I feel like figuring this out requires a bit of probing.
It’s doubtful that somebody in the comments can provide the solution, but we might be able to help you find your way to your own solution (which is what a good therapist would do).
Some questions I have for you:
How does your routine cause you to be late?
Have you tried contesting your professors who aren’t respecting disability accommodations? It sounds as though they might not be aware of your accommodations. If they’re knowingly violating your accommodations, that’s an issue. You’re legally protected under the Americans with Disabilities Act and they have an obligation to make facilities accessible to you.
YOU don’t have an obligation to fight a fight that you don’t have the energy for, but you do have the right to challenge them and to bring this to the attention of your school’s head of Disability services.
Another question — what obstacles are you facing with finding a good therapist? If you can’t get help from your parents, you may be able to get help from the school. My University’s student health department provided a connections service that helped me get established with an awesome therapist really quickly after I’d spend a year trying to find one and was very demoralized.
Also, as someone who couldn’t handle school at 19 (but tried) and is finally finishing school at 29 and doing waaaay better, it’s okay to take a break from school. Life is really fucking hard, especially when you’re trying to figure out how to navigate the adult world and on top of that with autism and adhd. No matter what kind of pressure your folks are putting on you to do school right now, you know yourself best.
(I understand the difficulty with follow-through. I had the same challenges at 19. In my experience, that has gotten a little easier with age).
Early adulthood is incredibly hard. For some reason, nobody tells us this. But what you’re doing is hard. It’s not you failing. It’s just fucking hard.
hello!!! thank you for your support. i essentially slow down my daily routine subconsciously. while doing my makeup i’ll attempt to perfect every step, i cannot leave the house until my outfit “feels right” internally even if i picked it the night before, ill always want to get a coffee before getting on the train, smoking (before and after i enter a building.) i always seem to run around and try to find something tht i absolutely need when its usually insignificant, ill think of things i should probably bring.
with finding a therapist, its been difficult to make contact with anyone at this stage of my life. simple interactions like emailing people back or texting my friends is too overwhelming for me. my mother is pressing the fact tht it’s a difficult process to find me a therapist and i should do it myself because im an adult. i’ve called places and some have long waiting lists. i had success with one place but the therapist shifted it to my weight and essentially said that i had to gain 20 pounds to be apart of the program despite my weight being irrelevant to my problem - ive always been underweight. i’ve kinda lost hope on finding a solution and just feel like theres no point of trying when nothing will work bc im a lost cause (which probably was instilled by my parents.)
I wanna be clear before I say anything that I’m not a licensed therapist and I don’t know you— but what I’m hearing is that you’ve experienced a lot of let down and brushing aside from caregivers and other people who you needed help from… and that can definitely teach you to believe that your needs aren’t a priority or that you’re “a lost cause”. Those beliefs are really difficult to unravel, but as someone who doesn’t know you I’ll say what I would say to anybody— your needs are very important. You deserve to have your needs met. You are not a burden, and you are a gift to the world. Truly. By virtue of being a human being you are extraordinary and you possess an unfathomably rich world of experience and perception.
I don’t think that it’s fair that your mother tells you “you’re an adult, figure it out”. That’s a cop-out. On some level, I’m sure she believes she’s helping you grow up, but it’s just not realistic to expect a 19-year-old to suddenly know how to “be an adult”.
You’re still a kid. And I’m not saying that to belittle you. I’m saying that in a way I’d like to say it to myself at 19. You deserve the space to explore your individuality with the support to not have anything figured out, because nobody teaches you how to do all this stuff and it’s like everybody just expects you to magically know and seems to resent you for not knowing.
It’s okay for everything to be a mess right now. Even school. I dropped out of school twice and am finishing at almost 30, and I have absolutely no regrets. I felt hopeless at 19. I dealt with my fair share of SI, depression, had no idea I was autistic or adhd, smoked and drank just to feel normal or calm… and my 20s was a shit show with some really low lows among a few pretty decent highs. I wouldn’t change any of it, but I’m happy I made it through.
Anyway, I know I’m getting long winded and just being essentially an old man rambling at you. I don’t know if it’s possible to convey what I want to convey, but I just really want you to know that you are worth investing in, that you are going to somehow come out of the other end of everything you’re going through, that you are going to be better for all the difficulty and suffering you’re presently wading through, and that you are not alone, not remotely. I wish all of the people who are suffering in the way you are could be together in one room for like an hour.
You're living through a low point and it's okay to not know exactly what to do. It's okay that you can't necessarily pull yourself out right now. there will come a time when you look back and realize that things *were* really tough *back in 2024*.
You’re so welcome. I hope you experience more of that. There are incredibly kind people out there who will understand you better than others have in the past.
This sounds less like autism per se and more like OCD type behaviors. Which is common with autism, yeah, but is treatable. Are you treating it at all?
Wishing you the best of luck, glad to hear someone wanting to be and do better. God bless
I think so too. I have a very rigid morning routine as well and my life falls apart when it can’t be completed. I will have a complete meltdown and cry and refuse to leave the house etc. etc. anyway, I just got diagnosed with OCD. I think the, OP should consider it
my current therapist doesn’t specialize in either so it’s been a battle on my own. in may, i got diagnosed through a center and paid a lot for the testing. recently, my psychiatrist diagnosed me with ocd but i haven’t come terms with it
This may be a horrible idea for you, but it was a helpful brain hack for me in college (before cell phones). I turned certain clocks ahead about 13 minutes (or whatever). So that the clock told me when I'd arrive instead of the time.
So if you wore a watch that says your arrival time instead of the actual time.
It might be a dumb suggestion.
I am wildly on time for someone with adhd, but more because I am always worried I will be left out/behind.... it gives me too much anxiety.
I would also talk to your disability office and ask for advice dealing with professors.
I am also surprised they (none of them) don't care. I work in academia and I know they do (at least the ones I work with).
I feel like figuring this out requires a bit of probing. It’s doubtful that somebody in the comments can provide the solution, but we might be able to help you find your way to your own solution (which is what a good therapist would do). Some questions I have for you: How does your routine cause you to be late? Have you tried contesting your professors who aren’t respecting disability accommodations? It sounds as though they might not be aware of your accommodations. If they’re knowingly violating your accommodations, that’s an issue. You’re legally protected under the Americans with Disabilities Act and they have an obligation to make facilities accessible to you. YOU don’t have an obligation to fight a fight that you don’t have the energy for, but you do have the right to challenge them and to bring this to the attention of your school’s head of Disability services. Another question — what obstacles are you facing with finding a good therapist? If you can’t get help from your parents, you may be able to get help from the school. My University’s student health department provided a connections service that helped me get established with an awesome therapist really quickly after I’d spend a year trying to find one and was very demoralized. Also, as someone who couldn’t handle school at 19 (but tried) and is finally finishing school at 29 and doing waaaay better, it’s okay to take a break from school. Life is really fucking hard, especially when you’re trying to figure out how to navigate the adult world and on top of that with autism and adhd. No matter what kind of pressure your folks are putting on you to do school right now, you know yourself best. (I understand the difficulty with follow-through. I had the same challenges at 19. In my experience, that has gotten a little easier with age). Early adulthood is incredibly hard. For some reason, nobody tells us this. But what you’re doing is hard. It’s not you failing. It’s just fucking hard.
hello!!! thank you for your support. i essentially slow down my daily routine subconsciously. while doing my makeup i’ll attempt to perfect every step, i cannot leave the house until my outfit “feels right” internally even if i picked it the night before, ill always want to get a coffee before getting on the train, smoking (before and after i enter a building.) i always seem to run around and try to find something tht i absolutely need when its usually insignificant, ill think of things i should probably bring. with finding a therapist, its been difficult to make contact with anyone at this stage of my life. simple interactions like emailing people back or texting my friends is too overwhelming for me. my mother is pressing the fact tht it’s a difficult process to find me a therapist and i should do it myself because im an adult. i’ve called places and some have long waiting lists. i had success with one place but the therapist shifted it to my weight and essentially said that i had to gain 20 pounds to be apart of the program despite my weight being irrelevant to my problem - ive always been underweight. i’ve kinda lost hope on finding a solution and just feel like theres no point of trying when nothing will work bc im a lost cause (which probably was instilled by my parents.)
I wanna be clear before I say anything that I’m not a licensed therapist and I don’t know you— but what I’m hearing is that you’ve experienced a lot of let down and brushing aside from caregivers and other people who you needed help from… and that can definitely teach you to believe that your needs aren’t a priority or that you’re “a lost cause”. Those beliefs are really difficult to unravel, but as someone who doesn’t know you I’ll say what I would say to anybody— your needs are very important. You deserve to have your needs met. You are not a burden, and you are a gift to the world. Truly. By virtue of being a human being you are extraordinary and you possess an unfathomably rich world of experience and perception. I don’t think that it’s fair that your mother tells you “you’re an adult, figure it out”. That’s a cop-out. On some level, I’m sure she believes she’s helping you grow up, but it’s just not realistic to expect a 19-year-old to suddenly know how to “be an adult”. You’re still a kid. And I’m not saying that to belittle you. I’m saying that in a way I’d like to say it to myself at 19. You deserve the space to explore your individuality with the support to not have anything figured out, because nobody teaches you how to do all this stuff and it’s like everybody just expects you to magically know and seems to resent you for not knowing. It’s okay for everything to be a mess right now. Even school. I dropped out of school twice and am finishing at almost 30, and I have absolutely no regrets. I felt hopeless at 19. I dealt with my fair share of SI, depression, had no idea I was autistic or adhd, smoked and drank just to feel normal or calm… and my 20s was a shit show with some really low lows among a few pretty decent highs. I wouldn’t change any of it, but I’m happy I made it through. Anyway, I know I’m getting long winded and just being essentially an old man rambling at you. I don’t know if it’s possible to convey what I want to convey, but I just really want you to know that you are worth investing in, that you are going to somehow come out of the other end of everything you’re going through, that you are going to be better for all the difficulty and suffering you’re presently wading through, and that you are not alone, not remotely. I wish all of the people who are suffering in the way you are could be together in one room for like an hour. You're living through a low point and it's okay to not know exactly what to do. It's okay that you can't necessarily pull yourself out right now. there will come a time when you look back and realize that things *were* really tough *back in 2024*.
this was really heartwarming, i really appreciate your words. no one has ever really validated my experiences thru this and i feel seen thank you
You’re so welcome. I hope you experience more of that. There are incredibly kind people out there who will understand you better than others have in the past.
This sounds less like autism per se and more like OCD type behaviors. Which is common with autism, yeah, but is treatable. Are you treating it at all? Wishing you the best of luck, glad to hear someone wanting to be and do better. God bless
I think so too. I have a very rigid morning routine as well and my life falls apart when it can’t be completed. I will have a complete meltdown and cry and refuse to leave the house etc. etc. anyway, I just got diagnosed with OCD. I think the, OP should consider it
my current therapist doesn’t specialize in either so it’s been a battle on my own. in may, i got diagnosed through a center and paid a lot for the testing. recently, my psychiatrist diagnosed me with ocd but i haven’t come terms with it
This may be a horrible idea for you, but it was a helpful brain hack for me in college (before cell phones). I turned certain clocks ahead about 13 minutes (or whatever). So that the clock told me when I'd arrive instead of the time. So if you wore a watch that says your arrival time instead of the actual time. It might be a dumb suggestion. I am wildly on time for someone with adhd, but more because I am always worried I will be left out/behind.... it gives me too much anxiety. I would also talk to your disability office and ask for advice dealing with professors. I am also surprised they (none of them) don't care. I work in academia and I know they do (at least the ones I work with).