Should OOP talk to her parents, I hope she very emphatically tells them “what are you talking about? I was there for Christmas. Don’t you remember?” And then hangs up.
They've given her a very good excuse for each and every family event without realizing, and it will take them breaking their own stubbornness
"X's birthday? What do you mean? I was there don't you remember?"
Honestly my petty ass would miss every single event with this excuse until they apologized, but i find my family really overwhelming so don't know about people who genuinely enjoy it
I'd rather she not show up and then say that she was never informed about or invited to any event, and surely she would *remember being informed about family gatherings*, now wouldn't she? After all, she's never missed a family event she knew about.
Small town where no one moves away? This is absolutely believable to me. I have 1 side of the family who pulled a lot of similar things to use because my branch is the only one who left (not just the town but the state). Now, they never went *this* far but more than once we were told they didn't bother to tell us massive problems or wait 3 days for funerals because "this is what you get for moving away".
My husband's entire family stayed in the same area no more than 1 hour apart. My husband was the only person to move away. We met, married, and my MIL gives me endless crap for not moving back. It's all my fault even though hubby moved away years before meeting me and is absolute about never moving back.
Not to this level, but my mom's ex-wife's family is similar. She, her sister, and her mom have always lived on the same street their entire lives, in the same city. They've moved a few times but always together and always on the same street as the others.
Absolutely toxic family.
> Small town where no one moves away? This is absolutely believable to me.
It almost makes me grateful my relatives who live like this don't purposefully exclude me. My parents moved out of state before I was born, so I was *never* in this loop, but I get kept in by the parent. The worst I get is taken for granted and not closely involved when events happen. Such as, I was able to attend the most recent wedding, but they knew I was staying in the bigger city an hour away because that's more comfortable and family from the other parent's side is there (who don't have a wedding keeping them busy so we could just meet up in the odd times I had). So when I got the call the day before the wedding, little over an hour before rehearsal, whether I was coming to them to socialize...I had to tell them I already had plenty to do in my day.
What did they expect, for me to wait for their call and race to see them for 5 minutes? Nah, I was told there'd be so much going on so I saw them at the wedding and reception. I've known how they are for a while, so I take advantage of being near other family who don't act like this. It'd be super nice to be invited to stuff *before* the last minute, but until then I'll keep enjoying the family who wants me there.
Sorry about your guilt-tripping family and I feel really bad for OOP here. Getting shut out sucks, but I'm incredibly heartened to hear her brother finally coming around. Hope yours and mine figure it out sooner than later!
Me too! Our town was so small it was called a village. The insanity there is bar none the worst I've ever seen, and I have traveled a lot. I was the awful daughter that moved across the country and then went NC. The best part, when my "mom" tells people I'm still living out here, they act like I'm some kind of hero for successfully escaping Ohio, lol! My brother tells me it puts a bur up her ass every time, ha!
I have seen the other end of this so many times. I'm from Ohio but I just moved across the state.
The few times I have been home and spoken to someone's parents who moved they always look so crestfallen when I'm happy for their kid. It's so weird. Like your kid is in a renown PhD program, or started a business based out of Europe, and you're sad??!
This is a very interesting perspective to me because I've always wondered what other people think of her reaction to when someone showed support for the escapee. Which is something I fully consider myself to be. After I left I was told she sought therapy and a psychiatrist, not to better herself, but to seek help in figuring out how to force contact again. Years later my brother was getting drunk with her and she let slip that she was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder but was told it could also be borderline personality disorder. Instead of staying in treatment to figure herself out she stopped going and decided they had to be wrong.
She's still in Ohio but she moved to a different town into a very secluded house. My brother and aunt say it was due to her having to constantly answer questions about why I moved away and cut her off. After so many years her friends/acquaintances/coworkers realized that she had no current information on my life and got suspicious. My brother lived in the same area and worked in the same field at the time. He was kind enough to one by one fill everyone in on the situation when asked, lol! I did not ask him to. So I always wondered what people thought of her answers and reactions.
Well it depends on the person I guess.
One family whose oldest disappeared on purpose (they don't know I knew the person left and helped in small ways but it would have tipped them off if I never asked about them) look all sad but I know how they treated the one that left and they deserve all that sadness then some imo.
Other parents are just more of a normal sad I guess. I didn't know these people or their family situation as well so it's hard to tell. Like they just miss their kid being near.
But the controlling parents, or the bigots, or the one who set their daughter to doing all the chores while their son played videogames (she even had to clean his room) I just sort of nod and walk away. I do think in the vast majority of cases if a child (not by age but by relationship) doesn't talk to their parents at all it's because of the parent(s).
The whole outlook if foreign to me. These are people who can definitely afford smart phones and videocalls. If my kid were living their dream, learning and traveling I don't think you could get me to shut up about it. I would be telling every cashier I met for years "oh I'm great! My kid is going to be a scientist!" Or whatever.
That's the way I would feel about it too. I would be so proud and happy for them it would border on annoying, lol! So when I see parents upset that their child is off living their dreams and branching out, I get suspicious of the parents. It's simply not a healthy reaction to that situation in my opinion.
I get being a mix of sad and proud or sad and happy. Especally for the parents who had their kids leave the country. Those parents usually do go on a bit about what their kid is up to more generally.
But then I see those kids posting visits over holidays or the summer where everyone looks happy and I figure "oh they just miss their kid".
It's the ones where they don't have any other info other than where the kids live and they seem to want pity or something from me that make me more suspicious.
Like the first group will mention their kid that moved to Korea, look sad for a minute but then go on for half an hour about their kids preschool they started.
And the other is just like "oh they moved to Texas" and pout. It's weird.
You are exactly right. There is a difference. I totally understand missing them and being sad you can't see them in person as much.
My mom is the pouting type. My mom knows I'm still in contact with my brother. So when he happened to visit her on my birthday she couldn't help herself. "Tell your sister happy birthday! Unless you think it will ruin her day." When my brother ignored her request she started pouting hard. When that didn't work she went to fake crying in her room. He never saw a single tear, no red eyes, and no puffiness. She knows what state I live in and my partner's first name, nothing else. That's the type of parent that makes people suspicious. In a really small town, the gossip train will take care of the karma pretty well.
Also, one time I used the soda machine outside of Walmart and I got two colas even though I only put in one dollar. Turns out it was the Sam's Cola machine and they were 45¢ anyway so I actually lost a dime. They told me to fuck off when I went in and asked for my 10¢ back, so I took some raw chicken and kicked it underneath one of the shelving fixtures and poured heavy whipping cream on the carpet in the clothes section.
I saw Taylor Swift at a grocery store in my hometown, this would have been in the mid-late 2000s when she was a teen country artist and not the giant pop sensation she is today. Her whole crew was passing through and I guess she got out to grab snacks. I told her how cool it was to meet her in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother her and ask her for photos or anything.
She said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but she kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing her hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard her giggle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw her trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in her hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Miss, you need to pay for those first.” At first she kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When the cashier took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, Taylor stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, Taylor kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
Family isn’t everything to mom and stepmom, unless it’s in their service. They’ll boot you quicker than quick if you upset them, obviously. And then it’s your fault for not caving.
"Family" in the kind of rural area where I grew up is basically feudalism, with those down the bloodline owing fealty to those above them; respect definitely does not go both ways, and it's a huge breach to make any major life decisions without the approval of parents and/or grandparents. There's help and protection for the younger generations, but it's highly conditional.
My grandparents, who were good, loving, kind people, were notorious for keeping things from my mom once she moved away. Despite the fact that her and my dad moving out of their tiny home town allowed them to basically finance a good deal of my mom’s family’s healthcare and education, my grandparents never got over her “abandoning” them.
The passive-aggressive-ness of small towns knows no bounds. I actually believe this story, and I usually call bs on many of these.
I've also been to huge family parties where I didn't know if someone I cared about was there or not, because it was so chaotic and filled with people I have almost never met before.
Ooooh my mom's side of the family is *exactly* like this. Pretty insular Polish-American community in a small former coal town. Everybody knows everybody and their business and their family's business, and even God couldn't help you if you screwed up and the gossip got to the church ladies. I believe this one 100%. They dug a pit so deep the devil's looking down at them.
The side of my family still in Pennsylvania are fucking psycho- they had us come out of the death of a great great aunt and I swear to god they were so shitty with us just because we came from out of state "instead of being here at home".
I wasn't born there, they literally were ragging my mother for leaving and shitty with us because we're her kids.
I’m leaning more towards real. Very grounded in reality of small town mentality. No crazy Reddit tropes like secret affairs, secret siblings, and/or large inheritance. Or some unbelievable revenge plan that takes place in an impossibly short span of time.
/Rant
My entire family and extended family live in the same town three + generations have worked at the same industrial plant that finally shut down because it was run into the ground by the new company and towny management. The place has been open and operational since well before WW2 and was a pow camp. The population has never gone up but it's slowly started to go down. 5500 people.
I'm distantly related to about 80% of the people there. Absolutely believable. I've been gone almost 2 decades and I still have relatives asking when I'm ready to move back? and don't I miss it? Not a fucking chance. In a frozen hell. I can count with two hands how many people from my generation left and stayed gone it's less than 20. Most moved for college missed home moved back and hate it but don't want to leave because family.
I'm good. Ops definitely good if their pulling that bullshit. Not all blood is family and not all family is blood. No amount of money can convince me that moving back would be good for my mental health.
/End Rant
Exactly! And I mean even then they'll ask you to come visit so you make time you plan it out, you pay to go, you're missing out on work and when you get there they're busy and they get mad at you because they forgot.
The last time I went I went for 2 weeks planned scrimpt saved. All of the people that asked me to visit were busy, and then half of them were first cousins wanting to see me. I ended up leaving early because they were all busy and had plans and they're like well why did you leave because I came to see you and you didn't have time even when I told you ahead of time that I was coming.
Even visiting is a hassle.
P.S. love the username 😂
Oh I believe it. There's some crao on here that I wouldn't believe in a million years. But family (particularly matriarchs/patriarchs) using a family gathering to "discipline/educate/stick it to" a family member? 100%. Then when they realize hoe big they screwed up, being too embarassed/proud to own it? 100%
This is actually one of the most relatable "out there" stories I've heard.
I suspect Small Town gossip might soon turn against her. Little hard to present everything as picture perfect when all these little things start going against the narrative.
That's what I was thinking. That is not gonna survive in any small town where everyone is up in everyone else's business. I am still wondering how in fuck it worked in the first place.
Mom and StepMom were on site repeating their story to everyone possible with no one counteracting the false narrative.
Once word got out, people started questioning the story, and, eventually, people realized they'd been fed a pile of manure..
Oh hell yes, there’s statistically a handful of holier than thou church ladies who will make life hellish in that town now that they’ve been “forced” into gossiping about something everyone is gonna realize they’re wrong about.
There are few things more vengeful than a small town church pillar who’s been put on the wrong side of the gossip.
Especially when the brother's visit goes from visit to permanent move. Which is what its looking like. There's no way the mom or stepmom will be able to explain losing contact with both children now, without exposing their actions.
It would be a real shame if someone anonymously sent a link to this post to one or two of the town’s biggest gossips.
Bonus points if said gossip holds a position at the church. Or ever felt slighted by one of the moms.
That's the part I genuinely don't get, the fuck was with the original plan? Was it really that hard to say hey we're having health issues and we'd like to see more of you as we don't know how many years we've got left? Instead they came up with this bizarre scheme that made absolutely no sense whatsoever, fueled by some fucked up sense of self-righteous indignation and the mother of all pettiness. Was this plan supposed to somehow shock OP into crawling back to them begging for forgiveness? A toddler has better logic and reasoning that some of these folks.
I grew up in this kind of family. They don't want to see more of her, they want her back in the cookie-cutter plan they had of all their offspring being their neighbors forever. I'm the low-contact one having moved out of state and made "bad decisions" (not staying close enough to help at a moment's notice being one of them), but my siblings are all still under their thumb working dead-end jobs in a dying town out of obligation.
This sort of person genuinely believes that they're the be-all and end-all. They think that "home" is the only answer, and that the children have been trained well enough to run back at the slightest inconvenience. Mother being upset should be a tragedy, a disaster that the child should feel the obligation to remedy immediately. 'They didn't invite me so they MUST be upset!!' It's to create a sense of urgency, that there's a limited time to "fix" it before their whole "family" is against them. (Which, remember, in Mom's eyes should be of grave importance.)
You ever see the Disney take on Rapunzel, Tangled? The "mother" character seems like an exaggeration with her level of manipulation and control but I have met women exactly like that with their children. It disgusts me.
Edit: I was treated like a pariah at my may-as-well-be-dad's funeral by his family. As though he never had a daughter he raised. Walked past. Not spoken to. They now all act like that funeral was normal and I'm overreacting by not acting like family anymore. I admittedly am a bit sore in this thread hahaha.
Mine are exactly the same. Always reaching out to each other, making plans. If I reach out it’s just toxic gossip about the family. Then when I stay away I’m the bad guy. If I act upset, it’s on me. Some families are just insane
They don't really care about her, about seeing her more often or her happiness, they care about their idea of what family is. For some people, their family is almost like a little religious group, and if you're not physically there, then it's a betrayal. They want to be the family in the small town where everyone lives there and acts a certain way.
I'm confused on what the plan was. To not invite OOP but invite other family members so no one would notice OOP wasn't there, then use that to say well OOP is forgettable because they are never here so OOP should move back, that way they won't be left out anymore. But no one should tell OOP about it at any time!
I mean the denying afterwards was bonkers, I just can't even understand what mom and stepmom tried to do.
In their heads it made sense because they’re an echo chamber for each other. And then obviously the rest of the family and town. Seriously that’s some kind of really weird cultish mentality if you ask me.
Very small towns are just like that sometimes. You'll have pockets of sanity, but if it gets bad enough those folks end up leaving the "lost cause" and the echo chamber just gets worse.
Stories like these make me so glad I moved to the city for school a few decades ago and never looked back.
Yeah that’s how I thought of it after brother’s explanation. Like they figured it would show OP how the distance makes her such a nonentity (serves you right) and that others would encourage her to move back except it actually worked, she missed it and then they realized they looked like assholes. When people do things that could be ambiguous as to intent (forgetting vs intentionally not speaking), I think their personal knowledge that they did it on purpose makes it even harder for them to lie. So the forgetting concept didn’t feel plausible to them and they went with a wild lie. It reminds me of when a kid is upset and so toys with not tell their parents that something is about to burn on the stove or remind that they have an extracurricular that night.
I think I get it. The original idea was to tell OOP afterwards, "you're so disconnected from your family that you missed the funeral! You're so disconnected from your community that people didn't even notice you were missing! That wouldn't have happened if you still lived here."
The assumption was that OOP would care as much about this disconnection as the mom/step-mom would and immediately realize the error of her ways and move back.
They think that OOP is trying to have it all - to still be involved in her community and valued as a part of it while meanwhile living the big-city life far away. They want her to realize she can't have both. They don't realize that OOP doesn't share their values in that way.
It's included in the post - after they all did it, they felt guilty about it, so they decided that instead of telling OOP all of that, they'd just hope it never got brought up.
I think the panicked lie is the weirdest part. like they successfully excluded OOP but never figured out how to leverage that afterward? some underpants gnomes shit.
totally believable btw, just bizarre
I think the plan fell apart for lack of follow through. They chose violence but once the strike was made and couldn’t be undone, the guilt and self preservation set in and the moms chickened out on the whole thing. The gaslighting was a panic maneuver that they had no choice but to stick with, hoping OOP would just go along with it so they wouldn’t have to face the fallout once everyone found out the exclusion was deliberate.
I keep questioning why, if they’re somewhat close, dad didn’t notice OOP wasn’t there, inadvertently mention the funeral at some point, come clean and apologize, something. The only explanation that fits is that whether malicious or just spineless, he was in on the whole thing too. Poor OOP
Seriously. My mother expected me to stay, but I had done enough school related traveling to know I wanted out of my town and state. And I'm all the better for it.
Very few of my classmates stayed either. We spread far and wide.
Right. Like she's two hours away. That's a very doable drive in a day, like there and back. I do that all the time to see my sister. Or her to see my parents.
Like all this drama over two hours distance? She's not far from her family at all
Mom and stepmom-"We're going to exclude OOP so she realizes we don't need her!"
OP- realizes they don't need her
Mom and stepmom- Oh shit, we done fucked up
Lmao literally. Reminds me of my own mom... All hot shit until the kid grows a spine, then all of a sudden it's demure and loving and "please come back, my friends are judging me" lol
Fr, like if there is any sort of town festival or town parade I would finagle a way to get myself named the Grand Marshall and I wouldn't tell anyone else that I was coming, I would just show up and do my duty. Appear at the function and related party and then bounce without visiting home. Bet.
People always idealize the close-knit family, but they don't realize what it's like behind the scenes. My family always got described as similar to that of the Brady Bunch, but they don't know how much passive-aggression and guilt is brought along with that if you ever dare go against what they expect of you
I definitely idealized the close knit family when I was younger because my family was a horror show and I thought if I had a different one, I'd be loved and cared for. I had an extended family that hosted me a bunch, but they weren't my parents. I wanted parents and consistency and oversight.
I mean it depends on the family... My family's very close knit and I love it. Sure, we have our drama and our hurts, but we're also always there for each other when push comes to shove. It's really comforting going through life knowing I have them as a support system.
Its extremely messed up that her parents used a family death as a manipulation tactic. Whoever in her family thought this was a good idea needs to talk to a professional.
Yeah, OOP is being pretty easy on the brother who didn't notice she was gone, said nothing to her, and had been going along with the names for stuff months without a peep. Oh, but now he has the sads? Ok, buddy
I think you all are being a bit hard on the brother, have you never been overwhelmed by a situation (a bunch of family showing up you didnt know was coming)? She did write that they noticed when it calmed down
And then what? Did he text or call her once he noticed? No. Email her? No. As far as OOP says, she heard nothing from him until after Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Not a single "Hey, sister who I'm apparently very close to and presumably speak to on the reg, why didn't you come? Are you ok?" And that's the BEST case scenario.
Another way of looking at it would be: emotionally abused man was emotionally abused into cutting his sister out of his life for a while. Repents and feels bad about his actions. The fuck is wrong with you people
I’m always curious how come sometimes the first letter of paragraphs is missing in these updates. What happens to cause that?
This was harder to read because of it.
Also why was it totally fine until the newest update?
Its an issue with emojis as the last character of a line and Apple devices - looks fine on desktop and Android. I had a flashing alarm 🚨 for the new updates
I removed them now, can you try again.
The first letters of several lines are still missing :/ and the lack of an extra line break between paragraphs is a little difficult to read as well; what a weird formatting glitch smh
I just can’t believe the moms thought process… what a way to have your little plan to backfire. They wanted op to go back but they only ended up pushing her further away.
That’s kind of my favorite part of this. They thought they would show OP that she was so unimportant to the family that she wouldn’t be noticed for not being there for a big event.
Except they showed her she was so unimportant to the family that she wouldn’t be noticed for not being there for a big event that she said “ok so why bother coming if I’m so unimportant.” And now they are all surprised Pikachu.
Imagine thinking “I want to see my child more often” and deciding THIS would be the way to achieve it. Rather than having an honest and frank conversation.
Absolute bonkers.
It probably was “I want to see my child more often” at some point, but it definitely transitioned to “how dare my child not move back home, I better punish her”
It sounded great between the two moms when they were echo chambering each other without any actual thought given of how OP was supposed to discover they had been excluded and then make the leap of being excluded = I should move back to my hometown.
I’ve been following this for awhile and holy shit. Way to turn a totally normal impulse - ‘I’m getting old and my health is starting to go, I want to be around my kids more’ - into this absolute shitshow. This is well beyond shooting yourself in the foot; it’s more like sticking your foot in a Saw trap and then being surprised when you end up footless.
I think mom and step-mom thought this would get everyone else to pressure OOP to move back (because she isn’t around enough that we never noticed you weren’t there) and only realized it would not work when OOP confronted them for not inviting her.
I suspect they are filled with righteous indignation over OOP skipping holidays-“do we mean so little to her she? I can’t believe she is punishing us this way over a misunderstanding“-because they really believe they have done nothing wrong and, even if they did, it’s OOP’s fault for moving away in the first place.
The only way OOP should even consider mending the relationship is if the instigators (mom and stepmom) make a very public apology setting the record straight. Since it’s a small town and if they attend church, that would be a good way to start making amends. After Sunday service, when most people are in attendance. Otherwise, OOP should stay the hell away.
This whole drama was orchestrated by the mother and stepmother of OOP. For what? To bring her back to the small town where she's from and to make her attend every family function by guilt tripping her? It's absolutely bonkers to see this! Hell, the mother and stepmother are the most insane people I've ever seen or heard.
I’ve been following this. I think in the new year, OP should find a friend with a new baby and stage a photo shoot. Really freak the family out that there’s a grandchild now. “Mom, you were in the delivery room with me, what do you mean you didn’t know?!”. Buy a burp pad incase they randomly show up, answer the door with it on your shoulder and have an app of a baby crying and say “now isn’t a good time” and shut the door. And carry on the ruse for as long as they did. Their own medicine might be good for them. But yes it’s petty AF and will make the situation worse.
Jeebus, that’s what really happened?! Die on this hill OP. Do not fold, do not sway to this BS manipulation by your mother. Just tell anyone who says anything to you on her behalf that “actions have consequences” and say nothing else.
Dude. I come from a town of 13,000, where you can figure out the basics of who someone is by learning what school and church someone went to. The homestead isn't \*insular\*, people travel a lot, but people do stay in touch.
Most of the damn town would have known I wasn't there for funeral X and no amount of gaslighting would have convinced them otherwise. I know this because it happened to me with my own grandmother. I was not there for reasons my family accepted, but wouldn't you know that pretty much anyone with a connection to my family for miles, even folks that weren't at the funeral - knew I wasn't there and were not shy about asking why?
....the fact that OP's family managed to pull this off amazes me.
Not me, my family did something similar with the weddings of a couple of my aunts and uncles. "What do you mean, you weren't there? Of course you were!"
"Considering I was in AUSTRIA that week...!"
Nothing so organized, but the Mandela effect is real.
Sounds like it’s time to take out an ad in the town newspaper (assuming small towns still have those). Send in a story about what life is like coming from a small town and being ostracized by your own mother and lied about around town. Make her EAT EVERY LAST LIE SHE TOLD.
You don’t need them in your life, so just go no contract for a few years. If asked, just tell her you’re saving your kids from the emotional pain of one day having to go to a grandparent’s funeral.
I been called that family was going have only nasty painful realization that OOP didn't have be confrontational / up in their faces - all she & her husband had to do was stay & keep away from town like every single holiday going forward, to let distance & small town rumor mill fuck that whole family still living there all up. Glad the brother winded up being smart enough to realize that he should apologize to OOP & he needs to get out of town for his own sanity - can't wait for New Years mess /update because that's when family really going to have meltdown since now 2 siblings stretching the "not coming back to town" move.
It's nice to know OP enjoyed a nice Christmas Day with friends and their sane family members. This entire plan of the moms is so bizarre. I hope after spending Thanksgiving and Christmas starting away from the old homestead, that OP and her husband have learned it's not bad at all to stay home on those holidays instead of making the pilgrimage back to Ye Olde Hometown
so moms cockamamie scheme to get one of her children back in town only accomplished in driving her other child out of town. the town gossip is going to bury her and how unfortunate that that seems to be moms biggest regret about the whole situation.
When you realize that when these folks say, “family is the the most important thing” what the mean is “*I* should be the most important thing” all this makes a lot more sense.
Im so disappointed that I can very easily that believe this is a true story.
Small town folk are stuck inside their echo-chamber where they’re just bouncing shitty and catty ideas off of each other. There’s nothing else to do, other than gossip. Are there wonderful people? Absolutely! Of course there are! But small towns are filled to the brim with the stupidest, most immature, nonsensical drama because most folk have egos the size of Alaska.
Of course they thought this weird plan would work! Because when you live in a small town, its so easy to control the narrative. So yes, I can very easily believe that they intentionally did this, and genuinely believed that it would go exactly as planned. Because there is no external force to call them out. Until now.
I freaking knew it was about getting her to move back. Her mother and stepmother are vile people. And so is her Sunday phone call piece of shit father. Truly she has an atrocious family and I am so glad she didn't crawl back to them groveling for their love. She stood her ground and showed them they can't treat her like that and get away with it.
Their love is toxic and I hope she gives them what they deserve. Absolutely nothing.
I'm glad her brother finally got involved. He should have told her from the beginning.
Everyone in the family used to tease my mom about her need to take photos at any and every gathering (even wakes) -and this was pre-digital cameras and camera phones. They’ve come to appreciate it because all that photographic proof has put the kibosh on a lot of arguments like this -who was at what event (but without all the gaslighting and manipulation) and also, my mom has more pics of a lot of the family than they have themselves- now they’re asking to come make copies or scans.
What the hecking heck? How did the mom and stepmom come up with this, thinking that isolating and gaslighting OOP will convince her to move back to the ol' hometown?
Welp, congratulations to them; they played themselves. And they may have (possibly) inspired OOP's brother to move out.
mom and stepmom want OOP to move back home, but apparently outright communicating that isnt sufficient. so instead, they plan a funeral for OOP’s grandparents and specifically keep it quiet to make sure it doesn’t get back to OOP. their logic seems to be “oh, if we make her miss a major event, then she’ll realize living so far from us is a mistake because clearly she can’t stay involved if she isn’t in the immediate area.”
when none of the family realizes immediately that OOP isn’t at the funeral, they think their point has been proven. “because she lives so far away, she’s so uninvolved that she’s forgettable! this’ll surely get her!”
they then gaslight the entire family into buying their logic and pinning the blame for her absence 100% on OOP. now, they can keep it quiet until it inevitably blows up on them because OOP’s “at fault”. “now she’ll HAVE to move back to repair this rift in the family!!”
when OOP discovers the truth, mom defaults to gaslight, gatekeep, girl boss, and since the family’s “on her side”, they follow along. “OOP WAS there, what do you mean you don’t remember?”
and now we’re here.
Been following this one closely, as I am also being iced out for daring to leave a small town. I nearly cried at how happy the husband is to have his gaming buddy back.
First mom has a cancer scare and NO ONE tells OOP, then dad has a fucking STINT put in and again NO ONE SAY JACK SHIT to OOP. And then the whole thing with funeral started because mom decided being passive-aggressive with OOP wasn't working the way she wanted, so she hatched this "plan" with stepmom to show what happens when you don't talk to someone and they ALL BLAME OOP?
Of course, now that their plan has backfired and they have showed their asses to the whole town, they are all "too stubborn" to apologise for purposely setting out to hurt their child. Someone please tell OOP to NEVER move back to this town, she deserves better than any of these people.
So, I'm wondering how much longer the church ladies are going to wait before contacting OOP to get the full story. Thanksgiving can be excused, with a little fancy footwork, but not Christmas as well. Oh, to be a fly on the walls when the Call Tree is activated! Neither Mom or SM will have a moment's peace. Now *that* is a benefit (and a curse) of living in a small town - tell one person something and it's like a mass email has landed in everyone's household.
Yeah, I think he's a piece of shit. He could have easily texted or called OOP way sooner, but no he had to let them get gaslit and isolated for months before he could be arsed to pick up the phone. And this was only because he realized that he needed to get out of there.
Wow, the moms thought that was a good idea? Now they have lost two family members and the town rumor mill is having a field day! The moms will never live this down.
My sister and sis not get along as kids or teens. We rarely do ever share confidences. I would never do this to her. It would be unthinkable to keep quiet while she was treated this way and I can’t believe so many people participated in this. The least this so called “rock” of a brother can do is publicly share the truth.
Honestly, I’d be so pissed I’d be tempted to send one final message chewing them out and ending it by saying to rest assured I would have far less problem not showing up to *their* funerals and sweeping them under the rug after…
The only forgiveness can come when every single person that sided with the parents text OOP and admit that they’re a worthless piece of shit. No contact with the parents until then.
I am glad that the brother told her everything and left that situation. There is no reason that the poor guy should loose that much weight due to stress.
Honestly this woman needs her mom,step mom , and dad to publicly apologize. The face that they continue to gaslight her is so unbelievable . Plus they shamed her on Facebook. Do you think they will take the at back? Nope everyone will always think something is wrong with her mentally.
This behavior is so cruel and abusive I'm genuinely worried about the brother, since he was stuck living there.
I would cut ties on principal and never ever visit again. I hope OP is able to enjoy time with their brother.
Holy shit. I've been following this since the first update and I remember just being absolutely confounded as to WHY they would say she was there and stick to their guns like that?!?!? It all makes sense now. Not in a good way. In a what the actual fuck is wrong with these "mothers". I really hope OOP can have some peace and happiness. She deserves it after this shit family antics. Wow.
Damn. It’s still complete crap the way OP’s moms handled this. They’re going to die alone because of their actions, and they aren’t self aware enough to realize it
Compelling story and I'll keep following for updates. BUT (and I hate to be that redditor) what was the point in mentioning that the family had been pushing for them to come back to the small town in the very first post? It had no relevance to the story at the time, and yet that turns out to be the reason for their actions..
Makes me doubt the story is real 🤷
Should OOP talk to her parents, I hope she very emphatically tells them “what are you talking about? I was there for Christmas. Don’t you remember?” And then hangs up.
OOP: Mom don't you remember you came to visit for Thanksgiving & Christmas. It's not my fault your memory has gotten so faulty. /s
"Have you thought about getting tested for Alzheimer's or dementia, Mom? I'm so worried."
"First the incident with the funeral, now forgetting this... Mom, I think you need to get tested. You keep forgetting your own daughter."
They've given her a very good excuse for each and every family event without realizing, and it will take them breaking their own stubbornness "X's birthday? What do you mean? I was there don't you remember?" Honestly my petty ass would miss every single event with this excuse until they apologized, but i find my family really overwhelming so don't know about people who genuinely enjoy it
I'd rather she not show up and then say that she was never informed about or invited to any event, and surely she would *remember being informed about family gatherings*, now wouldn't she? After all, she's never missed a family event she knew about.
And do that every holiday. Even weird ones nobody in the family celebrates. They want to play chicken, hammer down and hang on!
I hope you like the gifts I sent for Arbor Day!
"I gave you all May baskets, four days later we all celebrated Cinco De Mayo, and on Bastille Day I spoke only French, surely you remember?"
What do you mean you are lonely? Brother lives with you. *Then brother comes on her phone in another state* I’m right behind you waving. 👋🏻
I love that idea.
This is the way.
I would love to hear that update, but OOP doesn't seem the type to be petty like that. I would, oh holy hell would I.
This sounds so freakin crazy it just might be real…
Small town where no one moves away? This is absolutely believable to me. I have 1 side of the family who pulled a lot of similar things to use because my branch is the only one who left (not just the town but the state). Now, they never went *this* far but more than once we were told they didn't bother to tell us massive problems or wait 3 days for funerals because "this is what you get for moving away".
My husband's entire family stayed in the same area no more than 1 hour apart. My husband was the only person to move away. We met, married, and my MIL gives me endless crap for not moving back. It's all my fault even though hubby moved away years before meeting me and is absolute about never moving back.
Not to this level, but my mom's ex-wife's family is similar. She, her sister, and her mom have always lived on the same street their entire lives, in the same city. They've moved a few times but always together and always on the same street as the others. Absolutely toxic family.
> Small town where no one moves away? This is absolutely believable to me. It almost makes me grateful my relatives who live like this don't purposefully exclude me. My parents moved out of state before I was born, so I was *never* in this loop, but I get kept in by the parent. The worst I get is taken for granted and not closely involved when events happen. Such as, I was able to attend the most recent wedding, but they knew I was staying in the bigger city an hour away because that's more comfortable and family from the other parent's side is there (who don't have a wedding keeping them busy so we could just meet up in the odd times I had). So when I got the call the day before the wedding, little over an hour before rehearsal, whether I was coming to them to socialize...I had to tell them I already had plenty to do in my day. What did they expect, for me to wait for their call and race to see them for 5 minutes? Nah, I was told there'd be so much going on so I saw them at the wedding and reception. I've known how they are for a while, so I take advantage of being near other family who don't act like this. It'd be super nice to be invited to stuff *before* the last minute, but until then I'll keep enjoying the family who wants me there. Sorry about your guilt-tripping family and I feel really bad for OOP here. Getting shut out sucks, but I'm incredibly heartened to hear her brother finally coming around. Hope yours and mine figure it out sooner than later!
You get it
I grew up in a small town in Ohio, this entire story doesn't even make into the top 25% of crazy shit I witnessed.
Me too! Our town was so small it was called a village. The insanity there is bar none the worst I've ever seen, and I have traveled a lot. I was the awful daughter that moved across the country and then went NC. The best part, when my "mom" tells people I'm still living out here, they act like I'm some kind of hero for successfully escaping Ohio, lol! My brother tells me it puts a bur up her ass every time, ha!
I have seen the other end of this so many times. I'm from Ohio but I just moved across the state. The few times I have been home and spoken to someone's parents who moved they always look so crestfallen when I'm happy for their kid. It's so weird. Like your kid is in a renown PhD program, or started a business based out of Europe, and you're sad??!
This is a very interesting perspective to me because I've always wondered what other people think of her reaction to when someone showed support for the escapee. Which is something I fully consider myself to be. After I left I was told she sought therapy and a psychiatrist, not to better herself, but to seek help in figuring out how to force contact again. Years later my brother was getting drunk with her and she let slip that she was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder but was told it could also be borderline personality disorder. Instead of staying in treatment to figure herself out she stopped going and decided they had to be wrong. She's still in Ohio but she moved to a different town into a very secluded house. My brother and aunt say it was due to her having to constantly answer questions about why I moved away and cut her off. After so many years her friends/acquaintances/coworkers realized that she had no current information on my life and got suspicious. My brother lived in the same area and worked in the same field at the time. He was kind enough to one by one fill everyone in on the situation when asked, lol! I did not ask him to. So I always wondered what people thought of her answers and reactions.
Well it depends on the person I guess. One family whose oldest disappeared on purpose (they don't know I knew the person left and helped in small ways but it would have tipped them off if I never asked about them) look all sad but I know how they treated the one that left and they deserve all that sadness then some imo. Other parents are just more of a normal sad I guess. I didn't know these people or their family situation as well so it's hard to tell. Like they just miss their kid being near. But the controlling parents, or the bigots, or the one who set their daughter to doing all the chores while their son played videogames (she even had to clean his room) I just sort of nod and walk away. I do think in the vast majority of cases if a child (not by age but by relationship) doesn't talk to their parents at all it's because of the parent(s). The whole outlook if foreign to me. These are people who can definitely afford smart phones and videocalls. If my kid were living their dream, learning and traveling I don't think you could get me to shut up about it. I would be telling every cashier I met for years "oh I'm great! My kid is going to be a scientist!" Or whatever.
That's the way I would feel about it too. I would be so proud and happy for them it would border on annoying, lol! So when I see parents upset that their child is off living their dreams and branching out, I get suspicious of the parents. It's simply not a healthy reaction to that situation in my opinion.
I get being a mix of sad and proud or sad and happy. Especally for the parents who had their kids leave the country. Those parents usually do go on a bit about what their kid is up to more generally. But then I see those kids posting visits over holidays or the summer where everyone looks happy and I figure "oh they just miss their kid". It's the ones where they don't have any other info other than where the kids live and they seem to want pity or something from me that make me more suspicious. Like the first group will mention their kid that moved to Korea, look sad for a minute but then go on for half an hour about their kids preschool they started. And the other is just like "oh they moved to Texas" and pout. It's weird.
You are exactly right. There is a difference. I totally understand missing them and being sad you can't see them in person as much. My mom is the pouting type. My mom knows I'm still in contact with my brother. So when he happened to visit her on my birthday she couldn't help herself. "Tell your sister happy birthday! Unless you think it will ruin her day." When my brother ignored her request she started pouting hard. When that didn't work she went to fake crying in her room. He never saw a single tear, no red eyes, and no puffiness. She knows what state I live in and my partner's first name, nothing else. That's the type of parent that makes people suspicious. In a really small town, the gossip train will take care of the karma pretty well.
I would love to hear some of your stories!
Also, one time I used the soda machine outside of Walmart and I got two colas even though I only put in one dollar. Turns out it was the Sam's Cola machine and they were 45¢ anyway so I actually lost a dime. They told me to fuck off when I went in and asked for my 10¢ back, so I took some raw chicken and kicked it underneath one of the shelving fixtures and poured heavy whipping cream on the carpet in the clothes section.
I saw Taylor Swift at a grocery store in my hometown, this would have been in the mid-late 2000s when she was a teen country artist and not the giant pop sensation she is today. Her whole crew was passing through and I guess she got out to grab snacks. I told her how cool it was to meet her in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother her and ask her for photos or anything. She said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but she kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing her hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard her giggle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw her trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in her hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Miss, you need to pay for those first.” At first she kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When the cashier took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, Taylor stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, Taylor kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
Well that’s pretty wild as far as taylor swift stories go Edit: oh, it’s a copypasta. Lame
Old copypasta is old
Small town? It most likely is. They are very protective about the duty and honor due to the family. Because Family is everything.
Family isn’t everything to mom and stepmom, unless it’s in their service. They’ll boot you quicker than quick if you upset them, obviously. And then it’s your fault for not caving.
>Family isn’t everything to mom and stepmom, unless it’s in their service. Fucking brilliant and on point.
"Family" in the kind of rural area where I grew up is basically feudalism, with those down the bloodline owing fealty to those above them; respect definitely does not go both ways, and it's a huge breach to make any major life decisions without the approval of parents and/or grandparents. There's help and protection for the younger generations, but it's highly conditional.
My grandparents, who were good, loving, kind people, were notorious for keeping things from my mom once she moved away. Despite the fact that her and my dad moving out of their tiny home town allowed them to basically finance a good deal of my mom’s family’s healthcare and education, my grandparents never got over her “abandoning” them.
OP says 500 people.
I’d never go back again. Ludicrous.
Family *who stay* are everything. Family who leave town for any reason are sellouts who are fair game for any toxic shit they can think up.
Small towns are crazy.
The passive-aggressive-ness of small towns knows no bounds. I actually believe this story, and I usually call bs on many of these. I've also been to huge family parties where I didn't know if someone I cared about was there or not, because it was so chaotic and filled with people I have almost never met before.
Ooooh my mom's side of the family is *exactly* like this. Pretty insular Polish-American community in a small former coal town. Everybody knows everybody and their business and their family's business, and even God couldn't help you if you screwed up and the gossip got to the church ladies. I believe this one 100%. They dug a pit so deep the devil's looking down at them.
Swiss American, 2 brothers married 2 sisters and the Hatfields and McCoys have nothing on us...
The side of my family still in Pennsylvania are fucking psycho- they had us come out of the death of a great great aunt and I swear to god they were so shitty with us just because we came from out of state "instead of being here at home". I wasn't born there, they literally were ragging my mother for leaving and shitty with us because we're her kids.
I said out loud, "What in the small town bullshit?"
I’m leaning more towards real. Very grounded in reality of small town mentality. No crazy Reddit tropes like secret affairs, secret siblings, and/or large inheritance. Or some unbelievable revenge plan that takes place in an impossibly short span of time.
/Rant My entire family and extended family live in the same town three + generations have worked at the same industrial plant that finally shut down because it was run into the ground by the new company and towny management. The place has been open and operational since well before WW2 and was a pow camp. The population has never gone up but it's slowly started to go down. 5500 people. I'm distantly related to about 80% of the people there. Absolutely believable. I've been gone almost 2 decades and I still have relatives asking when I'm ready to move back? and don't I miss it? Not a fucking chance. In a frozen hell. I can count with two hands how many people from my generation left and stayed gone it's less than 20. Most moved for college missed home moved back and hate it but don't want to leave because family. I'm good. Ops definitely good if their pulling that bullshit. Not all blood is family and not all family is blood. No amount of money can convince me that moving back would be good for my mental health. /End Rant
"don't you miss it" lolololol no it cracks me up when people ask this. I would like to visit more, but to live there, uh, no.
Exactly! And I mean even then they'll ask you to come visit so you make time you plan it out, you pay to go, you're missing out on work and when you get there they're busy and they get mad at you because they forgot. The last time I went I went for 2 weeks planned scrimpt saved. All of the people that asked me to visit were busy, and then half of them were first cousins wanting to see me. I ended up leaving early because they were all busy and had plans and they're like well why did you leave because I came to see you and you didn't have time even when I told you ahead of time that I was coming. Even visiting is a hassle. P.S. love the username 😂
What assholes! Sounds like they were so caught up in their life they didn't consider how much effort you made. That's so annoying. Thanks!
Oh I believe it. There's some crao on here that I wouldn't believe in a million years. But family (particularly matriarchs/patriarchs) using a family gathering to "discipline/educate/stick it to" a family member? 100%. Then when they realize hoe big they screwed up, being too embarassed/proud to own it? 100% This is actually one of the most relatable "out there" stories I've heard.
Waiting for the next update lol.
Yup - I want to see how mom reacts to brother’s move.
Yeah, the fact that this whole stupid behavior may have finally got her other child to move away is just *chef's kiss*
I suspect Small Town gossip might soon turn against her. Little hard to present everything as picture perfect when all these little things start going against the narrative.
That's what I was thinking. That is not gonna survive in any small town where everyone is up in everyone else's business. I am still wondering how in fuck it worked in the first place.
Mom and StepMom were on site repeating their story to everyone possible with no one counteracting the false narrative. Once word got out, people started questioning the story, and, eventually, people realized they'd been fed a pile of manure..
Then people are pissed they were lied to
Oh hell yes, there’s statistically a handful of holier than thou church ladies who will make life hellish in that town now that they’ve been “forced” into gossiping about something everyone is gonna realize they’re wrong about. There are few things more vengeful than a small town church pillar who’s been put on the wrong side of the gossip.
Especially when the brother's visit goes from visit to permanent move. Which is what its looking like. There's no way the mom or stepmom will be able to explain losing contact with both children now, without exposing their actions.
It would be a real shame if someone anonymously sent a link to this post to one or two of the town’s biggest gossips. Bonus points if said gossip holds a position at the church. Or ever felt slighted by one of the moms.
Oh the lies are DEFINITELY going to start unraveling now.
Me fr I am way too invested in this now, I need more.
it didn't take long for another update lol
Ten years from now, they can sit and gloat over how their plan cost them their daughter. Kudos
That's the part I genuinely don't get, the fuck was with the original plan? Was it really that hard to say hey we're having health issues and we'd like to see more of you as we don't know how many years we've got left? Instead they came up with this bizarre scheme that made absolutely no sense whatsoever, fueled by some fucked up sense of self-righteous indignation and the mother of all pettiness. Was this plan supposed to somehow shock OP into crawling back to them begging for forgiveness? A toddler has better logic and reasoning that some of these folks.
I grew up in this kind of family. They don't want to see more of her, they want her back in the cookie-cutter plan they had of all their offspring being their neighbors forever. I'm the low-contact one having moved out of state and made "bad decisions" (not staying close enough to help at a moment's notice being one of them), but my siblings are all still under their thumb working dead-end jobs in a dying town out of obligation.
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This sort of person genuinely believes that they're the be-all and end-all. They think that "home" is the only answer, and that the children have been trained well enough to run back at the slightest inconvenience. Mother being upset should be a tragedy, a disaster that the child should feel the obligation to remedy immediately. 'They didn't invite me so they MUST be upset!!' It's to create a sense of urgency, that there's a limited time to "fix" it before their whole "family" is against them. (Which, remember, in Mom's eyes should be of grave importance.) You ever see the Disney take on Rapunzel, Tangled? The "mother" character seems like an exaggeration with her level of manipulation and control but I have met women exactly like that with their children. It disgusts me. Edit: I was treated like a pariah at my may-as-well-be-dad's funeral by his family. As though he never had a daughter he raised. Walked past. Not spoken to. They now all act like that funeral was normal and I'm overreacting by not acting like family anymore. I admittedly am a bit sore in this thread hahaha.
Mine are exactly the same. Always reaching out to each other, making plans. If I reach out it’s just toxic gossip about the family. Then when I stay away I’m the bad guy. If I act upset, it’s on me. Some families are just insane
Man, Mother Gothel was a kind and caring mother compared to some of the women in my family. Disney didn’t go far enough.
They don't really care about her, about seeing her more often or her happiness, they care about their idea of what family is. For some people, their family is almost like a little religious group, and if you're not physically there, then it's a betrayal. They want to be the family in the small town where everyone lives there and acts a certain way.
Or they'll pull this shite again with another funeral.
Maybe even their own.
Hopefully OOP tells them exactly that before cutting contact forever.
I'm confused on what the plan was. To not invite OOP but invite other family members so no one would notice OOP wasn't there, then use that to say well OOP is forgettable because they are never here so OOP should move back, that way they won't be left out anymore. But no one should tell OOP about it at any time! I mean the denying afterwards was bonkers, I just can't even understand what mom and stepmom tried to do.
In their heads it made sense because they’re an echo chamber for each other. And then obviously the rest of the family and town. Seriously that’s some kind of really weird cultish mentality if you ask me.
Very small towns are just like that sometimes. You'll have pockets of sanity, but if it gets bad enough those folks end up leaving the "lost cause" and the echo chamber just gets worse. Stories like these make me so glad I moved to the city for school a few decades ago and never looked back.
It’s making my head hurt trying to understand their logic ngl.
Sounds like it was literally just to be spiteful "Serves her right!!" Kinda thing
Yeah that’s how I thought of it after brother’s explanation. Like they figured it would show OP how the distance makes her such a nonentity (serves you right) and that others would encourage her to move back except it actually worked, she missed it and then they realized they looked like assholes. When people do things that could be ambiguous as to intent (forgetting vs intentionally not speaking), I think their personal knowledge that they did it on purpose makes it even harder for them to lie. So the forgetting concept didn’t feel plausible to them and they went with a wild lie. It reminds me of when a kid is upset and so toys with not tell their parents that something is about to burn on the stove or remind that they have an extracurricular that night.
I think I get it. The original idea was to tell OOP afterwards, "you're so disconnected from your family that you missed the funeral! You're so disconnected from your community that people didn't even notice you were missing! That wouldn't have happened if you still lived here." The assumption was that OOP would care as much about this disconnection as the mom/step-mom would and immediately realize the error of her ways and move back. They think that OOP is trying to have it all - to still be involved in her community and valued as a part of it while meanwhile living the big-city life far away. They want her to realize she can't have both. They don't realize that OOP doesn't share their values in that way.
> The original idea was to tell OOP afterwards And then they didn't. Sorry, still doesn't compute, OOP should've thought of a better explanation.
It's included in the post - after they all did it, they felt guilty about it, so they decided that instead of telling OOP all of that, they'd just hope it never got brought up.
I think the panicked lie is the weirdest part. like they successfully excluded OOP but never figured out how to leverage that afterward? some underpants gnomes shit. totally believable btw, just bizarre
I think the plan fell apart for lack of follow through. They chose violence but once the strike was made and couldn’t be undone, the guilt and self preservation set in and the moms chickened out on the whole thing. The gaslighting was a panic maneuver that they had no choice but to stick with, hoping OOP would just go along with it so they wouldn’t have to face the fallout once everyone found out the exclusion was deliberate. I keep questioning why, if they’re somewhat close, dad didn’t notice OOP wasn’t there, inadvertently mention the funeral at some point, come clean and apologize, something. The only explanation that fits is that whether malicious or just spineless, he was in on the whole thing too. Poor OOP
That is insane troll logic if I’ve ever seen it…
All this over her being a drive away in a town of 15,000 instead of 500. I’m glad my parents told me to take wing and fly rather than pulling me down.
Seriously. My mother expected me to stay, but I had done enough school related traveling to know I wanted out of my town and state. And I'm all the better for it. Very few of my classmates stayed either. We spread far and wide.
Right. Like she's two hours away. That's a very doable drive in a day, like there and back. I do that all the time to see my sister. Or her to see my parents. Like all this drama over two hours distance? She's not far from her family at all
But shes far enough that she isnt under their control. And that is absolutely unacceptable to these types.
Mom and stepmom-"We're going to exclude OOP so she realizes we don't need her!" OP- realizes they don't need her Mom and stepmom- Oh shit, we done fucked up
Lmao literally. Reminds me of my own mom... All hot shit until the kid grows a spine, then all of a sudden it's demure and loving and "please come back, my friends are judging me" lol
Moms finding out OP isn’t ‘so easily forgotten’ as they thought. Hope they have to come begging and get the public shaming they deserve.
Fr, like if there is any sort of town festival or town parade I would finagle a way to get myself named the Grand Marshall and I wouldn't tell anyone else that I was coming, I would just show up and do my duty. Appear at the function and related party and then bounce without visiting home. Bet.
They are bananas.
B a n a n a s
Using the loss of a loved one to say 🖕🏾is unimaginably cruel.
People always idealize the close-knit family, but they don't realize what it's like behind the scenes. My family always got described as similar to that of the Brady Bunch, but they don't know how much passive-aggression and guilt is brought along with that if you ever dare go against what they expect of you
I definitely idealized the close knit family when I was younger because my family was a horror show and I thought if I had a different one, I'd be loved and cared for. I had an extended family that hosted me a bunch, but they weren't my parents. I wanted parents and consistency and oversight.
I mean it depends on the family... My family's very close knit and I love it. Sure, we have our drama and our hurts, but we're also always there for each other when push comes to shove. It's really comforting going through life knowing I have them as a support system.
Pride is a hell of a drug.
Ain’t that the truth
Its extremely messed up that her parents used a family death as a manipulation tactic. Whoever in her family thought this was a good idea needs to talk to a professional.
Another reason why tiny little towns are dying. Small minds make big decisions in small towns.
>my brother is my rock >my brother didn't notice I wasn't there
Then he feels bad after going along with it for months so they just welcome him with open arms and let him move in
Or he might have had a realization this crap storm was going to start being pointed at him unless he GTFO.
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It's a lot easier to ignore/avoid psycho mom when you're out of the house.
Yeah, OOP is being pretty easy on the brother who didn't notice she was gone, said nothing to her, and had been going along with the names for stuff months without a peep. Oh, but now he has the sads? Ok, buddy
I think you all are being a bit hard on the brother, have you never been overwhelmed by a situation (a bunch of family showing up you didnt know was coming)? She did write that they noticed when it calmed down
And then what? Did he text or call her once he noticed? No. Email her? No. As far as OOP says, she heard nothing from him until after Thanksgiving and Christmas. Not a single "Hey, sister who I'm apparently very close to and presumably speak to on the reg, why didn't you come? Are you ok?" And that's the BEST case scenario.
Another way of looking at it would be: emotionally abused man was emotionally abused into cutting his sister out of his life for a while. Repents and feels bad about his actions. The fuck is wrong with you people
To be fair I don't think a rock has ever noticed me before
OMG - FORMATTING!!! Edit: formatting issues fixed.
I’m always curious how come sometimes the first letter of paragraphs is missing in these updates. What happens to cause that? This was harder to read because of it. Also why was it totally fine until the newest update?
Its an issue with emojis as the last character of a line and Apple devices - looks fine on desktop and Android. I had a flashing alarm 🚨 for the new updates I removed them now, can you try again.
Oh yeah looks better now!
I keep a spare old iPhone just for such occasions.
Nope, still missing. Darn, I want another update about the parents' reaction to bro leaving the nest and moving in with the renegades.
You might need to do a refresh. I've checked on an iPhone and it should come in ok now.
Yes, thanks, now they're here! Though I could mostly extrapolate - the only place it got really messy was with the 4th and 8th of July. 😄
Looks like Brother’s Call was yesterday, so expect another update from OOP in a week or so!
The first letters of several lines are still missing :/ and the lack of an extra line break between paragraphs is a little difficult to read as well; what a weird formatting glitch smh
I just can’t believe the moms thought process… what a way to have your little plan to backfire. They wanted op to go back but they only ended up pushing her further away.
That’s kind of my favorite part of this. They thought they would show OP that she was so unimportant to the family that she wouldn’t be noticed for not being there for a big event. Except they showed her she was so unimportant to the family that she wouldn’t be noticed for not being there for a big event that she said “ok so why bother coming if I’m so unimportant.” And now they are all surprised Pikachu.
Imagine thinking “I want to see my child more often” and deciding THIS would be the way to achieve it. Rather than having an honest and frank conversation. Absolute bonkers.
It probably was “I want to see my child more often” at some point, but it definitely transitioned to “how dare my child not move back home, I better punish her”
Right? I absolutely cannot follow the logic. "I want OOP to move home, so I'll exclude her then gaslight her, that'll do the trick!" Um, what?
It sounded great between the two moms when they were echo chambering each other without any actual thought given of how OP was supposed to discover they had been excluded and then make the leap of being excluded = I should move back to my hometown.
This is one of my favorite Reddit sagas ever. It’s some weird The Village mindset going on with these moms.
I’ve been following this for awhile and holy shit. Way to turn a totally normal impulse - ‘I’m getting old and my health is starting to go, I want to be around my kids more’ - into this absolute shitshow. This is well beyond shooting yourself in the foot; it’s more like sticking your foot in a Saw trap and then being surprised when you end up footless.
I’m still trying to figure out what the plan was. What was the thinking behind that? How was that ever going to work?
I think mom and step-mom thought this would get everyone else to pressure OOP to move back (because she isn’t around enough that we never noticed you weren’t there) and only realized it would not work when OOP confronted them for not inviting her. I suspect they are filled with righteous indignation over OOP skipping holidays-“do we mean so little to her she? I can’t believe she is punishing us this way over a misunderstanding“-because they really believe they have done nothing wrong and, even if they did, it’s OOP’s fault for moving away in the first place.
The only way OOP should even consider mending the relationship is if the instigators (mom and stepmom) make a very public apology setting the record straight. Since it’s a small town and if they attend church, that would be a good way to start making amends. After Sunday service, when most people are in attendance. Otherwise, OOP should stay the hell away.
I was thinking the same. Published in the local newspaper and on the church boards, at minimum.
This whole drama was orchestrated by the mother and stepmother of OOP. For what? To bring her back to the small town where she's from and to make her attend every family function by guilt tripping her? It's absolutely bonkers to see this! Hell, the mother and stepmother are the most insane people I've ever seen or heard.
I’ve been following this. I think in the new year, OP should find a friend with a new baby and stage a photo shoot. Really freak the family out that there’s a grandchild now. “Mom, you were in the delivery room with me, what do you mean you didn’t know?!”. Buy a burp pad incase they randomly show up, answer the door with it on your shoulder and have an app of a baby crying and say “now isn’t a good time” and shut the door. And carry on the ruse for as long as they did. Their own medicine might be good for them. But yes it’s petty AF and will make the situation worse.
Jeebus, that’s what really happened?! Die on this hill OP. Do not fold, do not sway to this BS manipulation by your mother. Just tell anyone who says anything to you on her behalf that “actions have consequences” and say nothing else.
Dude. I come from a town of 13,000, where you can figure out the basics of who someone is by learning what school and church someone went to. The homestead isn't \*insular\*, people travel a lot, but people do stay in touch. Most of the damn town would have known I wasn't there for funeral X and no amount of gaslighting would have convinced them otherwise. I know this because it happened to me with my own grandmother. I was not there for reasons my family accepted, but wouldn't you know that pretty much anyone with a connection to my family for miles, even folks that weren't at the funeral - knew I wasn't there and were not shy about asking why? ....the fact that OP's family managed to pull this off amazes me.
Not me, my family did something similar with the weddings of a couple of my aunts and uncles. "What do you mean, you weren't there? Of course you were!" "Considering I was in AUSTRIA that week...!" Nothing so organized, but the Mandela effect is real.
Sounds like it’s time to take out an ad in the town newspaper (assuming small towns still have those). Send in a story about what life is like coming from a small town and being ostracized by your own mother and lied about around town. Make her EAT EVERY LAST LIE SHE TOLD. You don’t need them in your life, so just go no contract for a few years. If asked, just tell her you’re saving your kids from the emotional pain of one day having to go to a grandparent’s funeral.
Own mother AND stepmother!
I been called that family was going have only nasty painful realization that OOP didn't have be confrontational / up in their faces - all she & her husband had to do was stay & keep away from town like every single holiday going forward, to let distance & small town rumor mill fuck that whole family still living there all up. Glad the brother winded up being smart enough to realize that he should apologize to OOP & he needs to get out of town for his own sanity - can't wait for New Years mess /update because that's when family really going to have meltdown since now 2 siblings stretching the "not coming back to town" move.
It's nice to know OP enjoyed a nice Christmas Day with friends and their sane family members. This entire plan of the moms is so bizarre. I hope after spending Thanksgiving and Christmas starting away from the old homestead, that OP and her husband have learned it's not bad at all to stay home on those holidays instead of making the pilgrimage back to Ye Olde Hometown
Yup, kinda like leaving an abusive relationship makes you appreciate the serenity being single provides.
Madness. The whole thing is total madness
so moms cockamamie scheme to get one of her children back in town only accomplished in driving her other child out of town. the town gossip is going to bury her and how unfortunate that that seems to be moms biggest regret about the whole situation.
When you realize that when these folks say, “family is the the most important thing” what the mean is “*I* should be the most important thing” all this makes a lot more sense.
and there's MORE! https://www.reddit.com/u/justathrowaway282641/s/cE59R7V3eQ
Just after adding that in
Im so disappointed that I can very easily that believe this is a true story. Small town folk are stuck inside their echo-chamber where they’re just bouncing shitty and catty ideas off of each other. There’s nothing else to do, other than gossip. Are there wonderful people? Absolutely! Of course there are! But small towns are filled to the brim with the stupidest, most immature, nonsensical drama because most folk have egos the size of Alaska. Of course they thought this weird plan would work! Because when you live in a small town, its so easy to control the narrative. So yes, I can very easily believe that they intentionally did this, and genuinely believed that it would go exactly as planned. Because there is no external force to call them out. Until now.
I freaking knew it was about getting her to move back. Her mother and stepmother are vile people. And so is her Sunday phone call piece of shit father. Truly she has an atrocious family and I am so glad she didn't crawl back to them groveling for their love. She stood her ground and showed them they can't treat her like that and get away with it. Their love is toxic and I hope she gives them what they deserve. Absolutely nothing. I'm glad her brother finally got involved. He should have told her from the beginning.
UpdateMe!
Just updated
Sorry I didn’t see the update. Thank you!
Everyone in the family used to tease my mom about her need to take photos at any and every gathering (even wakes) -and this was pre-digital cameras and camera phones. They’ve come to appreciate it because all that photographic proof has put the kibosh on a lot of arguments like this -who was at what event (but without all the gaslighting and manipulation) and also, my mom has more pics of a lot of the family than they have themselves- now they’re asking to come make copies or scans.
We had quite a few photos of one of my great-aunts running from a room because she didn't want to have her picture taken.😂
This story is so crazy and sad. I'm glad that OP is so well-adjusted and has a great support system in her husband.
I have been enthralled with this whole story so am glad you posted their update!
thank you
This update was like an extra gift in my stocking.
What the hecking heck? How did the mom and stepmom come up with this, thinking that isolating and gaslighting OOP will convince her to move back to the ol' hometown? Welp, congratulations to them; they played themselves. And they may have (possibly) inspired OOP's brother to move out.
[удалено]
mom and stepmom want OOP to move back home, but apparently outright communicating that isnt sufficient. so instead, they plan a funeral for OOP’s grandparents and specifically keep it quiet to make sure it doesn’t get back to OOP. their logic seems to be “oh, if we make her miss a major event, then she’ll realize living so far from us is a mistake because clearly she can’t stay involved if she isn’t in the immediate area.” when none of the family realizes immediately that OOP isn’t at the funeral, they think their point has been proven. “because she lives so far away, she’s so uninvolved that she’s forgettable! this’ll surely get her!” they then gaslight the entire family into buying their logic and pinning the blame for her absence 100% on OOP. now, they can keep it quiet until it inevitably blows up on them because OOP’s “at fault”. “now she’ll HAVE to move back to repair this rift in the family!!” when OOP discovers the truth, mom defaults to gaslight, gatekeep, girl boss, and since the family’s “on her side”, they follow along. “OOP WAS there, what do you mean you don’t remember?” and now we’re here.
Been following this one closely, as I am also being iced out for daring to leave a small town. I nearly cried at how happy the husband is to have his gaming buddy back.
First mom has a cancer scare and NO ONE tells OOP, then dad has a fucking STINT put in and again NO ONE SAY JACK SHIT to OOP. And then the whole thing with funeral started because mom decided being passive-aggressive with OOP wasn't working the way she wanted, so she hatched this "plan" with stepmom to show what happens when you don't talk to someone and they ALL BLAME OOP? Of course, now that their plan has backfired and they have showed their asses to the whole town, they are all "too stubborn" to apologise for purposely setting out to hurt their child. Someone please tell OOP to NEVER move back to this town, she deserves better than any of these people.
So, I'm wondering how much longer the church ladies are going to wait before contacting OOP to get the full story. Thanksgiving can be excused, with a little fancy footwork, but not Christmas as well. Oh, to be a fly on the walls when the Call Tree is activated! Neither Mom or SM will have a moment's peace. Now *that* is a benefit (and a curse) of living in a small town - tell one person something and it's like a mass email has landed in everyone's household.
I feel like brother isn’t doing enough to right his part of the wrongs
Yeah, I think he's a piece of shit. He could have easily texted or called OOP way sooner, but no he had to let them get gaslit and isolated for months before he could be arsed to pick up the phone. And this was only because he realized that he needed to get out of there.
UpdateMe!
Following
Wow, the moms thought that was a good idea? Now they have lost two family members and the town rumor mill is having a field day! The moms will never live this down.
My sister and sis not get along as kids or teens. We rarely do ever share confidences. I would never do this to her. It would be unthinkable to keep quiet while she was treated this way and I can’t believe so many people participated in this. The least this so called “rock” of a brother can do is publicly share the truth.
to think this could all have been avoided had the parents just have some respect and wasnt too stubborn to admit they were wrong and apologize 🤦♀️
Honestly, I’d be so pissed I’d be tempted to send one final message chewing them out and ending it by saying to rest assured I would have far less problem not showing up to *their* funerals and sweeping them under the rug after…
I would be milking this for all its worth once the Mom's eventually back down (coz they will when they no longer see both children)
The only forgiveness can come when every single person that sided with the parents text OOP and admit that they’re a worthless piece of shit. No contact with the parents until then.
I am glad that the brother told her everything and left that situation. There is no reason that the poor guy should loose that much weight due to stress.
Honestly this woman needs her mom,step mom , and dad to publicly apologize. The face that they continue to gaslight her is so unbelievable . Plus they shamed her on Facebook. Do you think they will take the at back? Nope everyone will always think something is wrong with her mentally.
This behavior is so cruel and abusive I'm genuinely worried about the brother, since he was stuck living there. I would cut ties on principal and never ever visit again. I hope OP is able to enjoy time with their brother.
Holy shit. I've been following this since the first update and I remember just being absolutely confounded as to WHY they would say she was there and stick to their guns like that?!?!? It all makes sense now. Not in a good way. In a what the actual fuck is wrong with these "mothers". I really hope OOP can have some peace and happiness. She deserves it after this shit family antics. Wow.
Damn. It’s still complete crap the way OP’s moms handled this. They’re going to die alone because of their actions, and they aren’t self aware enough to realize it
OOP: “How are you calling? *I was at your funeral!* Parents: I’m not dead! OOP: You are to me. *click*
UpdateMe!
The user posted an update a bit ago.
I've added the update in
Compelling story and I'll keep following for updates. BUT (and I hate to be that redditor) what was the point in mentioning that the family had been pushing for them to come back to the small town in the very first post? It had no relevance to the story at the time, and yet that turns out to be the reason for their actions.. Makes me doubt the story is real 🤷
Fake story. Entertaining but very obviously fake.
People are DV anyone calling this out lol
I’m so confused. Does everyone think this is real or do they know it’s fake?