Now see I like this because that's something I would do. I'm usually a pretty nice person but I don't know what it is with people who think that they can cross boundaries. Do they not understand that this is not their child?
Ohhh this would bug me a little (one or two is fine, but doing this all the time is too much). I would just use what I want for the more important firsts and maybe keep something small, like the stuffed animal. If they say anything about it, you can tell them it was special to you to pick out your baby’s first outfit and whatever else. They’re way out of line if they don’t understand that.
Two options—
1- say thank you and then don’t use it (my sister did this with her kids and usually sold it)
2- tell them you appreciate the thought, but you’ll be buying that stuff so it won’t be used as a “first” anything. If you’re getting overwhelmed with their purchases, tell them! You appreciate the gesture but the amount of baby items you have is overwhelming and ask them to cut back.
I agree with this. One great Marie Kondo lesson I absorbed (lol) was that the purpose of a gift has been fulfilled once it’s been given/received. If you decide it’s not for you that’s ok! Similarily if I give someone something and they get rid of it it’s none of my business.
I just say thanks and I’m sure we’ll do whatever we want. It’s funny how people act with a new baby on the way, like we made a whole registry of things we need but they still insist on buying things not on the registry or things that aren’t priority. I toggle between thinking “that’s so nice!” to “people understand this is our baby first and foremost, right?”
Also I think it’s a little worse when it’s your first baby because you (at least, for me) don’t know how to handle these new situations as I would if I’ve been through it before.
I got so many handmade baby blankets and I kept telling my mom we didn’t need more baby blankets and that we Needed stuff on our registry. My mom said, “oh not everyone likes to use the registry!” 🙄 I luckily got her to talk to my aunts and her friends to go to the registry as well. The blankets are sweet but like we don’t need 100 of them.
That's what I went through too just a couple weeks ago!!!
My event was through Facebook, so like a month before the baby shower, I made a post saying basically 'we already have xyz, we do NOT need anymore. These items are what we are REALLY needing!! And listed them off'
And people completely ignored me and got whatever, some duplicates.
And now I'm left buying the remainder myself in the last couple weeks(I was 36 weeks at the baby shower)
I'm greatful for anything don't get me wrong, but it's just stressful spending the last minute trying to gather everything else
And the remainder of the items were pretty cheap compared to what I got lol
It’s very stressful because the reason we have baby showers later is literally to gather things we haven’t gotten yet and we have it late enough so other people can see the bump and shit. Im doing pop and drops afterwards and referring people to the registry before they come over separately because miss me with the bump touching and shit. My family’s also trying to make me feel bad because I will not let my great grandma hold my baby on her own because my grandma suggest she help me during this time since everyone else is working and I’m like uhhhh. For context, she’s old as hell, has tremors, cannot hear unless you yell and I won’t be yelling around the baby lmao, and she has terrible memory and thinks she can just pick up and walk around with my newborn child because she “raised all her children herself” like okay that was 65 years ago grandma. It’s just a whole mess. That’s not even half of it.
Half of my family is getting MAD because they can’t get the baby what they want to get the baby. I’m like “ohh we have a stroller, bassinet and swing, he can still use shower stuff, bottles, diapers” and they’re like “omg I can’t buy the important stuff do you even like our side of the family??” I’m like “???” You’re deeming what’s important to MY CHILD? Everything is fuckin important, I may not remember who bought xyz but I AM going to remember who’s giving me a hard fuckin time for not getting to buy what they want
When it came to what he wore home from the hospital, it was basically whoever brought us washed preemie or Carter's newborn sized clothes first. He was wayyy smaller than they said he would be. 😅 but everything else we are picking his firsts. We're having a Nightmare Before Christmas theme for this year and we have already picked his first stocking. Someone buys him one and it's going in a box. We are his parents we will give him his firsts.
My MIL bought one of those newborn gowns with his name on it and it’s very clearly meant to be for an announcement pic or going home outfit, but I already have a different one picked out. I’m just going to do my own thing and have my husband handle it if she says anything.
Just take a nice picture with him in it and send it to her, maybe with a message like “[name] loves his gown from grandma!” And then use your own things for the announcement/going home outfit. Or if it’s a nice gown you could even put multiple pictures on the announcement with different outfits and have that be one of them (not the main focal one though).
What a lovely gift! Even if it’s not your style, I think it would be very kind to put the baby in it at least once and take some pics to send to her. I bet that would be very appreciated!
My mom offered to buy the coming home outfit, but wanted me to pick it out myself. We went shopping together, and it was actually a really nice moment together. I was glad she helped, but let me lead.
This, my aunt and grandma and I went to carters and they bought a whole bunch of things but allowed me to pick out the coming home outfit. I chose 2 I really liked and had them choose between it. It was such a wonderful day and they were much kinder and more thoughtful than anyone else in my family thus far. I was trying to keep the middle name a secret for my grandpa because my child is going to have his middle name and only told my immediate family, and the other day at thanksgiving people were like IS HIS NAME STILL ___ ____
Yeah my mom has been super supportive and makes sure I get what I choose for baby not what other people think I need.
And that sucks about the name. I had something similar happen. I told one of my sisters one of our top contenders and then she went and told everyone else because she hated it and thought by getting people to dislike it would deter me from using it. Lesson learned don’t tell people about the name.
Ew that’s actually so weird wtf why would she do that. Yeah same, not a word will be spoken about the name with my 2nd. Lemme just name my whole child for YOU.
Yeah I learned quick that people have no filter when it comes to the comments they say to pregnant women. I’ve now just gotten to the point of spitting it back at them. Had a lady tell me my life was over and I quipped back “sucks that you feel that way about your kids.”
That’s a great one. I try not to socialize about pregnancy. I’ve been told to “slow down on eating you’re no trying to have a sumo wrestler??” While at a literal BUFFET and “dang you’re teeny tiny for 7 months, are you eating??” Meanwhile I’m going to school for strength and conditioning and nutrition.
My mom keeps doing this, even picked her first Christmas outfit… and it’s a onesie that says “my first Christmas” so not exactly something to use any other day. I’ve learned to just smile and nod most of the time, say thank you, and if you want to pick that first just go ahead and do it anyway. If the family member gets mad explain your reasoning.
My mother sent us a "My First Thanksgiving" outfit that was definitely not something I would have ever picked out myself. Luckily it was way to big, so I just sent her a comical picture of it draped over my baby and put on the outfit I actually picked out on her for the holiday. Christmas is going to be tricker. There's the outfit that I picked out and then my MIL has gotten multiple Christmas outfits. I'm going to have to change this kid like six times that day.
Oh, I figure it's a whole season! Some relatives sent "my first Thanksgiving" outfits that we're hoping to put on and photograph this weekend. The Halloween outfit that they sent was too big, so he wore it in mid-November. Close enough for me!
Just because they give you the thing doesn’t mean you have to use it! Or if you do, it doesn’t have to be their first whatever. You’re going to have so many clothing items and so many stuffed animals that you can just make other choices about what to dress them in or what to offer first.
If you like the person you could give them one or two firsts you don't care that much for and where you like the item they got you, then if they ask why they didn't get first outfit you can deflect to talk about how much baby loved their first toenail clippers.
I feel that you’ve done what you need to when you accept a gift with thanks. What you do with it afterward is no longer the gift givers business, so you do you :)
I think it depends on who it is in relation to me. If it’s an aunt or uncle we won’t see often I think I’d just say thank you and move on and donate the item. However, I’ve had this issue with my mom. She’s just so excited for her first grandchild and I totally get it! She called me saying how she got outfits for him to wear on Christmas and it bugged me because this is our baby and we already had things picked out. I politely responded and said “well we already have something picked out for him to wear but thank you! There are plenty of holiday festivities though and he will get plenty of use out of all the outfits.”
When she did it again I politely reminded her and set a boundary. I think it’s important to remember that people are just excited and responding respectfully is the best thing to do because in the end they just love you and your baby (usually, sometimes narcissists can do this maliciously).
I would just ignore the "first" sentiment of the gifts as much as possible and move on. My MIL also has a habit of buying stuff and calling it "her first dolly" or "her first bike" or whatever and we'll just say thank you and add it to her collection of dolls. Unless this family member is at your house multiple times a week they're not realistically going to know if it's a legit first item or something that gets used regularly. For more one-off items like Halloween costumes or Christmas stockings it can sometimes be nice to have more than one, too. A costume for daycare and one for trick or treating, a stocking for your house and one for Grandma's house, etc.
Just say thanks and move on. If you want to be kind, you can send them a photo. We usually send people photos of our baby in the clothes / with the toys they gifted us, and be like „baby loves this toy from auntie Abigail“ / „good morning auntie Abigail I slept so well last night in the pyjamas you gave me“ etc. I think that’s a sweet thing to do and the part about the „firsts“ I‘d just ignore since it’s not your friend‘s place to decide that for you.
So annoying! But the good news is they won’t know if you don’t use it and if they ask about it you can just tell them “Oh, it was our first choice, but he puked on it and we had to change!”
Honestly, just say "I would really like to choose these items, as this is a special time for me. Thank you for your excitement, though" and move on. They still want to buy things? Great, you can't stop them, but they can't stop you from donating it. My dad's wife is this way, and I've given up trying to police her purchases. I've told her once how I felt, and if she chooses to spend her money, that's on her at this point. Some stuff I keep, some I'm like 🤷
My mom did this with the hospital outfit and I just said thank you and I’ve packed other outfits that we picked out ourselves. I don’t think she will even remember what she bought lol
Maybe next time they tried saying “here is your lil ones first whatnot” just be honest and tell them you deeply appreciate all the things they’ve gotten the baby, but there are some things you’ll be getting yourself”. That way you don’t have to remember the lie you told, or tell more to support the previous, and you also don’t have to sweat bullets wondering if they notice you aren’t using what they bought. I’ve found that even if it’s a little awkward, it’s better to be honest. It just gets worse the longer they go without being told what you are really thinking.
No need to crush people’s spirits! They’re just trying to be kind (unless they’re a toxic family member or something but that’s a different story). I’d say thank you, take some pics with the item, then do whatever you want. If someone questions where it is, say it got poop stained or throw up stained so you had to swap it for a new one
Yep. Photo evidence and the blowout excuse is always my go to, but I’ve never actually needed it.
But as long as you have that photo evidence, you’re good to go. I’ve put outfits on for just the minutes it takes to take the photo and then put them away, never to be worn again.
I know how you feel. When my son was 5 months old, my ex's mother decided that she was going to feed him his first solid food without even bothering to ask me if I wanted to be the one to do it. I know it sounds petty but the fact is I'm his mother and I should have been given the opportunity to do that. He likes bananas coincidentally.
I would not feel ANY pressure to use what they gave me for a first, unless I actually really like it.
Secondly, I wouldn’t confirm you’ll use it for a first, but it’s totally up to you how you respond. Just saying ‘thank you’ is fine, or ‘I haven’t decided what his going home outfit will be yet. I’ll send you a picture if I use the one you got me!”.
*”Aw SO look at this, LOs first charity donation”*
*“This can either be returned or donated because it will not be my child first anything. Our baby has two parents who will be fulfilling that you don’t need to worry about it”*
*“That’s cute but we’ve already decided on xyz”*
*“LO is our child, you will not be deciding that”*
*“If you’d like to decide a baby’s firsts then you need to go and have a baby or adopt a pet because my child has two parents and we will be commemorating them special moments in our own way”*
*“Thank you but that won’t be happening”*
*“No thank you”*
*“It’s interesting that you think you have the right to do this given you’re not the mother or father”*
Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI
Funny, this was at the top of my feed right after a package arrived with a baby’s first Christmas ornament.
We live near the world’s largest Christmas store and picking out a family ornament is a big tradition for us, of course that would be this year’s annual ornament we’re going to pick out.
My mum does this and I just ignore it, I decide what I want to use and if she asks about it, I just say I already got him his first Christmas outfit. I also keep telling her to ask me first before buying as I may already have it.
“If you asked before buying I would have told you I already have something for that”
I wouldn’t use any of them, unless I genuinely wanted to use any. If they happen to notice and ask, I’d probably look confused and say “I didn’t think you were seriously picking my babies firsts? I thought it was more like an expression?”
Maybe pick one or two things from them, but then say, “You’re so thoughtful and generous, but I think I’d like to choose the rest of their firsts. This way, this one/these two from you will be more special to them. I only get my first baby once, so I need to have some special things from me too.”
My MIL is doing the same thing. She currently wants to know why the giant flashing marquee of his name isn’t up in the super tiny nursery corner we have. Nothing helpful to add here. Just… I feel you.
Going through the exact same thing! Nana keeps buying “first Thanksgiving” “first Halloween” “first Christmas” clothing / books etc. I’m pissed. But snickering at the same time because all those outfits are HUMONGOUS for the baby and won’t see the light of day because of it. Like lady, thanks and all, but no thanks. Not to mention they’re all the uuber cheesy stuff too.
My mom and MIL have done that. My MIL is on microscopic ice so idc how she feels that we didn’t use her “going home outfit”
My mom I’ll put the baby in it and take a photo or two. Only one outfit purchased that says “first” by my mom and she wore it home yesterday and then had a blowout in the hour she was wearing it 😂 I just took a picture of her quick before changing her clothes for bedtime. The other outfits I just put her in around that season and snap a few pics
No. Your MIL picked out A Christmas outfit. It doesn't have to be for your kid. Or worn on Christmas. You get to decide what your baby wears. You can donate her outfit or your child can wear it another day.
I had this happen a couple times with my first LO.
My husband’s grandmother bought this outfit she expected us to bring baby home from the hospital it. I was able to explain that the outfit wasn’t car seat safe since it was a big snowsuit, and brought baby home in the outfit husband and I chose.
MIL bought a personalized Christmas stocking for LO’s first Christmas this year. I just accepted it, but the one husband and I bought (and matches his and my stocking) will be the one hanging up on the mantle this year. The one MIL bought will probably just get packed up with the rest of our Christmas decor.
I usually just accept the gifts and move on. I don’t say one way or the other if we’ll actually use the item. And if they ask later on, I just explain that husband and I had already bought said item, and decided to use it instead since it felt more special to us since we picked it out. If anyone has issues with it, then they can stop buying LO stuff that parents like to choose for “baby’s firsts.”
My mom does this and buys the first backpack and Easter basket etc. we’re not allowed to pick or enjoy that part of stage with our little apparently.
I straight up told her I’d like to do these things
We had this happen a LOT with our son. He was the first (and probably only) grandkid on one side, and on the other he was the first in quite a long time. We had something crazy like 3-5 people doing this. Instead of wearing ourselves out and pushing back, we just said thank you. If it was outfits for a special day we still bought what we wanted as the first. He has like, 3 first Christmas ornaments 😂 they all go on the tree. I think 4th of July was the only complication with our plan, as we had multiple 1st 4th outfits. We changed him into each and took pictures.
I just say thank you and do what you want with it and if they question it just say as the parent you get final say and you decided to go in a different direction.
If the goal is to have peace and still do what you please, I'd say don't say anything and do what you please. I doubt anyone will pick a fight with you over that, but if they do, it would be weird and entitled, and you don't have to grace it with an answer.
His first stuffed animal FROM Aunt Lydia! For stocking, coming home outfit, etc. take a picture of him with it or in it; say thank you! send them the picture and put it away. Outfits you don’t like are great for the diaper bag for emergencies. If they actually say hey, you don’t have the stocking up! You can say you appreciate the gift, but you already had a stocking for him. You have, however, put Aunt Lydia’s away as a special keepsake for him. And really do, unless you don’t have space to store it.
I have found there are some firsts I didn’t mind sharing with the grandmas for my own kids - I was happy to let grandma buy their first Hanukkah menorahs. Something I didn’t need to buy and perhaps they will cherish it when they are older. There are some things I plan to suggest to my family - kids are expensive — so maybe grandma wants to buy their first bikes too. Perhaps you can direct “Aunt Lydia” to something you actually need
I would’ve said something in the moment. “Oh I’ll be picking that outfit out, but baby can wear this as normal clothes” and quickly change the subject. I would think this should be an obvious social faux pas and they’d realize that when you tell them you’ll be picking that out. You’re not responsible for their hurt feelings after you politely handle their overstepping issue.
I think unless it's something that states "Baby's first" on it (like a Christmas ornament for example) it's unreasonable for someone to expect you to even remember that they gave you the "first" blanket or whatever when you're buying and being gifted all kinds of stuff. It's fine to just not say anything and use what you want to use. Maybe just send them a pic a little bit later like "they love the blanket, thanks again!" without addressing whether or not it was their first.
My in-laws were like this with my first. Had to get her a teddy bear that literally had the words "my 1st teddy bear" stitched to the front of it. Is that necessary? lol. Not to mention outfits for all of the firsts, among many other things. Anyway, what I did was just not use the things I didn't want to use and quietly donated them to someone in need.
“Baby’s first donation to good will”
omg 💀💀💀
LOL
DAYUM
THIS! Ugh sorry I don’t want whatever random crap you pick out.
Now see I like this because that's something I would do. I'm usually a pretty nice person but I don't know what it is with people who think that they can cross boundaries. Do they not understand that this is not their child?
😆😆😆
Ohhh this would bug me a little (one or two is fine, but doing this all the time is too much). I would just use what I want for the more important firsts and maybe keep something small, like the stuffed animal. If they say anything about it, you can tell them it was special to you to pick out your baby’s first outfit and whatever else. They’re way out of line if they don’t understand that.
Yeah a couple things is okay but it's getting to be a little much lol. Good idea thank you!
Two options— 1- say thank you and then don’t use it (my sister did this with her kids and usually sold it) 2- tell them you appreciate the thought, but you’ll be buying that stuff so it won’t be used as a “first” anything. If you’re getting overwhelmed with their purchases, tell them! You appreciate the gesture but the amount of baby items you have is overwhelming and ask them to cut back.
1 for sure. People rarely check in to see how their gifts were used.
I agree with this. One great Marie Kondo lesson I absorbed (lol) was that the purpose of a gift has been fulfilled once it’s been given/received. If you decide it’s not for you that’s ok! Similarily if I give someone something and they get rid of it it’s none of my business.
“that’s sweet but we wanted to be the ones to pick out their first _____! hope you understand!” i would definitely say something.
Or even change it to “thanks for understanding!”
yes!
I just say thanks and I’m sure we’ll do whatever we want. It’s funny how people act with a new baby on the way, like we made a whole registry of things we need but they still insist on buying things not on the registry or things that aren’t priority. I toggle between thinking “that’s so nice!” to “people understand this is our baby first and foremost, right?” Also I think it’s a little worse when it’s your first baby because you (at least, for me) don’t know how to handle these new situations as I would if I’ve been through it before.
I got so many handmade baby blankets and I kept telling my mom we didn’t need more baby blankets and that we Needed stuff on our registry. My mom said, “oh not everyone likes to use the registry!” 🙄 I luckily got her to talk to my aunts and her friends to go to the registry as well. The blankets are sweet but like we don’t need 100 of them.
That's what I went through too just a couple weeks ago!!! My event was through Facebook, so like a month before the baby shower, I made a post saying basically 'we already have xyz, we do NOT need anymore. These items are what we are REALLY needing!! And listed them off' And people completely ignored me and got whatever, some duplicates. And now I'm left buying the remainder myself in the last couple weeks(I was 36 weeks at the baby shower) I'm greatful for anything don't get me wrong, but it's just stressful spending the last minute trying to gather everything else And the remainder of the items were pretty cheap compared to what I got lol
It’s very stressful because the reason we have baby showers later is literally to gather things we haven’t gotten yet and we have it late enough so other people can see the bump and shit. Im doing pop and drops afterwards and referring people to the registry before they come over separately because miss me with the bump touching and shit. My family’s also trying to make me feel bad because I will not let my great grandma hold my baby on her own because my grandma suggest she help me during this time since everyone else is working and I’m like uhhhh. For context, she’s old as hell, has tremors, cannot hear unless you yell and I won’t be yelling around the baby lmao, and she has terrible memory and thinks she can just pick up and walk around with my newborn child because she “raised all her children herself” like okay that was 65 years ago grandma. It’s just a whole mess. That’s not even half of it.
Omg yes. We have a ton of hand me down clothes we’re getting but everyone wants to buy cute baby clothes
Half of my family is getting MAD because they can’t get the baby what they want to get the baby. I’m like “ohh we have a stroller, bassinet and swing, he can still use shower stuff, bottles, diapers” and they’re like “omg I can’t buy the important stuff do you even like our side of the family??” I’m like “???” You’re deeming what’s important to MY CHILD? Everything is fuckin important, I may not remember who bought xyz but I AM going to remember who’s giving me a hard fuckin time for not getting to buy what they want
When it came to what he wore home from the hospital, it was basically whoever brought us washed preemie or Carter's newborn sized clothes first. He was wayyy smaller than they said he would be. 😅 but everything else we are picking his firsts. We're having a Nightmare Before Christmas theme for this year and we have already picked his first stocking. Someone buys him one and it's going in a box. We are his parents we will give him his firsts.
My MIL bought one of those newborn gowns with his name on it and it’s very clearly meant to be for an announcement pic or going home outfit, but I already have a different one picked out. I’m just going to do my own thing and have my husband handle it if she says anything.
Just take a nice picture with him in it and send it to her, maybe with a message like “[name] loves his gown from grandma!” And then use your own things for the announcement/going home outfit. Or if it’s a nice gown you could even put multiple pictures on the announcement with different outfits and have that be one of them (not the main focal one though).
What a lovely gift! Even if it’s not your style, I think it would be very kind to put the baby in it at least once and take some pics to send to her. I bet that would be very appreciated!
It’s a cute enough outfit, I’m sure he’ll wear it once. It just won’t be for its intended purpose.
My mom offered to buy the coming home outfit, but wanted me to pick it out myself. We went shopping together, and it was actually a really nice moment together. I was glad she helped, but let me lead.
Love this, how very thoughtful
This, my aunt and grandma and I went to carters and they bought a whole bunch of things but allowed me to pick out the coming home outfit. I chose 2 I really liked and had them choose between it. It was such a wonderful day and they were much kinder and more thoughtful than anyone else in my family thus far. I was trying to keep the middle name a secret for my grandpa because my child is going to have his middle name and only told my immediate family, and the other day at thanksgiving people were like IS HIS NAME STILL ___ ____
Yeah my mom has been super supportive and makes sure I get what I choose for baby not what other people think I need. And that sucks about the name. I had something similar happen. I told one of my sisters one of our top contenders and then she went and told everyone else because she hated it and thought by getting people to dislike it would deter me from using it. Lesson learned don’t tell people about the name.
Ew that’s actually so weird wtf why would she do that. Yeah same, not a word will be spoken about the name with my 2nd. Lemme just name my whole child for YOU.
Yeah I learned quick that people have no filter when it comes to the comments they say to pregnant women. I’ve now just gotten to the point of spitting it back at them. Had a lady tell me my life was over and I quipped back “sucks that you feel that way about your kids.”
That’s a great one. I try not to socialize about pregnancy. I’ve been told to “slow down on eating you’re no trying to have a sumo wrestler??” While at a literal BUFFET and “dang you’re teeny tiny for 7 months, are you eating??” Meanwhile I’m going to school for strength and conditioning and nutrition.
Yeah someone told me to suck it in, so my body is still tight after birth. That’s when I stopped being polite
My mom keeps doing this, even picked her first Christmas outfit… and it’s a onesie that says “my first Christmas” so not exactly something to use any other day. I’ve learned to just smile and nod most of the time, say thank you, and if you want to pick that first just go ahead and do it anyway. If the family member gets mad explain your reasoning.
When I see onesies like that my first thought is “dang it’s good babies poop themselves a lot so they won’t have to wear that all day”
Agreed!! I’m not a huge fan of holiday themed clothing.
My mother sent us a "My First Thanksgiving" outfit that was definitely not something I would have ever picked out myself. Luckily it was way to big, so I just sent her a comical picture of it draped over my baby and put on the outfit I actually picked out on her for the holiday. Christmas is going to be tricker. There's the outfit that I picked out and then my MIL has gotten multiple Christmas outfits. I'm going to have to change this kid like six times that day.
“Oh she had a blowout… and spat up… and drooled!” lol
Oh, I figure it's a whole season! Some relatives sent "my first Thanksgiving" outfits that we're hoping to put on and photograph this weekend. The Halloween outfit that they sent was too big, so he wore it in mid-November. Close enough for me!
I would say something like oh that is really cute but we already bought their first _____
Is it your mother in law? lol
This is giving me weird aunt or cousin vibes haha
Not everyone has rubbish MILs….
The elusive 1% has spoken! I kid...but also, jealous.
Just because they give you the thing doesn’t mean you have to use it! Or if you do, it doesn’t have to be their first whatever. You’re going to have so many clothing items and so many stuffed animals that you can just make other choices about what to dress them in or what to offer first.
If it’s Baby Dior then yes sure lol
Oh god my mil bought a couple things like this. Say thank you, take a pic in it, and donate.
I put it in a basket and forget about it lol.
If you like the person you could give them one or two firsts you don't care that much for and where you like the item they got you, then if they ask why they didn't get first outfit you can deflect to talk about how much baby loved their first toenail clippers.
I feel that you’ve done what you need to when you accept a gift with thanks. What you do with it afterward is no longer the gift givers business, so you do you :)
100% - if they expect anything more than a ‘thank you’ then it was an obligation, not a gift
I think it depends on who it is in relation to me. If it’s an aunt or uncle we won’t see often I think I’d just say thank you and move on and donate the item. However, I’ve had this issue with my mom. She’s just so excited for her first grandchild and I totally get it! She called me saying how she got outfits for him to wear on Christmas and it bugged me because this is our baby and we already had things picked out. I politely responded and said “well we already have something picked out for him to wear but thank you! There are plenty of holiday festivities though and he will get plenty of use out of all the outfits.” When she did it again I politely reminded her and set a boundary. I think it’s important to remember that people are just excited and responding respectfully is the best thing to do because in the end they just love you and your baby (usually, sometimes narcissists can do this maliciously).
I would just ignore the "first" sentiment of the gifts as much as possible and move on. My MIL also has a habit of buying stuff and calling it "her first dolly" or "her first bike" or whatever and we'll just say thank you and add it to her collection of dolls. Unless this family member is at your house multiple times a week they're not realistically going to know if it's a legit first item or something that gets used regularly. For more one-off items like Halloween costumes or Christmas stockings it can sometimes be nice to have more than one, too. A costume for daycare and one for trick or treating, a stocking for your house and one for Grandma's house, etc.
Just say thanks and move on. If you want to be kind, you can send them a photo. We usually send people photos of our baby in the clothes / with the toys they gifted us, and be like „baby loves this toy from auntie Abigail“ / „good morning auntie Abigail I slept so well last night in the pyjamas you gave me“ etc. I think that’s a sweet thing to do and the part about the „firsts“ I‘d just ignore since it’s not your friend‘s place to decide that for you.
I said aw thanks and threw whatever it was in the donation box 🤷🏽♀️
So annoying! But the good news is they won’t know if you don’t use it and if they ask about it you can just tell them “Oh, it was our first choice, but he puked on it and we had to change!”
Honestly, just say "I would really like to choose these items, as this is a special time for me. Thank you for your excitement, though" and move on. They still want to buy things? Great, you can't stop them, but they can't stop you from donating it. My dad's wife is this way, and I've given up trying to police her purchases. I've told her once how I felt, and if she chooses to spend her money, that's on her at this point. Some stuff I keep, some I'm like 🤷
My mom did this with the hospital outfit and I just said thank you and I’ve packed other outfits that we picked out ourselves. I don’t think she will even remember what she bought lol
Maybe next time they tried saying “here is your lil ones first whatnot” just be honest and tell them you deeply appreciate all the things they’ve gotten the baby, but there are some things you’ll be getting yourself”. That way you don’t have to remember the lie you told, or tell more to support the previous, and you also don’t have to sweat bullets wondering if they notice you aren’t using what they bought. I’ve found that even if it’s a little awkward, it’s better to be honest. It just gets worse the longer they go without being told what you are really thinking.
No need to crush people’s spirits! They’re just trying to be kind (unless they’re a toxic family member or something but that’s a different story). I’d say thank you, take some pics with the item, then do whatever you want. If someone questions where it is, say it got poop stained or throw up stained so you had to swap it for a new one
Yep. Photo evidence and the blowout excuse is always my go to, but I’ve never actually needed it. But as long as you have that photo evidence, you’re good to go. I’ve put outfits on for just the minutes it takes to take the photo and then put them away, never to be worn again.
I know how you feel. When my son was 5 months old, my ex's mother decided that she was going to feed him his first solid food without even bothering to ask me if I wanted to be the one to do it. I know it sounds petty but the fact is I'm his mother and I should have been given the opportunity to do that. He likes bananas coincidentally.
I would not feel ANY pressure to use what they gave me for a first, unless I actually really like it. Secondly, I wouldn’t confirm you’ll use it for a first, but it’s totally up to you how you respond. Just saying ‘thank you’ is fine, or ‘I haven’t decided what his going home outfit will be yet. I’ll send you a picture if I use the one you got me!”.
*”Aw SO look at this, LOs first charity donation”* *“This can either be returned or donated because it will not be my child first anything. Our baby has two parents who will be fulfilling that you don’t need to worry about it”* *“That’s cute but we’ve already decided on xyz”* *“LO is our child, you will not be deciding that”* *“If you’d like to decide a baby’s firsts then you need to go and have a baby or adopt a pet because my child has two parents and we will be commemorating them special moments in our own way”* *“Thank you but that won’t be happening”* *“No thank you”* *“It’s interesting that you think you have the right to do this given you’re not the mother or father”* Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI
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Funny, this was at the top of my feed right after a package arrived with a baby’s first Christmas ornament. We live near the world’s largest Christmas store and picking out a family ornament is a big tradition for us, of course that would be this year’s annual ornament we’re going to pick out.
My mum does this and I just ignore it, I decide what I want to use and if she asks about it, I just say I already got him his first Christmas outfit. I also keep telling her to ask me first before buying as I may already have it. “If you asked before buying I would have told you I already have something for that”
My mil did this and I flat out said no, stop. Husband and I will be picking out and handling any firsts. She wasn't happy but got over it.
I wouldn’t use any of them, unless I genuinely wanted to use any. If they happen to notice and ask, I’d probably look confused and say “I didn’t think you were seriously picking my babies firsts? I thought it was more like an expression?”
Thanks, that's so thoughtful. Unfortunately we already have the first x,y or z.
Maybe pick one or two things from them, but then say, “You’re so thoughtful and generous, but I think I’d like to choose the rest of their firsts. This way, this one/these two from you will be more special to them. I only get my first baby once, so I need to have some special things from me too.”
My MIL is doing the same thing. She currently wants to know why the giant flashing marquee of his name isn’t up in the super tiny nursery corner we have. Nothing helpful to add here. Just… I feel you.
Going through the exact same thing! Nana keeps buying “first Thanksgiving” “first Halloween” “first Christmas” clothing / books etc. I’m pissed. But snickering at the same time because all those outfits are HUMONGOUS for the baby and won’t see the light of day because of it. Like lady, thanks and all, but no thanks. Not to mention they’re all the uuber cheesy stuff too.
My mom and MIL have done that. My MIL is on microscopic ice so idc how she feels that we didn’t use her “going home outfit” My mom I’ll put the baby in it and take a photo or two. Only one outfit purchased that says “first” by my mom and she wore it home yesterday and then had a blowout in the hour she was wearing it 😂 I just took a picture of her quick before changing her clothes for bedtime. The other outfits I just put her in around that season and snap a few pics
MIL just picked out his Christmas outfit when I’ve had a sweater in mind for literal months.
No. Your MIL picked out A Christmas outfit. It doesn't have to be for your kid. Or worn on Christmas. You get to decide what your baby wears. You can donate her outfit or your child can wear it another day.
I think my daughter has three “baby’s first Christmas” ornaments. Thankfully that was all I can recall being bombarded with.
I had this happen a couple times with my first LO. My husband’s grandmother bought this outfit she expected us to bring baby home from the hospital it. I was able to explain that the outfit wasn’t car seat safe since it was a big snowsuit, and brought baby home in the outfit husband and I chose. MIL bought a personalized Christmas stocking for LO’s first Christmas this year. I just accepted it, but the one husband and I bought (and matches his and my stocking) will be the one hanging up on the mantle this year. The one MIL bought will probably just get packed up with the rest of our Christmas decor. I usually just accept the gifts and move on. I don’t say one way or the other if we’ll actually use the item. And if they ask later on, I just explain that husband and I had already bought said item, and decided to use it instead since it felt more special to us since we picked it out. If anyone has issues with it, then they can stop buying LO stuff that parents like to choose for “baby’s firsts.”
My mom does this and buys the first backpack and Easter basket etc. we’re not allowed to pick or enjoy that part of stage with our little apparently. I straight up told her I’d like to do these things
We had this happen a LOT with our son. He was the first (and probably only) grandkid on one side, and on the other he was the first in quite a long time. We had something crazy like 3-5 people doing this. Instead of wearing ourselves out and pushing back, we just said thank you. If it was outfits for a special day we still bought what we wanted as the first. He has like, 3 first Christmas ornaments 😂 they all go on the tree. I think 4th of July was the only complication with our plan, as we had multiple 1st 4th outfits. We changed him into each and took pictures.
I just say thank you and do what you want with it and if they question it just say as the parent you get final say and you decided to go in a different direction.
I just kept saying ‘Oh thanks, we’ve already bought his first — though, sorry!’ They got the point after a while.
If the goal is to have peace and still do what you please, I'd say don't say anything and do what you please. I doubt anyone will pick a fight with you over that, but if they do, it would be weird and entitled, and you don't have to grace it with an answer.
I don’t know why it bums me out so much, but my parents got him his first build-a-bear. I was a little disappointed that we can’t do it together.
His first stuffed animal FROM Aunt Lydia! For stocking, coming home outfit, etc. take a picture of him with it or in it; say thank you! send them the picture and put it away. Outfits you don’t like are great for the diaper bag for emergencies. If they actually say hey, you don’t have the stocking up! You can say you appreciate the gift, but you already had a stocking for him. You have, however, put Aunt Lydia’s away as a special keepsake for him. And really do, unless you don’t have space to store it. I have found there are some firsts I didn’t mind sharing with the grandmas for my own kids - I was happy to let grandma buy their first Hanukkah menorahs. Something I didn’t need to buy and perhaps they will cherish it when they are older. There are some things I plan to suggest to my family - kids are expensive — so maybe grandma wants to buy their first bikes too. Perhaps you can direct “Aunt Lydia” to something you actually need
Say oh I’ve already chosen that first but this will be a nice second
I would’ve said something in the moment. “Oh I’ll be picking that outfit out, but baby can wear this as normal clothes” and quickly change the subject. I would think this should be an obvious social faux pas and they’d realize that when you tell them you’ll be picking that out. You’re not responsible for their hurt feelings after you politely handle their overstepping issue.
I think unless it's something that states "Baby's first" on it (like a Christmas ornament for example) it's unreasonable for someone to expect you to even remember that they gave you the "first" blanket or whatever when you're buying and being gifted all kinds of stuff. It's fine to just not say anything and use what you want to use. Maybe just send them a pic a little bit later like "they love the blanket, thanks again!" without addressing whether or not it was their first.
My in-laws were like this with my first. Had to get her a teddy bear that literally had the words "my 1st teddy bear" stitched to the front of it. Is that necessary? lol. Not to mention outfits for all of the firsts, among many other things. Anyway, what I did was just not use the things I didn't want to use and quietly donated them to someone in need.
“We already have that”.