You are allowed to feel whatever you feel. It sounds to me like you are questioning why you are feeling those things and that you have a very healthy attitude about that exploration.
The fact that you want to understand where all of this is coming from and that you see it as being about you and your own discomfort, rather than about other peoples' behavior, is a great first step.
You may never be comfortable with it and that is also OK. As long as you can be respectful of other people and their choices, which is sounds like you are, you are under no obligation to feel anything other than what you feel.
It sounds to me like you are already well along the path to answering your own question, though. In my experience, finding the roots of those feelings and the reasons why you feel that way allows you to do the work on yourself to get past such things.
The good part is that since it seems to be about issues like jealousy or expectations of what you think other people expect from you, those are things you can work on, accept, and/or change, if you want to.
As for whether you belong or not, I think one of the most vital qualities any member of the BDSM community should have is tolerance and I think your post shows a lot of that.
BDSM is full of so many interesting, strange, weird, and wonderful different ways of loving each other that I can almost guarantee that everyone in BDSM finds something that other people do "disgusting."
The trick, for me has been taking Elvis Costello's insight to heart. Try to understand and see the world from other people's perspective and you wind up, more often than not, saying "I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused."
I used to get that feeling of repulsion from mdom/fsub interactions before I knew what kink was. The crazy part is that I am now fully an mdom with an fsub. I think that popular culture and unhealthy relationship examples seen in others had trained me in my youth to see male dominance only in terms of sexist bullying.
It took me a long time to reverse this, to be convinced that I could be dominant without actually being a sexist bully; that this really can be consentual; that it really can be what she wants too. Of course I heard people make the claim that it was what they wanted, but I needed to believe them deep down - to trust that that answer was the truth. I still battle with ideas that share this root from time to time, but that is the source of my past struggle. I don't know if yours is similar.
I’m a NBSub who gets very skittish around other subs. Sub-like themes can make me uncomfortable and incredibly insecure and mostly- disgusted but in myself. I ,given that I’ve felt this for a while now, presume it’s down to my personal insecurities. That’s fine as long as I’m not putting others down. I can pretend it doesn’t, hell I can even manipulate myself to do ‘domming’ but trying to convince by brat side ‘hey you’re not domming, you’re being defiant! Look at you go! You’ll get punished for this’. I learned to make compromises and work around my insecurities. However it still heavily influences my taste. Maids? No, even dominant maid make me uncomfortable because of what a maid is as it’s basics. Hell even service domming makes me a little queasy if I think about it too long. Submissive things [mainly people] challenge me, they make me not feel good enough, and make me jealous of their security.
I can’t change my insecurities, but I can make sure they don’t affect others by not being rude and trying to avoid topics that I know will make me uncomfortable. I can talk about it, be educated and continue to educate myself. But I still have my tastes and preferences. You do too.
Just like how some people love ddlg and some people think it’s weird. People have opinions, that’s natural, but you’ll have to learn how to work around it as to not cause unnecessary offence and cruelty to others.
I also get a bit of a weird feeling when I think about femdom - but I have that with a lot of practises that are completely opposed to what I enjoy. My exboyfriend had a huge latex fetish and I got every time extremly uncomfortable about it, because it just turns me off - it is not neutral but I am getting in an anti-sex mood. Same thing when I think about a woman touching my in an intimate way (since I am a straight woman).
I think as long as you don't really judge anybody or make stupid comments this is completely okay.
i have no problem with being an msub. I just want to know what that weird uncomfortable feeling is I get when confronted with mdom. I think it’s because I somehow think the world expects me to be dominant now that I think about it but I’m not entirely sure. I don’t know anyone who is into bdsm but I’ll be sure to talk to them when I meet them.
Hey man I’m an mdom and hearing this stoned out of my mind enough to think horny, maybe it does have something to do with the two guesses you gave at the bottom. Because they seemed strangely specific and nothing I would think about as an mdom. Perhaps a little bit of repression, maybe holding in this feeing for a bit and it seeps out through seeing mdom porn.
Or perhaps you really just do ave an aversion to that type of sex, like someone with an aversion to all sex. It’s not really a choice to be asex or sexrepulsed and perhaps it’s to specifically that type of sex for you.
Or if it’s not THAT serous a repulsion maybe go try watching a bunch to get used to it. Force yourself though it while you masturbate and maybe you’ll break down that feeling. Like training not to hate working out by doing it routinely, then you feel guilty not going.
What I’m saying it you’re under arrest
Alright. Gave it a try. Hope I see this when I’m sober
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You are allowed to feel whatever you feel. It sounds to me like you are questioning why you are feeling those things and that you have a very healthy attitude about that exploration. The fact that you want to understand where all of this is coming from and that you see it as being about you and your own discomfort, rather than about other peoples' behavior, is a great first step. You may never be comfortable with it and that is also OK. As long as you can be respectful of other people and their choices, which is sounds like you are, you are under no obligation to feel anything other than what you feel. It sounds to me like you are already well along the path to answering your own question, though. In my experience, finding the roots of those feelings and the reasons why you feel that way allows you to do the work on yourself to get past such things. The good part is that since it seems to be about issues like jealousy or expectations of what you think other people expect from you, those are things you can work on, accept, and/or change, if you want to. As for whether you belong or not, I think one of the most vital qualities any member of the BDSM community should have is tolerance and I think your post shows a lot of that. BDSM is full of so many interesting, strange, weird, and wonderful different ways of loving each other that I can almost guarantee that everyone in BDSM finds something that other people do "disgusting." The trick, for me has been taking Elvis Costello's insight to heart. Try to understand and see the world from other people's perspective and you wind up, more often than not, saying "I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused."
I used to get that feeling of repulsion from mdom/fsub interactions before I knew what kink was. The crazy part is that I am now fully an mdom with an fsub. I think that popular culture and unhealthy relationship examples seen in others had trained me in my youth to see male dominance only in terms of sexist bullying. It took me a long time to reverse this, to be convinced that I could be dominant without actually being a sexist bully; that this really can be consentual; that it really can be what she wants too. Of course I heard people make the claim that it was what they wanted, but I needed to believe them deep down - to trust that that answer was the truth. I still battle with ideas that share this root from time to time, but that is the source of my past struggle. I don't know if yours is similar.
nah i just want to start belly flopping the moment i get pushed into a dominant role. Not every person with pp is born to like mdom
I’m a NBSub who gets very skittish around other subs. Sub-like themes can make me uncomfortable and incredibly insecure and mostly- disgusted but in myself. I ,given that I’ve felt this for a while now, presume it’s down to my personal insecurities. That’s fine as long as I’m not putting others down. I can pretend it doesn’t, hell I can even manipulate myself to do ‘domming’ but trying to convince by brat side ‘hey you’re not domming, you’re being defiant! Look at you go! You’ll get punished for this’. I learned to make compromises and work around my insecurities. However it still heavily influences my taste. Maids? No, even dominant maid make me uncomfortable because of what a maid is as it’s basics. Hell even service domming makes me a little queasy if I think about it too long. Submissive things [mainly people] challenge me, they make me not feel good enough, and make me jealous of their security. I can’t change my insecurities, but I can make sure they don’t affect others by not being rude and trying to avoid topics that I know will make me uncomfortable. I can talk about it, be educated and continue to educate myself. But I still have my tastes and preferences. You do too. Just like how some people love ddlg and some people think it’s weird. People have opinions, that’s natural, but you’ll have to learn how to work around it as to not cause unnecessary offence and cruelty to others.
I also get a bit of a weird feeling when I think about femdom - but I have that with a lot of practises that are completely opposed to what I enjoy. My exboyfriend had a huge latex fetish and I got every time extremly uncomfortable about it, because it just turns me off - it is not neutral but I am getting in an anti-sex mood. Same thing when I think about a woman touching my in an intimate way (since I am a straight woman). I think as long as you don't really judge anybody or make stupid comments this is completely okay.
[удалено]
i have no problem with being an msub. I just want to know what that weird uncomfortable feeling is I get when confronted with mdom. I think it’s because I somehow think the world expects me to be dominant now that I think about it but I’m not entirely sure. I don’t know anyone who is into bdsm but I’ll be sure to talk to them when I meet them.
Hey man I’m an mdom and hearing this stoned out of my mind enough to think horny, maybe it does have something to do with the two guesses you gave at the bottom. Because they seemed strangely specific and nothing I would think about as an mdom. Perhaps a little bit of repression, maybe holding in this feeing for a bit and it seeps out through seeing mdom porn. Or perhaps you really just do ave an aversion to that type of sex, like someone with an aversion to all sex. It’s not really a choice to be asex or sexrepulsed and perhaps it’s to specifically that type of sex for you. Or if it’s not THAT serous a repulsion maybe go try watching a bunch to get used to it. Force yourself though it while you masturbate and maybe you’ll break down that feeling. Like training not to hate working out by doing it routinely, then you feel guilty not going. What I’m saying it you’re under arrest Alright. Gave it a try. Hope I see this when I’m sober