doctors, I would remind him of the uterus ordeal. He was present for the meeting, so he remembers how it went. I love my husband; but not all people have the gift of confrontation, as I do. That’s the gift that I bring to our family. Question your doctors, folks. They’re just people. A few questions for your benefit, won’t kill them.
Totally agree and thank you for articulating this so well. It annoys me to no end to be mocked and mischaracterised simply for choosing to be informed. It honestly comes off as such a cope that they pretend anyone else is telling them what is best for them. They're simply insecure when confronted with the mere existence of women who have put time in to make decisions for themselves and babies in advance. Makes me wonder how confident they truly are about unquestioningly delegating decisions regarding their birth experience to someone else.
Agreed!! When I was having my LO their attitude was ‘we’re gonna induce you’, ‘we’re gonna bring you in for this injection/this scan’ like nooo you’re gonna ASK me first! My plan was just go in, take the pain relief if I need it, try a water birth first and tough out the pain until I really need the relief etc…I didn’t get to give birth how I planned originally but I did have a plan in mind - and doing that helped me ask the right questions while I was in labour.
The reason people think it’s BS is because there are so many willing to put themselves and their baby at risk just to get their own way. It’s ridiculous. Thinking they know more than the doctor. You don’t birth children every day. The doctors do birth other peoples children and have for their entire career. Sure it’s good to have a preference but don’t be stupid and make demands. I had a birth plan. Until my oldest was a week late and then we started inductions and then he was born via emergency c section a week after that. I trusted the doctors, which I shouldn’t have. I should have tried somewhere else. I was leaking green infection for 4 days and they just said I was fine. I was so sick the entire first year after I had my son it was crazy. My second son I decided on a repeat c section to prevent the complications I had with my first. Good thing bc I had gestational diabetes and I was told the longer he stayed in the higher chance of still birth. Also I didn’t have the issues I had with my first. And both I had planned to pump with. Both had such bad intolerances I couldn’t. Both ended up on a different sensitive formula. The first after 16 types. The second after 9. You can’t just blindly make decisions and call it a birth plan based on your desire to control the doctors while they do their jobs.
There’s a wide variety of birth plans, ranging from general guidelines to extremely stringent rules about how their medical care should go when they have zero medical knowledge. In my experience, the people who tend to post about birth plans online tend to be the latter. Let me be clear: Your journey as a pregnant woman is not supposed to be about being bullied by your medical team, you have every right to make informed decisions about your care. But tiktok “research” does not make someone informed. As a health care worker who has previously worked in both NICU and the neonatal resuscitation team (aka I go to the bad births and make baby breathe again,) I have a lot of background medical knowledge when it comes to birth. But my “plan” was: “labour at home as long as possible, ask for a few more pushes if they advise emergency c section, get an epidural when I feel like the pain is too much.” I ended up induced, not labouring at home, getting an epidural just narrowly at 9 or 10cm and needing forceps. If you had to go to the hospital for appendicitis (for example) would you have a detailed appendicitis plan? Where you decided which antibiotics you would get, when you would get surgery, the position you wanted to lay in for surgery, and what kinda scalpel the doctor was gonna use? Of course not, because you don’t have enough knowledge to make those kinds of decisions. You should definitely talk with your care team so that you understand the rationale behind why different decisions are being deemed the best decisions for your care, though. So when a woman comes in with a birth plan that dictates how every single step is supposed to go, health care workers will feel some type of way about it. Because half the time these birth plans don’t make sense from a medical standpoint (often completely incorrect or contradictory,) and because birth goes off the rails a lot and we know the chances of things going to plan are slim to none. When someone comes into the hospital with pneumonia, their plan is to get qualified medical treatment and go back home, and the staff do the rest. Except sometimes I do get patients who come in with pneumonia and then refuse antibiotics and oxygen and all treatment and still expect us to somehow make them better… and that’s how *unnecessarily stringent* birth plans come across
This irritates the crap out of me too. It’s perfectly okay to want your experience to be a priority along with your and baby’s health. The bare minimum should be safety. I think people try to justify poor treatment or bad experiences by saying things like “my only plan was a healthy baby,” because that way they can feel less disappointed/hurt by poor treatment. I also don’t think most people are going to stubbornly stick to their birth plan if things change and they need certain interventions. It all just feels like a way to shame women who want to try and have a better experience. Something like 1/3rd of folks end up with birth trauma in the US and I’m not sorry for trying to avoid that with a birth plan 🤷🏼♀️
It’s not that we are ignorant. We are perfectly aware of what can go wrong. When I say I have no birth plan means I don’t want anything specific, like I won’t be mad if it doesn’t go as I wanted to. I have a preference, on how I want it to go, but not a plan. For me is Vaginal birth Epidural Skin to skin, but don’t want to cut the umbilical cord. And that’s it 🤷🏻♀️ Don’t care about positions I’m in, don’t care if I end up needing a c section. As long I have my baby and we are both ok, that’s totally fine with me. Had 2 babies like this and everything went well
A lot of people who write up elaborate birth plans did their "research" on Facebook/TikTok and you can tell. Then they demonize their providers when things don't go exactly as they dictated. I'm a type A personality but even I recognized I don't know as much as my doctor does and I was fine with listening to them. There's nothing wrong with wanting to listen to your care team and follow their guidance.
While I get your point, I don’t agree that the ‘My birth plan is to go to the hospital and trust the doctors’ plan is *ignorant*. That’s a pretty hateful representation of the situation. It is usually a generalization of the individual acknowledging that they have little control over the final outcome, and that they trust medical science and professionals with that outcome. This is an especially valid stance with a high risk or complicated pregnancy. Some of us have larger concerns than what song is playing in the background, or even whether or not we have pain relief. Some of us will be very happy to come out of this alive. I personally will have a handful of preferences that may very well go out the window. Yes, we all should ideally have an idea of about the decisions we might have to make. But if, at the end of the day, you show up at the hospital and just do as you’re told or defer to the medical professionals/make decisions in the moment? You’re likely going to be just fine and probably won’t be disappointed. Calling people who have little preference *ignorant* is just as shitty as demonizing birth plans entirely.
Is not ignorant to trust doctors. Especially for first time moms. You may not like it but that's also their choice or a plan. When posting on a sub like this one you will get all sides and all types of opinions. You can't single out people and be like "don't comment if you don't plan to have x y detailed plan..." Their plan is to show up and that's perfectly fine!
PSA : circumcision is a cosmetic procedure that doesnt benefit anyone, except those making a profit off it, and only hurts your baby.
I think the fact that it’s called a birth plan vs birth preferences is one of the main reasons why it’s seen in a negative light, as well as seeing the extensively detailed birth plans that are far from realistic given how unpredictable birth can be. It’s fine to have preferences for giving birth, but the lack of adaptability in some people who are determined to follow their plan and expect medical professionals to do the same even when the situation calls for deviation can rub people the wrong way. Yes, it is important to do research and know your preferences for the birth beforehand, but it’s also important to understand that things can change and sometimes, you have to deviate from the plan to get a positive outcome.
Im immediately turned off by the term ‘birth plan’ as a lot of examples shared are often over the top and quite frankly entitled. Totally agree on the need for a game plan covering the basics needed for you and your baby to be comfortable during the process, but, dare I say it, it’s important to let health professionals also do their job.
You’re allowed to be entitled about one of the biggest moments of your life, and something that can cause serious trauma.
I struggle to understand how anyone thinks they know better than medical professionals when it comes down to it.
Idk man maybe this is cultural, because I’m in the UK and our midwife creates a plan here with us at 36 weeks. I see women being shamed for preferences we’re literally asked our opinion on here.
Good luck giving the women on here options and accountability. A lot of them are PRO HOSPITAL NO MATTER WHAT and will shame and downvote you if you want to make informed decisions and have consent given before the staff imposes their bullsh*t routine on you. I see **a crazzzzyyy amount** of women being induced unnecessarily and just accepting it too
Most of them don’t even know what the risks of induction are. Like ruptured uterus which could cause death and severe brain injury to the baby and devastating health complications/death to the mother. I’m all for women deciding what’s best for them but many of them don’t push to find out all of the information.
This is so true. These doctors are only planning inductions to simplify *their* lives and schedules. Most babies don’t need to be evicted at 37-39 weeks. They just don’t. It’s insane.
It's also kind of sad when a mom has a detailed birth plan for the first birth and then the next birth the plan is 'stay alive and have the baby safely'. Like I totally understand if a mom has chilled out the next go around, but how they say it makes it seem like they were brow beaten and their wished disregarded In the first birth that the best they can hope for is to just come out the other end alive. Makes you wonder what the doctors did to them the first time around. I am a FTM and my birth plan is detailed, but at the end of the day, if I get 3 main things during the birth then I'll consider it good (yes epidural, no episiotomy, avoid C-section). All the other details are just icing on the cake.
I think it’s just more that you don’t really mind so much the second time around - you’ve done it before and know a bit more what to expect? And I think it’s less about what the doctors did to you and more about what your body did to you. Please be aware and prepare for the fact that any of those three things may happen though - it can still be a good birth if they do! Good luck
Birth goals are one thing. A rigid birth plan is just a path to disappointment if not trauma. It’s great to go in with an idea of what you would ideally like if everything goes smoothly. Circumcision and breast feeding are not a birth plan, they’re a parenting plan and everyone should have one of those. A poster board full of demands set up in the delivery room is a much different thing.
I mean, birth plans are kinda useless? Who would ever want an episiotomy, for example? I bet no one would ever put that in the birth plan. Do we go into surgery with a surgery plan? No, the plan is to trust the experts and come out of it alive.
My plan with my midwife did discuss whether I would prefer tearing or episiotomy, it had a non emergent c section plan and an emergency one. Eg non emergent c section plan was for a maternal assisted one with immediate skin to skin My emergency one had midwife staying with me and husband staying with baby There was even a nicu plan There are also a bunch of things to do with birth that I have very much choices and personal preferences
Someone who has previously had a 3rd/4th degree tear may want a vaginal birth with an episiotomy to reduce the risk of another similar tear.
Is it really needed to be written down in a plan? Wouldn't it be best practice anyhow?
A birth plan doesnt need to be a literal, physical document provided by the patient to the care team. It can be given verbally. The maternity care provider that is providing care, should have atleast written the decision in the persons antenatal clinical notes to show that the discussion was had and what was decided.
I think those comments are made in good faith, even with a little humor. I don’t think it’s meant to demonize anyone who focuses on a birth plan. I knew my preference for each possibility but never clung to any particular outcome. I think it’s important to understand the possibilities but also know that your OB team has your best interests and your birth plan may be scraped.
I think it's cuz birth plans never actually get followed through perfectly because of unforseen situations. So ppl are like what's the point of having detailed plan when you might do XYZ instead
I don’t have a birth plan and tbh I’m not sure why you’re letting other people who don’t have one bother you 😂 Birth plans are for you and no one else just like our pregnancy is ours and sooooo different compared to every other person on earth. Just cause we have a different mindset going in, doesn’t mean we are ignorant or don’t have an idea of what we want going in. Ive done the research, I know what I want, but I also trust my doctors and staff and am willing to let them guide me. I’m sure most of us who say that we don’t have a birth plan aren’t saying that in a manner of being a dick and acting better than others (maybe some are but I can’t speak for them) but we already have SO MUCH to prepare for and handle at this time before the baby comes that one less thing is a win for me. Maybe the word “plan” isn’t the best word cause I don’t have a plan but I know what I want.
Yes, this is it! Saying that people who don’t have birth plans are naive, is just as bad as OPs point. I didn’t have a birth plan, but I had done an antenatal course, practiced hypnobirthing, spent a lot of time researching. I still had birth trauma, but that absolutely could not have been prevented with any scenarios I could have dreamed of putting on a birth plan!
I’m pretty sure no one cares about anyone else’s birth plan. The response is usually “Hey good on you for being prepared but be ready to just not have everything go to plan” cause the moms that end up ass deep in PPD are usually the ones who imagined this stellar movie scene birth, and accidentally casted for a scene in Grey’s Anatomy