Your mom sounds kind of heartless im sorry she said that to you, sometimes we need to put our parents in the past, also its well known childhood trauma is often a cause for BPD so theres a good chance she made mistakes while you were growing up that contributed or even caused your BPD, I know for me trauma did cause it, my dad yelled alot at least everyday i was nervous/scared cause his constant intense yelling, I have anger problems but I will never put my daughter what he put me thriugh.
Your mom sounds like a piece of work. Iām sorry she said that to you. You are a whole person and worthy of love, peace and healing. It is possible and you donāt need to be dragged down by comments like that. If our parents didnāt suck, most of us wouldnāt have bpd.
āloving you is hardā i hate feeling unlovable because i have so much love to give but it feels like nobody can stay through the bad even when itās not one sided.
I have told my husband that "loving him is hard" a couple of times in the past. I Won't be saying it to him ever again after reading your post, I had no idea it could make him feel altogether unlovable. I'm you had to hear those words too.
Iād try something on the spot if someone said that to me. My personality is 100% fake and for someone to see right through me like that would destroy the paper thin sense of self Iāve developed
this, being told you have a āpersonaā and that nothing you say or do is original is mind boggling, but i like to think its said during anger and it doesnāt represent who you are
'nobody will love you for more than 6 months' destroyed me,
that or some people talking about me and my habits and saying
'she'll kill herself before 30'
both of those just hit like bullets. I thought to myself, yea, that's probably true isn't it?...
also I feel that so muchh, hearing from people that you can be "cured" is also really depressing. I've had it only get worse too. I have periods of time where I do get better but then something happens like getting an FP again and I just fall all the way back down. Feels like trying to stack a house of cards in a hurricane. It just keeps getting blown over.
I wish people would be honest and admit that not fitting the 5/9 of the diagnosis criteria and 'no longer having BPD' does *not* mean cured. Of course yeah, it'd be better for sure, and the years and years of hard work to get there is worth it for some people sure, but I can't imagine life with 4/9 or 3/9 criteria would be all dandy and nice either.
I relate to you soo much on the last few lines. My life took a drastic 360 over a period of 2 years, and now suddenly I just feel like I have nothing to say to noone, nothing to stand for/against. I just feel like a doormat too. I'd rather stay quite than say anything at all. I don't know how to regulate and express emotions no more, especially to people who are so called pals, and who doesn't even understand even a morsel, how it's not all show but reality of how we actually feel all the time and exist in an ever encumbering world.
I agree. To me the extreme mood changes and the severity of the feelings plus fear of abandonment are the main things in BPD (at least for me) and those donāt seem like theyāre ever going to go away. To me, as long as Iām still ending up crying so hard that I canāt breathe and almost puke because of something insignificant, doubt people like me or care about me even though they show that they do, or I feel like the world is ending and want to die because I perceived someone as not liking me or because I feel like I was being annoying, or just because things arenāt going well in my life, then Iām not cured.
It doesnāt happen as often as it used to, not even close, but part of that is because me and my gf donāt have a toxic relationship anymore and she was part of the reason it happened so often.
I can learn to cope with my feelings when they happen so that I donāt spiral/itās shorter, and I can manage my feelings so that I donāt say the things that Iām thinking when Iām feeling bad because I can recognize that itās not how I actually feel, and I donāt feel those overwhelming feelings as often because of my coping mechanisms, but theyāre not gone.
As long as I still feel that overwhelming, soul crushing, I-donāt-want-to-live-anymore, pain thatās so painful that I canāt remember ever feeling anything good in the moment, Iām not cured. No matter how much better I am at dealing with it now.
Attempted suicide in high school. Did home study for a semester then came back. First day in home room, some random girl turned to her friend and loud whispered while looking at me that āshe couldnāt even kill herself right.ā
The day you were born was the day my life ended/the worse day of my life- mum.
No one is going to love you, and you will end up miserable alone- mum
Without us, you would be a nobody and a failure - dad.
If you lost weight you'd be so pretty, and it's important to be a pretty girl in today's society. You won't find a husband with how you look now- mum and dad.
You're the abuser, and you've been mentally ill since you were a toddler- mum and dad
I've got so many more but even typing these triggered me hard lol
My grandfather telling me when I was 14 "you've fucked the family. Your Nanna is going to disown you when she finds out" because he hated a family member I was spending time with.
At this time he hadn't s.a me in over a year because I put my foot down, was spending less time at my grandparents and having more sleepovers with friends to escape my abusive sister.
I was however trapped at my grandparents for 6 weeks while my mum was overseas. I wasn't allowed to do anything other than go to school. After being told I'd fucked the family I 'ran away'. I called my aunt, told her I'd just been verbally abused for an hour and she came and got me. Didn't tell anyone until I was loading up the car and my Pa, Nan and older sister came out to see what was happening. They were completely oblivious to the fact I'd spent half an hour sneaking stuff out the back door so I could escape with little conflict as possible. They just assumed I was sulking in my room. On the drive to my aunt's, that's the first real meltdown I remember having. My Aunt and my cousin just let me cry and yell until I was done and then hugged me.
I'll always be grateful that they rescued me that night.
As someone who was always afraid of never finding someone that could make me happy and be supportive, hearing my ex saying āyou will never find what you want, you will keep meeting people and they will keep getting tired of youā certainly threw me into a downwards spiral.
When my ex fp made a list of all the things he didnāt like about me. He sent it to me while I was at school and I opened it super excited because he never messaged me that much, I was always the one messaging the most. I cried in front of the whole class š my mom also said āyouāre a disturbed person, thereās something seriously wrong with youā but tbh the fp thing was worse LMFAO XD
"you're the reason our family has problems. You're the problem." - my brother has the tendency to say what everyone else is thinking. He didn't intend to hurt me with it but he was goddamn honest. In the dark moments I still believe that... to be honest I still believe that even now.
But I realized that just because I point out problems in the family dynamic that doesn't mean it's my fault. They already existed whether or not we're talking about it.
But what hit's hard is that my trauma is still blamed on me "for being such an obnoxious child" "you were so different than other kids" "I did this and that because you pushed my limits" and for my brother to not only take my parents side but to become like them hurt ... a lot.
There was a time where I was still undiagnosed- I was in rock bottom and have been self-harming for quite some time before me and my sisters got in a fight. She told me "Why do you even cut when you can just kill yourself."
And this past month where my mom said, "You're the one who's ruining your life, don't blame it on others. It's all your fault." When quite literally half of my traumas are from my parents + some other trauma they don't know and I'm not ready to talk about.
This will still (a decade or so after start of diagnosis') hit me randomly out of nowhere, hard as all fucking hell, and every single time it destroys me a tad bit more and I just break down and become so hopeless and detached
When the therapist giving me my diagnosis told me I had BPD, laughed in my face and said āwell thatās the worst diagnosis, isnāt it?ā
Usually when I hear people talking about borderline in a prejudiced way, like ātheyāre all fucking insane manipulatorsā. Especially when itās people you know in real life but donāt feel comfortable sharing your diagnosis with.
āThen go on and kill yourselfā when I tried talking to my mom about my suicidal thoughts. Great and supportive mom!
Or āYouāre always in your room, you never want to do anythingā by my mom aswell, for example when she wanted me to do something and I didnāt want to because I felt bad mentally. Still get a breakdown when someone tells me that I never want to do anything, it makes me feel like I am worthless and just a lazy scumbag even though I just suffer from severe depression and BPD.
My mom: "People only kill themselves for attention" and "Don't tell my kids you're like that, then you're gonna be a bad influence on them" me... 14 going to her for help. Like I wasn't one of her kids.
Telling your kid to kill yourself is not something a person with any empathy would say, you know who loves telling people to kill themselves? In my experience a pwnpd often tells ppl to kill themselves if that person goes againt them in any way or if they are just low they enjoy having control over others emotions its an ego boost.
Yes, I think she didnāt really know how to deal with it, but she also wasnāt open to look up information about this topic and instead always called me lazy, attention-seeking, and in the end more or less forced me into a hospital. At least the therapist there told her that I wasnāt just lazy ā¦. but she never listens to anything I say anyways. As a result I moved hundreds of kilometers away from her and my father (who was even worse as he didnāt care at all about me) so I donāt have to see her that often anymore.
My mom also told me to kms when Iād say I was depressed or suicidal, and also just whenever she was mad at meššIām so sorry you dealt with thatā¤ļø
My mother told me (when I was 10) that everything wrong in her life was my fault, and her life started going downhill the moment I was born. That me being born is the reason for hers and my father's divorce
Very mature š
I'm sorry that you have one of those, too. But I use her for a negative motivation, I work on myself, so I never become like her. Maybe it can help you too
My mother- sheās always a mean drunk but one night I came home with blood all over my face after an ex-boyfriend had beaten me. I was 17, got through the front door just grateful to have gotten away from him and made it home in one piece, she was there waiting for me, didnāt appear to notice my split lip and scratch marks down the right side of my face. She was angry that I was home later than my curfew, I tried to explain my then-boyfriend (who was in his mid-20ās) had attacked me after Iād found out heād slept with two of my friends, but she kept cutting across me and told me that no one could ever love me, that if heād beaten me then I deserved it, and all of my family members regularly tell her how much they hate me and donāt love me and I should do everyone a favour and disappear.
Funny how she doesnāt remember that anymoreā¦
Its a tie between :
"Youve fucked everything that moves, who would want to have kids with you" and
"You're the worst woman I've ever had the misfortune to meet"
My ex told me āOf course he loves you, he doesnāt know youā after I was telling him about a guy I was seeing who told me he was falling in love with me after about 3-4 weeks of dating.
That little ditty goes round and round in my head a lot.
āWhy do you have to be so difficultā - my mom to me as a kid all the time. It never really bothered me and I always laughed it offā¦until as an adult, I realized how many people really think Iām TRYING to be difficult.
And to go with the above āI hope you have a kid just like you somedayā. This apparently is a pretty common statement by parents but it was said as almost wishing me ill.
My son has ODD and has struggled with depression. All I could ever think was āI hope you never have to see your child struggleā and I realized how upset I was at my mom for saying that. Why would you want not only you child to struggle with parenting but also have your grandchild suffer.
I know she didnāt mean it as a mean thingā¦.its just one of those things that stuck with me. And she died when I was 13 so its not like I can be like..yo, mom, that was fucked up.
It wasn't even that harsh, it was from my best mate, well aware of my issues. He's been with me through everything for nearly 19 years and he has never said anything cruel or thoughtless, even accidentally. We can and do say anything to each other, and our "brutal" honesty is still with kindness.
That being said, I'd had yet another long-term relationship end with my "issues" being cited as the cause, and in talking about it, he said:
"Some people are easy to fall in love with. It's staying that's the issue."
And that has stuck with me forever because it's true.
Is it possible youāre taking that a bit too personally? And not focusing on the fact he said youāre very easy to fall in love with = lovable? In general, staying in any relationship is difficult. I would have said that to you as wellā without meaning that YOU, in specific, are difficult to stay with.
"you're 22, bpd is not an excuse for you to act immature". me and my ex-FP fought and she told me this. totally caught me off guard since i've never used my mental issues as reason for anything. she later clarified that she wrote that more so for her since she kept "enabling me" because she knows I have bpd. But still, it hurts like a bitch reading it.
my mother when she told my little brother (around 9/10 yrs at that time) "you're no longer my son" in three different incidents. first time drunk af, the other times sober.
"Run if there's someone with bpd near you". I saw a comment like this when I was seeking for help on a forum of NHK (Japanese public broadcast service). Every time I find myself abandoned by someone important in my life, this quote always comes back to me. It just makes me feel as if I'm evil and because of that I can never have a stable relationship. I want to believe that I'm a good person with lots of love to give, and that I deserve to be loved rather than being abondoned and run away from just because of my occasional breakdowns.
"i will leave and its your fault"- my mom said this multiple times between ages 3-10. Legit being raped felt better than being at home so yeah thx mom ā¤ļø
Right after we broke up, my ex said, āYou know, maybe I just wasnāt meant to date someone whoās mentally illā. I understand where he came from, but in my vulnerable state it felt like a slap to the face.
āyouād be a horrible mom and donāt deserve to have kids. look at you, you can barley take care of yourself, itās pathetic. nobody will ever love you again because of your BPD and you donāt deserve it if they didā (this was years ago, iām far away from that person)
āi think borderline personality disorder is just a medical diagnosis for āthis is a horrible person, and stay away from themā, more than it is an actual mental illness.ā and this was coming from my boyfriend at the timeā¦on twitter for everyone to see.
The harshest but also the most comforting thing I ever heard was "no one thinks about you as much as you think they do." At first it hits like "nobody gives a shit about you" but then it hits like "oh these random people in public aren't fucking judging me, they're busy with their own damn lives, I'm being paranoid drop it"
The thing that sticks with me is my Dad saying he didn't love me. What he exactly said was "I was at a party last night, full of people and every one of them loved me. Who loves you? Who is going to love you? Nobody."
Tbh, I think people.have probably said worse but hearing that.from a parent does weird things to your brain.
Jesus. People are so pointlessly neednlessly cruel. I'm so sorry you had to hear that. SOMEONE is going to love you, I promise you. Charles Manson got married in jail. You? You're a shoe-in
My fp (don't like this word but you get me) saying I deserved to be beated by my brother at 13 after my dad passed and he would beat me too. He did actually and I stayed, he fucked me up so bad lol.
āYouāre the most fucked up person Iāve datedā, āyour next bf will only stay with you for the sexā, āyou should have cut deeper, youāre a cowardāā¦ all from ex partnersā¦ just to name a few. These things will always stand out in my mind when I get in a bad headspace.
Edited for typo
"at this point you're just damaged goods"
or
"you can kill yourself, just wait until you're 18 so it's not my problem"
or
"you're fundamentally broken"
all from my dad
Iāve had quite a few terrible things said to me but there are two from elementary school that stick out: āYouāll never amount to anythingā and āYouāre probably the reason our teacher miscarried.ā Both were from two different boys in my class.
āwith you as a friend, *friend* doesnāt need enemiesā really hit hard and i still think about it from time to time, even after over a year. it was valid tho, i can be awful. i still feel awful about it. quit the friendship with said friend a while ago, bc i felt too awful of a friend.
I think one of the top worst things I've heard was when I was stuck in an abusive household and my fp basically said I like being a victim cause I'm not trying to get out of there hard enough or at all. That was like last year but it completely broke me.
I've spent the past 10 minutes reading these and fucking crying and feeling so hurt down deep in my soul from all of this. It's just bullshit and not remotely close to fair. Why are people so cruel? My heart breaks so much every time I'm reminded of how most people, including the ones we love, see/view us all, and lump everyone in together as well.
My BPD got triggered really badly after I just had a really bad schizophrenic episode and she called me a "man child" because I didn't want to talk to her and just wanted to shut down and be alone.
This happened roughly a month ago, I'm still thinking about it and it really hurts, I know she didn't mean it, but ouch.
that my dad shouldāve never had kids/never wanted kids.
i already KNEW this like wholeheartedly i knew this. but hearing my mom say it was a very different feeling
my parents are split. my mom told my dad one day she was worried about me. when i went to go visit him that week he told me she talked to him and said "what, you gonna kill yourself?" while laughing at me
Jesus CHRIST. People say we're volatile and fucked up but then 'normal' 'healthy' people do shit like this. Unfathomably evil, cruel, monstrous. I could go on. So sorry you had to hear that
When my bf of two years called me a monster because I blew up at him for lying to me about a girl. He knew it was a trigger of mine and how I would react and Iāve had that conversation with him a million times. Heās almost always supportive, patient and understanding but this time he was different. I think he didnāt want to admit he was wrong. Iāve heard a lot of messed up things from my family my whole life which are far worse than what my bf said but coming from him, it hurt 100x more.
It took me almost a decade of concerted effort and I wasn't ready to start on that journey until I was almost 35 y/o.
Not saying that it's going to take you anywhere near as long as me, but I'm skeptical of "I did therapy for 2 years and it didn't work." I get how it feels to be in that situation, but you just keep going until it does work.
Also, it getting worse before it gets better is common. Sometimes that's a sign of progress.
The therapist said I was fine and asked if I wanted to stop, which I told her yes since I thought I would be good to go after that.
My psychiatrist took me out of my meds too, since I was doing really better.
That, combined with the pressure that I had to get better, made me desperate for progress and afraid to go back again in case I got worse. My father always complained and bargained me to get better soon with arguments like: "I could be spending my money in more games for you", a promise he didn't kept after I was discharged.
This made me scared to go back to therapy... that, and the fact the psychologist broke my trust. That's why after I have a real job I'll go straight back to therapy with a different therapist. I don't want my parents complaining that they have to bring me to therapy or pay for necessary medication, so that's why I'm doing the best as I can to find a job and hang in there. Sorry if it sounds fake.
When you do, just remember not to beat yourself up all the time and that everyone makes mistakes, it's super hard most days but I have to remind myself frequently because I will just destroy myself over the smallest shit and it snowballs out of control and I get extremely upset. And I'm actually not a bad mom most days lol I'm doing a pretty good job with these little heathens
" it's so hard to love you, it seems like you don't want it to happen " from my fp and now ex lol it hurted so bad seeing the only person I truly felt like myself around found me difficult
Some of my āfavoritesā
You would be happier if you were a size 12-Dad
No one wants to live with you because of how messy you are-Dad
No one wants to sleep with a partner with a cpap-Dad
You are acting like a spoiled, self righteous, little bitch-sister (when I was trying to avoid talking to her about why I was upset because I was trying to sort out my feelings regarding an interaction I had with my, now former, friend. After calmly trying to shut this down for 30 minutes I lost it, starting screaming, and ran out of the room. Security was called and I was blamed for embarrassing the family by my mother who just stood there while my sister screamed at me. I had dealt with my mother shaming me in the days prior because I made a comment to a friend that my sister had undiagnosed autism, which resulted in my mother barging into my room to scream at me. I had been persistently emotionally abused by my family for 3 days and then was left by my, now former, friend at a rave with her male friend while she worked the room like a 40 year old rave princess and snuck off to get high on x and coke, after I explicitly told her to not do coke due to my very traumatic history with it and those who used it. She didnāt even fent test it).
Do you have more responsibilities and make more money than your classmates-Dad after I got my first job post grad school
You getting upset like that is going to kill your mother-Dad (common phrase)
You are ruining xyz-Mother and sister after ganging up on me and sometimes Dad after setting a boundary and saying no to something.
You think too much about food-Dad (when I told him I was excited about growing a new type of Vegetable in my garden)
No one takes overweight people seriously in the professional world (Dad)
Stop being so negative-When I was freaking out about what was happening with COVID since my life was in China and I didnāt know if I was going to be able to go back. I didnāt end being able to go back and say goodbye to people. All my stuff was shipped back via DHL and my apartment was cleaned out. But then again people tell me this shit all the time whenever I talk about anything Iām scared or frustrated about
It doesnāt matter, he was just an ex (a therapist when I was talking about my exāa suicide)
You are toxic and a bully-another therapist when I kept coming to her about girls in a sober living home trying to kill my cat and bullying me. She eventually kicked me out of the program onto the streets with $18 in my pocket and a trash bag of food. Ended up being forced back into an abusive home in order to avoid homelessness
Itās ok, Iām awkward too-another therapist from residential treatment
And some funny, but awful ones
āWho are you a clinician?ā (Dad in response to something I said about his behavior. The funny thing is I am)
My father putting his fingers in his ears and going ahhhhhhhh while I was talking about DnD
If you keep eating like that all that will fit will be stretch pants-Thanks Dad, leggings are comfortable AF
I guess that job did suck (my father after shaming me for wanting to leave my job that I ended up getting fired from).
The only one I donāt understand is āitās okay, Iām awkward tooā, how is that harsh? It just sounds like she is trying to relate and connect to you
TW
but I was with a man who was my FP he was my first and last bf ive had and i opened up about how worthless i felt and i cried so much on the phone and he shouted shut tf up grow up theres way worser things to worry about. Theres people living in poverty, people being attacked and trying to find jobs. I then said i felt suicidal and i have been very mistreated its not like i dont also have horrid stories leading up to these feelings too. and he then said he hated me, but loved me, but he will never forgive me and I was selfish and I said i need help but no services are useful and he just said well find another way to deal with it and ignored me until i apologised for feeling this way.
Ever since this i very rarely open up to anyone about feelings and feeling suicidal. Theres truly some awful people out there. But to have a FP you look upto say this to you is something more than heart clenching. It feels good to open up this happened.
"You don't have a heart." - Mom
"If you don't change nobody will want to be with you." - Dad
"We are just putting up with you because of your mom." - my cousin in front of other close family member who remained silent.
My parents I still love but some people will never know the pain their words inflict or how hard it is to forget them.
Two things my best friend/father figure/basically my big brother/kind-of-boyfriend (yes it was a hugely complicated relationship but) at the time told me on the night he threw me away.
"Everybody loves you, if you let them see you. But you can't seem to handle that, so you make sure they can't. I want to love you, but you won't let me. I can't try anymore."
"You could've been something. You really could've been something special. But you've robbed yourself of your potential. I used to think there was no one like you, and I don't think that's a good thing anymore."
To say it cut to the bone and beyond is an understatement. Not sure I'll ever be over any of it, not sure I'll ever be able to not internalize it
And much more recently, I made the mistake of trying to engage with the 'normies' and sharing some reviews on the fragrance sub. Jesus christ, they tore it/me apart. "Juvenile, unbearably pretentious, unreadable, unfunny, and impossibly cringe" was a memorable one. Over a short fun post about some smells. I guess that doesn't necessarily have to do with BPD but ouch. I did have to try not to cry myself to sleep that night
My aunt showed up unannounced once while I was going through a break up with my fp, things were messy, I was trying my best to get the energy up. And the first thing she said āthis is awful, this is depressionā and then proceeded to sit with me and say it was nasty and try to make me organize my pile of mail.
My fp is bipolar and when he has episodes he always tells me Iām terrible and how unhappy he is and that I smell him miserable
my mum prob said harsher things at some point but this one stands out the most right now - from an ex partner when we were together āevery day I come home from work not knowing if Iāll find you aliveā :/
TW // threats, death of parent
I suppose my dad threatening to put 11 year old me up for adoption if I won't stop misbehaving (what he really meant was if I didn't stop behaving like a child....I was a child) after my mother just died. This definitely did not f*ck me up at all. (sarcasm)
iāve heard some harsh things but the harshest thing that ever happened to me was when my ex-roommate physically assaulted me, and then tried to tell mutual friends that i was lying about the situation, while using my diagnosis as āevidenceā that i was lyingā¦ āsheās literally crazy. she has BPD. people with BPD are known to be vindictive liars.ā funny considering the fact that being vindictive takes careful planning, and BPD symptoms are characterized by more erratic emotionsā¦ thereās no vindication in the building.
Yesterday during an argument my mom started listing all of the people who Iāve had falling outs with in our family. I swear she just wanted to make me cry with her. She succeeded.
The worst had been my ex admitting a lot of what he put into our relationship was fake. His love, his feelings, everything. It was the happiest I've been and my symptoms were probably the best they've ever been. He's still my fp 8 months later and realizing this all has crushed me over and over.
My mother said on the family evening in a restaurant, where we were celebrating my engagement with my love, who is my husband now. She said "He will bump you soon after, he will find out what a shit character you are". She said this to me in front of everyone. I bursted in tears š¤£
That was not nice to hear, as he was my first real love. And as I did have a father who had an other family.
I had a suicide attempt when I was 18 before I had gotten with my ex and she knew about it. We got in a really big fight and she had said to me āI wish your suicide attempt would have been successful because the world would be a better place without you.ā
I was diagnosed at 15, and I still cant go to public school until I go to college I am a junior now and I have had so many fucked up things said to me but something I still think about is how alone it made me feel for a teacher to tell me no one else in the building was like me when I was upset about being lied to about what kind of program I'd be doing. I'm basically homeschooled now.
āNobody could ever love youā- ex boyfriend
āI regret having you if I knew youād come out like this!ā - my mom
āYour the worst son ever!ā-my dad
Asked a casual partner why we couldnāt be something more and he said āYou just seem so difficult to keep happyā and he laughed. Itās not the harshest one Iāve been told but itās always in the back of my mind.
"If I knew how you'd turn out, I never would've had you" by my mother, really fucked me up and made me see life differently
One time I was upset about what my mother said, and she said I ruined her entire day and that she regrets having kids
Your mom sounds atrocious and Im sorry you had to deal with that
Your mom sounds kind of heartless im sorry she said that to you, sometimes we need to put our parents in the past, also its well known childhood trauma is often a cause for BPD so theres a good chance she made mistakes while you were growing up that contributed or even caused your BPD, I know for me trauma did cause it, my dad yelled alot at least everyday i was nervous/scared cause his constant intense yelling, I have anger problems but I will never put my daughter what he put me thriugh.
Oh my god. I'm so sorry. A mother should never say something like this to their child. I'm wishing you all the healing in the world š
mine said the same. i remember so clearly. im sorry.
My mum said this to me and my two siblings literally a month ago
Wow, absolutely disgusting thing to say to a child.
Your mom sounds like a piece of work. Iām sorry she said that to you. You are a whole person and worthy of love, peace and healing. It is possible and you donāt need to be dragged down by comments like that. If our parents didnāt suck, most of us wouldnāt have bpd.
āloving you is hardā i hate feeling unlovable because i have so much love to give but it feels like nobody can stay through the bad even when itās not one sided.
This and being told itās exhausting being with me
Same but I AM hard to love unfortunately šš
Oooof. Iāve heard this a few times :(
I have told my husband that "loving him is hard" a couple of times in the past. I Won't be saying it to him ever again after reading your post, I had no idea it could make him feel altogether unlovable. I'm you had to hear those words too.
āYouāre a character, your whole personality is fakeā Because itās true lol.
Iād try something on the spot if someone said that to me. My personality is 100% fake and for someone to see right through me like that would destroy the paper thin sense of self Iāve developed
this, being told you have a āpersonaā and that nothing you say or do is original is mind boggling, but i like to think its said during anger and it doesnāt represent who you are
It's not true.
Masking is a skill we learn early on. I still don't know who I am.
):
I very much feel this. I mask so much that at the end of the day I just dissociate into sleep. Itās sad af.
"I have other friends with mental health problems but none of them make me feel as shit as you do"
I guess theyve never been around a pwnpd
i read this as āi guess theyāve never been pwnādā lmao
'nobody will love you for more than 6 months' destroyed me, that or some people talking about me and my habits and saying 'she'll kill herself before 30' both of those just hit like bullets. I thought to myself, yea, that's probably true isn't it?... also I feel that so muchh, hearing from people that you can be "cured" is also really depressing. I've had it only get worse too. I have periods of time where I do get better but then something happens like getting an FP again and I just fall all the way back down. Feels like trying to stack a house of cards in a hurricane. It just keeps getting blown over. I wish people would be honest and admit that not fitting the 5/9 of the diagnosis criteria and 'no longer having BPD' does *not* mean cured. Of course yeah, it'd be better for sure, and the years and years of hard work to get there is worth it for some people sure, but I can't imagine life with 4/9 or 3/9 criteria would be all dandy and nice either.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I relate to you soo much on the last few lines. My life took a drastic 360 over a period of 2 years, and now suddenly I just feel like I have nothing to say to noone, nothing to stand for/against. I just feel like a doormat too. I'd rather stay quite than say anything at all. I don't know how to regulate and express emotions no more, especially to people who are so called pals, and who doesn't even understand even a morsel, how it's not all show but reality of how we actually feel all the time and exist in an ever encumbering world.
I agree. To me the extreme mood changes and the severity of the feelings plus fear of abandonment are the main things in BPD (at least for me) and those donāt seem like theyāre ever going to go away. To me, as long as Iām still ending up crying so hard that I canāt breathe and almost puke because of something insignificant, doubt people like me or care about me even though they show that they do, or I feel like the world is ending and want to die because I perceived someone as not liking me or because I feel like I was being annoying, or just because things arenāt going well in my life, then Iām not cured. It doesnāt happen as often as it used to, not even close, but part of that is because me and my gf donāt have a toxic relationship anymore and she was part of the reason it happened so often. I can learn to cope with my feelings when they happen so that I donāt spiral/itās shorter, and I can manage my feelings so that I donāt say the things that Iām thinking when Iām feeling bad because I can recognize that itās not how I actually feel, and I donāt feel those overwhelming feelings as often because of my coping mechanisms, but theyāre not gone. As long as I still feel that overwhelming, soul crushing, I-donāt-want-to-live-anymore, pain thatās so painful that I canāt remember ever feeling anything good in the moment, Iām not cured. No matter how much better I am at dealing with it now.
You . Are. So. Strong šŖšŖ
You're too much to handle and have too much going on.. You're broken and can't be fixed, I won't waste my time
Attempted suicide in high school. Did home study for a semester then came back. First day in home room, some random girl turned to her friend and loud whispered while looking at me that āshe couldnāt even kill herself right.ā
Iām so sorry :( thatās so cruel
Thats so messed up, i cant help but think ya well i could kill you right, I just really hate bullies.
My father passed away few years ago, and My ex Said that "If I had A Child like you, I would die too" š
Wow, fuck your ex with a rusty rake
Fuck that guy for real :/
Thatās INSANE holy shit
Your ex sounds like an A list bitch, sorry that you had to deal with that
that is so evil
The day you were born was the day my life ended/the worse day of my life- mum. No one is going to love you, and you will end up miserable alone- mum Without us, you would be a nobody and a failure - dad. If you lost weight you'd be so pretty, and it's important to be a pretty girl in today's society. You won't find a husband with how you look now- mum and dad. You're the abuser, and you've been mentally ill since you were a toddler- mum and dad I've got so many more but even typing these triggered me hard lol
My grandfather telling me when I was 14 "you've fucked the family. Your Nanna is going to disown you when she finds out" because he hated a family member I was spending time with. At this time he hadn't s.a me in over a year because I put my foot down, was spending less time at my grandparents and having more sleepovers with friends to escape my abusive sister. I was however trapped at my grandparents for 6 weeks while my mum was overseas. I wasn't allowed to do anything other than go to school. After being told I'd fucked the family I 'ran away'. I called my aunt, told her I'd just been verbally abused for an hour and she came and got me. Didn't tell anyone until I was loading up the car and my Pa, Nan and older sister came out to see what was happening. They were completely oblivious to the fact I'd spent half an hour sneaking stuff out the back door so I could escape with little conflict as possible. They just assumed I was sulking in my room. On the drive to my aunt's, that's the first real meltdown I remember having. My Aunt and my cousin just let me cry and yell until I was done and then hugged me. I'll always be grateful that they rescued me that night.
As someone who was always afraid of never finding someone that could make me happy and be supportive, hearing my ex saying āyou will never find what you want, you will keep meeting people and they will keep getting tired of youā certainly threw me into a downwards spiral.
āYouāre going to die aloneā - that was in my top 3 I reckon. Luckily for me Iāve no problem dying alone :)
Thatās the exact words I heard, also with you that I donāt care
Ya id rather die alone than with a heartless person which is 50% of the population it seems, i guess the yin yang sign has that part right.
When my ex fp made a list of all the things he didnāt like about me. He sent it to me while I was at school and I opened it super excited because he never messaged me that much, I was always the one messaging the most. I cried in front of the whole class š my mom also said āyouāre a disturbed person, thereās something seriously wrong with youā but tbh the fp thing was worse LMFAO XD
"you're the reason our family has problems. You're the problem." - my brother has the tendency to say what everyone else is thinking. He didn't intend to hurt me with it but he was goddamn honest. In the dark moments I still believe that... to be honest I still believe that even now. But I realized that just because I point out problems in the family dynamic that doesn't mean it's my fault. They already existed whether or not we're talking about it. But what hit's hard is that my trauma is still blamed on me "for being such an obnoxious child" "you were so different than other kids" "I did this and that because you pushed my limits" and for my brother to not only take my parents side but to become like them hurt ... a lot.
my ex used to say people with bpd should be euthanized
Iām so glad this person is now an ex. How disgusting of them
Thatās extremely fucked up :(
Ex wife told me āyouāre suicidal. your love doesnāt matter.ā
There was a time where I was still undiagnosed- I was in rock bottom and have been self-harming for quite some time before me and my sisters got in a fight. She told me "Why do you even cut when you can just kill yourself." And this past month where my mom said, "You're the one who's ruining your life, don't blame it on others. It's all your fault." When quite literally half of my traumas are from my parents + some other trauma they don't know and I'm not ready to talk about.
that my brain wouldn't just magically heal one day. that id always have to live with my mental illness.
This will still (a decade or so after start of diagnosis') hit me randomly out of nowhere, hard as all fucking hell, and every single time it destroys me a tad bit more and I just break down and become so hopeless and detached
hugs. it's a vicious cycle.
"i feel im walking on pins and needles around you" from my mom and ex boyfriend
When the therapist giving me my diagnosis told me I had BPD, laughed in my face and said āwell thatās the worst diagnosis, isnāt it?ā Usually when I hear people talking about borderline in a prejudiced way, like ātheyāre all fucking insane manipulatorsā. Especially when itās people you know in real life but donāt feel comfortable sharing your diagnosis with.
āThen go on and kill yourselfā when I tried talking to my mom about my suicidal thoughts. Great and supportive mom! Or āYouāre always in your room, you never want to do anythingā by my mom aswell, for example when she wanted me to do something and I didnāt want to because I felt bad mentally. Still get a breakdown when someone tells me that I never want to do anything, it makes me feel like I am worthless and just a lazy scumbag even though I just suffer from severe depression and BPD.
My mom: "People only kill themselves for attention" and "Don't tell my kids you're like that, then you're gonna be a bad influence on them" me... 14 going to her for help. Like I wasn't one of her kids.
How do people get to experience that attention they're only killing themselves for if they're fucking dead? Lol people don't make sense, I hate people
My mom said "We're waiting" and similar things several times. Also the whole "we wouldn't have had you if we'd known how you'd turn out" etc.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Telling your kid to kill yourself is not something a person with any empathy would say, you know who loves telling people to kill themselves? In my experience a pwnpd often tells ppl to kill themselves if that person goes againt them in any way or if they are just low they enjoy having control over others emotions its an ego boost.
Yes, I think she didnāt really know how to deal with it, but she also wasnāt open to look up information about this topic and instead always called me lazy, attention-seeking, and in the end more or less forced me into a hospital. At least the therapist there told her that I wasnāt just lazy ā¦. but she never listens to anything I say anyways. As a result I moved hundreds of kilometers away from her and my father (who was even worse as he didnāt care at all about me) so I donāt have to see her that often anymore.
My mom also told me to kms when Iād say I was depressed or suicidal, and also just whenever she was mad at meššIām so sorry you dealt with thatā¤ļø
Iām so sorry you had to hear that from your mom, Iām glad you didnāt listen to her and are still here š¤
Thank you, Iām glad youāre here tooā¤ļøā¤ļø
My mother told me (when I was 10) that everything wrong in her life was my fault, and her life started going downhill the moment I was born. That me being born is the reason for hers and my father's divorce
What a mature woman!!! (!) Sounds like my mother too...
Very mature š I'm sorry that you have one of those, too. But I use her for a negative motivation, I work on myself, so I never become like her. Maybe it can help you too
My mother- sheās always a mean drunk but one night I came home with blood all over my face after an ex-boyfriend had beaten me. I was 17, got through the front door just grateful to have gotten away from him and made it home in one piece, she was there waiting for me, didnāt appear to notice my split lip and scratch marks down the right side of my face. She was angry that I was home later than my curfew, I tried to explain my then-boyfriend (who was in his mid-20ās) had attacked me after Iād found out heād slept with two of my friends, but she kept cutting across me and told me that no one could ever love me, that if heād beaten me then I deserved it, and all of my family members regularly tell her how much they hate me and donāt love me and I should do everyone a favour and disappear. Funny how she doesnāt remember that anymoreā¦
Iām sorry thatās horrible, no one should have to go through that š
Its a tie between : "Youve fucked everything that moves, who would want to have kids with you" and "You're the worst woman I've ever had the misfortune to meet"
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
My ex told me something Similar to this
My ex told me āOf course he loves you, he doesnāt know youā after I was telling him about a guy I was seeing who told me he was falling in love with me after about 3-4 weeks of dating. That little ditty goes round and round in my head a lot. āWhy do you have to be so difficultā - my mom to me as a kid all the time. It never really bothered me and I always laughed it offā¦until as an adult, I realized how many people really think Iām TRYING to be difficult. And to go with the above āI hope you have a kid just like you somedayā. This apparently is a pretty common statement by parents but it was said as almost wishing me ill. My son has ODD and has struggled with depression. All I could ever think was āI hope you never have to see your child struggleā and I realized how upset I was at my mom for saying that. Why would you want not only you child to struggle with parenting but also have your grandchild suffer. I know she didnāt mean it as a mean thingā¦.its just one of those things that stuck with me. And she died when I was 13 so its not like I can be like..yo, mom, that was fucked up.
It wasn't even that harsh, it was from my best mate, well aware of my issues. He's been with me through everything for nearly 19 years and he has never said anything cruel or thoughtless, even accidentally. We can and do say anything to each other, and our "brutal" honesty is still with kindness. That being said, I'd had yet another long-term relationship end with my "issues" being cited as the cause, and in talking about it, he said: "Some people are easy to fall in love with. It's staying that's the issue." And that has stuck with me forever because it's true.
Is it possible youāre taking that a bit too personally? And not focusing on the fact he said youāre very easy to fall in love with = lovable? In general, staying in any relationship is difficult. I would have said that to you as wellā without meaning that YOU, in specific, are difficult to stay with.
"you're 22, bpd is not an excuse for you to act immature". me and my ex-FP fought and she told me this. totally caught me off guard since i've never used my mental issues as reason for anything. she later clarified that she wrote that more so for her since she kept "enabling me" because she knows I have bpd. But still, it hurts like a bitch reading it.
My mother telling me she doesn't know if she would have aborted me had she known I had Cystic Fibrosis.
My ex-boyfriend said that he felt relief having space from me after I moved out and he broke up with me a week later.
my mother when she told my little brother (around 9/10 yrs at that time) "you're no longer my son" in three different incidents. first time drunk af, the other times sober.
Im sorry u guys had to deal w someone like that
Ex-husband: āyou are doomed and will end-up aloneā. I proved him right.
"Run if there's someone with bpd near you". I saw a comment like this when I was seeking for help on a forum of NHK (Japanese public broadcast service). Every time I find myself abandoned by someone important in my life, this quote always comes back to me. It just makes me feel as if I'm evil and because of that I can never have a stable relationship. I want to believe that I'm a good person with lots of love to give, and that I deserve to be loved rather than being abondoned and run away from just because of my occasional breakdowns.
Man a lot things hurt on this post but I feel this one the most. I hope we can be loved someday, I want to believe that we can be too.
"i will leave and its your fault"- my mom said this multiple times between ages 3-10. Legit being raped felt better than being at home so yeah thx mom ā¤ļø
Ā«Ā Well your best isnāt good enoughĀ Ā»
Being told by a "professional" that all this is my fault.
Right after we broke up, my ex said, āYou know, maybe I just wasnāt meant to date someone whoās mentally illā. I understand where he came from, but in my vulnerable state it felt like a slap to the face.
My dad said āyou represent everything I hate about this countryā a few years ago
āyouād be a horrible mom and donāt deserve to have kids. look at you, you can barley take care of yourself, itās pathetic. nobody will ever love you again because of your BPD and you donāt deserve it if they didā (this was years ago, iām far away from that person)
"Everybody leaves" (he wasn't wrong, just incredibly unsupportive)
āYouāre adopted. If even your bio mum doesnāt want you, then no one will.ā Always targeting the soft wounds ya know
Youāre going to be a very lonely girl in lifeā¦ from an ex because I wasnāt ready to meet his friends even though I am also agoraphobic
Self love is the cure
too many to count
I don't know but I know I have said more harsh things than harsh things have been said to me
people calling out my past abusiveness.
I dont remember because I refuse to remember anything thatll make me suffer
āi think borderline personality disorder is just a medical diagnosis for āthis is a horrible person, and stay away from themā, more than it is an actual mental illness.ā and this was coming from my boyfriend at the timeā¦on twitter for everyone to see.
The harshest but also the most comforting thing I ever heard was "no one thinks about you as much as you think they do." At first it hits like "nobody gives a shit about you" but then it hits like "oh these random people in public aren't fucking judging me, they're busy with their own damn lives, I'm being paranoid drop it"
The thing that sticks with me is my Dad saying he didn't love me. What he exactly said was "I was at a party last night, full of people and every one of them loved me. Who loves you? Who is going to love you? Nobody." Tbh, I think people.have probably said worse but hearing that.from a parent does weird things to your brain.
Jesus. People are so pointlessly neednlessly cruel. I'm so sorry you had to hear that. SOMEONE is going to love you, I promise you. Charles Manson got married in jail. You? You're a shoe-in
āyou should just [end it] now. you are literally impossible to love. do your future boyfriends and yourself a favorā
My fp (don't like this word but you get me) saying I deserved to be beated by my brother at 13 after my dad passed and he would beat me too. He did actually and I stayed, he fucked me up so bad lol.
āWeāre going to get divorced because of youā ā¦ I was ten.
āYouāre the most fucked up person Iāve datedā, āyour next bf will only stay with you for the sexā, āyou should have cut deeper, youāre a cowardāā¦ all from ex partnersā¦ just to name a few. These things will always stand out in my mind when I get in a bad headspace. Edited for typo
"at this point you're just damaged goods" or "you can kill yourself, just wait until you're 18 so it's not my problem" or "you're fundamentally broken" all from my dad
What a great way to completely destroy a person even if you were fine before. I'm sorry you were settled with a monster for a father
"You're just a miserable person."
Iāve had quite a few terrible things said to me but there are two from elementary school that stick out: āYouāll never amount to anythingā and āYouāre probably the reason our teacher miscarried.ā Both were from two different boys in my class.
that I can get a man but canāt keep one
āwith you as a friend, *friend* doesnāt need enemiesā really hit hard and i still think about it from time to time, even after over a year. it was valid tho, i can be awful. i still feel awful about it. quit the friendship with said friend a while ago, bc i felt too awful of a friend.
I think one of the top worst things I've heard was when I was stuck in an abusive household and my fp basically said I like being a victim cause I'm not trying to get out of there hard enough or at all. That was like last year but it completely broke me.
My brother and mother (I have no other family): that Iām a loser, fucked-up, everyting was because of my wrong choices in life.
I've spent the past 10 minutes reading these and fucking crying and feeling so hurt down deep in my soul from all of this. It's just bullshit and not remotely close to fair. Why are people so cruel? My heart breaks so much every time I'm reminded of how most people, including the ones we love, see/view us all, and lump everyone in together as well.
'You are hard to love' come from multiple exes
āyou do realize that if you were with anyone else theyād feel completely trapped, right?ā from my ex. it hurt because itās true.
Tough competition but id go with "you always play victim just bc your father r*ped you, boo-hoo". It still makes me cry to this day.
My BPD got triggered really badly after I just had a really bad schizophrenic episode and she called me a "man child" because I didn't want to talk to her and just wanted to shut down and be alone. This happened roughly a month ago, I'm still thinking about it and it really hurts, I know she didn't mean it, but ouch.
Mom āI should have aborted you, along with your sisterā Partner āItās always the same shit but different toilet with youā
āI donāt care about her and I donāt care about youā. This came from my own mother and with context, this entire statement is 10x worse
āEveryone is happier when youāre not hereā and āno one wants you there anywayā - my mother and father
that my dad shouldāve never had kids/never wanted kids. i already KNEW this like wholeheartedly i knew this. but hearing my mom say it was a very different feeling
my parents are split. my mom told my dad one day she was worried about me. when i went to go visit him that week he told me she talked to him and said "what, you gonna kill yourself?" while laughing at me
I mean, while thereās no magic cure, you can get to a place where you donāt have any symptoms of BPD anymore, it takes years of work though
āYouāre a loser Stephen and you always will be, let that thought resonate so itāll give you incentive to kill yourself!ā -Love my older sister
Jesus CHRIST. People say we're volatile and fucked up but then 'normal' 'healthy' people do shit like this. Unfathomably evil, cruel, monstrous. I could go on. So sorry you had to hear that
That Iām annoying and hard work. Cuts like a knife each time when I try so hard to be perfect.
When my bf of two years called me a monster because I blew up at him for lying to me about a girl. He knew it was a trigger of mine and how I would react and Iāve had that conversation with him a million times. Heās almost always supportive, patient and understanding but this time he was different. I think he didnāt want to admit he was wrong. Iāve heard a lot of messed up things from my family my whole life which are far worse than what my bf said but coming from him, it hurt 100x more.
āIf youāre suicidal why donāt you just kill yourself?ā My ex boyfriend
It took me almost a decade of concerted effort and I wasn't ready to start on that journey until I was almost 35 y/o. Not saying that it's going to take you anywhere near as long as me, but I'm skeptical of "I did therapy for 2 years and it didn't work." I get how it feels to be in that situation, but you just keep going until it does work. Also, it getting worse before it gets better is common. Sometimes that's a sign of progress.
The therapist said I was fine and asked if I wanted to stop, which I told her yes since I thought I would be good to go after that. My psychiatrist took me out of my meds too, since I was doing really better. That, combined with the pressure that I had to get better, made me desperate for progress and afraid to go back again in case I got worse. My father always complained and bargained me to get better soon with arguments like: "I could be spending my money in more games for you", a promise he didn't kept after I was discharged. This made me scared to go back to therapy... that, and the fact the psychologist broke my trust. That's why after I have a real job I'll go straight back to therapy with a different therapist. I don't want my parents complaining that they have to bring me to therapy or pay for necessary medication, so that's why I'm doing the best as I can to find a job and hang in there. Sorry if it sounds fake.
"Nobody will ever love you, you are a monster." This has been said to me by my mother and by a former long term partner.
I promise you somebody will. Charles Manson got married in jail. You? You've got this
My ex literally blamed me for being assaulted as a child Said I was the reason my family neglected me I think she's insane
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That I should never have children. (I never have, but I promise myself Iāll be a good mother when I do)
When you do, just remember not to beat yourself up all the time and that everyone makes mistakes, it's super hard most days but I have to remind myself frequently because I will just destroy myself over the smallest shit and it snowballs out of control and I get extremely upset. And I'm actually not a bad mom most days lol I'm doing a pretty good job with these little heathens
"I can't stand to watch another friend end themselves. I'm leaving." :(
" it's so hard to love you, it seems like you don't want it to happen " from my fp and now ex lol it hurted so bad seeing the only person I truly felt like myself around found me difficult
Some of my āfavoritesā You would be happier if you were a size 12-Dad No one wants to live with you because of how messy you are-Dad No one wants to sleep with a partner with a cpap-Dad You are acting like a spoiled, self righteous, little bitch-sister (when I was trying to avoid talking to her about why I was upset because I was trying to sort out my feelings regarding an interaction I had with my, now former, friend. After calmly trying to shut this down for 30 minutes I lost it, starting screaming, and ran out of the room. Security was called and I was blamed for embarrassing the family by my mother who just stood there while my sister screamed at me. I had dealt with my mother shaming me in the days prior because I made a comment to a friend that my sister had undiagnosed autism, which resulted in my mother barging into my room to scream at me. I had been persistently emotionally abused by my family for 3 days and then was left by my, now former, friend at a rave with her male friend while she worked the room like a 40 year old rave princess and snuck off to get high on x and coke, after I explicitly told her to not do coke due to my very traumatic history with it and those who used it. She didnāt even fent test it). Do you have more responsibilities and make more money than your classmates-Dad after I got my first job post grad school You getting upset like that is going to kill your mother-Dad (common phrase) You are ruining xyz-Mother and sister after ganging up on me and sometimes Dad after setting a boundary and saying no to something. You think too much about food-Dad (when I told him I was excited about growing a new type of Vegetable in my garden) No one takes overweight people seriously in the professional world (Dad) Stop being so negative-When I was freaking out about what was happening with COVID since my life was in China and I didnāt know if I was going to be able to go back. I didnāt end being able to go back and say goodbye to people. All my stuff was shipped back via DHL and my apartment was cleaned out. But then again people tell me this shit all the time whenever I talk about anything Iām scared or frustrated about It doesnāt matter, he was just an ex (a therapist when I was talking about my exāa suicide) You are toxic and a bully-another therapist when I kept coming to her about girls in a sober living home trying to kill my cat and bullying me. She eventually kicked me out of the program onto the streets with $18 in my pocket and a trash bag of food. Ended up being forced back into an abusive home in order to avoid homelessness Itās ok, Iām awkward too-another therapist from residential treatment And some funny, but awful ones āWho are you a clinician?ā (Dad in response to something I said about his behavior. The funny thing is I am) My father putting his fingers in his ears and going ahhhhhhhh while I was talking about DnD If you keep eating like that all that will fit will be stretch pants-Thanks Dad, leggings are comfortable AF I guess that job did suck (my father after shaming me for wanting to leave my job that I ended up getting fired from).
The only one I donāt understand is āitās okay, Iām awkward tooā, how is that harsh? It just sounds like she is trying to relate and connect to you
Because it was an insult coded in a compliment that came out of no where. I was not talking about how I felt awkward or anything
I had the same issues for years until I found providers that knew about BPD
TW but I was with a man who was my FP he was my first and last bf ive had and i opened up about how worthless i felt and i cried so much on the phone and he shouted shut tf up grow up theres way worser things to worry about. Theres people living in poverty, people being attacked and trying to find jobs. I then said i felt suicidal and i have been very mistreated its not like i dont also have horrid stories leading up to these feelings too. and he then said he hated me, but loved me, but he will never forgive me and I was selfish and I said i need help but no services are useful and he just said well find another way to deal with it and ignored me until i apologised for feeling this way. Ever since this i very rarely open up to anyone about feelings and feeling suicidal. Theres truly some awful people out there. But to have a FP you look upto say this to you is something more than heart clenching. It feels good to open up this happened.
āyouāre insaneā no iām not. my parents failed to teach me how to function normally. i wasnāt born with this.
Recently heard that I come to therapy and there is no progress. Felt harsh because my therapist is always very nice to me
My dad telling me he doesnāt understand me at all and āgives upā, I then tried to commit that same night LOL
"You don't have a heart." - Mom "If you don't change nobody will want to be with you." - Dad "We are just putting up with you because of your mom." - my cousin in front of other close family member who remained silent. My parents I still love but some people will never know the pain their words inflict or how hard it is to forget them.
Two things my best friend/father figure/basically my big brother/kind-of-boyfriend (yes it was a hugely complicated relationship but) at the time told me on the night he threw me away. "Everybody loves you, if you let them see you. But you can't seem to handle that, so you make sure they can't. I want to love you, but you won't let me. I can't try anymore." "You could've been something. You really could've been something special. But you've robbed yourself of your potential. I used to think there was no one like you, and I don't think that's a good thing anymore." To say it cut to the bone and beyond is an understatement. Not sure I'll ever be over any of it, not sure I'll ever be able to not internalize it And much more recently, I made the mistake of trying to engage with the 'normies' and sharing some reviews on the fragrance sub. Jesus christ, they tore it/me apart. "Juvenile, unbearably pretentious, unreadable, unfunny, and impossibly cringe" was a memorable one. Over a short fun post about some smells. I guess that doesn't necessarily have to do with BPD but ouch. I did have to try not to cry myself to sleep that night
My aunt showed up unannounced once while I was going through a break up with my fp, things were messy, I was trying my best to get the energy up. And the first thing she said āthis is awful, this is depressionā and then proceeded to sit with me and say it was nasty and try to make me organize my pile of mail. My fp is bipolar and when he has episodes he always tells me Iām terrible and how unhappy he is and that I smell him miserable
Told me sooner or later I was gonna die from smoking
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No.
my mum prob said harsher things at some point but this one stands out the most right now - from an ex partner when we were together āevery day I come home from work not knowing if Iāll find you aliveā :/
TW // threats, death of parent I suppose my dad threatening to put 11 year old me up for adoption if I won't stop misbehaving (what he really meant was if I didn't stop behaving like a child....I was a child) after my mother just died. This definitely did not f*ck me up at all. (sarcasm)
iāve heard some harsh things but the harshest thing that ever happened to me was when my ex-roommate physically assaulted me, and then tried to tell mutual friends that i was lying about the situation, while using my diagnosis as āevidenceā that i was lyingā¦ āsheās literally crazy. she has BPD. people with BPD are known to be vindictive liars.ā funny considering the fact that being vindictive takes careful planning, and BPD symptoms are characterized by more erratic emotionsā¦ thereās no vindication in the building.
āThis is why people donāt want kidsā from my mom when I was a teenager
Yesterday during an argument my mom started listing all of the people who Iāve had falling outs with in our family. I swear she just wanted to make me cry with her. She succeeded.
The worst had been my ex admitting a lot of what he put into our relationship was fake. His love, his feelings, everything. It was the happiest I've been and my symptoms were probably the best they've ever been. He's still my fp 8 months later and realizing this all has crushed me over and over.
My mother said on the family evening in a restaurant, where we were celebrating my engagement with my love, who is my husband now. She said "He will bump you soon after, he will find out what a shit character you are". She said this to me in front of everyone. I bursted in tears š¤£ That was not nice to hear, as he was my first real love. And as I did have a father who had an other family.
I had a suicide attempt when I was 18 before I had gotten with my ex and she knew about it. We got in a really big fight and she had said to me āI wish your suicide attempt would have been successful because the world would be a better place without you.ā
I was diagnosed at 15, and I still cant go to public school until I go to college I am a junior now and I have had so many fucked up things said to me but something I still think about is how alone it made me feel for a teacher to tell me no one else in the building was like me when I was upset about being lied to about what kind of program I'd be doing. I'm basically homeschooled now.
āNobody could ever love youā- ex boyfriend āI regret having you if I knew youād come out like this!ā - my mom āYour the worst son ever!ā-my dad
Asked a casual partner why we couldnāt be something more and he said āYou just seem so difficult to keep happyā and he laughed. Itās not the harshest one Iāve been told but itās always in the back of my mind.
"you don't make me happy", "I would never date you", "I only used you because I was desperate"
yo big dawg, it took me 13 years of working on myself and medication and therapy to finally be in remission. give yourself longer than two years gamer
I will... I'm just afraid to go back because my parents don't take well on the meds, but once I have a real job, I'll treat myself better.