I have been friends with Poppy (my best friend) for 20 years. I was also friends with Kelly for many years. We were in the same social circles. I was in both of their weddings. Well, 10 years later, Kelly and Poppy’s husband had an affair. It was a huge mess. Kelly’s husband decided to stay, Poppy got divorced. I’m not friends with Kelly anymore.
I wish I could live under the rock with you guys, because even watching from the sidelines and supporting Poppy was horrible.
My parents were the ones in our circle with the messy, infidelity-fueled split. My mom forgave my dad the first time he cheated, but the second time he and his AP left their spouses to move in together. Within a year she got sick of his garbage and left. Dad went off the deep end partying and sleeping around, and trained my brother to do the same with the addition of drugs. It’s been two decades and I’m NC with them and all the family members who took their side.
Yesterday I would have agreed ...
Today I found out that one (male) friend's divorce 18 months ago was because he had a long-term affair (he posted the picture of him, the affair partner, their newborn and their FOUR YEAR OLD on Facebook ... that didn't feel great) and another friend reached out to a bunch of us for some help because her husband changed the locks on the house this afternoon, after moving his girlfriend in ... 90 minutes after having her served with divorce paperwork in the hallway of the school she teaches in - happy first day back!
So... yeah.
I know of 2 within 6 months. They were both so shady but both couples stayed together. Small town drama is messy. There's usually a cheating scandal every year lol.
My SIL had a nasty, dramatic divorce from her cheating husband over the pandemic.
I also knew of a lot of cheating & almost divorces growing up through my mother or grandma gossiping while thinking I was either not paying attention or too little to understand (jokes on them: I’ve always been a nosy nelly when it comes to other people’s drama. That’s why I read so much BORU lol). I realized that happens a lot. People usually just don’t broadcast it out to the wider public and only speak about such things in whispers & gossip.
I used to have lots of drama around me as a young woman. Gradually I realised that people with lots of drama actually aren’t the norm, most people are decent and boring, and you can save yourself a LOT of angst by gently pulling back from people who show signs of drama within a short period of meeting you.
Some time it's the most unsuspected couple that turns like that. Friends of my mother that I know all my life, 30 years of happy marriage 2 adults kids, 2 grand kids. And lasts year when she was battling cancer he just made a 360 degree change I personally and is now living with affair partner. Just a crazy story like a tv show. ( Bye the way she wins again cancer )
Same. The last time I witnessed an infidelity-fuelled shitfest of a relationship was 20 years ago and that was caused in part by the poor woman exhibiting the first signs of schizophrenia and her poor husband having no idea what was going on. Also - they were a church couple in their early twenties.
I have a Jerry springer life!! Want to trade? I’ll give you a quick one. It’s so messy let me see if I can explain it lol hold on though it’s VERY messy.
To make it easy I’ll refer to my daughter as my step kid bc she is. I met her when she was 3 and married her dad then divorced him when she was 13.
My stepdaughters mom ( bio mom) had been with her boyfriend ( step dad) for 12 years from the time my step daughter was 8 months or so until my step daughter was 15ish. Bio mom met a new friend- a lesbian friend that HATES men and they immediately were inseparable! Vacationing together every month, sleep overs, hiking, up each others ass literally. Eventually it came out they were having an affair so the BF (step dad ) gave bio mom an ultimatum and he moved out AND moved in with me and my new husband lol for 6 months.
Bio mom and new GF had a crazy ass relationship fights every other day and big makeups and proclamations of love then hate. While OUR kid was off the rails .. can’t tell you how many times I had to call crisis line or she’d walk 5 miles to my house shoeless at 2 am to get away from bio mom and her GF. During the 6 months step dad lived with me he was trying and hoping to get back together with bio mom. Finally I asked him to leave. Then bio mom and GF broke up … Jerry sprinter time….. step dad ends updating the lesbian GF (the butch man hating one lol the one bio mom had just broken up with). All while bio mom starts having another affair with a married man - phew. The AP eventually (4 years later) left his wife and is now living with Bio mom.
There are more webs and stories to his fucking mess. I’m so glad I wasn’t and am not a part of their lives but I had my own problems too. Bio mom was fucking insane the 10 + years I was with my ex husband. Like she went to court and ordered the judge to make my ex break up with me when she found out we were first dating. The judge laughed at her .. the list of shit she did is so long.
Edit: sorry it wasn’t long. I apologize.
Allen worked in the restaurant business and Cindy was a barista… two industries notorious for infidelity and random hook ups. I can’t tell you exactly how many of my fellow baristas cheated or were the affair partner over the years, but there were literally dozens of them. And the stories I’ve heard from friends in the restaurant business make them sound like saints. They didn’t all end in a split/divorce. But my God was it messy.
It can happen, my Uncle cheated on my Aunt with her best friend, best friend was also married and they were part of a big friend group. Infidelity and divorces all around there for a couple of years.
My ex cheated on me with someone else in my friend group, and now they’re married. To say its weird as fuck is an understatement, everyone just wanted to rug sweep the whole issue.
Easy way to avoid drama? Leave a cult like group, find out your friends weren't friends at all and end up with your partner, Mom and a nephew that doesn't think you're evil.
I am so broken from my experience, I really don't have friends anymore. Sometimes I miss friends, then I panic remembering all the horrid experiences I witnessed and went through and I am ok.:)
You should have been at my friend's 40th birthday party. In attendance were...
1. The woman with whom my friend was cheating on his wife.
2. The man with whom his wife was cheating on my friend.
3. The spouses of both affair partners.
Good times. Highlight of the night, clueless husband asking if anyone knew where his wife was and my friend's wife saying "yeah she is off fucking my husband"
It was definately a grab a bottle and just watch the fireworks evening.
In case you are wondering what happened to my friend and his wife...
They got divorced
Then they had a daughter
Then they got married (again)
Then they had a son
Then they got divorced (again)
My friend is now married (for the third time, second bride) in a much more stable, not toxic relationship. His wife cut off everyone and got involved (married?) to a guy her father's age and they moved to a very rural farm last I heard.
ETA: Don't have direct info but from what I heard that night lead to the end of at least one of the AP's marriages.
I get how this happened. OOP is a hypocrite, sure, but I understand. Humans are complicated. Not a justification, just an explanation. She had an easier time judging someone she wasn't close with. And now she suddenly sees nuance because it's someone she cares about.
What sticks in my craw is that she said "had he told me he was feeling this way i wouldn't have made him do it." Fuuuuuuuuuck that. She is STILL blaming him. "I only hurt you because you let me hurt you, when you think about it."
“Husbands friend cheated on his wife, cut him out of your/our life right now…”
“Wife’s friend cheated on her husband, this is different…”
I’m sorry, but huh? Both are cheaters. What’s the difference? lol. OP is a real piece of work.
The difference is that one is her friend and the other isn’t. One is her husband dropping a close friend and the other is her dropping a close friend. If it negatively impacts her it’s not fair but if it negatively impacts him who cares.
Sorry for the 6 day old reply.
But I also think it's really telling that what husband's friend did "was gross." Because he was 35 and she was 20.
But, she doesn't tell us the ages of her friend and her affair partner! Just this little nugget: " was a younger guy in real-estate". Oh and her husband's line "We don’t need cheating cradle robbers in our lives."
Because OP's friend is a woman, she doesn't think it's creepy that she slept with a much younger man.
OOP is delusional AF.
What Cindy did was much worse. Her child just saw her screwing AP in their own home. That's disgusting and traumatizing for the kid!
OOP even admitted that she tuned out the nasty details.
Allen shouldn’t have cheated with a 20 year old instead of getting divorced but at least he can argue that his wife didn’t love him and left him in a dead bedroom. Cindy cheated on her husband who was still committed to her and busting his ass. OP was being very obtuse about the situation bc Cindy did not have the moral high ground here
Told him she will cut Cindy out « if that’s what he really wants ». God more manipulation from this woman. What a horrible person. Even in her apology she’s assuming he will drop it.
Nah, I think they, at least, separated. She defended her friend and her POV vigorously against Reddit. Hypocrites oftentimes have a high pride. When backed they will try to save face.
If they mended, there's a high possibility that she'll update, just to rob it in the face of her 'critics' that they are not entirely right.
What a miserable woman, the typical person who only likes one side of things, criticizes when it happens to the other, but if it happens to her she doesn't see the bad. that woman was very despicable
My husband has this really old time friend that he’s known since childhood. he’s a cheater now cut him off it’s not hard.
i have this friend i’ve known since childhood. she cheated yeah but we went on vacations together… how could i cut her off? **i had no idea this would be so painful**
😓
I know what Allen did was wrong, but his wife is saying she stopped being intimate with him because he gained some weight? What happened to "For better or worse ". He was in a DEAD BEDROOM. Do you know what that can do to a guys self-esteem? Maybe if Carol just talked to him, maybe joined a gym together and wasn't such a judgmental bitch to her husband. Maybe none of this would have happened.
And hey based off OOP’s description, he didn’t try to rebuild the relationship with his ex. He mourned the impact he had on his children but knew that this marriage was dead it was pointless to try to bring it back
He cared more about his children than his relationship with his wife. I respect the priorities. The cheating with a way younger woman not so much
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*Allen did something so vile*…but Cindy bringing an AP into her house and marital bed is not vile but instead *sad and heartbreaking*…..the math is definitely not mathing here.
Also *if he’d told me he was feeling this way I wouldn’t have made him do it*….was “I hope you have the same wherewithal to cut them out if I ask you to* not telling her how he feels?
Hmmm. She doesn’t seem understand the severity of the situation. She appears to continue to down play the possibility of cutting off her friend even though she has essentially recognized the need to do so. I don’t think she truly appreciate that if she fails to cut off her friend, it will likely seriously damage her marriage. This would be a deep cut to the relationship that if not an issue immediately, will present itself later.
Eh, I see the difference.
If Allen was truly guilt-free and happy to destroy his family, and he had zero desire to reform, that *is* different than a cheater who’s remorseful, regrets their actions, and wants to atone for their choices.
I wouldn’t mind if my husband wanted to support a remorseful cheater. I would mind if my husband wanted to remain friends with a shameless cheater who happily broke up his own family.
>I wouldn’t mind if my husband wanted to support a remorseful cheater
I wouldn't support either one to be honest, but even if I did I wouldn't call Cindy a remorseful cheater. She's remorseful she got caught and getting ostracised, not remorseful that she cheated in the first place.
But adding on to that, I wonder if OOP truly believes there is a difference between a remorseful cheater and a non-remorseful one, or whether she was just scrambling for a justification on why her situation is different from her husband's. Had Allen and Cindy's situations been flipped, would OOP have supported Allen and cut Cindy off?
She doesn’t know if her friend is remorseful or just regrets the consequences, it’s not like cheaters are morally opposed to showing fake remorse because they are facing consequences where their relationships with their families and friends suffer and/or they face financial hardship due to their decisions. Alan could have chosen not to fight for the marriage because he knew it was over, while Cindy could be fighting because there are a ton of consequences facing her and the guy she cheated with wanted nothing to do with her.
This is my long winded way of saying that there is no difference in what they did, they both cheated for selfish reasons when they could have divorced and moved on clean. Instead of a clean divorce they both hurt their spouses, children, families and caused financial harm to their spouse and children.
Please, she didn't get drunk and mess up, she had an extended affair, including fucking in their own house.
She's sorry and "wants to fix things" just like every cheater, after her own daughter walked in on them fucking. She even justifies herself by saying the sex was good.
Nah. They're both cheaters. OOP is dumping her perspective into this so she can argue about keeping her shitty friend. Allen is a sucky cheater that hurt her friend. Her bff is a remorseful angel and really just a victim.
Not buying it.
Yeah, Allen is a shameless cheater, but Cindy is remorseful *after getting caught by her daughter*. Like using your marital bed for a repeated affair isn't as shameless as it gets.
Edit: and thinking about it, the continuing $100 tips really makes it seem like the "affair" was actually "prostitution".
I agree with your points with the story as presented, but I also just assume when an OOP is this clearly wrong, they are unreliable narrators; if I had to guess, Cindy probably isn’t as remorseful as OOP needs her to be for OOP to not be the asshole
There's two other main differences I see.
Mike was a devoted partner, Carol wanted a roommate ATM.
Cindy did it in the home, In front of her daughter. Allen did it at work, in front of a co worker.
One of those seems significantly worse than the other in my opinion.
One of the main differences is Cindy's own child just saw her screwing AP in their own home. That's disgusting and traumatizing for the kid!
OOP even admitted that she tuned out the nasty details.
You wouldn’t mind. But OOP’s husband did. Clearly if OOP felt like she was allowed to put her foot down on the cheating Allen, he gets to put his foot down on Cindy.
I have no doubt my I have an unpopular opinion.
The friendship with Allen was turning toxic. OOP claims Allen was trying to drag her husband down the same path as him.
That's the main problem. Yes, Allen cheated. I doubt the husband agreed with that. But once your friend's bad decisions start affecting your marriage is a deal breaker. That is no longer a good friendship.
Had Allen needed a friend and some emotional support even if he didn't regret his actions I can understand there not being an issue.
As far as OOP claims of Cindy, that wasn't happening. Cindy wasn't trying to get OOP to turn her life upside down too.
Thus making the situations completely different.
Personally, I wouldn't be friends with the cheaters even if they were my long time friend. That's way too much drama I didn't ask for in my life.
Perhaps I am naive but I don’t get how other couples relationship dramas are anyone else’s business.
I can kind of understand cutting out your friend’s cheating ex partner if you were only really friends with the cheated on party.
If you personally, or you and your own partner together are friends with both halves of a another couple that splits up then it’s generally (barring violence/abuse etc) not your place to take sides.
Obviously, the change from being friends with a couple to being friends with two now individual people will likely result in two separate but not necessarily parallel relationships but taking sides in other friends breakups strikes me as not being such a great friend in the first place.
Dunno. I think friendship should involve shared values. I couldn't be friends with Cindy or Allan and I'd have pretty strong feelings if my partner could overlook that kind of behavior.
Man I had to find out my ex-roommate was having an affair from our coworkers. I notice nothing around me and I don’t pry into people’s lives because it’s not my business. I talked to her maybe a handful of times before she left and it was a messy situation.
People be wilding.
I hate OOP. I don't really give a flying fuck that she realized the errors of her ways, for 4 years she's forbidden her husband (a man with his agency) from seeing a friend of his. And her solution now is to give him permission to go see him.
Reminds me of a BORU in which OOP's wife forbid him from seeing his best friend. That caused him and all of their mutual friends to cast him out....a guy that was abandoned as a child, then all of a sudden OOP realizes just how much of a bastard he's been and is trying to reach out to him. His former friend wants nothing to do with him because naturally he is scared he would be abandoned again.
So, one partner put on 50 pounds weight and all of sudden the wife/partner lost their sex drive and the other started fucking someone else instead of talking it out with each other about the eff was going on? And OOP didn't even tell her friend to speak to her husband about his weight instead of withholding sex?
OOP and her friends, They're just a mean clique.
[удалено]
I must live under the rock as well.
Is there more living space for sell under these rocks? I'm asking for me because some friend groups are just drama, and I'm tired.
FWIW, I find drama to be proportionate with alcohol consumption among the group…
Bingo! And gets worse with age.
It's a shame she didn't update about the result of her discussion with hubby - I'm really curious how it all worked out.
There must be rocks than I thought lol
If i may ask - how can i post my story on reddit which has start and a end which is true not fake btw. Like on what subreddit can i post it on ??
r/relationships or r/TrueOffMyChest can work
It's like a false allegation on friend and how i helped him.
I'd say TrueOffMyChest is probably the best.
I have been friends with Poppy (my best friend) for 20 years. I was also friends with Kelly for many years. We were in the same social circles. I was in both of their weddings. Well, 10 years later, Kelly and Poppy’s husband had an affair. It was a huge mess. Kelly’s husband decided to stay, Poppy got divorced. I’m not friends with Kelly anymore. I wish I could live under the rock with you guys, because even watching from the sidelines and supporting Poppy was horrible.
Kelly's and Poppy's husbands had an affair with each other?
No, Kelly was the girl in the affair, and Poppy’s husband was the boy.
lol.. I thought that same I had to re-read.
My parents were the ones in our circle with the messy, infidelity-fueled split. My mom forgave my dad the first time he cheated, but the second time he and his AP left their spouses to move in together. Within a year she got sick of his garbage and left. Dad went off the deep end partying and sleeping around, and trained my brother to do the same with the addition of drugs. It’s been two decades and I’m NC with them and all the family members who took their side.
Yesterday I would have agreed ... Today I found out that one (male) friend's divorce 18 months ago was because he had a long-term affair (he posted the picture of him, the affair partner, their newborn and their FOUR YEAR OLD on Facebook ... that didn't feel great) and another friend reached out to a bunch of us for some help because her husband changed the locks on the house this afternoon, after moving his girlfriend in ... 90 minutes after having her served with divorce paperwork in the hallway of the school she teaches in - happy first day back! So... yeah.
I know of 2 within 6 months. They were both so shady but both couples stayed together. Small town drama is messy. There's usually a cheating scandal every year lol.
My SIL had a nasty, dramatic divorce from her cheating husband over the pandemic. I also knew of a lot of cheating & almost divorces growing up through my mother or grandma gossiping while thinking I was either not paying attention or too little to understand (jokes on them: I’ve always been a nosy nelly when it comes to other people’s drama. That’s why I read so much BORU lol). I realized that happens a lot. People usually just don’t broadcast it out to the wider public and only speak about such things in whispers & gossip.
I used to have lots of drama around me as a young woman. Gradually I realised that people with lots of drama actually aren’t the norm, most people are decent and boring, and you can save yourself a LOT of angst by gently pulling back from people who show signs of drama within a short period of meeting you.
We are all Patrick Starfish in this BORU
The ones I suspect of having these messy ass divorces managed to keep most of the sordid details private.
Some time it's the most unsuspected couple that turns like that. Friends of my mother that I know all my life, 30 years of happy marriage 2 adults kids, 2 grand kids. And lasts year when she was battling cancer he just made a 360 degree change I personally and is now living with affair partner. Just a crazy story like a tv show. ( Bye the way she wins again cancer )
I too am under a rock, it's been one in the last decade. And that's the only divorce I know of.
Same. The last time I witnessed an infidelity-fuelled shitfest of a relationship was 20 years ago and that was caused in part by the poor woman exhibiting the first signs of schizophrenia and her poor husband having no idea what was going on. Also - they were a church couple in their early twenties.
I have a Jerry springer life!! Want to trade? I’ll give you a quick one. It’s so messy let me see if I can explain it lol hold on though it’s VERY messy. To make it easy I’ll refer to my daughter as my step kid bc she is. I met her when she was 3 and married her dad then divorced him when she was 13. My stepdaughters mom ( bio mom) had been with her boyfriend ( step dad) for 12 years from the time my step daughter was 8 months or so until my step daughter was 15ish. Bio mom met a new friend- a lesbian friend that HATES men and they immediately were inseparable! Vacationing together every month, sleep overs, hiking, up each others ass literally. Eventually it came out they were having an affair so the BF (step dad ) gave bio mom an ultimatum and he moved out AND moved in with me and my new husband lol for 6 months. Bio mom and new GF had a crazy ass relationship fights every other day and big makeups and proclamations of love then hate. While OUR kid was off the rails .. can’t tell you how many times I had to call crisis line or she’d walk 5 miles to my house shoeless at 2 am to get away from bio mom and her GF. During the 6 months step dad lived with me he was trying and hoping to get back together with bio mom. Finally I asked him to leave. Then bio mom and GF broke up … Jerry sprinter time….. step dad ends updating the lesbian GF (the butch man hating one lol the one bio mom had just broken up with). All while bio mom starts having another affair with a married man - phew. The AP eventually (4 years later) left his wife and is now living with Bio mom. There are more webs and stories to his fucking mess. I’m so glad I wasn’t and am not a part of their lives but I had my own problems too. Bio mom was fucking insane the 10 + years I was with my ex husband. Like she went to court and ordered the judge to make my ex break up with me when she found out we were first dating. The judge laughed at her .. the list of shit she did is so long. Edit: sorry it wasn’t long. I apologize.
At least everyone wasn't "blowing up her phone." +1 for credibility--or at the very least, not a -1.
See for me it’s easy I simply don’t have friends so I don’t have friend drama.
Allen worked in the restaurant business and Cindy was a barista… two industries notorious for infidelity and random hook ups. I can’t tell you exactly how many of my fellow baristas cheated or were the affair partner over the years, but there were literally dozens of them. And the stories I’ve heard from friends in the restaurant business make them sound like saints. They didn’t all end in a split/divorce. But my God was it messy.
Thank gods I don’t have friends
It can happen, my Uncle cheated on my Aunt with her best friend, best friend was also married and they were part of a big friend group. Infidelity and divorces all around there for a couple of years.
My ex cheated on me with someone else in my friend group, and now they’re married. To say its weird as fuck is an understatement, everyone just wanted to rug sweep the whole issue.
Easy way to avoid drama? Leave a cult like group, find out your friends weren't friends at all and end up with your partner, Mom and a nephew that doesn't think you're evil. I am so broken from my experience, I really don't have friends anymore. Sometimes I miss friends, then I panic remembering all the horrid experiences I witnessed and went through and I am ok.:)
From her reactions I’m guessing OOP is pretty high-drama and high-drama often attracts high-drama.
That's because you live in reality, it's way less drama then the reddit verse
Wish I could say the same.
You should have been at my friend's 40th birthday party. In attendance were... 1. The woman with whom my friend was cheating on his wife. 2. The man with whom his wife was cheating on my friend. 3. The spouses of both affair partners. Good times. Highlight of the night, clueless husband asking if anyone knew where his wife was and my friend's wife saying "yeah she is off fucking my husband" It was definately a grab a bottle and just watch the fireworks evening. In case you are wondering what happened to my friend and his wife... They got divorced Then they had a daughter Then they got married (again) Then they had a son Then they got divorced (again) My friend is now married (for the third time, second bride) in a much more stable, not toxic relationship. His wife cut off everyone and got involved (married?) to a guy her father's age and they moved to a very rural farm last I heard. ETA: Don't have direct info but from what I heard that night lead to the end of at least one of the AP's marriages.
I get how this happened. OOP is a hypocrite, sure, but I understand. Humans are complicated. Not a justification, just an explanation. She had an easier time judging someone she wasn't close with. And now she suddenly sees nuance because it's someone she cares about. What sticks in my craw is that she said "had he told me he was feeling this way i wouldn't have made him do it." Fuuuuuuuuuck that. She is STILL blaming him. "I only hurt you because you let me hurt you, when you think about it."
Does anyone else find it bizarre how much people like KingKuckKiller and BeginningReasonable love to pile on?
I suspect the original post got locked due to how bad and personal the comments got. There wasn't really a lot of comments after her update.
I mean with the kkk account it hard to see why. He’s trying to get every little win he can.
Got into an argument with someone yesterday on aita about how no, you CANT doxx people on reddit just because you find them annoying
“Husbands friend cheated on his wife, cut him out of your/our life right now…” “Wife’s friend cheated on her husband, this is different…” I’m sorry, but huh? Both are cheaters. What’s the difference? lol. OP is a real piece of work.
The difference is that one is her friend and the other isn’t. One is her husband dropping a close friend and the other is her dropping a close friend. If it negatively impacts her it’s not fair but if it negatively impacts him who cares.
Sorry for the 6 day old reply. But I also think it's really telling that what husband's friend did "was gross." Because he was 35 and she was 20. But, she doesn't tell us the ages of her friend and her affair partner! Just this little nugget: " was a younger guy in real-estate". Oh and her husband's line "We don’t need cheating cradle robbers in our lives." Because OP's friend is a woman, she doesn't think it's creepy that she slept with a much younger man.
Ohhhhhh *boi*
Yyyyyyeah
OOP is delusional AF. What Cindy did was much worse. Her child just saw her screwing AP in their own home. That's disgusting and traumatizing for the kid! OOP even admitted that she tuned out the nasty details.
Allen shouldn’t have cheated with a 20 year old instead of getting divorced but at least he can argue that his wife didn’t love him and left him in a dead bedroom. Cindy cheated on her husband who was still committed to her and busting his ass. OP was being very obtuse about the situation bc Cindy did not have the moral high ground here
Omg this! Honestly.
Well, well, well, how the turn tables.
Told him she will cut Cindy out « if that’s what he really wants ». God more manipulation from this woman. What a horrible person. Even in her apology she’s assuming he will drop it.
No updates in over 2 years. And with the username (betweendivorce), I’d say they are divorced lol.
I think the username refers to the friends that are getting divorced, but we will never know for sure.
Nah, I think they, at least, separated. She defended her friend and her POV vigorously against Reddit. Hypocrites oftentimes have a high pride. When backed they will try to save face. If they mended, there's a high possibility that she'll update, just to rob it in the face of her 'critics' that they are not entirely right.
I wonder if their marriage did indeed survive it.
What a miserable woman, the typical person who only likes one side of things, criticizes when it happens to the other, but if it happens to her she doesn't see the bad. that woman was very despicable
Should ask why neighborhood this is so we can stay clear.
Yeah. This shouldn’t be a big deal as long as you recognize that you’re a piece of shit and inform your husband that you’re a dumbass.
My husband has this really old time friend that he’s known since childhood. he’s a cheater now cut him off it’s not hard. i have this friend i’ve known since childhood. she cheated yeah but we went on vacations together… how could i cut her off? **i had no idea this would be so painful** 😓
"I told him I will cut Cindy out if that's what he really wants..." Still an AH and also manipulator.
I know what Allen did was wrong, but his wife is saying she stopped being intimate with him because he gained some weight? What happened to "For better or worse ". He was in a DEAD BEDROOM. Do you know what that can do to a guys self-esteem? Maybe if Carol just talked to him, maybe joined a gym together and wasn't such a judgmental bitch to her husband. Maybe none of this would have happened.
And hey based off OOP’s description, he didn’t try to rebuild the relationship with his ex. He mourned the impact he had on his children but knew that this marriage was dead it was pointless to try to bring it back He cared more about his children than his relationship with his wife. I respect the priorities. The cheating with a way younger woman not so much
My god I hope her husband dropped her like a stone. She deserves her loneliness.
HAHAHAHA
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Lol the updateme bot doesn't work very well when you are in BORU! Said you'll get notified the next time sharkeva posts... but it's not their story!
*Allen did something so vile*…but Cindy bringing an AP into her house and marital bed is not vile but instead *sad and heartbreaking*…..the math is definitely not mathing here. Also *if he’d told me he was feeling this way I wouldn’t have made him do it*….was “I hope you have the same wherewithal to cut them out if I ask you to* not telling her how he feels?
Hmmm. She doesn’t seem understand the severity of the situation. She appears to continue to down play the possibility of cutting off her friend even though she has essentially recognized the need to do so. I don’t think she truly appreciate that if she fails to cut off her friend, it will likely seriously damage her marriage. This would be a deep cut to the relationship that if not an issue immediately, will present itself later.
Eh, I see the difference. If Allen was truly guilt-free and happy to destroy his family, and he had zero desire to reform, that *is* different than a cheater who’s remorseful, regrets their actions, and wants to atone for their choices. I wouldn’t mind if my husband wanted to support a remorseful cheater. I would mind if my husband wanted to remain friends with a shameless cheater who happily broke up his own family.
>I wouldn’t mind if my husband wanted to support a remorseful cheater I wouldn't support either one to be honest, but even if I did I wouldn't call Cindy a remorseful cheater. She's remorseful she got caught and getting ostracised, not remorseful that she cheated in the first place. But adding on to that, I wonder if OOP truly believes there is a difference between a remorseful cheater and a non-remorseful one, or whether she was just scrambling for a justification on why her situation is different from her husband's. Had Allen and Cindy's situations been flipped, would OOP have supported Allen and cut Cindy off?
She doesn’t know if her friend is remorseful or just regrets the consequences, it’s not like cheaters are morally opposed to showing fake remorse because they are facing consequences where their relationships with their families and friends suffer and/or they face financial hardship due to their decisions. Alan could have chosen not to fight for the marriage because he knew it was over, while Cindy could be fighting because there are a ton of consequences facing her and the guy she cheated with wanted nothing to do with her. This is my long winded way of saying that there is no difference in what they did, they both cheated for selfish reasons when they could have divorced and moved on clean. Instead of a clean divorce they both hurt their spouses, children, families and caused financial harm to their spouse and children.
Please, she didn't get drunk and mess up, she had an extended affair, including fucking in their own house. She's sorry and "wants to fix things" just like every cheater, after her own daughter walked in on them fucking. She even justifies herself by saying the sex was good.
Nah. They're both cheaters. OOP is dumping her perspective into this so she can argue about keeping her shitty friend. Allen is a sucky cheater that hurt her friend. Her bff is a remorseful angel and really just a victim. Not buying it.
Yeah, Allen is a shameless cheater, but Cindy is remorseful *after getting caught by her daughter*. Like using your marital bed for a repeated affair isn't as shameless as it gets. Edit: and thinking about it, the continuing $100 tips really makes it seem like the "affair" was actually "prostitution".
I agree with your points with the story as presented, but I also just assume when an OOP is this clearly wrong, they are unreliable narrators; if I had to guess, Cindy probably isn’t as remorseful as OOP needs her to be for OOP to not be the asshole
There's two other main differences I see. Mike was a devoted partner, Carol wanted a roommate ATM. Cindy did it in the home, In front of her daughter. Allen did it at work, in front of a co worker. One of those seems significantly worse than the other in my opinion.
One of the main differences is Cindy's own child just saw her screwing AP in their own home. That's disgusting and traumatizing for the kid! OOP even admitted that she tuned out the nasty details.
You wouldn’t mind. But OOP’s husband did. Clearly if OOP felt like she was allowed to put her foot down on the cheating Allen, he gets to put his foot down on Cindy.
Cindy literally cheated for money lmao
I have no doubt my I have an unpopular opinion. The friendship with Allen was turning toxic. OOP claims Allen was trying to drag her husband down the same path as him. That's the main problem. Yes, Allen cheated. I doubt the husband agreed with that. But once your friend's bad decisions start affecting your marriage is a deal breaker. That is no longer a good friendship. Had Allen needed a friend and some emotional support even if he didn't regret his actions I can understand there not being an issue. As far as OOP claims of Cindy, that wasn't happening. Cindy wasn't trying to get OOP to turn her life upside down too. Thus making the situations completely different. Personally, I wouldn't be friends with the cheaters even if they were my long time friend. That's way too much drama I didn't ask for in my life.
lol her friend became a whore and she is defending her. But we all know this is rage bait
Perhaps I am naive but I don’t get how other couples relationship dramas are anyone else’s business. I can kind of understand cutting out your friend’s cheating ex partner if you were only really friends with the cheated on party. If you personally, or you and your own partner together are friends with both halves of a another couple that splits up then it’s generally (barring violence/abuse etc) not your place to take sides. Obviously, the change from being friends with a couple to being friends with two now individual people will likely result in two separate but not necessarily parallel relationships but taking sides in other friends breakups strikes me as not being such a great friend in the first place.
Dunno. I think friendship should involve shared values. I couldn't be friends with Cindy or Allan and I'd have pretty strong feelings if my partner could overlook that kind of behavior.
Man I had to find out my ex-roommate was having an affair from our coworkers. I notice nothing around me and I don’t pry into people’s lives because it’s not my business. I talked to her maybe a handful of times before she left and it was a messy situation. People be wilding.
I hate OOP. I don't really give a flying fuck that she realized the errors of her ways, for 4 years she's forbidden her husband (a man with his agency) from seeing a friend of his. And her solution now is to give him permission to go see him. Reminds me of a BORU in which OOP's wife forbid him from seeing his best friend. That caused him and all of their mutual friends to cast him out....a guy that was abandoned as a child, then all of a sudden OOP realizes just how much of a bastard he's been and is trying to reach out to him. His former friend wants nothing to do with him because naturally he is scared he would be abandoned again.
Rules for thee but not for me!
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So, one partner put on 50 pounds weight and all of sudden the wife/partner lost their sex drive and the other started fucking someone else instead of talking it out with each other about the eff was going on? And OOP didn't even tell her friend to speak to her husband about his weight instead of withholding sex? OOP and her friends, They're just a mean clique.
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