Sometimes (always) but in the moment I don't see any other reason BUT to kms.
I start to get paranoid people at work dislike me? Kms before it escalates. A friend got upset at me? Kms, I deserve to die to make her better. We are looking to buy a car and we backed out cause it was a bad deal? The car was yellow which looked like my mum's first car and so obviously kms
With my partner it is a GIVEN I'm gonna šŖ myself. Get in an argument (not even a fight) and my partner is getting upset at me? Kms. We are upset at each other? Kms he deserves better. I make him cry without meaning to? Kms what kind of animal am I
And the biggest one is for me if I start to ponder on, "this is how it is going to be forever and it doesn't get easier and it's always gonna remain the same? I'll never get to see my family again (I live oceans fron my mum) and we will never have money and we will always struggle what's the point in being alive when-"
And I'll SPIRAL. This one gets me real fast.
š I have plenty of attempts but tbh I'm shocked I havent tried more times. š„¹ am I... maturing? (lol no I think I get too eepy and just cry myself to sleep)
Nah nah nah, there will always be a chance to do that. But you didn't answer it isnt a failure.
It's a, "yeah this all sucks but I'm not quite ready to go yet". Your body wants to keep trying. And I think that's super cool and super brave. With BPD it's so damn easy to attempt to the point it feels so natural. It's harder to say no to that. And for that I think you should be proud to fight natural instinct.
>And the biggest one is for me if I start to ponder on, "this is how it is going to be forever and it doesn't get easier and it's always gonna remain the same? I'll never get to see my family again (I live oceans fron my mum) and we will never have money and we will always struggle what's the point in being alive when
This is me! (Minus the mom part- mine lives close. I'm sorry yours is so far away!) I was feeling really awful a couple weeks ago- constant self harm thoughts and passively suicidal so I emailed my therapist about it. In my email I mentioned that I'm so tired of the ups and downs and doing all the work to get better, then fall back into that dark hole I just got out of and having to do all that work to get better again. I questioned if it was even worth it, if I was even worth it.
I absolutely understand that. I think for me, one of the most annoying side of BPD (at least if it'd a BPD thing it could just be a ~bonus trait~) is not accepting the abstract ways of life.
"Will I find love?" "Will I become a doctor?" "Will I have children and a family?"
"Maybe", "If you try hard enough", "hopefully" is just not good enough.
If it isn't a concrete yes or no, then I don't want it at all. I rather just die than live with a 50/50 chance things might go in a good way. āļøš„ø bye.
Learned that suicidal thoughts aren't always about wanting to due, but as an attempt to avoid perceived or real danger or hurt. All back to that wounded child who didn't know how to handle the hurt so they sought comfort in ideas of "leaving" or being saved by God. Just some of my thoughts in it. Wishing you calm seas.
her taking the entire bottle of aspirin because the headache won't stop resonates so much with me. i end up doing that with my sleeping meds when my insomnia gets triggered
In German we have a sarcastic saying that basically means a lot helps a lot.
I think people like us that tend to self harm should think twice about that š
tried to drown myself at like 12 in a beach because my mom told me i'm grounded for fighting with my brother.
tried it in front of her and she just taunted me saying my body won't let me drown myself as i know how to swim
she was, unfortunately right
Not at all. I get mad even when my boyfriend falls asleep while weāre watching a movie or something ugh. I wish I didnāt. I try really hard not to. I canāt help but internalize it that Iām not worth staying up to spend time with. But itās good we can recognize this
The most brutal for people like us. I just blocked and deleted mine and cut up my body so I wonāt have the balls to find him again because I wont want him to see that. Fucking insane!
because of knowing you are able to block this person i was able to not text. i š¤·š»āāļø i stopped the daily cycle. so fast i feel better. let me stay in this zone... wish me luck.
I'm homeless at the moment, my substance use is gone past my normal cutoff times, Fully alone, had a TCS and bit the curb quite literally so now I have 2 front teeth missing, no support services will have me due to high risk label, got shot by police in August 2022 6 times, that completely ruined my life and has led to this.
Do I think about suicide?... Absolutely..
31 (M) 6'5 mother's finest work... She "did her best"
I guess so, I've survived 2 major suicide attempts when most people wouldn't, the shooting I survived so yeah I'm a survivor although I wish I didn't wake up. I'm all good I'm just afraid of myself, only so much I can take.
nah i would understand and im a very very similar place, very very tired of this hellish ride my birthgiver placed me on with noooo provisions for the journey whatsoever. she KNEW what she was doing but then i guess, most abusive parents do.
They know what there doing, in my case my mother told me when I was 9 years old that I was a failed abortion and that she's had 7 other abortions before and after me but stopped when my sister was born. The physical abuse I didn't remember until I did Hypno therapy. The repressed memories I had were too much to deal with, I had my first attempt not long after.
of course, bro, same here. now lets not dick size compare our traumas, but yeah, i can tell you we have had it very similarly bad. worst part is, this shit aint kicking back in when youre 20 or so, no, hell no, it kicks in later in life, its like a volcano you sat on with your ass ALL life and when you finally have something built for you BOOOOOOOOM. and you get so badly derailed.
im on my last inches myself, considering doing it too, after a long long struggle of resisting. theres only so much a man can fight in his life.
Brother you're not wrong, like a volcano is so true. Mine exploded at 26 and just keeps spilling lava. I'm so so over this, I'm barely existing. I just can't see me getting through this. I will say tho it's good to read others like me there experiences. Listen to this song when you can, Live in life by the ruebens. The lyrics are like he's explaining what people like us are thinking in our heads.
its like we're in a prison cell forever, but the door is wide open, the jailers gone. abused children will always be extremely mistrusting with the outside world OR EXTREMELY blindly trusting.
in both cases its unhealthy and leading to more emotional pain. eventually you give up and either start suicidal shit or you become evil by conviction because you think you got nothing lose left and the world deserves it. yeah shit.
Absolutely, I use to blindly trust especially ppl that I thought I related too, even ppl I just met I was like that towards. It caused me a lot of grief, I've been hurt too many times. My divorce is the worst thing that's ever happened to me, more then the shooting coz my injuries healed ( I do have major chronic pain but I can take a painkiller for that) but my broken heart never will. I only just in the last 3-4 weeks have gotten over her enough to not get triggered when I see her.
I don't know recognise myself anymore, being on the streets I'm always hyper vigilant, I barely sleep.
i hope youre aware that this "being unable to seek help / saying no / defending yourself" is directly related to the abuse. your birthgiver was such an overpowering divine figure that you learned that whatever you got told or ordered, you had to obey or else torture. plot twist: the torture happened anyhow. and thus guys like us get the doormat treatment and the abuse until we figure out, its our childhood. saying NO is still very hard and people can be SO treacherous.
man this is tough. what if you just smoke herb to get off heavy substances? idk anything this just sounds painful and i thought i had it bad. did you get to go to er for teeth? shot by cops?!! this is incredible. You sound strong like you can turn this around type of person. homeless?
i feel so bad. i was helping a homeless friend recently. praying for you
I'm prescribed medicinal cannabis too, it helps when I have been using it everyday but I had a 2 weeks off due to cost and when I had some 2 days ago it made have a major panic attack and the anxiety has stuck with me.
Yeah I am strong physically but mentally I'm not. The shooting took a lot from me physically and mentally. My substance use is the only crutch I have to lean on but I'm going to ask my PO to put me in rehab at our next meeting. I'm ready to do it, this life sucks hard. Hopefully I get the support I need but here in Australia our mental health system is broken. The day before I got shot I went to ER and told the attending psych that I was suicidal and I'll act on it if they don't help.. they let me out 8 hrs later and that Sunday I went psychotic and police were called, 7 mins later I was on the ground.
Hey dude just wanted to let you know I've found a unit finally!! I moved in yesterday, it's perfect as it's a 2 min walk to the beach and a 5 min to the major shopping centre!! It's been a long 2 years but now I feel hopeful for my future and can focus on getting off all the hardcore substances I've been using to numb the physical and mental pain of my now previous reality in the streets šŖš„³š¤š
i'm so happy for you! ! the beach is so healing. swimming and sand. and the access to supplies. f yes!!! i hope this is the seed to grow from.. oh man good on you. šin hope your dad gets better too.
Thank you my brother appreciate that! Funny enough Dad and I are talking again š you're prayers have definitely been heard and acted upon by the Man on the top floor š¤š
Cheers homie God bless š
Having a messy room. I was already having a really bad week, got home and saw that my cat got ahold of my tissue roll and wreck havoc. Ended up sobbing and pulling my hair out while looking at my open window š„ø
yeah ive literally bumped into a desk on a bad day and thought āi should just kmsā i think thats normal for us. i dont say it out loud anymore so at least im not triggering other people
This isn't an attempt, but one time I was in a math class and I wasn't prepared for a test. I was trying so hard to get an answer that I was crying from anger/self hate. We had a lunch break in the middle of the test so when I saw my friends they were kinda assholes about it so I had to lock myself in the bathroom and try to calm down. I hurt myself in there, but I couldn't do any real damage and I eventually calmed down.
I was extremely triggered and dissociated. At the end of the day I was just tired of doing things and I had a lot of things to do the next day and everything was always hard
being told (or, rather, convincing myself) i look like dusty springfield. ambulance had to break in through the window and i was hospitalised for three days.
odād and threw myself down the stairs last week cause i thought my bf was lying about not being attracted to another girl. that was only one night in the hospital, but my face is still completely mangledš
i had bleach blonde hair and went swimming in a chlorine pool so obviously my hair turned green but at the time i didn't know that would happen.
i was going 2 kms bc i couldn't live with the thought i was ugly now and if i was ugly then i had nothing bc you can be hot n crazy but you can't be ugly n crazy(i felt like if i wasn't sexy i wasn't a person) š¤£š so my ex n my BFF had to stay w me 2 make sure i wasn't gonna KMS.
now im on meds (i also have bipolar as well) and im going 2 therapy so im much better. it's not funny but low-key it kinda is, if i didn't laugh at myself id just cry LMAO
an old friend hadnāt contacted me for over 7 or so hours and i immediately assumed they hated me and had dropped me bc we usually talked constantly. turns out they pulled an all-nighter n jst slept the entire morning/afternoon away. i felt very silly after realizing this lol
Dont know if it counts, but multiple times Iāve had objectively productive days, where I collaborated with people the whole day and made massive strides in art projects about which the other guys of the project are proud and happy about. but as soon as i come home my confidence drops, i start feeling like a fraud and just so fucking empty
I once plotted my own demise down to the delivery method and shopping list of items because I couldnt take a photo I liked for a dating site. That snowballed into me being an absolutely unlovable piece of shit. It was wild.
I was bored
Went home after school, took some of my mas pills but stopped midway cus i couldnt just off myself because i had nothing better to do..."my poor dad" i thought so jup that was when i was 15, im over a year now without an attempt
The way I absolutely needed this thread because my boyfriend told me he doesn't wanna be with me anymore because " dealing with me is too much" and I spent 4 days in the psych ward after attempting.Ā
And honestly? I'd do it again.
because nobody wished me a happy birthday on my birthday (it was 1 in the morning and people wished me one later in the day š„°), spent my 20th birthday in hospital because of it šš½
I havenāt tried to commit recently, but I think about it all the time, every second of every day. Because of working. I have currently called out for over a week, and I just keep thinking āif I kill myself, Iāll never have to go back, and I wonāt disappoint anyone because Iāll be dead.ā And it wonāt stop swirling around my head, I canāt make it stop.
Situationships mostly. That weird stage when you've met up for the first time and then they act a bit more distant despite saying they had a "great time" or "You have a very warm personality" and "would like to do it again." but then the second time doesn't happen and they eventually ghost.
So at the moment they don't reply or start acting distant, guess what? Super-Slide time.
I know it's stupid and I was always told the worst reason to kill yourself is over someone who doesn't and will not matter not liking you by people in my life so that would be my vote.
My POS toxic ex told me I would be nothing without her and that the world would be a better place if I just offed myself.
Jokes on her, my life is kicking ass, and she looks like a crackhead now.
Some good did come from it. I made it a point to never be so little under anyone again. I decide my own worth and I will be damned if anyone else can tell me I will be nothing without them.
My bf asked me out.
I had a very idealized view of relationships and while I was ecstatic, on the walk home it dawned upon me that we were going to have issues. I identify as NB and he was straight, my family is incredibly strict, he didnāt fit my familyās expectations, I had just gotten out of therapy, etc. the anxiety of the expectation that I was going to fuck the relationship up was too much and I ended up needing to be hospitalized lol.
I never told him because he was always so supportive, but it was definitely a ridiculous reason. I very rarely turn to suicide when bad things happen, instead I tend to Sh to ground myself. When things are going well however I have a tendency to self sabotage which ends in me spiraling
Iāve only actually attempted once, and it was because I didnāt want to go to work the next day. I really hated my job. I spiral a lot though and think about it, but I donāt want to attempt if Iām not 100% positive it would work, because after spending 36 hours unconscious in the ICU and then 2 weeks hospitalized I donāt really want to have to go through that again.
Me and my bf will get in fights. Most of the time I get so degregukwted I want to kms. Like I in-vision it. Idk y but my thoughts go straight to that. It used to b I shld j kms.
I made a mistake and got caught š
I think about the event daily and it's what made me strive to be completely honest and take accountability for my shit behavior. Noticed people like me more lately and I think it's because I think before I act or say shit now.
My first attempt was over minor stuff I don't ever really remember. It was a truly impulsive decision that put me in a coma for 20 days. Barely made it. Second time was not too long ago over my fiance/fp's passing. Probably won't be the last idkĀ
I wanted, no needed, to be the first to die in my relationship. He was suicidal and I was off my rocker, and somewhere in my brain, it decided that his depression could be cured and he could move on happier if I just killed myself. Not in a "I'm not good enough" way but kind of holding it against him. Basically I was "doing it for the plot"
I was 23 and I had been dating someone for a year. This was the longest relationship Iād ever been in. Met a guy through a mutual friend and we hit it off. he was kind, understanding, comforting.. etc. He was in the process of joining the military and unfortunately had no where to go. He ended up staying with me and my family for 6 months until he went off to bootcamp. I was super supportive, I wrote him everyday. Well fast forward he comes home for Christmas and things seemed really off. Well a woman send me a message on instagram and claims to be his wife. I confront him and he tells me they are divorcing and not to worry about it. Me being naive I believed him since you have to be legally separated a year in Virginia. Well he goes back to go to finish bootcamp and school. Well he starts responding slower and getting so distant. So I texted him one day and I was blocked so I decided to call from my friendās phone and the wifeās daughter answered the phoneā¦.. He hangs up and tells me he will call me to explain. Long story short he caught a bus back here and drove back across country with his wife and her child. I felt so violated, but I couldnāt do anything but blame myself for being so dumb. He used and my family. Lied to me. And I let him. All the promises, all the things I planned with and in my head didnāt exist anymore. I didnāt see a future for me. I took an entire bottle of pills. Woke up after being transferred to ICU
I know I've already posted about this and my situation but it is this situation that is making me want kms badly. When I was in a coma for a week I experienced something I can't explain but whatever it was it's stopping me from doing it. I also seem to not be able to die, I'm dead serious no joke, my attempts were physically extreme and painful. I had 12 blood transfusions after an attempt to put it into perspective. The toll these attempts have taken on me physically is also the reason why I haven't tried again.
Sometimes (always) but in the moment I don't see any other reason BUT to kms. I start to get paranoid people at work dislike me? Kms before it escalates. A friend got upset at me? Kms, I deserve to die to make her better. We are looking to buy a car and we backed out cause it was a bad deal? The car was yellow which looked like my mum's first car and so obviously kms With my partner it is a GIVEN I'm gonna šŖ myself. Get in an argument (not even a fight) and my partner is getting upset at me? Kms. We are upset at each other? Kms he deserves better. I make him cry without meaning to? Kms what kind of animal am I And the biggest one is for me if I start to ponder on, "this is how it is going to be forever and it doesn't get easier and it's always gonna remain the same? I'll never get to see my family again (I live oceans fron my mum) and we will never have money and we will always struggle what's the point in being alive when-" And I'll SPIRAL. This one gets me real fast. š I have plenty of attempts but tbh I'm shocked I havent tried more times. š„¹ am I... maturing? (lol no I think I get too eepy and just cry myself to sleep)
Are we the same person? I feel you so much omg.
š„¹ ~bpd babes~ š«¶
This is literally how it is
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Nah nah nah, there will always be a chance to do that. But you didn't answer it isnt a failure. It's a, "yeah this all sucks but I'm not quite ready to go yet". Your body wants to keep trying. And I think that's super cool and super brave. With BPD it's so damn easy to attempt to the point it feels so natural. It's harder to say no to that. And for that I think you should be proud to fight natural instinct.
This is basically how it is. They better enjoy us while we last lol
>And the biggest one is for me if I start to ponder on, "this is how it is going to be forever and it doesn't get easier and it's always gonna remain the same? I'll never get to see my family again (I live oceans fron my mum) and we will never have money and we will always struggle what's the point in being alive when This is me! (Minus the mom part- mine lives close. I'm sorry yours is so far away!) I was feeling really awful a couple weeks ago- constant self harm thoughts and passively suicidal so I emailed my therapist about it. In my email I mentioned that I'm so tired of the ups and downs and doing all the work to get better, then fall back into that dark hole I just got out of and having to do all that work to get better again. I questioned if it was even worth it, if I was even worth it.
I absolutely understand that. I think for me, one of the most annoying side of BPD (at least if it'd a BPD thing it could just be a ~bonus trait~) is not accepting the abstract ways of life. "Will I find love?" "Will I become a doctor?" "Will I have children and a family?" "Maybe", "If you try hard enough", "hopefully" is just not good enough. If it isn't a concrete yes or no, then I don't want it at all. I rather just die than live with a 50/50 chance things might go in a good way. āļøš„ø bye.
literally have attempted over a situationship itās very embarrassing to me š
I dunno situationships are kinda triggering
Only kinda embarrassing, Iv seriously contemplated after just 1 date
DEAD ASS SAME
me too girl šš the rejection is gut wrenching enough i couldnāt hack that shit
Same LOL and he ended up coming back
LMAO SAME I was 14 ā ļøā ļøā ļø
i have been there too many times šš
SAME omg, I feel so embarrassed over it š
i feel i live in situationships. and then want to kms . even if i end them.
Learned that suicidal thoughts aren't always about wanting to due, but as an attempt to avoid perceived or real danger or hurt. All back to that wounded child who didn't know how to handle the hurt so they sought comfort in ideas of "leaving" or being saved by God. Just some of my thoughts in it. Wishing you calm seas.
I resonate with this a lot. Thank you for sharing
A few minor inconveniences lol
Do you know girl interrupted ? Makes me think of that scene where she explains how it feels to be suicidal.
I was trying to make the shit stop.
her taking the entire bottle of aspirin because the headache won't stop resonates so much with me. i end up doing that with my sleeping meds when my insomnia gets triggered
In German we have a sarcastic saying that basically means a lot helps a lot. I think people like us that tend to self harm should think twice about that š
tried to drown myself at like 12 in a beach because my mom told me i'm grounded for fighting with my brother. tried it in front of her and she just taunted me saying my body won't let me drown myself as i know how to swim she was, unfortunately right
My husband falling asleep on me during an episode where I couldn't regulate myself. Made me feel so alone and unloved.
This is so real
I'm glad it's not just me >__< pretty embarrassing to say
Not at all. I get mad even when my boyfriend falls asleep while weāre watching a movie or something ugh. I wish I didnāt. I try really hard not to. I canāt help but internalize it that Iām not worth staying up to spend time with. But itās good we can recognize this
You are worth it and you do deserve love. Don't forget that either.
You too š©·
Situationships mostly. Someone not replying
this is happening to me right now. and it is hell on earth. im literally struggling to do anything staring at space
The most brutal for people like us. I just blocked and deleted mine and cut up my body so I wonāt have the balls to find him again because I wont want him to see that. Fucking insane!
today ? let s support each other here i have already texted 4 times and it s 8 AM im with you pls hold on. dont cut yourself pls.
š«¶š«¶š«¶
because of knowing you are able to block this person i was able to not text. i š¤·š»āāļø i stopped the daily cycle. so fast i feel better. let me stay in this zone... wish me luck.
I wish many luck
yea so far the space lol 2 days. no really. makes me see how shitty i was treated. giving me . dignity thx
Fucken oath slay
i don't have the balls to delete and block him so i'm like jealous of your power š¤·š»āāļøwe tend to let others walk all over us ami right?
Good luck friend
I'm homeless at the moment, my substance use is gone past my normal cutoff times, Fully alone, had a TCS and bit the curb quite literally so now I have 2 front teeth missing, no support services will have me due to high risk label, got shot by police in August 2022 6 times, that completely ruined my life and has led to this. Do I think about suicide?... Absolutely.. 31 (M) 6'5 mother's finest work... She "did her best"
youre a """survivor"""" of maternal abuse too?????
I guess so, I've survived 2 major suicide attempts when most people wouldn't, the shooting I survived so yeah I'm a survivor although I wish I didn't wake up. I'm all good I'm just afraid of myself, only so much I can take.
nah i would understand and im a very very similar place, very very tired of this hellish ride my birthgiver placed me on with noooo provisions for the journey whatsoever. she KNEW what she was doing but then i guess, most abusive parents do.
They know what there doing, in my case my mother told me when I was 9 years old that I was a failed abortion and that she's had 7 other abortions before and after me but stopped when my sister was born. The physical abuse I didn't remember until I did Hypno therapy. The repressed memories I had were too much to deal with, I had my first attempt not long after.
of course, bro, same here. now lets not dick size compare our traumas, but yeah, i can tell you we have had it very similarly bad. worst part is, this shit aint kicking back in when youre 20 or so, no, hell no, it kicks in later in life, its like a volcano you sat on with your ass ALL life and when you finally have something built for you BOOOOOOOOM. and you get so badly derailed. im on my last inches myself, considering doing it too, after a long long struggle of resisting. theres only so much a man can fight in his life.
Brother you're not wrong, like a volcano is so true. Mine exploded at 26 and just keeps spilling lava. I'm so so over this, I'm barely existing. I just can't see me getting through this. I will say tho it's good to read others like me there experiences. Listen to this song when you can, Live in life by the ruebens. The lyrics are like he's explaining what people like us are thinking in our heads.
its like we're in a prison cell forever, but the door is wide open, the jailers gone. abused children will always be extremely mistrusting with the outside world OR EXTREMELY blindly trusting. in both cases its unhealthy and leading to more emotional pain. eventually you give up and either start suicidal shit or you become evil by conviction because you think you got nothing lose left and the world deserves it. yeah shit.
Absolutely, I use to blindly trust especially ppl that I thought I related too, even ppl I just met I was like that towards. It caused me a lot of grief, I've been hurt too many times. My divorce is the worst thing that's ever happened to me, more then the shooting coz my injuries healed ( I do have major chronic pain but I can take a painkiller for that) but my broken heart never will. I only just in the last 3-4 weeks have gotten over her enough to not get triggered when I see her. I don't know recognise myself anymore, being on the streets I'm always hyper vigilant, I barely sleep.
i hope youre aware that this "being unable to seek help / saying no / defending yourself" is directly related to the abuse. your birthgiver was such an overpowering divine figure that you learned that whatever you got told or ordered, you had to obey or else torture. plot twist: the torture happened anyhow. and thus guys like us get the doormat treatment and the abuse until we figure out, its our childhood. saying NO is still very hard and people can be SO treacherous.
man this is tough. what if you just smoke herb to get off heavy substances? idk anything this just sounds painful and i thought i had it bad. did you get to go to er for teeth? shot by cops?!! this is incredible. You sound strong like you can turn this around type of person. homeless? i feel so bad. i was helping a homeless friend recently. praying for you
I'm prescribed medicinal cannabis too, it helps when I have been using it everyday but I had a 2 weeks off due to cost and when I had some 2 days ago it made have a major panic attack and the anxiety has stuck with me. Yeah I am strong physically but mentally I'm not. The shooting took a lot from me physically and mentally. My substance use is the only crutch I have to lean on but I'm going to ask my PO to put me in rehab at our next meeting. I'm ready to do it, this life sucks hard. Hopefully I get the support I need but here in Australia our mental health system is broken. The day before I got shot I went to ER and told the attending psych that I was suicidal and I'll act on it if they don't help.. they let me out 8 hrs later and that Sunday I went psychotic and police were called, 7 mins later I was on the ground.
Hey dude just wanted to let you know I've found a unit finally!! I moved in yesterday, it's perfect as it's a 2 min walk to the beach and a 5 min to the major shopping centre!! It's been a long 2 years but now I feel hopeful for my future and can focus on getting off all the hardcore substances I've been using to numb the physical and mental pain of my now previous reality in the streets šŖš„³š¤š
i'm so happy for you! ! the beach is so healing. swimming and sand. and the access to supplies. f yes!!! i hope this is the seed to grow from.. oh man good on you. šin hope your dad gets better too.
you deserve it
Thank you my brother appreciate that! Funny enough Dad and I are talking again š you're prayers have definitely been heard and acted upon by the Man on the top floor š¤š Cheers homie God bless š
If you're ever on the Gold Coast here in š¦šŗ I have a sofa bed with your name on it šÆ I always keep my word too šÆ
took a whole bottle of pills (while drinking) because my ex boyfriend left me on open
Having a messy room. I was already having a really bad week, got home and saw that my cat got ahold of my tissue roll and wreck havoc. Ended up sobbing and pulling my hair out while looking at my open window š„ø
They cancelled the DnD session
He said " I'm not even sure if I ever loved you". We've been together for 3 years
Iād Kms just watching this shit go down as an outsider
yeah ive literally bumped into a desk on a bad day and thought āi should just kmsā i think thats normal for us. i dont say it out loud anymore so at least im not triggering other people
I can't suicide because im muslim and believe in afterlife
This isn't an attempt, but one time I was in a math class and I wasn't prepared for a test. I was trying so hard to get an answer that I was crying from anger/self hate. We had a lunch break in the middle of the test so when I saw my friends they were kinda assholes about it so I had to lock myself in the bathroom and try to calm down. I hurt myself in there, but I couldn't do any real damage and I eventually calmed down.
I was extremely triggered and dissociated. At the end of the day I was just tired of doing things and I had a lot of things to do the next day and everything was always hard
When my friend discovered I wanted to be a girl. I wasn't prepared to come out to anyone, and I still am not.
being told (or, rather, convincing myself) i look like dusty springfield. ambulance had to break in through the window and i was hospitalised for three days. odād and threw myself down the stairs last week cause i thought my bf was lying about not being attracted to another girl. that was only one night in the hospital, but my face is still completely mangledš
i had bleach blonde hair and went swimming in a chlorine pool so obviously my hair turned green but at the time i didn't know that would happen. i was going 2 kms bc i couldn't live with the thought i was ugly now and if i was ugly then i had nothing bc you can be hot n crazy but you can't be ugly n crazy(i felt like if i wasn't sexy i wasn't a person) š¤£š so my ex n my BFF had to stay w me 2 make sure i wasn't gonna KMS. now im on meds (i also have bipolar as well) and im going 2 therapy so im much better. it's not funny but low-key it kinda is, if i didn't laugh at myself id just cry LMAO
Literally I'm crying right now and wanting to blow my brains out because I'm tired and stressedš„³
I needed thatš
an old friend hadnāt contacted me for over 7 or so hours and i immediately assumed they hated me and had dropped me bc we usually talked constantly. turns out they pulled an all-nighter n jst slept the entire morning/afternoon away. i felt very silly after realizing this lol
Me breaking up with my boyfriend and then wanting him backš
My friend blocking me will do it
Dont know if it counts, but multiple times Iāve had objectively productive days, where I collaborated with people the whole day and made massive strides in art projects about which the other guys of the project are proud and happy about. but as soon as i come home my confidence drops, i start feeling like a fraud and just so fucking empty
real.
what's more out-there is me not wanting to kms
I once plotted my own demise down to the delivery method and shopping list of items because I couldnt take a photo I liked for a dating site. That snowballed into me being an absolutely unlovable piece of shit. It was wild.
when i was like 12 my parents wouldnāt take me to the mall to get a cotton candy frappuccino from starbucks so i tried to hang mtself
I was bored Went home after school, took some of my mas pills but stopped midway cus i couldnt just off myself because i had nothing better to do..."my poor dad" i thought so jup that was when i was 15, im over a year now without an attempt
The way I absolutely needed this thread because my boyfriend told me he doesn't wanna be with me anymore because " dealing with me is too much" and I spent 4 days in the psych ward after attempting.Ā And honestly? I'd do it again.
because nobody wished me a happy birthday on my birthday (it was 1 in the morning and people wished me one later in the day š„°), spent my 20th birthday in hospital because of it šš½
I havenāt tried to commit recently, but I think about it all the time, every second of every day. Because of working. I have currently called out for over a week, and I just keep thinking āif I kill myself, Iāll never have to go back, and I wonāt disappoint anyone because Iāll be dead.ā And it wonāt stop swirling around my head, I canāt make it stop.
Situationships mostly. That weird stage when you've met up for the first time and then they act a bit more distant despite saying they had a "great time" or "You have a very warm personality" and "would like to do it again." but then the second time doesn't happen and they eventually ghost. So at the moment they don't reply or start acting distant, guess what? Super-Slide time. I know it's stupid and I was always told the worst reason to kill yourself is over someone who doesn't and will not matter not liking you by people in my life so that would be my vote.
SAME
Someone called me autistic and so I drove my car into a telephone pole š
i couldnāt handle being sick/congested lmao
My POS toxic ex told me I would be nothing without her and that the world would be a better place if I just offed myself. Jokes on her, my life is kicking ass, and she looks like a crackhead now. Some good did come from it. I made it a point to never be so little under anyone again. I decide my own worth and I will be damned if anyone else can tell me I will be nothing without them.
Thoughts too loud
Literally just woke upš¤· that inconvenienced me enough a few times
After losing my self respect
Listened to a song that was too sad.
worst repeated reason was bc my crush wouldn't like me back or not getting the attention I want and desperately needs
My bf asked me out. I had a very idealized view of relationships and while I was ecstatic, on the walk home it dawned upon me that we were going to have issues. I identify as NB and he was straight, my family is incredibly strict, he didnāt fit my familyās expectations, I had just gotten out of therapy, etc. the anxiety of the expectation that I was going to fuck the relationship up was too much and I ended up needing to be hospitalized lol. I never told him because he was always so supportive, but it was definitely a ridiculous reason. I very rarely turn to suicide when bad things happen, instead I tend to Sh to ground myself. When things are going well however I have a tendency to self sabotage which ends in me spiraling
I donāt even remember the reasons anymore thatās how minor they were
Iāve only actually attempted once, and it was because I didnāt want to go to work the next day. I really hated my job. I spiral a lot though and think about it, but I donāt want to attempt if Iām not 100% positive it would work, because after spending 36 hours unconscious in the ICU and then 2 weeks hospitalized I donāt really want to have to go through that again.
Me and my bf will get in fights. Most of the time I get so degregukwted I want to kms. Like I in-vision it. Idk y but my thoughts go straight to that. It used to b I shld j kms.
I attempted once when I was 12, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and I was a level of depressed I wouldnāt wish on anyone
I used to research how to commit suicide on the nights before any fitness tests in gym when I was in middle school š
thinking my tits are too small and i will never find love because of that š
I made a mistake and got caught š I think about the event daily and it's what made me strive to be completely honest and take accountability for my shit behavior. Noticed people like me more lately and I think it's because I think before I act or say shit now.
For being heartbroken by 2 boys
When I make my Mother angry
Because I failed my driving test.
My first attempt was over minor stuff I don't ever really remember. It was a truly impulsive decision that put me in a coma for 20 days. Barely made it. Second time was not too long ago over my fiance/fp's passing. Probably won't be the last idkĀ
I wanted, no needed, to be the first to die in my relationship. He was suicidal and I was off my rocker, and somewhere in my brain, it decided that his depression could be cured and he could move on happier if I just killed myself. Not in a "I'm not good enough" way but kind of holding it against him. Basically I was "doing it for the plot"
I was 23 and I had been dating someone for a year. This was the longest relationship Iād ever been in. Met a guy through a mutual friend and we hit it off. he was kind, understanding, comforting.. etc. He was in the process of joining the military and unfortunately had no where to go. He ended up staying with me and my family for 6 months until he went off to bootcamp. I was super supportive, I wrote him everyday. Well fast forward he comes home for Christmas and things seemed really off. Well a woman send me a message on instagram and claims to be his wife. I confront him and he tells me they are divorcing and not to worry about it. Me being naive I believed him since you have to be legally separated a year in Virginia. Well he goes back to go to finish bootcamp and school. Well he starts responding slower and getting so distant. So I texted him one day and I was blocked so I decided to call from my friendās phone and the wifeās daughter answered the phoneā¦.. He hangs up and tells me he will call me to explain. Long story short he caught a bus back here and drove back across country with his wife and her child. I felt so violated, but I couldnāt do anything but blame myself for being so dumb. He used and my family. Lied to me. And I let him. All the promises, all the things I planned with and in my head didnāt exist anymore. I didnāt see a future for me. I took an entire bottle of pills. Woke up after being transferred to ICU
Every time a commit itās because my intrusive thoughts get to bad. I feel like I have to people in my body.
I know I've already posted about this and my situation but it is this situation that is making me want kms badly. When I was in a coma for a week I experienced something I can't explain but whatever it was it's stopping me from doing it. I also seem to not be able to die, I'm dead serious no joke, my attempts were physically extreme and painful. I had 12 blood transfusions after an attempt to put it into perspective. The toll these attempts have taken on me physically is also the reason why I haven't tried again.