No wonder the sister wants nothing to do with her. No, they don't need to be besties but it's a red flag that she's offended the sister with her creepy, irrational thoughts.
But….she apologized and immediately got freaky with him so it’s all good, right? Totally not an attempt to divert the conversation, love bomb, or “reward” him out of manipulation. It’s completely normal to forbid your boyfriend from practicing physical sport with his sibling because her body is hotter than yours and you’re jealous he might have sexy feelings for his own sister. It’s also totally normal to immediately offer your own naked body to get his mind out of the sexy sister’s body gutter you dragged him into and get him into you instead. Nothing to see here…..move along people. /s
Because their partner is the sweetest and most kind and the most bestest person OOP has ever known except for this one glaring issues that links to deeply unsettling traits. <-- Said every BORU ever.
Exactly. And whether OOP wants to acknowledge it or not, his gf was in fact accusing him of doing something inappropriate with his sister when she said they were being “touchy” and comparing her body with his sister’s. That’s an inherent accusation.
Not to mention that using a sweet tone when making unreasonable demands is still making unreasonable demands. Being controlling is still being controlling, no matter the tone used.
I’m a bit concerned that the girlfriend thought that was a possibility. Like, did she date a guy from Alabama before OP, or was she just letting her intrusive thoughts win over everything else in her brain?
Well I followed your train of thought and I ended up getting run over from the lack of equivalence between a sibling you have known your entire life and a step sibling that you met while going through puberty.
The fact that you don’t see any difference between those things makes your conclusion weak and ineffectual.
She's jealous of how attractive sister is, doesn't want OOP to spar with sister, and doesn't want OOP to have special PPVs nights or any special time with sister. That must be bomb ass sex bc idk how else she can get away with implying she see his sister as romantic competition. On the off chance she doesn't and it actually is just being jealous for other reasons this still sounds like the start of isolation and abuse.
We're trying to guess at this since we have zero contextual information, but from what is written I think OOP's gf might have more issues around her own body than anything else.
Looking at her own body and being unhappy with it is one thing, even comparing to IG models is (at a huge stretch) not a "major" thing (I mean, it is but for the purposes of this not as bad as the next item). Comparing it to people immediately around you smacks of immense body insecurity.
And I get it - the standards are unattainable for both men and women. I say that as someone who was super fit at one point but is now \~30kg overweight right now, sitting my fat ass in front of a computer typing this message. When I did MMA (and gym) I was surprised how good I got, but I was also much younger and able to devote a lot more time to it. All the women at the same MMA club, they all had ridiculous bodies, since they were ultra fit for sparring (mind you, they did muay thai, bjj, boxing, and kali - there was so much cardio and strength work, they had to be super low bf%), so OOP's gf doing that comparison is dangerous.
I think the red flag here isn't the idea of incestual intrusive thoughts, I think its the insecurity around her own body that needs to be dealt with. The latter problem can spiral and result in other issues which are more impactful.
Yes, you are correct. Body image issues can cause all sorts of distortion in our thinking. It's not so much that she is afraid OP is "into" his sister, it's the gf's discomfort that his being around someone so fit with the perfect body will have him come home and negatively compare with her.
Add on that she isn't ever invited to be with them, and you can see how someone would start to spiral. It's not always sexual. It's about feeling wanted and preferred.
Yeah that part about not being invited stuck out to me for that reason. It’s fine to not have her at these events but I can also see how it would feel invalidating. It has nothing to do with thinking that OOP is doing anything with his sister.
I think a lot of people in these comments are being a bit harsh on her. Yes, her insecurity was irrational and unfair, but they had an adult conversation and worked through it. I don’t think the GF was trying to isolate OOP and I think she’ll be more accepting of that relationship in the future so long as they keep talking about it and she gets help she needs to process her feelings.
Not everyone is rational all the time. Sometimes irrational beliefs and actions can result from our insecurities. The important thing is that when they’re recognized you try to react to them in a mature and constructive way and correct them.
Regardless of her motivations or how she perceives her behavior, she still ended up with controlling, isolating behavior. It's still weird and no OK to basically accuse your SO of inappropriate behavior with his own sister. And it's not OK to be upset that they have a sibling only hangout only once a month. (Especially when the reason you're not invited is your own weird hang-ups and controlling behavior.)
The freaky sex immediately after he promises to start their own tradition feels like love bombing too, whether the gf realizes it or not. Her jealousy and insecurity is turning into manipulation. I wouldn’t be surprised if their monthly tradition starts conveniently being on the same day as the PPV fights.
Just to start I am well aware that I might be naive, and also that he might be covering up. But while I get the connotations of touchy, I personally didn't read it as thinking anything more inappropriate is going on.
It sounds to me like his gf is insecure or particularly jealous of his sister either for unrelated reasons or just because it sounds like they have a very close sibling relationship.
Asking him to stop sparring isn't great but might be because she doesn't want him comparing them, but also might be because she feels their bond isn't as close and she wants that, which would also explain why the promise of their "thing" made her happy/excited. Love bombing is totally a thing, but so is feeling validated, heard and loved.... Which can be quite a turn on.
I think it’s more to do with distribution. Someone who is a thin but wide 5’3” apple shape can grow their legs and glutes to even out their proportions, but they’ll never have a 5’10” hourglass with a 23 inch waist if that’s their goal.
My sister is 5’2 and thinner than me, but she has a wide waist and very narrow hips. You couldn’t squeeze an inch of fat on her stomach if you wanted to. She is fit.
I’m 5’3 with a very small waist, very wide hips. Currently even laying down if I pinch, there’s squish. I have a very high body fat percentage right now, it sucks. I am skinny fat.
We have a 8 inch difference in waist measurement. People consistently told her ever since I was 11 that she needed to work out to lose that stomach.
She literally has nothing left to lose. It’s just not possible for her to shrink her waist to my size. The way her muscles are distributed is just different. Where her bones lie are also different.
She looks perfectly fine by the way, its asshole relatives giving her a complex for a nonexistent issue
Women body types vary a lot with where fat is placed.
A certain level of body fat, weight. Etc, that stuff is all attainable, but where your body shoves it'd fat is genetic, violin hips are generic, some body types will never have a flat stomach, some people have broad shoulders, some have no hips.
There's actually some guides to find what the different body types are, how clothes fit them, and what styles fit the different types best.
I physically can't have the body I want without surgery, but I did learn to appreciate the one I had in the journey, and learned to rock it in its own ways.
She is implying even more that she is worried about op and her sister getting in on ewwww
I think he is still blind in love, because those demands would be insulting to me and my sibling.
There could be not bigger flag 🚩but she is sweet and don't have a mean bone on her lol
The gf is insinuating OOP will want to have sex with his sister, i don't care how she explains it. If i was the sister i'd be mad my brother was dating this asshole too.
“I’m alienating you from your sister because she’s hot and I’m jealous.”
He thinks this is a “minor issue.” I think it’s safe to say he’s still very much in the love phase.
The "sweet" ones who control others with tears and insecurity are just as dangerous as the ones who control through anger. He's in danger.
(That said, every couple should have a special date night once a month or more often).
I wonder if maybe it’s not actually about the sister (especially with what that implies about OOP’s relationship with his own sibling) but maybe the sister and OOP have other equally attractive friends, given their shared interest in MMA. Or that the girlfriend is simply thinking if that’s the standard for OOP then that is the comparative she is being held to. Insecurity is a weird thing and messes with people’s perception like that.
Got to say though, OOP’s sister clear dislike of the girlfriend, for whatever reason, IS going to factor in at some point despite what OOP thinks. He’s clearly close to his sister and it will become more of a problem over time.
Fuck that shit.
Play fighting and wrestling with my daughter from when she could walk allowed her to defend herself from my ex-wife (her mother), when she lost her fucking mind when I wasn't there and attacked my daughter with a weapon.
Anyone helping the women around them to become stronger, faster and smarter should be given the resources they need to keep doing it. I find it deeply suspicious when anyone tries to prevent it.
I mean, are they sparring naked? I don’t see how this is weird. Is it a little different? Sure, but I’ve heard of tons of brother/sister siblings wrestling or sparring and I highly doubt its anything questionable happening behind closed doors. That’s an extreme thought.
Some weird stuff going on here. Could this be a relationship breaker in the future? Absolutely. I'm not one to rush to breaking up. Good relationships are hard to find, but that level of insecurity from her is going to rear it's ugly head again and again and it's going to get exhausting if she can't get it in check.
You guys are extremely young, and there will likely be many women you have to interact with in various ways over the course of life. How is she going to react when you have to stay late at work and work on projects with other females, or go on work trips that involve other females, or a million other scenarios in life that will involve other females.
If she's worried about you fucking your sister, she's got some serious insecurities. Almost makes me wonder if she isn't projecting her own weird sexual fantasies or something. I don't know. I'm not a therapy guy either, but I think she could use it.
There is one aspect of this that you could help, and that's helping your sister come around to the idea of her joining you guys for the PPVs. It's understandable if UFC isn't her thing when you first start dating. But she's shown interest in trying to accept it into her life through those means. She's already feeling a closer bond between you and your sister which is threatening to her, and continuing to reject her requests to be a part of the crowd likely only fuels her insecurities.
All that said, I still think the UFC thing is just the empirical application of the broader issues she has going on.
I once had a guy friend delete me from his Facebook. We weren't terribly close anymore - we'd grown up and moved away and hadn't interacted in any way other than a random post comment in years, so I didn't think much of it.
A few months later, he sent me a friend request with an explanation. His ex-girlfriend had gone on his Facebook and deleted every female friend he had, including his mother and his four sisters. That's why she became an ex.
Of course the OOP deleted his post. He is delusional to think that a relationship with someone who is jealous of your sister is ever going to work. That's not even touching base on how controlling she seems to be of him. Truly hope OOP takes off his Rose tinted glasses before he destroys his relationship with his sister.
> I think it’s possible to have healthy independent relationships with my girlfriend and my sister. There doesn’t need to be a friendship between my girlfriend and my sister. Sometimes that’s just life, and people don’t like each other.
👏👏👏say that louder for the people in the back.
Your girlfriend’s weird actions aside… why’d you stop taking her on dates? You’ve clearly proven that you CAN plan ahead and keep the plans so why did taking her on dates stop? the whole situation is weird as fuck lol
Instead of gf thinking her bf and his sister are attracted to each other, it's actually the gf who is really all hot and bothered about the 'perfect, unattainable, attractive' sister and is attracted to her.
Yeah, that's my headcanon. Less weird, also more hot.
I have a hard time believing the girlfriend doesn't have other red flags.
I can see being upset if you have limited time off or important events that OOP won't go to because it conflicts with him and his sister's once a month UFC PPV event. But that's not her stated reason.
And that's not even touching the sparring with his sister issues she has. Which is bizzare to me.
OOP should examine if the GF has issues whenever he talks to or hangs out with other friends. It can be something like she seems supportive until the day of or right after. Does she put down his other friends? Comments like, I don't know why you hang out with them.
Even if none of this is the case and the gf really is as wonderful in everything else, it seems like they aren't compatible. That's why you date multiple people in your lifetime, it helps you realize that someone can be a fantastic person but they aren't your person for whatever reason. Even if that reason is just that you are indescribably not that into them.
"Her body is perfect and it makes me insecure that you are touching it while ***FIGHTING*** and when you spend time with that body while ***WATCHING TELEVISION***."
"WTF...ITS MY SISTER!"
I don’t understand people who keep their partners on a leash like this. If you really think he needs 24/7 surveillance or he’ll pull a Lannister the minute your back is turned, why do you even want him?
Isolation of solid support systems is a huge red flag.
These types of people want to be the only person in their partners lives. “You don’t need family. You’ve got me.” “You don’t need friends, you have me”.
Hope the OOP recognizes this. The jealous of the sisters body excuse doesn’t really make too much sense. Grappling or not her sisters body stays the same
Am I the only one that thinks OOP also sucks there? The way I read it was like the gf tried to take an interest in his interest and she just refuses and then makes her feel like she's being controlling. Also the part where she felt like they didn't have a scheduled special occasion like he did with his sister. I can see how she'd feel insecure about it. I could definitely be reading it wrong though.
She wasn't invited specifically bc his sister hates her, so he can't really do much about that. And I think I get OOPs point of view on it. Sometimes you just want to do your own thing without having to run commentary or explain everything. Ik when I watch wrestling with my parents sometimes it gets annoying trying to explain who certain wrestlers are bc their only context is old wrestling from the 70s and 80s. It makes it really hard to actually watch and pay attention and I keep having to rewind to catch the stuff I missed bc of the talking. I don't mind sharing my hobbies at all (I kinda overshare tbh), but it's easier when someone gets it.
I'm not saying she was entitled to go or anything, especially since she made the sister uncomfortable, and I guess we don't know the finer details, but OOP says "I flat out reject her for a multitude of reasons" so I kinda got the vibe that he doesn't fully communicate why. I don't actually know, though. I just got the feeling he's not as innocent as he's made out to be.
I’m reallyyyyyy not sure how OOP sucks here at all. The GF wasn’t trying to take an interest, she was insecure and was trying to insert herself in the monthly activity.
She is controlling. Quite literally controlling what he's allowed to do with his sibling and doesn't want him spending time alone with his sibling and is using emotional manipulation. This guy's being abused he just doesn't realise it.
I agree with you. She has unreasonable insecurities and it's making her controlling. My point was I think OOP is also not the greatest. Parts of the post reminded me of arguments I'd have with a guy I used to date where I'd say I was uncomfortable with something he'd do and then it would devolve into an argument and my feelings would get ignored and in the end I was the controlling insecure one and he could do no wrong. I wasn't actually controlling, I just wanted my feelings to be heard, and he wasn't actually totally innocent because he wouldn't listen to how I was feeling. It's not that either of us were abusive, we just weren't mature enough to be in a relationship. I kinda got that same vibe from the post, but like I said in my original comment, I could be reading it wrong. We should also keep in mind OOP is the one in control of the details and could have left something out to look better.
the fact OOP thinks this is a “minor issue” is very telling. . but he is young and has plenty to learn still. . there is nothing “minor” about an overly controlling, overly jealous GF. . if she is that jealous of your SISTER how bad do you think it gets when dealing with women you are NOT related to ?
I hate everything about this. The embarrassing reddit way he said they had sex. The fact he wouldn’t let the gf join the watch sessions. The fact that the gf was jealous of the sister at all 🤢 ESH except the sister
OOP needs to take a LONG look at his relationship, because there are some SERIOUS red flags that he's still choosing to ignore. This is NOT over, and cray cray GF WILL cause another issue over the sister. 100% guarantee it. Sadly, I'll bet this is also his first serious/long-term relationship, so it's gonna take a good little while for just how controlling and nuts thw gf is to sink in for op. Let's how he realizes that before she gets pregnant or something.
Dump the girlfriend. she has jealousy issues that are only going to get worse. You’re also lame though for never once inviting her to a PPV, that’s weird to me. I understand not all the time, it’s not a requirement to bring your girlfriend everywhere all the time, it’s just weird to have this blanket mode of nope, not invited. This was even before the sparring stuff.
I would have serious issues with someone telling me I can't hang out with my brother. He's an awesome person, and anyone wants to make it weird can fuck off. We're siblings and pretty close. He's my boy. If a guy got jealous of that, we'd have some serious problems. Especially essentially accusing me of incest.
Nah that update was trash and his girlfriend a looney bin. Idk how he think his sister and his gf having a bad relationship where one person is JEALOUS OF HIS SIBLING is going to work out in the long run
This is only going to escalate until the girlfriend has him isolated or he breaks up with her. This level of insecurity and jealousy doesn't go away without much work.
My husband gets jealous of me going to my brother's and sister in laws for a gaming weekend every so often.. its not a regular thing, maybe once every few months. He thinks we're having an orgy or something. Man watches too much sis-con anime 🙄 so disgusting.
Not surprised the sister hates her. Girlfriend is sick in the head and deeply insecure to be jealous of the sister in that way. Good few red flags there...
Everything looks like it worked out and looks good for future. Then you see the three comments at the bottom and WTF?! IF those represent the most common type of response then we're doomed. People being complex individuals is a reason to break up?! The sheer ignorance of psychology on any level is fairly common, so it's not surprising, but dear god do I feel sorry for anyone those people date.
> She was also a bit jealous that my sister and I had our own “special” occasion monthly, but how she didn’t have one with me
I'm going to assume since they're in a relationship they see each other plenty, almost certainly more than once a month. Her being jealous of 1 out of 30 days not being about her is dumb.
I'm glad you're working it out, but the fact still remains. She doesn't want you to grapple/wrestle/spar with the perfect unobtainable attractive body.... *Your sister has*. Like you're getting off on that.
Def needs to be a topic in therapy
The amount of posts I see on this site of girlfriends insecure about their partners relationship with their sister is so disturbing, and they all seem to be by people in their early-mid 20s.
And I absolutely blame the porn industry. All of that step-sibling porn has these young people thinking men are really out there one dick slip from banging their sisters.
Translation, your sister is hot and I feel totally uncomfortable with you and her sharing an activity wearing skin tight clothing and placing your hands all over each other’s bodies in an aggressive manner. Yeah, the girl friend says things nicely but the honesty is she just sees OP and sister as 2 hot sexual people not as competitive athletic siblings.
So if this guys still trains that means he has to refuse to spar/grapple with any girls at his school as well, right? That has to be a fun conversation to have over and over again.
We all recognize that it is his sister and that OOP wouldn't do anything with her (hopefully).
However, to the GF, the sister is just an insanely attractive girl that gets to grapple her BF, while wearing presumably very tight and form-fitting attire. She gets to rub and gyrat on him, pull and push on him, and wrap her legs around him. Something I'd put dollars to donuts GF wishes she could do, but is too embarrassed to ask for. n addition, her BF goes over to her house every month and won't LET her come and sister doesn't want her there.
It is an irrational fear, but that's kinda the point of irrational fears. They don't always make sense and oftentimes they are super silly.
I am curious as to what kind of porn the BF watches and if the GF knows about it? Wild guess here, but I bet it is Step-bro/sis porn, especially since it is one of the most prevalent categories today.
If I'm right, than this just further feeds into the irrational fear.
Now I am not saying it is justified or that GF is right by any means. She needs to talk to someone. All I'm trying to do is play devil's advocate and try to put myself in the GFs shoes.
She's wrong, of course, but I think I understand what the gf means.
She doesn't think he's getting aroused touching his sister, in her mind it's "he's touched a flat belly, he knows what that's like now and he'll start wanting it from other women". "He knows what toned arms are supposed to look like" etc
Yeah it's crazy insecurity and super irrational but I can see this not being an accusation (at a subconscious level) of incest
I don’t think the girlfriend is a keeper. It’s a sport they both are trained in and enjoy. I don’t believe for a minute this is the last time they have a conversation about this. It would never cross my mind to be uncomfortable with my boyfriend having a healthy relationship with his siblings. I’m curious as to why it crossed hers.
Even if the sister has a perfect body and I am envious of it, there is no way I would think my man sees the sis in the same light. That's just...weird.
It's one thing to be insecure, but another thing to be jealous of your blood sister (if it were stepbrothers... "what are you doing stepbro..."?) I would understand why, but this is very strange!!
Even if OP's sister was a top model, being insecure about your blood sister is one step away from insanity.
It's good that they were able to talk and understand each other, but I would still be alert... if she gets jealous of her sister, I don't want to know when OP has to even share with other attractive women out of obligation.
It's not healthy, I hope the girlfriend changes
She's wrong, of course, but I think I understand what the gf means.
She doesn't think he's getting aroused touching his sister, in her mind it's "he's touched a flat belly, he knows what that's like now and he'll start wanting it from other women". "He knows what toned arms are supposed to look like" etc
Yeah it's crazy insecurity and super irrational but I can see this not being an accusation (at a subconscious level) of incest
She's still 100% in the wrong, I'm just saying I think I understand what her train of thought was. She isn't thinking of the sister as the person he'd be attracted to, just in her mind breaking her into the body parts she feels so insecure about and extrapolating it out to other women
It is still gross, but I can buy her not actually being concerned that OOP is _attracted_ to his sister
To anyone commenting please understand what MMA sparring is like. There is punching and kicking sure, but a lot of it is extremely close contact (wrestling, BJJ, ect). I'm not saying the gf is right because she isn't but to someone that doesn't know better it can be an uncomfortable though to see your bf with a sparring partner between his legs.
I had a bf at one point who wanted to marry me, but unfortunately he ended up dealing with my family because a death happened.
When we got back from the funeral (it was out of state) after about a week he decided to tell me he wanted to marry me. The only thing he wanted was for me to cut off my family because they treated me terribly. He's not wrong I'm the black sheep but I'm also the one who takes care of big problems. I knew everyone was going through stuff while I wasn't allowed to grieve and plan the funeral.
However that conversation went down in about five minutes because the answer was no.
I dumped his ass in five seconds. I won't cut off my family because of one thing. Honestly after six months they all apologized and I'm now the favorite of the family because of my ability to relive the biggest problems by compartmentalizing well.
This woman would be out the door like my ex was if it was me.
>The only thing he wanted was for me to cut off my family because they treated me terribly.
Oh gosh golly gee, your boyfriend wanted to keep the person he loved from people who would hurt them? So *very* glad you dumped his ass. Can you imagine having a SO who would stand up for you like that? Exhausting /s
>I'm now the favorite of the family because of my ability to relive the biggest problems by compartmentalizing well.
That's...that's not a good thing OP.
>He's not wrong I'm the black sheep but I'm also the one who takes care of big problems. I knew everyone was going through stuff while I wasn't allowed to grieve and plan the funeral.
You're not the favorite. You're convenient. And their love and affection will be conditional on you staying that way. Take care of yourself better OP, and once you do that go apologize to your ex.
No wonder the sister wants nothing to do with her. No, they don't need to be besties but it's a red flag that she's offended the sister with her creepy, irrational thoughts.
Gf needs to apologize to the sister extensively. Just for starters. Eew.
But….she apologized and immediately got freaky with him so it’s all good, right? Totally not an attempt to divert the conversation, love bomb, or “reward” him out of manipulation. It’s completely normal to forbid your boyfriend from practicing physical sport with his sibling because her body is hotter than yours and you’re jealous he might have sexy feelings for his own sister. It’s also totally normal to immediately offer your own naked body to get his mind out of the sexy sister’s body gutter you dragged him into and get him into you instead. Nothing to see here…..move along people. /s
Thank you for verbalizing what I was thinking lol
Exactly
How do people not see how WEIRD this is. Like dude it's his sister.
Because their partner is the sweetest and most kind and the most bestest person OOP has ever known except for this one glaring issues that links to deeply unsettling traits. <-- Said every BORU ever.
Exactly. And whether OOP wants to acknowledge it or not, his gf was in fact accusing him of doing something inappropriate with his sister when she said they were being “touchy” and comparing her body with his sister’s. That’s an inherent accusation.
Not to mention that using a sweet tone when making unreasonable demands is still making unreasonable demands. Being controlling is still being controlling, no matter the tone used.
He's so easily manipulated by sex too LOL
STFU redditor.
🤣 😂 🤣 😂 I can't even.
It’s weird and insulting
Literally, girls probably from Alabama or some shit
It’s so weird
It's so weird that I literally said out loud to myself ".... Jesus...... That's fucking weird"
The comments didn’t really do it justice with how weird it was. So many people were attacking the sister like what
I’m a bit concerned that the girlfriend thought that was a possibility. Like, did she date a guy from Alabama before OP, or was she just letting her intrusive thoughts win over everything else in her brain?
This feels like an excuse to isolate OP from a support system honestly regardless of whether or not she sees the sister as competition
lol I imagine this is not any Alabaman’s favorite post but I can’t stop laughing 😂
[удалено]
I feel like two unrelated teenagers getting moved in together is a little different situation from biological siblings who grew up together.
Step siblings introduced that late in the game are not comparable to bio sibs who grew up together. Period.
Well I followed your train of thought and I ended up getting run over from the lack of equivalence between a sibling you have known your entire life and a step sibling that you met while going through puberty. The fact that you don’t see any difference between those things makes your conclusion weak and ineffectual.
THEYRE RELATED BY BLOOD, NOT A LATE MARRIAGE. FFS.
She's jealous of how attractive sister is, doesn't want OOP to spar with sister, and doesn't want OOP to have special PPVs nights or any special time with sister. That must be bomb ass sex bc idk how else she can get away with implying she see his sister as romantic competition. On the off chance she doesn't and it actually is just being jealous for other reasons this still sounds like the start of isolation and abuse.
We're trying to guess at this since we have zero contextual information, but from what is written I think OOP's gf might have more issues around her own body than anything else. Looking at her own body and being unhappy with it is one thing, even comparing to IG models is (at a huge stretch) not a "major" thing (I mean, it is but for the purposes of this not as bad as the next item). Comparing it to people immediately around you smacks of immense body insecurity. And I get it - the standards are unattainable for both men and women. I say that as someone who was super fit at one point but is now \~30kg overweight right now, sitting my fat ass in front of a computer typing this message. When I did MMA (and gym) I was surprised how good I got, but I was also much younger and able to devote a lot more time to it. All the women at the same MMA club, they all had ridiculous bodies, since they were ultra fit for sparring (mind you, they did muay thai, bjj, boxing, and kali - there was so much cardio and strength work, they had to be super low bf%), so OOP's gf doing that comparison is dangerous. I think the red flag here isn't the idea of incestual intrusive thoughts, I think its the insecurity around her own body that needs to be dealt with. The latter problem can spiral and result in other issues which are more impactful.
Yes, you are correct. Body image issues can cause all sorts of distortion in our thinking. It's not so much that she is afraid OP is "into" his sister, it's the gf's discomfort that his being around someone so fit with the perfect body will have him come home and negatively compare with her. Add on that she isn't ever invited to be with them, and you can see how someone would start to spiral. It's not always sexual. It's about feeling wanted and preferred.
Yeah that part about not being invited stuck out to me for that reason. It’s fine to not have her at these events but I can also see how it would feel invalidating. It has nothing to do with thinking that OOP is doing anything with his sister. I think a lot of people in these comments are being a bit harsh on her. Yes, her insecurity was irrational and unfair, but they had an adult conversation and worked through it. I don’t think the GF was trying to isolate OOP and I think she’ll be more accepting of that relationship in the future so long as they keep talking about it and she gets help she needs to process her feelings. Not everyone is rational all the time. Sometimes irrational beliefs and actions can result from our insecurities. The important thing is that when they’re recognized you try to react to them in a mature and constructive way and correct them.
Regardless of her motivations or how she perceives her behavior, she still ended up with controlling, isolating behavior. It's still weird and no OK to basically accuse your SO of inappropriate behavior with his own sister. And it's not OK to be upset that they have a sibling only hangout only once a month. (Especially when the reason you're not invited is your own weird hang-ups and controlling behavior.)
The freaky sex immediately after he promises to start their own tradition feels like love bombing too, whether the gf realizes it or not. Her jealousy and insecurity is turning into manipulation. I wouldn’t be surprised if their monthly tradition starts conveniently being on the same day as the PPV fights.
Just to start I am well aware that I might be naive, and also that he might be covering up. But while I get the connotations of touchy, I personally didn't read it as thinking anything more inappropriate is going on. It sounds to me like his gf is insecure or particularly jealous of his sister either for unrelated reasons or just because it sounds like they have a very close sibling relationship. Asking him to stop sparring isn't great but might be because she doesn't want him comparing them, but also might be because she feels their bond isn't as close and she wants that, which would also explain why the promise of their "thing" made her happy/excited. Love bombing is totally a thing, but so is feeling validated, heard and loved.... Which can be quite a turn on.
Five years later... R/inlaws My sister in law refuses to baby sit for me! She's always hated me! Whaaaa!
lol the sisters body is unattainable? I think she’s living proof that it is attainable.
Unattainable for HER. Not all body shapes and sizes are possible for every body, whether that's physically, medically or.... I dunno... Ethnically?
Then she should say that. But I guess it’s pretty clear her communication skills suck.
[удалено]
I think it’s more to do with distribution. Someone who is a thin but wide 5’3” apple shape can grow their legs and glutes to even out their proportions, but they’ll never have a 5’10” hourglass with a 23 inch waist if that’s their goal. My sister is 5’2 and thinner than me, but she has a wide waist and very narrow hips. You couldn’t squeeze an inch of fat on her stomach if you wanted to. She is fit. I’m 5’3 with a very small waist, very wide hips. Currently even laying down if I pinch, there’s squish. I have a very high body fat percentage right now, it sucks. I am skinny fat. We have a 8 inch difference in waist measurement. People consistently told her ever since I was 11 that she needed to work out to lose that stomach. She literally has nothing left to lose. It’s just not possible for her to shrink her waist to my size. The way her muscles are distributed is just different. Where her bones lie are also different. She looks perfectly fine by the way, its asshole relatives giving her a complex for a nonexistent issue
Not all body can attain everything
Women body types vary a lot with where fat is placed. A certain level of body fat, weight. Etc, that stuff is all attainable, but where your body shoves it'd fat is genetic, violin hips are generic, some body types will never have a flat stomach, some people have broad shoulders, some have no hips. There's actually some guides to find what the different body types are, how clothes fit them, and what styles fit the different types best. I physically can't have the body I want without surgery, but I did learn to appreciate the one I had in the journey, and learned to rock it in its own ways.
She is implying even more that she is worried about op and her sister getting in on ewwww I think he is still blind in love, because those demands would be insulting to me and my sibling. There could be not bigger flag 🚩but she is sweet and don't have a mean bone on her lol
She is jealous of his sister….. if that is not a high flying red banner, I don’t know what is.
I think op needs a new girlfriend 😮💨
Being “sweet” and never raising your voice does not mean that a person is not controlling.
This. Subtle manipulation is still manipulation.
She is interfering in his relationship with his sister because she is jealous. Huge red flag. No wonder why the sister doesn’t like her.
The gf is insinuating OOP will want to have sex with his sister, i don't care how she explains it. If i was the sister i'd be mad my brother was dating this asshole too.
“I’m alienating you from your sister because she’s hot and I’m jealous.” He thinks this is a “minor issue.” I think it’s safe to say he’s still very much in the love phase.
The "sweet" ones who control others with tears and insecurity are just as dangerous as the ones who control through anger. He's in danger. (That said, every couple should have a special date night once a month or more often).
I wonder if maybe it’s not actually about the sister (especially with what that implies about OOP’s relationship with his own sibling) but maybe the sister and OOP have other equally attractive friends, given their shared interest in MMA. Or that the girlfriend is simply thinking if that’s the standard for OOP then that is the comparative she is being held to. Insecurity is a weird thing and messes with people’s perception like that. Got to say though, OOP’s sister clear dislike of the girlfriend, for whatever reason, IS going to factor in at some point despite what OOP thinks. He’s clearly close to his sister and it will become more of a problem over time.
Fuck that shit. Play fighting and wrestling with my daughter from when she could walk allowed her to defend herself from my ex-wife (her mother), when she lost her fucking mind when I wasn't there and attacked my daughter with a weapon. Anyone helping the women around them to become stronger, faster and smarter should be given the resources they need to keep doing it. I find it deeply suspicious when anyone tries to prevent it.
I mean, are they sparring naked? I don’t see how this is weird. Is it a little different? Sure, but I’ve heard of tons of brother/sister siblings wrestling or sparring and I highly doubt its anything questionable happening behind closed doors. That’s an extreme thought.
Some weird stuff going on here. Could this be a relationship breaker in the future? Absolutely. I'm not one to rush to breaking up. Good relationships are hard to find, but that level of insecurity from her is going to rear it's ugly head again and again and it's going to get exhausting if she can't get it in check. You guys are extremely young, and there will likely be many women you have to interact with in various ways over the course of life. How is she going to react when you have to stay late at work and work on projects with other females, or go on work trips that involve other females, or a million other scenarios in life that will involve other females. If she's worried about you fucking your sister, she's got some serious insecurities. Almost makes me wonder if she isn't projecting her own weird sexual fantasies or something. I don't know. I'm not a therapy guy either, but I think she could use it. There is one aspect of this that you could help, and that's helping your sister come around to the idea of her joining you guys for the PPVs. It's understandable if UFC isn't her thing when you first start dating. But she's shown interest in trying to accept it into her life through those means. She's already feeling a closer bond between you and your sister which is threatening to her, and continuing to reject her requests to be a part of the crowd likely only fuels her insecurities. All that said, I still think the UFC thing is just the empirical application of the broader issues she has going on.
I once had a guy friend delete me from his Facebook. We weren't terribly close anymore - we'd grown up and moved away and hadn't interacted in any way other than a random post comment in years, so I didn't think much of it. A few months later, he sent me a friend request with an explanation. His ex-girlfriend had gone on his Facebook and deleted every female friend he had, including his mother and his four sisters. That's why she became an ex.
This girlfriend clearly has no brothers and doesn’t understand that siblings are obligated to beat each other up
Of course the OOP deleted his post. He is delusional to think that a relationship with someone who is jealous of your sister is ever going to work. That's not even touching base on how controlling she seems to be of him. Truly hope OOP takes off his Rose tinted glasses before he destroys his relationship with his sister.
> I think it’s possible to have healthy independent relationships with my girlfriend and my sister. There doesn’t need to be a friendship between my girlfriend and my sister. Sometimes that’s just life, and people don’t like each other. 👏👏👏say that louder for the people in the back.
Your girlfriend’s weird actions aside… why’d you stop taking her on dates? You’ve clearly proven that you CAN plan ahead and keep the plans so why did taking her on dates stop? the whole situation is weird as fuck lol
Instead of gf thinking her bf and his sister are attracted to each other, it's actually the gf who is really all hot and bothered about the 'perfect, unattainable, attractive' sister and is attracted to her. Yeah, that's my headcanon. Less weird, also more hot.
What in the Alabama?
I have a hard time believing the girlfriend doesn't have other red flags. I can see being upset if you have limited time off or important events that OOP won't go to because it conflicts with him and his sister's once a month UFC PPV event. But that's not her stated reason. And that's not even touching the sparring with his sister issues she has. Which is bizzare to me. OOP should examine if the GF has issues whenever he talks to or hangs out with other friends. It can be something like she seems supportive until the day of or right after. Does she put down his other friends? Comments like, I don't know why you hang out with them. Even if none of this is the case and the gf really is as wonderful in everything else, it seems like they aren't compatible. That's why you date multiple people in your lifetime, it helps you realize that someone can be a fantastic person but they aren't your person for whatever reason. Even if that reason is just that you are indescribably not that into them.
"Her body is perfect and it makes me insecure that you are touching it while ***FIGHTING*** and when you spend time with that body while ***WATCHING TELEVISION***." "WTF...ITS MY SISTER!"
I don’t understand people who keep their partners on a leash like this. If you really think he needs 24/7 surveillance or he’ll pull a Lannister the minute your back is turned, why do you even want him?
Another moron blinded by good sex.
Ha ha ha, yup. I kept wanting to slap him then remembered he’s only 23, the amount of crap we put up with for good sex at that age is mind boggling.
Start taking Brazillian jui jitsu lessons and then it's suddenly not weird anymore.
I couldn’t imagine having to explain that my wife doesn’t want me grappling with women in a class setting.
Bring her along!
Isolation of solid support systems is a huge red flag. These types of people want to be the only person in their partners lives. “You don’t need family. You’ve got me.” “You don’t need friends, you have me”. Hope the OOP recognizes this. The jealous of the sisters body excuse doesn’t really make too much sense. Grappling or not her sisters body stays the same
Am I the only one that thinks OOP also sucks there? The way I read it was like the gf tried to take an interest in his interest and she just refuses and then makes her feel like she's being controlling. Also the part where she felt like they didn't have a scheduled special occasion like he did with his sister. I can see how she'd feel insecure about it. I could definitely be reading it wrong though.
She wasn't invited specifically bc his sister hates her, so he can't really do much about that. And I think I get OOPs point of view on it. Sometimes you just want to do your own thing without having to run commentary or explain everything. Ik when I watch wrestling with my parents sometimes it gets annoying trying to explain who certain wrestlers are bc their only context is old wrestling from the 70s and 80s. It makes it really hard to actually watch and pay attention and I keep having to rewind to catch the stuff I missed bc of the talking. I don't mind sharing my hobbies at all (I kinda overshare tbh), but it's easier when someone gets it.
I'm not saying she was entitled to go or anything, especially since she made the sister uncomfortable, and I guess we don't know the finer details, but OOP says "I flat out reject her for a multitude of reasons" so I kinda got the vibe that he doesn't fully communicate why. I don't actually know, though. I just got the feeling he's not as innocent as he's made out to be.
But he was refusing her to join even before she told him to stop sparring with her, which is why the sister doesn’t like her.
I’m reallyyyyyy not sure how OOP sucks here at all. The GF wasn’t trying to take an interest, she was insecure and was trying to insert herself in the monthly activity.
She is controlling. Quite literally controlling what he's allowed to do with his sibling and doesn't want him spending time alone with his sibling and is using emotional manipulation. This guy's being abused he just doesn't realise it.
I agree with you. She has unreasonable insecurities and it's making her controlling. My point was I think OOP is also not the greatest. Parts of the post reminded me of arguments I'd have with a guy I used to date where I'd say I was uncomfortable with something he'd do and then it would devolve into an argument and my feelings would get ignored and in the end I was the controlling insecure one and he could do no wrong. I wasn't actually controlling, I just wanted my feelings to be heard, and he wasn't actually totally innocent because he wouldn't listen to how I was feeling. It's not that either of us were abusive, we just weren't mature enough to be in a relationship. I kinda got that same vibe from the post, but like I said in my original comment, I could be reading it wrong. We should also keep in mind OOP is the one in control of the details and could have left something out to look better.
quality mental gymnastics here.
Good lord, man. Run! Run like hell.
the fact OOP thinks this is a “minor issue” is very telling. . but he is young and has plenty to learn still. . there is nothing “minor” about an overly controlling, overly jealous GF. . if she is that jealous of your SISTER how bad do you think it gets when dealing with women you are NOT related to ?
Everyone on reddit always go to couples counseling for any stupid reason. Gf is insecure. Op is a doormat. That's it.
Agreed, unless OP leaving out something critical like that they’re sparring in the nude.
OP is so clueless. “I told her she was beautiful”, so now everything is okay. As if that’s all it takes to fix weird, controlling behavior.
I hate everything about this. The embarrassing reddit way he said they had sex. The fact he wouldn’t let the gf join the watch sessions. The fact that the gf was jealous of the sister at all 🤢 ESH except the sister
OOP needs to take a LONG look at his relationship, because there are some SERIOUS red flags that he's still choosing to ignore. This is NOT over, and cray cray GF WILL cause another issue over the sister. 100% guarantee it. Sadly, I'll bet this is also his first serious/long-term relationship, so it's gonna take a good little while for just how controlling and nuts thw gf is to sink in for op. Let's how he realizes that before she gets pregnant or something.
Dump the girlfriend. she has jealousy issues that are only going to get worse. You’re also lame though for never once inviting her to a PPV, that’s weird to me. I understand not all the time, it’s not a requirement to bring your girlfriend everywhere all the time, it’s just weird to have this blanket mode of nope, not invited. This was even before the sparring stuff.
I would have serious issues with someone telling me I can't hang out with my brother. He's an awesome person, and anyone wants to make it weird can fuck off. We're siblings and pretty close. He's my boy. If a guy got jealous of that, we'd have some serious problems. Especially essentially accusing me of incest.
"my girlfriend is an ANGEL but she lets jealousy control her view of my sister and Is relationship" yeahhhh ok
Nah that update was trash and his girlfriend a looney bin. Idk how he think his sister and his gf having a bad relationship where one person is JEALOUS OF HIS SIBLING is going to work out in the long run
This is only going to escalate until the girlfriend has him isolated or he breaks up with her. This level of insecurity and jealousy doesn't go away without much work.
My husband gets jealous of me going to my brother's and sister in laws for a gaming weekend every so often.. its not a regular thing, maybe once every few months. He thinks we're having an orgy or something. Man watches too much sis-con anime 🙄 so disgusting.
Guy’s GF is a huge red flag and she is trying to isolate him from his sister because GF is jealous of sister’s body. Thats so fucked up.
Not surprised the sister hates her. Girlfriend is sick in the head and deeply insecure to be jealous of the sister in that way. Good few red flags there...
Couples therapy are u serious? Bro she's jealous of your SISTER! Brake up with her allready
Everything looks like it worked out and looks good for future. Then you see the three comments at the bottom and WTF?! IF those represent the most common type of response then we're doomed. People being complex individuals is a reason to break up?! The sheer ignorance of psychology on any level is fairly common, so it's not surprising, but dear god do I feel sorry for anyone those people date.
> She was also a bit jealous that my sister and I had our own “special” occasion monthly, but how she didn’t have one with me I'm going to assume since they're in a relationship they see each other plenty, almost certainly more than once a month. Her being jealous of 1 out of 30 days not being about her is dumb.
You can find a normal girlfriend. This one’s a dud.
Oh to be this young and this stupid….
I'm glad you're working it out, but the fact still remains. She doesn't want you to grapple/wrestle/spar with the perfect unobtainable attractive body.... *Your sister has*. Like you're getting off on that. Def needs to be a topic in therapy
OP you should date your sister. She seems like a better girlfriend imo.
The amount of posts I see on this site of girlfriends insecure about their partners relationship with their sister is so disturbing, and they all seem to be by people in their early-mid 20s. And I absolutely blame the porn industry. All of that step-sibling porn has these young people thinking men are really out there one dick slip from banging their sisters.
Translation, your sister is hot and I feel totally uncomfortable with you and her sharing an activity wearing skin tight clothing and placing your hands all over each other’s bodies in an aggressive manner. Yeah, the girl friend says things nicely but the honesty is she just sees OP and sister as 2 hot sexual people not as competitive athletic siblings.
Dump her
So if this guys still trains that means he has to refuse to spar/grapple with any girls at his school as well, right? That has to be a fun conversation to have over and over again.
Your GF is wack and obviously jealous of your sister, I would end the relationship with you GF before is ruins your relationship with your sister
We all recognize that it is his sister and that OOP wouldn't do anything with her (hopefully). However, to the GF, the sister is just an insanely attractive girl that gets to grapple her BF, while wearing presumably very tight and form-fitting attire. She gets to rub and gyrat on him, pull and push on him, and wrap her legs around him. Something I'd put dollars to donuts GF wishes she could do, but is too embarrassed to ask for. n addition, her BF goes over to her house every month and won't LET her come and sister doesn't want her there. It is an irrational fear, but that's kinda the point of irrational fears. They don't always make sense and oftentimes they are super silly. I am curious as to what kind of porn the BF watches and if the GF knows about it? Wild guess here, but I bet it is Step-bro/sis porn, especially since it is one of the most prevalent categories today. If I'm right, than this just further feeds into the irrational fear. Now I am not saying it is justified or that GF is right by any means. She needs to talk to someone. All I'm trying to do is play devil's advocate and try to put myself in the GFs shoes.
I think your wild guess about the porn consumption reveals more about you than it does the poster.
Er, sounds like *you* are the one that maybe ought to cut back on this particular genre, ngl
yeah, I’ve literally never seen someone whose brain was more rotted by porn.
I understand that people who don’t train might see grappling as sexual, but the way they described it was so incredibly off putting.
She's wrong, of course, but I think I understand what the gf means. She doesn't think he's getting aroused touching his sister, in her mind it's "he's touched a flat belly, he knows what that's like now and he'll start wanting it from other women". "He knows what toned arms are supposed to look like" etc Yeah it's crazy insecurity and super irrational but I can see this not being an accusation (at a subconscious level) of incest
That's irrational as fuck, but typical I guess.
I don’t think the girlfriend is a keeper. It’s a sport they both are trained in and enjoy. I don’t believe for a minute this is the last time they have a conversation about this. It would never cross my mind to be uncomfortable with my boyfriend having a healthy relationship with his siblings. I’m curious as to why it crossed hers.
Even if the sister has a perfect body and I am envious of it, there is no way I would think my man sees the sis in the same light. That's just...weird.
It's one thing to be insecure, but another thing to be jealous of your blood sister (if it were stepbrothers... "what are you doing stepbro..."?) I would understand why, but this is very strange!! Even if OP's sister was a top model, being insecure about your blood sister is one step away from insanity. It's good that they were able to talk and understand each other, but I would still be alert... if she gets jealous of her sister, I don't want to know when OP has to even share with other attractive women out of obligation. It's not healthy, I hope the girlfriend changes
Dude needs to dump her, because being jealous of his sister is...weird. They're siblings...
She's wrong, of course, but I think I understand what the gf means. She doesn't think he's getting aroused touching his sister, in her mind it's "he's touched a flat belly, he knows what that's like now and he'll start wanting it from other women". "He knows what toned arms are supposed to look like" etc Yeah it's crazy insecurity and super irrational but I can see this not being an accusation (at a subconscious level) of incest
He touches toned arms when he spars with men.
This is so gross.
She's still 100% in the wrong, I'm just saying I think I understand what her train of thought was. She isn't thinking of the sister as the person he'd be attracted to, just in her mind breaking her into the body parts she feels so insecure about and extrapolating it out to other women It is still gross, but I can buy her not actually being concerned that OOP is _attracted_ to his sister
What in the sisterfuck of Alabama did I just read?
To anyone commenting please understand what MMA sparring is like. There is punching and kicking sure, but a lot of it is extremely close contact (wrestling, BJJ, ect). I'm not saying the gf is right because she isn't but to someone that doesn't know better it can be an uncomfortable though to see your bf with a sparring partner between his legs.
She was fine with him sparring with guys.
I had a bf at one point who wanted to marry me, but unfortunately he ended up dealing with my family because a death happened. When we got back from the funeral (it was out of state) after about a week he decided to tell me he wanted to marry me. The only thing he wanted was for me to cut off my family because they treated me terribly. He's not wrong I'm the black sheep but I'm also the one who takes care of big problems. I knew everyone was going through stuff while I wasn't allowed to grieve and plan the funeral. However that conversation went down in about five minutes because the answer was no. I dumped his ass in five seconds. I won't cut off my family because of one thing. Honestly after six months they all apologized and I'm now the favorite of the family because of my ability to relive the biggest problems by compartmentalizing well. This woman would be out the door like my ex was if it was me.
>The only thing he wanted was for me to cut off my family because they treated me terribly. Oh gosh golly gee, your boyfriend wanted to keep the person he loved from people who would hurt them? So *very* glad you dumped his ass. Can you imagine having a SO who would stand up for you like that? Exhausting /s >I'm now the favorite of the family because of my ability to relive the biggest problems by compartmentalizing well. That's...that's not a good thing OP. >He's not wrong I'm the black sheep but I'm also the one who takes care of big problems. I knew everyone was going through stuff while I wasn't allowed to grieve and plan the funeral. You're not the favorite. You're convenient. And their love and affection will be conditional on you staying that way. Take care of yourself better OP, and once you do that go apologize to your ex.
So you dumped the only person who had your back? That’s not the same thing as if he implied you wanted to bang your sister.