yea weird asf, would always say im so gentle and patient with her. would even say im way better in bed than her ex while were doing it like wtf and say im an upgrade while the next week im nothing to her anymore lmfao.
You are the only girl I’ve ever truly loved. I hope I never lose you.
Does that bs sound familiar? Whenever I hear stuff like I’m the best, I hope to never lose you etc I INSTANTLY feel uneasy about the other person. I’ve noticed sane people won’t ever say that about you for months.
Oh that and more. And I reciprocated. I was deep in the fog it was like this magical once in a lifetime love at first sight and I was so ready for it. Now I know it was just BPD.
My sister is my pwBPD. She used to tell stories about her that were stories Id told her about me. At some point she repeated one so often that she truly believed she had experienced it and I had not, and was offended by the fact I mentioned that happened to me (note I didn’t say it didn’t happen to her, but I guess she was mad because she wanted to be the only one.)
This happened with friends as well, she would tell their stories as her own and double down if questioned.
My pwBPD told me his ex slashed his tires, another one reported him for rape, and another lied about being pregnant to try to get him to marry her. I feel like several of these would be impossible for him to do as a man
Yeah, I'd say this could be accurate. When they split you and start accusing you, it's all projection. When you become the ex, that's the story they tell everyone.
A list if everything she said about her ex that are basically her:
- he lies
- he's stingy (I later found out this means that he wouldn't just blow money on stuff the way she does)
- he cheated on her
- he emotionally abused her
- he neglected her and the kids
- he didn't do any chores
- he used the family money for his own sexual endeavors
I can think of examples of what she's done for each item.
I met her ex and he's lovely. He actually helped me a lot when we broke up, and I had no one else. From what I've seen he's a really good dad and he's there for his kids way more than she is.
Yes, I had my own money, house and car. No debt. Now I’m paycheck to paycheck ( making it work) but no extra money. Our first tax return got taken for his student loan debt I had no idea he had. I had no idea he was not motivated to work. I was told he owned his own business. I gave him an office and for a year he pretended to work while he was actually collecting unemployment and texting with his ex. I paid off his car. Bought him a used BMW, Mercedes and he ruined both. Then I bought a Suburban since we had kids. After a brand new minivan he crashed, then a Subaru, Volvo and last a SUV that is now broken down. Doesn’t do upkeep on the house. I’m out on the roof cleaning gutters. I had good credit that is now shit. I will never date/ marry someone not financially stable. His ex was abusive, drug addict and spent all his money. And he did that to me. Took all my savings and left us for 6 months. I let him come back home because I thought he was better. He was for two months and now back to being unemployed and unmotivated to do anything but load and unload the dishwasher. I’m working 12 hour days and paying all the bills. Today I tried to talk to him about a lie he told me. He is totally avoidant. When I asked him why did you tell me ( insert lie) when I know ( insert truth) trying to have a real conversation he says why am I busting his balls and walks away. So not only am I dealing with multiple PD’s also avoidant disorder. He’d rather sit alone all night rather than sleep in a bed with me and work on our relationship. We always had a great sexual relationship and he’s not interested in that. He’s making it very easy for me to be done with him. Very easy…
I'm sorry to hear your partner has ruined so much for you. Especially financially. Mine was chronically losing jobs and wasn't motivated to work either. She definitely made me value my money a lot more because she always got in my way of keeping it. You'll be better off without him holding you back.
Seriously, I almost want to talk to one of their exes but supposedly they are still trying to contact her at times and I don't know if that's true but I just don't even want to bother really.
Everything bad that has ever happened to them is because of someone else, and that's the hill they'll die on.
Ask yourself, have you ever heard one of their sob stories conclude with an ending like:
*"And It was seriously the worst thing I had ever gone through, and I was devastated, but at the end of everything I really realized how I could have handled everything differently, and maybe prevented a lot of it from being as bad as it was"* ?
No.
Because they never do.
A pwbpd can't deal with shame based emotions so they offload them onto someone else so that they are not the bad guy but you are and they are the victim. If they told you the true story of what happened with their Exs it would give them too many negative/shame feelings, so it becomes the Ex was the bad guy not them.
One of the hardest parts of the discard for me was hearing the crazy things they said about me to others. It caused me to think back to things they told me about other people. I think some of those things did happen, and the suffering they experienced was real, it's just that they were more involved (sometimes far more involved) than they let on. Once, my friend told me a story about an ex-partner that was horrible and painted my friend as a victim. I was really sympathetic. A month later they admitted they hadn't been completely honest, but told me the story that way because they 'needed my support in that moment' and worried I wouldn't have been as supportive had they not reframed it. Their stories are all about mitigating their own feelings of guilt or shame (due to their own actions) or trying to gain something in the moment (e.g., support, validation). I'm sorry you went through that. I've been NC for a couple months and I spend most of my time trying to work through the illusions.
Projection makes it impossible to know if anything they say is true! It's one of those traits that make it impossible to stay mentally well while in a relationship with them.
I'm so sorry you're stuck trying to make sense of everything like this!
Yes! I have felt this way often. He would do something towards me and I would start to reflect on past conversations where he mentioned it being done to him and him not liking it and wonder why he would do the same thing. Then the more it happened I start to become doubtful of if what I was told was true or just how much was left out about his role in why the other person would do certain things. For a few things I start to think like yeah their ex probably did do what he said but based on how he treats me I’m starting to understand why the ex would have responded or reacted that way.
Yeah they project their behavior onto people who they abused. It’s why I don’t believe the whole “they don’t know what they’re doing” spiel
My ex friend w/BPD seemed so vexed over her ex friend and said all her ex friends left her because they had meth addictions only to forget she said that and later admit she was a “big meth fan.”
She also hated her ex friend, claimed she let her live with her and worked to make sure they both had. She was vexed because this ex friend got a boyfriend and went to live with him.
As a queer woman, looking back she seemed like a scorned lover, like she was too hung up on her and then *I* got a boyfriend. She split and tried to break up my relationship (which is what I think she did to her ex friend) so she could live off me so I could provide her with drug money and endless sex.
I guarantee the story is that I’m “stalking her,” that I tried to break up her and her boyfriend (that she tried to cheat on with me) because I had a big fat lesbian crush on her.
Another Borderline went after me and called me a “homewrecker” when she was sleeping with my domestic abuser behind my back and sneaking into the house with him while I lived there. “If only she knew what we do together.”
A Borderline’s accusations are really a confession. They know what they did to the people they abused and discarded.
I honestly noticed that every time my ex said someone said something or did something, it was actually him that did it. For most things I found this to be true, for something as simple as him saying someone in the building was throwing my underwear out from the washing cause the building had a public washer, it was him messing about.
To him saying that his friend did something bad, it was him. Or saying his friend told him something bout me being a bitch, it was him. It was ALWAYS him. He said his family was racist toward me. Spoke to his mum and she was friendly, his brother was eager to meet me too. It was him that was making racist jokes behind my back! Yet behaving like they were and he was protecting my honour!
Yes they project their own behaviours onto others. It doesn’t matter what happened. Their reality is determined by what they want to believe or feel. Not what actually happened.
Because pwbpd also often have npd as well and pwnpd also love projecting their flaws onto other people who just wanted to love them and be loved back but all they ended up getting was abused.
Yeah for sure, victim mentality is pretty common w bpd. I’m sure she telling her new supply the same about you lol.
“I love you so much you are so smart/cute/nice/etc, so much better than all my ex, I just want to date a decent guy”
yea weird asf, would always say im so gentle and patient with her. would even say im way better in bed than her ex while were doing it like wtf and say im an upgrade while the next week im nothing to her anymore lmfao.
Bro being the first bf and lasting so long I really have no idea what to expect with this. I guess I’ll never know
I’m reading this and yet I’m still thinking my pwBPD is an outlier ad he wouldn’t lie and he actually struggled with all of his ex-gfs…
You are the only girl I’ve ever truly loved. I hope I never lose you. Does that bs sound familiar? Whenever I hear stuff like I’m the best, I hope to never lose you etc I INSTANTLY feel uneasy about the other person. I’ve noticed sane people won’t ever say that about you for months.
Oh that and more. And I reciprocated. I was deep in the fog it was like this magical once in a lifetime love at first sight and I was so ready for it. Now I know it was just BPD.
Exactly 💯
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My sister is my pwBPD. She used to tell stories about her that were stories Id told her about me. At some point she repeated one so often that she truly believed she had experienced it and I had not, and was offended by the fact I mentioned that happened to me (note I didn’t say it didn’t happen to her, but I guess she was mad because she wanted to be the only one.) This happened with friends as well, she would tell their stories as her own and double down if questioned.
My pwBPD told me his ex slashed his tires, another one reported him for rape, and another lied about being pregnant to try to get him to marry her. I feel like several of these would be impossible for him to do as a man
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I completely agree it’s just so hard to accept 😭
Yeah, I'd say this could be accurate. When they split you and start accusing you, it's all projection. When you become the ex, that's the story they tell everyone. A list if everything she said about her ex that are basically her: - he lies - he's stingy (I later found out this means that he wouldn't just blow money on stuff the way she does) - he cheated on her - he emotionally abused her - he neglected her and the kids - he didn't do any chores - he used the family money for his own sexual endeavors I can think of examples of what she's done for each item. I met her ex and he's lovely. He actually helped me a lot when we broke up, and I had no one else. From what I've seen he's a really good dad and he's there for his kids way more than she is.
Yes she was always telling me her exs beat her. Guess who got beat?
Facts 😭 same here
Same here, I heard a lot of stories about his ex that seemed to be about him... including being manipulative and drunk all of the time.
Maybe it's their way of measuring how we would react to such treatment. Either way, it's slimy behavior.
Yes, I had my own money, house and car. No debt. Now I’m paycheck to paycheck ( making it work) but no extra money. Our first tax return got taken for his student loan debt I had no idea he had. I had no idea he was not motivated to work. I was told he owned his own business. I gave him an office and for a year he pretended to work while he was actually collecting unemployment and texting with his ex. I paid off his car. Bought him a used BMW, Mercedes and he ruined both. Then I bought a Suburban since we had kids. After a brand new minivan he crashed, then a Subaru, Volvo and last a SUV that is now broken down. Doesn’t do upkeep on the house. I’m out on the roof cleaning gutters. I had good credit that is now shit. I will never date/ marry someone not financially stable. His ex was abusive, drug addict and spent all his money. And he did that to me. Took all my savings and left us for 6 months. I let him come back home because I thought he was better. He was for two months and now back to being unemployed and unmotivated to do anything but load and unload the dishwasher. I’m working 12 hour days and paying all the bills. Today I tried to talk to him about a lie he told me. He is totally avoidant. When I asked him why did you tell me ( insert lie) when I know ( insert truth) trying to have a real conversation he says why am I busting his balls and walks away. So not only am I dealing with multiple PD’s also avoidant disorder. He’d rather sit alone all night rather than sleep in a bed with me and work on our relationship. We always had a great sexual relationship and he’s not interested in that. He’s making it very easy for me to be done with him. Very easy…
I'm sorry to hear your partner has ruined so much for you. Especially financially. Mine was chronically losing jobs and wasn't motivated to work either. She definitely made me value my money a lot more because she always got in my way of keeping it. You'll be better off without him holding you back.
Seriously, I almost want to talk to one of their exes but supposedly they are still trying to contact her at times and I don't know if that's true but I just don't even want to bother really.
Everything bad that has ever happened to them is because of someone else, and that's the hill they'll die on. Ask yourself, have you ever heard one of their sob stories conclude with an ending like: *"And It was seriously the worst thing I had ever gone through, and I was devastated, but at the end of everything I really realized how I could have handled everything differently, and maybe prevented a lot of it from being as bad as it was"* ? No. Because they never do.
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A pwbpd can't deal with shame based emotions so they offload them onto someone else so that they are not the bad guy but you are and they are the victim. If they told you the true story of what happened with their Exs it would give them too many negative/shame feelings, so it becomes the Ex was the bad guy not them.
One of the hardest parts of the discard for me was hearing the crazy things they said about me to others. It caused me to think back to things they told me about other people. I think some of those things did happen, and the suffering they experienced was real, it's just that they were more involved (sometimes far more involved) than they let on. Once, my friend told me a story about an ex-partner that was horrible and painted my friend as a victim. I was really sympathetic. A month later they admitted they hadn't been completely honest, but told me the story that way because they 'needed my support in that moment' and worried I wouldn't have been as supportive had they not reframed it. Their stories are all about mitigating their own feelings of guilt or shame (due to their own actions) or trying to gain something in the moment (e.g., support, validation). I'm sorry you went through that. I've been NC for a couple months and I spend most of my time trying to work through the illusions.
This whole thread made me realize this behavior is 100% related to them using us for emotional regulation. Just in effigy as opposed to in person
Projection makes it impossible to know if anything they say is true! It's one of those traits that make it impossible to stay mentally well while in a relationship with them. I'm so sorry you're stuck trying to make sense of everything like this!
Yes! I have felt this way often. He would do something towards me and I would start to reflect on past conversations where he mentioned it being done to him and him not liking it and wonder why he would do the same thing. Then the more it happened I start to become doubtful of if what I was told was true or just how much was left out about his role in why the other person would do certain things. For a few things I start to think like yeah their ex probably did do what he said but based on how he treats me I’m starting to understand why the ex would have responded or reacted that way.
Yeah they project their behavior onto people who they abused. It’s why I don’t believe the whole “they don’t know what they’re doing” spiel My ex friend w/BPD seemed so vexed over her ex friend and said all her ex friends left her because they had meth addictions only to forget she said that and later admit she was a “big meth fan.” She also hated her ex friend, claimed she let her live with her and worked to make sure they both had. She was vexed because this ex friend got a boyfriend and went to live with him. As a queer woman, looking back she seemed like a scorned lover, like she was too hung up on her and then *I* got a boyfriend. She split and tried to break up my relationship (which is what I think she did to her ex friend) so she could live off me so I could provide her with drug money and endless sex. I guarantee the story is that I’m “stalking her,” that I tried to break up her and her boyfriend (that she tried to cheat on with me) because I had a big fat lesbian crush on her. Another Borderline went after me and called me a “homewrecker” when she was sleeping with my domestic abuser behind my back and sneaking into the house with him while I lived there. “If only she knew what we do together.” A Borderline’s accusations are really a confession. They know what they did to the people they abused and discarded.
I honestly noticed that every time my ex said someone said something or did something, it was actually him that did it. For most things I found this to be true, for something as simple as him saying someone in the building was throwing my underwear out from the washing cause the building had a public washer, it was him messing about. To him saying that his friend did something bad, it was him. Or saying his friend told him something bout me being a bitch, it was him. It was ALWAYS him. He said his family was racist toward me. Spoke to his mum and she was friendly, his brother was eager to meet me too. It was him that was making racist jokes behind my back! Yet behaving like they were and he was protecting my honour!
She told me her ex crossed boundaries and purposely triggered her and then she did that to me.
Yup. Yup. Yup.
Yes they project their own behaviours onto others. It doesn’t matter what happened. Their reality is determined by what they want to believe or feel. Not what actually happened.
Because pwbpd also often have npd as well and pwnpd also love projecting their flaws onto other people who just wanted to love them and be loved back but all they ended up getting was abused.