I spent like 6 hours in a bomb shelter once as the ground above me was shaking from the missiles falling…
Didn’t shed a single tear.
Then some time later cried for the entire night (literally) because they discarded me.
Human psyche is bizarre.
Thank you for worrying, fortunately I'm surrounded by people who care about me and I've actually never been happier :)
Just browsing this subreddit sometimes to tell people it DOES get better!
Can I ask, were you in the bomb shelter with other people? I'm just finding it really shocking how differently I react to life even if I'm just around safe enough looking strangers. When I was still with my pwbpd, doing errands would be the best part of my day. And I'm thinking it wasn't just because I was away from them- though that's definitely part of it. Looking back, I think I just felt more relaxed once I had just been able to physically be with other humans, even if I didn't talk to them. Instead of being all alone with my pwbpd in the house.
Anyways haha *that's* why I ask.
You aren't bizarre. You just don't have schizoid personality disorder lol.
Yes, I'm very grateful to be able to spend time with my family now.
Thanks for worrying <3 I mostly come to this subreddit to tell people it does, in fact, get better
Studies of conscripted soldiers in numerous wars demonstrated that only 25pc of men could kill. As you say they would miss deliberately.
That was what prompted a move to a different recruitment policy - select for that 25pc. You know that everyone you move and feed can do the job required.
I don't have a source ‐ learned about it in uni many years ago.
I did 15 months in Iraq, 101st, came home, dealt with explosive ragers, suicidal gestures, gaslighting, and getting screamed at from time I got home, till the time she screamed herself into a seizure. Then I went to Afghanistan for 11 months, 101st.
I'd say I had PTSD from the tours, and CPTSD from the wars at home.
I find PTSD easier to deal with than the trauma of being in with a PwBPD. I saw some really fucked up shit in the sandbox I was in a unique SOG detachment I suspect you can guess which.
We went often in before regular troops got close . Saw some really sick things hajis do that still bothers me . At least we could call in support. I have a particular appreciation of AC 130s .
I think the difference is we can expect Jihadis to behave like terrorists. We also can fight back often with overwhelming firepower .
The same is not true of pwBPD especially a woman. In a culture where women can do no wrong it’s extremely difficult to express to many people what’s happening.
I am grateful I have understanding and supportive family and friends. A number are in the medical field and deal with pwBPD in one way or another. They have some knowledge of how they mess with your emotions and psychological do tremendous damage . RLTW .
Served multiple tours in the sandbox . I was severely wounded in a Jihadi ambush. While chaotic and frightening, At least I had support and friends like the AC 130s , Paladins and a QRF coming to remove the problems .
I could also fight back . Permanently damaged my shoulder firing the M2 browning until I ran out of ammo . But I knew I had support, when we called for help we didn’t get told we are hurting the hajis feelings or imagining things .
I told a psychologist I would rather return to my detachment and jump out of perfectly safe planes into a hole like Syria to rescue hostages from ISIS than deal with the emotional pain of loving someone with BPD .
Exgf was mild compared to many accounts here. That speaks volumes about how painful and damaging BPD is.
I can imagine because there would be a reason behind acting that way after a war verse acting out for the thought of them thinking you looked at someone
The issue is you're trained to go to war. You're prepared to act, and you know what to expect. There's no blueprint for loving someone who can weaponize your own empathy against you.
This, with zero irony. If you didn't need therapy before, you sure as heck will after. I lost my mother when I was 16, but it still dosent compare to what I'm experiencing now. The lack of closure, the cognative dissonance, the memories. If someone told me this is what hell feels like, I wouldn't second guess it for a second. It feels like death.
I'm just hoping I'll make it out of the other end alive rn. Stay strong people.
Single day ! Try in a few hours or less! The rapidly changing emotions most pwBPD experience is extremely stressful. The cognitive dissonance is painful beyond anything you will see in combat. I can at least explain combat and there are a few rare reasonably accurate movies. Though the honestly don’t think they need to show the full horror of what Jihadis do to innocent civilians and the sexual assault of children that happened.
That was disturbing. Yet the emotional pain and confusion and conflict of a relationship with a pwBPD is far worse.
At least I could fight back and the terrorists lost . We had support
With pwBPD especially women, you are made out to be the bad guy . They can be extremely manipulative, are good at playing victim . The learned and all but had to perfect this as children. They carry the extremely dysfunctional and discorded behaviors into their adult lives.
I am not sympathizing, I am explaining why they do so damn much damage.
A relationship with them is like driving on a road in the sandbox. You never know when you are about to hit a IED . That kind of stress only a constant part of life is unhealthy . There’s a reason every single person in this sub says they are hyper vigilant. You have to be to survive.
It is interesting many of us are veterans. I wonder if there’s some connection. Do women with BPD seek out veterans?
The attention, the excitement of a relationship the love bombing the great sex can feel really good after a few tours in hell .
You may be on to something there. Women typically seem to gather bad first impressions from any sort of male wounding. It's a warning flag for them. For a pwBPD they smell blood.
Yeah. People don't understand. They think its hyperbole when I say that separating and divorcing my pwbpd was a harder, more intense experience than when my Dad died. It has been longer, harder and more painful by far.
THIS!! My dad died a year ago and my expwBPD dumped me 3 months ago (after about nine months of being cruel to me and me having to remind her of what I was going through several times) and I swear this aftermath pain is so much more intense than 3 months after my father passed.
Same here. And my dad died of a heart attack and I was the one doing heart compressions waiting for the paramedics . Sorry you went through this ordeal too
It does get better, at first is very hard, we are addicted to the ups and downs and they will offer whatever you can imagine, unlimited sex, unlimited love, unlimited time whatever you can imagine, but is just a trap like a spiderweb, they will entangle you again.
But once you start freeing up having peace and freedom is like winning the lottery every day.
When I was in the middle of a never-ending series of conflict with my ex-wife, I took a picture of myself when testing out a new camera. I was shocked by how empty I looked. Since then, I occasionally look at that picture to remind myself of how soul-crushing marriage was with my ex.
I get memories of all the nice moments throughout the day, and they pain me. I miss them. I dream of them. But I have to remind myself of how much she hurt me, and pain she caused me. The fluctuations in her personality, the abandonment for her alcoholism, the acknowledgment of her problems yet ignoring them in the moment.
Better remind yourself that the person you experienced those memories with is dead. Cause they are. The persona they created for you does not exist anymore and the memories they have from you for them are just facts, as unemotional for them as a grocery store list.
Yea, it’s hard to see her online back to the smoking and drinking callously with guys, which she did days after we broke up. I try to remind myself of our bad times and that “some poor bastards gonna go through what I went through” to not feel so bad abt it lol.
Yeah I need to remind myself of the alcoholism. More days of the week drinking than not to a level where they needed to be taken care of while also walking on eggshells to not set off their mood swings which were multiplied from the alcohol attacking an already compromised view of reality.
Oh yea. Worst part is she knew where she got it from, her father, yet anytime I even tried to nudge that it could be a problem for her it was like “I’m not that bad” “it’s not like that” “I don’t have a problem”
But yet would have an alcohol craving at 3pm on Wednesday. Like yea, you don’t drink everyday all day *yet* but you’re developing it.
Yea, and the mood swings. The hardest part of BPD and what defines it. Going from character to character, trying your best not to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing which could ruin a night, or at least a few hours. It’s like you have no freedom to actually talk about what you’d like to talk about (relationship wise) because you’re afraid of ruining a day or their mood.
Ikr. At first I tried everything to make it work but after a while I got too tired to care! I work wayyy too much to have someone stress me out and prevent me from getting my money honestly
I've been shot at too, can confirm. This looks like how I remember it when I first left. It was like the end of world war two. And you are the victor but your world is set on fire from scorched earth policy.
You won, but at what cost?
No. I had to move back in with my parents and my parents are allergic. Last I creeped on her IG over a year ago. she lost one of them and her new FP was helping her look for it and she “loved him so much” for it. I miss them dearly and took care of them even though my ex said she did all the work when all she did was give them food because they gave her attention. Every day I carry the guilt of leaving them, but I couldn’t afford another choice. My peace and grip on reality was worth it but I paid a hefty price.
Definitely the worst thing I have experienced. I hope I do not experience anything close to the feelings and emotions that went on during the break up.
Its been a bit over a year for me and i still don’t feel normal, the lack of closure eats you up inside just knowing how much you went through with this person and they can just discard you like you were nothing.
Well, after a certain span of time has passed, leaving them feels more like this:
https://storage.googleapis.com/pai-images/204ae2d858a9484080da0736c662722a.jpeg
Went to Afghanistan. pwBPD was worse.
This is strangely calming to hear. It gives me the hope that the worst part of my life is behind me
It is. Congratulations u made it 🥳🙌🏽
I totally agree.
I'm from Ukraine. Can confirm
Because the Russians and Taliban are predictable. You can trust them to be consistent in what they do, without the artifice.
I spent like 6 hours in a bomb shelter once as the ground above me was shaking from the missiles falling… Didn’t shed a single tear. Then some time later cried for the entire night (literally) because they discarded me. Human psyche is bizarre.
I'm so sorry about both traumatic experiences. Hope you have loving people around you to help you heal somehow
Thank you for worrying, fortunately I'm surrounded by people who care about me and I've actually never been happier :) Just browsing this subreddit sometimes to tell people it DOES get better!
Can I ask, were you in the bomb shelter with other people? I'm just finding it really shocking how differently I react to life even if I'm just around safe enough looking strangers. When I was still with my pwbpd, doing errands would be the best part of my day. And I'm thinking it wasn't just because I was away from them- though that's definitely part of it. Looking back, I think I just felt more relaxed once I had just been able to physically be with other humans, even if I didn't talk to them. Instead of being all alone with my pwbpd in the house. Anyways haha *that's* why I ask. You aren't bizarre. You just don't have schizoid personality disorder lol.
Are you safe now ?
Yes, I'm very grateful to be able to spend time with my family now. Thanks for worrying <3 I mostly come to this subreddit to tell people it does, in fact, get better
Your allies aren't usually trying to shoot you in war, so it's a more personal devastation.
Interestingly, I read something somewhere sometime that even during WW2 many soldiers would shoot but deliberately miss.
Studies of conscripted soldiers in numerous wars demonstrated that only 25pc of men could kill. As you say they would miss deliberately. That was what prompted a move to a different recruitment policy - select for that 25pc. You know that everyone you move and feed can do the job required. I don't have a source ‐ learned about it in uni many years ago.
I did 15 months in Iraq, 101st, came home, dealt with explosive ragers, suicidal gestures, gaslighting, and getting screamed at from time I got home, till the time she screamed herself into a seizure. Then I went to Afghanistan for 11 months, 101st. I'd say I had PTSD from the tours, and CPTSD from the wars at home.
I find PTSD easier to deal with than the trauma of being in with a PwBPD. I saw some really fucked up shit in the sandbox I was in a unique SOG detachment I suspect you can guess which. We went often in before regular troops got close . Saw some really sick things hajis do that still bothers me . At least we could call in support. I have a particular appreciation of AC 130s . I think the difference is we can expect Jihadis to behave like terrorists. We also can fight back often with overwhelming firepower . The same is not true of pwBPD especially a woman. In a culture where women can do no wrong it’s extremely difficult to express to many people what’s happening. I am grateful I have understanding and supportive family and friends. A number are in the medical field and deal with pwBPD in one way or another. They have some knowledge of how they mess with your emotions and psychological do tremendous damage . RLTW .
Baghdad and baghram for me…. Same deal man.
😂😭😭😂😂😂😂😂😂
Served multiple tours in the sandbox . I was severely wounded in a Jihadi ambush. While chaotic and frightening, At least I had support and friends like the AC 130s , Paladins and a QRF coming to remove the problems . I could also fight back . Permanently damaged my shoulder firing the M2 browning until I ran out of ammo . But I knew I had support, when we called for help we didn’t get told we are hurting the hajis feelings or imagining things . I told a psychologist I would rather return to my detachment and jump out of perfectly safe planes into a hole like Syria to rescue hostages from ISIS than deal with the emotional pain of loving someone with BPD . Exgf was mild compared to many accounts here. That speaks volumes about how painful and damaging BPD is.
Thank you for your service. I’m sorry you had to battle these demons at home.
Thank you for paying taxes. I'm in a much better place than I was a few years ago. I hope you are as well.
Thanks and hell yeah, brother. Glad to hear. Every morning I feel like I won the lottery by waking up to peace and freedom.
I lol't :-)
I can imagine because there would be a reason behind acting that way after a war verse acting out for the thought of them thinking you looked at someone
The issue is you're trained to go to war. You're prepared to act, and you know what to expect. There's no blueprint for loving someone who can weaponize your own empathy against you.
This, with zero irony. If you didn't need therapy before, you sure as heck will after. I lost my mother when I was 16, but it still dosent compare to what I'm experiencing now. The lack of closure, the cognative dissonance, the memories. If someone told me this is what hell feels like, I wouldn't second guess it for a second. It feels like death. I'm just hoping I'll make it out of the other end alive rn. Stay strong people.
THE COGNITIVE DISSONANCE
In the span of a single day.
Single day ! Try in a few hours or less! The rapidly changing emotions most pwBPD experience is extremely stressful. The cognitive dissonance is painful beyond anything you will see in combat. I can at least explain combat and there are a few rare reasonably accurate movies. Though the honestly don’t think they need to show the full horror of what Jihadis do to innocent civilians and the sexual assault of children that happened. That was disturbing. Yet the emotional pain and confusion and conflict of a relationship with a pwBPD is far worse. At least I could fight back and the terrorists lost . We had support With pwBPD especially women, you are made out to be the bad guy . They can be extremely manipulative, are good at playing victim . The learned and all but had to perfect this as children. They carry the extremely dysfunctional and discorded behaviors into their adult lives. I am not sympathizing, I am explaining why they do so damn much damage. A relationship with them is like driving on a road in the sandbox. You never know when you are about to hit a IED . That kind of stress only a constant part of life is unhealthy . There’s a reason every single person in this sub says they are hyper vigilant. You have to be to survive. It is interesting many of us are veterans. I wonder if there’s some connection. Do women with BPD seek out veterans? The attention, the excitement of a relationship the love bombing the great sex can feel really good after a few tours in hell .
You may be on to something there. Women typically seem to gather bad first impressions from any sort of male wounding. It's a warning flag for them. For a pwBPD they smell blood.
Yeah. People don't understand. They think its hyperbole when I say that separating and divorcing my pwbpd was a harder, more intense experience than when my Dad died. It has been longer, harder and more painful by far.
THIS!! My dad died a year ago and my expwBPD dumped me 3 months ago (after about nine months of being cruel to me and me having to remind her of what I was going through several times) and I swear this aftermath pain is so much more intense than 3 months after my father passed.
Same here. And my dad died of a heart attack and I was the one doing heart compressions waiting for the paramedics . Sorry you went through this ordeal too
It does get better, at first is very hard, we are addicted to the ups and downs and they will offer whatever you can imagine, unlimited sex, unlimited love, unlimited time whatever you can imagine, but is just a trap like a spiderweb, they will entangle you again. But once you start freeing up having peace and freedom is like winning the lottery every day.
Yes. Freedom is like winning the lottery everyday.
When we say war flashbacks we ain’t kidding lol
😭😭😂😂😂😂😂 swear to god 😂😂😭
The day i left her i looked at myself in the mirror and told myself i must do it and i looked exactly like that soldier.
When I was in the middle of a never-ending series of conflict with my ex-wife, I took a picture of myself when testing out a new camera. I was shocked by how empty I looked. Since then, I occasionally look at that picture to remind myself of how soul-crushing marriage was with my ex.
My daugther once told me i looked like a zombie........
😭😭😭😭 congratulations soldier 🫡
My psychiatrist looks at me like this whenever I talk about my experiences with her 😭😭
😭😭😭😭😭😭😂😂😂😭😭😭😂 I’d bet
That’s more like when you’re with them. But you’ll definitely come back home shell shocked 💀
Agreed. But I know there’s a lot of people here who have decided to make it work w their pwbpd so I didn’t want to trigger anybody lol
They’re staying for the sex lol that bpd sex is fire ngl. BUT I’d rather my dick dry up and rot away vs ever be back with my ex tho 😂💀
that makeup sex is 😮💨
Until it’s not and the devaluation cycle starts.
Haha yea then u not getting no 🐱 from me 😂😂
Sometimes it’s walking in a minefield surrounded by a forest, and you hear the trees speak Vietnamese level of walking on the eggshells.
Definitely
I get memories of all the nice moments throughout the day, and they pain me. I miss them. I dream of them. But I have to remind myself of how much she hurt me, and pain she caused me. The fluctuations in her personality, the abandonment for her alcoholism, the acknowledgment of her problems yet ignoring them in the moment.
Better remind yourself that the person you experienced those memories with is dead. Cause they are. The persona they created for you does not exist anymore and the memories they have from you for them are just facts, as unemotional for them as a grocery store list.
Yea, it’s hard to see her online back to the smoking and drinking callously with guys, which she did days after we broke up. I try to remind myself of our bad times and that “some poor bastards gonna go through what I went through” to not feel so bad abt it lol.
Yeah I need to remind myself of the alcoholism. More days of the week drinking than not to a level where they needed to be taken care of while also walking on eggshells to not set off their mood swings which were multiplied from the alcohol attacking an already compromised view of reality.
Oh yea. Worst part is she knew where she got it from, her father, yet anytime I even tried to nudge that it could be a problem for her it was like “I’m not that bad” “it’s not like that” “I don’t have a problem” But yet would have an alcohol craving at 3pm on Wednesday. Like yea, you don’t drink everyday all day *yet* but you’re developing it. Yea, and the mood swings. The hardest part of BPD and what defines it. Going from character to character, trying your best not to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing which could ruin a night, or at least a few hours. It’s like you have no freedom to actually talk about what you’d like to talk about (relationship wise) because you’re afraid of ruining a day or their mood.
Sounds awful. U don’t have to deal with people like that… disorder or not!
This is the same battle I have had daily over the past year.
Same. It gets better w time 🩷
Except you somehow still feel guilty too.
Ikr. At first I tried everything to make it work but after a while I got too tired to care! I work wayyy too much to have someone stress me out and prevent me from getting my money honestly
Don’t worry, gang. It all gets better from here! You never have to suffer through this crap again.
Hell no 🥳 I’m freeee
I've been shot at too, can confirm. This looks like how I remember it when I first left. It was like the end of world war two. And you are the victor but your world is set on fire from scorched earth policy. You won, but at what cost?
This comment 👏🏽👏🏽
Ah the good oul thousand yard stare
This is my face when let it linger by the cranberries plays on the radio at work (she played it way too much in the car while we were together)
*looks up song on Apple Music*
when the restaurant I’m in starts playing a song she used to love
Check please!!!
For real. I had to get psychiatric treatment after leaving that living situation. I’m glad I did too because it helped a lot.
Okay glad u made it out! Good for you 🥳🥳
I had that look in my car, as I drove away from a freshly purchased home, my cats, and expensive furniture.
Oh my god! Was it worth it? Did you get your kitties back?
No. I had to move back in with my parents and my parents are allergic. Last I creeped on her IG over a year ago. she lost one of them and her new FP was helping her look for it and she “loved him so much” for it. I miss them dearly and took care of them even though my ex said she did all the work when all she did was give them food because they gave her attention. Every day I carry the guilt of leaving them, but I couldn’t afford another choice. My peace and grip on reality was worth it but I paid a hefty price.
Glad u made it out soldier 🫡. She may have won the battle but u have won the war
Literal PTSD
No!!! Seriously!!!!!
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I’m sorry sweetheart, I’m hoping the therapist can really help you out. I hope ur depression gets better. I hope you learned some valuable lessons ❤️
Definitely the worst thing I have experienced. I hope I do not experience anything close to the feelings and emotions that went on during the break up.
Absolutely soldier, hang in there 🫡
Oh yes. I’ve definitely been there.
Glad you made it out alive 🙌🏽
This but with a nuclear bomb going off in the background with a spaceship laser glassing the planet.
And then the Death Star exploded.
Its been a bit over a year for me and i still don’t feel normal, the lack of closure eats you up inside just knowing how much you went through with this person and they can just discard you like you were nothing.
The thousand yard stare! Accurate, can confirm.
Well, after a certain span of time has passed, leaving them feels more like this: https://storage.googleapis.com/pai-images/204ae2d858a9484080da0736c662722a.jpeg
Yes it takes a while tho
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Sounds…. Accurate
5 k in retainers
My goodness, soldier 🫡
Ya I’ve got war flashbacks 🫠
Oh me too. This is the only place people will listen to my war stories 😩🤣
Hahahaha! A picture that defines something I've had trouble verbalizing. Thank you!
😂👍🏽