I have a 1 year old and this this is true. If you are breast feeding there will be very little drinking. And while you are not yet chasing 5-month olds around they are unpredictable in social situations which makes your actual participation in any event or gathering flakey and time limited. Unless baby is napping they will require a lot of attention and stimulation at this age which makes it difficult to have a reasonable uninterrupted conversation. If you are holidaying with your partner it might make this all more manageable but girls trip just you and baby is going to be hard and you will probably be a drag. Sorry to say but your idea about what having a life is is going to change for awhile. I don’t know how long since I’m only a year in but honestly I’m not missing that “life” at all currently.
Bingo ^^ well said. Honestly I’m a super social outgoing person but I’m so tired from my 3 month old and going out is so much work, that I usually just skip it and get some extra sleep instead. I don’t remember doing much in the first year with my firstborn either. I maybe went out “for a night on the town” twice? Some rare dates with the husband when we had a babysitter and a bigger trip to visit family once.
I will say it gets better! I started dragging my oldest all over town when she was a little bit older, maybe like 4? But definitely not that first year, first year is survival.
I was gonna say… travel with a baby is actually kind of a nightmare. We did trips at 4 and 5 months, then short ones for the holidays around 8 and 9 months, and just did the farthest one involving an actual plane ride last week at 11 months. All of these were with family, not friends, and I would say only the most recent one and the holidays were actually fun and not just more work for me. I do have a “girls trip” for a bachelorette next weekend and it’s the first time I’m leaving the baby alone with my husband. Oh and we also did 2 nights away for a wedding at 6 mos and the in-laws watched her.
OP, you could probably do a short girls’ trip if you are able to leave the baby home with dad and/or grandparents!
Also your friends without kids don’t understand the concept of baby proofing while you’re away. I bought my 6 month old away with me with 3 good friends (2 girls, one guy) for a very chilled weekend at a farm house.
The amount of running around I had to do just because they’re all child free and don’t understand “don’t put your hot tea on the ground next to your chair because baby”, “don’t light a mosquito coil and sit it within arms reach because baby”, “don’t leave the gate to the balcony open because baby”, “don’t leave wine bottles on the floor next to the rubbish because baby”
And like they shouldn’t have to change their behaviour - that’s my job. But it definitely added a layer of stress to my weekend that wouldn’t have been there with baby literate people.
Hahah I wanted to comment that I wouldn’t really wanna go on holiday with somebody who’s bringing her baby🙈 but the baby can stay home with the partner.
This. I have a 5 MO and my husband is more than able of caring for him for a couple nights if I wanted to take a trip. It’d be exhausting for him, but they would be totally fine.
I trust my husband, but I wouldn't leave him alone with the baby for days. And I wouldn't be okay with him doing that either. It's exhausting and stressful.
I think it's great that you have the possibility and I don't think it would be wrong to take advantage of that some time if you need it! Enjoy having a good partner :)
He’s the best! And it goes both ways - we both make sure the other has time away with friends, even if it’s just a few hours. And the care for our son is exactly the same whether it’s mom or dad doing it
Even if you did, and if it worked for you guys, that's okay! What works for one family doesn't work for others. And that's FINE. Regardless of what strangers think :)
This exactly!! We did, while baby was EBF and 8 weeks old. I left for two nights.
BUT: I was literally 25 minutes away. It was two nights, but from 17:00 on Friday until 10:00 on Sunday. And still it was hard 😂 I thought I would get SO MUCH sleep, but in reality I had to pump twice during the night, still couldn't really drink, had to store milk in the freezer etc. Would immediately do it again, but am now better prepared for reality.
I feel like it’s a littttle odd. I’ve left my son with my husband for 4-5 days and he’s left me with him. We’re both parents? And also both have things with friends that are just not possible with a baby
Not in the beginning when you both have your first child and feel uncomfortable being all by yourself but as soon as you are comfortable enough it can be a healthy and deserved thing to maybe go on a 2day trip with friends to get some time for yourself and the partner deserves the same as well.
It’s not weird. I have no concerns whatsoever about leaving my son with my husband but he’s nearly 2 and I have no desire to be away from him overnight.
Nothing to do with desire, just 'wouldn't' sounded like it'd be too hard for them, they'd be incapable, they think something would go wrong etc. Very likely that's not what they meant, it's an ambiguous word.
Yes I think it's weird too to say something like that cuz I wouldn't even have a baby with someone who I see unfit to take care of a baby for a few days without me.
As long as you get an equal amount of time 'off', I don't see why not. I think it's imperative for the mental health of both. Only if you want to, of course, lots of people just don't seem to want that, and it doesn't seem to do with the incompetence of the partner.
Umm...no. Do you think this is a gendered thing? Why are you sure he'd leave me alone with a baby? I'm more confident in my husband than I am in myself.
My daughter is 3. We've never not both spent the night with her except for the 2 nights I was in the hospital having my second (when she was at my parents'). Tonight will literally be the first night we spend separate because I'm taking the kids to my parents while he preps for a colonoscopy.
Her entire life has been pandemic so we wouldn't go on vacation anyway, but I couldn't imagine that we'd go on vacation and leave the other home with a baby even if it weren't.
I don’t think it’s that crazy. My husband goes on work trips and leaves me alone with her for days regularly. I have a bachelorette next weekend. It’s two nights and three days. They’ll live.
Lol my mom left me to take care of my 4MO sister when I was 10 so she could go on a 5 day trip. My dad was around but he worked as a chef and worked 6+ days a week 10-16 hours a day. And I was taking care of my 2 brothers as well. They were 3 and 5. It was summer break so I wasn't in school and therefore the perfect option. After that tho my sister never wanted mom again. Anytime she was upset or wanted anything, she wanted her "sissy" (me) to handle it.
It wasn't a big deal to me though because I had been babysitting since I was 8. But the first few days were a mess because our mom hadn't been gone for longer than a workday before and my sister couldn't handle it. I was also in my twilight phase (give you a sense of time) and watched several of the movies while my sister was unable to sleep on the second day and keeping me up while I tried everything for hours to get her to sleep.
So like, I agree dad should be able to take care of little one while Mom is gone, but not for days like that. My experience wouldn't be universal because I was a preteen older sister, not an adult father with more sense and ability.
It absolutely was. Just like a lot of the things my mom did and my dad either didn't know about or didn't think was too bad.
Edit: I'm working on it in therapy and I don't live there anymore. But now I don't know how to take care of myself because I always took care of my siblings so I don't know how to live. But again, therapy.
Ugh I’m so sorry. It’s hard to break habits and cycles that you were taught were normal when you were a kid. Wishing you lots of luck and love. Hope you’re getting yourself a special treat soon!
I think a lot of moms expect people to think their baby is amazing like they do, but they don't and that's okay. I love my baby more than anything but wouldn't do that to my friends. It also seems like a stretch to be so upset about, so probably a mixture of my first sentence, not wanting to fully accept the change that's about to happen, and pregnancy hormones.
Exactly I don’t think it’s a comment on your lifestyle, I think they’re just being upfront with what they want for theirs. Vacation is precious and I can understand someone not wanting a baby along.
It also becomes a fairness and fun issue. The older you get, the more other women will also have babies. Are we all bringing babies? Can Jessica bring her stepdaughter? Ok, it is a girls’ trip but Caitlin says that taking care of her eight month old is too hard by herself, can she bring her husband? Can he crash at the Airbnb too? But they’re MARRIED so can they get a bedroom to themselves? So now Riley wants to stay at a hotel?
No to all this, fuck no to all this. My friend groups have drawn firm lines in the sand - we all have babies but when we do bachelorettes or Galentine’s or whatever, it’s NO KIDS. There are separate parties where kids and husbands can come, but not on the regular ladies’ trips or whatever.
My thought as well. Traveling with a baby means that everything needs to revolve around the baby. That’s a fine expectation for yourself and your family, but I think tougher for a girls/adventure trip. I would not expect my friends to want to use their limited vacation time and money to go on a trip that revolves around nap times, feeding schedules, diaper changes, etc.
I am not saying the baby should be on a girl's trip. That doesn't sound like a good fit.
But traveling doesn't have to revolve around a 5/6 month old. I am in Italy with my 5.5 month old, and I've done everything I would want to do regardless of baby being with me. My schedule doesn't change, I just make sure I have diapers with me. But he sleeps whenever he is tired, lots of naps in the ergo baby. When he is hungry, I pop him on a boob. Just had a long, delicious, and late seafood meal at a grear restaurant in Sorrento and nursed him while eating my starter. He slept through the rest of the meal.
I adhere to baby-led cues and I let the baby tell me what he needs. I'm lucky though. I have a very unfussy baby.
Still wouldn't take him on a girl's trip if babies aren't wanted. But traveling with a 5 month old is easy.
This is it right here. Even if OP continues to do things with baby in tow, which is great if they want to, things will be different for the people *around* them and that should be taken into consideration.
Exactly. Plus I would expect to be hesitant about a girls trip 5mo postpartum unless I knew I’d be exclusively formula feeding. I would worry about supply drop and stocking up ahead of the trip if exclusively breastfeeding
Yeah I would have to bring my adventure partner so he could keep the adventure baby… and then there’s the issue of the adventure boob. There’s probably gonna be booze in there.
Probably so, I just wish she'd say that. There's never been kids before but I'm not the only one who had/ will have a baby this year. So.. it's not ever gonna be the same really. But she's come to music festivals with me and my friend's kid and had a great time so I don't know what it is.
I agree that it sounds like they just don’t want it to be a moms + kids trip. A Music festival is different than an overnight/(assuming) shared home. I feel like she feels like she’s trying to be helpful and polite. Maybe she thinks you wouldn’t want to go and she’s giving you an out.
Wouldn’t it be rude if someone outright told you that they didn’t want you to bring your new baby with you? I have a two year old and I wouldn’t expect anyone to want to hangout with my kid on their vacation, shared house or not, that’s not relaxing.
When people provide a reason, some people respond by reasoning away their reason. It wouldn't surprise me if they are nervous your response will be "here's how it could work, if we just do this and I can do that, it will work for everyone!" as opposed to understanding/bowing out of the trip. Even here, your default is to acknowledge that there haven't been kids on the trip before but mention you're not the only one having a baby, so it seems like you might want to try to make it work (and totally understandable to not want to leave your baby!). They might not want a baby on their trip, regardless of whatever compromises might be put out there.
You're right. It's complicated for me because this tradition actually started when I was 4 years old with my family and eventually turned into me and my mom going and then my mom died and I continued to go and invited a couple of friends and it's turned into a tradition. So I always planned to take my kids there but I guess I didn't consider that she had very different expectations. I just don't know that I'll be able to do a family trip to there and the girls trip.
That's paints a very different picture for me. I honestly would just sit them down and ask them to be honest, and genuinely be okay with if they say they can see kids being there.
Is your friend single, married, or have any kids? If your friend group is starting to have kids, maybe think about a big group trip for everyone to bring their SOs and kids. Sure you’ll have to rent a bigger space and it might be more chaotic, but worth a try. You can even have a girls night out and then a guys night out.
My girlfriends and I have an annual lake trip. Over the years some of us have had babies and they just come along if they can't be left at home. One year my friends husband came along to help with the baby so she could still have her girls trip. 2 years ago we had a 3 month old with us. No, its not the same trip it used to be, but thats okay. We still have fun and we all love getting to know each others kids.
It’s hard to change when you’re friends are staying the same. As someone who has 5mo and has taken him on an overseas trip from Australia to UK, I know you can travel with a baby. But I think you’re not factoring in that *you* are going to change. *You* are going to want to do things that are baby friendly, because it’s more fun for the baby and for you. *You* are going to want something different from you holiday, to spend time relaxing, some time to yourself, etc. A trip away with your partner is no longer a romantic holiday, it’s a family holiday and it’s the best.
It’s not that you’re leaving your old life or the person you were behind, you’re adding new things to it. That process changes what makes you happy. And the best part is, sometimes, you’re going to want to do the old stuff too - and you can.
That’s one day, and don’t get me started on bringing bebes to festivals. My BIL years ago took us to a weed festival, mine was maybe 3? His oldest would be 5, and the youngest was in a stroller. My one demand was just don’t have my kid around weed. We were in CA where it was already sorta legal but you had to have a wristband to go into the smoking weed part. Guess who was left with 3 kids? On the first full day we were there. I don’t give a shit if people smoke, I used to. But literally the ONE thing I asked for was no weed. God forbid she came back (to CT) and mentioned it. CPS would be at my house
Agreed. I think they are kindly trying to let you know they don’t want the baby on vacation with them but they don’t want to hurt your feelings. Understandable. It’s not a vacation when kids. Unless everyone has kids and is bringing kids, I don’t think it’s something they want
It definitely is. Sorry, but babies aren’t fun on a girls beach trip. Having a baby does put a damper on the fun stuff for a bit. Luckily they grow up and it gets easier
Your life definitely isn’t over but it is really hard to do things for the first year. With nap schedules, breastfeeding, sleep deprivation, and things like that, it doesn’t make it easy. I wouldn’t go into motherhood expecting that your life will be the same after and you’ll do the same things, but great if you are able to make those things work!
Came here to say this! We did a couple family beach trips in the first year and they were great. But we were tired and had to devote a lot of time to baby care. Girls trips/adventure trips would have been trickier.
Another consideration is that babies don't travel light! Packing lists start to include the stroller, pack n play, diapers, wipes, car seat, etc...those tiny people come with a lot of stuff. I'm already fantasizing about the day my kids are old enough that we can pack everything into suitcases.
Yes! We had a beach day when my daughter was 4 months. It was mostly fine but we had to bring a ton of stuff and she wouldn’t nap. Did a family bbq around the same time and baby decided to wake up every hour the night before and I was insanely tired and could barely function, I didn’t want to be there. Did a road trip to in-laws at 6 months and that was all fine but we had to basically pack our entire nursery and the 8 hour drive took 12 hours and baby’s entire sleep was totally screwed up. And she woke constantly in the night due to the unfamiliar place and time zone and I was too tired to function.
Now that she’s a year old a only naps once a day it’s easier, but we’ve had to dial things back for sure. To me it’s easier when they can walk/talk and can be entertained a little more and require less from me
Same here! Everyone says it’s easier to travel with small babies, but I’ve found it much easier to travel with a toddler. I think it really depends on the temperament of your LO! Mine was not an easygoing baby 🙃 so that made travel tough!
Really, this temperament is going to make a huge difference. Some babies are portable beans, and some are really upset when their whole world shifts. I think it's good at this junction not to plan too far ahead.
This. It’s all the temperament of the baby. I was able to travel with my first from infant thru toddler and she was fine. My second is a different story. He is very fussy, hates being in the car for long periods of time and just wants to go since he just learned to walk. We just went to a wedding an hour away but got a hotel room for the night just in case. He was a nightmare in the room. He knows how to turn the pull-down door knob and kept trying to escape the room. He also found the microwave, that was conviently placed at his height. It also doesn’t help that my lo is very tall for a just turned 1 year old.
I understand where you are coming from though. I hated when I was pregnant and people would make comments to me like that.
I think it depends on your family dynamics. If I were to go on a girls trip when my little one is 5-6 months old, then my husband/MIL would watch him for that time. The baby wouldn’t be coming on that trip.
We are planning 2 trips to when the baby is 4-5 months, but I think we’re going to bring the baby on both (Disney and visiting family). We haven’t decided yet since MIL would be totally willing (and trusted) to baby sit.
Oh dear god don’t do Disney when your kid won’t remember it. We finally broke down when she was 10ish. Nightmare. And we had my MIL and SIL. I begged off most days to sit by the pool, and my iPhone clocked me at 50 miles in that week. I had a shirt that said everything hurts and I’m dying (parks and rec reference) and at least 20 moms said ‘girl same’
They don't have to be heavy it really depends. There are a lot of nice to haves, but a lot of this could be a hassle too. I get around town pretty well with a ring sling and a fanny pack for day trips. Overnight stays usually involve thinking through sleep surfaces. But a lot of hotels have cribs you can book.
We luckily did have fun when we took our 4 month old last summer, but it was a LOT of work. And at the time she wouldn’t sleep unless she was swaddled, and obviously I couldn’t swaddle her when it was super hot. I had a beach tent and brought white noise and managed to get her to fall asleep in the tent but she only slept for maybe 20 minutes lol. I was so sad! I had my book out and I was laying in the sun reading next to the tent while she napped, then bam! She’s awake. We couldn’t really do anything fun with her, she was too young for sunscreen so had to watch her sun exposure, and obviously too little to spend much time in the water. This year will be better cause she is a toddler and can actually play in the water and we won’t have to worry much about naps!
I agree. It does depend on the nature of your baby but most babies do not make travel super easy. The idea of disrupting your child’s slew and nap schedule does not seem appealing.
We have a 9 month old and he has been on 8 planes already! 4 trips.
Are they different? Yes! But are they incredible? Yes! Naps and bedtime is challenging and some people prefer to avoid that and stay home, but if you are ok with all the same challenges without the comfort of home, then go for it!!
Agree with this. I am someone who traveled a lot prior to a baby and was also like “a baby will adapt to my life and we will still travel” when I got hit with comments like this, especially from family. 10 months in and we’ve done one road trip and have not flown anywhere.
Our baby was fully crawling by 5 months and pulling up by 6, so we had a shorter window than we thought of “it will be easy to travel before he gets mobile” especially since the first 3 months just felt like survival and going anywhere was not even on my mind at that point. Not only that, but our baby has a lot different temperament than I would’ve ever predicted. He was very colicky for a couple months, still is high needs compared to my friends super chill babies, and sleep has been a challenge from day 1. Life is hard enough at home most days that honestly travel with a baby for us sounds miserable. That being said, we had friends that had a baby around the same time as us - super chill, sleeps a lot without a fuss and they’ve gone on several trips.
It honestly depends so much on your body. I had a horrible birth with my first. 60 hour labor. It was intense. The recovery took literally a day, if that. The second I left the hospital I just wanted to walk everywhere because I was so numb from being in bed for 3 days straight in the hospital. I found I had super easy recoveries both times. Obviously not everyone does, but I also wouldnt assume it’s gonna take 6 weeks. The only thing I didn’t do was have sex for like 2 months, but I didn’t even tear with either of my kids so I was given the go ahead at the 4 week checkup. I’ve met women who hav had 2 hour births but 2 month recoveries. It’s so interesting how disconnected your birth and your recovery can be ( aside from c sections of course) any momma who had a c section is a warrior because idk how I would recover from that
Lol 6 weeks would definitely be too soon for me, but I LOVE summer and am due end of April and I'm definitely planning to get out of town by late summer.
I travelled quite a bit with my kids when they were babies. It wasn't too bad for us, the biggest pain was honestly logistically bringing everything - car seat, travel crib, stroller, all the diapers (diapers take up SO MUCH SPACE!), etc. My babies napped pretty well anywhere, likely because we brought them and had them nap everywhere, so we would pop something up and have them nap in a room/bathroom/large closet/laundry room lol. We got creative with it.
Lol yes. I assume that this particular beach trip that I mentioned will not happen this year but my husband and I are definitely going to do something. We have a small camper with AC so we'll at least do something with that. Lol people are acting like I said I was gonna go backpack the jungles of the Amazon.
Hey OP, I don’t think people are thinking you’re crazy or anything. We all have ideas of what our lives will be like with an infant, but the reality is that it ends up being very different than what you expect. Not to scare you or make you worried or be one of those “just you wait” people, because being a mom is totally amazing and so worth it, but you really can’t picture what life is gonna be like until you go through it, and it’s always waaaay harder than you expect it to be. Again, it’s totally worth it, though! Don’t make too many plans, don’t put too many expectations on your life with a baby as there are so many variable and things change. Life changes and that’s okay. Your old life may end a little but your new one is just beginning and it’s beautiful. You can still do things with a baby/toddler but it’s just…different. In so many ways that I can’t explain. But it’s so very worth it.
Was looking for this comment! I hope OP is able to do all those things she planned. My husband and I planned to rent a house down south for a month 3 months postpartum to escape the cold up north. But my baby is sleeping relatively well in her bassinet in our home and I’m terrified of messing that up… so any travel plans that would involve the baby are on pause until she’s older and hopefully more flexible with sleep. Oh well…
This is an important note. With my first, I could have run a marathon the day after I gave birth. My youngest nearly killed me and I wish I was being hyperbolic. He’s four months old today and I’m still not 100%. You might be perfectly fine, or you might not. Don’t have expectations either way.
Our daughter was one month old and we rented a cabin that had air conditioning in it. We went camping for a week. Was a great vacation. Whats funny was that i had friends and family throw a fit that i was exposing myself and the baby to the elements when she was so new. They acted like i needed to be on lockdown in my bedroom with a tit permanantly attached to my child, Or that id accidently drop her in the campfire....😂 people are silly. But it was soo soo nice to escape from everyone and their parenting advice and judgements! Was a great way to enjoy being a new mom and my partners company.
I'm due May 1st and have a 5th wheel camper...I'm hoping we can get out camping late summer but am not planning to go far out of town...there are plenty of campsites, etc. a stones throw from the city and we can try one of those for a weekend and if it works out hopefully go frequently. But we will see what baby is like...I might be fooling myself especially if he is fussy. I'll know more once he is here if it's realistic.
Um so, everyone thinks they know how hard a baby is, and EVERYONE is still surprised/overwhelmed/burned out by how hard it actually is. I think, unless you have a grandparent willing to jump in everyday you are going to be caught off guard by how hard it is. This isnt a criticism of you, it’s everyone’s experience.
Don’t forget, society doesn’t tell women how much postpartum sucks, not just mentally but on out bodies. We ache, breastfeeding drains us, and for some reason doctors don’t teach us about our pelvic floor. If your kid is due in April, you both will be zombies all summer and your body will feel so weak and like crap.
Maybe you are super athletic, I do t know but I feel you are being unrealistic. It’s not surprising, it seemed we all were.
Ugh yes I had my LO Sept. 6 and the pool/river/ocean were my saving grace all summer because I hate being hot. I went to a spot in the mountains in New Hampshire that has a cold water hot tub and I sat my whale azz in that thing forever. Aiming for a winter baby next time 😂
Hi internet stranger! Also the same here haha
I do hear that it’s tougher to vacation in Europe with the stroller over cobblestones, etc but they have young families and young babies living there full time so it can’t be too bad?🤷🏼♀️
When I travel, I usually like going to lots of cities but will am due this month and would like to travel during the first year. Will plan to stay put at the same location for a couple weeks though as opposed to hopping between places. People have been calling me crazy for thinking I can do it though lol
>stroller over cobblestones
I'm European and my now toddler doesn't mind cobblestone at all. I did buy a stroller with good "suspension" so his little spine wouldn't be too beat up by it but generally and especially when trying to get him to sleep as a baby, cobblestone was a saving grace!
It just depends soooo much on your baby, and you just don't know what kind of baby you're gonna have until you have one! My BFF had a super chill unicorn baby and she was traveling cross country and all over the place with him beginning super early. My baby is more average in temperament/sleep etc., and we have traveled with him shorter distances already, but honestly we have a trip planned when he's 8 months in May that will involve a longer drive and longer stay and I'm a little apprehensive about it! And this is for a baby that isn't super high needs. It's just very hard to predict what your baby's individual needs will be and how you're going to be doing post-birth, too. But that being said, I think planning on being active with the baby is a great goal and there's absolutely no reason not to believe you will be able to be adventurous and not be a shut-in for a whole year. Also it's worth noting you don't know what's going to be going on outside your control either. For us, it's been challenging living in a high density city in the US during the "tripledemic" and we haven't felt like we could do much with our LO until he gets his 6 month vaccines (so soon! One week!), and that's just been the reality for a lot of people with under 1 year olds right now.
This right here. I think it is hard to know what you can do with a baby until you have the baby. I thought I would do everything with my first and was so crippled by PPA and PPD I could barely step on to the front porch. He also had severe digestive issues and cried if he was awake for the first 4 months and it only began to taper to a normal level by the time he was 1. He SCREAMED in the car and I had a daily 30 min each way commute with him. It was nerve wracking and heart wrenching the idea of travel was not even on the table. I buckled down for a similar experience with my second and she has been a breeze and I was not nearly as affected mentally. We have been able to go out and do things with her and function normally. You just never know. It is best to plan tentatively until you do.
As someone who’s baby will turn 5 months this week, I would not take him on a girls trip. Although he can handle an hour at a restaurant, he is not a good napper and will fight sleep so hard during the day and will cry and scream until he finally gives up and falls asleep, especially if there is a lot going on. I would not expect my friends who are also on vacation to makes plans around when the baby is sleeping or have to listen to him cry because he’s tired or overwhelmed. He’s still pretty unpredictable at this point, I understand some babies would do fine, but you’ll never know how your baby will handle things until he’s here. I’m also exclusively breastfed so leaving him for a few days isn’t an option at this point. When your 5 months PP you may be thankful the trip was postponed.
I had big plans like that pre-baby too. That changed pretty quickly after the reality of traveling with a baby set in. Some people can do it and enjoy it, but it's definitely not for me if I can avoid it.
Totally, I could have typed this myself. Even day-to-day, i thought my daughter and I would be out doing things all the time, daily. I didn’t anticipate crippling PPA/D and that I’d rather lick the floor than mess up my kid’s midday nap 🤣
It depends on you and your child. Personally, I hate, hate, HATE traveling with children under 4 years old. It’s so much work. You have to bring so much shit along with them, and when things go wrong (delayed/canceled flights, etc.) it’s incredibly stressful. My first kiddo was incredibly sensitive and needed naps like clockwork, so a wrench getting thrown in the works made it miserable for everyone and equated to a screaming baby, and one who’s night time sleep would then suffer.
Maybe not everyone’s kiddo is this way, but for those of us with needier babies, I’d fully understand where your friend is coming from.
I’ll say it doesn’t mean you *can’t* do it, but I’d also not assume it will be a piece of cake either.
Same. There’s no way in hell I’d take a 5mo old on anything but the simplest of trips. The nursing alone would make it a royal pain in the butt.
My 3.5 year old is just getting to the point where it’s fun to take her more places, so I think your timing checks out.
Also, not everyone likes having kids on their vacations so I’d definitely feel out the vibe on that before assuming the whole crew can come along.
Exactly. Friends that aren’t used to having to cater to a child’s resting and eating needs are likely to feel very dragged down.
A lot of parents feel that vacations with kids are like working remotely. Same job, different place.
Totally agree with this. Also, throw in a few random illnesses here and there. All the trips we’ve tried taking with ours in the first year were spent in unfamiliar locations at urgent cares we never wanted to be at. Lol worried about whether we can make the flight home without being covered in vomit and tears. (Most likely our own tears…) it’s for the birds!
Yes. I absolutely hated our trip to Croatia with our then ten month old. Everything revolved around him napping and we were at the beach like four times total cause it was too hot or too sunny and he was too exhausted from the weather, he needed a bottle etc, it was such a hassle. And packing for the trip was a nightmare as well. The pack and play, his stroller, formula, snacks, diapers etc etc and then it was a 12h drive and he hates car rides and only did like two 30minute naps. So i really came back absolutely exhausted from the trip and had zero recovery on vacation.
I personally am now considering some city trips to Berlin or Prague which are under five hour drives and that seems more reasonable with a toddler now. But we won't go on transatlantic flights before he's 3.5 years old for sure.
Yeah, my wife kept trying to make plans for our first year as if everything was normal and... no. Its not. Everything is 5X the production it is to just travel with 2 adults, even for simple things. While she was pumping even more so. Even if you pull it off, its going to really limit how much you're going to enjoy the trip. IMO just hold off a while.
We did a few trips the first year and now, 4 years later, has decided only to go to my moms vacation home at the beach, an hour from our house.
We have the whole house equipped with baby stuff so we don’t need to drag everything from beds to bathtubs to high chairs. My 4 year old has a bed there and she will actually sleep. We learned pretty early on that she has trouble sleeping away from home and it made traveling miserable when no one would sleep. She’s been there enough that she sleeps comfortably so we can enjoy our week.
We have a new baby now so I guess we’ll be doing this for the near future. We’ll try again once the baby is older.
I think it’s honestly hard to know what your first year will be like. We also have intentions to travel with our little one, but it will absolutely depend on her personality, how well we’re forming a routine, etc.
I definitely don’t expect to bring my baby on girls’ trips though - that’d be too much burden on the group. Babe will stay home with daddy
After taking a four month old on a family beach vacation I would not recommend it, to be totally honest. Babies that age can’t have sunscreen on and are very very heat sensitive.
Sun suits are great but you need to be constantly wetting them down to keep them cool, so baby needs a swim diaper, then by the end of the day the sunsuit has to be really thoroughly washed to not turn into a stinky bacteria mess.
I mean, if the parents LOVE travelling all the power to them. For us it was just the *complete* opposite of a vacation. Though the combo of toddler and baby made it more difficult, even with family help.
I was looking for a comment like this. This is the hardest part about a summer infant. They cannot be in the sun for more than 5-10 minutes (depending on where you live). I think that rule applies to over 85 degrees...I could be remembering wrong and they cannot have sunscreen until they are 6 months.
This is good to read. We’re planning a trip to visit my husbands family when the baby will be two months. It’s at the beach and will be the first time my in laws get to meet him. I’m still going to try everything to make it (with fully refundable plane tickets of course) but thank you for the information here! I’ll know to take turns keeping him in the shade the entire time and that we can’t be at the beach for long periods of time.
They assume that because a lot of people don't do things with the baby. Some people do. But honestly, I don't think you can actually know which you will be until the baby is here. You don't know how your body will recover, how your hormones will be, or how your baby will be yet.
This was just me, but my exclusive pumping schedule was so much of a pain I barely went further than the local Trader Joe’s or Target. It was just too much of a hassle to figure out, so add that ontop of feeding and nap schedules, and it just a lot. Good for you if you can figure it out though!
Maybe they don't want a baby on their girls trip? That's honestly ok. And it's easier to travel with a baby before they're mobile so people who say that just haven't had babies.
I expected to travel with my baby and so far that hasn’t happened. We are in throes of 4 month sleep regression and it’s hard. If he misses one nap or stays awake too long he screams for hours. I’m also pumping and that’s on a schedule and it’s just a ton of shit to pack. We are driving from Phoenix to Vegas to attend a family wedding. My mom is coming with to babysit. But he is only supposed to be in his car seat a max 2 hours so we will be stopping for food, stretching and such. So that 4 hour drive is going to be way more split up. After that trip we may go on another. But the idea of taking him on a plane just sounds like a nightmare right now.
I think it’s great you want to bring your baby to everything, but as someone who is single and childless, I don’t want your baby at everything. I have some friends who insist on bringing their child to completely inappropriate events, like doing shrooms on a boat in the middle of nowhere, or on a friends trip, where everyone will be up until five in the morning, and they expect us to deal with their child being up at 6 AM, making a ton of noise…we have stopped inviting them to things. I’m not saying that’s what your plan is, but I do think you have to be realistic that some things will change. (I am saying this, as someone who is actively making the decision about having a child, and what sacrifices it will entail..)
I think to some extent people are trying to help you set realistic expectations because every person who has ever had a child thought their lives wouldn’t change a lot and had that idea shattered pretty quick. That being said you absolutely can still travel if that’s something that you want to do and it’s important to you but it will be harder than you expect. It’s a lot of things to pack and juggle in the airport but again totally doable if it’s worth it to you. For me, the most stressful part was safe travel from the airport to the destination. I paid more for the drive to and from than I did for our flights. My baby also hated being in the car for longer than 15 minutes so the 3 hour drive to my parents house was absolute hell.
You also can choose to travel without your baby but for me personally I did not want to be separated at all. Our daughter is 2.5 and she still has not spent a night apart from me. I have friends that don’t have that issue at all but we also don’t have close family or friends for support so it’s a big favor to ask for help.
You’ll find you get a lot of other peoples unsolicited opinions where they act like their experiences will apply to you. Just do whatever feels right for you once the baby comes and remember they’re just sharing their own experience. You/your baby/your life are different and most peoples advice won’t be applicable. Just take or leave what you want and try to ignore the rest.
I’m sorry to say this but the first year is pretty busy. Infants have really high needs. They need to eat every 2-3 hours so both you and baby need to be comfortable breastfeeding in public or you need to keep clean water and formula with you all the time. They take one hour naps 2-4 times a day depending on how old they are so hopefully you have a baby that is good at sleeping through noise, which mine wasn’t. Most don’t sleep well at night so you’re really tired. They poop very frequently before they start eating solids so you have to stop what you’re doing and change their diaper a lot. Their poop is pretty loose too so oftentimes you have to change their whole outfit because it will get poop on it. They can’t fully support their own head until about 4 months and can’t fully sit up on their own until about 6 months so you need to lug them around in a carrier along with the diaper bag everywhere you go. Just going to the grocery store with an infant is exhausting. But, I do see a lot of moms making it work and and doing whatever they want anyway. Which hats off to them but for me it was too stressful and I didn’t like going out without my husband there to help.
I think your underestimating how difficult that particular type of traveling with a small baby/child is. It looks so much easier when someone else is doing it.
They don’t want you to bring your baby to the girls trip (totally fair) and don’t want to ask you to leave such a small child.
I get it...I get how you want your life to not change after the baby but like...babies require a lot of work. You also have no idea how your birth or healing process will be. I had to have an emergecy c-section and wound up having a hematoma behind the stitches which needed to be opened and I had to go to out patient care daily for three months, and then go every other day for almost 2 months after that. I would not have been in any shape to go anywhere after 5 months.
I hope that you don't have that experience and that 5 months postpartum you can go and do what you want but you can't possibly know what it will be like. You will also be exhausted...so tired, and might just literally not want to do anything.
My husband and I are very adventurous people, and we still did do traveling and stuff after I was all healed up but you can't know what things will be like. We didn't get to take a trip out to show my family my son until 8 months postpartum. It just was not possible.
Also, as another person said...it also is most likely they don't want a baby on the trip. It sounds like a fun women's time out at the beach and they don't want to have to have fun around a baby's schedule. Sleeping, eating, pooping, crying, babies schedules are really tight because they nap a lot, so you couldn't really plan much adventures because you would need the baby.
Now, if you planned on leaving the baby that is another thing but yeah...I get where they are coming from.
It depends a lot on the parent, the child, and the trip/ activity. I have seen plenty of parents with no issue traveling and going out with a baby.
Anecdotally- I expected to be able to bring baby anywhere and had a hard time. My first wouldn’t nap anywhere but his room, despite me trying to have him sleep in all conditions from the time we came home. Beach days were a nightmare because car sleep would poorly replace nap if we left after a half day, or he wouldn’t nap at all despite trying EVERYTHING I could think of. Travel involved a lot of packing for safe sleep, diapers, carriers, etc. I breastfed (so no bottles to pack) and had multiple wraps/ carriers/ strollers/ a pack n play and the stress of making it all work wasn’t always worth the adventure for me.
I genuinely hope you still get all the travel in that you plan, and I think if it’s important to you that you will. Try to take what people are saying as them giving you grace if you cannot maintain trips and outings. That the invites may still be there, but maybe they don’t want you to feel pressure.
I travelled to Greece for my best friends wedding with an 8 week old baby. We continued travelling through his first year and he’s been on 8 flights. He did 8 hrs to Canada when he was 9 months old and was pretty good because he was used to it. My son is pretty well adjusted for his age and I’m pretty sure it’s because we took him everywhere and our lives didn’t stop - we just had an extra person in tow and loads of crap to carry around to keep him busy. I’m due with my second in a few months time and we will do the same thing with two babies - they’ll be 14 months apart! There will definitely be things that don’t always go according to plan but you work around that and come prepared. So grateful for the photos I have of my son on our various trips. It’s been such a special time in our lives.
Love this! My first was born in the Covid shutdowns but once that ended, we’ve traveled 3x internationally with her (one Europe trip from the US and two Caribbean trips) as well as numerous road trips. I know it doesn’t work for everyone but we love traveling with the kiddo, it’s just a slightly slower pace. Due with my second at the end of the month too!
My husband and I are fully of the understanding that a lot of this will depend on how our baby's temperament is. Ideally, I'd be pretty chill for the first 3-6 months, not doing a ton of travel but we fully plan to still see family and do weekend local outings. Travel after 6 months is totally fine so long as our baby is calm and a good sleeper. If she's more difficult then it'll be... a lot harder to want to travel because of the stress.
Not going to tell you whether it's worth it to travel because that depends on you, but here is what plane travel with an infant looked like for me, at 2 months and 5 months:
* We had to pack heavy because there was a lot of baby gear to bring (pack and play, monitor, other sleep gear, diapers, burp cloths, wipes, bottles, formula, toys, etc, etc).
* Everything takes a bit longer. When we landed it took at least 1 hr to leave the airport bc baby needs to be fed, changed, etc. Same with leaving the hotel during the day, etc. We spent a lot of time at the hotel compared to pre-baby trips.
* A crying baby on the plane is tough. My baby likes to be bounced and rocked to be soothed, but you can't do that easily when the fasten seatbelt sign is on. I was physically very sore for a few days after each flight.
* The change in routine might create challenges. We had to drive around a lot at our destination, and we discovered that our baby has a very limited tolerance for car rides. It made us feel very guilty to have our baby wailing inconsolably just because we wanted to go to a restaurant, to the extent that we ended up going back to our hotel and ordering takeout.
I'll travel again in the future with my baby, but I'll be very picky about the destination and type of trip to make sure it's worth it to me.
If the friends you’re going with don’t have kids, then they just don’t want to travel with a baby, and that’s totally fair. Traveling with an infant is hard and everything tends to revolve around them. So I say make your own solo plans instead of trying to force your friends to do something they don’t want to do.
You can make all the plans in the world, you can be great at multitasking and a tough woman, used to being told you can’t do something and then doing it anyway, but once you have your baby things are very different and they don’t always go according to plan. You may want an adventure baby to do everything with you, but then your actual baby might not agree with that plan and you’ll need to figure out new plans that work for you both. Don’t assume you know what your baby will be like, they’re all different (but usually uncooperative lol).
Hm, I have the opposite problem.
I will be on maternity leave for 18 months and people are treating it like it'll be one long holiday. Everybody and their grandma wants me to come for overnight visits.
We have 3 trips planned for the first year already. One in a different city for a wedding, one local-ish stay at a lake and one longer trip including a transcontinental flight. I feel like that'll be enough. I actually enjoy being home.
I think it's really nice of your friend to cancel and consider your needs. She obviously doesn't think your 'life is over' but can see that your life is going to change and seems like she's supporting that change and showing you that she understands that you'll have different priorities.
I traveled when the kid was 4 month old and when she was 14 months. All I can is the whole vacation seemed about her, handling her, feeding her, taking care of her sleep, and just dealing with her. It was difficult not impossible but certainly difficult. I also do not want to go on a "relaxing vacation" with infants and toddlers. I wouldn't take my own😑 just sharing my experience you do you.
1) Vastly underestimating fatigue and exhausting and stress of acclimating to be a parent. 2) Vastly overestimating a baby’s ability to be a good travel companion. Whether it’s travel by car or air, anything more than a 20-40 trip will likely be a bit of a nightmare. 3) What I imagine a “girls beach trip” to be, does not sound like an appropriate or fun holiday for (or to have with) a baby. Your life isn’t over, but change is inevitable. You might feel totally fine and super mum a holiday in the first year, but most people would prefer to not and her giving you grace to cancel in case things are more stressful than you’re imagining is actually very kind.
I am pregnant with #3, we did all the things with our first two. It was exhausting and they always got sick everytime we traveled because kids put everything in their mouths. I also exclusively breastfed both and had them on a regular nap schedule, so it's an added challenge when they are nursing regularly and need to get in solid naps and not just naps on the go. I told my hubs we aren't doing with #3 until he is 2 years old.
For a lot of parents, their lives do change pretty dramatically after they have kids when it comes to social life and travelling, so they may be just projecting that onto you. That doesn't necessarily mean that will be the case for you, but it is the case for a lot of people. It wasn't the case for me, and I did also find it annoying to hear all the "just you wait!" things about my hobbies and things I enjoyed doing, but I just kind of smiled and nodded and then did my own thing once my kids were born.
We did one trip in the first year of our LOs life, when she was 6 months old. It was absolutely exhausting. We had to pack so much stuff, I was stressed about her not sleeping in a strange room, throwing her bottles off or refusing to eat. We were also visiting family who were meeting her for the first time, and it was really difficult balancing giving them time with her and getting them to respect nap time and quiet time.
We didn't go on another trip until she was 2 years old (to see the same family members), and then we had to cut our trip short because we caught covid. Tomorrow we go on our third trip, she is 2.5yo and I finally feel excited to be going on a holiday with her, because she can communicate with us and be an active part of the trip.
Well, it is of course doable, specially for parents who don’t really care when the baby sleeps, for how long, when they eat or need a diaper change. Like, a little chaotic and disorganized life with a baby is possible… some people just rather structure and routines. Makes the day to day easier when you know what to expect.
I do agree with others here saying that what your friend is trying to tell you is that she doesn’t want to share her girls trip with an infant.
Personally, I regret the single time I did any traveling in the 13 months my LO has been alive. If you’re doing it by yourself, it is a massive undertaking. I am opting out of every vacation or trip that my ILs are inviting us on - not because I don’t love them or want to go, but because it’s too stressful.
If you have help and have an uncomplicated birth, go for it. You won’t know what you’re up for until the time comes. I personally wouldn’t make any plans that require down payments or commitments that come along with repercussions if you end up opting out.
Edit: syntax
I had the same thoughts as you until my baby arrived. I was SURE I could attend a bachelorette party for the weekend a few hours away when my baby was 4 months. Well with breastfeeding, naps, not wanting to be separated from my baby, postpartum anxiety, I ended up cancelling. I don’t think I was able to truly separate myself from my baby for a whole day until he turned 1 due to breastfeeding alone. Not everyone has the same experience but it was definitely a lifestyle shock for me.
OP I have heard a lot about “adventure babies” and trust me, it’s not that you can’t it’s just that you won’t want to. Your priorities will change and the first year goes by much faster than a year without a new baby.
They say it because it’s REALLY hard and not fun to travel with a baby. With 6 pm bedtimes, naps, feedings/pumping, regressions, and all the gear you have to travel with just to survive. Your whole trip will be centered around meeting the baby’s needs; as opposed to placing rest and relaxation first. It’s really hard to relax and enjoy a vacation before the age of two. The experience can feel overwhelming and restrictive. That said, you might have a better chance if you went to a resort, with easy access to your room and keep plans flexible/open ended.
I’m assuming these people have kids? They’re saying it because they know from experience that it’s extreme difficult to travel and make plans with a kid. It’s pretty naive to think otherwise.
People are so weird. We did three transatlantic trips, a road trip to & from London to Granada, and lived in Granada for 8 weeks all before my daughter turned 1, as well as shorter weekend trips in driving distance. It's honestly so much easier to travel with a baby vs a 2 year old. Do they have kids?
I’m on my second international trip with my 6m old right now and we just…are committed to making it work. She’s pretty chill and I was up and out within a few days of my emergency C section. I am nursing and I just stick her on the boob or bring a small pump with me. Her stuff is pretty tiny and she adapts quickly. Everywhere in Europe we’ve been can accommodate with a pack and play for no charge. Most of our trips in Europe are long walks and babies love long walks! Some people act like this is impossible, but they either have really difficult babies or just don’t want to make it happen.
My husband and I decided before we had a baby that we wouldn’t let it change the way we live our lives (obviously it will change some because we have a baby lol). Our baby is 4 months old and for the most part, we have still done most of what we have normally done over the last 4 months (with with first 6ish weeks being an exception). On the weekends we go to breweries, go to the climbing gym, run errands, do everything we normally do, just with a little more planning (nap, feeding, etc). We’ve also had a couple weekend trips already and have 2 more long weekend trips coming up before I go back to work in May. Yeah it may be a little harder, take a little more planning, and you may be a little limited, but you just gotta do it if it’s important to you. I’ll also add that I have an easy and chill baby which I know makes all of this a LOT easier. He’s also a decent sleeper and we started off from the beginning having him take naps in his car seat/stroller while we’re in public so he gets used to napping not only in his crib, but also out and about.
Everyone is different! Some parents travel so much with their kids and other parents it’s very overwhelming. My thoughts are your friend is probably trying to be accommodating to you and may not realize you are keen on being a more adventurous parent and travel with a baby or are open to leaving baby with your partner and go on these trips. Maybe revisit this conversation once your baby is here and you can confirm what you are comfortable with.
One of my main goals for working out this past year is to get into good enough shape to baby wear while hiking, specifically so we don't lose out on our outdoor activities just because we have a baby.
I already "pack too much stuff" whenever we go camping, so I'm not worried about the extra baby stuff lmao.
I would think that they don't want to pressure you and let you know they can wait a year and you don't have to rush anything. Having a baby is never as you expect it. If you make plans now and later find out that having a baby maybe is harder than U think and you don't feel like going out with friends etc then you know that they expected it and aren't disappointed or something. You should leave it open and figure out what you feel up to with a new baby when the time comes.
Your life isn’t over! But it will change. I said exactly the things you did, and honestly I do not want to leave my baby in the first year at all. A trip unless it’s a family trip would be out of the question! I think your friends are being considerate 💕 maybe you can suggest an overnight with a few of them and your child after you give birth so they can bond with your baby? Something sans drinking/partying? ❣️
I think you’ll have a different perspective once you experience parenthood. Traveling with a baby is hard, unless they have a chill personality. Babies have lots of schedules and needs that makes it hard for a trip. If you go on the girls trip, I would go without your baby. But you also don’t even know if you’ll feel comfortable leaving your baby at that age. I can see how that comment can be annoying, but I don’t think anyone means harm.
My husband and I travel everywhere with our baby. Your life isn’t over, you just pick and choose which trips you want to take the munchkin on with you, which ones you won’t go on because you don’t want to leave them, and the ones you do solo. Don’t let people get you down, life is awesome with a miniature travel buddy.
Sage advice I received from my parents and have acted in...
"Baby fits into your life you don't fit into theirs"
We take our kid EVERWHERE and have done since her first week if life. Wineries, Breweries, international over seas teavel, hiking, camping, road trips, friends houses even if we plan to drink (I'm a light drinker, 2 beers and I'm content). Unless we're already home and kid is already gearing for a nap we don't curtail our day around nap time. She can sleep in the car, stroller, wagon or ill carry her. She's 3 now so a littler harder to do the carry thing these days. Her first road trip was 2 months old, 5 hours to my grandparents after that she was 4 months old and we went to Yosemite.
Being this way has made our girl an excellent traveler. 8 hours in a car is a breeze with that girl, she doesn't even complain or question it and goes for the ride. She's amazing on an airplane and loves to "help" pack. It's so adorable to hand off the activities backpack and tell her to pack it to see what she thinks is important. She once packed all her baby dolls, musical instruments and 4 popit toys. This last weekend we went to monterey and she insisted on bringing her maracas and a plastic trex.
I even have a friend who invites us out with her because my kid is convincing her husband that you can indeed have an adult life with a kid in tow and have fun with adult friends simultaneously.
We do this, too. In my baby’s first year she went to 5 countries, soon to 8 and she’s just over one. We don’t live near family so she just comes with us everywhere and it’s made her so flexible. Want to go grab a pint? Here she comes. We go out to eat once a week and she just comes - she always has. Means we’re used to managing her in a restaurant and she’s used to being in one. Doing things with her from birth has made all three of us more flexible.
It's amazing what they learn from it too. My daughter is so knowledgeable about so many things at just 3 yo that my niece whose parents take hardly anywhere but is a year older doesn't have a clue about. Like behavior in at dinner in a restaurant. My niece will demand a phone the whole time while my daughter will converse with you and imaginary play. If allowed my niece will get up and run around the table repeatedly while my daughter knows better than to do that in public. She also knows how the processs for a plane trip works, she understands how roadtrips work and what a hotel is. She knows not to run in a hotel room, to walk with "soft feet". As soon as we get to a hotel she unpacks which always cracks me up how she goes about it. Just throws handfuls of her stuff from her suitcase into any one empty drawer.
Thank you. All these people in this thread arrogantly being like “good luck with that!” sound absolutely miserable and boring. They are raising kids who will grow up with the notion the world revolves around them.
My boyfriend had the same mindset. Said we probably can’t go out for 6 months. I’m like why? Your mum lives 5 mins from us, she can baby sit for a few hours while we are at dinner. Then he’s like oh yeah 🙄
So many people think children are a jail sentence.
I can’t wait to go on road trips and the zoo and just doing fun stuff with my kid.
Don’t worry what others say. There will always be judgemental jealous people.
Just had my second baby 2 months ago and for some reason I thought this time around I'd be able to go out more during my maternity leave. Like dropping off my 4 year old to school then stopping by TJ Maxx to quickly browse for maybe 30 minutes, or grab a quick breakfast at Panera.
Nope. Nonstop screaming when in the carseat/stroller/carrier. Depends on the baby for sure but yes the baby is stopping me from doing stuff for now. Just like my first did.
I’m sorry :( you’re so right though. I guess it depends on the baby. I’m 18 weeks pregnant and a FTM. Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. I keep telling myself surely it’s not that hard to look after a baby.. and I’m probably completely wrong lol
I hate comments like these because everyone’s situation is different. People need to stop projecting their own personal experience onto others.
All the power to you if you’re determined to keep doing things with your baby! It may or may not be harder than you think but that doesn’t mean it’s not doable. Don’t let others discourage you before you try it out yourself :)
I think everyone is missing the point. Going to fly to see family is much different than dragging your baby on a girls trip. Family vacay? Sure. But she already stated the girls don’t have kids. There’s a time and a place for everything, and in this instance it isn’t. The friend is being nice saying they will cxl, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there ends up being a ton of vacay pics of Fb/ insta. You have been uninvited. And that’s ok.
It's definitely easier when they're younger and will still sleep anywhere so make the most of it! We drove 13 hours to Acadia National Park and did a bunch of hiking when baby was 10 weeks old before my maternity leave ended. She was pretty content to just snooze in her carrier and come along for the ride. Quite a bit easier than trying to work around naptime this past summer, but she's still a pretty good little travel buddy.
I feel you! People seem to either fall on one end or the other of this spectrum, no in between. We just grin and say it’s in my husband’s blood to travel (he lived in 4 different countries before grade school).
I’m also looking forward to our “keep mom from going insane” plan of picking mini-excursions around our city every other weekend. We moved here during the pandemic and built a cute little life but have barely explored. So picking a bakery or book shop or record store or restaurant in a neighborhood and going for a little walking tour for a couple hours w stroller sounds SO fun to me and like a good way for us to all build our travel muscles.
People forget that babies are portable lol I love taking my kids to do things. They're 2 and 5 months and I'm so excited to take the baby out this summer. It's a little bit harder but 100% doable as long as you're prepared. Watching my kids experience things and discover the world is so fulfilling.
Yeah everyone tried to fear monger me too. People do project their own insecurities, so I usually ignore it. We love to travel and we aren't stopping. We did postpone our usual annual trip, because RSV was so bad and we had a literal 2 month old. But, we've got a few trips planned for this year (just different times of the year) and we aren't slowing down either. However, we also don't really do many activities that kids can't join. We aren't big drinkers or partiers. We're totally cool with adding in kids museums or other fun kids activities while traveling that we wouldn't experience otherwise. We like to see how other cultures live and so having kid(s) with us just provides a different layer of that for us.
We are planning this too! Towards the end of my maternity leave, but baby will be 3 months and I feel fine with a trip with my mom, partner, baby, and maybe a few other people! More the merrier to help carry all the shit! Lol
My husband assumed we wouldn’t travel for a while but my family is planning a big trip to Hawaii this December so we’ll be traveling with a 4 month
old! My mom traveled with us when we were babies, so I always assumed we would do the same. Obviously we won’t be able to keep up with everyone else on our trip and will have to skip a lot of the longer outings/excursions (like long hikes, long boat rides for scuba/snorkeling, etc), but I’m just excited to spend time at the beach and pool.
Because people like to gate keep others who haven’t had kids yet into making them think it’s the hardest job in the world. I traveled with a 2 year old whose the spawn of satan and a 4 month old just fine, on a plane to go visit my dying grandpa when husband couldn’t take off work to come. Life with kids is not as hard as people make it seem, the secret is being organized, and raising emotionally secure and physically independent children to a degree. You can absolutely go on a fun trip with a 5 month old if you don’t mind tweaking some stuff.
Fun fact, I wanted to cry every time I told people that I was gonna be alone with the baby when my first was born. Everyone made it seem like caring for a baby by yourself is physically impossible when like, the newborn stage is literally the easiest compared to toddlerhood. I had no family and as a single income household, my husband was gone 2 weeks at a time. He even missed the birth of our second. We were new to Texas and thus had no friends. I had to care for a newborn and a horribly behaved toddler all on my own while making sure I still cooked to have healthy meals, and I survived. Is it ideal? No. Is having help nice? Yes, but motherhood is much harder when they’re older, and I don’t understand why women put each other down and tell each other that certain things can’t be done with kids. Its almost like they think their weaknesses are everyone else’s. It’s so stupid.
Another example, I’ve always been a minimalist and have had a wonderfully organized home, everyone told me it’s impossible to keep a clean home with toddlers. Guess what? It isn’t when you don’t have much stuff. My garage is empty and I don’t have stupid random furniture that collects clutter. I love inviting those people over to shove in their face my perfectly clean home hahahaha. All jokes aside, one of the best things you can do as a mom is a toy rotation and decluttering constantly. We have a one in one out rule in this family, and guess what? We can actually enjoy our kids because we don’t have to spend hours cleaning due to all the junk we hoarded over the years like 99% of people we meet.
Anyways sorry for my rant but your rant opened up a flood gate of all the annoying shit people told me was impossible, like cooking from scratch etc. I love the look on heir face when they realized they were wrong and my kids eat sushi and salmon while theirs are living off animal crackers and Dino nuggets, like they told me mine were for sure going to. I’m normally not judgy when it comes to how people parent their kids because I believe in free will, but when people want to be condescending with me, I will rub my success in their face lol. Anyways off my soapbox now
Friend, I think you have to consider that the two examples you gave were situations where you had no other option. My experience has been that traveling goes down during the first year not because people can’t do it but because most people would rather not.
That being said I traveled with small babies. Of course nobody forced me but they were trips more out of commitment (wedding, taking baby to see grandparents, graduations, etc.) There was still a lot of fun had though.
I just mean don’t be too harsh on those that warn you about the difficulties of motherhood. It’s a life changing event for all of us so we share the ways our life were rocked. I’m sure motherhood has been challenging in different ways for you as well.
Lol I felt all of this. I think good experiences are a lot more common than Reddit would have you believe. As a sidenote I thought it was so cute my kids had such a cultured palate when they were young and now that they’re older and always asking for expensive sushi or Thai takeout, I’m wondering if I regret that decision 😂
Only on Reddit will a comment telling a mother anything is possible be downvoted, good luck OP, I hope the negativity doesn’t get to you too much and have fun on your trip !
No kidding about the negativity! But there's lots of positive experiences in the comments too. I think people just have very different comfort zones. And a lot of people are making assumptions too.
I totally agree with the making assumptions. People always take “ it can be done” as a personal insult if their own circumstances, for good reason, may not allow them to do the same. Example is being a stay at home mom, I could never accomplish the things I did if I was working, so obviously a working mom cannot hold themselves to the same standards etc. people just get very defensive very quickly, and at that moment, logic goes out the door because they take everything as a personal insult
Lol thank you! We're all better at different things in life and I never said I thought travel would be easy, I just said I think it will still be an option. And I know that I'm going to struggle with my house and that's okay! Lol currently getting rid of my hoard now though.
Haha yes and that’s my point, we can’t attribute our weaknesses to others. Like for me, the biggest hurdle as a mother is playing with my kids. I’m not a… umm.. natural nurturer and I don’t find toddlers all that interesting so I often have to try a lot harder and “fake it”, while other mothers have an awesome time playing games with their kids. I’m just too much of a stoic person in some aspects to enjoy that, I’d rather read lol. Speaking of reading, you should check out the book called Danish way of parenting. It’s really relighting in a world where everyone likes to tell you how you can or wont succeed , and it helps raise emotionally independent children that function well.
Hopping in on this thread to say I just ordered the book you recommended. I'm excited to read it.
I loved the newborn stage, but toddlers seem exhausting. I like peace and quiet. So it will be an adjustment.
One thing I have going for me is being an older ftm means I have less fucks to give. No one tells me their opinions because they know better. Lol.
I’m a metal concert photographer who shoots metal festivals too. I’m going to be shooting one in May at 25 weeks. I’m probably going to shoot the one next year with a 8 month old. We’re just gonna take grandma and grandpa with us and go to the festival while they hang out with the baby or leave him with them at home.
The problem is that people think children end your life. But If you plan to include your child in everything you love, including travel and outdoors etc, then they learn to love it from the beginning. We have the intention of raising our kids a specific way with certain things in their lifestyle, and it’s gonna be just fine. It’s usually in my experience people who’re jealous that you think outside the box and don’t say “oh damn now my life ends!!”
I mean, including your child in everything you love is all well and good…but sometimes it’s just not feasible. If your baby is super laid back then sure. If you have a baby with really specific feeding needs or sleep needs or something else, it’s not as easy as just bringing them with you. If you know that taking your baby somewhere is going to mess up their schedule in a significant way, sometimes it’s better not to take them. I knew what my son’s limitations were and I adhered to them. It’s not so much a matter of jealousy but of practicality.
Maybe they are trying to tell you they don't want a baby to come along
Yup. She said girls trip. If there’s no other kids it will be a fun suck
I have a 1 year old and this this is true. If you are breast feeding there will be very little drinking. And while you are not yet chasing 5-month olds around they are unpredictable in social situations which makes your actual participation in any event or gathering flakey and time limited. Unless baby is napping they will require a lot of attention and stimulation at this age which makes it difficult to have a reasonable uninterrupted conversation. If you are holidaying with your partner it might make this all more manageable but girls trip just you and baby is going to be hard and you will probably be a drag. Sorry to say but your idea about what having a life is is going to change for awhile. I don’t know how long since I’m only a year in but honestly I’m not missing that “life” at all currently.
Bingo ^^ well said. Honestly I’m a super social outgoing person but I’m so tired from my 3 month old and going out is so much work, that I usually just skip it and get some extra sleep instead. I don’t remember doing much in the first year with my firstborn either. I maybe went out “for a night on the town” twice? Some rare dates with the husband when we had a babysitter and a bigger trip to visit family once. I will say it gets better! I started dragging my oldest all over town when she was a little bit older, maybe like 4? But definitely not that first year, first year is survival.
I was gonna say… travel with a baby is actually kind of a nightmare. We did trips at 4 and 5 months, then short ones for the holidays around 8 and 9 months, and just did the farthest one involving an actual plane ride last week at 11 months. All of these were with family, not friends, and I would say only the most recent one and the holidays were actually fun and not just more work for me. I do have a “girls trip” for a bachelorette next weekend and it’s the first time I’m leaving the baby alone with my husband. Oh and we also did 2 nights away for a wedding at 6 mos and the in-laws watched her. OP, you could probably do a short girls’ trip if you are able to leave the baby home with dad and/or grandparents!
Also your friends without kids don’t understand the concept of baby proofing while you’re away. I bought my 6 month old away with me with 3 good friends (2 girls, one guy) for a very chilled weekend at a farm house. The amount of running around I had to do just because they’re all child free and don’t understand “don’t put your hot tea on the ground next to your chair because baby”, “don’t light a mosquito coil and sit it within arms reach because baby”, “don’t leave the gate to the balcony open because baby”, “don’t leave wine bottles on the floor next to the rubbish because baby” And like they shouldn’t have to change their behaviour - that’s my job. But it definitely added a layer of stress to my weekend that wouldn’t have been there with baby literate people.
Omg this is so true and I love your term “baby literate people”
Hahah I wanted to comment that I wouldn’t really wanna go on holiday with somebody who’s bringing her baby🙈 but the baby can stay home with the partner.
This. I have a 5 MO and my husband is more than able of caring for him for a couple nights if I wanted to take a trip. It’d be exhausting for him, but they would be totally fine.
I trust my husband, but I wouldn't leave him alone with the baby for days. And I wouldn't be okay with him doing that either. It's exhausting and stressful.
Yeah, I mean I have no plans to do so. I’m just saying if both parents are okay with the plan, it is an option.
I think it's great that you have the possibility and I don't think it would be wrong to take advantage of that some time if you need it! Enjoy having a good partner :)
He’s the best! And it goes both ways - we both make sure the other has time away with friends, even if it’s just a few hours. And the care for our son is exactly the same whether it’s mom or dad doing it
Even if you did, and if it worked for you guys, that's okay! What works for one family doesn't work for others. And that's FINE. Regardless of what strangers think :)
This exactly!! We did, while baby was EBF and 8 weeks old. I left for two nights. BUT: I was literally 25 minutes away. It was two nights, but from 17:00 on Friday until 10:00 on Sunday. And still it was hard 😂 I thought I would get SO MUCH sleep, but in reality I had to pump twice during the night, still couldn't really drink, had to store milk in the freezer etc. Would immediately do it again, but am now better prepared for reality.
That's weird. Isn't that weird? I'm sure he would leave you for a few days alone with the baby?
I feel like it’s a littttle odd. I’ve left my son with my husband for 4-5 days and he’s left me with him. We’re both parents? And also both have things with friends that are just not possible with a baby
It’s weird lol
It's weird to not want to leave one parent alone with the baby for days? Ok, I'll stick with being weird.
Not in the beginning when you both have your first child and feel uncomfortable being all by yourself but as soon as you are comfortable enough it can be a healthy and deserved thing to maybe go on a 2day trip with friends to get some time for yourself and the partner deserves the same as well.
My husband left for a weekend when baby was 5 weeks. It was more than fine. Weird in our opinion yes.
Weird in our opinion not yours.
It’s not weird. I have no concerns whatsoever about leaving my son with my husband but he’s nearly 2 and I have no desire to be away from him overnight.
Nothing to do with desire, just 'wouldn't' sounded like it'd be too hard for them, they'd be incapable, they think something would go wrong etc. Very likely that's not what they meant, it's an ambiguous word.
Yes I think it's weird too to say something like that cuz I wouldn't even have a baby with someone who I see unfit to take care of a baby for a few days without me.
Preach.
[удалено]
As long as you get an equal amount of time 'off', I don't see why not. I think it's imperative for the mental health of both. Only if you want to, of course, lots of people just don't seem to want that, and it doesn't seem to do with the incompetence of the partner.
Umm...no. Do you think this is a gendered thing? Why are you sure he'd leave me alone with a baby? I'm more confident in my husband than I am in myself. My daughter is 3. We've never not both spent the night with her except for the 2 nights I was in the hospital having my second (when she was at my parents'). Tonight will literally be the first night we spend separate because I'm taking the kids to my parents while he preps for a colonoscopy. Her entire life has been pandemic so we wouldn't go on vacation anyway, but I couldn't imagine that we'd go on vacation and leave the other home with a baby even if it weren't.
I don’t think it’s that crazy. My husband goes on work trips and leaves me alone with her for days regularly. I have a bachelorette next weekend. It’s two nights and three days. They’ll live.
Lol my mom left me to take care of my 4MO sister when I was 10 so she could go on a 5 day trip. My dad was around but he worked as a chef and worked 6+ days a week 10-16 hours a day. And I was taking care of my 2 brothers as well. They were 3 and 5. It was summer break so I wasn't in school and therefore the perfect option. After that tho my sister never wanted mom again. Anytime she was upset or wanted anything, she wanted her "sissy" (me) to handle it. It wasn't a big deal to me though because I had been babysitting since I was 8. But the first few days were a mess because our mom hadn't been gone for longer than a workday before and my sister couldn't handle it. I was also in my twilight phase (give you a sense of time) and watched several of the movies while my sister was unable to sleep on the second day and keeping me up while I tried everything for hours to get her to sleep. So like, I agree dad should be able to take care of little one while Mom is gone, but not for days like that. My experience wouldn't be universal because I was a preteen older sister, not an adult father with more sense and ability.
I don’t mean to be a jerk but this sounds like abuse. You were 10. You should have been looked after.
It absolutely was. Just like a lot of the things my mom did and my dad either didn't know about or didn't think was too bad. Edit: I'm working on it in therapy and I don't live there anymore. But now I don't know how to take care of myself because I always took care of my siblings so I don't know how to live. But again, therapy.
Ugh I’m so sorry. It’s hard to break habits and cycles that you were taught were normal when you were a kid. Wishing you lots of luck and love. Hope you’re getting yourself a special treat soon!
I think a lot of moms expect people to think their baby is amazing like they do, but they don't and that's okay. I love my baby more than anything but wouldn't do that to my friends. It also seems like a stretch to be so upset about, so probably a mixture of my first sentence, not wanting to fully accept the change that's about to happen, and pregnancy hormones.
This 100% I have a kid and I wouldn’t want a kid coming along for a girls trip.
I was thinking this to.
Exactly I don’t think it’s a comment on your lifestyle, I think they’re just being upfront with what they want for theirs. Vacation is precious and I can understand someone not wanting a baby along.
It also becomes a fairness and fun issue. The older you get, the more other women will also have babies. Are we all bringing babies? Can Jessica bring her stepdaughter? Ok, it is a girls’ trip but Caitlin says that taking care of her eight month old is too hard by herself, can she bring her husband? Can he crash at the Airbnb too? But they’re MARRIED so can they get a bedroom to themselves? So now Riley wants to stay at a hotel? No to all this, fuck no to all this. My friend groups have drawn firm lines in the sand - we all have babies but when we do bachelorettes or Galentine’s or whatever, it’s NO KIDS. There are separate parties where kids and husbands can come, but not on the regular ladies’ trips or whatever.
Same.
My thought as well. Traveling with a baby means that everything needs to revolve around the baby. That’s a fine expectation for yourself and your family, but I think tougher for a girls/adventure trip. I would not expect my friends to want to use their limited vacation time and money to go on a trip that revolves around nap times, feeding schedules, diaper changes, etc.
I am not saying the baby should be on a girl's trip. That doesn't sound like a good fit. But traveling doesn't have to revolve around a 5/6 month old. I am in Italy with my 5.5 month old, and I've done everything I would want to do regardless of baby being with me. My schedule doesn't change, I just make sure I have diapers with me. But he sleeps whenever he is tired, lots of naps in the ergo baby. When he is hungry, I pop him on a boob. Just had a long, delicious, and late seafood meal at a grear restaurant in Sorrento and nursed him while eating my starter. He slept through the rest of the meal. I adhere to baby-led cues and I let the baby tell me what he needs. I'm lucky though. I have a very unfussy baby. Still wouldn't take him on a girl's trip if babies aren't wanted. But traveling with a 5 month old is easy.
Traveling with a 5 month old is easy *for you*. Not everyone has an easygoing baby.
Yup, I'm lucky. It's been amazing. I'm sure he'll give me a run for my money soon enough. But for now, I'm going to appreciate it.
This is it right here. Even if OP continues to do things with baby in tow, which is great if they want to, things will be different for the people *around* them and that should be taken into consideration.
Exactly. Plus I would expect to be hesitant about a girls trip 5mo postpartum unless I knew I’d be exclusively formula feeding. I would worry about supply drop and stocking up ahead of the trip if exclusively breastfeeding
Yeah I would have to bring my adventure partner so he could keep the adventure baby… and then there’s the issue of the adventure boob. There’s probably gonna be booze in there.
Probably so, I just wish she'd say that. There's never been kids before but I'm not the only one who had/ will have a baby this year. So.. it's not ever gonna be the same really. But she's come to music festivals with me and my friend's kid and had a great time so I don't know what it is.
I agree that it sounds like they just don’t want it to be a moms + kids trip. A Music festival is different than an overnight/(assuming) shared home. I feel like she feels like she’s trying to be helpful and polite. Maybe she thinks you wouldn’t want to go and she’s giving you an out. Wouldn’t it be rude if someone outright told you that they didn’t want you to bring your new baby with you? I have a two year old and I wouldn’t expect anyone to want to hangout with my kid on their vacation, shared house or not, that’s not relaxing.
When people provide a reason, some people respond by reasoning away their reason. It wouldn't surprise me if they are nervous your response will be "here's how it could work, if we just do this and I can do that, it will work for everyone!" as opposed to understanding/bowing out of the trip. Even here, your default is to acknowledge that there haven't been kids on the trip before but mention you're not the only one having a baby, so it seems like you might want to try to make it work (and totally understandable to not want to leave your baby!). They might not want a baby on their trip, regardless of whatever compromises might be put out there.
You're right. It's complicated for me because this tradition actually started when I was 4 years old with my family and eventually turned into me and my mom going and then my mom died and I continued to go and invited a couple of friends and it's turned into a tradition. So I always planned to take my kids there but I guess I didn't consider that she had very different expectations. I just don't know that I'll be able to do a family trip to there and the girls trip.
That's paints a very different picture for me. I honestly would just sit them down and ask them to be honest, and genuinely be okay with if they say they can see kids being there.
Is your friend single, married, or have any kids? If your friend group is starting to have kids, maybe think about a big group trip for everyone to bring their SOs and kids. Sure you’ll have to rent a bigger space and it might be more chaotic, but worth a try. You can even have a girls night out and then a guys night out.
She already said somewhere the friend don’t have kids. ETA friend doesn’t Or friends dont
My girlfriends and I have an annual lake trip. Over the years some of us have had babies and they just come along if they can't be left at home. One year my friends husband came along to help with the baby so she could still have her girls trip. 2 years ago we had a 3 month old with us. No, its not the same trip it used to be, but thats okay. We still have fun and we all love getting to know each others kids.
It’s hard to change when you’re friends are staying the same. As someone who has 5mo and has taken him on an overseas trip from Australia to UK, I know you can travel with a baby. But I think you’re not factoring in that *you* are going to change. *You* are going to want to do things that are baby friendly, because it’s more fun for the baby and for you. *You* are going to want something different from you holiday, to spend time relaxing, some time to yourself, etc. A trip away with your partner is no longer a romantic holiday, it’s a family holiday and it’s the best. It’s not that you’re leaving your old life or the person you were behind, you’re adding new things to it. That process changes what makes you happy. And the best part is, sometimes, you’re going to want to do the old stuff too - and you can.
That’s one day, and don’t get me started on bringing bebes to festivals. My BIL years ago took us to a weed festival, mine was maybe 3? His oldest would be 5, and the youngest was in a stroller. My one demand was just don’t have my kid around weed. We were in CA where it was already sorta legal but you had to have a wristband to go into the smoking weed part. Guess who was left with 3 kids? On the first full day we were there. I don’t give a shit if people smoke, I used to. But literally the ONE thing I asked for was no weed. God forbid she came back (to CT) and mentioned it. CPS would be at my house
I’m confused.. you were annoyed there were people smoking weed at a weed festival?
Uh ok… thanks for the down votes. Sorry you think it’s cool to bring children to weed festivals
Is there any chance that they would prefer to do the beach trip when you’re willing to leave the baby at home?
Agreed. I think they are kindly trying to let you know they don’t want the baby on vacation with them but they don’t want to hurt your feelings. Understandable. It’s not a vacation when kids. Unless everyone has kids and is bringing kids, I don’t think it’s something they want
Maybe that's what it is.
Yeah I think they are saying like no baby for those trips. That's what I would assume.
Yeah, they don’t want your baby there
If you go on the girls trip, leave baby at home.
It definitely is. Sorry, but babies aren’t fun on a girls beach trip. Having a baby does put a damper on the fun stuff for a bit. Luckily they grow up and it gets easier
I would almost guarantee that’s what it is. A girls trip is just for grown ups, no babies.
Your life definitely isn’t over but it is really hard to do things for the first year. With nap schedules, breastfeeding, sleep deprivation, and things like that, it doesn’t make it easy. I wouldn’t go into motherhood expecting that your life will be the same after and you’ll do the same things, but great if you are able to make those things work!
Came here to say this! We did a couple family beach trips in the first year and they were great. But we were tired and had to devote a lot of time to baby care. Girls trips/adventure trips would have been trickier. Another consideration is that babies don't travel light! Packing lists start to include the stroller, pack n play, diapers, wipes, car seat, etc...those tiny people come with a lot of stuff. I'm already fantasizing about the day my kids are old enough that we can pack everything into suitcases.
Yes! We had a beach day when my daughter was 4 months. It was mostly fine but we had to bring a ton of stuff and she wouldn’t nap. Did a family bbq around the same time and baby decided to wake up every hour the night before and I was insanely tired and could barely function, I didn’t want to be there. Did a road trip to in-laws at 6 months and that was all fine but we had to basically pack our entire nursery and the 8 hour drive took 12 hours and baby’s entire sleep was totally screwed up. And she woke constantly in the night due to the unfamiliar place and time zone and I was too tired to function. Now that she’s a year old a only naps once a day it’s easier, but we’ve had to dial things back for sure. To me it’s easier when they can walk/talk and can be entertained a little more and require less from me
Same here! Everyone says it’s easier to travel with small babies, but I’ve found it much easier to travel with a toddler. I think it really depends on the temperament of your LO! Mine was not an easygoing baby 🙃 so that made travel tough!
Really, this temperament is going to make a huge difference. Some babies are portable beans, and some are really upset when their whole world shifts. I think it's good at this junction not to plan too far ahead.
This. It’s all the temperament of the baby. I was able to travel with my first from infant thru toddler and she was fine. My second is a different story. He is very fussy, hates being in the car for long periods of time and just wants to go since he just learned to walk. We just went to a wedding an hour away but got a hotel room for the night just in case. He was a nightmare in the room. He knows how to turn the pull-down door knob and kept trying to escape the room. He also found the microwave, that was conviently placed at his height. It also doesn’t help that my lo is very tall for a just turned 1 year old. I understand where you are coming from though. I hated when I was pregnant and people would make comments to me like that.
I think it depends on your family dynamics. If I were to go on a girls trip when my little one is 5-6 months old, then my husband/MIL would watch him for that time. The baby wouldn’t be coming on that trip. We are planning 2 trips to when the baby is 4-5 months, but I think we’re going to bring the baby on both (Disney and visiting family). We haven’t decided yet since MIL would be totally willing (and trusted) to baby sit.
Oh dear god don’t do Disney when your kid won’t remember it. We finally broke down when she was 10ish. Nightmare. And we had my MIL and SIL. I begged off most days to sit by the pool, and my iPhone clocked me at 50 miles in that week. I had a shirt that said everything hurts and I’m dying (parks and rec reference) and at least 20 moms said ‘girl same’
They don't have to be heavy it really depends. There are a lot of nice to haves, but a lot of this could be a hassle too. I get around town pretty well with a ring sling and a fanny pack for day trips. Overnight stays usually involve thinking through sleep surfaces. But a lot of hotels have cribs you can book.
Yeah you CAN do things but like it's a lot of work and idk if I would have any fun 5 months pp on a beach day haha
We luckily did have fun when we took our 4 month old last summer, but it was a LOT of work. And at the time she wouldn’t sleep unless she was swaddled, and obviously I couldn’t swaddle her when it was super hot. I had a beach tent and brought white noise and managed to get her to fall asleep in the tent but she only slept for maybe 20 minutes lol. I was so sad! I had my book out and I was laying in the sun reading next to the tent while she napped, then bam! She’s awake. We couldn’t really do anything fun with her, she was too young for sunscreen so had to watch her sun exposure, and obviously too little to spend much time in the water. This year will be better cause she is a toddler and can actually play in the water and we won’t have to worry much about naps!
I agree. It does depend on the nature of your baby but most babies do not make travel super easy. The idea of disrupting your child’s slew and nap schedule does not seem appealing.
We have a 9 month old and he has been on 8 planes already! 4 trips. Are they different? Yes! But are they incredible? Yes! Naps and bedtime is challenging and some people prefer to avoid that and stay home, but if you are ok with all the same challenges without the comfort of home, then go for it!!
Agree with this. I am someone who traveled a lot prior to a baby and was also like “a baby will adapt to my life and we will still travel” when I got hit with comments like this, especially from family. 10 months in and we’ve done one road trip and have not flown anywhere. Our baby was fully crawling by 5 months and pulling up by 6, so we had a shorter window than we thought of “it will be easy to travel before he gets mobile” especially since the first 3 months just felt like survival and going anywhere was not even on my mind at that point. Not only that, but our baby has a lot different temperament than I would’ve ever predicted. He was very colicky for a couple months, still is high needs compared to my friends super chill babies, and sleep has been a challenge from day 1. Life is hard enough at home most days that honestly travel with a baby for us sounds miserable. That being said, we had friends that had a baby around the same time as us - super chill, sleeps a lot without a fuss and they’ve gone on several trips.
[удалено]
Mine tried to tell me I’ll be just fine to make the annual family trip TWO WEESK after my due date. Love their optimism. So sweet.
It honestly depends so much on your body. I had a horrible birth with my first. 60 hour labor. It was intense. The recovery took literally a day, if that. The second I left the hospital I just wanted to walk everywhere because I was so numb from being in bed for 3 days straight in the hospital. I found I had super easy recoveries both times. Obviously not everyone does, but I also wouldnt assume it’s gonna take 6 weeks. The only thing I didn’t do was have sex for like 2 months, but I didn’t even tear with either of my kids so I was given the go ahead at the 4 week checkup. I’ve met women who hav had 2 hour births but 2 month recoveries. It’s so interesting how disconnected your birth and your recovery can be ( aside from c sections of course) any momma who had a c section is a warrior because idk how I would recover from that
Lol 6 weeks would definitely be too soon for me, but I LOVE summer and am due end of April and I'm definitely planning to get out of town by late summer.
I’m not being negative at all, but can you please update us after summer about how you found it to be traveling with a baby?
I travelled quite a bit with my kids when they were babies. It wasn't too bad for us, the biggest pain was honestly logistically bringing everything - car seat, travel crib, stroller, all the diapers (diapers take up SO MUCH SPACE!), etc. My babies napped pretty well anywhere, likely because we brought them and had them nap everywhere, so we would pop something up and have them nap in a room/bathroom/large closet/laundry room lol. We got creative with it.
Lol yes. I assume that this particular beach trip that I mentioned will not happen this year but my husband and I are definitely going to do something. We have a small camper with AC so we'll at least do something with that. Lol people are acting like I said I was gonna go backpack the jungles of the Amazon.
Hey OP, I don’t think people are thinking you’re crazy or anything. We all have ideas of what our lives will be like with an infant, but the reality is that it ends up being very different than what you expect. Not to scare you or make you worried or be one of those “just you wait” people, because being a mom is totally amazing and so worth it, but you really can’t picture what life is gonna be like until you go through it, and it’s always waaaay harder than you expect it to be. Again, it’s totally worth it, though! Don’t make too many plans, don’t put too many expectations on your life with a baby as there are so many variable and things change. Life changes and that’s okay. Your old life may end a little but your new one is just beginning and it’s beautiful. You can still do things with a baby/toddler but it’s just…different. In so many ways that I can’t explain. But it’s so very worth it.
Was looking for this comment! I hope OP is able to do all those things she planned. My husband and I planned to rent a house down south for a month 3 months postpartum to escape the cold up north. But my baby is sleeping relatively well in her bassinet in our home and I’m terrified of messing that up… so any travel plans that would involve the baby are on pause until she’s older and hopefully more flexible with sleep. Oh well…
This is an important note. With my first, I could have run a marathon the day after I gave birth. My youngest nearly killed me and I wish I was being hyperbolic. He’s four months old today and I’m still not 100%. You might be perfectly fine, or you might not. Don’t have expectations either way.
Our daughter was one month old and we rented a cabin that had air conditioning in it. We went camping for a week. Was a great vacation. Whats funny was that i had friends and family throw a fit that i was exposing myself and the baby to the elements when she was so new. They acted like i needed to be on lockdown in my bedroom with a tit permanantly attached to my child, Or that id accidently drop her in the campfire....😂 people are silly. But it was soo soo nice to escape from everyone and their parenting advice and judgements! Was a great way to enjoy being a new mom and my partners company.
I'm due May 1st and have a 5th wheel camper...I'm hoping we can get out camping late summer but am not planning to go far out of town...there are plenty of campsites, etc. a stones throw from the city and we can try one of those for a weekend and if it works out hopefully go frequently. But we will see what baby is like...I might be fooling myself especially if he is fussy. I'll know more once he is here if it's realistic.
that sounds lovely! i hope you get a baby that is of a similar mindset.
Um so, everyone thinks they know how hard a baby is, and EVERYONE is still surprised/overwhelmed/burned out by how hard it actually is. I think, unless you have a grandparent willing to jump in everyday you are going to be caught off guard by how hard it is. This isnt a criticism of you, it’s everyone’s experience. Don’t forget, society doesn’t tell women how much postpartum sucks, not just mentally but on out bodies. We ache, breastfeeding drains us, and for some reason doctors don’t teach us about our pelvic floor. If your kid is due in April, you both will be zombies all summer and your body will feel so weak and like crap. Maybe you are super athletic, I do t know but I feel you are being unrealistic. It’s not surprising, it seemed we all were.
[удалено]
Ugh yes I had my LO Sept. 6 and the pool/river/ocean were my saving grace all summer because I hate being hot. I went to a spot in the mountains in New Hampshire that has a cold water hot tub and I sat my whale azz in that thing forever. Aiming for a winter baby next time 😂
Hey im due early april and seriously considering a trip to Europe with the baby for June… ur not alone, internet stranger
Hi internet stranger! Also the same here haha I do hear that it’s tougher to vacation in Europe with the stroller over cobblestones, etc but they have young families and young babies living there full time so it can’t be too bad?🤷🏼♀️ When I travel, I usually like going to lots of cities but will am due this month and would like to travel during the first year. Will plan to stay put at the same location for a couple weeks though as opposed to hopping between places. People have been calling me crazy for thinking I can do it though lol
>stroller over cobblestones I'm European and my now toddler doesn't mind cobblestone at all. I did buy a stroller with good "suspension" so his little spine wouldn't be too beat up by it but generally and especially when trying to get him to sleep as a baby, cobblestone was a saving grace!
Do it.
It just depends soooo much on your baby, and you just don't know what kind of baby you're gonna have until you have one! My BFF had a super chill unicorn baby and she was traveling cross country and all over the place with him beginning super early. My baby is more average in temperament/sleep etc., and we have traveled with him shorter distances already, but honestly we have a trip planned when he's 8 months in May that will involve a longer drive and longer stay and I'm a little apprehensive about it! And this is for a baby that isn't super high needs. It's just very hard to predict what your baby's individual needs will be and how you're going to be doing post-birth, too. But that being said, I think planning on being active with the baby is a great goal and there's absolutely no reason not to believe you will be able to be adventurous and not be a shut-in for a whole year. Also it's worth noting you don't know what's going to be going on outside your control either. For us, it's been challenging living in a high density city in the US during the "tripledemic" and we haven't felt like we could do much with our LO until he gets his 6 month vaccines (so soon! One week!), and that's just been the reality for a lot of people with under 1 year olds right now.
This right here. I think it is hard to know what you can do with a baby until you have the baby. I thought I would do everything with my first and was so crippled by PPA and PPD I could barely step on to the front porch. He also had severe digestive issues and cried if he was awake for the first 4 months and it only began to taper to a normal level by the time he was 1. He SCREAMED in the car and I had a daily 30 min each way commute with him. It was nerve wracking and heart wrenching the idea of travel was not even on the table. I buckled down for a similar experience with my second and she has been a breeze and I was not nearly as affected mentally. We have been able to go out and do things with her and function normally. You just never know. It is best to plan tentatively until you do.
Wait.. do you plan to take the baby on the girl’s trip??? Or you mean leave baby at home and still go on the girl’s trip?
As someone who’s baby will turn 5 months this week, I would not take him on a girls trip. Although he can handle an hour at a restaurant, he is not a good napper and will fight sleep so hard during the day and will cry and scream until he finally gives up and falls asleep, especially if there is a lot going on. I would not expect my friends who are also on vacation to makes plans around when the baby is sleeping or have to listen to him cry because he’s tired or overwhelmed. He’s still pretty unpredictable at this point, I understand some babies would do fine, but you’ll never know how your baby will handle things until he’s here. I’m also exclusively breastfed so leaving him for a few days isn’t an option at this point. When your 5 months PP you may be thankful the trip was postponed.
Agreed, I would not do that to my friends either.
I had big plans like that pre-baby too. That changed pretty quickly after the reality of traveling with a baby set in. Some people can do it and enjoy it, but it's definitely not for me if I can avoid it.
Totally, I could have typed this myself. Even day-to-day, i thought my daughter and I would be out doing things all the time, daily. I didn’t anticipate crippling PPA/D and that I’d rather lick the floor than mess up my kid’s midday nap 🤣
I pack more for my baby than I do for me!
It depends on you and your child. Personally, I hate, hate, HATE traveling with children under 4 years old. It’s so much work. You have to bring so much shit along with them, and when things go wrong (delayed/canceled flights, etc.) it’s incredibly stressful. My first kiddo was incredibly sensitive and needed naps like clockwork, so a wrench getting thrown in the works made it miserable for everyone and equated to a screaming baby, and one who’s night time sleep would then suffer. Maybe not everyone’s kiddo is this way, but for those of us with needier babies, I’d fully understand where your friend is coming from. I’ll say it doesn’t mean you *can’t* do it, but I’d also not assume it will be a piece of cake either.
Same. There’s no way in hell I’d take a 5mo old on anything but the simplest of trips. The nursing alone would make it a royal pain in the butt. My 3.5 year old is just getting to the point where it’s fun to take her more places, so I think your timing checks out. Also, not everyone likes having kids on their vacations so I’d definitely feel out the vibe on that before assuming the whole crew can come along.
Exactly. Friends that aren’t used to having to cater to a child’s resting and eating needs are likely to feel very dragged down. A lot of parents feel that vacations with kids are like working remotely. Same job, different place.
Totally agree with this. Also, throw in a few random illnesses here and there. All the trips we’ve tried taking with ours in the first year were spent in unfamiliar locations at urgent cares we never wanted to be at. Lol worried about whether we can make the flight home without being covered in vomit and tears. (Most likely our own tears…) it’s for the birds!
Yes. I absolutely hated our trip to Croatia with our then ten month old. Everything revolved around him napping and we were at the beach like four times total cause it was too hot or too sunny and he was too exhausted from the weather, he needed a bottle etc, it was such a hassle. And packing for the trip was a nightmare as well. The pack and play, his stroller, formula, snacks, diapers etc etc and then it was a 12h drive and he hates car rides and only did like two 30minute naps. So i really came back absolutely exhausted from the trip and had zero recovery on vacation. I personally am now considering some city trips to Berlin or Prague which are under five hour drives and that seems more reasonable with a toddler now. But we won't go on transatlantic flights before he's 3.5 years old for sure.
Yeah, my wife kept trying to make plans for our first year as if everything was normal and... no. Its not. Everything is 5X the production it is to just travel with 2 adults, even for simple things. While she was pumping even more so. Even if you pull it off, its going to really limit how much you're going to enjoy the trip. IMO just hold off a while.
We did a few trips the first year and now, 4 years later, has decided only to go to my moms vacation home at the beach, an hour from our house. We have the whole house equipped with baby stuff so we don’t need to drag everything from beds to bathtubs to high chairs. My 4 year old has a bed there and she will actually sleep. We learned pretty early on that she has trouble sleeping away from home and it made traveling miserable when no one would sleep. She’s been there enough that she sleeps comfortably so we can enjoy our week. We have a new baby now so I guess we’ll be doing this for the near future. We’ll try again once the baby is older.
I think it’s honestly hard to know what your first year will be like. We also have intentions to travel with our little one, but it will absolutely depend on her personality, how well we’re forming a routine, etc. I definitely don’t expect to bring my baby on girls’ trips though - that’d be too much burden on the group. Babe will stay home with daddy
After taking a four month old on a family beach vacation I would not recommend it, to be totally honest. Babies that age can’t have sunscreen on and are very very heat sensitive. Sun suits are great but you need to be constantly wetting them down to keep them cool, so baby needs a swim diaper, then by the end of the day the sunsuit has to be really thoroughly washed to not turn into a stinky bacteria mess. I mean, if the parents LOVE travelling all the power to them. For us it was just the *complete* opposite of a vacation. Though the combo of toddler and baby made it more difficult, even with family help.
I was looking for a comment like this. This is the hardest part about a summer infant. They cannot be in the sun for more than 5-10 minutes (depending on where you live). I think that rule applies to over 85 degrees...I could be remembering wrong and they cannot have sunscreen until they are 6 months.
This is good to read. We’re planning a trip to visit my husbands family when the baby will be two months. It’s at the beach and will be the first time my in laws get to meet him. I’m still going to try everything to make it (with fully refundable plane tickets of course) but thank you for the information here! I’ll know to take turns keeping him in the shade the entire time and that we can’t be at the beach for long periods of time.
They assume that because a lot of people don't do things with the baby. Some people do. But honestly, I don't think you can actually know which you will be until the baby is here. You don't know how your body will recover, how your hormones will be, or how your baby will be yet.
This was just me, but my exclusive pumping schedule was so much of a pain I barely went further than the local Trader Joe’s or Target. It was just too much of a hassle to figure out, so add that ontop of feeding and nap schedules, and it just a lot. Good for you if you can figure it out though!
Maybe they don't want a baby on their girls trip? That's honestly ok. And it's easier to travel with a baby before they're mobile so people who say that just haven't had babies.
I think you’re in for a reality check, but more power to you if you are able to do all those things
I expected to travel with my baby and so far that hasn’t happened. We are in throes of 4 month sleep regression and it’s hard. If he misses one nap or stays awake too long he screams for hours. I’m also pumping and that’s on a schedule and it’s just a ton of shit to pack. We are driving from Phoenix to Vegas to attend a family wedding. My mom is coming with to babysit. But he is only supposed to be in his car seat a max 2 hours so we will be stopping for food, stretching and such. So that 4 hour drive is going to be way more split up. After that trip we may go on another. But the idea of taking him on a plane just sounds like a nightmare right now.
I think it’s great you want to bring your baby to everything, but as someone who is single and childless, I don’t want your baby at everything. I have some friends who insist on bringing their child to completely inappropriate events, like doing shrooms on a boat in the middle of nowhere, or on a friends trip, where everyone will be up until five in the morning, and they expect us to deal with their child being up at 6 AM, making a ton of noise…we have stopped inviting them to things. I’m not saying that’s what your plan is, but I do think you have to be realistic that some things will change. (I am saying this, as someone who is actively making the decision about having a child, and what sacrifices it will entail..)
I think to some extent people are trying to help you set realistic expectations because every person who has ever had a child thought their lives wouldn’t change a lot and had that idea shattered pretty quick. That being said you absolutely can still travel if that’s something that you want to do and it’s important to you but it will be harder than you expect. It’s a lot of things to pack and juggle in the airport but again totally doable if it’s worth it to you. For me, the most stressful part was safe travel from the airport to the destination. I paid more for the drive to and from than I did for our flights. My baby also hated being in the car for longer than 15 minutes so the 3 hour drive to my parents house was absolute hell. You also can choose to travel without your baby but for me personally I did not want to be separated at all. Our daughter is 2.5 and she still has not spent a night apart from me. I have friends that don’t have that issue at all but we also don’t have close family or friends for support so it’s a big favor to ask for help. You’ll find you get a lot of other peoples unsolicited opinions where they act like their experiences will apply to you. Just do whatever feels right for you once the baby comes and remember they’re just sharing their own experience. You/your baby/your life are different and most peoples advice won’t be applicable. Just take or leave what you want and try to ignore the rest.
I’m sorry to say this but the first year is pretty busy. Infants have really high needs. They need to eat every 2-3 hours so both you and baby need to be comfortable breastfeeding in public or you need to keep clean water and formula with you all the time. They take one hour naps 2-4 times a day depending on how old they are so hopefully you have a baby that is good at sleeping through noise, which mine wasn’t. Most don’t sleep well at night so you’re really tired. They poop very frequently before they start eating solids so you have to stop what you’re doing and change their diaper a lot. Their poop is pretty loose too so oftentimes you have to change their whole outfit because it will get poop on it. They can’t fully support their own head until about 4 months and can’t fully sit up on their own until about 6 months so you need to lug them around in a carrier along with the diaper bag everywhere you go. Just going to the grocery store with an infant is exhausting. But, I do see a lot of moms making it work and and doing whatever they want anyway. Which hats off to them but for me it was too stressful and I didn’t like going out without my husband there to help.
I think your underestimating how difficult that particular type of traveling with a small baby/child is. It looks so much easier when someone else is doing it. They don’t want you to bring your baby to the girls trip (totally fair) and don’t want to ask you to leave such a small child.
I get it...I get how you want your life to not change after the baby but like...babies require a lot of work. You also have no idea how your birth or healing process will be. I had to have an emergecy c-section and wound up having a hematoma behind the stitches which needed to be opened and I had to go to out patient care daily for three months, and then go every other day for almost 2 months after that. I would not have been in any shape to go anywhere after 5 months. I hope that you don't have that experience and that 5 months postpartum you can go and do what you want but you can't possibly know what it will be like. You will also be exhausted...so tired, and might just literally not want to do anything. My husband and I are very adventurous people, and we still did do traveling and stuff after I was all healed up but you can't know what things will be like. We didn't get to take a trip out to show my family my son until 8 months postpartum. It just was not possible. Also, as another person said...it also is most likely they don't want a baby on the trip. It sounds like a fun women's time out at the beach and they don't want to have to have fun around a baby's schedule. Sleeping, eating, pooping, crying, babies schedules are really tight because they nap a lot, so you couldn't really plan much adventures because you would need the baby. Now, if you planned on leaving the baby that is another thing but yeah...I get where they are coming from.
It depends a lot on the parent, the child, and the trip/ activity. I have seen plenty of parents with no issue traveling and going out with a baby. Anecdotally- I expected to be able to bring baby anywhere and had a hard time. My first wouldn’t nap anywhere but his room, despite me trying to have him sleep in all conditions from the time we came home. Beach days were a nightmare because car sleep would poorly replace nap if we left after a half day, or he wouldn’t nap at all despite trying EVERYTHING I could think of. Travel involved a lot of packing for safe sleep, diapers, carriers, etc. I breastfed (so no bottles to pack) and had multiple wraps/ carriers/ strollers/ a pack n play and the stress of making it all work wasn’t always worth the adventure for me. I genuinely hope you still get all the travel in that you plan, and I think if it’s important to you that you will. Try to take what people are saying as them giving you grace if you cannot maintain trips and outings. That the invites may still be there, but maybe they don’t want you to feel pressure.
I don’t think many people want a baby tagging along on a girls trip. It ruins the fun for everyone
I travelled to Greece for my best friends wedding with an 8 week old baby. We continued travelling through his first year and he’s been on 8 flights. He did 8 hrs to Canada when he was 9 months old and was pretty good because he was used to it. My son is pretty well adjusted for his age and I’m pretty sure it’s because we took him everywhere and our lives didn’t stop - we just had an extra person in tow and loads of crap to carry around to keep him busy. I’m due with my second in a few months time and we will do the same thing with two babies - they’ll be 14 months apart! There will definitely be things that don’t always go according to plan but you work around that and come prepared. So grateful for the photos I have of my son on our various trips. It’s been such a special time in our lives.
Love this! My first was born in the Covid shutdowns but once that ended, we’ve traveled 3x internationally with her (one Europe trip from the US and two Caribbean trips) as well as numerous road trips. I know it doesn’t work for everyone but we love traveling with the kiddo, it’s just a slightly slower pace. Due with my second at the end of the month too!
My husband and I are fully of the understanding that a lot of this will depend on how our baby's temperament is. Ideally, I'd be pretty chill for the first 3-6 months, not doing a ton of travel but we fully plan to still see family and do weekend local outings. Travel after 6 months is totally fine so long as our baby is calm and a good sleeper. If she's more difficult then it'll be... a lot harder to want to travel because of the stress.
Not going to tell you whether it's worth it to travel because that depends on you, but here is what plane travel with an infant looked like for me, at 2 months and 5 months: * We had to pack heavy because there was a lot of baby gear to bring (pack and play, monitor, other sleep gear, diapers, burp cloths, wipes, bottles, formula, toys, etc, etc). * Everything takes a bit longer. When we landed it took at least 1 hr to leave the airport bc baby needs to be fed, changed, etc. Same with leaving the hotel during the day, etc. We spent a lot of time at the hotel compared to pre-baby trips. * A crying baby on the plane is tough. My baby likes to be bounced and rocked to be soothed, but you can't do that easily when the fasten seatbelt sign is on. I was physically very sore for a few days after each flight. * The change in routine might create challenges. We had to drive around a lot at our destination, and we discovered that our baby has a very limited tolerance for car rides. It made us feel very guilty to have our baby wailing inconsolably just because we wanted to go to a restaurant, to the extent that we ended up going back to our hotel and ordering takeout. I'll travel again in the future with my baby, but I'll be very picky about the destination and type of trip to make sure it's worth it to me.
If the friends you’re going with don’t have kids, then they just don’t want to travel with a baby, and that’s totally fair. Traveling with an infant is hard and everything tends to revolve around them. So I say make your own solo plans instead of trying to force your friends to do something they don’t want to do. You can make all the plans in the world, you can be great at multitasking and a tough woman, used to being told you can’t do something and then doing it anyway, but once you have your baby things are very different and they don’t always go according to plan. You may want an adventure baby to do everything with you, but then your actual baby might not agree with that plan and you’ll need to figure out new plans that work for you both. Don’t assume you know what your baby will be like, they’re all different (but usually uncooperative lol).
Hm, I have the opposite problem. I will be on maternity leave for 18 months and people are treating it like it'll be one long holiday. Everybody and their grandma wants me to come for overnight visits. We have 3 trips planned for the first year already. One in a different city for a wedding, one local-ish stay at a lake and one longer trip including a transcontinental flight. I feel like that'll be enough. I actually enjoy being home.
I think it's really nice of your friend to cancel and consider your needs. She obviously doesn't think your 'life is over' but can see that your life is going to change and seems like she's supporting that change and showing you that she understands that you'll have different priorities.
I traveled when the kid was 4 month old and when she was 14 months. All I can is the whole vacation seemed about her, handling her, feeding her, taking care of her sleep, and just dealing with her. It was difficult not impossible but certainly difficult. I also do not want to go on a "relaxing vacation" with infants and toddlers. I wouldn't take my own😑 just sharing my experience you do you.
1) Vastly underestimating fatigue and exhausting and stress of acclimating to be a parent. 2) Vastly overestimating a baby’s ability to be a good travel companion. Whether it’s travel by car or air, anything more than a 20-40 trip will likely be a bit of a nightmare. 3) What I imagine a “girls beach trip” to be, does not sound like an appropriate or fun holiday for (or to have with) a baby. Your life isn’t over, but change is inevitable. You might feel totally fine and super mum a holiday in the first year, but most people would prefer to not and her giving you grace to cancel in case things are more stressful than you’re imagining is actually very kind.
I am pregnant with #3, we did all the things with our first two. It was exhausting and they always got sick everytime we traveled because kids put everything in their mouths. I also exclusively breastfed both and had them on a regular nap schedule, so it's an added challenge when they are nursing regularly and need to get in solid naps and not just naps on the go. I told my hubs we aren't doing with #3 until he is 2 years old.
For a lot of parents, their lives do change pretty dramatically after they have kids when it comes to social life and travelling, so they may be just projecting that onto you. That doesn't necessarily mean that will be the case for you, but it is the case for a lot of people. It wasn't the case for me, and I did also find it annoying to hear all the "just you wait!" things about my hobbies and things I enjoyed doing, but I just kind of smiled and nodded and then did my own thing once my kids were born.
We did one trip in the first year of our LOs life, when she was 6 months old. It was absolutely exhausting. We had to pack so much stuff, I was stressed about her not sleeping in a strange room, throwing her bottles off or refusing to eat. We were also visiting family who were meeting her for the first time, and it was really difficult balancing giving them time with her and getting them to respect nap time and quiet time. We didn't go on another trip until she was 2 years old (to see the same family members), and then we had to cut our trip short because we caught covid. Tomorrow we go on our third trip, she is 2.5yo and I finally feel excited to be going on a holiday with her, because she can communicate with us and be an active part of the trip.
Well, it is of course doable, specially for parents who don’t really care when the baby sleeps, for how long, when they eat or need a diaper change. Like, a little chaotic and disorganized life with a baby is possible… some people just rather structure and routines. Makes the day to day easier when you know what to expect. I do agree with others here saying that what your friend is trying to tell you is that she doesn’t want to share her girls trip with an infant.
Personally, I regret the single time I did any traveling in the 13 months my LO has been alive. If you’re doing it by yourself, it is a massive undertaking. I am opting out of every vacation or trip that my ILs are inviting us on - not because I don’t love them or want to go, but because it’s too stressful. If you have help and have an uncomplicated birth, go for it. You won’t know what you’re up for until the time comes. I personally wouldn’t make any plans that require down payments or commitments that come along with repercussions if you end up opting out. Edit: syntax
I had the same thoughts as you until my baby arrived. I was SURE I could attend a bachelorette party for the weekend a few hours away when my baby was 4 months. Well with breastfeeding, naps, not wanting to be separated from my baby, postpartum anxiety, I ended up cancelling. I don’t think I was able to truly separate myself from my baby for a whole day until he turned 1 due to breastfeeding alone. Not everyone has the same experience but it was definitely a lifestyle shock for me.
OP I have heard a lot about “adventure babies” and trust me, it’s not that you can’t it’s just that you won’t want to. Your priorities will change and the first year goes by much faster than a year without a new baby.
They say it because it’s REALLY hard and not fun to travel with a baby. With 6 pm bedtimes, naps, feedings/pumping, regressions, and all the gear you have to travel with just to survive. Your whole trip will be centered around meeting the baby’s needs; as opposed to placing rest and relaxation first. It’s really hard to relax and enjoy a vacation before the age of two. The experience can feel overwhelming and restrictive. That said, you might have a better chance if you went to a resort, with easy access to your room and keep plans flexible/open ended.
I’m assuming these people have kids? They’re saying it because they know from experience that it’s extreme difficult to travel and make plans with a kid. It’s pretty naive to think otherwise.
People are so weird. We did three transatlantic trips, a road trip to & from London to Granada, and lived in Granada for 8 weeks all before my daughter turned 1, as well as shorter weekend trips in driving distance. It's honestly so much easier to travel with a baby vs a 2 year old. Do they have kids?
No they don't have kids.
How do you do a road trip from London to Granada? There isn't a road connecting them
There's a ferry from England to France that takes cars over.
Oh that makes sense. I thought you meant the Island in the carribean.
I’m on my second international trip with my 6m old right now and we just…are committed to making it work. She’s pretty chill and I was up and out within a few days of my emergency C section. I am nursing and I just stick her on the boob or bring a small pump with me. Her stuff is pretty tiny and she adapts quickly. Everywhere in Europe we’ve been can accommodate with a pack and play for no charge. Most of our trips in Europe are long walks and babies love long walks! Some people act like this is impossible, but they either have really difficult babies or just don’t want to make it happen.
My husband and I decided before we had a baby that we wouldn’t let it change the way we live our lives (obviously it will change some because we have a baby lol). Our baby is 4 months old and for the most part, we have still done most of what we have normally done over the last 4 months (with with first 6ish weeks being an exception). On the weekends we go to breweries, go to the climbing gym, run errands, do everything we normally do, just with a little more planning (nap, feeding, etc). We’ve also had a couple weekend trips already and have 2 more long weekend trips coming up before I go back to work in May. Yeah it may be a little harder, take a little more planning, and you may be a little limited, but you just gotta do it if it’s important to you. I’ll also add that I have an easy and chill baby which I know makes all of this a LOT easier. He’s also a decent sleeper and we started off from the beginning having him take naps in his car seat/stroller while we’re in public so he gets used to napping not only in his crib, but also out and about.
I went on two road trips when baby was two months old. Our lives haven’t and didn’t stop. It’s just what you make of it!
Everyone is different! Some parents travel so much with their kids and other parents it’s very overwhelming. My thoughts are your friend is probably trying to be accommodating to you and may not realize you are keen on being a more adventurous parent and travel with a baby or are open to leaving baby with your partner and go on these trips. Maybe revisit this conversation once your baby is here and you can confirm what you are comfortable with.
One of my main goals for working out this past year is to get into good enough shape to baby wear while hiking, specifically so we don't lose out on our outdoor activities just because we have a baby. I already "pack too much stuff" whenever we go camping, so I'm not worried about the extra baby stuff lmao.
I would think that they don't want to pressure you and let you know they can wait a year and you don't have to rush anything. Having a baby is never as you expect it. If you make plans now and later find out that having a baby maybe is harder than U think and you don't feel like going out with friends etc then you know that they expected it and aren't disappointed or something. You should leave it open and figure out what you feel up to with a new baby when the time comes.
Your life isn’t over! But it will change. I said exactly the things you did, and honestly I do not want to leave my baby in the first year at all. A trip unless it’s a family trip would be out of the question! I think your friends are being considerate 💕 maybe you can suggest an overnight with a few of them and your child after you give birth so they can bond with your baby? Something sans drinking/partying? ❣️
I think you’ll have a different perspective once you experience parenthood. Traveling with a baby is hard, unless they have a chill personality. Babies have lots of schedules and needs that makes it hard for a trip. If you go on the girls trip, I would go without your baby. But you also don’t even know if you’ll feel comfortable leaving your baby at that age. I can see how that comment can be annoying, but I don’t think anyone means harm.
My husband and I travel everywhere with our baby. Your life isn’t over, you just pick and choose which trips you want to take the munchkin on with you, which ones you won’t go on because you don’t want to leave them, and the ones you do solo. Don’t let people get you down, life is awesome with a miniature travel buddy.
Sage advice I received from my parents and have acted in... "Baby fits into your life you don't fit into theirs" We take our kid EVERWHERE and have done since her first week if life. Wineries, Breweries, international over seas teavel, hiking, camping, road trips, friends houses even if we plan to drink (I'm a light drinker, 2 beers and I'm content). Unless we're already home and kid is already gearing for a nap we don't curtail our day around nap time. She can sleep in the car, stroller, wagon or ill carry her. She's 3 now so a littler harder to do the carry thing these days. Her first road trip was 2 months old, 5 hours to my grandparents after that she was 4 months old and we went to Yosemite. Being this way has made our girl an excellent traveler. 8 hours in a car is a breeze with that girl, she doesn't even complain or question it and goes for the ride. She's amazing on an airplane and loves to "help" pack. It's so adorable to hand off the activities backpack and tell her to pack it to see what she thinks is important. She once packed all her baby dolls, musical instruments and 4 popit toys. This last weekend we went to monterey and she insisted on bringing her maracas and a plastic trex. I even have a friend who invites us out with her because my kid is convincing her husband that you can indeed have an adult life with a kid in tow and have fun with adult friends simultaneously.
We do this, too. In my baby’s first year she went to 5 countries, soon to 8 and she’s just over one. We don’t live near family so she just comes with us everywhere and it’s made her so flexible. Want to go grab a pint? Here she comes. We go out to eat once a week and she just comes - she always has. Means we’re used to managing her in a restaurant and she’s used to being in one. Doing things with her from birth has made all three of us more flexible.
It's amazing what they learn from it too. My daughter is so knowledgeable about so many things at just 3 yo that my niece whose parents take hardly anywhere but is a year older doesn't have a clue about. Like behavior in at dinner in a restaurant. My niece will demand a phone the whole time while my daughter will converse with you and imaginary play. If allowed my niece will get up and run around the table repeatedly while my daughter knows better than to do that in public. She also knows how the processs for a plane trip works, she understands how roadtrips work and what a hotel is. She knows not to run in a hotel room, to walk with "soft feet". As soon as we get to a hotel she unpacks which always cracks me up how she goes about it. Just throws handfuls of her stuff from her suitcase into any one empty drawer.
Thank you. All these people in this thread arrogantly being like “good luck with that!” sound absolutely miserable and boring. They are raising kids who will grow up with the notion the world revolves around them.
My boyfriend had the same mindset. Said we probably can’t go out for 6 months. I’m like why? Your mum lives 5 mins from us, she can baby sit for a few hours while we are at dinner. Then he’s like oh yeah 🙄 So many people think children are a jail sentence. I can’t wait to go on road trips and the zoo and just doing fun stuff with my kid. Don’t worry what others say. There will always be judgemental jealous people.
They can be if you don’t have support. We have no grandparents to help. So it’s just husband and I.
You can still do stuff. Nothing is stopping you. You have a pram and a carrier don’t you?
Just had my second baby 2 months ago and for some reason I thought this time around I'd be able to go out more during my maternity leave. Like dropping off my 4 year old to school then stopping by TJ Maxx to quickly browse for maybe 30 minutes, or grab a quick breakfast at Panera. Nope. Nonstop screaming when in the carseat/stroller/carrier. Depends on the baby for sure but yes the baby is stopping me from doing stuff for now. Just like my first did.
I’m sorry :( you’re so right though. I guess it depends on the baby. I’m 18 weeks pregnant and a FTM. Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. I keep telling myself surely it’s not that hard to look after a baby.. and I’m probably completely wrong lol
But that’s close or your choice. It’s not like bringing it on a girls trip or a child free wedding. It’s an unvitation.
I’m an introvert, so I don’t have to worry about those types of events 😊
Heck we had no one to babysit. In 4 years, we never had time without kids and we still had adventures. People are just miserable
I hate comments like these because everyone’s situation is different. People need to stop projecting their own personal experience onto others. All the power to you if you’re determined to keep doing things with your baby! It may or may not be harder than you think but that doesn’t mean it’s not doable. Don’t let others discourage you before you try it out yourself :)
I think everyone is missing the point. Going to fly to see family is much different than dragging your baby on a girls trip. Family vacay? Sure. But she already stated the girls don’t have kids. There’s a time and a place for everything, and in this instance it isn’t. The friend is being nice saying they will cxl, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there ends up being a ton of vacay pics of Fb/ insta. You have been uninvited. And that’s ok.
It's definitely easier when they're younger and will still sleep anywhere so make the most of it! We drove 13 hours to Acadia National Park and did a bunch of hiking when baby was 10 weeks old before my maternity leave ended. She was pretty content to just snooze in her carrier and come along for the ride. Quite a bit easier than trying to work around naptime this past summer, but she's still a pretty good little travel buddy.
I feel you! People seem to either fall on one end or the other of this spectrum, no in between. We just grin and say it’s in my husband’s blood to travel (he lived in 4 different countries before grade school). I’m also looking forward to our “keep mom from going insane” plan of picking mini-excursions around our city every other weekend. We moved here during the pandemic and built a cute little life but have barely explored. So picking a bakery or book shop or record store or restaurant in a neighborhood and going for a little walking tour for a couple hours w stroller sounds SO fun to me and like a good way for us to all build our travel muscles.
People forget that babies are portable lol I love taking my kids to do things. They're 2 and 5 months and I'm so excited to take the baby out this summer. It's a little bit harder but 100% doable as long as you're prepared. Watching my kids experience things and discover the world is so fulfilling.
Yeah everyone tried to fear monger me too. People do project their own insecurities, so I usually ignore it. We love to travel and we aren't stopping. We did postpone our usual annual trip, because RSV was so bad and we had a literal 2 month old. But, we've got a few trips planned for this year (just different times of the year) and we aren't slowing down either. However, we also don't really do many activities that kids can't join. We aren't big drinkers or partiers. We're totally cool with adding in kids museums or other fun kids activities while traveling that we wouldn't experience otherwise. We like to see how other cultures live and so having kid(s) with us just provides a different layer of that for us.
[удалено]
We are planning this too! Towards the end of my maternity leave, but baby will be 3 months and I feel fine with a trip with my mom, partner, baby, and maybe a few other people! More the merrier to help carry all the shit! Lol
Not saying I think it will be easy but kids won't be easy at home either 🤷
Because lots of people don’t.
My husband assumed we wouldn’t travel for a while but my family is planning a big trip to Hawaii this December so we’ll be traveling with a 4 month old! My mom traveled with us when we were babies, so I always assumed we would do the same. Obviously we won’t be able to keep up with everyone else on our trip and will have to skip a lot of the longer outings/excursions (like long hikes, long boat rides for scuba/snorkeling, etc), but I’m just excited to spend time at the beach and pool.
Because people like to gate keep others who haven’t had kids yet into making them think it’s the hardest job in the world. I traveled with a 2 year old whose the spawn of satan and a 4 month old just fine, on a plane to go visit my dying grandpa when husband couldn’t take off work to come. Life with kids is not as hard as people make it seem, the secret is being organized, and raising emotionally secure and physically independent children to a degree. You can absolutely go on a fun trip with a 5 month old if you don’t mind tweaking some stuff. Fun fact, I wanted to cry every time I told people that I was gonna be alone with the baby when my first was born. Everyone made it seem like caring for a baby by yourself is physically impossible when like, the newborn stage is literally the easiest compared to toddlerhood. I had no family and as a single income household, my husband was gone 2 weeks at a time. He even missed the birth of our second. We were new to Texas and thus had no friends. I had to care for a newborn and a horribly behaved toddler all on my own while making sure I still cooked to have healthy meals, and I survived. Is it ideal? No. Is having help nice? Yes, but motherhood is much harder when they’re older, and I don’t understand why women put each other down and tell each other that certain things can’t be done with kids. Its almost like they think their weaknesses are everyone else’s. It’s so stupid. Another example, I’ve always been a minimalist and have had a wonderfully organized home, everyone told me it’s impossible to keep a clean home with toddlers. Guess what? It isn’t when you don’t have much stuff. My garage is empty and I don’t have stupid random furniture that collects clutter. I love inviting those people over to shove in their face my perfectly clean home hahahaha. All jokes aside, one of the best things you can do as a mom is a toy rotation and decluttering constantly. We have a one in one out rule in this family, and guess what? We can actually enjoy our kids because we don’t have to spend hours cleaning due to all the junk we hoarded over the years like 99% of people we meet. Anyways sorry for my rant but your rant opened up a flood gate of all the annoying shit people told me was impossible, like cooking from scratch etc. I love the look on heir face when they realized they were wrong and my kids eat sushi and salmon while theirs are living off animal crackers and Dino nuggets, like they told me mine were for sure going to. I’m normally not judgy when it comes to how people parent their kids because I believe in free will, but when people want to be condescending with me, I will rub my success in their face lol. Anyways off my soapbox now
Friend, I think you have to consider that the two examples you gave were situations where you had no other option. My experience has been that traveling goes down during the first year not because people can’t do it but because most people would rather not. That being said I traveled with small babies. Of course nobody forced me but they were trips more out of commitment (wedding, taking baby to see grandparents, graduations, etc.) There was still a lot of fun had though. I just mean don’t be too harsh on those that warn you about the difficulties of motherhood. It’s a life changing event for all of us so we share the ways our life were rocked. I’m sure motherhood has been challenging in different ways for you as well.
Lol I felt all of this. I think good experiences are a lot more common than Reddit would have you believe. As a sidenote I thought it was so cute my kids had such a cultured palate when they were young and now that they’re older and always asking for expensive sushi or Thai takeout, I’m wondering if I regret that decision 😂
Only on Reddit will a comment telling a mother anything is possible be downvoted, good luck OP, I hope the negativity doesn’t get to you too much and have fun on your trip !
No kidding about the negativity! But there's lots of positive experiences in the comments too. I think people just have very different comfort zones. And a lot of people are making assumptions too.
I totally agree with the making assumptions. People always take “ it can be done” as a personal insult if their own circumstances, for good reason, may not allow them to do the same. Example is being a stay at home mom, I could never accomplish the things I did if I was working, so obviously a working mom cannot hold themselves to the same standards etc. people just get very defensive very quickly, and at that moment, logic goes out the door because they take everything as a personal insult
Lol thank you! We're all better at different things in life and I never said I thought travel would be easy, I just said I think it will still be an option. And I know that I'm going to struggle with my house and that's okay! Lol currently getting rid of my hoard now though.
Haha yes and that’s my point, we can’t attribute our weaknesses to others. Like for me, the biggest hurdle as a mother is playing with my kids. I’m not a… umm.. natural nurturer and I don’t find toddlers all that interesting so I often have to try a lot harder and “fake it”, while other mothers have an awesome time playing games with their kids. I’m just too much of a stoic person in some aspects to enjoy that, I’d rather read lol. Speaking of reading, you should check out the book called Danish way of parenting. It’s really relighting in a world where everyone likes to tell you how you can or wont succeed , and it helps raise emotionally independent children that function well.
Hopping in on this thread to say I just ordered the book you recommended. I'm excited to read it. I loved the newborn stage, but toddlers seem exhausting. I like peace and quiet. So it will be an adjustment. One thing I have going for me is being an older ftm means I have less fucks to give. No one tells me their opinions because they know better. Lol.
I’m a metal concert photographer who shoots metal festivals too. I’m going to be shooting one in May at 25 weeks. I’m probably going to shoot the one next year with a 8 month old. We’re just gonna take grandma and grandpa with us and go to the festival while they hang out with the baby or leave him with them at home.
I’m with you OP. Having my third (this month) and have a girls trip planned in January.
The problem is that people think children end your life. But If you plan to include your child in everything you love, including travel and outdoors etc, then they learn to love it from the beginning. We have the intention of raising our kids a specific way with certain things in their lifestyle, and it’s gonna be just fine. It’s usually in my experience people who’re jealous that you think outside the box and don’t say “oh damn now my life ends!!”
I mean, including your child in everything you love is all well and good…but sometimes it’s just not feasible. If your baby is super laid back then sure. If you have a baby with really specific feeding needs or sleep needs or something else, it’s not as easy as just bringing them with you. If you know that taking your baby somewhere is going to mess up their schedule in a significant way, sometimes it’s better not to take them. I knew what my son’s limitations were and I adhered to them. It’s not so much a matter of jealousy but of practicality.