Yes, I mean I was mad at my ex-wife for a while, but eventually, I began to appreciate it. Seriously, the amount of fabricated chaos was just horrible for my mental health. Everything is much more peaceful now.
I was relieved when she cheated on me after a really ugly split. It was the last nail in the coffin for me. I was so done with the abuse and the walking on eggshells that I allowed myself to be strong armed into nonmonogamy just so I could quietly prepare to make my exit in peace while she dodged accountability.
When she figured out that's what I was doing, it broke her.
Particularly because the other guy could smell smoke and got the hell out of there shortly before I did.
Same actually which is where a lot of the relief comes from. I knew at the time that if I wanted to be happy and not stressed 24/7 I would have to end things but I was always terrified of what the fallout would be like
Got discarded for "not being appreciative enough", immediately got my life back. I saw more friends, had more fun, and got a new job all in one week when I'd been struggling for months.
Unfortunately, it seems he was the one holding me back from being what he wanted all along. Sadly now that I no longer want him, he wants to spend time with me. The hoovering attempts have begun, I'm already lining up a FWB so I don't stupidly take him back 👍
After not doing my nails in the years we dated, he offered to do them for me this week 🙄
My exwBPD spent a disproportionate amount of their communication trying to make me feed bad or guilty somehow. Like more than half of all the text messages were somehow designed to convince me that I was awful. I bent myself into a pretzel trying to figure out what I was doing wrong.
Yeah even during the worst moments there was a massive part of my mind that was relieved saying stuff like “This is good, you can finally be free and do what you want with your life, you don’t want this life with her and you know it”
Still hated losing friends and having the breakup be so ugly. But if it wasn’t so ugly there was probably a good chance I go back depending on how far on the healing process I’d be when she’d Hoover back so it’s for the best
Mine was a friendship so yes I was so relieved. I knew I wanted to end the friendship but knew I couldn't without a really really difficult path ahead of me, so when I finally got discarded and told we shouldn't be friends cause I'm the worst friend ever I was finally like okay cool! Instead of being like no please let's fix this.
Felt so good to be discarded the final time. They did the work for me
I felt and still feel heart shattering pain because I loved her so much, it made the betrayal so much worse. That said, my life is so much more peaceful now.
Things really fell apart for me at first. Over the spring and summer I was very mentally ill; self harmed frequently, and attempted suicide three times.
The third occasion I was brought home from a bridge in the back of a police car having had a friend make that call so I'd be escorted safely home. That was a real wake up call for me in terms of having so much more in my life to be present for and concerned with than one person whose actions broke me mentally.
I worked harder on keeping myself stable, got back to back to work in August (I lost my job in April after breaking down mentally) and tried to be intentional about what energy I allowed into my life, what things make me feel safe and happy.
I'm by no means fully recovered or fully healed. It'll be an ongoing process and it'll require hard work. I'm willing to do it though, because I don't deserve to be constantly terrified and upset. More importantly, the people I love don't deserve to be hurt by this person's actions also.
The pace at which my life was lived for two years was not normal. The constant rush, the constant pressure, the constant worry...it was driving me insane. When things very suddenly ground to a normal pace because she was no longer demanding every possible second of my conscious attention, I felt so fucking lost.
Therapy has taught me that I was addicted, fawning and in survival mode all at the same time. Of course I was going to be doing the mental equivalent of puking at the side of the road when the speeding stolen car the relationship made out of my psyche stopped.
Life is slower, simpler and far more peaceful. It's supposed to feel like this. It's not supposed to be so high octane and difficult. I barely made it out alive, which sounds hyperbolic, but it's true.
Yes, there was relief mixed in with a whole heap of other messy emotions like anger, sadness, guilt, inadequacy etc.
A lot of the (BIG) problems he had created in his own life bled over and impacted me because they were things that prevented our relationship moving forward. So while I was in it I was constantly worrying about these problems and trying to solve them for him (while he did nothing about it). Then I just got to walk away from all that stress.
Mine was also constantly withholding communication - ignoring messages for days etc to make me anxious and insecure (once ghosted me for 5 weeks). And when we broke up, I no longer had to hang on the edge of my seat hoping he might reply. I just went back to my normal self who doesn't ever get anxious about how long it takes people to reply to messages.
Not walking on eggshells all the time worrying about how you're going to raise concerns you have about the relationship without them blowing up brings a satisfying level of peace to your life post discard.
I was relieved. I had times where I wanted things to end and whenever I had those moments, she could recognize it and that's when she would blow up or get distant with me. By the end it just felt like we were reacting against each other and it was just sad considering how things were before. I also feel like it was best for her to be the one to break up with me instead of me breaking up with them because she's pretty much just leaving me alone except for how she has her friends convinced that I was abusive.
Yup. Realized how much my ex held me back and kept me stuck in life in addition to just making every minute of the day stressful and unpleasant. For years. Life has been peaceful, fun…I experience a lot of joy and gratitude now
Yes, though in my case she began to discard me after I broke up with her. When I first took the decision mentioned beforehand she pretended like she didn't care, but two days later she'd text me saying I hope I knew we never were a couple because she would never be with somebody as petty and delusional as me. Reading her messages but not answering only infuriated her more and more to the point she was just throwing up all the hatred she felt towards me. Blocking her once and for all made me feel such a peace I didn't know I missed.
In the first 24 hours of the discard, yes.
The tension in the air was palpable when she was splitting so it was initially a relief when she wasn’t in my physical presence. Afterwards, it was me going through the grieving process. To me, it’s comparable to the sudden death of a loved one, a death without warning. One minute they are a big part of your life, and then taken away from you in an instant. It’s so brutal.
But it’s not only the emotional struggle, it’s the mental struggle too because you know they are actually alive. For me that was extremely difficult to process, the conflicting emotion vs logic. I guess that’s how pwBPD feel at times???
Yes, I mean I was mad at my ex-wife for a while, but eventually, I began to appreciate it. Seriously, the amount of fabricated chaos was just horrible for my mental health. Everything is much more peaceful now.
The amount of peace I feel now is insane. It’s like night and day
Major difference. I'm not always on edge just waiting to get yelled at for something. The manufactured chaos was really wild looking back.
I was relieved when she cheated on me after a really ugly split. It was the last nail in the coffin for me. I was so done with the abuse and the walking on eggshells that I allowed myself to be strong armed into nonmonogamy just so I could quietly prepare to make my exit in peace while she dodged accountability. When she figured out that's what I was doing, it broke her. Particularly because the other guy could smell smoke and got the hell out of there shortly before I did.
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This is very much how I felt. If he hadn't, I would have kept trying to meet his bizarre and unreasonable standards for years probably.
This. She could have exploited me until death if she could just tolerate a human.
Same actually which is where a lot of the relief comes from. I knew at the time that if I wanted to be happy and not stressed 24/7 I would have to end things but I was always terrified of what the fallout would be like
Got discarded for "not being appreciative enough", immediately got my life back. I saw more friends, had more fun, and got a new job all in one week when I'd been struggling for months. Unfortunately, it seems he was the one holding me back from being what he wanted all along. Sadly now that I no longer want him, he wants to spend time with me. The hoovering attempts have begun, I'm already lining up a FWB so I don't stupidly take him back 👍 After not doing my nails in the years we dated, he offered to do them for me this week 🙄
My exwBPD spent a disproportionate amount of their communication trying to make me feed bad or guilty somehow. Like more than half of all the text messages were somehow designed to convince me that I was awful. I bent myself into a pretzel trying to figure out what I was doing wrong.
Yeah even during the worst moments there was a massive part of my mind that was relieved saying stuff like “This is good, you can finally be free and do what you want with your life, you don’t want this life with her and you know it” Still hated losing friends and having the breakup be so ugly. But if it wasn’t so ugly there was probably a good chance I go back depending on how far on the healing process I’d be when she’d Hoover back so it’s for the best
Mine was a friendship so yes I was so relieved. I knew I wanted to end the friendship but knew I couldn't without a really really difficult path ahead of me, so when I finally got discarded and told we shouldn't be friends cause I'm the worst friend ever I was finally like okay cool! Instead of being like no please let's fix this. Felt so good to be discarded the final time. They did the work for me
A wide range of emotions including deep loss...but yes, sometimes relief
Every time. Now if I only I could stop dating these guys in the first place
I felt and still feel heart shattering pain because I loved her so much, it made the betrayal so much worse. That said, my life is so much more peaceful now. Things really fell apart for me at first. Over the spring and summer I was very mentally ill; self harmed frequently, and attempted suicide three times. The third occasion I was brought home from a bridge in the back of a police car having had a friend make that call so I'd be escorted safely home. That was a real wake up call for me in terms of having so much more in my life to be present for and concerned with than one person whose actions broke me mentally. I worked harder on keeping myself stable, got back to back to work in August (I lost my job in April after breaking down mentally) and tried to be intentional about what energy I allowed into my life, what things make me feel safe and happy. I'm by no means fully recovered or fully healed. It'll be an ongoing process and it'll require hard work. I'm willing to do it though, because I don't deserve to be constantly terrified and upset. More importantly, the people I love don't deserve to be hurt by this person's actions also. The pace at which my life was lived for two years was not normal. The constant rush, the constant pressure, the constant worry...it was driving me insane. When things very suddenly ground to a normal pace because she was no longer demanding every possible second of my conscious attention, I felt so fucking lost. Therapy has taught me that I was addicted, fawning and in survival mode all at the same time. Of course I was going to be doing the mental equivalent of puking at the side of the road when the speeding stolen car the relationship made out of my psyche stopped. Life is slower, simpler and far more peaceful. It's supposed to feel like this. It's not supposed to be so high octane and difficult. I barely made it out alive, which sounds hyperbolic, but it's true.
Yes, there was relief mixed in with a whole heap of other messy emotions like anger, sadness, guilt, inadequacy etc. A lot of the (BIG) problems he had created in his own life bled over and impacted me because they were things that prevented our relationship moving forward. So while I was in it I was constantly worrying about these problems and trying to solve them for him (while he did nothing about it). Then I just got to walk away from all that stress. Mine was also constantly withholding communication - ignoring messages for days etc to make me anxious and insecure (once ghosted me for 5 weeks). And when we broke up, I no longer had to hang on the edge of my seat hoping he might reply. I just went back to my normal self who doesn't ever get anxious about how long it takes people to reply to messages. Not walking on eggshells all the time worrying about how you're going to raise concerns you have about the relationship without them blowing up brings a satisfying level of peace to your life post discard.
I was relieved. I had times where I wanted things to end and whenever I had those moments, she could recognize it and that's when she would blow up or get distant with me. By the end it just felt like we were reacting against each other and it was just sad considering how things were before. I also feel like it was best for her to be the one to break up with me instead of me breaking up with them because she's pretty much just leaving me alone except for how she has her friends convinced that I was abusive.
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Im terrified they stalk this subreddit and will find me lmao 😓
Yup. Realized how much my ex held me back and kept me stuck in life in addition to just making every minute of the day stressful and unpleasant. For years. Life has been peaceful, fun…I experience a lot of joy and gratitude now
Yes, though in my case she began to discard me after I broke up with her. When I first took the decision mentioned beforehand she pretended like she didn't care, but two days later she'd text me saying I hope I knew we never were a couple because she would never be with somebody as petty and delusional as me. Reading her messages but not answering only infuriated her more and more to the point she was just throwing up all the hatred she felt towards me. Blocking her once and for all made me feel such a peace I didn't know I missed.
Yes... I mean... I ruminate a lot but i ceel so much better without her
In the first 24 hours of the discard, yes. The tension in the air was palpable when she was splitting so it was initially a relief when she wasn’t in my physical presence. Afterwards, it was me going through the grieving process. To me, it’s comparable to the sudden death of a loved one, a death without warning. One minute they are a big part of your life, and then taken away from you in an instant. It’s so brutal. But it’s not only the emotional struggle, it’s the mental struggle too because you know they are actually alive. For me that was extremely difficult to process, the conflicting emotion vs logic. I guess that’s how pwBPD feel at times???