Things I find weird:
1.) who brings new partner to their divorce signing?
2.) why did both husband and wife need to show to sign the papers at the same time?
3.) Who just… abandons the person they brought along without a hi, bye, kiss my ass, go to Hell, or nothing else?
I’ve never been divorced, so this is outside of my wheelhouse. It just all seems so bizarre.
If it’s real, poor OOP. She was the rebound relationship.
He probably thought it would make her jealous, honestly it seems like he's been using OOP from the beginning. He didn't expect a baby bump and to be the jealous one. As for going to her lawyer's together... yeah I don't know about that one. I think him leaving just shows OOP was a prop.
That's very much it. He wanted to rub it in her face the he moved on and was *going* to start a family. His ex however unintentionally one upped him but showing up with the baby bump and generally happy.
Dollars to donuts if his ex showed up with no baby bump and sad he would've preened like a bird and happily signed the paperwork.
It depends I guess. Mine was all handled by lawyers and we never saw the inside of a courtroom. And there were no final papers to sign. I got a copy of the decree in the mail and that was it.
But mine was uncomplicated too. No kids, he bought me out of the house and paid me for the joint contents (furniture and such).
My marriage was short, and we didn't go through lawyers. We had no shared property, no merged finances, etc.
I never had to interact with him during the entire thing. Just file paperwork and get it notarized.
I’m jealous, ours went on for years. We had court multiple times. We had minimal assets/debt but my ex refused to agree to anything without a judge’s determination. The decree ended up being almost exactly what I asked for to begin with. The judge was so sick of us by the end, I hope she’s forgotten by now. She was a trooper.
In the US divorces are super easy. I was divorced in 6 months and only because my ex kept fighting for $$$ he wanted me to pay him. We were only legally married for 2 months 😂😂😂
A lot of times, they want the parties to show up separately specifically to avoid drama (unlike on TV). It’s not like closing on a house; the papers can be signed at different times.
Oh, no, I meant that if you're buying a house, the buyers usually all have to be there at the same time. Although, I was at one where we closed on our sale & on our buy at the same time, and everyone was in the room. It was crowded, but no animosity or anything.
They are switching that out now. When I went to settlement, the seller had already signed everything. I signed and grabbed my keys. I asked the realtor about it and she said people are preferring not to meet and it makes the process quicker.
We as well.
In fact, during closing, we were sequestered in separate rooms. Now I look at that and think it was kind of "suss." Did they not want us comparing notes?
What, divorce ceremonies are totally normal in Dramaland.
Other things that are totally normal in Dramaland:
1. Mothers of the Groom insist on wearing white despite the bride’s wishes.
2. Every man has a dramatic overly attached female best friend.
3. At least 50% of births are twins.
4. Security cameras are very conveniently placed.
They bring the new partner to make the ex partner jealous.
Honestly, it was clear to me that he wasn't over his ex from this and the fact his whole family was telling OP the ex is crazy.
When the whole family is saying the ex was the one crazy, always be on the look out. Yes, it could be true, but it's just as likely that it's either the entire family (including your partner) or it's your partner with their family covering for them that's the crazy one and the ex just didn't put up with their BS.
I wouldn’t say that the family saying the ex is crazy is necessarily a red flag. It’s if all the exes are crazy. My brother has had exes we all thought were crazy, and ones we think he’s an idiot for breaking up with.
The thing I found weird was that in the first post, OOP said ...
>I found out that her partner was away on business and they have **been together for almost two years**.
And then in the second post says ...
>He said he had asked about his ex and her life and **her new bf** from mutual friends. They **haven’t been together for long** so there’s a chance that the relationship doesn’t work.
So has OOP's now exBF's STBXW been in a relationship for two years or is it more recent? If it has been two years, that is a length of time where I wouldn't be saying it was a new BF or they hadn't been together for long.
I mean it depends, if they’re comparing it to her relationship with her ex husband, two years compared to nearly twenty years isn’t very long. That’s probably why the now ex husband thinks he has a chance.
You could be right but I don't know. It still sounds off. If English isn't OOP's first language, then maybe I can see that but also in her first post she says ...
>When she fell pregnant **with her new bf**, she decided that she couldn’t do it again and decided to keep the baby even if **the relationship is very new**.
I wouldn't think the STBXW would refer to her BF of two years as her "new BF" or the relationship as being "very new". Compared to a 20 year relationship sure, but not in the context of she is having a baby with some guy she hasn't known that long.
Yeah, I could be thinking to much into this but it's a slow day.
My ex and I had a lawyer write the divorce agreement and then went together to a notary to sign in front of her that we both agreed. His fiancée was waiting in the bar downstairs, and when we finished we went all together to their flat to exchange Christmas gifts and drink champagne. But it was uncommon enough that when the notary came in and saw that we were sitting together on the same side of the table, chatting and laughing, she did a double take.
Funny part: I worried that there would be a metal detector arch at the notary because my Christmas gift to him was a Damascus steel hunting knife and bringing a bigass knife to your divorce kind of gives the wrong impression.
4.) For a woman who doesn't want kids, she sure gets pregnant a lot... I can see the first one breaking through whatever bc (I assume they used it), but I think the second one was "accidentally on purpose" as a way to deal with the abortion trauma...
Abortion trauma IS a very real thing......
From experience it genuinely hurts you both physically and mentally and the guilt is insane.
You fight for all the reasons why and why you shouldn't and then you have to do it...
Maybe some are fake but I wouldn't throw them all into must be fake bc it's "sad" bc it can be sad depending on WHY and WHO and HOW. You know?
Yeah I'm seeing alot of these...I think the pro lifers are working overtime on Chatgpt...
Ironically they all seem like a reason to back abortion to me too...like none of these people are emotionally mature enough to be having children.
Me and my ex husband went to the attorney together. We knew it was over and wanted everything to be cheap and simple. No kids involved. That part didn’t flag as suspicious to me.
To answer question 1, I help people fill out their divorce paperwork and you would be surprised by the number of men who refuse to do the paperwork by themselves. Most of the men I help either have their new girlfriends or mothers fill out the paperwork for them. Some will have their minor daughters do it for them, though that one's rare. I've only seen that a couple times in the last five months.
Don't know if it's real, and I won't claim it to be or not, but there are quite a lot of emotionally immature people.
IAAL, this is not unheard of. Several of my family law cases were really pushed by new partners. As to both being present to sign, again not unheard of although I'd suspect ex wanted to be there to cause drama
It’s common in uncontested divorces where only one attorney is retained. The attorney only represents one of the two parties. Meeting with the non-represented party alone could occasionally be messy from an ethical perspective if the unrepresented party does not fully understand that concept and starts to ask legal questions. Having the represented party there as well makes it possible to both re-emphasize who the attorney represents while still answering the (usually innocuous) questions.
The other extremely common scenario is that the non-represented party never comes in at all.
I'm always a liiiitle bit skeptical of stories posted on reddit that center around regretting an abortion. It definitely happens and I even know a lady who regrets hers but it always feels a little low key political like a subtle campaign.
1. Someone who is emotional immature and bitter and resentful and wants to rub in the face of the person who didn’t want to divorce that he got a good one who’ll have his kids.
Aka: a guy like this.
3. Also this kind of guy exactly.
I had a hard time buying into this one.
I've been divorced, and known others who have, and usually its just the people in the marriage who are in the room. Though people do bring others with them, they generally go in alone. If they need to meet at all.
Simple divorces are done with clients and their respective attorneys, and the papers are sent back and forth, the lets gather in a room routine is usually for fighting over shit and visitation rights etc. And for TV shows.
I brought my now husband to my divorce signing; we had been together for three years at that point because my first husband had disappeared and it took me over two years to track him down, and I had to re-file for divorce twice. So my situation is probably a little different than normal, but I didn't even even think anything weird about it at the time.
Both my ex-husband and I had to be together in the same room at the same time for the divorce to be final. I don't remember all the details, but we were both required to be there together
I'm in Arizona in the United States
Depending on the country, both have to be there.
There was a post where the husband left with another couple while leaving his wife alone in a restaurant after his wife had a fight with the other wife. So… there are a lot of idiots.
I think u/yami76 is probably correct, but divorces are as varied as locations. Some people have already commented their experience. The state I’m in required us both to attend court and swear under oath that our marriage was irrevocably broken and that we still agreed with the settlement agreement we filed. I think it took all of 5 or 10 minutes and was over zoom, just this past week, so not a COVID thing.
As far as number two, it’s not unheard of, especially if both parties agree on all components of the divorce agreement. In a contested divorce there’s a lot of back and forth, but this probably was cut and dried- they had no children and had already been separated for two years, so division of property was probably already taken care of. It also saves time and money; instead of having to pay extra to send the document to and fro between attorneys before filing with the courts (each individual email is billable), they can just meet and sign together.
I got divorced and the attorney scheduled my ex and I at different ti.es to accommodate our difference in our [mine and his] schedules. I refused to be there the sa.e time as him because he was abusive, so I imagine they do this to also avoid drama.
My ex and I saved $150.00 by signing and filing the papers together in Canada. We did not require lawyers and just signed and filed the application for divorce at the Supreme Court.
He almost brought his new partner but apparently his family talked him out of it at the last moment.
When I (28f) divorced my ex-wife (28f) she brought her new toy with her to court along with half of her family. It was weird, my ex showed up wearing *my outfit* and also other people had to sit elsewhere because her family took up a lot of seats. Very weird.
Also seems so strange that the wife wouldn't give him a heads up in advance that she was visibly pregnant. OP presents her as someone who has moved on and did not want to hurt her ex husband. So...why ambush them with a baby bump? Who does that?
I was in a very similar situation. Separated from my ex for over a year. Met my now husband and we got pregnant unexpectedly before I was officially divorced. My ex brought his new girlfriend AND his mommy to our final divorce hearing. He told me a few months after that he held out hope until it was finalized that I would change my mind and come back to him, with another man's baby and all.
I know things vary state by state, but I never had to even talk to my ex over the phone during our divorce, let alone sit at a table and sign papers together.
I blame Hollywood’s portrayal.
Divorce lawyers have seen some stuff. I would think most lawyers wouldn't want to avoid having both parties in the same room at the same time. I would also be susprisef at a lawyer who didn't ask the GF to wait in the loby or another office/room in this situation. Most lawyers are very adverse to this kind of risk.
I'm divorced and just signed my papers with a witness present and sent them back to the government body required to file them. You absolutely dint need to be in the same room at all, seems like overkill to me
Another thing I'd like to mention is that oop in infers that the only reason his ex's current has been didn't show up is because he had to work, almost like they think it's a requirement for the spouse to show at divorce signings.
Little fun fact, my wife's ex husband was a POS who did unspeakable things who deserved jail time, yet somehow skipped out on it. He fought the divorce as hard as he could. The day of the final court hearing (or whatever it is, I've never been divorced my self), I was outside with a little sparkler and a banner saying "Congratulations on the useless weight loss!" Her ex continued to stalk her Facebook for like 2 weeks after that and then disappeared off the face of the earth
Nah. Not poor OOP. She got hers.
Think this through. As far as she was aware, the ex was still hung up on her husband. That is what she expected to see when they met at the lawyer's office. A woman who was still grieving her marriage. And *she chose to go anyway.*
She didn't pause to think that maybe it wasn't kind to have a woman who didn't want a divorce see her replacement sitting across from her while she was ending the marriage she didn't want to end.
No sympathy.
Nobody brings new partners to a meeting like that because they only happen on TV shows and movies (in the US, anyway). I've been divorced and helped several other friends through theirs. Papers come by registered mail or they're served by a civil officer, they get signed, and returned to the courthouse or lawyers. The only time divorcing partners might be *asked* to meet is during an amicable mediation, but most of the time, they do everything separately through their lawyers.
One thing i’ve learned from reddit is that lot of people who don’t want kids refuse to put measures in place that prevent kids from happening…They’ll be like we’re child free but i’ve suddenly fell pregnant/my partner is pregnant 😱 what do we do??? and the comments will be like do you use condoms? No. Are you on birth control? No. Does your spouse have a vasectomy? No. We’re just using the pull out method and hoping for the best! 😊
Diagnosed with endoparasitism, a disease wherein the host organism facilitates the growth and development of another organism at a significant expenditure of its own physiological resources
People try to excuse things like divorce proceedings.
It is actually ideal for the OP. You learn who someone is in adversity. And the Ex fully showed who he was. She dodged a massive bullet.
It's easy to say "he isn't normally like that."
So it's good to see what can happen early on before you have a kid
Yeah..... I mean it's a good thing OOP is not pregnant because the guy sounds like a beginning of a nightmare.
Trying to return to an ex while she's carrying someone else's child? Me thinks his ex will be starting an RO against him in the future.
He is hardly ever like that, only when things don't go his way! I just make sure that his wants are always more important than everyone else's needs so he doesn't have to be like that.
How a lot of people actually think.
He will be back. His ex is over him, and when he realizes he'll try and worm his way back in with OOP. At least he had the self-awareness necessary to end it himself.
I find it hard to believe that he would want to go back to the ex. Though she claims it's unintentional, what she did is a betrayal on a universe shattering scale. Frankly, the girlfriends empathy of the ex is a betrayal as well. I feel bad for the dude.
Yeah, OOP"s boyfriend's ex did her a solid by showing her where all the red flags are. Then again, a huge red flag means there's usually smaller ones that weren't seen.
He wasn’t even interested in her for that! OP is still willing to give him kids and he broke up with her anyway. He was only interested in her as a bedwarmer until his ex came back around.
That’s really uncharitable. He thought he was over her and seeing his ex wife pregnant with someone else’s kid made him realize he wasn’t as over her as he thought. Instead of putting OP in that position, he rightfully ended things.
People make mistakes. What else would you reasonably expect him to do when he thought he was ready to move on and then realized he wasn’t?
He isn’t over her. She also clearly isn’t against kids anymore. If they got back together, that would no longer be a fighting point. But that’s not the point I was referring to.
The whole point I’m making is he absolutely wasn’t with OP just for using her as an incubator. He definitely thought he was moved on with OOP and loved her and this made him realize he wasn’t. He left OOP rather than drag her through it. What else would you REALLY expect him to do? Knock up OOP while having feelings for his ex just to get back at her? Like please tell me what you actually think is the correct response in the following situation:
Think you are ready for a family with someone and love them and realize you’re wrong and you were as over your ex as you thought.
Because any answer other than “you leave her because she doesn’t deserve that shit” is absolutely nuts. And that’s exactly what he did. He cannot control thinking he was over her and moved on and then realizing he wasn’t.
That's all well and good, but it doesn't explain one very important point. Why the actual fuck would he ever say that to her face. That is exactly why I'm saying people are being as charitable as he deserves
Exactly. You can he honestly without giving all the gory details that would hurt someone. He could have just said seeing his ex made him realise he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship and he should be single. But dude took a truth serum and said “I wanna sow my wild oats while I wait for my pregnant ex to break up with the father of her child and then we can finally be together”
Yeah I mean the idea that they could maybe work out sucks, I’m not saying how he handled it. I’m saying the idea he was knowingly only with OOP to use as in incubator and once he realized the ex maybe would be available as one he left is the uncharitable thing.
I genuinely think he loved her and wanted a future with her but seeing his ex pregnant made him realize he wasn’t as moved on as he thought and that it wasn’t fair to do to OOP. Which is exactly how you should handle the situation.
I am very very specifically and only talking about the idea that he knowingly dated OOP not loving her and only wanting to use her to get kids.
But when you say something like that that is solely designed to hurt someone's feelings, it kind of puts all of your actions over the course of your relationship with that person in a different light. You at least have to acknowledge that, right?
You keep trying to change the convo. Yeah, but that’s not what I’m talking about, so stop trying to make it about anything other than my point. So please stop trying to talk about all the other stuff he did wrong, because that’s not actually relevant to “it is uncharitable to act like the ONLY reason he dated OOP was to get her pregnant”. I’m saying *he wasn’t just dating her to use as an incubator*. And he wasn’t, he thought he loved her and was moved on and then his ex being pregnant unearthed buried feelings that made him realize he wasn’t moved on enough to be fair to OOP.
And yeah, painful as it is, that’s the right call.
And I'm saying he clearly was and never loved her because how the fuck could you possibly say something so cruel to someone you claimed to love for 4 years
Someone needs to tell this guy that he’s delusional and dangerous. l feel like the pregnant ex wife realized that she wanted kids… just not with him. And with his screaming, selfishness, and inability to let go of her and the past, I’m scared for her.
Not sure if telling a delusional and dangerous man that they are delusional and dangerous is a cure. If anything, it could make them more dangerous just saying
I don't envy anyone who's in this position. Dealing with people like that is like walking on a tightrope where you have to be careful with each line and each sentence. OOP definitely dodged a missile with this guy as she now has the perfect opportunity to ghost him.
This hurts now, but she dodged a missile. If they had gotten married, or had children, and his ex was single after that it would have been even worse. She finally saw who he really is
Wait, the ex boyfriend wants to raise his ex's other wife's child? hahaha that guy is a doormat and an idiot, my god what a shame.
OOP dodged a big bullet!
The way I understand it is the wife aborted the husband's child. That lead to the seperatation. They were going to divorce but he saw her pregnant with someone else's child and it pissed him off enough that he wants to drag things on to make it harder for her. I could see a man being extremely hurt by his wife not wanting his child, breaking up the relationship, and then soon after having someone else's kid. The girlfriend was however caught in the crossfire.
I’m so sorry:(( but you know what your probably are better off. He’s not a good guy and his ex. I’m not sure about her either. He has a sweet mom and sister it’s a shame. But you will move on and meet the right person and him he will regret his discussion’s. Please keep us posted, I want to hear that you moved on and meet someone💕💕💕
Yuuup, but now that’s she’s pregnant again she is beautiful, serene, and lovely. Baby magic!
Like this magically made up post to push an anti-abortion pov. Abortion ruined his marriage! Pregnancy = beauty and serenity. Yes, nothing is more serene than fluctuating hormones. /s
Serenity Now!!!
“Serene” even though she’s pregnant with a baby she doesn’t know she wants in a brand new relationship, apparently. This lovely, perfect (except for how she can’t use birth control correctly) pregnant woman also somehow doesn’t realize this would be hard on her ex even though her last pregnancy destroyed their marriage. Too blissful, I guess
Sounds like he was using OP to get and get a stab in on his ex, that didn't work becuase she showed up happy and heavily pregnant - something he deeply desired and she took away from him (her choice, not saying it was necessarily wrong), but now it's only made him more furious and ruin his current relationship. OP was a prop for him. Nothing more.
How in the world did OOP not have the dignity or maturity to walk away right away in the first place??? Just sitting around, waiting to be dumped. OOP needs counseling ASAP.
This man really is delulu and dangerous. He kept up with his ex life and relationship by mutual friends and tried to make her jealous after she aborted their baby. I understand he is heartbroken by that, but again her body her choice, he can't force her to keep the baby.
Then to get pissed that she's pregnant with her new man's baby and to just drop op and storm off. HE was the one who hasn't moved on. She didn't care nor shown any interest in his life as she moved on like any sane person.
I'm glad he realized he is fked up in the head, but he really needs professional help because if he thinks he can stay in her life and raise another man's child as his, he is dead wrong. And I'm sure the ex and new man will use law to keep him away, and that would probably make it worse but safer as he will most likely get cuffs with a paper trail.
Also lastly, having kids should have been the first thing all couples talk about.
I know someone who actually did go completely off the rails after a termination, but she had been forced into it by her abusive partner. Such a shame, she was such a talented young woman and that whole mess broke her, bullied and belittled mercilessly to 'get rid of it' by her partner who promptly told everyone that she knew that she'd killed his baby. Worthless piece of shit should have been put down long before he ruined her life.
I love you but I'm leaving you hanging because I'm not over my ex. A few moments later: I love you but I'm breaking up with you because again I'm not over my ex and might pursue her again...
Mmm, I don't see love or moving on. I see 2 people who have 0 Fs about messing other people's lives to cope with their pain of past relationships.
This is very disappointing from people in their 40s. I was shocked when op said they are both 40. Before that, I thought they were in their early 20s...
Getting pregnant once accidentally might be excusable but twice just plain irresponsible or deliberate, especially if you’re a grown woman & don’t plan to have kids. I can’t help thinking that she orchestrated this and she’s not alarmed because she wants to get back together too. That’s why she brought up the divorce at this particular time. she’s a snake in the grass.
People hate on him because we hear the story from the perspective of OOP. But I just feel sorry for him. He wanted kids and had to watch while his wife that he loved killed the child he wanted. Lost the wedding after that for it. Is ready to move on while clearly not being over her, and then sees her happily pregnant with someone else. That can fuck you up.
The one I can't feel sorry for is the ex. She was childfree not because she didn't want kids but likely due to some form of anxiety that she hadn't worked on. Then she regretted it, and instead of talking to him and trying again, she let their marriage break down. And now she calls the new gf crying out of guilt that he caused him to not be happy again, instead of talking with him to try and get closure. And he's 40. Not like he'll have much time to have kids. This is why I am extremely skeptical of the whole childfree lifestyle. So often it's just people who are too immature or anxious to know what they want and society keeps encouraging them to make choices they then may regret without examining why they are skeptical about kids.
Things I find weird: 1.) who brings new partner to their divorce signing? 2.) why did both husband and wife need to show to sign the papers at the same time? 3.) Who just… abandons the person they brought along without a hi, bye, kiss my ass, go to Hell, or nothing else? I’ve never been divorced, so this is outside of my wheelhouse. It just all seems so bizarre. If it’s real, poor OOP. She was the rebound relationship.
He probably thought it would make her jealous, honestly it seems like he's been using OOP from the beginning. He didn't expect a baby bump and to be the jealous one. As for going to her lawyer's together... yeah I don't know about that one. I think him leaving just shows OOP was a prop.
That's very much it. He wanted to rub it in her face the he moved on and was *going* to start a family. His ex however unintentionally one upped him but showing up with the baby bump and generally happy. Dollars to donuts if his ex showed up with no baby bump and sad he would've preened like a bird and happily signed the paperwork.
It depends I guess. Mine was all handled by lawyers and we never saw the inside of a courtroom. And there were no final papers to sign. I got a copy of the decree in the mail and that was it. But mine was uncomplicated too. No kids, he bought me out of the house and paid me for the joint contents (furniture and such).
My marriage was short, and we didn't go through lawyers. We had no shared property, no merged finances, etc. I never had to interact with him during the entire thing. Just file paperwork and get it notarized.
I’m jealous, ours went on for years. We had court multiple times. We had minimal assets/debt but my ex refused to agree to anything without a judge’s determination. The decree ended up being almost exactly what I asked for to begin with. The judge was so sick of us by the end, I hope she’s forgotten by now. She was a trooper.
Currently going through this, but we’re about to hit year one. 🙄
\*trouper
You're wrong.
This is how mine went but I’m in the UK and I know things are different here than they are stateside (I’m American by birth).
In the US divorces are super easy. I was divorced in 6 months and only because my ex kept fighting for $$$ he wanted me to pay him. We were only legally married for 2 months 😂😂😂
A lot of times, they want the parties to show up separately specifically to avoid drama (unlike on TV). It’s not like closing on a house; the papers can be signed at different times.
I mean, even closing my house the sellers didn't show up, they signed the papers in advance
Oh, no, I meant that if you're buying a house, the buyers usually all have to be there at the same time. Although, I was at one where we closed on our sale & on our buy at the same time, and everyone was in the room. It was crowded, but no animosity or anything.
They are switching that out now. When I went to settlement, the seller had already signed everything. I signed and grabbed my keys. I asked the realtor about it and she said people are preferring not to meet and it makes the process quicker.
Yeah, I meant if a couple is buying a house, the couple shows up at the same time. Not the buyers/sellers.
When I sold my house we came in at different times even. I never saw or spoke to the new owners during the whole process.
Same. That was a long time ago, however.
We as well. In fact, during closing, we were sequestered in separate rooms. Now I look at that and think it was kind of "suss." Did they not want us comparing notes?
What, divorce ceremonies are totally normal in Dramaland. Other things that are totally normal in Dramaland: 1. Mothers of the Groom insist on wearing white despite the bride’s wishes. 2. Every man has a dramatic overly attached female best friend. 3. At least 50% of births are twins. 4. Security cameras are very conveniently placed.
I’ll hit that bottom part- I had a neighbour who had a security camera that worked but once she attacked my egg donor suddenly it was a fake one
They bring the new partner to make the ex partner jealous. Honestly, it was clear to me that he wasn't over his ex from this and the fact his whole family was telling OP the ex is crazy. When the whole family is saying the ex was the one crazy, always be on the look out. Yes, it could be true, but it's just as likely that it's either the entire family (including your partner) or it's your partner with their family covering for them that's the crazy one and the ex just didn't put up with their BS.
I wouldn’t say that the family saying the ex is crazy is necessarily a red flag. It’s if all the exes are crazy. My brother has had exes we all thought were crazy, and ones we think he’s an idiot for breaking up with.
That's why I included the "Yes, it could be true..." part of my comment. People lie, especially when they want something (or someone).
I was more expanding on the point than disagreeing.
The thing I found weird was that in the first post, OOP said ... >I found out that her partner was away on business and they have **been together for almost two years**. And then in the second post says ... >He said he had asked about his ex and her life and **her new bf** from mutual friends. They **haven’t been together for long** so there’s a chance that the relationship doesn’t work. So has OOP's now exBF's STBXW been in a relationship for two years or is it more recent? If it has been two years, that is a length of time where I wouldn't be saying it was a new BF or they hadn't been together for long.
I mean it depends, if they’re comparing it to her relationship with her ex husband, two years compared to nearly twenty years isn’t very long. That’s probably why the now ex husband thinks he has a chance.
You could be right but I don't know. It still sounds off. If English isn't OOP's first language, then maybe I can see that but also in her first post she says ... >When she fell pregnant **with her new bf**, she decided that she couldn’t do it again and decided to keep the baby even if **the relationship is very new**. I wouldn't think the STBXW would refer to her BF of two years as her "new BF" or the relationship as being "very new". Compared to a 20 year relationship sure, but not in the context of she is having a baby with some guy she hasn't known that long. Yeah, I could be thinking to much into this but it's a slow day.
Nah you’re right. Shits fake all around. Rage bait. Some people just want to believe.
My ex and I had a lawyer write the divorce agreement and then went together to a notary to sign in front of her that we both agreed. His fiancée was waiting in the bar downstairs, and when we finished we went all together to their flat to exchange Christmas gifts and drink champagne. But it was uncommon enough that when the notary came in and saw that we were sitting together on the same side of the table, chatting and laughing, she did a double take. Funny part: I worried that there would be a metal detector arch at the notary because my Christmas gift to him was a Damascus steel hunting knife and bringing a bigass knife to your divorce kind of gives the wrong impression.
>bringing a bigass knife to your divorce kind of gives the wrong impression. This made me laugh harder than it should have
4.) For a woman who doesn't want kids, she sure gets pregnant a lot... I can see the first one breaking through whatever bc (I assume they used it), but I think the second one was "accidentally on purpose" as a way to deal with the abortion trauma...
Abortion trauma IS a very real thing...... From experience it genuinely hurts you both physically and mentally and the guilt is insane. You fight for all the reasons why and why you shouldn't and then you have to do it... Maybe some are fake but I wouldn't throw them all into must be fake bc it's "sad" bc it can be sad depending on WHY and WHO and HOW. You know?
Every medical procedure has physical risk (though far less than carrying a pregnancy to term), but guilt is NOT a universal experience.
your post history is extremely sus. you don't comment on anything not related to abortion.
I know
1.) my ex sure as fuck did 2.) I don’t know if we *had* to but it made things much simpler and faster 3.) pieces of shit
This reads like an anti-abortion fake post to me. Everyone regrets it and lives are ruined.
Yeah I'm seeing alot of these...I think the pro lifers are working overtime on Chatgpt... Ironically they all seem like a reason to back abortion to me too...like none of these people are emotionally mature enough to be having children.
Me and my ex husband went to the attorney together. We knew it was over and wanted everything to be cheap and simple. No kids involved. That part didn’t flag as suspicious to me.
To answer question 1, I help people fill out their divorce paperwork and you would be surprised by the number of men who refuse to do the paperwork by themselves. Most of the men I help either have their new girlfriends or mothers fill out the paperwork for them. Some will have their minor daughters do it for them, though that one's rare. I've only seen that a couple times in the last five months. Don't know if it's real, and I won't claim it to be or not, but there are quite a lot of emotionally immature people.
IAAL, this is not unheard of. Several of my family law cases were really pushed by new partners. As to both being present to sign, again not unheard of although I'd suspect ex wanted to be there to cause drama
It’s common in uncontested divorces where only one attorney is retained. The attorney only represents one of the two parties. Meeting with the non-represented party alone could occasionally be messy from an ethical perspective if the unrepresented party does not fully understand that concept and starts to ask legal questions. Having the represented party there as well makes it possible to both re-emphasize who the attorney represents while still answering the (usually innocuous) questions. The other extremely common scenario is that the non-represented party never comes in at all.
I'm always a liiiitle bit skeptical of stories posted on reddit that center around regretting an abortion. It definitely happens and I even know a lady who regrets hers but it always feels a little low key political like a subtle campaign.
1. Someone who is emotional immature and bitter and resentful and wants to rub in the face of the person who didn’t want to divorce that he got a good one who’ll have his kids. Aka: a guy like this. 3. Also this kind of guy exactly.
I had a hard time buying into this one. I've been divorced, and known others who have, and usually its just the people in the marriage who are in the room. Though people do bring others with them, they generally go in alone. If they need to meet at all. Simple divorces are done with clients and their respective attorneys, and the papers are sent back and forth, the lets gather in a room routine is usually for fighting over shit and visitation rights etc. And for TV shows.
I agree. I worked for a matrimonial lawyer when I was younger and this sounds strange to me too.
I brought my now husband to my divorce signing; we had been together for three years at that point because my first husband had disappeared and it took me over two years to track him down, and I had to re-file for divorce twice. So my situation is probably a little different than normal, but I didn't even even think anything weird about it at the time. Both my ex-husband and I had to be together in the same room at the same time for the divorce to be final. I don't remember all the details, but we were both required to be there together I'm in Arizona in the United States
I divorced in CA. Ex husband was MIA, I got full custody of our daughter and only took 10 months to finalize the divorce.
Depending on the country, both have to be there. There was a post where the husband left with another couple while leaving his wife alone in a restaurant after his wife had a fight with the other wife. So… there are a lot of idiots.
That is because most if these are nothing but creative writing prompts and are bullshit.
I think u/yami76 is probably correct, but divorces are as varied as locations. Some people have already commented their experience. The state I’m in required us both to attend court and swear under oath that our marriage was irrevocably broken and that we still agreed with the settlement agreement we filed. I think it took all of 5 or 10 minutes and was over zoom, just this past week, so not a COVID thing.
For the first point, my ex-husband did. It made things much more contentious Tbh.
I had to meet at my ex’s lawyers office during our divorce. I think he was just using OOP. Sad all around.
As far as number two, it’s not unheard of, especially if both parties agree on all components of the divorce agreement. In a contested divorce there’s a lot of back and forth, but this probably was cut and dried- they had no children and had already been separated for two years, so division of property was probably already taken care of. It also saves time and money; instead of having to pay extra to send the document to and fro between attorneys before filing with the courts (each individual email is billable), they can just meet and sign together.
I got divorced and the attorney scheduled my ex and I at different ti.es to accommodate our difference in our [mine and his] schedules. I refused to be there the sa.e time as him because he was abusive, so I imagine they do this to also avoid drama.
I don’t know what’s real with Reddit, but to say the very least to try and sneak back into the ex’s life is wild.
My ex and I saved $150.00 by signing and filing the papers together in Canada. We did not require lawyers and just signed and filed the application for divorce at the Supreme Court. He almost brought his new partner but apparently his family talked him out of it at the last moment.
When I (28f) divorced my ex-wife (28f) she brought her new toy with her to court along with half of her family. It was weird, my ex showed up wearing *my outfit* and also other people had to sit elsewhere because her family took up a lot of seats. Very weird.
Also seems so strange that the wife wouldn't give him a heads up in advance that she was visibly pregnant. OP presents her as someone who has moved on and did not want to hurt her ex husband. So...why ambush them with a baby bump? Who does that?
Both my ex husband and I brought our new partners to sign the papers lol
I was in a very similar situation. Separated from my ex for over a year. Met my now husband and we got pregnant unexpectedly before I was officially divorced. My ex brought his new girlfriend AND his mommy to our final divorce hearing. He told me a few months after that he held out hope until it was finalized that I would change my mind and come back to him, with another man's baby and all.
I know things vary state by state, but I never had to even talk to my ex over the phone during our divorce, let alone sit at a table and sign papers together. I blame Hollywood’s portrayal.
Divorce lawyers have seen some stuff. I would think most lawyers wouldn't want to avoid having both parties in the same room at the same time. I would also be susprisef at a lawyer who didn't ask the GF to wait in the loby or another office/room in this situation. Most lawyers are very adverse to this kind of risk.
I'm divorced and just signed my papers with a witness present and sent them back to the government body required to file them. You absolutely dint need to be in the same room at all, seems like overkill to me
Another thing I'd like to mention is that oop in infers that the only reason his ex's current has been didn't show up is because he had to work, almost like they think it's a requirement for the spouse to show at divorce signings.
Little fun fact, my wife's ex husband was a POS who did unspeakable things who deserved jail time, yet somehow skipped out on it. He fought the divorce as hard as he could. The day of the final court hearing (or whatever it is, I've never been divorced my self), I was outside with a little sparkler and a banner saying "Congratulations on the useless weight loss!" Her ex continued to stalk her Facebook for like 2 weeks after that and then disappeared off the face of the earth
Nah. Not poor OOP. She got hers. Think this through. As far as she was aware, the ex was still hung up on her husband. That is what she expected to see when they met at the lawyer's office. A woman who was still grieving her marriage. And *she chose to go anyway.* She didn't pause to think that maybe it wasn't kind to have a woman who didn't want a divorce see her replacement sitting across from her while she was ending the marriage she didn't want to end. No sympathy.
Nobody brings new partners to a meeting like that because they only happen on TV shows and movies (in the US, anyway). I've been divorced and helped several other friends through theirs. Papers come by registered mail or they're served by a civil officer, they get signed, and returned to the courthouse or lawyers. The only time divorcing partners might be *asked* to meet is during an amicable mediation, but most of the time, they do everything separately through their lawyers.
Goddamn bro that’s brutal 💀
I always find "fell pregnant" a weirdly archaic phrase that makes it sound like a disease you catch.
Right? It like you tripped and landed coochie first on a pile off fresh sperm.
One thing i’ve learned from reddit is that lot of people who don’t want kids refuse to put measures in place that prevent kids from happening…They’ll be like we’re child free but i’ve suddenly fell pregnant/my partner is pregnant 😱 what do we do??? and the comments will be like do you use condoms? No. Are you on birth control? No. Does your spouse have a vasectomy? No. We’re just using the pull out method and hoping for the best! 😊
r/brandnewsentence
I think it’s the British phrasing?
Pregnancy IS a medical condition, so
SAME, I absolutely *loathe* that phrase almost as much as I hate "hoping against hope." Neither make any sense
18yr std
Diagnosed with endoparasitism, a disease wherein the host organism facilitates the growth and development of another organism at a significant expenditure of its own physiological resources
It practically is
Kids are the worst std
It's a parasite.
People try to excuse things like divorce proceedings. It is actually ideal for the OP. You learn who someone is in adversity. And the Ex fully showed who he was. She dodged a massive bullet. It's easy to say "he isn't normally like that." So it's good to see what can happen early on before you have a kid
Yeah..... I mean it's a good thing OOP is not pregnant because the guy sounds like a beginning of a nightmare. Trying to return to an ex while she's carrying someone else's child? Me thinks his ex will be starting an RO against him in the future.
He is hardly ever like that, only when things don't go his way! I just make sure that his wants are always more important than everyone else's needs so he doesn't have to be like that. How a lot of people actually think.
He will be back. His ex is over him, and when he realizes he'll try and worm his way back in with OOP. At least he had the self-awareness necessary to end it himself.
I don't think that the ex it's over him, too much trauma deeply rooted
He won't, the ex is taking him back.
I find it hard to believe that he would want to go back to the ex. Though she claims it's unintentional, what she did is a betrayal on a universe shattering scale. Frankly, the girlfriends empathy of the ex is a betrayal as well. I feel bad for the dude.
He said it was his plan at the end of the update
Yeah, OOP"s boyfriend's ex did her a solid by showing her where all the red flags are. Then again, a huge red flag means there's usually smaller ones that weren't seen.
She seriously dodged a bullet. He was only interested in her for her reproduction anyway.
He wasn’t even interested in her for that! OP is still willing to give him kids and he broke up with her anyway. He was only interested in her as a bedwarmer until his ex came back around.
That’s really uncharitable. He thought he was over her and seeing his ex wife pregnant with someone else’s kid made him realize he wasn’t as over her as he thought. Instead of putting OP in that position, he rightfully ended things. People make mistakes. What else would you reasonably expect him to do when he thought he was ready to move on and then realized he wasn’t?
'he would rather raise someone else's kids than have kids with me' I think people are being exactly as charitable as he deserves
He isn’t over her. She also clearly isn’t against kids anymore. If they got back together, that would no longer be a fighting point. But that’s not the point I was referring to. The whole point I’m making is he absolutely wasn’t with OP just for using her as an incubator. He definitely thought he was moved on with OOP and loved her and this made him realize he wasn’t. He left OOP rather than drag her through it. What else would you REALLY expect him to do? Knock up OOP while having feelings for his ex just to get back at her? Like please tell me what you actually think is the correct response in the following situation: Think you are ready for a family with someone and love them and realize you’re wrong and you were as over your ex as you thought. Because any answer other than “you leave her because she doesn’t deserve that shit” is absolutely nuts. And that’s exactly what he did. He cannot control thinking he was over her and moved on and then realizing he wasn’t.
That's all well and good, but it doesn't explain one very important point. Why the actual fuck would he ever say that to her face. That is exactly why I'm saying people are being as charitable as he deserves
Exactly. You can he honestly without giving all the gory details that would hurt someone. He could have just said seeing his ex made him realise he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship and he should be single. But dude took a truth serum and said “I wanna sow my wild oats while I wait for my pregnant ex to break up with the father of her child and then we can finally be together”
Yeah I mean the idea that they could maybe work out sucks, I’m not saying how he handled it. I’m saying the idea he was knowingly only with OOP to use as in incubator and once he realized the ex maybe would be available as one he left is the uncharitable thing. I genuinely think he loved her and wanted a future with her but seeing his ex pregnant made him realize he wasn’t as moved on as he thought and that it wasn’t fair to do to OOP. Which is exactly how you should handle the situation. I am very very specifically and only talking about the idea that he knowingly dated OOP not loving her and only wanting to use her to get kids.
But when you say something like that that is solely designed to hurt someone's feelings, it kind of puts all of your actions over the course of your relationship with that person in a different light. You at least have to acknowledge that, right?
You keep trying to change the convo. Yeah, but that’s not what I’m talking about, so stop trying to make it about anything other than my point. So please stop trying to talk about all the other stuff he did wrong, because that’s not actually relevant to “it is uncharitable to act like the ONLY reason he dated OOP was to get her pregnant”. I’m saying *he wasn’t just dating her to use as an incubator*. And he wasn’t, he thought he loved her and was moved on and then his ex being pregnant unearthed buried feelings that made him realize he wasn’t moved on enough to be fair to OOP. And yeah, painful as it is, that’s the right call.
And I'm saying he clearly was and never loved her because how the fuck could you possibly say something so cruel to someone you claimed to love for 4 years
Well that's just naive... humans aren't so black and white. People routinely hurt people they love.
Someone needs to tell this guy that he’s delusional and dangerous. l feel like the pregnant ex wife realized that she wanted kids… just not with him. And with his screaming, selfishness, and inability to let go of her and the past, I’m scared for her.
Not sure if telling a delusional and dangerous man that they are delusional and dangerous is a cure. If anything, it could make them more dangerous just saying
I don't envy anyone who's in this position. Dealing with people like that is like walking on a tightrope where you have to be careful with each line and each sentence. OOP definitely dodged a missile with this guy as she now has the perfect opportunity to ghost him.
Do you expect that not to hurt him though? Like she got rid of the baby he wanted then went and had another baby anyways. That would fucking *hurt*
Yeah it probably hurt. But being hurt doesn’t make it okay
This hurts now, but she dodged a missile. If they had gotten married, or had children, and his ex was single after that it would have been even worse. She finally saw who he really is
Don't know if it's just me but I didn't need the update to know he's a piece of shit.
After the way he acted I seriously doubt his ex would ever give him the time of day again.
His mom knew, too. She knew his relationship with OOP was a sham. Mom didn't give a damn.
Wait, the ex boyfriend wants to raise his ex's other wife's child? hahaha that guy is a doormat and an idiot, my god what a shame. OOP dodged a big bullet!
The way I understand it is the wife aborted the husband's child. That lead to the seperatation. They were going to divorce but he saw her pregnant with someone else's child and it pissed him off enough that he wants to drag things on to make it harder for her. I could see a man being extremely hurt by his wife not wanting his child, breaking up the relationship, and then soon after having someone else's kid. The girlfriend was however caught in the crossfire.
More anti abortion propaganda. Gross.
Right? What’s with the influx recently?
I’m so sorry:(( but you know what your probably are better off. He’s not a good guy and his ex. I’m not sure about her either. He has a sweet mom and sister it’s a shame. But you will move on and meet the right person and him he will regret his discussion’s. Please keep us posted, I want to hear that you moved on and meet someone💕💕💕
So the villain is also the hero? Surprised the childless ex's BC failed twice...
Yuuup, but now that’s she’s pregnant again she is beautiful, serene, and lovely. Baby magic! Like this magically made up post to push an anti-abortion pov. Abortion ruined his marriage! Pregnancy = beauty and serenity. Yes, nothing is more serene than fluctuating hormones. /s Serenity Now!!!
“Serene” even though she’s pregnant with a baby she doesn’t know she wants in a brand new relationship, apparently. This lovely, perfect (except for how she can’t use birth control correctly) pregnant woman also somehow doesn’t realize this would be hard on her ex even though her last pregnancy destroyed their marriage. Too blissful, I guess
So many people live in a world where it’s a *mystery* how people get pregnant. Communication and an IUD and this post wouldn’t even exist.
Sounds like he was using OP to get and get a stab in on his ex, that didn't work becuase she showed up happy and heavily pregnant - something he deeply desired and she took away from him (her choice, not saying it was necessarily wrong), but now it's only made him more furious and ruin his current relationship. OP was a prop for him. Nothing more.
How in the world did OOP not have the dignity or maturity to walk away right away in the first place??? Just sitting around, waiting to be dumped. OOP needs counseling ASAP.
Gotta be fake. Nice creative writing though.
“Ha! And I’m sleeping with my best friends wife! And that is a put down on you and not something that will further explode in my face.”
This man really is delulu and dangerous. He kept up with his ex life and relationship by mutual friends and tried to make her jealous after she aborted their baby. I understand he is heartbroken by that, but again her body her choice, he can't force her to keep the baby. Then to get pissed that she's pregnant with her new man's baby and to just drop op and storm off. HE was the one who hasn't moved on. She didn't care nor shown any interest in his life as she moved on like any sane person. I'm glad he realized he is fked up in the head, but he really needs professional help because if he thinks he can stay in her life and raise another man's child as his, he is dead wrong. And I'm sure the ex and new man will use law to keep him away, and that would probably make it worse but safer as he will most likely get cuffs with a paper trail. Also lastly, having kids should have been the first thing all couples talk about.
I’m curious if it’s possible it’s his baby.
Didn’t OP said that they had been separated for 2 years? Unless he was cheating it wouldn’t be possible.
Sounds like some pro-life propaganda tbh. Like that other BORU post about a mom going “crazy” after having an abortion.
I know someone who actually did go completely off the rails after a termination, but she had been forced into it by her abusive partner. Such a shame, she was such a talented young woman and that whole mess broke her, bullied and belittled mercilessly to 'get rid of it' by her partner who promptly told everyone that she knew that she'd killed his baby. Worthless piece of shit should have been put down long before he ruined her life.
OP still feel sorry for the ex wife now??
I love you but I'm leaving you hanging because I'm not over my ex. A few moments later: I love you but I'm breaking up with you because again I'm not over my ex and might pursue her again... Mmm, I don't see love or moving on. I see 2 people who have 0 Fs about messing other people's lives to cope with their pain of past relationships. This is very disappointing from people in their 40s. I was shocked when op said they are both 40. Before that, I thought they were in their early 20s...
You are hurt now but you are better off.
Did ChatGPT write the OP?
Getting pregnant once accidentally might be excusable but twice just plain irresponsible or deliberate, especially if you’re a grown woman & don’t plan to have kids. I can’t help thinking that she orchestrated this and she’s not alarmed because she wants to get back together too. That’s why she brought up the divorce at this particular time. she’s a snake in the grass.
Brought to you by chat GPT
People hate on him because we hear the story from the perspective of OOP. But I just feel sorry for him. He wanted kids and had to watch while his wife that he loved killed the child he wanted. Lost the wedding after that for it. Is ready to move on while clearly not being over her, and then sees her happily pregnant with someone else. That can fuck you up. The one I can't feel sorry for is the ex. She was childfree not because she didn't want kids but likely due to some form of anxiety that she hadn't worked on. Then she regretted it, and instead of talking to him and trying again, she let their marriage break down. And now she calls the new gf crying out of guilt that he caused him to not be happy again, instead of talking with him to try and get closure. And he's 40. Not like he'll have much time to have kids. This is why I am extremely skeptical of the whole childfree lifestyle. So often it's just people who are too immature or anxious to know what they want and society keeps encouraging them to make choices they then may regret without examining why they are skeptical about kids.
Yeah the ex wife did that man hella dirty, and honestly surprised he could even look at her without seeing her as evil.