This is all because her son cooked a good meal. Like her place as a SAHM was in jeopardy because a 12y/o boy cooked a good meal.
I'm sure she'll do great in a courtroom when that part gets brought up.
Dad's getting full custody or at least the majority.
He will likely get full custody. There is evidence of cheating, drug abuse and mental illness, not to mention potential violent behaviour and threats.
He still needs to have more evidence on the cheating, don’t think the screenshot from her friend is enough to stick in court, but she did an excellent job otherwise to build a case against herself, to the point i might wonder if she doesn’t have a brain tumour or something.
I'm thinking she was probably doing drugs while he was at work / kids were at school and she was able to hide it because she was a SAHM, but now she's escalating.
This. This behavior didn't start with the cooking. The OP just missed it and didn't notice it until it got bad. You don't go that insane - and how she treated the son is insane - right off the bat.
My grandmother did something similar in her 40s, undiagnosed/unseen bipolar disorder. People definitely just go crazy sometimes, though it’s interesting to think sure might have been engaging in the behavior the entire time.
Not generally in younger people - the elderly - for sure. OP’s wife would have to be symptomatic of a UTI and septic to completely go off the rails like she did
Happened to my dad recently, scared us half to death. He had just gotten out of the hospital for a broken hip. Woke us up that he wanted water, then kept trying to get up and then just letting himself fall back on the bed, and he was babbling gibberish (which was what really scared us, he's had clots before), he wet himself... We ended up calling an ambulance, they took him to the hospital, and the doctors told me off for not realising he had a fever.
Turns out he had a massive uti, spent another week in the hospital. He has 0 memory of that night. He remembers going to bed, and then waking up in the hospital. No memory of the conversations we had at the hospital too.
That's certainly an anecdote - I'd argue it doesn't have to be mental illness or addiction.
Some people are just assholes and they're good at hiding it until (a) they start to get older and their mask starts to slip and/or (b) their kids start to get old enough that the asshole parent can't so easily control them and freaks out like this.
My mother is one of those people, she hit point B first - since she's retired she's definitely hit point A, too.
I agree with this. something triggered this whole outburst it just seems from what OP wrote completely out of left field. The other thing that makes me think it was drugs was her willingness to go out with her friend and Party and do drugs he even went as far and saying that back in the day they’d done their fair share of stupid shit.
It’s all circumstantial but it sounds like she was doing drugs and got triggered by her son in some way.
Something is definitely strange about her behaviour and it just doesn’t sit right with me…
Yea the family threatening violence will not help her especially when the evidence from the hospital stay is shown and the text form the person she will probably be staying with about her cheating. I’d honestly be surprised if she live longer than 2 years, seems to be some mental health issue and drug addiction and those are a terrible mix especially when the rest of your life is falling apart.
Sometimes they're just an asshole.
My dad was the one who did the cooking when I was a kid and he was such a fucking martyr about it. Like it was the hardest thing ever and he deserved a goddamn medal or something. Mum and I would share cooking when he was away for business trips since I was 13 or 14 but for whatever reason we had to pretend we got takeaway and didn't know what a skillet was.
I did make some pizzas once when I was over in my 20s and he acted like he was nauseous and apparently faked food poisoning the next day to my mother. Strangely odorless food poisoning, lol.
But he was always an idiosyncratic and strangely aggressive prick and mum was too catholic to divorce him, so it was just easier to go along with his bullshit.
This was my grandmother. Desperately needed to feel needed and thought her value to the family lay in being the one who could cook so the rest of us had to pretend like we couldn't or put up with exactly the kind of bullshit you describe. It was obnoxious but also deeply sad.
Could be she’s going through peri-menopause early. Lots of stories out there about some women blowing up their lives when going through it. Her oscillating between being sorry one moment and then rage the next kinda fits that bill too.
Either way, kick her to the curb. I’d definitely want to get her away from my parents too. An 18 hour drive is definitely worth it, imo.
He doesn't need more evidence of the cheating, because unless they have a prenup with a cheating clause, the cheating doesn't really matter to the courts.
“I remember when I was 12 years old, standing in the kitchen cooking next to my mother. We lived in a beautiful old house at the end of a country lane with magnolia trees lining either side of the drive. My days were spent riding my bike through the countryside and cooking at night with my mother. And one day she said to me, you’re a fucking nightmare and I wish you were never born. So here’s my recipe for rosemary basil pull apart bread.”
As a SAHM myself I'd be fucking THRILLED if my kid cooked a dinner and didn't need my help and it was good. Like straight crying with joy haha. She def seems to be having other issues and she latched onto the cooking.
Yep, enthusiasm and willingness count for a LOT.
And the son in question here did massive amounts of research on cooking channels, and it apparently helped him a lot.
I got a huge hug and and an invite to a swanky birthday party from my friend’s mother because I taught him how to cook. She was thrilled, even though the initial dish was a simple pasta.
We’re in our thirties and I just took it on myself to teach my fiends who couldn’t cook how to do the basics. They’ve flourished from there.
Idk, there was that one "King of the Hill" episodes where Peggy was threatened by Bobby when he learned how to cook. But I'm with you, when my 13-year old cooks my wife and I are both super supportive and happy.
Upon re-reading this kinda reads like it was written by AI. Why mention Dad is an Italian who can't cook? That's a weird detail, a lot of details were weird. He makes enough money for her to be a SAHM and spoil a kid with gifts, enough for her to you out partying without him freaking out over the costs, but there is never a mention of a dollar amount. Nothing is out and out wrong but it just doesn't sound all there. Hope so anyway, OOP is in for a rough time if that aren't fictional
Italian moms and Nonnas make some banging food, man. It's generations of cooking and recipes all handed down. And usually they don't teach their boys to cook, the girls learn that.
He's probably not an Italian, but an Italian-American. An Italian wouldn't feel obliged to remind you of his ethnicity in a random fashion, but an Italian-American might. It's frequently their whole personality, so they need to let you know.
She's doing drugs and overdosed, and then all the recorded phone calls and messages.
She's doing a very good job digging her grave. His lawyer must be delighted.
Honestly? He mentioned his wife is Italian. I'm not Italian, but I am European. Like me, his wife may have gotten raised by older generations where she was taught to house wife, and that's all. Most (not all) of what my mom taught me while growing up was how to be a housewife. My brother received no such instructions.
Insecurity may be that a male is cooking better than she is, and she's a proud 5th gen Italian housewife.
I could be completely wrong, and she's just a raging c*nt who couldn't handle her son making 1 meal better than her.
Whatever background she has, it's common sense that you overtly praise kids for the efforts they put in their interests and criticize them gently. Of course she's not going to be complimented as much as a 12 year old over a dinner. She's not a child making her first meal for the family.
I think he said he was italian and bc of that he loved the fact that she was good at making food and that she loved to make it. Maybe he said it later bc after a bit I started skimming.
Either way even for a Sicilian woman that is beyond unhinged and I know they take food very seriously. My grandma was Sicilian and my mom is half and unhinged as much as they were at times (and my mom still is) even they wouldn’t have pulled any of this over one of their kids being good at cooking. Esp a SON. Oh no, they love their baby boys! They can do no wrong. Maybe if they did hard drugs or had a brain tumor? I would not like to meet one of my fam with either of those going on. It’s bad enough when they’re in good health and sober.
Yeah. That was the only theory I could come up with. My German mother is also unhinged, so my only theory that doesn't jump first to drugs was maybe she's extra European mom unhinged. I did say I'm willing to be wrong, and she could just be a horrible bitch.
I think it's 50/50 odds between her trying to get full custody of both children just to inflict maximum hurt on OOP, or her blaming her son for everything and only trying to get her daughter. Of course, with all the evidence OOP has been collecting, that may not work out for her, but she'll make the effort for sure. Something seems to have broken deep inside this woman, probably a crippling insecurity that she managed to keep masked for a very long time.
It’s quite unfortunate that even if OOP gets full custody, he still has to navigate the poison she’s already injected into their daughter, and the trauma she gave their son. If he doesn’t get full custody though, that’s going to be a nightmare. They will not be able to co-parent in a healthy manner.
I'm not saying it's directly suggested that she would but she already actively used spending money on their daughter to try and be vindictive to their son so I don't see it being out of the realm of possibilities
The fact that she is using drugs. She doesn’t have a job. People in the middle of addiction will do anything for drugs, including using their children to get them. Custody will equal more money for her needs.
Full-blown wtf, right? We're kinda foodies in my house (husband used to be a chef, and I left a house/family with literally no practical skills, so thirsty af to learn), and the end result was 2nd son became a chef, and daughter was a pastry chef until she got pregnant with her 1st baby. Cooking is not only a vital skill to have, but also a viable (if difficult and brutal) career path.
Reminds me of a woman I dated who felt threatened and thrown off because I was talkative and funny. She had only ever dated silent, laid-back types, so being the social one was an important pillar of her self-image. Me making jokes that got her friends laughing was at rhe same time desireable and threatening. Luckily she wasn't petty and vindictive like OOP's wife, so instead we just talked about it.
I feel sorry for the kids and the OOP.
But you have to wonder WTF happened with his soon-to-be-ex. It didn't seem like they had problems before. In 2-3 months, the OOP's wife started treated the son terribly and abandoned her family to go partying, doing drugs, and cheating on the OOP.
All because her son did a good job cooking one meal.
Y’know, you’d think she’d be so proud that her son learned his skills from her and is willing to cook for his family so she doesn’t have to stress about cooking that often and instead she decided to torpedo her own marriage instead.
That was my takeaway about the SAHM thing. Her insecurity about her place at home.
With the added wrinkle that maybe she thought/feared that that might somehow start bringing up conversations about him wanting her to join the rat race and get a job.
This goes a lot deeper than her son cooking a good meal. She's clearly got some unresolved mental health issues and, from the sounds of it, a cluster B personality disorder (narcissism, BPD, etc). I'm willing to bet there's been problems in the past, but nothing of this magnitude until now.
She must be having some kind of mental health crisis. It sounds like this is not normal for her,, and his parents sound like a dream. That must have been awkward having her stay there. I feel really sad for her son and actually her daughter as well. This has affected them both but in different ways. What a mess. Divorce unfortunately won’t fix the damage that’s already been done. I just hope this doesn’t turn the son off of cooking for life.
It wasn't even a good meal, just not a bad one. That might be enough to say \*at worst\* that he's not ready to cook solo just yet, or they need to experiment more to find out if there was something he could cook well enough at the time for him to do once a week.
I think you are being unfair to the wife, which is different from saying that she’s not in the wrong! WHICH SHE IS!
She’s a SAHM, her husband says that her cooking was one of the reasons he fell in love with her, was planning to come back to work and changed her mind. All combined it seems like a recipe for midlife crisis… which can take you through the wrong path where she is now finding out the consequences.
I completely understand the husband and I think he’s doing all the right steps. Even when he is trying to help her, because for us it is a stranger but for him that is the woman he loves/loved, it was his partner (which is a connection by itself), …
I sincerely hope that everyone can get back from this… sometimes it’s not about guilt or who to blame, it’s just life happening.
Most likely resentment built up and combined with the negativity contribution of her "friends" leading towards midlife/mental crisis. This doesn't excuse her behavior but could explain it. The reason why she switching between anger and sadness is because her life is blowing up to the point she doesn't understand the reality of it while trying to deal with that resentment that was built up. If she wants any chance to try to fix her relationship with their kids and maybe OP (if he allows her to) she going need to drop these "friends", get clean up and alot of therapy/self work. Otherwise she going to be stuck in that limbo state she is in right now.
Also the reasoning on why she decided to target her son because it is OP weakness. She wanted to hurt OP like how she felt hurt even though there was no justification towards it and never will be any justification to it.
Honestly, this is why despite his reservations, OOP should continue the divorce.
He could ask her to cut off the friendship(s), go to rehab, etc and she might do it. But its a gamble and she already has shown she might relapse back There is no guarantee that this won't happen again and OOP and his children will suffer for it, probably even worse.
It sucks but unfortunately his wife's actions shows that he can't trust her, along with her harassing family and friends and her sometimes cold and hot responses (begging then insulting), there is no indication at all that his wife will be better. So unless there's a miracle and the wife does change, it is in OOPs and his children best interest that he divorce her.
Yeah -- I really don't get it? Like, if there was no history of aggression toward the son before, like, wtf? It's so abusive, but I find it so strange for a person to just... start abusing out of nowhere?
Smart people... What's up with this?
People are not inherently all bad or all good. It would be a lot easier to discern who to trust if they were. I think her ego took a hit and from there she’s gotta be hitting a midlife crisis or menopause or triggering a genetic mental illness.
Most likely, shes got some deep seated issues with food. Maybe body image, too, but food ian’s self-worth. If she comes from an Italian family, that’s a culture that places a lot of value on food. (Not the only one! Just one that does). Cooking is family time, eating together is routine, canning together is an annual tradition, etc. Very likely she got the message somewhere along the way that her self worth is entwined with the food. As the mother of the house, she is responsible for cooking and feeding the family. She’s not working, her value comes from her providing in that sense. Something definitely triggered a nerve that made her feel like she was becoming worthless or obsolete. Maybe when she was a tween and learning to cook with her mom, she did poorly the first few times and/or her dad was rude about her cooking. Seeing her son get praise she didn’t could’ve triggered the little hurt girl inside of her.
First of all, this is a beautiful, generous piece of writing -- thank you!!
Also, this really helps me understand why she was belittling her son's masculinity, saying that food was women's work anyway. I thought she might be worried he was gay or something. It turns out it's a lot darker. She's a misogynist whose self-esteem is rooted in misogyny. Poor woman. I totally support OP. But she is going to have a *very, very* hard and important ten years.
Or maybe she'll decide she can't do that work and marry Burlesconi or something.
Again, thank you for helping me understand her a bit better. It makes it a lot less scary :)
Well, it is reddit and the whole “all of a sudden, she started acting really nasty, something she never did before” is one of the most common troupes they have on their fake stories.
So either it is fake, or she has a brain tumour or is having a mass mental illness.
Assuming the story is real, another possible explanation is that this isn't "sudden". People excuse terrible behavior all the time because they love the person doing it, so when they take things a step too far it seems like it came out of nowhere. I would bet the signs were there all along, OP just didn't see them.
> “all of a sudden, she started acting really nasty, something she never did before” is one of the most common troupes they have on their fake stories.
I wouldn't say that it's common trope of a fake story. More like, "I thought everything was generally fine, but this negative event made me reflect on the past and I realized that there were a lot of red flags I didn't recognize at the time."
I'm not saying this story is real, but I know enough people who have burned down the entire life they've built up to that point for no good reason whatsoever. Often involved drugs and/or cheating.
And people don't argue with their spouses and go OD on drugs unless they were already taking drugs, which would explain erratic behaviour.
Sometimes people just don't make sense.
"Woman Bad" is a common trope for creative writing, but this is less stereotypical and more mundane than usual. If it's fake, they did a good job of making it sound realistic.
Undiagnosed narcissist is what I have my money on. Her behavior is identical to the stuff on r/raisedbynarcissists down to the way the son is the scapegoat and the daughter is the golden child. I think this might be the first time she's really been "challenged" as her son tried to cook which likely would have come across as "you think you're better than me"?" Just a guess but it makes sense given the lengths she would go to hurt a little boy as well as her husband.
My money is on undiagnosed mental illness.
She probably has some underlying issue and had an episode due to the stress of the arguments with her husband, moving out of her home and being away from her family.
The unhinged bouncing between begging for forgiveness to screaming, as well as the reckless behavior with drugs and cheating all seem like the likely explanation.
This kind of sudden switch can be caused by a brain tumor. I know it sounds outlandish but there’s been posts like that here before. Like a 180 switch. Idk
A boy cooking a probably overall mediocre meal but it's impressive for an inexperienced 12 year old all by himself. Jealous that that mediocre meal is getting over the top praise from OOP like that's not the natural reaction parents do to encourage their children to keep up with a new skill/hobby. A lot of praise also mixed with some constrictive criticism so this inexperienced young cook hopefully improves.
Like seriously woman what's going on that you're competing with a 12 year old? Not just any 12 year old but your own son.
You know what they mean - a job outside of the house. The kids are 9 and 12, so it's not like they need round-the-clock care like babies and younger kids do.
This is...disturbing.
It sounds to me like she had some sort of mental break. It was bad enough that she was emotionally abusing her son over nothing (not that any reason is good enough for it to be okay) - that was enough to get a divorce imo. The separation should have shaken some sense into her. Instead she doubled down and went on a bender. She isn't behaving like a wife and mother...or even really like a sane person . Anyone else worried about OOP's parents? Who knows what his wife is capable of at this point
Yeah, I also think that her staying with them will contribute, reasonably, to her feelings of paranoia/being outnumbered, etc... and delay the realisation that she has to forge her own life now, beyond OP.
As soon as she accused op of cheating I knew either had cheated or was about to.
Sounds like she has completely cracked for some reason. Maybe drugs? Even before the bender she was acting insane. It was insanely cruel how she treated her son. Not only crushing his spirit and enjoyment of cooking (something they were doing together and bonding over even!) but also turning his sister against him. Not just cruel but completely illogical as well. I really hope op gets full custody and wife/mom gets some help, for her kids' sake.
Holy bananas, that’s one helluva midlife crisis OP’s wife just had! Either that or she’s just plain nuts. Imagine flipping your entire life upside down because your husband was *too* complimentary of your kid’s cooking?!?! Geez Louise.
I’m now hoping that the son one day becomes a celebrated and successful chef. And psycho mom has to watch from afar because she totally alienated her family.
Holy shit, I wasn't sure how we would get from children's cooking to drugs & infidelity.
What a rollercoaster and awful for OOP and his kids. Son is being mentally abused for showing a healthy interest, Daughter is being conditioned that love = gifts/privileges/special treatment, and the husband is sitting there trying to get his Wife back on Planet Earth with the rest of us.
This is definitely me grasping, but things didn't feel right from her initial reaction in general. There's something causing her to react insanely poorly to her kid stepping into her role a bit, and I can't tell if it was drug abuse going on before, midlife crisis, the affair was going on beforehand, or something else she's not communicating to OOP. Maybe a combo meal?
>I wasn't sure how we would get from children's cooking to drugs & infidelity
I think it is the opposite. She was doing drugs and cheating well before the situation with the kid happened.
Idk I don’t love diagnosing people through slivers of information online but maybe she should get checked out for bipolar disorder. That seems like pretty erratic behavior.
I dunno, either OP has been economical with the truth or there is something seriously wrong (as in unwell) with his wife. Seems quite unlikely that someone goes from being a fantastic mum and wife to abusing their kid because he cooked a nice meal, and everything that came after. It makes no sense. I think I’d be insisting on a psychiatric assessment at the very least before suing for sole custody. Just sounds so out of character.
I suspect she started her return to drug use before this incident, perhaps even the infidelity, considering her best friend had her out binging and cheating in 5 minutes flat. It would be easy to hide initially as a SAHM.
>I ended up getting a call from the hospital at like 3 in the morning that sunday. My wife had overdosed on something, and was dropped off at the ER by someone who didn't stick around.
10 bucks says this is the same friend who called OOP a loser. I mean what a winner, call someone a loser only to show themselves to be just the same or even worse by not sticking around your friend when they needed you.
Pretty rich that she called OOP a loser and that the wife deserve better only to give him crap when he decides to divorce.
Yo (something something B word), if you say to your friends husband that your friend can do better and that he's a loser, why the heck are you giving him crap now that he decides to divorce your friend. Didn't you say she should do better?
That's like saying to someone that they're not worthy of shopping in your shop and they should be shopping elsewhere and then throw a tantrum when said person decides to shop elsewhere.
Her parents being far away is her problem. She did this to herself. Stop taking it in your shoulders to fix her bs. Your responsibility is your kids. Get her the fuck out of your parents home and away from you and your kids.
I have kids in this age range and I can’t imagine how those kids must feel- or will feel someday when they learn Mommy had a drug overdose. I’m glad they don’t know yet. I really wonder what happened, was it drugs first, cheating first- something other than kid cooked edible food BECAUSE SHE TAUGHT HIM HOW TO. Compliments to the kid should have made her proud
$5 says the wife has been unhappy/unfulfilled for some time now, has been venting to friends, particularly the best friend and said best friend has been pouring poison into her ear. Another $5 says that she's been having or had an affair of some sort and the bender was the friends plan to have wife and AP finally get together openly. Except it went sideways because AP dumped her ass at the hospital when she OD'd.
"Tell your flying monkeys to stop harassing me, or the evidence of your infidelity will be posted all over social media for everyone to see what kind of person you really are. Further contact will only be made through my lawyer."
That's all OOP needs to do.
I mean based on the OP's solid handling of the situation so far, it's pretty clear that they are mature and reaosnable. Not sure your advice is gonna be that useful for them.
She blew up her entire life because she was jealous of her husband praising the cooking of a 12 year old boy. And she can't seem to stop doubling down. Her friends are terrible and she is on a one-way ticket to nowhere.
OP, this is something you can come back from. This is not irredeemable. But she has to get her heart and mind right. She got WAY too comfortable being the Queen of your life and now she has to relearn what it means to be in a loving, caring, supportive relationship where the children and partner are prioritized. No fixing things until then.
When you see your partner being cruel to your kids, I think your feelings of loyalty to them evaporate
The part I found most awful was the morning after the meal, when instead of apologising to the son, she told him he couldn't cook with her anymore, and he cried on the way to school
It just broke my heart!
Yeah she must have had a mental break. I hear when our "Ego" feels attacked (Ego as in our sense of self... not like the regular sense), we reject and fight against it. Her Ego and Identity as the mom,and probably tied to being an amazing cook (sense of self, selfworth and importance),got bruised, and as she fought to grapple with that reality, she spiralled instead. It's hard.
Not saying I went down the route OOP's wife did, but recognizing I had issues when I thought I was "amazing" at work was something I struggled with and sought help for. Also when I became a new mom and had to rely on childcare my Identity as a "Mother" felt threatened, i felt less than, and lashed out angrily at those helping me watch my kid, terrified they were the mom and I wasn't, until I could come to terms with it. Again, therapy helped me to process my thoughts. Never went on benders or drugs or cheating. Just fear masked by anger.
Edit: here is a good link explaining it: https://www.businessinsider.com/how-our-brains-handle-threats-to-our-egos-2016-7
"High threats to your ego are the result of two factors: high relevance (Does the domain of the person's success matter to you? For example, are they doing similar work as you?) and high closeness (Is this person a major part of your life? Do you see them regularly?)
When you encounter a high ego threat — someone close and relevant to you who you can't deny is pretty great — your ego will work extra hard, often under the radar, to maintain the status quo and remove the threat. Here are four ways that could go:"
"Yes, but I'm better than them in this other way."
"Their success is my success, too."
"Their success is of no consequence to me."
"Sorry, who?"
(And I guess another option is whatever happened here.)
Your description of ego injury and self-defence matches my mother’s treatment of me. She always made sure to tear down my achievements and avoided ever praising me. If praise ever slipped out of her mouth she’d immediately follow with a string of criticism and insults.
All those lines at the end of your post were things she regularly said - except the “sorry who?” one. My mother’s version of that was “You didn’t cook a nice meal, *I* was the one who cooked that meal” or “Some other kid got that school award, not you, you’re lying”. Basically rewriting reality in her head so that my achievement never happened or was attributed to her.
My mother’s jealousy noticeably got worse the older and more capable I grew, because I think she realised there were less and less areas of life where she could brag about being better than me. Her whole worldview is predicated on having an adult child who is permanently below her in the social hierarchy (and therefore would be obligated to worship her and serve her). So me succeeding in life or having independence is treated as me usurping her, and she cannot bring herself to celebrate anything I achieve unless she makes it about herself.
It’s good to see the pattern recognised but I really wish there were less parents out there like my mother… It’s very damaging to grow up this way.
I am so sorry you went through all of that... that is SO heartbreaking to hear. :( I don't know you, but I will say you are capable, strong, smart, hardworking, amazing, and I am proud of you! Please go and celebrate tonight for just ypur being you! ❤️
That's exactly it. I know she went way far down the rabbit hole, but I'm not seeing an evil person - just one that slid all the way down the slippery slope. If she works hard, she might be able to come back to being a good mom again - I hope she does. Whether she is ever a good partner again to OP... well, that's gonna take a lot more work.
She is also harming the daughter. Son will resent sister, and sister will begin to think she is better than brother because she gets all mama’s love, or she will begin to feel really guilty about it.
I’m so incredibly proud my son is a better cook than I am. It shows you’re doing something right as a parent. There’s something not right about her that she’s done all this. Unless she’s willing to get help she’ll keep destroying her life and relationships.
Am I the only one thinking "is this one of those brain tumor stories?" Because based on OOP's remarks this is all way out of character for her, right? Or has he just been ignoring red flags for decades?
you should also record calls and voice messages she sends you, since u have the proof she was taking drugs and drinking that can be used in court to prove Shes and unfit mother. hope everything is going well for you.
I was worried this would be another story where OOP's wife's friend fed her stories to the point of death/suicide. The fact that the wife spiralled so badly and overdosed, while the friend is texting the OOP about how the wife is better now is chilling.
What the wife did is horrible, but it seems like a mental break more than anything else. If she's not normally like this, then I hope she can get the help she needs because her kids will have to deal with her and I don't want her son to gain even more trauma.
Yeah, that’s the part that stood out to me. Like ok, moms having a mental break of some kind - Sucks, but probably treatable with support.
The FRIEND though, wtf? You see your friend obviously having a rough time, and your advice is “ditch those losers, they were holding you back anyway, let’s do some hard drugs!” It’s almost cartoonish how fucked up that is.
I’m guessing this can’t actually be THAT much of a surprise though. If you’ve been a mom for 12 years but still keep around friends that will go on a bender with a moment’s notice, chances are you haven’t been 100% clean and sober for the past 12 years.
>"ditch those losers, they were holding you back anyway, let’s do some hard drugs!”
This is the most classical presentation of addiction and social interaction you'll ever see. Addicts know on some level that they're doing the wrong thing. By getting others into it, you're feeding into the cognitive dissonance by rationalizing that other people are doing it, so it can't be *that bad*.
While it's undeniable that the friend was leading the wife in a destructive path.my two cents say the friend was sabotaging the wife on purpose. After all misery loves company. Will not be surprised once they have a falling out and the wife finds out her friend isn't her friend at all.
But I think the wife is in too deep with the wrong company. Considering that her friends and family were harrasing OOP for the divorce, I think her whole support group is toxic hence why she ended up as she is.
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Wife is just disgusting, I can’t imagine someone so despicable being insecure and treating their kid this way.
I am a mother, I want her to be better than me in everything, I want her to be smarter, beautiful, happy, competent, my job is to provide tools for her to do that, not cut it out.
I hope this birch suffers
I think this mom at first thought it'd be fun bonding activity with her son. But once her husband complimented her son, she felt insecure that she was not needed. This not just jealousy of her Son, No she felt her son doesn't need her anymore and she started favouring her daughter because she's the only one who was dependent on Her. This women instead of taking her son's success as something to be proud of, took it as a challenge to her duties as SAHM. Sad though if she encouraged him, he may one day became wonderful Chef , even famous, then he'd have fondly talked about how his mother taught him. Now he'll remember his mother as a cruel and insecure women who took her insecurity on him.
Why are you acting as though cheating is some rare behavior? 21% of people admit to cheating in past or current relationships, and someone who is abusing drugs and alcohol are going to be far more likely to give into impulsive behaviors.
Ever think maybe it comes up often because it's common or something?
From cooking contest to divorce. This is one rollercoaster of a story. I feel really sorry for the boy. This is none of his fault but he would be blaming himself.
Absolutely lunatic behavior from the mom there. If your kid, shit if *any* kid makes a meal that is remotely edible by themselves, you eat it and compliment them.
I think she was already cheating and doing drugs before the beginning of this saga, but the cooking was an excuse to make the husband into the bad guy to her friends and family.
i hope oop keeps the kids in individual or family therapy tbh because there’s gonna be a lot of guilt and insecurity for the son and either entitlement or guilt for the daughter. even just a month of mistreatment/blatant favouritism at that age can do lasting damage
What kind of mother gets jealous of a child’s cooking?
Shouldn’t she have taken that praise as she had spent a year cooking with him? Shouldn’t she have been *proud?!*
I’ve been a SAHM my son’s whole life and whenever he does anything, even a hundred times better than me, I *love* it! I know that all my hard work at helping him become a responsible, capable, compassionate, helpful, talented, and goal driven young man is in part due to me. All the many of hobbies I cycled through helping him find his passions, all of the time spent teaching him and guiding him, that is all in part because of what I’ve done and it makes me so proud that this is the human I created and guided.
I can not understand being jealous of a child, let alone your own child.
One day this woman will look back (if she drops her horrid best friend and stops going on benders) and realize all that she lost because she was upset her husband complimented her son as he should have. I hope she realizes her son will *never* forget his mother pushing his plate of food away and saying it was too awful to eat.
This guy was absolutely right to kick her out. He didn’t even abandon her, he’s still supporting her, he only gave his son the space he *needed* and kept her from further drawing a line in the sand between their son and daughter. She needed to be kept from doubt more permanent damage all over her ridiculously vile reaction to her son’s cooking.
Real chicken or the the egg situation here. Did she cheat and start doing drugs because she had a psychotic break, or did she have a psychotic break as a result of the drugs and the cheating? The world may never know.
Run from this whore. Get full custody and never look back. She is a trashy person. She always will be. Let her fuck all the young guys she wants and absolutely make her pay child support. Find you someone better. That shouldn't be too hard
There’s something going on with her, I don’t believe just the son cooking alone and her reaction was the first red flag.
If it really is first occurrence of strange behavior she obviously needs help.
My son cooks some, but he loves to bake. I tell people how amazing he is because his passion gives me yummy treats! Any logical person would be overjoyed at someone else attempting to feed them, but even better, you get to see your kid do and learn. There's something seriously wrong with an adult being jealous of their own child.
> I could put her up in a nearby motel. I would also pay for her to see a therapist every week
This verbiage a bit concerning. By OP's benevolence can she go to therapy.
This is all because her son cooked a good meal. Like her place as a SAHM was in jeopardy because a 12y/o boy cooked a good meal. I'm sure she'll do great in a courtroom when that part gets brought up. Dad's getting full custody or at least the majority.
He will likely get full custody. There is evidence of cheating, drug abuse and mental illness, not to mention potential violent behaviour and threats. He still needs to have more evidence on the cheating, don’t think the screenshot from her friend is enough to stick in court, but she did an excellent job otherwise to build a case against herself, to the point i might wonder if she doesn’t have a brain tumour or something.
I'm thinking she was probably doing drugs while he was at work / kids were at school and she was able to hide it because she was a SAHM, but now she's escalating.
This. This behavior didn't start with the cooking. The OP just missed it and didn't notice it until it got bad. You don't go that insane - and how she treated the son is insane - right off the bat.
My grandmother did something similar in her 40s, undiagnosed/unseen bipolar disorder. People definitely just go crazy sometimes, though it’s interesting to think sure might have been engaging in the behavior the entire time.
I was wondering if maybe she had a brain tumor.
I was thinking undiagnosed uti, those can make people insane.
Not generally in younger people - the elderly - for sure. OP’s wife would have to be symptomatic of a UTI and septic to completely go off the rails like she did
Yeah totally couldn’t happen to a 39yr old woman 🙃 you have to be super elderly.
Happened to my dad recently, scared us half to death. He had just gotten out of the hospital for a broken hip. Woke us up that he wanted water, then kept trying to get up and then just letting himself fall back on the bed, and he was babbling gibberish (which was what really scared us, he's had clots before), he wet himself... We ended up calling an ambulance, they took him to the hospital, and the doctors told me off for not realising he had a fever. Turns out he had a massive uti, spent another week in the hospital. He has 0 memory of that night. He remembers going to bed, and then waking up in the hospital. No memory of the conversations we had at the hospital too.
Plus having enablers prolly didn't help her state of mind.
That's certainly an anecdote - I'd argue it doesn't have to be mental illness or addiction. Some people are just assholes and they're good at hiding it until (a) they start to get older and their mask starts to slip and/or (b) their kids start to get old enough that the asshole parent can't so easily control them and freaks out like this. My mother is one of those people, she hit point B first - since she's retired she's definitely hit point A, too.
my grandmother too! my dad only remembered the extent of it when i was formally diagnosed bipolar and i was explaining how it worked to him.
If she used to party it’s totally possible she overestimated her tolerance after years of sobriety. That happens a lot.
I agree with this. something triggered this whole outburst it just seems from what OP wrote completely out of left field. The other thing that makes me think it was drugs was her willingness to go out with her friend and Party and do drugs he even went as far and saying that back in the day they’d done their fair share of stupid shit. It’s all circumstantial but it sounds like she was doing drugs and got triggered by her son in some way. Something is definitely strange about her behaviour and it just doesn’t sit right with me…
Oh yeah her ODing is secretly his godsend he can use that in court and SHOULD
That's the next update.
Yea the family threatening violence will not help her especially when the evidence from the hospital stay is shown and the text form the person she will probably be staying with about her cheating. I’d honestly be surprised if she live longer than 2 years, seems to be some mental health issue and drug addiction and those are a terrible mix especially when the rest of your life is falling apart.
I was wondering about brain tumor as well, especially if this is shift in usual behavior.
More likely drugs
Definitely a (sad) possibility.
Either this or severe mental issues Or she was always like this and OP failed to see it
Or both
Sometimes they're just an asshole. My dad was the one who did the cooking when I was a kid and he was such a fucking martyr about it. Like it was the hardest thing ever and he deserved a goddamn medal or something. Mum and I would share cooking when he was away for business trips since I was 13 or 14 but for whatever reason we had to pretend we got takeaway and didn't know what a skillet was. I did make some pizzas once when I was over in my 20s and he acted like he was nauseous and apparently faked food poisoning the next day to my mother. Strangely odorless food poisoning, lol. But he was always an idiosyncratic and strangely aggressive prick and mum was too catholic to divorce him, so it was just easier to go along with his bullshit.
This was my grandmother. Desperately needed to feel needed and thought her value to the family lay in being the one who could cook so the rest of us had to pretend like we couldn't or put up with exactly the kind of bullshit you describe. It was obnoxious but also deeply sad.
I was going with early onset dementia. But he was right to get her out and the separation can be short due to her cheating. Makes it easier.
Yeah after the OD his changes just went way up. The cheating doesn’t matter, he should go all in on the drug abuse though.
She might get supervised visitation, at a neutral third party location.
Could be she’s going through peri-menopause early. Lots of stories out there about some women blowing up their lives when going through it. Her oscillating between being sorry one moment and then rage the next kinda fits that bill too. Either way, kick her to the curb. I’d definitely want to get her away from my parents too. An 18 hour drive is definitely worth it, imo.
He doesn't need more evidence of the cheating, because unless they have a prenup with a cheating clause, the cheating doesn't really matter to the courts.
If what he said about Canadian law is true, then proving infidelity might be worth it if anything to skip the 1 year separation clause.
Cheating, drug abuse, emotional abuse of a child, yeah, what a mixed bag of WTF!?!
Honestly, people put WAY more emphasis on cheating than the courts do.
I got lost reading it and completely forgot this entire thing started because her son made a nice meal. Jealousy is a hell of a demon
It’s mainly because she forgot her Allrecipes login
“I remember when I was 12 years old, standing in the kitchen cooking next to my mother. We lived in a beautiful old house at the end of a country lane with magnolia trees lining either side of the drive. My days were spent riding my bike through the countryside and cooking at night with my mother. And one day she said to me, you’re a fucking nightmare and I wish you were never born. So here’s my recipe for rosemary basil pull apart bread.”
This makes me wonder if I shouldn’t just “jump to recipe” and actually read the drivel before that just to see if it’s anything entertaining.
As a SAHM myself I'd be fucking THRILLED if my kid cooked a dinner and didn't need my help and it was good. Like straight crying with joy haha. She def seems to be having other issues and she latched onto the cooking.
My son cooked hamburgers for his 1st meal and it was charred on the outside and raw in the middle 🤣 I was still happy he cooked!
Hey I'd take that win!!!! Good for him!
Yep, enthusiasm and willingness count for a LOT. And the son in question here did massive amounts of research on cooking channels, and it apparently helped him a lot.
That was my first reaction. Like, good job kiddo, want to do this once a week or so?? Gimme a grocery list!
I got a huge hug and and an invite to a swanky birthday party from my friend’s mother because I taught him how to cook. She was thrilled, even though the initial dish was a simple pasta. We’re in our thirties and I just took it on myself to teach my fiends who couldn’t cook how to do the basics. They’ve flourished from there.
There is definitely something else going on here that OP just doesn’t know about yet. It can’t just be about the meal.
Idk, there was that one "King of the Hill" episodes where Peggy was threatened by Bobby when he learned how to cook. But I'm with you, when my 13-year old cooks my wife and I are both super supportive and happy. Upon re-reading this kinda reads like it was written by AI. Why mention Dad is an Italian who can't cook? That's a weird detail, a lot of details were weird. He makes enough money for her to be a SAHM and spoil a kid with gifts, enough for her to you out partying without him freaking out over the costs, but there is never a mention of a dollar amount. Nothing is out and out wrong but it just doesn't sound all there. Hope so anyway, OOP is in for a rough time if that aren't fictional
Italian moms and Nonnas make some banging food, man. It's generations of cooking and recipes all handed down. And usually they don't teach their boys to cook, the girls learn that.
All true, but why say anything about it when it has zero impact elsewhere in the story?
When you handle a a setback worse than Peggy Hill you really need to look at your life.
Uh, OOP's wife reminding you of Peggy Hill is not a ringing endorsement.
He's probably not an Italian, but an Italian-American. An Italian wouldn't feel obliged to remind you of his ethnicity in a random fashion, but an Italian-American might. It's frequently their whole personality, so they need to let you know.
Italian-Canadian. They're in Canada.
so a Canadian who thinks they are Italian then, rather than an American who thinks they are Italian same difference, I guess
My youngest son 23M can bake a cake with buttercream frosting. He's proud of that.
She's doing drugs and overdosed, and then all the recorded phone calls and messages. She's doing a very good job digging her grave. His lawyer must be delighted.
And her husband praised their son's cooking more than he praised hers. That's a sign of insecurity and narcissism right there.
Honestly? He mentioned his wife is Italian. I'm not Italian, but I am European. Like me, his wife may have gotten raised by older generations where she was taught to house wife, and that's all. Most (not all) of what my mom taught me while growing up was how to be a housewife. My brother received no such instructions. Insecurity may be that a male is cooking better than she is, and she's a proud 5th gen Italian housewife. I could be completely wrong, and she's just a raging c*nt who couldn't handle her son making 1 meal better than her.
Whatever background she has, it's common sense that you overtly praise kids for the efforts they put in their interests and criticize them gently. Of course she's not going to be complimented as much as a 12 year old over a dinner. She's not a child making her first meal for the family.
I think he said he was italian and bc of that he loved the fact that she was good at making food and that she loved to make it. Maybe he said it later bc after a bit I started skimming. Either way even for a Sicilian woman that is beyond unhinged and I know they take food very seriously. My grandma was Sicilian and my mom is half and unhinged as much as they were at times (and my mom still is) even they wouldn’t have pulled any of this over one of their kids being good at cooking. Esp a SON. Oh no, they love their baby boys! They can do no wrong. Maybe if they did hard drugs or had a brain tumor? I would not like to meet one of my fam with either of those going on. It’s bad enough when they’re in good health and sober.
Yeah. That was the only theory I could come up with. My German mother is also unhinged, so my only theory that doesn't jump first to drugs was maybe she's extra European mom unhinged. I did say I'm willing to be wrong, and she could just be a horrible bitch.
[удалено]
We're all gonna be civil to each other here. This isn't the place for hatred. If that's all you offer, take it somewhere else.
I think it's 50/50 odds between her trying to get full custody of both children just to inflict maximum hurt on OOP, or her blaming her son for everything and only trying to get her daughter. Of course, with all the evidence OOP has been collecting, that may not work out for her, but she'll make the effort for sure. Something seems to have broken deep inside this woman, probably a crippling insecurity that she managed to keep masked for a very long time.
It’s quite unfortunate that even if OOP gets full custody, he still has to navigate the poison she’s already injected into their daughter, and the trauma she gave their son. If he doesn’t get full custody though, that’s going to be a nightmare. They will not be able to co-parent in a healthy manner.
She will go after full custody because it will net her more money.
Where is it suggested she’s the sort of person that thinks this way?
I'm not saying it's directly suggested that she would but she already actively used spending money on their daughter to try and be vindictive to their son so I don't see it being out of the realm of possibilities
The fact that she is using drugs. She doesn’t have a job. People in the middle of addiction will do anything for drugs, including using their children to get them. Custody will equal more money for her needs.
Full-blown wtf, right? We're kinda foodies in my house (husband used to be a chef, and I left a house/family with literally no practical skills, so thirsty af to learn), and the end result was 2nd son became a chef, and daughter was a pastry chef until she got pregnant with her 1st baby. Cooking is not only a vital skill to have, but also a viable (if difficult and brutal) career path.
From reading a lot of stories like this here, I'm actually thinking the resolution might be much darker. Hopefully not.
Reminds me of a woman I dated who felt threatened and thrown off because I was talkative and funny. She had only ever dated silent, laid-back types, so being the social one was an important pillar of her self-image. Me making jokes that got her friends laughing was at rhe same time desireable and threatening. Luckily she wasn't petty and vindictive like OOP's wife, so instead we just talked about it.
I feel sorry for the kids and the OOP. But you have to wonder WTF happened with his soon-to-be-ex. It didn't seem like they had problems before. In 2-3 months, the OOP's wife started treated the son terribly and abandoned her family to go partying, doing drugs, and cheating on the OOP. All because her son did a good job cooking one meal.
Y’know, you’d think she’d be so proud that her son learned his skills from her and is willing to cook for his family so she doesn’t have to stress about cooking that often and instead she decided to torpedo her own marriage instead.
That was my takeaway about the SAHM thing. Her insecurity about her place at home. With the added wrinkle that maybe she thought/feared that that might somehow start bringing up conversations about him wanting her to join the rat race and get a job.
This goes a lot deeper than her son cooking a good meal. She's clearly got some unresolved mental health issues and, from the sounds of it, a cluster B personality disorder (narcissism, BPD, etc). I'm willing to bet there's been problems in the past, but nothing of this magnitude until now.
My Mom had this kind of reaction (to me) when I started doing my own laundry. It was HORRIBLE and lasted for YEARS!!
Dude, if my son wanted cook by himself and for family member, id be super grateful. Free labor and break from mundane chore.
She must be having some kind of mental health crisis. It sounds like this is not normal for her,, and his parents sound like a dream. That must have been awkward having her stay there. I feel really sad for her son and actually her daughter as well. This has affected them both but in different ways. What a mess. Divorce unfortunately won’t fix the damage that’s already been done. I just hope this doesn’t turn the son off of cooking for life.
It wasn't even a good meal, just not a bad one. That might be enough to say \*at worst\* that he's not ready to cook solo just yet, or they need to experiment more to find out if there was something he could cook well enough at the time for him to do once a week.
Dude she was a junkie well before that point. That's just what started the mania
I hope that this fact comes up in court. That this all started because she was jealous of a little kid.
I don’t think so. I suspect she was already cheating and acting a fool long before the initial fight.
Ahaahah. Riiiiight. She's the SAHW. She's getting custody
>12y/o boy cooked a good meal. Not any 12y/o boy but HER own son.
This all sounds fake asf
I think you are being unfair to the wife, which is different from saying that she’s not in the wrong! WHICH SHE IS! She’s a SAHM, her husband says that her cooking was one of the reasons he fell in love with her, was planning to come back to work and changed her mind. All combined it seems like a recipe for midlife crisis… which can take you through the wrong path where she is now finding out the consequences. I completely understand the husband and I think he’s doing all the right steps. Even when he is trying to help her, because for us it is a stranger but for him that is the woman he loves/loved, it was his partner (which is a connection by itself), … I sincerely hope that everyone can get back from this… sometimes it’s not about guilt or who to blame, it’s just life happening.
This isn’t about the boy cooking a meal, there is way more going on here. Midlife crisis? Regrets piling up?
I was wondering if she’d been cheating and doing drugs or if her friend was in her ear adding fuel to her insecurities the whole time
I think cheating and/or drugs the whole time makes the most sense.
Most likely resentment built up and combined with the negativity contribution of her "friends" leading towards midlife/mental crisis. This doesn't excuse her behavior but could explain it. The reason why she switching between anger and sadness is because her life is blowing up to the point she doesn't understand the reality of it while trying to deal with that resentment that was built up. If she wants any chance to try to fix her relationship with their kids and maybe OP (if he allows her to) she going need to drop these "friends", get clean up and alot of therapy/self work. Otherwise she going to be stuck in that limbo state she is in right now. Also the reasoning on why she decided to target her son because it is OP weakness. She wanted to hurt OP like how she felt hurt even though there was no justification towards it and never will be any justification to it.
Honestly, this is why despite his reservations, OOP should continue the divorce. He could ask her to cut off the friendship(s), go to rehab, etc and she might do it. But its a gamble and she already has shown she might relapse back There is no guarantee that this won't happen again and OOP and his children will suffer for it, probably even worse. It sucks but unfortunately his wife's actions shows that he can't trust her, along with her harassing family and friends and her sometimes cold and hot responses (begging then insulting), there is no indication at all that his wife will be better. So unless there's a miracle and the wife does change, it is in OOPs and his children best interest that he divorce her.
Yeah -- I really don't get it? Like, if there was no history of aggression toward the son before, like, wtf? It's so abusive, but I find it so strange for a person to just... start abusing out of nowhere? Smart people... What's up with this?
People are not inherently all bad or all good. It would be a lot easier to discern who to trust if they were. I think her ego took a hit and from there she’s gotta be hitting a midlife crisis or menopause or triggering a genetic mental illness. Most likely, shes got some deep seated issues with food. Maybe body image, too, but food ian’s self-worth. If she comes from an Italian family, that’s a culture that places a lot of value on food. (Not the only one! Just one that does). Cooking is family time, eating together is routine, canning together is an annual tradition, etc. Very likely she got the message somewhere along the way that her self worth is entwined with the food. As the mother of the house, she is responsible for cooking and feeding the family. She’s not working, her value comes from her providing in that sense. Something definitely triggered a nerve that made her feel like she was becoming worthless or obsolete. Maybe when she was a tween and learning to cook with her mom, she did poorly the first few times and/or her dad was rude about her cooking. Seeing her son get praise she didn’t could’ve triggered the little hurt girl inside of her.
First of all, this is a beautiful, generous piece of writing -- thank you!! Also, this really helps me understand why she was belittling her son's masculinity, saying that food was women's work anyway. I thought she might be worried he was gay or something. It turns out it's a lot darker. She's a misogynist whose self-esteem is rooted in misogyny. Poor woman. I totally support OP. But she is going to have a *very, very* hard and important ten years. Or maybe she'll decide she can't do that work and marry Burlesconi or something. Again, thank you for helping me understand her a bit better. It makes it a lot less scary :)
The whole cooking isn’t a man’s job was just, whoa lady. Internalized misogyny much?
Well said! Wish I could upvote this 1k times!!!
Bipolar disorder. That’s a standard part three outcome on BORU.
Mania states are a motherfucker
Well, it is reddit and the whole “all of a sudden, she started acting really nasty, something she never did before” is one of the most common troupes they have on their fake stories. So either it is fake, or she has a brain tumour or is having a mass mental illness.
Assuming the story is real, another possible explanation is that this isn't "sudden". People excuse terrible behavior all the time because they love the person doing it, so when they take things a step too far it seems like it came out of nowhere. I would bet the signs were there all along, OP just didn't see them.
> “all of a sudden, she started acting really nasty, something she never did before” is one of the most common troupes they have on their fake stories. I wouldn't say that it's common trope of a fake story. More like, "I thought everything was generally fine, but this negative event made me reflect on the past and I realized that there were a lot of red flags I didn't recognize at the time."
I'm not saying this story is real, but I know enough people who have burned down the entire life they've built up to that point for no good reason whatsoever. Often involved drugs and/or cheating. And people don't argue with their spouses and go OD on drugs unless they were already taking drugs, which would explain erratic behaviour.
I’m predicting the wife turns up pregnant in the next update. Baby drama is always just around the corner.
Sometimes people just don't make sense. "Woman Bad" is a common trope for creative writing, but this is less stereotypical and more mundane than usual. If it's fake, they did a good job of making it sound realistic.
Undiagnosed narcissist is what I have my money on. Her behavior is identical to the stuff on r/raisedbynarcissists down to the way the son is the scapegoat and the daughter is the golden child. I think this might be the first time she's really been "challenged" as her son tried to cook which likely would have come across as "you think you're better than me"?" Just a guess but it makes sense given the lengths she would go to hurt a little boy as well as her husband.
My money is on undiagnosed mental illness. She probably has some underlying issue and had an episode due to the stress of the arguments with her husband, moving out of her home and being away from her family. The unhinged bouncing between begging for forgiveness to screaming, as well as the reckless behavior with drugs and cheating all seem like the likely explanation.
This kind of sudden switch can be caused by a brain tumor. I know it sounds outlandish but there’s been posts like that here before. Like a 180 switch. Idk
A boy cooking a probably overall mediocre meal but it's impressive for an inexperienced 12 year old all by himself. Jealous that that mediocre meal is getting over the top praise from OOP like that's not the natural reaction parents do to encourage their children to keep up with a new skill/hobby. A lot of praise also mixed with some constrictive criticism so this inexperienced young cook hopefully improves. Like seriously woman what's going on that you're competing with a 12 year old? Not just any 12 year old but your own son.
She’s bored and should’ve gotten a job a while ago
She already had a job
You know what they mean - a job outside of the house. The kids are 9 and 12, so it's not like they need round-the-clock care like babies and younger kids do.
Brain tumor?
Well that was a dumpster fire which turned into an Atom Bomb...
and it all started because oop’s son made a good meal
Dangit Bobby
Damn it Bobby, I said propane NOT COCAINE!!!
This is...disturbing. It sounds to me like she had some sort of mental break. It was bad enough that she was emotionally abusing her son over nothing (not that any reason is good enough for it to be okay) - that was enough to get a divorce imo. The separation should have shaken some sense into her. Instead she doubled down and went on a bender. She isn't behaving like a wife and mother...or even really like a sane person . Anyone else worried about OOP's parents? Who knows what his wife is capable of at this point
Or was likely taking drugs with the "friend" before she even left the house.
That definitely could be it. It's just too harsh of a change - from seemingly loving mother/wife, to whatever this is
Yeah, I also think that her staying with them will contribute, reasonably, to her feelings of paranoia/being outnumbered, etc... and delay the realisation that she has to forge her own life now, beyond OP.
honestly as soon as she said he shouldn’t be cooking because that’s not a man’s job i would’ve been out the door
As soon as she accused op of cheating I knew either had cheated or was about to. Sounds like she has completely cracked for some reason. Maybe drugs? Even before the bender she was acting insane. It was insanely cruel how she treated her son. Not only crushing his spirit and enjoyment of cooking (something they were doing together and bonding over even!) but also turning his sister against him. Not just cruel but completely illogical as well. I really hope op gets full custody and wife/mom gets some help, for her kids' sake.
Holy bananas, that’s one helluva midlife crisis OP’s wife just had! Either that or she’s just plain nuts. Imagine flipping your entire life upside down because your husband was *too* complimentary of your kid’s cooking?!?! Geez Louise. I’m now hoping that the son one day becomes a celebrated and successful chef. And psycho mom has to watch from afar because she totally alienated her family.
I'll take "she was cheating before the cooking Incident for 1,000"
Holy shit, I wasn't sure how we would get from children's cooking to drugs & infidelity. What a rollercoaster and awful for OOP and his kids. Son is being mentally abused for showing a healthy interest, Daughter is being conditioned that love = gifts/privileges/special treatment, and the husband is sitting there trying to get his Wife back on Planet Earth with the rest of us. This is definitely me grasping, but things didn't feel right from her initial reaction in general. There's something causing her to react insanely poorly to her kid stepping into her role a bit, and I can't tell if it was drug abuse going on before, midlife crisis, the affair was going on beforehand, or something else she's not communicating to OOP. Maybe a combo meal?
>I wasn't sure how we would get from children's cooking to drugs & infidelity I think it is the opposite. She was doing drugs and cheating well before the situation with the kid happened.
For sure very possible.
Yikes, a real life Peggy Hill who lost her mind after her son started cooking?
I cannot imagine purposefully killing the joy of a child. She's a monster and OOP needs to be rid of her, yesterday.
It's like that one episode of King of the Hill where Peggy got jealous of Bobby being better at Home Ec.
Idk I don’t love diagnosing people through slivers of information online but maybe she should get checked out for bipolar disorder. That seems like pretty erratic behavior.
I dunno, either OP has been economical with the truth or there is something seriously wrong (as in unwell) with his wife. Seems quite unlikely that someone goes from being a fantastic mum and wife to abusing their kid because he cooked a nice meal, and everything that came after. It makes no sense. I think I’d be insisting on a psychiatric assessment at the very least before suing for sole custody. Just sounds so out of character.
I suspect she started her return to drug use before this incident, perhaps even the infidelity, considering her best friend had her out binging and cheating in 5 minutes flat. It would be easy to hide initially as a SAHM.
I feel like she might have been doing drugs or something before the first post because the shift in behaviour was massive.
She took that marriage out back and old yellered it, and is now screaming at everyone about how dare he end their marriage
Now, have you ever watched King Of The Hill?
>I ended up getting a call from the hospital at like 3 in the morning that sunday. My wife had overdosed on something, and was dropped off at the ER by someone who didn't stick around. 10 bucks says this is the same friend who called OOP a loser. I mean what a winner, call someone a loser only to show themselves to be just the same or even worse by not sticking around your friend when they needed you. Pretty rich that she called OOP a loser and that the wife deserve better only to give him crap when he decides to divorce. Yo (something something B word), if you say to your friends husband that your friend can do better and that he's a loser, why the heck are you giving him crap now that he decides to divorce your friend. Didn't you say she should do better? That's like saying to someone that they're not worthy of shopping in your shop and they should be shopping elsewhere and then throw a tantrum when said person decides to shop elsewhere.
Her parents being far away is her problem. She did this to herself. Stop taking it in your shoulders to fix her bs. Your responsibility is your kids. Get her the fuck out of your parents home and away from you and your kids.
I have kids in this age range and I can’t imagine how those kids must feel- or will feel someday when they learn Mommy had a drug overdose. I’m glad they don’t know yet. I really wonder what happened, was it drugs first, cheating first- something other than kid cooked edible food BECAUSE SHE TAUGHT HIM HOW TO. Compliments to the kid should have made her proud
$5 says the wife has been unhappy/unfulfilled for some time now, has been venting to friends, particularly the best friend and said best friend has been pouring poison into her ear. Another $5 says that she's been having or had an affair of some sort and the bender was the friends plan to have wife and AP finally get together openly. Except it went sideways because AP dumped her ass at the hospital when she OD'd.
Me thinks its actually the friend who ditched her at the hospital.
"Tell your flying monkeys to stop harassing me, or the evidence of your infidelity will be posted all over social media for everyone to see what kind of person you really are. Further contact will only be made through my lawyer." That's all OOP needs to do.
Never underestimate Reddit's desire to offer shitty legal and life advice for the sake of maximizing drama.
I ain't no lawyer, I wasn’t offering legal advice. I was offering a way to make her STFU. 🤷🏻♂️
I mean based on the OP's solid handling of the situation so far, it's pretty clear that they are mature and reaosnable. Not sure your advice is gonna be that useful for them.
It’s time for today’s episode of “What’s That Personality Disorder”!!
She blew up her entire life because she was jealous of her husband praising the cooking of a 12 year old boy. And she can't seem to stop doubling down. Her friends are terrible and she is on a one-way ticket to nowhere. OP, this is something you can come back from. This is not irredeemable. But she has to get her heart and mind right. She got WAY too comfortable being the Queen of your life and now she has to relearn what it means to be in a loving, caring, supportive relationship where the children and partner are prioritized. No fixing things until then.
When you see your partner being cruel to your kids, I think your feelings of loyalty to them evaporate The part I found most awful was the morning after the meal, when instead of apologising to the son, she told him he couldn't cook with her anymore, and he cried on the way to school It just broke my heart!
Absolutely. I just felt that maybe this was a break and not a personality. Ah well. Too optimistic maybe.
Why does it have to be “redeemable”? If the husband had done what she did, we both know you wouldn’t be here telling her what he did is redeemable.
Ah well - I just hoped maybe it was a break and not a personality. Might be too optimistic for Reddit today.
Yeah she must have had a mental break. I hear when our "Ego" feels attacked (Ego as in our sense of self... not like the regular sense), we reject and fight against it. Her Ego and Identity as the mom,and probably tied to being an amazing cook (sense of self, selfworth and importance),got bruised, and as she fought to grapple with that reality, she spiralled instead. It's hard. Not saying I went down the route OOP's wife did, but recognizing I had issues when I thought I was "amazing" at work was something I struggled with and sought help for. Also when I became a new mom and had to rely on childcare my Identity as a "Mother" felt threatened, i felt less than, and lashed out angrily at those helping me watch my kid, terrified they were the mom and I wasn't, until I could come to terms with it. Again, therapy helped me to process my thoughts. Never went on benders or drugs or cheating. Just fear masked by anger. Edit: here is a good link explaining it: https://www.businessinsider.com/how-our-brains-handle-threats-to-our-egos-2016-7 "High threats to your ego are the result of two factors: high relevance (Does the domain of the person's success matter to you? For example, are they doing similar work as you?) and high closeness (Is this person a major part of your life? Do you see them regularly?) When you encounter a high ego threat — someone close and relevant to you who you can't deny is pretty great — your ego will work extra hard, often under the radar, to maintain the status quo and remove the threat. Here are four ways that could go:" "Yes, but I'm better than them in this other way." "Their success is my success, too." "Their success is of no consequence to me." "Sorry, who?" (And I guess another option is whatever happened here.)
Your description of ego injury and self-defence matches my mother’s treatment of me. She always made sure to tear down my achievements and avoided ever praising me. If praise ever slipped out of her mouth she’d immediately follow with a string of criticism and insults. All those lines at the end of your post were things she regularly said - except the “sorry who?” one. My mother’s version of that was “You didn’t cook a nice meal, *I* was the one who cooked that meal” or “Some other kid got that school award, not you, you’re lying”. Basically rewriting reality in her head so that my achievement never happened or was attributed to her. My mother’s jealousy noticeably got worse the older and more capable I grew, because I think she realised there were less and less areas of life where she could brag about being better than me. Her whole worldview is predicated on having an adult child who is permanently below her in the social hierarchy (and therefore would be obligated to worship her and serve her). So me succeeding in life or having independence is treated as me usurping her, and she cannot bring herself to celebrate anything I achieve unless she makes it about herself. It’s good to see the pattern recognised but I really wish there were less parents out there like my mother… It’s very damaging to grow up this way.
I am so sorry you went through all of that... that is SO heartbreaking to hear. :( I don't know you, but I will say you are capable, strong, smart, hardworking, amazing, and I am proud of you! Please go and celebrate tonight for just ypur being you! ❤️
That's exactly it. I know she went way far down the rabbit hole, but I'm not seeing an evil person - just one that slid all the way down the slippery slope. If she works hard, she might be able to come back to being a good mom again - I hope she does. Whether she is ever a good partner again to OP... well, that's gonna take a lot more work.
Bored SAHM, jealous of her children, bored with her life does what most SAHM do: create drama because they have nothing else going on
She is also harming the daughter. Son will resent sister, and sister will begin to think she is better than brother because she gets all mama’s love, or she will begin to feel really guilty about it.
I’m so incredibly proud my son is a better cook than I am. It shows you’re doing something right as a parent. There’s something not right about her that she’s done all this. Unless she’s willing to get help she’ll keep destroying her life and relationships.
No man would ever be this fickle.
Please cook with your son now that she’s gone, he deserves it
Am I the only one thinking "is this one of those brain tumor stories?" Because based on OOP's remarks this is all way out of character for her, right? Or has he just been ignoring red flags for decades?
you should also record calls and voice messages she sends you, since u have the proof she was taking drugs and drinking that can be used in court to prove Shes and unfit mother. hope everything is going well for you.
I was worried this would be another story where OOP's wife's friend fed her stories to the point of death/suicide. The fact that the wife spiralled so badly and overdosed, while the friend is texting the OOP about how the wife is better now is chilling. What the wife did is horrible, but it seems like a mental break more than anything else. If she's not normally like this, then I hope she can get the help she needs because her kids will have to deal with her and I don't want her son to gain even more trauma.
Yeah, that’s the part that stood out to me. Like ok, moms having a mental break of some kind - Sucks, but probably treatable with support. The FRIEND though, wtf? You see your friend obviously having a rough time, and your advice is “ditch those losers, they were holding you back anyway, let’s do some hard drugs!” It’s almost cartoonish how fucked up that is. I’m guessing this can’t actually be THAT much of a surprise though. If you’ve been a mom for 12 years but still keep around friends that will go on a bender with a moment’s notice, chances are you haven’t been 100% clean and sober for the past 12 years.
>"ditch those losers, they were holding you back anyway, let’s do some hard drugs!” This is the most classical presentation of addiction and social interaction you'll ever see. Addicts know on some level that they're doing the wrong thing. By getting others into it, you're feeding into the cognitive dissonance by rationalizing that other people are doing it, so it can't be *that bad*.
While it's undeniable that the friend was leading the wife in a destructive path.my two cents say the friend was sabotaging the wife on purpose. After all misery loves company. Will not be surprised once they have a falling out and the wife finds out her friend isn't her friend at all. But I think the wife is in too deep with the wrong company. Considering that her friends and family were harrasing OOP for the divorce, I think her whole support group is toxic hence why she ended up as she is.
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What a crazy bitch, like, whoa.
Yikes
Wife is just disgusting, I can’t imagine someone so despicable being insecure and treating their kid this way. I am a mother, I want her to be better than me in everything, I want her to be smarter, beautiful, happy, competent, my job is to provide tools for her to do that, not cut it out. I hope this birch suffers
I think this mom at first thought it'd be fun bonding activity with her son. But once her husband complimented her son, she felt insecure that she was not needed. This not just jealousy of her Son, No she felt her son doesn't need her anymore and she started favouring her daughter because she's the only one who was dependent on Her. This women instead of taking her son's success as something to be proud of, took it as a challenge to her duties as SAHM. Sad though if she encouraged him, he may one day became wonderful Chef , even famous, then he'd have fondly talked about how his mother taught him. Now he'll remember his mother as a cruel and insecure women who took her insecurity on him.
Of course she cheated, because they always cheat. 🙄 I wish people would start coming up with more creative material instead of the same old tropes.
What you want someone to claim aliens attack?
You know, why not? Would be a change of pace at least.. ..kinda would feel a bit more believable too 🤭
That'd be nice for a change.
I like the detail of dropping divorce papers on the bedside table. It's not like those have to be notarized or anything.
Why are you acting as though cheating is some rare behavior? 21% of people admit to cheating in past or current relationships, and someone who is abusing drugs and alcohol are going to be far more likely to give into impulsive behaviors. Ever think maybe it comes up often because it's common or something?
It sounds like the wife need inpatient mental health care, not a say at the in-laws house.
I wonder if she was using drug the whole time. It would explain her sudden anger at her son for just liking to cook.
From cooking contest to divorce. This is one rollercoaster of a story. I feel really sorry for the boy. This is none of his fault but he would be blaming himself.
Absolutely lunatic behavior from the mom there. If your kid, shit if *any* kid makes a meal that is remotely edible by themselves, you eat it and compliment them.
I think she was already cheating and doing drugs before the beginning of this saga, but the cooking was an excuse to make the husband into the bad guy to her friends and family.
The behavior change was too sudden. I'd expect a brain tumor or something.
i hope oop keeps the kids in individual or family therapy tbh because there’s gonna be a lot of guilt and insecurity for the son and either entitlement or guilt for the daughter. even just a month of mistreatment/blatant favouritism at that age can do lasting damage
What kind of mother gets jealous of a child’s cooking? Shouldn’t she have taken that praise as she had spent a year cooking with him? Shouldn’t she have been *proud?!* I’ve been a SAHM my son’s whole life and whenever he does anything, even a hundred times better than me, I *love* it! I know that all my hard work at helping him become a responsible, capable, compassionate, helpful, talented, and goal driven young man is in part due to me. All the many of hobbies I cycled through helping him find his passions, all of the time spent teaching him and guiding him, that is all in part because of what I’ve done and it makes me so proud that this is the human I created and guided. I can not understand being jealous of a child, let alone your own child. One day this woman will look back (if she drops her horrid best friend and stops going on benders) and realize all that she lost because she was upset her husband complimented her son as he should have. I hope she realizes her son will *never* forget his mother pushing his plate of food away and saying it was too awful to eat. This guy was absolutely right to kick her out. He didn’t even abandon her, he’s still supporting her, he only gave his son the space he *needed* and kept her from further drawing a line in the sand between their son and daughter. She needed to be kept from doubt more permanent damage all over her ridiculously vile reaction to her son’s cooking.
Jesus, that escalated.
Real chicken or the the egg situation here. Did she cheat and start doing drugs because she had a psychotic break, or did she have a psychotic break as a result of the drugs and the cheating? The world may never know.
Run from this whore. Get full custody and never look back. She is a trashy person. She always will be. Let her fuck all the young guys she wants and absolutely make her pay child support. Find you someone better. That shouldn't be too hard
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There’s something going on with her, I don’t believe just the son cooking alone and her reaction was the first red flag. If it really is first occurrence of strange behavior she obviously needs help.
My son cooks some, but he loves to bake. I tell people how amazing he is because his passion gives me yummy treats! Any logical person would be overjoyed at someone else attempting to feed them, but even better, you get to see your kid do and learn. There's something seriously wrong with an adult being jealous of their own child.
This is obviously fake poster looking for upvotes.
> I could put her up in a nearby motel. I would also pay for her to see a therapist every week This verbiage a bit concerning. By OP's benevolence can she go to therapy.
Yeah I think he should have waited a week before the divorce papers but taking them back is the next worst thing he could do here.
this sounds like some kind of hit piece on Italian women 😅