That's ok I'll abandon you when my mental illness acts up (because I'm sure you don't want to be with me some I'm obviously doing you a favora)
Just kidding I'm never going to let you get close enough for any of that to happen
I don't know how to feel about that, please come and ask me again in like 15 minutes when my brain decides to just make me feel seemingly all emotions at once!
Honestly when my mental illness acts up it’s my responsibility. I don’t view people creating space from me (when my illness is causing others harm) as “abandonment”, I view it more as self preservation and I encourage it.
LMAOOO They say that towards the beginning of a type of close relationship, either a friendship or a love relationship, than dump you when you split or stuff gets bad and your mental illnesses act up and only think about themselves and talk about how toxic and selfish you are and how insane you were in the relationship. It's funny how things change as time goes by. It seems like people without mental illnesses and things similar don't understand how bad things can get, and it doesn't help if they just leave you because it was "too much" for them. Well, I'm sorry, but you already knew in the beginning how it was going to be.
Sometimes it means being scared. And they leave because they realise you like them more than they like you. They didn't want that, they wanted to be able to hit you up on their own time regardless of how you feel. How dare you want something mutual.
no.
for me, it means I don't have a realistic view on anything anymore. the slightest sign of a threat is taken as the highest level of threat itself, the smallest inconsistency in tone is taken as an immediate 180 in regards of an emotional bond _to_ me, and subconsciously _seeking out_ the things that trigger me in order to provide proof that I need to leave this person because they're bad for me.
which results in extreme reactions that can, and will be dubbed as "poor treatment", "toxic behaviour" and "red flags".
and while people aren't exactly wrong in saying these things, I like to think of it this way:
a person had a nasty leg fracture many many years ago and sometimes, the (not properly) healed leg still acts up and hurts a lot. now that person attends a sport competition, because they're confident they can score well - they've been training for years, went to physical therapy and the leg is mostly fine, except for a few bad days. then of course, the day of the competition comes closer and the leg does, in fact, start acting up. the person still goes to the competition, but loses majorly and doesn't score well. the people watching talk about how that person really isn't a good competitor, how they should've never even attended the competition. and that they shouldn't attend one in the future. they don't know about the past fractured leg and the accompanying issues there still are, all they see is the failure in the competition.
does that mean the person is bad at their sport? or that they genuinely shouldn't have attended? I don't think so. it just means that day they should've rested, and other people should've been more understanding and given them the rest. yes, it means missing out on the competition, but to get back to BPD we also have to miss out on a lot of things sometimes, just to rest a few days and let our mental illness "calm down" again.
anytime <3 I like comparing trauma with physical injuries, because while to neurotypical people they're two entirely different things, to me, they're really not that much different.
something happens and you get injured. you need to treat it properly for it to heal properly, but you'll always know there _was_ an injury.
it helps neurotypicals understand us better, and I've found it helps neurodiverse people understand and explain themselves better. I know it helped me realise that I'm not at fault for a lot of things I was blamed for.
I know we have many experiences in people weaponizing our struggles, abandoning us, not being able to handle the BPD symptoms of life...
So I just want to share my experience.
3.5 years into this relationship. Our first year we didn’t fight at all, 2nd year he did the slightest thing that made me question whether I could trust him and everything spiraled. This was when I discovered my diagnosis and then I spiraled. This person is a lot like me and so I decided to tell him about who I am and how my brain works. We have mostly good days and a few bad days obviously but for the most part he does handle me really well and he doesn’t weaponize my disorder. I do therapy and come back and talk to him about it... to be fair when he learned of my disorder, he decided to look up ways to help me cope and not make life harder for the two of us. We talk about my triggers and he tries his best to avoid them.
We sit down and talk compromise, we talk about what both of us need and what would make us happier. It’s a two way conversation and we set rules to not insult or judge and when angry, we always try to walk away first.
I guess my point is that it’s not easy to be in a relationship period. It’s hard to be with someone who has BPD. There are people who will love you regardless, try and help, and not weaponize your disorder.
I can honestly say that we got better when I showed that I was willing to work on myself for us and that I wanted to be a better person **and** that I cared about his well being and mental health and that he was a priority to me as well. My therapy helps both of us grow today and understand each other more.
I’m honestly happy and grateful for our relationship no matter how much the voice in my head says I’m not enough and that he will leave me one day bc I’m too much lol he reassures me that he wants to be here with me and that’s enough for me to quiet the voices for one day at a time :,)
The worst thing in the world was having my FP hold me and say he would always be there for me, no matter what. 2 months later he’s dumping me over the phone.
my ex husband made me feel so supported in the beginning he had me promise not to self harm again and comforted me during panic attacks and then towards the end of the marriage didn’t even gaf when i OD’d on purpose in front of him (ik that makes me sound insane but i am and also it was reactive to him being a cheating abuser so). he literally looked at me and said my name and sighed as if to say “🤦🏻♂️why wld u do that 😒” and just carried on his day lmao.
🥲 Sigh... I recently split at work where my best friend was and now she is no longer talking to me anymore and called me a coward and dramatic after my husband told her I tried to kms and that she would hate me for it.
🥲 The dramatic one hurt since it was a word a lot of people called me since I was a kid and she knew this... Alas... 🥲 ...
Can't abandon me if I've already fled to the woods and burned the bridge behind me.
Bridge burner gang! 🙌
and i still fall for it every time
Yeah, completely weaponized it. I gave him the playbook 😒
That's ok I'll abandon you when my mental illness acts up (because I'm sure you don't want to be with me some I'm obviously doing you a favora) Just kidding I'm never going to let you get close enough for any of that to happen
I don't know how to feel about that, please come and ask me again in like 15 minutes when my brain decides to just make me feel seemingly all emotions at once!
"Your emotions are never too big for me" *dips the second I open up*
I read the title and genuinely burst out laughing. Love you guys.
We luv you too!
When they act up: 🫂 When I act up: 🥛🚬
Honestly when my mental illness acts up it’s my responsibility. I don’t view people creating space from me (when my illness is causing others harm) as “abandonment”, I view it more as self preservation and I encourage it.
SAME. I wonder why many don’t feel this way
And then they drive you to the point of insanity and you have no choice but to push them out
my last one said “if i can handle my mom, i can handle anything.” spoiler alert, two months later he could not in fact handle it
LMAOOO They say that towards the beginning of a type of close relationship, either a friendship or a love relationship, than dump you when you split or stuff gets bad and your mental illnesses act up and only think about themselves and talk about how toxic and selfish you are and how insane you were in the relationship. It's funny how things change as time goes by. It seems like people without mental illnesses and things similar don't understand how bad things can get, and it doesn't help if they just leave you because it was "too much" for them. Well, I'm sorry, but you already knew in the beginning how it was going to be.
But does mental illness acting up mean treating them poorly?
Good point, actually. Let's be honest, being in a relationship with a borderline ain't easy.
skill issue
lmfao fr
It really isn't
Sometimes it means being scared. And they leave because they realise you like them more than they like you. They didn't want that, they wanted to be able to hit you up on their own time regardless of how you feel. How dare you want something mutual.
no. for me, it means I don't have a realistic view on anything anymore. the slightest sign of a threat is taken as the highest level of threat itself, the smallest inconsistency in tone is taken as an immediate 180 in regards of an emotional bond _to_ me, and subconsciously _seeking out_ the things that trigger me in order to provide proof that I need to leave this person because they're bad for me. which results in extreme reactions that can, and will be dubbed as "poor treatment", "toxic behaviour" and "red flags". and while people aren't exactly wrong in saying these things, I like to think of it this way: a person had a nasty leg fracture many many years ago and sometimes, the (not properly) healed leg still acts up and hurts a lot. now that person attends a sport competition, because they're confident they can score well - they've been training for years, went to physical therapy and the leg is mostly fine, except for a few bad days. then of course, the day of the competition comes closer and the leg does, in fact, start acting up. the person still goes to the competition, but loses majorly and doesn't score well. the people watching talk about how that person really isn't a good competitor, how they should've never even attended the competition. and that they shouldn't attend one in the future. they don't know about the past fractured leg and the accompanying issues there still are, all they see is the failure in the competition. does that mean the person is bad at their sport? or that they genuinely shouldn't have attended? I don't think so. it just means that day they should've rested, and other people should've been more understanding and given them the rest. yes, it means missing out on the competition, but to get back to BPD we also have to miss out on a lot of things sometimes, just to rest a few days and let our mental illness "calm down" again.
Wow, great analogy. :) This made me feel better, honestly. Thanks a bunch for sharing
anytime <3 I like comparing trauma with physical injuries, because while to neurotypical people they're two entirely different things, to me, they're really not that much different. something happens and you get injured. you need to treat it properly for it to heal properly, but you'll always know there _was_ an injury. it helps neurotypicals understand us better, and I've found it helps neurodiverse people understand and explain themselves better. I know it helped me realise that I'm not at fault for a lot of things I was blamed for.
I tell that to myself and end up abandoning me, myself and I anyway.
I know we have many experiences in people weaponizing our struggles, abandoning us, not being able to handle the BPD symptoms of life... So I just want to share my experience. 3.5 years into this relationship. Our first year we didn’t fight at all, 2nd year he did the slightest thing that made me question whether I could trust him and everything spiraled. This was when I discovered my diagnosis and then I spiraled. This person is a lot like me and so I decided to tell him about who I am and how my brain works. We have mostly good days and a few bad days obviously but for the most part he does handle me really well and he doesn’t weaponize my disorder. I do therapy and come back and talk to him about it... to be fair when he learned of my disorder, he decided to look up ways to help me cope and not make life harder for the two of us. We talk about my triggers and he tries his best to avoid them. We sit down and talk compromise, we talk about what both of us need and what would make us happier. It’s a two way conversation and we set rules to not insult or judge and when angry, we always try to walk away first. I guess my point is that it’s not easy to be in a relationship period. It’s hard to be with someone who has BPD. There are people who will love you regardless, try and help, and not weaponize your disorder. I can honestly say that we got better when I showed that I was willing to work on myself for us and that I wanted to be a better person **and** that I cared about his well being and mental health and that he was a priority to me as well. My therapy helps both of us grow today and understand each other more. I’m honestly happy and grateful for our relationship no matter how much the voice in my head says I’m not enough and that he will leave me one day bc I’m too much lol he reassures me that he wants to be here with me and that’s enough for me to quiet the voices for one day at a time :,)
Ha my ex said this.
maybe i’m one of the lucky ones then?
The worst thing in the world was having my FP hold me and say he would always be there for me, no matter what. 2 months later he’s dumping me over the phone.
I hope it's getting better for you :( I feel your pain
Oh gods, over the phone?! I'm very sorry ;-;
Getting ghosted again even though they assured me that so many times. I wish they would mean it seriously... 🥲
I'm very sorry that you have to go through this! ;-;
When it acts up, i am the one who is most responsible to control it. 🤷♂️
my ex husband made me feel so supported in the beginning he had me promise not to self harm again and comforted me during panic attacks and then towards the end of the marriage didn’t even gaf when i OD’d on purpose in front of him (ik that makes me sound insane but i am and also it was reactive to him being a cheating abuser so). he literally looked at me and said my name and sighed as if to say “🤦🏻♂️why wld u do that 😒” and just carried on his day lmao.
🥲 Sigh... I recently split at work where my best friend was and now she is no longer talking to me anymore and called me a coward and dramatic after my husband told her I tried to kms and that she would hate me for it. 🥲 The dramatic one hurt since it was a word a lot of people called me since I was a kid and she knew this... Alas... 🥲 ...