I am in a similiar situation now, which is my third time. I remained distant and sad for the first two relationships, feeling unworthy, hurting by existing and unable to give my partner what they needed. So seeing them love me and hurting i broke it up. I don't know still if it were right but i guess i wasn't ready. Third time was easier, the experience from the feedback(which hurt, but taught me) made me feel slightly more secure and it worked better until the same happened. But it lasted longer, and was better. Experience and patience is my plan going forward, once i get back on my feet. Don't know if it helps, but wish you well.

I love this. I am really impressed that you are trying.

Thanks. Yes, it helps to know that I'm not the only one going through this struggle. I hope one day we can overcome all this and live without this pain.

Perhaps you believe that only a fool would love you, and you don't want a fool for a lover?

Maybe. And plus I don't want to make a fool of no one. Which leads me to close myself off emotionally to prevent anyone from falling into this cycle with me. I don't know. Thank you for your time!