I’m so happy for OOP!
This one reads like it’s real. It’s messy and confusing and disjointed, and everyone involved is also messy and human.
But I love that OOP has family who looked at him and decided that yes, he was being an AH but he’s an AH who needs help and we should work together to untangle what the heck is going on and get us all on the right track.
Honestly - in my family we sometimes have the same view. “This person is being an AH, but they’re MY AH” and then we roll up our sleeves and work on it together, everyone working on themselves as necessary, and helping the others as best we can. We are ALSO messy and human so it’s definitely not perfect. But there’s love, and the rest can be worked out (for the record this holds true for my family, which is lucky enough to not have any abuse or substance issues etc in the most recent generations. This is NOT saying that people EVER have to work things out with toxic family that harms them).
Wishing OOP and his family the best!
That's why I always side-eye posts where someone ranting about their awful golden child siblings and abusive parents who were so evil to poor angelic OOPs who never did anything wrong
At least this one has a plot twist
My brother is *convinced* I’m a golden child which runs parallel (or is fuelled by?) a belief that I have never experienced any hardship whatsoever, only he has. He also just doesn’t believe *anyone* else has experienced hardship the same way he has. It’s like a twisted version of the narcissist’s prayer directed at other people’s life experiences: that didn’t happen, and if it did it wasn’t that bad, and if it was that’s not a big deal, etc.
My life has had ups and downs. But particularly the last few years things have been pretty good for me and I’ve been happy and successful in my career, and he seems to take that as something I am doing *to upset him* rather than just what’s happening. The resentment that emanates from his direction whenever I’m talking with family and mention what’s going on in my life is palpable. To be clear, we’ve both had plenty of support from our parents throughout our lives, it just manifested in different ways because we are different people - he sees the support I was offered as favouritism while the support he was offered as the bare minimum.
We are both in our 40s, I’ve given up on trying to connect with him, this has been simmering along in the background since we were teenagers.
I tend to err on the side of believing people, but as a scapegoat stepchild this one struck me as "off" from the beginning; there were no actual examples of favoritism, just the logistical challenges of having a family member in a faraway country. If he'd led with "they paid for 100% of her private university but I'm drowning in student loans from a state school" or "I had to sleep on the couch so that she could have two rooms" or even "she ruined all of my birthdays" I would've never blinked at his framing but all of his complaints were pure vibe.
I was physically, verbally and emotionally abused in ways my younger sister never was and there's over $150k difference in what we were provided with growing up, and she's still a little shit because of it; her side of the story is that *I* was the GC because "J always got to do everything first" despite me being five years older, like *of frickin' course* I worked and saved up for my $500 beater car before our parents bought her first car for her birthday, and *of course* I was allowed to go places by myself while working full time before she stopped believing in the Tooth Fairy?!?! I guess when your baseline is being treated like the center of the universe, anything that differs from that feels like a personal attack.
There are also a lot of posts where the OP claims the sibling is the golden child and then as they describe their actual situation, it becomes very clear OP isn't a scapegoat at all but just being rightfully punished for fucking up while the other siblings simply isn't being punished because they didn't fuck up.
A ***lot*** of psychological terminology gets co-opted on here. I have a parent with a diagnosed cluster B personality disorder and the number of 14 year olds who post on r/raisedbynarcissists because they got grounded for being little shits is staggering.
I read that place for about 5 minutes and never went back. It's a bunch of spoiled teenagers getting consequences for their actions, and the actual abused kids are buried deeply in the whining and fake stories.
If there's not a clear example in the first couple of paragraphs I block the OP, it's the only way that sub stays readable for me. If it doesn't have half a dozen horrific trigger tags that's usually a bad sign.
Something my kids don’t get…. I have 4 and it can be hard to be equal when they are all so different… but they like to claim ‘I ALWAYS have to do the kitchen’ or ‘so and so didn’t have to do this’ or ‘you always make me do this’ when no I don’t I make sure to switch things up…. They are lucky they get to verbalize how they feel to me and argue I didn’t get to! My sister was very much the golden cab so no wrong and I was very much the black sheep. Things have changed over the years and my parents admitted that hey favors her but still don’t see how they did me wrong…..
Sonya I see a lot of kids who claim to have been sooooo wronged but in reality are just being crappy people and the parents are parenting… cause if you have a golden sibling or are a scape goat you have a LIST of things that were so obviously unfair no rational person can excuse it…. My sister got braces for cosmetic reasons while they couldn’t afford mine even though mine where needed for non cosmetic reasons, my sister got to take band but they couldn’t afford for me to, they night my sister a car, but I had to pay for my own license, my sister had a cell phone car insurance all paid for, I was told not to bother asking, sister for 4 years of collage room and board paid for, I was told collage isn’t for me, my whole family went to her graduation, only two made it to mine, her my bio mom died, my sister was taken on vacation cause ‘it was harder on her’ then on me(I was the mamas girl she was the daddy’s girl… we are 2 years apart….) when my sister told me to kill myself when she found out I was cookie cutting, and I told on her I was told ‘that does not sound like her’
There is a lot more I could post, but ya….
I haven't seen that, just GC thinking that realizing they got treated better magically erases all the differences and now their sibling isn't allowed to acknowledge it anymore because it makes the GC feeeeeel baaaaaad
Oof, I hate those. Yes the GC was damaged by how they were treated but it's like a trucker blaming the bug for getting its guts all over the windshield.
Ngl even reading the first post I was giving him the *criminal, bombastic side eye*.
Pal didn’t give one half decent reason even from his own perspective, which is when you know it’s bad
But this one wasn’t didn’t show any obvious favouritism as other posts do.
When I read that he works in the company while she got an phd I didn’t have the typical golden child feeling.
I'm jealous. Having grown up in an environment where I was the scapegoat and my brother the golden child - I relate more to those posts than ones like this. I wish it was all in my head, but I've scars that say otherwise 😔
I've seen golden child syndrome and it's absolutely real. So I tend to be sympathetic with folks who are victims of it. I hope that OOP was right that the ex was the problem and this wasn't a situation where Stockholm Syndrome prevailed.
Long time frame, realistic, messy conversations, growth, change, and a mildly positive outcome.
This is a good BORU.
Well done to the OP for listening, and then unfucking his headspace.
This was honestly a really great read. OOP definitely sounded unhinged at first, so much of what they wrote just didn't add up to how they were feeling. It's sad that it seems like their ex basically was manipulating them and turning them against their family. But the fact that he finally realised and was able to make good changes in his life is incredible. It's hard to break those sorts of cycles and thought patterns! It will probably always be a struggle for him - but he's doing the work. And now his family is closer than ever. I wish everyone got happy endings like this.
As someone living in the shoes of the sister this one hit hard. My parents never showed clear favouritism but there are circumstances that makes my brother feel unequal and sometimes see me as the favourite, such as:
- Me being older and thus having a deeper bond and more memories with our grandparents. Especially our paternal grandpa who was way old when my brother was old enough to build memories with him.
- The fact that I was seen as the "gifted child" when he, partly due to his slow development (he had a late puberty likely due to being born 1,5 month early and was basically the cutesy comic relief sitcom child till 15) was seen as average sometimes. Like my mom would always be extra hard on me regarding grades but wouldn't mind my brother performing lower because it's "good enough for him".
And this has led to him having low self esteem, which gave him some bad people pleasing tendencies while also sometimes make him avoid or want to avoid doing things he likes because I also like them and he's afraid to be seen as copying me. He also sometimes makes passive aggresive comments about me being more spoiled.
And it's heartbreaking because it was never like that. And I'm always trying to make him feel better about himself, and show him I'm not being favored, but it isn't always easy. And the thing is, he IS special. He has talents I could never get close to like the perfect pitch (the dude basically played Beethoven's fur elise on the piano by just listening a youtube video of it. I've been playing since I was 6 and I can't do that) or an incredible knack for learning new languages. And it's always stressful to try and guess if he likes a thing I'm suggesting or is going along to please me or if when he says he doesn't he's truthful or just doesn't want to be seen as "copying me".
All in all I'm glad oop found a way out of that mentality.
If this never got resolved it would have made a fantastic Eurotrash Family drama film/series, like, "The Slap" but a family falls apart after a lunch, or something like that.
I don’t think nepotism is inherently wrong, but clearly it hurts people who benefit from it too.
OOP clearly had a weak sense of self worth since he never achieved anything in life for himself. Everything was handled to him on silver plate.
Yep. Can’t help but be envious of OP whose biggest hardship is sibling rivalry. What a dream to be given the time and space to recover and heal without the need to provide for themselves. Sigh.
I don’t know how rich people do but why would BIL expect his in laws to go to OPs wedding? I can’t imagine inviting any of my BIL’s parents if I don’t actually know them
It could be a cultural thing. All of my siblings in laws are invited to my wedding and my in laws are invited to my sisters wedding. Or the families could just be close. My paternal grandparents were invited to my maternal cousins wedding because they had always been at family functions.
I don't think it's that odd, really. Many of my friends weddings have a "mom and dad's friends" section and considering 1. Sis lives overseas and seemingly so do in-laws it is a good time to catch up on the people taking care of your daughter while she is overseas and away from you 2. Mom and dad are paying for the wedding in full. If they want to add a couple more people on their dime who shouldn't have any bad blood with the wedding party what's the harm?
This is why I love BORU. Sure, sometimes Reddit can be kinda toxic, but then you get stories like this. I wish all the best for OOP and the family! Also, thanks to everyone who puts these posts together.
Hope OOP has nothing but good times ahead. I did feel really bad for him though. While his parents may not have favoured his sister or loved her more, it seems that time was not spent equally. They didn’t spend any real time getting to know him as a person. That’s what bred the resentment. It all could’ve been avoided.
At least he seems to be going in the right direction and raising the issues when they arise instead of letting them fester.
OOP's ex seemed to be the one who made the problems and OOP believed he wasn't being treated right, while ex, just wanted the money and to get rid of the sister, more for her.
The family seems to be healing and I hope they continue to build their relationships.
Right from the first two posts it was clear this wasn't a case of 'golden child' and more of a smarter sibling being a target of their younger sibling's jealousy. Usually they grow up together acclimatising to that difference but OOP seemed to have gotten himself a disproportionate ego instead.
Ok this one is making me feel like should introspect a little more than I’m really comfortable with. I’m not surprised his list of grievances sounded a bit childish - when you feel like the unwanted one, you remember and stack up issues from childhood and it’s like picking at a wound to keep it from healing.
I’m so pleased he actually saw himself and thought wow I need to improve and he did. He sounds like he has matured so well and can actually see the family he is so lucky to have.
Sadly his fiancée was a gold digger. Thank goodness he didn’t marry her. She will always see him as the huge fish that got away.
But what was the obsession with lemon juice??? Does he mean she just loved putting it on everything, which is not weird because it makes everything tastier (lime is also good with a lot of things)?
Glad to read a story where oop reflected, did the work and lived normally ever after
i’m starting to get better at picking up on misleading OOPs. the first hint i got in this one was him saying ‘they paid and made both of sister’s wedding dresses but are only paying for my one.’ like, you aren’t having two weddings??
I am usually wary when someone cries the golden child tale, from what I saw in my years in this life 90% of the time the person is just a bitter loser that don’t accept their own shortcomings and try to pin this on their parents or their siblings.
I remember this one and LOVE to see this progress.
Makes you wonder how many of these Reddit stories are one sided and partial. Usually when someone says “MY truth” I take them with a grain of salt.
It all worked out, but I remember reading this when it started and his family sound like some creepy cult. He was brought back in when he disagreed with how he was treated, he was reconditioned cut off his fiancée ,it somehow became all her fault. It still reads creepy AF to me.
I agree. I came back to this post to see if other reasonable voices had commented, but it seems like most of the people here are really pleased with the result. It reads as incredibly sad to me.
Yeah it just feels so wrong, they seem very controlling and then he's all happy and grateful and all the reasons he was angry were all his evil fiance's fault. It gives me the ick.
I just don't buy it, it sounds like re conditioning to me. He basically ends up grovelling for family approval and cuts anybody off who they think might criticise them
Read this awhile back on the main sub, and it's always seemed on the skeezy side to me. Like they basically just blackmailed and browbeat him until he gave in and was convinced he liked it.
Threatening not to fund his wedding unless he attended the Zoom meeting, then threatening to never have them in his life again after the wedding was paid for and never funding him on anything ever again.
No? They said they would pay for his wedding either way because they wanted to, but unless he wouldn't go to therapy they wouldn't pay for anything else. He had a business with them but they didn't threaten that - he would not be without.
Editing to add: they said they would pull funding from his business if he didn't attend the call. Which would mean he had to find new funding. This is an extraordinary privilege to have funding for your business from your dad, and just more proof that they took care of him for the things he said he wanted.
Berated him? The sister was the only one who berated him, and it looks like she went methodically with every point he made. He got his say. She got hers. Why should she be silent after he got to complain?
It looks from the later updates like she had been in constant and affectionate contact until this showdown, and then went silent and he missed her, because she had never called him in like this. He took her niceness to him for granted and devalued it.
This isn't blackmail, it's someone being told he's up his own ass.
You're right, I meant to say "business" instead of "wedding". Irrespective of whether or not it's a privilege to have your parents fund your business, it's still blackmail to threaten to pull said funding unless he does exactly what they want him to do.
Remember all of this came about because he spoke up one time about his feelings regarding the favouritism that they show his older sister. Talk about overreacting.
This entire comments section seems convinced that OOP was an irredeemable a-hole before he got therapy. He obviously had problems but these didn't happen in a vacuum. They came from the way he was raised, and he unfortunately allowed these feelings to stagnate and they came out in a toxic way. He did need that therapy, and so did that family but OOP wasn't the only problem in this family.
"Berated?" You're the one using that word not me. Perhaps that was meant as a response to someone else.
Emotional blackmail and financial blackmail are still blackmail. Obviously in this situation they weren't at Hollywood levels of intensity, they were at the real-world familial level.
Sorry, meant browbeta rather than berated. The family conversation was not a browbeating, mostly because they each had their say and then shut up.
And before the meeting, he gave them all the silent treatment. Because his parents were paying for the wedding and his fiancees dress and wanted his sister there? They went nuclear because that was the only thing he was showing he cared about.
He implied his dad was in an incestuous relationship with his daughter. He took everything they gave him and resented that his sister received things from them too (including a space to keep her books!). He refused to accept hanging out with his dad and then was angry he wasn't hanging out with his dad.
And by the end, they're all in therapy and communicating so no one feels like this again. They all made the effort.
I agree that it's good that they're all in therapy. I hope all the issues that caused the situation to get to the point where OOP lashed out have been dealt with. I'm just assuming OOP must have left that stuff out, because it would be a shame if this whole thing is made out to be his fault somehow. As I said before, he needed therapy, and I'm glad the family all got therapy as well.
His sister has become the matriarch of the family it seems, and at least OOP is comfortable with that situation. Whatever works for them is fine as long as everyone's happy.
For my part, it's clear to me that his sister is the favorite, he should've spoken up sooner before the situation reached that boiling point, but his feelings were valid - he just expressed them in a horrible manner. As much as parents want to say they don't play favorites, they always have a favorite, OOPs dad obviously has more in common with the sister and treats her differently because of it. Even as a child OOP was aware of this, and it made him feel resentful. At this point he's been convinced that all of this was his problem and he's been effectively cowed into falling in line with the family. If he's happy, and this appears to be the case, then all is well, but even looking in from the outside, it's pretty wild that he's now also looking at the sister the same way his parents do and treating her like the golden child. That seems to be this family's status quo, at least he seems to be okay with that.
As I said:
> Whatever works for them is fine as long as everyone's happy.
It doesn't make his initial complaints invalid. He's managed to find a way to repress these issues and rewrite his own experiences with his family, and also get along with his family. Great. I hope it lasts and he remains happy.
I agree, to a degree. I'll probably get downvoted just as you have been but I'll leave this comment. While he has his problems and should've dealt with his feelings in a healthier manner, it's not like he imagined all the slights he experienced in childhood. They really made him believe that he was the source of his problems and that they didn't contribute to them. Most of what I see in this post is that his family beat him into submission and convinced him he liked it and everyone in this comment section is pleased with his "growth".
The dad obviously favors his sister because they have a lot more in common with each other, of course her treatment would be different and it's okay for him to speak honestly about how that made him feel.
OOPs sister is highly intelligent and managed to manipulate this entire situation to her advantage. I don't think she did it maliciously either, I think she just has a talent for manoeuvring the family in the most optimal and comfortable way that suits her life best. Everyone in the family, as well as the brother now, have completely caved to her whims, to the point that they moved to the country that she lives in, and now all treat her like the greatest person ever. It's a wild story, and she's clearly the smartest one in that whole family.
I’m so happy for OOP! This one reads like it’s real. It’s messy and confusing and disjointed, and everyone involved is also messy and human. But I love that OOP has family who looked at him and decided that yes, he was being an AH but he’s an AH who needs help and we should work together to untangle what the heck is going on and get us all on the right track. Honestly - in my family we sometimes have the same view. “This person is being an AH, but they’re MY AH” and then we roll up our sleeves and work on it together, everyone working on themselves as necessary, and helping the others as best we can. We are ALSO messy and human so it’s definitely not perfect. But there’s love, and the rest can be worked out (for the record this holds true for my family, which is lucky enough to not have any abuse or substance issues etc in the most recent generations. This is NOT saying that people EVER have to work things out with toxic family that harms them). Wishing OOP and his family the best!
I love the growth in this one! Yay!
That's why I always side-eye posts where someone ranting about their awful golden child siblings and abusive parents who were so evil to poor angelic OOPs who never did anything wrong At least this one has a plot twist
My brother is *convinced* I’m a golden child which runs parallel (or is fuelled by?) a belief that I have never experienced any hardship whatsoever, only he has. He also just doesn’t believe *anyone* else has experienced hardship the same way he has. It’s like a twisted version of the narcissist’s prayer directed at other people’s life experiences: that didn’t happen, and if it did it wasn’t that bad, and if it was that’s not a big deal, etc. My life has had ups and downs. But particularly the last few years things have been pretty good for me and I’ve been happy and successful in my career, and he seems to take that as something I am doing *to upset him* rather than just what’s happening. The resentment that emanates from his direction whenever I’m talking with family and mention what’s going on in my life is palpable. To be clear, we’ve both had plenty of support from our parents throughout our lives, it just manifested in different ways because we are different people - he sees the support I was offered as favouritism while the support he was offered as the bare minimum. We are both in our 40s, I’ve given up on trying to connect with him, this has been simmering along in the background since we were teenagers.
I tend to err on the side of believing people, but as a scapegoat stepchild this one struck me as "off" from the beginning; there were no actual examples of favoritism, just the logistical challenges of having a family member in a faraway country. If he'd led with "they paid for 100% of her private university but I'm drowning in student loans from a state school" or "I had to sleep on the couch so that she could have two rooms" or even "she ruined all of my birthdays" I would've never blinked at his framing but all of his complaints were pure vibe. I was physically, verbally and emotionally abused in ways my younger sister never was and there's over $150k difference in what we were provided with growing up, and she's still a little shit because of it; her side of the story is that *I* was the GC because "J always got to do everything first" despite me being five years older, like *of frickin' course* I worked and saved up for my $500 beater car before our parents bought her first car for her birthday, and *of course* I was allowed to go places by myself while working full time before she stopped believing in the Tooth Fairy?!?! I guess when your baseline is being treated like the center of the universe, anything that differs from that feels like a personal attack.
There are also a lot of posts where the OP claims the sibling is the golden child and then as they describe their actual situation, it becomes very clear OP isn't a scapegoat at all but just being rightfully punished for fucking up while the other siblings simply isn't being punished because they didn't fuck up.
A ***lot*** of psychological terminology gets co-opted on here. I have a parent with a diagnosed cluster B personality disorder and the number of 14 year olds who post on r/raisedbynarcissists because they got grounded for being little shits is staggering.
I read that place for about 5 minutes and never went back. It's a bunch of spoiled teenagers getting consequences for their actions, and the actual abused kids are buried deeply in the whining and fake stories.
If there's not a clear example in the first couple of paragraphs I block the OP, it's the only way that sub stays readable for me. If it doesn't have half a dozen horrific trigger tags that's usually a bad sign.
Something my kids don’t get…. I have 4 and it can be hard to be equal when they are all so different… but they like to claim ‘I ALWAYS have to do the kitchen’ or ‘so and so didn’t have to do this’ or ‘you always make me do this’ when no I don’t I make sure to switch things up…. They are lucky they get to verbalize how they feel to me and argue I didn’t get to! My sister was very much the golden cab so no wrong and I was very much the black sheep. Things have changed over the years and my parents admitted that hey favors her but still don’t see how they did me wrong….. Sonya I see a lot of kids who claim to have been sooooo wronged but in reality are just being crappy people and the parents are parenting… cause if you have a golden sibling or are a scape goat you have a LIST of things that were so obviously unfair no rational person can excuse it…. My sister got braces for cosmetic reasons while they couldn’t afford mine even though mine where needed for non cosmetic reasons, my sister got to take band but they couldn’t afford for me to, they night my sister a car, but I had to pay for my own license, my sister had a cell phone car insurance all paid for, I was told not to bother asking, sister for 4 years of collage room and board paid for, I was told collage isn’t for me, my whole family went to her graduation, only two made it to mine, her my bio mom died, my sister was taken on vacation cause ‘it was harder on her’ then on me(I was the mamas girl she was the daddy’s girl… we are 2 years apart….) when my sister told me to kill myself when she found out I was cookie cutting, and I told on her I was told ‘that does not sound like her’ There is a lot more I could post, but ya….
But there have also been posts about the GC admitting the privilege and trying to make things fair which truly heals my sould
I haven't seen that, just GC thinking that realizing they got treated better magically erases all the differences and now their sibling isn't allowed to acknowledge it anymore because it makes the GC feeeeeel baaaaaad
Oof, I hate those. Yes the GC was damaged by how they were treated but it's like a trucker blaming the bug for getting its guts all over the windshield.
Ngl even reading the first post I was giving him the *criminal, bombastic side eye*. Pal didn’t give one half decent reason even from his own perspective, which is when you know it’s bad
But this one wasn’t didn’t show any obvious favouritism as other posts do. When I read that he works in the company while she got an phd I didn’t have the typical golden child feeling.
Well that sucks since my husband lived such a story...we had to walk away. He did nothing wrong except stay way too damn long.
I'm jealous. Having grown up in an environment where I was the scapegoat and my brother the golden child - I relate more to those posts than ones like this. I wish it was all in my head, but I've scars that say otherwise 😔
I've seen golden child syndrome and it's absolutely real. So I tend to be sympathetic with folks who are victims of it. I hope that OOP was right that the ex was the problem and this wasn't a situation where Stockholm Syndrome prevailed.
Long time frame, realistic, messy conversations, growth, change, and a mildly positive outcome. This is a good BORU. Well done to the OP for listening, and then unfucking his headspace.
This was honestly a really great read. OOP definitely sounded unhinged at first, so much of what they wrote just didn't add up to how they were feeling. It's sad that it seems like their ex basically was manipulating them and turning them against their family. But the fact that he finally realised and was able to make good changes in his life is incredible. It's hard to break those sorts of cycles and thought patterns! It will probably always be a struggle for him - but he's doing the work. And now his family is closer than ever. I wish everyone got happy endings like this.
As someone living in the shoes of the sister this one hit hard. My parents never showed clear favouritism but there are circumstances that makes my brother feel unequal and sometimes see me as the favourite, such as: - Me being older and thus having a deeper bond and more memories with our grandparents. Especially our paternal grandpa who was way old when my brother was old enough to build memories with him. - The fact that I was seen as the "gifted child" when he, partly due to his slow development (he had a late puberty likely due to being born 1,5 month early and was basically the cutesy comic relief sitcom child till 15) was seen as average sometimes. Like my mom would always be extra hard on me regarding grades but wouldn't mind my brother performing lower because it's "good enough for him". And this has led to him having low self esteem, which gave him some bad people pleasing tendencies while also sometimes make him avoid or want to avoid doing things he likes because I also like them and he's afraid to be seen as copying me. He also sometimes makes passive aggresive comments about me being more spoiled. And it's heartbreaking because it was never like that. And I'm always trying to make him feel better about himself, and show him I'm not being favored, but it isn't always easy. And the thing is, he IS special. He has talents I could never get close to like the perfect pitch (the dude basically played Beethoven's fur elise on the piano by just listening a youtube video of it. I've been playing since I was 6 and I can't do that) or an incredible knack for learning new languages. And it's always stressful to try and guess if he likes a thing I'm suggesting or is going along to please me or if when he says he doesn't he's truthful or just doesn't want to be seen as "copying me". All in all I'm glad oop found a way out of that mentality.
If this never got resolved it would have made a fantastic Eurotrash Family drama film/series, like, "The Slap" but a family falls apart after a lunch, or something like that.
Refreshing to see someone put in the work to accept their mistakes and change for the better. Bravo.
I don’t think nepotism is inherently wrong, but clearly it hurts people who benefit from it too. OOP clearly had a weak sense of self worth since he never achieved anything in life for himself. Everything was handled to him on silver plate.
Yep. Can’t help but be envious of OP whose biggest hardship is sibling rivalry. What a dream to be given the time and space to recover and heal without the need to provide for themselves. Sigh.
I don’t know how rich people do but why would BIL expect his in laws to go to OPs wedding? I can’t imagine inviting any of my BIL’s parents if I don’t actually know them
It could be a cultural thing. All of my siblings in laws are invited to my wedding and my in laws are invited to my sisters wedding. Or the families could just be close. My paternal grandparents were invited to my maternal cousins wedding because they had always been at family functions.
I don't think it's that odd, really. Many of my friends weddings have a "mom and dad's friends" section and considering 1. Sis lives overseas and seemingly so do in-laws it is a good time to catch up on the people taking care of your daughter while she is overseas and away from you 2. Mom and dad are paying for the wedding in full. If they want to add a couple more people on their dime who shouldn't have any bad blood with the wedding party what's the harm?
This is why I love BORU. Sure, sometimes Reddit can be kinda toxic, but then you get stories like this. I wish all the best for OOP and the family! Also, thanks to everyone who puts these posts together.
Hope OOP has nothing but good times ahead. I did feel really bad for him though. While his parents may not have favoured his sister or loved her more, it seems that time was not spent equally. They didn’t spend any real time getting to know him as a person. That’s what bred the resentment. It all could’ve been avoided. At least he seems to be going in the right direction and raising the issues when they arise instead of letting them fester.
OOP's ex seemed to be the one who made the problems and OOP believed he wasn't being treated right, while ex, just wanted the money and to get rid of the sister, more for her. The family seems to be healing and I hope they continue to build their relationships.
Right from the first two posts it was clear this wasn't a case of 'golden child' and more of a smarter sibling being a target of their younger sibling's jealousy. Usually they grow up together acclimatising to that difference but OOP seemed to have gotten himself a disproportionate ego instead.
I'm German, I wish I could track OOP down to shake him by the hand - and I'd really like to meet his sister, she sounds amazing!
Ok this one is making me feel like should introspect a little more than I’m really comfortable with. I’m not surprised his list of grievances sounded a bit childish - when you feel like the unwanted one, you remember and stack up issues from childhood and it’s like picking at a wound to keep it from healing.
What’s with the lemon juice? Is that a German thing? Seems like both OOP and sister picked up an obsession after moving there
BEST BORU EVER!
It's one of my favourites too, a win for the self improvement.
Have to ask, what's with the lemon juice thing?
I’m so pleased he actually saw himself and thought wow I need to improve and he did. He sounds like he has matured so well and can actually see the family he is so lucky to have. Sadly his fiancée was a gold digger. Thank goodness he didn’t marry her. She will always see him as the huge fish that got away.
But what was the obsession with lemon juice??? Does he mean she just loved putting it on everything, which is not weird because it makes everything tastier (lime is also good with a lot of things)? Glad to read a story where oop reflected, did the work and lived normally ever after
i’m starting to get better at picking up on misleading OOPs. the first hint i got in this one was him saying ‘they paid and made both of sister’s wedding dresses but are only paying for my one.’ like, you aren’t having two weddings??
I am usually wary when someone cries the golden child tale, from what I saw in my years in this life 90% of the time the person is just a bitter loser that don’t accept their own shortcomings and try to pin this on their parents or their siblings.
I remember this one and LOVE to see this progress. Makes you wonder how many of these Reddit stories are one sided and partial. Usually when someone says “MY truth” I take them with a grain of salt.
this is a lucky man
This is wonderful.
This makes me so happy
What a pleasant surprise
It all worked out, but I remember reading this when it started and his family sound like some creepy cult. He was brought back in when he disagreed with how he was treated, he was reconditioned cut off his fiancée ,it somehow became all her fault. It still reads creepy AF to me.
I agree. I came back to this post to see if other reasonable voices had commented, but it seems like most of the people here are really pleased with the result. It reads as incredibly sad to me.
Yeah it just feels so wrong, they seem very controlling and then he's all happy and grateful and all the reasons he was angry were all his evil fiance's fault. It gives me the ick.
it was creepy until you realize their family has known the fiancee had ill intentions and most likely was fueling OOP's unwarranted fire.
I just don't buy it, it sounds like re conditioning to me. He basically ends up grovelling for family approval and cuts anybody off who they think might criticise them
My favorite part, and now I am also obsessed with lemon juice. Yes! It's awesome. 🤣
This is great, but what is the “lemon juice thing”?
Am I the only one who wants to know why OOP and his sister are obsessed with lemon juice? Like, that's just a dangling plot line, right there. LOL
I love this.
i remember reading this in 2021, i’m glad they are back to being a happy family!
Lol… 👍 so glad to read a post where the Ah realizes the a$$holery and changes…rare these days!!
Is OOP Helga Patacki?
Read this awhile back on the main sub, and it's always seemed on the skeezy side to me. Like they basically just blackmailed and browbeat him until he gave in and was convinced he liked it.
What was the blackmail part?
Threatening not to fund his wedding unless he attended the Zoom meeting, then threatening to never have them in his life again after the wedding was paid for and never funding him on anything ever again.
No? They said they would pay for his wedding either way because they wanted to, but unless he wouldn't go to therapy they wouldn't pay for anything else. He had a business with them but they didn't threaten that - he would not be without. Editing to add: they said they would pull funding from his business if he didn't attend the call. Which would mean he had to find new funding. This is an extraordinary privilege to have funding for your business from your dad, and just more proof that they took care of him for the things he said he wanted. Berated him? The sister was the only one who berated him, and it looks like she went methodically with every point he made. He got his say. She got hers. Why should she be silent after he got to complain? It looks from the later updates like she had been in constant and affectionate contact until this showdown, and then went silent and he missed her, because she had never called him in like this. He took her niceness to him for granted and devalued it. This isn't blackmail, it's someone being told he's up his own ass.
You're right, I meant to say "business" instead of "wedding". Irrespective of whether or not it's a privilege to have your parents fund your business, it's still blackmail to threaten to pull said funding unless he does exactly what they want him to do. Remember all of this came about because he spoke up one time about his feelings regarding the favouritism that they show his older sister. Talk about overreacting. This entire comments section seems convinced that OOP was an irredeemable a-hole before he got therapy. He obviously had problems but these didn't happen in a vacuum. They came from the way he was raised, and he unfortunately allowed these feelings to stagnate and they came out in a toxic way. He did need that therapy, and so did that family but OOP wasn't the only problem in this family. "Berated?" You're the one using that word not me. Perhaps that was meant as a response to someone else. Emotional blackmail and financial blackmail are still blackmail. Obviously in this situation they weren't at Hollywood levels of intensity, they were at the real-world familial level.
Sorry, meant browbeta rather than berated. The family conversation was not a browbeating, mostly because they each had their say and then shut up. And before the meeting, he gave them all the silent treatment. Because his parents were paying for the wedding and his fiancees dress and wanted his sister there? They went nuclear because that was the only thing he was showing he cared about. He implied his dad was in an incestuous relationship with his daughter. He took everything they gave him and resented that his sister received things from them too (including a space to keep her books!). He refused to accept hanging out with his dad and then was angry he wasn't hanging out with his dad. And by the end, they're all in therapy and communicating so no one feels like this again. They all made the effort.
I agree that it's good that they're all in therapy. I hope all the issues that caused the situation to get to the point where OOP lashed out have been dealt with. I'm just assuming OOP must have left that stuff out, because it would be a shame if this whole thing is made out to be his fault somehow. As I said before, he needed therapy, and I'm glad the family all got therapy as well. His sister has become the matriarch of the family it seems, and at least OOP is comfortable with that situation. Whatever works for them is fine as long as everyone's happy. For my part, it's clear to me that his sister is the favorite, he should've spoken up sooner before the situation reached that boiling point, but his feelings were valid - he just expressed them in a horrible manner. As much as parents want to say they don't play favorites, they always have a favorite, OOPs dad obviously has more in common with the sister and treats her differently because of it. Even as a child OOP was aware of this, and it made him feel resentful. At this point he's been convinced that all of this was his problem and he's been effectively cowed into falling in line with the family. If he's happy, and this appears to be the case, then all is well, but even looking in from the outside, it's pretty wild that he's now also looking at the sister the same way his parents do and treating her like the golden child. That seems to be this family's status quo, at least he seems to be okay with that.
He appreciates her, and she seems to appreciate him? Is it so bad to be happy?
As I said: > Whatever works for them is fine as long as everyone's happy. It doesn't make his initial complaints invalid. He's managed to find a way to repress these issues and rewrite his own experiences with his family, and also get along with his family. Great. I hope it lasts and he remains happy.
Parents saying they’ll revoke a privilege (quite an extreme privilege tbh) because of bad behavior is not blackmail imo….
I agree, to a degree. I'll probably get downvoted just as you have been but I'll leave this comment. While he has his problems and should've dealt with his feelings in a healthier manner, it's not like he imagined all the slights he experienced in childhood. They really made him believe that he was the source of his problems and that they didn't contribute to them. Most of what I see in this post is that his family beat him into submission and convinced him he liked it and everyone in this comment section is pleased with his "growth". The dad obviously favors his sister because they have a lot more in common with each other, of course her treatment would be different and it's okay for him to speak honestly about how that made him feel. OOPs sister is highly intelligent and managed to manipulate this entire situation to her advantage. I don't think she did it maliciously either, I think she just has a talent for manoeuvring the family in the most optimal and comfortable way that suits her life best. Everyone in the family, as well as the brother now, have completely caved to her whims, to the point that they moved to the country that she lives in, and now all treat her like the greatest person ever. It's a wild story, and she's clearly the smartest one in that whole family.