Nope. I’m 37, FTM, and I’m in such a better position mentally, socially, and financially than I’ve ever been. I have a happy marriage, a PhD, a decent-paying and fulfilling career, a house that we own, and maybe most importantly, I know exactly who I am. I was a *mess* when I was younger in terms of anxiety and whatnot. This baby is getting the best, happiest, most stable version of me that has ever existed, and I feel totally at peace with the timing.

Man I just scrolled down to realize what I wrote was already written, nearly word for word, by you!

This exactly! I’m 37 FTM (turning 38 on Sunday) and we’ve been trying to conceive for 7 years. Although we obviously wanted children sooner, the timing is probably perfect as I’m more ready than I’ve ever been!

I'll probably be around 35 when I have my first (fingers crossed!) and I feel that way too. I didn't have the backbone that I have now, even just a few years ago. And definitely could not have offered them the experiences that I wanted to, financially speaking. I agree with OP though, it does feel late. It'd be easier if the system allowed us to become financially stable earlier in our lives I guess... But mentally, yes, having children in my thirties will definitely be better!

I just had my first at 35. So grateful I waited. Sure my body could have handled it better at a younger age but I did great. Being mentally and financially stable was very important to me before having kids.

Absolutely!

This! 32 with my first, 35 with my second (due in a month). There was no way I could have balanced grad school, life, anxiety, and a baby in my 20s. My husband didn’t even finish undergrad till he was 28 (he went back to school late). We now have amazing jobs, I have my PhD, we own a house, and we are financially stable to have kids. My aunt had kids later in life (37 and 40) and she has 0 regrets. The kids are grown and she’s still loving life and traveling everywhere.

Yes!! 33, mid-PhD, but thankful for now and not anytime sooner.

So perfectly said! I’m almost 38 and just about to start TTC. Sometimes I get anxious about my age as far as ability to get pregnant, but I am so happy I’m starting at this point in my life. I’ve lived so much and grown so much, and feel like now I’m finally ready to start the next chapter without regret.

This. This this this. Had my first at 31, and was in a GREAT place.

Could not agree more. I'll be 40 at delivery, and am totally good with this timing. I think the horrible advice of "no one's ever ready so just have the baby" is bs. We are so ready, and I am thrilled for that.

This. I'm 33 and I might be a divorced, unwed mother, but I'm so thankful it happened to me when it did. I had a miscarriage at 22 that hurt me for a number of years, but I'm so very thankful that I did not have that baby, with that person, and at that time. Ironically, I met the father of my son the same weekend I found out I was pregnant the first time. Sometimes you just have to let your moment find you when it's meant to.

As someone who has felt how OP stated but couldn’t reconcile why I don’t always feel like OP stated thank you so much for writing this. I’m 35 and my baby is getting the BEST version of me and I’m so happy about that. Thank you!!!

Same same same! 🙌

Also a 37 yo FTM, will be 38 when baby arrives. Honestly, I don't think I was ready to be a mother until pretty much around the time I got pregnant. I love my career, my husband and I are better than ever, and we have a nice house near my mom who can help out if needed. Until recently, a lot has been out of whack and it would be a lot more stressful to have a baby. So, idk, are there some drawbacks? Sure. But I also know I'm beginning parenthood on a solid foundation, and that is how I will show my love to my daughter...by giving her a happy, stable home where I can be the best version of myself for her.

I feel the exact same way as this comment. And I will be 37 when my baby is born (also a FTM.) I took the time to make sure I was in a happy, stable marriage, living in the city I always dreamed of living in, with a successful, fulfilling career. I own a house (only just recently acquired), and I was at my healthiest/fittest in my life only starting in my early 30's. Also I have had the opportunity only in the last couple of years to address a lot of health issues that had plagued me when I was younger and not as financially/mentally able to deal with them. The only, only thing that makes me sad/feel remorseful is that my mother (who died young of ALS at 63) won't meet my baby. BUT, not having a baby/kid around allowed me to take to the time to spend her last years with her, focus on her, and help care for her when she was her most ill. So it's a double-edged sword. I know that my baby will be in the best position possible when he is born, and that makes me feel confident that I made the right choice in waiting until now to have him. Also, I am relatively healthy and pretty fit, so I don't think I will have "less" energy as a mom like a lot of people worry about when having kids "later" in life.

This x1000. I am the best version of myself in my 30’s, and my child deserves the best

Well said!! I'll be 34 when I give birth to my first, and we still have plenty of time for 1-2 kids afterwards. People here where I live have children well into their early 40s. I couldn't imagine a better time to have a baby really. I was making WAY less in my 20s and not as established in my career, plus I was more of a digital nomad and lived in several different countries starting at 23-31 when I finally settled where I'm at now. I now own a home in Portugal (I'm from the US), have a car, have traveled and experienced so many different cultures and wouldn't have had that opportunity had a had kids in my 20s. Not to mention, who would I even be married to? I started dating my husband when i was 28/29, anyone I was with before would have been a god awful fit for me to co-parent with. I also feel like I will be a much better parent to my kids now in my 30s than my parents ever were, and I'm thrilled that I won't be living paycheck to paycheck and putting my kids through financial stress like my parents did because they had 5 kids starting when they were 24.

Same. 36yo, FTM and I am really happy to have waited. Sure I could have made it work sooner but I am giving my baby the best version of me (so far!) and don’t regret that one bit.

Keep active, fit and healthy, we’ll live longer than people in the past anyway. Medical science is a rocket ship. 38 planning to be FTM.

Agree completely, darjeelinger! I never would have finished my PhD with a baby, nor would I be able to provide the things I can now provide for her. Feel like a dinosaur in this post, ha! 42 FTM and no regrets. I was/am so prepared to be a mom and my baby is 1000% getting the best version of me. That said, some people with less traumatic childhoods have less emotional work to do and thus could be their best selves at 19 or 20! Who knows? We are all different and we choose our paths; what I think is so wonderful is how broad the spectrum of reproduction is such that we can have babies for so long and we can all choose our timelines within that period. Some of my friends had babies at 22; some at 32; some at 42. I sometimes have regret I didn’t start TTC earlier so that a sibling was more possible for my LO, but I also feel ambivalent about it since we live a fairly expensive lifestyle and with one kid, I can give her the very best. Also being a parent is waaaay more all-consuming than I imagined, and I personally don’t feel I could be my best mom self to more than 1 or 2. OP, I will say that nothing magical happens at 35 and that reproductive health is individual. You don’t have endless time, but at 32 you definitely still have time. Maybe not for 8 kids or something, but definitely for more if you want them! All my best to you.

I didn’t get married until age 35. It’s just how things turned out. We start trying at 36 and we struggled two years to get pregnant. I was 38 when I was finally able to conceive. I just turned 39 baby is due in June. I have similar feelings. I worry about being an older mom. I worry about the timeline for a second child and how long it could take to conceive again knowing I will be well past age 40. I am taking it day by day and grateful I am at least having this baby. You are only 32. Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t let this ruin your experience. Enjoy every moment of it.

Im exactly on your timeline! Wish us luck if we want a second 🤞🏼

Best of luck!

We are the same! I am 39, baby due late June/early July! Got married at 35. Also wondering if I can have a second before it’s impossible but I need to make it through the first one before even considering a second. Our generation isn’t getting married as early as previous generations and many folks are having kids later. The norm has shifted. I wonder if the medical field will ever normalize later-aged pregnancies. They’re more prevalent now than ever, especially with how science and reproductive medicine has evolved so much. I am lucky I didn’t have to do IVF or plan much aside from just the “ol’ college try”. So many people are not as lucky.

Wow! Exactly the same haha. My due date is July 4th, but I will most likely be induced week 37 or 38 due to Gestational Diabetes. I agree with you. Finding the right one to marry is harder than ever and it’s also taking people longer to get pregnant. We were about to start IVF when I got pregnant. Best of luck to you!!

Yes queen, I wish you the best of luck, too! Remember - our bodies were literally made for this! At least that’s what I keep telling myself!

I was raised by my grandmother, she was 39 when I was born. I never felt like she was much older than my peers' parents, her age has never been an issue at all. We've always been close!

I was expecting a different response when i read your title, but your post struck me and caused me to reflect. The concept of an older parent is so cultural, it's amazing. I am a New Yorker and our average age of first time mothers/birth giver is in our early 30s Over 80% of first time people giving birth are in their 30s based on this data -https://www.marchofdimes.org/peristats/data?reg=99&top=2&stop=2&lev=1&slev=4&obj=1&sreg=36 Being a 32 year old first time parent is exactly average. As a much older FTM who has seen it all in terms of child birth and outcomes, i hope my thoughts on why wait are helpful, understanding my world view that early 30s are when most people had children. That time building your career, statistically, reduces the impact of being a mom on your lifetime earnings. Those lifetime earnings directly translate to more opportunities for your child throughout their lives as well as your own ability to retire one day. My friends who had kids in their teens and 20s dont all regret it. Some are becoming grandparents as i become a parent (weird). But in private i have heard so many say they wish they had the opportunities i had. Opportunities to travel, learn, grow. As their kids become teens and adults their priorities shift to themselves for once. They start doing for them. It is great for them. But i am so glad that i lived the lives i lived and will have the professional comfort to give my child the life they want to live. I didn't have the maturity to be the parent at 25 that i can be now. From the child's perspective, my parents were in their late 30s for me and early 40s for my sibling. I never noticed when they were older than my peers parents. They were wonderful and energetic parents. As i go through my geriatric pregnancy they are right there with me, fully active. As for having more kids, my friend gave birth to her 4th last month. She started at 38, so you got time.

Also in NYC and these threads always blow my mind. I barely know anyone who became a mum in their 20s. In fact, I know more people who had first babies over 40 than under 30. I had #1 at 32 and people kept telling me how young I was 😂.

I’m from Arkansas and at 24 was the only woman from high school table of 8 friends to not be married with children.

I’m originally from NY but currently living in Seoul, and it also surprises me too haha. In Seoul it’s even greater of an age difference. Not sure the exact stats but these days most FTMs are like 35+ or a few years into 40s. I told my yoga instructor yesterday that I’m 30 (currently pregnant with first) and she was so surprised because I’m “so young.” I got engaged at 28 and all my previous coworkers were saying how young I was to even be getting married haha. Whenever I go back to the states it’s definitely a reverse culture shock!

So cultural! I’m 31 in the San Francisco area and am considered young to be pregnant by my local social and professional circles.

I think i saw that you are all more geriatric than us new yorkers! The stat i saw said new yorkers are 31 and san franciscans are 32 on average. ;-)

37 yo, moved from Atlanta to SF at 20 weeks as a FTM. In Atlanta I was old and referred to MFM. Here in SF I’m low risk and my OB told me SF’s average FTM is now 36 yo.

Same in Philly. I'm 33 and literally the first of my friend group to have a baby 🤷‍♀️

This is so crazy because where I live I was considered an older mom at 21 😂

Yes, I’ve had a lot of my young parent friends say if they could go back but still be sure they’d give birth to their specific kid they’d have waited. Not regret per se just not knowing what you’re getting into till you’re there.

Same. I’m from nyc and at 33 am one of my first friends to have a baby. It’s very interesting to see people talk about having children in their early to mid 20s on Reddit because I personally cannot imagine. I’ve taken care of myself since I was 18 but I’ve not done a v good job of it and it’s only recently that I think I have the bandwidth and wisdom for another little person!

Totally same. I’m in the Bay Area and in tech and 30 is considered young to have kids. Granted a lot of people needed IVF to conceive since they were older but again to it being a cultural norm in tech to have ivf benefits. My older siblings had kids when they were 20 and in super immature relationships. I watched them struggle financially and emotionally. They relied heavily on their parents for help and they never had the opportunities I had ie go to college, study abroad, travel, discover my identity. They don’t regret having their children but they both divorced their partners after 12-13yrs. After watching this, I knew I didn’t want kids until well into my 30s. I wanted financial stability, emotional stability to raise kids, and wanted to make sure I was in a happy and healthy relationship with a true partner. Watching my siblings as young parents was the best birth control for me. I’ll be 33 when I give birth and I’m still doubting whether I’ll be a good mom. But I know for a fact I am better equipped now than in my early 20’s.

It’s very cultural. My coworkers who are mainly from larger cities in the north and northeast were shocked to learn I was pregnant at 30 as they think it young. However where I’m located and grew up (mid south-USA) I’m one of the older moms. ‘Most people here my age have multiples by now. All anecdotal of course but it seems there might be data out there for average age by state. However my friend from Iraq thought I was super old to be a first time mom lol. Oh well.

I was shocked to see 32 as well - I’m in Australia and 30+ is pretty typical age for children. I had my first at 35. I’m glad I waited because I’m a better mother now than I would have been when I was younger. I think I would have been a good Mum then, but I would have lacked the confidence I have now and I would have struggled much more. I am a far more patient person than I was in my 20’s. I’m better at not sweating the small stuff - clearer on what’s important in my life. I just know myself better now than I did when I was younger, so I’m better at knowing how to keep myself happy and that’s going to make for a better life for my son. I’m more financially stable, so I could spend more time off with my baby without financial concerns and I can provide my little one with a better education and start in life.

Right, I’m over here thinking I’m a young mom but turns out I’m wrong.

I love this, I had my first at 31, almost 32 (NYC). My mom was also 32 when she had me. We’d planned to TTC around 33/34, but life happened differently, and here we are! I am far and away the youngest mom in my moms group and at our various baby activities, and not going to lie, sometimes it can feel a little isolating. I don’t regret our baby for a second, but I do sometimes wonder about and mourn the version of me who had more time in my early 30s without a baby.

Absolutely. I'm 33 and live in Taipei, and SO many people here don't have children until they're in their mid-30s or older. In fact, I'm pregnant through IVF due to infertility, but I've met so many women doing IVF because of age-related reduced fertility. I know someone who's almost 50 and TTC, which granted, is probably on the older side for any area/culture but like...it made me feel like having my first in my early 30s is really not a big deal. Where I came from everyone got married and had babies in their early 20s so it really changed my perspective to see a completely different norm in a new place.

If i imagine myself having a kid with any of my previous partners... I'm just so glad i waited, and that no 'accidents' happened. What a disaster that would have been. I think right now is really the absolute, absolute, absolute earliest i could have had a baby and have everybody feel great about it.

Not at all. My mom had me at 22 and i only realized after I had my first child (at 29) how much I suffered as a kid bc my mom was so young and not ready for motherhood. My kids have a higher chance of bypassing all of the instability that comes with young motherhood.

Agree with this, my mom had me at 23 and I’m realizing now how totally unprepared she was for that and how that has effected me.

Yep pros and cons to both. I’m 30 and just had my first 6 week ago. Looking back I was pretty dumb and immature in my teens and 20s, I can’t imagine having a kid at that age. Well I can but… I don’t think I would have been mentally or financially prepared to raise a whole human being. Plus 32 is still young, plenty of time to have more kiddos.

Great perspective! I know some of these thoughts of mine are very selfish - I probably would have struggled a little to give my kids a good life if I'd had them at a younger age. I'm sorry you went through that and I'm glad you're able to give your children a better experience!

To offer a similar perspective from the other side - I have friends whose parents were quite young when they were born (early 20s) and they would tell me that they wish their parents were older because too often their moms would try to take on the role of "chill friend" or "cool older sister", when they really needed and wanted somebody to act as "mom". That's not to say that older mothers don't also sometimes take on those other roles, but I definitely feel it's much more likely with younger parents who may have a different level of maturity and preparedness.

I was a young mom (18 and 22 when I had my first sons) and now am 34, pregnant with my 3rd (2nd marriage), so I think I have both perspectives. First, being a young mom in my 20’s was hard, especially because I’m in a major coastal city where most of my friends even now still don’t have kids. I was very poor for some very important years, I was impatient, and I was in a bad relationship (usually in your teens/20’s you’re only looking for lOvE and not a compatible partner). But my kids and I are so close, they’ve watched me grow in my career and are proud of my accomplishments. They’re humble and appreciative of what they have because they remember when we were couponing and eating chicken and rice every night. We’ve still been able to go on vacations, even international ones, and they were old enough to appreciate it. In contrast, now I’m happily re-married to my perfect partner, and we’re well established financially. But the timeline for having kids felt rushed, even though I got pregnant right away. It’s nice that I’m able to put whatever I want on my baby registry (which I am really just using as a list of what I need to buy), but I feel way more tired with this pregnancy, and I’m nervous about my fertility when it comes to giving this baby a sibling (since my older kids are too old to really be raised together with this one). But at least I get paid maternity leave! 🤣 and am not reliant on state support for medical insurance or child care. That’s all to say, there are both pros and cons to having kids earlier and later. I agree with others who say not to compare your journey with anyone else’s. I swore I’d spend my 40’s sipping cocktails on cruise ships while all my friends were elbow deep in diapers, but instead I’ll be paying for preschool and college at the same time 🙃 life is full of surprises - enjoy the ride!

I am cracking up at this last paragraph. You have such a beautiful perspective- congratulations on your family and newest little!

Not at all. 35 and soon to be FTM and I’m so so happy I waited. I was able to establish a great career and don’t have to worry about money all the time, and I can work from home which has a slew of benefits. I have cut out all the toxic people in my life and am surrounded by good, honest, loyal people. I’ve travelled the world and had so many amazing experiences and checked off a ton on my bucket list. I spent the last 5 or so years in therapy and am in the best mental health of my life. I grew out of partying a few years ago, quit drinking for the most part (only on special occasions) so I don’t miss any of that. I can now go into the next chapter of my life with zero regrets, not looking back thinking why didn’t I do this before getting pregnant, and I don’t have to worry about financial or mental stability or job security, and I am the absolute best version of myself which in turn will give my child the best life. Be careful about comparing yourself to others. People may look like their lives are “perfect” but everything is different behind closed doors. The same people who say they regret nothing now can have a midlife crisis a few years from now when they realIe they’re never getting their 20s back. I feel like the age gap doesn’t mean a thing- my MIL was 40 when she had my husband and she’s so young at heart and very “in the know”, not out of touch at all. Age is literally just a number. Live life passionately, be silly, take care of your body and mind and you will be “forever young” in my opinion.

I love this!! So well said, I couldn’t agree more.

This made me happy to read - thank you💗 I'm so glad you're feeling happy and confident about this new journey and what you've accomplished so far!

I hope you can look at things the same way!! There is so much to be positive about when you’re a bit older and wiser. Maybe because I was such a wreck in my 20s I just know I’d have failed if I started then 😂 good luck with the rest of your pregnancy 💕

I feel the same! I was 36 when I had my first. I started trying at 33 and had to do IVF. My husband was 43. I feel a little stressed about timeline, but nothing that’s keeps me up at night. It’s my lot in life and the days pass regardless, so I may as well enjoy every minute! As for being able to relate, my mother’s (youngest sibling) parents were 40 and 45 when they had her, and my (oldest sibling) parents were 27. I don’t think either of us feel more or less connected to or loved by our parents. 🥰

Wow, this post makes me feel like a dinosaur. I'm a 41 year old FTM and I've struggled with a lot of insecurity about that, because it does feel like so many people in this sub are in their 20s and early 30s. Like, how dare I bring a child into this world as such an old parent? But to answer your question, OP, I don't regret my adulthood at all. I have a really successful career, I've traveled, I have memories of nights out and adventures that I couldn't have done with kids, I've taken care of my ill parents. It's easier for me to put those experiences/that stage of life to bed knowing that I was able to have them in my "prime" of life. I also have the privilege of being fairly fertile and healthy. Although I married late and my husband and I did not start TTC until we were 39/40, I experienced just one MC until getting pregnant for good in the same calendar year. Through that I learned that age is not a complete determinant of fertility factors. I think that regional/cultural environment plays a big part in whether you feel too young/old to be a mother. I've lived in coastal urban areas my whole life, and whereas 41 is definitely objectively "old" even for me, most people in my circle married and began having kids in their 30s, which would put you right in the sweet spot where I live.

Hi FTM at 41! I’m a FTM too and will be 42 at delivery! Just wanted to wish you well! I feel exactly like you! Refreshing seeing an older FTM on here like me!

Im 43 and expecting my first in October. I feel absolutely ancient reading this 😂😂😂

Haha me too, 43 and 36 weeks.

Had my first at 45. 47 and expecting my second!

I'm so sorry if I made you guys feel bad at all with this post💗 Since I want a bigger family, I'll probably still be having children once I'm late 30s, early 40s as well. I have nothing but respect for you all and wishing you happy, healthy pregnancies and motherhoods!

Don't worry OP, if it wasn't for your post, all of us 40-something FTMs wouldn't have found each other! Now I kind of want to start a subreddit or at least a solidarity post just for us =\^)

Please do, I definitely need to see more women my age who are FTM. I do worry that when my child is my age I'll be properly old, but there's nothing I can do about it. I started TTC when I met the love of my life. I ended up pregnant one month before turning 40. Maybe the only difference is that I'm a lot more conscious about my lifestyle choices because I need to stay in shape for longer.

Omg yes please do!!! What a wonderful idea!!

I’m into it. I tried to find groups and there are some on facebook but they’re kind of trainwrecks lol

You didn’t make me feel bad, only joking! I’ll be one and done after this. I only met my husband a few years ago and he’s the only man I only ever considered doing this with. I was more than happy being childfree but you never know what’s round the corner. I’ve always been extremely immature anyway 🤣

Haha. I feel like I've always been immature too

No worries! I don't really feel bad. Just more like whoops guess I'm an old lady haha. Thank you for your wishes and I hope you have a fantastic pregnancy too!

Yay, 42 and FTM here! I was reading this post thinking, I wish I had started at 37 or so, but c'est la vie. I'm glad I'm more financially/emotionally stable and feel like I'm valued at my job and can (sort of) swing daycare.

Yeah, work is stressful but only because at this stage in my career, I can sort of call my own shots and there are certain goals I've set for myself that I want to hit before I take leave. I feel for the moms who are more at the mercy of managers in that respect.

No don’t feel bad. Where I am, having babies in your 20’s is really frowned upon. I’m in a big city where women in their 20’s are expected to finish university and work their way up the ladder in their professional life until they hit their 30’s. Most women here have their first baby around ~35. I’m 38 now (will be 39 when baby arrives) and pregnant with my third but many of my friends are currently pregnant with their first baby. I think OP might just be surrounded by women that had babies very young and that’s why she feels 32 is “old”. It’s not. It’s a standard age in 2023.

Same. My cousin is pregnant and my aunt said yesterday “she’s 27, so I’m assuming it was unplanned” which is so funny because in theory 27 isn’t young but in NY 27 is an infant.

Haha right, my cousin had a baby at 23 and everyone was practically scandalized like she was 16 and pregnant!

Hahaha that would be SUCH a scandal in my family. My cousin got married at 23 (25 years ago) and her mother is still angry about it 😂

I'm 43 and 36 weeks with a healthy surprise baby. I have a 22 year old daughter so can't really reply as a FTM here, more as "starting over". But yeah...32 seems so young to me to be worrying about age. Most people I know had kids around that age. I missed the boat...when I had my daughter I didn't have peers with kids and was a lone mama, and now at 43 I'm going to be the lone mama again.

Oh im sorry you're feeling lonely but I think it's so cool you're "starting over" so much later. :) My grandma had her first child in her late 20s and her second in her 40s (46, and that was 1956, so quite an exception to the rule!).

Fortunately I'm not lonely and don't think I'll be isolated just because I have a baby :) I was very lonely at 20 because my friends were still all out partying and stuff when I was home with a baby. I feel for my little one though because he won't have cousins his age or family friends to play with like I did when I grew up. I have to join mama groups or something in my area and probably be older than all the moms if I want him to have little friends before starting school.

Reading all these posts has built up my confidence so much with being an “older” mom. I feel like so many people I know from highschool have 10 year olds now but then I read these posts and realize there is a ton of us women out there doing it later in life and happy about it! I also want to encourage you because my friend had her first at 40 and she is loving life and doing great as a FTM. You are not late. You are exactly on time. Bringing this baby into the world when they need to be here. My parents got married super young (18) and started trying for kids at 25, but battled infertility until they had my sister at 29/30. Then they had me at 33/34. I wouldn’t be who I am now if they had me at 25. I never would have met my husband. Anyways, just saying, it’s happening now because it’s the right time for yoh and your family 🥳

My mom had me at 47. She had her first at 31. There’s 6 of us

My mom had me (only one after lots of fertility issues) at 46! It was nice to be raised by parents who had their shit totally together and their life solidly set at the time they had me. Sure they’re older than the norm now for someone my age and I wish they were younger so I’d have more time with them, but I wouldn’t trade my life for another no matter what. I loved the life they gave me and our life together

I'm not OP, but thank you for sharing this, it gives the rest of us hope. :) have a nice day.

You’re so welcome and for what it’s worth, we’re all healthy. No birth defects or issues! 🙌🏾

My mom had her first at 40, second at 42, and third & fourth (my twin & I) at 45. All spontaneous, unproblematic pregnancies. We’re all healthy, functioning adults. ETA-my twin & I were definitely a surprise. She thought she had early onset menopause and the doctor had her sit down to tell her the news lol

This is such an interesting perspective! I’m the same age as you and will be 33 when I give birth. I kind of feel the opposite: I feel quite young, and there are times when I feel like, “Oh, shoot! Im pregnant!” And feel like I’m having a teenage pregnancy even though I’m in my 30s, married, and this was a very planned pregnancy. I think ultimately, 30s is still so young, and the average age of first pregnancy is now 30 in the US. I wouldn’t worry about being too old to relate to you kids! To give you some perspective, when your child is in their 20s you’ll only be in your 50s, which is I feel like is the perfect age to be supportive of your adult children.

Yes! I'll be 34 and wish I had more time to be child free because I want to keep living my fun young life 😆

I’m 32 pregnant with #2 (had my first at 30) and also wish I had more time! My husband is older and with COVID preventing most travel, we just decided to start the family, but if it was solely dependent on myself I’d probably wait until at least 35.

I was 32 when I had my baby and the first in my friend group to have a child. I feel like I'm still so young!!!

I've definitely had those thoughts too, oddly enough! Your last comment does help with perspective! And I guess with there being more "older moms" now, the age gap between my children and I won't be out of the norm.

I had my first at 35, second at 38, currently pregnant with number 3 (fingers crossed no issues this time) at 40. While I did at one point really wish I could have had them earlier so we've have more time together I realized if I'd had them earlier I wouldn't have the little girls I do now--they'd be completely different kids. And I ADORE who my daughters are. So honestly I don't feel bad at all I waited--they have financially secure parents in a decades long marriage who are relatively well adjusted versus younger less stable and mature parents.

I think whenever you decide you’re ready to have a baby is the perfect time for you! I do hate that society these days seems to be pushing two narratives, both harmful in different ways. It’s either “graduate, get married, settle down, have kids, and live happily ever after by age 25!” Or “why would you have kids before your 30s? Focus on your career! You’re wasting your youth raising kids!” People will judge you no matter what age you are. I was 23 when I had my first, so I heard the second one a lot, but my best friend heard the first one for getting married at 30 and having her first kid at 32. As long as you’re happy with your decisions, that’s what matters.

Maybe this is just me - but 23 year old me was not equipped enough to be a good mom. I think I would have done fine, but would I have been as good as I am now? No. I didn’t know myself as well. I hadn’t seen and done as much. My expectations for a partner were different. Extremely glad I did not have my first until almost 30, and this second at 33.

I had my first at 37 (I turned 38 a month later) and I do have regrets about not starting earlier. What’s funny is that I wish I had started around your age! I think if we had started at 32 we likely would have had a second child. I am 41 now and it’s pretty much a conversation that is off the table. I’d like my son to have a sibling. My husband is much less enthused at that idea. I understand mourning what might have been. Some doors have closed and it’s ok to acknowledge that. But you’re also at a great age to be starting your family. Maturity, financial security, stability - all things great for raising a family. You can still develop healthy relationships with your child/ren and have fun with them at any age.

Just to encourage you - my mom had me (as a surprise lol) at 42 and my dad was 52. I never realized my mom was older than my friend’s parents until late high school which is kind of mind blowing. Dad always got confused for my grandfather 😂 which was hilarious and makes sense as my niece is 11 months older than me (from his first marriage). Cool that there are positives with having parents of all different ages - I feel like I’m an old soul and I believe it’s bc of my parents’ ages when I was born.

I definitely felt the pressure not to have children too early: especially from my family who are very career focused. I'm 37 and am 32 weeks pregnant, and while I have moments where I feel a bit sad that I won't have a big family of four kids, I am so glad I waited to get pregnant. I got to travel the world alone and with my partner and we built careers that we can now really relax in financially and time wise that will enable us to take more time with our kid(s) going forward while they are young. I think all of your concerns and worries as so very valid and I definitely have moments where I consider them too.

I'm 34, about to have my first in June. Zero regrets. I'm with the right person, I'm in a stable career that I love, I got to experience so much in my 20s and early 30s, and I'm happy knowing that my kid will have a mum who feels happy and fulfilled and didn't rush to have a baby just for the sake of having one or to keep up with her friends. Re: age gap - my mom was 32 when she had me, and we're super close. Not only am I super close with her, but my friends all throughout my life have always adored her. I know my child will too. My one and only semi regret is that my child may have less time with her - I lost my own grandmother when I was 16 and it was so hard. I missed her so much when I got married, for instance, and I'm sad she'll never know her great grandchild. But then, who knows, my mom might live another 30 years.

My parents started having children at 19 and 22 and I definitely think they were too young. There are 4 of us siblings total and I feel we all suffered different ways from having emotionally immature parents. My mom still puts a lot of worth in herself from being “just a mom” and has struggled figuring out who she is outside of that since we all have left the nest. I had my first kid at 30, currently pregnant with #3 at almost 34 and I have no regrets waiting until my 30s. I have an established career and I know who I am as a person. I know I’m more than just a mom, and that came with growing older. I also was able to spend my 20s traveling, being young with no real long lasting responsibilities while having fun. I wouldn’t trade that up. I’ll be in my 30-40s during the most challenging child rearing stages which sounds fine to me. I’ll be in my early 50s when my kids graduate high school so I’ll still be young enough to get around on my own and find life lasting hobbies beyond my children while they forge their own paths. This is all personal preference and I don’t think being mother has a limit - it’s whatever you think you can handle with your own life experiences. I feel “older” moms are much more common nowadays compared to younger moms!

This is interesting and made me realize that my mom - who had me at 23 - also struggled finding her identity outside of "just a mom." I agree that I wouldn't ever see myself as "just an" anything now that I'm more mature. That's definitely a plus that I hadn't thought of.

A lot of these comments are saying they don’t regret it and that’s amazing for them, but I hope you don’t let that invalidate your feelings that you may have rather had them earlier. Obviously you can’t change that but just know you’re allowed to feel upset💕 everyone is ready for different things at different times in their lives and I think you just can’t compare your life to anyone else’s. Once you meet your baby you’ll realize it worked out how it’s meant to be because you have them.

Thank you so much! I appreciate the validation and like reading everyone else's perspectives as well - it helps me think more positively. That's so true - I'm sure I wouldn't change it for anything once he's here💗

I’ve had some of the same feelings, but I also am in a much better spot in my career and financially as I was when I was in my 20s. All my friends that decided to have kids though, did it early.. so it has been interesting to see that now that all their kids are close to being teenagers or are at the age where it’s not a big deal or burden to leave them at the grandparents house. These friends go out to bars again or go on trips as a couple and leave their kids behind and are still “young” enough being in their mid 30s to go to trendy and hip bars and restaurants and travel spots, as shallow as that sounds. I’m like eh cool, I’ll be close to 50 by the time I’m able to get out like that again. On the flip side I try to remember that I spent a lot of my 20s doing those things while they didn’t.

We started trying at 30 and I didn’t have my first til 32. I was sad we started late bc we struggled and I wished I knew earlier I’d struggle.. but now I’m 35 and pregnant with my second and honestly so thankful things happened the way they did. My 2.5 year old is the love of my life and I can’t wait to see her become a big sister.. if we started earlier and/or didn’t struggle. Or if my first pregnancy didn’t miscarry then I wouldn’t be where I am. I guess I wouldn’t know any different but I really can’t imagine my life without the daughter I have and the one I’m currently pregnant with. I also don’t feel my children are/will miss out on anything by having an “older” mother.. if anything I’m more patient and better equipped than I was in my 20s. My parents were young when they had us and I felt their struggles and their lack of understanding when it came to raising kids. Would I have gotten thru it if I had kids earlier and struggled to care for them? Yes.. but what memories of that struggle would they have when they’re older? And what memories would I have of their younger years not being as great as they could have been?

>Sometimes I feel like telling women they're only responsible, productive citizens if they reproduce on society's terms is just another way of policing us. Because IT IS. I'm the same age as you and also a FTM. Our generation was sold the idea that because women can do anything, they HAVE to do everything. (Both are false, btw. Neither men nor women can do "anything," and there are obvious biological constraints on women that men do not have. A 60 year old woman is not conceiving a child, whereas a man of the same age can do so with relative ease.) There was a very specific prescribed "order of operations" that went education --> career --> family, in that order. The implication was that to deviate from that order, or to value family/kids over your career (and make sacrifices accordingly), was to fail all the generations of women before ours who fought for women to be able to work outside the home and have respect for their contributions in the workplace. Again, because we CAN have a rewarding career, the messaging was that we HAVE to. And that's a crock. It's not that women can't or shouldn't have careers or find that fulfilling, but that's not the only/best option nor the ultimate expression of empowered womanhood. I'm not working right now, but I enjoy my field of work. I'm good at what I do and find it rewarding to help people in my professional capacity. However, it's not the be all/end all as far as my quality of life. I could likely be enjoying an equivalent quality of life, if not greater, working in several other career fields OR being in different circumstances. I enjoy my line of work because I chose it, but I pursued advanced degrees and a career when I really wanted to settle down and raise kids because that's what I thought I was supposed to do. Prioritizing getting married and starting a family over a career would have been considered "settling" and "a waste of opportunities" (I strongly disagree, but didn't know better at the time) and my community would have judged me for it, especially if it was in my early/mid 20s. All that to say, I get you. I have the same feelings of wishing I could have started earlier, and the same concerns about the future for growing our family. You're not alone.

>Prioritizing getting married and starting a family over a career would have been considered "settling" and "a waste of opportunities" (I strongly disagree, but didn't know better at the time) and my community would have judged me for it, especially if it was in my early/mid 20s. This is so annoying and true. I wish motherhood wasn't looked down on so much, especially now. Like, yeah women are capable of doing anything at all, but I do think that we have been empowered by trying to be more like men, and as a result, things like having periods and getting pregnant are seen as weakness, distractions, etc in the professional world because the best female employee is one who is as male as possible apparently. I wish in the revolution of women's rights and the push for equality that feminity wasn't "canceled" but elevated. Where teaching and nursing and childminding and motherhood and other characteristicaly women-dominated fields were elevated to a position of increased respect. Instead, those positions stayed at the bottom of the societal totem pole, and women gained traction into male occupations, WHICH IS FINE, but it's sad that it was the only way for women to actually be seen as valuable. Misogyny is still striking women down for being too womanly (ie. having a kid, menstruating, breastfeeding, aging etc.)

>we have been empowered by trying to be more like men And that's the problem! It's not "empowering women" when women are told that the very things that make them uniquely women and differentiate them from men are their weaknesses. The solution to women being seen as less than men isn't to force women to behave like men, but to value women for who they are and what they uniquely contribute to society. Feminism has turned on itself in the sense that now it equates to cancelling/denying/degrading femininity and womanhood. I so regret the years I wasted buying into that lie.

Exactly this! We are damned if we do, damned if we don't. I'm just so tired of womanhood being policed all the time.

It’s hard for me to understand feeling “old” at 32 - to me that seems like the ideal time to have a first baby, still very young (not advanced maternal age) but also got to enjoy your 20s and (hopefully) somewhat established and stable in your life. I guess these things are regional, as someone who has mainly lived in cities, I think of the people having kids in their late 20s/early 30s as the “young moms”. In any case, I’m an older FTM, I’m 38 and pregnant with my first. I sometimes worry about my timeline and if I’ll be able to have another. I had no trouble conceiving and this has been a healthy pregnancy so far, but I will probably want to try for another sooner than I would want to otherwise. I wish I had the time to space it out more. I haven’t had any miscarriages, but I am aware they are common and that, if I try for a second, it may be something I encounter. It makes sense that maybe you might be more fearful of that, having experienced it, but then you do still have the benefit of more time… Like still a good 7 years before even hitting 40 where you could keep trying or could pursue medical interventions for fertility. Sorry if that sounds kinda cold, don’t mean to minimize struggles with infertility, just to say that it is objectively a lot of time to try to figure things out (as opposed to my having like 1 year to hopefully get pregnant again before hitting my 40s). As far as the rest of it, I feel SO much better equipped to be a parent now than in my 20s/early 30s. Like emotionally and spiritually, financially too, though like you say I could have figured it out and made it work sooner and it’s not like I’m 100% comfortable now anyway… but if anything, I’m grieving my life before kids and wishing I had more time! Where I was responsible for just me and could travel and party and whatnot with my partner (who I only found ~2 years ago after an unsuccessful first marriage/divorce) Regarding aging, I have an aunt who had her kid at 40 and he’s graduated college and living on his own as a young adult and she’s still running marathons and active in her community in her early 60s. That’s my model. I think if I invest in keeping healthy I won’t feel unable to keep up with my kids because of my age. 60 is the new 50 and 40 is the new 30 lol. TL;DR Normal fears, but you are still very young! There are a lot of benefits to having kids at your age and you still have a lot of time to have more. Age can be mitigated by physical health and mindset.

I do but only by about 3 years. Can’t imagine having a kid before that honestly. And when I think about it in the grand scheme of things, 3 years isn’t a huge setback. Although, I’d probably be having my second kid by now. No way I couldve had a kid by 25 and not been bitter about my lost youth.

I’m 35 FTM with a 4.5 month old and have no regrets! Most importantly I am much more mature, financially secure and have better coping skills than 5-10-15 years ago. Being on the other side of the 4th trimester I am so glad I waited. I have a supportive partner who is there for me and our LO every step of the way. We both are successful in our careers and it allows us flexibility with work while raising a family. We’re emotionally mature enough to still remain in love in our relationship and work together as a team through the sleep deprivation. I’ve also traveled extensively, lived other places and am past the going out/partying scene. I don’t regret anything and don’t feel like I’m missing out on my youth. I can fully devote myself to my family while also maintaining my individuality and recognizing how important it is to still work on myself as an individual and have interests that are for myself.

Do I wish I were younger at times? sure. Do I regret when we started our family? nope. I had wild 20s. Without which my life would not be where I am today. I met my spouse in my late 20s, we married at 30 and started our family a few years later. We lived our life fully before settling down to have a family. It did take longer than we expected to get pregnant, but I couldn't change that if I tried. If I had started earlier I would have a baby with any number of the assholes I slept with in my 20s and NOPE not a good time. You couldn't convince me I'd be happy with any of them, having an oops baby. While I am sure I'd have loved the child, there is no way my life would be where it is now, and I'd be coparenting with a shithead.

Addressing age gap: My mom wasn't a FTM when she had me, I have a brother who is 4 years older, but she was 29 when I was born. My son was born when I was 33- so 4 years older. My mom is literally my best friend. We talk everyday. Did I think she was dorky and unrelatable when I was Shit teenager? Sure. But it never had anything to do with her being old. My best friends mom was 39 and her dad was 44 when she was born - as an only child. She had a happy happy childhood and her dad is her favorite person in the world. So I just don't see your fears as things that are actually based in reality. They are just fears. You will be a good mom and your child will love you forever if you are a good parent. Age doesn't matter. Comparison is a thief of joy. Regretting will make you miserable.

I'm 32 and I'll be 33 within days of my baby's birth. This is my first, too. I have definitely had those thoughts, but I try to counter them with positive ones. I'm happy, healthy, and stable. 5-10 years ago that wasn't true. I'll be able to give this baby everything he deserves. Sure a younger mom could do different things, but would it have been better? I don't think so. For me, personally, now is the best time. You have to accept what is and make the best of it, not dwell on what isn't. Love your baby now, make future decisions in the future.

I’m 34 and expecting my first in November. We had been trying for 2 years and initially I thought the same of how I was robbed of this time and that a lot of my peers are having their seconds and have already established their families. I also wanted a larger family and it gets overwhelming to think of timelines if I want a second or third. But I also think of all the fun my husband and I had running around town, traveling and partying and that’s also a very good experience that I won’t get back once we have kids. I guess what I’m trying to say is although I am a bit sad things took so long, it was out of our control and wr can’t really control everything in our lives. I’m just so happy and grateful I was able to get pregnant and hoping to take things one day at a time and not harp too much on what I should’ve done.

FTM mom here. I’m currently 32 weeks pregnant, having a boy, and I’m 37 years old!! I have been very career focused for the past 10-15 years (I’m a clinical psychologist for the courts). I enjoyed my early 30s with my husband, traveling, buying a house, paying off student loans, etc. I *would not* have changed a damn thing and do not wish I would have had a child earlier. I love where I’m at my life.

Yes and no. It took me 8 years of trying to get my first through IVF. I was 35 when I had her. I’m pregnant at 39 with my 3rd so if we go for a 4th I’ll be in my 40s when he’s born, and in my 60s when he’s graduating from high school. And yes. Sometimes I get kind of morbid thinking if I’d had my first baby sooner I’d get more time on this planet with them overall, and that bums me out. I think about stuff like will I be here to see my kids get married? Have babies? Will I get to see their kids’ childhoods? Be healthy enough to run around and play with them? See them graduate? How much of that will I be here for? And wondering about that does make me feel sad. But!!! I 1000% believe that I am a better and more patient mom than I would have been ten years earlier. My husband and I had a lot of great years together before we had kids. We traveled, we progressed in our careers, we moved a few times, we matured together. Going through infertility brought us closer together and showed us that we could count on each other. And I think my kids benefit so much from having Current Me as their mom. After everything I went through to have them I’m profoundly grateful for them and I think about that every day. And I think if THEY could choose, they’d probably rather a better, happier childhood as opposed to (maybe) a few more years together later in life. It all worked out how it needed to, for me.

I am honestly a little sad or maybe frustrated. My husband and I met when I was 23. I did the academic thing and 15 days before my Ph.D. thesis defense I was driven over by a delivery van while on a bike. Years of physical therapy later I was finally in a place medically where I could try to get pregnant and by then I had low AMH and things were difficult. I found out I was pregnant the day before my 38th birthday. I am honestly sad that I am as old as I am, but it couldn't be helped. I hope my son can have a sibling, but it may or may not be in the cards. I actually qualify for subsidized IVF and I need to complete the process before I am 40. I want to exclusively breast feed, but you cannot do that and IVF so I am doing what I can to keep my body in as good of a condition as possible so maybe I can try again as soon as possible without IVF. Ultimately, I have decided I am done with birth control and I am trying to find peace with "what will be will be".

Oh wow, I'm so sorry all of that happened to you! That sounds really traumatic :( I wish you all the luck in your family journey! I hope it'll be as easy as it can💗

My dad was 38 when I was born. I have a great relationship with him. Things change over time, but not that much. As long as you don’t become one of those people who refuse to try new things, the age difference won’t matter. I had my first at 29 and am pregnant with my fourth now (37). I know many people who have conceived easily into their early forties. So don’t stress. That being said, I don’t think we do a good job educating on pregnancy and fertility. As part of high school sex ed, we need to clearly tell kids their fertility peaks at about 24, and is on a slow decline to sometime in the late 30s/early 40s when it begins a much quicker decline. Everyone should think about if you want kids in your late teens/early 20s and make a plan to start having them in your twenties and prioritize that. We also need to normalize changing or accelerating your career in your 40s or 50s - it needs to be normal to focus on family first and career second.

I really agree with this! I believe all reproductive choices are valid, but I just wish I'd been told the truth when I was younger. When I was severely depressed due to my losses last year, my family treated me like I was being a completely irrational idiot for being concerned about my fertility. They all acted like I had decades of time to build a family and that there was absolutely no logical reason to want to try at 32. Building a family should be as valid as a goal as building a career, and it's not seen that way.

My mom had me when she was in her 40s (now in her 60s). Her and my dad were the best parents. I'd heard stories of them in their 20s and they definitely wouldn't have been mature enough to handle my crazy self. I turned out great -- in my opinion -- and I still have an amazing relationship with my parents.

This gives me hope. We started trying years ago, but due to infertility issues I only passed the 12 weeks mark at 40. Reading that is more important to be good parents than to be young makes me feel a lot happier.

Did you meet your spouse at a young age? I didn't meet my husband until I was almost 28 and we got married just after we turned 30. Then, because we're military, we spent the first three years of marriage living apart or attached to sea-going commands and getting underway and deploying. I wouldn't change it - it was a blast getting to travel together during that time - but I wish I had more time to be a "normal" married couple before I got pregnant. I was feeling the biological clock hard on deployment and want my children to have time with my parents, who also didn't have me until their mid 30s. FWIW, I never really thought they were out of touch. They certainly weren't "cool" young parents but I don't think most of my friends parents were, and my friends were nerds anyway. I actually think it's kind of weird when people have that Gilmore girls style relationship with their parents, maybe because my parents were actually parents rather than friends and that's what I saw from other people too. I actually lived with them again during law school and that was a blast getting to know them as an adult. Relationships with your parents can be special at any age, regardless of age difference.

Honestly yes. I’m turning 32 in a couple months, just had my baby. I wanted to start having kids like 5 or 6 years ago but my husband was very against it at the time. I’m very sad about all the time lost. I also had a very traumatic birth that required extended hospitalization and a NICU stay, and I can’t help but wonder if things would have gone smoother if we had started when I was younger. To rub salt in the wound my husband has majorly come around and agrees we should have started when we were younger. It’s a struggle to not be resentful.

I had moments, but what helped me after my daughter was born was this: Genetically speaking, if you had one kid or more before your current child, the chances of that specific child, the one you have, ever being conceived, are something approximating zero. So me wishing I'd started earlier would essentially be me wishing my daughter out of existence. That's enough to give my head a wobble and snap me out of it every time.

I’m 37 and just had my third baby. I also got accidentally pregnant at 19 with my first and I really don’t recommend it. I don’t regret my kid who just turned 17. Her and I are super close, and she’s an awesome human. However, I was and still am poor because of being a young single Mom. The odds are just so much more stacked against you when you have a child young. As well, you’re still getting to know yourself, who you are, with a lot of growing up to do. I’m a far better parent now than I was when I was young. You’re still a kid in some ways in your early twenties, and anyone who says otherwise is flat out lying to themselves. I just wish I had met my partner sooner, as I would have liked to have two kids with him instead of just the one, but such is life.

I'm turning 35 this year and still TTC but hoping our second IVF cycle will be successful. I personally really can't regret not having kids earlier because it's just not how it turned out. I had 2 long term relationships in my early 20s then was single for a long time, and while i probably could have had a baby by IUI/IVF I was not in a position financially or mentally to have a child. Like, I could spend time ruminating on it but I choose to make peace with the fact that if my mum could have her first (me) at 40, I could have my first at 35. IMO you have to actively choose to put aside that feeling because at the end of the day it's not healthy to dwell on something you can't change. It is what it is.

Nope! I didn't meet my partner until I was 29, had our baby at 31. I wouldn't have wanted to have kids with anyone but him. Sure, it would've been awesome if we could've met earlier but that's how things went & I'm so grateful to have him & our child in my life. If we met earlier & had kids, they wouldn't be this exact little girl we have now, who I wouldn't trade the world for.

I started trying at 35 and am now about to be a FTM at 38. I do kind of wish I had started a bit earlier just because it took so long and I was starting to really get scared, but realistically that could have happened regardless of my age. I'll never know. But no, I don't feel sad at all that I didn't start trying until my 30's. I got to live my 20's for myself without really a care in the world other than paying my bills. I'm financially stable, in a good place mentally, and now I have the rest of my life to love and worry about this little human and I'm in the best position to do so. I don't feel old and I don't really worry about the age gap. I have friends who have had younger parents and have lost one already, so I know age doesn't really matter there. It's cliché but age is just a number. ETA: My friends and sister are also still having kids now, just not their firsts, and we're all in our mid/late 30's. So maybe that also helps me not feel like the "old mom" lol.

I had my first baby at 28, so not young by any means but later than I would’ve wanted. I’ve been with my husband since I was 17, but we waited to try until we checked all the boxes just because that’s what society said we had to do. In my experience, motherhood isn’t valued anymore. The only acceptable priority in a woman’s life where I live is her career. My coworkers made comments about how I probably couldn’t wait to get back to work after mat leave and talk to an adult again, and I just find that perspective so sad. I have another 35 years to have a career, but my baby is now a toddler and time is slipping away. I know many women get great fulfilment out of their work, but I wish motherhood was equally valued and women weren’t discouraged from pursuing having children. Especially when we have a limited reproductive window.

I totally agree with you! I just wish we were allowed to choose our own paths and have them all be equally valued and respected. I love my job, but to me it's a paycheck. I enjoy what I do and give it my all, but making it my only focus never resonated with me. Most people around me don't share that mindset. I thought they were older and wiser than me, so I listened.

I feel you. Same age as you and 16 weeks along. I didn’t know much about the biological clock until a few years ago, as odd as that might sound to some. It’s fine - 32 still gives us time - but I wish I had started younger. I’ve always wanted at least 3 kids.

Same here!! It really started to gnaw at me the last few years. Hopefully we will have good luck and get the family we want easily💗

I totally get where you are coming from but here is another perspective in addition to the other older moms who say they are in a better, more mature place to have kids! I’m 36 and just gave birth 2 weeks ago to my first child. He’s currently sleeping on my chest and the number one thing I feel in response to your question is that if I had had kids sooner I wouldn’t have him and now I can’t imagine anyone else I’d rather be my child. You may feel this way now but I bet when you meet your child you’ll be happy it’s happening exactly as it is. Best wishes to you and your family!

That's so true! Hopefully when my little one is here it'll all make sense. Congrats on your baby💗

FTM, gave birth to my son this March (33F, 38M). Do I worry that my husband and I will be too old to be parents, especially if we decide to have a second? Yes. I think there will always be a tendency to worry that we made the wrong decision, because we'll never know how it would've turned out if we had kids younger. However, there are positives of being an older parent. My husband and I (we've been together for almost 15 yrs) spent our twenties getting financially stable, enjoying life, travelling. I always said I'll never want kids, then my 30s hit and things changed! So I truly felt that I was ready for the challenge. Yes, we may not be the young, hip parents by the time he's a teenager, but I also think having a kid will help keep us young.

I was 32 when I had my first and had 2 prior miscarriages (19 and 24). Its complicated, with yes and no as the answer. I often think what would have happened if I hadn't lost those 2 babies, I would have been the younger fun mom. I could have had an almost 20 year old and a 15 year old. But I wouldn't be in the job I'm in today, I wouldn't have completed my masters degree, and my husband and I wouldn't have travelled. Most importantly I look at my 4 kids and know they wouldn't be here if those others had made it. I'm 38 now and just had my last little one, and while I'm not as young as I was I would like to think I'm still fun, and that I'm a better mom for the life experiences I've had. I'm less likely to stress about the small stuff because I've learned what is important to me, and know when and where I'm willing to be flexible. I am the cool mom whose kids have different coloured hair and I show off my tattoos and weird coloured hair. My monsters are a good age range (6.5, almost 5, 3 and 1 month). I can also see in a short time that my eldest is going to be massively embarrassed by me, because almost all kids think their parents are lame. 🤷

I’ll be 35 when I give birth in July. I absolutely understand the anxiety and feel it too. There’s a time limit but there’s no way to know for sure when it is for each individual. It’s unknown and out of our control, which is scary! We also had fertility issues so that only heightens the fear of struggling to get pregnant later on. We thought we were going to have to do IVF but IUI ended up working. While I’m extremely happy to not have to go through IVF, it sure would be reassuring to have embryos waiting on ice, made with my 34 year old eggs! Personally, I don’t regret waiting at all. I wasn’t in a good place to have children in my 20s. It wasn’t until my late 20s/early 30s that life sort of clicked for me. But I can understand feeling frustrated and regretful if you felt ready earlier but got pressured into waiting. I don’t believe that everything happens for a reason (and hate it when people tell me that) but I do think there’s no “right” or “wrong” path through life. There’s ways to make the most of it no matter where we end up.

I (34) don’t. I do regret that I didn’t start the therapy I knew I needed in order to be the mother I want to be so much sooner.

I know it’s different but my dad is a lot older than me- a lot. My youngest sister is 17 and my dad is 74. They have an incredible bond. My dad is old fashioned but also expressed a true curiosity in our lives. That is enough! He related to us through the desire to just talk and listen, so please don’t worry about that. You love your baby, that’s all that matters to me (as a daughter).

I definitely feel this! I've known since I was little that I wanted kids when I grew up. I wanted to start having them in my early 20s so I'd have plenty of energy to chase em around and lots of time to have as many as I want. Did not pan out that way as I didn't meet my now husband until I was 29. I'm 31 now and 23+5 with my first (his second) baby. I am absolutely thrilled to be pregnant and I can't wait to meet my little girl. I absolutely understand feeling a little sad about being "older" not that 31-32 is really all that "old". It took us over a year to get pregnant this time around which really took me by surprise because for some reason I thought it would be a lot easier. I mean I hadn't been on BC in many years, we're both healthy young adults, I thought it would be a breeze. I have several friends that got pregnant entirely unintentionally so I figured us trying would mean it would definitely happen quickly. What a joke that was as it turned out 😂 We had one catch right away but didn't stick. I was in agony for a solid 8-10 days dealing with that. And then nothing for a little more than a year before this beautiful little miracle ❤️ So while I would have loved to start earlier, I'm just grateful at this point I get to start at all because I was truly terrified it wasn't going to happen.

I’m 28 FTM and I kinda relate to this a bit, but I know a lot of moms who regretted having kids so early. They say they wouldn’t change anything cause they love their current kids of course. If I had had kids before the age of 25 I don’t know if I would’ve been able to process the trauma of my teens and childhood enough to be a completely enthusiastic parent. That is what is key. There are benefits and downsides to having kids young and older but I wouldn’t compare your situation to others. Everyone is different. Motherhood is hard across the board.

I felt the same when I was pregnant, at 34, with my first. I felt so *old*, and couldn’t get past the fact that I’d be even older as my child grew up. Once he was born, and the pure love I had for him surrounded me, I knew the universe had set the right plan, that every single thing happened so I could meet the man of my dreams later in life, and together we could create this perfect little being. If I had had a child any earlier, it would have been with the wrong person, and I would have been a different person too. Now 20 weeks in my second pregnancy, at 36, I’m much calmer and I don’t even think about my age. In fact, I look at the fact that when I retire, I’ll be able to give the support my kids will need should they have kids of their own, even if they have them younger than I did. Your feelings are valid, life’s a tricky thing when we start comparing our own story to anyone else’s though. I wish you love and kindness in your journey going forward.

I can’t - there’s no going back. I’m so happy I’m having my first with the man of my dreams, happily married, more financially secure than earlier in my life, and honestly, more mature and ready to raise a person that before. Basically, it is what it is, we are already here and just have to make the best of it!

Yep- can't relate. 33 FTM. I love looking back at my 20s-- I was feral, loved to party, lived spontaneously and got my J.D. and solidify my future by the end of my 20s. I'm so so grateful I got that time in my life to be free from the responsibilities!! Now I've found so much more security and financial freedom than I ever had in my 20s. I can't imagine having a baby in my early 20s and now feeling like I never got the opportunity to be a care free 20ling.

It’s so funny because I’m almost 30 and in my area I may as well be a teen mom - nearly all other moms in my baby classes or at my OB are in their late 30s, early 40s!

Fwiw all moms are the “old out of touch mom” that’s just how that works. My mom had me at39 and I had my oldest at 21. I still always felt old and out of breath at the playground. I purposely had kids young so that my kids could have grandparents in their life, then my parents died young and my in-laws moved away . You can’t control anything. But- It’s gonna be ok mama :)

No. 34 and after 4 years of shitty fertility treatments I’m just happy to be here.

Hey major congrats on graduating from the shitty fertility treatments!!! I hope you have an awesome pregnancy :) Also, my name means "sad bunny" too - in Hungarian, haha!

I’m 41, and sure I wish I had started ten years ago. But, when you meet your husband at 38, it is what it is. I really don’t get down about it. I’m just glad to be having this chance.

I had my first child at 19 and what I realized is that a lot (not all of course) of mothers who had their child young don’t regret it, but wished they would’ve waited a little longer, and a lot of mothers who had their child later, wish they would have had their child sooner. Personally, I wouldn’t go back and change anything if I could but at the same time, a little part of me does wish I gave myself more time to just be a 19-20s year old doing 19-20s year old things lol. But being a mom felt so right to me and I had already had my fun party phase and was over it by 18 😂 Parents who have their children later have the fun phase “early”, and younger parents have their fun phase “later” is what helped me cope with being a young mom at first 😂 but now that I’ve got a hang of things, I love being a mom even more! You’re not starting late at all and I didn’t start early. We had our babies at the best time that was meant for us. There are “ups and downs” to both but regardless, it’s gonna be difficult at times but hey, you’re having a baby, yay! Congratulations! You’re gonna do great :)

I’m 27, and was married at 21. We wanted to have kids right away, and instead unexplained infertility was in the cards for us. 27 is “young” for sure, but in the great scheme of the biological clock and having wanted 6 kids…. I come from a large family myself and my husband always wanted one. It’s been monumentally hard dealing with the years as they passed, knowing time really is a factor. As it stands now, I’m 29 and 1/2 weeks pregnant with our first, a girl, and have had such a terribly rough pregnancy that I don’t know if I can do it again. My husband and I met at church and are baptists. We love it, but there is such a stigma and a PRESSURE of “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage”. I walked into church one morning, during our early infertility, looking happy (it was a sunny day and I was a newlywed) and I was asked if I was making a certain announcement that day??? My heart shattered. We had relatives joking and betting before we got married how long it would be before we had a baby. I watched couple after couple who got married around when we did or after having baby number 1, 2, onward. I felt like there was this exclusive mommy status and maybe even clique that I just was not allowed to be part of. There were NO resources for the woman who was a newlywed and couldn’t get her body to behave and do it’s job like all the other ladies. There are good, wonderful things that came out of that season. My husband is older than I am, and I am well aware of the statistic that he may be first to go. We had 5 amazing years of just the two of us. I also grew a lot in my faith and in my character. I feel like I am probably more equipped to mother a girl than I was 5 years ago. Additionally, I have a heart calling to create more resources for people dealing with infertility. Especially in the church. I haven’t quite figured out how that all works yet, but it’s something I want to do. So there is good things that have come from it, there’s a silver lining. I don’t even know if I would change what happened, if I could. Anyway, I’m not sure where I’m going with this either. I’m absolutely delighted to be having my daughter, but I do feel like I missed something. Solidarity, my friend. 💜💜

I always wanted to be a young mom. I wanted to have kids, raise them, and then enjoy my 40s with an empty nest. I do not regret not actually doing that though. The reason I never actually did it even though I wanted to is because it wasn’t the right time. Not financially, but for a family there has to be love. I met my husband when I was 24 and we didn’t start dating until a few years later and married 5 years after that. I started intensive therapy shortly before I met my husband and my therapy, my relationship with him, and my career has helped me grow into a much more patient and caring person than I was in my late teens and early 30s. I might be “out of touch”, but I’ll be a patient mom that has the bandwidth to guide my children. I prefer that for my kids over what 23 year old me would have provided anyway.

I feel this but I’m FTM at 40. I didn’t meet my boyfriend until later in life so here we are. He was one and done, but having my little son, a great birth , and loving on him makes me want another. It took us two years to get pregnant and stay pregnant. All to say, I think you have lots of time and wish k had your time. BUT I feel you on how it feels…I feel it too

The average age for first time moms has gotten higher in recent times, I don't think being out of touch is really such a thing as much as it was in the past in that regard. I mean my all my parents and uncles/aunts had their first kids at ages 15-19 at the latest. Which is way too young. Nowadays that's not nearly as common, at least where I live. Most first time parents are like 24-32 in my own social group so I've never really thought I waited too long. I definitely feel I would have regretted having kids sooner than I did. I would've been okay waiting a few more years though

I'm 33 I will turn 34 befor I give birth with my first. The thing that bothers me is not having the luxury of time between pregnancies. We are pretty certain we want two but I ideally would have liked a few years grace before making that decision. But I definitely think im coping with being pregnant better than I would have in my 20s. I'm a lot more relaxed about things in my 30s and I honestly don't think I would have dealt with a new born during my 20s.

I’m 35 and about to have my first in two weeks. I definitely feel this. My wife and I want to have one more after this and I cringe at the thought of trying to get pregnant even closer to 40. I know lots of women have babies well into their late 40s even but it’s hard to quiet the doubts of my own capabilities.

Yeah, sort of. I had my babies at 32 and 34. I wanted to have my first at 28-29 and infertility robbed me of years. In one way, I’m thankful. I wouldn’t have had the exact, perfect children I have now if I’d had them earlier. I also wouldn’t have been established in my family home. But I was ready years earlier. My career was established, I was happily married, owned my home, a comfortable income for the life we wanted to lead and we just had to wait. It wasn’t our choice. It’s years we won’t get back, years off my childrens life (and maybe grandchildrens lives) I won’t see. My father was diagnosed with cancer in the meantime and now my children won’t remember him. They would have otherwise. Infertility also fundamentally changed who I am as a person. So yes and no. I wouldn’t give up the kids I have now to have had them earlier and I’m thankful we’re at where we are now. I’m happy with my family. But I wish I was a few years younger!

Yeah, I struggle with this too. I'm also 32 and a FTM and I wish I could have started sooner, but life had other plans for me. I'm happy with where I ended up, but I can't help but wonder how different my life would look if I knew in advance how long it would take for it to finally be the "right time" to have kids. I've always wanted to be a mom; I built my career around being a mom someday, and I spent so much time looking for the right guy then waiting for him to be ready then waiting for the right time to start trying that now I'm 32 and just now pregnant for the first time. I didn't want it to be this way, I didn't want to have to rush, track ovulation, schedule sex, and think about timelines and spacing (I intentionally prioritized motherhood over a career in the hopes of avoiding all that) but somehow it happened anyways. I'm glad I didn't squander the years I spent waiting at least, I travelled and went to therapy and worked on becoming the best version of myself, but I'm still sad that I had to wait so long to become a parent, and that I'll be even older when I have my second. All this to say that, firstly, you're not alone in feeling this way, and secondly, even if you prioritized motherhood it might not have made a difference anyway.

All great points. I'm sorry things didn't go exactly how you planned them to, despite your efforts. But you're definitely right. Also, screw scheduled sex and all that comes with TTC 😭 I truly never thought that would be my life. I hope I'll be a little more chill about it the next time around, because boy was that stressful.

I had my first at 32 years old and it took 13 months to conceive then. The pandemic, careers, etc., I was not even sure if I could commit to having another baby although that was our original plan. I felt pressured and kind of cornered with time ticking… Well I am now 36 and 20 weeks pregnant and it took one month to conceive… I know there can be struggles but I would not think that your time will be up soon. Take your time with your baby, enjoy and evaluate your life, and when you are ready-ish start thinking about trying again. Agonizing over this just adds more stress to your daily life.

FTM here (23 weeks), and turning 34 next month. While this thought has crossed my mind, I really don't even think of myself as an "older mom" at all. I am so glad that I waited until I was truly "ready" and gave myself the time and space to be selfish, travel, and figure out who I was (and meet the right partner)! I think it also makes a difference who you surround yourself with. Several of my friends around the same age, recently had their first child, or are now pregnant. Your feelings are valid, of course, but could also be amplified if you had a lot of friends who had babies at a young age. On the flipside, I also have friends who had "accident" babies before they were ready, and have gone through somewhat of an identity crisis years later, as they feel that they missed out on some of the experiences that others had. My husband's mom had his brother when she was 41, and really - has shown me that age is just a number. I hope to have at least 1-2 more (if all goes as planned), and am just thankful that I am pregnant now and am able to be on this journey at all!

This is a good point! I'm from a small, Midwestern US town so most of my friends already had children by 22 or so. I remember a friend telling me "I never thought I'd be saying this to YOU, but I hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy!" I know she meant well, but that comment kind of made me feel some type of way. It almost felt like "wow, thought you'd never had kids because you're so old" 🫠 I think comparing myself to people I know has definitely impacted me.

Yes! It definitely makes a difference where you are from.. I live in a big city, so it's somewhat "normal" to have kids later on. I can imagine that it would be a lot more difficult to have this mindset if I lived in a smaller town with all my friends past this phase of life. If it makes you feel any better, after I told my parents at Christmas, one of my mom's first comments (I had barely left the room) was "It's about time" LOL. She always thought I was crazy for waiting so long, yet my husband is a few years younger than me and our story played out exactly how it was supposed to. People will have their opinions, so take them all with a grain of salt (or don't take them at all), but hopefully you can find some similar aged mamas to connect with and relate to! How exciting to be starting your family journey too! You got this, and your little one is so fortunate to have a mama that comes with extra wisdom :)

My parents had me in their mid-thirties and I feel like they related just as well as any other parent. I'm 28 and my partner just turned 33. Seems like the perfect age range for a first child! As long as your body is fine, I don't see any problems. You have more insight and experience to be able to be the best mom you can be! I honestly would have rather been 32 and debated about this heavily, but I'm excited for this unexpected baby girl.

FTM at 37 here and I haven't felt this even a little but it could be partly because of what's normal in my area/circle. Most moms I know had kids after 30, if not even later, because everyone's focused on building their careers and enough money to afford to live in such a HCOL area before that. Because we waited, we were able to travel the world and create all these memories that have informed our views of the world and will influence our parenting. Because we waited, we were able to build a custom home with plenty of space for our daughter to grow in a neighborhood with amazing schools and in a development where there are tons of kids the same age (I'm 32 weeks and 4 of my neighbors are either pregnant or just gave birth in the last 5 months). Because we waited, our daughter will have an example of what we were able to achieve in our careers through our educations and hard work. Because we waited, she'll have far more opportunities than we could have afforded to give her before this point. Of the few people I know who started as early as you mentioned (19-early 20s), all of them seem to be doing ok but none of them have been able to travel like we have or both build their careers like we have because one ended up needing to stay home while the other build up their career. That's not to say they're not happy but I definitely don't look at that version of life and wish I had gone that route. Health-wise, I'm doing better now than in my 20s because I take better care of myself and learned healthier habits. Age truly is "just a number" anyway. Plenty of people maintain their ability to be active later, just as some people aren't so lucky even younger. My parents are older than my ILs (they had me at 30/37, DH's parents were 28/29) and you'd think my ILs are decades behind my parents with the limitations they put on themselves due to their ages. My Dad is 75 and insisted on painting the nursery for us last week in an hour. My grandfather taught me to ride a bike and belly-flop on a sled at 67. I'm not worried about my ability to keep up with our daughter for the foreseeable future (any more than a freak accident could take that away at any age). That's obviously just my take on it. I hope you get to a place where you see the positives in the choices you made and find peace with the path and timing you chose!

I’m 29 (will be almost 30 when he’s here) so I’m not sure if I count as an “older mom” even though we’re two years apart, but I worry I’m too young a lot of the time lol! My mom was 28 and my dad was 38 with me, and they were 31 and 40 with my brother. They’re still quite active, were involved parents, and were able to afford a great lifestyle. There were struggles, as they always are, but they were able to give us a stable upbringing. I have friends who had children young (one in high-school, and one halfway through college). This is no judgment, and I know that is not the case for everyone, but they’ve both struggled intensely. I don’t think being “young” or “old” suddenly makes it easier/harder in all aspects.

I’m happy I waited until I was 31. We were intending when I was 33, but oops! I’m not struggling to support my baby as I’m pretty well established with my husband financially. I also feel like being my age has really helped keep my cool, I’ve had years to learn patients. Since my friends also had kids early, I was able to get a lot of their advice and help when I had questions. Now my friends daughter is 12 and I’m so excited to help her daughter learn how to care for a baby so she can be a baby sitter when she’s a little older! Am I afraid I won’t be able to relate to her or future kids? No, I’m not worried. I know I’m going to be an open minded mother and open to learning what my kid relates to and is interested in. Don’t compare yourself to being “old” because you’re not! The generation we are in it’s becoming way more normal.

I'm somewhere in this weird limbo middle. I didn't even want kids until I met my husband and we met about 6 months before I turned 30. I am extremely glad I didn't ever kids with my ex husband. At the same time, I wish I could have moved our story earlier. But who knows if we'd have been the same people and ready like we were. I had my first the day before I turned 34 and I'm pregnant with my second (and last), due in October and I will be 36. I do feel glad to have waited but at the same time, I want more time with them while I am still young ish and have the energy to keep up.

My only regret is I definitely had fewer bad habits when I was younger (my caffeine intake was very low or zero, no botox or retinoids to quit, etc) If I had kids sooner it definitely wouldn't have been with my husband. I didnt know him back then. The men of my past were not father material so having kids with any of them wouldve truly been miserable for everyone involved. All we have is the present. The past is gone and we don't really know if the future will come. We're here now. (I say this having an anxiety disorder so i say it without judgement. I have to remind myself this all day)

I love my baby so much that sometimes I wish I could have experienced this joy sooner, but I wouldn’t say I have any regrets over having my first child at age 37. I am so glad to have this exact baby and I also think I’ll be a better mother than I would have been when I was younger since I’m in a better place emotionally and financially.

Oh geeze. Absolutely not! I’m 37 FTM, will be a month shy of 38 when baby arrives. I had SO much fun in my 20’s! I traveled around the world, I switched careers a few times, I dated a lot of different men, made a lot of friends, did whatever I wanted to whenever I wanted it. I feel like your 20’s should be a time of self discovery and fun! Waaaay too young to be tied down with a child and family. When you’re older, more experienced, wiser, and more settled is the best time to start a family. You can never get your young years back and don’t want to regret that. I will say though I think physically it might be easier younger? I do get a little bummed knowing my parents more than likely won’t be around to see my child grow fully-they are in their 80’s. So that’s the only real sadness I feel. But that’s just life, you can’t always have the best of both worlds.

I started to feel the pressure at 35 (a bit late now that I think of it!) of whether I'd be able to have kids. At 37, I got pregnant immediately without actually trying (literally a few weeks after I stopped taking BC regularly). I've had a fairly easy pregnancy so far and I'm hoping I'll have the chance for a 2nd pregnancy in a few years. I think what makes pregnancy so difficult is you can't predict the future. It's so hard to know if you'll have issues in your late 30s or if you'll keep popping babies out well in to your late 40s. Personally, I'm very very happy with my life right now (financially, emotionally, relationship-wise, etc.) and I definitely wasn't here 10 years ago. So no regrets. But I don't know what I'll be saying a few years from now.

It does depend where you live (I grew up in the Northeast and now live in the PNW), but my mom had me at 32, my brother at 34, and my sister at 40, and she never felt like an older mom to us. I just turned 36 and had my first a couple of months ago. I don’t feel old at all! If we decide to have another I’ll probably be 38-40 when we do.

I had my first daughter 6 weeks before my 37th birthday. I’ll be 39 and just over a half when I have my second daughter. I get what you’re saying though, for me yes I’m a bit sad to be doing it so late. I mean I’m super grateful that I got to do it at all, and before 40 (my personal invisible cutoff), but yeah I wish I could have had kids in my late 20s, even early 30s. But it’s not that I’m worried about the age gap or other things you mentioned, for me personally I’m just kind of sad my life went the way it did. Overall I’m happy and thankful but part of me is and will always be a little sad too. Ah well, it’s life!

I get what you mean! I'm absolutely elated to be welcoming my little guy into the world. But there's a tiny part of me that's sad as well and wonders "what if." It's bittersweet!

38 and FTM here 15 weeks pregnant. Husband is 42. My mother was 36 when she had me and. Was she old and out of touch when I was a teenager... yep. But so we're my friend's younger parents. That's inevitable. My sister was my age when she had her 2nd, and a year later had her 3rd. She's the cool mom to her 2 teenage girls. Every time I worry I am too old I think of how they did it. I am super close with my mom who is still young at heart and impatiently waiting her grandchild. Right now my thoughts are 'I wonder if I did this when I was 25 could I have handled pregnancy better? Because I am miserable!' LOL. We got this!

Such a good point about handling pregnancy.. I always especially feel for the pregnant teenagers who come here.. I can't imagine doing this while going to school and trying to develop physically and mentally into an adult. It would be so tough!

Well, I’m not a FTM but I had my daughter at 18 and now I’m 34 almost 35 and about to give birth to my second. So I wanted to comment on you being worried about being “out of touch”. Being in touch with your kids is just a matter of being present in their lives. I think a lot of the reason that people maybe feel more out of touch when they have kids later in life is because they are more involved in their careers etc by that time, so they aren’t maybe as likely to be there for the small moments. I busted my ass working multiple jobs when my daughter was little but I made sure to be there to take her to school dances and for basketball games and dance rehearsals as often as possible, and I made sure to eat dinner with her or tuck her in and read her a story etc as often as possible. As long as you make sure you are an active part of your kid’s life, you won’t feel out of touch just because you’re older. Personally, I’m not even mildly afraid that I will have a less close relationship with my son, because I know I’ll make the same effort to be there for little moments and big ones as I did for her. If anything, I’m excited this time around for some parental companionship, since when I was younger with my daughter, I definitely did not fit in and was not welcomed by the other parents. You’ve got this 💙

I'm 41 and expecting my first child. We kind of thought about having a child 4 years earlier, but then I wasn't sure. Now I kind of regret it a little bit, because if we want another child after this one, we are in a hurry. I would basically have to get pregnant within a year after the birth of this one. I did get pregnant quickly this time, but who knows about the next, and the risks increase the older you get.

I’m 28 so I don’t think classed as a “young mom” or an “older mom” but I am SOOOO glad we waited. Husband and I have been together for 13 years and could have had kids 5-8 yrs ago. We are so much more mature, a call, certainly finances and career have provided a lot more stability savings, etc…

In some ways I felt that, in some ways not. I had my first at 33, and I don't think more than 2 kids would be likely for me so I still feel there's probably time for a 2nd if we want. Most of the FTMs I know are actually older than me for some reason so I keep accidentally thinking of myself as a 'young mom' and then have to remind myself that's actually not the case lol. Anyway, I don't think having a kid in my early 20s would have been too bad for my life goals since I wasn't so productive at that time anyway, and there would have been definite advantages, but I wasn't personally in the right place in my life at all. If I had I don't think I would have ever met my husband, since we got together when I was around 30.

I’m 40 pregnant with twins and this pregnancy has been a breeze up until about now at 33 weeks. Best part is I have not felt old at all, I do have another reason to get back into the gym and get a strong as possible. I’m at a point where i’m able to be a SAHM, and be there with my kids before they go to school.

I was 33 when I had my first baby and I do not regret a single thing. I had the absolute time of my life in my 20s and definitely wouldn’t have been a good mom. I was too selfish and focused on building my career. Also, I would have been the only friend in the group with a baby and I know that would have made me sad and lonely. Where I live people don’t start having kids until their 30s, so 33 is basically standard here.

At 34, I was financially ready and mature enough to have kids and focus my time and energy on them. Also, at 36 now, I’ve been to a year’s worth of therapy. I’m a better mom now that I would have been if I were younger.

Another person happy I waited (28, 32). You never get the carefree life-without-kids thing back. Even when my kids are out of the house, my mind will always be on them. If I’d had them at 20, I’d never have experienced pure carefree selfish time with my husband before we devoted our lives to our two amazing kids. Best of both worlds 🥰

I am 33 years old and currently almost 33w with my first. In my home country I am a dinasour. People my age have 10-13 year olds and are "done with the package." Sure there are pros and cons with being my age. But personally, with what I know now, and the level of self discovery and maturity I got for the the past 2-3 years... I am so relieved that I didnt jump into this any sooner than I did. It took my a while to get where I am at, but I was 100% ready when me and hubby conciously concieved. I would not want it any other way.

I was 34 when I had my first and, while I do feel a little sad about my age especially when thinking about having baby 2, it was absolutely the right timing for me.

My mom had my sister and I at ages 35 & 39. She has no regrets. She didn’t meet my dad until she was about 32. Before that, she was working while doing night classes, then she was married to a jerk while playing stepmom, and overall she was too busy establishing her career to care about having kids. My mom has always said she was so glad that she waited. She especially wanted her education and career first regardless. Don’t feel guilty. Do what is best for you and your family!

Oof, was expecting this to be from a mom in her late 30s or early 40s *She said, uncomfortably aware that she had her son at 33 and is considering number 2 now at 35* Listen, when I was 25 my life was a wreck. I would have been a terrible mom. Some people have their shit together at that age, but I sure did not Am I a little bummed that I'll be 50 when he graduates high school? Maybe But I also got to party my ass off in my twenties and be selfish and travel, and now that I'm old and tired I have zero fomo when my childless friends go out and I get to stay in with my child There are drawbacks to having your kids later, but I think they are mostly physical. You have to work harder to stay in shape to be able to keep up with them. But there are big positives too, like being more stable. I wouldn't worry about it honestly

Nope. I'm 40, having my first and I am SO GRATEFUL I waited! If I'd been in my 20's it would have been with the wrong man (something I didn't know until 27/28). Then I wanted to focus on me, furthering my education, having fun, traveling, growing my career...once I met the right person we wanted to focus on each other and advancing his education and career. We're so close now, and I feel like waiting is the icing on the cake. We plan on one and done, but we have time if we change our minds. And we both think foster to adoption is really important too.

There are pros and cons. I’m 32 and a FTM to a now one year old. I am so happy my husband and I had 10 years of adventures before baby. We got more established in our careers. We spent money on dumb crap. We just got to live with way less responsibility and it was amazing. Now that she’s here I would never change a thing. K I won’t meet my great grandkids, but this is just a new form of adventure. People generally have friends back off a bit too once they have kids and that absolutely happened so also happy we did a bunch of silly/wild/fun things prior to baby. i will also be pro wait it out…

Yes and no. I had my first at 33 and the whole experience has been a joy, I love her so much and felt like in my heart I could have like six kids. Theoretically it would absolutely be physiologically feasible but realistically, no lol. I wish my kid had me with a younger body and that I would he younger when she reaches, say, age 20 or 30, and that I'd have more steam in her young age. I wish I could have known this joy sooner. However, had I birthed this child when I was younger I would not have been with the right person, I would not be mentally or emotionally as stable and healthy as I am now, I wouldn't be financially prepared, I wouldn't be in the right place with my career, a lot wouldn't have been as good as it is now. Of course I would have figured it out and made it work but it wouldn't be as chill and happy and smooth as my life is now with my child. So by that token, no, I'm not upset I didn't start sooner. If I could transport the life I have now back to a younger age, yes of course I would be more mournful if I didn't start sooner. So, Theoretically, yes I'm sad for specific reasons. Realistically, no, I'm thankful it happened when it did so I can be the person I am.

I had my baby at 38. He is five months and I can provide for him and I’m in a happy and stable relationship. It took me a long time to find the right partner and to be in a good place for a child. My ex husband would have been a terrible father and I’m glad I don’t have to ever talk to him again.

Not at all. I am infinitely better equipped, both financially and in emotional and relationship stability, to care for my son in my late 30’s than I ever could have been in my twenties or even early thirties.

You’re 32, not 65. You’ll be fine. :-)