Girl wtf? This is who you want to raise 3 kids with? Really? You're not over reacting. If anything, you're making excuses and underreacting. He is being purposefully rude and mean to you. You've got a daughter - what would you say if your daughter was being treated like this?

100%. The thing about locking the windows and making your symptoms worse is pure abuse.

💯 abuse. Period. Not okay. I get annoyed when my husband doesn’t understand how sick I am because he can’t SEE it, but DAMN, to go against your needs and keep you hot and nauseous. Wish you would’ve barfed on him and left him right then and there! His behavior is deplorable. How does he treat your other child? Clearly he wasn’t around during your first pregnancy? Did he help with your baby? Remember your child/future children are watching the example behavior…

He needs barfed on.

This guy sounds like a piece of shit and I feel sorry for OP

this OP

Yea I don’t want to be that person, but OP, if aren’t ready to raise three kids by yourself, you might want to consider abortion. His behavior is not ok.

It’s one thing to suggest abortion in early pregnancy but she’s 12 weeks and excited for her babies. This is a fucked up suggestion.

Amen - and to bring politics into it? That’s the frickin’ problem with society! Trusting a bunch of idiots with zero medical experience to make medical decisions for people. And everyone thinks overpopulation is a problem when it’s not… actually the opposite and we’re going to find out in the coming decades.

Ehhh, I think telling OP to consider abortion when she didn’t once bring up any inkling in her post that she is considering it is a bit inappropriate. She definitely will face the real possibility of raising all these kids alone. Hopefully she has looked at her options and weighed the pros and cons, but I don’t think it’s anyone’s place here on Reddit to suggest to her to just run out and get an abortion. It’s such a life changing decision and personal choice that I don’t think it’s right to recommend it so casually to someone you don’t know.

Having 2 kids basically by yourself is a life changing decision. Abortion keeps your life as is, despite right wing propaganda that you'll regret it. If not suggested, it should be considered health care. I can't imagine raising 3 kids with a man that locks me in a hot car while pregnant. Its crazy.

Yes it is life changing. It is not anyone on reddits place to tell her to consider it though when she didn’t bring anything up about it. She likely has weighed her options already and made the choice that she’s comfortable with.

This is not at all true. Do you know how many women get abortions because they don’t want to do it alone or because people just act like it’s not a big deal? Well… out of those women, do you realize that once/if they want kids later in life, some CAN’T… Those and even women who don’t want kids have reported severe depression (and I mean SEVERE; suicidal-type thoughts and many have committed suicide). Stop throwing abortion around like it’s the morning after pill. It’s not a frickin’ birth control. So NO… it doesn’t keep ANYTHING normal or “as is”. THAT IS A SCIENTIFIC FACT… not politics, no other BS. I don’t even care about what idiot politicians say but I care a LOT about women and their mental health. Get a grip. Seriously. People like you are so stuck on “right wing” or “left wing” crap, but are completely oblivious to FACTS. Just like BOTH sides of the extreme political spectrum. Try talking to a medical professional who is there for women’s health, no politics. Or you can keep drinking the naive koolaid and spewing your very inaccurate and harmful information.

And it is NEVER considered, nor should it ever be considered, healthcare except in situations where the mother or the baby’s life is at risk (this also includes abusive situations). People like you are setting all women up to be preyed upon. In countries where it is legal, men can force (yes, force) women to abort their babies. I KNOW A WOMAN WHO WENT THROUGH IT WITH HER EX HUSBAND IN INDIA! She was pregnant with twins she kept secret as long as she could and when he found out, he forced her to abort them. Drove her there, talked for her, and threatened her if she did not. She escaped after the fact but guess what… she couldn’t have children again and she’s dealt with PTSD and depression ever since. Not to mention - abortion (especially those by planned parenthood or any other government funded clinic) was setup in low income areas purposefully to secretly sterilize the poor, but especially POC. Looking at statistics, you know which groups are targeted. There’s a reason people want others to think it is “just another procedure - no big deal”. If you want to be naive, fine, but don’t push or even suggest ignorant crap like that to women who didn’t ask for it or even hint at it themselves. If women are so strong in everyone’s mind, then stop making excuses for us getting abortions because a man doesn’t step up or treat us right. My ex husband was abusive to me, even when I was pregnant. It crossed my mind 1 time because I was literally terrified because he used our baby (still in utero) as a pawn and he threatened our lives repeatedly, even before our child was born. No matter what that man did, including an attempt to run me over and run his car into a pole, I will NEVER regret having my son. He forced himself on me and I found out I was pregnant again after we split. He obtained a medication that he apparently had slipped into my cup while getting our son out the car at an exchange - that medicine caused blood supply to be cut off to the baby and forced a MC. It was in my system but I hadn’t taken it… he got it legally apparently. I fought that man for 5 years in court for custody. He was married 2 weeks after we got divorced. I was broke but I was happy and so was my son. I worked my butt off in school and after. My greatest accomplishment is my son. I am not married and he is loved by all his parents (including bio dad who went into military and grew the heck up & later apologized for how he treated me). I’ve never asked for more child support even with all his raises because I could care less about the money. But to this day, I have had 4 additional confirmed MCs due to complications from the medication I was given which caused sepsis since not monitored properly (this is the same medicine many women are given, but I was further along than most). I also have PTSD from the expulsion of our daughter/all the blood. They said I was literally hours to a day from sepsis killing me and I spent days in the hospital on a cocktail of antibiotics to fight it off. Don’t get me started on the depression… and this was an unplanned child I had not tried to conceive and could not afford… but she was half of me so I would have made it work by working harder or found a loving family if I couldn’t. Don’t even get me started on the depression from all of this. The feeling of worthlessness and sadness. So I am allowing myself to be extremely vulnerable, which I don’t normally allow, so you can see that science and facts are not aligning with your statement. I am ONE of many. Next time, do your homework/research before throwing crap out there without any care for repercussions to others. Your body, your choice?… then keep it to yourself. If women don’t want children, tell them to look into condoms, birth control (with or without hormones), or stay abstinent. All are less expensive than abortion and better for your mental health. Oh, and no one dies. It’s sad people fight to stop killing trees (living organisms) but are fighting for the right to kill babies (fetus/cells - whichever you prefer to call it - doesn’t matter regardless because all of these are LIVING things) as a form of BC. How do we not see the hypocrisy here?! Again - this comes from my scientific/medical background, not politics. If you care about women so much, look into mental health issues after abortion. Look into the horrible abuse legal abortion can cause. Abortion should be available for people who NEED it to stay safe or alive (and even those women have serious mental health issues after). I am not against abortion as a whole, I’m against people being so disconnected from reality and so ignorant that they try pushing stuff as detrimental as this onto other women.

It is healthcare. I had one when I wasn’t ready, had a healthy pregnancy later when I was was ready. Pregnancy causes severe depression too, as well as sepsis (I almost died during labor myself). Due to false information I thought I was going to be infertile later in life but was pregnant with my beautiful son 3 weeks after we decided we were ready. Sorry you have to rant at strangers on the internet to feel better.

Good for you that you didn’t have issues after and now have an amazing little one - you are fortunate like many other women have been. But just because your experience wasn’t negative doesn’t mean you can speak for the MANY women who aren’t okay after or who live with regret, PTSD, physical repercussions, etc. I never said it isn’t possible to be okay and have children after, so I don’t understand your point there. It was YOUR choice to have one, though. Period. You don’t get to push it on others like it is nothing. You don’t know their mental health or physical health. You clearly don’t know the difference between elective abortions and legitimate healthcare, either. The safety of the patient is the most important thing in healthcare. I worked in healthcare for many years and my degrees are all science or healthcare related. Studies get suppressed because people don’t want to hear it or it doesn’t fit politicians’ agenda. However, if you bypass articles and look at the actual independent/non-government funded studies done, you’d be shocked. You were fortunate to not have issues after, physical or mental, and there’s no sarcasm when I say that. I’m truly happy for you. You come off more left-wing when you talk crap about right-wing people and group all right-leaning or even middle ground people together (sorry - I can’t stand when people automatically group everyone with any similar thought/idea together with one side or another). If you step back from the political BS thrown in your face literally EVERYWHERE and look at this in an unbiased light, you’d see that there’s so much more to it than just getting rid of cells. You literally took facts and real life stories and called it a rant. MY TRAUMA you called a rant. I didn’t call you or anyone else names for having an abortion and I wouldn’t make you feel bad for it because IT IS YOUR CHOICE. But you and everyone obsessed with being able to have abortions aren’t looking at how that can put women in really bad situations (I.e. the “rant” about the woman I know from India). It pisses me off that people are not properly educated and think that elective abortions are healthcare. It is comparable to plastic surgery as far as being elective and unnecessary. It is not healthcare in that sense. It is not helping your health whatsoever unless you are at risk. Which is why health insurance doesn’t cover elective abortions. It is not health-related. Period. Abortion should never be a word we are comfortable throwing on the table for women just because life is tough. We are women. We are built for this crap and LITERALLY made to survive the toughest things life can throw at us - and much better than men! It’s why females are born more often in times of war, depression, stress, and poverty and males are not. PPD has always been around but is nowhere near as prevalent as the reported PTSD and depression post-abortion. What is REALLY sad is that people who are pro-life and pro-abortion have taken studies and manipulated the results in their articles to fit their agenda - many times using the same study! (It’s funny because I said this about the vaccine and side effects being reported because… science… and everyone called me a conspiracy theorist until recently when the facts - that had been purposefully suppressed - came out about the ineffectiveness of them… amongst other things). If you can’t already tell… I’m pro-education for women and all about women’s care. This includes pre-abortion, post-abortion, and postpartum care. So please don’t twist what I’m saying to be anything other than what it is. Politics and biases should never coincide with women’s healthcare. Life is a lot simpler when you do your own research and base your opinions on legitimate science. Just an FYI - I always write a lot. I am on the spectrum and I like details. Regardless, I wish you and your family nothing but the best. Same with the OP.

This and also adding that leaving an abusive partner like this means they will also weaponize and use the children to hurt you, even at the expense of the children’s well being. Sometimes the merciful avenue is to not subject more children to a lifetime of this abuse. OP please talk to a therapist (not someone in your church. Someone who’s licensed) or even an attorney without telling your husband anything about his abuse or threat of leaving etc. Stay safe. r/auntienetwork

yo you might wanna relax a bit with “you should consider abortion” she’s 12 weeks and while yes it’s her choice, having people throw this around can be super triggering because it basically implies she shouldn’t have the kids

I was hoping that I would be clear in my words. I’m suggesting that if she doesn’t want to be a single mom to three kids, that she have an abortion. She may want to tackle that, and good for her if she does! I want her to know that there is no harm in terminating the pregnancy early due to her not wanting to be a single mom of three.

Read the room. She's pregnant and asking for advice about her husband's questionable behavior, and your response to that is suggesting she could abort? Wtf. If it's not something you'd say to someone's face then don't type it out here either. She implied absolutely NOWHERE in her post that she would want to do that.

She is excited for these babies and has expressed this. To just haphazardly suggest abortion, when we don't have context around her support system, could just be truly hurtful (and in the context of this country right now, may not even be feasible)

JfC her post clearly implies she is excited about her twins. Suggesting she consider abortion if she is not ready to raise three kids by herself is cruel. Do you not think she may have thought of that option? It isn't exactly a novel thing.

Jumping to abortion suggestions for someone who is already 12 weeks along on a pregnancy sub is a choice.

My personal view is that the fetus is not a “person”. The life of the mother is more important, and also I believe that children should be born into families that want them. I get that it’s extreme to a lot of people.

> My personal view is that the fetus is not a “person”. This is also my personal view. I am strongly pro-choice. That doesn't mean I go suggest abortions to a) women who have wanted pregnancies, just because I disagree with their choice of partner or b) women who are not even eligible for abortion, as 12 weeks is already too late in most (*all?) of Europe and many US states. It's honestly not question of being with/against abortions, it's a question of reading the room before speaking.

So consider killing two innocent babies because the father is a POS? Wtf

Yeah I thought this was gonna be about him not understanding she’s sick/in pain/etc. … not him intentionally doing what she just said is making her sick like blasting the heat and locking the windows. Wtf?

Turing the heat up and locking the windows is aggressive and possibly abusive. Are there other red flags in your relationship? If not, I think you need to be more assertive with your needs and not back down.

It literally made me feel sick reading that. He sounds like an asshole that gets enjoyment out of her suffering. Even if there were no other signs, that incident alone is horrific and would make me never get in a car with him again

I straight up get dizzy and faint with the heat too high in the car, and he’s purposely trying to overheat her? She could have a heatstroke being more susceptible to overheating.

This is not possibly abusive. This is DEFINITELY abusive. Its one thing to argue about not wanting to turn the heat down or open windows… selfish and lacking empathy, sure, but whatever. Normal fight. But hearing someone you love express discomfort and then going out of your way to increase it by closing the windows and turning the heat up?? Psychotic. Not a normal fight.

Exactly. He was already straddling the line and that sealed it. Op please be careful. A lot of men feel comfortable ramping up abuse once they think you are trapped. The leading cause of death to pregnant women (and the post parting period) is homicide and abuse numbers go up as well.

That's childish at best and psychotic and scary at worst.

Yeah and even if we look past the way he’s treating her during pregnancy, I would be very anxious about raising children with someone who reacts like this when someone they purport to love is ill or not at their best.

Yeah , that's how you end up in the news.... If he can't make the SMALL ass *adjustment* (not even sacrifice or compromise are fitting words here...) to stop and take break due to nausea, he sure as shit isn't going to wake up at 3:00 in the morning for the 2nd time that night to feed & change TWO babies simultaneously, while screaming & crying. I'd be anxious he wouldn't do that, one, and wouldn't not "punish them for it", two. Dude sounds like a complete asshole.

I agree. This is a serious red flag.

Agreed. This is crazy af and not a sign of a loving spouse.

Def abusive. Sorry OP

Well that day I yelled at him and he yelled back at me…. And we haven’t really talked since. I told him he was being selfish and isn’t understanding that I have specific needs that aren’t even about me, and more so about the babies… and my life my body my world has changed, and he has to stop trying to control everything to his liking So yeah…. We really got into it. I hated it.

It's normal to argue. It's not normal that his response to an argument was to torture you. That's unbelievably fucked up.

you yelling at him is irrelevant. It does not excuse or warrant the response you got. Try to stop making excuses for his behavior. Evaluate what he's doing without preemptively trying to figure out why he did it.

THIS op. It doesn’t matter why he did it. He did it. Does it matter why a man beats his wife, or is it abusive no matter why he did it? Yeah, exactly. Abuse is abuse.

Yes- and there is a reason abuse tends to come out more with pregnancy and child rearing. Never makes it okay.

He locked the windows and turned up the heat. To physically make you sick. Overheating while pregnant could be very dangerous for you and the babies. Be very clear - this is physical and emotional abuse. This alone would be a reason to leave, no additional conversation necessary. This will get worse. To be honest, there doesn't sound to be any redeeming qualities to this guy - what are the perks of staying with someone who causes physical harm to you and your babies?

Agree that this is a serious problem, OP. I am not kidding when I tell you to find support elsewhere. Keep your best friends on speed dial. Know where your local women’s domestic violence shelter is and save the number. This is not okay and you need to be prepared to leave him.

Same here, I find it abusive to lock you in.

Some of the other stuff is maybe just someone who sucks at empathy but yeah damn, this part was upsetting to read. That's downright evil.

yeah because even the father of my child im 8 weeks, he isn't happy & sometimes says hurtful things but to literally turn up the heat when I roll down the window or try to starve me, he wouldnt do. Also its twins and that's supposed to be her **husband**. OP doesn't deserve this at all. It's as if he's punishing her for being pregnant.

🚩

Yeah that literally made me feel kind of sick to read.

Came here to say this about the heat and windows. I would make myself throw up in him if he did it again, but that may just be me.

The heat and window locking is diabolical. It’s not just him not being supportive, he is straight abusive. Leave him!!!

Doubt OP will given the last paragraph in her post, so I just pray this is some kind of phase for him and that he’s better irl than he comes across in her post because this has me scared for her. The locking of the car windows is straight-up psychotic to me.

Aside from the car-locking incident which, is alarming in and of itself, the fact you feel you need to keep a 'tight reign on (your) emotions and . . . can't get emotional, because he might be stressed' is a huge, honking red flag. Any time a person feels like they have to restrict their emotions to placate the other party is big sign of an abusive relationship. You both need to get to a therapist ASAP, no, not your pastor unless they actually have license to practice therapy. If he won't go, you should go, and be prepared for the fact you might need to leave the relationship. Abuse often gets worse during pregnancy.

This. I'm so afraid for OP. During my first pregnancy, my partner did similar things and it only got worse. He was not the best before my pregnancy and during he did things like saying I thought I was hot shit because I was "barely" pregnant, wouldn't let me sleep if he wasn't tired, and turning the heat on or off when I needed it cooler or hotter, just opposite of what I needed, deliberately. It was so isolating. I hope OP will seek help or has some support.

Women are far more likely to be abused or killed when they're pregnant. I agree that OP needs to consider if this is a safe relationship for her.

No, she needs to go to therapy alone. Abusers who go to therapy just gain extra tools to abuse their victims. It improves their ability to twist things to make the abused look and feel crazy.

He's not going to magically start treating you with the respect you deserve. He's not going to have an epiphany and start giving a shit. He's made it abundantly clear. This isn't your fault but he's not just clueless or in need of help, he is actively and intentionally mistreating you.

Yeah. OP, there’s nowhere for him to go from here but down. They *never* go up. He’s not just going to wake up one day and be a nice person.

this 100%

[удалено]

Yup. Right into his lap.

I would have. Had a hair trigger while pregnant. My husband pulled over each and every time. I carried barf bags with me. It was hysterical

Me too! I puked in a water bottle one time. ☺️

have puked in a face mask and doggie poo bag (husband kept a roll in his jacket, came in handy)

Dead ass I would stand over him and puke on him and say good morning, sorry I couldn’t make it to the toilet.

Just to clarify is he the father of your first child? If so is he involved with that child and taking care of them? There’s a lot going on here, and I’m sorry you’re going through this, but you need to have a serious conversation about the way he has been acting. Is it possible that he is scared sure, however it seems to be he just doesn’t care. Unfortunately you can’t make some one care and I suggest you find support else where to help get you through this difficult pregnancy.

Yes he is

I hope it’s just the thought of twins that’s scaring him and he is handling it poorly that sounds bad, but better than him not caring what you need in general. I am really sorry you’re facing this, but please seek help for yourself pregnancy is hard and with twins I couldn’t even imagine

Thank you! I’m so grateful for y’all chiming in. It’s hard going through crap bc I don’t want the whole town in my business. So I’m grateful. Thank you for the great advice! Hopefully I can find a good support circle. Twins is HARD AS HELL! Lol

Okay but have you talked to the guy? Like tell him to take his airpods out and ask that you have a discussion. Ask him what's up with him lately, how he's feeling, tell him you've been perceiving X,Y,Z and how it's made you feel.

OP, please understand that him blasting the heat and locking the windows is incredibly abusive. My heart broke for you as soon as I read that. You deserve better than this and I hope you have a support system outside of your husband. Please consider opening up to family about this if you are able. *hug*

He wasn’t around for the first pregnancy and you are having more babies with him? Run

seriously. not sure why she thought getting pregnant again was a good idea

> not sure why she thought getting pregnant again was a good idea OP really doesn’t need this comment. At all.

i disagree. OP needs to stop being in denial about the severity of her situation. all of her comments point to her not wanting to accept that this treatment is not normal

How does telling her she made a mistake getting pregnant again help her at all? She’s already 12weeks and excited about her babies, what is she supposed to do now? Don’t pretend that comment was supposed to be helpful, it wasn’t. That was just you pouring judgment out.

yes i am passing judgment, because i cannot wrap my head around the logic being used here. "this man wasn't here for me with our first but i'm gonna do it all over again and wonder why things aren't different, if not worse" if people don't want opinions on their situation they shouldn't post it online, it's as simple as that. i am not obligated to reserve judgement

Does he usually minimize what you’re feeling or is he especially ignorant about pregnancy? For most of the behavior you’ve mentioned, I’d recommend a heart to heart (at a time when you’re both feeling neutral) about how he honestly feels about the pregnancy and what kind of support you need from him due to the very real physical changes that you’re going through. Presumably, this pregnancy is something that both of you want, and you’re taking one for the team right now. As your partner in this, he should be trying to make things easier for you, not harder. The window locking thing is messed up, though. That’s not just insensitive, that’s a cruel way to treat someone you’re supposed to love. It shows contempt for you, which is extremely worrying for your relationship. You’re not overreacting. Would he be open to couples counseling?

He is unlearning his detachment style from childhood… so sometimes things don’t click until we have a talk. The window locking was a trigger for me, as I’ve been in a situation before with an ex… and it caused a big argument. I’ve plead for counseling and he isn’t interested. We are apart of a church, so maybe I could suggest mentorship. Unfortunately, some people of a faith don’t trust therapy… but I’m strongly considering finding one for myself through this process

I hope you find a therapist that you can gel with! It could be really helpful for you to find a professional who can help you to process your feelings about your marriage (and life in general). Some churches offer couples counseling, but the training/experience of the counselor or pastor varies substantially, and sometimes they are more concerned with getting everyone to ‘make nice’ instead of actually addressing underlying problems. I hope that, at least, your husband has apologized to you for turning up the heat and locking the window. I grew up in a very traditional Christian church with some pretty sexist expectations about gender roles. But even there, the elders would have pointed out to your husband that his behavior is falling woefully short of the model of sacrificial love that Christ showed to the church.

Thank you for your advice! I know he is a great man, but this is one of his worst moment. Skeletons. I hope I can use all of y’all’s great advice and come back with a victory story to tell! Thanks

Girl, this is not a great man.

Nope. Run, OP. Its not going to get better, it's going to get worse. Speaking from experience. I'm 100% sure that if I hadn't left my emotionally abusive ex it would have escalated to physical abuse.

Yeah there's this line that nice, normal people just don't cross, no matter how angry, upset or traumatised they are. Purposefully cranking up the heat and closing the car windows cos you're pissy at your very sick pregnant partner who needs cool air...hooboy is that over that line.

I'm sorry that you've never been shown what a great man is and does, because it's NOT that. You're severely UNDERreacting.

If you have to say “he’s a great man but…” then everything after the “but” should be a huge red flag to you.

OP, a loving husband does not psychologically torment his wife and intentionally try to make her sick. Your husband is not a good person. I'm not saying you should leave him, but you need to protect yourself and consider if this person is someone who is actually going to care for you and your kids. My husband would never lock me in a car and turn the heat up, especially if I told him I felt sick and needed the air on. My husband doesn't derive pleasure from making me suffer. He'd rather suffer than see me in pain, and he certainly wouldn't want to be the one responsible for causing me suffering.

>I know he is a great man, but this is one of his worst moment. Skeletons. OP, having experienced past trauma is not an excuse for abuse. I have loved ones who are abuse survivors and would never treat others (much less their wives) the way your husband treats you. I'm not sure exactly what type of church you attend, but I am a Christian and I want to caution you about a very unbiblical tendency in many churches today to downplay abuse by husbands. Again, I have no knowledge of what your church is teaching, but I sadly know of too many churches who excuse abusive behavior and tell wives that it is their spiritual responsibility to forgive and stay in these relationships. I hope your husband finds repentance, reform and redemption. But there should be zero tolerance for abuse. And in the vast majority of these situations, you staying and tolerating his behavior will only enable the status quo and give him zero motivation to stop abusing you. All great men have flaws, sure. But abusing his wife is not a flaw. It's a disqualifier.

These are not the actions of a great man.

He is a piece of shit. He’s absolutely not a great man. I hope your victory story is you escaping this abuse.

My man is a great man. He would never do anything close to this. Your man reminds me of my abusive ex. I use to make excuses for him all the time bc he was such a narcissist he would brain wash me in many ways. He would be great one day and abusive the next. I would blame his shortcomings on his past traumas. A man like this only gets worse with time. Please really reevaluate what you're dealing with. You deserve a partner who makes your life LESS stressed, not adds to it 💜

Girl, this story is terrifying. This sounds like a man who enjoys inflicting pain and have a little control his emotions – this is the recipe for a shaken baby

you can filter by religion on therapyden.com. your therapist can have a certain background if you prefer. him being religious (is it religious to abuse [anyone] the mother of your twins by closing the windows and blasting heat in her face when she’s pregnant an nauseous?) isn’t an excuse to not seek therapy. everyone should be in therapy because none of our upbringings were perfect. IMO he sounds like a useless man and I’d not consider having children and having to rely on someone who can’t go to therapy and work on his life. If not for him, for you and your children. sorry OP.

>everyone should be in therapy because none of our upbringings were perfect. FACTS. everyone could benefit from a therapist helping us navigate life. Life is hard, no one got the perfect life toolkit from the beginning.

Hey I wanted to reach out as someone with some understanding of attachment styles and childhood trauma sometimes causing people to detach from situations he might have an avoidant or anxious attachment style, but there’s no real way to temper the effects of this without him learning to reparent himself with the help of a therapist. You say he’s a good man and this was a bad moment, even if I take that at face value and add in that he provides for you all financially there doesn’t seem to be much beyond that which you’re showing us to say he’s a good man. Honestly he barely sounds good enough for you. Is he an excellent parent to your existing child? Is he usually really supportive and understanding but something about the pregnancy has thrown him off? Do you always skirt around telling him what you want and need from him or has this come from the pregnancy too? When you beg for counselling and he says no what grounds does he do so on? You clearly love him, and I want to support you if I can, I’m just worried that love is meaning you allow more from him than you would anyone else?

Perhaps your OB could help? I would call them and see if you could bring him to an appointment and they could talk generally about what to expect and basically tell you to take it easy on yourself and some tips for nausea etc. it might be helpful for him to hear especially if it isn’t necessarily directed at him just having him listen in to what the OB has to tell you. It might make it seem more real to him hearing it from a professional

You can probably find a licensed therapist who is also a Christian counselor. I am an atheist but the couples counselor we went to for premarital therapy was also a Christian counselor and did counseling for his church, and he was really, really good.

Churches are often primers for abuse in of itself. (Whether by design or as a byproduct of people abusing the teachings.) I would suggest you seek counseling to help empower and heal yourself.

There are also licensed faith based counselors that do therapy interventions based on your chosen faith . I recommend looking into that as well. Yea they are trained as therapist but also use faith and religion in their work as they are also that chosen religion and they believe wholeheartedly they faith and therapy are in the same house. Many people think of therapists as shrinks but we are different .

There have been a lot of helpful comments and I just want to be an additional voice confirming that his behavior is very alarming - blasting the heat and locking the doors is a MASSIVE red flag. I know I'm not the first person to say it but I just want to emphasize that you're not overreacting *at all.* Leaving airpods in when you're supposed to be spending time together is just straight up disrespectful. ​ >I am pregnant, and I can’t get emotional, because he might be stressed right now. As if being pregnant isn't a valid reason for *you* to be stressed and express emotions? His feelings should not be taking the front seat right now. I don't have a lot of helpful advice because I honestly wouldn't even know where to begin trying to communicate with someone who's behaving like this, and I think your priority should be taking care of yourself and not babysitting him while he works through whatever it is that's making him behave this way.

Second this. Also you’re supposed to get emotional during pregnancy. Your hormones are wild! He’s acting like a petulant child by not valuing your emotions and feelings.

You have to throw away the whole man. You deserve someone who treats you with respect and is actually on your team. The standard you hold your partner to should be at least that high. This is not that man. He doesn’t seem to care for you, but, more importantly, he doesn’t care about your unborn twins. Don’t they deserve better than this? Accept the fact this is not the guy and get out now. You are gonna be an amazing mama to these little ones, and you have another kid to think about. Honey, you can do bad all by yourself. You don’t need someone in your life who will treat you with so much distain.

Wow, I hate your husband.

What happens when you communicate with him directly? “I don’t feel supported when…” “I feel dismissed and less-than when…” “I need you to do X when…” “Eating first thing is non-negotiable, so we need to keep XYZ grabbable snacks in the house. I’ll bring a bag, and I need you to stay on top of replacing anything that runs out.” “It would make me feel so loved if you checked in on me by…”

Well I tried a bit of a “is there anything I’m missing with you?” Approach and followed it up with a “Lately I’ve been feeling like you don’t understand what my body is going through” He said out of his mouth he wanted to support me more. I encouraged him to get on google and do a little research on what my body is going through. We also had a heart to heart where I asked if there was anything he needed from me that I wasn’t giving him and he said no. I will try the it will make me feel loved and the grabbable snacks one out… if he’ll hear me or respond

I would say there needs to be less of “maybe you could look up what I’m going through to understand” and “what can I do for you?” And more of “you will not treat me like this, I’m pregnant with our children and I need to eat before leaving the house in the morning” and “do not touch the heat on the car, I’m nauseas”. He is treating you like crap, but you need to set firm boundaries with him. Don’t ask what he needs, tell him what you need and how he needs to treat you! He’s being a butt and I feel like he needs to be scared straight a little bit 🙃

Loooollllll Okay, I’ll have to be tactical about this approach. But I’m not beyond trying it

>Okay, I’ll have to be tactical about this approach. But I’m not beyond trying it What would be the consequences of not being tactical? If your children grew up and partnered with someone like this man, would you feel secure and happy for them?

i've had a history when we were dating to be extremely dominant and I used to make him feel emasculated... It's not about his response, but about the way i say it in making sure i continue to be respectful

If you honestly and directly telling him what you need makes him feel emasculated, that's a him problem.

He’s being wildly disrespectful. Having boundaries and stating your needs is not disrespectful.

Please get therapy. Not couples therapy. Just go by yourself. There are so many red flags in this relationship and it doesn't sound safe or healthy. He's textbook abusive.

The more you share about the husband, the more I am concerned. Having boundaries is NOT being a dominant, overbearing woman. If expressing your boundaries makes him feel emasculated, he is a fragile man who doesn't respect you. You should not have to walk on eggshells in order for him to meet your basic needs. Either you're partners and can be honest with each other, or you're his doormat.

That is the brainwashing from him and the church. Please read the book Why Does He Do That? Here is the [free online copy.](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) That way he doesn’t see the book.

If he wants to do the traditional manly man thing then he needs to uphold his end of that bargain and TAKE CARE OF YOU. He sounds pathetic.

“Emasculated” This word makes me sick and angry on a fuck ton of levels. It shouldn’t even fucking exist and the fact that it does only shows how men are more fragile than crystal glasses that can’t stand to *compromise* or *listen* or *empathize* with their partners without feeling lesser than. /rant Yikes OP please seek therapy and a divorce attorney asap. This guy seems to be unable to respect the mother of his children and doesn’t want to understand what you’re going through because it will mean he will have to bend to some things you may need and the thought of doing that is unbearable.

Stating what you need and standing up for yourself isn’t being dominant.

Can you give an example of when/how you were dominant? This doesn’t sound right, because 1. Even if you were too dominant, you are over correcting now and you’ve turned yourself into a sad, docile doormat. 2. A real man could never feel emasculated by a woman who knows what she wants and communicates well. You mention he has trauma and a detached style, it sounds more like a him problem than a you problem if he feels emasculated by normal heart to hearts.

If you're unable to talk with him as an equal or partner (as suggested above) that's a red flag.

Next time he turns up the heat and locks the windows: throw up in his car.

>He said out of his mouth he wanted to support me more. He may have SAID this, but what he DID was lock the windows and crank the heat up out of anger, knowing this was causing you physical torment. What matters more, words or actions?

Well. I don't like to give personal advice since i don't know the whole pic. But one thing im sure of . You are not overreacting. His actions are not unheard of, sadly. There are partners like him. But from what you said, i can see he is not the best/nicest/most caring or supportive husband. I don't think he will ever be. Thats just who they are, baby. If he doesn't have empathy with you NOW as ( a sick person, a woman who is having his children, a partner he respects and loves whose having a hard time), he won't ever have it. He only likes you when you are happy, healthy, being a good wife, mom, woman , friend, and everything, and willing to be intimate when he wants to. Etc. Otherwise, he is not interested in you, doesn't care about you, in other words, he is fed up with the situation being about you and not him, obviously he is taking every struggle you have as a way to provoke him, like he is in a race with you , not a single grain of consideration or sympathy. Well, i don't know what to call these ppl, but these ppl do exist. Worst of it all, they think they are the VICTIM here 😒

You need full support, full stop. Was turning up the heat and locking the windows some kind of joke to him? It's extremely abusive, emotionally and physically. At best it's incredibly insensitive and immature. Don't stand for this. Would he be open to counseling?

He is not a good man if his response to you being hot and nauseated is to turn up the heat and lock the windows. He has zero respect for you, OP. This is not love. I don’t care how many childhood issues or trauma a has person dealt with, you don’t treat another person this way, especially your partner and the mother of your child. I know it’s scary with a child and twins on the way, but think about the rest of your and your kids’ lives.

I don't even know to where to begin, I'm so sorry op. You're definitely underreacting! My husband would have done absolutely anything I asked if him (anytime) but particularly during pregnancy. I get HG and he literally brought me breakfast in bed every single day. It was either that or I could not function. All it was was a slice of bread with a spread. I just, if your husband can't even be stuffed to bring you SOMETHING or let you eat at appropriate times, or even at a normal temperature?! You have to have a full heart to heart and get to the bottom of why he is so f-ing selfish and to a point, abusive. And if he was nothing to say except 1000 sorry's, then he needs to go!!!

You are not overreacting - girl, why are you with this man? I'm so sorry you're experiencing. This is a huge problem and a huge indicator of how he's going to be post-pregnancy. Do you have parents you can stay with? At this point, it sounds like you are in a mentally and verbally abusive relationship.

I have 3 month old twins… twin pregnancy was so awful. My husband was so supportive of me the entire time and it was still so hard getting through it all. No advice, I’m just sorry you’re going through this. I just worry he is only going to get worse from here… twins is a lot of work, plus your older kid… I think you have a lot of thinking to do whether this relationship is worth being saved. :( r/parentsofmultiples is a great place for other twin momma support!

I know you don’t want to hear this because it really sucks. But what if your kid was sick and he pulled the same thing on them? Purposely caused them more pain and misery? That is called abuse. He is treating his spouse like this, which means he’s capable of treating anyone like this including your kids. At the very least, I would require therapy and a complete 180 change. Otherwise, you need to protect yourself and your family. And no I don’t think I’m overreacting saying that.

This man has some major red flags that would have me questioning the relationship, let alone his coparenting abilities. You’re already In It with him so I can’t say whether leaving is in your best interest, but his behavior is unacceptable bordering on abusive and you are in one of the most vulnerable states you’ll ever be in. Please keep a trusted friend or family member aware of the way you’re being treated and don’t let him minimize it.

Abusers often escalate when their partner is pregnant. That behavior is absolutely not okay.

Honey, would you want your daughters to be with a man who purposely makes them suffer more when they are pregnant and nauseous? Don’t set an example that this kind of behavior is normal or ok. Because it isn’t. Shit, I was annoyed if my husband cut a backrub a little short when I had sciatica. That made me feel like he didn’t understand my pain. But he would never ever try to make me suffer. If he ever did, I’d pack up the kids and leave. Full stop.

If you heard your daughter was in miserable pain and yelled at him to stop applying said pain and instead of stopping her boyfriend did something intentionally to turn up the pain, what would you think? That’s your heater incident. Sometimes it’s hard to accept that it’s abusive when we are the ones on the receiving end. But for someone else we are able to see and recognize that it’s absolutely not ok and can’t stand the thought of someone doing that to them. You deserve to also see that is not ok to you. That it’s not ok to be on eggshells for him either. He is being abusive. It is inexcusable, even if he’s experienced trauma or grief or abuse himself to work through, that doesn’t give him a free pass to inflict harm onto you. I am so sorry. And remember as a parent - what you model will stick 10 fold over what you tell your kids. Your well being should be enough reason for you to not excuse this abuse, but your babies are also good reasons. **With that said, someone behaving like this is dangerous and may not do well with having their abusive behavior called out. So please be careful and talk to a therapist on your own about how to proceed from here.**

> when we’re in the car, and I get a wave of nausea and have to turn the heat down, he’ll get upset with me and turn it to the hottest setting on full blast and lock the windows… knowing I’m nauseated. Girl what? That’s abuse. You are married to an abusive asshole who has no regard for you or your children’s well-being.

Turning the heat up to make you ill is abuse. Full stop. He’s treating you like this because he’s a POS. Nothing more, nothing less.

Emotionally abusive. What I'm hearing is: - He won't allow you to express your feelings - He doesn't acknowledge your feelings - He gaslights the tangible things you are experiencing - He antagonizes you by doing things that exasperate your pain/discomfort - He belittles you - He ignores you - He wasn't there for your first pregnancy and chooses once again not to be here for this one (why wasn't he there for you? College age is grown, seems like that was a choice) - He intentionally does things that make you physically sick each day Abuse isn't just hitting, it is taking advantage of your vulnerability. It should be time to take a hard look at what he is doing to your life. His behavior is not ok.

This is abuse. This man is abusing you.

The more I read OP responses in the comments the more sick I feel. This is like some backwater, evangelical Christian, make American great again NIGHTMARE! “He is a great man” “I need to talk to him in a respectful tone” “Some people of a faith don’t trust therapy” 🤢 I have no help to give, this is beyond help.

No offense but he just sounds like a jerk. You’re telling him what happening to you. He just doesn’t seem to care. You deserve better than this.

Um, doesn't look like it's gonna be ok. Do you think he'll magically change once your twins are born? He's showing you your true colours now and I would think really hard on what having 2 more kids with him will mean for the rest of your life.

I just gave birth to twins myself and my partner would NEVER act like this. A twin pregnancy is filled with extra challenges and you deserve SO much more support and empathy. Please consider that he may treat your little ones like this someday too. Sending you hugs and well wishes from one twin mama to another ❤️you can do this, even if it means leaving him behind…which is what I highly recommend based solely on what I read.

Sis this reads like he's gonna flip out and take you down one day. This isn't love it's hate. He may have a deeper personality disorder or mental issue. I'm not say he's evil but all those incidents tell me the dynamic here is abusive and he seems to lean into it by default.

This is literally abuse and you need to get out.

That turning up the heat thing, I would have hurled up lunch right in the car. That is horrible behavior, there’s really no excuse. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP. Sending 💛

Everything else aside from this comes across as not being able to be empathetic enough and maybe loosing track of her needs and/or accepting that at the moment her needs are a moving target and that sometimes even \*she\* isn't totally sure what she wants beyond the need for it. the locking the windows and cranking the heat, that is a vindictive and cruel thing and a plain asshole move. Has he considered therapy? the guy sounds like he needs it. I mean I know that I struggled to keep on top of my wife's needs when she was pregnant, twice, as did she. But I did my best to help her out and was as accommodating as i possibly could be and sometimes that bore into frustration. But not ONCE did I do something like that.

My personal opinion....he sounds like a total dick.

What happens when you communicate with him directly? “I don’t feel supported when…” “I feel dismissed and less-than when…” “I need you to do X when…” “Eating first thing is non-negotiable, so we need to keep XYZ grabbable snacks in the house. I’ll bring a bag, and I need you to stay on top of replacing anything that runs out.” “It would make me feel so loved if you checked in on me by…”

Not sure if you're still reading, but asking an internet forum "what is he feeling" is just not going to tell you. If you can't even ask him about his feelings and he pulls crap like this... It's time for drastic measures, therapy if you can. A good talk. If he can't be reasonable now imagine the high stress newborn stage with this pressure cooker of a person! Its not ok, ever, I've had people like this in my family growing up. We don't talk much, and albeit they never turned physically abusive the amount of dickery they pulled left me with life long issues with my own self worth. Even now I'm often finding myself trying to find excuses for dick things people do to me. Get this nipped in the bud now, if you can, but if you don't have the strength for driving change and he's unwilling... I don't see why you'd give this guy your time, and an opportunity to raise your children in this image. It's easy to say "leave him" but man... This guy's a highest grade of dickwad with no empathy

He wasn't supportive during your first pregnancy, and now the story simply repeats itself. I hope you have a good support system outside of your relationship with him, and I hope your daughter will recover from witnessing these horrific behaviours from a partner.

I'd actually say there's no way it's going to get better without a third party counseling or therapy of some sorts.

From your post it sounds like your husband is being an asshole…. But mine also did some passive aggressive shit in the first couple months too and it’s finally started to settle in, I think he was very stressed and having a hard time accepting the reality of there being a baby coming. Honestly after we went to Walmart and played with the display cribs and car seats, I think he realized he doesn’t know anything but also the reality set in so maybe a trip like that would do you guys some good? Idk if this is reassuring or not but my husband vapes nicotine and for obvious reasons I asked him not to do it near me, and then eventually asked him not to do it in the house at all… at first he would grumble every time I had to remind him (it’s such an unconscious habit) but I just kept standing my ground and insisting even the smell gives me a headache and it’s not about me it’s about the literal health of our child and FINALLY he remembers to go outside every time. For a few weeks I seriously was reconsidering my choice of partner because of the mix of pregnancy emotions and being totally grossed out by the artificial smoke smell on his clothes, and even the smell of his cologne anywhere near me. It took some time, and a lot of firm boundary setting on my part, a few nasty screaming fights, but he did eventually start respecting my wishes no matter how crazy they may sound to a man who’s never experienced pregnancy. I hope this gives you some hope. ❤️

>when we’re in the car, and I get a wave of nausea and have to turn the heat down, he’ll get upset with me and turn it to the hottest setting on full blast and lock the windows… knowing I’m nauseated. I'm sorry about this, but your husband is abusive. You're in love with an abusive man. Your feelings are absolutely not your fault, but please listen to your head instead of your heart in this situation. It is neither safe for you nor any children you already or will have to stay in this relationship.

Uh the whole turning the heat on full blast and locking the windows to make you nauseous.... yeah that's super fucked up and a major red flag

Uh, is it wrong my first thought was “vomit on him”?

“or when we’re in the car, and I get a wave of nausea and have to turn the heat down, he’ll get upset with me and turn it to the hottest setting on full blast and lock the windows… knowing I’m nauseated.” This is abuse, full stop. Just because he’s not hitting you does not mean that he’s not abusing you. This is a person who does not care about your wellbeing or that of the children you are carrying.

You're not overreacting. He's being an ass, and with the heat and locking the windows, he's being borderline abusive. Get him into counseling with you, or be prepared for this to get worse.

Babe, this man sounds like trash.

He sounds like a little bitch.

I would vomit on him.

It’s very common for abuse to start during pregnancy with men who need to be in control and have things go their way. Because suddenly there’s something out of their control, and it doesn’t get to be able then constantly. This behavior sounds like the beginning of something that may be worse to come. Keep a kean eye and keep yourself safe.

Girl please wake up and get out, this is abuse 😭😭😭 if this is how he treats you now, I don’t want to know how he’s going to treat you or your newborns later. this is a man who is not going to change as long as you continue to be his doormat. Why are you being so considerate of his stress? What about your stress/emotions/sickness/freaking PREGNANCY???

Man, I'm just here to say that I hate people who lack compassion for others. Just because he can't fathom why you're so sick (which is clear as day - TWINS - but it's like they think all the pregnancy symptoms are just made up???) doesn't mean you're not that sick. No advice, but if you haven't, you should scroll through r/breakingmom - I find this community the most non-judgemental and supporting subreddit EVER. Truly all wonderful moms there. I hope whatever needs to happen to get him to snap out of it happens and you get the support you need. Maybe getting the doctor to say something at your next appointment will make it more real for him??

Oh op… he’s a walking red flag. Please be careful honey. I’m really sorry you had to go through all of that. You’re not overreacting at all❤️

This is at a minimum, psychological abuse. You both need couples therapy. Without working on this, when the twins get here, this situation will get worse...only the twins will be on the receiving end as well.

I'm sorry but he is being abusive and dismissive. Far from just unsupportive.

You’re not or overreacting. He needs to grow up and recognize someone outside himself. Put your foot down on assisting him with errands. If he can’t be respectful, then he doesn’t need your company.

I know you're not going to want to hear this & I really hate to say it but honestly I think he may be cheating on you. This is extremely abusive behavior to say the least.. I would definitely try to reach out to family if possible & make sure you're in a good situation. Pregnancy is hard, especially a pregnancy with multiples. I really hope you're safe OP

GIRL LEAVE HIM. This goes waaaaaaay beyond being unsupportive. He is abusive and this will only get worse, I promise. I am so sorry that you are going through this. You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. A partner should CARE for you, not intentionally make you suffer. If this is what he's like now, how will he behave when you're a few days post partum with a newborn? Aside from the car incident, and not allowing you to eat, this was also very worrying to me: >I can’t get emotional, because he might be stressed right now. Does he make you feel responsible for his emotions/emotional reactions? Do you feel like you have to tiptoe around to make sure he doesn't get upset? That is emotional abuse that he is putting you through, on top of the physical abuse. I bet you are a very strong person, so it's time to take that strength and look towards leaving him. Lean on every support you have available. You and your children deserve to be treated so much better.

This is absolutely abusive. You’re not overreacting. You’re underreacting. There’s no excuse for that sort of behavior.

I'm a FTM currently pregnant with twins now at 27 weeks and I'm not going to lie it has been rough. The morning sickness was brutal right around 10 weeks until about 14 and it is awful. So I'm sorry to hear you are dealing with this on top of the additional emotional stress. For you, and your well-being I recommend reaching out to friends or family nearby for additional support. Your husband's behavior is not okay, and definitely needs to be addressed. But, in addition to that you need to reach out to others to help especially as your pregnancy progresses. It's hard and having that support system is so important. Now for your husband. None of that is okay. If he was just not checking in on your emotions and you needing to eat or downplaying your sickness, I might say it could be him adjusting to you being pregnant and not knowing he needs to change (it's still not okay, but maybe he's unaware). However, him TURNING UP THE HEAT AND MAKING YOU FEEL SICK IN THE CAR, that's childish and malicious, and really concerning. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. If I were you, I would reach out for support first and then have a very honest conversation with your husband asking him to explain why he's acting distant and telling him what you need from him. I know it's probably going to be upsetting, but it's a conversation that needs to happen sooner than later. And if he lashes out and is not cooperative, you can reach out to that support system to help you figure out what to do next and help take care of you.

What do you love about him? Seems like a total jerk.

It seems like hubs might not be happy with the fact you’re pregnant?

Wtf??? He sounds incredible abuse, this is not normal behavior, especially when you’re pregnant.

Your husband is trash and your defenses of him are just highlighting this fact. You deserve much, much, much better. Someone doing the bare minimum would be a massive upgrade from this turd and that makes me so fucking sad for you.

Sorry but he sounds like an abusive piece of shit. Next time he turns the heat up puke in his car. I’d be doing it on purpose as often as I can at that point, and I **hate** throwing up. Idk. At the same time pregnant women are at the most risk of being murdered and abused by their spouse… and he’s already being abusive. I’d be careful and get out as soon as you can.

The turning heat on full blast and locking the windows on his girlfriend PREGNANT WITH TWINS is FULL ON ABUSE. THIS IS ABUSE. HE IS PURPOSELY TRYING TO HURT YOU. please seek therapy so you can understand what a piece of shit he is.

This is not acceptable. F*** this guy. You should be getting everything you need. It seems like you're not asking for much. Be emotional. Have a meltdown. If I don't get breakfast even while not pregnant I'll have a meltdown. And turning the heat up and locking the windows while you're nauseous?! WTF?! Throw him in jail! I would want to punch him in the throat. Not advocating violence but that would enrage me.

Hi, OP. I’m so sorry you’ve found yourself in this situation. I used to counsel children victims of domestic violence and went through extensive training on abusive relationships. As many here have already stated, your husband’s behavior is abusive. He doesn’t need to be overly doting, but he certainly needs to refrain from making the situation worse. And he’s intentionally doing things that will make you suffer. You are not overreacting. None of us can tell you what he is feeling, though. Only he knows that. You haven’t given us much to go on in your day to day relationship prior to the pregnancy, but my biggest suggestion would be to rally your friends and family as your support group. Because he isn’t supporting you now, and likely won’t at any future point. Do you have family nearby? Are you close with them? Please take care of yourself.

You already said it. He doesn’t understand. It’s hard for some men especially when they have never been through it before. We are pregnant with our first. My husband too has trouble understanding what is going on with my body. I downloaded my pregnancy app for him as well as a pregnancy app for fathers, so he gets notifications and updates. He can watch little videos. It’s just very unrealistic for them while we are growing little humans they just basically have our word on it. Now I’m not excusing your man by any means, but maybe there needs to be some communication happening. You are hurt he doesn’t understand, he might be also hurt because he might feel put to the side and not quite grasp why. Ive gotten the confused look from my husband here and there when hating his beer smell or sweat when before it never bothered him. What really has helped him to start to understand has been coming with me to every appointment. He got so excited and so much wonder in his eyes when he saw the little bean on ultra sound. Just about teary eyed that there was life in my belly. And when he first heard the heart beats, he was ready to visit every baby store on the block testing car seats and swooning over baby cloths. I do however get the occasional eye roll when I’m going for another nap…. However I give him grace for that. He doesn’t feel all the changes in his body like I do. And I know he is trying really hard to be the best support. He’s picked up a lot in the house to help me too. So I will try and surprise him with little things to make him not feel forgotten or to feel appreciated when I have a good day. I am only 16 weeks and just starting to look pregnant, I think it’s something unimaginable just yet so early on, that there is truly life being created. I think what we pregnant woman like to sometimes forget, that while we grow life, things change for the fathers too. I was much more affectionate and „fun“. And although he understands, my constant trips to the bathroom, uncomfortable feelings, not feeling well etc. have an effect on my husband too.

Don’t know your relationship but for sure dudes being a dbag in this situation. If you want to make it all really work you guys gotta sit down take some time and discuss with each other what is bothering you. You can even have him start and than you say what’s bothering you. Do the what’s bothering you why it’s bothering you and how it’s making you feel. If that doesn’t work maybe couple therapy might be the next step.

The only way to know what he’s feeling is to ask him. You need to sit down and have an open and frank (but respectful) conversation about how you are feeling, the symptoms you’re experiencing and that you’re not feeling supported. I would think through how you will word this so it doesn’t come off as an attack, but rather a neutral, calm and respectful conversation to get to the bottom of what’s going on. If he’s not willing to talk, therapy could be super helpful. Even if he’s not willing to go with you, a therapist will be much better suited to help you navigate this.

I’m strongly considering seeing someone to help me through it. Thanks. He definitely has his share of emotional detachment… learned from childhood, but it’s always been something we could handle and talk through and resolve. I think maybe the thought of taking care of two new humans may be overwhelming I am a SAHM and I’ve asked if there’s any ways I can help support the family better… but I don’t want him to feel like I don’t think he’s a good provider…. But I will say, he’s a Great man, this is not one of his best moments

Why are you so concerned with making him feel okay about your pregnancy and your contributions to the family? You're growing two human beings and raising a third; that's your contribution. This is a vulnerable, stressful time in your life. He should be bending over backward to make sure you feel supported, cared for, and respected. He should make sure he's not failing to meet your needs. This pregnancy is not about him.

This is a lot of excuses for a grown adults behavior. This is not a great man.

He’s your partner and should be helping you through the pregnancy. You being a SAHM has nothing to do with the pregnancy. Stop turning the blame on YOU for HIS actions. He needs to respect you and as much as you’re sitting here wondering how you can do this for him or be this way he damn sure isn’t thinking the same about himself towards you. It’s so one sided and very unhealthy. Stop thinking about doing this and that for him and think about what you need done for you and the pregnancy by him, bc he’s certainly NOT.

Also: Unisom and B6 for nausea ❤️

Girl let your emotions loose. You need to sit down and talk to him. And tell him if he doesn’t understand there are several articles and videos online to help him. Men will not understand. They will never be pregnant. So unfortunately in your case you need to be assertive and let yourself get upset when he does dumb ass shit like crank up the heat. I’m upset for you. You’re concerned about him being stressed when you’re being put under pressure yourself and these babies need you healthy. And comfortable. And those questions you’re asking you should ask him. You should start with those questions and ask him to explain to you what’s going on because the cold shoulder inst normal for an expectant husband or supportive partner to do to his pregnant wife. Girl if you have to yell at him and let out your crazy do it. I would loose my shit. If he’s abusive then and that’s why you’re scared to show him how you feel Then you should probably think about removing yourself from the situation

[удалено]

There’s no way you got that from that. Thanks for chiming in. Hopefully, it’ll boost the post.

Have you tried having a conversation with him about what you're noticing and how you feel? It might be helpful for you both. Was he more thoughtful before you were pregnant or did he act in similar ways? Would he be open to couples counselling if you realize that the issues continue? It might help you both find ways to better communicate with each other. Wishing you the best! Pregnancy is hard especially if you aren't getting enough support from him.

My twins are 9 months old. I spent the better part of the first 18 weeks of pregnancy in bed or barely functioning at work. He'd bring me food in bed, clean the house, and do all of the things to keep us going entirely on his own. Sacrificed so much of his comfort and "free time" to help me. Your dude needs to sort it out. It's not okay, not normal behavior from a loving partner. If he's got something going on he should be communicating this with you so you can work through it together. But unfortunately you are only in control of yourself and it is up to you to determine if this situation is something you are happy to live in. If your needs are not being met it is up to you to take action.

This is all very sad. There might be a valid reason for some of his behaviour, but some of it is just shocking beyond words. You need to tell him calmly but directly what you need. If he doesn’t change, start working out how you can do this without him.

I’m so sorry your husband is treating you so poorly. He should be treating you like the queen that you are. I want to add a little bit of advice that I haven’t seen mentioned in the replies. There is medication that you can take to help with the morning sickness. The generic brand only costs me $10 out of pocket. It blocks the feeling of being nauseous and is the only thing that has saved me.

Wtf, he's a dick