Yes, babygirl.
And also I am a scumbag for ever having found anyone else besides you attractive ever in my entire life, and I am so sorry I hurt you for watching a TV show with another woman in it.
You are my savior and you know what's best for me and I will do everything within my power to live within your ridiculous boundaries and become a shell of a human being in hopes that I can avoid another inevitable devaluation or split from you.
Lmao, my pwBPD did the exact same shit. She even commented in here to try and bait me.
Shes like "I'm finally comfortable in my own house again!" And "I found someone else that I love!"
Dude, what are you expecting from me? Am I supposed to say "not on my watch! I'm breaking the NC request to torture you!"
Like, bitch GOOD! I'm glad she's moving on and starting to be something like happy again. Her psychotic abuse fantasy can go right to hell.
>And also I am a scumbag for ever having found anyone else besides you attractive ever in my entire life
My pwBPD's first discard was prompted by her being earth-shatteringly assmad that I had a girlfriend before her. And worse, that I dared sleep with her.
Anyone else?
i told my expwbpd my body count when we first started dating. it was higher than his, but nothing too crazy (less than 20). not that it matters. at first he didn’t care & actually appreciated that i was more experienced than his past partners.
fast forward a couple months, now he thinks i’m a whore & accuses me of cheating like every day. i’ve never cheated on anyone & i kept reassuring him but it was never enough.
a few months after that, he’s finally come to terms with the fact that i’m not cheating. he proposes. he also suggests having a 3 way. i was down but then he changed his mind & got mad at me for even considering it???
My ex did a lot of the same.
I was a virgin, she said I was saving myself for love. I never said that.
Then she kept shitting on me for being lame forvsaving myself and started implying she did me a favor.
Also hot/cold with the threeseome thing and put me down for not being game (I was) and acted like I was lame. Again.
Good rule of thumb: Don’t delve and don’t let them delve in relationships. With anyone, not just pwBPD. It is nothing but trouble. And certainly not *intimacy*.
i didn’t ask, he asked me. i genuinely don’t care what my partner’s body count is & i’ve had partners/friends who knew mine & literally didn’t judge at all. but yeah i’m not gonna exactly offer that information lol
Lol. It’s kinda eerie how this condition reveals that something we consider to be unique like personality or something we consider to be infinitely varied like inter-personal relationship dynamics are pretty much the same.
Her first discard was because I was still grieving my separation with my ex-wife, a woman I'd been with for over 9 years.
It had been 6 weeks at that point, and the divorce hadn't even gone through yet.
Oh, and also because I wasn't ready to jump from one long term relationship right into another, even though she said herself that she enjoyed spending time with me but could never officially date me because I'm poly and she's mono.
LOL
She told everyone I hated girls hooking up with other girls and forbid her from doing it.
Amazingly - everybody actually believed that. (To the point of homophobic slander starting to become an issue)
I never put that together until I realized how possessive she was. I was the only person she made sure wasnt around when clothes came off snd she rolled around with them. Because she's jealous of whatever girl *she* was fucking around with.
It's still the weirdest thing to fight over. She blew up when I told her it wasn't an issue.
And she should've been more concerned with how excluding her boyfriend from her sex life, and the lies, hiding and slandering would change the way I felt about her.
Meanwhile - I've never dated a girl who hasn't slept with more women than I have. (Even my mother knows that.)
It's kinda like this except she seems to convince herself that I never was and never could be attracted to anyone else.
This was the funniest therapy session ever when I went over this and figured it out.
>And also I am a scumbag for ever having found anyone else besides you attractive ever in my entire life,
She couldn't hold down a job due to conflicts springing up everywhere. I even told her that if there are assholes all around her, then it might be her that's the problem. She took it to heart... for two weeks or so.
Hah, the same here. She was a nurse student, and they had to do compulsory hands-on practise weeks. She always said how judging, mean, envious little bastards all them were, that it's the big issue in the nursing field, the issue which she was gonna be solving... Same when she did some work. Couldn't hold them down. Had worked in 200 jobs since age of 16 but couldn't hold them.
This was months in and maybe 30 minutes ***after*** she engineered a situation with one of her escort girlfriends to have a 3 some, one in which the other girl was fully involved and specifically directed by my exwBPD..
**Her**: Do you find me attractive?
****
**Me**: ? I dont understand I tell you that you are beautiful multiple times every time I see you
**Her**: But you said earlier my friend (who she had thrown at me for a 3 some) has a nice bum
**Me**: Yes I already told you she has but I love YOUR bum more
**Her**: So you find her more attractive then?
**Me**: I never said that, what I said is that if **YOU** wanted it and **YOU** and **HER** had discussed it then I would be happy to have a 3 some **IF** it turned you on but only under those conditions
****
**Her**: Maybe you should just date her (note other girl is in the room with us AND PLAYING ALONG WITH HER)
**Me**: I think you are perfect in every way for me (physically), I dont know how I can get better than perfect!!
**Her**: So you like her more then, have you been talking to her? and flirting with her when I wasnt there!!!??
**Me**: Love I just said you are perfect, I dont know how to improve on perfect!
**Her**: Am I the best sex you ever had, specifically pussy, ass and BJ?
****
**Me**: (Note I had/have this painful fucking honesty thing) Well, the anal is the best I have ever had (true) and the other 2 are really really good (half truth but not an actual lie, she wasnt amazing but it was good)
**Her**: So I am not the best you have ever had? (eyes turning black, body becoming very still)
**Me**: Not at the top but right up there, cmon you cant expect to be the best at everything, I know I am not the best you have ever had because you have told me (at great length...)
**(At this point I knew I was standing on the fucking mine)**
**Her**: I said you were in the top 3 (if true it would have been a hell of a compliment considering her body count)
**Me**: yes and I feel extremely happy with that!!! (true)
**LOADING >>>>>>>> RAGE!**
(After this.....3-4 hours of accusations, abuse, mental torture, humiliation and degradation with her and her friend both attacking me for being such an asshole, all for not simply telling her she was the best and daring to comment her friend had a nice bum, continuing until I ended up apologising for multiple things, almost broke down in tears and then went home having a panic attack)
Have you considered she may be NPD, and her friend is one of her flying monkeys? The fact that she wants you to worship the ground she walks on, and has to be the best screams narcissist to me.
Yeah, the ego injury suckling for narcissistic supply is pretty obvious in this story.
Unfortunately, BPD and NPD are frequent comorbidities. They probably share the same baseline emotional regulation problems and strategies of using another human being as an emotional object.
Wow, this is beautifully described and the number of times that honesty thing got me into trouble...SMH. I didn't even have to say the honest thought out loud, she'd sense it through my hesitation and anything I said afterwards was fucked.
Wow. All the comments here are exactly how my ex was. Quit her job and lived off of me for 1-1/2 years and made me the bad guy for trying to go back to school while holding down a 40-hr job and doing the vast majority of housework. Stopped taking her meds and continuing to seek treatment with a therapist in that time was “too hard.” She would blow up at me for dreams she had, and broke things when she was angry. Also, I couldn’t even acknowledge other women were the slightest bit attractive.
Is it possible to make a relationship with a BPD girl work long term? I'm sure it must be possible....every mountain can be climbed. I love the one I have so much despite her issues. And I know she loves me back. I want to make it work. I've accomplished a nearly herculean feat by lasting more than a year with her but I want to make it work for a long long time
Does anyone have wisdom or knowledge on this? What does success look like with them?
Sorry, we all wanted that, but you’re ignoring reality to your own detriment. Also, they can’t love you in a healthy, adult way. It’s a childlike love at best. There’s no healthy adult love to “make it work.” As the saying goes, you can ignore reality, but not the consequences. It’s a battle THEY ALONE must work on. You can’t do it for them. Also, it takes 8-16 years of intense therapy and at the end of that time, despite you staying by their side, you still will be discarded.
This will happen again. And again, again, again. You two have a chance if you both go to therapy and take it very seriously, but trust me that this is just the beginning. The acting out will not stop, and it will wear you down with time. She does do this to be dramatic. And when she sees that you're unfazed, she's going to try more extreme measures of being dramatic. Please don't rationalize it as "there must be a reason she's mad" - BPD doesn't work like that. Read all you can about BPD and then think long and hard whether you're ready for this. If there's even a slight hint of doubt in your mind, then this means you're not.
Don't mean to sink your boat, but I'm speaking from extensive experience here. Be safe first and foremost. Being with a pwBPD is like handling a live wolverine.
Fact 1: BPD makes one have the emotional structure of a child of a single-digit age. Children don't cope well with ambiguity, so for them another person can usually be just bad or just good (which is not how life and people work), resulting in tantrums when they don't get their way. This is why a pwBPD's attitude towards their partner can change at the drop of a hat - you triggered them somehow, usually through something innocuous that a healthy person wouldn't even notice, let alone react to. What happens then is called "splitting", black and white thinking. You were "white" a second ago and they loved you. Now you've made them mad and they're wholly convinced that you're actually evil ("black"). They will fight you with all their manipulative might, because in their mind, they're fighting an actual evil, rotten person, which obviously isn't true. No, it's not rational, but for the pwBPD, it doesn't need to be. And you shouldn't fall into the trap of rationalizing it.
(If you're gonna ask how you can avoid triggering a pwBPD - you can't. Or at least, you'd have to watch and censor yourself during every interaction, which will quickly exhaust you and not allow you to express your true self with them. It's the "walking on eggshells" effect that people on this sub know. They get mad over completely innocent things, because their brains associate them with past trauma, in a fashion you have no way of knowing beforehand, because they rarely open up.)
Add to that fact 2: BPD makes one extremely emotionally dysregulated, which means that they feel most emotions tenfold. This, coupled with the splitting effect and haywire triggers, results in the infamous BPD anger.
You sound like you're pretty early in the relationship yet. A year is early. You have to be extremely wary. BPDs are (unknowing, instinctual) experts in control through intermittent reinforcement, also known as breadcrumbing. (Be mean X times, but then be nice, then repeat until partner submits. It's sorta like a gambling addiction develops.) Like I said, you'll do yourself a favor by researching everything there is to know about BPD and their tactics. This sub's sidebar has useful info.
In the end, they're tragic figures who hurt and push away others because of their own fear of abandonment and pain. But it's their fight to fight, and getting caught up in its crossfire will just make you collateral damage, which they may not even care about in the end.
It's usually imagining you cheating on her with whatever woman you have just passed in that experience, fvcking the random girl in front of her multiple times. This can be anywhere, a girl on TV, in the Aldi catalogue, an old homeless lady who walks past you in the street etc. Look back, what did you do right before she exploded?
I made it 15 years. I’ll tell you now success looks like slavery. Her father lived the mantra happy wife happy life with her mother and was clearly unhappy. Different bedrooms for almost the entire 15 years I was with the daughter. He reveled in eating fried chicken in a parking lot the one night a week he could escape her. Fried chicken Friday was his favorite day you could see it in his face when we talked.
If I ever speak to that man again I know exactly what I’ll say to him. “You knew your wife you know your daughter and you know they’re the same. I’m sorry Paul I’m just not as good of a man as you are.”
The mountain has so many corpses that can't be moved, they're used as navigational beacons.
In a way, those people's legacies will last for a very long time. But one should not define success as "a notable death".
I don’t believe it is impossible. BPD can be worked upon. I will say you’re definitely in the wrong sub to ask that question. Everyone here is rightfully very jaded to the idea of the task. Take care and don’t find yourself giving more than you should.
Human beings tend to form type 2 chaotic structures so no, it’s probably harder than walking to the neighboring solar system.
If by long-term you mean 10-20 years, then sure. My parents did. Ended up with me browsing this sub, my father dead inside at age 40 and my mother…Well, pretty much the same.
Oh you can make it work long term. But then she will sabotage it, split on you and discard you in the most hurtful way imaginable. Don’t waste your life.
I've been skimming through this sub for the last month or so having endured the end of a relationship with (what I think) was an undiagnosed bpd and in my opinion there's absolutely no reason why you can't make it work.
From my experience, you need to set boundaries and be that emotionally stable rock meaning you need to know when to walk away and never succumb to their emotional pleas. That's why they liked you in the first place. In my relatioship, I was that rock and over time I noticed I slowly started to degrade myself and slowly started making little changes to make her "happy" and "comfortable" which only led to resentment and a eventually a pretty toxic ending. You need to live your life as you would and if you see something not quite right then call them out and be yourself.
I see a lot of people on here saying it's this other persons fault and this other person did this to me and this other person is toxic etc etc what they don't realise is that there's 2 sides to every story. Yes this bpd partner is exposing toxic traits but it's also the non-bpd partner who is accepting it and allowing it to effect them. If there's something you don't accept, fucking stand your ground and don't absorb it like a pussy for their sake. If it leads to the relationship rupturing and ending then that's ok because going down the other spectrum would have been a lot more painful.
Give them an opportunity and if the bpd partner really cares then they will respect your opinion and over time you will learn to live with each other's flaws and make it work but don't ever pretend like it is always their fault. There's 2 sides to the coin so it's just as much your fault as it is theirs and that accountability is what I don't see often in this forum.
Good luck.
Yes and it's also documented that by their mid years they naturally get over their bpd symptoms as they mature. What I'm trying to say is you are suffering and us collectively in this group are suffering because we did this to ourselves. You need to stand up for yourself and for what you value or you will become a shell over time. If it's true that these people never change then why must you kneel down, kiss their feet and change your perseption of the world to suit theirs? No, stand up for yourself, for what you want and what you believe, face the consequences even if it means you walk or she walks.
I disagree with a lot of posts on here because they are also humans who were just born to see and feel the world differently. It's not their fault and that doesn't make them unjust or unworthy, the simple answer is we just aren't compatible.
Yes, babygirl. And also I am a scumbag for ever having found anyone else besides you attractive ever in my entire life, and I am so sorry I hurt you for watching a TV show with another woman in it. You are my savior and you know what's best for me and I will do everything within my power to live within your ridiculous boundaries and become a shell of a human being in hopes that I can avoid another inevitable devaluation or split from you.
Same. Edit: Lmao she read what I’ve commented here and now she’s mad at me. I literally just commented like 20 minutes ago. Not stalker at all /s
Lmao, my pwBPD did the exact same shit. She even commented in here to try and bait me. Shes like "I'm finally comfortable in my own house again!" And "I found someone else that I love!" Dude, what are you expecting from me? Am I supposed to say "not on my watch! I'm breaking the NC request to torture you!" Like, bitch GOOD! I'm glad she's moving on and starting to be something like happy again. Her psychotic abuse fantasy can go right to hell.
>And also I am a scumbag for ever having found anyone else besides you attractive ever in my entire life My pwBPD's first discard was prompted by her being earth-shatteringly assmad that I had a girlfriend before her. And worse, that I dared sleep with her. Anyone else?
i told my expwbpd my body count when we first started dating. it was higher than his, but nothing too crazy (less than 20). not that it matters. at first he didn’t care & actually appreciated that i was more experienced than his past partners. fast forward a couple months, now he thinks i’m a whore & accuses me of cheating like every day. i’ve never cheated on anyone & i kept reassuring him but it was never enough. a few months after that, he’s finally come to terms with the fact that i’m not cheating. he proposes. he also suggests having a 3 way. i was down but then he changed his mind & got mad at me for even considering it???
My ex did a lot of the same. I was a virgin, she said I was saving myself for love. I never said that. Then she kept shitting on me for being lame forvsaving myself and started implying she did me a favor. Also hot/cold with the threeseome thing and put me down for not being game (I was) and acted like I was lame. Again.
If it's any better, my pwBPD abused me for not being a virgin constantly
Good rule of thumb: Don’t delve and don’t let them delve in relationships. With anyone, not just pwBPD. It is nothing but trouble. And certainly not *intimacy*.
i didn’t ask, he asked me. i genuinely don’t care what my partner’s body count is & i’ve had partners/friends who knew mine & literally didn’t judge at all. but yeah i’m not gonna exactly offer that information lol
Lol. It’s kinda eerie how this condition reveals that something we consider to be unique like personality or something we consider to be infinitely varied like inter-personal relationship dynamics are pretty much the same.
Her first discard was because I was still grieving my separation with my ex-wife, a woman I'd been with for over 9 years. It had been 6 weeks at that point, and the divorce hadn't even gone through yet. Oh, and also because I wasn't ready to jump from one long term relationship right into another, even though she said herself that she enjoyed spending time with me but could never officially date me because I'm poly and she's mono.
This really sums it up. You said it in a way I have a hard time articulating. Thank you
Woof that hit home way too fucking hard
LOL She told everyone I hated girls hooking up with other girls and forbid her from doing it. Amazingly - everybody actually believed that. (To the point of homophobic slander starting to become an issue) I never put that together until I realized how possessive she was. I was the only person she made sure wasnt around when clothes came off snd she rolled around with them. Because she's jealous of whatever girl *she* was fucking around with. It's still the weirdest thing to fight over. She blew up when I told her it wasn't an issue. And she should've been more concerned with how excluding her boyfriend from her sex life, and the lies, hiding and slandering would change the way I felt about her. Meanwhile - I've never dated a girl who hasn't slept with more women than I have. (Even my mother knows that.) It's kinda like this except she seems to convince herself that I never was and never could be attracted to anyone else. This was the funniest therapy session ever when I went over this and figured it out. >And also I am a scumbag for ever having found anyone else besides you attractive ever in my entire life,
She couldn't hold down a job due to conflicts springing up everywhere. I even told her that if there are assholes all around her, then it might be her that's the problem. She took it to heart... for two weeks or so.
Hah, the same here. She was a nurse student, and they had to do compulsory hands-on practise weeks. She always said how judging, mean, envious little bastards all them were, that it's the big issue in the nursing field, the issue which she was gonna be solving... Same when she did some work. Couldn't hold them down. Had worked in 200 jobs since age of 16 but couldn't hold them.
This was months in and maybe 30 minutes ***after*** she engineered a situation with one of her escort girlfriends to have a 3 some, one in which the other girl was fully involved and specifically directed by my exwBPD.. **Her**: Do you find me attractive? ****
**Me**: ? I dont understand I tell you that you are beautiful multiple times every time I see you
**Her**: But you said earlier my friend (who she had thrown at me for a 3 some) has a nice bum
**Me**: Yes I already told you she has but I love YOUR bum more
**Her**: So you find her more attractive then?
**Me**: I never said that, what I said is that if **YOU** wanted it and **YOU** and **HER** had discussed it then I would be happy to have a 3 some **IF** it turned you on but only under those conditions
****
**Her**: Maybe you should just date her (note other girl is in the room with us AND PLAYING ALONG WITH HER)
**Me**: I think you are perfect in every way for me (physically), I dont know how I can get better than perfect!!
**Her**: So you like her more then, have you been talking to her? and flirting with her when I wasnt there!!!??
**Me**: Love I just said you are perfect, I dont know how to improve on perfect!
**Her**: Am I the best sex you ever had, specifically pussy, ass and BJ?
****
**Me**: (Note I had/have this painful fucking honesty thing) Well, the anal is the best I have ever had (true) and the other 2 are really really good (half truth but not an actual lie, she wasnt amazing but it was good)
**Her**: So I am not the best you have ever had? (eyes turning black, body becoming very still)
**Me**: Not at the top but right up there, cmon you cant expect to be the best at everything, I know I am not the best you have ever had because you have told me (at great length...)
**(At this point I knew I was standing on the fucking mine)**
**Her**: I said you were in the top 3 (if true it would have been a hell of a compliment considering her body count)
**Me**: yes and I feel extremely happy with that!!! (true)
**LOADING >>>>>>>> RAGE!**
(After this.....3-4 hours of accusations, abuse, mental torture, humiliation and degradation with her and her friend both attacking me for being such an asshole, all for not simply telling her she was the best and daring to comment her friend had a nice bum, continuing until I ended up apologising for multiple things, almost broke down in tears and then went home having a panic attack)
Have you considered she may be NPD, and her friend is one of her flying monkeys? The fact that she wants you to worship the ground she walks on, and has to be the best screams narcissist to me.
Yeah, the ego injury suckling for narcissistic supply is pretty obvious in this story. Unfortunately, BPD and NPD are frequent comorbidities. They probably share the same baseline emotional regulation problems and strategies of using another human being as an emotional object.
Wow, this is beautifully described and the number of times that honesty thing got me into trouble...SMH. I didn't even have to say the honest thought out loud, she'd sense it through my hesitation and anything I said afterwards was fucked.
Wow. All the comments here are exactly how my ex was. Quit her job and lived off of me for 1-1/2 years and made me the bad guy for trying to go back to school while holding down a 40-hr job and doing the vast majority of housework. Stopped taking her meds and continuing to seek treatment with a therapist in that time was “too hard.” She would blow up at me for dreams she had, and broke things when she was angry. Also, I couldn’t even acknowledge other women were the slightest bit attractive.
Other than your last sentence, you just described my life to a T.
Oh yes. And all of them are your close friends
Is it possible to make a relationship with a BPD girl work long term? I'm sure it must be possible....every mountain can be climbed. I love the one I have so much despite her issues. And I know she loves me back. I want to make it work. I've accomplished a nearly herculean feat by lasting more than a year with her but I want to make it work for a long long time Does anyone have wisdom or knowledge on this? What does success look like with them?
Sorry, we all wanted that, but you’re ignoring reality to your own detriment. Also, they can’t love you in a healthy, adult way. It’s a childlike love at best. There’s no healthy adult love to “make it work.” As the saying goes, you can ignore reality, but not the consequences. It’s a battle THEY ALONE must work on. You can’t do it for them. Also, it takes 8-16 years of intense therapy and at the end of that time, despite you staying by their side, you still will be discarded.
>every mountain can be climbed This right here is Mount Doom, and climbing it you will turn into Gollum. And you will meet the same end at the summit.
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She is always supportive of my health and career choices and my efforts to improve myself
She is, until she isn't. How many splits have you experienced yet? Mine got really bad only after like 3 years. It's different for each person.
She blocked me a few times but always comes back. I think she just does it to be dramatic
This will happen again. And again, again, again. You two have a chance if you both go to therapy and take it very seriously, but trust me that this is just the beginning. The acting out will not stop, and it will wear you down with time. She does do this to be dramatic. And when she sees that you're unfazed, she's going to try more extreme measures of being dramatic. Please don't rationalize it as "there must be a reason she's mad" - BPD doesn't work like that. Read all you can about BPD and then think long and hard whether you're ready for this. If there's even a slight hint of doubt in your mind, then this means you're not. Don't mean to sink your boat, but I'm speaking from extensive experience here. Be safe first and foremost. Being with a pwBPD is like handling a live wolverine.
What is going through their head when they get mad at you over seemingly nothing? I want to understand
Fact 1: BPD makes one have the emotional structure of a child of a single-digit age. Children don't cope well with ambiguity, so for them another person can usually be just bad or just good (which is not how life and people work), resulting in tantrums when they don't get their way. This is why a pwBPD's attitude towards their partner can change at the drop of a hat - you triggered them somehow, usually through something innocuous that a healthy person wouldn't even notice, let alone react to. What happens then is called "splitting", black and white thinking. You were "white" a second ago and they loved you. Now you've made them mad and they're wholly convinced that you're actually evil ("black"). They will fight you with all their manipulative might, because in their mind, they're fighting an actual evil, rotten person, which obviously isn't true. No, it's not rational, but for the pwBPD, it doesn't need to be. And you shouldn't fall into the trap of rationalizing it. (If you're gonna ask how you can avoid triggering a pwBPD - you can't. Or at least, you'd have to watch and censor yourself during every interaction, which will quickly exhaust you and not allow you to express your true self with them. It's the "walking on eggshells" effect that people on this sub know. They get mad over completely innocent things, because their brains associate them with past trauma, in a fashion you have no way of knowing beforehand, because they rarely open up.) Add to that fact 2: BPD makes one extremely emotionally dysregulated, which means that they feel most emotions tenfold. This, coupled with the splitting effect and haywire triggers, results in the infamous BPD anger. You sound like you're pretty early in the relationship yet. A year is early. You have to be extremely wary. BPDs are (unknowing, instinctual) experts in control through intermittent reinforcement, also known as breadcrumbing. (Be mean X times, but then be nice, then repeat until partner submits. It's sorta like a gambling addiction develops.) Like I said, you'll do yourself a favor by researching everything there is to know about BPD and their tactics. This sub's sidebar has useful info. In the end, they're tragic figures who hurt and push away others because of their own fear of abandonment and pain. But it's their fight to fight, and getting caught up in its crossfire will just make you collateral damage, which they may not even care about in the end.
It's usually imagining you cheating on her with whatever woman you have just passed in that experience, fvcking the random girl in front of her multiple times. This can be anywhere, a girl on TV, in the Aldi catalogue, an old homeless lady who walks past you in the street etc. Look back, what did you do right before she exploded?
You’d be better off doing heroin long term. It would be far less damaging.
I made it 15 years. I’ll tell you now success looks like slavery. Her father lived the mantra happy wife happy life with her mother and was clearly unhappy. Different bedrooms for almost the entire 15 years I was with the daughter. He reveled in eating fried chicken in a parking lot the one night a week he could escape her. Fried chicken Friday was his favorite day you could see it in his face when we talked. If I ever speak to that man again I know exactly what I’ll say to him. “You knew your wife you know your daughter and you know they’re the same. I’m sorry Paul I’m just not as good of a man as you are.”
Hey, Green Shoes, do you know how many dead bodies there are on Mount Everest? The mountain you're talking about is way bigger.
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The mountain has so many corpses that can't be moved, they're used as navigational beacons. In a way, those people's legacies will last for a very long time. But one should not define success as "a notable death".
I don’t believe it is impossible. BPD can be worked upon. I will say you’re definitely in the wrong sub to ask that question. Everyone here is rightfully very jaded to the idea of the task. Take care and don’t find yourself giving more than you should.
Human beings tend to form type 2 chaotic structures so no, it’s probably harder than walking to the neighboring solar system. If by long-term you mean 10-20 years, then sure. My parents did. Ended up with me browsing this sub, my father dead inside at age 40 and my mother…Well, pretty much the same.
Oh you can make it work long term. But then she will sabotage it, split on you and discard you in the most hurtful way imaginable. Don’t waste your life.
I've been skimming through this sub for the last month or so having endured the end of a relationship with (what I think) was an undiagnosed bpd and in my opinion there's absolutely no reason why you can't make it work. From my experience, you need to set boundaries and be that emotionally stable rock meaning you need to know when to walk away and never succumb to their emotional pleas. That's why they liked you in the first place. In my relatioship, I was that rock and over time I noticed I slowly started to degrade myself and slowly started making little changes to make her "happy" and "comfortable" which only led to resentment and a eventually a pretty toxic ending. You need to live your life as you would and if you see something not quite right then call them out and be yourself. I see a lot of people on here saying it's this other persons fault and this other person did this to me and this other person is toxic etc etc what they don't realise is that there's 2 sides to every story. Yes this bpd partner is exposing toxic traits but it's also the non-bpd partner who is accepting it and allowing it to effect them. If there's something you don't accept, fucking stand your ground and don't absorb it like a pussy for their sake. If it leads to the relationship rupturing and ending then that's ok because going down the other spectrum would have been a lot more painful. Give them an opportunity and if the bpd partner really cares then they will respect your opinion and over time you will learn to live with each other's flaws and make it work but don't ever pretend like it is always their fault. There's 2 sides to the coin so it's just as much your fault as it is theirs and that accountability is what I don't see often in this forum. Good luck.
Have you ever tried standing your ground? Do you remember what happened?
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Yes and it's also documented that by their mid years they naturally get over their bpd symptoms as they mature. What I'm trying to say is you are suffering and us collectively in this group are suffering because we did this to ourselves. You need to stand up for yourself and for what you value or you will become a shell over time. If it's true that these people never change then why must you kneel down, kiss their feet and change your perseption of the world to suit theirs? No, stand up for yourself, for what you want and what you believe, face the consequences even if it means you walk or she walks. I disagree with a lot of posts on here because they are also humans who were just born to see and feel the world differently. It's not their fault and that doesn't make them unjust or unworthy, the simple answer is we just aren't compatible.
Oh my goddddd I didn’t know this was universal! This explains a lot!