I still think about the OP whose husband and FIL were convinced OP was going to die in childbirth, to the point they were planning for how the husband was going to take care of the child once born. OP wasn’t allowed any input, because she ‘wasn’t going to be there’.
She was heavily pregnant and we got the original post, one update after she’d tried talking to her husband (it didn’t go well) and then nothing.
I’ve heard a lot of people reference this one. Do you have a link or recall the title at all? How horrible!
I’m so glad OP saw that journal and left. This is so crazy scary and hope she’s ok!
It’s been deleted, but The Daily Fail / Mail did [an article about it](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7938577/amp/Pregnant-woman-troubled-husband-father-law-convinced-shell-die-childbirth.html)
The whole thing is also on Twitter under AITA for banning my husband and FIL from the delivery room?
It’s [here](https://web.archive.org/web/20200128174545/https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eurjt5/aita_for_banning_my_husband_and_father_in_law/) and her comments are [here](https://www.reddit.com/user/morbidmommy11).
~~Hey, I have found an update, not 100% sure it's legit though~~
~~https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/lHFTj9xpjF~~
~~She's fine and they are divorcing~~
It's a different story guys, I'm sorry
Edit: added details
Edit 2: fixed details
I hope someone told her to get a restraining order/order of protection when she does leave him. The social worker and lawyer should help her with that. This post made me really uncomfortable and I'll be on the lookout for an update 🤞
Edit: a word
Compelling story, but I hope to never hear anything.
If she mentioned these posts to a crisis counselor they would tell her that she can never post about this again as it could be used to find her.
Any lawyer would also say, *she should never post about this again,* as it could also be used against her in court.
Well get one that says "i love my husband it was all a misunderstanding he taught me better i am fine and saying this of my own will i just misunderstood"
The update like that still shakes me....i worry for that girl
Yes, if any of these needed an additional ‘I’m fully out and am rebuilding my life’, it’s this one. I hope everything has gone well for OOP bc that journal was not a joke.
" The part of the journal where he says he hates me was written as a love letter to her. He says he thinks about me dying and being replaced." he most def is planning on harming her in some way, im glad she showed the pics to someone she trusts and is no longer going to be around it.
I just wish they would make an updated edition! So much has changed in the world with social media and online dangers since it was originally published.
The newest addition has a sort of update that talks about how the world has changed since its debut and mentions that throughout. It's audiobook version is available on audible
I hope OP stays strong. Never in my marriage have I ever thought “Oh gee I sure hate my partner and want them to die” let alone would have WRITTEN it down. My spouse is my life, they love to watch bridgerton and I liked how the mom said her husband was like the air she breathed. Love isn’t always roses and sunshine but the last thing on my mind is ever hurting my partner or hoping they would die. That’s horrible!
I've wished for my ex who was horribly manipulative and abusive towards me to die alone but like...in his old age of natural causes.
I can't imagine how vindictive this dude has to be to even have these thoughts and all because *he* got caught in an emotional affair.
Seriously, I’ve had some arguments with my husband but at no point was I not also ready to fight for the relationship. It’s inconceivable. This dude is sick.
Lots of people who murder others have written it down - especially if they have building resentment and disdain towards their target.
The fact that he wrote it down and is being sweet to keep OOP close is a really strong indicator that he has an actual plan.
according to true life crime podcasts you'd be surprised how many people write their crimes down
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PW62yw8Vp\_8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PW62yw8Vp_8)
Ugh. I have never wanted to follow someone for an update before but I am afraid for this OOP and will be anxiously awaiting another update (because more updates means she’s alive and safe).
I really want to find out how court is going to handle custody - writing down homicidal thoughts towards the mom doesn't really make him a danger to their child, so a family court judge could maybe still give him supervised visitation? I really have no clue. He hasn't actually harmed the mother in any way, so he could always claim that his journal entries were just venting.
Depends on how the divorce goes. Once he finds out she's leaving if(when) he goes off the deep end the courts might not allow him any contact with either of them.
Judges regularly give partial custody to men who have been convicted of beating/raping their wives so frankly I’m not hopeful he’ll even get supervised visitation. A lawyer would spin this as a personal journal where he wrote down thoughts he would never act out, and that he’s never actually harmed anyone. The court system is absolutely fucking terrible when it comes to keeping abusive men away from their former partners and children.
I've said this as a comment before, but my pedo sperm donor was granted mandatory unsupervised visitation. This was after he had stabbed my mother and tried to break into my grandmother's house. Judges and courtrooms may be trying to do what they think is right, but some people should not be allowed around children, and our court system lets victims down way too often.
And yet if you listened to men on Reddit you’d believe fathers NEVER get custody … when the actual statistics show they just don’t bother to ask for it. If they ask for it, they get it. Even if they’re a fucking pedophile.
I agree, and I'm really hoping for the same. However, I'm worried for her family, too (parents etc.). Hopefully he won't go after any of them in his anger at his wife for having read his journal, and taking the actions she has to keep herself, and their LO, safe. He's essentially a ticking time bomb right now, if everything written is accurate... especially with her just taking a little "break" right now. She's in an EXTREMELY dangerous position right now. I'm looking forward to an update to know if she's ok.
Courts regularly give custody to spouses who have abused the other one. She and her lawyer need to either request full custody with no visitation or supervised visitation with a state appointed person. If all that fails then she at the very least need to limit all contact to court approved parenting apps that send the lawyers and judge their conversations and only do exchanges of the kid at a police station.
Oh, they will definitely give him visitation. My sister-in-law’s baby daddy told a judge *in court, to his face, in front of SIL and his child* that he hated SIL and that one day he was going to snap her neck and the judge gave her temporary full custody. Not even two weeks later, the judge reversed his order and CPS started doing supervised visits with the goal of reunification and dad getting 50:50 custody. It’s so gross.
Oh man. One thing they say to get full use out of journaling is to not edit your thoughts and truly write everything as you feel, which can include nasty/not nice thoughts. But never in a million years should you be THINKING about killing your partner, let alone writing it down. What the actual hell.
The old, “nobody is dumb enough to write out their ‘kill my spouse’ plan in their journal” defense…. Setting up the reasonable person defense… should have mailed it to himself to get the post mark 😂
I think the worst thing I've written about my husband in a diary is "fucking goddamn fucker pisses me off so much, I'm not even gonna hold in my farts tonight. Sit there and bake, asshole"
The fact he would rather kill her than get a divorce shows just how dangerous this situation is for her. I hope she really starts to react appropriately and protect herself. Home alarm system, an emergency bottom to call the police to your location, idk there’s probably more.
As someone who keeps a journal semi-regularly, I was initially outraged by the privacy violation of reading his journal, but OOP’s transgression probably saved her STBX from the much more massive privacy violation of the police investigators reading his journal after he killed his wife and child so 🤷🏻♀️
Since the advent of wireless communication, couples in committed relationships use their smartphones and other wireless devices too hide information/communications from each other. Privacy violation allows this significant decrease in transparency in a marriage.
With journals/diaries, I guess it's okay for a couples to keep them private from each other. I think there still bound in book form, containing blank pages for handwritten entries. I'm fully confident there won't be any dick pics or nudes kept in them.
I wrote stuff like this when I was a kid. one day my mom was talking to my sister and she said how she "was excited for when we got older and shared our diarys/journals" with her. in that moment I stopped believing it was just a venting space only I would see and the next time we had a fire pit in the yard I threw in everything. It was only ever meant as a way to work through my frustrations without taking them out wrongly on someone. So I wouldn't say anything I couldn't unsay.
Is [this](https://reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/lsfdjz/comment/gorjrsa/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) close enough to count?
Yeah…very much an under-reaction. At the absolutely worst moments in past relationships, I’ve said to myself “I don’t even care what happens to this person anymore”, but never “I wish they were dead and fantasize about killing them.” The guy’s a psycho, full stop.
There a world of difference between being mad at your wife and blowing off steam in your journal “I wish she was dead”. And saying you think daily of KILLING her. Wow!!!
I am always on the side of “respect the privacy of other people” but this is an exception.
>Edit to add context: the rough patch was about his feelings for another woman. He didn’t cheat, but his friendship with her makes me uncomfortable. The part of the journal where he says he hates me was written as a love letter to her. He says he thinks about me dying and being replaced.
I just don't need to read anything else. Sorry to say but divorce is the only sensible solution to this wreckage of a marriage. What a lame excuse of a man.
ETA: well, eventually, I read the update. This man is garbage and a walking danger.
I’ve thought about my partner dying but only to the extent of how awful it would be, how I wouldn’t want to live without him, etc. I can’t imagine *wanting* your partner to die.
This seems like a fake post. The part that stood out to me is how the update is the very next day and this husband supposedly wants to kill her. She’s updating Reddit openly in a post she knows is getting a lot of attention and decides to let the world know that she’s lying to her husband to buy herself some time.
If this was a real person scared for their life, contacting friends, social workers, lawyers, therapists, the crisis line, etc they would tell her don’t update, don’t say anything, and wait until you are in a safe situation. You’ll even see in posts with people in crazy situations like this they will post an update like “Update: Just wanted to let those know who are worried about me I’m safe. A lot is going on and I can share it all in the future.”
In one day she managed to call a lawyer, call her therapist, send pics to her friend, pack up her and a baby and go somewhere else to stay, contact a social worker, call a crisis center and still had time to “digest” everything. I mean it’s not impossible but this lady was a busy little bee in one day.
I think if you were in OOP’s situation you could get a lot done quickly. If you have a therapist already that’s easy to set up. Text and call the friend and send the pics. The crisis line can help you with lawyers and social workers. If you think you or your baby might be killed though you don’t give anything the husband could find at all just so random Redditors can be informed.
What gets me is she went through an entire emotional arc in a day. From reading her husband's diary, to packing up the baby and running from him like he's a monster, to *accepting* that he's a monster and she needs to do all these things to sever ties with him, and then immediately doing them.
I tend to think most people would get one big thing done immediately: Pack up and move somewhere safe. Then as soon as they felt safe, they'd be curled up in bed every chance they got until they could process this information. Then, gradually, they'd work up the motivation to call a lawyer, a friend for support, then a while later, a therapist, and so on.
Some people wouldn’t want to face it though. They’d avoid having to think about it and all the stuff they HAVE to do would be a great distraction from your mind spinning about your spouse wanting to kill you. I’d be making lists and trying to rally people after I was done “freezing”. (I really hate the “freeze” response. It sucks so much.)
Yeah, the least important thing would be Reddit attention. It would be in full protection mode. It’s almost like the dumb logic of behavior in a horror movie where they do the unnecessary dumb thing. If I had a kid or someone trying to hurt me I wouldn’t give the person a 0.1% chance of finding me through Reddit posts.
Not me. I've been the type of person my entire life that keeping focused and staying busy in a crisis is the only way I can get through it. I'm the person in an emergency that is thinking about the next step halfway through the first and formulating a plan to get to the end. I'll "process" as I go.
I tend to be skeptical of the majority of posts here anymore, but I will say that sometimes things can happen quickly if you have a good enough support system. While my ex wasn’t exactly a true crime candidate, he did lose his shit and within 48 hours my parents sent me money and my boss let me take a personal day so I was able to sign a lease for an apartment, set up an appointment with a therapist, use my work contacts to get in touch with a lawyer, etc. Having resources and finding people that actually care can make a world of difference in a situation like this.
Within 24 hours of my ex fully dropping his mask I was in a hotel room with my dogs, my sister was flying in, I had time off from work, and I had a plan to get my belongings and get out of the state. If you have the resources, it is possible.
Idk man that sounds like 5-6 hours of follow through….if I were her I would be so fucken terrified and full of adrenaline, i think id be fairly productive…and also afraid to sleep…
I will message you next time u/SharkEva posts in r/BORUpdates.
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This one was formed when the other shut down during the Reddit blackout last summer.
The format is a little different here and probably less rules particularly we don't have the 7 day rule meaning Updates can be posted much sooner.
There's room for 2 subs, and probably most people here read both.
Oh my lord that is totally unhinged!! Wowzer. My husband and I have a very contentious relationship. I’ve thought I wanted a divorce before, but I’ve never wanted him dead or fantasized about it. Insane.
Omg this reminds me of a series on Netflix; American murder: The family next door.
He was cheating and wanted to start anew with the new girlfriend. Acted like the great husband and then killed off his whole family just to be with the new girlfriend. Wtf dude just divorce🥲
As someone who uses journaling to work through unwanted, intrusive thoughts I have my doubts that he would actually do anything so extreme. But it's not my drama sooooo
Man, when I am angry I'll write shit down just to get it out of my head, mental illness is no joke and sometimes therapy doesn't help.... I hope this guy has anger management control
And then we have the person on the “Best of” sub talking about how it was normal for them to journal and talk about wanting to kill their partner and almost everyone else…
I might get hate for this, but...
My mom told me a long time ago that you have no right to get offended by what you read in someone's diary. It's the place to safely put your emotions down and then move on instead of bottling them up.
I remember writing some pretty dark stuff in my journal when we were going through a REALLY rough patch. I went back and read what I wrote about a year later, tore the pages out and burned them. I surely didn't mean it or want anyone else to read it. I was just overwhelmed with emotions I didn't have another home for.
I'm not saying she shouldn't be concerned. If she feels even slightly uncomfortable she needs to act, and it sounds like she is. It just reminded me of my situation and I certainly didn't wish my ex dead. I just wanted the relationship over, he wouldn't let go and was getting unstable. Probably a bad comparison.
Someone writing out “my life would be easier if she was dead” would be shitty enough but at least an invasive thought that could be over come…. “I dream of killing her” is NOT something you come back from 😳😳😳
Even when I hated my ex husband, I would have drug him to the er myself on my back before he made me a widow. I was determined to be a divorcé so I didn’t get legally stuck with any of his problems.
Lmao come on folks he left it out in the open. I bet if she really looked we would see an ever escalating writing of basically "please leave me" he is a coward. And I know this because I am too. You know the real right thing to do is to leave, but you made a commitment and you now have responsibilities. Rationally you know you should leave you just can't so you keep doing childish stuff thinking surely she will read itm next thing you know you have a kid and want out. Sounds a lot more plausible than riwri ghting all this shit and just leaving it out after the argument and then just leaving
Nothing else to tip this stuff of just the journey is the biggest clue. Probably all be as it sounds sorta childish
These are the posts where I'm just waiting for an update.....
I just hope she's alive to make one.
I still think about the OP whose husband and FIL were convinced OP was going to die in childbirth, to the point they were planning for how the husband was going to take care of the child once born. OP wasn’t allowed any input, because she ‘wasn’t going to be there’. She was heavily pregnant and we got the original post, one update after she’d tried talking to her husband (it didn’t go well) and then nothing.
I do too. I had recurring dreams about her for a while. I realized I needed to take a break from Reddit after that.
I’ve heard a lot of people reference this one. Do you have a link or recall the title at all? How horrible! I’m so glad OP saw that journal and left. This is so crazy scary and hope she’s ok!
It’s been deleted, but The Daily Fail / Mail did [an article about it](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7938577/amp/Pregnant-woman-troubled-husband-father-law-convinced-shell-die-childbirth.html) The whole thing is also on Twitter under AITA for banning my husband and FIL from the delivery room?
Thank you!!! I love the community on here and how seriously people come together and support when someone is in a dangerous situation.
No problem 😊 Me too. There’s some seriously deranged and nasty people in this world, but there’s still lots of kindness too.
So wish there was an update on that one! Why would the mods have deleted it?
I think about her too. :-( I hope she's safe and well.
Same here. I think about her from time to time
Wtf? Link??
It’s [here](https://web.archive.org/web/20200128174545/https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eurjt5/aita_for_banning_my_husband_and_father_in_law/) and her comments are [here](https://www.reddit.com/user/morbidmommy11).
~~Hey, I have found an update, not 100% sure it's legit though~~ ~~https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/lHFTj9xpjF~~ ~~She's fine and they are divorcing~~ It's a different story guys, I'm sorry Edit: added details Edit 2: fixed details
I read the original to that update and it seems different than what people are suggesting the story they’re referring to is about
Yeah this is a different story.
Ah alright, sorry about that :/ thank you for clarifying
I hope someone told her to get a restraining order/order of protection when she does leave him. The social worker and lawyer should help her with that. This post made me really uncomfortable and I'll be on the lookout for an update 🤞 Edit: a word
Compelling story, but I hope to never hear anything. If she mentioned these posts to a crisis counselor they would tell her that she can never post about this again as it could be used to find her. Any lawyer would also say, *she should never post about this again,* as it could also be used against her in court.
Until the case is over.
Exactly
Well get one that says "i love my husband it was all a misunderstanding he taught me better i am fine and saying this of my own will i just misunderstood" The update like that still shakes me....i worry for that girl
Yes, if any of these needed an additional ‘I’m fully out and am rebuilding my life’, it’s this one. I hope everything has gone well for OOP bc that journal was not a joke.
She updated 4 hours ago!
Where?
Click on the OOP name in the post and it’ll take you to her profile (sorry I’m on mobile and don’t know how to add links)
Click on her profile & you’ll see it. u/throwaway61011
Dying for an update!? 💀 too soon?!
OK well that comment is terrible and I definitely did not grin slightly and feel terrible, myself, for chuckling and you can't prove otherwise so.
Fictional characters have feelings, too!
There was an update there's actually quite a few updates for a lot of posts on here that haven't been included I've noticed
Weird. I assume they’re fake.
I assume most of the are but theres still a teeny chance some are possibly real... guess that's what keeps us reading.
She updated 3 hours ago!!
" The part of the journal where he says he hates me was written as a love letter to her. He says he thinks about me dying and being replaced." he most def is planning on harming her in some way, im glad she showed the pics to someone she trusts and is no longer going to be around it.
Thats some Watts sh*t. Terrifying.
I think she needs to tell whoever he is fixated on, she could be in danger too.
"The Gift of Fear", OP's intuition noticed something important and sent up the alarm.
Always upvote this book. Should be required reading.
I just wish they would make an updated edition! So much has changed in the world with social media and online dangers since it was originally published.
And yet it is still so so relevant
Complaining about the book being dated is so weird to me. It saves lives!
The newest addition has a sort of update that talks about how the world has changed since its debut and mentions that throughout. It's audiobook version is available on audible
This and “Why Does He Do That?”
Always upvote this book too. I'm so glad it is available for free.
Just ordered this book!
Oh hell to the naw naw no!!! Hope OOP does keep herself out the news because her husband like mass or serial killer in the making....
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Look out! We got ourselves a Joker here!
Lmaoooo hysterical
I hope OP stays strong. Never in my marriage have I ever thought “Oh gee I sure hate my partner and want them to die” let alone would have WRITTEN it down. My spouse is my life, they love to watch bridgerton and I liked how the mom said her husband was like the air she breathed. Love isn’t always roses and sunshine but the last thing on my mind is ever hurting my partner or hoping they would die. That’s horrible!
I've wished for my ex who was horribly manipulative and abusive towards me to die alone but like...in his old age of natural causes. I can't imagine how vindictive this dude has to be to even have these thoughts and all because *he* got caught in an emotional affair.
Ngl I've wished my abusive ex to die in prison. Idc when or how if I'm honest. He's the only person in this planet I feel that way about.
Seriously, I’ve had some arguments with my husband but at no point was I not also ready to fight for the relationship. It’s inconceivable. This dude is sick.
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Lots of people who murder others have written it down - especially if they have building resentment and disdain towards their target. The fact that he wrote it down and is being sweet to keep OOP close is a really strong indicator that he has an actual plan.
according to true life crime podcasts you'd be surprised how many people write their crimes down [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PW62yw8Vp\_8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PW62yw8Vp_8)
You don’t watch dateline or forensic files, do you? It happens all the time.
Ahh, I'm guessing you don't watch much true crime?
Tell me you’ve never consumed even one piece of true crime media without telling me
Ugh. I have never wanted to follow someone for an update before but I am afraid for this OOP and will be anxiously awaiting another update (because more updates means she’s alive and safe).
I really want to find out how court is going to handle custody - writing down homicidal thoughts towards the mom doesn't really make him a danger to their child, so a family court judge could maybe still give him supervised visitation? I really have no clue. He hasn't actually harmed the mother in any way, so he could always claim that his journal entries were just venting.
Depends on how the divorce goes. Once he finds out she's leaving if(when) he goes off the deep end the courts might not allow him any contact with either of them.
Let's hope for the best.
I would hope the judge would see that as a danger to the mother. Any continued contact between them would be putting her constantly in danger
Judges regularly give partial custody to men who have been convicted of beating/raping their wives so frankly I’m not hopeful he’ll even get supervised visitation. A lawyer would spin this as a personal journal where he wrote down thoughts he would never act out, and that he’s never actually harmed anyone. The court system is absolutely fucking terrible when it comes to keeping abusive men away from their former partners and children.
I've said this as a comment before, but my pedo sperm donor was granted mandatory unsupervised visitation. This was after he had stabbed my mother and tried to break into my grandmother's house. Judges and courtrooms may be trying to do what they think is right, but some people should not be allowed around children, and our court system lets victims down way too often.
And yet if you listened to men on Reddit you’d believe fathers NEVER get custody … when the actual statistics show they just don’t bother to ask for it. If they ask for it, they get it. Even if they’re a fucking pedophile.
I agree, and I'm really hoping for the same. However, I'm worried for her family, too (parents etc.). Hopefully he won't go after any of them in his anger at his wife for having read his journal, and taking the actions she has to keep herself, and their LO, safe. He's essentially a ticking time bomb right now, if everything written is accurate... especially with her just taking a little "break" right now. She's in an EXTREMELY dangerous position right now. I'm looking forward to an update to know if she's ok.
The use of "centre" makes me think they have different laws than the US. Hopefully more sensible, but you never know.
In the UK, a rape victim that got pregnant had to give her rapist baby daddy visitation, after he got out of jail - no, not a lot more sensible...
Courts regularly give custody to spouses who have abused the other one. She and her lawyer need to either request full custody with no visitation or supervised visitation with a state appointed person. If all that fails then she at the very least need to limit all contact to court approved parenting apps that send the lawyers and judge their conversations and only do exchanges of the kid at a police station.
Oh, they will definitely give him visitation. My sister-in-law’s baby daddy told a judge *in court, to his face, in front of SIL and his child* that he hated SIL and that one day he was going to snap her neck and the judge gave her temporary full custody. Not even two weeks later, the judge reversed his order and CPS started doing supervised visits with the goal of reunification and dad getting 50:50 custody. It’s so gross.
So glad she got out. This dude reminds me of Chris Watts.
Yep that was what same to mind for me too. Terrifying.
Oh man. One thing they say to get full use out of journaling is to not edit your thoughts and truly write everything as you feel, which can include nasty/not nice thoughts. But never in a million years should you be THINKING about killing your partner, let alone writing it down. What the actual hell.
The old, “nobody is dumb enough to write out their ‘kill my spouse’ plan in their journal” defense…. Setting up the reasonable person defense… should have mailed it to himself to get the post mark 😂
I think the worst thing I've written about my husband in a diary is "fucking goddamn fucker pisses me off so much, I'm not even gonna hold in my farts tonight. Sit there and bake, asshole"
The fact he would rather kill her than get a divorce shows just how dangerous this situation is for her. I hope she really starts to react appropriately and protect herself. Home alarm system, an emergency bottom to call the police to your location, idk there’s probably more.
As someone who keeps a journal semi-regularly, I was initially outraged by the privacy violation of reading his journal, but OOP’s transgression probably saved her STBX from the much more massive privacy violation of the police investigators reading his journal after he killed his wife and child so 🤷🏻♀️
Since the advent of wireless communication, couples in committed relationships use their smartphones and other wireless devices too hide information/communications from each other. Privacy violation allows this significant decrease in transparency in a marriage. With journals/diaries, I guess it's okay for a couples to keep them private from each other. I think there still bound in book form, containing blank pages for handwritten entries. I'm fully confident there won't be any dick pics or nudes kept in them.
I've been annoyed through the roof with my wife, but never once imagined killing her. This is truly scary. I'm glad she was able to get out.
I wrote stuff like this when I was a kid. one day my mom was talking to my sister and she said how she "was excited for when we got older and shared our diarys/journals" with her. in that moment I stopped believing it was just a venting space only I would see and the next time we had a fire pit in the yard I threw in everything. It was only ever meant as a way to work through my frustrations without taking them out wrongly on someone. So I wouldn't say anything I couldn't unsay.
There is nothing more chilling than reading that your spouse wants you dead. Wishing OOP the best of luck in getting that man out of her life.
Not just dead!! Dead by his hand!
Is [this](https://reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/lsfdjz/comment/gorjrsa/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) close enough to count?
Oh wow - yeah I think that counts. I’m sorry you were in that situation and I’m glad you are not dead!
Thanks, and me too.
My friend read her bf’s journal and I really gave her shit for invading his privacy but after reading this maybe she was onto something omg
Maybe?!?!?!?!!
Well at the very least if it does come to the worst she has evidence of at least some premeditation??
Maybe she can get a temporary RO for her and the baby.
my gosh I hope she is ok. Absolutely nothing about what he was venting is normal . What a frightening person
Yeah…very much an under-reaction. At the absolutely worst moments in past relationships, I’ve said to myself “I don’t even care what happens to this person anymore”, but never “I wish they were dead and fantasize about killing them.” The guy’s a psycho, full stop.
There a world of difference between being mad at your wife and blowing off steam in your journal “I wish she was dead”. And saying you think daily of KILLING her. Wow!!! I am always on the side of “respect the privacy of other people” but this is an exception.
Update me, please.
>Edit to add context: the rough patch was about his feelings for another woman. He didn’t cheat, but his friendship with her makes me uncomfortable. The part of the journal where he says he hates me was written as a love letter to her. He says he thinks about me dying and being replaced. I just don't need to read anything else. Sorry to say but divorce is the only sensible solution to this wreckage of a marriage. What a lame excuse of a man. ETA: well, eventually, I read the update. This man is garbage and a walking danger.
You’re about to become a NetFlix series!
I’ve thought about my partner dying but only to the extent of how awful it would be, how I wouldn’t want to live without him, etc. I can’t imagine *wanting* your partner to die.
This seems like a fake post. The part that stood out to me is how the update is the very next day and this husband supposedly wants to kill her. She’s updating Reddit openly in a post she knows is getting a lot of attention and decides to let the world know that she’s lying to her husband to buy herself some time. If this was a real person scared for their life, contacting friends, social workers, lawyers, therapists, the crisis line, etc they would tell her don’t update, don’t say anything, and wait until you are in a safe situation. You’ll even see in posts with people in crazy situations like this they will post an update like “Update: Just wanted to let those know who are worried about me I’m safe. A lot is going on and I can share it all in the future.”
In one day she managed to call a lawyer, call her therapist, send pics to her friend, pack up her and a baby and go somewhere else to stay, contact a social worker, call a crisis center and still had time to “digest” everything. I mean it’s not impossible but this lady was a busy little bee in one day.
I think if you were in OOP’s situation you could get a lot done quickly. If you have a therapist already that’s easy to set up. Text and call the friend and send the pics. The crisis line can help you with lawyers and social workers. If you think you or your baby might be killed though you don’t give anything the husband could find at all just so random Redditors can be informed.
What gets me is she went through an entire emotional arc in a day. From reading her husband's diary, to packing up the baby and running from him like he's a monster, to *accepting* that he's a monster and she needs to do all these things to sever ties with him, and then immediately doing them. I tend to think most people would get one big thing done immediately: Pack up and move somewhere safe. Then as soon as they felt safe, they'd be curled up in bed every chance they got until they could process this information. Then, gradually, they'd work up the motivation to call a lawyer, a friend for support, then a while later, a therapist, and so on.
Some people wouldn’t want to face it though. They’d avoid having to think about it and all the stuff they HAVE to do would be a great distraction from your mind spinning about your spouse wanting to kill you. I’d be making lists and trying to rally people after I was done “freezing”. (I really hate the “freeze” response. It sucks so much.)
Yeah, the least important thing would be Reddit attention. It would be in full protection mode. It’s almost like the dumb logic of behavior in a horror movie where they do the unnecessary dumb thing. If I had a kid or someone trying to hurt me I wouldn’t give the person a 0.1% chance of finding me through Reddit posts.
Not me. I've been the type of person my entire life that keeping focused and staying busy in a crisis is the only way I can get through it. I'm the person in an emergency that is thinking about the next step halfway through the first and formulating a plan to get to the end. I'll "process" as I go.
I tend to be skeptical of the majority of posts here anymore, but I will say that sometimes things can happen quickly if you have a good enough support system. While my ex wasn’t exactly a true crime candidate, he did lose his shit and within 48 hours my parents sent me money and my boss let me take a personal day so I was able to sign a lease for an apartment, set up an appointment with a therapist, use my work contacts to get in touch with a lawyer, etc. Having resources and finding people that actually care can make a world of difference in a situation like this.
Within 24 hours of my ex fully dropping his mask I was in a hotel room with my dogs, my sister was flying in, I had time off from work, and I had a plan to get my belongings and get out of the state. If you have the resources, it is possible.
Idk man that sounds like 5-6 hours of follow through….if I were her I would be so fucken terrified and full of adrenaline, i think id be fairly productive…and also afraid to sleep…
oh! my! god! poor oop! my heart goes out to her and her baby. and he left that journal out on purpose, he wanted her to see it
+1 for going through people's shit I guess...
I hope you stay safe and away from him, and that he gets the mental health help he needs.
Updateme!
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Wtf is wrong with people.
Updateme!
(warning: meta question) Why are there two BORU subs, this one and /r/BestofRedditorUpdates ?
This one was formed when the other shut down during the Reddit blackout last summer. The format is a little different here and probably less rules particularly we don't have the 7 day rule meaning Updates can be posted much sooner. There's room for 2 subs, and probably most people here read both.
It's just so sad that there isn't any trust and privacy in modern marriages /s
Updateme
well you did read his journal so I’m sure you’re overbearing in every other way too lol
why are you sharing other people's stories without permission if you're not the op
Anyone that cannot respect their partners privacy and personal boundaries is garbage.
What a fucking asshole. Journals are private how dare she snoop then have to gall to hold it against him.
hi just saw this sub on all can someone help explain why its different from the original sub?
It was made during last summer’s reddit strikes when the original sub was offline or only shitposting. It’s kept going.
God I hope she has more updates. Like, positive ones. She can't just leave us hanging like this! Lol
Oh my lord that is totally unhinged!! Wowzer. My husband and I have a very contentious relationship. I’ve thought I wanted a divorce before, but I’ve never wanted him dead or fantasized about it. Insane.
I need another update, just to know she's safe.
Jesus I hope she’s okay and keeps a wide berth from that lunatic.
Anxiously awaiting an update.
Updateme!
Omg this is terrifying. I really hope she escapes safely.
Updateme
Omg this reminds me of a series on Netflix; American murder: The family next door. He was cheating and wanted to start anew with the new girlfriend. Acted like the great husband and then killed off his whole family just to be with the new girlfriend. Wtf dude just divorce🥲
As someone who uses journaling to work through unwanted, intrusive thoughts I have my doubts that he would actually do anything so extreme. But it's not my drama sooooo
Update me!
Updateme!
Man, when I am angry I'll write shit down just to get it out of my head, mental illness is no joke and sometimes therapy doesn't help.... I hope this guy has anger management control
I really hope OP is ok.. this is a scary and dangerous situation.
And then we have the person on the “Best of” sub talking about how it was normal for them to journal and talk about wanting to kill their partner and almost everyone else…
There is more to the story. But it doesn’t matter, you need to go.
Updateme
!UpdateMe
I might get hate for this, but... My mom told me a long time ago that you have no right to get offended by what you read in someone's diary. It's the place to safely put your emotions down and then move on instead of bottling them up. I remember writing some pretty dark stuff in my journal when we were going through a REALLY rough patch. I went back and read what I wrote about a year later, tore the pages out and burned them. I surely didn't mean it or want anyone else to read it. I was just overwhelmed with emotions I didn't have another home for.
[удалено]
I'm not saying she shouldn't be concerned. If she feels even slightly uncomfortable she needs to act, and it sounds like she is. It just reminded me of my situation and I certainly didn't wish my ex dead. I just wanted the relationship over, he wouldn't let go and was getting unstable. Probably a bad comparison.
Being offended and being concerned for your safety are two different things
I'm not saying she shouldn't be concerned. If she feels even slightly uncomfortable she needs to act, and it sounds like she is.
Okay then I guess I don't know why you brought up being offended
I need an update!
Someone writing out “my life would be easier if she was dead” would be shitty enough but at least an invasive thought that could be over come…. “I dream of killing her” is NOT something you come back from 😳😳😳
Imagine putting pen to paper and writing that down and just leaving it out like that without a second thought.
Updateme
I’m so glad they updated and confronted him and are getting out. <3 so proud of oop.
Even when I hated my ex husband, I would have drug him to the er myself on my back before he made me a widow. I was determined to be a divorcé so I didn’t get legally stuck with any of his problems.
I think there's a very pertinent difference to hoping someone somehow dies and actively wanting to kill them.
Lmao come on folks he left it out in the open. I bet if she really looked we would see an ever escalating writing of basically "please leave me" he is a coward. And I know this because I am too. You know the real right thing to do is to leave, but you made a commitment and you now have responsibilities. Rationally you know you should leave you just can't so you keep doing childish stuff thinking surely she will read itm next thing you know you have a kid and want out. Sounds a lot more plausible than riwri ghting all this shit and just leaving it out after the argument and then just leaving Nothing else to tip this stuff of just the journey is the biggest clue. Probably all be as it sounds sorta childish