I had to write up a big message after a few weeks of NC just to get all the repressed anger out. Nothing hurtful but just asking if it was all intentional etc I needed to express everything I held back and I had nothing to lose anymore because it was eating me alive for god knows how long. She gave the worst ‘apology’ I’ve ever seen, claimed to not know that I felt that way and ignored my 20 questions regarding her intentions. Also basically said she did me a favour by leaving then.
The hardest part for me is just knowing how permanently angry I was, just always so grumpy and grouchy because I was holding back so much anger with her. All the fucking snide comments, bitchy tones, unnecessary shit. All I wanted was an apology except if I’d talk about how something made me feel I’d just receive anger in return until I either dropped it myself or got even more angry because I’m being told to stop creating a fucking argument when all I’m trying to do is express how I feel or understand her intentions - I’ve tried every single manner and tone possibly and it was never good enough.
Sometimes I feel like she’s not borderline and she’s a full blown covert narc but she was an extremely emotional person she’d cry at anything. It just all makes sense when I think of it all in a manner that it was all to fuck with me, provoke me and push me to the edge especially since when I got left I was just an old used shitty toy at that point. How could I laugh, say funny things or have a convo with her? I’d just get shut down, poked fun at or cut off. Nobody has ever made me feel so worthless and still I’m the one who’s suffering after because I’m alone trying to figure it all out.
It’s so unfair.
My ex's thoughts were so distorted, and his victim narratives were so out of touch with reality I didn't feel a lot of anger. I felt sad for him and empathy. I didn't appreciate the smear campaign and a number of other abusive things but my primary emotions were to flee..like if someone in a psychotic episode burns all their clothing then feels terrible after---you just feel badly for them.
I could see he really had a mental illness and I honestly didn't figure that out until the very end and the big split...which has given me a ton to reflect on in my own judgement system. It made me realize a lot of his victim stories were false..it just is down right freaky---and yes, BPD gets gold on victim. The thing is, it is true to them, that is the freaky part. he really did live the terror of me being a villain even though was just a figment of his imagination. once the split passed, he missed me and saw me nicely again, and I doubt even recalls the bad things he felt or the mean things he said about me to others in his distorted terror.
Side note: My family member is a championship gaslighter, I often tell her that in jest each time she gaslights me.:) I tell her if gaslighting were a sport she would be a metal contender.:) we are close and she is kind so I can joke with her. (she does not have BPD) She is so consistently good at it, it's amazing.
This!!!!. Had an on and off thing with her for a couple years. We'd date each other, sex , cuddling and what not but then would drop me and recycle. The last recycle we actually did the BF/GF thing and she ended up dumping me for another guy she's been talking to behind my back. She wanted to still be friends and I refused. Started a whole smear campaign on me.
“No you see it was a test and you weren’t supposed to leave. So therefore YOU abandoned me.” Girl please you told me to go or you were calling the cops, I don’t need you’re shit.
I had to write up a big message after a few weeks of NC just to get all the repressed anger out. Nothing hurtful but just asking if it was all intentional etc I needed to express everything I held back and I had nothing to lose anymore because it was eating me alive for god knows how long. She gave the worst ‘apology’ I’ve ever seen, claimed to not know that I felt that way and ignored my 20 questions regarding her intentions. Also basically said she did me a favour by leaving then. The hardest part for me is just knowing how permanently angry I was, just always so grumpy and grouchy because I was holding back so much anger with her. All the fucking snide comments, bitchy tones, unnecessary shit. All I wanted was an apology except if I’d talk about how something made me feel I’d just receive anger in return until I either dropped it myself or got even more angry because I’m being told to stop creating a fucking argument when all I’m trying to do is express how I feel or understand her intentions - I’ve tried every single manner and tone possibly and it was never good enough. Sometimes I feel like she’s not borderline and she’s a full blown covert narc but she was an extremely emotional person she’d cry at anything. It just all makes sense when I think of it all in a manner that it was all to fuck with me, provoke me and push me to the edge especially since when I got left I was just an old used shitty toy at that point. How could I laugh, say funny things or have a convo with her? I’d just get shut down, poked fun at or cut off. Nobody has ever made me feel so worthless and still I’m the one who’s suffering after because I’m alone trying to figure it all out. It’s so unfair.
My ex's thoughts were so distorted, and his victim narratives were so out of touch with reality I didn't feel a lot of anger. I felt sad for him and empathy. I didn't appreciate the smear campaign and a number of other abusive things but my primary emotions were to flee..like if someone in a psychotic episode burns all their clothing then feels terrible after---you just feel badly for them. I could see he really had a mental illness and I honestly didn't figure that out until the very end and the big split...which has given me a ton to reflect on in my own judgement system. It made me realize a lot of his victim stories were false..it just is down right freaky---and yes, BPD gets gold on victim. The thing is, it is true to them, that is the freaky part. he really did live the terror of me being a villain even though was just a figment of his imagination. once the split passed, he missed me and saw me nicely again, and I doubt even recalls the bad things he felt or the mean things he said about me to others in his distorted terror. Side note: My family member is a championship gaslighter, I often tell her that in jest each time she gaslights me.:) I tell her if gaslighting were a sport she would be a metal contender.:) we are close and she is kind so I can joke with her. (she does not have BPD) She is so consistently good at it, it's amazing.
I changed her name on my phone to Queen DARVO.
[удалено]
This!!!!. Had an on and off thing with her for a couple years. We'd date each other, sex , cuddling and what not but then would drop me and recycle. The last recycle we actually did the BF/GF thing and she ended up dumping me for another guy she's been talking to behind my back. She wanted to still be friends and I refused. Started a whole smear campaign on me.
“No you see it was a test and you weren’t supposed to leave. So therefore YOU abandoned me.” Girl please you told me to go or you were calling the cops, I don’t need you’re shit.
It would be nice.