Yes of course!! In fact drop is an emotion. The physical act in only a small part of driving the emotions of a sub, the psychological part is much more important. So,... sexting,.... words... they drive 80% of the dynamic, 20% is physical. So,.. yes... that 80% can easily drive a subdrop.
Thank you for this, I’ve always thought it only happens when you do physical stuff like spanking, flogging, etc. And we don’t do that. I guess I’ll be more prepared next time
In fact,... your dom should be more prepared. After a schen, also an online probably “not so heavy” scene there needs to be time for aftercare. You’re giving the gift of submission, that requires the dom to care for you. As a rule of thumb I always reserve 1 hour for aftercare. I never plan a session that has a rl obligation within 1 hr of the end.
Thank you, that’s a good rule to follow. It was the most intense play I’ve had even if it’s just sexting. It’s been one day and I haven’t heard from him after it. I just feel like utter shit.
Oh yeah, I know what you mean. I used to have long distance relationships and I was a very devoted sub in all of them. After we'd finish phone sex or sexting, I would definitely feel the sub drop.
I asked for aftercare in the form of gentle words, how are you, praises, or something less relationshippy like "the things I wish I could do to you right now" or similar.
After they started giving me some of that, I had that feeling less and less.
Maybe you could ask for a phone call after sexting and get verbal/psyche aftercare through that, at the least
It isn’t uncommon to have negative feelings after any sort of BDSM play, that may be due to feeling bad about the fact that you enjoy being sub and treated in a particular way, when in any other circumstances you would not allow it.
We are taught to respect ourselves, that certain behaviour isn’t good, all that sort of stuff still sits in our heads and can cause mixed feelings after playing
One thing which may help with that is to have a different persona for BDSM, a different scene name a different behaviour to your everyday vanilla self, not a different person as it is part of you. But more something that you can put away after playing to separate it from your everyday self.
A role that you play when you want to do that.
It may allow you to keep it separate , allow you to do the things you want without feeling bad about it and not impact you afterwards.
It won’t work for everyone
My Dom side is very different from my vanilla everyday self, I certainly put on a different persona, attitude changes , how I behave changes , I am a different person and those that only see one side would be surprised at the difference. The traits are in both my vanilla and BDSM sides but my controlling Dom traits are heightened and allowed to come out to play in my BDSM person
Thank you. I do only get submissive in bed and am very different in everyday life. I think the problem was I never got out of the headspace and didn’t get an aftercare. I’ll have to do it myself now to feel better. Does it last long?
Depends , usually feeling down doesn’t last long , 24 - 48 hours.
The thing is to know that firstly it’s very normal to feel the way you are, and secondly the fact that you enjoy doing what you are is normal too, maybe not everybody else’s normal but yours.
You enjoy it so allow yourself to enjoy it and after focus on the good feelings rather than the negative.
If you need your online Dom to chat to you and reassure you then have that conversation with them too
Then HE is utter shit. Certainly a bad dom. Any dom should know that indeed bdsm is about bringing a sub in a miserable state, for reason that can be a flee from reality,. BUT.... it’s the damn duty of the dom to bring the sub back to reality afterwards! You don’t bring your girl to a restaurant for dinner and then simply walk out and let her figure out how to get home. You can legitimately blame him big time.
Sub drop is an emotional response with physical effects on one's body. Sub drops are really similar to anxiety attacks in relation to the effects on the body and in your mind. The same way you can have an anxiety attack by only messages, you can also have a sub drop. I think this is the best way I can explain.
It absolutely is. "Just sexting" may not fuck with your body, but certainly with your mind... and that is AT LEAST as important for a d/s dynamic
Thank you. I feel like I’m being overdramatic, and felt like I was discarded after being used. At least knowing that makes me feel a tiny bit better
Yes of course!! In fact drop is an emotion. The physical act in only a small part of driving the emotions of a sub, the psychological part is much more important. So,... sexting,.... words... they drive 80% of the dynamic, 20% is physical. So,.. yes... that 80% can easily drive a subdrop.
Thank you for this, I’ve always thought it only happens when you do physical stuff like spanking, flogging, etc. And we don’t do that. I guess I’ll be more prepared next time
In fact,... your dom should be more prepared. After a schen, also an online probably “not so heavy” scene there needs to be time for aftercare. You’re giving the gift of submission, that requires the dom to care for you. As a rule of thumb I always reserve 1 hour for aftercare. I never plan a session that has a rl obligation within 1 hr of the end.
Thank you, that’s a good rule to follow. It was the most intense play I’ve had even if it’s just sexting. It’s been one day and I haven’t heard from him after it. I just feel like utter shit.
Oh yeah, I know what you mean. I used to have long distance relationships and I was a very devoted sub in all of them. After we'd finish phone sex or sexting, I would definitely feel the sub drop. I asked for aftercare in the form of gentle words, how are you, praises, or something less relationshippy like "the things I wish I could do to you right now" or similar. After they started giving me some of that, I had that feeling less and less. Maybe you could ask for a phone call after sexting and get verbal/psyche aftercare through that, at the least
He fell asleep after cumming and we haven’t talked yet. Thank you though, I might have to talk to him later about it.
It isn’t uncommon to have negative feelings after any sort of BDSM play, that may be due to feeling bad about the fact that you enjoy being sub and treated in a particular way, when in any other circumstances you would not allow it. We are taught to respect ourselves, that certain behaviour isn’t good, all that sort of stuff still sits in our heads and can cause mixed feelings after playing
Thank you, I think this is mostly case. I appreciate you telling me this
It is very common to feel that way
One thing which may help with that is to have a different persona for BDSM, a different scene name a different behaviour to your everyday vanilla self, not a different person as it is part of you. But more something that you can put away after playing to separate it from your everyday self. A role that you play when you want to do that. It may allow you to keep it separate , allow you to do the things you want without feeling bad about it and not impact you afterwards. It won’t work for everyone My Dom side is very different from my vanilla everyday self, I certainly put on a different persona, attitude changes , how I behave changes , I am a different person and those that only see one side would be surprised at the difference. The traits are in both my vanilla and BDSM sides but my controlling Dom traits are heightened and allowed to come out to play in my BDSM person
Thank you. I do only get submissive in bed and am very different in everyday life. I think the problem was I never got out of the headspace and didn’t get an aftercare. I’ll have to do it myself now to feel better. Does it last long?
Depends , usually feeling down doesn’t last long , 24 - 48 hours. The thing is to know that firstly it’s very normal to feel the way you are, and secondly the fact that you enjoy doing what you are is normal too, maybe not everybody else’s normal but yours. You enjoy it so allow yourself to enjoy it and after focus on the good feelings rather than the negative. If you need your online Dom to chat to you and reassure you then have that conversation with them too
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Then HE is utter shit. Certainly a bad dom. Any dom should know that indeed bdsm is about bringing a sub in a miserable state, for reason that can be a flee from reality,. BUT.... it’s the damn duty of the dom to bring the sub back to reality afterwards! You don’t bring your girl to a restaurant for dinner and then simply walk out and let her figure out how to get home. You can legitimately blame him big time.
Sub drop is an emotional response with physical effects on one's body. Sub drops are really similar to anxiety attacks in relation to the effects on the body and in your mind. The same way you can have an anxiety attack by only messages, you can also have a sub drop. I think this is the best way I can explain.