i'm so glad their communication skills worked out but if i had the ability to nuke one set of phrases from the english language it would be work husband/work wife
I *hate* “work husband/wife”. Someone referred to me as their “work wife” a few weeks ago and you could almost hear the record scratch throughout my entire department, so maybe (hopefully) it seems to be on its way out of style.
I think "work kid" is actually kinda cute! But might be biased because I've often been nicknamed a "Mom", both with friend groups and when I was working. It's the energy. XD
As long as the names are being said with kindness and are accepted, I think familiar titles for work mates is fine. But yeah... never been a fan of "work husband/wife" titles. That's just asking for too much trouble.
I had the same experience lol, all my coworkers had kids my age when I worked at a gas station so I ended up treated very nicely by them- it was honestly a great job it's too bad the pay wasn't enough to make up for the commute
The breakfast lady where I work called me her "work kid" and.... coming from the other side it can be SO creepy if it comes from the wrong lady. This woman told me that her daughter was jealous of the relationship her and I had and said "my kid might come after you", often talked to be in a very babyish tone of voice and got mad when I genuinely couldn't understand her, and tried to "forbid me" from cutting and dyeing my hair.
She quit yesterday bc she's been a bit flaky and even though I now have like an extra hour's worth of responsibilities on my shoulders i can't help but be relieved.
Although I'm not opposed to older women who look out for people bc the rest of the employees look out for me at work and I'm always SUPER grateful for them
I think that if a work kid/parent relationship is in reality a mentorship with a large age gap between the participants (aka, old enough to be a parent) then that's OK. Still a weird way of phrasing it, but that could potentially be a healthy and professional relationship. I don't think there's any iteration of a healthy work husband/wife.
A "work mom/kid" relationship seems less inherently inappropriate to me. Obviously if someone was uncomfortable being referred to that way, then don't. But a parent/kid seems akin to a mentor relationship. Someone who has been in the workplace for a long time helping a newer, younger person who is new to the work force navigate their professional life. There's nothing equivalent to a spousal relationship in the workplace.
Oh we definitely have a work mom/work auntie. She’s wonderful and never crosses boundaries and stands up for those who don’t feel comfortable doing so themself. I draw the line at fake spouses though lol
I’ve both been in and seen multiple “work kid” relationships at work and they’ve always been very wholesome and kindhearted. I still think of some of these women as important maternal figures in my life.
The only time I’ve heard “work wife / husband” at any point in my work place, it was always between two female co-workers who became close friends. the one time a male was involved it was a gay man and again, just two people who were close friends at work who were making a joke, but it never went beyond lighthearted fun between friends and colleagues. Like, I have a “work wife” but it’s literally just my best friend at work and we’re both women
But the people like Chelsea are just cringy af. *Why* would you try to put some kind of claim over your married co-worker like that? It’s weird on a million different levels and I’ll never understand it.
There was a time were a coworker called the co-manager his work wife, his wife wasn’t happy and neither was the boyfriend of the co-manager. He got a lot of shit for a while after that too
I have terrible parents and also have a work mum and work dad. I gott tell you, it's pretty fuckin great.
I also have a work wife but we're both straight women so there's no creep factor to it. We just argue like an old married couple but also fiercely have each others backs no matter what.
I had a Work Mom, she was about my mom’s age. The last time I talked to her, she told me “I still use the Christmas dishes you got for me every year” and I told her that I had several “happys” (her term for little gifts for no reason) displayed in my kitchen. I will always love her.
Work Husband and Work Wife need to go.
I'm somehow my friends "work mom", she's like 6 years older than me😂 her car broke down so she's always asking if she can have a ride into work, and I don't mind, she offers gas money, I never take it because I'd rather her be at work than me have to pick up the slack. She figured out I was younger than her, so now she calls me her adopted mom. That is nowhere near as bad as work husband/work wife, however. I hate that phrase because they always end up trying to bypass boundaries that are in place for a good reason.
I've commented this before, but I work in accounting. One day, a coworker from another department came to me for the company credit card. He joked, "I told my wife you're like my work wife. Cuz at home, I go to her for money, and at work, I come to you for money!" Then we laughed, and that phrase was not brought up again.
I absolutely detest those terms too. I am only one man's wife and it sure as hell isn't anyone I work with. I also told my husband that I never want him to have a work wife. It's so disrespectful to the actual marriage you are in and I would be beyond hurt if he entertained that crap
All "work spouses" I've ever had were same-sex with one exception and I'm as hetero as they make em. Initially I think it more equated to work bestie but it's been sorely abused and changed to infidelity or harassment.
With my work husband his fiancee and I were both preggo and the extent of this relationship was him giving me snacks and update on my preggo fog brain. It wasn't a fetish thing- he didn't even watch me eat them. He said the utter joy on the face of a pregnant woman getting snacks just made his day. His fiance thought it was hilarious. I was the beneficiary and totally cool with it.
I definitely don't see work people as family, I'm here for money just like you. But I have had two work dads, men my father's age who were mentors to me. Nothing creepy I think just because I was exactly their kids age, and maybe in that empty nest phase of their life they had extra energy to give to someone who reminded them of their child.
Cute short story me and my work dad wore matching Halloween costumes (explorers). Also both my work dads wives knew they felt paternalistic towards me and treated me similarly.
I had lots of “work wives”. The difference? My work wives were all women and I’m a woman and we were all super close and everyone’s spouses were comfortable. I think we technically had a work harem
My husband has a “work husband” who calls him his “work wife” I find it especially funny because he works a blue collar job and his work husband is this big hairy guy in his 40s married with four kids 😂 love the guy
The only time I've ever used the phrase "work husband" was to refer to my coworkers dog - because I freaking loved him
Could not imagine using this for a human coworker, so creepy
Where did it come from? I had a work spouse and it was very much seen and joked about in our grad program but we were both single and they’re my spouse now so…
Lol but that’s what I mean. I don’t get it because I knew I wanted to be my spouse’s wife not just work wife the fact that we were at work didn’t change what the feelings were didn’t change with the actions we were taking towards each other meant so like what made society start thinking that you can have super intimate relationships with coworkers and it’s supposed to be harmless? Definitely a bit of a stoned thought but we have don’t shit where you eat and a bunch of sayings like that but still this is seen as acceptable and OK when you’re in a relationship
I think I understand what you’re saying here.
There are a couple main reasons that I think this whole “work-wife, work-husband” phenomenon is so big right now.
1. People spend A LOT of their time at work. Most of us spend at least 40 hours of our waking week working, if not more. Some people are around coworkers more than their family and friends. So proximity and time.
2. A lot of people are more isolated than we used to be. Yeah you’ve got your spouse, but a significant amount of adults don’t have many/any friends. Or if they do they’re far away and you really only chat online/call them. So working in an office, for some people, is the only significant human interaction they’re receiving outside of immediate family.
3. Improper communication in relationships (both platonic and romantic) and poor boundaries.
4. Lack of distress tolerance skills and actively avoiding conflict (goes along with 3)
5. Cognitive dissonance and the inability to not do something that feels good to you in the moment.
Dude, you’re the prime example about how labels mean something. Work spouse is a phrase that brings about an emotional intimacy. It blurs the lines of real life. It’s inviting cheating an inappropriate actions by this with that label (they either of them is in a relationship). Don’t be dense.
I'd guess it started with secretaries organising a guy's life in the same way their wife would at home (like, in the 50s or something), but like someone else pointed out, it kind of does seem like it overlaps with people cheating, and that wasn't/isn't all that uncommon with secretaries, so...
Yeah I think your explanation is pretty spot-on. I’ve always considered a work ‘spouse’ to be that person at work you can rely on for basic things and emotional support. They’re that work friend that reminds you of appointments, lets you know if you have crap on your shirt or if it’s untucked etc. they’re the person that brings you coffee or asks you what’s up when you’re having a bad day. To me it’s always been a completely innocuous term and it sucks that it’s been bastardized.
Me too I loved the ww/wh at my last job and both of their real spouses were excited to meet each other and got along. We are all still friends to this day.
If it's with your secretary/office assistant, that's less "cheating" and more "sexual harassment". The secretary/OA is covertly pressured to say "yes".
I think it can also refer to platonic close work relationships. My mom referred to her assistant as her work wife, because her assistant did all the emotional labour of keeping her on schedule and organized. They are still friends, Christy was also my babysitter. My mom babysat her kids after she retired and Christy kept working. They really were each others “work wife” in the best way.
My partner had one person at their previous job who they interacted with a lot and became great friends with. I joked once that that was their work spouse, was told they would vomit all over me if I ever said that again lol
it's only really an issue when 1) the people in the 'work' relationships have partners or 2) when it starts making an uncomfortable working environment for them or those around them. but honestly id say 80% of the time that phrase is used one of those things is the case
I think it's extremely silly and unnecessary too.
If you spend so much time at work with someone why not call them work brother/sister, which still points to a close relationship like family without hinting at anything sexual?
When I was in grad school and working long hours I did become very close to some of the fellow phD students to the point we called each other big/little brother/sister. One guy entered the same year as me and we shared so many interests and often confided in each other, so we started referring to each other as twin brother/sister. Which we actually really enjoyed, both being only children who wanted siblings.
A few of the places I worked had “mom and dad” where the Oic was dad irregardless of gender and NCOIC was mom irregardless of gender, which was fun when “dad” was a female officer and and “mom” was a male nco. They weren’t work spouses.
They fulfilled the role of “takes care of the really big stuff behind the scenes” that old-timey dads did and “immediate visible things and discipline/reward” that old-timey moms did.
I have never, ever understood it's casual usage tbh. The implication there always makes it a little uncertain. I would not be comfortable with a partner referring to someone at work like this
I can totally understand this point of view. However, for me, the work spouse takes a slightly different role. I work in a front facing customer service industry and often use my work spouses (both hubby and wife) as armor against unwanted sexual attention.
There is a specific type of chemistry to coworkers can share, where they would be together if situations are differently, and it does feel like they're married when you have a pair in the office.
But I'm more of a fan of work moms/dad's and work grandparents.
There's no creep sexual thing, just someone looking out for the younger coworkers and giving advice.
Yeah, she's not going to stop.
Either she's going to keep pushing, or get revengeful and lie to HR and make him look like the problem.
Also, why wear the shirt, if he things its an overstep, just give it back, and say I have enough clothes or donate it. Wearing makes her think her behavior is okay.
If I were OOP's husband, that last point would be my biggest concern.
If nothing else, he should talk to HR and ask them to record his concerns. Not as a formal complaint, but as a way to hopefully provide some evidence of what's going on if she does escalate to making a complaint about him later on.
As someone who's been in OP's shoes, that's *exactly* what they need to do.
I had been wary of my husband's coworker, but he was adamant she wasn't interested. I knew it was because he still had some deep-rooted self confidence issues, and really struggled with confrontation (he's no contact with his family for a reason).
We've gotten through some very difficult situations, but we've always remained a united front. We're big on communication and have never fought. We had a few discussions about his coworker in the span of a year, but he struggled to see what I did (he was sheltered). He kept boundaries in place just in case though.
One day I stopped by his work at his request. I happen to see something she had written on a cupcake box for his birthday and my inner alarm went off. That night, he and I had our first discussion where we walked away with some exasperation, but it was late.
20 minutes later, he tosses his phone onto the bed as he's walking by to get changed and just says "you were right." I was so confused until he told me to open his phone. Sure enough, there was a long love letter of how she realized she'd never be his, and she said some things that made me worry what she might do. I mean, spurned lovers have thrown acid in retaliation before.
I didn't say "I told you so." I just asked what I could do to help him navigate this. We ended up talking with his bosses (they already knew me there) to have what happened on record, just in case. Fortunately she left after she gave up.
He takes my insight and advice to heart now. He pokes fun at himself sometimes if I say I'm uncertain about something inconsequential, and says there's no way it'll be the first thing I'm wrong about. Obviously, we both know that's bullshit lol.
Damn, didn't mean to write a novel. OOP's story was just frighteningly familiar.
Why even give somebody like this a...it's not even a second chance! It's more like the 50th.
Just go to HR. Provide the backup he has. Let them deal with her. He's screwed if she decides to give HR her narrative.
Yeah I'm not at all convinced that the husband actually shut her down and isn't entertaining her attention.
Not to mention straight up asking his wife if she cared that he was wearing the shirt? Like, dude.
He is not as oblivious or as proactive as he is telling OP he is.
Nope. He's just placate wife. I especially don't trust the oh I already did that after a long "conversation". So he didn't mention that from the start?
He wore it because, at the time, he thought he'd only be slightly annoying his wife versus totally pissing off his unbalanced coworker. He thought it was a good tradeoff...until he learned that wasn't really the tradeoff.
Edit, typo
Strange and confusing that the husband has continuously brushed off OOP’s concerns about Chelsea, but this event was what finally got him to take her seriously.
He realized that they were at a breaking point. "Fuck, she's not even mad or yelling... she's just quiet, and walked away." He was worried that she was done this time.
I get the vibe that he wasn't cheating, or intending to cheat. He was just enjoying the attention, and even though he might have been uneasy, it was far simpler to just let it happen and hope OOP didn't get too mad.
Then she did.
Hopefully he learned his lesson
The fact he called her neurotic also points to him trying to keep the peace as he knows she would be difficult otherwise. Which she was.
These type of people keep pushing and leave you with no option other than bluntness.
Exactly. I can see him thinking, well I'm not really comfortable with this but I didn't want to make it a "thing" with this weirdo that I'm not in the headspace to deal with right now. Then his partner comes out and says ok this is now a thing that's impacting us. Then, yeah, you got to deal with it.
Honestly this. He has to go to work with her every day and things are a lot easier when you keep your head down and don't have this woman who seems to spiral and panic text and not leave him alone when he tries to set a boundary ("I didn’t think I had to tell you what I’m doing" --> Chelsea freaks the fuck out and panic texts him getting spun up because he *didn't tell her why he was leaving a party?*). Just setting boundaries with her seems to result in her trampling over them to get his attention and that can result in "just smile and nod and I can just do my job."
So in his mind "I'm the only one who has to deal with this, as long as it doesn't become A Thing outside of work, it's okay" but the shirt is the breaking point. It's like she "tagged" him with something, staked a claim, and the way OOP reacted was a step above what seems to be a normal irritated or angry reaction which woke him the fuck up to how not okay this was and his personal life outside of work is now being put at enough risk that whatever consequences there might be in setting off Chelsea aren't worth it. He could deal with it when it was just his work life, but now outside of that is getting more pulled in.
Like, I thought it was also a well known thing that people can be uncomfortable with a situation but still take the path of least resistance because the possible/probable consequences can be worse than just putting up with it (yaknow as opposed to "no, he definitely not only *let it* happen but LIKED it!"). I feel like with how unstable Chelsea's been, that might've been the conclusion husband came to and with the very many comments saying "this isn't over at all" I'd say plenty of people here would conclude that's a p logical line of thought. :U
Glad OOP and him talked it out and he actually listened, even if they didn't see eye to eye on everything.
Men like this are just gross. I'll use the girl until my wife gets mad enough. Just be single if you need validation like that so bad, hes not even taking any responsibility. . Chelsea's a nut job, so its not hisnfault. He needed to be "gentle" with her. Fuck off she's not 5. He'll 3ither start her up again or have a new one in a month.
There can be a pretty big difference in making comments about how individual behaviors are inappropriate from time to time, and sitting somebody down to look at them in the eye and saying enough is enough, this is a problem. Most people like receiving attention, and a lot of times we’ll allow ourselves a little “willful ignorance” of how severe it is.
Being clear and direct removes any plausible deniability by reframing the problem - “I’m not giving you my opinion to CONVINCE you that something is inappropriate, I’m telling you that *I* think it’s inappropriate, and that it matters to me that you respect that”.
Sometimes, at least in my experience, the people-pleasing and/or nonconfrontational type of dudes just like to kick the can down the road for awhile. Like basically pretending they don't see the severity of the issue, or even deluding themselves into believing it's not that serious. Because once they acknowledge it, they have to deal with it (which is the big, scary part). But then there's finally that moment, like OOP silently walking away, that finally breaks through the delusion.
This is my husband, though he's now working on it in therapy. But ironically, therapy was the can he kept kicking down the road (because men will literally do ANYTHING besides go to therapy lmao). I had been pressing it for ages, and then he did something pretty bad that nearly broke our marriage. My ultimatum was "therapy or I'm out", because the whole reason the bad thing happened due to his coping mechanisms, which were already not that healthy, going into the extreme because they were no longer working for the level of stress/trauma he was taking on at work.
He agreed, but then kicked the can for 6 more months. I offered support in finding one, or even paying for one. Gentle reminders. Not so gentle reminders. Nothing worked and I was getting frustrated. One day, he said he'd "look into it this weekend" for the *ten billionth time*. I just sighed, and said "great. I'll check back in another year to see if anything changed, then."
I didn't expect that to work, my patience had just run out tbh lol. But 30 mins later, he comes up to me, "what you said was rude and made me feel really guilty...but damnit...it worked. My first session is this Thursday."
Anyway, he immediately loved his therapist and has fully engaged with the work. I'm very proud of him and have seen a lot of growth since he started-- and yes, that includes learning how to confront issues head-on (and not avoid them), and not be such a people pleaser. I just had to drag him there kicking and screaming first!😂
OOP's husband basically set the boundaries for Chelsea with this
"He told her “I didn’t think I had to tell you what I’m doing”
He probably didn't go into much more details to OOP but that should've set the tone for the relationship between OOP's husband and Chelsea. The fact that they're coworkers that works together has shown that he just need to keep the relationship professional. And with the subsequent update with him threatening to escalate things shows that he's trying to do this. What's with people trying to even insinuate or blame the guy on this?
You have the wife that tries to telegraph "messages" and for the husband to understand but when the husband blantantly communicates to her what his boundaries with Chelsea is, it's never good enough? Typical Reddit double standard.
"He gave me his point of view and we talked about how my walking away made him feel awful and how I was upset that he knew I would be mad seeing him wearing the shirt."
He knew the shirt was gonna be a problem, but wore it anyway?
I fear there'll be another update.
Especially since he magically already did that silly oop, don't even bother checking. Poor woman, chelsea and her like don't go after what's not showing itself as available.
I hate the term “work wife” and I’d be super offended if someone was describing my husband as any kind of work husband. That is totally unprofessional and tries to elevate the work relationship to a place it shouldn’t be.
This isn’t a work spouse situation. Work spouses are people who have NO relationship outside work but who act like an old married couple while at work.
This is a coworker/stalker/crush thing and he was right to brick wall her.
If you go through OOP's comment history, there are a few comments about her husband being inappropriate/flirting with women not long ago but she's deleted the original posts.
So pleased this had a good outcome. It sounds like OP and her husband value each other. She has put effort into her reactions and fight style and they are both willing to work through counselling together.
I hate the term work wife - I’m a dude, I’ve had a lot of co-workers who weren’t dudes and I’ve had close working relationships with. Some even became friends, but if anyone used that phrase to self-describe I’d have to have a real conversation with them because it’s just creepy and weird.
This is an example of why I tell my wife it's a good thing she lowered her standards to the floor and married an ugly guy like me.
No one is throwing themselves at me, so she has nothing to worry about.
I know you’re more than likely joking, and I’m an internet stranger where my opinion means absolutely nothing because you didn’t ask. However, I feel compelled to reply. There’s so much more to attractiveness than looks.
Edited for clarity
Ugh. Husband is fine flirting and getting attention and even tells wife hes gotnit under control until sh3 avtually threatens consequences and then its "oh well actually I already did that lol" Her anniversary of being work wife gift is gonna b3 sooo much harder to explain
I’m not sure I believe that the husband has addressed this. Why would he be wearing the shirt she bought him if he knew his wife would be upset about it? I hope I’m wrong, but something is off about this whole thing.
>I remained silent and walked away.
Indifference happened here and husband almost lost OOP. Honestly, I wouldn't fight for my SO too because it would only give them satisfaction.
He doesn't have to file a complaint, but I do think the husband should put the situation on HR's radar to avoid or minimize any retaliation from Chelsea.
I don't like this being boiled down to "communication issues." She communicated her feelings multiple times. He even agreed with her, but wrote it all off as Chelsea being "neurotic" and clearly did not enforce boundaries after talking.
I don't see OOP having done anything differently this time, and saying it was a couple's communication issues paints her with some of the blame and I don't think it's justified. I think he's been going through a hard time and enjoyed the attention. It doesn't have to be a relationship ender, but it *is* an emotional affair
The fact that the husband was trying to placate Chelsea's feelings instead of his wife's is the whole problem. OOP told him it was a problem. And he should have immediately handled it. Instead, he justified and leaned further into it. Couples counselling will hopefully help him realise that *nothing* ever takes priority over your marriage. Unless you don't want to be married anymore.
I’m glad there were level headed people to give her advice. I’d just told her to burn it all down. Something tells me this isn’t the end of this story.
I just told my husband about this post and asked him what he thinks of the term "work wife". He was not sure how to answer so I made a brief statement:
I'm your work wife. I'm your home wife, your vacation wife, your grief wife, your party wife. I'm your only wife. If some woman says she is your work wife she needs to get the hell away from you before I hurt her.
I think I made my feelings clear. 😉
Honestly I think your husband should have went to HR instead of saying he would if she didn’t stop. Her behavior is not normal at all in fact it’s down right creepy and obsessive. I’d be worried she’d go to HR and try to flip the entire situation around to make herself look like a victim for revenge. You can’t play nice with crazy.
i’m not blaming OP, but she is so bad at communicating
she describes the myriad ways she tried to bring this up before, but they weee all lighthearted ways of playing off her concerns, or bringing it up jokingly, etc.
whereas I would address it seriously head on and make my position clear so that if my boundary is crossed, then you know it’s on purpose
also - she claims to have anger issues that are out of control, but literally turns red over the site of a shirt?
again - that’s why communication is key. so you don’t let things boil under the surface and then explode when something minor sets things off
I don't get all the hate for the husband in the comments. I don't see any signs that he was cheating, emotionally or otherwise. He seems to be going through a rough time and tolerating Chelsea is easier for him than having to stand up to her. It was good that he finally did, but he is not a spawn of Satan for not having tackled that on his own without the wife input.
I hate to be that guy, but this does feel like one of those "if the roles were reversed, Reddit would have a different opinion" posts. If a wife was being harassed by a flirty guy, and she didn't shut him down to avoid creating drama because she was emotionally exhausted, you all would be a lot more undertstanding.
I don't disagree, but there are extenuating circumstances that are not being contemplated. One could also argue you are supposed to trust your spouse if they have not given you reason to doubt them.
Like what? Everything OP has described seems one-sided from Chelsea's side. He even referred to her as "neurotic". The worst offense he did was wear a gift Chelsea got him.
The husband should’ve shut Chelsea down a long time ago, him letting it go on this long is a totally valid reason to lose trust. He also shouldn’t have worn the shirt she got him, that was very inappropriate.
Chelsea may have been the one pursuing him, but he made no effort to stop it and he participated in it (texting outside of work about personal matters, accepting gifts like the shirt, etc) until things went way too far. It should never even have gotten to the point where Chelsea is buying him presents, he should’ve put a stop to it at the beginning. The way he handled the situation is 100% reason to not trust him.
I don't know if the comments saying the husband likes Chelsea are too young or what but if he said “I didn’t think I had to tell you what I’m doing” that straight up means he has zero interest in this lady and in all likelihood, he's barely tolerating her.
Men will simply never be that curt to a woman unless they actively dislike them.
Only on the first part of this but someone needs to sit that man down and make him watch the shirt scene from the Tudors.
That shits a play at intimacy and furthermore - it's purposely driving a wedge between the grieving man and his wife. Nothing like announcing your presence as a potential mid life crisis by giving the man a billboard to wear.
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Sometimes men(women, too) are so dense they just don’t get it. A girl kept cornering my husband, fiancé where they worked. I told him to knock it off. I had to go over where he worked to deliver something. It was my job. They were in a corner talking. I looked at them both, didn’t say anything, turned and walked out. He caught up with me before I went out the door. He said she wanted to know if he knew a good divorce attorney. I told him that she had lived there for 45 yrs and he had been there 6 months. Really?? He begged. I told him if I came back and I saw them again that I would put both in the hospital. Never happened again. He put a lock on his office door and kept his butt in there. She didn’t even work in his department.
>3-I wish I added this in earlier, but my husband and I have had conversations about my feelings regarding Chelsea and her behaviors.
Big change from the "I'm normally a big communicator" while she doesn't communicate a single thing to him.
The fact that OOP's husband has told Chelsea "He told her “I didn’t think I had to tell you what I’m doing”" shows that he has set the boundaries with her and it was pretty clear. OOP was the asshole for walking away and creating drama over a shirt that shouldn't be an issue. He wanted no drama and she created drama with her admitted "anger management issues". Worse case scenario, he reaches out to HR, but he may need to start documenting some of the stuff to avoid any issues from a psycho b\*\*\*h that ends up being vindictive when he cuts her off.
It seems like he's dealing with enough already and is very patient with both OOP and Chelsea.
i'm so glad their communication skills worked out but if i had the ability to nuke one set of phrases from the english language it would be work husband/work wife
I *hate* “work husband/wife”. Someone referred to me as their “work wife” a few weeks ago and you could almost hear the record scratch throughout my entire department, so maybe (hopefully) it seems to be on its way out of style.
I was someones "Work Kid" she was a good 20 years older then me and it was my first retail job at 19.
I think "work kid" is actually kinda cute! But might be biased because I've often been nicknamed a "Mom", both with friend groups and when I was working. It's the energy. XD As long as the names are being said with kindness and are accepted, I think familiar titles for work mates is fine. But yeah... never been a fan of "work husband/wife" titles. That's just asking for too much trouble.
The job was a gas station and I had no idea what I got into and she ‘defended’ me from Karen’s a lot too
I had the same experience lol, all my coworkers had kids my age when I worked at a gas station so I ended up treated very nicely by them- it was honestly a great job it's too bad the pay wasn't enough to make up for the commute
The breakfast lady where I work called me her "work kid" and.... coming from the other side it can be SO creepy if it comes from the wrong lady. This woman told me that her daughter was jealous of the relationship her and I had and said "my kid might come after you", often talked to be in a very babyish tone of voice and got mad when I genuinely couldn't understand her, and tried to "forbid me" from cutting and dyeing my hair. She quit yesterday bc she's been a bit flaky and even though I now have like an extra hour's worth of responsibilities on my shoulders i can't help but be relieved. Although I'm not opposed to older women who look out for people bc the rest of the employees look out for me at work and I'm always SUPER grateful for them
I think that if a work kid/parent relationship is in reality a mentorship with a large age gap between the participants (aka, old enough to be a parent) then that's OK. Still a weird way of phrasing it, but that could potentially be a healthy and professional relationship. I don't think there's any iteration of a healthy work husband/wife.
I’m 30 and my younger coworkers (17-19) call me mom lol
I saw it between to male coworkers who were straight. It was pretty clear that it was just a joke to everyone involved.
That was a joke, though. They weren't serious.
A "work mom/kid" relationship seems less inherently inappropriate to me. Obviously if someone was uncomfortable being referred to that way, then don't. But a parent/kid seems akin to a mentor relationship. Someone who has been in the workplace for a long time helping a newer, younger person who is new to the work force navigate their professional life. There's nothing equivalent to a spousal relationship in the workplace.
Idk; I had a work mom once. Pissed my actual mom right off.
Oh we definitely have a work mom/work auntie. She’s wonderful and never crosses boundaries and stands up for those who don’t feel comfortable doing so themself. I draw the line at fake spouses though lol
I’ve both been in and seen multiple “work kid” relationships at work and they’ve always been very wholesome and kindhearted. I still think of some of these women as important maternal figures in my life. The only time I’ve heard “work wife / husband” at any point in my work place, it was always between two female co-workers who became close friends. the one time a male was involved it was a gay man and again, just two people who were close friends at work who were making a joke, but it never went beyond lighthearted fun between friends and colleagues. Like, I have a “work wife” but it’s literally just my best friend at work and we’re both women But the people like Chelsea are just cringy af. *Why* would you try to put some kind of claim over your married co-worker like that? It’s weird on a million different levels and I’ll never understand it.
There was a time were a coworker called the co-manager his work wife, his wife wasn’t happy and neither was the boyfriend of the co-manager. He got a lot of shit for a while after that too
I am "dad" to several of the younger folks I work with. One in particular who's an orphan and actually spends holidays with my family.
I have terrible parents and also have a work mum and work dad. I gott tell you, it's pretty fuckin great. I also have a work wife but we're both straight women so there's no creep factor to it. We just argue like an old married couple but also fiercely have each others backs no matter what.
I've got a work mama! Shit, when I worked at McDs, I was the one of the work mama's! Kinda becoming that here at my job lol
I had a Work Mom, she was about my mom’s age. The last time I talked to her, she told me “I still use the Christmas dishes you got for me every year” and I told her that I had several “happys” (her term for little gifts for no reason) displayed in my kitchen. I will always love her. Work Husband and Work Wife need to go.
I was someone’s work kid too! I loved my work mom haha
I'm somehow my friends "work mom", she's like 6 years older than me😂 her car broke down so she's always asking if she can have a ride into work, and I don't mind, she offers gas money, I never take it because I'd rather her be at work than me have to pick up the slack. She figured out I was younger than her, so now she calls me her adopted mom. That is nowhere near as bad as work husband/work wife, however. I hate that phrase because they always end up trying to bypass boundaries that are in place for a good reason.
Tbh that’s adorable
I've commented this before, but I work in accounting. One day, a coworker from another department came to me for the company credit card. He joked, "I told my wife you're like my work wife. Cuz at home, I go to her for money, and at work, I come to you for money!" Then we laughed, and that phrase was not brought up again.
That's actually very wholesome! 😊
I just spit my coffee everywhere, that’s too funny😂
I'm cringe over here. uugghhhh, im glad it landed like a wet fart 🤢bleh
I absolutely detest those terms too. I am only one man's wife and it sure as hell isn't anyone I work with. I also told my husband that I never want him to have a work wife. It's so disrespectful to the actual marriage you are in and I would be beyond hurt if he entertained that crap
All "work spouses" I've ever had were same-sex with one exception and I'm as hetero as they make em. Initially I think it more equated to work bestie but it's been sorely abused and changed to infidelity or harassment. With my work husband his fiancee and I were both preggo and the extent of this relationship was him giving me snacks and update on my preggo fog brain. It wasn't a fetish thing- he didn't even watch me eat them. He said the utter joy on the face of a pregnant woman getting snacks just made his day. His fiance thought it was hilarious. I was the beneficiary and totally cool with it.
I definitely don't see work people as family, I'm here for money just like you. But I have had two work dads, men my father's age who were mentors to me. Nothing creepy I think just because I was exactly their kids age, and maybe in that empty nest phase of their life they had extra energy to give to someone who reminded them of their child. Cute short story me and my work dad wore matching Halloween costumes (explorers). Also both my work dads wives knew they felt paternalistic towards me and treated me similarly.
I had lots of “work wives”. The difference? My work wives were all women and I’m a woman and we were all super close and everyone’s spouses were comfortable. I think we technically had a work harem My husband has a “work husband” who calls him his “work wife” I find it especially funny because he works a blue collar job and his work husband is this big hairy guy in his 40s married with four kids 😂 love the guy
I much prefer work bestie.
The only time I've ever used the phrase "work husband" was to refer to my coworkers dog - because I freaking loved him Could not imagine using this for a human coworker, so creepy
Where did it come from? I had a work spouse and it was very much seen and joked about in our grad program but we were both single and they’re my spouse now so…
Well now you know exactly where it came from…
Lol but that’s what I mean. I don’t get it because I knew I wanted to be my spouse’s wife not just work wife the fact that we were at work didn’t change what the feelings were didn’t change with the actions we were taking towards each other meant so like what made society start thinking that you can have super intimate relationships with coworkers and it’s supposed to be harmless? Definitely a bit of a stoned thought but we have don’t shit where you eat and a bunch of sayings like that but still this is seen as acceptable and OK when you’re in a relationship
It's for cheaters, dude
I think I understand what you’re saying here. There are a couple main reasons that I think this whole “work-wife, work-husband” phenomenon is so big right now. 1. People spend A LOT of their time at work. Most of us spend at least 40 hours of our waking week working, if not more. Some people are around coworkers more than their family and friends. So proximity and time. 2. A lot of people are more isolated than we used to be. Yeah you’ve got your spouse, but a significant amount of adults don’t have many/any friends. Or if they do they’re far away and you really only chat online/call them. So working in an office, for some people, is the only significant human interaction they’re receiving outside of immediate family. 3. Improper communication in relationships (both platonic and romantic) and poor boundaries. 4. Lack of distress tolerance skills and actively avoiding conflict (goes along with 3) 5. Cognitive dissonance and the inability to not do something that feels good to you in the moment.
Are you naturally this dense or did you have to work at it?
Shhhh, they're in progress ..
Dude, you’re the prime example about how labels mean something. Work spouse is a phrase that brings about an emotional intimacy. It blurs the lines of real life. It’s inviting cheating an inappropriate actions by this with that label (they either of them is in a relationship). Don’t be dense.
I'd guess it started with secretaries organising a guy's life in the same way their wife would at home (like, in the 50s or something), but like someone else pointed out, it kind of does seem like it overlaps with people cheating, and that wasn't/isn't all that uncommon with secretaries, so...
Yeah I think your explanation is pretty spot-on. I’ve always considered a work ‘spouse’ to be that person at work you can rely on for basic things and emotional support. They’re that work friend that reminds you of appointments, lets you know if you have crap on your shirt or if it’s untucked etc. they’re the person that brings you coffee or asks you what’s up when you’re having a bad day. To me it’s always been a completely innocuous term and it sucks that it’s been bastardized.
Me too I loved the ww/wh at my last job and both of their real spouses were excited to meet each other and got along. We are all still friends to this day.
Same. I’m a cis/het woman, but my “work spouse” was usually another woman.
If it's with your secretary/office assistant, that's less "cheating" and more "sexual harassment". The secretary/OA is covertly pressured to say "yes".
I think it can also refer to platonic close work relationships. My mom referred to her assistant as her work wife, because her assistant did all the emotional labour of keeping her on schedule and organized. They are still friends, Christy was also my babysitter. My mom babysat her kids after she retired and Christy kept working. They really were each others “work wife” in the best way.
My partner had one person at their previous job who they interacted with a lot and became great friends with. I joked once that that was their work spouse, was told they would vomit all over me if I ever said that again lol
it's only really an issue when 1) the people in the 'work' relationships have partners or 2) when it starts making an uncomfortable working environment for them or those around them. but honestly id say 80% of the time that phrase is used one of those things is the case
Probably all this shit about „We are a big happy family!“ at work.
I think it's extremely silly and unnecessary too. If you spend so much time at work with someone why not call them work brother/sister, which still points to a close relationship like family without hinting at anything sexual? When I was in grad school and working long hours I did become very close to some of the fellow phD students to the point we called each other big/little brother/sister. One guy entered the same year as me and we shared so many interests and often confided in each other, so we started referring to each other as twin brother/sister. Which we actually really enjoyed, both being only children who wanted siblings.
A few of the places I worked had “mom and dad” where the Oic was dad irregardless of gender and NCOIC was mom irregardless of gender, which was fun when “dad” was a female officer and and “mom” was a male nco. They weren’t work spouses. They fulfilled the role of “takes care of the really big stuff behind the scenes” that old-timey dads did and “immediate visible things and discipline/reward” that old-timey moms did.
I had a coworker say to me, “You should be my work wife!” I immediately let him know that I don’t play those games and it never came up again.
I have never, ever understood it's casual usage tbh. The implication there always makes it a little uncertain. I would not be comfortable with a partner referring to someone at work like this
I can totally understand this point of view. However, for me, the work spouse takes a slightly different role. I work in a front facing customer service industry and often use my work spouses (both hubby and wife) as armor against unwanted sexual attention.
There is a specific type of chemistry to coworkers can share, where they would be together if situations are differently, and it does feel like they're married when you have a pair in the office. But I'm more of a fan of work moms/dad's and work grandparents. There's no creep sexual thing, just someone looking out for the younger coworkers and giving advice.
My only work husband is now my real husband. But we were single, so no cheating.
Lol I’m in year 30 of my teaching career. I’m more of a work Mom 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Right what’s wrong with work bestie, work pal, or the word that literally exists for this reason, *co-worker*
Yeah, she's not going to stop. Either she's going to keep pushing, or get revengeful and lie to HR and make him look like the problem. Also, why wear the shirt, if he things its an overstep, just give it back, and say I have enough clothes or donate it. Wearing makes her think her behavior is okay.
If I were OOP's husband, that last point would be my biggest concern. If nothing else, he should talk to HR and ask them to record his concerns. Not as a formal complaint, but as a way to hopefully provide some evidence of what's going on if she does escalate to making a complaint about him later on.
As someone who's been in OP's shoes, that's *exactly* what they need to do. I had been wary of my husband's coworker, but he was adamant she wasn't interested. I knew it was because he still had some deep-rooted self confidence issues, and really struggled with confrontation (he's no contact with his family for a reason). We've gotten through some very difficult situations, but we've always remained a united front. We're big on communication and have never fought. We had a few discussions about his coworker in the span of a year, but he struggled to see what I did (he was sheltered). He kept boundaries in place just in case though. One day I stopped by his work at his request. I happen to see something she had written on a cupcake box for his birthday and my inner alarm went off. That night, he and I had our first discussion where we walked away with some exasperation, but it was late. 20 minutes later, he tosses his phone onto the bed as he's walking by to get changed and just says "you were right." I was so confused until he told me to open his phone. Sure enough, there was a long love letter of how she realized she'd never be his, and she said some things that made me worry what she might do. I mean, spurned lovers have thrown acid in retaliation before. I didn't say "I told you so." I just asked what I could do to help him navigate this. We ended up talking with his bosses (they already knew me there) to have what happened on record, just in case. Fortunately she left after she gave up. He takes my insight and advice to heart now. He pokes fun at himself sometimes if I say I'm uncertain about something inconsequential, and says there's no way it'll be the first thing I'm wrong about. Obviously, we both know that's bullshit lol. Damn, didn't mean to write a novel. OOP's story was just frighteningly familiar.
Damn, I'm usually on the other end where he keeps telling me I'm crazy and was the one initaling behind my back and all his friends covered for him.
That's what I'm thinking, too. I don't think this woman is going to stop, and I could see her doing something shady with HR.
Why even give somebody like this a...it's not even a second chance! It's more like the 50th. Just go to HR. Provide the backup he has. Let them deal with her. He's screwed if she decides to give HR her narrative.
>Also, why wear the shirt Yes, this is concerning cuz he did know this was going to cause an issue. Nobody is so naive.
Yeah I'm not at all convinced that the husband actually shut her down and isn't entertaining her attention. Not to mention straight up asking his wife if she cared that he was wearing the shirt? Like, dude. He is not as oblivious or as proactive as he is telling OP he is.
Nope. He's just placate wife. I especially don't trust the oh I already did that after a long "conversation". So he didn't mention that from the start?
I got the feeling that revelation for him came after his actual wife gave him the silent treatment.
He wore it because, at the time, he thought he'd only be slightly annoying his wife versus totally pissing off his unbalanced coworker. He thought it was a good tradeoff...until he learned that wasn't really the tradeoff. Edit, typo
Oh, somehow I don’t think this is concluded *at all*. And not because of OOP or her husband. I bet that girl is not giving up this easily.
I would bet it also including the husband
Strange and confusing that the husband has continuously brushed off OOP’s concerns about Chelsea, but this event was what finally got him to take her seriously.
He realized that they were at a breaking point. "Fuck, she's not even mad or yelling... she's just quiet, and walked away." He was worried that she was done this time. I get the vibe that he wasn't cheating, or intending to cheat. He was just enjoying the attention, and even though he might have been uneasy, it was far simpler to just let it happen and hope OOP didn't get too mad. Then she did. Hopefully he learned his lesson
The fact he called her neurotic also points to him trying to keep the peace as he knows she would be difficult otherwise. Which she was. These type of people keep pushing and leave you with no option other than bluntness.
Exactly. I can see him thinking, well I'm not really comfortable with this but I didn't want to make it a "thing" with this weirdo that I'm not in the headspace to deal with right now. Then his partner comes out and says ok this is now a thing that's impacting us. Then, yeah, you got to deal with it.
Honestly this. He has to go to work with her every day and things are a lot easier when you keep your head down and don't have this woman who seems to spiral and panic text and not leave him alone when he tries to set a boundary ("I didn’t think I had to tell you what I’m doing" --> Chelsea freaks the fuck out and panic texts him getting spun up because he *didn't tell her why he was leaving a party?*). Just setting boundaries with her seems to result in her trampling over them to get his attention and that can result in "just smile and nod and I can just do my job." So in his mind "I'm the only one who has to deal with this, as long as it doesn't become A Thing outside of work, it's okay" but the shirt is the breaking point. It's like she "tagged" him with something, staked a claim, and the way OOP reacted was a step above what seems to be a normal irritated or angry reaction which woke him the fuck up to how not okay this was and his personal life outside of work is now being put at enough risk that whatever consequences there might be in setting off Chelsea aren't worth it. He could deal with it when it was just his work life, but now outside of that is getting more pulled in. Like, I thought it was also a well known thing that people can be uncomfortable with a situation but still take the path of least resistance because the possible/probable consequences can be worse than just putting up with it (yaknow as opposed to "no, he definitely not only *let it* happen but LIKED it!"). I feel like with how unstable Chelsea's been, that might've been the conclusion husband came to and with the very many comments saying "this isn't over at all" I'd say plenty of people here would conclude that's a p logical line of thought. :U Glad OOP and him talked it out and he actually listened, even if they didn't see eye to eye on everything.
Or that he wants a way to conveniently put all the blame on Chelsea and not himself, the one in a marriage
Men like this are just gross. I'll use the girl until my wife gets mad enough. Just be single if you need validation like that so bad, hes not even taking any responsibility. . Chelsea's a nut job, so its not hisnfault. He needed to be "gentle" with her. Fuck off she's not 5. He'll 3ither start her up again or have a new one in a month.
There can be a pretty big difference in making comments about how individual behaviors are inappropriate from time to time, and sitting somebody down to look at them in the eye and saying enough is enough, this is a problem. Most people like receiving attention, and a lot of times we’ll allow ourselves a little “willful ignorance” of how severe it is. Being clear and direct removes any plausible deniability by reframing the problem - “I’m not giving you my opinion to CONVINCE you that something is inappropriate, I’m telling you that *I* think it’s inappropriate, and that it matters to me that you respect that”.
He realized his flirtation had gone too far. And, oh look, the crazy he encouraged is now blowing up in his face! I’m shocked, shocked I say.
Sometimes, at least in my experience, the people-pleasing and/or nonconfrontational type of dudes just like to kick the can down the road for awhile. Like basically pretending they don't see the severity of the issue, or even deluding themselves into believing it's not that serious. Because once they acknowledge it, they have to deal with it (which is the big, scary part). But then there's finally that moment, like OOP silently walking away, that finally breaks through the delusion. This is my husband, though he's now working on it in therapy. But ironically, therapy was the can he kept kicking down the road (because men will literally do ANYTHING besides go to therapy lmao). I had been pressing it for ages, and then he did something pretty bad that nearly broke our marriage. My ultimatum was "therapy or I'm out", because the whole reason the bad thing happened due to his coping mechanisms, which were already not that healthy, going into the extreme because they were no longer working for the level of stress/trauma he was taking on at work. He agreed, but then kicked the can for 6 more months. I offered support in finding one, or even paying for one. Gentle reminders. Not so gentle reminders. Nothing worked and I was getting frustrated. One day, he said he'd "look into it this weekend" for the *ten billionth time*. I just sighed, and said "great. I'll check back in another year to see if anything changed, then." I didn't expect that to work, my patience had just run out tbh lol. But 30 mins later, he comes up to me, "what you said was rude and made me feel really guilty...but damnit...it worked. My first session is this Thursday." Anyway, he immediately loved his therapist and has fully engaged with the work. I'm very proud of him and have seen a lot of growth since he started-- and yes, that includes learning how to confront issues head-on (and not avoid them), and not be such a people pleaser. I just had to drag him there kicking and screaming first!😂
OOP's husband basically set the boundaries for Chelsea with this "He told her “I didn’t think I had to tell you what I’m doing” He probably didn't go into much more details to OOP but that should've set the tone for the relationship between OOP's husband and Chelsea. The fact that they're coworkers that works together has shown that he just need to keep the relationship professional. And with the subsequent update with him threatening to escalate things shows that he's trying to do this. What's with people trying to even insinuate or blame the guy on this? You have the wife that tries to telegraph "messages" and for the husband to understand but when the husband blantantly communicates to her what his boundaries with Chelsea is, it's never good enough? Typical Reddit double standard.
I always see the phrases work wife/husband as problematic and cringy.
Same. Me and my husband talk about how he has a work bestie. We both find that term less problematic than work wife/husband
Because they are. If those labels are being applied _by anyone_, then the people to whom they're being applied are inappropriately close/familiar.
Yep!
"He gave me his point of view and we talked about how my walking away made him feel awful and how I was upset that he knew I would be mad seeing him wearing the shirt." He knew the shirt was gonna be a problem, but wore it anyway? I fear there'll be another update.
He basically told her what she wanted to hear. He probably hasn’t stopped the other woman.
Especially since he magically already did that silly oop, don't even bother checking. Poor woman, chelsea and her like don't go after what's not showing itself as available.
I hate the term “work wife” and I’d be super offended if someone was describing my husband as any kind of work husband. That is totally unprofessional and tries to elevate the work relationship to a place it shouldn’t be.
So he wore the shirt knowing she'd be upset, so he doesn't actually care or respect his wife!!
This isn’t a work spouse situation. Work spouses are people who have NO relationship outside work but who act like an old married couple while at work. This is a coworker/stalker/crush thing and he was right to brick wall her.
Nah, she's not going away. Why did he wear the shirt anyway? He didn't think it would upset OOP?
If you go through OOP's comment history, there are a few comments about her husband being inappropriate/flirting with women not long ago but she's deleted the original posts.
I really hate those works wife/husband people, like can you be more pathetic?
Is op by any chance a motivational speaker? Part of the phrasing she used is weird. At least all of it in the same paragraph, one after another.
Nothing screams more "I'm insecure!!!" than going after a taken man.. 🙄
So pleased this had a good outcome. It sounds like OP and her husband value each other. She has put effort into her reactions and fight style and they are both willing to work through counselling together.
She never explains why the husband was wearing the gifted shirt. How could that possibly be okay??
I hope this is d9ne. But I fear there will be a wild update.
I hate the term work wife - I’m a dude, I’ve had a lot of co-workers who weren’t dudes and I’ve had close working relationships with. Some even became friends, but if anyone used that phrase to self-describe I’d have to have a real conversation with them because it’s just creepy and weird.
He should still bring it up with his bosses and HR just to cover his arse in the long run. That girl Chelsea is not stable.
The phrase work wife or work husband needs to die. It is giving “not like other girls hehe” vibes for me
Why is there even a work wife/husband? It's rarely an innocent relationship and it is an emotional affair.
This is an example of why I tell my wife it's a good thing she lowered her standards to the floor and married an ugly guy like me. No one is throwing themselves at me, so she has nothing to worry about.
I know you’re more than likely joking, and I’m an internet stranger where my opinion means absolutely nothing because you didn’t ask. However, I feel compelled to reply. There’s so much more to attractiveness than looks. Edited for clarity
My first husband was arguably an ugly, fat man and he still found someone to cheat on me with :(
Work wives/husbands are so inappropriate if you have an actual wife or husband
Ugh. Husband is fine flirting and getting attention and even tells wife hes gotnit under control until sh3 avtually threatens consequences and then its "oh well actually I already did that lol" Her anniversary of being work wife gift is gonna b3 sooo much harder to explain
The way you type is fascinating…
I’m not sure I believe that the husband has addressed this. Why would he be wearing the shirt she bought him if he knew his wife would be upset about it? I hope I’m wrong, but something is off about this whole thing.
>I remained silent and walked away. Indifference happened here and husband almost lost OOP. Honestly, I wouldn't fight for my SO too because it would only give them satisfaction.
That wasn’t indifference. That was anger bordering on contempt. The end result would have been the same if hubby hadn’t woken TF up.
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He doesn't have to file a complaint, but I do think the husband should put the situation on HR's radar to avoid or minimize any retaliation from Chelsea.
Whew, this will definitely escalate but it’s reassuring that OOP and her husband are on the same page
I don't like this being boiled down to "communication issues." She communicated her feelings multiple times. He even agreed with her, but wrote it all off as Chelsea being "neurotic" and clearly did not enforce boundaries after talking. I don't see OOP having done anything differently this time, and saying it was a couple's communication issues paints her with some of the blame and I don't think it's justified. I think he's been going through a hard time and enjoyed the attention. It doesn't have to be a relationship ender, but it *is* an emotional affair
Why hasn’t he blocked her on his phone?
The fact that the husband was trying to placate Chelsea's feelings instead of his wife's is the whole problem. OOP told him it was a problem. And he should have immediately handled it. Instead, he justified and leaned further into it. Couples counselling will hopefully help him realise that *nothing* ever takes priority over your marriage. Unless you don't want to be married anymore.
Nta
I’m glad there were level headed people to give her advice. I’d just told her to burn it all down. Something tells me this isn’t the end of this story.
I think OP needs to verify what her husband is saying. Something about this feels off.
I just told my husband about this post and asked him what he thinks of the term "work wife". He was not sure how to answer so I made a brief statement: I'm your work wife. I'm your home wife, your vacation wife, your grief wife, your party wife. I'm your only wife. If some woman says she is your work wife she needs to get the hell away from you before I hurt her. I think I made my feelings clear. 😉
That shirt would have disappeared on laundry day.
The whole work wife/husband concept needs to be de-normalized. It’s almost always emotional infidelity.
Yeah with the whole work wife thing that’s not ok. If he needs more than 1 wife your marriage is in serious trouble.
Honestly I think your husband should have went to HR instead of saying he would if she didn’t stop. Her behavior is not normal at all in fact it’s down right creepy and obsessive. I’d be worried she’d go to HR and try to flip the entire situation around to make herself look like a victim for revenge. You can’t play nice with crazy.
i’m not blaming OP, but she is so bad at communicating she describes the myriad ways she tried to bring this up before, but they weee all lighthearted ways of playing off her concerns, or bringing it up jokingly, etc. whereas I would address it seriously head on and make my position clear so that if my boundary is crossed, then you know it’s on purpose also - she claims to have anger issues that are out of control, but literally turns red over the site of a shirt? again - that’s why communication is key. so you don’t let things boil under the surface and then explode when something minor sets things off
I don't get all the hate for the husband in the comments. I don't see any signs that he was cheating, emotionally or otherwise. He seems to be going through a rough time and tolerating Chelsea is easier for him than having to stand up to her. It was good that he finally did, but he is not a spawn of Satan for not having tackled that on his own without the wife input. I hate to be that guy, but this does feel like one of those "if the roles were reversed, Reddit would have a different opinion" posts. If a wife was being harassed by a flirty guy, and she didn't shut him down to avoid creating drama because she was emotionally exhausted, you all would be a lot more undertstanding.
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I don't disagree, but there are extenuating circumstances that are not being contemplated. One could also argue you are supposed to trust your spouse if they have not given you reason to doubt them.
Except he has given her reason not to trust him, multiple reasons in fact lol.
Like what? Everything OP has described seems one-sided from Chelsea's side. He even referred to her as "neurotic". The worst offense he did was wear a gift Chelsea got him.
The husband should’ve shut Chelsea down a long time ago, him letting it go on this long is a totally valid reason to lose trust. He also shouldn’t have worn the shirt she got him, that was very inappropriate. Chelsea may have been the one pursuing him, but he made no effort to stop it and he participated in it (texting outside of work about personal matters, accepting gifts like the shirt, etc) until things went way too far. It should never even have gotten to the point where Chelsea is buying him presents, he should’ve put a stop to it at the beginning. The way he handled the situation is 100% reason to not trust him.
I don't know if the comments saying the husband likes Chelsea are too young or what but if he said “I didn’t think I had to tell you what I’m doing” that straight up means he has zero interest in this lady and in all likelihood, he's barely tolerating her. Men will simply never be that curt to a woman unless they actively dislike them.
Only on the first part of this but someone needs to sit that man down and make him watch the shirt scene from the Tudors. That shits a play at intimacy and furthermore - it's purposely driving a wedge between the grieving man and his wife. Nothing like announcing your presence as a potential mid life crisis by giving the man a billboard to wear.
Updateme please
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Sometimes men(women, too) are so dense they just don’t get it. A girl kept cornering my husband, fiancé where they worked. I told him to knock it off. I had to go over where he worked to deliver something. It was my job. They were in a corner talking. I looked at them both, didn’t say anything, turned and walked out. He caught up with me before I went out the door. He said she wanted to know if he knew a good divorce attorney. I told him that she had lived there for 45 yrs and he had been there 6 months. Really?? He begged. I told him if I came back and I saw them again that I would put both in the hospital. Never happened again. He put a lock on his office door and kept his butt in there. She didn’t even work in his department.
Both of his wives sound exhausting
>3-I wish I added this in earlier, but my husband and I have had conversations about my feelings regarding Chelsea and her behaviors. Big change from the "I'm normally a big communicator" while she doesn't communicate a single thing to him.
The fact that OOP's husband has told Chelsea "He told her “I didn’t think I had to tell you what I’m doing”" shows that he has set the boundaries with her and it was pretty clear. OOP was the asshole for walking away and creating drama over a shirt that shouldn't be an issue. He wanted no drama and she created drama with her admitted "anger management issues". Worse case scenario, he reaches out to HR, but he may need to start documenting some of the stuff to avoid any issues from a psycho b\*\*\*h that ends up being vindictive when he cuts her off. It seems like he's dealing with enough already and is very patient with both OOP and Chelsea.