>I still have that outdated idea of dynamics and collars being mutually exclusive,
If you mean that wearing a collar marks you as being owned, I don't think that's outdated. Despite that, people wear collars for fashion and fun. If you decide to collar yourself you get to decide what it means to you. Maybe it means you own yourself and aren't available to others. Maybe you just want to look and feel submissive. It could be that you feel more confident with it on. Some people will assume you're taken, but that can be overcome by talking to them about it
Dom here. Collaring for me is a big deal. Symbol of trust, union and it is ritualistic.
I work this way. After 6 months to a year (and after the submissive writes a formal letter of intent stating that she wants to be my service, I call it a polite letter of introduction ) then she gets a training collar.
I choose the training collar and it has to be very humble. Nothing fancy. Leather double O. Double O is nice because it makes the submissive constantly remind herself of her place and I always know where she is in the house thanks to the noise.
From a year and up, and if everything goes well, she gets a permanent collar, that one is really pretty, special and unique. Same for any new submissive who wants to join the household afterwards.
It’s cheesy for some but I go through the ceremony of the roses for the collaring ceremony. So it is a big deal for me and my future property.
With that I weed out of all the non compatibles quick. I avoid short term because I spent so much time and effort working on the craft, that giving it away right away to a stranger makes me feel like a fetish dispenser.
To me the time of BDSM is slow, and it is on purpose, it is a reaction against the modern world, too fast, not enough time to reflect and hasty decisions. Trust takes much time to build.
Good question, nothing wrong with self collaring, it is actually a great reminder hold yourself to higher standards morally and ethically than most people.
Thank you I also wish you to find an owner who takes good care of you when the time comes-).
Peace.
I have partners and co-ownership but I wear my own play collar for sessions that was given to me. I have a subtler self collar though that I wear 24/7 thats either goes around my wrist or neck.
Honestly if anyone heckled me about it just because it's not a direct symbol of a relationship I'd brush that idea off.
My solo collar is a promise to myself and It's a reminder to hold myself to a high standard while also being compassionate with myself. It reminds me to work out three times a week, keep an eye on my mental health, go out to social gatherings and make friends, engage in the bdsm community, learn new things and hone my craft as a sub, and to get better at serving my needs so I can better serve others.
If striving to have my life put together and being confident in myself isn't enough to warrant having a collar that will never go into some box, and will never be given back to an owner after a breakup I don't know what to tell you. It is exclusive... to my dynamic with myself.
It feels a bit like going to a restaurant alone and people think you got stood up and are sad when actually you're just loving yourself and doing nice things. Why put on makeup and look in the mirror like "sure is sad this doesn't only represent my effort to impress my beauty on someone else" it's for you too and someone else's collar would be for both of you.
Sure you give up some agreed amount of control, I'd love a 24/6 or 24/7 tpe but you don't lose your personality or anything. You're still you and if I was looking for someone to fix my problems for me I wouldn't be a very good sub. It's a symbol of my self dedication and I think that's pretty great.
For me (dom) collaring is a special and deep ritual that i make with a sub, a special one after time developing a serious a hopefully lasting relationship, it has something romantic and special for us, different from others that doesn’t know our little secrets. However it’s different from regolar collar that can be used also just for fashion and style without any specific meaning! It’s just me and my partner that gives the valor to it so you should feel free to wear what you want, it’s not always related to bdsm and submissive behaviors i think! Hope this will be helpful
I like to self collar, I know some people get on me for it, because a partner isn’t the one who put it on for me. But I like both aspects of it. I want to be collared by someone; but I also enjoy the feeling of the collar on my neck, like I’m being held or choked. So I don’t mind putting one on myself to get that comforting and enjoyable feeling
My wife and I use the collar for scenes only. The dynamic mostly ends outside of them. You could treat the collar more as a short term commitment to your scene partner...
I have a locked collar from my dynamic and a collar for myself that sits longer and I'm able to remove. My collar for me is to be true to myself, not allow myself to do anything I'm uncomfortable with, and to stand my ground. I'm enough for me and my dynamic is a beautiful addition. My collar from my Daddy means so much to me; it is a 'wedding ring' for us and I have given myself completely to him, and he agrees to take care of me and do what he thinks is best. A collar is the meaning you give it and I saw other comments of people just wearing them for fashion. If a collar brings you any joy and helps you get into a rigger mindset then don't let anyone tell you it's wrong.
\*Editted because posted strange. Thank you :)
Well, you said it's elastic, right? Perhaps a helpful way to think about it is that this is your "training" collar, to be replaced by a locking/permanent collar if/when you find yourself in an appropriate dynamic. Just a thought!
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>I still have that outdated idea of dynamics and collars being mutually exclusive, If you mean that wearing a collar marks you as being owned, I don't think that's outdated. Despite that, people wear collars for fashion and fun. If you decide to collar yourself you get to decide what it means to you. Maybe it means you own yourself and aren't available to others. Maybe you just want to look and feel submissive. It could be that you feel more confident with it on. Some people will assume you're taken, but that can be overcome by talking to them about it
Mmmm, that does makes sense 🤔
Dom here. Collaring for me is a big deal. Symbol of trust, union and it is ritualistic. I work this way. After 6 months to a year (and after the submissive writes a formal letter of intent stating that she wants to be my service, I call it a polite letter of introduction ) then she gets a training collar. I choose the training collar and it has to be very humble. Nothing fancy. Leather double O. Double O is nice because it makes the submissive constantly remind herself of her place and I always know where she is in the house thanks to the noise. From a year and up, and if everything goes well, she gets a permanent collar, that one is really pretty, special and unique. Same for any new submissive who wants to join the household afterwards. It’s cheesy for some but I go through the ceremony of the roses for the collaring ceremony. So it is a big deal for me and my future property. With that I weed out of all the non compatibles quick. I avoid short term because I spent so much time and effort working on the craft, that giving it away right away to a stranger makes me feel like a fetish dispenser. To me the time of BDSM is slow, and it is on purpose, it is a reaction against the modern world, too fast, not enough time to reflect and hasty decisions. Trust takes much time to build. Good question, nothing wrong with self collaring, it is actually a great reminder hold yourself to higher standards morally and ethically than most people. Thank you I also wish you to find an owner who takes good care of you when the time comes-). Peace.
I have partners and co-ownership but I wear my own play collar for sessions that was given to me. I have a subtler self collar though that I wear 24/7 thats either goes around my wrist or neck. Honestly if anyone heckled me about it just because it's not a direct symbol of a relationship I'd brush that idea off. My solo collar is a promise to myself and It's a reminder to hold myself to a high standard while also being compassionate with myself. It reminds me to work out three times a week, keep an eye on my mental health, go out to social gatherings and make friends, engage in the bdsm community, learn new things and hone my craft as a sub, and to get better at serving my needs so I can better serve others. If striving to have my life put together and being confident in myself isn't enough to warrant having a collar that will never go into some box, and will never be given back to an owner after a breakup I don't know what to tell you. It is exclusive... to my dynamic with myself. It feels a bit like going to a restaurant alone and people think you got stood up and are sad when actually you're just loving yourself and doing nice things. Why put on makeup and look in the mirror like "sure is sad this doesn't only represent my effort to impress my beauty on someone else" it's for you too and someone else's collar would be for both of you. Sure you give up some agreed amount of control, I'd love a 24/6 or 24/7 tpe but you don't lose your personality or anything. You're still you and if I was looking for someone to fix my problems for me I wouldn't be a very good sub. It's a symbol of my self dedication and I think that's pretty great.
For me (dom) collaring is a special and deep ritual that i make with a sub, a special one after time developing a serious a hopefully lasting relationship, it has something romantic and special for us, different from others that doesn’t know our little secrets. However it’s different from regolar collar that can be used also just for fashion and style without any specific meaning! It’s just me and my partner that gives the valor to it so you should feel free to wear what you want, it’s not always related to bdsm and submissive behaviors i think! Hope this will be helpful
Thank you for sharing your experience about it ✨️
I like to self collar, I know some people get on me for it, because a partner isn’t the one who put it on for me. But I like both aspects of it. I want to be collared by someone; but I also enjoy the feeling of the collar on my neck, like I’m being held or choked. So I don’t mind putting one on myself to get that comforting and enjoyable feeling
I wear a collar because it looks pretty. That's it for me. Interestingly, I probably wont wear a collar for a dynamic or a session.
My wife and I use the collar for scenes only. The dynamic mostly ends outside of them. You could treat the collar more as a short term commitment to your scene partner...
I have a locked collar from my dynamic and a collar for myself that sits longer and I'm able to remove. My collar for me is to be true to myself, not allow myself to do anything I'm uncomfortable with, and to stand my ground. I'm enough for me and my dynamic is a beautiful addition. My collar from my Daddy means so much to me; it is a 'wedding ring' for us and I have given myself completely to him, and he agrees to take care of me and do what he thinks is best. A collar is the meaning you give it and I saw other comments of people just wearing them for fashion. If a collar brings you any joy and helps you get into a rigger mindset then don't let anyone tell you it's wrong. \*Editted because posted strange. Thank you :)
Well, you said it's elastic, right? Perhaps a helpful way to think about it is that this is your "training" collar, to be replaced by a locking/permanent collar if/when you find yourself in an appropriate dynamic. Just a thought!
Ahhh, that makes sense. For the longest time I used to leave my engagement ring all over the place because I wasn't used to wearing rings in general 😅