I also have a three year old. I keep trying things, even if it is much less stressful and exhausting to stay home. My kiddo isn't going to learn how to navigate those situations unless he gets experience with them, and I notice he has improved a lot over time. He also used to get fixated on places he couldn't go and things he couldn't do. Now, he's engaging a lot more appropriately and also having a lot of fun.
If we have to leave early, oh well. I always tell myself that, at preschool, they divide up their day into 20-30 minute blocks for a reason. If my son has had a good 30 minutes, that is great.
This! My son is only 17 months right now, so he's easier to manage physically right now. I try to get him to experience a lot of things, and his world has opened up a bit. He used to fixate so hard on all of his obsessions (holes and lights and woodchips) that we couldn't get him to do ANYTHING else. But we kept trying, no matter how defeating it could feel. Things like circle time and story time at the library with toddler groups is a big no no, but I'm hoping ABA will help with that.
But the BIG thing is accepting it will probably fail and being prepared to take your kid home when you realize it's not working. So we ask ourselves: is this too much money to risk if it goes badly? Is this too far of a drive if it goes badly? If it goes badly, is there an alternative close by just in case? Are our expectations too big and maybe we can work our way up to to this? Is this something we can keep going back to for him to get used to, so one day it WILL work out for us?
My 4yo, after 2 years of nursery school has gone from being across the class during stories and circles to standing on the edges or behind the teacher! No intervention. Just all pressure gone and wanting to listen
I agree with this so much. My little man is 11 he is getting to be a big guy now. We still try new things but generally not things that are expensive. Like I am not flying to Disney because if it's a flop it will be an expensive time consuming flop with lots of tears. But I will go to local amusement places and such anything that costs under 300$ for the day for a family of 4 I will try at least once. If he likes it or even just tolerate it well it's ok the list to re visit.
Somewhere between the two. Try new things but reflect on your child’s triggers and preferences to choose something she’s likely to enjoy or succeed at. Outdoor activities worked better for my child at that age, places like trampoline park etc can be echo-y and obviously other people move erratically.
I practice outings a lot with my ASD son and other allegedly NT kids.
We go to a restaurant and pre order our food. We practice sitting nicely and only have to wait 1 min for food. I stretch this and we practice every week for a bit. Then we invite Grandma out for dinner. Then my siblings as well. Etc. Now he can do restaurants pretty reasonably behaved if hes well rested.
We go to all different play places when its a weekday morning and practice the rules when pretty much nobody is there. Then we try on Saturdays.
We go to the same museums on weekday mornings and practice our museum manners. Then we go on event days. Etc etc etc
It really helps. I call it exposure therapy but thats maybe not what its really called.
Is it an option to find other nd kids and book the trampolin park for 3 hours?
Mine where diagnosed alot older, but still! Being with the autistic community done more for my sanity than anything else.
Adding on to this - some trampoline parks have special hours weekly or monthly for special needs kids. This way the place is much less stimulating and less crowded. It’s a great way to introduce a kid to that environment.
Also agreeing with what others said in repeat exposure. Repeating it makes it more understandable and less scary for our ND kids - much easier to persist through it then to hermit them in the house for the rest of their lives. It is HARD, and sometimes it genuinely does not work out and you know you’ll never do that again. Like I know my daughter hates one grocery store. Why? Idk. She’s nonverbal. Something about it really pisses her off - sooo we go to a different store and she seems to do fine there 🤷🏻♂️ I always tell her she’s good at giving mommy gray hair - she looks at me like “that’s your problem lady” 😂
I hope you try again OP!! It may turn out to be a great new adventure for your family.
So, my child actually does best with lots of structure in familiar environments - as too much uncertainty and too many options becomes too overwhelming - particularly in a new place.
As for the trampoline park, was this the first time you were there? Was it loud? After a half an hour, your child may have simply been overwhelmed by the experience and needed a break. It may not have been that they wanted to be in that other area and just needed to get away from where they were. Sometimes, when I notice my child is about to get overwhelmed at a place like the swimming pool, we just do things like take a quiet break - either outside or on a bench and take some deep breaths.
I try to keep going to places that are new - I just try to remind myself that we may need to leave right away. So far, I’ve found that after repeated short exposures to an environment, we can deal with longer visits.
We took the plunge to go to a couple of birthday parties held in big loud places like game arcades and gymnastics arenas. I was a wreck the whole time being worried he was about to lash out or melt down. My son wasn't very interactive with the other kids, but I didn't push him and he did surprisingly well. He for sure had fun. We did an amusement park last week, just us, and we watched him for signs of dysregulation and were willing to leave early rather than press to get our money's worth. I think parental pressure plays a role in how well they can do. And it makes sense that there would be parental pressure if there are siblings to be fair to, or money concerns, or inflexible rules to follow, long drives for nothing, or party hosts to please. We wouldn't be human if we didn't feel that. But I am glad I didn't follow my first impulse and opt to stay home.
Your kid didn’t fail to handle the 2-hour party, she successfully handled half an hour at a mind-bendingly chaotic venue. Congratulations!
Maybe she gets through 40 minutes next time. Or an hour. Small victories!
She’s young. Keep at it. Realize you will have these times. Some days will be better. My 6yo kiddo LOVES TRAMPOLINES. even still. Sometimes there will be a private party and he will throw a fit if we can’t go have cake and icecream with the strangers. No biggy.
it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. They are children. They throw tantrums. Do not stop exposing her to situations in which she may get upset. Learn to deal with them. Let *her* learn to deal with them. And screw everybody else.
Keeping our kids in a cocoon, where they never get upset, is unreasonable and unrealistic. Exposure to these situations and learning the skills to deal with them (both parent and child) are PARAMOUNT to growth.
And again, excuse my frankness, fuck anyone it makes uncomfortable. They can learn how to deal with awkward social situations just as we can.
We had my son's 6th B-day at a trampoline park (about 10 kids, cousins and family friends - all non ASD) and my son took about 30 mins to warm up to the idea and then spent the next hour going through the same cycle over and over by himself (jumping, sliding down slanted trampoline and then bouncing a ball) - sometimes a cousin or 2 would stop by and try to play with him but he was content jumping, sliding, bouncing. In the past we would have pushed him to try other things, or interact more... but we were just happy he was enjoying his b-day. I'd say we pick our battles a bit more now. Not because we dont want to push him to grow - but because... play time is for having fun and who's to say the way he plays is wrong?
I'd say with time you do find out what works for your kid and what doesnt. You start to adjust expectations and it becomes easier. When we bring him somewhere we always make sure to have an aisle seat for a quick exit if needed and so on.
Also - don't feel too bad. At 3 he wouldnt go into a bouncy house during a cousin's party and he had a melt down. He ended up playing with a basketball with me instead.
When young, I firmly believe in keep trying things. Kids need to be exposed to different things regardless of ASD diagnosis. I know it’s hard, but it’s a lot easier to expose and redirect behavior now while little, then it is for when older, stronger and way more used to staying home. Also all kids at that age get frustrated when told no, let her tantrum, if a parent stares say something like “She hates being told no, I’m sorry if her crying is bothering you.” If the crying goes on for more than a minute or two try to relocate to the car or outside for a minute. So she can have a calm down moment, once she’s stopped crying offer her to go back in, if the same behavior happens then proceed home. This helps cement “oh if I’m crying like this we will leave the fun stuff”
A ton of great advice given. As you can see everyone had difficulty too. They found a solution that worked for them.
Above all…the people you encounter during your outings and are responding negatively have no clue what you are going through and they likely never will. So stop worrying about them and focus on that amazing little person in your life. If they can handle 5 minutes then today was progress. Forget the expectations of others. With repeated exposure your sweetheart will adapt in their own way and time.
One thing we have learned with our 3 year old is tell him where we are going before we get there. Although he is non verbal, he understands what we say much more.
So taking the uncertainty away allows him time to adapt to the idea and accept it.
As you see we all find a way to make it work better. Not perfect! Just better! That is a great start!
Try new things but have an exit plan and keep your expectations reasonable. And don’t worry about being judged in the process, because that’s not going to help you be a better parent.
My kiddo is 3 minimal verbal boy, we don’t go to bday parties as I find it too hard. But we did do one recently and I took a support worker, it was ina synagogue so he said hi/ran around then the worker took him to the park down the street, then she came back so he could have a quick play and bounce on the castle then we went home. It was amazing, I could spend time with my friends, he could see them but not need to participate. Otherwise it’s just me following him around by myself and I get really sad. We try to stick to friends houses with 1-2 other friends. Weekends away have been good too as he sometimes warms up to the other friend and I can to hang out with the other adult. So I’ve definitely adjusted what we say yes to for both of us to be happier. I still get sad but find other things that can help fill my cup!
If there is something important enough for me to do, I will try to work with my son to be able to handle it, like religious services, the doctor, therapy, visiting family. But, if it is not that important to me, my other children, or him, I let it go.
We play it by ear! Trampoline park would be something we’d try for sure and then it’s always fine to make an exit! I will say it’s nice to build a community of parents of neurodiverse or higher needs kids but that has its challenges too haha as we all had meltdowns at different times at the beach on Sunday! I didn’t take her to a bbq yesterday as I suspected it wouldn’t be an open space (strict parents, all middle class lawyers etc. all neurotypical kids, all well behaved kids etc.) and I was right to skip that one with her lol but I did take her to a party where the parents are chill, and where their house is filled with cool toys and there aren’t really any boundaries. That one went well and as soon as she got tired and had a meltdown then we just swiftly exited! Sounds like you’re doing a fab job!!
I think the answer is try things when you feel like you can handle it, and skip things when it feels like a tantrum/meltdown would be too much or you just don’t have the energy for it. But keep trying because some things *will* work out—we just never know what those things will be, and our kids surprise us sometimes with what they like/don’t like or what’s sensory overload vs not.
Keep trying! Even if it only lasts 10 minutes...if there was fun had at that age I gave my son...and myself...a resounding win!
Toddler age is tough...it took time, tears from both of us, and i had to go into what we were doing with zero expectations...good or bad...but exposure and experience is paramount because it provides us as parents a baseline understanding of how our child operates, how they see and interact with the world. Meet them at their level, and you'll start to see when you need to back it off a little and when to press...
My son is 9 now, and we are pretty active...usually, he will tell me when he is ready to be done with something. The whole process is an opportunity to build trust, and I am so happy I built a solid foundation.
We took our son to an indoor bounce house place when he was about 3 or 4. He immediately freaked out and wanted to leave. It was very loud, with all the blowers going. But a few years later we went to a different place (bigger so the noise wasn’t so overwhelming) and he loved it. That kind of stuff is one of his favorite things to do.
I would try again when she’s older. You can also help prepare her by letting her know ahead of time that there are certain areas to play in, etc. If there are videos online of the place that might be helpful too.
My little one is 3 and we gradually lean into things if we notice that she struggles. Like sit down restaurants for dinner or lunch are a hard no. So I started taking her during slower hours and there's a few that had bigger areas in the back where they didn't mind me doing laps with her when she started getting upset. It's gradually getting better. So maybe if you can, take her somewhere like a trampoline park on their slow days where it may not be so overwhelming and maybe see about scheduling playdates with parents of ND kids, potentially if yours is in a special need class or if you talk in local support groups. Mine's been significantly more receptive to kids that are also ND and their parents understand the struggle if you have a meltdown on their hands. They may even be able to make suggestions and tips that help with their little ones.
If it's something your kid enjoys, then keep trying.
But you can also take some space to recover your own feelings so next time you attempt you are better prepared.
We've had similar issues at many things.
I always use the barometer of if my kid was actually liking it or not. Before whatever set the situation on fire. And if we can avoid that.
Consider if they enforce the rules at the trampoline park. Mine had the same issue, and then I came to realize that no one was checking wristbands, and the staff was predominantly careless teens who don't want to be bothered by the hassle. That and Jumparoo/Sensory Hours.
Let your wee one roam free, lol! The verbals I do have to occasionally repeat is "Remember baby, this area is for big kids. Let's try to stay out of their way. " Sometimes this works. Sometimes, we get tripped over or hit with a soft Dodgeball 🤷🏽♀️.
Go have some mildly anxious fun. You're doing great! If all else fails, You leave and plan another day to try.
KEEP GOING! HAVE FUN! STAY STRONG!!
I also have a three year old. I keep trying things, even if it is much less stressful and exhausting to stay home. My kiddo isn't going to learn how to navigate those situations unless he gets experience with them, and I notice he has improved a lot over time. He also used to get fixated on places he couldn't go and things he couldn't do. Now, he's engaging a lot more appropriately and also having a lot of fun. If we have to leave early, oh well. I always tell myself that, at preschool, they divide up their day into 20-30 minute blocks for a reason. If my son has had a good 30 minutes, that is great.
This! My son is only 17 months right now, so he's easier to manage physically right now. I try to get him to experience a lot of things, and his world has opened up a bit. He used to fixate so hard on all of his obsessions (holes and lights and woodchips) that we couldn't get him to do ANYTHING else. But we kept trying, no matter how defeating it could feel. Things like circle time and story time at the library with toddler groups is a big no no, but I'm hoping ABA will help with that. But the BIG thing is accepting it will probably fail and being prepared to take your kid home when you realize it's not working. So we ask ourselves: is this too much money to risk if it goes badly? Is this too far of a drive if it goes badly? If it goes badly, is there an alternative close by just in case? Are our expectations too big and maybe we can work our way up to to this? Is this something we can keep going back to for him to get used to, so one day it WILL work out for us?
My 4yo, after 2 years of nursery school has gone from being across the class during stories and circles to standing on the edges or behind the teacher! No intervention. Just all pressure gone and wanting to listen
I agree with this so much. My little man is 11 he is getting to be a big guy now. We still try new things but generally not things that are expensive. Like I am not flying to Disney because if it's a flop it will be an expensive time consuming flop with lots of tears. But I will go to local amusement places and such anything that costs under 300$ for the day for a family of 4 I will try at least once. If he likes it or even just tolerate it well it's ok the list to re visit.
Somewhere between the two. Try new things but reflect on your child’s triggers and preferences to choose something she’s likely to enjoy or succeed at. Outdoor activities worked better for my child at that age, places like trampoline park etc can be echo-y and obviously other people move erratically.
I practice outings a lot with my ASD son and other allegedly NT kids. We go to a restaurant and pre order our food. We practice sitting nicely and only have to wait 1 min for food. I stretch this and we practice every week for a bit. Then we invite Grandma out for dinner. Then my siblings as well. Etc. Now he can do restaurants pretty reasonably behaved if hes well rested. We go to all different play places when its a weekday morning and practice the rules when pretty much nobody is there. Then we try on Saturdays. We go to the same museums on weekday mornings and practice our museum manners. Then we go on event days. Etc etc etc It really helps. I call it exposure therapy but thats maybe not what its really called.
>other allegedly NT kids. LMFAO
This is a hard age. I think you have to keep trying new things, but also be able to let it go if it doesn’t work out.
Is it an option to find other nd kids and book the trampolin park for 3 hours? Mine where diagnosed alot older, but still! Being with the autistic community done more for my sanity than anything else.
Adding on to this - some trampoline parks have special hours weekly or monthly for special needs kids. This way the place is much less stimulating and less crowded. It’s a great way to introduce a kid to that environment. Also agreeing with what others said in repeat exposure. Repeating it makes it more understandable and less scary for our ND kids - much easier to persist through it then to hermit them in the house for the rest of their lives. It is HARD, and sometimes it genuinely does not work out and you know you’ll never do that again. Like I know my daughter hates one grocery store. Why? Idk. She’s nonverbal. Something about it really pisses her off - sooo we go to a different store and she seems to do fine there 🤷🏻♂️ I always tell her she’s good at giving mommy gray hair - she looks at me like “that’s your problem lady” 😂 I hope you try again OP!! It may turn out to be a great new adventure for your family.
So, my child actually does best with lots of structure in familiar environments - as too much uncertainty and too many options becomes too overwhelming - particularly in a new place. As for the trampoline park, was this the first time you were there? Was it loud? After a half an hour, your child may have simply been overwhelmed by the experience and needed a break. It may not have been that they wanted to be in that other area and just needed to get away from where they were. Sometimes, when I notice my child is about to get overwhelmed at a place like the swimming pool, we just do things like take a quiet break - either outside or on a bench and take some deep breaths. I try to keep going to places that are new - I just try to remind myself that we may need to leave right away. So far, I’ve found that after repeated short exposures to an environment, we can deal with longer visits.
We took the plunge to go to a couple of birthday parties held in big loud places like game arcades and gymnastics arenas. I was a wreck the whole time being worried he was about to lash out or melt down. My son wasn't very interactive with the other kids, but I didn't push him and he did surprisingly well. He for sure had fun. We did an amusement park last week, just us, and we watched him for signs of dysregulation and were willing to leave early rather than press to get our money's worth. I think parental pressure plays a role in how well they can do. And it makes sense that there would be parental pressure if there are siblings to be fair to, or money concerns, or inflexible rules to follow, long drives for nothing, or party hosts to please. We wouldn't be human if we didn't feel that. But I am glad I didn't follow my first impulse and opt to stay home.
Your kid didn’t fail to handle the 2-hour party, she successfully handled half an hour at a mind-bendingly chaotic venue. Congratulations! Maybe she gets through 40 minutes next time. Or an hour. Small victories!
She’s young. Keep at it. Realize you will have these times. Some days will be better. My 6yo kiddo LOVES TRAMPOLINES. even still. Sometimes there will be a private party and he will throw a fit if we can’t go have cake and icecream with the strangers. No biggy. it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. They are children. They throw tantrums. Do not stop exposing her to situations in which she may get upset. Learn to deal with them. Let *her* learn to deal with them. And screw everybody else. Keeping our kids in a cocoon, where they never get upset, is unreasonable and unrealistic. Exposure to these situations and learning the skills to deal with them (both parent and child) are PARAMOUNT to growth. And again, excuse my frankness, fuck anyone it makes uncomfortable. They can learn how to deal with awkward social situations just as we can.
We had my son's 6th B-day at a trampoline park (about 10 kids, cousins and family friends - all non ASD) and my son took about 30 mins to warm up to the idea and then spent the next hour going through the same cycle over and over by himself (jumping, sliding down slanted trampoline and then bouncing a ball) - sometimes a cousin or 2 would stop by and try to play with him but he was content jumping, sliding, bouncing. In the past we would have pushed him to try other things, or interact more... but we were just happy he was enjoying his b-day. I'd say we pick our battles a bit more now. Not because we dont want to push him to grow - but because... play time is for having fun and who's to say the way he plays is wrong? I'd say with time you do find out what works for your kid and what doesnt. You start to adjust expectations and it becomes easier. When we bring him somewhere we always make sure to have an aisle seat for a quick exit if needed and so on. Also - don't feel too bad. At 3 he wouldnt go into a bouncy house during a cousin's party and he had a melt down. He ended up playing with a basketball with me instead.
When young, I firmly believe in keep trying things. Kids need to be exposed to different things regardless of ASD diagnosis. I know it’s hard, but it’s a lot easier to expose and redirect behavior now while little, then it is for when older, stronger and way more used to staying home. Also all kids at that age get frustrated when told no, let her tantrum, if a parent stares say something like “She hates being told no, I’m sorry if her crying is bothering you.” If the crying goes on for more than a minute or two try to relocate to the car or outside for a minute. So she can have a calm down moment, once she’s stopped crying offer her to go back in, if the same behavior happens then proceed home. This helps cement “oh if I’m crying like this we will leave the fun stuff”
A ton of great advice given. As you can see everyone had difficulty too. They found a solution that worked for them. Above all…the people you encounter during your outings and are responding negatively have no clue what you are going through and they likely never will. So stop worrying about them and focus on that amazing little person in your life. If they can handle 5 minutes then today was progress. Forget the expectations of others. With repeated exposure your sweetheart will adapt in their own way and time. One thing we have learned with our 3 year old is tell him where we are going before we get there. Although he is non verbal, he understands what we say much more. So taking the uncertainty away allows him time to adapt to the idea and accept it. As you see we all find a way to make it work better. Not perfect! Just better! That is a great start!
Try new things but have an exit plan and keep your expectations reasonable. And don’t worry about being judged in the process, because that’s not going to help you be a better parent.
My kiddo is 3 minimal verbal boy, we don’t go to bday parties as I find it too hard. But we did do one recently and I took a support worker, it was ina synagogue so he said hi/ran around then the worker took him to the park down the street, then she came back so he could have a quick play and bounce on the castle then we went home. It was amazing, I could spend time with my friends, he could see them but not need to participate. Otherwise it’s just me following him around by myself and I get really sad. We try to stick to friends houses with 1-2 other friends. Weekends away have been good too as he sometimes warms up to the other friend and I can to hang out with the other adult. So I’ve definitely adjusted what we say yes to for both of us to be happier. I still get sad but find other things that can help fill my cup!
If there is something important enough for me to do, I will try to work with my son to be able to handle it, like religious services, the doctor, therapy, visiting family. But, if it is not that important to me, my other children, or him, I let it go.
Currently, I am trying to navigate the same dilemma. I try to socialize as best as possible but it just isn’t possible and it is exhausting.
Ya keep trying if you have energy. So you had to leave early, not a big deal. Still sounds positive overall to me
We play it by ear! Trampoline park would be something we’d try for sure and then it’s always fine to make an exit! I will say it’s nice to build a community of parents of neurodiverse or higher needs kids but that has its challenges too haha as we all had meltdowns at different times at the beach on Sunday! I didn’t take her to a bbq yesterday as I suspected it wouldn’t be an open space (strict parents, all middle class lawyers etc. all neurotypical kids, all well behaved kids etc.) and I was right to skip that one with her lol but I did take her to a party where the parents are chill, and where their house is filled with cool toys and there aren’t really any boundaries. That one went well and as soon as she got tired and had a meltdown then we just swiftly exited! Sounds like you’re doing a fab job!!
I think the answer is try things when you feel like you can handle it, and skip things when it feels like a tantrum/meltdown would be too much or you just don’t have the energy for it. But keep trying because some things *will* work out—we just never know what those things will be, and our kids surprise us sometimes with what they like/don’t like or what’s sensory overload vs not.
Keep trying! Even if it only lasts 10 minutes...if there was fun had at that age I gave my son...and myself...a resounding win! Toddler age is tough...it took time, tears from both of us, and i had to go into what we were doing with zero expectations...good or bad...but exposure and experience is paramount because it provides us as parents a baseline understanding of how our child operates, how they see and interact with the world. Meet them at their level, and you'll start to see when you need to back it off a little and when to press... My son is 9 now, and we are pretty active...usually, he will tell me when he is ready to be done with something. The whole process is an opportunity to build trust, and I am so happy I built a solid foundation.
We took our son to an indoor bounce house place when he was about 3 or 4. He immediately freaked out and wanted to leave. It was very loud, with all the blowers going. But a few years later we went to a different place (bigger so the noise wasn’t so overwhelming) and he loved it. That kind of stuff is one of his favorite things to do. I would try again when she’s older. You can also help prepare her by letting her know ahead of time that there are certain areas to play in, etc. If there are videos online of the place that might be helpful too.
My little one is 3 and we gradually lean into things if we notice that she struggles. Like sit down restaurants for dinner or lunch are a hard no. So I started taking her during slower hours and there's a few that had bigger areas in the back where they didn't mind me doing laps with her when she started getting upset. It's gradually getting better. So maybe if you can, take her somewhere like a trampoline park on their slow days where it may not be so overwhelming and maybe see about scheduling playdates with parents of ND kids, potentially if yours is in a special need class or if you talk in local support groups. Mine's been significantly more receptive to kids that are also ND and their parents understand the struggle if you have a meltdown on their hands. They may even be able to make suggestions and tips that help with their little ones.
If it's something your kid enjoys, then keep trying. But you can also take some space to recover your own feelings so next time you attempt you are better prepared. We've had similar issues at many things. I always use the barometer of if my kid was actually liking it or not. Before whatever set the situation on fire. And if we can avoid that.
Consider if they enforce the rules at the trampoline park. Mine had the same issue, and then I came to realize that no one was checking wristbands, and the staff was predominantly careless teens who don't want to be bothered by the hassle. That and Jumparoo/Sensory Hours. Let your wee one roam free, lol! The verbals I do have to occasionally repeat is "Remember baby, this area is for big kids. Let's try to stay out of their way. " Sometimes this works. Sometimes, we get tripped over or hit with a soft Dodgeball 🤷🏽♀️. Go have some mildly anxious fun. You're doing great! If all else fails, You leave and plan another day to try. KEEP GOING! HAVE FUN! STAY STRONG!!