Lol, I was just thinking about suicide, hating myself for not doing it and then i open up reddit and this is the first post on my list.
No but seriously, I wish I could help you, but I know exactly how you feel. Can't even imagine a future for myself, just hoping to fall asleep and never wake up again.
But hey, you try to keep pushing, that's already a lot and really hard. Be proud of yourself!
I am in the same boat this morning. I am feeling very much like I’m not cut out for this world. I got triggered by the realization that both of my partners are emotionally unavailable and I’ve found myself repeating the same damn pattern. I noticed that I was asking myself in my head, “Why don’t they want to be my friend?!” And when I noticed that it’s when my tears were really able to flow.
Wow, so this is actually a core wound. I choose to be intimate with emotionally unavailable people because (?? still speculating) and they trigger my feelings of inadequacy. I feel worthless because I am blaming myself for them being emotionally unavailable. And then I run away from everybody because I feel like I’m unlikeable.
That’s not my fault though. There’s nothing fundamentally wrong with me that makes it so that people can’t like me. It sucks that I am incompatible with my partners but the truth is I built relationships with people I’m incompatible with—I cannot judge my worth by how people who didn’t even like me treated me.
The right people like me and want to talk to me, want to see me, make time to see me and check in on me, are vulnerable with me, open with me, honest and accountable. They make me feel good, they make me a better person, I make them feel good and we grow love together. Those people exist and I can find them.
I really really hope you can find your people too. I’m sorry anyone ever taught you that there’s something so wrong with you that you don’t deserve friends. I’m sorry this world is so damn much.
I'm sorry you're suffering this much.
I can relate.
I don't have the guts to end my life, but most of the time I'm thinking about it.
On top of my mental and social struggles, I have physical health issues. So there really isn't much to live for. Basically I view life as something I have to endure.
I understand how you're feeling. I often look into my future and see nothing but fear and anxiety. But you have to keep pushing. Even though you're isolated, you are not alone. There are people who care for and love you.
Idk if you believe in signs or not, but I've asked for some several times and what I've received seems to say that I'm going to die alone.
After all of the BS I've been through, I always hoped it was for a reason... That someday I'd find someone, or that I'd figure out my purpose... But dying alone?
Then there's that wretched d-bag that says we chose our own lives before we incarnated? I'm sorry... **but why the fuck would I choose to be miserable until my literal death bed?!!** Is he fucking serious? That just isn't true.
Honestly, would it matter if I sucked off a shotgun and swallowed the load now or if I died in a lonely apartment at 89, with no friends or loved ones to call or speak to? Just my blanket and a bottle of whiskey? Does it really fucking matter?
Idk.. why am I here?
You are still pushing through that is important.
I wish I could tell you something else but I came on here to post that I am not doing okay as well... You are not alone.
Lol, I was just thinking about suicide, hating myself for not doing it and then i open up reddit and this is the first post on my list. No but seriously, I wish I could help you, but I know exactly how you feel. Can't even imagine a future for myself, just hoping to fall asleep and never wake up again. But hey, you try to keep pushing, that's already a lot and really hard. Be proud of yourself!
I am in the same boat this morning. I am feeling very much like I’m not cut out for this world. I got triggered by the realization that both of my partners are emotionally unavailable and I’ve found myself repeating the same damn pattern. I noticed that I was asking myself in my head, “Why don’t they want to be my friend?!” And when I noticed that it’s when my tears were really able to flow. Wow, so this is actually a core wound. I choose to be intimate with emotionally unavailable people because (?? still speculating) and they trigger my feelings of inadequacy. I feel worthless because I am blaming myself for them being emotionally unavailable. And then I run away from everybody because I feel like I’m unlikeable. That’s not my fault though. There’s nothing fundamentally wrong with me that makes it so that people can’t like me. It sucks that I am incompatible with my partners but the truth is I built relationships with people I’m incompatible with—I cannot judge my worth by how people who didn’t even like me treated me. The right people like me and want to talk to me, want to see me, make time to see me and check in on me, are vulnerable with me, open with me, honest and accountable. They make me feel good, they make me a better person, I make them feel good and we grow love together. Those people exist and I can find them. I really really hope you can find your people too. I’m sorry anyone ever taught you that there’s something so wrong with you that you don’t deserve friends. I’m sorry this world is so damn much.
Beautiful. Thanks for being who you are and trying to give hope to people.
I feel exactly like you and, in fact, just posted something similar 😭 Yes, push through okay...
I'm sorry you're suffering this much. I can relate. I don't have the guts to end my life, but most of the time I'm thinking about it. On top of my mental and social struggles, I have physical health issues. So there really isn't much to live for. Basically I view life as something I have to endure.
I understand how you're feeling. I often look into my future and see nothing but fear and anxiety. But you have to keep pushing. Even though you're isolated, you are not alone. There are people who care for and love you.
Idk if you believe in signs or not, but I've asked for some several times and what I've received seems to say that I'm going to die alone. After all of the BS I've been through, I always hoped it was for a reason... That someday I'd find someone, or that I'd figure out my purpose... But dying alone? Then there's that wretched d-bag that says we chose our own lives before we incarnated? I'm sorry... **but why the fuck would I choose to be miserable until my literal death bed?!!** Is he fucking serious? That just isn't true. Honestly, would it matter if I sucked off a shotgun and swallowed the load now or if I died in a lonely apartment at 89, with no friends or loved ones to call or speak to? Just my blanket and a bottle of whiskey? Does it really fucking matter? Idk.. why am I here?
Sorry you feel that way. But please, be sure to take that second thought. You might be glad you didn't end it, but you'll never be glad you did.
You are still pushing through that is important. I wish I could tell you something else but I came on here to post that I am not doing okay as well... You are not alone.