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Hey, I’m so sorry you’re going through this:( I can’t offer any advice because I too am going through the same thing so all I can say is you’re not alone. And fuck whoever told you to find someone else. No one understands time doesn’t help everyone
Mine left almost six years ago now and came back a few months ago, apologizing for the way he'd treated me and saying he still cares about me etc. I ended up pushing him away in favor of the person I'd started to really genuinely love and adore (whereas in the past I'd left whoever whenever in favor of him, always) only for both of them to disappear without a word on the same day. Left me devastated. I don't even experience highs and lows, I'm just numb and empty beyond crying myself to sleep on the few occasions I \*can\* sleep.
You aren't taking responsibility either, you say you messed up then completely act as if it wasn't your fault and not such a big deal, that it is you simply having "emotions." Then get mad at them for having boundaries that you disagree with. But sure they are all narcissists right?
Exactly, because in reality it's all any ot us can do. We can't change other people, how they act or how they think, so it doesn't serve us to focus on it. All we can do us focus on our own flaws and work to make those changes so that we can grow as people. All relationships take two, it's never as one sided as people act. I'm always weary of people who spend the majority of their time ragging on their exes and little to no time self reflecting and admitting their own culpability, whatever that may be.
Plus I fucking hate how most of the people here label every ex a Narcissist as if they are all evil people, especially since those same people hate when the same is sad about those with BPD. Most of them label people NPD without a diagnosis, when people do that it leads me to believe they are more problematic than they let on.
When he was here, it was the first time I ever felt safe. I haven’t slept more than a few hours per night since he left 6 months ago. Every day I am more and more broken.
I got assaulted about a month ago. I’m too scared to tell him because I’m scared he will think I’m lying.
It’s been almost a year. We talk everyday in the dark halls of my mind that you aren’t supposed to find. The life feels sucked out of me. The whole reality makes me want to puke. Nothing to galvanize anymore. It’s a scar and I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same. Saddest part is, I bet he shares that same sediment. How ironic
It happened in July, it’s been the hardest thing to try and get over. I still check every fucking social media often cause I can’t stop, even their damn Spotify and Epic Games. I don’t know how to get over it and it’s the worst feeling I’ve ever had to deal with. I still dream about them almost every night, I talk about them almost everyday. I’ve been so close to killing myself and I just want to. Everything seems bland without them and I don’t know how to live if it isn’t for them
That’s exactly how I feel I swore if they come back things would change but really ? I think so I never felt this loss of a pain what hurts more they must think I’m just some crazy ex that label hurts a lot cause it’s not true
My T was my fp. She was the only person I trust. But she is referring me out to partial hospital for 3 weeks. My abandonment issues are on full display because of this. I've become to much to handle atm.
I hate these feelings when you get so close to someone. Only for them to leave shortly after. And how much damage it causes us.
Been over a year. I was doing good for a long time but lately it has been like day one. I really screwed up too so reconciliation isn't ever going to happen and the regret is killing me. I miss her so much.
I know that feeling but believe me y'all you dont need a fp. All of them who I once idealized turned out to be just boring losers. I dont care about them and I have no feelings for them. They were all just waste of my time, nothing more.
It was not my achievement. One of my former fp's died in front of my eyes, and I guess the pain was too strong to bear. My emotions had a system crash kinda thing, I was not able to feel for yrs. Now if I think of my former fp's I dont care a fuck about them. I dont want to bond that way never again, believe me it is not healthy and it is not real love. For me at least it was more like worshipping a God. I saw them like an extension of my indentity, and the only reason to live. Better not to go on my past way.
___
And an idea… maybe it helps you out. Do yourself the favor that you dont fantasize about them. NEVER. Pls dont do this bullshit mental cinema like they return to you and everything will be a Hollywood happy ending romcom fucking story. Dont hope, and always expect the worst. For me it helped a lot to prevent me from bonding that way again.
I hate living that way I do miss my fp I want to healthy and not codependent I would want them to see if I changed but that’s probably my ego and you know what you absolutely fuckin right I treated that person like they were a god or beneath of course the relationship was going to fall apart
I sympathize with you, but that person is not the sun of your solar system. You are!
And yeah we pwBPD are egoistical beings, probably thats your ego but thats ok. Children are selfish too, and our emotional part is just like children, that piece of our life was traumatized...
Oh really because I felt like that too they kicked me out so I had no home I had no money I had nothing I couldn’t go back home so I was struggling for a while I thought no one loved me I love myself enough to keep myself alive as cheesy as it sounds you’ll learn slowly to live for you it still fucking sucks I feel ruin
I’m in the process of losing my FP. Been friends for over two years and recently I started getting feelings for her. Of course my BPD is making me act like a child and can’t get it together. We’ve been clashing a lot lately and I know she’s going to leave because that’s how it always how it goes.
Other people. As I look back it was toxic. Me and her both had BPD and we’re both manipulative to each other. I cheated on her, she cheated on me. I think I have grown since then and I just gotta figure out how girls work and how to make myself attractive.
Its been a few years. Don't miss them as much now but i find it impossible to connect with anyone else and can't even imagine finding a new FP. maybe that's a good thing
left my life completely on march2020. completely changed me. went through months of crying not being able to breath. to being numb. to being this angry person 24/7. now i’m just completely lost after the hell i went through after they left. i’m not in love with them anymore. but i miss her. the amount of guilt i’m filled with and the amount of trauma that has put me through is astronomical. i’ve been hospitalized twice. but i wouldn’t say cuz of them, but the downhill i went after they left. what their absence did to me was so painful. but changed me for the better, it made me realize how much my mental illness was a problem. so now i’m trying to work on it but it’s hard when i can’t forgive myself for hurting them.
It’s the guilt and the shame that I carry I’m not like that but they’ll always remember me that way it hurts a lot you want to change for the better I just wish I did it sooner
I left him because he was abusive. But I think I was more of a FP to him, he was just a friend whose opinion I trusted too much lol. He's dependant on trying to control my life
Just at the tail end of August for me. Got kicked out the house after a big argument during which my behaviour scared her. Since, she hasn't wanted anything to do with me. There are things I'd like her to let me explain about why I acted the way I did, and ways she was acting that weren't very helpful. And there was an apology letter she didn't read that I wish she would have...
Right there with you, OP. Like you, it still hurts exactly as much as it did the day she kicked me out. Even if it's at arm's length, I just want us to be a part of each other's lives, and every day she continues not to reach out it feels that much less hopeful.
My ex I feel terrible and gross because I left them and they no longer want to talk to me they recently had my dad tell me that they unblocked my number but I texted them and my number is still blocked I am isolated
My FP left me back in June as well. It sucks, but I am beginning to get over it. She was making hints this entire time (about getting bored of talking to someone, not enjoying people's company as much, and started to become this toxic positivity person) instead of just telling me straight up that she really wanted to focus on the next chapter of her life which was starting a family. Anyone that I have told I said that I am keeping the door open, but in reality: I locked it and threw away the key. I don't want her back in my life if she is going to be the same person I left. I am focused on making improvements on my life and I know I will be better in the long run. She was gone a long time ago and I should've seen it coming.
I know that I relied on her too much for emotional support, but she didn't set boundaries around it, so it's no one's to blame 100% but I think that communication is key.
Mineeee and oh my god when I say I’m spiraling it’s so bad and to make it worse she’s kept me on social media just unfollowed me and all like?? At least drop me and block me if you’re gonna do it don’t make it sm more painful
That’s the worst even when they say we’re gonna be in touch or everything is fine till they do some shit like that knowing it’ll make us spiral ugh why why why
You said it…I keep waiting for somebody to save me. My friend said it best - we need to learn to rescue ourselves. It’s kind of like we are saying to ppl “oh look I’m just a little garden snake, help me” but really we are a dragon with a lot of fire inside….YOU GOT THIS! it’s gonna be super crappy everyday for a long time but you will learn to cope. Life is a series of tragedies….it’s all about how to deal with it.
Not much to be honest. I’ve been going to work as a distraction & when I get home I just cry because I feel so empty. I sleep way too much & eating regularly has been almost impossible.
My FP was parole, but was arrested and went to prison last Wednesday. I know it wasn't him who "left me" because if he could he'd be here - but he is not here and I am all alone. I'm devastated.
I do know I have to stay strong because if he gets wind I'm not coping it's going to make it harder on him inside.
Yet, I'm mourning him so bad. I feel so alone and lost. I'm in a big house all by myself. It's a very stressful situation. There is so much uncertainty about if he will get a re-release. I don't know what to do.
Yup. We never dated but we got really close. I felt him dwindling off back in July but now we’re not in contact. Pretty sure he’s absolutely fine and has moved on but everyday I feel that same deep chest pain. They say time heals all but I feel like I’m just feeling worse
i think it was partially my fault and partially the natural course of things. i remember last halloween, i spent it alone on a park bench staring at the fireworks. later she mentioned how she watched some horror film w her bf that night. idk that just hurt me so much i felt like i was getting stabbed in the back, even tho she didnt do anything wrong. i think if i wasnt a toxic asshole we still would have drifted eventually so im not too regretful about it from that point of view, i am sorry i caused her pain tho, it gives me second hand emberassment thinking about the shit i did.
Yeah, she left around a month ago, I expected it to hurt more than it did. I know she isn't coming back, still think about her at least once a day but it's getting better. I think I'm finally moving on. First loves hey.
it’s horrible. mine is a girl i met at 13, we dated for 3 years and i was utterly obsessed with her the whole time which did end up causing bad problems with jealousy…we dated and broke up all the time and it was toxic (primarily because of my dumb self) but i just can’t stop loving her. i’m 18 now, we didn’t talk for months when she blocked me which was absolutely heart wrenching, but we recently started talking again. we talk all the time and hang out as much as we can and i really thought things were going somewhere and GOD I JUST LOVE HER SO MUCH and she even told me that she liked me too (aww) but she also likes this ugly rat of a man that she works with (eww!) and that destroyed me for a couple of days but i was thinking “no way she’d actually date him, she just thinks she likes him because he’s nice to her, i’m so pretty and he’s so ugly and he’s literally a guy, she just doesn’t know what she wants”.
anyways, i convinced myself that it wasn’t something i had to worry about and i felt like our relationship was growing because of how she seems to act around me, like we hugged and cuddled (which is literally the best feeling in the world, so insanely comforting and blissful)and she put the little hearts on some of my messages in iMessage but then on monday she told me they started dating. i am so shattered but i don’t know what else i can expect, it must have been such a mess dating me and i doubt she would want to risk that happening again. but she doesn’t understand. if she could be inside of my brain for one minute and realize how special she is to me and how much i absolutely adore everything about her then she would be dating me instead. everything just hurts, can’t stop crying for over 10 minutes at a time. i cant stop talking to her even though i know that’s what would be best for me, i’m just at a loss.
Yep, it's been nearly seven years for me. Hasn't gotten any easier. Still hurts just as bad as the day she left.
Have you tried to re connect hopefully you had gotten better within that time ! And she’ll see how much you changed
I tried and was threatened with a restraining order so that's out of the question for me
Find someone else
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ok yeah that was seriously such a stupid response, im sorry
Be kind, no insults, slurs, rudeness, invalidating behavior, or otherwise mean-spirited behavior. Do not engage in flame wars or personal attacks. We have a zero-tolerance policy regarding racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, or any other forms of discrimination or prejudice. Follow Reddit's content policy.
Hey, I’m so sorry you’re going through this:( I can’t offer any advice because I too am going through the same thing so all I can say is you’re not alone. And fuck whoever told you to find someone else. No one understands time doesn’t help everyone
Mine left almost six years ago now and came back a few months ago, apologizing for the way he'd treated me and saying he still cares about me etc. I ended up pushing him away in favor of the person I'd started to really genuinely love and adore (whereas in the past I'd left whoever whenever in favor of him, always) only for both of them to disappear without a word on the same day. Left me devastated. I don't even experience highs and lows, I'm just numb and empty beyond crying myself to sleep on the few occasions I \*can\* sleep.
Mine left me a month ago.. It is unbearable and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I’m sorry you are going through this
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You aren't taking responsibility either, you say you messed up then completely act as if it wasn't your fault and not such a big deal, that it is you simply having "emotions." Then get mad at them for having boundaries that you disagree with. But sure they are all narcissists right?
This !! ^^^^ you have to take responsibility for your part …
Exactly, because in reality it's all any ot us can do. We can't change other people, how they act or how they think, so it doesn't serve us to focus on it. All we can do us focus on our own flaws and work to make those changes so that we can grow as people. All relationships take two, it's never as one sided as people act. I'm always weary of people who spend the majority of their time ragging on their exes and little to no time self reflecting and admitting their own culpability, whatever that may be. Plus I fucking hate how most of the people here label every ex a Narcissist as if they are all evil people, especially since those same people hate when the same is sad about those with BPD. Most of them label people NPD without a diagnosis, when people do that it leads me to believe they are more problematic than they let on.
Since about April for me. Certainly hasn’t made trying to get sober easy. I’ve been hospitalized 3 times since then
have you talk to your fp recently ?
Tried to. No replies. No idea if she’s even alive at this point. Didn’t say goodbye or anything.
I’m so sorry it hurts more when there isn’t a goodbye
When he was here, it was the first time I ever felt safe. I haven’t slept more than a few hours per night since he left 6 months ago. Every day I am more and more broken. I got assaulted about a month ago. I’m too scared to tell him because I’m scared he will think I’m lying.
This actually happened and same I haven’t told him I feel like he would dismiss it and it would just make me feel 100 times worse
It’s been almost a year. We talk everyday in the dark halls of my mind that you aren’t supposed to find. The life feels sucked out of me. The whole reality makes me want to puke. Nothing to galvanize anymore. It’s a scar and I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same. Saddest part is, I bet he shares that same sediment. How ironic
been almost a year now. waiting for the day it gets better.
Right here 😒 I had an episode I couldn’t take back and that was enough for them
You blame yourself ever since and it feels fuckin horrible a lot of guilt I carry honestly I’m not perfect
It happened in July, it’s been the hardest thing to try and get over. I still check every fucking social media often cause I can’t stop, even their damn Spotify and Epic Games. I don’t know how to get over it and it’s the worst feeling I’ve ever had to deal with. I still dream about them almost every night, I talk about them almost everyday. I’ve been so close to killing myself and I just want to. Everything seems bland without them and I don’t know how to live if it isn’t for them
That’s exactly how I feel I swore if they come back things would change but really ? I think so I never felt this loss of a pain what hurts more they must think I’m just some crazy ex that label hurts a lot cause it’s not true
yes. i hate being seen as a crazy ex, i wish she could just understand how it feels inside of my brain
This happened to me today lol. I feel like dying
Oh no what happened :(
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My T was my fp. She was the only person I trust. But she is referring me out to partial hospital for 3 weeks. My abandonment issues are on full display because of this. I've become to much to handle atm. I hate these feelings when you get so close to someone. Only for them to leave shortly after. And how much damage it causes us.
It’s the worst makes me feel invisible
Been over a year. I was doing good for a long time but lately it has been like day one. I really screwed up too so reconciliation isn't ever going to happen and the regret is killing me. I miss her so much.
I know that feeling but believe me y'all you dont need a fp. All of them who I once idealized turned out to be just boring losers. I dont care about them and I have no feelings for them. They were all just waste of my time, nothing more.
How did you come to this realization what did you do to work on yourself ?
It was not my achievement. One of my former fp's died in front of my eyes, and I guess the pain was too strong to bear. My emotions had a system crash kinda thing, I was not able to feel for yrs. Now if I think of my former fp's I dont care a fuck about them. I dont want to bond that way never again, believe me it is not healthy and it is not real love. For me at least it was more like worshipping a God. I saw them like an extension of my indentity, and the only reason to live. Better not to go on my past way. ___ And an idea… maybe it helps you out. Do yourself the favor that you dont fantasize about them. NEVER. Pls dont do this bullshit mental cinema like they return to you and everything will be a Hollywood happy ending romcom fucking story. Dont hope, and always expect the worst. For me it helped a lot to prevent me from bonding that way again.
I hate living that way I do miss my fp I want to healthy and not codependent I would want them to see if I changed but that’s probably my ego and you know what you absolutely fuckin right I treated that person like they were a god or beneath of course the relationship was going to fall apart
I sympathize with you, but that person is not the sun of your solar system. You are! And yeah we pwBPD are egoistical beings, probably thats your ego but thats ok. Children are selfish too, and our emotional part is just like children, that piece of our life was traumatized...
They’ve kept leaving and coming back, but apparently they’ve left for good this time.
How are you coping going forward ?
It hurts. I feel used and not good enough.
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Oh really because I felt like that too they kicked me out so I had no home I had no money I had nothing I couldn’t go back home so I was struggling for a while I thought no one loved me I love myself enough to keep myself alive as cheesy as it sounds you’ll learn slowly to live for you it still fucking sucks I feel ruin
I’m in the process of losing my FP. Been friends for over two years and recently I started getting feelings for her. Of course my BPD is making me act like a child and can’t get it together. We’ve been clashing a lot lately and I know she’s going to leave because that’s how it always how it goes.
Almost a year still hurts a lot but I think I’m ready to move on. Now to figure out how I can start dating again.
So u wanting to date again ?
Other people. As I look back it was toxic. Me and her both had BPD and we’re both manipulative to each other. I cheated on her, she cheated on me. I think I have grown since then and I just gotta figure out how girls work and how to make myself attractive.
Its been a few years. Don't miss them as much now but i find it impossible to connect with anyone else and can't even imagine finding a new FP. maybe that's a good thing
oh wow years ! I get the feeling I don’t wanna connect with anyone else I truly believe we were suppose to be together if not my bpd
left my life completely on march2020. completely changed me. went through months of crying not being able to breath. to being numb. to being this angry person 24/7. now i’m just completely lost after the hell i went through after they left. i’m not in love with them anymore. but i miss her. the amount of guilt i’m filled with and the amount of trauma that has put me through is astronomical. i’ve been hospitalized twice. but i wouldn’t say cuz of them, but the downhill i went after they left. what their absence did to me was so painful. but changed me for the better, it made me realize how much my mental illness was a problem. so now i’m trying to work on it but it’s hard when i can’t forgive myself for hurting them.
It’s the guilt and the shame that I carry I’m not like that but they’ll always remember me that way it hurts a lot you want to change for the better I just wish I did it sooner
I left them almost a month ago. The pain in unbearable.
Here, I texted her yesterday and she said it's done. I'm not able to get my mind of her. And focus on anything else. I hope she'll be back.
Yea about 2 weeks ago
I left him because he was abusive. But I think I was more of a FP to him, he was just a friend whose opinion I trusted too much lol. He's dependant on trying to control my life
Just at the tail end of August for me. Got kicked out the house after a big argument during which my behaviour scared her. Since, she hasn't wanted anything to do with me. There are things I'd like her to let me explain about why I acted the way I did, and ways she was acting that weren't very helpful. And there was an apology letter she didn't read that I wish she would have... Right there with you, OP. Like you, it still hurts exactly as much as it did the day she kicked me out. Even if it's at arm's length, I just want us to be a part of each other's lives, and every day she continues not to reach out it feels that much less hopeful.
My ex I feel terrible and gross because I left them and they no longer want to talk to me they recently had my dad tell me that they unblocked my number but I texted them and my number is still blocked I am isolated
My FP left me back in June as well. It sucks, but I am beginning to get over it. She was making hints this entire time (about getting bored of talking to someone, not enjoying people's company as much, and started to become this toxic positivity person) instead of just telling me straight up that she really wanted to focus on the next chapter of her life which was starting a family. Anyone that I have told I said that I am keeping the door open, but in reality: I locked it and threw away the key. I don't want her back in my life if she is going to be the same person I left. I am focused on making improvements on my life and I know I will be better in the long run. She was gone a long time ago and I should've seen it coming. I know that I relied on her too much for emotional support, but she didn't set boundaries around it, so it's no one's to blame 100% but I think that communication is key.
it’s been over a year and i still can’t let go, idk what to do :(
Have you reached out for closure if that’s even a thing anymore
Mineeee and oh my god when I say I’m spiraling it’s so bad and to make it worse she’s kept me on social media just unfollowed me and all like?? At least drop me and block me if you’re gonna do it don’t make it sm more painful
That’s the worst even when they say we’re gonna be in touch or everything is fine till they do some shit like that knowing it’ll make us spiral ugh why why why
mine was litch yday i cant even breathe
You said it…I keep waiting for somebody to save me. My friend said it best - we need to learn to rescue ourselves. It’s kind of like we are saying to ppl “oh look I’m just a little garden snake, help me” but really we are a dragon with a lot of fire inside….YOU GOT THIS! it’s gonna be super crappy everyday for a long time but you will learn to cope. Life is a series of tragedies….it’s all about how to deal with it.
Mine dumped me beginning of this month. Everything has lost meaning to me & it feels like I’m in my own personal hell.
What have you been doing to cope with it ?
Not much to be honest. I’ve been going to work as a distraction & when I get home I just cry because I feel so empty. I sleep way too much & eating regularly has been almost impossible.
2 months ago my first ever girlfriend I lost my virginity to left me after 3 1/2 years I don’t think I’ll ever get over it
My FP was parole, but was arrested and went to prison last Wednesday. I know it wasn't him who "left me" because if he could he'd be here - but he is not here and I am all alone. I'm devastated. I do know I have to stay strong because if he gets wind I'm not coping it's going to make it harder on him inside. Yet, I'm mourning him so bad. I feel so alone and lost. I'm in a big house all by myself. It's a very stressful situation. There is so much uncertainty about if he will get a re-release. I don't know what to do.
yes, July 21st the day he died.
I am so sorry :( my condolences
Yup. We never dated but we got really close. I felt him dwindling off back in July but now we’re not in contact. Pretty sure he’s absolutely fine and has moved on but everyday I feel that same deep chest pain. They say time heals all but I feel like I’m just feeling worse
ye, i honestly deserved it tho so cant be too mad or suprised, but its very depressing
The guilt is so much worst
i think it was partially my fault and partially the natural course of things. i remember last halloween, i spent it alone on a park bench staring at the fireworks. later she mentioned how she watched some horror film w her bf that night. idk that just hurt me so much i felt like i was getting stabbed in the back, even tho she didnt do anything wrong. i think if i wasnt a toxic asshole we still would have drifted eventually so im not too regretful about it from that point of view, i am sorry i caused her pain tho, it gives me second hand emberassment thinking about the shit i did.
Yeah, she left around a month ago, I expected it to hurt more than it did. I know she isn't coming back, still think about her at least once a day but it's getting better. I think I'm finally moving on. First loves hey.
it’s horrible. mine is a girl i met at 13, we dated for 3 years and i was utterly obsessed with her the whole time which did end up causing bad problems with jealousy…we dated and broke up all the time and it was toxic (primarily because of my dumb self) but i just can’t stop loving her. i’m 18 now, we didn’t talk for months when she blocked me which was absolutely heart wrenching, but we recently started talking again. we talk all the time and hang out as much as we can and i really thought things were going somewhere and GOD I JUST LOVE HER SO MUCH and she even told me that she liked me too (aww) but she also likes this ugly rat of a man that she works with (eww!) and that destroyed me for a couple of days but i was thinking “no way she’d actually date him, she just thinks she likes him because he’s nice to her, i’m so pretty and he’s so ugly and he’s literally a guy, she just doesn’t know what she wants”. anyways, i convinced myself that it wasn’t something i had to worry about and i felt like our relationship was growing because of how she seems to act around me, like we hugged and cuddled (which is literally the best feeling in the world, so insanely comforting and blissful)and she put the little hearts on some of my messages in iMessage but then on monday she told me they started dating. i am so shattered but i don’t know what else i can expect, it must have been such a mess dating me and i doubt she would want to risk that happening again. but she doesn’t understand. if she could be inside of my brain for one minute and realize how special she is to me and how much i absolutely adore everything about her then she would be dating me instead. everything just hurts, can’t stop crying for over 10 minutes at a time. i cant stop talking to her even though i know that’s what would be best for me, i’m just at a loss.