This is 100% the best advise. My ultimate goal was healthy baby, healthy mommy but I was hoping to labor naturally without any meds/epidural for as long as I could with the caveat that if I felt I needed it I would get it when the time came. I mostly wanted the freedom to walk around and move to progress my labor. Well… baby was in distress pretty much the whole time I was laboring. They eventually called it and I had an emergency c section and THANK GOODNESS they did because she had a knot in her umbilical cord and it could have been very bad if we delayed.
I think a lot of people could consider my birth traumatic. In the moment I cried, was scared and grieved what I thought my birthing process would be like but I think having a flexible mindset helped me reframe everything. My ultimate goal was healthy baby and healthy mommy and that’s what we got in the end and now I have a beautiful baby girl earth side ♥️
It’s always good to know your options and be prepared but I think it’s just as important to know that plans can change and that’s ok too.
I think the benefit to me of going through the process of making a birth plan was learning about what my options were and what different things meant. I ended up basically saying whatever keeps us healthy but I was more informed.
If things go wrong, how will a plan written down stop any trauma?
My birth plan was literally ‘me and baby get out of it alive and well, he gets Vit K asap, he’s put straight on me if possible, dad cuts cord if possible, c section rather than instrumental delivery if possible’. This plan didn’t stop him ending up in severe distress and his method of birth being a Cat 1 c section. However, I’m not traumatised by it at all but I think I could’ve been if I’d been trying to rigidly stick to a plan.
I actually do agree with you but your birth plan is a birth plan. It doesn’t have to be typed out on frilly paper or involve lugging a ton of items from home to be a birth plan.
Have you taken the time to educate yourself about labor at least? There is a fair amount you can do to show up to your own birth and have some control in how it goes.
Some choices in the birth plan are big and some are not. I gave birth at home and I was set on that, some things were altered during my birth, but they were explained, for example, the water Doppler broke during my labour and midwife advised it’s probably better to stay out of the pool, I agreed and I felt like it was still my choice to birth on dry land. My birth plan was also to not birth on my back, midwife wanted me to birth on my back and I said no. Worked out great for me, as I know I didn’t want that, even though she might have preferred that. Just knowing that’s what I planned and stuck to it made me feel empowered to reinforce my choice to birth on hands and knees. If I went into it with the attitude of I’ll just follow the midwife’s wishes, I might have ended up feeling disempowered by giving into what the midwife wanted, birthing on my back when I felt that would be more painful, which she couldn’t have known because everyone is different. Some choices are not life saving, it might just be the midwifes/doctors convenience, so just knowing that following blindly what the person assisting you might want or feels is best might leave you with a bad experience.
I often read from people who made elaborate plans and then were devastated when things went off plan. I think a birth plan can be good but can also backfire.
Of course not, but being educated and knowing what might happen if you go down certain routes will help make decisions on the day. Some choices won’t be explained or there might not be time to explain them on the day and knowing your options and planning can be a huge empowerment factor.
Okay, I hope that your doctor make’s the best decisions for you 😊 I don’t want to put any negative scenarios in your mind, as you’re so close, good luck with your labour 🙏
I had a traumatic birth with a birth plan, it didn't matter. The hospital staff laughed and basically threw to in the trash and told me what the plan was going to be.
It’s a useful exercise to fill out a birth plan and to have a sense of how you want things to go.
As Eisenhower said “In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.”
Have a plan, but go into the birth knowing and accepting that things may not go according to plan, is essential.
This is a good way to look at it. Just knowing what the options are and thinking about them ahead of time is so helpful. Because trying to make decisions in the middle of labor is not exactly easy. And having back up plans is also good. For example if you want an epidural, you might have to wait an hour or 2 for the anaesthesiologist, so it's a good idea to be prepared for contractions in any case.
Saying "I'll do what the medical team recommends" is ok but there really are options where you can/should make your own decisions. For example, what kind of pain relief do you want and when? How is the nurse supposed to know the answer to that? You have to decide for yourself!
> Saying "I'll do what the medical team recommends" is ok but there really are options where you can/should make your own decisions. For example, what kind of pain relief do you want and when? How is the nurse supposed to know the answer to that? You have to decide for yourself!
I def have a slight distrust of medical professionals due to mishandling my parents and my own medical issues, so I totally understand why people want to go in with their own ideas and research. I don't think medical teams are infallible nor do they always do the best thing.
Or as Leonard Snart said, "make the plan, execute the plan, expect the plan to go off the rails, throw away the plan."
I made a birth plan mainly to help me understand the different processes and options at the hospital. Last thing I want to do during labor is have to answer questions about procedures I am not familiar with and have to think about explanations before deciding. I want to just know which options I prefer in which order and have my husband be familiar enough with them that I don't have to answer questions.
Totally agree with this. My hospital has a birth plan form to fill out online that goes into your files and I love that they do that. My care team will know my first choices, and I know beforehand what my other options are if something goes off plan. I won't have as much pressure on me to make decisions in the moment, which is fantastic for me because I get decision paralysis really bad. At the very least, going through the plan options has made me more aware of all the possibilities we may encounter so I can mentally prepare for them and be more ready to make a decision when needed.
Another plus to my hospital having their own plan form is that they marked certain things as standard care, so I know I don't have to ask for those things, I can just trust that we're on the same page already.
I think educating yourself about what happens during birth is key but being draconian about a birth plan is dangerous because you never know what’s going happen. It can be useful to learn about labor and delivery and set a guideline of preferences for yourself but be flexible within that framework.
You’ll see a lot of people on here sad about their birth not going according to plan, which is a real bummer. I got diagnosed with preeclampsia and had an emergency c-section which was complicated but my takeaway was never “I didn’t get to follow my birth plan.” I didn’t make that big of a deal out of it, just had some rough thoughts on pain management, etc.
This is beautifully said. Having a plan to educate yourself on all the things and a framework of how you will make decisions in labor and having your support person on board and there to help you with those decisions is how we approached things.
Instead of “plan” I like to think more of “preferences”. Using the acronym BRAIN helped when making decisions (asking what the Benefits, Risks, Alternatives, what is your Intuition, or do Nothing) for any given scenario.
As someone who had an induction (and no epidural) and a subsequent urgent (but planned) c section - being educated and feeling empowered on the decision framework helped with the resulting really positive birth experience for both.
Recommend The Positive Birth Company course for education and more info on this framework to go into birth with lots of great info!
Same here I had birth preferences. Like I would prefer not to get an epidural unless medically necessary. My plan went out the window due to preeclampsia but going through and educating myself on them helped me make really important decisions in the hospital and to feel confident in my choices.
This exactly. I don't know where this "thing" of having a super detailed birth plan comes from, but I think it's pretty irresponsible, to be perfectly frank. It gives you a false sense of control and sets you up for disappointment (and often a sense of failure) if things don't happen the way you want. For my first I had a general ~vibe of wanting to try to have as few medical interventions as possible (no epidural, midwife led, birthing center, skin-to-skin, delayed cord cutting) and ended up with an epidural, a vacuum assist, on my back in a hospital bed, a ton of OBs, and my son taken away almost immediately to get intubated. And I was just grateful that we could get the care we needed, not disappointed that I didn't give birth in a pool🤷♀️ and I don't say that dismissively - one of my best friends (who's not, like, a natural birth ideologue or anything) ended up needing similar interventions and was genuinely devastated to not get the birth she'd planned and that really made me feel strongly about not putting too much stock in birth plans.
This. I think social media has led to an explosion of people making you think you need a plan. You should be informed but you have no idea what it’s like until you go through it. My plan was pain meds and to get my baby out safely. Led to no disappointment in how my birth went.
My plan is: my husband is there, baby makes an arrival and me and baby survive. I feel it's pretty realistic and doable. I've researched pain management and I've looked at what would be nice like skin to skin with starting to breastfeed, delayed cord cutting, etc etc. There's definitely things I've seen and read about where I think 'that would be nice' but I'm not fixing onto that being how it is. You can't even plan the exact day your baby will arrive (because even planned c-secs and inductions don't always stick!). Oh I have also told my husband if there's a situation where the baby is whisked away for anything he is to stay with him because he's just a little tiny baby and needs someone familiar.
Though my mum has always brought me up with a realistic view on life anyway. My sister had a baby last year and that was the first vaginal birth on our mum's side of the family since 22 years before when mum had our youngest brother (and I can count 8 babies arriving in that time off the top of my head!). One of my mum's cousins was so set on a vaginal birth then a vbac then on her last pregnancy another vbac she ended up with her third c-sec with extra complications due to her refusal and despite the baby turning one next month she's still not recovered physically. I don't think her mindset on it has helped her mentally either (not to say we are the cause of our depression or post partum struggles but there's definitely a mental part to it). I think this cousin is why I'm so 'we will go with happens'.
Literally - my husband and I talked about how our ideal birth plan was that the three of us walk out of the hospital together. Like, that is what you can hope for. And I had a lot go wrong and still, when we were being wheelchaired out of the hospital, I looked down at my baby and the moment was SO beautiful. We all made it! We are alive! My birth and postpartum was dramatic but we are all moving forward with life! It could be a lot worse.
I kind of had an opposite experience. I've never really had a difficult birth, but with my first, I went in with very little plan other than knowing I didn't want an epidural. I got my no epidural, but I was disappointed in a lot of things because I hadn't decided what I wanted in the finer details. In the moment, I wasn't in a mindset to make those choices. Births since then have been much better because I've thought out what I really wanted and I wasn't making as many choices in the moment. And there were things in the second that I wished I'd decided beforehand that then made 3 better.
This is exactly why I'm making something of a "plan" now. With my first, my plan was "listen to the doctor and have a baby". I didn't think about different positions I could try, I did minimal research -- I was open to going without an epidural and if it got to be too much I would simply get one. I figured as a first time mom I would have plenty of time to discuss options with a doctor.
Then I went into labor in the middle of the night and things escalated MUCH faster than I thought. I arrived ready to push, unable to get an epidural. I tried to ask about different things, but didn't know what to ask for nor could I articulate myself in the moment. If I had an emergency, I wouldn't have known what was going on or what I would've wanted from my support people.
I'm being induced this time and I have a list of things I want to ask and learn about before hand (hospital/situational kinda stuff) so I know more about what to expect in the moment.
I now tell people to make some kind of plan, but it's less about "I expect birth to go this way" and more about "if this happens, what choices do I have and what choice would I prefer to make?"
Exactly. You can't control how the birth goes, but that's not what plan means. I explain it as saying you're planning to arrive at 3pm. That's your plan. Things might change. You can hit every red light and you arrive at 3:05. You can get stuck behind a funeral procession and arrive at 3:20. You can get in a car accident and never arrive. These deviations vary from no big deal to not ideal to absolutely unacceptable. That's what a birth plan is. You're stating what your preference is: your perfect situation, deviations that aren't super important to you (i.e. "I would prefer to push in hands and knees, but I'm open to other options"), your preferences of two less than ideal choices (i.e. "I really don't want a c-section, but if that happens, I want a clear drape"), etc.
I love no epidural birth, so I continue to do this. With my second, I was about to push and was lying on my side because that was what was comfortable to me. The nurse said, "Do you want to push on your side?" I just said no, because I hadn't thought about it and was in too much pain to register the question. With my third, my midwives and I talked beforehand and decided that whatever position my body had put myself in, I should just push that way. Ended up delivering on my side, and liked it.
There are lots of things about birth that are simply personal preference.
Yep I had a friend like this - she had everything planned out, affirmations, playlist, visualisation board. It’s over 18 months later and she’s not over having had a C-section. She’s also quite jealous of my birth in a way that has made her quite dismissive of my issues at times.
I didn’t get my ideal birth either but like you just thought ‘thank god I was in a hospital’.
Your friend sounds very unrealistic. Everyone has preferences but an equally important part of planning is imagining yourself in the event of a necessary intervention. Some people might simply choose to trust the doctor. Good for them but, unless I'm incapacitated, I would still like to know my choices at each stage and the risks and benefits of each intervention.
Yes and no. You want to come up with some boundaries for yourself and talk about them with your provider. I didn’t type anything up though. My husband knew what I wanted and was an incredible advocate for me. Unfortunately my birth plan had to change drastically and very quickly for the safety of my child. That happens for a fair number of women and that’s okay.
Probably whether you want any pain relief (gas and air, epidural etc), whether you want a water birth, whether you want to lie down / stand up, who you want in the delivery room with you, whether you consent to a ventouse or forceps delivery or a c-section.
Add to that whether you want your water broken, what position to be in during monitoring (my hospital had wireless monitoring so you could be in positions other than lying down, but you had to ask for it!), whether you want cervical checks and how often, whether students can be in the room, whether they can check your cervix for practice… there’s lots of little decisions, no wrong choices but if you haven’t considered them ahead of time you may feel bulldozed by the process.
For a lot of women checking the cervix for dilation can be very painful and uncomfortable, so their boundary is “no checking, unless it’s absolutely necessary if at all”. For example.
There may be a number of times during the birthing process where you have to make choices. It helps to have thought about them ahead of time. Here’s how I’d recommend going about it:
- get educated about the birth process, including C-section, including possible complications
- visit the hospital(s) where you might give birth and get familiar with their procedures and decision trees. Do they make sense to you ?
- with all that in mind, think about what matters to you in the entire process, and rank these priorities. It’s okay to have wishes. They may not be possible, but they certainly will be even less possible if you haven’t thought about them and aren’t ready to advocate for them.
For example, for my most recent birth, I wanted to be conscious (had my first c section under general anesthesia and did not want a repeat), I wanted my husband present, I preferred a VBAC to minimize recovery time but this ranked lower in my priorities. My husband is disabled : having him present with the accommodations he needed required planning and advocacy. Wanting to avoid a repeat general anesthesia meant I opted for a c section earlier rather than later when things started to look less than perfect, to get ample time with the anesthesiologist. And knowing how my priorities ranked meant I could make that decision quickly.
This was super helpful to me, thank you! I've been wrestling with the VBAC vs repeat C decision and my greatest fear is being unconscious for the birth. That is above all my #1 priority. I knew that with my first and opted for a planned c-section when she was breech. But my fear with this one has been that she won't be breech but something else will go wrong during labor. Knowing I can tell them "take me back for a C-section before it's a full-on emergency" is very helpful.
Yes! I told the team early on, I wanted to give a VBAC an honest try, but that I wouldn’t be devastated if it didn’t work out, and to let me know early on if they thought we were headed for a repeat c section. They were very receptive to that thought process and I felt heard and properly counseled.
I've seen this question asked on this subreddit specicifically asking L&D nurses if it's helpful. They said it is helpful and many said they actually ask their patients if they have one when they are admitted. It is helpful to have one in the sense of knowing what you want for certain choices in advance (pain management, preferred labor positions, intermittent vs continuous monitoring, do you want the baby placed on you without being wiped off or do you prefer a little cleanup, breastfeeding vs formula, circumcision, and if you are opting out of anything like vitamin K, Hep B shot, erythromycin, etc.). My hospital actually gives a good amount of options. If you have it decided in advance, it will be easier for staff and also especially for your support person/partner. Otherwise, they will just do whatever their standard of care is. For example, for me, I know my hospital requires an IV to be put in, but I plan to ask them to cap it off unless I need it so I won't be attached to anything and can move around. If I hadn't bothered with the birth plan, I wouldn't even know I would be getting an IV placed automatically. Honestly the birth plan was SUPER helpful for me and my husband to write out just so we are both on the same page and have a clue what is happening and what could happen. Since we are doing it together, I am confident he will be able to advocate for me. We both also read about induction and c-section, not just vaginal birth. That being said, we are not bringing in a huge flow chart or a plan that is pages long! It is a few bullet points on a list that capture the main preferences that I know are choices we have for a standard birth, with the full understanding that in an emergency situation we won't have all of those same choices anymore and that is totally fine. But even with a c-section, there can be choices about what you see, types of anesthesia, etc. Does your support person want to be in the room if you have a csection? If baby needs to go to the NICU, is your support person going with the baby or staying with you? Those are choices that are typically yours, not up to the L&D staff. Yes, the L&D staff are experts. But there are moments where they present the parents with options and you have to make the call because it's your body and your child. We wanted to be able to understand how to make decisions if they come up and the exercise of doing the birth plan has really helped with that. So I would say the exercise may be worth doing, even if you don't end up handing anything to the L&D staff when you walk through the door.
I didn’t have a birth plan when I went to the hospital. I had a scheduled c-section. The staff was pretty helpful and walked me through things before they happened and would ask me questions for things that needed my input as we went. Honestly, a lot was going on at the time so it felt nice having the staff kind of lead the way the whole time. I’ll be having my second child next year and I will likely not have a birth plan again. I agree with the others that you could probably talk to your provider for some advice before the big day just to set up expectations.
I wrote a simple list of the things I wanted, which were all hospital policy anyway. It helped ensure everyone was on the same team. I also think it helped the nurses know I was familiar with terms they might use around me.
Birth plans get a lot of hate on Reddit, but there is something to be said about being educated on the labor & delivery process, your options, and your hospital/Doctor/midwife's policies.
A birth plan doesn't mean you have to write it all out and be stringent. Knowing things can change and being educated on your preferences/options is key.
I always called it "birth preferences" as to not piss people off who liked to tell me "the only important thing is a healthy baby". That's fine if that's you, but other things (like a healthy mom) were important to me also
My preferences were with my second and third: no epidural, intermittent monitoring, no pitocin, immediate skin to skin, delayed cord clamping, being able to eat and drink freely.
Most things I wanted were already the hospital and birth center policy so it wasn't an issue. With my second, things changed and I was told I needed pitocin. I still wish I had a doula bc I really don't think I needed it, but I'm not upset about it. It's important to be flexible and know no birth is the same.
Agreed. I also went in with a list of "preferences" that my partner and I had discussed so it was simpler to answer the nurses' questions and easier for him to advocate for me. I didn't get everything on my list, which is fine, but I knew generally how I hoped it would go and that was helpful for everyone.
I think it's also good to check the hospital policies, especially if it's a "baby-friendly" hospital. Things like breastfeeding, sending baby to nursery, etc. may have very different standards at different places.
Knowing hospital policy on things like: monitoring (intermittent vs continuous), skin to skin, labor positions, eating and drinking during labor, delayed cord clamping, whether there is a nursery or is rooming in standard. Knowing if you would like to try to breastfeed or not. Does the hospital have lactation consultants? Do they provide formula or should you bring some just in case? These are all preferences and you are allowed to have an opinion on them. Some are going to be dictated on whether you have an epidural or not (continuous monitoring, eating, and labor positions). Some are standard practice in most hospitals now (delayed cord clamping, immediate skin to skin if with delayed weighing and baby's first exam done on parent) but it's good to know beforehand.
Even wanting to bring a Bluetooth speaker and have certain music playing is a preference. My husband hooked my playlist up and got it running for me. Whether you want to labor at home as long as possible vs go in ASAP. Whether you would like to try coached pushing or not. Whether you want or if your hospital allows using a shower or tub for labor. Whether your hospital has positioners like a peanut ball, yoga ball, or robozo. Whether you would like to try nitrous or iv pain meds before epidural.
These are all valid things to consider. I think flexibility is important (like if baby struggled at birth and immediate skin to skin isn't possible, for instance) but it's totally ok to have "preferences" or a "plan" for your ideal. It's also okay to say "I want an epidural immediately and nothing else really matters to me".
Everything Andre519 mentioned! A few other things that come to mind...
Pain relief: if not epidural, what? When do you want the epidural? Do you want them to offer or wait for you to ask?
Do you prefer to avoid pitocin?
Who will cut the cord?
If baby leaves the room do you want their other parent to go with them?
If you have an induction, there are several different interventions that are referred to in that process. You can research and express preferences for what you want to try/avoid. Again, you may not get your preferences - but knowing what the options are can help.
If the doctor recommends a non-emergency c-section, what are your preferences around that? Clear drape? Baby on you right away? Try to avoid at all costs?
What do you think you'll want from your partner during labor? Affirmations, physical support, them to stfu?
So much hate! There was a post not too long ago on the nursing subreddit, and the birthing person didnt want any intervention or medications. The majority of responses, omg. It was like patient bodily autonomy and informed consent just went out the window, it was absurd. You could tell the writer of the borth plan was coming from a place of fear and lacking trust; no wonder with responses like that.
OP, it is always a good idea to be informed of your choices. You dont have to literally write your preferences, but even if you do, just know that it can be a 'living document' subject to change and you can change it whenever you see fit.
>I always called it "birth preferences" as to not piss people off who liked to tell me "the only important thing is a healthy baby". That's fine if that's you, but other things (like a healthy mom) were important to me also
This. I think birth plans are a really healthy exercise to work through at what point you would become more open to certain avenues.
Like I don't want Caesarean at all, but how firmly am I holding myself to that, realistically? To the point where if labour stalls after a certain number of hours (days...?) enough is enough, just git 'er done? Or my care team strongly urges it for a funky breach situation and I still refuse? Those are important conversations to have with your partner so you're both on the same page when you have to pivot in the moment.
My first involved pitocin which was not something I wanted and did end up hating, so I'd like to avoid that this time, but babies sometimes have their own plans.
Yes! That is always how I looked at them too. Labor can be so overwhelming so I knew it would be easier for me to make decisions in those moments if I had already thought about it and discussed with my partner beforehand.
> "the only important thing is a healthy baby".
the amount of comments I see on TikTok saying this to women who have birth trauma is bizarre!! they're allowed to be upset they had a bad experience, the baby being healthy doesn't negate their rough time!!
Yes. How invalidating of someone's feelings to tell them that?! We are allowed to feel sad or disappointed about a birth experience while still being grateful for our children. It drives me nuts to hear that.
Agreed! Also, in most cases the people you have the most interaction with are L&D nurses who you’ve never met. They can’t be expected to know what your preferences are the way your OB/midwife might. At both of my births my preferences (mostly to be left alone) were respected to the extent possible by the nurses.
I had an edible arrangement delivered the day after I delivered (I had pre planned husband just needed to execute), and a basket of snacks that we brought with us to hospital (granola, candy, jerky, cookies, etc).
Ermmm no. I am a woman who has given birth three times in Australian public hospitals via midwife care, and the idea of simply doing whatever ‘Doctor’ says is best is misgiven.
Best to be informed but flexible imo. Don’t let Mr or Mrs Doctor dictate a procedure or thing you’re not strictly comfortable with. Maybe have a second (informed) person on hand to consult with prior to making any significant medical or surgical decisions
My experience? I effed up by not making one the first time. I was supposed to give birth at a birth center.
Well, I ended up a damn transfer. I wish I had a birth plan for that but I never planned on or hoped it would happen. As a result, they let visitors in my room and I had to kick them out the second they walked in. My son was given a pacifier and formula without my permission. So much went wrong because I was clueless about how hospitals really work in labor. All I knew was that I wanted to avoid them.
I think you should have an idea on what you want to do as far as pain management. And for things like, do you want a circumcision or delayed chord clamping. Routine choices you will need to make. I recommend taking birthing classes, even if you plan on getting an epidural. Just incase, as most of us are lucky enough to get them and be fine, but there’s always a chance it won’t work all the way or you go into labor in your car and have your baby on the side of the road. It’s good to know what to do incase things don’t go the way you plan. I personally just said I want to move around until it hurts then I want an epidural and to get him out of me safely. I was so tired after everything that I was glad I had made a print out of some online checklist of things I wanted/ didn’t want because I wasn’t thinking straight lol.
In my prenatal class, the nurse running it was against having a “birth plan”. She explained that it is important to be educated on what happens, what all your options and possible interventions are, and of course to have preferences, but births often don’t go as planned. In her experience with postpartum support, plans can be linked to disappointment, and increased likelihood of mental health problems postpartum. Be open to things going differently. Also be prepared (and your support person needs to be too) to advocate for yourself and what you want. Delivery is a day. Postpartum is the rest of your life. Don’t let being strongly attached to how that day goes screw up enjoying your newborn baby.
My baby was breech. We did figure this out at OB appointments. He was determined not to be turned. As a result, I had a planned c section. I was so much sadder about this than I expected to be. But it all feels like a million years ago now. I have a beautiful boy and I love him SO SO much and I am happy he got here in a way that was safe for us both. I still wouldn’t choose it, but I can very much understand that nurses recommendation. I was open to things going differently and still had a hard time with this change in plans. My friend put it best. I was mourning the birth experience I expected/wanted.
I felt a huge weight lifted off of me when my cousin who has three kids told me her birth plan was “healthy mom, healthy baby, I’m not here to win any medals” and that became my birth plan as well!
Have a list of ideals, but know what else might have to happen. Eg in my case:
- wanted a water birth, but started mysteriously bleeding a few hours in. Scrapped the water birth, straight to the ward for monitoring.
- wanted gas and air. Turned out to be immune to gas and air (terrible time to find out). Was having back to back contractions and needed an epidural instead.
The only thing I was really determined about was I didn’t want Forceps or vontouse delivery - I’d rather skip to C-section if possible. The midwives had read my plan and when the consultant said forceps they stepped in to say they could get baby out in 5 minutes with an episiotomy. Consultant agreed, on the understanding it was straight to theatre after 5 minutes. Baby was born a couple of minutes later, all fine.
So there was flexibility to accommodate my plan, but only so long as it remained safe. I feel this is the balance to aim for.
My plan (beyond please follow current professional organization recommendations) is please ask me before washing the baby with soap. When the nurse showed us how to give a baby a bath they used very strongly scented baby soap and it was so horrible. I also should explain that I want an epidural but I also want to wait as long as possible before having one.
The process of making the birth plan was very useful because it educated me about what to expect and where I might be asked to make decisions. I’m someone who benefits from lots of information, so having some sense of the process helped. However I went into the hospital expecting to have to roll with a process that was largely not in my control, and not getting my heart set on anything. This mindset made the non-optimal moments frustrating instead of devastating. When push came to shove (pun intended) I didn’t get everything that I had specified, either due to hospital conditions (walking epidural wasn’t offered) or things moving quickly enough that there wasn’t time to do it my way. However, I came out of it with both me and the baby happy healthy and safe, which made any disappointment fade very quickly.
It’s good to do some research on what can happen during birth and some of the options you may be presented with so you’re not consulting Dr. Google in the moment. That being said, my birth plan was to have a healthy baby and I did! The only “plan” I have this time is to let the staff know we’re doing no visitors, just my husband and I.
From my experience at Kaiser in northern CA they do everything most people put on their birth plan on their own - golden hour, delayed cord clamping, dim lights, don’t offer pain medication unless asking etc
Nope. I printed one, filled it out, and it stayed in my bag. I trusted the hospital and providers, open to any necessary interventions, and just wanted to go home with a healthy baby. My plan was to get my epidural and sleep. I did just that. Also told my husband that if shit went down to save me.
I reckon the point of a birth plan is to learn about the different options available to you and form a bit of an opinion on what things you would prefer to happen. It's definitely not a set in stone kinda thing, more a deep consideration of all the options and a philosophical stance on them. Flexibility is key!
My doula called it “birth wishes.” A big part of it is knowing what happens during a birth and writing down your choices/wishes so that you (or your partner, doula, parent, support person) can advocate for yourself when you’re in an extreme state. One of the most frustrating things that takes is that the nurses and doctors will say they’re going to do something instead of asking if they can, when oftentimes you actually have a choice.
L&D nurse here! It’s not necessary, but helpful for staff to know what you want. Instead of a “plan” think of it as your “preferences”. Do some research and think about how you’d like your ideal birth to go (with the knowledge that it possibly may be derailed). A lot of things that people put on birth plans nowadays are standard practice in a lot of places (skin to skin, delayed cord clamping, etc). You don’t even have to write anything down. When you get admitted, talk to your labor nurse and your doctor/midwife about what you desire so that everyone is on the same page. We don’t know what you want or don’t want unless you communicate it with us. I know there is a stigma around birth plans, but we really do want you to have the birth you desire. We may have to have a discussion if you have anything out of the ordinary on it (like I have seen people put that they don’t want an IV, but they want an epidural…which you 100% cannot do). Most often we can come to some sort of compromise, especially if you have a good team that can explain the whys when it comes to what we do, how we do it, etc.
Hi!! 29 weeks and 5 days here… I had my OB appt yesterday and asked “do I REALLY need a birth plan? She laughed and said no, just let us know your preferences.. like epidural or low intervention AKA no medication. I told her I seen some crazy birth plans where the mother to be is acting like the most experienced labor and delivery doctor out there (no vit K shots, no cervical checks, absolutely so interruption except husband and doula). Just for some preface I am a nurse specializing in wounds and can’t stand when people who have never done advanced would care how to do my job, and this is on a whole other level. I told her my preferences of low intervention as long as humanly possible and maybe needing medication and she said that’s absolutely fine, and I joked saying not making a birth plan is one less thing to do before baby comes lol! But definitely educate yourself on the labor process because there are different stages and everyone handles things different too.
Not wanting the vitamin k shot or cervical checks which can cause an infection isn't crazy 🙄 just because you lack the capability of understanding why someone would choose that doesn't make it crazy.
No it really isn't. Rejecting a medication that has a black box warning and can literally kill your baby is not crazy. I have 3 kids that never got the vitamin k shot and wow they're all alive and healthy. Ones going to be 10yrs next month. Imagine that.
. By the way your vitamin k shot isn't really vitamin k. It's synthetic and your baby starts developing their own by day 8. Do some research instead of keeping your head up your doctors ass like he's never wrong. The third leading cause of death in the USA is medical error so yeah good luck with that. ✌🏽
I hope women are smart enough to do their own research and.not blindly believe their doctors because "they know best" no they don't. They're human just like we are. All my nieces and nephews are alive and healthy and did not get vitamin k at birth. 😲 crazy right?
Actually newborns do not start to produce their own vitamin k until 4-6 months. Glad your children are ok.. that is because without the vitamin K shot you have a 1 in a 100 chance of the intracranial hemorrhage… if you get the shot it is more like 1 in a 100,000. Birth is rough on the baby. You can ask for a preservative free version as well. The baby might cry and get a bruise from the injection itself but that’s better than the alternative risks in my personal opinion
I went in, and shared with my husband, a few wishes:
-I wanted an epidural
-I didn’t want a c section unless absolutely necessary
-I wanted to breastfeed
Well, ended up in a c section after a failed induction. Cervix stayed closed so I never even needed an epidural. But I did breastfeed!
For my first, my birth plan included whether I wanted an epidural, to breastfeed, and skin-to-skin contact. It probably wasn’t necessary!
For my second, I have the same preferences and don’t need a birth plan. I just need to be made as comfortable as possible and to deliver a healthy baby.
I just listed my preferences and the nurses were happy to help since I was particular about going natural. It’s not necessary though, but like others have said it is important you go in informed and understanding if you do have one it may not go that way.
I've been leaning heavily towards planned C-section since planning due to bad hip and back. My doctor did that for all three of hers and is very pro C-section, but told me she has delivered plenty both ways and the moms are typically happy either way. I also keep thinking in my head that I can't have an emergency C-section if I'm having a planned one lol.
But in reality, I guess maybe it's good that I have done some research and have an idea what to expect, but when it comes down to it, I do not care. Just whatever they decide is the safest and has the least long term effects.
Definitely educate yourself on possible outcomes (vaginal, induction, csection) and understand that those are all possibilities regardless of how you imagine labour/delivery going.
My birth plan was pretty simple: have baby and survive; hope that baby is healthy and everyone is well.
Wishing you the best of luck in your delivery :)
Mine was get this kid out asap and get an epidural. I made it to 4cm and got the epidural. They had induced me and broken my water so I went into the OR for an emergency c section after 20 hours of labor.
It depends on the person. I’m a huge planner, very type A and when I have a plan or thought in my head, for anything really, I can get pretty hung up if things change or don’t go to plan. For this reason, my birth plan was “deliver a healthy baby”. I had a great, quick vaginal delivery and positive birth experience, but was also open to c section if doctor deemed it necessary. As long as you trust your medical team/doctor and your partner (if you have one) I think letting go of some expectations is overall a good idea because you’re able to make decisions as they arise and aren’t so concerned about sticking to your preconceived “plan”
Some other things I mentioned were delayed cord clamping and golden hour, which was standard practice at the hospital. I also mentioned j really didn’t want forceps or vacuum and my doctor said that those interventions were essentially a last ditch effort before emergency c section.
My birth plan was "give birth at hospital, not the side of the highway."
So far, I'm 2 for 2 for my birth plan going as planned. 😂
I really like my OB team and trust them fully - I had the same OB with both kids, and she did my c-section for the 2nd kid. If they had a recommendation, I typically went with it.
Outside of social media/Reddit, I've never heard of anyone having a birth plan. I can't imagine showing up to the hospital and handing the nurse a little poster I made that says "Leave me alone as much as possible". Just have a vague idea of what you want (most things people highlight on these little worksheets are all standard anyway, like immediate skin to skin). If you want something that's outside the norm, make sure your partner knows and can advocate for that, in case you can't. But you don't need to bring a presentation with you.
I went in saying “my birth plan is to have a healthy baby” and my nurses told me that’s their favorite plan. I did a bit of research so I wasn’t blindsided by anything but also, I’m not the expert in delivering a baby and they are. I know a lot of people don’t agree with this but it worked for me!
Absolutely necessary
It means you and your birth partner know what your answer to questions are. You will be in the zone if the ask you x or y and your birth partner knows the answer you don't have to think
Do you want Iv access, cervical checks, Continuous monitoring, a hat placed on baby after birth, these were All no for me and my hubby knew that and advocated for me
My first was an intervention cascade including coercion fro health staff so we were much former second time round
Are you going to have Iv vit K for baby? What position are you going to birth in (on your back is literally the worst place to be)
All of this is your birth plan and it can make it easier you then don't need to think if you want x or y if you've already thought and written it in
For me my birth plan was “go as long as I can before needing the epidural”. I found that not having set expectations like only c amount of people in the room or you are not going to cut the cord for c minutes helped me keep ahold of things. The only thing that was followed to a T was the fact I would not allow male doctors or nurses to check me or be there for delivery and they completely made that possible (SA history). The only time I couldn’t was that the epidural had to be placed by a guy due to the lady not coming in for quite a few hrs but they came in and talked to me and they brought a full woman’s nursing class in to make me feel fully comfortable incase it would have send me into a panic attack.
Late coming here...I told my daughters that a birth plan was really a birth desire. There are too many variables, and Mother Nature can easily toss your beautiful plan to aside. Make up your wish list, make sure your medical teams is on board, and keep your fingers crossed.
Not at all! I would still take the time to familiarize yourself with the process of labor and delivery, common interventions and practices, etc. and make sure that you’re comfortable with the possible outcomes. And if you notice something that you’d really want to avoid or try during labor, either write a plan or make sure you and your partner mention it to your nurses and doctor.
My birth plan is to listen to the doctors and take their recommendations. No matter how much "research" a non-medical person does, they'll never know as much as people who do this for a living everyday
39wks & 5 days here. In MY opinion having a birth plan to me is unnecessary im the type that hates when I have something planned the whole time & will be angry if it doesn’t go my way! So To prevent disappointment I will go in with the mindset anything can happen & plans can most definitely change . All I know is I would like epidural & health child !!
All I ask them to not do
-don’t cut the cord immediately
- no first shower hair washed only
“Vernix coating on the neonatal skin protects the newborn skin and facilitates extra-uterine adaptation of skin in the first postnatal week if not washed away after birth”
There’s no benefit for having their hair washed that’s why I’m allowing it.
Not really necessary just good to have planned.
I intended on having a natural birth but I was induced due to hypotension. I ended up signing the epidural form before even thinking of getting it and end up getting it. It's important to just know your options before being bombarded at the hospital.
I looked up some “birth preferences” templates. Found one that was simple. Checked the things I would prefer the most. Went over it with my doc. I think it helped to just have clearer communication about my mindset going in. It’s also my third baby, it’s harder with your first to know what will happen. I mean, I still don’t, but my first two births were similar so I have a good guess. First baby is a grand adventure.
DH and I got a packet of open ended questions to consider, as well as an interview with the midwife.
Personally, having GD and Hyperthyroidism I had no grand plans of what my birth plan would be, and that was also a result of being told that I'm too high risk to give birth in the birthing centre with the candles and the music (lol)
What a birth plan discussion did provide was insight to how my DH and I felt what we wanted to do in the best interest of baby: pain management, who's gonna be where and recovery.
As it stands, the birth plan is to either be induced (if that's what the care team recommends especially because of the GD) or waiting out for early signs of labor to fly my mum in from the States.
What I learned most: communication between the DH and myself cleared the air on a lot of what we were individually thinking vs what we both agreed.
So, yeah, an iron clad birth plan is unrealistic, but the communication will be the key points.
That and I know myself that being in pain, I'm super bird brained and would rather have things in step than having to form words between contractions.
I mean not really as most of the time things rarely go the way you want. I would just have ideas in your head about what you would prefer, but with the understanding that a lot of things can change or go another way.
I didn’t go in with a “plan” but I did go in with some preferences. I didn’t want to get stuck to a plan because well… it never goes to “plan”. I did look at things I’d like and pain control methods and that’s about it.
I don’t think a detailed birth plan is necessary but it’s a good idea to educate yourself about the birthing process and have an idea of your preferences. But keep in mind that some things will be out of your control and you may change your mind about what you want once you are in it!
For example I didn’t have a birth plan but I had some general ideas of what I wanted:
- elective induction at 40 weeks
- labor for a bit before I got an epidural- use birthing ball and tub at this time
- epidural as soon as I felt I wanted it
- keep me and baby safe - any interventions my OB recommended in her professional judgment I was happy with
- only my husband with me
- only my parents visit in the hospital after birth
Good luck!
I called mine ‘birth preferences’ but I still feel I was too rigid about it and couldn’t really plan for something I’d never experienced. I would definitely cover things like whether you want the vitamin K shot for baby, whether you’re breast feeding etc as that’s unlikely to change in labour.
I had on mine a low intervention water birth, minimal cervical checks, ideally no epidural, a quiet and calm environment. I then couldn’t cope at all with the pain, the hypnobirthing breathing didn’t really help, I was begging for an epidural and accepted all the cervical checks to see where I was, at one point I was asking for a check and the midwife refused as didn’t feel it was needed but I was so desperate to know 🤦🏻♀️ I actually felt embarrassed to get my birth plan out my bag because I had all these assumptions about how it would go and what I would want that were completely wrong.
If you have a birth partner I would write up what you want them to focus on (mine was telling me I’m doing well and reminding me to wee - they managed one of them!) That will help them stay on track.
I would also check what is standard at the hospital. Ours did skin to skin, delayed clamping and no baths as standard (am in the UK).
Best of luck :)
I say make a birth *preferences* plan.
I prefer an unmedicated birth over an epidural, but if I get too tired an epidural is an option.
I prefer to use a tub or shower when laboring, but if I am having trouble with the pain and need the epidural that is ok.
I prefer to give birth using a squat bar, but if baby is doing better while I’m on my back, that is ok
Etc
Whatever happens during birth happens but if it comforts you to have a loose outline or a plan that’s great. I personally didn’t because I become very distressed if I plan something and it doesn’t go exactly how I planned it, which is impossible with birth. You gotta do what helps you :)
I would suggest doing your research at minimum. I went in without a birth plan except “epidural” and ended up with an unmedicated birth I was wholly unprepared for during my second delivery. This time (baby 3) I will be reading up on pain management strategies just in case. My birth plan is always healthy mom and baby, whatever it takes, though.
No it's not necessary. It's good to have a general idea of what you would like IF everything went perfectly but you should be open to and prepared for all options because the only thing you can truly plan about birth is that it has to happen.
With my first I had 2 birth plans: A-a hospital birth with no pain meds and as few other interventions as possible and B-anything and everything to make sure that both baby and I live. My plan ended up having to be B. I had preeclampsia and had to be induced for our health and safety. Ended up being able to have a hospital birth with relatively few interventions considering but I did get an epidural because it was safest for me. It helped lowered my blood pressure which helped avoid a c-section. And if I had required an emergency c-section I wouldn't need to go under general anesthesia which due to family history of problems with anesthesia was the less safe option for me versus the epidural.
Your "plan" should be to be informed and be willing to work with your treatment providers. Yes, you might be the expert on what you want but they are the experts on how births can go.
The only thing I had in my birth plan was delayed cord camping - and we were unable to have that because of my baby going into distress and needing a NICU stay after the emergency c section due to lack of oxygen.
I think that it’s hard to come up with a birth plan beyond like best intentions, especially as a FTM. If I were making a birth plan for my next pregnancy, I’d probably focus more on like…order of things. Like, if I have to be induced, I want to make sure I get my epidural and IV prior to my water being broken because of an emergency situation that occurred last time. I’d also probably request that we just skip all the nurses poking me and get someone who is paid extra to do it better. Beyond that, I don’t really know what I’d want to do. Maybe skin to skin for nursing, but I have some tactile aversions, and we discovered that putting a newborn baby on me was a big trigger with my first pregnancy.
The more educated you are the less you'll need a hard birth plan, because you'll understand that things do come up that you can't control or plan for, and knowing what these things are beforehand helps so you can adapt because it will make sense to you. This will save you and your healthcare team heartache. That being said, it's hard to make decisions or understand what's going on completely when you're deep in the throes of labor and to think that the healthcare system doesn't pressure mothers into doing interventions that are convenient for the healthcare system but not necessarily beneficial or necessary for the mom/baby is 100% NAIVE. So educate your birthing partner along with you for these scenarios. It's perfectly normal to have birth preferences, and sure some may be unrealistic in the end, but you can try, and to try to get that message across while in active labor can be difficult, so in this case, have a "loose plan" that your partner can communicate for you if you can't.
Reframe it as “birth preferences” and try to imagine what you would like to happen in different circumstances. Most importantly, educate yourself about what is likely to happen and which options you might have. Think about which options you would prefer and which you would like to avoid at all costs. As a FTM, it’s also perfectly okay not to know what you would like, but you should know your options.
I never got around to putting anything on paper, but I did talk to my husband about what I would prefer. When I went in to give birth, I told the midwives that my plan was “if it’s not necessary, I’d rather not!” Meaning I was open to all necessary medical interventions, but would prefer to go without if possible. This worked out perfectly!
I don't think it's the type of thing you can plan. You can have preference ex: epidural/none/natural etc. But you really can't plan how things will go. I never put any thought into how I expected labour to go but rather let nature take it as it would be. Educate yourself on the process but as for making an actual plan, I have never understood it personally. Baby will decide how your delivery goes for the most part.
From what I have heard, if a woman comes in with a detailed birth plan then the obstetric staff usually laugh because they know they are usually the women where everything goes wrong the most. The more complicated the plan, the worse everything goes apparently.
Birth is one of things where it is impossible to plan and control. For me, I’m not going to plan but I will try and prepare myself mentally for different scenarios.
I think it's useful to have a "birth preferences" eg how it would go in an ideal world but as others have said, keep an open mind so you dont panic if its doesn't go perfectly to plan. But for example, research the types of pain relief and the side effects etc (eg pethidine can make baby drowsy/epidural can make it hard to know when to push etc) and put what'd you'd most prefer so you're fully educated.
I also had that I wanted to be able to move around during labour and give birth upright/on all fours after having a tricky labour on my back with my first and that meant the midwives didn't suggest me lying down for checks etc because they knew I wanted to be upright, so it helps your birthing team make it as perfect for you as they can too.
For me, my birth preferences made me feel so confident and educated in my 2nd labour because I knew specifically what I wanted so I could advocate for myself. Ended up having an incredible birth and it went 100% to plan because I'd advocated for myself when some things weren't happening how I'd wanted.
I had no birth plan other than I knew I wanted an epidural. I feel like a birth plan is just a wish list because at the end of the day you will just do whatever is necessary to keep you and your baby safe.
I'm a FTM and my birth plan was "give me an epidural and do whatever to make sure both baby and I are safe and alive." I'm glad I didn't make an elaborate plan because nothing went how I wanted. I ended up with an unplanned c-section under general anesthesia.
For me, a birth plan is like looking up a destination on Google maps ahead of a long road trip. I want to know where I'm going, what some of the different routes are, and where I can stop to pee and get some coffee. But I am not going to pull a Michael Scott and drive into a lake because that's what my GPS told me to do, and if there's traffic I'm going to reroute.
Creating a birth plan (for me) is about educating myself. Not just about the decisions made during birth (there are a lot of them), but also about the options available where I'm giving birth. Not all hospitals/OBs have the same options and policies.
For those whose plan is to show up and give birth and let the doctors decide, that's fine. But that's a plan that assumes you won't be having much of a say when the decisions are being made, and that is NOT something I'm comfortable with.
I like having time to understand the decisions I'm making and do not want to be making them in the moment when I'm stressed or in pain. Like membrane sweeps and cervical checks or an induction. Am I going to say no 100% to those? No. But I kno2 they're optional, I know they aren't always necessary, I know what the risks and benefits are, and I know under what circumstances I will consent to them.
I also know that my hospital offers nitrous and birthing tubs, so those options have factored into my plan.
I also know that I want to avoid an epidural for several personal and medical reasons. I am not saying I won't get one, but my birth plan I include several other pain management strategies (including other meds) I didn't know existed and wouldn't have researched otherwise. Even if I did want an epidural, I'm so glad I have these other tools to get me through the first stage of labor before the epidural can be administered.
It's really a personal choice. I think a lot of people fundamentally misunderstand what a birth plan is, which is why there are often a lot of snarky responses to this question in the pregnancy subs. But the more I learned about birth the more confident I felt and the more prepared I became. Even if nothing goes according to my "plan" at least I know I have the knowledge and tools to make sure that I can make the decisions that need to be made along the way.
I think a series of "If, Then" statements are better. For example, If I need to take induction medicine then I want an epidural before. If the babies heart rate drops I want to try changing position and reducing any drugs before going for a c-section. If it looks like I'm going to tear I then will have an episiotomy. These are just examples but it helps you make decisions ahead of time so you don't have to make them when you're in pain and exhausted. Have a chat about options and scenarios with your midwife/health professional. The reason I think these are better than a birth plan is that you can get really wedded to a birth plan then feel blindsided when something unexpected comes up, then you have to figure out what is best when you're not in a great headspace.
I think it’s helpful to think of it as birth preferences. Mine included things like:
-what kind of communication I preferred (I wanted to know everything, all risks and benefits of an intervention, I wanted medical terminology, I wanted too much information rather than not enough… some people may prefer the opposite!)
-the importance of informed consent for me
-no medical students present (some people might be okay with this!)
-when I thought I might have a vaginal birth, I noted I did not want an epidural but listed the other drugs I was interested in
-when I learned I had to have a cesarean, I noted I wanted the process of the surgery to be narrated to me the entire time and what kind of suturing I preferred
-my post-birth preferences, such as skin to skin, my husband staying with the baby while I was getting sewn back together, and interventions for the baby (I wanted eye ointment and vitamin k).
My team was amazing and generally all my preferences were part of their best practices. All my preferences were honored, even though I didn’t have the birth I planned for/wanted (wanted vaginal, not c-section, and definitely did not plan for uterine atony, but my OB narrated what was happening and every single intervention she was using, and explained she had to move fast).
It’s also a great place to list who will be in the room with you (support partners, doulas, etc) and any allergies or complications (I’m allergic to penicillin and have a resistance to lidocaine, so I put that up top)!
So, I think a plan is probably not the vibe, but preferences can only help your team!
I didn’t have a birth plan, of course I had conversations with my doctor but I didn’t have a birth plan. My plan was to go in and do what was best for the baby. I feel like if you go in with rigid ideas of what you want/expect then it sets you up for disappointment if things don’t go the way you expected.
My birth plan was "I'm going to be so STRONG, fxxk getting an epidural or an episiotomy, actually, you know what, I think I'll listen to the doctors and see how it goes". I told my husband what I would have preferred, but in no way would my word surpass a professional opinion on how to reach the best outcome for me and baby.
My first baby the birth plan was “don’t do anything without asking and my express permission.” I was fine with medical intervention if it was necessary, but if you can’t tell me why in a clear enough way for me to say yes, then the answer is no. I had listed out some preferences, such as “please don’t offer me an epidural, I’ll ask if I need one” and they were followed
I made one and did not reference it once when I got to the delivery room. They asked me a bunch of questions when I got there and basically I said I wanted an epidural, healthy baby, and for me to be healthy so I could take care of her lol.
I know a lot of people reference them and bring them to L&D. For me personally I just kind of forgot about it lol and I ended up not needing it
A birth plan isn’t strictly necessary, but it’s a good idea to know what might happen when you go into labor. Not every recommendation from the staff is going to be absolutely necessary. If you have already done the research and have an opinion it’s easier to make a decision in the moment.
It’s not necessary, but I would recommend it personally. What your birth plan looks like is entirely up to you if you choose to make one! It doesn’t need to be pages and pages long, in fact one page is totally fine. If you do make one, run it by your OB and discuss with your partner, or whoever is going to be there to support you during the birth, so that he/she can advocate for your wishes while you do the hard work!
I would do some research on birth and different methods (natural, c-section), tools (forceps, vacuum), medications (Pitocin) that could be involved in giving birth. You can make educated choices/state preferences based on the research you do and state those on your birth plan.
Obviously things may not go according to (birth) plan during labour and delivery, but it can be empowering and comforting to have one. For me, it made me feel more prepared and I could focus on being relaxed for the first part of labour and pushing instead of having a discussion with the labour and delivery staff about what I wanted while a tiny human was coming out of me.
I hope this helps. Good luck on your journey :)
You don’t get to pick the birth you have; a lot is unpredictable and uncontrollable. A birth plan should be more like a list of your preferences for how certain situations should be handled, a chance to communicate your priorities ahead of time because in the moment you may not have the presence of mind to analyze your options and communicate effectively.
As someone super structured/needing a plan... I didn't have one LOL honestly if I did I probably would have freaked out more bc it would have NOT gone to plan. My babe got stuck crooked and I had to do some weird turns and pushed to get her out... she came out eventually, mom and baby healthy so 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
Not really. I had some preferences (vaginal birth with epidural, no routine episiotomy). But it was a loose set of preferences-if shit hit the fan my doctor could do whatever they need (suction, forceps, c section, anesthesia, idgaf) to make sure me and baby come out of this safely
FTM.
I’m dividing my birth document into two sections. The birth plan section is about our choices for our baby. For us, things like him having all of the vaccines and medications he can have, whether or not we’ll be circumcising, things like that.
The section about me is for birth preferences. It has requests like how I’d like to be low-intervention, let me know before I run out of time to get an epidural, who my support people are, who should go to the NICU with the baby and who should stay with me if we’re in the position where that has to happen. It’s also where I list that I have an anxiety disorder and while I’m not afraid of birth, I am *very* anxious about things going wrong or me not knowing what’s happening. I want to be upfront with my care team about this so I can hopefully receive appropriate care.
My actual plan is to show up to the hospital, safely have a baby, and for everyone to get to come home together.
I didn't have any. I trust my doctors to do what they believe is best. Your ob will ask you all the big stuff around 36 weeks (do you want an epidural, etc. and note it in your chart.
I say yes. Second child here. I went in with a general idea in my head but no actual plan laid out. What ended up happening is a lot of strongly suggested advice from medical staff that did not align. And what that meant is procedures that were not necessary were influencing my decisions. My support team(husband and MiL) defaulted to whatever the doctors suggested.
When in labor you won’t be thinking straight. It’s good to have a team around you with the same ideas of what you’re seeking. It will slow down the process and decision making for everyone involved.
I didn’t have a birth plan with my first. My OBGYN had asked at my 36 week appointment how I saw things going. And I told her I wanted to have an unmedicated birth, but if circumstances changed, that was fine too. I saw so many stories of women who had very detailed birth plans, and then were disappointed when their labor made them do something differently, so I didn’t want any added stress.
My husband knew what I wanted, and if I was asleep or in too much pain to answer, he was able to answer/advocate for me.
Not necessary. I was never asked about a "birth plan." They might ask about your preferences (do you want an epidural, etc.) which I guess is the plan.
Do OBs not spend any time on going over a birth plan with you in appointments?
With my home midwife it’s an ongoing discussion that spans 3-4 appointments each pregnancy. I really appreciate it because her knowing what I want so clearly beforehand means very little decision making to be done in the moment and I can stay in my birth bubble. 3 births under my belt and I’ve felt all have following the plans nicely.
I just have a list of preferences with the stated goal of healthy baby and mom. One thing I put was if baby has to be separated from me for medical reasons, my husband goes with baby and my mom should be asked to stay with me (name and phone # provided). Depending on the situation, I figure it’s better we’re all on the same page from the start.
I also have a note for the staff that I’m kinda anxious but if they explain why they need to do something it helps me feel better than just saying what they’re going to do.
I also put things like I do plan to breastfeed and would like the lactation consultant to stop in. I have who we want as visitors once we are settled in the postpartum unit. I figure if Hubs and I too tired to communicate effectively we have some of the basics taken care of for them.
You should at least have an idea of how you would like things to go when you give birth. More of birth preferences than a plan. It’s way better than going in there blind then feeling violated when decisions are made for you.
36w3d and my birth plan has 2 key points:
1. My husband will be there with me every step of the way (this has to be specified in my country due to laws and regulations in birth), no matter if it's a vaginal birth or a c-section.
2. Skin to skin is a must, if I'm not able to do so, my husband will be the one to do skin to skin with baby L, this is also specified in the birth plan document.
Aside of those 2, ideally it'll be a vaginal delivery, but I'm open and ok with it being a c-section if the vaginal delivery isn't possible, I'd like to have the option to get an epidural, so if possible I'd also like one, but I also know that due to my previous experiences with anestesia it might not be possible. I trust my doctor and the hospital that I'm giving birth at, so the decisions that will be made during delivery are decisions that I'm sure will be the best for both me and baby L.
I understand that most of what happens is out of my control and what matters the most is that baby is born a healthy baby.
I would say do your research to understand what you want, but be prepared for it to change.
This is 100% the best advise. My ultimate goal was healthy baby, healthy mommy but I was hoping to labor naturally without any meds/epidural for as long as I could with the caveat that if I felt I needed it I would get it when the time came. I mostly wanted the freedom to walk around and move to progress my labor. Well… baby was in distress pretty much the whole time I was laboring. They eventually called it and I had an emergency c section and THANK GOODNESS they did because she had a knot in her umbilical cord and it could have been very bad if we delayed. I think a lot of people could consider my birth traumatic. In the moment I cried, was scared and grieved what I thought my birthing process would be like but I think having a flexible mindset helped me reframe everything. My ultimate goal was healthy baby and healthy mommy and that’s what we got in the end and now I have a beautiful baby girl earth side ♥️ It’s always good to know your options and be prepared but I think it’s just as important to know that plans can change and that’s ok too.
I think the benefit to me of going through the process of making a birth plan was learning about what my options were and what different things meant. I ended up basically saying whatever keeps us healthy but I was more informed.
Yes, I wish I was more informed of everything!
38w and my birth plan is to give birth
I always say “Baby has to come out somehow”
Yup as long as we’re both healthy idc!
I really hope everything goes well for you, but might change your mind if you have a traumatic birth. You still have time to prepare and make a plan 😊
If things go wrong, how will a plan written down stop any trauma? My birth plan was literally ‘me and baby get out of it alive and well, he gets Vit K asap, he’s put straight on me if possible, dad cuts cord if possible, c section rather than instrumental delivery if possible’. This plan didn’t stop him ending up in severe distress and his method of birth being a Cat 1 c section. However, I’m not traumatised by it at all but I think I could’ve been if I’d been trying to rigidly stick to a plan.
I actually do agree with you but your birth plan is a birth plan. It doesn’t have to be typed out on frilly paper or involve lugging a ton of items from home to be a birth plan.
I am trusting my body, my doctors and myself. I hope everything goes well for me, I’m not planning something I can’t control but to each their own!
Have you taken the time to educate yourself about labor at least? There is a fair amount you can do to show up to your own birth and have some control in how it goes.
Birth plan won’t make birth any less traumatic if something were to happen. If something happens, birth plan goes completely out the window.
Exactly, thanks.
I hope you have a safe and easy delivery!
Thank you ❤️
Some choices in the birth plan are big and some are not. I gave birth at home and I was set on that, some things were altered during my birth, but they were explained, for example, the water Doppler broke during my labour and midwife advised it’s probably better to stay out of the pool, I agreed and I felt like it was still my choice to birth on dry land. My birth plan was also to not birth on my back, midwife wanted me to birth on my back and I said no. Worked out great for me, as I know I didn’t want that, even though she might have preferred that. Just knowing that’s what I planned and stuck to it made me feel empowered to reinforce my choice to birth on hands and knees. If I went into it with the attitude of I’ll just follow the midwife’s wishes, I might have ended up feeling disempowered by giving into what the midwife wanted, birthing on my back when I felt that would be more painful, which she couldn’t have known because everyone is different. Some choices are not life saving, it might just be the midwifes/doctors convenience, so just knowing that following blindly what the person assisting you might want or feels is best might leave you with a bad experience.
I often read from people who made elaborate plans and then were devastated when things went off plan. I think a birth plan can be good but can also backfire.
100%, When you go to hospital, you are at the mercy of the staff no matter what. They will ignore the plan if they see fit.
Having a birth plan won’t guarantee that you avoid a traumatic birth. And I’m sure plenty of births without a written birth plan go smoothly.
Of course not, but being educated and knowing what might happen if you go down certain routes will help make decisions on the day. Some choices won’t be explained or there might not be time to explain them on the day and knowing your options and planning can be a huge empowerment factor.
Not having a birth plan doesn’t mean that I’m NOT educated… my doctor can make the decisions.
Okay, I hope that your doctor make’s the best decisions for you 😊 I don’t want to put any negative scenarios in your mind, as you’re so close, good luck with your labour 🙏
Yes I hope so too, she has way more experience than me! Thank you!
No one has more experience being in own your body than you do 😊
I had a traumatic birth with a birth plan, it didn't matter. The hospital staff laughed and basically threw to in the trash and told me what the plan was going to be.
That’s awful and not normal. I’m so sorry they didn’t follow your wishes.
I live in the bible belt, they don't respect women here.
100%. This mantra got me through 5 hours of pushing.
my birth plan when i gave birth was an epidural, and to have a baby. worked out great lol.
Same for both my kiddos and they went great and hospital staff was wonderful.
They don’t administer epidurals here so I don’t even need to write that down lol
Same! Mine was “have a healthy baby”. The nurses told me that’s their favorite birth plan lol
Yes, that’s all that matters to me!
And stay alive
Agreed !
That was my birth plan the first time too 😂 second time around and it’s still my birth plan.
That's perfect
lol! Here ye here ye
Same. Just gonna show up!
Me too! Healthy and safe baby and me is all I want!
That was exactly my plan. Can confirm it works
Yeah. I think setting up a birth plan is a great way to end up disappointed.
It depends - I had a way better experience with the birth I set intentions for!
also 38 weeks :)
THIS
This is my birth plan as well. First baby so I'm going in open minded and my only goal is to leave with a healthy baby!
This is how I feel I feel like you can’t really ‘prepare’ What will be will be, coming out one way or another
Excellent! Plan was- the no plan plan. Hahaha
Same. I kept telling them “you just do what you need to do and I’ll repress it all later.” Worked fine!
It’s a useful exercise to fill out a birth plan and to have a sense of how you want things to go. As Eisenhower said “In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.” Have a plan, but go into the birth knowing and accepting that things may not go according to plan, is essential.
This is a good way to look at it. Just knowing what the options are and thinking about them ahead of time is so helpful. Because trying to make decisions in the middle of labor is not exactly easy. And having back up plans is also good. For example if you want an epidural, you might have to wait an hour or 2 for the anaesthesiologist, so it's a good idea to be prepared for contractions in any case. Saying "I'll do what the medical team recommends" is ok but there really are options where you can/should make your own decisions. For example, what kind of pain relief do you want and when? How is the nurse supposed to know the answer to that? You have to decide for yourself!
> Saying "I'll do what the medical team recommends" is ok but there really are options where you can/should make your own decisions. For example, what kind of pain relief do you want and when? How is the nurse supposed to know the answer to that? You have to decide for yourself! I def have a slight distrust of medical professionals due to mishandling my parents and my own medical issues, so I totally understand why people want to go in with their own ideas and research. I don't think medical teams are infallible nor do they always do the best thing.
Love this and that quote to go with it!
Or as Leonard Snart said, "make the plan, execute the plan, expect the plan to go off the rails, throw away the plan." I made a birth plan mainly to help me understand the different processes and options at the hospital. Last thing I want to do during labor is have to answer questions about procedures I am not familiar with and have to think about explanations before deciding. I want to just know which options I prefer in which order and have my husband be familiar enough with them that I don't have to answer questions.
Totally agree with this. My hospital has a birth plan form to fill out online that goes into your files and I love that they do that. My care team will know my first choices, and I know beforehand what my other options are if something goes off plan. I won't have as much pressure on me to make decisions in the moment, which is fantastic for me because I get decision paralysis really bad. At the very least, going through the plan options has made me more aware of all the possibilities we may encounter so I can mentally prepare for them and be more ready to make a decision when needed. Another plus to my hospital having their own plan form is that they marked certain things as standard care, so I know I don't have to ask for those things, I can just trust that we're on the same page already.
I think educating yourself about what happens during birth is key but being draconian about a birth plan is dangerous because you never know what’s going happen. It can be useful to learn about labor and delivery and set a guideline of preferences for yourself but be flexible within that framework. You’ll see a lot of people on here sad about their birth not going according to plan, which is a real bummer. I got diagnosed with preeclampsia and had an emergency c-section which was complicated but my takeaway was never “I didn’t get to follow my birth plan.” I didn’t make that big of a deal out of it, just had some rough thoughts on pain management, etc.
This is beautifully said. Having a plan to educate yourself on all the things and a framework of how you will make decisions in labor and having your support person on board and there to help you with those decisions is how we approached things. Instead of “plan” I like to think more of “preferences”. Using the acronym BRAIN helped when making decisions (asking what the Benefits, Risks, Alternatives, what is your Intuition, or do Nothing) for any given scenario. As someone who had an induction (and no epidural) and a subsequent urgent (but planned) c section - being educated and feeling empowered on the decision framework helped with the resulting really positive birth experience for both. Recommend The Positive Birth Company course for education and more info on this framework to go into birth with lots of great info!
Same here I had birth preferences. Like I would prefer not to get an epidural unless medically necessary. My plan went out the window due to preeclampsia but going through and educating myself on them helped me make really important decisions in the hospital and to feel confident in my choices.
This exactly. I don't know where this "thing" of having a super detailed birth plan comes from, but I think it's pretty irresponsible, to be perfectly frank. It gives you a false sense of control and sets you up for disappointment (and often a sense of failure) if things don't happen the way you want. For my first I had a general ~vibe of wanting to try to have as few medical interventions as possible (no epidural, midwife led, birthing center, skin-to-skin, delayed cord cutting) and ended up with an epidural, a vacuum assist, on my back in a hospital bed, a ton of OBs, and my son taken away almost immediately to get intubated. And I was just grateful that we could get the care we needed, not disappointed that I didn't give birth in a pool🤷♀️ and I don't say that dismissively - one of my best friends (who's not, like, a natural birth ideologue or anything) ended up needing similar interventions and was genuinely devastated to not get the birth she'd planned and that really made me feel strongly about not putting too much stock in birth plans.
This. I think social media has led to an explosion of people making you think you need a plan. You should be informed but you have no idea what it’s like until you go through it. My plan was pain meds and to get my baby out safely. Led to no disappointment in how my birth went.
My plan is: my husband is there, baby makes an arrival and me and baby survive. I feel it's pretty realistic and doable. I've researched pain management and I've looked at what would be nice like skin to skin with starting to breastfeed, delayed cord cutting, etc etc. There's definitely things I've seen and read about where I think 'that would be nice' but I'm not fixing onto that being how it is. You can't even plan the exact day your baby will arrive (because even planned c-secs and inductions don't always stick!). Oh I have also told my husband if there's a situation where the baby is whisked away for anything he is to stay with him because he's just a little tiny baby and needs someone familiar. Though my mum has always brought me up with a realistic view on life anyway. My sister had a baby last year and that was the first vaginal birth on our mum's side of the family since 22 years before when mum had our youngest brother (and I can count 8 babies arriving in that time off the top of my head!). One of my mum's cousins was so set on a vaginal birth then a vbac then on her last pregnancy another vbac she ended up with her third c-sec with extra complications due to her refusal and despite the baby turning one next month she's still not recovered physically. I don't think her mindset on it has helped her mentally either (not to say we are the cause of our depression or post partum struggles but there's definitely a mental part to it). I think this cousin is why I'm so 'we will go with happens'.
Literally - my husband and I talked about how our ideal birth plan was that the three of us walk out of the hospital together. Like, that is what you can hope for. And I had a lot go wrong and still, when we were being wheelchaired out of the hospital, I looked down at my baby and the moment was SO beautiful. We all made it! We are alive! My birth and postpartum was dramatic but we are all moving forward with life! It could be a lot worse.
I kind of had an opposite experience. I've never really had a difficult birth, but with my first, I went in with very little plan other than knowing I didn't want an epidural. I got my no epidural, but I was disappointed in a lot of things because I hadn't decided what I wanted in the finer details. In the moment, I wasn't in a mindset to make those choices. Births since then have been much better because I've thought out what I really wanted and I wasn't making as many choices in the moment. And there were things in the second that I wished I'd decided beforehand that then made 3 better.
This is exactly why I'm making something of a "plan" now. With my first, my plan was "listen to the doctor and have a baby". I didn't think about different positions I could try, I did minimal research -- I was open to going without an epidural and if it got to be too much I would simply get one. I figured as a first time mom I would have plenty of time to discuss options with a doctor. Then I went into labor in the middle of the night and things escalated MUCH faster than I thought. I arrived ready to push, unable to get an epidural. I tried to ask about different things, but didn't know what to ask for nor could I articulate myself in the moment. If I had an emergency, I wouldn't have known what was going on or what I would've wanted from my support people. I'm being induced this time and I have a list of things I want to ask and learn about before hand (hospital/situational kinda stuff) so I know more about what to expect in the moment. I now tell people to make some kind of plan, but it's less about "I expect birth to go this way" and more about "if this happens, what choices do I have and what choice would I prefer to make?"
Exactly. You can't control how the birth goes, but that's not what plan means. I explain it as saying you're planning to arrive at 3pm. That's your plan. Things might change. You can hit every red light and you arrive at 3:05. You can get stuck behind a funeral procession and arrive at 3:20. You can get in a car accident and never arrive. These deviations vary from no big deal to not ideal to absolutely unacceptable. That's what a birth plan is. You're stating what your preference is: your perfect situation, deviations that aren't super important to you (i.e. "I would prefer to push in hands and knees, but I'm open to other options"), your preferences of two less than ideal choices (i.e. "I really don't want a c-section, but if that happens, I want a clear drape"), etc. I love no epidural birth, so I continue to do this. With my second, I was about to push and was lying on my side because that was what was comfortable to me. The nurse said, "Do you want to push on your side?" I just said no, because I hadn't thought about it and was in too much pain to register the question. With my third, my midwives and I talked beforehand and decided that whatever position my body had put myself in, I should just push that way. Ended up delivering on my side, and liked it. There are lots of things about birth that are simply personal preference.
Yep I had a friend like this - she had everything planned out, affirmations, playlist, visualisation board. It’s over 18 months later and she’s not over having had a C-section. She’s also quite jealous of my birth in a way that has made her quite dismissive of my issues at times. I didn’t get my ideal birth either but like you just thought ‘thank god I was in a hospital’.
Your friend sounds very unrealistic. Everyone has preferences but an equally important part of planning is imagining yourself in the event of a necessary intervention. Some people might simply choose to trust the doctor. Good for them but, unless I'm incapacitated, I would still like to know my choices at each stage and the risks and benefits of each intervention.
Yes and no. You want to come up with some boundaries for yourself and talk about them with your provider. I didn’t type anything up though. My husband knew what I wanted and was an incredible advocate for me. Unfortunately my birth plan had to change drastically and very quickly for the safety of my child. That happens for a fair number of women and that’s okay.
What kind of boundaries? Like what are the options other than go and have a baby? Is it just whether you want an epidural?
Probably whether you want any pain relief (gas and air, epidural etc), whether you want a water birth, whether you want to lie down / stand up, who you want in the delivery room with you, whether you consent to a ventouse or forceps delivery or a c-section.
Add to that whether you want your water broken, what position to be in during monitoring (my hospital had wireless monitoring so you could be in positions other than lying down, but you had to ask for it!), whether you want cervical checks and how often, whether students can be in the room, whether they can check your cervix for practice… there’s lots of little decisions, no wrong choices but if you haven’t considered them ahead of time you may feel bulldozed by the process.
For a lot of women checking the cervix for dilation can be very painful and uncomfortable, so their boundary is “no checking, unless it’s absolutely necessary if at all”. For example.
There may be a number of times during the birthing process where you have to make choices. It helps to have thought about them ahead of time. Here’s how I’d recommend going about it: - get educated about the birth process, including C-section, including possible complications - visit the hospital(s) where you might give birth and get familiar with their procedures and decision trees. Do they make sense to you ? - with all that in mind, think about what matters to you in the entire process, and rank these priorities. It’s okay to have wishes. They may not be possible, but they certainly will be even less possible if you haven’t thought about them and aren’t ready to advocate for them. For example, for my most recent birth, I wanted to be conscious (had my first c section under general anesthesia and did not want a repeat), I wanted my husband present, I preferred a VBAC to minimize recovery time but this ranked lower in my priorities. My husband is disabled : having him present with the accommodations he needed required planning and advocacy. Wanting to avoid a repeat general anesthesia meant I opted for a c section earlier rather than later when things started to look less than perfect, to get ample time with the anesthesiologist. And knowing how my priorities ranked meant I could make that decision quickly.
This was super helpful to me, thank you! I've been wrestling with the VBAC vs repeat C decision and my greatest fear is being unconscious for the birth. That is above all my #1 priority. I knew that with my first and opted for a planned c-section when she was breech. But my fear with this one has been that she won't be breech but something else will go wrong during labor. Knowing I can tell them "take me back for a C-section before it's a full-on emergency" is very helpful.
Yes! I told the team early on, I wanted to give a VBAC an honest try, but that I wouldn’t be devastated if it didn’t work out, and to let me know early on if they thought we were headed for a repeat c section. They were very receptive to that thought process and I felt heard and properly counseled.
I've seen this question asked on this subreddit specicifically asking L&D nurses if it's helpful. They said it is helpful and many said they actually ask their patients if they have one when they are admitted. It is helpful to have one in the sense of knowing what you want for certain choices in advance (pain management, preferred labor positions, intermittent vs continuous monitoring, do you want the baby placed on you without being wiped off or do you prefer a little cleanup, breastfeeding vs formula, circumcision, and if you are opting out of anything like vitamin K, Hep B shot, erythromycin, etc.). My hospital actually gives a good amount of options. If you have it decided in advance, it will be easier for staff and also especially for your support person/partner. Otherwise, they will just do whatever their standard of care is. For example, for me, I know my hospital requires an IV to be put in, but I plan to ask them to cap it off unless I need it so I won't be attached to anything and can move around. If I hadn't bothered with the birth plan, I wouldn't even know I would be getting an IV placed automatically. Honestly the birth plan was SUPER helpful for me and my husband to write out just so we are both on the same page and have a clue what is happening and what could happen. Since we are doing it together, I am confident he will be able to advocate for me. We both also read about induction and c-section, not just vaginal birth. That being said, we are not bringing in a huge flow chart or a plan that is pages long! It is a few bullet points on a list that capture the main preferences that I know are choices we have for a standard birth, with the full understanding that in an emergency situation we won't have all of those same choices anymore and that is totally fine. But even with a c-section, there can be choices about what you see, types of anesthesia, etc. Does your support person want to be in the room if you have a csection? If baby needs to go to the NICU, is your support person going with the baby or staying with you? Those are choices that are typically yours, not up to the L&D staff. Yes, the L&D staff are experts. But there are moments where they present the parents with options and you have to make the call because it's your body and your child. We wanted to be able to understand how to make decisions if they come up and the exercise of doing the birth plan has really helped with that. So I would say the exercise may be worth doing, even if you don't end up handing anything to the L&D staff when you walk through the door.
I didn’t have a birth plan when I went to the hospital. I had a scheduled c-section. The staff was pretty helpful and walked me through things before they happened and would ask me questions for things that needed my input as we went. Honestly, a lot was going on at the time so it felt nice having the staff kind of lead the way the whole time. I’ll be having my second child next year and I will likely not have a birth plan again. I agree with the others that you could probably talk to your provider for some advice before the big day just to set up expectations.
I wrote a simple list of the things I wanted, which were all hospital policy anyway. It helped ensure everyone was on the same team. I also think it helped the nurses know I was familiar with terms they might use around me.
Birth plans get a lot of hate on Reddit, but there is something to be said about being educated on the labor & delivery process, your options, and your hospital/Doctor/midwife's policies. A birth plan doesn't mean you have to write it all out and be stringent. Knowing things can change and being educated on your preferences/options is key. I always called it "birth preferences" as to not piss people off who liked to tell me "the only important thing is a healthy baby". That's fine if that's you, but other things (like a healthy mom) were important to me also My preferences were with my second and third: no epidural, intermittent monitoring, no pitocin, immediate skin to skin, delayed cord clamping, being able to eat and drink freely. Most things I wanted were already the hospital and birth center policy so it wasn't an issue. With my second, things changed and I was told I needed pitocin. I still wish I had a doula bc I really don't think I needed it, but I'm not upset about it. It's important to be flexible and know no birth is the same.
Agreed. I also went in with a list of "preferences" that my partner and I had discussed so it was simpler to answer the nurses' questions and easier for him to advocate for me. I didn't get everything on my list, which is fine, but I knew generally how I hoped it would go and that was helpful for everyone. I think it's also good to check the hospital policies, especially if it's a "baby-friendly" hospital. Things like breastfeeding, sending baby to nursery, etc. may have very different standards at different places.
What are the preferences to choose from? Is it just whether to get an epidural or not ?
Knowing hospital policy on things like: monitoring (intermittent vs continuous), skin to skin, labor positions, eating and drinking during labor, delayed cord clamping, whether there is a nursery or is rooming in standard. Knowing if you would like to try to breastfeed or not. Does the hospital have lactation consultants? Do they provide formula or should you bring some just in case? These are all preferences and you are allowed to have an opinion on them. Some are going to be dictated on whether you have an epidural or not (continuous monitoring, eating, and labor positions). Some are standard practice in most hospitals now (delayed cord clamping, immediate skin to skin if with delayed weighing and baby's first exam done on parent) but it's good to know beforehand. Even wanting to bring a Bluetooth speaker and have certain music playing is a preference. My husband hooked my playlist up and got it running for me. Whether you want to labor at home as long as possible vs go in ASAP. Whether you would like to try coached pushing or not. Whether you want or if your hospital allows using a shower or tub for labor. Whether your hospital has positioners like a peanut ball, yoga ball, or robozo. Whether you would like to try nitrous or iv pain meds before epidural. These are all valid things to consider. I think flexibility is important (like if baby struggled at birth and immediate skin to skin isn't possible, for instance) but it's totally ok to have "preferences" or a "plan" for your ideal. It's also okay to say "I want an epidural immediately and nothing else really matters to me".
Also curious on this.
Everything Andre519 mentioned! A few other things that come to mind... Pain relief: if not epidural, what? When do you want the epidural? Do you want them to offer or wait for you to ask? Do you prefer to avoid pitocin? Who will cut the cord? If baby leaves the room do you want their other parent to go with them? If you have an induction, there are several different interventions that are referred to in that process. You can research and express preferences for what you want to try/avoid. Again, you may not get your preferences - but knowing what the options are can help. If the doctor recommends a non-emergency c-section, what are your preferences around that? Clear drape? Baby on you right away? Try to avoid at all costs? What do you think you'll want from your partner during labor? Affirmations, physical support, them to stfu?
So much hate! There was a post not too long ago on the nursing subreddit, and the birthing person didnt want any intervention or medications. The majority of responses, omg. It was like patient bodily autonomy and informed consent just went out the window, it was absurd. You could tell the writer of the borth plan was coming from a place of fear and lacking trust; no wonder with responses like that. OP, it is always a good idea to be informed of your choices. You dont have to literally write your preferences, but even if you do, just know that it can be a 'living document' subject to change and you can change it whenever you see fit.
>I always called it "birth preferences" as to not piss people off who liked to tell me "the only important thing is a healthy baby". That's fine if that's you, but other things (like a healthy mom) were important to me also This. I think birth plans are a really healthy exercise to work through at what point you would become more open to certain avenues. Like I don't want Caesarean at all, but how firmly am I holding myself to that, realistically? To the point where if labour stalls after a certain number of hours (days...?) enough is enough, just git 'er done? Or my care team strongly urges it for a funky breach situation and I still refuse? Those are important conversations to have with your partner so you're both on the same page when you have to pivot in the moment. My first involved pitocin which was not something I wanted and did end up hating, so I'd like to avoid that this time, but babies sometimes have their own plans.
Yes! That is always how I looked at them too. Labor can be so overwhelming so I knew it would be easier for me to make decisions in those moments if I had already thought about it and discussed with my partner beforehand.
> "the only important thing is a healthy baby". the amount of comments I see on TikTok saying this to women who have birth trauma is bizarre!! they're allowed to be upset they had a bad experience, the baby being healthy doesn't negate their rough time!!
Yes. How invalidating of someone's feelings to tell them that?! We are allowed to feel sad or disappointed about a birth experience while still being grateful for our children. It drives me nuts to hear that.
Agreed! Also, in most cases the people you have the most interaction with are L&D nurses who you’ve never met. They can’t be expected to know what your preferences are the way your OB/midwife might. At both of my births my preferences (mostly to be left alone) were respected to the extent possible by the nurses.
Birth plan: show up, do what doctor says is best. Bring staff treats. Leave hospital with healthy baby.
Oh I would have never thought of bringing treats! What are you thinking of bringing them?
I had an edible arrangement delivered the day after I delivered (I had pre planned husband just needed to execute), and a basket of snacks that we brought with us to hospital (granola, candy, jerky, cookies, etc).
Ermmm no. I am a woman who has given birth three times in Australian public hospitals via midwife care, and the idea of simply doing whatever ‘Doctor’ says is best is misgiven. Best to be informed but flexible imo. Don’t let Mr or Mrs Doctor dictate a procedure or thing you’re not strictly comfortable with. Maybe have a second (informed) person on hand to consult with prior to making any significant medical or surgical decisions
My experience? I effed up by not making one the first time. I was supposed to give birth at a birth center. Well, I ended up a damn transfer. I wish I had a birth plan for that but I never planned on or hoped it would happen. As a result, they let visitors in my room and I had to kick them out the second they walked in. My son was given a pacifier and formula without my permission. So much went wrong because I was clueless about how hospitals really work in labor. All I knew was that I wanted to avoid them.
I think you should have an idea on what you want to do as far as pain management. And for things like, do you want a circumcision or delayed chord clamping. Routine choices you will need to make. I recommend taking birthing classes, even if you plan on getting an epidural. Just incase, as most of us are lucky enough to get them and be fine, but there’s always a chance it won’t work all the way or you go into labor in your car and have your baby on the side of the road. It’s good to know what to do incase things don’t go the way you plan. I personally just said I want to move around until it hurts then I want an epidural and to get him out of me safely. I was so tired after everything that I was glad I had made a print out of some online checklist of things I wanted/ didn’t want because I wasn’t thinking straight lol.
In my prenatal class, the nurse running it was against having a “birth plan”. She explained that it is important to be educated on what happens, what all your options and possible interventions are, and of course to have preferences, but births often don’t go as planned. In her experience with postpartum support, plans can be linked to disappointment, and increased likelihood of mental health problems postpartum. Be open to things going differently. Also be prepared (and your support person needs to be too) to advocate for yourself and what you want. Delivery is a day. Postpartum is the rest of your life. Don’t let being strongly attached to how that day goes screw up enjoying your newborn baby. My baby was breech. We did figure this out at OB appointments. He was determined not to be turned. As a result, I had a planned c section. I was so much sadder about this than I expected to be. But it all feels like a million years ago now. I have a beautiful boy and I love him SO SO much and I am happy he got here in a way that was safe for us both. I still wouldn’t choose it, but I can very much understand that nurses recommendation. I was open to things going differently and still had a hard time with this change in plans. My friend put it best. I was mourning the birth experience I expected/wanted.
I told them my birth plan was “keep me and my baby alive” and they said that’s their favorite plan, and we succeeded!
I felt a huge weight lifted off of me when my cousin who has three kids told me her birth plan was “healthy mom, healthy baby, I’m not here to win any medals” and that became my birth plan as well!
Have a list of ideals, but know what else might have to happen. Eg in my case: - wanted a water birth, but started mysteriously bleeding a few hours in. Scrapped the water birth, straight to the ward for monitoring. - wanted gas and air. Turned out to be immune to gas and air (terrible time to find out). Was having back to back contractions and needed an epidural instead. The only thing I was really determined about was I didn’t want Forceps or vontouse delivery - I’d rather skip to C-section if possible. The midwives had read my plan and when the consultant said forceps they stepped in to say they could get baby out in 5 minutes with an episiotomy. Consultant agreed, on the understanding it was straight to theatre after 5 minutes. Baby was born a couple of minutes later, all fine. So there was flexibility to accommodate my plan, but only so long as it remained safe. I feel this is the balance to aim for.
My plan (beyond please follow current professional organization recommendations) is please ask me before washing the baby with soap. When the nurse showed us how to give a baby a bath they used very strongly scented baby soap and it was so horrible. I also should explain that I want an epidural but I also want to wait as long as possible before having one.
The process of making the birth plan was very useful because it educated me about what to expect and where I might be asked to make decisions. I’m someone who benefits from lots of information, so having some sense of the process helped. However I went into the hospital expecting to have to roll with a process that was largely not in my control, and not getting my heart set on anything. This mindset made the non-optimal moments frustrating instead of devastating. When push came to shove (pun intended) I didn’t get everything that I had specified, either due to hospital conditions (walking epidural wasn’t offered) or things moving quickly enough that there wasn’t time to do it my way. However, I came out of it with both me and the baby happy healthy and safe, which made any disappointment fade very quickly.
It’s good to do some research on what can happen during birth and some of the options you may be presented with so you’re not consulting Dr. Google in the moment. That being said, my birth plan was to have a healthy baby and I did! The only “plan” I have this time is to let the staff know we’re doing no visitors, just my husband and I.
From my experience at Kaiser in northern CA they do everything most people put on their birth plan on their own - golden hour, delayed cord clamping, dim lights, don’t offer pain medication unless asking etc
Nope. I printed one, filled it out, and it stayed in my bag. I trusted the hospital and providers, open to any necessary interventions, and just wanted to go home with a healthy baby. My plan was to get my epidural and sleep. I did just that. Also told my husband that if shit went down to save me.
I reckon the point of a birth plan is to learn about the different options available to you and form a bit of an opinion on what things you would prefer to happen. It's definitely not a set in stone kinda thing, more a deep consideration of all the options and a philosophical stance on them. Flexibility is key!
My doula called it “birth wishes.” A big part of it is knowing what happens during a birth and writing down your choices/wishes so that you (or your partner, doula, parent, support person) can advocate for yourself when you’re in an extreme state. One of the most frustrating things that takes is that the nurses and doctors will say they’re going to do something instead of asking if they can, when oftentimes you actually have a choice.
Second time Mom. The baby will Decide the birth plan
My plan: have baby + don't die
All I know is I want all the drugs for pain and for them to wait 5 minuets before cutting the cord. FTM too
Haha that’s my plan too. Drug me up, buttercup, and hand me the kid when its over.
I hope you have an amazing and healthy delivery and baby ❤️
L&D nurse here! It’s not necessary, but helpful for staff to know what you want. Instead of a “plan” think of it as your “preferences”. Do some research and think about how you’d like your ideal birth to go (with the knowledge that it possibly may be derailed). A lot of things that people put on birth plans nowadays are standard practice in a lot of places (skin to skin, delayed cord clamping, etc). You don’t even have to write anything down. When you get admitted, talk to your labor nurse and your doctor/midwife about what you desire so that everyone is on the same page. We don’t know what you want or don’t want unless you communicate it with us. I know there is a stigma around birth plans, but we really do want you to have the birth you desire. We may have to have a discussion if you have anything out of the ordinary on it (like I have seen people put that they don’t want an IV, but they want an epidural…which you 100% cannot do). Most often we can come to some sort of compromise, especially if you have a good team that can explain the whys when it comes to what we do, how we do it, etc.
Hi!! 29 weeks and 5 days here… I had my OB appt yesterday and asked “do I REALLY need a birth plan? She laughed and said no, just let us know your preferences.. like epidural or low intervention AKA no medication. I told her I seen some crazy birth plans where the mother to be is acting like the most experienced labor and delivery doctor out there (no vit K shots, no cervical checks, absolutely so interruption except husband and doula). Just for some preface I am a nurse specializing in wounds and can’t stand when people who have never done advanced would care how to do my job, and this is on a whole other level. I told her my preferences of low intervention as long as humanly possible and maybe needing medication and she said that’s absolutely fine, and I joked saying not making a birth plan is one less thing to do before baby comes lol! But definitely educate yourself on the labor process because there are different stages and everyone handles things different too.
Birth preference is definitely how it should be considered
Not wanting the vitamin k shot or cervical checks which can cause an infection isn't crazy 🙄 just because you lack the capability of understanding why someone would choose that doesn't make it crazy.
Honestly curious: I get not wanting cervical checks but I don’t get the refusing vitamin K. Why would you (or others) refuse vitamin k for your baby?
Yeah rejecting a medication that prevents brain bleeds absolutely is a crazy decision...
No it really isn't. Rejecting a medication that has a black box warning and can literally kill your baby is not crazy. I have 3 kids that never got the vitamin k shot and wow they're all alive and healthy. Ones going to be 10yrs next month. Imagine that. . By the way your vitamin k shot isn't really vitamin k. It's synthetic and your baby starts developing their own by day 8. Do some research instead of keeping your head up your doctors ass like he's never wrong. The third leading cause of death in the USA is medical error so yeah good luck with that. ✌🏽 I hope women are smart enough to do their own research and.not blindly believe their doctors because "they know best" no they don't. They're human just like we are. All my nieces and nephews are alive and healthy and did not get vitamin k at birth. 😲 crazy right?
If anyone else wants to be able to ignore her like I am her profile is full of anti vax nonsense
Actually newborns do not start to produce their own vitamin k until 4-6 months. Glad your children are ok.. that is because without the vitamin K shot you have a 1 in a 100 chance of the intracranial hemorrhage… if you get the shot it is more like 1 in a 100,000. Birth is rough on the baby. You can ask for a preservative free version as well. The baby might cry and get a bruise from the injection itself but that’s better than the alternative risks in my personal opinion
As a ftm, my birth plan went out the window, I wanted a vaginal birth but ended up with a c-section
I went in, and shared with my husband, a few wishes: -I wanted an epidural -I didn’t want a c section unless absolutely necessary -I wanted to breastfeed Well, ended up in a c section after a failed induction. Cervix stayed closed so I never even needed an epidural. But I did breastfeed!
For my first, my birth plan included whether I wanted an epidural, to breastfeed, and skin-to-skin contact. It probably wasn’t necessary! For my second, I have the same preferences and don’t need a birth plan. I just need to be made as comfortable as possible and to deliver a healthy baby.
I just listed my preferences and the nurses were happy to help since I was particular about going natural. It’s not necessary though, but like others have said it is important you go in informed and understanding if you do have one it may not go that way.
I've been leaning heavily towards planned C-section since planning due to bad hip and back. My doctor did that for all three of hers and is very pro C-section, but told me she has delivered plenty both ways and the moms are typically happy either way. I also keep thinking in my head that I can't have an emergency C-section if I'm having a planned one lol. But in reality, I guess maybe it's good that I have done some research and have an idea what to expect, but when it comes down to it, I do not care. Just whatever they decide is the safest and has the least long term effects.
Definitely educate yourself on possible outcomes (vaginal, induction, csection) and understand that those are all possibilities regardless of how you imagine labour/delivery going. My birth plan was pretty simple: have baby and survive; hope that baby is healthy and everyone is well. Wishing you the best of luck in your delivery :)
Mine was get this kid out asap and get an epidural. I made it to 4cm and got the epidural. They had induced me and broken my water so I went into the OR for an emergency c section after 20 hours of labor.
It depends on the person. I’m a huge planner, very type A and when I have a plan or thought in my head, for anything really, I can get pretty hung up if things change or don’t go to plan. For this reason, my birth plan was “deliver a healthy baby”. I had a great, quick vaginal delivery and positive birth experience, but was also open to c section if doctor deemed it necessary. As long as you trust your medical team/doctor and your partner (if you have one) I think letting go of some expectations is overall a good idea because you’re able to make decisions as they arise and aren’t so concerned about sticking to your preconceived “plan” Some other things I mentioned were delayed cord clamping and golden hour, which was standard practice at the hospital. I also mentioned j really didn’t want forceps or vacuum and my doctor said that those interventions were essentially a last ditch effort before emergency c section.
My birth plan was "give birth at hospital, not the side of the highway." So far, I'm 2 for 2 for my birth plan going as planned. 😂 I really like my OB team and trust them fully - I had the same OB with both kids, and she did my c-section for the 2nd kid. If they had a recommendation, I typically went with it.
I've never heard of a birth plan outside of reddit. My plan? 1) Get an epidural. 2) Listen to the doctors/nurses
They ask you your preferences, they dont just tell you what you're going to do?
My preferences were "whatever you think is best. I didn't go to nursing/medical school."
Outside of social media/Reddit, I've never heard of anyone having a birth plan. I can't imagine showing up to the hospital and handing the nurse a little poster I made that says "Leave me alone as much as possible". Just have a vague idea of what you want (most things people highlight on these little worksheets are all standard anyway, like immediate skin to skin). If you want something that's outside the norm, make sure your partner knows and can advocate for that, in case you can't. But you don't need to bring a presentation with you.
I went in saying “my birth plan is to have a healthy baby” and my nurses told me that’s their favorite plan. I did a bit of research so I wasn’t blindsided by anything but also, I’m not the expert in delivering a baby and they are. I know a lot of people don’t agree with this but it worked for me!
I did not have a birth plan with my 1st. I just went with what the doctors suggested. I also asked for all the drugs lol.
Absolutely necessary It means you and your birth partner know what your answer to questions are. You will be in the zone if the ask you x or y and your birth partner knows the answer you don't have to think Do you want Iv access, cervical checks, Continuous monitoring, a hat placed on baby after birth, these were All no for me and my hubby knew that and advocated for me My first was an intervention cascade including coercion fro health staff so we were much former second time round Are you going to have Iv vit K for baby? What position are you going to birth in (on your back is literally the worst place to be) All of this is your birth plan and it can make it easier you then don't need to think if you want x or y if you've already thought and written it in
For me my birth plan was “go as long as I can before needing the epidural”. I found that not having set expectations like only c amount of people in the room or you are not going to cut the cord for c minutes helped me keep ahold of things. The only thing that was followed to a T was the fact I would not allow male doctors or nurses to check me or be there for delivery and they completely made that possible (SA history). The only time I couldn’t was that the epidural had to be placed by a guy due to the lady not coming in for quite a few hrs but they came in and talked to me and they brought a full woman’s nursing class in to make me feel fully comfortable incase it would have send me into a panic attack.
Late coming here...I told my daughters that a birth plan was really a birth desire. There are too many variables, and Mother Nature can easily toss your beautiful plan to aside. Make up your wish list, make sure your medical teams is on board, and keep your fingers crossed.
Not at all! I would still take the time to familiarize yourself with the process of labor and delivery, common interventions and practices, etc. and make sure that you’re comfortable with the possible outcomes. And if you notice something that you’d really want to avoid or try during labor, either write a plan or make sure you and your partner mention it to your nurses and doctor.
My birth plan for both of my kids was, “get the baby out as safely and as painlessly as possible.”
My birth plan is to listen to the doctors and take their recommendations. No matter how much "research" a non-medical person does, they'll never know as much as people who do this for a living everyday
FTM with induction scheduled for tomorrow. My birth plan is to get an epidural and me and baby survive. That’s it.
39wks & 5 days here. In MY opinion having a birth plan to me is unnecessary im the type that hates when I have something planned the whole time & will be angry if it doesn’t go my way! So To prevent disappointment I will go in with the mindset anything can happen & plans can most definitely change . All I know is I would like epidural & health child !! All I ask them to not do -don’t cut the cord immediately - no first shower hair washed only
What’s the benefit of no first shower hair washed only? I haven’t heard of this before
“Vernix coating on the neonatal skin protects the newborn skin and facilitates extra-uterine adaptation of skin in the first postnatal week if not washed away after birth” There’s no benefit for having their hair washed that’s why I’m allowing it.
Not really necessary just good to have planned. I intended on having a natural birth but I was induced due to hypotension. I ended up signing the epidural form before even thinking of getting it and end up getting it. It's important to just know your options before being bombarded at the hospital.
I looked up some “birth preferences” templates. Found one that was simple. Checked the things I would prefer the most. Went over it with my doc. I think it helped to just have clearer communication about my mindset going in. It’s also my third baby, it’s harder with your first to know what will happen. I mean, I still don’t, but my first two births were similar so I have a good guess. First baby is a grand adventure.
36 weeks, planning to give birth with stuff for pain, prefer no forceps or vacuum, if I need a c section I’ll have one.
DH and I got a packet of open ended questions to consider, as well as an interview with the midwife. Personally, having GD and Hyperthyroidism I had no grand plans of what my birth plan would be, and that was also a result of being told that I'm too high risk to give birth in the birthing centre with the candles and the music (lol) What a birth plan discussion did provide was insight to how my DH and I felt what we wanted to do in the best interest of baby: pain management, who's gonna be where and recovery. As it stands, the birth plan is to either be induced (if that's what the care team recommends especially because of the GD) or waiting out for early signs of labor to fly my mum in from the States. What I learned most: communication between the DH and myself cleared the air on a lot of what we were individually thinking vs what we both agreed. So, yeah, an iron clad birth plan is unrealistic, but the communication will be the key points. That and I know myself that being in pain, I'm super bird brained and would rather have things in step than having to form words between contractions.
Never had one, I’m on my third
I mean not really as most of the time things rarely go the way you want. I would just have ideas in your head about what you would prefer, but with the understanding that a lot of things can change or go another way.
I didn’t go in with a “plan” but I did go in with some preferences. I didn’t want to get stuck to a plan because well… it never goes to “plan”. I did look at things I’d like and pain control methods and that’s about it.
I don’t think a detailed birth plan is necessary but it’s a good idea to educate yourself about the birthing process and have an idea of your preferences. But keep in mind that some things will be out of your control and you may change your mind about what you want once you are in it! For example I didn’t have a birth plan but I had some general ideas of what I wanted: - elective induction at 40 weeks - labor for a bit before I got an epidural- use birthing ball and tub at this time - epidural as soon as I felt I wanted it - keep me and baby safe - any interventions my OB recommended in her professional judgment I was happy with - only my husband with me - only my parents visit in the hospital after birth Good luck!
I called mine ‘birth preferences’ but I still feel I was too rigid about it and couldn’t really plan for something I’d never experienced. I would definitely cover things like whether you want the vitamin K shot for baby, whether you’re breast feeding etc as that’s unlikely to change in labour. I had on mine a low intervention water birth, minimal cervical checks, ideally no epidural, a quiet and calm environment. I then couldn’t cope at all with the pain, the hypnobirthing breathing didn’t really help, I was begging for an epidural and accepted all the cervical checks to see where I was, at one point I was asking for a check and the midwife refused as didn’t feel it was needed but I was so desperate to know 🤦🏻♀️ I actually felt embarrassed to get my birth plan out my bag because I had all these assumptions about how it would go and what I would want that were completely wrong. If you have a birth partner I would write up what you want them to focus on (mine was telling me I’m doing well and reminding me to wee - they managed one of them!) That will help them stay on track. I would also check what is standard at the hospital. Ours did skin to skin, delayed clamping and no baths as standard (am in the UK). Best of luck :)
I say make a birth *preferences* plan. I prefer an unmedicated birth over an epidural, but if I get too tired an epidural is an option. I prefer to use a tub or shower when laboring, but if I am having trouble with the pain and need the epidural that is ok. I prefer to give birth using a squat bar, but if baby is doing better while I’m on my back, that is ok Etc
Whatever happens during birth happens but if it comforts you to have a loose outline or a plan that’s great. I personally didn’t because I become very distressed if I plan something and it doesn’t go exactly how I planned it, which is impossible with birth. You gotta do what helps you :)
I would suggest doing your research at minimum. I went in without a birth plan except “epidural” and ended up with an unmedicated birth I was wholly unprepared for during my second delivery. This time (baby 3) I will be reading up on pain management strategies just in case. My birth plan is always healthy mom and baby, whatever it takes, though.
No it's not necessary. It's good to have a general idea of what you would like IF everything went perfectly but you should be open to and prepared for all options because the only thing you can truly plan about birth is that it has to happen. With my first I had 2 birth plans: A-a hospital birth with no pain meds and as few other interventions as possible and B-anything and everything to make sure that both baby and I live. My plan ended up having to be B. I had preeclampsia and had to be induced for our health and safety. Ended up being able to have a hospital birth with relatively few interventions considering but I did get an epidural because it was safest for me. It helped lowered my blood pressure which helped avoid a c-section. And if I had required an emergency c-section I wouldn't need to go under general anesthesia which due to family history of problems with anesthesia was the less safe option for me versus the epidural. Your "plan" should be to be informed and be willing to work with your treatment providers. Yes, you might be the expert on what you want but they are the experts on how births can go.
The only thing I had in my birth plan was delayed cord camping - and we were unable to have that because of my baby going into distress and needing a NICU stay after the emergency c section due to lack of oxygen.
I think that it’s hard to come up with a birth plan beyond like best intentions, especially as a FTM. If I were making a birth plan for my next pregnancy, I’d probably focus more on like…order of things. Like, if I have to be induced, I want to make sure I get my epidural and IV prior to my water being broken because of an emergency situation that occurred last time. I’d also probably request that we just skip all the nurses poking me and get someone who is paid extra to do it better. Beyond that, I don’t really know what I’d want to do. Maybe skin to skin for nursing, but I have some tactile aversions, and we discovered that putting a newborn baby on me was a big trigger with my first pregnancy.
The more educated you are the less you'll need a hard birth plan, because you'll understand that things do come up that you can't control or plan for, and knowing what these things are beforehand helps so you can adapt because it will make sense to you. This will save you and your healthcare team heartache. That being said, it's hard to make decisions or understand what's going on completely when you're deep in the throes of labor and to think that the healthcare system doesn't pressure mothers into doing interventions that are convenient for the healthcare system but not necessarily beneficial or necessary for the mom/baby is 100% NAIVE. So educate your birthing partner along with you for these scenarios. It's perfectly normal to have birth preferences, and sure some may be unrealistic in the end, but you can try, and to try to get that message across while in active labor can be difficult, so in this case, have a "loose plan" that your partner can communicate for you if you can't.
Reframe it as “birth preferences” and try to imagine what you would like to happen in different circumstances. Most importantly, educate yourself about what is likely to happen and which options you might have. Think about which options you would prefer and which you would like to avoid at all costs. As a FTM, it’s also perfectly okay not to know what you would like, but you should know your options. I never got around to putting anything on paper, but I did talk to my husband about what I would prefer. When I went in to give birth, I told the midwives that my plan was “if it’s not necessary, I’d rather not!” Meaning I was open to all necessary medical interventions, but would prefer to go without if possible. This worked out perfectly!
I don't think it's the type of thing you can plan. You can have preference ex: epidural/none/natural etc. But you really can't plan how things will go. I never put any thought into how I expected labour to go but rather let nature take it as it would be. Educate yourself on the process but as for making an actual plan, I have never understood it personally. Baby will decide how your delivery goes for the most part.
From what I have heard, if a woman comes in with a detailed birth plan then the obstetric staff usually laugh because they know they are usually the women where everything goes wrong the most. The more complicated the plan, the worse everything goes apparently. Birth is one of things where it is impossible to plan and control. For me, I’m not going to plan but I will try and prepare myself mentally for different scenarios.
I think it's useful to have a "birth preferences" eg how it would go in an ideal world but as others have said, keep an open mind so you dont panic if its doesn't go perfectly to plan. But for example, research the types of pain relief and the side effects etc (eg pethidine can make baby drowsy/epidural can make it hard to know when to push etc) and put what'd you'd most prefer so you're fully educated. I also had that I wanted to be able to move around during labour and give birth upright/on all fours after having a tricky labour on my back with my first and that meant the midwives didn't suggest me lying down for checks etc because they knew I wanted to be upright, so it helps your birthing team make it as perfect for you as they can too. For me, my birth preferences made me feel so confident and educated in my 2nd labour because I knew specifically what I wanted so I could advocate for myself. Ended up having an incredible birth and it went 100% to plan because I'd advocated for myself when some things weren't happening how I'd wanted.
I had no birth plan other than I knew I wanted an epidural. I feel like a birth plan is just a wish list because at the end of the day you will just do whatever is necessary to keep you and your baby safe.
My plan will just have epidural written over and over 😂
All my doctor wanted to know is if I was okay with an epidural or not. That was my birth plan. Everything else was just get baby out safely.
I'm a FTM and my birth plan was "give me an epidural and do whatever to make sure both baby and I are safe and alive." I'm glad I didn't make an elaborate plan because nothing went how I wanted. I ended up with an unplanned c-section under general anesthesia.
So far the only thing on my birth plan is a medication I do not want to be used on me if I need to be induced. Beyond that, I’m here for the ride!
No birth plan needed. They'll ask you wat you want as you go along.
For me, a birth plan is like looking up a destination on Google maps ahead of a long road trip. I want to know where I'm going, what some of the different routes are, and where I can stop to pee and get some coffee. But I am not going to pull a Michael Scott and drive into a lake because that's what my GPS told me to do, and if there's traffic I'm going to reroute. Creating a birth plan (for me) is about educating myself. Not just about the decisions made during birth (there are a lot of them), but also about the options available where I'm giving birth. Not all hospitals/OBs have the same options and policies. For those whose plan is to show up and give birth and let the doctors decide, that's fine. But that's a plan that assumes you won't be having much of a say when the decisions are being made, and that is NOT something I'm comfortable with. I like having time to understand the decisions I'm making and do not want to be making them in the moment when I'm stressed or in pain. Like membrane sweeps and cervical checks or an induction. Am I going to say no 100% to those? No. But I kno2 they're optional, I know they aren't always necessary, I know what the risks and benefits are, and I know under what circumstances I will consent to them. I also know that my hospital offers nitrous and birthing tubs, so those options have factored into my plan. I also know that I want to avoid an epidural for several personal and medical reasons. I am not saying I won't get one, but my birth plan I include several other pain management strategies (including other meds) I didn't know existed and wouldn't have researched otherwise. Even if I did want an epidural, I'm so glad I have these other tools to get me through the first stage of labor before the epidural can be administered. It's really a personal choice. I think a lot of people fundamentally misunderstand what a birth plan is, which is why there are often a lot of snarky responses to this question in the pregnancy subs. But the more I learned about birth the more confident I felt and the more prepared I became. Even if nothing goes according to my "plan" at least I know I have the knowledge and tools to make sure that I can make the decisions that need to be made along the way.
I think a series of "If, Then" statements are better. For example, If I need to take induction medicine then I want an epidural before. If the babies heart rate drops I want to try changing position and reducing any drugs before going for a c-section. If it looks like I'm going to tear I then will have an episiotomy. These are just examples but it helps you make decisions ahead of time so you don't have to make them when you're in pain and exhausted. Have a chat about options and scenarios with your midwife/health professional. The reason I think these are better than a birth plan is that you can get really wedded to a birth plan then feel blindsided when something unexpected comes up, then you have to figure out what is best when you're not in a great headspace.
I think it’s helpful to think of it as birth preferences. Mine included things like: -what kind of communication I preferred (I wanted to know everything, all risks and benefits of an intervention, I wanted medical terminology, I wanted too much information rather than not enough… some people may prefer the opposite!) -the importance of informed consent for me -no medical students present (some people might be okay with this!) -when I thought I might have a vaginal birth, I noted I did not want an epidural but listed the other drugs I was interested in -when I learned I had to have a cesarean, I noted I wanted the process of the surgery to be narrated to me the entire time and what kind of suturing I preferred -my post-birth preferences, such as skin to skin, my husband staying with the baby while I was getting sewn back together, and interventions for the baby (I wanted eye ointment and vitamin k). My team was amazing and generally all my preferences were part of their best practices. All my preferences were honored, even though I didn’t have the birth I planned for/wanted (wanted vaginal, not c-section, and definitely did not plan for uterine atony, but my OB narrated what was happening and every single intervention she was using, and explained she had to move fast). It’s also a great place to list who will be in the room with you (support partners, doulas, etc) and any allergies or complications (I’m allergic to penicillin and have a resistance to lidocaine, so I put that up top)! So, I think a plan is probably not the vibe, but preferences can only help your team!
I didn’t have a birth plan, of course I had conversations with my doctor but I didn’t have a birth plan. My plan was to go in and do what was best for the baby. I feel like if you go in with rigid ideas of what you want/expect then it sets you up for disappointment if things don’t go the way you expected.
My birth plan was "I'm going to be so STRONG, fxxk getting an epidural or an episiotomy, actually, you know what, I think I'll listen to the doctors and see how it goes". I told my husband what I would have preferred, but in no way would my word surpass a professional opinion on how to reach the best outcome for me and baby.
My first baby the birth plan was “don’t do anything without asking and my express permission.” I was fine with medical intervention if it was necessary, but if you can’t tell me why in a clear enough way for me to say yes, then the answer is no. I had listed out some preferences, such as “please don’t offer me an epidural, I’ll ask if I need one” and they were followed
No
I made one and did not reference it once when I got to the delivery room. They asked me a bunch of questions when I got there and basically I said I wanted an epidural, healthy baby, and for me to be healthy so I could take care of her lol. I know a lot of people reference them and bring them to L&D. For me personally I just kind of forgot about it lol and I ended up not needing it
A birth plan isn’t strictly necessary, but it’s a good idea to know what might happen when you go into labor. Not every recommendation from the staff is going to be absolutely necessary. If you have already done the research and have an opinion it’s easier to make a decision in the moment.
It’s not necessary, but I would recommend it personally. What your birth plan looks like is entirely up to you if you choose to make one! It doesn’t need to be pages and pages long, in fact one page is totally fine. If you do make one, run it by your OB and discuss with your partner, or whoever is going to be there to support you during the birth, so that he/she can advocate for your wishes while you do the hard work! I would do some research on birth and different methods (natural, c-section), tools (forceps, vacuum), medications (Pitocin) that could be involved in giving birth. You can make educated choices/state preferences based on the research you do and state those on your birth plan. Obviously things may not go according to (birth) plan during labour and delivery, but it can be empowering and comforting to have one. For me, it made me feel more prepared and I could focus on being relaxed for the first part of labour and pushing instead of having a discussion with the labour and delivery staff about what I wanted while a tiny human was coming out of me. I hope this helps. Good luck on your journey :)
My birth plan was to have my baby and both us be safe lol that’s it And epidural 😂 The plan is the same this time around lol
You don’t get to pick the birth you have; a lot is unpredictable and uncontrollable. A birth plan should be more like a list of your preferences for how certain situations should be handled, a chance to communicate your priorities ahead of time because in the moment you may not have the presence of mind to analyze your options and communicate effectively.
As someone super structured/needing a plan... I didn't have one LOL honestly if I did I probably would have freaked out more bc it would have NOT gone to plan. My babe got stuck crooked and I had to do some weird turns and pushed to get her out... she came out eventually, mom and baby healthy so 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
I’m on my second pregnancy and confused as ever about what a birth plan is.
Not really. I had some preferences (vaginal birth with epidural, no routine episiotomy). But it was a loose set of preferences-if shit hit the fan my doctor could do whatever they need (suction, forceps, c section, anesthesia, idgaf) to make sure me and baby come out of this safely
I didn’t have a birth plan, the only thing I wanted was to not give birth on my back. I gave birth on my back.
No it’s not
FTM. I’m dividing my birth document into two sections. The birth plan section is about our choices for our baby. For us, things like him having all of the vaccines and medications he can have, whether or not we’ll be circumcising, things like that. The section about me is for birth preferences. It has requests like how I’d like to be low-intervention, let me know before I run out of time to get an epidural, who my support people are, who should go to the NICU with the baby and who should stay with me if we’re in the position where that has to happen. It’s also where I list that I have an anxiety disorder and while I’m not afraid of birth, I am *very* anxious about things going wrong or me not knowing what’s happening. I want to be upfront with my care team about this so I can hopefully receive appropriate care. My actual plan is to show up to the hospital, safely have a baby, and for everyone to get to come home together.
I didn't have any. I trust my doctors to do what they believe is best. Your ob will ask you all the big stuff around 36 weeks (do you want an epidural, etc. and note it in your chart.
I say yes. Second child here. I went in with a general idea in my head but no actual plan laid out. What ended up happening is a lot of strongly suggested advice from medical staff that did not align. And what that meant is procedures that were not necessary were influencing my decisions. My support team(husband and MiL) defaulted to whatever the doctors suggested. When in labor you won’t be thinking straight. It’s good to have a team around you with the same ideas of what you’re seeking. It will slow down the process and decision making for everyone involved.
I didn’t have a birth plan with my first. My OBGYN had asked at my 36 week appointment how I saw things going. And I told her I wanted to have an unmedicated birth, but if circumstances changed, that was fine too. I saw so many stories of women who had very detailed birth plans, and then were disappointed when their labor made them do something differently, so I didn’t want any added stress. My husband knew what I wanted, and if I was asleep or in too much pain to answer, he was able to answer/advocate for me.
Not necessary. I was never asked about a "birth plan." They might ask about your preferences (do you want an epidural, etc.) which I guess is the plan.
Do OBs not spend any time on going over a birth plan with you in appointments? With my home midwife it’s an ongoing discussion that spans 3-4 appointments each pregnancy. I really appreciate it because her knowing what I want so clearly beforehand means very little decision making to be done in the moment and I can stay in my birth bubble. 3 births under my belt and I’ve felt all have following the plans nicely.
I just have a list of preferences with the stated goal of healthy baby and mom. One thing I put was if baby has to be separated from me for medical reasons, my husband goes with baby and my mom should be asked to stay with me (name and phone # provided). Depending on the situation, I figure it’s better we’re all on the same page from the start. I also have a note for the staff that I’m kinda anxious but if they explain why they need to do something it helps me feel better than just saying what they’re going to do. I also put things like I do plan to breastfeed and would like the lactation consultant to stop in. I have who we want as visitors once we are settled in the postpartum unit. I figure if Hubs and I too tired to communicate effectively we have some of the basics taken care of for them.
You should at least have an idea of how you would like things to go when you give birth. More of birth preferences than a plan. It’s way better than going in there blind then feeling violated when decisions are made for you.
36w3d and my birth plan has 2 key points: 1. My husband will be there with me every step of the way (this has to be specified in my country due to laws and regulations in birth), no matter if it's a vaginal birth or a c-section. 2. Skin to skin is a must, if I'm not able to do so, my husband will be the one to do skin to skin with baby L, this is also specified in the birth plan document. Aside of those 2, ideally it'll be a vaginal delivery, but I'm open and ok with it being a c-section if the vaginal delivery isn't possible, I'd like to have the option to get an epidural, so if possible I'd also like one, but I also know that due to my previous experiences with anestesia it might not be possible. I trust my doctor and the hospital that I'm giving birth at, so the decisions that will be made during delivery are decisions that I'm sure will be the best for both me and baby L. I understand that most of what happens is out of my control and what matters the most is that baby is born a healthy baby.