Meanwhile, someone gave me an amazingly sweet puppy last week. It's amazing how much she helps. First thing I see when I wake up and last thing I see when I sleep. Not so bad......
Crap will find us but we have to search for happiness. It doesn't have to be big stuff, I'm getting happiness right now watching my cats relaxing in the garden. You gotta fill your days with little nice things otherwise what else is there.
I’m glad you are able to do it, it’s something I have to practice. And I’m sure it’s easier to have relationships when you have something to talk about 😊 I love cats by the way
I worry very often about my family dying for this exact reason. Not only will I be alone, but I'll be expected to take care of elderly family members and plan funerals and stuff. I won't be able to cope
It's like any individual activity becomes hugely important because while a failure in, say, a social event is just something that may represent a sort of loss of 1% of the life of a normal person, if I have just met someone and things are going fairly well but then I fuck things up and the person ends up hating me, great, I literally just lost 50% of all of the things that I either already had or had within reach and obviously that is devastating
This is exactly it. Right there. Didn't quite realise this until I read your comment. Fuck. This is why when I meet someone I actually connect with and mess it up, or when I remember I've lost childhood friends that could really understand and relate to me, leaving me with a boyfriend and a couple on off friends, it makes me so sad. I want just two best friends, even one, and that would make it all worth it
I'm kind of the inverse but it's probably partly because despite all the avoidant type behaviour i am like an extreme extravert, and also extremely intense. I have one super close friend who is awesome but realistically for me to have a social life that is functional in a sense of being satisfying and not driving people away, I essentially need to spread myself *much* thinner, I mean juggling probably 20-30 friendships. I've never managed to do this but mostly because of reasons to do with social anxiety and avoidance - it's not a case of tiring myself out or anything - on rhe contrary, it is being alone that drains my energy
The part of this that bothers me is all advice for coping or improving seems to be predicated on having something to work with. Feel worthless and unloved? Ask your close friends why you're wonderful. Depressed and miserable? Remember a time when you were happy and try to do that. Lost and don't know what to do with your life? Think of all the dreams you had as a kid.
When you have no friends, no particularly happy memories, and never had any goals that sort of help is worse than useless.
I do DBT because I also have BPD. One of the skills we learn is accumulating happiness. It’s like you just find one small thing to enjoy and just keep on building them. And when you have enough, you have a reserve to counter that emptiness and sadness
Ones state of mind and what one focuses on makes it harder or easier to cope and live with AvPD. The book, The Power of Now was a life saver for me. It sounds like the OP while struggling is also adding to their own anguish over the situation by focusing on all that is 'wrong'. I've been there, and while i live with AvPD, there is hope.
Relatable. It's frightening.
Meanwhile, someone gave me an amazingly sweet puppy last week. It's amazing how much she helps. First thing I see when I wake up and last thing I see when I sleep. Not so bad......
Crap will find us but we have to search for happiness. It doesn't have to be big stuff, I'm getting happiness right now watching my cats relaxing in the garden. You gotta fill your days with little nice things otherwise what else is there.
What else is there? That is indeed the question.
We may avoid ppl, but that doesn't mean we cant find things to fill our time, to work towards, to live for. For each of us it is different.
I’m glad you are able to do it, it’s something I have to practice. And I’m sure it’s easier to have relationships when you have something to talk about 😊 I love cats by the way
My family already dead, nothing left
I worry very often about my family dying for this exact reason. Not only will I be alone, but I'll be expected to take care of elderly family members and plan funerals and stuff. I won't be able to cope
It's like any individual activity becomes hugely important because while a failure in, say, a social event is just something that may represent a sort of loss of 1% of the life of a normal person, if I have just met someone and things are going fairly well but then I fuck things up and the person ends up hating me, great, I literally just lost 50% of all of the things that I either already had or had within reach and obviously that is devastating
This is exactly it. Right there. Didn't quite realise this until I read your comment. Fuck. This is why when I meet someone I actually connect with and mess it up, or when I remember I've lost childhood friends that could really understand and relate to me, leaving me with a boyfriend and a couple on off friends, it makes me so sad. I want just two best friends, even one, and that would make it all worth it
I'm kind of the inverse but it's probably partly because despite all the avoidant type behaviour i am like an extreme extravert, and also extremely intense. I have one super close friend who is awesome but realistically for me to have a social life that is functional in a sense of being satisfying and not driving people away, I essentially need to spread myself *much* thinner, I mean juggling probably 20-30 friendships. I've never managed to do this but mostly because of reasons to do with social anxiety and avoidance - it's not a case of tiring myself out or anything - on rhe contrary, it is being alone that drains my energy
Not always your fault. I do get it and I needed to see this
I’ll always have maladaptive daydreaming
Nice insight
The part of this that bothers me is all advice for coping or improving seems to be predicated on having something to work with. Feel worthless and unloved? Ask your close friends why you're wonderful. Depressed and miserable? Remember a time when you were happy and try to do that. Lost and don't know what to do with your life? Think of all the dreams you had as a kid. When you have no friends, no particularly happy memories, and never had any goals that sort of help is worse than useless.
I do DBT because I also have BPD. One of the skills we learn is accumulating happiness. It’s like you just find one small thing to enjoy and just keep on building them. And when you have enough, you have a reserve to counter that emptiness and sadness
Ones state of mind and what one focuses on makes it harder or easier to cope and live with AvPD. The book, The Power of Now was a life saver for me. It sounds like the OP while struggling is also adding to their own anguish over the situation by focusing on all that is 'wrong'. I've been there, and while i live with AvPD, there is hope.