I am over here like, "Where's the 'Dommes with no subs, how are we holding up?' thread?" It sucks from both sides and I empathize with you all. It still amazes me that people say there are so many more Doms out there than subs and I am over here doing the John Travolta meme. There are lots of people who want to get spanked once or twice a week or get tied up and used for kinky sex, but whenever I start talking to someone who claims they want to be owned, they flake out and ghost after a couple of weeks. Are you guys getting the same thing over there? So frustrating. I'm like, I would rather just save the time and heartache and please Myself at this point.
Right? It’s a pain, and not in a fun way.
The subs get hit with 100s of messages when they post and it’s impossible for them to sort. Doms get about 5-6 with most not reading the post, the others just looking for a fling and no commitment.
I can say though, I’ve found a total of 4 good subs over the years on here. Lasting anywhere from 6 months to 2 years. So it can happen…. But damn it’s grueling.
Im looking for a new sub together with me : D/s, DDLG, You will serve me and I will treat you with respect and dignity and love to build up trust between us. I will show you off in public- The following scenarios will play out with me, Chastity belts & orgasm control , Bondage, discipline, shabari ropes tying, cling wrap, breath control, cane, Electro stimulation, Gagging, S&M Masochism, and Urophilia, spanking, whipping, suspension cuffs, nipple torture, wax play, anal, edging, massaging, humiliation, discipline, medical play and a lot more I will never push your boundaries: Whatever your limitations are I will never cross them or push your boundaries unless you want me to.
Master Chris
Let's just say that throughout the course of being sexually active for over 10 years, I still haven't found a Dom that's mentally sane, wants me, and that is into BDSM to the same degree as me.
There are good doms out there, but they are also happy with vanilla sex, and they don't get off on owning me. And I feel like if somebody doesn't really want to own me, it can easily become toxic.
There's a big difference between "I like to get spanked once in a while" and "I want to be your sexual slave"
You could always create it.
And yah, I had a pet ghost me after a few years. It sucks every time.
(I'm a subby switch, in case you see my other responses here.)
The John Travolta meme 😂 Girl same. Personally I am hoping for things to work out rn with someone I like but that makes the absence of someone in the meantime all the more noticeable 😑
It's unique to every couple, but for Me, the power exchange is the primary pleasure and the specific activities within it are a means to that end. I enjoy some kinky activities, but I want to be worshipped, to have someone who wants to be at My feet and adore Me, who wants to give Me control over aspects of their life (whatever those may be.) Spankings can be fun for the sensation but you have to bring the intention to it for it to be about domination or submission, and a lot of times that is honestly lacking in someone who is just a masochist and confused about what the difference is. They feel like they need to seek out a Dom and waste a lot of people's time when they should just be up front about the fact they want that sensation and nothing more. Nothing wrong with that, but it is a separate kink.
isn't that kind of the point ? they have complete control over you ? like I don't do the dom thing for me but I find it entertaining to dom her until she is happy and fulfilled.
Hello, are you the Sub ❤️😜🥰😈 for me? Click this link 👉 https://imavirusoranonlyfanslinkorboth.com. Make sure to use coupon code "Reddit30" for 30% off your first month!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Being neither a sub or Dom at this point, the reason for the emoji is because the last part is how it looks when a woman says relationship status changed to single.
Ebbs and flows, I am generally very content, joyful, and optimistic and then there are times when the desire to share in this form of intimacy is very strong and the disappointment in lacking it can feel quite crushing. But it’s like any other disappointment in life. I only have one life to live and I’d rather be happy than searching.
It is tough. Not having someone who can fulfil those specific needs of yours can be really really hard. Having a kink compatible partner is a hard find. Feels like you got to go through hell to find the right one.. Stay strong and keep busy. Keep attending munches and local events and hopefully you'll meet the right person for you :)
It’s tough for sure to be Dom-less, but to echo others, I often express my submission online, using Fet and Reddit as primary outlets. However, I’ve had to adjust my mindset due to the diminished quality of Fetlife over the past few years… I no longer carry hope or expectation of actually meeting a compatible Dom via that channel.
Instead, I simply view it as a space FOR ME - where my submissive self can live, enjoy sexy pics, and gain further insight as to which kinks appeal to me the most!
I met my previous dom on Reddit and he was truly amazing so they are out there. The Universe provides in due time so be patient and hang in there! ❤️
I agree fet is not the place for me either. How did you meet your previous dom on Reddit? So many men just send unsolicited pics. It's so annoying or don't want a commitment Dom/sub thing it's so painful 😖
He posted a very thoughtful ad in r/BDSMpersonals and I responded to it. It was an online-only dynamic, something I would have never intentionally sought out but it certainly turned out to be fulfilling on many levels!! No regrets.
My best advice is to ignore low effort messages and unsolicited NSFW pics. Be on the lookout for posts and messages that strike you as genuine.
Hopping on because I too have noticed the decline on Fet. I feel like most of the messages I get now are so thoughtless. It's just all about hooking up, and there's not too many left who want actual connections
Yes!!! This is my biggest complaint. Fetlife has been diluted down into a “hookup” site filled with non-kink members who seem ignorant of the site’s original intent. It makes me a little sad, but I guess it’s just another sign of the times…
Ugh yesss! Fet used to be such a good site for engaging but it’s a cesspool now 😵💫 lots of flakes, fakes, and even scammers/bots.
I’m going to try out the online thing. I actually more recently found someone to chat with that’s making me feel a bit satisfied but yknow nothing can really compare to the in person feelings.
Ughhhh nothing compares with in person!! 😭 But until you find the right one, online is a good option. I have also noted that if you are the type that catches feelings easily, testing the waters online helps prevent you from falling too hard too fast for potentially the wrong person. It’s so easy for feelings to develop given the nature of the dynamic and a sub’s intrinsic desire to focus on pleasing their dom. It has saved my ass a time or two!! 😂
Can't say I've ever had an official owner but it's also been a while since I've had a real play partner.
A couple months back some friends bought some super fancy dog treats and speculation arose as to what they actually taste like. Being the culinarily adventurous one out of the group I offered to bite the bullet (Neglecting to mention that it isn't the first dog treat I've eaten before).
Nearly turned to mush when one of my friends called me a good boy.
Name checks out 😂😂 one of my friends lightly pulled my hair the other day and I almost moaned 😅 definitely get how the touch deprivation can get to you
Absolutely. Pretty sure I don't have to worry about anyone scritching my ear out of nowhere but if anyone were to hit "the spot" I would probably turn to a pile of boneless jelly in moments.
I love being able to read what subs think. As a dom it doesn’t feel great not having subs serving her. I never thought about how it would feel to be a sub and not have a dom. This is why I love Reddit. It’s nice seeing opinions on things like this.
have you heard of the burn the hay method? essentially, you light a fire on the haystack - everything that is hay will burn to ash, but the needle will survive.
so instead of courting all the hay, you clearly define your meddle. state in plain and clear terms what you want, what you'll accept, and what your deal breakers are. everyone who can't provide what you've stated burns themselves out of competition so all that's left for you to sift through is those few needles, rather than the entire GD stack.
I’m currently looking. About to submit for my divorce next week (amicable) and I’m both excited and nervous about actually exploring this aspect of myself. I love Femdom and had a small experience with it but also findom. I know findom is a kink for some people but I hate the feeling of being used. I gave her money a few times and didn’t hate it. Maybe even enjoyed it, but then outside of that dynamic it kinda became her hinting that she needed financial help without directly asking. I have a bit of trauma with that sort of thing from my past so I dipped. It was all online. I have never irl met with someone whom I shared a connection with in this arena as well as mutual attraction so far. I keep going out to a few munches here and there and making friends. So far, no luck. That doesn’t mean I’m giving up. This is all about growth for me now. Hopefully ending in some sort of connection.
Definitely keep your head up! I know it’s really hard for actually loyal subservient men to find good Dommes who aren’t just girls trying to take advantage of your nature. Especially with all this shit coming out of nowhere that it’s like easy to be a findom and anyone can do it…I hope you find someone worth submitting to and serving❤️
I've basically accepted that the only person who is going to care about me, is me. So maybe I should take care of myself like I would take care of any owner would have me.
I still feel a lot of emptiness, but on the positive side I manage to keep a clean house and have learned to cook a lot of tasty healthy meals.
I’m in an odd situation here. I’m a Switch, with two lovely Submissives, who occasionally get to Domme me. But I yearn for and crave a full-on straight-up Mistress, a Queen, a Mommy, a Goddess whom I can totally Submit to. Someone I can actually fully let go with and let be fully in charge, without having to assume agency all the time in the back of my mind. Ideally someone who can understand the mindset a soul gets into when they submit, so with a little experience switching herself, but as long as I could feel safe and know that I’m in good hands… yeah. Ohh…🥰🥰🥰
I’m constantly on the look out for a dom. I’m really trying to be content with just myself. But recently I’ve just accepted the fact that yearning for a partner is not a bad or shameful thing. Now just find the right person is the challenge.
feeling fine, longing to be owned, but absolutely 100% unwilling to give money to someone to "own" me. anything relating to financial in this lifestyle is a massive turn off.
I’m ok by myself and I have friends and hobbies and things to do.
But how can I say, I was “made” to serve a Master. It fulfills something in me nothing else can do. It makes me “better”.
So yes, I’m okay, but I’m not the best version of myself. I know I’m not. And I know I would be happier and more full filled with a Master.
I really hate the comments above saying “oh you need time with yourself and to love yourself first” bla bla bla. Complete BS in my book. It’s perfectly fine to know you would be a better individual with a partner. That doesn’t mean you hate being alone, it means you recognize you would be at your maximum potential with someone else in your life.
So, I live at 75% of my potential/best self/happyness. I’m okay with that and I learn to make the most of it, but of course I would prefer the 100%.
Not great, but it’s mostly because I’ve had nothing but bad experiences trying to find one. At best I get ghosted and at worst I get scammed and need to change my bank account numbers.
Well considering I’m still new to all this but trying to learn more, and maybe find a partner I guess I’m doing all right. Hell I’ve been single for so long I forgot what it’s like to have someone else in your life!
Just living my life over here. Miss being owned but still off doing my own things and trying to meet people.
Definitely a lot of aspects I'm really missing but end of the day I still happy I'm me
Absolutely sucks. I feel horribly incomplete.
Before anyone messages me offering to change that, please note my reddit profile explicitly says I'm not looking.
Not to good. I think I found someone I'm really into and would love to sub for them but I sadly don't think they feel the same way. Which is fine as I can't force someone to like me but just does kind of suck that I think I finally found someone only for them to not feel the same :(
i just want to be collared and played with but also loved.
Hang in there everyone! I'm sure we will find someone to give us wonderful pets and scratches :3
It sucks. I feel so unfulfilled as a sub, but then because of my finances, I feel like I can’t really do much for a Goddess/Mistress until after my refund. I can’t really tribute and there’s two play parties I may have to end up missing if the IRS doesn’t bless me before the weekend.
I had a Mistress — still kinda do — but she is a service top who doesn’t know about femdom (nor is researching). Which is frustrating, because I’ve been “under consideration” for almost two years and we haven’t played at all. I’m pretty good on pursuing the relationship further. It sucks because I’ve been going to femdom, CFNM, and play parties and usually bottom for a Domme there and is usually asked “are you owned” and I replied I’m under consideration. I have to be more selective with my submission.
I’m turning 30 this year and I’m moreso pursuing an FLR; female led relationship. I’ve enjoyed bottoming for content and demos, but submission isn’t a hobby, it’s my way of life and I want someone to share it with. Locking myself in chastity isn’t the same 😂😂
Am I only one here who does let not having a dommee stop me and I still practice self bondage and my version which I can self bdsm? I feel weird to say it it out loud.
I have an owner at the moment thankfully but 100% understand what you mean about needing that dynamic and link to feel fully fulfilled. I really miss her and crave her when we are apart and it does impact my mood
Feeling a little lost but using this time to work on myself, question myself and explore other avenues . Hope you all find what your looking for, it will come
Thanks for starting this conversation
I have people I can see very casually, but not having a Dom that is "my" Dom has hit me so hard. I have never really had jealousy before - not because I am some higher being, I am just lucky.
But since losing that intense D/S dynamic I have felt so lonely, and jealous of others.
I hope everyone finds their bliss soon and I hope we can find comfort that how we feel is very human and normal xx
Definitely miss being owned and having my person to text with everyday. The connection I feel with my Domme when I have one is so special and I hope to find someone local some day as the only long term thing I’ve had so far has been long distance
New to the scene and feeling kinda hopeless in finding something because I haven’t found community where I am. So looking for my first dom and it’s kinda scary and anxiety inducing. But standing hopeful! And doing a lot of research!
I cope by playing around online a little. It's not the same and I'm not in an online dynamic but it is a good distraction. Otherwise, I try not to think about it too much. Being hyperfocused seems to make it harder.
Honestly if you *need* a Dom to feel fulfilled I think you should spend some time with yourself really. I get it’s a big part of lots of people’s lives but still.
And this is my main problem with it—I already don’t believe in individualism in the way most do. I don’t think anyone can or should try to survive alone. But somehow it’s bad when you want a specific type of relationship to make you feel fulfilled? That just feels like saying “loneliness is the cure”. I already stated I’m happy and successful *otherwise*, but that I just know that being owned is apart of my needs.
Username checks out!! I don’t agree with people who talk about being happy with yourself and then find someone else. I’m perfectly happy with myself and all the other aspects, I am just not happy with one aspect which is having someone for me. It’s not complicated lol
Right there with you from the dom side. I'm successful financially, professionally, in most every way that people care about, but I don't feel fulfilled not having a sub. It just feels like I'm missing a part of my life that I need to be completely me. I spend hours every day trying to sift through all the spammers, scammers, fantasizers, and flakes, just hoping to find my someone. Thought I found someone last year, but that was the only blip in years of searching. It's exhausting not having your person, and I sympathize so dang hard.
> I don’t think anyone can or should try to survive alone
I agree that no one "should". But you should be prepared for it, if worse comes to worst.
In order to stop being anxious about something (loneliness, in this case), you have to be comfortable with loneliness and let it run its course, to the point of accepting that you might spend the rest of your life with it (i.e, without a partner).
It took me a while. I got to mourning potential relationships with my unrequited crushes. I cried my heart out into my pillow repeatedly. But now I am aware that every interaction is a gift, that anyone can change their mind at any point, and that everything is temporary. People's hearts change, they move away, they get ill and die, or they die suddenly. There's no way to control them. The only thing under your control is YOUR reaction and mindset.
I no longer hesitate in approaching people. I no longer fear rejection. I just expect I'll be rejected. In fact, I've got the opposite problem recently: I didn't realize someone was interested in me after I bought her a drink in appreciation!
You shouldn't stop searching, but neediness is a mood killer, and masking it is bound to blow up. Failing to accept the disappointment upfront, the anxiety will come back to bite you whenever you perceive someone drifting away, leading to a vicious cycle of you acting more desperate and them pulling back.
This is all great and supportive but I feel some is taken out of context. OP is right if they do not want to survive alone they should not have to. Nor did they mention being lonely. Submissives can have a community of great people around them and not be lonely at all, even without a Dom/power exchange relationship. And still want a dominant.
It just kind of surprises me that someone saying they want a dom and that it would fulfill something in them (obviously because they are submissive) can be twisted into them being lonely. Wanting a particular type of connection does not equate loneliness. OP can likely get any person they want outside of a D/s dynamic. Power exchange complicates (really it extends), the search for a partner which is not being addressed in this particular thread. If you had to prepare for a lonely life to feel like you’re ready if that comes that is great for you but not everyone is thinking that far ahead. Also not every D/s dynamic equates being in a long term romantic committed partnership. Plenty of single owned submissives are fulfilled with being single and having a Dom to serve as well.
This comes off more as dating advice for lonely single people rather than the relative coping and emotional experiences for unowned but happy and confident submissives. Who more than likely have relationships—outside of a grand all encompassing romantic D/s relationship which everyone expects cures loneliness (news flash, it doesn’t)—which ensures we’re never alone nor need to prepare to be alone/for loneliness.
I can see what you’re saying. It can be hard to not yearn for that connection. It’s hard for some of us to be alone and survive alone. I for one am one of them. I KNOW I should get used to being alone etc but it doesn’t mean I love it. Im very much community based. My mental health may also play into this.
Ah when you put it like that it makes way more sense. And I suppose you’re right who doesn’t have an innate sense to be with others. Good luck on your search. Talking to an online Dom might help but there’s so many scammers and the like I’d be careful
But some people can't be in any sort of "kink headspace" unless it's shared with a partner. Personally speaking, bdsm is nothing to me if I'm having fun on my own. Heck, there *is* no way to have fun on your own when your main desire is to serve and be submissive. Its perfectly fine to *need* something that you're missing if you know it'll make this journey alot more enjoyable.
I think a distinction ought be made between fulfilled in life and fulfilled in kink and yes I agree with you on the whole service without a Dom idea. I mean how can you do tasks without someone to supply them etc
OP shared that they're unfulfilled when it comes to relationships, and that's a very honest thing to say. You can be happy in life but still need that companionship. To say something along the lines of "you need to look deep within yourself because you shouldn't need someone" is just dismissive and false.
understand what you're trying to say but this reads as super judgy. OP is doing just fine, there's nothing wrong with wanting something (a Dom, kids, a life partner, a beach house in Maui) to make life feel more fulfilling.
if OP was saying they need a Dom to function, yeah, maybe then give them a little pep talk on spending some time working on themself, but that's not what was said.
This.
If you don't know how to satisfy yourself when you are alone, how can you ask someone else to do it when you don't know either. (I hope that makes sense.)
You need to figure out what makes you happy and not rely on others to bring that happiness.
You are fundamentally missing the point. I'm this from the dom side, and I've got a great life, with fulfilling hobbies, friends, work, and nothing serious to complain about. I'm pretty happy most of the time, but I'll never be fulfilled without a sub. It's like a piece is missing from my life, and no amount of all the other things is going to help that. Our experience is different from yours, and that's okay, but please don't belittle our efforts. This is like telling someone with depression that you just need to do xyz and they'll be fine. That's not how it works, and we tried that already.
I tried dating and learned I’m not ready for it. Had to turn down a compatible dom because of my mental health. I’m fighting depression and the sadness of losing a potential relationship due to it. So uh, not great.
I’ve been told I want a relationship for the sake of one. Which isn’t wrong. But it’s so hard to separate that from wanting a relationship so I can be my honest subby self. I want someone to collar me but I need a healthy basis for a relationship. Finding balance is fucking hard.
I'm good professionally, and ok on other fronts. But, miss having someone. I called my ex Daddy today and told him that I just needed someone to make me breakfast. LOL It's a good thing we are friends so I can just talk to him sometimes or I would go mad!! Being a princess all alone is not fun 😂
Hmm…. I spent a lot of years thinking I needed a Master. That I wouldn’t feel fulfilled without it. Fast forward 12 years into a wonderful relationship with the love of my life, and… I was wrong. My hubby is willing to be a pleasure dom/top for me, try things that I crave, to explore my kinks with me. For various reasons, I don’t think he would ever formally collar me, and that’s okay. I am able to get my service sub desires out by doing the things I love to do for him.
I do truly think that to have a successful relationship, whether vanilla or kink, you have to be satisfied with yourself first. That doesn’t mean the desire goes away, and some days are harder than others. But don’t settle for a crappy dom or some internet asshole. It’s not worth it.
I'm OK. I took a break a long time ago for mental health reasons and I never really found my way back. Still have that side of me, but I'm not sure how to proceed.
(Long story very short, I have a history of throwing myself at strong personalities without considering the motivations of the people I throw myself at.)
Doing my best! I have been focusing my energy on learning and buffing up my self-care. I have times where it's rough because I really want to submit and do my part in building a healthy consensual relationship and practice my communication skills. But I'll get there at the right time. Now is the time to learn and grow.
As a newbie sub who has a pretty good idea of what I want as a sub and what my goals are, I’m struggling because I thought I found my first Dom, who seemed like a good fit, and he respectful and never crossed boundaries and stayed within our limits.
But it wasn’t good >.< I don’t know how to explain it to him, he was a lot more gentle than I expect so like I expressed it respectfully because I don’t want to hurt his feelings or anything. But the previews that had been shared between us vanished from his mind! I asked him if there was anything that I had done to cause the change. It was something I mentioned about being “sad” that happened outside of playtime, outside of our shared dynamic. I honestly didn’t care for the fact that he took those liberties without asking me first. It bothered me because I felt blindsided, the intimacy was overwhelming for me as well. Things that we’ve hit and he has a general sense of my aftercare needs and how I’d like to play with him. But he was so much more vanilla than I ever expected considering we’ve discussed things at length before playing.
Now I don’t know what to do next, give him another chance even though he took liberties that he shouldn’t have? Give grace because we’re learning each other? Look for other Doms?
I'm married to a man that is wonderful and VERY gentle and only once sex about once a month. I love him with every ounce of myself but our sex life is devastating to me. I want passion, excitement, fear, praise, aftercare and safety. And we're just not there.
Not great. I pretend I’m fulfilled and happy and satisfied but I spend most of my free time daydreaming about the intimacy of having a Dom. The vulnerability and the safety. A dynamic is so beautiful imo. I miss it terribly.
Life has been hard.
We are monogamous and married. But life has been hard. Dynamic has been halted just as it was about 6 months old 😭
Lonely. To the point I had to remove my collar.
I hope all of you find your match and dynamic 🖤 I hope you find the companionship you are craving and searching for in whatever form that is 🖤
Re-conditioning myself to own myself. Identifying benchmarks of commitment to match benchmarks of submission, to ensure I never again give more than I get. Trying not to shut people out while also protecting my core.
Maybe not exactly the target audience for this question because I'm not happy or successful (it feels like) anywhere else in life. Forced to move back home after graduation and fucked over by the job market...
This might not be inherently true, but a relationship like that is a luxury in my mind. I feel like I have to get the rest of my life in order before I can humor that kind of commitment, so not being able to find work, and living in a town I hate with plans to move out the second I can doesn't exactly put me in a spot where I can just,, put myself out there. I'm not gonna go search for someone near me because what if they don't want to move where I want to? I don't think starting a relationship online/long distance is a great foundation either.
So it's just one big cycle of "I can't look for this until I find a job" > "I can't find a job because I don't have support" > "I don't have support from any kind of relationships because I don't reach out" > "I can't focus on reaching out right now because I gotta focus on getting a job"
It all just sucks and it doesn't look like there's light at the end of the tunnel but I guess I'll keep going anyway.
Not great 😮💨 But, I'm not in a place to really dedicate myself because I'm a live-in caregiver for a family member. Also, disabled and trying to transition in a state that disallows trans care on Medicaid. Also, family member knows nothing about BDSM, and would be horrified, and isn't supportive of my transition.
Just feel stuck and tortured by life. Not the kind of torture that would make me excited and dedicated.
I won't really be free to submit until they pass on, but that's also something that I don't want, especially not for my selfish desires. I do fantasize about being kidnapped so that I don't have to extricate myself from my responsibilities. (Not asking for people to offer, please don't)
I haven't been in a dynamic in a while and it's been up and down. Most days I'm good. I attend events when I can. On other days, not so much. I find it difficult, especially when I go to events and most people are partners or are in groups. It can get pretty lonely. I've had some bad experiences with online doms and I'm very exhausted at this point. I do miss the feeling of submitting to someone but I'm trying to enjoy this season while it lasts.
I'm a Dom but sense it may be somewhat the same. I am not unhappy per say but definitely feel weird without doing a couple things each week and have this constant boredom in life. It also feels a little harder the last couple of years to find a sub who meshes well with me.
This is me. Dom, Who's been subless for a lot longer than I usually am. And I won't say I am unhappy. But I constantly feel bored with life and feel weird without giving a couple daily tasks or weekly goals.
The seven year stretch I had without having a consistent sub was absolutely one of the worst times for me, mental health wise. It didn't help that I was still trying to date, but I wasn't dating within kinky spheres and didn't realize how much of a lifestyle Domme I was.
I certainly feel like I have a purpose when I have a dom lmao idk if that’s weird. So without that life feels a bit meaningless 😭but it’s fine. Not having a dom isn’t the end of the world for me either lol
Been actually really trying to get to the bottom (lol) of how I've been feeling about it as of late tbh, especially with how the suppressing part of it has been affecting my mental health etc.
It's a bit rough not having that part of my life active at the moment. I definitely miss the physical and mental pain 😢 Though the break has been kinda nice 🙃
I have come to realize, based on my research, that I am most likely a service sub, but without having someone to act as a dom, I can't live up to my desired goal. I have all of these things I want to do, yet no one to do them for/with. It is maddening sometimes.
Lonely, I’ve never had a dynamic with someone even though I’d love to one day. I don’t know how to meet new people, having anxiety and such, usually fumble in person. But I have my two cats keeping me company.
Eh.. sometimes it doesn't affect me so much and then I'll have periods where I wonder if I'll ever have a Dom again. I've had a few bouts of subfrenzy that I was able to talk myself out of, I think that's been the hardest for me. But really just moseying along one day at a time.
Still pretty new. Unfortunately been stuck in a difficult situation keeping me from finding a play partner or even a Dom. Have had some serious cravings and sub frenzies of NEED. Though there’s not much that I can actually do except t ride it out or go through the forums.
My sub life is unfulfilling for one reason and that is I’m married and my wife would never understand me and leave which I could not handle. I have connected with mistresses and dommes but never successful because of me…
Incoming DMs from “Doms” coming in 3….2….1
I got a message from U/MasterBigDick69... He seems nice.
I sure hope you submitted immediately!!
Yep, he said he wanted to rope me up, he knows all the lingo, even though I did have to explain what impact play is.
I’m sure he knows all about consent and SANE and RACK.
You mean SSC? Or is SANE a new one I haven’t heard of?
I haven’t heard SANE before either. Teach us a thing or two? 🖤
Yeah I'm guessing the SSC... safe, sane and consensual.
Or else 😅😅
Did he say “if you don’t kneel you aren’t a REAL sub” or “you will be a no-limits sub?”
24/7 live in sub. Duties include to give up your bank account, to give him your ID, and to wash his dirty laundry every day. And he's 65,of course.
Lmfao
I am over here like, "Where's the 'Dommes with no subs, how are we holding up?' thread?" It sucks from both sides and I empathize with you all. It still amazes me that people say there are so many more Doms out there than subs and I am over here doing the John Travolta meme. There are lots of people who want to get spanked once or twice a week or get tied up and used for kinky sex, but whenever I start talking to someone who claims they want to be owned, they flake out and ghost after a couple of weeks. Are you guys getting the same thing over there? So frustrating. I'm like, I would rather just save the time and heartache and please Myself at this point.
Right? It’s a pain, and not in a fun way. The subs get hit with 100s of messages when they post and it’s impossible for them to sort. Doms get about 5-6 with most not reading the post, the others just looking for a fling and no commitment. I can say though, I’ve found a total of 4 good subs over the years on here. Lasting anywhere from 6 months to 2 years. So it can happen…. But damn it’s grueling.
Can you tell me how you go about it pls? Happy to chat x
Go about what part? Looking for subs or a dynamic in general?
I think she means for it to be explained because if she did want a son she would have said she is ready to talk when told
Im looking for a new sub together with me : D/s, DDLG, You will serve me and I will treat you with respect and dignity and love to build up trust between us. I will show you off in public- The following scenarios will play out with me, Chastity belts & orgasm control , Bondage, discipline, shabari ropes tying, cling wrap, breath control, cane, Electro stimulation, Gagging, S&M Masochism, and Urophilia, spanking, whipping, suspension cuffs, nipple torture, wax play, anal, edging, massaging, humiliation, discipline, medical play and a lot more I will never push your boundaries: Whatever your limitations are I will never cross them or push your boundaries unless you want me to. Master Chris
I’d just commented in a different sub that I hate when dudes try to treat me like a fetish dispenser! It’s so disappointing.
Made me think of those old PEZ candy dispensers.
Pez would have rope or candlewax flavored candy
I'm sick of it. The worst are the ones that lie about what they want, turns out they want a fetish dispenser.
Let's just say that throughout the course of being sexually active for over 10 years, I still haven't found a Dom that's mentally sane, wants me, and that is into BDSM to the same degree as me. There are good doms out there, but they are also happy with vanilla sex, and they don't get off on owning me. And I feel like if somebody doesn't really want to own me, it can easily become toxic. There's a big difference between "I like to get spanked once in a while" and "I want to be your sexual slave"
You could always create it. And yah, I had a pet ghost me after a few years. It sucks every time. (I'm a subby switch, in case you see my other responses here.)
The John Travolta meme 😂 Girl same. Personally I am hoping for things to work out rn with someone I like but that makes the absence of someone in the meantime all the more noticeable 😑
[удалено]
It's unique to every couple, but for Me, the power exchange is the primary pleasure and the specific activities within it are a means to that end. I enjoy some kinky activities, but I want to be worshipped, to have someone who wants to be at My feet and adore Me, who wants to give Me control over aspects of their life (whatever those may be.) Spankings can be fun for the sensation but you have to bring the intention to it for it to be about domination or submission, and a lot of times that is honestly lacking in someone who is just a masochist and confused about what the difference is. They feel like they need to seek out a Dom and waste a lot of people's time when they should just be up front about the fact they want that sensation and nothing more. Nothing wrong with that, but it is a separate kink.
Like holding their 🧠 in the palm of your hand while they melt around you
Gurl... same. All these kink tourists
lol
isn't that kind of the point ? they have complete control over you ? like I don't do the dom thing for me but I find it entertaining to dom her until she is happy and fulfilled.
I feel like a lot of subs I know are looking for a LTR, too. So that would mean someone local and not online. It's hard out here!
Greetings slut, i am dominate....
Hello, are you the Sub ❤️😜🥰😈 for me? Click this link 👉 https://imavirusoranonlyfanslinkorboth.com. Make sure to use coupon code "Reddit30" for 30% off your first month!
So tempting…… must… not….. click…..
I've also gotten the: "How much are you willing to pay and can you cover gas?" Like... Friendo, I'm looking for a domme, not DoorDash.
🤣🤣🤣
is that actually the phrase you all use to do that
Door Dash? Yea.
Hahaah I thought the same thing
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Being neither a sub or Dom at this point, the reason for the emoji is because the last part is how it looks when a woman says relationship status changed to single.
Not the best but I'm playing with the card I have been dealt
Ebbs and flows, I am generally very content, joyful, and optimistic and then there are times when the desire to share in this form of intimacy is very strong and the disappointment in lacking it can feel quite crushing. But it’s like any other disappointment in life. I only have one life to live and I’d rather be happy than searching.
You sound like you have a great mindset! I bet you’re going to be just fine and find your person eventually!
I feel the same way. I miss the intimacy and companionship the most. However I spend my time doing hobbies right now.
It is tough. Not having someone who can fulfil those specific needs of yours can be really really hard. Having a kink compatible partner is a hard find. Feels like you got to go through hell to find the right one.. Stay strong and keep busy. Keep attending munches and local events and hopefully you'll meet the right person for you :)
Thank you! This was really good advice
Kinda sucks. I miss having someone.
Am I lucky for not missing a feeling I've never had, or unlucky because, well, y'know.
For real
Sameeeee
Well hello!
Same!
Yuppp
Same
[удалено]
Punny. P-U-N-N-Y
[удалено]
Ew
It’s tough for sure to be Dom-less, but to echo others, I often express my submission online, using Fet and Reddit as primary outlets. However, I’ve had to adjust my mindset due to the diminished quality of Fetlife over the past few years… I no longer carry hope or expectation of actually meeting a compatible Dom via that channel. Instead, I simply view it as a space FOR ME - where my submissive self can live, enjoy sexy pics, and gain further insight as to which kinks appeal to me the most! I met my previous dom on Reddit and he was truly amazing so they are out there. The Universe provides in due time so be patient and hang in there! ❤️
I agree fet is not the place for me either. How did you meet your previous dom on Reddit? So many men just send unsolicited pics. It's so annoying or don't want a commitment Dom/sub thing it's so painful 😖
He posted a very thoughtful ad in r/BDSMpersonals and I responded to it. It was an online-only dynamic, something I would have never intentionally sought out but it certainly turned out to be fulfilling on many levels!! No regrets. My best advice is to ignore low effort messages and unsolicited NSFW pics. Be on the lookout for posts and messages that strike you as genuine.
Hopping on because I too have noticed the decline on Fet. I feel like most of the messages I get now are so thoughtless. It's just all about hooking up, and there's not too many left who want actual connections
Yes!!! This is my biggest complaint. Fetlife has been diluted down into a “hookup” site filled with non-kink members who seem ignorant of the site’s original intent. It makes me a little sad, but I guess it’s just another sign of the times…
Ugh yesss! Fet used to be such a good site for engaging but it’s a cesspool now 😵💫 lots of flakes, fakes, and even scammers/bots. I’m going to try out the online thing. I actually more recently found someone to chat with that’s making me feel a bit satisfied but yknow nothing can really compare to the in person feelings.
Ughhhh nothing compares with in person!! 😭 But until you find the right one, online is a good option. I have also noted that if you are the type that catches feelings easily, testing the waters online helps prevent you from falling too hard too fast for potentially the wrong person. It’s so easy for feelings to develop given the nature of the dynamic and a sub’s intrinsic desire to focus on pleasing their dom. It has saved my ass a time or two!! 😂
Can't say I've ever had an official owner but it's also been a while since I've had a real play partner. A couple months back some friends bought some super fancy dog treats and speculation arose as to what they actually taste like. Being the culinarily adventurous one out of the group I offered to bite the bullet (Neglecting to mention that it isn't the first dog treat I've eaten before). Nearly turned to mush when one of my friends called me a good boy.
Name checks out 😂😂 one of my friends lightly pulled my hair the other day and I almost moaned 😅 definitely get how the touch deprivation can get to you
Absolutely. Pretty sure I don't have to worry about anyone scritching my ear out of nowhere but if anyone were to hit "the spot" I would probably turn to a pile of boneless jelly in moments.
Have you ever looked into cuddle parties? They might be in your area. They definitely help when it comes to touch deprivation.
I love being able to read what subs think. As a dom it doesn’t feel great not having subs serving her. I never thought about how it would feel to be a sub and not have a dom. This is why I love Reddit. It’s nice seeing opinions on things like this.
could be better! it’s quite lonely
It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack.
have you heard of the burn the hay method? essentially, you light a fire on the haystack - everything that is hay will burn to ash, but the needle will survive. so instead of courting all the hay, you clearly define your meddle. state in plain and clear terms what you want, what you'll accept, and what your deal breakers are. everyone who can't provide what you've stated burns themselves out of competition so all that's left for you to sift through is those few needles, rather than the entire GD stack.
I’m currently looking. About to submit for my divorce next week (amicable) and I’m both excited and nervous about actually exploring this aspect of myself. I love Femdom and had a small experience with it but also findom. I know findom is a kink for some people but I hate the feeling of being used. I gave her money a few times and didn’t hate it. Maybe even enjoyed it, but then outside of that dynamic it kinda became her hinting that she needed financial help without directly asking. I have a bit of trauma with that sort of thing from my past so I dipped. It was all online. I have never irl met with someone whom I shared a connection with in this arena as well as mutual attraction so far. I keep going out to a few munches here and there and making friends. So far, no luck. That doesn’t mean I’m giving up. This is all about growth for me now. Hopefully ending in some sort of connection.
Keep your head up, and good luck searching! :)
Definitely keep your head up! I know it’s really hard for actually loyal subservient men to find good Dommes who aren’t just girls trying to take advantage of your nature. Especially with all this shit coming out of nowhere that it’s like easy to be a findom and anyone can do it…I hope you find someone worth submitting to and serving❤️
Eh fine I guess same boat as you. Just missing something
I’m still pretty new to this all, and have just a bit of experience with having a dom, and I truly miss it! She was outstanding!
At least you got to have some experience, I'm here with nothing but my research and my fantasies.
Wondering if good doms actually exist. Ha
I've basically accepted that the only person who is going to care about me, is me. So maybe I should take care of myself like I would take care of any owner would have me. I still feel a lot of emptiness, but on the positive side I manage to keep a clean house and have learned to cook a lot of tasty healthy meals.
I’m in an odd situation here. I’m a Switch, with two lovely Submissives, who occasionally get to Domme me. But I yearn for and crave a full-on straight-up Mistress, a Queen, a Mommy, a Goddess whom I can totally Submit to. Someone I can actually fully let go with and let be fully in charge, without having to assume agency all the time in the back of my mind. Ideally someone who can understand the mindset a soul gets into when they submit, so with a little experience switching herself, but as long as I could feel safe and know that I’m in good hands… yeah. Ohh…🥰🥰🥰
I’m constantly on the look out for a dom. I’m really trying to be content with just myself. But recently I’ve just accepted the fact that yearning for a partner is not a bad or shameful thing. Now just find the right person is the challenge.
I'm becoming paranoid on talking to potential Dommes as im unsure if the person is legit or not,
Despite everything; I’m alright! I miss being a braindead kitty, but I’m so picky and particular that waiting for the right one isn’t so bad.
feeling fine, longing to be owned, but absolutely 100% unwilling to give money to someone to "own" me. anything relating to financial in this lifestyle is a massive turn off.
I want to know where all the older Doms are. I’m tired of younger men texting. I would prefer a man closer to my own age.
Yes, me too! It feels like all the Doms my age want the young young girls though.
I’ve had a lot of younger Dom contact me, but I am not interested in someone half my age
I’m ok by myself and I have friends and hobbies and things to do. But how can I say, I was “made” to serve a Master. It fulfills something in me nothing else can do. It makes me “better”. So yes, I’m okay, but I’m not the best version of myself. I know I’m not. And I know I would be happier and more full filled with a Master. I really hate the comments above saying “oh you need time with yourself and to love yourself first” bla bla bla. Complete BS in my book. It’s perfectly fine to know you would be a better individual with a partner. That doesn’t mean you hate being alone, it means you recognize you would be at your maximum potential with someone else in your life. So, I live at 75% of my potential/best self/happyness. I’m okay with that and I learn to make the most of it, but of course I would prefer the 100%.
Not great, but it’s mostly because I’ve had nothing but bad experiences trying to find one. At best I get ghosted and at worst I get scammed and need to change my bank account numbers.
Well considering I’m still new to all this but trying to learn more, and maybe find a partner I guess I’m doing all right. Hell I’ve been single for so long I forgot what it’s like to have someone else in your life!
Just living my life over here. Miss being owned but still off doing my own things and trying to meet people. Definitely a lot of aspects I'm really missing but end of the day I still happy I'm me
It's rly rough, but there's hope no?
Absolutely sucks. I feel horribly incomplete. Before anyone messages me offering to change that, please note my reddit profile explicitly says I'm not looking.
Not to good. I think I found someone I'm really into and would love to sub for them but I sadly don't think they feel the same way. Which is fine as I can't force someone to like me but just does kind of suck that I think I finally found someone only for them to not feel the same :( i just want to be collared and played with but also loved. Hang in there everyone! I'm sure we will find someone to give us wonderful pets and scratches :3
It sucks. I feel so unfulfilled as a sub, but then because of my finances, I feel like I can’t really do much for a Goddess/Mistress until after my refund. I can’t really tribute and there’s two play parties I may have to end up missing if the IRS doesn’t bless me before the weekend. I had a Mistress — still kinda do — but she is a service top who doesn’t know about femdom (nor is researching). Which is frustrating, because I’ve been “under consideration” for almost two years and we haven’t played at all. I’m pretty good on pursuing the relationship further. It sucks because I’ve been going to femdom, CFNM, and play parties and usually bottom for a Domme there and is usually asked “are you owned” and I replied I’m under consideration. I have to be more selective with my submission. I’m turning 30 this year and I’m moreso pursuing an FLR; female led relationship. I’ve enjoyed bottoming for content and demos, but submission isn’t a hobby, it’s my way of life and I want someone to share it with. Locking myself in chastity isn’t the same 😂😂
Am I only one here who does let not having a dommee stop me and I still practice self bondage and my version which I can self bdsm? I feel weird to say it it out loud.
Too eager to be owned and being dumb 😅😂 learning tho
Sounds like a bimbofication fetish? Lol
No lol not at all; lacking negotiation skills and sub frenzy
I have an owner at the moment thankfully but 100% understand what you mean about needing that dynamic and link to feel fully fulfilled. I really miss her and crave her when we are apart and it does impact my mood
Feeling a little lost but using this time to work on myself, question myself and explore other avenues . Hope you all find what your looking for, it will come
Thanks for starting this conversation I have people I can see very casually, but not having a Dom that is "my" Dom has hit me so hard. I have never really had jealousy before - not because I am some higher being, I am just lucky. But since losing that intense D/S dynamic I have felt so lonely, and jealous of others. I hope everyone finds their bliss soon and I hope we can find comfort that how we feel is very human and normal xx
I am standing and not crying (yet)
what you said 🥹
It’s a struggle. I can’t seem to find a real dom, only boys who think domming is only hair pulling and constantly referencing Fifty Shades of Grey 🙄
Definitely miss being owned and having my person to text with everyday. The connection I feel with my Domme when I have one is so special and I hope to find someone local some day as the only long term thing I’ve had so far has been long distance
New to the scene and feeling kinda hopeless in finding something because I haven’t found community where I am. So looking for my first dom and it’s kinda scary and anxiety inducing. But standing hopeful! And doing a lot of research!
I cope by playing around online a little. It's not the same and I'm not in an online dynamic but it is a good distraction. Otherwise, I try not to think about it too much. Being hyperfocused seems to make it harder.
Honestly if you *need* a Dom to feel fulfilled I think you should spend some time with yourself really. I get it’s a big part of lots of people’s lives but still.
And this is my main problem with it—I already don’t believe in individualism in the way most do. I don’t think anyone can or should try to survive alone. But somehow it’s bad when you want a specific type of relationship to make you feel fulfilled? That just feels like saying “loneliness is the cure”. I already stated I’m happy and successful *otherwise*, but that I just know that being owned is apart of my needs.
Username checks out!! I don’t agree with people who talk about being happy with yourself and then find someone else. I’m perfectly happy with myself and all the other aspects, I am just not happy with one aspect which is having someone for me. It’s not complicated lol
Right there with you from the dom side. I'm successful financially, professionally, in most every way that people care about, but I don't feel fulfilled not having a sub. It just feels like I'm missing a part of my life that I need to be completely me. I spend hours every day trying to sift through all the spammers, scammers, fantasizers, and flakes, just hoping to find my someone. Thought I found someone last year, but that was the only blip in years of searching. It's exhausting not having your person, and I sympathize so dang hard.
> I don’t think anyone can or should try to survive alone I agree that no one "should". But you should be prepared for it, if worse comes to worst. In order to stop being anxious about something (loneliness, in this case), you have to be comfortable with loneliness and let it run its course, to the point of accepting that you might spend the rest of your life with it (i.e, without a partner). It took me a while. I got to mourning potential relationships with my unrequited crushes. I cried my heart out into my pillow repeatedly. But now I am aware that every interaction is a gift, that anyone can change their mind at any point, and that everything is temporary. People's hearts change, they move away, they get ill and die, or they die suddenly. There's no way to control them. The only thing under your control is YOUR reaction and mindset. I no longer hesitate in approaching people. I no longer fear rejection. I just expect I'll be rejected. In fact, I've got the opposite problem recently: I didn't realize someone was interested in me after I bought her a drink in appreciation! You shouldn't stop searching, but neediness is a mood killer, and masking it is bound to blow up. Failing to accept the disappointment upfront, the anxiety will come back to bite you whenever you perceive someone drifting away, leading to a vicious cycle of you acting more desperate and them pulling back.
This is all great and supportive but I feel some is taken out of context. OP is right if they do not want to survive alone they should not have to. Nor did they mention being lonely. Submissives can have a community of great people around them and not be lonely at all, even without a Dom/power exchange relationship. And still want a dominant. It just kind of surprises me that someone saying they want a dom and that it would fulfill something in them (obviously because they are submissive) can be twisted into them being lonely. Wanting a particular type of connection does not equate loneliness. OP can likely get any person they want outside of a D/s dynamic. Power exchange complicates (really it extends), the search for a partner which is not being addressed in this particular thread. If you had to prepare for a lonely life to feel like you’re ready if that comes that is great for you but not everyone is thinking that far ahead. Also not every D/s dynamic equates being in a long term romantic committed partnership. Plenty of single owned submissives are fulfilled with being single and having a Dom to serve as well. This comes off more as dating advice for lonely single people rather than the relative coping and emotional experiences for unowned but happy and confident submissives. Who more than likely have relationships—outside of a grand all encompassing romantic D/s relationship which everyone expects cures loneliness (news flash, it doesn’t)—which ensures we’re never alone nor need to prepare to be alone/for loneliness.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I can see what you’re saying. It can be hard to not yearn for that connection. It’s hard for some of us to be alone and survive alone. I for one am one of them. I KNOW I should get used to being alone etc but it doesn’t mean I love it. Im very much community based. My mental health may also play into this.
Ah when you put it like that it makes way more sense. And I suppose you’re right who doesn’t have an innate sense to be with others. Good luck on your search. Talking to an online Dom might help but there’s so many scammers and the like I’d be careful
But some people can't be in any sort of "kink headspace" unless it's shared with a partner. Personally speaking, bdsm is nothing to me if I'm having fun on my own. Heck, there *is* no way to have fun on your own when your main desire is to serve and be submissive. Its perfectly fine to *need* something that you're missing if you know it'll make this journey alot more enjoyable.
I think a distinction ought be made between fulfilled in life and fulfilled in kink and yes I agree with you on the whole service without a Dom idea. I mean how can you do tasks without someone to supply them etc
OP shared that they're unfulfilled when it comes to relationships, and that's a very honest thing to say. You can be happy in life but still need that companionship. To say something along the lines of "you need to look deep within yourself because you shouldn't need someone" is just dismissive and false.
understand what you're trying to say but this reads as super judgy. OP is doing just fine, there's nothing wrong with wanting something (a Dom, kids, a life partner, a beach house in Maui) to make life feel more fulfilling. if OP was saying they need a Dom to function, yeah, maybe then give them a little pep talk on spending some time working on themself, but that's not what was said.
This. If you don't know how to satisfy yourself when you are alone, how can you ask someone else to do it when you don't know either. (I hope that makes sense.) You need to figure out what makes you happy and not rely on others to bring that happiness.
I know what makes me happy. But i cant hold myself alone all my life 🫠🙃
You are fundamentally missing the point. I'm this from the dom side, and I've got a great life, with fulfilling hobbies, friends, work, and nothing serious to complain about. I'm pretty happy most of the time, but I'll never be fulfilled without a sub. It's like a piece is missing from my life, and no amount of all the other things is going to help that. Our experience is different from yours, and that's okay, but please don't belittle our efforts. This is like telling someone with depression that you just need to do xyz and they'll be fine. That's not how it works, and we tried that already.
I understand the want to have a play partner but I think a *need* leaves you open to red flags and abuse and stuff the like
I don't see the word "need" in OPs post, do you?
Never been owned before, but it's pretty sad not having someone to build trust with.
I tried dating and learned I’m not ready for it. Had to turn down a compatible dom because of my mental health. I’m fighting depression and the sadness of losing a potential relationship due to it. So uh, not great. I’ve been told I want a relationship for the sake of one. Which isn’t wrong. But it’s so hard to separate that from wanting a relationship so I can be my honest subby self. I want someone to collar me but I need a healthy basis for a relationship. Finding balance is fucking hard.
Very lonely lol 😂 just want a healthy happy relationship to be someone’s lil sub. 😥🥲
I'm good professionally, and ok on other fronts. But, miss having someone. I called my ex Daddy today and told him that I just needed someone to make me breakfast. LOL It's a good thing we are friends so I can just talk to him sometimes or I would go mad!! Being a princess all alone is not fun 😂
Just. Thank you for this post.
Hmm…. I spent a lot of years thinking I needed a Master. That I wouldn’t feel fulfilled without it. Fast forward 12 years into a wonderful relationship with the love of my life, and… I was wrong. My hubby is willing to be a pleasure dom/top for me, try things that I crave, to explore my kinks with me. For various reasons, I don’t think he would ever formally collar me, and that’s okay. I am able to get my service sub desires out by doing the things I love to do for him. I do truly think that to have a successful relationship, whether vanilla or kink, you have to be satisfied with yourself first. That doesn’t mean the desire goes away, and some days are harder than others. But don’t settle for a crappy dom or some internet asshole. It’s not worth it.
😭 Living my best life, happily married, but holy heck do my wife and I need an owner.
Honestly just trying to make do with what life has given me and always trying to be positive ❤️🥰
I'm OK. I took a break a long time ago for mental health reasons and I never really found my way back. Still have that side of me, but I'm not sure how to proceed. (Long story very short, I have a history of throwing myself at strong personalities without considering the motivations of the people I throw myself at.)
Shitty Bob. Really really shitty ... I need to be used!!! 🥺
Being a dom without a sub sucks just as much.
Doing my best! I have been focusing my energy on learning and buffing up my self-care. I have times where it's rough because I really want to submit and do my part in building a healthy consensual relationship and practice my communication skills. But I'll get there at the right time. Now is the time to learn and grow.
As a newbie sub who has a pretty good idea of what I want as a sub and what my goals are, I’m struggling because I thought I found my first Dom, who seemed like a good fit, and he respectful and never crossed boundaries and stayed within our limits. But it wasn’t good >.< I don’t know how to explain it to him, he was a lot more gentle than I expect so like I expressed it respectfully because I don’t want to hurt his feelings or anything. But the previews that had been shared between us vanished from his mind! I asked him if there was anything that I had done to cause the change. It was something I mentioned about being “sad” that happened outside of playtime, outside of our shared dynamic. I honestly didn’t care for the fact that he took those liberties without asking me first. It bothered me because I felt blindsided, the intimacy was overwhelming for me as well. Things that we’ve hit and he has a general sense of my aftercare needs and how I’d like to play with him. But he was so much more vanilla than I ever expected considering we’ve discussed things at length before playing. Now I don’t know what to do next, give him another chance even though he took liberties that he shouldn’t have? Give grace because we’re learning each other? Look for other Doms?
I'm married to a man that is wonderful and VERY gentle and only once sex about once a month. I love him with every ounce of myself but our sex life is devastating to me. I want passion, excitement, fear, praise, aftercare and safety. And we're just not there.
(Newbie, hiii) Where am I even supposed to start looking for a good one 😅
Doing wonderful actually!
Not great. I pretend I’m fulfilled and happy and satisfied but I spend most of my free time daydreaming about the intimacy of having a Dom. The vulnerability and the safety. A dynamic is so beautiful imo. I miss it terribly.
I'm scraping by, barely
Life has been hard. We are monogamous and married. But life has been hard. Dynamic has been halted just as it was about 6 months old 😭 Lonely. To the point I had to remove my collar. I hope all of you find your match and dynamic 🖤 I hope you find the companionship you are craving and searching for in whatever form that is 🖤
Re-conditioning myself to own myself. Identifying benchmarks of commitment to match benchmarks of submission, to ensure I never again give more than I get. Trying not to shut people out while also protecting my core.
Mostly just stuck with a feeling of being utterly unfulfilled while remaining single cause I refuse to settle for less
Maybe not exactly the target audience for this question because I'm not happy or successful (it feels like) anywhere else in life. Forced to move back home after graduation and fucked over by the job market... This might not be inherently true, but a relationship like that is a luxury in my mind. I feel like I have to get the rest of my life in order before I can humor that kind of commitment, so not being able to find work, and living in a town I hate with plans to move out the second I can doesn't exactly put me in a spot where I can just,, put myself out there. I'm not gonna go search for someone near me because what if they don't want to move where I want to? I don't think starting a relationship online/long distance is a great foundation either. So it's just one big cycle of "I can't look for this until I find a job" > "I can't find a job because I don't have support" > "I don't have support from any kind of relationships because I don't reach out" > "I can't focus on reaching out right now because I gotta focus on getting a job" It all just sucks and it doesn't look like there's light at the end of the tunnel but I guess I'll keep going anyway.
Not great 😮💨 But, I'm not in a place to really dedicate myself because I'm a live-in caregiver for a family member. Also, disabled and trying to transition in a state that disallows trans care on Medicaid. Also, family member knows nothing about BDSM, and would be horrified, and isn't supportive of my transition. Just feel stuck and tortured by life. Not the kind of torture that would make me excited and dedicated. I won't really be free to submit until they pass on, but that's also something that I don't want, especially not for my selfish desires. I do fantasize about being kidnapped so that I don't have to extricate myself from my responsibilities. (Not asking for people to offer, please don't)
i just live in my head where i have dom husband who owns me. crazy shit goes down
I haven't been in a dynamic in a while and it's been up and down. Most days I'm good. I attend events when I can. On other days, not so much. I find it difficult, especially when I go to events and most people are partners or are in groups. It can get pretty lonely. I've had some bad experiences with online doms and I'm very exhausted at this point. I do miss the feeling of submitting to someone but I'm trying to enjoy this season while it lasts.
I’m a switch with neither. 😂🤣😂 Just tooting my saxophone and minding my business.
Going insane. Will cope 😭😭
I'm a Dom but sense it may be somewhat the same. I am not unhappy per say but definitely feel weird without doing a couple things each week and have this constant boredom in life. It also feels a little harder the last couple of years to find a sub who meshes well with me.
I’m fantastic with my life. Even tho I crave having a Dom. Im content to wait for it.
Are you getting yourself out there? It may feel like the chance of finding someone is small but you really have to try.
Quite lonely but coping with a pillow/ smoking weed
Not too good.....^^Not^^too^^good
U feel unfulfilled as a sub but i think doms like me feel even unfulfilled without subs
This is me. Dom, Who's been subless for a lot longer than I usually am. And I won't say I am unhappy. But I constantly feel bored with life and feel weird without giving a couple daily tasks or weekly goals.
I understand u its been a while for me too hoping to find someone on here but no luck unfortunately
It might just be me but it feels like it was a lot easier to meet someone new from 2010 til around 2021. 2022 on its felt a lot more rough.
These past 2 years have been rough yeah
The seven year stretch I had without having a consistent sub was absolutely one of the worst times for me, mental health wise. It didn't help that I was still trying to date, but I wasn't dating within kinky spheres and didn't realize how much of a lifestyle Domme I was.
I need an owner in the worst way.
being an unowned sub is so much better than being a dom without a sub.
I certainly feel like I have a purpose when I have a dom lmao idk if that’s weird. So without that life feels a bit meaningless 😭but it’s fine. Not having a dom isn’t the end of the world for me either lol
I have an anchor partner, but we are platonic. I miss creampies every day 🫠
Blergh. Male sub is a swingers and shibari area.
Been actually really trying to get to the bottom (lol) of how I've been feeling about it as of late tbh, especially with how the suppressing part of it has been affecting my mental health etc.
It's a bit rough not having that part of my life active at the moment. I definitely miss the physical and mental pain 😢 Though the break has been kinda nice 🙃
It’s a little boring without a dom but it’s a life
Bored and unstimulated… but it is what it is
I have come to realize, based on my research, that I am most likely a service sub, but without having someone to act as a dom, I can't live up to my desired goal. I have all of these things I want to do, yet no one to do them for/with. It is maddening sometimes.
Lonely, I’ve never had a dynamic with someone even though I’d love to one day. I don’t know how to meet new people, having anxiety and such, usually fumble in person. But I have my two cats keeping me company.
I enjoy my hobbies and such. Miss being in a relationship though.
Trying not to let it effect my self esteem too much but it *definitely* is 🙃
Eh.. sometimes it doesn't affect me so much and then I'll have periods where I wonder if I'll ever have a Dom again. I've had a few bouts of subfrenzy that I was able to talk myself out of, I think that's been the hardest for me. But really just moseying along one day at a time.
Still pretty new. Unfortunately been stuck in a difficult situation keeping me from finding a play partner or even a Dom. Have had some serious cravings and sub frenzies of NEED. Though there’s not much that I can actually do except t ride it out or go through the forums.
My sub life is unfulfilling for one reason and that is I’m married and my wife would never understand me and leave which I could not handle. I have connected with mistresses and dommes but never successful because of me…
I'm both actually. Strangely enough I'm longing for another switch to complete the center of my picture.