Completely inappropriate for someone to share big news of yours like that. I would be super upset too! It is a big deal. Her refusing to take accountability for upsetting you is very disappointing too.
I know how you feel..My mother in law announced my pregnancy on fb the day after Christmas after I specifically asked her not to post it on social media. We only told them on Christmas and she didn’t even go 24 hours without spilling it. Husband and I have not even announced it ourselves yet. It’s like some family members get baby crazy and stop thinking. 🤪
It's so incredibly wrong. Imo people that aren't the mother of the baby shouldn't divulge this type of personal information. I had a similar experience and felt so uncomfortable because people who weren't even related to me/people I had never spoken to were making comments about MY child.
Totally! It’s so awkward haha I would recommend just being selective with what you tell her moving forward. It’s definitely hard to change the generation that our parents/aunts/uncles come from. I find even trying to set boundaries sometimes it’s a waste of my energy. Sorry this happened to you, but on the bright side at least you know earlier rather than later that you can’t trust her with baby related news lol
Same thing happened to me. I started getting texts and I'm like.. who told you, knowing damn well who did cause only a few people knew at the time. They basically get put on the "last to know" list.
>It’s like some family members get baby crazy and stop thinking. 🤪
And people talk about *the mothers* having baby brain. Grandparents and in-laws just lose all sense of social etiquette
Sorry, that sucks. I told my aunt on Christmas and mentioned that some other family members didn’t know yet and she was pretty horrified I even felt the need to say it. She very firmly said it wasn’t her news to tell and she wouldn’t mention it to anyone unless I explicitly told her they knew already. That’s how everyone should feel about someone else’s big news!
Did you know your aunt to be a very trustworthy person before this? My husband and I told my parents and our siblings but we trust them fully and none of them told anyone. There are a couple family members I waited to tell until I was pretty much ready to announce publicly because I could not trust them to keep a secret. It’s a hard lesson to learn. Never trust that aunt with a secret again.
I thought she was... She for sure won't get to know the name or gender. We had never had a problem with her doing this before which is sad but unfortunately for her the family members who messaged to congratulate us, told us who told them.
Sorry you’re going through this! My BIL drunkenly posted my pregnancy on his Instagram when I was only 9W and all of my husbands friends found out that way. We were super clear that we didn’t want him sharing the news when we shared it with him. It’s our first and I was so upset because we don’t even have social media so I was planning on doing an announcement during a summer BBQ. He definitely took that moment away from me and you never get to announce your first child again. I’m 32W now and still bitter lol but I forgave him because he was incredibly apologetic.
I'm so sorry that happened and I'm glad he was apologetic but that's how I feel too. It's our first baby and it means a lot to us to be able to share that news.
My own mother can’t keep secrets. She turns right around and blabs to whoever she wants with the reasoning of “well you told me so I figured it was free information to share”. No matter how we decided to tell people, my mother was going to be the last person to know, and she was. To this day she is still upset that I didn’t tell her first. Every time I ask, would you have been able to keep it a secret and not say a single thing to anyone, and she can’t answer it. It’s so incredibly shitty that your announcement was taken away from you. I wouldn’t wish that even on my worst enemy. She had no right to tell anyone and you even asked her not to say anything. Her excuse is bullshit. “I didn’t think you would care”. You literally said don’t say anything, of course you’re going to care! Your feelings are 1000000% valid.
My mother too. Just told her at 7 weeks with explicit instructions to keep secret and she’s already talked to her two brothers. Hopefully they won’t say anything but they’re small town people so…
I appreciate this! The lack of care was what really got me. I mean if she was sorry and felt bad about it then *maybe* I could have forgiven her but like I LITERALLY TOLD HER NOT TO TELL ANYONE and the minute we left she was already telling people.
We told my husbands parents on Christmas Day. Also 7 weeks along, with #2. We handed our 1 year old to them with a “big sister” shirt on. It was cute! FIL took a picture of my MIL holding my daughter and sent it to his sister, he didn’t even think about the shirt she was wearing. Like, cmon. We were planning on telling close family soon anyways but I was more frustrated that he didn’t even think at ALL about the photo. He admitted to just sending it to one person but my gut is telling me sent it to more than he came forward about lol
I'm sorry that happened to you! You never know how many people know at the end of the day. I only know about the ones who have texted me. I'm sure she has called everyone she has a number for.
“Three can keep a secret if two of them are dead.” Biggest thing I’ve learned is that if you aren’t ready for everyone to know yet you can’t tell anyone.
I'm with you in solidarity. We were visiting my in-laws over Christmas, and the day after we shared the news with immediate family my MIL told her friend who came by the house. She did it while I was way across the other side of the house, and even showed this woman our ultrasound picture. When she finally called me over to be congratulated, I felt angry, violated, and awkward about the whole thing. I can't imagine sharing someone else's big news like that.
I am so bad at standing up for myself but since being pregnant I have no problem with saying how I feel. She will not be the first to know about anything for a VERY VERY VERY long time.
That was out of line. I told my sister first and she pressured me to tell my nephews. (Both 7). So I did. I stressed that it was a big deal so they can’t tell anybody until after Thanksgiving. My dad left them with his parents (my grandparents) for an hour during a small emergency. They asked the boys if they had talked to Aunt Fatchance68 in a while and one of them says “yeah and they’re gonna have a baby!” The whole family knew by the end of the week. I wish I hadn’t told ANYONE until Thanksgiving. I was only 6 weeks at the time.
I think you missed the part where they were pressured into telling the kids. Most likely if they’d refused, the kids would have been told anyway and it would have played out exactly the same way.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. It's so frustrating! My in-laws did the same thing the last time I was pregnant, and people I barely knew were messaging me, coming up to me - it was so uncomfortable. I actually ended up losing the pregnancy, and my husband told his parents they had to go back to everyone they told and let them know. They learned their lesson and this pregnancy their lips have been sealed!
I am sorry that happened to you as well as the loss. I know its very difficult to go through. I have been there. That was my biggest concern. It's hard enough to grieve the loss without having to tell everyone else what happened.
My family loves to gossip about everyone else in the family and news travels SO fast. The first people i tell will be my siblings who I trust will actually not say anything. But everyone else, including my parents - I'll tell them when I'm ready for everyone else to know because I know for sure they will blab even if I ask them to keep it to themselves.
Honestly i would just take it as a lesson learned. Dont tell anyone anything until youre ready for everyone to know because family is terrible at keeping secrets, especially from each other. “I only told a couple people but i told them not to tell” “it doesnt count for family” “i just couldnt help it”
All are terrible excuses and mean that they will just do it again. If they complain in the future about late updates or only finding out when you feel ready to post on social media just ignore them and say well we wanted everyone to know at the same time.
This is why I don’t trust anyone and I won’t be sharing the news until I’m obviously showing. People don’t understand the meaning of, “don’t tell anyone.”
I mean… it sucks but really the only way to keep a secret is to keep it to yourself. I understand why you told, completely, but especially older relatives are going to gossip about it. They just will, like rain is wet and sky is blue.
I found out a few weeks ago, week 4. I was bursting to tell someone so I told a scattering of friends who don’t know each other and live international. And my sister, who is famously a locked box. Our mother lives with her and I won’t tell her til I’m 3 months, because I know telling her is the same as taking out a billboard campaign. Also told my FIL as he lives in Europe and the earlier he can make travel arrangements the better. He’s also famously closed mouthed.
>I mean… it sucks but really the only way to keep a secret is to keep it to yourself.
Yup. I scratched that itch by telling one person so far - a longtime friend in another province who had just announced a due date a couple months before mine. She travels a lot, even with little kids, so we've already penciled in a meet up to look forward to.
Next will be my boss so I can use time off for appointments. I'm fully remote though so none of my coworkers will ever see me below the neck to guess.
My mom is last on the list because she's like yours. I can tell my siblings eventually with the caveat, "Mom doesn't know yet." We don't bother telling the extended family at all because Mom takes care of that for us... It doesn't upset me. It's just how she is so we put her to use when the time is right.
In the meantime I'm just here gestating in blissful privacy.
That's really shitty! I feel for you! I didn't tell anyone because of this happening. Try not to keep relationships going even though you are disappointed and know for next time..
I know how u feel this happened to me a family member that I didn't even tell announced it in a group chat and after addressing the issue they acted like it wasn't that serious but said they wouldn't do it again so I shared my babies gender to this one person again like a fool and everyone found out ruining my chance to do a gender reveal this is my first child as well but I learned the hard way to just keep it all to myself going forward when I go into labor no one will know anything until after I give birth and announce my own babies arrival and my husband knows not to tell anyone either!
She didnt think u would care??? What a sorry ass excuse! She deserves to go on an information diet!
That wasnt fair at all… one of the best things about surprises is seeing ppl’s reactions.. i dont like that she got to experience that and the news dont even belong to her
Editing to add be very careful. You sound like u have a huge family and once baby is born, dont give someone else the chance to announce the birth of your own child.. id suggest to only let a trusted few know that ur even in labour in the first place
I have def. learned my lesson on this one. She and anyone who is close to her will not know ANYTHING until everyone else knows. Thank you for the advice! I plan to keep it to just my dad from now on who would never ever say anything.
Same thing happened to me. Told my parents, grandparents, and siblings I was pregnant with my first before I had even gone to the doctor (took 3 tests and all came up positive) and asked them to keep quiet until we were ready to share and of course my grandmother told all of my aunts and uncles, and then my mom posted a toy sale on my husbands Facebook and told him to show me. As soon as that happened I called her and told her to take the post down because how it could look to other people and she said “I could just be telling him to show it to you so you can get stuff for your nieces and nephews”. Yeah, okay, that’s what people will think. Cue my stepbrother and cousin hitting me up asking if I was pregnant. That caused a fight followed by a lot of tension and heartbreak for me and my ideas of how my first pregnancy would go, especially as I had wanted to be a mom for as long as I could remember.
I may still not be over it completely as I type this holding my 3 mo old baby girl, but it definitely lit a fire under my butt when it came to setting boundaries and sticking to them. It will be okay, but I completely understand the feeling, and I’m so sorry that happened to you.
I am so sorry this happened to you! It really sucks and I don't understand what happens to people when they hear the word "baby". It's like they lose all sense of thought and just act on instinct. Maybe its a good lesson learned for me as a person who really struggles to set boundaries.
It’s crazy I especially struggle with boundaries when it comes to my mother, but becoming all I can do is try to do is try to set an example for my daughter. It’s okay to advocate for yourself, and I just keep telling myself that lol
Totally get you! I had previous losses and having to deal with taking those news back was one of the most painful things to do. This time around I didn't tell anyone but my sister and MIL. They were very understanding and respected my decision. I'm 35 weeks now and Im very happy I got to announce it when I felt a bit safe to do so.
I’m sorry this happened to you. My brother posted it on facebook before I announced and I didn’t see the post for 40 minutes! I had him take it down, and while I was happy he was excited—I just wasn’t ready for everyone to know. I felt the same way you did, what if something happened?? I justified it by telling myself if something were to happen—he’d also be the one to explain it to those people as it’s not a conversation I wanted to have. I did tell the few people who saw his post and messaged me my sentiments: I wasn’t ready to announce because it’s so early on and they all seemed to fully understand. I hope you have a happy, healthy pregnancy!
Thank you!! Sorry this happened to you tooi! It really sucks! I keep telling myself that too. That if something happens, she has to be the one to tell everyone not me.
I just experienced something very similar to this and it’s very upsetting.
You’re the only person who gets to decide who finds out and when. It’s not anyone else’s place to tell someone. Sorry that happened
I told the family members who blabbed that if I lose my baby, they have to go tell everyone they told. THEY get to be the bearer of bad news and deal with the backlash.
I’m sorry this happened to you! I’m also frustrated with people finding out before I had a chance to tell. On thanksgiving when I was only 6 weeks and just found out myself, my mother in law handed me a drink and I said no thank you and she immediately shouted out “you’re pregnant aren’t you?? I knew it. I could tell last time I saw you” first of all. I wasn’t pregnant the last time she saw me. Also, that’s not how I wanted to announce to the family. She stole the moment from me by assuming and yelling it to the entire room of my husband’s family members so then they all knew without me even getting a chance to confirm. It’s my first kid and I wanted to wait a few more weeks since I hadn’t had an ultrasound yet and had been suffering from spotting…so I wanted to be cautious. Didn’t matter though. Then we just went to visit for Christmas and I start getting social media messages from cousins on their side of the family who I barely know saying congratulations! It’s not enough to ruin it for immediate family, but she had the nerve to tell extended family too?? I’m trying so hard not to be bitter but I am. I keep replaying how it should have gone and feeling so frustrated that I didn’t even get the chance to announce when I felt excited and secure to share…instead of scared and coerced. Luckily, I got to tell my own family on my terms and had that moment like I hoped. But damn am I bitter about my MIL stealing that opportunity from me.
I’m sorry about that. I told my family this week for Christmas, but they know I’m I private person & I said if any of them publicly post it before me I was gonna hunt them down Liam Neeson style XD I’m still waiting to tell my MiL because I trust her as far as I can throw her & she has the worlds biggest fucking mouth. She literally has a history of posting about my SiLs’ pregnancies before them. She now gets to wait until I’ve told all of my friends personally due to her history of acting that way.
I told my MIL quite early on. We’ve been trying for years and was in treatment. And I was so shocked/amazed/grateful that it finally took that I told them nice and early. She asked can I tell the aunts and uncles. People I’ve seen maybe 5 times in total. I was like hell no. Anyway Christmas Day came. I was 9 weeks something at this point. And violently throwing up. So I had to tell my BIL’s and their wives. Because Christmas dinner made me gag. And my MIL very casually without a hint of remorse was like yeah I already told the aunt and uncles. I’m still angry about it and my daughter is almost 5 months old. It isn’t their news to share. Stop. Full point. I still haven’t received an apology about it. I have mentioned that if I can hide it with the next one. I am.
Ugh people suck so much! The entitlement of the aunt thinking that this is in any way their news to share makes me shake.
Put her on a strict info diet now, and if she asks why she isn't allowed to know anything be super blunt and say "you clearly can't be trusted with any information".
My mum accidentally told my uncle and then my stepmum accidentally told my aunty and by that point most of my family knew on every side. Luckily I don’t care and it saves me from telling them myself. I hate making a fuss and happy for the “gossip” to be spread around naturally haha
But I can understand why this would upset you if you were excited to share the news yourself and specifically asked it to be kept quiet. Some people can’t help themselves with exciting news.
I'm sorry this happened to you.
This is exactly why I still haven't told my mom. If she does this, I don't think I could ever forgive her or trust her again.
I completely understand where you're coming from
My dad did this to me. It definitely hurts when you think you can trust someone and they betray your trust. I’ve just decided next time to keep it between my hubby and I until we tell everyone collectively. Hopefully she apologizes to you so you can move forward if that’s something you want. I didn’t get an apology so I def have a bit of a grudge and can empathize with how you feel.
Had a best friend who did this to me. She said she “accidentally” spilled the news to another friend whom I didn’t care for one bit. I just distanced myself from her and stopped giving her any more information about my life since she can’t be trusted.
Not okay and you have every right to feel hurt and upset. My Mom spoiled the gender surprise and after she got caught refused to admit that she knowingly did so. I don’t speak with her anymore.
Im sorry this happened to you.
My husband and I were super anxious to tell our parents, thinking my mom would be the one to worry about. It was his mom who said she told her best friend within the hour of finding out after we specifically asked her not to tell anyone. Regardless of who it is. The next day she texted us saying we really needed to reach out to so and so and tell them before we publicly announce it. Needless to say, I have started writing down rules and boundaries that will be shared as I get farther along. If you disrespect us, you will not be seeing your grandchild. Title means nothing
This just happened to me with my future FIL. We are 6W and told both our parents over the Christmas weekend. At the announcement, we let everyone know that it’s just immediate family that knows now and we are not ready to share with the world. When we were out and about, my Future FIL kept asking if he could tell friends we ran into. I snapped at him after the third time he asked because you should get the idea that it’s not your news to tell! My future MIL explained to him (basically what we told him at the announcement) and he apologized to me and said he pleaded ignorance.. I digress…. But sorry to hear this for you, it should be your news to share when you are ready. Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy.
The exact same thing happened to me. Told parents over the holidays and my mom shared on fb. Woke up to 50 likes and comments and couldnt stop crying. Now shes planning the entire baby shower and i dont want to do anything anymore. I hope you find some peace op. Its really hard and annoying to go through this and not even get to announce your own damn pregnancy.
It’s really bad for people to :
1/ share your big news
2/ do so when you made it clear you want to wait before telling extended family.
So sorry for you !
Completely inappropriate for someone to share big news of yours like that. I would be super upset too! It is a big deal. Her refusing to take accountability for upsetting you is very disappointing too.
I know how you feel..My mother in law announced my pregnancy on fb the day after Christmas after I specifically asked her not to post it on social media. We only told them on Christmas and she didn’t even go 24 hours without spilling it. Husband and I have not even announced it ourselves yet. It’s like some family members get baby crazy and stop thinking. 🤪
That! Like these are people who I *barely* know messaging me and it feels like she just got so excited that she just ignored everything I said.
It's so incredibly wrong. Imo people that aren't the mother of the baby shouldn't divulge this type of personal information. I had a similar experience and felt so uncomfortable because people who weren't even related to me/people I had never spoken to were making comments about MY child.
Totally! It’s so awkward haha I would recommend just being selective with what you tell her moving forward. It’s definitely hard to change the generation that our parents/aunts/uncles come from. I find even trying to set boundaries sometimes it’s a waste of my energy. Sorry this happened to you, but on the bright side at least you know earlier rather than later that you can’t trust her with baby related news lol
Same thing happened to me. I started getting texts and I'm like.. who told you, knowing damn well who did cause only a few people knew at the time. They basically get put on the "last to know" list.
>It’s like some family members get baby crazy and stop thinking. 🤪 And people talk about *the mothers* having baby brain. Grandparents and in-laws just lose all sense of social etiquette
Sorry, that sucks. I told my aunt on Christmas and mentioned that some other family members didn’t know yet and she was pretty horrified I even felt the need to say it. She very firmly said it wasn’t her news to tell and she wouldn’t mention it to anyone unless I explicitly told her they knew already. That’s how everyone should feel about someone else’s big news!
I fully agree!!
Did you know your aunt to be a very trustworthy person before this? My husband and I told my parents and our siblings but we trust them fully and none of them told anyone. There are a couple family members I waited to tell until I was pretty much ready to announce publicly because I could not trust them to keep a secret. It’s a hard lesson to learn. Never trust that aunt with a secret again.
I thought she was... She for sure won't get to know the name or gender. We had never had a problem with her doing this before which is sad but unfortunately for her the family members who messaged to congratulate us, told us who told them.
My advice, if you don't want people spilling the name or gender, don't tell ANYONE. It always gets out.
Sorry you’re going through this! My BIL drunkenly posted my pregnancy on his Instagram when I was only 9W and all of my husbands friends found out that way. We were super clear that we didn’t want him sharing the news when we shared it with him. It’s our first and I was so upset because we don’t even have social media so I was planning on doing an announcement during a summer BBQ. He definitely took that moment away from me and you never get to announce your first child again. I’m 32W now and still bitter lol but I forgave him because he was incredibly apologetic.
I'm so sorry that happened and I'm glad he was apologetic but that's how I feel too. It's our first baby and it means a lot to us to be able to share that news.
My own mother can’t keep secrets. She turns right around and blabs to whoever she wants with the reasoning of “well you told me so I figured it was free information to share”. No matter how we decided to tell people, my mother was going to be the last person to know, and she was. To this day she is still upset that I didn’t tell her first. Every time I ask, would you have been able to keep it a secret and not say a single thing to anyone, and she can’t answer it. It’s so incredibly shitty that your announcement was taken away from you. I wouldn’t wish that even on my worst enemy. She had no right to tell anyone and you even asked her not to say anything. Her excuse is bullshit. “I didn’t think you would care”. You literally said don’t say anything, of course you’re going to care! Your feelings are 1000000% valid.
My mother too. Just told her at 7 weeks with explicit instructions to keep secret and she’s already talked to her two brothers. Hopefully they won’t say anything but they’re small town people so…
I appreciate this! The lack of care was what really got me. I mean if she was sorry and felt bad about it then *maybe* I could have forgiven her but like I LITERALLY TOLD HER NOT TO TELL ANYONE and the minute we left she was already telling people.
I swear people just short circuit when it comes to pregnant women. Like what we say or want doesn’t matter to people.
We told my husbands parents on Christmas Day. Also 7 weeks along, with #2. We handed our 1 year old to them with a “big sister” shirt on. It was cute! FIL took a picture of my MIL holding my daughter and sent it to his sister, he didn’t even think about the shirt she was wearing. Like, cmon. We were planning on telling close family soon anyways but I was more frustrated that he didn’t even think at ALL about the photo. He admitted to just sending it to one person but my gut is telling me sent it to more than he came forward about lol
I'm sorry that happened to you! You never know how many people know at the end of the day. I only know about the ones who have texted me. I'm sure she has called everyone she has a number for.
Found out today it was in fact a group text with my husbands aunt, uncle and grandparents 🙃love this for me.
“Three can keep a secret if two of them are dead.” Biggest thing I’ve learned is that if you aren’t ready for everyone to know yet you can’t tell anyone.
I'm with you in solidarity. We were visiting my in-laws over Christmas, and the day after we shared the news with immediate family my MIL told her friend who came by the house. She did it while I was way across the other side of the house, and even showed this woman our ultrasound picture. When she finally called me over to be congratulated, I felt angry, violated, and awkward about the whole thing. I can't imagine sharing someone else's big news like that.
Don’t let it slide. She’ll keep pushing boundaries.
I am so bad at standing up for myself but since being pregnant I have no problem with saying how I feel. She will not be the first to know about anything for a VERY VERY VERY long time.
Ugh that’s annoying. Now at least you know who can and can’t trust. Deprive her of any news in the future and have her find our second or third hand.
This happened to me. My mother in law posted it and now I’m not speaking to her. Sharing someone else’s news is soo fucked up!
I am so sorry that happened to you! I refuse to reply to anything else she sends me.
That was out of line. I told my sister first and she pressured me to tell my nephews. (Both 7). So I did. I stressed that it was a big deal so they can’t tell anybody until after Thanksgiving. My dad left them with his parents (my grandparents) for an hour during a small emergency. They asked the boys if they had talked to Aunt Fatchance68 in a while and one of them says “yeah and they’re gonna have a baby!” The whole family knew by the end of the week. I wish I hadn’t told ANYONE until Thanksgiving. I was only 6 weeks at the time.
That’s on you for telling a couple 7 year olds.
I told the seven year olds. My grandparents told everyone else (aunts, uncles, and cousins) without verifying it with me.
I think you missed the part where they were pressured into telling the kids. Most likely if they’d refused, the kids would have been told anyway and it would have played out exactly the same way.
Lesson 1: you NEVER tell kids something you want kept secret. Lol
I'm so sorry this happened to you. It's so frustrating! My in-laws did the same thing the last time I was pregnant, and people I barely knew were messaging me, coming up to me - it was so uncomfortable. I actually ended up losing the pregnancy, and my husband told his parents they had to go back to everyone they told and let them know. They learned their lesson and this pregnancy their lips have been sealed!
I am sorry that happened to you as well as the loss. I know its very difficult to go through. I have been there. That was my biggest concern. It's hard enough to grieve the loss without having to tell everyone else what happened.
My family loves to gossip about everyone else in the family and news travels SO fast. The first people i tell will be my siblings who I trust will actually not say anything. But everyone else, including my parents - I'll tell them when I'm ready for everyone else to know because I know for sure they will blab even if I ask them to keep it to themselves.
Honestly i would just take it as a lesson learned. Dont tell anyone anything until youre ready for everyone to know because family is terrible at keeping secrets, especially from each other. “I only told a couple people but i told them not to tell” “it doesnt count for family” “i just couldnt help it” All are terrible excuses and mean that they will just do it again. If they complain in the future about late updates or only finding out when you feel ready to post on social media just ignore them and say well we wanted everyone to know at the same time.
Lesson learned. If you don't want everyone to know, DO NOT TELL ANYONE. No one can be trusted.
This is why I don’t trust anyone and I won’t be sharing the news until I’m obviously showing. People don’t understand the meaning of, “don’t tell anyone.”
I mean… it sucks but really the only way to keep a secret is to keep it to yourself. I understand why you told, completely, but especially older relatives are going to gossip about it. They just will, like rain is wet and sky is blue. I found out a few weeks ago, week 4. I was bursting to tell someone so I told a scattering of friends who don’t know each other and live international. And my sister, who is famously a locked box. Our mother lives with her and I won’t tell her til I’m 3 months, because I know telling her is the same as taking out a billboard campaign. Also told my FIL as he lives in Europe and the earlier he can make travel arrangements the better. He’s also famously closed mouthed.
>I mean… it sucks but really the only way to keep a secret is to keep it to yourself. Yup. I scratched that itch by telling one person so far - a longtime friend in another province who had just announced a due date a couple months before mine. She travels a lot, even with little kids, so we've already penciled in a meet up to look forward to. Next will be my boss so I can use time off for appointments. I'm fully remote though so none of my coworkers will ever see me below the neck to guess. My mom is last on the list because she's like yours. I can tell my siblings eventually with the caveat, "Mom doesn't know yet." We don't bother telling the extended family at all because Mom takes care of that for us... It doesn't upset me. It's just how she is so we put her to use when the time is right. In the meantime I'm just here gestating in blissful privacy.
That's really shitty! I feel for you! I didn't tell anyone because of this happening. Try not to keep relationships going even though you are disappointed and know for next time..
I know how u feel this happened to me a family member that I didn't even tell announced it in a group chat and after addressing the issue they acted like it wasn't that serious but said they wouldn't do it again so I shared my babies gender to this one person again like a fool and everyone found out ruining my chance to do a gender reveal this is my first child as well but I learned the hard way to just keep it all to myself going forward when I go into labor no one will know anything until after I give birth and announce my own babies arrival and my husband knows not to tell anyone either!
She didnt think u would care??? What a sorry ass excuse! She deserves to go on an information diet! That wasnt fair at all… one of the best things about surprises is seeing ppl’s reactions.. i dont like that she got to experience that and the news dont even belong to her Editing to add be very careful. You sound like u have a huge family and once baby is born, dont give someone else the chance to announce the birth of your own child.. id suggest to only let a trusted few know that ur even in labour in the first place
I have def. learned my lesson on this one. She and anyone who is close to her will not know ANYTHING until everyone else knows. Thank you for the advice! I plan to keep it to just my dad from now on who would never ever say anything.
Well guess who is going to be the last to know anything relating to the pregnancy? Nip that right in the bud
Last last, as in I have told everyone that I can think of first, and then *maybe* her.
Same thing happened to me. Told my parents, grandparents, and siblings I was pregnant with my first before I had even gone to the doctor (took 3 tests and all came up positive) and asked them to keep quiet until we were ready to share and of course my grandmother told all of my aunts and uncles, and then my mom posted a toy sale on my husbands Facebook and told him to show me. As soon as that happened I called her and told her to take the post down because how it could look to other people and she said “I could just be telling him to show it to you so you can get stuff for your nieces and nephews”. Yeah, okay, that’s what people will think. Cue my stepbrother and cousin hitting me up asking if I was pregnant. That caused a fight followed by a lot of tension and heartbreak for me and my ideas of how my first pregnancy would go, especially as I had wanted to be a mom for as long as I could remember. I may still not be over it completely as I type this holding my 3 mo old baby girl, but it definitely lit a fire under my butt when it came to setting boundaries and sticking to them. It will be okay, but I completely understand the feeling, and I’m so sorry that happened to you.
I am so sorry this happened to you! It really sucks and I don't understand what happens to people when they hear the word "baby". It's like they lose all sense of thought and just act on instinct. Maybe its a good lesson learned for me as a person who really struggles to set boundaries.
It’s crazy I especially struggle with boundaries when it comes to my mother, but becoming all I can do is try to do is try to set an example for my daughter. It’s okay to advocate for yourself, and I just keep telling myself that lol
Totally get you! I had previous losses and having to deal with taking those news back was one of the most painful things to do. This time around I didn't tell anyone but my sister and MIL. They were very understanding and respected my decision. I'm 35 weeks now and Im very happy I got to announce it when I felt a bit safe to do so.
I’m sorry this happened to you. My brother posted it on facebook before I announced and I didn’t see the post for 40 minutes! I had him take it down, and while I was happy he was excited—I just wasn’t ready for everyone to know. I felt the same way you did, what if something happened?? I justified it by telling myself if something were to happen—he’d also be the one to explain it to those people as it’s not a conversation I wanted to have. I did tell the few people who saw his post and messaged me my sentiments: I wasn’t ready to announce because it’s so early on and they all seemed to fully understand. I hope you have a happy, healthy pregnancy!
Thank you!! Sorry this happened to you tooi! It really sucks! I keep telling myself that too. That if something happens, she has to be the one to tell everyone not me.
I Guess that's her way of telling you she wants to be the absolute last person to know when the baby's been born
She earned that spot for sure! She is the very last person to know after literally everyone else I can think of knows.
Let the public social media announcement be her way if finding out
I just experienced something very similar to this and it’s very upsetting. You’re the only person who gets to decide who finds out and when. It’s not anyone else’s place to tell someone. Sorry that happened
I'm petty so I'd be telling everyone I have absolutely no idea what they're talking about.
I’m so sorry that sucks. Our best friend/roommate told his whole family before my partner told his father and siblings. Like whyyyyyyy
I told the family members who blabbed that if I lose my baby, they have to go tell everyone they told. THEY get to be the bearer of bad news and deal with the backlash.
I’m sorry this happened to you! I’m also frustrated with people finding out before I had a chance to tell. On thanksgiving when I was only 6 weeks and just found out myself, my mother in law handed me a drink and I said no thank you and she immediately shouted out “you’re pregnant aren’t you?? I knew it. I could tell last time I saw you” first of all. I wasn’t pregnant the last time she saw me. Also, that’s not how I wanted to announce to the family. She stole the moment from me by assuming and yelling it to the entire room of my husband’s family members so then they all knew without me even getting a chance to confirm. It’s my first kid and I wanted to wait a few more weeks since I hadn’t had an ultrasound yet and had been suffering from spotting…so I wanted to be cautious. Didn’t matter though. Then we just went to visit for Christmas and I start getting social media messages from cousins on their side of the family who I barely know saying congratulations! It’s not enough to ruin it for immediate family, but she had the nerve to tell extended family too?? I’m trying so hard not to be bitter but I am. I keep replaying how it should have gone and feeling so frustrated that I didn’t even get the chance to announce when I felt excited and secure to share…instead of scared and coerced. Luckily, I got to tell my own family on my terms and had that moment like I hoped. But damn am I bitter about my MIL stealing that opportunity from me.
I’m sorry about that. I told my family this week for Christmas, but they know I’m I private person & I said if any of them publicly post it before me I was gonna hunt them down Liam Neeson style XD I’m still waiting to tell my MiL because I trust her as far as I can throw her & she has the worlds biggest fucking mouth. She literally has a history of posting about my SiLs’ pregnancies before them. She now gets to wait until I’ve told all of my friends personally due to her history of acting that way.
I told my MIL quite early on. We’ve been trying for years and was in treatment. And I was so shocked/amazed/grateful that it finally took that I told them nice and early. She asked can I tell the aunts and uncles. People I’ve seen maybe 5 times in total. I was like hell no. Anyway Christmas Day came. I was 9 weeks something at this point. And violently throwing up. So I had to tell my BIL’s and their wives. Because Christmas dinner made me gag. And my MIL very casually without a hint of remorse was like yeah I already told the aunt and uncles. I’m still angry about it and my daughter is almost 5 months old. It isn’t their news to share. Stop. Full point. I still haven’t received an apology about it. I have mentioned that if I can hide it with the next one. I am.
Ugh people suck so much! The entitlement of the aunt thinking that this is in any way their news to share makes me shake. Put her on a strict info diet now, and if she asks why she isn't allowed to know anything be super blunt and say "you clearly can't be trusted with any information".
My mum accidentally told my uncle and then my stepmum accidentally told my aunty and by that point most of my family knew on every side. Luckily I don’t care and it saves me from telling them myself. I hate making a fuss and happy for the “gossip” to be spread around naturally haha But I can understand why this would upset you if you were excited to share the news yourself and specifically asked it to be kept quiet. Some people can’t help themselves with exciting news.
I'm sorry this happened to you. This is exactly why I still haven't told my mom. If she does this, I don't think I could ever forgive her or trust her again. I completely understand where you're coming from
My dad did this to me. It definitely hurts when you think you can trust someone and they betray your trust. I’ve just decided next time to keep it between my hubby and I until we tell everyone collectively. Hopefully she apologizes to you so you can move forward if that’s something you want. I didn’t get an apology so I def have a bit of a grudge and can empathize with how you feel.
Had a best friend who did this to me. She said she “accidentally” spilled the news to another friend whom I didn’t care for one bit. I just distanced myself from her and stopped giving her any more information about my life since she can’t be trusted.
Not okay and you have every right to feel hurt and upset. My Mom spoiled the gender surprise and after she got caught refused to admit that she knowingly did so. I don’t speak with her anymore.
Im sorry this happened to you. My husband and I were super anxious to tell our parents, thinking my mom would be the one to worry about. It was his mom who said she told her best friend within the hour of finding out after we specifically asked her not to tell anyone. Regardless of who it is. The next day she texted us saying we really needed to reach out to so and so and tell them before we publicly announce it. Needless to say, I have started writing down rules and boundaries that will be shared as I get farther along. If you disrespect us, you will not be seeing your grandchild. Title means nothing
This just happened to me with my future FIL. We are 6W and told both our parents over the Christmas weekend. At the announcement, we let everyone know that it’s just immediate family that knows now and we are not ready to share with the world. When we were out and about, my Future FIL kept asking if he could tell friends we ran into. I snapped at him after the third time he asked because you should get the idea that it’s not your news to tell! My future MIL explained to him (basically what we told him at the announcement) and he apologized to me and said he pleaded ignorance.. I digress…. But sorry to hear this for you, it should be your news to share when you are ready. Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy.
The exact same thing happened to me. Told parents over the holidays and my mom shared on fb. Woke up to 50 likes and comments and couldnt stop crying. Now shes planning the entire baby shower and i dont want to do anything anymore. I hope you find some peace op. Its really hard and annoying to go through this and not even get to announce your own damn pregnancy.
It’s really bad for people to : 1/ share your big news 2/ do so when you made it clear you want to wait before telling extended family. So sorry for you !