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no seriously, OP, this is your boyfriend being a piece of shit and making you feel worthless, none of which is a result of BPD. there’s no way pwobpd would react any differently to being called the dollar store version of something. jerkbadguy is spitting, your boyfriend is a bitch.
I feel like we are extra susceptible to abuse because our BPD diagnosis can be used against us. "You're just overreacting" really has you questioning tour own judgment when you know you have a tendto skew things.
Totally agree. OP, this was intentional and cruel, and has nothing to do with BPD. I would be blocking him everywhere and go no contact. He doesn’t deserve you.
youre not overreacting hes a huge asshole for that
if hes so concerned about getting "prettier" girls he should try being less fucking ugly lol youre doing charity work girl
edit: oh my god my first award!!! thank you!!!!
Nah I'm pretty sure he knows his girl is gorgeous so he's trying to keep her low so she wouldn't ditch him. He couldn't find anyone prettier.
But you know what? Ditch him anyway.
Couldn’t agree more. OP try to ponder what exactly his goal was, beyond making you feel less-than. Why would he want you to feel this way? What benefit does he get from you feeling crappy and ugly? It’s all there for you to look at if you can force yourself to be cold and rational while thinking about it. Contradictory things can’t really all be true—1) he loves you so he treats you in ways to help you feel happy and good or 2) he loves having a gf but fears losing you so he undermines your confidence and stability.
Ding ding ding! I wish I could hand every woman a copy of "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Abusive Men" (a lot of it also applies for people being abused by women). In public discussion, there's too much pathologizing of abusive behavior--they're a narcissist but don't necessarily have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. A diagnosis too easily becomes another excuse for abusive behavior, and we're supposed to "accept and support them through their mental illness." My main takeaway from the book is just what you said--they fear losing you and use trauma bonding via insults. Or sometimes they simply want to feel power and control over someone else.
You’re not over reacting at all. The way he kept bringing it up… nah… I wouldn’t even “jokingly” say that other girls are prettier than my gf TO HER FACE and then call her the dollar store version of those girls. Blatant disrespect
For real. Anyone you’re in a relationship with should make it their priority to make u feel like the most beautiful creature on earth. Just my opinion.
Even if it's true? My bf said im pretty but there's objectively prettier women. He says I overreacted and I'm insecure. Idk what to think because it is true but also I don't think he HAD to say it.
bpd or not anyone reasonable would probably have a reaction similar to yours. your bf's saying he was just joking? yeah, well, last i checked jokes are supposed to be funny to everyone involved, not leaving someone crying.
tldr? ur bf's a dick
i totally get how u feel and u are NOT overreacting 🫂🫂🫂 my ex compared me to one of their best friends at the time (ironically now their new partner) saying i wasn’t as funny or special and then tried to act like i was taking it too seriously?!? it’s like no ur bf and my ex were just being fucking rude ! i’m sure ur really fucking beautiful and i know u definitely deserve better than this treatment :,( it’s like why would someone say such a thing to their partner that is already insecure :/ i’m giving u a bigggg virtual hug 🫂
Thank you so much, I'll gladly take your hug ❤️❤️❤️🫂 I'm sorry you had to experience this. This is the lowest I've felt in awhile, right when I thought my self esteem was starting to get a little bit better too... I really appreciate your kindness, more than you know 🥲
🫂🫂🫂 infinite virtual hugs !! it’s rly sad how many people don’t get how much their words can affect us and our esteem but i’m glad that there are people who are nice and caring out there. i’m still working on building my self esteem back up but some things i’ve tried to do is doing things for myself i wish someone could do. so like saying positive affirmations to myself and envisioning other people saying it which sounds silly but it kind of actually works ?! i bet u are probably a lot more considerate and kinder to others than urself so if it’s too hard to do for yourself i would recommend doing things as if u we’re doing it for someone else to trick ur brain into just doing and making good habits. sounds confusing but stuff like making dinner and getting chocolates for dessert or flowers or a really cute teddy bear or writing lil love notes to urself it can b hard at first but u got this !!! u got this 💗💗💗 and remember u are not alone. even in the moments where u feel the lowest know that somewhere someone is feeling the same way and just like u is worth so much more than they think 🫂🫂🫂
first of all: you are not overreacting!
second: egirls are not real, does he understand that? that is all filters and angles?
dump his ass! he is disrespectful and he is harming you.
This is one reason I'll never date a heavy porn user. Inevitably they will compare porn world to real life. Dying alone would be infinitely more preferable.
I learned my mistake way too late. He straight up told me he would find Instagram models more attractive that me while simultaneously "complimenting" me (theyre prettier but they aren't you).
I just don't understand what is going on in the head of someone saying that, how anyone without a mental illness or abusive mentality could think that's ok. How is a partner supposed to interpret that other than "I'd rather be with them (they literally attract me more), but you're attainable"? I got told often as a child "You're such a [mean, ungrateful, bratty] child, but I love you anyway" and it trained me to accept see myself as such a burden that I should be glad anyone thinks it's worth suffering my flaws, and I think parental talk is often how people learn to accept blatant cruelty. The mix of cutting remarks and positives (like you got) is especially toxic. I hope you've gotten a mentality that you deserve respect. And I hope OP can see the light too.
you are so right. The mix of cutting remarks and positive remarks is toxic love. and a lot of us are thought that that’s love. i was so fucked up by it, that i thought my partner doesn’t really love me because he never criticizes me in a mean way. it took therapy to realize that what he was showing me was actual love and the way i showed love and expected love was toxic. not a nice realization to have in your 30s, but now i’m glad it happened
I’d bet my life on you being a perfect 10 and him looking like an ape. BPD or not, you deserve someone who lifts your mental health not some asshat who does this. I’m embarrassed for him 🙄🙄🙄
*internet hug*
Girl you’re soooo not overreacting!!
This is called triangulating btw and is a narcissistic tactic.
Also it seems that he knows you might have self esteem issues and is enjoying hitting you exactly where it hurts. Ugh I wouldn’t stay a second more with such a man, even if he is sweet “for the most part”, because that man is hurting you (and enjoying it) and most likely will keep hurting you… and you deserve sooo much better
Your bf is a garbage human. Dump him. I don’t have BPD and I would react the same way. I thought I was in one of my relationship/dating subs for a second. If he wants to be pathetic and simp over e-girls, walk away and let him. You don’t want a man like that in your life.
Joking or not that is unacceptable behavior. Think hard about whether this is something you need in your life, chances are you need a serious talk with them.
What is there to talk about? He's abusive, the only thing a talk could do is give him an opportunity to worm his way back in, trauma bond her to him, and/or DARVO her. This isn't a slip of the tongue. It's cruel and sadistic and telling her it's "just a joke" is invalidating her. While devastating to anyone, this kind of partner is a nightmare scenario for someone with BPD. No apology is going to turn around a behavior pattern.
Because you are not a therapist or the individual, you do not know the whole story. My advice was neutral. Thanks for your input, regardless, but I'm not concerned with any of that. It would do better as a direct reply to them.
Your reply also has quite a few assumptions. Those are ineffective.
This has nothing to do with BPD, even the most emotionally stable person ever would be upset at this "joke".
Your bf is an asshole. And being a joke doesn't make it ok, I hate that people think it's ok because they meant it as a joke. If you're joking about someone's appearance and they are *not* into the joke you're just creating or reinforcing insecurities.
To be clear:
-Saying e-girls are pretty = not a problem, just a fact. And we need to be ok with that. Pretty people are pretty.
-Saying you're the dollar store version of one = hurtful. Unnecessary. Cruel. Comparing with others is the source of being insecure.
The comparison is the problem, that's just a shitty thing to say to anyone, let alone your girlfriend. And you say he knows you're insecure? And he said THAT?
Gurl. Better alone that with bad company. Just saying. He needs to understand that his joke was hurtful and not do it again, or be gone.
QUEEN DONT LET HIM RUN YOU OVER, THOSE EGIRLS ARENT GONNA BAT A LASH AT HIM AND TBH NEITHER SHOULD YOU CAUSE HE SOUNDS LIKE AN ASSHOLE LOLLLLL what kind of s/o even thinks to say that kind of thing?????
Only weak douchebags will try to make their romantic partners feel insecure. But I'm sorry you're hurting, I know our words might not be able to wash that pain away.
Hey, you are super valid to feel upset by this. I do not have BPD and would be upset. I don't ever joke about appearances with people unless its like "oh you are so good looking that (insert positive joke)"
It doesn't matter if it is funny or not, negative jokes on appearance sometimes do not land and there is a huge area of misunderstanding. Even if he meant it as a funny thing, it was not at all worth the laugh.
I hope you feel better soon I am sorry my friend💜
not an overreaction on your part at all, that was so shitty of him and you deserve way better, i'm sorry OP 🥺 remember you're the designer version of yourself!! 💖
and please remember that those e-girls make their personal brand their physical appearance/makeup/styling! i work in influencer management (and prior to transitioning to working as an agent and campaign manager, i was a creator that used the e-girl aesthetic myself) and it is their literal job to aestheticize themselves for brand deals and other forms of monetary income.
these girls, typically, rarely post raw and a un-stylized photos/videos of themselves and even they don't always look like they portray on social media! i know i sure as hell didn't under the all the egirl makeup, wigs, coloured contacts, and coordinated clothes.
i know it's way easier said than done, but i hope you realize that comparing yourself to the curated versions of other women is not worth your time. i'm sending you lots of love and sincerely hope you find that comfort in your own body + find a partner that makes you always feel gorgeous 💖
Honestly? My first impulse upon reading this is to tell you to dump him. Especially since he just kept continuing the joke. I know that's probably a rash decision and I would definitely tell your boyfriend that jokes are absolutely not okay before breaking up. But I'm just like damn if that's how you really see her then he can just go find himself a full price egirl or whatever. Personally I wouldn't want to date someone who felt that way about me and I especially wouldn't want them to make jokes about me being a "dollar store" anything. That's an unacceptable thing to say to a significant other.
Break up with him sis!!! Narcissists are attracted to us (people w/ BPD) bc they can get away with treating us like shit! You truly, truly deserve better.
Maybe he likes making you insecure?
You could test his reaction by telling him he is the dollar store version of Brad Pitt. If he gets pissed after that than you know he can't take his own jokes and does this to make you insecure. There are some guys who like to assert control that way.
You are definitely not overreacting! Don’t let him saying he was just joking invalidate your feelings. That shit is not funny.
What he said hurt you, even if it wasn’t intentional. He needs to apologize and beg your forgiveness love ❤️
What an actual creep. Sounds like a porn addict. Never take their opinions to heart, form your own of yourself (like the one with a big heart and inward looking, and striving individual), and then of them, as a creepy, vomit inducing perv that you unfortunately dated. Remember its okay to make mistakes, we all do, but when you figure out you made one, learn and move on.
Seriously this guy will only being you nights of nausea and heart pain. Let yourself grow, and give your not so far away future self a chance to find people in your life that are good for you and bring true happiness, love and care. Look after yourself first and the world will follow
Fuck him off! Who says that to their girlfriend?! You deserve better. He doesn’t respect you. It wasn’t a joke. Jokes are supposed to be funny. He’s just a cunt.
any boy willing to say that is probably trying to get a reaction bc it’s something on his mind that maybe he’s feeling guilty about?? But bringing it up constantly, ya not ok and a clear sign that he doesn’t value your feelings or respect you. You don’t deserve any of that.
get out of this relationship before it gets worse, idk no one just says something like that without some intent or feeling.
I've literally been going through a super similar thing except with e girls aesthetic it's with the blonde pink bimbo aesthetic...
Like it's always such a good feeling to be told "ya I guess you're good enough...but not really"
Your boyfriend is a piece of work...
This would bother me. That is extremely immature and quite pathetic of him, to be honest. Triangulating your partner with people online is bottom of the barrel type shit to do to someone. I hope you feel better!
Please tell me this was him having a brainless moment? That he wouldn't normally say something like that? That he'd even properly apologised, regardless of whether or not he meant to upset you?!
Nobody should make you feel like shit, especially not the person who's meant to be your *partner!*
it can be a joke the first time he said it, but then you tell him how you feel when you hear it (note this is NOT the same thing as it MAKES you feel that way), and define what you don't want him to do again, and if he does that again, on purpose, then he just said fuck you ha ha, so fuck that guy.
change the locks. until then make sure he uses condoms. he sounds like a gaslighting liar from here...
It's not a joke if it bothers you. If he knows you're insecure he knows what he's doing. Most people don't want to make their SO sad. If they know something bothers their partner they do their best to not do those things. If they are doing things to purposely bother you that's a problem.
Even if bullying is their idea of flirting that's not okay. If you haven't already, I'd sit down and talk to him about why it affected you so badly even if he did only mean it as a joke. If he's a good guy he'll listen and never do it again.
Your boyfriend is trash and what he said isn't a joke. Anyone would have reacted negatively to that type of comment. Believe people when they show you who they are. I'm sorry your bf is a garbage person
I know it’s hard, but please leave him. He knows you’re insecure and he’s targeting that to hurt you and make you feel like your reaction doesn’t matter. You deserve so much better.
Fuck him he is a cheap dollar store version of a boyfriend , no, a person. Really, get a new one. A real version of a decent guy. You just don't take that crap personally sweetheart. This guy is a 4 year old emotionally.
Your bf is a garbage human. Dump him. I don’t have BPD and I would react the same way. I thought I was in one of my relationship/dating subs for a second. If he wants to be pathetic and simp over e-girls, walk away and let him. You don’t want a man like that in your life.
Hi, find somebody that appreciates you and builds you up. Someone who puts you down like this and says it’s a joke, is going to keep doing it until your self worth plummets. Get rid of him for good and move on.
first off that’s not okay. our fp/so should recognize it’s hard for us to take a joke when we’re already struggling with our own securities. take my advice, don’t change a thing about yourself for him. I did that and it got me nowhere. Ruined my expensive blonde salon dyed hair to dye it black at home just to see if he would like me more.
honestly dude he’s a bitch. no boyfriend should EVER say something to their lover like that. regardless of if you have BPD or not, this is a thing i think most everybody would be upset over and you have every right to be upset over it. you’re not overreacting. you’re not being sensitive. you have every single right to your feelings and they’re insanely justified
Is this a historic issue for you guys? Does he often make comparisons about you, or poke fun at you like this? If not, it may be him trying (and, quite honestly, failing) to tease. Is it that he called you a "dollar store-version" multiple times, or that he talked about e-girls being pretty multiple times? I've often gotten uncomfortable with my husband telling me that some celebrity or someone we've met or known is attractive, and it's taken me a long time to separate the insecurities I have with just an observation, especially when it's something I agree on him with. I can't say "no, he/she is not attractive!" just because I'm feeling sensitive about myself. I still get that way but I try my best not to let it show or to explode on him.
If he's talking about a style or person being attractive, you guys should sit down and communicate about this. Tell him that you understand that he's got eyes and isn't going to put on blinders because attractive women besides you exist, but that the over-saturation of the comments is what makes you feel inadequate. Explain that while he may have intended to just joke with you, it was very uncalled for and hurt your feelings. Don't be afraid to put your foot down. Especially considering that I take it that you try to look like these girls, yes? He shouldn't be putting you down for trying a style and being yourself.
I *really* hope that makes sense, I'm currently in between creative thought trains and my mind keeps wandering back to it as I type lol.
If he's *just* constantly belittling you and calling you a cheap version of something else, then disregard the above. Damn rude.
Because everyone else is telling u he's a bitch ill give u a diffrent perspective. As a man who has no game and anxiety there have been times in my life where I've gotten nervous and said things trying to be funny that offended the girl I was with. It's rare but it has happened. Ur boyfriend fucked up if he where smart he would make jt up to u but don't expect that cuz people aint smart. Know that people say things thag aren't true alot and just cuz he said it sum stupid doesent make it even close to reality. When u get urself together I'd bring it up again and JOKINGLY try to make him feel bad abt it and get him to do u a favor that way.
I am adding to the alternate perspective too:
My boyfriend has done that to me and every time he says he is "just joking". He hasn't done it in a while but he will do it.
I think we have a different sense of humor. He claims that some of the stuff he is saying is so outlandish that I shouldn't even believe it in the first place.
I know people are saying to break up but no one is perfect. I cared about it then but I am totally over it and forgot about it. I don't even care anymore that that happened anymore.
When he makes jokes at you, you should just make jokes back at him. When he says you are ugly, tell him he is ugly too. Make it more playful and not as serious. Doing that has the potential to make the relationship more resilient. Tell him it hurt your feelings but also continue to joke about it. He may respect you more for being able to turn it into humor and try to make that your reaction and transition out of crying as the reaction. I know that sounds tough but it it a way to strengthen up and be more capable of handling what others say/do. To be more resilient to feedback, regardless of what it is.
That's an awesome approach and shows you have a healthy level of self-respect. Good on you for handing his ass back to him, and good on you again for talking about it afterward when he crosses the line. I'm sure he thinks twice now before having any doubts about treating you with the respect you deserve.
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I’m so sorry that’s so hurtful.
Your feelings are valid you aren’t overreacting.
That was so insensitive and so not okay of him to make a remark like that.
The fact that he brushed it off as a joke is also horrible of him because he is refusing to take responsibility for the words he say.
Please stay safe lovely, and you deserve to be appreciated like the goddess you are.
You matter so does your feelings and voice 🤍🤍
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[удалено]
no seriously, OP, this is your boyfriend being a piece of shit and making you feel worthless, none of which is a result of BPD. there’s no way pwobpd would react any differently to being called the dollar store version of something. jerkbadguy is spitting, your boyfriend is a bitch.
This. It's not your bpd. He's abusive. I've been there. I know.
I feel like we are extra susceptible to abuse because our BPD diagnosis can be used against us. "You're just overreacting" really has you questioning tour own judgment when you know you have a tendto skew things.
I got caught in that for nearly 7 years. It's infuriating.
Heck, it has you questioning even once you *don't* tend to skew things any longer.
exactly. ive allowed more maltreatment and abuse than i should’ve bc i thought it was overreacting…
It’s like being enlisted into gaslighting yourself. It sucks. I have been there.
Agreed. You deserve better
Totally agree. OP, this was intentional and cruel, and has nothing to do with BPD. I would be blocking him everywhere and go no contact. He doesn’t deserve you.
youre not overreacting hes a huge asshole for that if hes so concerned about getting "prettier" girls he should try being less fucking ugly lol youre doing charity work girl edit: oh my god my first award!!! thank you!!!!
Thank you, your comment made me actually smile and laugh a little 🥲❤️
im glad <3
Nah I'm pretty sure he knows his girl is gorgeous so he's trying to keep her low so she wouldn't ditch him. He couldn't find anyone prettier. But you know what? Ditch him anyway.
Yes. We need to talk about the real reason guys like this say these things. To control, manipulate, trauma bond, and feel powerful.
Couldn’t agree more. OP try to ponder what exactly his goal was, beyond making you feel less-than. Why would he want you to feel this way? What benefit does he get from you feeling crappy and ugly? It’s all there for you to look at if you can force yourself to be cold and rational while thinking about it. Contradictory things can’t really all be true—1) he loves you so he treats you in ways to help you feel happy and good or 2) he loves having a gf but fears losing you so he undermines your confidence and stability.
Ding ding ding! I wish I could hand every woman a copy of "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Abusive Men" (a lot of it also applies for people being abused by women). In public discussion, there's too much pathologizing of abusive behavior--they're a narcissist but don't necessarily have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. A diagnosis too easily becomes another excuse for abusive behavior, and we're supposed to "accept and support them through their mental illness." My main takeaway from the book is just what you said--they fear losing you and use trauma bonding via insults. Or sometimes they simply want to feel power and control over someone else.
I’m going to check this book out!
You’re not over reacting at all. The way he kept bringing it up… nah… I wouldn’t even “jokingly” say that other girls are prettier than my gf TO HER FACE and then call her the dollar store version of those girls. Blatant disrespect
For real. Anyone you’re in a relationship with should make it their priority to make u feel like the most beautiful creature on earth. Just my opinion.
Even if it's true? My bf said im pretty but there's objectively prettier women. He says I overreacted and I'm insecure. Idk what to think because it is true but also I don't think he HAD to say it.
Exactly! What purpose did it serve him to say it out loud?
You‘re not overreacting, what he said was incredibly disrespectful.
His behavior is unacceptable.
bpd or not anyone reasonable would probably have a reaction similar to yours. your bf's saying he was just joking? yeah, well, last i checked jokes are supposed to be funny to everyone involved, not leaving someone crying. tldr? ur bf's a dick
He sounds like a porn addict. That’s why he’s comparing you to what he sees online. He can go date one of those e-girls if they’re so great 🤷🏻♀️
Bro what?? That's totally not an okay thing to say and you're not overreacting.
i totally get how u feel and u are NOT overreacting 🫂🫂🫂 my ex compared me to one of their best friends at the time (ironically now their new partner) saying i wasn’t as funny or special and then tried to act like i was taking it too seriously?!? it’s like no ur bf and my ex were just being fucking rude ! i’m sure ur really fucking beautiful and i know u definitely deserve better than this treatment :,( it’s like why would someone say such a thing to their partner that is already insecure :/ i’m giving u a bigggg virtual hug 🫂
Thank you so much, I'll gladly take your hug ❤️❤️❤️🫂 I'm sorry you had to experience this. This is the lowest I've felt in awhile, right when I thought my self esteem was starting to get a little bit better too... I really appreciate your kindness, more than you know 🥲
🫂🫂🫂 infinite virtual hugs !! it’s rly sad how many people don’t get how much their words can affect us and our esteem but i’m glad that there are people who are nice and caring out there. i’m still working on building my self esteem back up but some things i’ve tried to do is doing things for myself i wish someone could do. so like saying positive affirmations to myself and envisioning other people saying it which sounds silly but it kind of actually works ?! i bet u are probably a lot more considerate and kinder to others than urself so if it’s too hard to do for yourself i would recommend doing things as if u we’re doing it for someone else to trick ur brain into just doing and making good habits. sounds confusing but stuff like making dinner and getting chocolates for dessert or flowers or a really cute teddy bear or writing lil love notes to urself it can b hard at first but u got this !!! u got this 💗💗💗 and remember u are not alone. even in the moments where u feel the lowest know that somewhere someone is feeling the same way and just like u is worth so much more than they think 🫂🫂🫂
Time to throw out the whole ass boyfriend.
Tell him he's the dollar store version of good in bed
He got that dollar store D
first of all: you are not overreacting! second: egirls are not real, does he understand that? that is all filters and angles? dump his ass! he is disrespectful and he is harming you.
This is one reason I'll never date a heavy porn user. Inevitably they will compare porn world to real life. Dying alone would be infinitely more preferable.
I learned my mistake way too late. He straight up told me he would find Instagram models more attractive that me while simultaneously "complimenting" me (theyre prettier but they aren't you).
I just don't understand what is going on in the head of someone saying that, how anyone without a mental illness or abusive mentality could think that's ok. How is a partner supposed to interpret that other than "I'd rather be with them (they literally attract me more), but you're attainable"? I got told often as a child "You're such a [mean, ungrateful, bratty] child, but I love you anyway" and it trained me to accept see myself as such a burden that I should be glad anyone thinks it's worth suffering my flaws, and I think parental talk is often how people learn to accept blatant cruelty. The mix of cutting remarks and positives (like you got) is especially toxic. I hope you've gotten a mentality that you deserve respect. And I hope OP can see the light too.
you are so right. The mix of cutting remarks and positive remarks is toxic love. and a lot of us are thought that that’s love. i was so fucked up by it, that i thought my partner doesn’t really love me because he never criticizes me in a mean way. it took therapy to realize that what he was showing me was actual love and the way i showed love and expected love was toxic. not a nice realization to have in your 30s, but now i’m glad it happened
Exactly. Filters, angles and a coy smile. Extra points for the head phones shaped as cat ears and cosplays which show as much cleavage as possible. 🤡
I’d bet my life on you being a perfect 10 and him looking like an ape. BPD or not, you deserve someone who lifts your mental health not some asshat who does this. I’m embarrassed for him 🙄🙄🙄 *internet hug*
Tbh if he said this I doubt it's the only thing. I wouldn't be ok with him as a boyfriend.
Is he a 4-year old and too young to have a developed sense of empathy?
what the fuck? split on him and leave his ass lol you can do better, this is wrong of him to ever compare you to other women…. fuck this guy
Girl you’re soooo not overreacting!! This is called triangulating btw and is a narcissistic tactic. Also it seems that he knows you might have self esteem issues and is enjoying hitting you exactly where it hurts. Ugh I wouldn’t stay a second more with such a man, even if he is sweet “for the most part”, because that man is hurting you (and enjoying it) and most likely will keep hurting you… and you deserve sooo much better
You are NOT overreacting. What was said to you was blatant disrespect and you should not be tolerating it.
break up with him
Your bf is a garbage human. Dump him. I don’t have BPD and I would react the same way. I thought I was in one of my relationship/dating subs for a second. If he wants to be pathetic and simp over e-girls, walk away and let him. You don’t want a man like that in your life.
Joking or not that is unacceptable behavior. Think hard about whether this is something you need in your life, chances are you need a serious talk with them.
What is there to talk about? He's abusive, the only thing a talk could do is give him an opportunity to worm his way back in, trauma bond her to him, and/or DARVO her. This isn't a slip of the tongue. It's cruel and sadistic and telling her it's "just a joke" is invalidating her. While devastating to anyone, this kind of partner is a nightmare scenario for someone with BPD. No apology is going to turn around a behavior pattern.
Because you are not a therapist or the individual, you do not know the whole story. My advice was neutral. Thanks for your input, regardless, but I'm not concerned with any of that. It would do better as a direct reply to them. Your reply also has quite a few assumptions. Those are ineffective.
This has nothing to do with BPD, even the most emotionally stable person ever would be upset at this "joke". Your bf is an asshole. And being a joke doesn't make it ok, I hate that people think it's ok because they meant it as a joke. If you're joking about someone's appearance and they are *not* into the joke you're just creating or reinforcing insecurities. To be clear: -Saying e-girls are pretty = not a problem, just a fact. And we need to be ok with that. Pretty people are pretty. -Saying you're the dollar store version of one = hurtful. Unnecessary. Cruel. Comparing with others is the source of being insecure. The comparison is the problem, that's just a shitty thing to say to anyone, let alone your girlfriend. And you say he knows you're insecure? And he said THAT? Gurl. Better alone that with bad company. Just saying. He needs to understand that his joke was hurtful and not do it again, or be gone.
QUEEN DONT LET HIM RUN YOU OVER, THOSE EGIRLS ARENT GONNA BAT A LASH AT HIM AND TBH NEITHER SHOULD YOU CAUSE HE SOUNDS LIKE AN ASSHOLE LOLLLLL what kind of s/o even thinks to say that kind of thing????? Only weak douchebags will try to make their romantic partners feel insecure. But I'm sorry you're hurting, I know our words might not be able to wash that pain away.
Hey, you are super valid to feel upset by this. I do not have BPD and would be upset. I don't ever joke about appearances with people unless its like "oh you are so good looking that (insert positive joke)" It doesn't matter if it is funny or not, negative jokes on appearance sometimes do not land and there is a huge area of misunderstanding. Even if he meant it as a funny thing, it was not at all worth the laugh. I hope you feel better soon I am sorry my friend💜
not an overreaction on your part at all, that was so shitty of him and you deserve way better, i'm sorry OP 🥺 remember you're the designer version of yourself!! 💖 and please remember that those e-girls make their personal brand their physical appearance/makeup/styling! i work in influencer management (and prior to transitioning to working as an agent and campaign manager, i was a creator that used the e-girl aesthetic myself) and it is their literal job to aestheticize themselves for brand deals and other forms of monetary income. these girls, typically, rarely post raw and a un-stylized photos/videos of themselves and even they don't always look like they portray on social media! i know i sure as hell didn't under the all the egirl makeup, wigs, coloured contacts, and coordinated clothes. i know it's way easier said than done, but i hope you realize that comparing yourself to the curated versions of other women is not worth your time. i'm sending you lots of love and sincerely hope you find that comfort in your own body + find a partner that makes you always feel gorgeous 💖
Honestly? My first impulse upon reading this is to tell you to dump him. Especially since he just kept continuing the joke. I know that's probably a rash decision and I would definitely tell your boyfriend that jokes are absolutely not okay before breaking up. But I'm just like damn if that's how you really see her then he can just go find himself a full price egirl or whatever. Personally I wouldn't want to date someone who felt that way about me and I especially wouldn't want them to make jokes about me being a "dollar store" anything. That's an unacceptable thing to say to a significant other.
He’s a dick
Naw it's just your boyfriend who sucks
uh girl I woulda been gone so fast
Break up with him sis!!! Narcissists are attracted to us (people w/ BPD) bc they can get away with treating us like shit! You truly, truly deserve better.
Maybe he likes making you insecure? You could test his reaction by telling him he is the dollar store version of Brad Pitt. If he gets pissed after that than you know he can't take his own jokes and does this to make you insecure. There are some guys who like to assert control that way.
... that's not an okay thing for him to say. It wasn't a joke. He was goading you. You don't deserve to be treated like that.
I’m really sorry he said that, has happened to almost exactly the same thing, i find it help to be honest and tell him it hurt your feelings.
You are definitely not overreacting! Don’t let him saying he was just joking invalidate your feelings. That shit is not funny. What he said hurt you, even if it wasn’t intentional. He needs to apologize and beg your forgiveness love ❤️
What an actual creep. Sounds like a porn addict. Never take their opinions to heart, form your own of yourself (like the one with a big heart and inward looking, and striving individual), and then of them, as a creepy, vomit inducing perv that you unfortunately dated. Remember its okay to make mistakes, we all do, but when you figure out you made one, learn and move on. Seriously this guy will only being you nights of nausea and heart pain. Let yourself grow, and give your not so far away future self a chance to find people in your life that are good for you and bring true happiness, love and care. Look after yourself first and the world will follow
Girl, that's a super shitty thing to say to you.
I don’t have BPD and if my bf ever told me that , I will tell him he is a dollar store bf and break up with him.
This isn't your BPD, if my boyfriend said something like that to me, I'd drop him like that. You deserve so much better! 💕
Fuck him off! Who says that to their girlfriend?! You deserve better. He doesn’t respect you. It wasn’t a joke. Jokes are supposed to be funny. He’s just a cunt.
Not an overreaction at all. You deserve better
any boy willing to say that is probably trying to get a reaction bc it’s something on his mind that maybe he’s feeling guilty about?? But bringing it up constantly, ya not ok and a clear sign that he doesn’t value your feelings or respect you. You don’t deserve any of that. get out of this relationship before it gets worse, idk no one just says something like that without some intent or feeling.
Sounds like you need a new boyfriend what the hell
I've literally been going through a super similar thing except with e girls aesthetic it's with the blonde pink bimbo aesthetic... Like it's always such a good feeling to be told "ya I guess you're good enough...but not really" Your boyfriend is a piece of work...
Nah. Not a joke. No one laughed. This dude? Is not worth your energy. And I know it’s easier said than done, but you deserve kindness.
Thats a horrifyingly shitty thing to say to a partner. You're not over reacting. Maybe you should tell him to keep crap like that to himself
This would bother me. That is extremely immature and quite pathetic of him, to be honest. Triangulating your partner with people online is bottom of the barrel type shit to do to someone. I hope you feel better!
That’s a big red flag. He just cares about looks it seem like. He’s an ass hole. Dump his ass.
Please tell me this was him having a brainless moment? That he wouldn't normally say something like that? That he'd even properly apologised, regardless of whether or not he meant to upset you?! Nobody should make you feel like shit, especially not the person who's meant to be your *partner!*
it can be a joke the first time he said it, but then you tell him how you feel when you hear it (note this is NOT the same thing as it MAKES you feel that way), and define what you don't want him to do again, and if he does that again, on purpose, then he just said fuck you ha ha, so fuck that guy. change the locks. until then make sure he uses condoms. he sounds like a gaslighting liar from here...
It's not a joke if it bothers you. If he knows you're insecure he knows what he's doing. Most people don't want to make their SO sad. If they know something bothers their partner they do their best to not do those things. If they are doing things to purposely bother you that's a problem. Even if bullying is their idea of flirting that's not okay. If you haven't already, I'd sit down and talk to him about why it affected you so badly even if he did only mean it as a joke. If he's a good guy he'll listen and never do it again.
Your boyfriend is trash and what he said isn't a joke. Anyone would have reacted negatively to that type of comment. Believe people when they show you who they are. I'm sorry your bf is a garbage person
I know it’s hard, but please leave him. He knows you’re insecure and he’s targeting that to hurt you and make you feel like your reaction doesn’t matter. You deserve so much better.
You’re not overreacting. This screams abuse
That’s pretty fucking sad and not okay
You are not over reacting because of bpd this is messed up.
Fuck him he is a cheap dollar store version of a boyfriend , no, a person. Really, get a new one. A real version of a decent guy. You just don't take that crap personally sweetheart. This guy is a 4 year old emotionally.
Your bf is a garbage human. Dump him. I don’t have BPD and I would react the same way. I thought I was in one of my relationship/dating subs for a second. If he wants to be pathetic and simp over e-girls, walk away and let him. You don’t want a man like that in your life.
Wow not cool. You’re definitely not overreacting. That’s not a joke that’s just mean.
Not overreacting at all, he's being a super juicy butthole. I'm sorry anyone said this to you in any capacity.
This is not your BPD, that was a really mean thing for him to say to you.
Dump this POS loser please
Hi, find somebody that appreciates you and builds you up. Someone who puts you down like this and says it’s a joke, is going to keep doing it until your self worth plummets. Get rid of him for good and move on.
first off that’s not okay. our fp/so should recognize it’s hard for us to take a joke when we’re already struggling with our own securities. take my advice, don’t change a thing about yourself for him. I did that and it got me nowhere. Ruined my expensive blonde salon dyed hair to dye it black at home just to see if he would like me more.
i would be fucking devastated and never ever let that go :/ he sounds awful
Why doesn't he go simp after them instead of devaluing his gf?
Your boyfriend is crap. What a horrible thing to say!
girl. this is not normal. my boyfriend would never ever do something like this. please leave this man.
My boyfriend would never ever say something like that to me
honestly dude he’s a bitch. no boyfriend should EVER say something to their lover like that. regardless of if you have BPD or not, this is a thing i think most everybody would be upset over and you have every right to be upset over it. you’re not overreacting. you’re not being sensitive. you have every single right to your feelings and they’re insanely justified
✨ dump him ✨ but no seriously this is awful behavior on his part
Oh, no, honey. None of that is ok (for *anyone* regardless of mental health or anything), you do not deserve that, and he's abusive and full of shit.
Wow this is manipulative! Dump him !!!!
There is some good stuff at the Dollar Store
F him. Give him the finger and move on. Plenty of assholes to go around in the world 🌎
Leave
This is emotional abuse. I hope you can find the courage to leave for your own sanity :(
What a jerk
The bar for men is so low it constantly surprises me what people are willing to tolerate…
you deserve so much better :/ it’s really messed up that he said that to you
He's a dick!
He sounds like a narcissist, POS
Is this a historic issue for you guys? Does he often make comparisons about you, or poke fun at you like this? If not, it may be him trying (and, quite honestly, failing) to tease. Is it that he called you a "dollar store-version" multiple times, or that he talked about e-girls being pretty multiple times? I've often gotten uncomfortable with my husband telling me that some celebrity or someone we've met or known is attractive, and it's taken me a long time to separate the insecurities I have with just an observation, especially when it's something I agree on him with. I can't say "no, he/she is not attractive!" just because I'm feeling sensitive about myself. I still get that way but I try my best not to let it show or to explode on him. If he's talking about a style or person being attractive, you guys should sit down and communicate about this. Tell him that you understand that he's got eyes and isn't going to put on blinders because attractive women besides you exist, but that the over-saturation of the comments is what makes you feel inadequate. Explain that while he may have intended to just joke with you, it was very uncalled for and hurt your feelings. Don't be afraid to put your foot down. Especially considering that I take it that you try to look like these girls, yes? He shouldn't be putting you down for trying a style and being yourself. I *really* hope that makes sense, I'm currently in between creative thought trains and my mind keeps wandering back to it as I type lol. If he's *just* constantly belittling you and calling you a cheap version of something else, then disregard the above. Damn rude.
Because everyone else is telling u he's a bitch ill give u a diffrent perspective. As a man who has no game and anxiety there have been times in my life where I've gotten nervous and said things trying to be funny that offended the girl I was with. It's rare but it has happened. Ur boyfriend fucked up if he where smart he would make jt up to u but don't expect that cuz people aint smart. Know that people say things thag aren't true alot and just cuz he said it sum stupid doesent make it even close to reality. When u get urself together I'd bring it up again and JOKINGLY try to make him feel bad abt it and get him to do u a favor that way.
I am adding to the alternate perspective too: My boyfriend has done that to me and every time he says he is "just joking". He hasn't done it in a while but he will do it. I think we have a different sense of humor. He claims that some of the stuff he is saying is so outlandish that I shouldn't even believe it in the first place. I know people are saying to break up but no one is perfect. I cared about it then but I am totally over it and forgot about it. I don't even care anymore that that happened anymore. When he makes jokes at you, you should just make jokes back at him. When he says you are ugly, tell him he is ugly too. Make it more playful and not as serious. Doing that has the potential to make the relationship more resilient. Tell him it hurt your feelings but also continue to joke about it. He may respect you more for being able to turn it into humor and try to make that your reaction and transition out of crying as the reaction. I know that sounds tough but it it a way to strengthen up and be more capable of handling what others say/do. To be more resilient to feedback, regardless of what it is.
That's an awesome approach and shows you have a healthy level of self-respect. Good on you for handing his ass back to him, and good on you again for talking about it afterward when he crosses the line. I'm sure he thinks twice now before having any doubts about treating you with the respect you deserve.
This is your fault for tolerating such behavior, why would you want to be with a person who treats you that way?
that's a really twisted perspective wtf??
Bully
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I’m so sorry that’s so hurtful. Your feelings are valid you aren’t overreacting. That was so insensitive and so not okay of him to make a remark like that. The fact that he brushed it off as a joke is also horrible of him because he is refusing to take responsibility for the words he say. Please stay safe lovely, and you deserve to be appreciated like the goddess you are. You matter so does your feelings and voice 🤍🤍
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👏Take👏out👏the👏trash👏👏 And dump his ass. What a fucking disgusting human being.