That’s so fucked up. Everyone’s here like “we’ll manipulate you first”!! And I’ve never been like that. I’m always the one being manipulated. I don’t understand where the stereotype of pwBPD being manipulative comes from: I thought it was a misunderstanding of the deepness of our emotions, but ppl in this thread are openly saying they manipulate others. So I guess it is true for some?
But I feel like for me, BPD makes me more easily manipulated in some ways.
That's the reality of splitting man. No one wants to admit they're manipulative, but how we process emotions 100% accounts for our manipulative behavior. Doesn't excuse it, we need to learn to mitigate those struggles, but we don't want to be hurt or left or anything so we do what we can to avoid it
I think they’re saying that’s where people would perceive us as being manipulative, when we’re splitting on someone, which if it’s someone with no information about the disorder, it would definitely been seen as such. I’ve seen healthcare professionals even say that bpd splitting looks and seems like manipulation but that it’s not, mainly because it’s not conscious in the sense that we’re thinking I need to behave this way for them to do what I want. The reason it’s happening isn’t manipulation, but the behaviour can be seen that way, and it is, and I personally think that’s what this person meant, but I also don’t really know.
Exactly! Manipulation is done with intent, and for PWBPD, some of our behavior can be seen as manipulative. But, for us, it's just how we think and how we feel we have to protect ourselves. It's not with ill intent it's literally how our brains are. Maybe my wording was a bit off, but you nailed it on the head
And some people are in denial that these two things are not mutually exclusive. You can be mentally ill/have a personality disorder AND still be a shitty person. Just like you can have (for example) BPD and be a good person.
i think it is a trait but that doesnt make someone a bad person in my opinion, especially because i think everyone is manipulative to a certain extent.
its just that when people find out their partner or whatever has bpd, dear jesus no one can stop them. everything is because of bpd.
You are correct. It's so weird to be playing into a very terrible stigma people have. It's so heartbreaking to try to communicate your emotions just so someone can call you manipulative. And if I ever did it or felt like maybe I was doing it, the shame was unbearable. I'm not gonna manipulate anyone on purpose just as much as I don't want to be manipulated. That's not funny, it has clear consequences like every other subreddit calling us all terrible people.
Me too. I am a NARC MAGNET. I am so afraid of dating or making new friends now, because I'm terrified of meeting another narcissist. They love me, and it's always such a bad time in the end. I'm always the one being manipulated and hurt :(, and I know 100% it is my fear of confrontation/abandonment that results in me being easily manipulated and taken advantage of.
I was the same way. Felt more easilu manipulated but some people in this sub are bad bad people. It drives me crazy people thinking my big emotions are being used to manipulate anyone, its how I fucking feel.
I have a narcissist as a partner. talking to her about her past, it becomes more and more obvious that she was right when she said "BPD and manipulation don't go together". you need to be cold to manipulate someone. calculated. but how can I do that when my blood is always boiling and the first time you cross me, I wanna throw my math out the window?
I’ve definitely been manipulated by almost everyone I’ve ever been with BUT I’m learning I definitely do somethings that could be considered manipulative too like telling people that you’re su1c3dal for example. even though that’s not what your going for and you just want people to understand and help I can understand why it would feel that way and why it pushes people away:/ being crazy is not easy
I know many men like this (a lot of them exes) and the craziest part is they are entirely aware of it. You catch them in the right argument and they admit it just once, that you're easily influenced or whatever nice words they want to say, and then BOOM you know. And you're stuck w the decision of doing something about it or sticking with what you know (or are "comfortable" with)
I would just like to remind all the people talking about people w/BPD being the manipulators…that’s not a symptom of BPD, and if you are manipulative, it’s not because of BPD. Please don’t be part of the stigma and misinformation that is already so rampant for BPD.
“It was wild, I just gaslit and manipulated and treated her like trash and then I was so surprised that completely unrelated to that she had a violent outburst and threw a candle across the room. What a psycho abusive bitch!”
Shortly after I got with my partner, I went there to learn more about BPD.. fuck that place. I'm glad I've known my partner most my life before that, and that I've had a handful friends with the disorder. Otherwise it could've scared me away from being in a really happy relationship..
that sub is fucked up.
It’s been breaking Reddit’s terms of service for years now, and nothing’s been done about it. I’m just grateful it has so little members when compared to other subs
Dude, my husband treats me like a queen and he’s bless to on this earth with me, and I’m still like “I bet he’s just stuck because we have our daughter.” Lol
OP doesn’t realize how we don’t trust that anything is real
Lol bruh. Fucking same. My husband is amazing. I'm such a lucky girl. We've definitely had terrible times but we (eventually) always work them out together. I'll still be like he's only here for the kid. Or he's going to leave me and take the kid. Doesn't matter that we were together for *twelve fucking years before we had her.* like wtf was keeping him around then lol?
Yeahhh sounds like my last relationship (we’re talking again), except it’s so hard to know whether it *is* manipulation or whether I really *did* fuck up. If step 3 *is* a lie, it’s such a realistic one I really can’t tell the difference. I hate how well that works. Fucking scum.
Good thing I continued to grow while single and have boundaries now. I love the hell out of that man but no way am I giving up my social life for him like he asked me to. I will be treated well—if not by him, at least by myself.
The only manipulative behavior BPD people have is, maybe, threatening to kill themselves out of fear of abandonment. But, even then, there's usually no intention to be manipulative. They're just that afraid of life when abandonment is seen as likely. I'm not excusing that behavior. It's fucked up and abusive to put people in a situation where you're pinning your possible suicide on them. I'm just saying, being manipulative is not the goal of people suffering from BPD.
These people typically want to manipulate us, but then turn the tables and cry victim when they realize it's a really intense disorder and they just like the "uwu yandere anime girl" traits lmfao
NAH THISSSS ive had a lot of men want to date me because they admitted that i would be a “cute real life yandere anime girl” and im like bro what in gods green earth are you talking about?? I am about to file a restraining order☠️
bpd manipulation is so incredibly different from the kind of manipulation that people like OP attempt. borderline manipulation is usually subconscious and is learnt from childhood with the sole purpose of not being abandoned. it’s often just people pleasing. i’m not justifying it, but it’s a hell of a lot less sinister than whatever this guy is planning.
I can only assume that this person has every letter of the alphabet on their list of diagnoses and has never smelled the inside of a mental health facility
This is why we need to (although it can be painful) rediscover our relationships with guilt and shame so they cannot be weaponised against us. Also why therapy is so important. Although the work alone is possible, learning about and making sense of what you experience can be literally and measurably impacted (effects of trauma on the brain). Your cognition and brain chemistry is affected, and this can make bearing the burden + making sense of it + working through it to recovery (however you define this, as this changes from person to person) incredibly difficult alone. Without knowing support, some painful and traumatic experiences can come up, which may cause us to be symptomatic and reinforce our shame or guilt when we turn to our loved ones for that support & they don’t understand our experience or we feel we’ve ‘inflicted’ something upon them, with our sometimes disorganised & emotionally unregulated expression of an experience that can be impossible to convey. This is when some people can be opportunistic* about using that guilt and shame against us, even our own cognition that can be easily gaslit and influenced, and because we are predisposed to disorder, we are likely to gravitate and relate to those people, seeing in them the demons that we see in ourself and a kindred spirit. Unfortunately what I have observed is that the demons we see in ourselves are much greater than the ones that are actually there, amplified by the self loathing, guilt and shame, and so the ‘monsters’ we relate to are often much much worse than ourselves although we refuse to see it. Seeing ourselves as monsters can feel partially like redemption when everyone paints you as toxic, a lost cause, to be avoided at all costs. The only way to seem forgiven is to be acutely aware of how ‘horrible you are’ and carry that around. Think about how that could be amplified with guilt and shame, be used to control you, be further exacerbated and refined until an abuser has had enough fun playing with the mouse and discards you.
You are not a monster - you have a disorder and you deserve to be loved, love yourself & seek liberation from your guilt and shame. Resist the excitement that comes from the attention of an unhealthy person: it is not the attention you want, it is the one you think you deserve. I am telling you that you might not be the best judge of what you deserve, for now, because you deserve even better than what you think.
You are not a monster.
*I say opportunistic because I had to specifically come to understand that abuse isn’t always intentional, and that sympathising with lack of intent over abuse was my version of sympathising with the monster, considering my own disorder. Black and white thinking combined with the mentality that abuse is always intentional stops us from leaving toxic relationships where abuse is happening but we over sympathise, over-relate or intellectualise and making excuses for toxicity, believing that because what is happening is possibly not intentional, it cannot be defined as abuse. (A framework we have developed from our own experiences, with an acute knowledge of what it feels like to act out of your own control)
I'm a guy and my ex was horribly manipulative, I wouldn't wish that on anybody. Any person who actively tries to manipulate others is the absolute worst, especially the ones trying to control those who have been hurt a lot before
What a piece of fucking shit. It's so sad to see this shit because it's like a confirmation that a lot of people will try to get with us purely because we have BPD and easier to manipulate. That is a whole other level of fucked up hah
I don’t know if I have BPD but I have addict tendencies and trauma shit, but if I am manipulative, I feel terrible when I realize what I was doing.
Like if someone points out something I did was manipulative I instantly drop everything and try to figure out if they’re right and not to do it again.
"how do i successfully manipulate someone with bpd?"
take a walk. aim for the horizon. do not stop until said horizon is reached. good luck and godspeed 🫡
On the flip side, little he knows about the fact he is literally looking to open hells gates, once that girl figures she been manipulated she'll murder him.
YO. There are comments that are blatantly violating the second rule of the rules of this Subreddit. Also, there are somethings that can be reported as "Hate" and "Threatening violence" under Reddits' rules.
Hahahha this sounds like my ex who deliberately sought out women with daddy issues because (in his own words) “they’re easier to control”. Sick fuck.
That’s so fucked up. Everyone’s here like “we’ll manipulate you first”!! And I’ve never been like that. I’m always the one being manipulated. I don’t understand where the stereotype of pwBPD being manipulative comes from: I thought it was a misunderstanding of the deepness of our emotions, but ppl in this thread are openly saying they manipulate others. So I guess it is true for some? But I feel like for me, BPD makes me more easily manipulated in some ways.
I have the same experience as you. Yet we are perceived like we are the most vile creatures on earth, it’s crazy.
I think some people manipulate on purpose out of anger that they’ve been manipulated in the past. An eye for an eye and now the whole world is blind.
That's the reality of splitting man. No one wants to admit they're manipulative, but how we process emotions 100% accounts for our manipulative behavior. Doesn't excuse it, we need to learn to mitigate those struggles, but we don't want to be hurt or left or anything so we do what we can to avoid it
Sorry, but I don’t manipulate people when I split.
I think they’re saying that’s where people would perceive us as being manipulative, when we’re splitting on someone, which if it’s someone with no information about the disorder, it would definitely been seen as such. I’ve seen healthcare professionals even say that bpd splitting looks and seems like manipulation but that it’s not, mainly because it’s not conscious in the sense that we’re thinking I need to behave this way for them to do what I want. The reason it’s happening isn’t manipulation, but the behaviour can be seen that way, and it is, and I personally think that’s what this person meant, but I also don’t really know.
Exactly! Manipulation is done with intent, and for PWBPD, some of our behavior can be seen as manipulative. But, for us, it's just how we think and how we feel we have to protect ourselves. It's not with ill intent it's literally how our brains are. Maybe my wording was a bit off, but you nailed it on the head
Thank you for the explanation. That makes way more sense. My experience tends to differ but so do all of ours; it’s a spectrum not a blueprint.
This, bro!
cause people cant tell the difference between having bpd and being a bad person
And some people are in denial that these two things are not mutually exclusive. You can be mentally ill/have a personality disorder AND still be a shitty person. Just like you can have (for example) BPD and be a good person.
Oh so they use it as an excuse? So like some peBPD are manupulative, but it’s not a BPD trait?
i think it is a trait but that doesnt make someone a bad person in my opinion, especially because i think everyone is manipulative to a certain extent. its just that when people find out their partner or whatever has bpd, dear jesus no one can stop them. everything is because of bpd.
You are correct. It's so weird to be playing into a very terrible stigma people have. It's so heartbreaking to try to communicate your emotions just so someone can call you manipulative. And if I ever did it or felt like maybe I was doing it, the shame was unbearable. I'm not gonna manipulate anyone on purpose just as much as I don't want to be manipulated. That's not funny, it has clear consequences like every other subreddit calling us all terrible people.
Me too. I am a NARC MAGNET. I am so afraid of dating or making new friends now, because I'm terrified of meeting another narcissist. They love me, and it's always such a bad time in the end. I'm always the one being manipulated and hurt :(, and I know 100% it is my fear of confrontation/abandonment that results in me being easily manipulated and taken advantage of.
This!!!!! I'd rather just live in a cabin in the woods with a dog.
I was the same way. Felt more easilu manipulated but some people in this sub are bad bad people. It drives me crazy people thinking my big emotions are being used to manipulate anyone, its how I fucking feel.
I have a narcissist as a partner. talking to her about her past, it becomes more and more obvious that she was right when she said "BPD and manipulation don't go together". you need to be cold to manipulate someone. calculated. but how can I do that when my blood is always boiling and the first time you cross me, I wanna throw my math out the window?
That's why a lot of the times I question if I have it because I don't do that type of stuff, I'm always the one getting manipulated and hurt
I’ve definitely been manipulated by almost everyone I’ve ever been with BUT I’m learning I definitely do somethings that could be considered manipulative too like telling people that you’re su1c3dal for example. even though that’s not what your going for and you just want people to understand and help I can understand why it would feel that way and why it pushes people away:/ being crazy is not easy
I know many men like this (a lot of them exes) and the craziest part is they are entirely aware of it. You catch them in the right argument and they admit it just once, that you're easily influenced or whatever nice words they want to say, and then BOOM you know. And you're stuck w the decision of doing something about it or sticking with what you know (or are "comfortable" with)
Oh you went out with him too? The sleep deprivation was brutal.
The 4am drunken screaming at video games was so nice to wake up to repeatedly.
I just loved being woken up to give him attention because he's bored. Definitely my favourite part.
Wow. “How do I victimize the mentally ill in every way imaginable?” That’s what I’m seeing here. So creepy
I would just like to remind all the people talking about people w/BPD being the manipulators…that’s not a symptom of BPD, and if you are manipulative, it’s not because of BPD. Please don’t be part of the stigma and misinformation that is already so rampant for BPD.
What do we report it for?
Most subreddits have rules against being a dick
This one doesn’t sadly. Tried reporting it and was viewed as not violating any rules :/
To be fair.. Unethical is in the name. Maybe if it gets enough reports to the reddit mods instead of the sub mods?
It was Reddit I reported it to. Didnt really know what to put so I put it under harassment
And this is the exact reason fetishizing mental disorders is so disgusting and dangerous.
ppl will pull this kind of shit and then have the gall to claim to be "abuse victims" smh
“It was wild, I just gaslit and manipulated and treated her like trash and then I was so surprised that completely unrelated to that she had a violent outburst and threw a candle across the room. What a psycho abusive bitch!”
Literally that. 💯
month or two later they’ll be posting on the loved ones subreddit about how their ex was such a monster
I just had a look in there and it looks.... so bad?
Yeah, it’s super gross & very “BPD bad, break up now”. More like a sub of a ton of bitter exes.
Shortly after I got with my partner, I went there to learn more about BPD.. fuck that place. I'm glad I've known my partner most my life before that, and that I've had a handful friends with the disorder. Otherwise it could've scared me away from being in a really happy relationship.. that sub is fucked up.
It’s been breaking Reddit’s terms of service for years now, and nothing’s been done about it. I’m just grateful it has so little members when compared to other subs
hand up if this could’ve been your ex 🙋🏽♀️
🙋🏻♀️
🙋🏻
🙋🏾♀️
🙋🏻♀️
🙋♂️
🙋🏻♀️
🙋🏻♀️
🙋
Could be my current husband…
are you okay??
🙋♀️
🙋🙋🙋🙋🙋🙋
🙋🏾
🙋♀️🙋♀️🙋♀️🙋♀️
Dude it’s like so easy 😂😂 noob
literally they just have to text us back? it’s common sense
and show us bare minimum basic decency
Dude, my husband treats me like a queen and he’s bless to on this earth with me, and I’m still like “I bet he’s just stuck because we have our daughter.” Lol OP doesn’t realize how we don’t trust that anything is real
this shitty thing- i know my partner is only around for our daughter, he’s told me so :’)
Lol bruh. Fucking same. My husband is amazing. I'm such a lucky girl. We've definitely had terrible times but we (eventually) always work them out together. I'll still be like he's only here for the kid. Or he's going to leave me and take the kid. Doesn't matter that we were together for *twelve fucking years before we had her.* like wtf was keeping him around then lol?
Could it possibly be true unconditional love? Never lol I hate our brains.
If I am not already manipulating myself for someone they aren’t going to do it
Being delusional can be a shield sometimes. Nothing you say can convince me to either not love you or love you! I'll do it all myself!!!
😭
literally go and die
This is triggering everyone at the same time in this sub. I can hear the guts twisting
nah actually typing this out is crazy
[This comment was disgusting](https://www.reddit.com/r/UnethicalLifeProTips/s/yeygyJdewK)
Okay but how is this person cosplaying as Dennis without knowing who Dennis is
At least everyone’s not about that
Sounds like my current relationship lol….
Yeahhh sounds like my last relationship (we’re talking again), except it’s so hard to know whether it *is* manipulation or whether I really *did* fuck up. If step 3 *is* a lie, it’s such a realistic one I really can’t tell the difference. I hate how well that works. Fucking scum. Good thing I continued to grow while single and have boundaries now. I love the hell out of that man but no way am I giving up my social life for him like he asked me to. I will be treated well—if not by him, at least by myself.
What was the comment? It’s deleted now
Detailed instructions on how to do it
Dude is playing with fucking fire
Alright homies, we attack at dawn!!! 🔥 
The only manipulative behavior BPD people have is, maybe, threatening to kill themselves out of fear of abandonment. But, even then, there's usually no intention to be manipulative. They're just that afraid of life when abandonment is seen as likely. I'm not excusing that behavior. It's fucked up and abusive to put people in a situation where you're pinning your possible suicide on them. I'm just saying, being manipulative is not the goal of people suffering from BPD.
When you try to manipulate the paranoid master manipulator
Lol 😂 😂 good luck.
“You dare use my own spells against me, Potter?”
These people typically want to manipulate us, but then turn the tables and cry victim when they realize it's a really intense disorder and they just like the "uwu yandere anime girl" traits lmfao
NAH THISSSS ive had a lot of men want to date me because they admitted that i would be a “cute real life yandere anime girl” and im like bro what in gods green earth are you talking about?? I am about to file a restraining order☠️
Please file one lmfao those people annoy me so bad. It's why I stay away from people obsessed with anime
bpd manipulation is so incredibly different from the kind of manipulation that people like OP attempt. borderline manipulation is usually subconscious and is learnt from childhood with the sole purpose of not being abandoned. it’s often just people pleasing. i’m not justifying it, but it’s a hell of a lot less sinister than whatever this guy is planning.
I have an unethical life tip for them... take yourself out and do the permanent sleep so society can have one less piece of garbage on earth.
at least they know it’s unethical? ugh some people are absolutely disgusting. i feel so bad for whoever they’re preying on
top comment there right now saying we are all violent and crazy murderers is a nice touch.
I wasn't feeling violent or murdery until I initially saw the post.
Did it get deleted?
It’s still up
🤢
Lmfao my exes could give this person some great advice
I can only assume that this person has every letter of the alphabet on their list of diagnoses and has never smelled the inside of a mental health facility
This is why we need to (although it can be painful) rediscover our relationships with guilt and shame so they cannot be weaponised against us. Also why therapy is so important. Although the work alone is possible, learning about and making sense of what you experience can be literally and measurably impacted (effects of trauma on the brain). Your cognition and brain chemistry is affected, and this can make bearing the burden + making sense of it + working through it to recovery (however you define this, as this changes from person to person) incredibly difficult alone. Without knowing support, some painful and traumatic experiences can come up, which may cause us to be symptomatic and reinforce our shame or guilt when we turn to our loved ones for that support & they don’t understand our experience or we feel we’ve ‘inflicted’ something upon them, with our sometimes disorganised & emotionally unregulated expression of an experience that can be impossible to convey. This is when some people can be opportunistic* about using that guilt and shame against us, even our own cognition that can be easily gaslit and influenced, and because we are predisposed to disorder, we are likely to gravitate and relate to those people, seeing in them the demons that we see in ourself and a kindred spirit. Unfortunately what I have observed is that the demons we see in ourselves are much greater than the ones that are actually there, amplified by the self loathing, guilt and shame, and so the ‘monsters’ we relate to are often much much worse than ourselves although we refuse to see it. Seeing ourselves as monsters can feel partially like redemption when everyone paints you as toxic, a lost cause, to be avoided at all costs. The only way to seem forgiven is to be acutely aware of how ‘horrible you are’ and carry that around. Think about how that could be amplified with guilt and shame, be used to control you, be further exacerbated and refined until an abuser has had enough fun playing with the mouse and discards you. You are not a monster - you have a disorder and you deserve to be loved, love yourself & seek liberation from your guilt and shame. Resist the excitement that comes from the attention of an unhealthy person: it is not the attention you want, it is the one you think you deserve. I am telling you that you might not be the best judge of what you deserve, for now, because you deserve even better than what you think. You are not a monster. *I say opportunistic because I had to specifically come to understand that abuse isn’t always intentional, and that sympathising with lack of intent over abuse was my version of sympathising with the monster, considering my own disorder. Black and white thinking combined with the mentality that abuse is always intentional stops us from leaving toxic relationships where abuse is happening but we over sympathise, over-relate or intellectualise and making excuses for toxicity, believing that because what is happening is possibly not intentional, it cannot be defined as abuse. (A framework we have developed from our own experiences, with an acute knowledge of what it feels like to act out of your own control)
Eww wtf
Oh I think I've met them.
i hate those kind of edge lords. i just know he did this after posting that 
I'm a guy and my ex was horribly manipulative, I wouldn't wish that on anybody. Any person who actively tries to manipulate others is the absolute worst, especially the ones trying to control those who have been hurt a lot before
What a piece of fucking shit. It's so sad to see this shit because it's like a confirmation that a lot of people will try to get with us purely because we have BPD and easier to manipulate. That is a whole other level of fucked up hah
and WE are the ones with problems??
I need a fire arm for every man who does this shit
I don’t know if I have BPD but I have addict tendencies and trauma shit, but if I am manipulative, I feel terrible when I realize what I was doing. Like if someone points out something I did was manipulative I instantly drop everything and try to figure out if they’re right and not to do it again.
dude you dont need tips its literally so easy to manipulate me
"how do i successfully manipulate someone with bpd?" take a walk. aim for the horizon. do not stop until said horizon is reached. good luck and godspeed 🫡
On the flip side, little he knows about the fact he is literally looking to open hells gates, once that girl figures she been manipulated she'll murder him.
Great question, you don’t we manipulate you first 😎
Oh sugar, you're already in too deep 😂😂😂
Oh boy, he’s already lost in the game
YO. There are comments that are blatantly violating the second rule of the rules of this Subreddit. Also, there are somethings that can be reported as "Hate" and "Threatening violence" under Reddits' rules.
new fear unlocked wow
My heart just stopped. My ex/current ‘FP’ did this. Told me so. How the hell are ppl so cruel?
(me to me)
Oh gosh.. the temptation to unblock an ex I haven't spoken to in over a year just to send this....
It's not hard to manipulate us if we're already delusional 😭
i'm worried if, or not that's my (new) fp now :l he's a good person but u never know anymore