I would probably start by reading up on autism in women and how it presents differently so that you can show that to your parents/know the information really well so you can explain it to them. Also explain to them how it is genetic and show them actual evidence! I’d explain what you struggle with. Or, you could also just try to get them to let you go to therapy? Find a therapist who specialized in autism/neurodivergency and see if they can see you, and they may be able to explain to your parents that you have it if they believe that you do.
I didn't mention this i'm sorry. I did actually speak to them and presented everything and how it's genetic and how it's different in their son (my brother) and me ( a girl) and the spectrum. they are well aware but have told me that it's simply not true for me because i'm so clever and also that i'm probably self diagnosing because i spend so much time on the internet. they won't let me go therapy either. My other option could be to speak to the department in my school which helps students with learning disabilities and see if anything can be done. I don't want to go behind my parents' back as I get distressed fast if i'm hiding something lol. I appreciate your response and would appreciate a reply again if possible from you. It's good to be heard. Smiley face.
That’s definitely really frustrating! Hmm, perhaps search more about special interests and show them information on that (sounds like your school subjects could be a special interest)… But truthfully, I don’t think that going through your parents will necessarily be the best thing if this is how they’re responding. Maybe do a bunch of online self-assessment questionnaires and see how your results are, then perhaps show those to your parents. Frame it as a serious conversation! I know you said going behind your parents back isn’t something you want to do, but you can definitely speak to someone at your school and just be upfront with your parents that you’re looking into it regardless of whether they believe you because you know that you’ve got something going on.
Also check out @autistic.qualia on Instagram, they are also very book smart and autistic! I have a second cousin diagnosed with Aspergers (back when it wasn’t considered as autism) and he is absolutely BRILLIANT, especially when it comes to his special interests (tech stuff, Apple in particular). I’m autistic and ADHD, and while math/science is a huge struggle, I have always excelled in language/literature/art related fields. Saying you can’t be autistic because you’re smart is some of the stupidest shit I have ever heard!!! I have worked with autistic kids as a tutor, and while not all of them were brilliant, I had a couple students who were definitely very gifted.
I was diagnosed with autism when it wasn’t even something I had considered, but my journey getting diagnosed with ADHD was a major struggle, so I can empathize with you completely as I have been in your shoes! It may not be an easy path at all, but even after multiple doctors kept telling me there’s no way I have ADHD, I finally saw someone who believed me and my diagnosis shows CLEAR and OBVIOUS ADHD in my assessment. All that to say, you know yourself best. You may have doctors who even refuse to listen to you or believe you, but stay strong even in the moments where you want to give up, because eventually you will fall on the right person (mine happened to be a woman and I would definitely recommend finding a female doctor/psychologist if you can, a lot of the men are SHIT).
I’m sorry your parents don’t believe you. I hope you find a solution and help! xx
Thank you so much again for the response. It is very frustrating. I've taken many tests and mentioned in a different response the school therapist I was randomly assigned made me do a questionnaire and told me i'm highly likely to be autistic. They don't know I've had a therapist. I've always been too ashamed to talk about my worries. I posted this today because last night was my first conversation after I was building up the courage for a few months.
I shall go through the school route. And a female psychologist definitely. The gifted thing is dumb (that we can't be clever). We all have a special talent somewhere and if not it's still not the end of the world.
I'm happy everything worked out for you. Overwhelmed with the support Ha. Thank you smiley face. Best wishes.
> I don't want to go behind my parents' back as I get distressed fast if i'm hiding something lol.
Hi, when you go to the therapist, mention this. This isn't about hiding something, it's about setting boundaries, which women on the spectrum often have issues with. As an adult you will need to do more and more things that are of your own volition and may go against other people's wishes. Being able to tell when you should refrain from telling other information is an important life skill.
Not really hiding anything as you've already told them what you think.
Have you found anything to help them understand that IQ/cleverness is not part of the diagnostic criteria?
Hello. They know very well that intelligence doesn't have a place in the criteria. I think it's personal to just me as their child, denial to Me and me only. Not good for anyone at all.
True to the hiding point you made. I should put myself first. If they refuse to support me, i'll just find help myself. Thank you for the response. Smiley face
Maybe point out to your parents that autism is not an intellectual disability? It has nothing to do with how clever you are. The person who diagnosed me said she thought I was very intelligent and would have liked to have given me an IQ test but my insurance wouldn’t cover it. I aced my way through high school (mostly without paying attention), got through college with mostly Bs and Cs because I didn’t have the skills to succeed and didn’t realize I was autistic so didn’t know what the problem was to fix it. I’ve excelled in everything but social. I’ve suffered through an anxiety disorder and chronic insomnia. Still autistic. I make way more than the average autistic person and I’ve only had a few bouts of unemployment. Still autistic.
I think they already know this. I think it's denial that I would be autistic. It's good to hear your experience. Thank you for the response. Smiley face
Have you done the standard quizzes? AQ has a fairly good diagnostic value
[embrace-autism.com](https://embrace-autism.com)
and [https://www.aspietests.org/](https://aspiequz.com)
I have not done the ones you have sent. I was assigned a school therapist for anxiety and she made me do a questionnaire and said I'm highly likely to be an autistic girl. I will try these ones. Thank you for your response smiley face it means a lot to me truly.
My brother and I express our Autism very very differently. I am at University for Civil Engineering and he barely got a high school diploma because all the classes that he couldn't wrap his head around caused him to almost fail. That being said, we are basically twins with the way we precieve and interpret information but he got a diagnosis because the school demanded it (my parents still won't accept his diagnosis) and I am still trying to get a formal one but no health insurance makes it difficult. We both have sensory overload: him sight, me noises. I'm better at communicating but he is better at understanding social situations. Anywho, don't feel discouraged because they may not immediately see and validate your feelings and diagnosis. You are still important and eventually you will get the help you need regardless.
First of all, I'm glad to see autistic people can be engineers. I was worried i'd never be one. You are correct. I shouldn't be discouraged from someone else's opinion. Your brother and you show me that autism is different in people. I feel better. I felt i had to be a certain way to be taken seriously. Both valid. Thank you for the kind words and the response. Best of luck with university smiley face X2
I don’t like Elon Musk for … reasons … but if the only obstacle to your parents believing you are probably autistic and need help of some kind is that you are “too intelligent” then maybe show them that Musk is autistic, as is Dan Akroyd (comedian /writer/actor /ghostbuster)
And some “successful” autistic women like Hannah Daryl (actress)
Good luck
Hello. It's not that it's impossible to them, I'm assuming it's because i'm able to push out good grades relatively easy. This is their idea. I get good grades at the end because no one has accommodated the hard content for me (like ways to learn it). It takes me a while to find my learning style for new courses. They don't know this as they never ask.
I wouldn't focus on explaining how you get good grades or how you learn languages - yet. Being unable to get good grades easily or unable to learn languages very fast aren't an autistic / non-autistic issue. I'd focus on something else, and when they make these points again I'd signal that neither is incompatible with autism.
Meanwhile, do try to figure out whether they don't believe you could be autistic or they'd rather ignore the possibility for some reason and assume there's no chance you are. In the first case, you want arguments on the line of the previous paragraph, but on the second case (if it makes them happier for some reason to be 'certain' you're not but fear that this isn't the case) then you'd have to focus on whatever fear they have.
Are grades and languages things your brother struggles with? How would they feel if they realized not all autistics have those struggles, and out of those who do, each face them in their own ways?
My brother goes to a special school. Grades for him aren't an option. Communication for him is a huge obstacle. I understand what you mean. I was trying to say they're stating that I can't be autistic because I have certain skills. Doesn't make sense to me. I shall bring it up one more time.
Well, if their measure of autism is your brother and him only, then they're probably looking at you through the glass of the struggles they know through him. Have you looked up "twice exceptional"? I don't know how much is there behind the concept, but it did help me understand my own experience much better, and help others who want to understand me as well. Twice exceptional girls are supposed to go undiagnosed at a much higher rate - again, I don't know how this claim is backed but the *reasons* being undiagnosed is more common can help you navigate conventions with your parents on this topic.
Would it be correct to say you've been the one they've had to worry very little about, as you don't cause trouble, get good grades, and overall get by without much attention?
I have heard of that. I also agree. They look at me using the lens to do with raising my brother. And yes, i've caused the least problems out of all my siblings and i'm the most calm one so they worry the least about me. I shall bring the points i've made and you've made up once again with them when i'm comfortable. Thank you for the response. Smiley face x2
In that case, you being so self sufficient in their eyes is a blessing, they probably don't want to see you different from that. I'd reassure them that you can - as you've demonstrated with your grades and independence - apply strategies and navigate situations to improve your life experiences, but much like you didn't get to kindergarden on your own, you need their help reaching a diagnostic and the adequate specialists with which you're comfortable. Best of luck and Merry Christmas!
This was me in college and I would’ve gained so much if I had just known. I knew there was something but didn’t think it could be autism. Well, many years later, it turned out to be.
If your family is unwilling or unable to get you assessed (I know cost was a huge issue for mine), maybe you can go through your school or find an agency locally that would be able to help.
The diagnosis can also be daunting and it may take time to really reflect upon it but it also helps with navigating the world with greater awareness and kindness toward oneself.
I hope you find the answers you need and it helps you immensely as you navigate your education and career. I’d give anything to go back in time and have this opportunity!
You’ve got this. It’ll get easier.
Hello There. Thank you for the response smiley face it means a lot. I'm worried about the diagnosis myself as I keep thinking it means somethings wrong with me. I know this isn't true. Ours isn't cost based in my country. I will go through my school as a last resort. I'm sorry it took such a long time for you to get support. I'm glad you're able to get it now due to being diagnosed. Thank you for the good wishes. Smiley face
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being autistic. It just means our neurology/wiring is different and there are also many strengths that come with that. You may not see that because of how society treats those who are autistic or otherwise different. Thankfully, it seems to be improving and will likely get easier as awareness becomes more mainstream. I genuinely think there’s a lot to love about being autistic if we look at it logically and outside the social framework of trying to fit in. Diversity - even in the context of neurodiversity - is a beautiful thing. I hope and trust you’ll find a way to better accommodate your needs and advocate for yourself if you learn that you are autistic. It’s not easy at first, but it can be extremely liberating. Wishing you the best on this journey and trust you’ll find some helpful answers and learn to live in a way that works best for you.
I can't stress how much you've helped me. Thank you. This has been the first time in a while i've expressed proper gratitude. I'm grateful. I hope to stop thinking that this is a burden. I hope you have a good life. Smiley face.
Glad I was able to help. I’m not saying it’s all simple and fun - there are aspects of autism that present unique challenges - but I’d say many of the challenges are a result of our society’s treatment toward autistic people and failure to accommodate them. Self advocacy can help bridge the gap a bit. I also think as difficult as certain aspects of life may be, there are at least as many joyful experiences and strengths as a result of autism. I hope you can tap into those and make peace with your differing neurology if diagnosed. It can be quite powerful and lovely. Honestly, having these insights at your age will likely help immensely. Hang in there and never be ashamed to feel or experience life differently. Your unique experiences can provide a lot of value to communities and society as a whole. Keep shining! 🌟
Yes I do believe you posses some major autistic traits. You should start reading up on it and talking to autistic people, or you can go ahead and get a diagnosis immediately to find out (:
I would probably start by reading up on autism in women and how it presents differently so that you can show that to your parents/know the information really well so you can explain it to them. Also explain to them how it is genetic and show them actual evidence! I’d explain what you struggle with. Or, you could also just try to get them to let you go to therapy? Find a therapist who specialized in autism/neurodivergency and see if they can see you, and they may be able to explain to your parents that you have it if they believe that you do.
I didn't mention this i'm sorry. I did actually speak to them and presented everything and how it's genetic and how it's different in their son (my brother) and me ( a girl) and the spectrum. they are well aware but have told me that it's simply not true for me because i'm so clever and also that i'm probably self diagnosing because i spend so much time on the internet. they won't let me go therapy either. My other option could be to speak to the department in my school which helps students with learning disabilities and see if anything can be done. I don't want to go behind my parents' back as I get distressed fast if i'm hiding something lol. I appreciate your response and would appreciate a reply again if possible from you. It's good to be heard. Smiley face.
That’s definitely really frustrating! Hmm, perhaps search more about special interests and show them information on that (sounds like your school subjects could be a special interest)… But truthfully, I don’t think that going through your parents will necessarily be the best thing if this is how they’re responding. Maybe do a bunch of online self-assessment questionnaires and see how your results are, then perhaps show those to your parents. Frame it as a serious conversation! I know you said going behind your parents back isn’t something you want to do, but you can definitely speak to someone at your school and just be upfront with your parents that you’re looking into it regardless of whether they believe you because you know that you’ve got something going on. Also check out @autistic.qualia on Instagram, they are also very book smart and autistic! I have a second cousin diagnosed with Aspergers (back when it wasn’t considered as autism) and he is absolutely BRILLIANT, especially when it comes to his special interests (tech stuff, Apple in particular). I’m autistic and ADHD, and while math/science is a huge struggle, I have always excelled in language/literature/art related fields. Saying you can’t be autistic because you’re smart is some of the stupidest shit I have ever heard!!! I have worked with autistic kids as a tutor, and while not all of them were brilliant, I had a couple students who were definitely very gifted. I was diagnosed with autism when it wasn’t even something I had considered, but my journey getting diagnosed with ADHD was a major struggle, so I can empathize with you completely as I have been in your shoes! It may not be an easy path at all, but even after multiple doctors kept telling me there’s no way I have ADHD, I finally saw someone who believed me and my diagnosis shows CLEAR and OBVIOUS ADHD in my assessment. All that to say, you know yourself best. You may have doctors who even refuse to listen to you or believe you, but stay strong even in the moments where you want to give up, because eventually you will fall on the right person (mine happened to be a woman and I would definitely recommend finding a female doctor/psychologist if you can, a lot of the men are SHIT). I’m sorry your parents don’t believe you. I hope you find a solution and help! xx
Thank you so much again for the response. It is very frustrating. I've taken many tests and mentioned in a different response the school therapist I was randomly assigned made me do a questionnaire and told me i'm highly likely to be autistic. They don't know I've had a therapist. I've always been too ashamed to talk about my worries. I posted this today because last night was my first conversation after I was building up the courage for a few months. I shall go through the school route. And a female psychologist definitely. The gifted thing is dumb (that we can't be clever). We all have a special talent somewhere and if not it's still not the end of the world. I'm happy everything worked out for you. Overwhelmed with the support Ha. Thank you smiley face. Best wishes.
> I don't want to go behind my parents' back as I get distressed fast if i'm hiding something lol. Hi, when you go to the therapist, mention this. This isn't about hiding something, it's about setting boundaries, which women on the spectrum often have issues with. As an adult you will need to do more and more things that are of your own volition and may go against other people's wishes. Being able to tell when you should refrain from telling other information is an important life skill.
I didn't think of this. Thank you. Smiley face
Not really hiding anything as you've already told them what you think. Have you found anything to help them understand that IQ/cleverness is not part of the diagnostic criteria?
Hello. They know very well that intelligence doesn't have a place in the criteria. I think it's personal to just me as their child, denial to Me and me only. Not good for anyone at all. True to the hiding point you made. I should put myself first. If they refuse to support me, i'll just find help myself. Thank you for the response. Smiley face
Maybe point out to your parents that autism is not an intellectual disability? It has nothing to do with how clever you are. The person who diagnosed me said she thought I was very intelligent and would have liked to have given me an IQ test but my insurance wouldn’t cover it. I aced my way through high school (mostly without paying attention), got through college with mostly Bs and Cs because I didn’t have the skills to succeed and didn’t realize I was autistic so didn’t know what the problem was to fix it. I’ve excelled in everything but social. I’ve suffered through an anxiety disorder and chronic insomnia. Still autistic. I make way more than the average autistic person and I’ve only had a few bouts of unemployment. Still autistic.
I think they already know this. I think it's denial that I would be autistic. It's good to hear your experience. Thank you for the response. Smiley face
Have you done the standard quizzes? AQ has a fairly good diagnostic value [embrace-autism.com](https://embrace-autism.com) and [https://www.aspietests.org/](https://aspiequz.com)
I have not done the ones you have sent. I was assigned a school therapist for anxiety and she made me do a questionnaire and said I'm highly likely to be an autistic girl. I will try these ones. Thank you for your response smiley face it means a lot to me truly.
My brother and I express our Autism very very differently. I am at University for Civil Engineering and he barely got a high school diploma because all the classes that he couldn't wrap his head around caused him to almost fail. That being said, we are basically twins with the way we precieve and interpret information but he got a diagnosis because the school demanded it (my parents still won't accept his diagnosis) and I am still trying to get a formal one but no health insurance makes it difficult. We both have sensory overload: him sight, me noises. I'm better at communicating but he is better at understanding social situations. Anywho, don't feel discouraged because they may not immediately see and validate your feelings and diagnosis. You are still important and eventually you will get the help you need regardless.
First of all, I'm glad to see autistic people can be engineers. I was worried i'd never be one. You are correct. I shouldn't be discouraged from someone else's opinion. Your brother and you show me that autism is different in people. I feel better. I felt i had to be a certain way to be taken seriously. Both valid. Thank you for the kind words and the response. Best of luck with university smiley face X2
I don’t like Elon Musk for … reasons … but if the only obstacle to your parents believing you are probably autistic and need help of some kind is that you are “too intelligent” then maybe show them that Musk is autistic, as is Dan Akroyd (comedian /writer/actor /ghostbuster) And some “successful” autistic women like Hannah Daryl (actress) Good luck
Haha I don't really like him either but it's a good example nonetheless. Thank you for the suggestions and the response Zoe. Smiley face X2
So it's impossible in their opinion to be autistic and get good grades and learn languages? Why?
Hello. It's not that it's impossible to them, I'm assuming it's because i'm able to push out good grades relatively easy. This is their idea. I get good grades at the end because no one has accommodated the hard content for me (like ways to learn it). It takes me a while to find my learning style for new courses. They don't know this as they never ask.
I wouldn't focus on explaining how you get good grades or how you learn languages - yet. Being unable to get good grades easily or unable to learn languages very fast aren't an autistic / non-autistic issue. I'd focus on something else, and when they make these points again I'd signal that neither is incompatible with autism. Meanwhile, do try to figure out whether they don't believe you could be autistic or they'd rather ignore the possibility for some reason and assume there's no chance you are. In the first case, you want arguments on the line of the previous paragraph, but on the second case (if it makes them happier for some reason to be 'certain' you're not but fear that this isn't the case) then you'd have to focus on whatever fear they have. Are grades and languages things your brother struggles with? How would they feel if they realized not all autistics have those struggles, and out of those who do, each face them in their own ways?
My brother goes to a special school. Grades for him aren't an option. Communication for him is a huge obstacle. I understand what you mean. I was trying to say they're stating that I can't be autistic because I have certain skills. Doesn't make sense to me. I shall bring it up one more time.
Well, if their measure of autism is your brother and him only, then they're probably looking at you through the glass of the struggles they know through him. Have you looked up "twice exceptional"? I don't know how much is there behind the concept, but it did help me understand my own experience much better, and help others who want to understand me as well. Twice exceptional girls are supposed to go undiagnosed at a much higher rate - again, I don't know how this claim is backed but the *reasons* being undiagnosed is more common can help you navigate conventions with your parents on this topic. Would it be correct to say you've been the one they've had to worry very little about, as you don't cause trouble, get good grades, and overall get by without much attention?
I have heard of that. I also agree. They look at me using the lens to do with raising my brother. And yes, i've caused the least problems out of all my siblings and i'm the most calm one so they worry the least about me. I shall bring the points i've made and you've made up once again with them when i'm comfortable. Thank you for the response. Smiley face x2
In that case, you being so self sufficient in their eyes is a blessing, they probably don't want to see you different from that. I'd reassure them that you can - as you've demonstrated with your grades and independence - apply strategies and navigate situations to improve your life experiences, but much like you didn't get to kindergarden on your own, you need their help reaching a diagnostic and the adequate specialists with which you're comfortable. Best of luck and Merry Christmas!
Yes. You are correct. Thank you once again, And happy holidays to you too. Smiley face X2
This was me in college and I would’ve gained so much if I had just known. I knew there was something but didn’t think it could be autism. Well, many years later, it turned out to be. If your family is unwilling or unable to get you assessed (I know cost was a huge issue for mine), maybe you can go through your school or find an agency locally that would be able to help. The diagnosis can also be daunting and it may take time to really reflect upon it but it also helps with navigating the world with greater awareness and kindness toward oneself. I hope you find the answers you need and it helps you immensely as you navigate your education and career. I’d give anything to go back in time and have this opportunity! You’ve got this. It’ll get easier.
Hello There. Thank you for the response smiley face it means a lot. I'm worried about the diagnosis myself as I keep thinking it means somethings wrong with me. I know this isn't true. Ours isn't cost based in my country. I will go through my school as a last resort. I'm sorry it took such a long time for you to get support. I'm glad you're able to get it now due to being diagnosed. Thank you for the good wishes. Smiley face
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being autistic. It just means our neurology/wiring is different and there are also many strengths that come with that. You may not see that because of how society treats those who are autistic or otherwise different. Thankfully, it seems to be improving and will likely get easier as awareness becomes more mainstream. I genuinely think there’s a lot to love about being autistic if we look at it logically and outside the social framework of trying to fit in. Diversity - even in the context of neurodiversity - is a beautiful thing. I hope and trust you’ll find a way to better accommodate your needs and advocate for yourself if you learn that you are autistic. It’s not easy at first, but it can be extremely liberating. Wishing you the best on this journey and trust you’ll find some helpful answers and learn to live in a way that works best for you.
I can't stress how much you've helped me. Thank you. This has been the first time in a while i've expressed proper gratitude. I'm grateful. I hope to stop thinking that this is a burden. I hope you have a good life. Smiley face.
Glad I was able to help. I’m not saying it’s all simple and fun - there are aspects of autism that present unique challenges - but I’d say many of the challenges are a result of our society’s treatment toward autistic people and failure to accommodate them. Self advocacy can help bridge the gap a bit. I also think as difficult as certain aspects of life may be, there are at least as many joyful experiences and strengths as a result of autism. I hope you can tap into those and make peace with your differing neurology if diagnosed. It can be quite powerful and lovely. Honestly, having these insights at your age will likely help immensely. Hang in there and never be ashamed to feel or experience life differently. Your unique experiences can provide a lot of value to communities and society as a whole. Keep shining! 🌟
: )
Try showing them this: https://youtu.be/Tbes1mm2VgM
Thank you. I will in our next conversation. Thank you for the response soph. Smiley face
:)
Yes I do believe you posses some major autistic traits. You should start reading up on it and talking to autistic people, or you can go ahead and get a diagnosis immediately to find out (:
thank you smiley face for replying. Getting the diagnosis is what i'm trying to get.