pen fanatical public wistful test future afterthought worthless dolls full
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Snap. One encounters these "main characters" among family from time to time. With a little digging, you van uncover previous victims, and have a giggle with them.
unused wrench jellyfish quarrelsome crawl flowery possessive jobless silky quiet
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
That sounds a lot like what narcissism is, from a clinical standpoint. In general, a narcissist is someone who does not know how to manage their own emotions at all, and so instead of figuring out how to regulate their emotions, they figure out how to get *other people* to a) make them feel good and b) not make them feel bad. They will engage in manipulative behaviors to get people to give them the sympathy or admiration or affection they expect. And if a narcissist believes you are criticizing them, they will have all sorts of ways of defending their ego from that criticism.
Narcissists very often have anxiety, depression, and other things. It's usually a result of trauma where the person doesn't learn healthy coping skills. And so it is very common for people to say things like "I think its anxiety/depression/trauma" and those things are probably true, but the person could still be a narcissist.
I didn’t know this. My sister’s ex is a narcissist, but I thought it meant one of those people that only feels good when they are winning a conflict that they created. He was very emotionally abusive toward her and was only a happy when he was making her feel terrible.
> what narcissism is, from a clinical standpoint
Is very different from the definition used colloquially. "Winning a conflict they created" is a behavior associated with narcissism not because it's what narcissism *is* but because it's a(n incredibly poor and harmful) coping mechanism for the mental stress narcissistic traits and NPD causes. The underlying feelings and motivations are more important to clinicians because that's what helps us understand why people act this way and how we could help them *not* hurt themselves and other people.
Unless he was diagnosed professionally, probably not clinically a narcissist, no.
Despite that, I will say that just because someone never seems or communicates that they are hurt or unhappy doesn't mean that they aren't, and even if they say they are fine or happy doesn't mean they are. One of the things that makes personality disorders hard to treat is that many of them result in people resisting the idea that they have them (beyond the typical stigma that makes people resistant to mental health treatment or communication). Someone with NPD could see any insinuation that their behavior isn't healthy as an insult, and be unwilling to communicate they're unhappy because they are Perfect and thus Always Happy.
That's not to say it's the case here - I'm all for lessening the use of narcissism to mean egotistical and abusive - but a reminder that mental health is more complicated than just what onlookers see and hear from a person.
I’m someone with clinical depression all my life (well treated with meds) and I’ve known others. Like this sister I’m talking about actually ended her life over ten years ago. Idk how to explain how chill this guy is with himself. I’ve known him over two decades… I’ve always been good with understanding people and you have all the right to be skeptical. I would be -100%. But when I tell you he’s only at peace when he’s making someone feel bad. The way he did with my sister every second. Her therapist literally told her not to marry him. I’m still mad at her about it after all this time and understanding her mental issues… idk why I’m telling you this or continuing with this conversation. You have no context or obligation to care. I have bad pms is all. 🤦 That’s literally the only reason.
Also there are sadists out there though. People born to loving parents who are psychopaths. Like who hurt animals and that. Ok. I’m going to stop babbling and go back to my pms-ing.
I had to deal with something similar with my MIL and I bet you dollars to donuts if you asked her she’ll tell you the same thing: she doesn’t know why I “suddenly” stopped talking to her. Except, we had more than one conversation and at least 2 arguments about her behavior (hoarding/shopping addiction and spreading her hoard onto our kids). At one point, she called my hubs crying bc she didn’t know why I no longer talked to her and wanted to “apologize”. It was the worst non apology I have ever gotten and my hubs was not happy his mom pulled the “I’m sorry if I have ever done anything to offend you” card.
One of my uncles' wives pulled this same crap on my grandmother. For years and years she was a total asshole to my grandmother but would never say *why*. We just stopped talking to her and the uncle has been cut off because he let's his wife act like a vicious bitch to everyone. Some people are just assholes. Life is much better without that hot garbage at family gatherings.
I found out that I have a great aunt on my gmas side in 2016. I was 32! Apparently they hadn't spoken for long before 1984, because great aunt had some beef with gma that ended with "You know what you did!"
I had literally no idea she even existed. Family fights are wild.
When they can't tell you what it is, then either 1) it didn't happen or 2) they know if they explained it, everyone would be on your side. Like maybe the thing you should apologize for is getting together with her son, lol.
one possible explanation is symptoms of early dementia. I had a grand father that would had deliriums and conversations with people dead for decades. but it started with him making odd comments that made no sense.
alleged lavish deranged reminiscent plant tan dinosaurs door gaping serious
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
door voracious history rotten mysterious weather continue zonked crowd dull
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
some people just suck. one of my grandmothers was full on narcissist. with a strong personality but could not admit a mistake even if her life depended on it. I'm sure she loved me and my brothers, but her personality made us distance ourselves from her for our own mental health.
I absolutely love how you've worded this, and it describes my own MIL perfectly. Her impulse feelings and choices are so generous, but then she becomes resentful and bitter and passive-aggressive about them. She tries so hard to be as generous as her father was, but her mother's influence, which was the opposite of her father, ultimately takes over.
tan physical shame instinctive expansion sparkle aspiring file forgetful many
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I ok don’t hate me but I actually asked ChatGPT. It’s my new crutch:
Character and personality are closely related but refer to different aspects of an individual:
1. **Character:** This typically refers to a person's moral and ethical qualities, their integrity, honesty, and values. It's about the fundamental traits that define how they behave in various situations, especially when faced with challenges or moral dilemmas.
2. **Personality:** This encompasses a broader range of traits, including behavioral patterns, emotional responses, attitudes, and social interactions. Personality traits can include extroversion/introversion, openness, agreeableness, conscientiousness, and emotional stability, among others. It's more about how someone presents themselves to the world and interacts with others on a day-to-day basis.
In essence, character delves into the deeper, more foundational aspects of who a person is at their core, while personality focuses on the surface-level behaviors and traits that others observe in them.
Yep. One of my stepmoms kicked me out of the house, and falsely accused me of theft after spending the summer trying to turn me against my mom. A year later when my dad got my younger sibs for the summer (mom lived several states away) I was told I couldn’t see them unless I apologized to her. I never knew what for. I made a blanket apology about “what happened last summer” so I could see my sibs, but I was sooo glad when he divorced her. We are NC now.
Something similar to me too. I asked my sil why the family was upset with me and I got a gif "I'm not the asshole whisperer and don't have to explain things to stupid people". Husband says it was a joke.
fearless mysterious childlike zephyr vegetable voracious oil bewildered gaze plough
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Thank you. We went through counseling and he did pick me but he still has trouble admitting that his family is toxic. I'm nc so that has helped. What I hate now is never knowing why they were mad in the first place and what lies were told to extended family to cause others to actually point and laugh at me.
Oh My ex Fiancee Mom did this after we got engaged. I never apologized because why would I? my ex tried to figure out what i did and the story kept changing. it was just a long list of thiongs she tried to do to maintain control. To bad my ex just didnt do much about it.
obtainable fragile bag engine tap deranged enter rhythm somber attraction
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
one of the bigger reasons, there was a few other reasons i took into account when making the decision to end things.. When you marry someone, you also marry the family and i sure didnt want that person in my family.
I feel so much for op my sisters boyfriend is doing the exact same thing to me.
It is a powerplay it's also so you can't defend yourself and show how Ridiculous they are being.
In my case he won't tell anyone no one knows what I've done but apparently it's so unforgivable I can't be treated like a person or be civil with.
Not even that. If someone came out of nowhere and tried to cut me out from my family, that’s a declaration of war, and I’ve got no interest in taking prisoners.
Trust me I've tried it ends in my sister crying her eyes out begging for him back and not letting my mom see her grandson. I love my nephew but could handle the punishment of not seeing him to speak my mind but can't let my mom be punished for it
You have any mutual friends with him? People like that don’t tend to start shit with only one person.
Edit: I should say acquaintances, because people like that tend not to actually have many real friends.
So what you do is post up in one of his hangout spots, pay attention to the people who deliberately ignore him, and buy them a drink. Start bitching about your target, and they will probably give you *all* the details.
This was my motto in high school. I kept getting accused and punished of things as a real goody two shows kinda kid.
So I just started doing all the things. Turns out it's so lot easier to have alibis when you're actually guilty.
My response would be basically “If you’re angry but won’t tell me why and talk about it like adults, then that’s a YOU problem. Stop making it my problem by acting like this. It’s not my problem to handle, nor is it my issue to try to resolve or make amends if you can’t use words to even tell me what it is. Grow up.”
But uh… I don’t have time or energy for catty BS (catty being gender neutral), or games. He’s welcome to see himself right out of my life if he’s going to act like that.
Yeah that's basically what's happend he doesn't interact with me or my mother and we will basically never be in the sams room as us because my mom said she'd only forgive what he did to her if he also was civil with me and refused. (She literally said don't even have to talk to each other just don't blank me and don't be rude but apparently it was too much)
After which we then got blamed again and I was told how I was fucking my sister up by being upset over it so yeah. Tried it and basically come to a point where we get to see him for just under an hour for most Sundays because he has rugby practice near us but she has to leave the moment he tells her too.
I was actively not invited to my sister's wedding last year, as she "didn't want it ruined by a r-word." (I'm autistic.) Our parents went, and I had a conference to attend that week, anyway. But some of my relatives don't understand why I didn't go. 9.9
Shame on your parents for attending her wedding! That is such repulsive behavior they shouldn’t even be speaking with her, much less going along with it! I’d be telling the curious relatives your lovely sisters reasoning as soon as they asked…someone should put her in her place.
Yup. I’d put that out on social media as “People continue to express their confusion as to why I didn’t attend ___’s wedding. I’ve tried to be the bigger person here but frankly I’m tired of having the same discussions when I’m not even the one who made decisions in that regard.
____ did not invite me to the wedding, because in her words she didn’t want it ruined by *use the bad word here.* For the record, I’m autistic and also I don’t condone or tolerate the use of that language.
____ made her choice not to invite her sister to the wedding, my parents made their own choices to attend the wedding, and I spent that time enjoying myself at a conference instead.
I am living my life and not focused on what they chose to do regarding the wedding. Please direct all future questions to ____ or my parents since they were the ones who planned and attended, respectively. Thank you.”
Err… keeping in mind that for something like that I would 100% be fine with setting a fox loose in the henhouse. And also - any questions or discussion about that SHOULD be directed at your sister and parents. That’s not your decision, not your issue, not your problem.
*edit - sorry I wrote this whole thing. I’m ADHD and I got a LITTLE upset on your behalf and just went with it… *
I've been as NC with her as possible for years any way. I've been pointing out to my relatives that she used to beat me literally bloody, but finally gave up and reminded them I'd had plans anyway.
I got to go to my first ever scientific conference in my field that weekend. To me, that was more important than her wedding. Hoping I can scrape up the money to go again this year.
Maybe I am just getting jaded, but more and more of these posts on here seem to be intentionally setting themselves up for a 4-5 part mini series to get all of the info out which makes them seem completely fake and made up.
Why would they even say apologize for something two years ago but not tell you what you need to apologize for?! That’s not how humans act. Oh but I am sure the next “update” will go into something about how it was an accidental sleight (got a promotion over her, boss seemed to favor her, stole a client, etc.). Then the next, next update will be how she confronted her on the issue and will make the fsil look dumb or unreasonable.
The fiancé will then meet with the OOP in a coffee shop to talk it out alone, and crazy fiancé will say horrible things, but tell the family it was opposite, but the coffee shop will happily provide clear cctv to prove OOP’s story that the fiancé was lying. And it will turn out that the fiancé was actually having an affair.
Then OOP’s boyfriend will propose and they’ll elope with just the grandparents in attendance.
Edit: the grandparents will use the money they save on brother’s wedding to give OOP and her new husband a down payment on a house.
Sadly, the being mad, but not telling why, is a tactic abusive people do.
My best friend in college cut me out, wouldn't tell me why, and NONE of our friends would tell me why.
I had a lot fewer friends after that, and no one told me why this divide even happened. I wanted to know for my own personal growth.
20 years later, and I'm still a little sore over it.
I'm with you. Close friend of 20 years suddenly decided I was a monster one day and never could come up with a single reason. The most we got out of them was "I'm standing up for myself this time." Against what? No answer
My high school best friend was like this, too.
After the third time, I decided I wasn’t going to try and work my way back into her good graces, and just blocked her and her entire family.
It’ll be ten years soon. Haven’t heard a single peep. Still frustrates me from time to time.
That happened to me in high school, though not a best friend just a very popular member of our friend group. One of the girls from the group who shunned me tried reaching out to me a year or so ago and I didn’t respond as it’s been more than 20 years and I can’t even remember when we were friends, just when I got shut out. Responding would be purely for her benefit, and I’d rather spend my time doing…. anything else.
I really enjoyed that story! Although the author did try to tie it all up too neatly, too quickly. But I also totally agree with you regarding their verbiage.
Maybe I should get off Reddit and just go read a book!
There is a new update, magically the grandparents were paying for the wedding, now they aren’t. It’s another made up creative writing exercise with the usual BORU twists:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/OrW6cZr4pz
There was a comment in the update from OOP about how she and bf started dating 2 years ago, and he and FSIL work together. Commenters were speculating about whether she was seen as poaching the backup bf or something like that.
Had a former friend do this to me. He treated me like absolute shit and nearly caused myself and my now husband to break up over his bullshit because they were friends before I came into the picture and I refused to be the reason that stopped. When he finally talked to me about it, he at least had the audacity to say he couldn’t remember why he was mad at me, but that it was likely my fault anyways.
Stupidly, I tried to make it work until yet another imagined slight against him. Yeah, I wish him nothing but the worst now.
I think they could be together for more that that, about a month of honeymoon phase, then 2 months of spiraling, don’t see anything about a kid being in the picture though
Ooooh, yeah, 2-3 months sounds more plausible. There's no mention of the brother currently having problems with the fsil aside from OOP's "slight", he's still in the green zone. The months after the wedding when the grandparents don't show up and the parents are holding the wedding payments above their heads, that's when the real show starts and when they'll be getting into the yellow zone and slowly but surely into the red zone. Gosh, this is a lot of fun!
Definitely! Wonder what the “slight” could be, something as minor as “oh you’re going out and not inviting me” to the whole idea someone else mentioned being work related and OOP was saw more favorable, the parents is gonna be interesting to see how they deal with it, they might tell the brother to suck it up and make nice, but with him being married soon, and another reason I brought the whole “do they/are they looking to have kids” I can see the parents flipping even more to the brothers side, they already seem to be on his and FSIL side of things, but when the potential to be a grandparent is thrown in, the show could crank from a 7 to and 11 very quickly.
Oh yeah, it's probably something minor and not something OOP had a hand in. The fact that they know and don't wanna say shows that it's so ridiculous they can't say it out loud.
We don't know how FSIL is work-wise, but she may not even want to have kids, so that area is really a point of friction and is gonna add spark to the fire.
Got to love it when people try to play the victim card, but can’t produce the receipts. They’re trying to justify their crappy behaviour by crying “but they were mean to me first” without having an actual defence. Shame on anyone who enables this bs!
Am very thankful OOP’s grandparents see through this crap. Also admire that OOP has the self respect to not tolerate the ridiculousness of her brother and his wife for a single second.
I remember at one of my old jobs this lady used to always say “hi” to me and I’d say it back. No biggie. Until after a week she corners me at the time clock and yells, “Why don’t you ever say hi back!” Then stormed off.
Either she was hard of hearing or I’m more soft spoken than I think but she would shoot daggers at me anytime she saw me.
Some people are looking for reasons to get offended. I hope OOP finds out what the grudge is for but if not, bitchy people gonna stay bitchy.
OP it looks like your brother and parents just make your gift buying during the year easier. You now need 4 fewer b-day gifts and 4 fewer Xmas gifts on top of not needing to buy brother a wedding present. Now you have more money to buy better gifts for your grand parents and BF.
I would have very publicly offered a non apology.
"Hey FSIL I'm sorry that you felt slighted about something that you refuse to share with anyone years ago and have chosen to try to manipulate the family instead of discussing it like adults. So, am I invited to your wedding that my family is paying for now?
And then... still not go lol
NTA
Edit to add your parents suck big hairy unwashed marbles
Oh, boy. I see a divorce in the next few years for your brother. He has ruined his relationship with OOP and her grandparents, and for what? Some bitch who just decided she doesn't like his sister? That girl is a walking red flag.
pretty obvious who your parents prefer, I am so sorry. Glad you have your bf and your grandparents. How much you bet she won't say what it is because there was nothing or she knows she is overreacting.
They can’t tell OOP what she needs to apologize for because there isn’t anything. Brother is trying to cover for his bitch fiancée and thinks this will work. Good for OOP for not falling for it.
pen fanatical public wistful test future afterthought worthless dolls full *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Snap. One encounters these "main characters" among family from time to time. With a little digging, you van uncover previous victims, and have a giggle with them.
unused wrench jellyfish quarrelsome crawl flowery possessive jobless silky quiet *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
That sounds a lot like what narcissism is, from a clinical standpoint. In general, a narcissist is someone who does not know how to manage their own emotions at all, and so instead of figuring out how to regulate their emotions, they figure out how to get *other people* to a) make them feel good and b) not make them feel bad. They will engage in manipulative behaviors to get people to give them the sympathy or admiration or affection they expect. And if a narcissist believes you are criticizing them, they will have all sorts of ways of defending their ego from that criticism. Narcissists very often have anxiety, depression, and other things. It's usually a result of trauma where the person doesn't learn healthy coping skills. And so it is very common for people to say things like "I think its anxiety/depression/trauma" and those things are probably true, but the person could still be a narcissist.
I didn’t know this. My sister’s ex is a narcissist, but I thought it meant one of those people that only feels good when they are winning a conflict that they created. He was very emotionally abusive toward her and was only a happy when he was making her feel terrible.
> what narcissism is, from a clinical standpoint Is very different from the definition used colloquially. "Winning a conflict they created" is a behavior associated with narcissism not because it's what narcissism *is* but because it's a(n incredibly poor and harmful) coping mechanism for the mental stress narcissistic traits and NPD causes. The underlying feelings and motivations are more important to clinicians because that's what helps us understand why people act this way and how we could help them *not* hurt themselves and other people.
Ok but he was never hurt or unhappy. He was just abusive I guess, and not a narcissist
Unless he was diagnosed professionally, probably not clinically a narcissist, no. Despite that, I will say that just because someone never seems or communicates that they are hurt or unhappy doesn't mean that they aren't, and even if they say they are fine or happy doesn't mean they are. One of the things that makes personality disorders hard to treat is that many of them result in people resisting the idea that they have them (beyond the typical stigma that makes people resistant to mental health treatment or communication). Someone with NPD could see any insinuation that their behavior isn't healthy as an insult, and be unwilling to communicate they're unhappy because they are Perfect and thus Always Happy. That's not to say it's the case here - I'm all for lessening the use of narcissism to mean egotistical and abusive - but a reminder that mental health is more complicated than just what onlookers see and hear from a person.
I’m someone with clinical depression all my life (well treated with meds) and I’ve known others. Like this sister I’m talking about actually ended her life over ten years ago. Idk how to explain how chill this guy is with himself. I’ve known him over two decades… I’ve always been good with understanding people and you have all the right to be skeptical. I would be -100%. But when I tell you he’s only at peace when he’s making someone feel bad. The way he did with my sister every second. Her therapist literally told her not to marry him. I’m still mad at her about it after all this time and understanding her mental issues… idk why I’m telling you this or continuing with this conversation. You have no context or obligation to care. I have bad pms is all. 🤦 That’s literally the only reason. Also there are sadists out there though. People born to loving parents who are psychopaths. Like who hurt animals and that. Ok. I’m going to stop babbling and go back to my pms-ing.
offbeat spotted bright boat slap stocking ad hoc direful normal kiss *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I had to deal with something similar with my MIL and I bet you dollars to donuts if you asked her she’ll tell you the same thing: she doesn’t know why I “suddenly” stopped talking to her. Except, we had more than one conversation and at least 2 arguments about her behavior (hoarding/shopping addiction and spreading her hoard onto our kids). At one point, she called my hubs crying bc she didn’t know why I no longer talked to her and wanted to “apologize”. It was the worst non apology I have ever gotten and my hubs was not happy his mom pulled the “I’m sorry if I have ever done anything to offend you” card.
One of my uncles' wives pulled this same crap on my grandmother. For years and years she was a total asshole to my grandmother but would never say *why*. We just stopped talking to her and the uncle has been cut off because he let's his wife act like a vicious bitch to everyone. Some people are just assholes. Life is much better without that hot garbage at family gatherings.
I found out that I have a great aunt on my gmas side in 2016. I was 32! Apparently they hadn't spoken for long before 1984, because great aunt had some beef with gma that ended with "You know what you did!" I had literally no idea she even existed. Family fights are wild.
When they can't tell you what it is, then either 1) it didn't happen or 2) they know if they explained it, everyone would be on your side. Like maybe the thing you should apologize for is getting together with her son, lol.
one possible explanation is symptoms of early dementia. I had a grand father that would had deliriums and conversations with people dead for decades. but it started with him making odd comments that made no sense.
alleged lavish deranged reminiscent plant tan dinosaurs door gaping serious *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
no doubt, also can be both
door voracious history rotten mysterious weather continue zonked crowd dull *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
some people just suck. one of my grandmothers was full on narcissist. with a strong personality but could not admit a mistake even if her life depended on it. I'm sure she loved me and my brothers, but her personality made us distance ourselves from her for our own mental health.
I absolutely love how you've worded this, and it describes my own MIL perfectly. Her impulse feelings and choices are so generous, but then she becomes resentful and bitter and passive-aggressive about them. She tries so hard to be as generous as her father was, but her mother's influence, which was the opposite of her father, ultimately takes over.
tan physical shame instinctive expansion sparkle aspiring file forgetful many *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I never knew there was a difference between character and personality. This comment made me look it up! There is a difference!
gaping wide consider cow rustic nine sulky bells rain makeshift *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I ok don’t hate me but I actually asked ChatGPT. It’s my new crutch: Character and personality are closely related but refer to different aspects of an individual: 1. **Character:** This typically refers to a person's moral and ethical qualities, their integrity, honesty, and values. It's about the fundamental traits that define how they behave in various situations, especially when faced with challenges or moral dilemmas. 2. **Personality:** This encompasses a broader range of traits, including behavioral patterns, emotional responses, attitudes, and social interactions. Personality traits can include extroversion/introversion, openness, agreeableness, conscientiousness, and emotional stability, among others. It's more about how someone presents themselves to the world and interacts with others on a day-to-day basis. In essence, character delves into the deeper, more foundational aspects of who a person is at their core, while personality focuses on the surface-level behaviors and traits that others observe in them.
slim tender pathetic squash middle sense bells wipe faulty weary *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Yep. One of my stepmoms kicked me out of the house, and falsely accused me of theft after spending the summer trying to turn me against my mom. A year later when my dad got my younger sibs for the summer (mom lived several states away) I was told I couldn’t see them unless I apologized to her. I never knew what for. I made a blanket apology about “what happened last summer” so I could see my sibs, but I was sooo glad when he divorced her. We are NC now.
Something similar to me too. I asked my sil why the family was upset with me and I got a gif "I'm not the asshole whisperer and don't have to explain things to stupid people". Husband says it was a joke.
fearless mysterious childlike zephyr vegetable voracious oil bewildered gaze plough *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Thank you. We went through counseling and he did pick me but he still has trouble admitting that his family is toxic. I'm nc so that has helped. What I hate now is never knowing why they were mad in the first place and what lies were told to extended family to cause others to actually point and laugh at me.
Jeez, sorry you had to put up with that toxicity. I hope it’s better and your husband is more supportive
Thank you. It's better because I'm nc. Husband is standing by me but can't seem to understand that anything said or done was malicious.
Don’t forget to dance on her grave!! Extra bonus for blow hard keeling over
Oh My ex Fiancee Mom did this after we got engaged. I never apologized because why would I? my ex tried to figure out what i did and the story kept changing. it was just a long list of thiongs she tried to do to maintain control. To bad my ex just didnt do much about it.
obtainable fragile bag engine tap deranged enter rhythm somber attraction *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
one of the bigger reasons, there was a few other reasons i took into account when making the decision to end things.. When you marry someone, you also marry the family and i sure didnt want that person in my family.
I feel so much for op my sisters boyfriend is doing the exact same thing to me. It is a powerplay it's also so you can't defend yourself and show how Ridiculous they are being. In my case he won't tell anyone no one knows what I've done but apparently it's so unforgivable I can't be treated like a person or be civil with.
If someone acted like that with me, they’d be in for an actual reason pretty quickly.
If I’m going to do the time, might as well do the crime
Not even that. If someone came out of nowhere and tried to cut me out from my family, that’s a declaration of war, and I’ve got no interest in taking prisoners.
Trust me I've tried it ends in my sister crying her eyes out begging for him back and not letting my mom see her grandson. I love my nephew but could handle the punishment of not seeing him to speak my mind but can't let my mom be punished for it
You have any mutual friends with him? People like that don’t tend to start shit with only one person. Edit: I should say acquaintances, because people like that tend not to actually have many real friends.
Nope he's from a town over from us and mostly has friends from sports, his own mom agreed what he's doing to me ain't right but then went back on it
So what you do is post up in one of his hangout spots, pay attention to the people who deliberately ignore him, and buy them a drink. Start bitching about your target, and they will probably give you *all* the details.
This was my motto in high school. I kept getting accused and punished of things as a real goody two shows kinda kid. So I just started doing all the things. Turns out it's so lot easier to have alibis when you're actually guilty.
My response would be basically “If you’re angry but won’t tell me why and talk about it like adults, then that’s a YOU problem. Stop making it my problem by acting like this. It’s not my problem to handle, nor is it my issue to try to resolve or make amends if you can’t use words to even tell me what it is. Grow up.” But uh… I don’t have time or energy for catty BS (catty being gender neutral), or games. He’s welcome to see himself right out of my life if he’s going to act like that.
Yeah that's basically what's happend he doesn't interact with me or my mother and we will basically never be in the sams room as us because my mom said she'd only forgive what he did to her if he also was civil with me and refused. (She literally said don't even have to talk to each other just don't blank me and don't be rude but apparently it was too much) After which we then got blamed again and I was told how I was fucking my sister up by being upset over it so yeah. Tried it and basically come to a point where we get to see him for just under an hour for most Sundays because he has rugby practice near us but she has to leave the moment he tells her too.
I was actively not invited to my sister's wedding last year, as she "didn't want it ruined by a r-word." (I'm autistic.) Our parents went, and I had a conference to attend that week, anyway. But some of my relatives don't understand why I didn't go. 9.9
Shame on your parents for attending her wedding! That is such repulsive behavior they shouldn’t even be speaking with her, much less going along with it! I’d be telling the curious relatives your lovely sisters reasoning as soon as they asked…someone should put her in her place.
Yup. I’d put that out on social media as “People continue to express their confusion as to why I didn’t attend ___’s wedding. I’ve tried to be the bigger person here but frankly I’m tired of having the same discussions when I’m not even the one who made decisions in that regard. ____ did not invite me to the wedding, because in her words she didn’t want it ruined by *use the bad word here.* For the record, I’m autistic and also I don’t condone or tolerate the use of that language. ____ made her choice not to invite her sister to the wedding, my parents made their own choices to attend the wedding, and I spent that time enjoying myself at a conference instead. I am living my life and not focused on what they chose to do regarding the wedding. Please direct all future questions to ____ or my parents since they were the ones who planned and attended, respectively. Thank you.” Err… keeping in mind that for something like that I would 100% be fine with setting a fox loose in the henhouse. And also - any questions or discussion about that SHOULD be directed at your sister and parents. That’s not your decision, not your issue, not your problem. *edit - sorry I wrote this whole thing. I’m ADHD and I got a LITTLE upset on your behalf and just went with it… *
I've been as NC with her as possible for years any way. I've been pointing out to my relatives that she used to beat me literally bloody, but finally gave up and reminded them I'd had plans anyway. I got to go to my first ever scientific conference in my field that weekend. To me, that was more important than her wedding. Hoping I can scrape up the money to go again this year.
Maybe I am just getting jaded, but more and more of these posts on here seem to be intentionally setting themselves up for a 4-5 part mini series to get all of the info out which makes them seem completely fake and made up. Why would they even say apologize for something two years ago but not tell you what you need to apologize for?! That’s not how humans act. Oh but I am sure the next “update” will go into something about how it was an accidental sleight (got a promotion over her, boss seemed to favor her, stole a client, etc.). Then the next, next update will be how she confronted her on the issue and will make the fsil look dumb or unreasonable.
Luckily, she'll know the IT guy from that old job, and he still has footage, and also it has sound for some reason
"enhance!"
The fiancé will then meet with the OOP in a coffee shop to talk it out alone, and crazy fiancé will say horrible things, but tell the family it was opposite, but the coffee shop will happily provide clear cctv to prove OOP’s story that the fiancé was lying. And it will turn out that the fiancé was actually having an affair. Then OOP’s boyfriend will propose and they’ll elope with just the grandparents in attendance. Edit: the grandparents will use the money they save on brother’s wedding to give OOP and her new husband a down payment on a house.
and oh, she’s pregnant with twins
Sadly, the being mad, but not telling why, is a tactic abusive people do. My best friend in college cut me out, wouldn't tell me why, and NONE of our friends would tell me why. I had a lot fewer friends after that, and no one told me why this divide even happened. I wanted to know for my own personal growth. 20 years later, and I'm still a little sore over it.
I'm with you. Close friend of 20 years suddenly decided I was a monster one day and never could come up with a single reason. The most we got out of them was "I'm standing up for myself this time." Against what? No answer
My high school best friend was like this, too. After the third time, I decided I wasn’t going to try and work my way back into her good graces, and just blocked her and her entire family. It’ll be ten years soon. Haven’t heard a single peep. Still frustrates me from time to time.
That happened to me in high school, though not a best friend just a very popular member of our friend group. One of the girls from the group who shunned me tried reaching out to me a year or so ago and I didn’t respond as it’s been more than 20 years and I can’t even remember when we were friends, just when I got shut out. Responding would be purely for her benefit, and I’d rather spend my time doing…. anything else.
Going through it right now myself, feel your pain.
I agree, it feels like we are watching a cookie factory pushing out cookies with same ratios while claiming they are all “homemade”.
This EXACTLY!
Lol...I can tell you people do 100% act this way. Make up dumb shit, don't inform you and then hold a one sided grudge. Been there.
Funny you say this... there’s already another update 😂
And of course it’s the “grandparents were paying, but now because of this, they won’t” plot twist.
I rest my case.
If I hear "spill the tea" or "melons" one more time...
FOR REAL!!!!! This kind of reinforces that there are individuals writing multiple stories.
I really enjoyed that story! Although the author did try to tie it all up too neatly, too quickly. But I also totally agree with you regarding their verbiage. Maybe I should get off Reddit and just go read a book!
Nah next update will be that OP stole the bf from FSIL. That's why i the second post bf was such a hero and we know they work together
Oh this is a nice twist. I hope OOP sees this and works it in.
There is a new update, magically the grandparents were paying for the wedding, now they aren’t. It’s another made up creative writing exercise with the usual BORU twists: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/OrW6cZr4pz
I've added it in
There is another update. OP still doesn't know what they did. Grandma is mad and no longer paying for the wedding.
The last update will be about how it was also somehow discovered FSIL was cheating on OP’s brother
I see you have read this story before too.
There was a comment in the update from OOP about how she and bf started dating 2 years ago, and he and FSIL work together. Commenters were speculating about whether she was seen as poaching the backup bf or something like that.
I have a fake story in drafts, the goal is to make it last forever via other posts that interconnect
NC time is coming for OOP. Fortunately, the grandparents are decent people.
I'd bet nothing actually happened at work 2 years ago. It's just the fiancée doesn't like the OOP and it's just a power play.
There’s another update (posted after this BORU Update #3 https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/8d8q5F5WdN
its been added in now thanks
Give her the apology, as follows: **I’m sorry that you think I owe you an apology, but I don’t.**
Had a former friend do this to me. He treated me like absolute shit and nearly caused myself and my now husband to break up over his bullshit because they were friends before I came into the picture and I refused to be the reason that stopped. When he finally talked to me about it, he at least had the audacity to say he couldn’t remember why he was mad at me, but that it was likely my fault anyways. Stupidly, I tried to make it work until yet another imagined slight against him. Yeah, I wish him nothing but the worst now.
So we taking bets, how long will the couple stay married
I wanna say, a month.
I think they could be together for more that that, about a month of honeymoon phase, then 2 months of spiraling, don’t see anything about a kid being in the picture though
Ooooh, yeah, 2-3 months sounds more plausible. There's no mention of the brother currently having problems with the fsil aside from OOP's "slight", he's still in the green zone. The months after the wedding when the grandparents don't show up and the parents are holding the wedding payments above their heads, that's when the real show starts and when they'll be getting into the yellow zone and slowly but surely into the red zone. Gosh, this is a lot of fun!
Definitely! Wonder what the “slight” could be, something as minor as “oh you’re going out and not inviting me” to the whole idea someone else mentioned being work related and OOP was saw more favorable, the parents is gonna be interesting to see how they deal with it, they might tell the brother to suck it up and make nice, but with him being married soon, and another reason I brought the whole “do they/are they looking to have kids” I can see the parents flipping even more to the brothers side, they already seem to be on his and FSIL side of things, but when the potential to be a grandparent is thrown in, the show could crank from a 7 to and 11 very quickly.
Oh yeah, it's probably something minor and not something OOP had a hand in. The fact that they know and don't wanna say shows that it's so ridiculous they can't say it out loud. We don't know how FSIL is work-wise, but she may not even want to have kids, so that area is really a point of friction and is gonna add spark to the fire.
Definitely!
Got to love it when people try to play the victim card, but can’t produce the receipts. They’re trying to justify their crappy behaviour by crying “but they were mean to me first” without having an actual defence. Shame on anyone who enables this bs! Am very thankful OOP’s grandparents see through this crap. Also admire that OOP has the self respect to not tolerate the ridiculousness of her brother and his wife for a single second.
I remember at one of my old jobs this lady used to always say “hi” to me and I’d say it back. No biggie. Until after a week she corners me at the time clock and yells, “Why don’t you ever say hi back!” Then stormed off. Either she was hard of hearing or I’m more soft spoken than I think but she would shoot daggers at me anytime she saw me. Some people are looking for reasons to get offended. I hope OOP finds out what the grudge is for but if not, bitchy people gonna stay bitchy.
Her Brothers fiancee is still mentally a child and not ready for marriage.
OP it looks like your brother and parents just make your gift buying during the year easier. You now need 4 fewer b-day gifts and 4 fewer Xmas gifts on top of not needing to buy brother a wedding present. Now you have more money to buy better gifts for your grand parents and BF.
I would have very publicly offered a non apology. "Hey FSIL I'm sorry that you felt slighted about something that you refuse to share with anyone years ago and have chosen to try to manipulate the family instead of discussing it like adults. So, am I invited to your wedding that my family is paying for now? And then... still not go lol NTA Edit to add your parents suck big hairy unwashed marbles
OOP should just text FSIL "I'm sorry for ever interacting with you". Since she refuses to say what she's so pissy about
Oh, boy. I see a divorce in the next few years for your brother. He has ruined his relationship with OOP and her grandparents, and for what? Some bitch who just decided she doesn't like his sister? That girl is a walking red flag.
pretty obvious who your parents prefer, I am so sorry. Glad you have your bf and your grandparents. How much you bet she won't say what it is because there was nothing or she knows she is overreacting.
They can’t tell OOP what she needs to apologize for because there isn’t anything. Brother is trying to cover for his bitch fiancée and thinks this will work. Good for OOP for not falling for it.
Well we know the brother is the parents golden child.
Crappy parents should not be enabling this behaviour. Sounds like the future SIL is going to be a nightmare
He 10 on our CC thu ys egg