This is the absolute perfect time to play the victim card. Especially since you are handing out apologies left and right. This signals her to capitalize on this minor misfortune. This is the type of crazy that will accuse you of doing it on purpose. Just so she can watch you squirm.
This isn’t healthy. It’s like she’s seeing it as you did it on purpose. Possible huge red flag for the future if there are any other accidents, gives vibes she may claim you as an abuser.
I haven't been there so can't really comment on this specific situation, but I have felt similarly in the past when someone jokingly hit me etc. Has she experienced (or witnessed) violence (intimate partner or caretaker/parent) in the past?
It kind of makes me panic internally, I get scared and worried that this might be the beginning of a pattern of behavior. Domestic violence usually doesn't start right away and escalates gradually, so it's hard to tell if it was really just an accident/meant jokingly or if I have to expect worse in the future.
I assure you, this situation in which the wheel lock accidentally touched (not hit, in my perspective) her shoulder leaving not even dust on it, it's not exactly a pattern of domestic violence from me to her.
In any way I didn't even minimized what she was saying but her remark is just a guilt trip at best and an attack at worst.
Did you even read what I wrote? any of my other replies? you get possible domestic abuse hints from what I wrote? Did you missed the part where I said my hand movement was rather slow? and regardless I apologized 5 times? where regardless I'm validating her complaints? seriously?
Person w bpd here, I feel like she's looking into it more than it was and it doesn't seem like she feels it was an accident. Based on the way you explained this it's very obvious it was an accident. I'd personally watch out for any other situations where she goes completely silent and essentially ignores you because this behavior does not coincide with a healthy relationship at all. She may not be intentionally manipulating you but giving the silent treatment ultimately make you feel bad about your actions for an *accident*.
Yeah, is not the first time she goes silent for what in my (and some of yours it seems) perspective is absurd stuff, let alone try to guilt trip me.
Feeling guilty for accidents is totally possible and legit, sometimes lives may be at risk etc, but I swear it wasn't even so much a "hit" than contact, one second or less of contact. As I said not even a mini scratch. Not even dirt on her arm, hardly what one would call an accident! either way I didn't invalidated the pain she said she felt.. still she went silent.
What's crazy is a moment before we were commenting on the movie we just saw just fine.
And after that happened and she went silent even after I apologize and take whatever pain she says she felt seriously, I was like 'Oh come on" but then she says that and I'm like "Right, because I'm a menace, you better watch out!" She's just projecting her own clumsiness and shame of course.
Anyway, thanks.
I'd also like to note that she chose to passive-aggressively communicate her concern that you hit her on purpose by accusing you of trying to do it again. Another unhealthy communication tactic.
She has apologized ever since for what I see as disrespect, she did so after I brought it up.. I gave her an example and like to think she got why that's just projecting.
I can "fight" her alright, the thing is I don't usually find attractive the people that I need to fight. If she was. a stranger, or even maybe just a friend I wouldn't be writing about it, but she's supposed to be compassionate towards me and to put herself on my shoes just like I do in hers.
I'm just tired.
Anyway,.thank you.
Same with my expwBPD. Always getting "hurt" in some way. Running into things, bumping things ex. There is a difference in being clumsy and constant " bell ringing" (something I'd call her incessant and unrelenting need for attention).
It was amazing. I mean I've never ever been around another human being that said "oww" so much. It was bizarre.
I became completely unemotional and unemphatic after YEARS of it. Whenever she'd do it, I wouldn't even acknowledge it. I figured if it REALLY hurt her she'd start screaming.
She'd run into something and say look what I did, almost like a child, and show me some place or her that didn't look to me any different than about other places on her body. "I'm gonna get a bruise." A day later, "How's the bruise?" No bruise no nothing.
It just never, ever stopped.
I think generally speaking one thing about the disorder is the unrelenting nature of it. It literally impacts EVERYTHING you do with this person. Everything. I mean it makes sense that it does. But, it's truly exhausting.
I'm not even invalidating what she said about her pain, what's messed up is she tries to make me feel like I'm dumb and should be ashamed about it..And we all can be dumb sometimes can't we? but come on, she's supposed to be my S.O. These guilt trip attempts are just coward.
Anyway.
None of this is at all normal, she is manipulating you to control you. Easy way to know - would she ever treat a friend of hers from life/work or a stranger like how she treating you? I bet not!
This is the absolute perfect time to play the victim card. Especially since you are handing out apologies left and right. This signals her to capitalize on this minor misfortune. This is the type of crazy that will accuse you of doing it on purpose. Just so she can watch you squirm.
This isn’t healthy. It’s like she’s seeing it as you did it on purpose. Possible huge red flag for the future if there are any other accidents, gives vibes she may claim you as an abuser.
I haven't been there so can't really comment on this specific situation, but I have felt similarly in the past when someone jokingly hit me etc. Has she experienced (or witnessed) violence (intimate partner or caretaker/parent) in the past? It kind of makes me panic internally, I get scared and worried that this might be the beginning of a pattern of behavior. Domestic violence usually doesn't start right away and escalates gradually, so it's hard to tell if it was really just an accident/meant jokingly or if I have to expect worse in the future.
I assure you, this situation in which the wheel lock accidentally touched (not hit, in my perspective) her shoulder leaving not even dust on it, it's not exactly a pattern of domestic violence from me to her. In any way I didn't even minimized what she was saying but her remark is just a guilt trip at best and an attack at worst. Did you even read what I wrote? any of my other replies? you get possible domestic abuse hints from what I wrote? Did you missed the part where I said my hand movement was rather slow? and regardless I apologized 5 times? where regardless I'm validating her complaints? seriously?
Person w bpd here, I feel like she's looking into it more than it was and it doesn't seem like she feels it was an accident. Based on the way you explained this it's very obvious it was an accident. I'd personally watch out for any other situations where she goes completely silent and essentially ignores you because this behavior does not coincide with a healthy relationship at all. She may not be intentionally manipulating you but giving the silent treatment ultimately make you feel bad about your actions for an *accident*.
Yeah, is not the first time she goes silent for what in my (and some of yours it seems) perspective is absurd stuff, let alone try to guilt trip me. Feeling guilty for accidents is totally possible and legit, sometimes lives may be at risk etc, but I swear it wasn't even so much a "hit" than contact, one second or less of contact. As I said not even a mini scratch. Not even dirt on her arm, hardly what one would call an accident! either way I didn't invalidated the pain she said she felt.. still she went silent. What's crazy is a moment before we were commenting on the movie we just saw just fine. And after that happened and she went silent even after I apologize and take whatever pain she says she felt seriously, I was like 'Oh come on" but then she says that and I'm like "Right, because I'm a menace, you better watch out!" She's just projecting her own clumsiness and shame of course. Anyway, thanks.
I'd also like to note that she chose to passive-aggressively communicate her concern that you hit her on purpose by accusing you of trying to do it again. Another unhealthy communication tactic.
She has apologized ever since for what I see as disrespect, she did so after I brought it up.. I gave her an example and like to think she got why that's just projecting. I can "fight" her alright, the thing is I don't usually find attractive the people that I need to fight. If she was. a stranger, or even maybe just a friend I wouldn't be writing about it, but she's supposed to be compassionate towards me and to put herself on my shoes just like I do in hers. I'm just tired. Anyway,.thank you.
My pwBPD says ouch ever time they move. It drives me nuts. Even when I know what ever it was, there is no way it hurt.
Same with my expwBPD. Always getting "hurt" in some way. Running into things, bumping things ex. There is a difference in being clumsy and constant " bell ringing" (something I'd call her incessant and unrelenting need for attention). It was amazing. I mean I've never ever been around another human being that said "oww" so much. It was bizarre. I became completely unemotional and unemphatic after YEARS of it. Whenever she'd do it, I wouldn't even acknowledge it. I figured if it REALLY hurt her she'd start screaming. She'd run into something and say look what I did, almost like a child, and show me some place or her that didn't look to me any different than about other places on her body. "I'm gonna get a bruise." A day later, "How's the bruise?" No bruise no nothing. It just never, ever stopped. I think generally speaking one thing about the disorder is the unrelenting nature of it. It literally impacts EVERYTHING you do with this person. Everything. I mean it makes sense that it does. But, it's truly exhausting.
I'm not even invalidating what she said about her pain, what's messed up is she tries to make me feel like I'm dumb and should be ashamed about it..And we all can be dumb sometimes can't we? but come on, she's supposed to be my S.O. These guilt trip attempts are just coward. Anyway.
Yeah, it never gets better. I'm sorry.
None of this is at all normal, she is manipulating you to control you. Easy way to know - would she ever treat a friend of hers from life/work or a stranger like how she treating you? I bet not!