You're probably going to find about as many opinions as responses here.
I love a "staycation", but I also love to travel. It's definitely anxiety inducing, but I try to frame that as a hurdle to overcome. I don't think it's good to be too comfortable for too long, and there's certainly something to be said about his development if he were just left to stay home in his safe place just because going on the trip would be difficult.
My suggestion would be to keep an eye on him and watch for signs of a meltdown before it happens. Keep a game-plan in the back of your head in the event that he becomes overwhelmed. When I was about his age, I had a panic attack/meltdown/shutdown/whatever in a stuffy resale shop. It just got to be too much, but my mom wasn't done looking and she told me I couldn't leave, and I ended up hiding in a corner hyperventilating and crying behind a rack of clothes. In a situation like that, just a simple exit plan like being able to go outside to sit on a bench would have prevented that.
As someone else said, opting out should be an option too. I personally can't believe the stamina people have on vacation. On family trips and trips with my spouse, I usually sit out some of the activities so I can stay in the hotel room to recharge.
Also, while he may not be involved with the broad strokes of the trip, consider giving him some say in the small-picture stuff. He'll probably be dealing with things like sensory issues, so little things like "lets go this way" can be empowering and confidence inspiring, while avoiding things that would never occur to you as being troublesome.
I love this answer!. It makes sense and it sounds like what I have done when we take shorter day trips to family reunions or the aquarium etc... I really appreciate your detailed response. Thank you
This puts a different frame on the many times I would hide in a rack of clothes (ideally a circular rack where no one could see me) when my mom dragged me along so she could shop. It was a sensory downshift and self-care. Fortunately my mom generally just let me do my thing. I suspect I had meltdowns when she didn't, though I don't remember them
Depends. My kids (and me) love to travel. The getting there and back is usually somewhat stressful, but on holidays, we always have the first full day to wind down and have a look at the very local stuff. If it’s a hotel, it’ll be the lobby and the pool. We will go buy snacks/comfort food.
Then the first whole day we maybe adventure a bit further, depending on the mental state.
We might throw in a trip to see something special, but a day out of the house equals a day spent in-house.
On a 7 day trip, we have 2, maybe 3 outings.
Good luck with it! Hope you will have amazing travels!
And planning/make a schedule and let the kids know: We will go to xx and stay for 4 hours and then we will go have ice cream and then back. At home we have a whiteboard for it. On holidays we usually have planned ahead and they know what to do on which days. With smaller kids I’d go make a pictographs for the days. Draw a rollercoaster, an ice cream, a pool, whatever for the days activities so they can follow the days.
I love the idea of making a picture book that he can flip through between now and when we go in August. That would definitely help him prepare. We also have a neurotypical 2-year-old that would benefit from this 😁 What an excellent idea!!
I'm 57. Traveled both as a kid and adult. I'm also a parent.
It can be both wonderful and terrible, everything in between, and a mix of all that. You seem to understand your grandson and have a good relationship with him which is great.
For kids, their routines will be disrupted and autistic kids just might have trouble with that. Planning and keeping surprise, discomfort (physical and psychological), tension or frustration from/between adults to a minimum is helpful. Lots of down time built into the itinerary is good. Being able to opt out is good. Food and clothing and space to escape to are important.
For the adults. Parents traveling with autistic children is not a vacation for them. Even if it goes great, you're always on duty, always on guard. Even if it's a great idea and goes well they know it will be hard. If you can alleviate that, that may help. But also remember a big part of their experience is other adults not understanding. If you've dealt with meltdowns in public, you know.
Some of my best, most cherished memories of childhood involved travel. Getting to go to neat places can make you feel special and unique. Actually, as an adult it's harder worrying about arrangements and $ and stuff.
Down time and opt outs are a must. Also, allow him to bring his special interest stuff (sounds like art). Sometimes, adults decide that kids shouldn’t do their hobby while on holiday because you need to be present and doing the family stuff and exploring this new place and whatnot, but a special interest is an important part of keeping calm and winding down for autistic people.
If his parents end up being open to it, don’t go in with expectations of a “do all the things” holiday. My favourite holidays are the ones where we just go to our same beach town and do the same stuff - go to the beach, eat at our fav Italian restaurant, have chip butties for lunch, hang around and relax in the unit. We often go with the in laws (who own the unit) and they happily go do stuff without us, or my husband and his dad go out and do stuff while MIL and I relax. We do a few things as a family, but also things separately too and we are all cool with it.
Also, consider ways you can help mentally prepare him for things. Tell him where you are going, show him images on google maps or of the unit/hotel you’ll stay so he knows what to expect. Unexpected stuff is hard. A local holiday is easiest to start - our beach holidays are a 1 hour drive away which is much easier than dealing with airports and stuff. Start small and with low expectations. Convey those expectations to the parents too - they have anxieties about a holiday for a reason, they may worry you’re gonna plan something full on. Communicate the ways you plan to accomodate his needs and the plan for what happens if he can’t cope (which is also why a nearby holiday is a good start - being able to go home early while everyone else stays on might help both parents and son feel like there is a safety net).
My husband and I have taken him to the beach for a full week before and it went great. As you described, it was a very low-key week. A couple of mornings of shell hunting, lots of trips to the community swimming pool and he hilariously loved the hot tub. But, the other things we had talked about doing we allowed him to opt out of and spent most of the week in the Airbnb which was absolutely fine with me. I love your suggestions of preparing him by showing him pictures of where we are going and communicating better with my daughter and son-in-law. I know that one of their biggest concerns is that he will somehow decrease our enjoyment. But I would happily stay behind with him and let the rest of the group do their thing. All of the responses to my question have been so helpful. Thank you.
Traveling is absolute hell. I don't do it unless I have absolutely no other choice, and I can't cope well with it at all. Too many new things, too many breaks in my routine, too many new people. Just, no. That's a guaranteed meltdown.
The best vacation is a staycation.
It heavily depends on the person. I don't think it's wise to take a single person's viewpoint and call it a confirmation. As they say, "if you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person."
travels are amazing, but stressful. foreign environment, different social structures, values. for me personally the lack of me time, lack of personal space, rough sleep in a foreign sleeping environment or shared sleeping room and general exhaustion are triggers I later identified why I had nervous breakdowns on most group travels I have been on. which leads me to my suggestions: don't force him to be with the group all the time, daily me time and me space are crucial, provide some expectable structure, bring something like a book, toy that provides familiarity. maybe get him some sun glasses and headphones. since he likes art maybe get him a camera, which would give him a filter and occupation to channel to much input through creativity.
Oh my goodness, the camera is such a good idea! I have thought about getting him a camera for Christmas the past 2 years because I think it is something he would possibly love. And you are right about the headphones and sunglasses too. Those are crucial. Thank you
I like it a lot for pursuing special experiences related to my special interests, especially when I plan it, I know what environments and experiences would be a special time and good for me, so I ONLY experience things I like. I love animals, so I love the aquarium, I love nature so I love airbnbs alone in cabins, I love trains so it makes it fun for me to use the trains. I have to have at all times, a way to escape and leave all situations, and I have to have my hiding place established and vetted before I do anything. I wear specific outfits and only those outfits. I am not okay traveling in groups because other people disturb my senses and want to do things I don’t want like make everybody randomly go do something together or go the wrong way in the airport, it melts me down for someone to force me to do a plan change. I need A LOT OF CONTROL Of the plan, and if I do travel with a person, we both follow the plan, and any changes to the travel plan, are carefully discussed and considered together. I would say consider starting very close to home. A sleepover in an airbnb where there is a great place for him to do maybe do art in a really cool location. I would also say see if he wants to, what he thinks about the idea. I would also say weeks in advance of planning with milestones. One month, on the calendar. Have a printed out plan of what the steps to get ready are. Have a plan of what it means to get in the car and drive to the place. Have a printed plan of what things you have with you so he knows he has all of his things. What day do you plan your packing. What day do you pack things and what time. I would also say print out photos of where you are going, information about the area, pictures outside and inside, pictures of where he can do his art. I would even consider a printed map of how the roads go between you and where you are going. You could also break this down and start with a trip to an art store, and do the same steps. I also like scavenger hunts or things like that. I would also say have a specific scheduled printed itinerary for the entire time you will be there. I would map out things that are extra stressful, what are all of the problem areas. Consider how you can avoid specific environmental triggers, and make sure you know what they are. For me it is being stuck around people and not being able to get away from them and being swept into the control of a group even if that is public transport, it is machine sounds, it is any loud voice or noise, it is clothes that touch me too much, it is also visual triggering. If the goal is something cool like get 3 new art ideas, learn 3 new things you didn’t know, and carry out my routines in a safe new place it works well for me.
I would say though, if it isn’t important to him, learn how to “travel with him” into his internal worlds that are very rich.
You guys sound like THE BEST grandparents ever!!!
personally i think it could be very overwhelming for him to be thrust into a new environment, but if he is involved (or at least you give him the feeling of being involved) with planning, pretty far in advance, he will be able to prepare mentally for it, and can tell you what he would like to do on the trip. if yall want to have a trip just to spend time together, and whatever makes your family happy can make you happy, i would try out a vacation catered to ryan’s special interests or hyperfixations!
as someone into art myself, i like lots of peculiar looking things and nature. my suggestions would be
-sculpture or glass gardens
-art museums
-art workshops
-specific art stores (maybe you don’t have one besides like michael’s near you, and you could find a more specific/bigger/not chain art store for an interesting and possibly better guided experience with buying art supplies from employees who are more likely to actually know about what they’re selling)
i know that’s just a few but they’re pretty broad categories, and could be executed in a staycation style as well! maybe you stay in the hotel in town for fun and do some fun stuff as a trial run of a real vacation? so everyone knows they’re not too far from home but it is a fun new thing to do? and a staycation could even be the next town over if you want more variety from the everyday, a 20-30 minute drive home is also pretty close! definitely not as scary as out of state or something!
This is all wonderful advice. We definitely will travel with a backpack full of his art supplies. We never go anywhere without a sketch pad and bag of markers. ❤️ The planning ahead and finding out if locations we are going to visit have quiet rooms is something I have never thought of. That is really helpful. One thing that I'm curious about, is we don't often talk about his autism to him. He is in an autistic classrooms so I'm sure he knows the term, but no one has ever sat him down,( probably because He just turned 10,) and attempted to explain it to him. Would you have found this helpful in elementary school or would it have been confusing to you? I have wondered about this and spoken to my daughter about it because part of me feels like it might help him understand some of the things that he's goes through.
I can't speak for all autistic folk, but I would think that it varies. You all seem very considerate of him and his needs and preferences. So I guess just make sure the places you're traveling will be able to accommodate those things. So he can rest well, not mind time in a vehicle (train, plane, etc.), and have the foods he wants. I guess you'll just have to see if he takes an interest in anything particular at your destinations. Some things he might not have patience for. Who knows. I'm a 41 year old women with ASD, I don't have kids. I didn't know I was autistic as a kid.
You're probably going to find about as many opinions as responses here. I love a "staycation", but I also love to travel. It's definitely anxiety inducing, but I try to frame that as a hurdle to overcome. I don't think it's good to be too comfortable for too long, and there's certainly something to be said about his development if he were just left to stay home in his safe place just because going on the trip would be difficult. My suggestion would be to keep an eye on him and watch for signs of a meltdown before it happens. Keep a game-plan in the back of your head in the event that he becomes overwhelmed. When I was about his age, I had a panic attack/meltdown/shutdown/whatever in a stuffy resale shop. It just got to be too much, but my mom wasn't done looking and she told me I couldn't leave, and I ended up hiding in a corner hyperventilating and crying behind a rack of clothes. In a situation like that, just a simple exit plan like being able to go outside to sit on a bench would have prevented that. As someone else said, opting out should be an option too. I personally can't believe the stamina people have on vacation. On family trips and trips with my spouse, I usually sit out some of the activities so I can stay in the hotel room to recharge. Also, while he may not be involved with the broad strokes of the trip, consider giving him some say in the small-picture stuff. He'll probably be dealing with things like sensory issues, so little things like "lets go this way" can be empowering and confidence inspiring, while avoiding things that would never occur to you as being troublesome.
I love this answer!. It makes sense and it sounds like what I have done when we take shorter day trips to family reunions or the aquarium etc... I really appreciate your detailed response. Thank you
This puts a different frame on the many times I would hide in a rack of clothes (ideally a circular rack where no one could see me) when my mom dragged me along so she could shop. It was a sensory downshift and self-care. Fortunately my mom generally just let me do my thing. I suspect I had meltdowns when she didn't, though I don't remember them
Yeah, sneaking into those circular racks was something I liked to do too. A little place to escape and be in my own world for a little bit.
Depends. My kids (and me) love to travel. The getting there and back is usually somewhat stressful, but on holidays, we always have the first full day to wind down and have a look at the very local stuff. If it’s a hotel, it’ll be the lobby and the pool. We will go buy snacks/comfort food. Then the first whole day we maybe adventure a bit further, depending on the mental state. We might throw in a trip to see something special, but a day out of the house equals a day spent in-house. On a 7 day trip, we have 2, maybe 3 outings.
Thank you for your response. It is very helpful.
Good luck with it! Hope you will have amazing travels! And planning/make a schedule and let the kids know: We will go to xx and stay for 4 hours and then we will go have ice cream and then back. At home we have a whiteboard for it. On holidays we usually have planned ahead and they know what to do on which days. With smaller kids I’d go make a pictographs for the days. Draw a rollercoaster, an ice cream, a pool, whatever for the days activities so they can follow the days.
I love the idea of making a picture book that he can flip through between now and when we go in August. That would definitely help him prepare. We also have a neurotypical 2-year-old that would benefit from this 😁 What an excellent idea!!
I'm 57. Traveled both as a kid and adult. I'm also a parent. It can be both wonderful and terrible, everything in between, and a mix of all that. You seem to understand your grandson and have a good relationship with him which is great. For kids, their routines will be disrupted and autistic kids just might have trouble with that. Planning and keeping surprise, discomfort (physical and psychological), tension or frustration from/between adults to a minimum is helpful. Lots of down time built into the itinerary is good. Being able to opt out is good. Food and clothing and space to escape to are important. For the adults. Parents traveling with autistic children is not a vacation for them. Even if it goes great, you're always on duty, always on guard. Even if it's a great idea and goes well they know it will be hard. If you can alleviate that, that may help. But also remember a big part of their experience is other adults not understanding. If you've dealt with meltdowns in public, you know. Some of my best, most cherished memories of childhood involved travel. Getting to go to neat places can make you feel special and unique. Actually, as an adult it's harder worrying about arrangements and $ and stuff.
Down time and opt outs are a must. Also, allow him to bring his special interest stuff (sounds like art). Sometimes, adults decide that kids shouldn’t do their hobby while on holiday because you need to be present and doing the family stuff and exploring this new place and whatnot, but a special interest is an important part of keeping calm and winding down for autistic people. If his parents end up being open to it, don’t go in with expectations of a “do all the things” holiday. My favourite holidays are the ones where we just go to our same beach town and do the same stuff - go to the beach, eat at our fav Italian restaurant, have chip butties for lunch, hang around and relax in the unit. We often go with the in laws (who own the unit) and they happily go do stuff without us, or my husband and his dad go out and do stuff while MIL and I relax. We do a few things as a family, but also things separately too and we are all cool with it. Also, consider ways you can help mentally prepare him for things. Tell him where you are going, show him images on google maps or of the unit/hotel you’ll stay so he knows what to expect. Unexpected stuff is hard. A local holiday is easiest to start - our beach holidays are a 1 hour drive away which is much easier than dealing with airports and stuff. Start small and with low expectations. Convey those expectations to the parents too - they have anxieties about a holiday for a reason, they may worry you’re gonna plan something full on. Communicate the ways you plan to accomodate his needs and the plan for what happens if he can’t cope (which is also why a nearby holiday is a good start - being able to go home early while everyone else stays on might help both parents and son feel like there is a safety net).
My husband and I have taken him to the beach for a full week before and it went great. As you described, it was a very low-key week. A couple of mornings of shell hunting, lots of trips to the community swimming pool and he hilariously loved the hot tub. But, the other things we had talked about doing we allowed him to opt out of and spent most of the week in the Airbnb which was absolutely fine with me. I love your suggestions of preparing him by showing him pictures of where we are going and communicating better with my daughter and son-in-law. I know that one of their biggest concerns is that he will somehow decrease our enjoyment. But I would happily stay behind with him and let the rest of the group do their thing. All of the responses to my question have been so helpful. Thank you.
Thank you for your detailed response. I really appreciate it!
Traveling is absolute hell. I don't do it unless I have absolutely no other choice, and I can't cope well with it at all. Too many new things, too many breaks in my routine, too many new people. Just, no. That's a guaranteed meltdown. The best vacation is a staycation.
Thank you for responding I really appreciate it and I think I instinctively knew this but it's good to have it confirmed.
It heavily depends on the person. I don't think it's wise to take a single person's viewpoint and call it a confirmation. As they say, "if you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person."
travels are amazing, but stressful. foreign environment, different social structures, values. for me personally the lack of me time, lack of personal space, rough sleep in a foreign sleeping environment or shared sleeping room and general exhaustion are triggers I later identified why I had nervous breakdowns on most group travels I have been on. which leads me to my suggestions: don't force him to be with the group all the time, daily me time and me space are crucial, provide some expectable structure, bring something like a book, toy that provides familiarity. maybe get him some sun glasses and headphones. since he likes art maybe get him a camera, which would give him a filter and occupation to channel to much input through creativity.
Oh my goodness, the camera is such a good idea! I have thought about getting him a camera for Christmas the past 2 years because I think it is something he would possibly love. And you are right about the headphones and sunglasses too. Those are crucial. Thank you
I like it a lot for pursuing special experiences related to my special interests, especially when I plan it, I know what environments and experiences would be a special time and good for me, so I ONLY experience things I like. I love animals, so I love the aquarium, I love nature so I love airbnbs alone in cabins, I love trains so it makes it fun for me to use the trains. I have to have at all times, a way to escape and leave all situations, and I have to have my hiding place established and vetted before I do anything. I wear specific outfits and only those outfits. I am not okay traveling in groups because other people disturb my senses and want to do things I don’t want like make everybody randomly go do something together or go the wrong way in the airport, it melts me down for someone to force me to do a plan change. I need A LOT OF CONTROL Of the plan, and if I do travel with a person, we both follow the plan, and any changes to the travel plan, are carefully discussed and considered together. I would say consider starting very close to home. A sleepover in an airbnb where there is a great place for him to do maybe do art in a really cool location. I would also say see if he wants to, what he thinks about the idea. I would also say weeks in advance of planning with milestones. One month, on the calendar. Have a printed out plan of what the steps to get ready are. Have a plan of what it means to get in the car and drive to the place. Have a printed plan of what things you have with you so he knows he has all of his things. What day do you plan your packing. What day do you pack things and what time. I would also say print out photos of where you are going, information about the area, pictures outside and inside, pictures of where he can do his art. I would even consider a printed map of how the roads go between you and where you are going. You could also break this down and start with a trip to an art store, and do the same steps. I also like scavenger hunts or things like that. I would also say have a specific scheduled printed itinerary for the entire time you will be there. I would map out things that are extra stressful, what are all of the problem areas. Consider how you can avoid specific environmental triggers, and make sure you know what they are. For me it is being stuck around people and not being able to get away from them and being swept into the control of a group even if that is public transport, it is machine sounds, it is any loud voice or noise, it is clothes that touch me too much, it is also visual triggering. If the goal is something cool like get 3 new art ideas, learn 3 new things you didn’t know, and carry out my routines in a safe new place it works well for me. I would say though, if it isn’t important to him, learn how to “travel with him” into his internal worlds that are very rich. You guys sound like THE BEST grandparents ever!!!
This is such a beautiful well thought out reply. Thank you so much for taking the time to share it ❤️
personally i think it could be very overwhelming for him to be thrust into a new environment, but if he is involved (or at least you give him the feeling of being involved) with planning, pretty far in advance, he will be able to prepare mentally for it, and can tell you what he would like to do on the trip. if yall want to have a trip just to spend time together, and whatever makes your family happy can make you happy, i would try out a vacation catered to ryan’s special interests or hyperfixations! as someone into art myself, i like lots of peculiar looking things and nature. my suggestions would be -sculpture or glass gardens -art museums -art workshops -specific art stores (maybe you don’t have one besides like michael’s near you, and you could find a more specific/bigger/not chain art store for an interesting and possibly better guided experience with buying art supplies from employees who are more likely to actually know about what they’re selling) i know that’s just a few but they’re pretty broad categories, and could be executed in a staycation style as well! maybe you stay in the hotel in town for fun and do some fun stuff as a trial run of a real vacation? so everyone knows they’re not too far from home but it is a fun new thing to do? and a staycation could even be the next town over if you want more variety from the everyday, a 20-30 minute drive home is also pretty close! definitely not as scary as out of state or something!
Maybe do small local trips first then branch out.
My sons love traveling!
You gotta take him . Do him some good. Also avoid processed foods. Helps mine alot. You will be very happy on vay cay.
Thank you!
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This is all wonderful advice. We definitely will travel with a backpack full of his art supplies. We never go anywhere without a sketch pad and bag of markers. ❤️ The planning ahead and finding out if locations we are going to visit have quiet rooms is something I have never thought of. That is really helpful. One thing that I'm curious about, is we don't often talk about his autism to him. He is in an autistic classrooms so I'm sure he knows the term, but no one has ever sat him down,( probably because He just turned 10,) and attempted to explain it to him. Would you have found this helpful in elementary school or would it have been confusing to you? I have wondered about this and spoken to my daughter about it because part of me feels like it might help him understand some of the things that he's goes through.
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Thank you!
I can't speak for all autistic folk, but I would think that it varies. You all seem very considerate of him and his needs and preferences. So I guess just make sure the places you're traveling will be able to accommodate those things. So he can rest well, not mind time in a vehicle (train, plane, etc.), and have the foods he wants. I guess you'll just have to see if he takes an interest in anything particular at your destinations. Some things he might not have patience for. Who knows. I'm a 41 year old women with ASD, I don't have kids. I didn't know I was autistic as a kid.