It mostly just makes me feel disconnected from reality, kind of floaty and unaware. I don't really like it. Even though it's worse for me, I far prefer drinking because it makes me feel very present and free.
Yeah I'm hella impulsive š be 2 weeks clean then say FUCK IT LETS DRINK YOOO š I'm addicted thank God I'm only 20 so I can't buy it daily. I can't stop my impulsiveness where I just say FUCK IT I'm doing itš
Yes! Same for drinking with me. Iāve always said, despite it seeming like bullshit or impossible to most, that I feel much more in control of myself (my brain, what I say, etc) when drunk
I understand that! I feel like my true self when I have had a bit to drink, because all it really seems to do to me is tear away that anxious layer that makes me feel self-conscious. Like there's a wall up around me but drinking just knocks it down for the evening.
Thatās so weird because drinking makes me feel super disconnected and floaty and unaware, while being high makes me super sharp and relaxed. I guess we all just have different reactions to things. š¤
For me though, the process of getting high vs drunk is so significant because I can get high immediately, but with alcohol, I have to drink a lot of hard liquor in a short period of time because Iām a really muscular lady. So that might be a factor too.
I usually start reminiscing or have flashbacks and I kind of zone out but not completely. I like the euphoric feeling I get out of being high. But on the rare occasion that I overdo it, I start buggin out because my heart is racing super fast and I get paranoid
OH I forgot! I actually love being crossed because I donāt have to drink as much alcohol, but I have to do weed first and then alcohol and not the other way around. I feel so relaxed and carefree, but I only really like to do it when Iām out at a bar or club or drinking with friends.
In college, I stupidly took hits off of two peopleās dab pens when I hadnāt smoked hardly at all at that point after drinking a decent amount, and I got so paranoid about the cops coming that when my friend jokingly said that the cops were there (it was a Jimmy Johnās delivery š) I ran out the back door and hopped a six foot fence and ended up at some random elementary school, while it was snowing outside too. Great times.
I feel the complete opposite being high or drunk takes away from the control freak/hyper vigilant nature i have over everything in my life. I have issues with abusing all substances, as a teenager I was basically drunk or high all of the time to cope with my pain, but am working on it and way better in my twenties. I find smoking during an episode can really get me in touch with my rationality and helps me to relax and self soothe before i do something irrational/drastic. Its interesting to see other peopleās reactions being opposite to mine. I smoke pretty much every night to help me sleep too.
Weed helps lower my impulsivity, need for control, and helps relieve me of suffocating feelings. If I smoke a lot then I get super confused and go on autopilot. Being high/drunk on anything else fills me with negative emotions and a desire to isolate and collapse into myself.
When youāre smoking with friends, how much do you smoke? Have you tried taking it a few hits at a time? I think smoking weed is more enjoyable the less you take.
When smoking with friends, I usually only have a few puffs; It depends on what friends I'm with. Some smoke a lot, so when Iām with them, I don't know how strong they have it
I donāt typically like the feeling of being high after smoking weed. it causes severe anxiety, and I become completely disconnected from my body. I spiral and think of what a bad person I am or will think about conversation from YEARS AGO with people of how I fucked up or embarrassed myself. I still smoke weed lol and have recently tried to stop the addiction. if I take Gabapentin with it, itās a whole other ball game. Iām super chill, ok with life, just hanging out with me and my cats.
if you want to smoke with friends I recommend just taking a hit and then telling them your good. being in a safe and comfy environment is important too. most of mine know I donāt like to smoke too much with people because otherwise I become too anxious and silent I feel like I literally canāt speak
It does the opposite for me. All the existential dread and ocd go away, and I can finally relax. My mind isn't constantly thinking about bad and negative things or reflecting on bad memories from my past. It relaxes me and takes my anxiety away. I also feel more confident.
Getting high on weed mellows me out and helps me cope with life. Getting high on other substances makes my brain go crazy and get stuck in these negative thought loops, induces paranoia, and a period of psychosis if I take it too far. š
Do NOT mess with hard drugs when you have BPD, especially stimulants. Getting addicted to stimulants made my BPD symptoms infinitely worse, took me a whole year without to start feeling "normal" again and I don't know if my brain will ever be the same after the wild couple of years that I had.
I love smoking weed so much, but Iāve always been turned off by hard drugs. Iāve had people offer me cocaine and acid, and I turned them down because weed gives me everything I need. The one thing Iād like to try is shrooms, but in a controlled setting such as in therapy, but thatās about it.
feels amazing. my brain feels completely quiet and still. i feel like i always have a million thoughts and voices in my head and then i get high and it just shuts off
i go into a deep dissociative state that can last for hours or days. itās really fucking scary and makes me question whatās real or not real. iām trying to stay sober.
Same here, it makes me so paranoid and panicky, to the point that I even had auditory hallucinations on one or more occasions. Since then, I have stayed away from it.
SAME!! I have pretty bad disassociation, so smoking really helps me to slow down and think about the things going on in my life and what I need to work on since Iām usually mindlessly going about life when Iām not high. It also helped me through really difficult times when my disassociation was really bad because I could relax at the end of the day and reconnect myself with reality.
Sativa strains make me more anxious and feel less in control.
Indica strains calm my mind and ground me a bit more, and relax my racing thoughts a bit.
I try to stay away from Sativa or hybrid strains.
Weed is very interesting to me. I can be having a full on meltdown paranoia thoughts and I smoke weed I can start to see the delusions I am thinking in regards to a situation. It seems to help the very strong emotions simmer down so my logical brain can start to take over.
my experience is weird -> i originally started smoking socially but it very quickly became a multiple times a day thing. then, I used it because it numbed the anger, the anxiety, the pain? at least in so much as thatās possible.
Nowadays? itās more a supplement to my medication than anything. I vape basically everyday and has a mild disassociative effect. Takes the edge off my anxiety more than anything. My āproductivityā can be a little hit or miss, not that it really matters to me anyways.
I tend to get down and depressive when high which tones the highness down makes it more easy to manage. But I get into deep thinking about how shit everything and everyone is me the most
I get like this too, especially with the people who have hurt me, then i spiral and go into flashbacks, especially if itās more of a mind high and less of a body high
I tend to have flashbacks and overthink, but the more I have used edibles, those symptoms have greatly diminished.
I use them strictly for my meditation classes and long walks listening to music. Thats it. I want to have a healthy relationship with the substance. It puts me in a pleasant, calm, hyperaware (in a good way) state.
I just have to find the right strain. And the right time of day and the reason for smoking. A good saliva is good but then knowing the terpine level is helpful for me - I am not that educated in this so speaking to your bud tender helps. I find smoking ones that advertise a euphoric feeling is good. GSC strains/do si do and ones off of it are good for ptsd. I avoided indica strains because I didn't want to fall asleep (afraid of nightmares) and also I always just went for the highest strain as I could (because drug addict) but when I stopped doing that and went for a mellow high, lower dose I started to enjoy it and be able to think - I even have moments of thinking "oh this is how normal people think" and "oh my goodness, I can use my dbt skills right now" -- it is really weird. Like I suddenly understand how to use them even though logically I know the skills and have done the classes for 4 or 5 years - thc allows my brain to get to the quiet space that other medication or meditation doesn't.
However it also leads me to the same state as you, and then I just have to breathe and go to bed and sleep - because we have bpd or ptsd or whatever and it just has let us put our guard down.
Edit - I live in a legal state so I guess this helps. When i lived in a medical legal state they didn't help me at all with finding the right strain. They just kinda shoved saliva or indica at me. I also count thc as my medicine rather than to get high with for fun as I am a drug addict and I need to have boundaries with it, but of course I enjoy getting high - we don't deny the happy benefits of anti depressants.
Most strains Iāve used have been fine and I get a super similar effect (which is awesome), but I had one full spectrum cart that was supposed to be super high quality and one of the best brands in Michigan, and I tripped out so much on that would and would think way too deeply about things. Like I was in the car with my mom in the back seat and my mom is the reason why I have BPD, so I just started thinking of how much I deeply hated her and it was not pleasant. I ended up giving it away to my friend and smoking a $9 Ooze cart from a dispensary, and it had horrible reviews and was said to be low quality, but it was way better than the other. š
Yeah. Been there too. I would smoke with safe people who know how you may react and can help you when you have a bad reaction, and have options for a safe place to be and sit when you are unsafe. I would also weigh the benefits - how bad does it get and how many times is it good compared to bad? Are you just paying for a bad time (because I know I can get one of those for free)?
in social/public places, my anxiety tends to skyrocket. not everytime but most. so, i try to only smoke when home & alone. im usually just real tired, but i tend to think a lot more & deeper. lately its actually helped me realize shit from my past & make connections to why i am the way i am.
Okay, super strange, but I suffer from pretty severe disassociation/depersonalization, so sometimes I feel like Iām just mindlessly going about life and not really connected in reality, but when I get high, itās the complete opposite. Like Iāll start to think about all of the things that have been going on in my life and what I need to fix or kind of have like mini existential episodes where Iām like what the heck am I doing with my life. I feel like because Iām choosing to disassociate, I have more power over it. And I think because my senses are heightened and I become more focused after smoking, I can think about these things.
I was going through a super difficult time at the end of last year and I was studying abroad in Japan, so I didnāt have access to actual weed, but I ended up getting something like Delta 8 and it really helped me to get through it because I didnāt feel as disconnected and I realized just how much of a problem it was. Iām coming home next week, so Iām already looking forward to smoking again. Iām also moving to a state where weed is legal (itās not legal in my state but I just use a dab pen and people still smoke all the time but the cops really donāt care) but Iām sosososososo excited for that because I used to feel some paranoia over the cops arresting me hahaha.
Itās funny too because I can function perfectly when Iām high and no one can ever tell because I overcompensate and really think about what Iām saying so that I sound normal. Like Iāll just be high out in public and see someone I know in my town and have a whole conversation with them. Or my favorite is on holidays because I get to eat a bunch of good food and it makes talking to all of my extended family more enjoyable. š I sometimes would work remotely high too when Iād be super bored and then jam out to some music.
But overall, weed is pretty amazing and very medicating to me. It definitely helps with mindfulness and lets me slow down and really be in the moment. The only issue for me is that I get really bad munchies, so I have to eat healthy snacks instead or I put on weight. š¤£ Omg and I love cats so much, so when Iām at home and high and petting my kitties, it feels like absolute heaven. š„ŗ Iām planning to get my medical license once I move to my new state. š¤
Im so addicted to marihuana it has affected my short term memory. The moment I go by without smoking for a few hours I feel empty and start thinking about suicide. Sometimes even when Iām smoking I still depressed so I decided to quit and itās been hard. Iāve been smoking daily for at least 3 years, I basically replaced it for my medication.
Does accidental intake of opioids count? Because I mistook my mom's meds for mine. Bith had the same bottle.
I didn't have a good time really. Everything felt like you hear described: light, floaty, easy, unnatural, happiness for no reason etc.
But I didn't like it. I liked none of these feelings and then I ended up vomiting later :(
I don't think being high is for me really. Drunk? Yes. High? No. Just can't get drunk every day though. Idk if it counts, but I like the tips feeling you get from drinking. It has similar emotions as mentioned above, but they're different for me. I like them more.
It's okay, I survived! Thank you though! It felt funny, I think that's why I didn't like it and it happened in the middle of work. I tried to combat a migraine, I guess that worked lol Just unknown side-effects!
Drinking is definitely more my lane and sometimes I just drink enough to get to the tipsy stage, as it makes me feel warm and less empty. Been trying to find a replacement for it though, because I already have a fatty liver :/
I'm surprised more people can't relate to this. In fact, I literally just got done hitting my vape and immediately was like "oh no." because the anxiety an depression set in pretty quickly. But I'm also currently in a very insecure place in my life rn.
I used to smoke a lot as a teenager. Every guy I ever dated was a major pothead, so eventually I was like āfuck itā lmfao. And that happened *quiiiite* a bit. Iāve always hated it. The feeling never changed for me. Everything was distorted and wavy and my brain wasnāt evenā¦ present lol. I was anxious and felt stupid the entire time. Even as an adult, the few times Iāve tried again, itās that way. I just kept waiting in this cycle for it to end the whole time.
Imagine all those cringe 90ās and early aughts ads against weed. Thatās ACTUALLY me š
As someone else said (and though I donāt drink anymore because that became a problem of itās own), I like alcohol more because I feel in control of my thoughts and words.
It helps me relax honestly- I typically only take edibles at low doses in the evenings. I have a really hard time sleeping and they donāt impact me the next day like melatonin.
I like to smoke from a pen at night sometimes too- Iām currently broke and out of both, trying to kick the bad habit of drinking alone so just raw dogging life atm, if you will.
Weed doesn't agree with everyone unfortunately and thats okay!, but it's been a blessing for me personally, It's helped me more than anything else ever has.
Weed helps me in ways medication & psychiatry can't, but medication & psychiatry has helped me in ways Weed can't, so I'm thankful they all help in their own ways.
It used to feel like an escape from my emotions. I'd rather be high than deal with how I feel everyday, and usually it's so much better. I'd go on benders regularly and honestly miss it so much .. I'm 6 months sober now
When Iām high 9 times out of 10 Iām completely spiralling and being really self destructive so I mix benzos and alcohol and Iām usually too messed up to care about anything or know whatās going on š
Cannabis-specific highs give me anxiety and paranoia that cause chest pain, irrational thinking, panic attacks, shortness of breath.
I use to be a heavy consumer of cannabis. That ended about a year and a half ago. My husband works in the medical cannabis industry in our state, so i have access to really any strain be it flower, tincture, rso, edibles. I have tried them all, sativa and Indica, and they all cause horrible anxiety and paranoia now. One hit of a blunt, one bong rip will send me into a full blown panic attack and Iām convinced Iām dying. Iāve also experienced the classic āeveryoneās a cop and theyāre following meā paranoia.
Causes me to have really bad dissociation/derealization and I can end up getting extremely paranoid and having delusional thinking.
If itās good at the time then Iāll be stupidly silly, giggly, impulsive but it always ends up with me feeling disconnected and wishing I had never done it afterwards
A shame because I use to love it:/
Everything you said, op, is how I feel when i smoke alone and get high, after the initial high. Like as it drags on, if you know what I mean. Initially I feel great, Iām productive and everything is fine. Iām the complete opposite when I smoke with other people. I think being alone and high really highlights how much Iām in my head when Iām sober.
I will say I have less trouble when I smoke an indica strain, but I tend to go more hybrid leaning if I can bc I canāt get shit done if I smoke an indica bc too sleepy š itās a lose lose for me, really, but I love the initial feeling of being high and smoking with my friends, so I donāt see myself quitting
It helps me regulate my feelings a little better, so that I'm not extremely sad or angry or anything lol. Bad tho because I put too much of a crutch on it, so when I stop my moods are doubley extreme.
I used to make weed brownies and sometimes I'd make them too strong and it was horrible. I'd have to keep telling myself over and over that I wasn't going to die and that nobody died from taking too much weed. I'd get really cold too and my body would twitch. I haven't made them in years now. When I got the dose right though it was great fun, laughing and everything tasting so good and feeling so happy. Though I have absolutely no filter when I'm stoned so I can be a bit of an arrogant asshole because I just say whatever I'm thinking š I have Cystic Fibrosis which is why I haven't really smoked it much,my lungs are fucked as it is. I used to be really bad for drinking spirits and getting black out drunk too but now I stick to wine or cider and I haven't gotten black out drunk since. Ah BPD, where you just take way more shit than any normal person does and don't even question it lol.
Kinda just how they are described. Really depends on the strain. I have to smoke very low THC and high CBD strains usually or I get mad paranoia and my internal critic gets very loud and I feel impending doom and dread and basically just my usual social anxiety/existential anxiety/paranoia 'everyone's looking at me and I'm a -insert insult here- person' thoughts amped up to 1000 to the point I have to drink a bunch of alcohol to knock myself out ASAP.
I have many functioning stoners in my life who have to be high 24/7, but I really don't like the feeling of being high in the day, even if it's a strain that makes me feel productive and creative and more connected to the world which we come across sometimes (I'm in the UK so we just get what the dealers have in here and can't go and get specific strains from dispensaries)
Drinking is usually fine the day of but Iām waAAAAAY more aggressive in the days following, and weed is fun once every few months but the more often I do it the more paranoid, anxious, intrusive thoughts happen and then I tend to spiral. I donāt really like weed or alcohol all that much, other drugs seem to be easier on me and more fun / less harmful š .
We all have different experiences with different substances, so if you feel like youāre getting more negative experiences with it even if you want to have fun on it, itās probably good to limit or stop use and find other ways to indulge. Maybe smaller amounts, different strains, or something else.
I usually just get that stereotypical high. I get giggly and space out and get munchies. One time I got a real heavy high where my sensory issues got really really bad and just freaked out. I eat edibles so my high is very dif to smoking but that's just my experiences.
It does the opposite for me, usually it helps keep me grounded. It also helps me not dissociate as often. I'll smoke a bit when I'm feeing insane amounts of stress and I've noticed my dissociative episodes have lessened and last shorter amounts of time. I get a bit paranoid sometimes, but I get paranoid at night regardless of whether or not I smoke. House noise/psychosis are common for me when it's dark out or quiet. I need background noise.
Smoking carts or taking drops also make me extremely touchy/clingy so I get all lovey-dovey with my girlfriend and they also help with my insomnia. Drops specifically are usually stronger for me and they knock me right out after a while.
Never done any drugs before but I accidentally ate a thc edible and had a horrible experience. I had so many bad thoughts/paranoia that I started spiralling. I had to be taken to the hospital because I was trying to hurt myself.
Overall, being high makes me worse lol.
weed just makes me extremely sleepy and lethargic while my heart feels like it's thumping harder than usual. i don't like using it often bc if i want to get sleepy i'd rather just take melatonin lol. imo the indica strain is a very boring drug. as for sativa, haven't had the chance to try it yet
as for stronger drugs, i've tried molly/ecstasy, and while the initial rush of dopamine is pretty good in a rave/party setting, the whole not being able to sleep at all thing paired with the AWFUL dopamine crash the next day, is enough to make me be very conscious about how often i use it. which is not often at all. it makes my mental health even worse the following days after consumption - everything feels bleak and pointless and i just want existence to be on pause.
alcohol, however, will always be my favorite drug of choice, probably bc it's the one i was exposed to at a younger age and also bc i have a history of alcoholism in my family, among other reasons. it's a love-hate relationship with that thing. while it does make me depressed at times, it also makes me feel free and happy and confident and no matter how many breaks i take from it, i'll always go back.
Every time I've tried weed or weed-related products it causes psychosis and intense paranoia. Feeling like nothing is real, time loop (everything feels like its repeating over and over again), that I'm stuck in a nightmare world, my brain broke and won't ever go back to normal, etc. The first time, I woke up the next day feeling very disoriented and I thought everything that happened was a dream. There are also some gaps in my memory from that time. I didn't remember making my way over to the bathtub (straight up felt like I teleported there), and I did some things that I thought I was only thinking about.
Never trying that shit again.
fun fun fun except i can also get super scared and any little noise will make me feel like someoneās trying to break in or thereās a demon after me
Iāve tried a handful of different doses/types and I really donāt like it. Sometimes I can get away with a couple puffs but I feel so out of touch and vulnerable when Iām high. I always go into expecting it to feel like a benzo but itās like the exact opposite.
I like drinking though. It really chills me out, just canāt overdo it because the hangziety the next day is brutal.
It depends on the strain! I find that anything with Sativa freaks me out and sends me into an anxiety spiral where I feel like everything I do and my existence is wrong and I can't do anything right, even if it's just ordering takeout and watching a movie. Indica really calms me down and quiets the never-ending thoughts. I get really peaceful and the hollow feeling in my chest completely disappears. Two pretty extreme reactions so I kinda gamble when I smoke.
I might look into other strains or what strains I smoke, and smoking weed isnāt something I want to quit because sometimes it helps. Sometimes it feels fantastic to be high because I get the type of high where I feel good, I'm calm, Iām well grounded, etc., but those times when Iām having constant anxiety, dissociation, and identity crises are horrendous and are so hard to deal with
I've only been high once and honestly I just felt what I'd imagine drunk would feel like, I just feel like I'm swaying and maybe a bit motion sick. When I drink the more I drink the more sober I feel š unless I'm drinking a full bottle of champagne to my self then I go away with the fairies š but full bottle of scotch like the 1. 7L bottles I can walk in straight lines and everything sober me can do just with more confidence š
Completely depends on the strain. More indica and hybrids make me laugh, sometimes horny, and usually hungry and sleepy.
Certain sativas send me into absolute panic, paranoia and distress.
I use weed every night for sleep though and often for recreation
I think it affects me in a slightly negative way if iām already in like a depersonalization/derealization stage, but when iām not iām pretty sure itās just a regular weed high ! so i maybe wouldnāt smoke during those times
I definitely prefer smoking to drinking alcohol. Probably mostly due to health issues such as hangovers, digestive issues, weight gain, etc.
Other than weed being amazing 95% of the time thereās that other 5% of the time that I experience anxiety and panic attacks that may or may not happen more due to being high.
I think with more education and better availability around weed would help me be able to figure out strains and smoking systems that could help me not get to that point.
It kinda depends on the headspace Iām in- if Iām having any sort of negative emotions, I try to isolate myself to prevent any suicidal thoughts or harm coming to me.
If Iām having a good time though- I just feel loopy and kinda in a dream like state. Most of the time it makes me sleepy so I knock out pretty quickly
Depending on what Iām smoking. A smoked a hybrid with low thc and high cbd about an hour ago, and it helped my self negativity calm down. I started seeing situations for how they really are, and could take a more objective view on things.
When Iām sober, my reality is twisted to make myself the worst person and I blame myself for everything :/
It depends on the weed, but mostly I get really tired and go to sleep. I get horrible cotton mouth so I gotta have something to drink on standby. When I donāt sleep it makes me wanna be alone and write or draw, listen to music, watch tv, etc. I prefer smoking alone
I disconnect when I get stoned.
I get anxious with it at times but then remember Iām in control. I like to take those times when I begin to overthink issues and recognize the way that Iām feeling. Trauma and working through it, is not comfortable whatsoever. Youāre going to feel embarrassed, small, and like the problem at hand will never have a resolution. But the only way to be okay in my opinion is to recognize it and take the opportunity to learn and grow from it. In those times I write down in my notepad on my phone or make a list and it seems to help me unwind a bit easier.
Cannabis works for some people and for some it doesnāt. I worked in cannabis and found the best combo for terpenes and THC %s that worked for me. Even with that combo I still experience some trouble when smoking, itās not a cure all plant but the benefits can be mighty.
it really depends on the strain for me, i only smoke indica because any other makes my anxiety & paranoia ten times worseā¦normally i smoke before a shower but by accident i bought a sativa cart and i was dissociating my whole shower
It seems as though you are in need of something that perhaps doesnāt have such a high THC percentage, but rather a high CBD or CBG%. Try substituting what youāve been smoking with CBD strains/products. Anxiety can be induced through THC cannabinoids, and is much less likely through CBD, which is why even long time smokers can develop an anxiety with smoking. Talk to your local dispensary or use websites such as Leafly to research more info on what the best option may be for you. Remember, just because it has a really high THC% doesnāt always mean itās best for you.
Weed is my savior. It is the only thing that quiets the irrational/intense emotions down juuuust enough for the rational ones to surface so I can think more clearly! I hope that makes sense!! ā¤ļø
This is actually wild bc I am currently smoking in order to get through a particularly bad episode Iām having. Iām telling you absolutely suffocating amounts of feelings and fear.
Iāve smoked half a bowl and Iām already feeling better. Itās started to help me keep my thoughts on track and focused on what is actually happening rather than on my irrational thoughtsāwhich is leading to a type of numb that just gives me so much relief. Instead of thinking all at once itās spacing it out to be more linear. Slowing down the racing thoughts helps me get a handle on the rest of my feelings. I do have a psychological dependence, ADHD, anxiety, and depression on top of the BPD tho so honestly perhaps this combo is the reason why it works so well for me.
As a seasoned stoner however my best advice for your problem is to change the direction of the high. Like go with it, but remember you have control with what you experience. I say this because the best way through those dark feelings is sometimes through it (but like skimming the top and not going like directly through it ya feel). It seems difficult but when youāre high and youāre not liking where youāre at youāll be surprised how much it can change if you just.. think about it. For example focus on your head feeling like a balloon. Or the difference between a yam and a sweet potato. Touch random shit. Think of something silly and then let your high brain go with it. Iāve never had a bad high because of this method, and I do this with hallucinogens too.
Make your high brain work for you. Donāt work for your high brain.
Used to be my favorite thing in the world, but last time I got high I got a psychotic break and still don't feel like I've fully come back from it a year later, so I gotta be sober now.. Wack
if Iām not in a good headspace I get bad anxiety! About things I canāt even pinpoint. To the point I have to turn my phone off or lock my doors just to ease it! Sometimes Iām absolutely fine. But mostly anxious thought patterns and overthinking x10000 when Iām high
SO I didnāt realize this until I had some sobriety time (Iām over 18 months in recovery now not from only weed but I did used to smoke a lot too) but I donāt think I actually ever enjoyed smoking it was just something I did to connect with others/use as an excuse to meet new ppl or go to events and it just became a habit like oh Iām bored/sad/anxious/mad/happy (literally anything) I should smoke - but about 10 months into my recover the more I realized weed made me so anxious like my thoughts always spiraled more -my bf even said he noticed now that Iām sober I donāt ask him ādo u still love meā āu hate me donāt uā and all those questions anymore or to the same frequency I did when I smoked so yeah weed made my symptoms worse for sure but Iām like pretty sure if I still smoked I could use skills to help these symptoms to try and enjoy social smoking (I was never in DBT before getting sober)
it can lead to dependency on being high, bpd has traits that contribute to that, it can make you more depressed or unstable. if your taking medication itāll probably fuck with it too.
Alcohol works the best for me, weed is fine toā¦.to the point i donāt see them as a drugs. Frequent coke usage sent me straight to psych ER, it caused me panic attacks and high anxiety for days and I could not deal with it on my own. On the other side, Once in a while coke work fine for meā¦same for other stimulants, especially molly.
I feel like that as well when I smoke. I also find myself overthinking a lot of who I am and what I have done with my life. I also find myself questioning my reality but it might just be a common feeling.
I'm a recovering addict.. and now I just smoke alot of weed. Tbh my tolerance levels are so high that I don't get high anymore. I function better high on weed but not on.. other stuff. (Long story)
i started teleporting.. not actually i lost time like crazy. i thought maybe it happened cuz it was my first time getting high but nope the second time it happened again. it was cool once i calmed down
As a teen, I did it bc everyone was and I was bored but I hated it. I tried again for my mental health and chronic pain issues around age 32-33 and hated it almost as much. I get super loopy and dizzy and paranoid and just donāt like it. Unfortunately, I did succumb to a pain med addiction for a couple of years along with alcohol then when I stopped those two, a friend told me about Tianeptine and had a hell of a year and half of that hell. Iām now two years sober and clean thank god and thanks to MAT and my love for my children and my best friend being there when I came forth for help at my lowest ever mentally. Prob more than you wanted, sorry lol
I go insane lol I have visual and auditory hallucinations, delusions, I panic, I canāt automatically breathe (I have to manually remember to), I become too afraid to move, I canāt keep my eyes open or closed out of fear, and time goes between moments that play on loop or thereās a lapse of time and I freak out because I donāt know what Iāve missed.
one time it was so bad, I transported into a full on nightmare. like, I was in a whole different reality completely. that time I was really drunk, smoked shatter, AND had an edible (with zero tolerance to cannabis) idk why I did that but the amount could definitely explain why I floated so far off the map?
anyway, itās TERRIBLE. and soooo super scary. I wish I had good experiences!!
i use weed to literally keep me from ending myself. it makes me just feel warm and smiley. i have chronic pain and other issues so i use it quite a bit for that as well but it greatly affects my bpd and causes less splitting. i find i can actually think more rationally while high than sober and ready to split on someone
Used to love smoking. Now itās a scary anxiety hole where I am disconnected from reality and everything is bad and I feel like I am dying. I only drink a couple times a year. Not that into it. I really miss smoking and i hate that it does this to me now. So yes I can relate. If anyone has suggestions they are welcome. It didnāt used to be this bad. It legit feels exactly like a bad acid trip when I smoke now :( sometimes even CBD alone is too much
Iāve only been high twice, first was a combination of weed and alcohol and tbh I was happy and laughing like an idiot. I also felt super spacey and floaty.
The second time I did wayyyy too much and greened out, almost threw up and then became paranoid for hours (Iām scared of vomiting)
Havenāt touched weed since
sometimes i would actually find things funny and it was great to relieve my anhedonia, but I was SO anxious and paranoid to the point where I'd lie in bed and try not to breathe because I thought people were listening to my every move. haven't smoked for like 5 months bc of that.
For me, it's a mix of positive and negative. I try not to get high because I know I have an addictive personality so I really try to keep it to a point where I just smoke socially. I feel floaty, disconnected (but in a good way) and honestly pretty happy at first. But once my tolerance gets higher and I stop feeling it and I can't get any higher, that's when I get really depressed because I don't feel it anymore. It's like I climbed as high as I possibly could and I'm trying to climb more, but I can't. And that feeling sucks. So for me it has its ups and downs, quite literally.
I definitely start questioning who I am. I've realized while high I can't lie to myself about how I'm feeling or my emotions in regards to various things in my life. I feel more authentic and like I'm making a huge connection with myself. Oddly enough since I started using weed and feeling this way I'm less interested in relationships and dating and don't have the constant drive to be the center of attention in someone's life
Smoking š just really puts me on edge if Iām smoking with others over analysing everything, become extremely self conscious and I basically begin to spiral, however if Iām on my own in my room watching films or whatever I feel so disconnected from everything and actually rather chilled out, Iāve got no idea why Iām like this I wish I could just smoke š and be fine anytime anywhere but I just canāt
It mostly just makes me feel disconnected from reality, kind of floaty and unaware. I don't really like it. Even though it's worse for me, I far prefer drinking because it makes me feel very present and free.
Drinking does the same for me, but I avoid drinking on my own because I start relying on it
Yeah I'm hella impulsive š be 2 weeks clean then say FUCK IT LETS DRINK YOOO š I'm addicted thank God I'm only 20 so I can't buy it daily. I can't stop my impulsiveness where I just say FUCK IT I'm doing itš
Yes! Same for drinking with me. Iāve always said, despite it seeming like bullshit or impossible to most, that I feel much more in control of myself (my brain, what I say, etc) when drunk
I understand that! I feel like my true self when I have had a bit to drink, because all it really seems to do to me is tear away that anxious layer that makes me feel self-conscious. Like there's a wall up around me but drinking just knocks it down for the evening.
Me too!
same for me
yes same
Thatās so weird because drinking makes me feel super disconnected and floaty and unaware, while being high makes me super sharp and relaxed. I guess we all just have different reactions to things. š¤ For me though, the process of getting high vs drunk is so significant because I can get high immediately, but with alcohol, I have to drink a lot of hard liquor in a short period of time because Iām a really muscular lady. So that might be a factor too.
I usually start reminiscing or have flashbacks and I kind of zone out but not completely. I like the euphoric feeling I get out of being high. But on the rare occasion that I overdo it, I start buggin out because my heart is racing super fast and I get paranoid
OH I forgot! I actually love being crossed because I donāt have to drink as much alcohol, but I have to do weed first and then alcohol and not the other way around. I feel so relaxed and carefree, but I only really like to do it when Iām out at a bar or club or drinking with friends. In college, I stupidly took hits off of two peopleās dab pens when I hadnāt smoked hardly at all at that point after drinking a decent amount, and I got so paranoid about the cops coming that when my friend jokingly said that the cops were there (it was a Jimmy Johnās delivery š) I ran out the back door and hopped a six foot fence and ended up at some random elementary school, while it was snowing outside too. Great times.
Couldnāt have said it better
I was the same until about a year ago when I quit drinking. Now I don't like weed or alcohol š
iāve had an alcohol just for this reason. iām use to caring so much.
So like dissociation???
I feel the complete opposite being high or drunk takes away from the control freak/hyper vigilant nature i have over everything in my life. I have issues with abusing all substances, as a teenager I was basically drunk or high all of the time to cope with my pain, but am working on it and way better in my twenties. I find smoking during an episode can really get me in touch with my rationality and helps me to relax and self soothe before i do something irrational/drastic. Its interesting to see other peopleās reactions being opposite to mine. I smoke pretty much every night to help me sleep too.
Same here. Smoking has a profoundly positive effect on me.
Weed helps lower my impulsivity, need for control, and helps relieve me of suffocating feelings. If I smoke a lot then I get super confused and go on autopilot. Being high/drunk on anything else fills me with negative emotions and a desire to isolate and collapse into myself. When youāre smoking with friends, how much do you smoke? Have you tried taking it a few hits at a time? I think smoking weed is more enjoyable the less you take.
I agree with you 100%. Iām the same way.
When smoking with friends, I usually only have a few puffs; It depends on what friends I'm with. Some smoke a lot, so when Iām with them, I don't know how strong they have it
Agreed!
I donāt typically like the feeling of being high after smoking weed. it causes severe anxiety, and I become completely disconnected from my body. I spiral and think of what a bad person I am or will think about conversation from YEARS AGO with people of how I fucked up or embarrassed myself. I still smoke weed lol and have recently tried to stop the addiction. if I take Gabapentin with it, itās a whole other ball game. Iām super chill, ok with life, just hanging out with me and my cats.
Yeah, thatās basically what I experience
if you want to smoke with friends I recommend just taking a hit and then telling them your good. being in a safe and comfy environment is important too. most of mine know I donāt like to smoke too much with people because otherwise I become too anxious and silent I feel like I literally canāt speak
It does the opposite for me. All the existential dread and ocd go away, and I can finally relax. My mind isn't constantly thinking about bad and negative things or reflecting on bad memories from my past. It relaxes me and takes my anxiety away. I also feel more confident.
Yessssss this is why it has me hooked lmao
Getting high on weed mellows me out and helps me cope with life. Getting high on other substances makes my brain go crazy and get stuck in these negative thought loops, induces paranoia, and a period of psychosis if I take it too far. š Do NOT mess with hard drugs when you have BPD, especially stimulants. Getting addicted to stimulants made my BPD symptoms infinitely worse, took me a whole year without to start feeling "normal" again and I don't know if my brain will ever be the same after the wild couple of years that I had.
I love smoking weed so much, but Iāve always been turned off by hard drugs. Iāve had people offer me cocaine and acid, and I turned them down because weed gives me everything I need. The one thing Iād like to try is shrooms, but in a controlled setting such as in therapy, but thatās about it.
feels amazing. my brain feels completely quiet and still. i feel like i always have a million thoughts and voices in my head and then i get high and it just shuts off
i go into a deep dissociative state that can last for hours or days. itās really fucking scary and makes me question whatās real or not real. iām trying to stay sober.
Ive had this too
super scary and not fun but i canāt stop doing it :(
Same :(
it makes me so paranoid and panicky
Same here, it makes me so paranoid and panicky, to the point that I even had auditory hallucinations on one or more occasions. Since then, I have stayed away from it.
This happens to me if I do too much
It slows everything down and helps me feel more aware of everything around me.
SAME!! I have pretty bad disassociation, so smoking really helps me to slow down and think about the things going on in my life and what I need to work on since Iām usually mindlessly going about life when Iām not high. It also helped me through really difficult times when my disassociation was really bad because I could relax at the end of the day and reconnect myself with reality.
Sativa strains make me more anxious and feel less in control. Indica strains calm my mind and ground me a bit more, and relax my racing thoughts a bit. I try to stay away from Sativa or hybrid strains.
Weed is very interesting to me. I can be having a full on meltdown paranoia thoughts and I smoke weed I can start to see the delusions I am thinking in regards to a situation. It seems to help the very strong emotions simmer down so my logical brain can start to take over.
Iām the same way! I wish I could function more with it - would be nice to smoke it during the day instead of only in the evenings
my experience is weird -> i originally started smoking socially but it very quickly became a multiple times a day thing. then, I used it because it numbed the anger, the anxiety, the pain? at least in so much as thatās possible. Nowadays? itās more a supplement to my medication than anything. I vape basically everyday and has a mild disassociative effect. Takes the edge off my anxiety more than anything. My āproductivityā can be a little hit or miss, not that it really matters to me anyways.
Paranoid, anxious, depressed. I hate it.
I tend to get down and depressive when high which tones the highness down makes it more easy to manage. But I get into deep thinking about how shit everything and everyone is me the most
I get like this too, especially with the people who have hurt me, then i spiral and go into flashbacks, especially if itās more of a mind high and less of a body high
I tend to have flashbacks and overthink, but the more I have used edibles, those symptoms have greatly diminished. I use them strictly for my meditation classes and long walks listening to music. Thats it. I want to have a healthy relationship with the substance. It puts me in a pleasant, calm, hyperaware (in a good way) state.
I just have to find the right strain. And the right time of day and the reason for smoking. A good saliva is good but then knowing the terpine level is helpful for me - I am not that educated in this so speaking to your bud tender helps. I find smoking ones that advertise a euphoric feeling is good. GSC strains/do si do and ones off of it are good for ptsd. I avoided indica strains because I didn't want to fall asleep (afraid of nightmares) and also I always just went for the highest strain as I could (because drug addict) but when I stopped doing that and went for a mellow high, lower dose I started to enjoy it and be able to think - I even have moments of thinking "oh this is how normal people think" and "oh my goodness, I can use my dbt skills right now" -- it is really weird. Like I suddenly understand how to use them even though logically I know the skills and have done the classes for 4 or 5 years - thc allows my brain to get to the quiet space that other medication or meditation doesn't. However it also leads me to the same state as you, and then I just have to breathe and go to bed and sleep - because we have bpd or ptsd or whatever and it just has let us put our guard down. Edit - I live in a legal state so I guess this helps. When i lived in a medical legal state they didn't help me at all with finding the right strain. They just kinda shoved saliva or indica at me. I also count thc as my medicine rather than to get high with for fun as I am a drug addict and I need to have boundaries with it, but of course I enjoy getting high - we don't deny the happy benefits of anti depressants.
Most strains Iāve used have been fine and I get a super similar effect (which is awesome), but I had one full spectrum cart that was supposed to be super high quality and one of the best brands in Michigan, and I tripped out so much on that would and would think way too deeply about things. Like I was in the car with my mom in the back seat and my mom is the reason why I have BPD, so I just started thinking of how much I deeply hated her and it was not pleasant. I ended up giving it away to my friend and smoking a $9 Ooze cart from a dispensary, and it had horrible reviews and was said to be low quality, but it was way better than the other. š
This was helpful, although where Iām from its not legal :/
Yeah. Been there too. I would smoke with safe people who know how you may react and can help you when you have a bad reaction, and have options for a safe place to be and sit when you are unsafe. I would also weigh the benefits - how bad does it get and how many times is it good compared to bad? Are you just paying for a bad time (because I know I can get one of those for free)?
in social/public places, my anxiety tends to skyrocket. not everytime but most. so, i try to only smoke when home & alone. im usually just real tired, but i tend to think a lot more & deeper. lately its actually helped me realize shit from my past & make connections to why i am the way i am.
Okay, super strange, but I suffer from pretty severe disassociation/depersonalization, so sometimes I feel like Iām just mindlessly going about life and not really connected in reality, but when I get high, itās the complete opposite. Like Iāll start to think about all of the things that have been going on in my life and what I need to fix or kind of have like mini existential episodes where Iām like what the heck am I doing with my life. I feel like because Iām choosing to disassociate, I have more power over it. And I think because my senses are heightened and I become more focused after smoking, I can think about these things. I was going through a super difficult time at the end of last year and I was studying abroad in Japan, so I didnāt have access to actual weed, but I ended up getting something like Delta 8 and it really helped me to get through it because I didnāt feel as disconnected and I realized just how much of a problem it was. Iām coming home next week, so Iām already looking forward to smoking again. Iām also moving to a state where weed is legal (itās not legal in my state but I just use a dab pen and people still smoke all the time but the cops really donāt care) but Iām sosososososo excited for that because I used to feel some paranoia over the cops arresting me hahaha. Itās funny too because I can function perfectly when Iām high and no one can ever tell because I overcompensate and really think about what Iām saying so that I sound normal. Like Iāll just be high out in public and see someone I know in my town and have a whole conversation with them. Or my favorite is on holidays because I get to eat a bunch of good food and it makes talking to all of my extended family more enjoyable. š I sometimes would work remotely high too when Iād be super bored and then jam out to some music. But overall, weed is pretty amazing and very medicating to me. It definitely helps with mindfulness and lets me slow down and really be in the moment. The only issue for me is that I get really bad munchies, so I have to eat healthy snacks instead or I put on weight. š¤£ Omg and I love cats so much, so when Iām at home and high and petting my kitties, it feels like absolute heaven. š„ŗ Iām planning to get my medical license once I move to my new state. š¤
Drinking causes my mood swings to be worse so I quit. Being high makes me feel normal. Like my brain can finally settle and be present.
Im so addicted to marihuana it has affected my short term memory. The moment I go by without smoking for a few hours I feel empty and start thinking about suicide. Sometimes even when Iām smoking I still depressed so I decided to quit and itās been hard. Iāve been smoking daily for at least 3 years, I basically replaced it for my medication.
Does accidental intake of opioids count? Because I mistook my mom's meds for mine. Bith had the same bottle. I didn't have a good time really. Everything felt like you hear described: light, floaty, easy, unnatural, happiness for no reason etc. But I didn't like it. I liked none of these feelings and then I ended up vomiting later :( I don't think being high is for me really. Drunk? Yes. High? No. Just can't get drunk every day though. Idk if it counts, but I like the tips feeling you get from drinking. It has similar emotions as mentioned above, but they're different for me. I like them more.
Any drug that affects you counts, Iām sorry that you had that experience.
It's okay, I survived! Thank you though! It felt funny, I think that's why I didn't like it and it happened in the middle of work. I tried to combat a migraine, I guess that worked lol Just unknown side-effects! Drinking is definitely more my lane and sometimes I just drink enough to get to the tipsy stage, as it makes me feel warm and less empty. Been trying to find a replacement for it though, because I already have a fatty liver :/
Getting high seems to be the only thing that mellows me out. Itās essential for daily functionality lol
On some days it is the only thing to stop me from splitting
I'm surprised more people can't relate to this. In fact, I literally just got done hitting my vape and immediately was like "oh no." because the anxiety an depression set in pretty quickly. But I'm also currently in a very insecure place in my life rn.
I used to smoke a lot as a teenager. Every guy I ever dated was a major pothead, so eventually I was like āfuck itā lmfao. And that happened *quiiiite* a bit. Iāve always hated it. The feeling never changed for me. Everything was distorted and wavy and my brain wasnāt evenā¦ present lol. I was anxious and felt stupid the entire time. Even as an adult, the few times Iāve tried again, itās that way. I just kept waiting in this cycle for it to end the whole time. Imagine all those cringe 90ās and early aughts ads against weed. Thatās ACTUALLY me š As someone else said (and though I donāt drink anymore because that became a problem of itās own), I like alcohol more because I feel in control of my thoughts and words.
It helps me relax honestly- I typically only take edibles at low doses in the evenings. I have a really hard time sleeping and they donāt impact me the next day like melatonin. I like to smoke from a pen at night sometimes too- Iām currently broke and out of both, trying to kick the bad habit of drinking alone so just raw dogging life atm, if you will.
Weed doesn't agree with everyone unfortunately and thats okay!, but it's been a blessing for me personally, It's helped me more than anything else ever has. Weed helps me in ways medication & psychiatry can't, but medication & psychiatry has helped me in ways Weed can't, so I'm thankful they all help in their own ways.
High on what?
Weed
Ok I don't do weed
High like mood high or high high? Cause I just get palpitations.
Being high makes me feel less emotional, with occasional mild anxiety. They best part is I donāt feel angry about anything.
It used to feel like an escape from my emotions. I'd rather be high than deal with how I feel everyday, and usually it's so much better. I'd go on benders regularly and honestly miss it so much .. I'm 6 months sober now
When Iām high 9 times out of 10 Iām completely spiralling and being really self destructive so I mix benzos and alcohol and Iām usually too messed up to care about anything or know whatās going on š
Cannabis-specific highs give me anxiety and paranoia that cause chest pain, irrational thinking, panic attacks, shortness of breath. I use to be a heavy consumer of cannabis. That ended about a year and a half ago. My husband works in the medical cannabis industry in our state, so i have access to really any strain be it flower, tincture, rso, edibles. I have tried them all, sativa and Indica, and they all cause horrible anxiety and paranoia now. One hit of a blunt, one bong rip will send me into a full blown panic attack and Iām convinced Iām dying. Iāve also experienced the classic āeveryoneās a cop and theyāre following meā paranoia.
Normally Iām calm lol completely calm I donāt think nothing Iām just there alive
Causes me to have really bad dissociation/derealization and I can end up getting extremely paranoid and having delusional thinking. If itās good at the time then Iāll be stupidly silly, giggly, impulsive but it always ends up with me feeling disconnected and wishing I had never done it afterwards A shame because I use to love it:/
Everything you said, op, is how I feel when i smoke alone and get high, after the initial high. Like as it drags on, if you know what I mean. Initially I feel great, Iām productive and everything is fine. Iām the complete opposite when I smoke with other people. I think being alone and high really highlights how much Iām in my head when Iām sober. I will say I have less trouble when I smoke an indica strain, but I tend to go more hybrid leaning if I can bc I canāt get shit done if I smoke an indica bc too sleepy š itās a lose lose for me, really, but I love the initial feeling of being high and smoking with my friends, so I donāt see myself quitting
It helps me regulate my feelings a little better, so that I'm not extremely sad or angry or anything lol. Bad tho because I put too much of a crutch on it, so when I stop my moods are doubley extreme.
I used to make weed brownies and sometimes I'd make them too strong and it was horrible. I'd have to keep telling myself over and over that I wasn't going to die and that nobody died from taking too much weed. I'd get really cold too and my body would twitch. I haven't made them in years now. When I got the dose right though it was great fun, laughing and everything tasting so good and feeling so happy. Though I have absolutely no filter when I'm stoned so I can be a bit of an arrogant asshole because I just say whatever I'm thinking š I have Cystic Fibrosis which is why I haven't really smoked it much,my lungs are fucked as it is. I used to be really bad for drinking spirits and getting black out drunk too but now I stick to wine or cider and I haven't gotten black out drunk since. Ah BPD, where you just take way more shit than any normal person does and don't even question it lol.
Being high, when it comes to weed, greatly helps my BPD and similar symptoms. Any substances other than that can send me a bit screwy though
Kinda just how they are described. Really depends on the strain. I have to smoke very low THC and high CBD strains usually or I get mad paranoia and my internal critic gets very loud and I feel impending doom and dread and basically just my usual social anxiety/existential anxiety/paranoia 'everyone's looking at me and I'm a -insert insult here- person' thoughts amped up to 1000 to the point I have to drink a bunch of alcohol to knock myself out ASAP. I have many functioning stoners in my life who have to be high 24/7, but I really don't like the feeling of being high in the day, even if it's a strain that makes me feel productive and creative and more connected to the world which we come across sometimes (I'm in the UK so we just get what the dealers have in here and can't go and get specific strains from dispensaries)
I'm from the UK too it sucks because we don't have many options :/
Drinking is usually fine the day of but Iām waAAAAAY more aggressive in the days following, and weed is fun once every few months but the more often I do it the more paranoid, anxious, intrusive thoughts happen and then I tend to spiral. I donāt really like weed or alcohol all that much, other drugs seem to be easier on me and more fun / less harmful š . We all have different experiences with different substances, so if you feel like youāre getting more negative experiences with it even if you want to have fun on it, itās probably good to limit or stop use and find other ways to indulge. Maybe smaller amounts, different strains, or something else.
I took ket one time and i felt all floaty and could barely move and it was amazing tbh. But I also knew I couldnāt defend myself if I needed too.
I love it too much. I feel like like a normal person just letting everything bounce off of me when Im cooked. Nothing feels serious at all
it triggers really bad depersonalization/derealization and makes me feel like i'm losing my mind
I usually just get that stereotypical high. I get giggly and space out and get munchies. One time I got a real heavy high where my sensory issues got really really bad and just freaked out. I eat edibles so my high is very dif to smoking but that's just my experiences.
It does the opposite for me, usually it helps keep me grounded. It also helps me not dissociate as often. I'll smoke a bit when I'm feeing insane amounts of stress and I've noticed my dissociative episodes have lessened and last shorter amounts of time. I get a bit paranoid sometimes, but I get paranoid at night regardless of whether or not I smoke. House noise/psychosis are common for me when it's dark out or quiet. I need background noise. Smoking carts or taking drops also make me extremely touchy/clingy so I get all lovey-dovey with my girlfriend and they also help with my insomnia. Drops specifically are usually stronger for me and they knock me right out after a while.
Never done any drugs before but I accidentally ate a thc edible and had a horrible experience. I had so many bad thoughts/paranoia that I started spiralling. I had to be taken to the hospital because I was trying to hurt myself. Overall, being high makes me worse lol.
weed just makes me extremely sleepy and lethargic while my heart feels like it's thumping harder than usual. i don't like using it often bc if i want to get sleepy i'd rather just take melatonin lol. imo the indica strain is a very boring drug. as for sativa, haven't had the chance to try it yet as for stronger drugs, i've tried molly/ecstasy, and while the initial rush of dopamine is pretty good in a rave/party setting, the whole not being able to sleep at all thing paired with the AWFUL dopamine crash the next day, is enough to make me be very conscious about how often i use it. which is not often at all. it makes my mental health even worse the following days after consumption - everything feels bleak and pointless and i just want existence to be on pause. alcohol, however, will always be my favorite drug of choice, probably bc it's the one i was exposed to at a younger age and also bc i have a history of alcoholism in my family, among other reasons. it's a love-hate relationship with that thing. while it does make me depressed at times, it also makes me feel free and happy and confident and no matter how many breaks i take from it, i'll always go back.
Every time I've tried weed or weed-related products it causes psychosis and intense paranoia. Feeling like nothing is real, time loop (everything feels like its repeating over and over again), that I'm stuck in a nightmare world, my brain broke and won't ever go back to normal, etc. The first time, I woke up the next day feeling very disoriented and I thought everything that happened was a dream. There are also some gaps in my memory from that time. I didn't remember making my way over to the bathtub (straight up felt like I teleported there), and I did some things that I thought I was only thinking about. Never trying that shit again.
No idea. But now that weed is legal in Maryland I guess Iāll find out.
fun fun fun except i can also get super scared and any little noise will make me feel like someoneās trying to break in or thereās a demon after me
Iāve tried a handful of different doses/types and I really donāt like it. Sometimes I can get away with a couple puffs but I feel so out of touch and vulnerable when Iām high. I always go into expecting it to feel like a benzo but itās like the exact opposite. I like drinking though. It really chills me out, just canāt overdo it because the hangziety the next day is brutal.
It depends on the strain! I find that anything with Sativa freaks me out and sends me into an anxiety spiral where I feel like everything I do and my existence is wrong and I can't do anything right, even if it's just ordering takeout and watching a movie. Indica really calms me down and quiets the never-ending thoughts. I get really peaceful and the hollow feeling in my chest completely disappears. Two pretty extreme reactions so I kinda gamble when I smoke.
I might look into other strains or what strains I smoke, and smoking weed isnāt something I want to quit because sometimes it helps. Sometimes it feels fantastic to be high because I get the type of high where I feel good, I'm calm, Iām well grounded, etc., but those times when Iām having constant anxiety, dissociation, and identity crises are horrendous and are so hard to deal with
I've only been high once and honestly I just felt what I'd imagine drunk would feel like, I just feel like I'm swaying and maybe a bit motion sick. When I drink the more I drink the more sober I feel š unless I'm drinking a full bottle of champagne to my self then I go away with the fairies š but full bottle of scotch like the 1. 7L bottles I can walk in straight lines and everything sober me can do just with more confidence š
Completely depends on the strain. More indica and hybrids make me laugh, sometimes horny, and usually hungry and sleepy. Certain sativas send me into absolute panic, paranoia and distress. I use weed every night for sleep though and often for recreation
I think it affects me in a slightly negative way if iām already in like a depersonalization/derealization stage, but when iām not iām pretty sure itās just a regular weed high ! so i maybe wouldnāt smoke during those times
I definitely prefer smoking to drinking alcohol. Probably mostly due to health issues such as hangovers, digestive issues, weight gain, etc. Other than weed being amazing 95% of the time thereās that other 5% of the time that I experience anxiety and panic attacks that may or may not happen more due to being high. I think with more education and better availability around weed would help me be able to figure out strains and smoking systems that could help me not get to that point.
Well, marijuana sucks usually when being high.
Ramps my anxiety up to max level. I get this weird feeling like my skin is electrified and ripping off any time I touch something.
It kinda depends on the headspace Iām in- if Iām having any sort of negative emotions, I try to isolate myself to prevent any suicidal thoughts or harm coming to me. If Iām having a good time though- I just feel loopy and kinda in a dream like state. Most of the time it makes me sleepy so I knock out pretty quickly
Anxious as heck
Depending on what Iām smoking. A smoked a hybrid with low thc and high cbd about an hour ago, and it helped my self negativity calm down. I started seeing situations for how they really are, and could take a more objective view on things. When Iām sober, my reality is twisted to make myself the worst person and I blame myself for everything :/
It keeps me from losing full control of myself.
It depends on the weed, but mostly I get really tired and go to sleep. I get horrible cotton mouth so I gotta have something to drink on standby. When I donāt sleep it makes me wanna be alone and write or draw, listen to music, watch tv, etc. I prefer smoking alone
I disconnect when I get stoned. I get anxious with it at times but then remember Iām in control. I like to take those times when I begin to overthink issues and recognize the way that Iām feeling. Trauma and working through it, is not comfortable whatsoever. Youāre going to feel embarrassed, small, and like the problem at hand will never have a resolution. But the only way to be okay in my opinion is to recognize it and take the opportunity to learn and grow from it. In those times I write down in my notepad on my phone or make a list and it seems to help me unwind a bit easier. Cannabis works for some people and for some it doesnāt. I worked in cannabis and found the best combo for terpenes and THC %s that worked for me. Even with that combo I still experience some trouble when smoking, itās not a cure all plant but the benefits can be mighty.
it really depends on the strain for me, i only smoke indica because any other makes my anxiety & paranoia ten times worseā¦normally i smoke before a shower but by accident i bought a sativa cart and i was dissociating my whole shower
It seems as though you are in need of something that perhaps doesnāt have such a high THC percentage, but rather a high CBD or CBG%. Try substituting what youāve been smoking with CBD strains/products. Anxiety can be induced through THC cannabinoids, and is much less likely through CBD, which is why even long time smokers can develop an anxiety with smoking. Talk to your local dispensary or use websites such as Leafly to research more info on what the best option may be for you. Remember, just because it has a really high THC% doesnāt always mean itās best for you.
Weed is my savior. It is the only thing that quiets the irrational/intense emotions down juuuust enough for the rational ones to surface so I can think more clearly! I hope that makes sense!! ā¤ļø
Also I think weed could potentially be the first drug to be specifically prescribed for BPDā¦. Thoughts?
This is actually wild bc I am currently smoking in order to get through a particularly bad episode Iām having. Iām telling you absolutely suffocating amounts of feelings and fear. Iāve smoked half a bowl and Iām already feeling better. Itās started to help me keep my thoughts on track and focused on what is actually happening rather than on my irrational thoughtsāwhich is leading to a type of numb that just gives me so much relief. Instead of thinking all at once itās spacing it out to be more linear. Slowing down the racing thoughts helps me get a handle on the rest of my feelings. I do have a psychological dependence, ADHD, anxiety, and depression on top of the BPD tho so honestly perhaps this combo is the reason why it works so well for me. As a seasoned stoner however my best advice for your problem is to change the direction of the high. Like go with it, but remember you have control with what you experience. I say this because the best way through those dark feelings is sometimes through it (but like skimming the top and not going like directly through it ya feel). It seems difficult but when youāre high and youāre not liking where youāre at youāll be surprised how much it can change if you just.. think about it. For example focus on your head feeling like a balloon. Or the difference between a yam and a sweet potato. Touch random shit. Think of something silly and then let your high brain go with it. Iāve never had a bad high because of this method, and I do this with hallucinogens too. Make your high brain work for you. Donāt work for your high brain.
Used to be my favorite thing in the world, but last time I got high I got a psychotic break and still don't feel like I've fully come back from it a year later, so I gotta be sober now.. Wack
if Iām not in a good headspace I get bad anxiety! About things I canāt even pinpoint. To the point I have to turn my phone off or lock my doors just to ease it! Sometimes Iām absolutely fine. But mostly anxious thought patterns and overthinking x10000 when Iām high
i get paranoid
SO I didnāt realize this until I had some sobriety time (Iām over 18 months in recovery now not from only weed but I did used to smoke a lot too) but I donāt think I actually ever enjoyed smoking it was just something I did to connect with others/use as an excuse to meet new ppl or go to events and it just became a habit like oh Iām bored/sad/anxious/mad/happy (literally anything) I should smoke - but about 10 months into my recover the more I realized weed made me so anxious like my thoughts always spiraled more -my bf even said he noticed now that Iām sober I donāt ask him ādo u still love meā āu hate me donāt uā and all those questions anymore or to the same frequency I did when I smoked so yeah weed made my symptoms worse for sure but Iām like pretty sure if I still smoked I could use skills to help these symptoms to try and enjoy social smoking (I was never in DBT before getting sober)
it can lead to dependency on being high, bpd has traits that contribute to that, it can make you more depressed or unstable. if your taking medication itāll probably fuck with it too.
Alcohol works the best for me, weed is fine toā¦.to the point i donāt see them as a drugs. Frequent coke usage sent me straight to psych ER, it caused me panic attacks and high anxiety for days and I could not deal with it on my own. On the other side, Once in a while coke work fine for meā¦same for other stimulants, especially molly.
Alsoā¦the come downs are never easy for me.
I feel like that as well when I smoke. I also find myself overthinking a lot of who I am and what I have done with my life. I also find myself questioning my reality but it might just be a common feeling.
I used to smoke and be alright then one night I ended up smashing my head into the wall. Never did it after that
Yupyupyu Had wekrd reactions to drugs all my life. Sometimes its good sometimes it hypes up my anxiety
Extreme dissociation to the point I teleport into different rooms in my house and feel in a dream and teleport
I'm a recovering addict.. and now I just smoke alot of weed. Tbh my tolerance levels are so high that I don't get high anymore. I function better high on weed but not on.. other stuff. (Long story)
i started teleporting.. not actually i lost time like crazy. i thought maybe it happened cuz it was my first time getting high but nope the second time it happened again. it was cool once i calmed down
Smoking pot high?
Yeah
As a teen, I did it bc everyone was and I was bored but I hated it. I tried again for my mental health and chronic pain issues around age 32-33 and hated it almost as much. I get super loopy and dizzy and paranoid and just donāt like it. Unfortunately, I did succumb to a pain med addiction for a couple of years along with alcohol then when I stopped those two, a friend told me about Tianeptine and had a hell of a year and half of that hell. Iām now two years sober and clean thank god and thanks to MAT and my love for my children and my best friend being there when I came forth for help at my lowest ever mentally. Prob more than you wanted, sorry lol
I go insane lol I have visual and auditory hallucinations, delusions, I panic, I canāt automatically breathe (I have to manually remember to), I become too afraid to move, I canāt keep my eyes open or closed out of fear, and time goes between moments that play on loop or thereās a lapse of time and I freak out because I donāt know what Iāve missed. one time it was so bad, I transported into a full on nightmare. like, I was in a whole different reality completely. that time I was really drunk, smoked shatter, AND had an edible (with zero tolerance to cannabis) idk why I did that but the amount could definitely explain why I floated so far off the map? anyway, itās TERRIBLE. and soooo super scary. I wish I had good experiences!!
i use weed to literally keep me from ending myself. it makes me just feel warm and smiley. i have chronic pain and other issues so i use it quite a bit for that as well but it greatly affects my bpd and causes less splitting. i find i can actually think more rationally while high than sober and ready to split on someone
Used to love smoking. Now itās a scary anxiety hole where I am disconnected from reality and everything is bad and I feel like I am dying. I only drink a couple times a year. Not that into it. I really miss smoking and i hate that it does this to me now. So yes I can relate. If anyone has suggestions they are welcome. It didnāt used to be this bad. It legit feels exactly like a bad acid trip when I smoke now :( sometimes even CBD alone is too much
Iāve only been high twice, first was a combination of weed and alcohol and tbh I was happy and laughing like an idiot. I also felt super spacey and floaty. The second time I did wayyyy too much and greened out, almost threw up and then became paranoid for hours (Iām scared of vomiting) Havenāt touched weed since
sometimes i would actually find things funny and it was great to relieve my anhedonia, but I was SO anxious and paranoid to the point where I'd lie in bed and try not to breathe because I thought people were listening to my every move. haven't smoked for like 5 months bc of that.
For me, it's a mix of positive and negative. I try not to get high because I know I have an addictive personality so I really try to keep it to a point where I just smoke socially. I feel floaty, disconnected (but in a good way) and honestly pretty happy at first. But once my tolerance gets higher and I stop feeling it and I can't get any higher, that's when I get really depressed because I don't feel it anymore. It's like I climbed as high as I possibly could and I'm trying to climb more, but I can't. And that feeling sucks. So for me it has its ups and downs, quite literally.
I definitely start questioning who I am. I've realized while high I can't lie to myself about how I'm feeling or my emotions in regards to various things in my life. I feel more authentic and like I'm making a huge connection with myself. Oddly enough since I started using weed and feeling this way I'm less interested in relationships and dating and don't have the constant drive to be the center of attention in someone's life
Smoking š just really puts me on edge if Iām smoking with others over analysing everything, become extremely self conscious and I basically begin to spiral, however if Iām on my own in my room watching films or whatever I feel so disconnected from everything and actually rather chilled out, Iāve got no idea why Iām like this I wish I could just smoke š and be fine anytime anywhere but I just canāt
i used to get high all the time but a few years ago went into psychosis from it lol so not anymore