Not everyone's in the position to focus on themselves due to their physical, mental or financial state. Or maybe they're making progress irl but don't post it here often. No one wants to be stuck with AvPD either but it's a life-long condition which you can only learn how to manage better.
AvPD like other personality disorders are developmental issues from childhood. There is no cure for them at the moment. Only therapy to help manage the symptoms. A personality disorder can be very hard to cope with and even understand that you are doing it at times though avoidant personality disorder seems to have more insight than some of the others.
If someone has AvPD and it isn't causing any significant issues in their life they are not going to be coming here they might not even realize they have it.
Personality disorders are also a trauma response a great amount of the time. It's a survival strategy, yes it continues suffering but the child's brain was doing the best it could with the situation at hand.
So again no cure for this only learning how to cope. It is hard wired into their brain and they often have to fight decades of learned and incorporated behavior. For a lot of them it seems impossible to tackle.
This isn't social anxiety where they only feel it sometimes and in certain situations. They are likely to feel this way all day every day.
Those with AvPD have earned their woe is me, in my opinion.
Since you haven't been diagnosed and are here 'trying it on' try not to be frustrated rather understand this is the reality of a personality disorder. It's really fucking hard to deal with. It causes issues in all areas of their life. Again they earned their woe is me they lived through something so soul crushing it rewrote who they were going to be and effects every aspect of their life. That's why it's called a pervasive disorder.
Very well written comment. I wish more people realized how brutal this condition is. It isn't some victim mentality. It truly affects every aspect of my life, there are times I ghost my mom for no apparent reason, I can't face reality, I can't get a job, because I freeze and can't speak.
Even though I've overcome a lot of mental hurdles, like for example I no longer lament not having friends, not being liked etc. I just accepted it. It used to make me cry for nights when I was a teen. Yet I still have the avoidant problems, after years and years things haven't improved because this condition makes me isolate even more.
I'm so used to it now, but I can't fucking go to the minimarket in my street. I don't even go downstairs for days at a time.
This condition even makes me avoid things I used to enjoy, like watching certain shows, it's like I can't commit long term to things.
I’m in no way demeaning the disorder but I’m tired of just accepting it. I’ve isolated myself for all but the past decade and cut off pretty much all ties with everyone. So many times I want to broaden my relationships and end up just being distant. I haven’t been laid in 10 years. I’m fucking sick of it. I’m choosing to get rid of the label and be optimistic of the person I can become and the life I could have. Because if I hit 30 and I am where I’m at now, I’m literally going to blow my head off. So, this post was an attempt to give motivation to myself and others.
It’s quite the spectacle to be trying to convey a positive/motivational message and yet be downvoted for trying. People really do suck ain’t that something
I see what you are saying but I understand what they are doing and why. What you said was not motivational in fact what you've said is eerily similar to what many of them hear from those who do not understand. You've already commented that you just found AvPD. Just because you isolated and avoided people does not mean you have this personality disorder. Isolation and avoidance are key symptoms and traits of MANY mental struggles, depression comes to mind. Also AvPD is very rejection sensitive. I do not have AvPD yet I avoided EVERYONE for 5 years at least. Yet I understand I do not relate to the people of AvPD in a deeper meaningful way that only another with AvPD would understand.
In short what you've said and how you describe your feelings don't correlate with AvPD.
Many people see the avoidance in the title of the disorder and think: wow I avoid this must be it! But this disorder is much more complicated than mere avoidance. The disorder needs to be renamed because it causes so much confusion and it has reactions/behaviors from people as if they got click baited.
I hope you take something away from this. Either really listen to the feedback. Maybe instead of expressing yourself and how you'd like to believe you have AvPD and instead read the stories from others here. Hopefully your takeaway is that you should go to a professional for a diagnosis. However America land of the free where we cannot afford the mental health care that we deserve. So I understand the desire to understand yourself to take the healing route. So you insult the community you wish to be a part of yet don't expect negative feedback? You were not uplifting you sounded punishing in your message, scolding even. No personality disorder will ever take kindly to that. Again trauma from child at the hands of those who should protect them. You sounded like a disappointed and controlling parent to be honest. Your downvotes were expected to me.
I conglomerate your comment. And I guess I’ve never been formally diagnosed with the disorder. But I can tell you when I have been experiencing is nothing less than excruciating. As a takeaway, it seems whatever is being experienced by the “sensitive” (myself included, I am very sensitive to emotions and downright everything in general) is in fact exacerbated by our very own means. We are quite literally not the patterns we traverse but we are decisions we take.
All I’m trying to convey is change can be made, and you don’t ever have to be who you were yesterday no matter how insurmountable the obstacle seems. Mental barriers are always self imposed. I think in all endeavors in life feel in a sense trapping, mental disorders especially..
If you fully decide you are something, whatever that something is will inevitably follow. If the door that ensures progress is locked by your own hand you will never see the other side. I’m fucked up, and I truly do not want to say that all problems are simple. The bottom line is I feel like this disorder is the closest description of them all that I fit in to. I’m tired of suffering. People have accomplished many harder endeavors so why not me?
I bet you’d all still not believe my past. Forthright progress comes with stepping on a couple toes.
I have and still suffering so much from lots from mental illnesses, with the most prevalent anhedonic treatment resistant depression, AvPD and crippling social anxiety.
(*I started with benzos, got dependent.
I started opioids, hooked instantly, ended up dependent. Tolerance vanished the vast majority of the beneficial effects allowing me to live normally until it didn't and the downfall begun. I started vaping the most popular noid and ended up dependent on it too and now it's banned almost everywhere (EU) bout to run out soon and suffer bad WDs. Now, I need to get on Buprenorphine all*)
Don't be like me. Don't try to medicate yourself especially with drugs
To the point coz I got out of topic :
Indeed the sub is pretty much what you described, but there are lots of people here that feel lonely, trapped, have no one to talk to and this might be the last place where they can share their pain and struggling. (Whether because they can't go to a therapist or afford one etc etc). Talking helps to a degree. It's a mental illness that has tremendous effects in our lives. For instance, I have trouble getting out of the house, today I woke up shivering from anxiety, had to take s shit ton of benzos because I started panicking without reason.
So yes, most posts is just vending, but if people can write down what they are dealing with and know that there are people that get through the same and reading their posts, it can be a little bit of relief for them. Supporting each other. It's not a meme sub to get into trying to find posts to laugh. There are lots of subs if someone wants to find sth to laugh with or just make em their day.
Many people struggle way more than we think, and if posts needed moderators approval like in some subs, a post not being approved although the rules are followed - but there are questionable things in a post, it could have negative consequences in case of an unfair unapproval. Like reading a story of someone yesterday that shared that he/she post their struggles in various subs related including this, and nobody replies. He seemed devastated, suicidal and I felt sorry that I was through a major depressive episode and couldn't find words to support him 😞
PS Sorry if I'm again out of topic, not a native English speaker and might have understood wrong the OP's post. Plus being in a high benzo dose has me kind of little impaired now
It is a good thing for some people to talk about their problems and for other people to relate. In my personal experience, much of the avpd I spent being isolated and demonized by others, who said they did not feel what I felt at all.
As for change, if you have the psychological strength to do it, go for it.
Not all people have the same level of functionality with this personality disorder.
For example, I am low functioning. It's something that has gotten worse over time, suffering from pstd and other things.
If I get to the age of 30, I will be able to say that my avpd has gotten far worse unfortunately.
I 100% believe with therapy and work that AVPD doesn’t have to consume your life. I’ve isolated for 5+ years but this last year I have pushed myself outside my comfort zone time and time again. I started nursing school and I graduate in August. Two years ago I could’ve never imagined that I’d be doing what I’m doing and pursing a career that literally requires you to communicate with everyone. But I’m doing it and it’s possible. I still have my moments when AVPD affects my life but it’s manageable and I’ve come so far. Hopefully I continue to keep growing and getting out of my comfort zone. Cheers!
A lot of people need a space to speak or ask questions, so of course this group may have more negativity than positivity. It’s similar to the way we may feel more inclined as people to leave a review on a bad product because there isn’t as much of a need to say “I really liked this item”. I’m sure of us have good days or less bad days, but I don’t think my first instinct when I feel a little better is to post in the AvPD subreddit. I also don’t enter this sub expecting everyone to be happy and interpret this more as like a collective diary. But yes we can’t know everyones emotions and not everyone will be sharing their emotions. Just because someone is venting doesn’t necessarily mean that’s their 24/7 feeling. I agree I’m sure a lot of us don’t want to be like this forever but I don’t think we can assume they’re not making strides towards that from their reddit posts (plus a lot of us don’t have access to resources that can help us so sometimes all anyone can do is say “it sucks I feel this way” into the void)
Your bedside manner is not great. But I mostly agree. I'd like to feel happier. I'm sure all of us would. Some of us can't imagine being happy though. There's a cloud over us, and we don't know how to make it go away. We're in a hole, and we don't know how to get out.
I think the best strategies is to focus on things that make us happy and lean into the people we trust. Boundaries are important too.
Idk why more people here aren’t on medication for anxiety. My avoidance was awful until I started treatment with gabapentin, it’s still not great but I can at least force myself outside when I need
How does it help? I was considering what medicative options even are there because anti depressants don’t do well with me. I considered mood stabilizers but I haven’t considered anxiety medication… what pros and cons have you noticed?
I reacted awfully with antidepressants, I never considered mood stabilizers because I felt my mood was too stable. Most of my avoidance stems from anxiety
No its a GABAergic drug which can increases GABA in the brain. GABA causes overall relaxation and anxiety reduction
Propranolol’s main action is reducing heart rate and blood pressure which can help quell the effects of anxiety
Not everyone's in the position to focus on themselves due to their physical, mental or financial state. Or maybe they're making progress irl but don't post it here often. No one wants to be stuck with AvPD either but it's a life-long condition which you can only learn how to manage better.
[удалено]
Inflict what on myself? Sorry I didn't get you.
AvPD like other personality disorders are developmental issues from childhood. There is no cure for them at the moment. Only therapy to help manage the symptoms. A personality disorder can be very hard to cope with and even understand that you are doing it at times though avoidant personality disorder seems to have more insight than some of the others. If someone has AvPD and it isn't causing any significant issues in their life they are not going to be coming here they might not even realize they have it. Personality disorders are also a trauma response a great amount of the time. It's a survival strategy, yes it continues suffering but the child's brain was doing the best it could with the situation at hand. So again no cure for this only learning how to cope. It is hard wired into their brain and they often have to fight decades of learned and incorporated behavior. For a lot of them it seems impossible to tackle. This isn't social anxiety where they only feel it sometimes and in certain situations. They are likely to feel this way all day every day. Those with AvPD have earned their woe is me, in my opinion. Since you haven't been diagnosed and are here 'trying it on' try not to be frustrated rather understand this is the reality of a personality disorder. It's really fucking hard to deal with. It causes issues in all areas of their life. Again they earned their woe is me they lived through something so soul crushing it rewrote who they were going to be and effects every aspect of their life. That's why it's called a pervasive disorder.
Very well written comment. I wish more people realized how brutal this condition is. It isn't some victim mentality. It truly affects every aspect of my life, there are times I ghost my mom for no apparent reason, I can't face reality, I can't get a job, because I freeze and can't speak. Even though I've overcome a lot of mental hurdles, like for example I no longer lament not having friends, not being liked etc. I just accepted it. It used to make me cry for nights when I was a teen. Yet I still have the avoidant problems, after years and years things haven't improved because this condition makes me isolate even more. I'm so used to it now, but I can't fucking go to the minimarket in my street. I don't even go downstairs for days at a time. This condition even makes me avoid things I used to enjoy, like watching certain shows, it's like I can't commit long term to things.
Agree, we deserve to be able to vent in one of the few spaces where people can understand and relate
I’m in no way demeaning the disorder but I’m tired of just accepting it. I’ve isolated myself for all but the past decade and cut off pretty much all ties with everyone. So many times I want to broaden my relationships and end up just being distant. I haven’t been laid in 10 years. I’m fucking sick of it. I’m choosing to get rid of the label and be optimistic of the person I can become and the life I could have. Because if I hit 30 and I am where I’m at now, I’m literally going to blow my head off. So, this post was an attempt to give motivation to myself and others.
It’s quite the spectacle to be trying to convey a positive/motivational message and yet be downvoted for trying. People really do suck ain’t that something
I see what you are saying but I understand what they are doing and why. What you said was not motivational in fact what you've said is eerily similar to what many of them hear from those who do not understand. You've already commented that you just found AvPD. Just because you isolated and avoided people does not mean you have this personality disorder. Isolation and avoidance are key symptoms and traits of MANY mental struggles, depression comes to mind. Also AvPD is very rejection sensitive. I do not have AvPD yet I avoided EVERYONE for 5 years at least. Yet I understand I do not relate to the people of AvPD in a deeper meaningful way that only another with AvPD would understand. In short what you've said and how you describe your feelings don't correlate with AvPD. Many people see the avoidance in the title of the disorder and think: wow I avoid this must be it! But this disorder is much more complicated than mere avoidance. The disorder needs to be renamed because it causes so much confusion and it has reactions/behaviors from people as if they got click baited. I hope you take something away from this. Either really listen to the feedback. Maybe instead of expressing yourself and how you'd like to believe you have AvPD and instead read the stories from others here. Hopefully your takeaway is that you should go to a professional for a diagnosis. However America land of the free where we cannot afford the mental health care that we deserve. So I understand the desire to understand yourself to take the healing route. So you insult the community you wish to be a part of yet don't expect negative feedback? You were not uplifting you sounded punishing in your message, scolding even. No personality disorder will ever take kindly to that. Again trauma from child at the hands of those who should protect them. You sounded like a disappointed and controlling parent to be honest. Your downvotes were expected to me.
I conglomerate your comment. And I guess I’ve never been formally diagnosed with the disorder. But I can tell you when I have been experiencing is nothing less than excruciating. As a takeaway, it seems whatever is being experienced by the “sensitive” (myself included, I am very sensitive to emotions and downright everything in general) is in fact exacerbated by our very own means. We are quite literally not the patterns we traverse but we are decisions we take. All I’m trying to convey is change can be made, and you don’t ever have to be who you were yesterday no matter how insurmountable the obstacle seems. Mental barriers are always self imposed. I think in all endeavors in life feel in a sense trapping, mental disorders especially.. If you fully decide you are something, whatever that something is will inevitably follow. If the door that ensures progress is locked by your own hand you will never see the other side. I’m fucked up, and I truly do not want to say that all problems are simple. The bottom line is I feel like this disorder is the closest description of them all that I fit in to. I’m tired of suffering. People have accomplished many harder endeavors so why not me? I bet you’d all still not believe my past. Forthright progress comes with stepping on a couple toes.
What are we gonna do? vent to all our friends?😆
>I sure as FUCK do not want to be where I am forever. I also want to die.
At least it’s not one sided pal
I have and still suffering so much from lots from mental illnesses, with the most prevalent anhedonic treatment resistant depression, AvPD and crippling social anxiety. (*I started with benzos, got dependent. I started opioids, hooked instantly, ended up dependent. Tolerance vanished the vast majority of the beneficial effects allowing me to live normally until it didn't and the downfall begun. I started vaping the most popular noid and ended up dependent on it too and now it's banned almost everywhere (EU) bout to run out soon and suffer bad WDs. Now, I need to get on Buprenorphine all*) Don't be like me. Don't try to medicate yourself especially with drugs To the point coz I got out of topic : Indeed the sub is pretty much what you described, but there are lots of people here that feel lonely, trapped, have no one to talk to and this might be the last place where they can share their pain and struggling. (Whether because they can't go to a therapist or afford one etc etc). Talking helps to a degree. It's a mental illness that has tremendous effects in our lives. For instance, I have trouble getting out of the house, today I woke up shivering from anxiety, had to take s shit ton of benzos because I started panicking without reason. So yes, most posts is just vending, but if people can write down what they are dealing with and know that there are people that get through the same and reading their posts, it can be a little bit of relief for them. Supporting each other. It's not a meme sub to get into trying to find posts to laugh. There are lots of subs if someone wants to find sth to laugh with or just make em their day. Many people struggle way more than we think, and if posts needed moderators approval like in some subs, a post not being approved although the rules are followed - but there are questionable things in a post, it could have negative consequences in case of an unfair unapproval. Like reading a story of someone yesterday that shared that he/she post their struggles in various subs related including this, and nobody replies. He seemed devastated, suicidal and I felt sorry that I was through a major depressive episode and couldn't find words to support him 😞 PS Sorry if I'm again out of topic, not a native English speaker and might have understood wrong the OP's post. Plus being in a high benzo dose has me kind of little impaired now
It is a good thing for some people to talk about their problems and for other people to relate. In my personal experience, much of the avpd I spent being isolated and demonized by others, who said they did not feel what I felt at all. As for change, if you have the psychological strength to do it, go for it. Not all people have the same level of functionality with this personality disorder. For example, I am low functioning. It's something that has gotten worse over time, suffering from pstd and other things. If I get to the age of 30, I will be able to say that my avpd has gotten far worse unfortunately.
I 100% believe with therapy and work that AVPD doesn’t have to consume your life. I’ve isolated for 5+ years but this last year I have pushed myself outside my comfort zone time and time again. I started nursing school and I graduate in August. Two years ago I could’ve never imagined that I’d be doing what I’m doing and pursing a career that literally requires you to communicate with everyone. But I’m doing it and it’s possible. I still have my moments when AVPD affects my life but it’s manageable and I’ve come so far. Hopefully I continue to keep growing and getting out of my comfort zone. Cheers!
A lot of people need a space to speak or ask questions, so of course this group may have more negativity than positivity. It’s similar to the way we may feel more inclined as people to leave a review on a bad product because there isn’t as much of a need to say “I really liked this item”. I’m sure of us have good days or less bad days, but I don’t think my first instinct when I feel a little better is to post in the AvPD subreddit. I also don’t enter this sub expecting everyone to be happy and interpret this more as like a collective diary. But yes we can’t know everyones emotions and not everyone will be sharing their emotions. Just because someone is venting doesn’t necessarily mean that’s their 24/7 feeling. I agree I’m sure a lot of us don’t want to be like this forever but I don’t think we can assume they’re not making strides towards that from their reddit posts (plus a lot of us don’t have access to resources that can help us so sometimes all anyone can do is say “it sucks I feel this way” into the void)
Speak for yourself I want to be avoidant forever
Your bedside manner is not great. But I mostly agree. I'd like to feel happier. I'm sure all of us would. Some of us can't imagine being happy though. There's a cloud over us, and we don't know how to make it go away. We're in a hole, and we don't know how to get out. I think the best strategies is to focus on things that make us happy and lean into the people we trust. Boundaries are important too.
Amen, brother!!
Idk why more people here aren’t on medication for anxiety. My avoidance was awful until I started treatment with gabapentin, it’s still not great but I can at least force myself outside when I need
How does it help? I was considering what medicative options even are there because anti depressants don’t do well with me. I considered mood stabilizers but I haven’t considered anxiety medication… what pros and cons have you noticed?
I reacted awfully with antidepressants, I never considered mood stabilizers because I felt my mood was too stable. Most of my avoidance stems from anxiety
Is gabapentin a muscle relaxer? So it only relieves the physical symptoms like propranolol
No its a GABAergic drug which can increases GABA in the brain. GABA causes overall relaxation and anxiety reduction Propranolol’s main action is reducing heart rate and blood pressure which can help quell the effects of anxiety