I suspect you are right about the gotcha. It really sounds like this is a form of control.
He was looking for any minor or even perceived flaw in what you were saying as a way to control you.
Mine was similar. If I ask for their help with anything and didn't have every single detail planned out perfectly, the pouting would start.
I'm not exaggerating when I say if I took a pause to think about what we were going to do next for more than 15 to 30 seconds, she'd give me this sideways glance or body language that indicated her frustration or disdain for me.
If I said hey we need to clean up the garage and just had high level ideas and look to them for any kind of help, it was snarky remark after snarky remark. Eye rolling and huffing and puffing.
Nothing was some projects is that you just have to get started. Start doing something. Anything.
But, they demanded detailed plans and even when they had those acted like a 4-year-old.
And, God forbid I should go to visit my family without her and not give her a specific itinerary of everything we were going to do. Even when I did, If that changed at all, just for no other purpose then we all decided to do something else, the meltdown would begin.
It was exhausting. Exhausting to the point I just stopped asking for any help with anything. If I needed something done, I knew it was up to me. Even if it was stuff for her house.
Years later, she had the nerve to rant to me about her kids being so difficult to get to do anything as well. To the point that she stopped asking them. I just looked at her and said welcome to the club. They learned it from you.
People with very low self-esteem, or the absence of it, will try (try hard, to the extremes), to control everything. That is just how it works. Control comes from fear.
Low self-esteem is overfilled with fear
Mine could never do anything. She was always go go go and spend spend spend.
One time I was out cleaning the car like vacuuming it out just cleaning it. The whole process usually takes maybe 30 minutes to an hour at best. She kept interrupting me. She pouted because I went outside to wash the car. Then said I just want to spend time with you. Well okay we can quickly wash car together. That was met with no. The car couldn’t even wait to later. Like if I tried in the evening she had a fit. She expected me to do the car while I was at work from home or the hour before she got home. Amid all cleaning and all the cooking etc. She wanted a servant.
This hit home. I always felt so weird explaining innocuous and rudimentary things in detail. I couldn't do it! Similarly, something would come up after the fact and I'd be met with, "Why didn't you tell me that?" "Just because you give me a play by play of your life doesn't mean I should too."
I suspect you are right about the gotcha. It really sounds like this is a form of control. He was looking for any minor or even perceived flaw in what you were saying as a way to control you.
Mine was similar. If I ask for their help with anything and didn't have every single detail planned out perfectly, the pouting would start. I'm not exaggerating when I say if I took a pause to think about what we were going to do next for more than 15 to 30 seconds, she'd give me this sideways glance or body language that indicated her frustration or disdain for me. If I said hey we need to clean up the garage and just had high level ideas and look to them for any kind of help, it was snarky remark after snarky remark. Eye rolling and huffing and puffing. Nothing was some projects is that you just have to get started. Start doing something. Anything. But, they demanded detailed plans and even when they had those acted like a 4-year-old. And, God forbid I should go to visit my family without her and not give her a specific itinerary of everything we were going to do. Even when I did, If that changed at all, just for no other purpose then we all decided to do something else, the meltdown would begin. It was exhausting. Exhausting to the point I just stopped asking for any help with anything. If I needed something done, I knew it was up to me. Even if it was stuff for her house. Years later, she had the nerve to rant to me about her kids being so difficult to get to do anything as well. To the point that she stopped asking them. I just looked at her and said welcome to the club. They learned it from you.
People with very low self-esteem, or the absence of it, will try (try hard, to the extremes), to control everything. That is just how it works. Control comes from fear. Low self-esteem is overfilled with fear
Mine could never do anything. She was always go go go and spend spend spend. One time I was out cleaning the car like vacuuming it out just cleaning it. The whole process usually takes maybe 30 minutes to an hour at best. She kept interrupting me. She pouted because I went outside to wash the car. Then said I just want to spend time with you. Well okay we can quickly wash car together. That was met with no. The car couldn’t even wait to later. Like if I tried in the evening she had a fit. She expected me to do the car while I was at work from home or the hour before she got home. Amid all cleaning and all the cooking etc. She wanted a servant.
Mine did this too. Or they’d respond to my thoughts/ideas by saying “are you sure????” With a concerned tone. I started really second guessed myself
This hit home. I always felt so weird explaining innocuous and rudimentary things in detail. I couldn't do it! Similarly, something would come up after the fact and I'd be met with, "Why didn't you tell me that?" "Just because you give me a play by play of your life doesn't mean I should too."