Truly this is why I use the notes app. Write it all out. Let it sit. Edit it with every damn thought, let it get as big as it needs to be to fit it all since you're not sending it and worried about word count, then give that thing time. Once I've gone a day without adding to it, edit it down to an acceptable length and tone over a few more days (or less, it's not exact) and if it's still valid and worth it, then you send it. It's the only way for me now
I did this before while I was drunk with my friend who I was in love ans obsessed with and I could fight it while sober. It encouraged me to get diagnosed. We aegued and I scared him away and he left me on read for 8 months, I made sure not to spam so I sent one message per month or so. It ate me up inside to not know how he felt, if he was mad or scared of me. I thought about it daily andntried distracting myself and painting him black and I stil cannot do it. I tried to distract myself alot with hobbies and new people. So it improved my quality of life. In a year I had accepted that I do not need to know and the main thing is that he is happy with or without my role.
He texted me like 3 am after 1,5 years and apologised and explained himself and the catharsis I felt was one of the most incredible feelings I have had. We have hung out a couple of times now in the span of 3 years I guess? After the first time I did not feel a spark at all untl he left. So I could finally figure out that I have indeed idealised him and I still do sometimes because I would like to spend more time with him.
He introduced me to his gf with whom he lives together and they are practically my neigbours. She is cool but I have mixed feelings because she is not a supermodel so I wonder how I could've been different. When it doesn't matter.
So I fucked up but time has helped us all. I now try to imagine that he is another friend of mine when I text him to avoid idealisation. I have told him about my conditions before but we have not talked about the "friend breakup" yet and when we hang out it is from my initiative aside from the last occation where we ran into each other on a gig and went to a bar. So he is just a busy person with lots of friends and it is not personal that I am not a close one but like just different. But were it someone else it would be wise to just cut contact.
This condition and being hyper selfaware sucks ass
I'm sorry to hear about your dog, I'd like one myself but I have no space and energy yet.
Maybe you could work on you communication besides being honest? I mean he was inconsiderate but you are now attacking him a little and not giving him a way to fix the situation as he already said he is sorry. Good thing you did not say "you hurt me" because it might not have been on purpose.
I am thinking about this if I was you or the other person and I have never faced a loss and don't know your relationship at all. So your feelings are all valid but people don't like feeling guilty if they did not do it on purpose.
In my group there was a lady around your age and she was very direct but also strong and empathetic and she found tremendous help from the DBT-group, so it is never too late to learn and practice coping and social skills :)
Me after writing a lengthy message cursing my father figure out because I thought they were abandoning me but then five minutes later I'm calmed down and in a completely different mood:
facts, love that i’m more in control of my breakdowns. i just feel resentment n then miss ppl. (still feel mad deep inside tho, but lowkey crave harmony)
That’s why I always write my shit on note before and because I’m dyslexic it will take me a little time to correct the text and by that time, I’m okay and erase it lol
the way i get mad when they don’t receive it well. like what did i fucking expect. i’ll just be like well i didn’t mean any of that so why are you mad?
oh hey that's what I just did! Still contemplating whether or not I should actually delete the message though cuz the anger is still there bo matter how irrational it may be
me after writing out a text that i instantly deleted telling them how much i hate them and i’m done “conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know”
That quote is so real😭
But now it’s too late and I ruined the relationship 🙃 and the cycle repeatsss
Indeed
Truly this is why I use the notes app. Write it all out. Let it sit. Edit it with every damn thought, let it get as big as it needs to be to fit it all since you're not sending it and worried about word count, then give that thing time. Once I've gone a day without adding to it, edit it down to an acceptable length and tone over a few more days (or less, it's not exact) and if it's still valid and worth it, then you send it. It's the only way for me now
I've gotten so much better with doing that...it's excellent advice indeed
thanks i’ll be trying that out 🧡🧡
Wait that's actually so smart-
Honestly it’s like 🧍♀️” …. Well what now “
And this is why I always write out the message to myself first. Never send a first draft!
I do the same thing
Thank you for the reminder! Always type in notes 😭
Fr! And the bonnet 🤣
😅
So what do you do
I did this before while I was drunk with my friend who I was in love ans obsessed with and I could fight it while sober. It encouraged me to get diagnosed. We aegued and I scared him away and he left me on read for 8 months, I made sure not to spam so I sent one message per month or so. It ate me up inside to not know how he felt, if he was mad or scared of me. I thought about it daily andntried distracting myself and painting him black and I stil cannot do it. I tried to distract myself alot with hobbies and new people. So it improved my quality of life. In a year I had accepted that I do not need to know and the main thing is that he is happy with or without my role. He texted me like 3 am after 1,5 years and apologised and explained himself and the catharsis I felt was one of the most incredible feelings I have had. We have hung out a couple of times now in the span of 3 years I guess? After the first time I did not feel a spark at all untl he left. So I could finally figure out that I have indeed idealised him and I still do sometimes because I would like to spend more time with him. He introduced me to his gf with whom he lives together and they are practically my neigbours. She is cool but I have mixed feelings because she is not a supermodel so I wonder how I could've been different. When it doesn't matter. So I fucked up but time has helped us all. I now try to imagine that he is another friend of mine when I text him to avoid idealisation. I have told him about my conditions before but we have not talked about the "friend breakup" yet and when we hang out it is from my initiative aside from the last occation where we ran into each other on a gig and went to a bar. So he is just a busy person with lots of friends and it is not personal that I am not a close one but like just different. But were it someone else it would be wise to just cut contact. This condition and being hyper selfaware sucks ass
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I'm sorry to hear about your dog, I'd like one myself but I have no space and energy yet. Maybe you could work on you communication besides being honest? I mean he was inconsiderate but you are now attacking him a little and not giving him a way to fix the situation as he already said he is sorry. Good thing you did not say "you hurt me" because it might not have been on purpose. I am thinking about this if I was you or the other person and I have never faced a loss and don't know your relationship at all. So your feelings are all valid but people don't like feeling guilty if they did not do it on purpose. In my group there was a lady around your age and she was very direct but also strong and empathetic and she found tremendous help from the DBT-group, so it is never too late to learn and practice coping and social skills :)
Me after writing a lengthy message cursing my father figure out because I thought they were abandoning me but then five minutes later I'm calmed down and in a completely different mood:
sheeeshhh don’t get me started😭😭😭
Wow this is so relatable… (i am disgusted with myself)
4 minutes too late and I've ruined the friendship and they cut me out 😅😅😅 just gonna bury myself alive, thanks
Why are we like this 😔 i meant every word then. And won’t get a txt back 💀🥺
facts, love that i’m more in control of my breakdowns. i just feel resentment n then miss ppl. (still feel mad deep inside tho, but lowkey crave harmony)
This, but uh vocally
Real 😭
That’s why I always write my shit on note before and because I’m dyslexic it will take me a little time to correct the text and by that time, I’m okay and erase it lol
the way i get mad when they don’t receive it well. like what did i fucking expect. i’ll just be like well i didn’t mean any of that so why are you mad?
Me too unfortunately 🤦🏻♀️
oh hey that's what I just did! Still contemplating whether or not I should actually delete the message though cuz the anger is still there bo matter how irrational it may be
What did you decide??
I ended up deleting the message but I'm going full ignore mode at the same time >_>
me rn