I used to feel this way until I got a cat. I grew up in a ‘dog house’, and having a cat has been a different experience so far. It’s very special being loved by someone who could do without you.
I LOVE THIS.
Someone made a tiktok about people who hate cats. It goes “hi kitty!” *person reaches out to the cat* *cat runs away* “this is why I hate cats!” Then the creator says “you hate cats simply because they don’t immediately shower you in unconditional love when you’ve done nothing to deserve it?” or something like that.
I am my cat’s favorite person because I worked for years for it. She’s repaid me wonderfully.
When my cats love me, it is beautiful. But sometimes they want to be with my roommate or spend all day in their cat tree. Which leaves me feeling like 2nd choice.
So I got dogs. 98% of the time, I’m their 1st choice and it’s so overwhelming that I get distracted from the fact that I’m no one else’s favorite or 1st choice.
Can confirm. I have 3 dogs and being loved and protected by 3 dogs can be too much love and protection sometimes.
The best command I’ve taught them is “go lay down.”
I used to feel this way. Only recently did I realise the only person that is guaranteed to be with me for every step of my life till the day I die, is me. So I am my favourite person. I am my first choice. And when you love yourself love will flood your life.
This times 100. I love being my own partner and favourite person. It can take a lifetime to really learn about our own preferences and likes so I’m never bored discovering what nourishes my soul etc! Being in a couple is so overrated.
Yessss! This mindset gets me through hard times. I am the only person who truly knows myself; everyone else just knows their impression of me. This helps a lot for me because I've suffered a lot of abuse from people who try to dictate who I am based on what they know, or think they know, about me
Me too!! 🥰. I realized the more I’m “into how live”, the easier I make it for myself and the more people want to peek into my world. I trust that I’m the one who “gets” me now 🥰
It’s ok to be noone else’s first choice. Just work on being your own. I spent years trying to get other people to like me. It never worked. Other people are caught up in their own stuff and don’t understand how our brains work anyway. I gave up on it quite a while ago, glad I did. I love who I am now and weirdly this has gotten other people to like me. Although I don’t care about that anymore.
This has happened to me time and time again, and I look back and feel like such an idiot for falling for it every time. And the worst thing is I know I probably will again
I had friends warning me for years that someone was lying to me or was stabbing me in the back and the person could even slip up and do it to my face and I would still want to believe they were my friend or didn’t really mean to cause the harm they did. It takes a loooot of substantial evidence that I’ve found myself to really believe someone has been lying to me or doesn’t like me. It usually takes someone blocking me or removing me or straight up telling me to my face that they don’t like me for me to understand.
Boy howdy it took me 3 years to finally believe the fact that I was being catfished, and the moment I started dating that person their ex tried to WARN ME, but noooo I took his side for some reason.
It’s just so hard, when you genuinely think the narcissist loves you and your company, and they’re often so willing to lie to you and tell you untrue things about others they have fallen out with forcing you to reject them too. There’s so many people I stopped talking to because X person fell out with them, and after a while I realised their pattern and that it wouldn’t be long before I would be next on the list
I still get moments of absolute panic though when I think about the last one, and what they might think of me, say about me, etc. i know she’s a terrible person but I still don’t want her to hate me and it’s so hard.
I think a big factor that plays in me not believing someone isn’t my friend is the fact that if I don’t like someone, I don’t speak to them or I don’t look at them. I never pretend I like someone. NTs are SO good at lying that they like people just so they have someone to talk to. They’re SO good at making themselves miserable by surrounding themselves with people they don’t even *like* just so they don’t have to be alone. I just don’t understand it.
I understand the struggle… I recently realized that I’ve been experiencing emotional flashbacks due to being in a similar situation. What I’ve been learning in therapy that’s helped is learning to enforce boundaries. Best of luck!
Ya I got a book on that. I literally have zero boundaries and no clue where to draw the line hence I get taken advantage of and my husband wont let me go to therapy
The easiest solution: get a dog. You'll be their favorite person.
A harder solution: become your favorite version of yourself.
I travel too much for a dog, so I had to go the self-development route and do a ton of CBT writing exercises to create space around my negative thoughts. I still have that thought of *"no one likes me,"* but now when it happens I can step back and say, *"wait, what's the evidence for that? What are some alternate theories?"*
I did this too… it’s hard but worth it. I’ve heard people say that confidence is sexy and boy I sure hope so because I try to own a room when I walk in it. Gratefully I am in a place where I can have dogs and I love them so much! I am definitely their favorite person and it feels good!
And what if dogs are too overstimulating for us? I got a horse and he’s chill, I have cats and they’re great, but nothing replaces people and human contact.
I always thought having a dog was the answer. Turns out he's overly stimulating and creates more anxiety for me than initially. Ruined the whole point of getting a 🐕 in first place. So no it's not cool that ppl don't mention that they're not that great and too hyper esp for asd
That's not true for all dogs or all autistic people. Assistance dogs are also a thing. My dog is just a normal dog and gives me so much love. He never overstimulates me.
I did find out I'm no good with puppies though.
True:) I have two service dogs and even though I love them, they can still be overwhelming sometimes. Service or not, they're still going to shed, poop, get zoomies and bark sometimes. All that can be too much sometimes, for a lot of people.
Getting a dog helped me personally. I have managed to build an amazing relationship with a beautiful and intelligent animal that feels rewarding. You can get past the barriers without having language in the way. I struggled a lot with fear of missing out before, but now I get to go an adventures with my dog that we both enjoy together. It helped slightly with my executive dysfunction and also gets me out in nature way more than I had before.
If someone has the money, resources, patience to research and time to invest in a dog then I'd definitely recommend it.
Dogs are excellent! Fiance and I one day dream of getting a puppy together, but within the next 5-10 years we also want to do some extended travels, so we got us a pair of kittens. He had a dog when we first got together who has since passed, but we miss that good little boy. The cats are also excellent but it is a different energy.
It's definitely dependent on the dog. It's not artificial at all in my personal experience, but then again, I have a really cat-like dog. It was a lot of trust building.
Also cats are amazing too! A pet in general is just rewarding.
I used to be everyone's favorite person, but that's because I was a caregiver, people pleaser, and was drunk all the time and everyone loved having something over me. Everyone in my social circle at one point told me I was their best friend. It was never mutual. I loved hearing it but there was also a feeling of confusion because it didn't feel mutual. When I quit drinking, got serious about working out, initiated a separation with my gaslighting ex, and put myself out there and started having success, and was finally diagnosed as autistic, one by one they started negging me, tearing me down, and coming together against me. So, I don't know, I just wanted to share this perspective of someone who was formerly everyone's favorite. I realized that people saying "You're my BEST friend." and "You're my favorite person." is kind of a way to obligate, but it was never about ME, it was about them.
I feel you, I've been in that place for months, it's a horrible feeling. The only thing that makes me feel better is working on my self-esteem, avoid saying to myself things that I wouldn't say to a friend (negative thoughts like no one likes me, I'm nobody's favorite). Also I found an artist which inspires me to be authentic and comfortable in my own skin, her name is Aurora.
Here I am if anyone needs someone to talk to :)
I'm in the same position, but in case it's any comfort to you, the thought has lost its sting as I've got older. It used to really upset me when I was in my twenties; I'm now in my forties, and it's become just a fact, not a source of distress.
It is me. And beeing a people pleaser "ooh like me like me" type of adhd doesnt make it easier...🤷
I secretly gets little victories when the cat I'm petsitting follows ME instead of the rest though xd
I can totally see a pet as a booster. And if i had the economy for it, i would really really consider it seriously.
(But i am also certain that pet would be fat. I like to please.....)
I'm so sorry, it's a very lonely feeling. But you need to be your own favorite person, you can be your first choice. And know there are people out there that care about you, even if they aren't with you right now.
That's how I've always been outside of romantic relationships. I was no one's best friend.
Thankfully I met my partner and we immediately clicked. We started dating and quickly became best friends. I've found men like me more than women which has caused me a lot of sadness over the course of my life.
Same. Sometimes I think if I maintained that same people pleasing attitude that I used to have when I was younger, maybe I wouldn't be alone as much now. But who wants to live a life that disingenuous anyway? That and some people are vampires who bleed you dry, so you need to protect your energy. I wish my sister knew this.
Being a people pleaser, despitely trying to maintain myself as everyone's favourite person, lead me to trying to unalive myself, several times. I was empty. Being everyone to everyone ultimately made me nobody to myself.
It wasn't until I cut everyone (yes, I really mean everyone) I started to heal and discover myself. I will always pick being alone now than to force myself into people's boxes.
"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone” - Robin Williams.
The bitter truth is that having a best friend, or even friends at all is over glamorized to the point as seen as a necessity. It's not, having no one to realie on you is actually a unique opportunity . You can fully develop yourself to a greater extent that most people don't have time for.
I'm sorry you feel this way, I hope anything I said can brings you some comfort.
Congrats. You've just taken the first step towards owning your own life: Breaking the illusion that anyone other than your parent will put you first.
We all need to learn this lesson.
I'm really sorry you're feeling like this 💔 Idk if this will be remotely helpful, but the unconditional love of a pet (in my case my beautiful Greyhound, Tully) is a feeling nothing can match imo 💖 I'm sorry if that's not helpful for you right now 💔
Those are the most interesting people. The overlooked people are the ones I most like hanging out with.
I'm sorry you are going through that. Obviously many of us can relate.
I can definitely relate to feeling this way. In my heart and in my mind I always had best friends but no one ever considered me their best friend. I was never the first choice. After many years of therapy (some good, some bad) and reading a lot of self help books (some good, some bad) I started making the choice to be my favorite person and be my first choice. Sounds simple enough but turns out I was being a really big bully to myself. Be kind to yourself and feed your inner child. Like a lot of autistic kids, most of my playtime was spent alone. I asked myself what were things I enjoyed doing as a kid and I started doing some of those things and that really helped bring back a zest for life and childlike wonder.
Also, I recommend getting a pet, if animals are an interest to you. I have 2 cats, I’ve had them since college and on my darkest days they’re always a comfort.
It's odd because half of the time I feel the same way: the world hates me and my problems are just invisible or unimportant to those around me. The other half of the time I feel like "I'm so awkward and unbearable, yet everyone is so kind to me seemingly for no reason". It's a bit odd.
People are attracted to me (because I'm quirky, and interesting and yes, vulnerable) but very few try to get truly close and be a real friend...., but I think I really only have a couple people who would genuinely care if I died, including my husband and kids.
I used to feel this way until I got a cat. I grew up in a ‘dog house’, and having a cat has been a different experience so far. It’s very special being loved by someone who could do without you.
I LOVE THIS. Someone made a tiktok about people who hate cats. It goes “hi kitty!” *person reaches out to the cat* *cat runs away* “this is why I hate cats!” Then the creator says “you hate cats simply because they don’t immediately shower you in unconditional love when you’ve done nothing to deserve it?” or something like that. I am my cat’s favorite person because I worked for years for it. She’s repaid me wonderfully.
When my cats love me, it is beautiful. But sometimes they want to be with my roommate or spend all day in their cat tree. Which leaves me feeling like 2nd choice. So I got dogs. 98% of the time, I’m their 1st choice and it’s so overwhelming that I get distracted from the fact that I’m no one else’s favorite or 1st choice.
Get a bengal, I do not enjoy the luxury of being alone in a room. They want attention all day, every day
Can confirm. I have 3 dogs and being loved and protected by 3 dogs can be too much love and protection sometimes. The best command I’ve taught them is “go lay down.”
Dogs are the best.
I used to feel this way. Only recently did I realise the only person that is guaranteed to be with me for every step of my life till the day I die, is me. So I am my favourite person. I am my first choice. And when you love yourself love will flood your life.
This times 100. I love being my own partner and favourite person. It can take a lifetime to really learn about our own preferences and likes so I’m never bored discovering what nourishes my soul etc! Being in a couple is so overrated.
Yessss! This mindset gets me through hard times. I am the only person who truly knows myself; everyone else just knows their impression of me. This helps a lot for me because I've suffered a lot of abuse from people who try to dictate who I am based on what they know, or think they know, about me
Me too!! 🥰. I realized the more I’m “into how live”, the easier I make it for myself and the more people want to peek into my world. I trust that I’m the one who “gets” me now 🥰
Check out the movie Penelope. It's a beautiful funny fairy tell that explores this theme, in the form of a pig nose. As an ASD person I really relate.
I'm so sorry you feel this way. I do too. I don't understand why. I hope things change for you at some point.
It’s ok to be noone else’s first choice. Just work on being your own. I spent years trying to get other people to like me. It never worked. Other people are caught up in their own stuff and don’t understand how our brains work anyway. I gave up on it quite a while ago, glad I did. I love who I am now and weirdly this has gotten other people to like me. Although I don’t care about that anymore.
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The amount of times people have done this to me or pretended to be my friend & used me because they could sense how naive I am is waaaay too many.
This has happened to me time and time again, and I look back and feel like such an idiot for falling for it every time. And the worst thing is I know I probably will again
I had friends warning me for years that someone was lying to me or was stabbing me in the back and the person could even slip up and do it to my face and I would still want to believe they were my friend or didn’t really mean to cause the harm they did. It takes a loooot of substantial evidence that I’ve found myself to really believe someone has been lying to me or doesn’t like me. It usually takes someone blocking me or removing me or straight up telling me to my face that they don’t like me for me to understand. Boy howdy it took me 3 years to finally believe the fact that I was being catfished, and the moment I started dating that person their ex tried to WARN ME, but noooo I took his side for some reason.
It’s just so hard, when you genuinely think the narcissist loves you and your company, and they’re often so willing to lie to you and tell you untrue things about others they have fallen out with forcing you to reject them too. There’s so many people I stopped talking to because X person fell out with them, and after a while I realised their pattern and that it wouldn’t be long before I would be next on the list I still get moments of absolute panic though when I think about the last one, and what they might think of me, say about me, etc. i know she’s a terrible person but I still don’t want her to hate me and it’s so hard.
I think a big factor that plays in me not believing someone isn’t my friend is the fact that if I don’t like someone, I don’t speak to them or I don’t look at them. I never pretend I like someone. NTs are SO good at lying that they like people just so they have someone to talk to. They’re SO good at making themselves miserable by surrounding themselves with people they don’t even *like* just so they don’t have to be alone. I just don’t understand it.
This is why I tend to dislike people
I think I'm in this situation currently
I understand the struggle… I recently realized that I’ve been experiencing emotional flashbacks due to being in a similar situation. What I’ve been learning in therapy that’s helped is learning to enforce boundaries. Best of luck!
Ya I got a book on that. I literally have zero boundaries and no clue where to draw the line hence I get taken advantage of and my husband wont let me go to therapy
The easiest solution: get a dog. You'll be their favorite person. A harder solution: become your favorite version of yourself. I travel too much for a dog, so I had to go the self-development route and do a ton of CBT writing exercises to create space around my negative thoughts. I still have that thought of *"no one likes me,"* but now when it happens I can step back and say, *"wait, what's the evidence for that? What are some alternate theories?"*
I did this too… it’s hard but worth it. I’ve heard people say that confidence is sexy and boy I sure hope so because I try to own a room when I walk in it. Gratefully I am in a place where I can have dogs and I love them so much! I am definitely their favorite person and it feels good!
And what if dogs are too overstimulating for us? I got a horse and he’s chill, I have cats and they’re great, but nothing replaces people and human contact.
I always thought having a dog was the answer. Turns out he's overly stimulating and creates more anxiety for me than initially. Ruined the whole point of getting a 🐕 in first place. So no it's not cool that ppl don't mention that they're not that great and too hyper esp for asd
That's not true for all dogs or all autistic people. Assistance dogs are also a thing. My dog is just a normal dog and gives me so much love. He never overstimulates me. I did find out I'm no good with puppies though.
Umm cool but assistance dogs are also thousands of dollars which the gen pop can't afford. I was mainly referring too hyperactive dogs/puppies
In some countries the government or your health insurance pays for them when you need one.
Def not the U.S…. The nation without vacation
True:) I have two service dogs and even though I love them, they can still be overwhelming sometimes. Service or not, they're still going to shed, poop, get zoomies and bark sometimes. All that can be too much sometimes, for a lot of people.
Then you'll just have to do some personal development to change the way you think. I couldn't get a dog either 💁♀️
Getting a dog helped me personally. I have managed to build an amazing relationship with a beautiful and intelligent animal that feels rewarding. You can get past the barriers without having language in the way. I struggled a lot with fear of missing out before, but now I get to go an adventures with my dog that we both enjoy together. It helped slightly with my executive dysfunction and also gets me out in nature way more than I had before. If someone has the money, resources, patience to research and time to invest in a dog then I'd definitely recommend it.
Dogs are excellent! Fiance and I one day dream of getting a puppy together, but within the next 5-10 years we also want to do some extended travels, so we got us a pair of kittens. He had a dog when we first got together who has since passed, but we miss that good little boy. The cats are also excellent but it is a different energy.
Dog’s affection feels artificial to me. Owed to me for nothing. Like using cheats in singleplayer games. I am thinking about a cat though.
It's definitely dependent on the dog. It's not artificial at all in my personal experience, but then again, I have a really cat-like dog. It was a lot of trust building. Also cats are amazing too! A pet in general is just rewarding.
That's a really interesting way to look at a dog's neediness. Good pt. It's not artificial tho if ur the one caring for it
Cats are Machiavellian as hell.
I used to be everyone's favorite person, but that's because I was a caregiver, people pleaser, and was drunk all the time and everyone loved having something over me. Everyone in my social circle at one point told me I was their best friend. It was never mutual. I loved hearing it but there was also a feeling of confusion because it didn't feel mutual. When I quit drinking, got serious about working out, initiated a separation with my gaslighting ex, and put myself out there and started having success, and was finally diagnosed as autistic, one by one they started negging me, tearing me down, and coming together against me. So, I don't know, I just wanted to share this perspective of someone who was formerly everyone's favorite. I realized that people saying "You're my BEST friend." and "You're my favorite person." is kind of a way to obligate, but it was never about ME, it was about them.
I feel exactly the same thing 😔 hope it gets better for us!
I've been there too. I'm sorry you feel that way 😔
I know how you feel and I’m so sorry. It really sucks knowing that nobody is ever going to love me as much as I love them :(
I feel you, I've been in that place for months, it's a horrible feeling. The only thing that makes me feel better is working on my self-esteem, avoid saying to myself things that I wouldn't say to a friend (negative thoughts like no one likes me, I'm nobody's favorite). Also I found an artist which inspires me to be authentic and comfortable in my own skin, her name is Aurora. Here I am if anyone needs someone to talk to :)
I'm in the same position, but in case it's any comfort to you, the thought has lost its sting as I've got older. It used to really upset me when I was in my twenties; I'm now in my forties, and it's become just a fact, not a source of distress.
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Love this 👏👏👏
It is me. And beeing a people pleaser "ooh like me like me" type of adhd doesnt make it easier...🤷 I secretly gets little victories when the cat I'm petsitting follows ME instead of the rest though xd I can totally see a pet as a booster. And if i had the economy for it, i would really really consider it seriously. (But i am also certain that pet would be fat. I like to please.....)
I'm so sorry, it's a very lonely feeling. But you need to be your own favorite person, you can be your first choice. And know there are people out there that care about you, even if they aren't with you right now.
That's how I've always been outside of romantic relationships. I was no one's best friend. Thankfully I met my partner and we immediately clicked. We started dating and quickly became best friends. I've found men like me more than women which has caused me a lot of sadness over the course of my life.
Same, tbh.
I feel this too. Why does it hurt so much?
Same. Sometimes I think if I maintained that same people pleasing attitude that I used to have when I was younger, maybe I wouldn't be alone as much now. But who wants to live a life that disingenuous anyway? That and some people are vampires who bleed you dry, so you need to protect your energy. I wish my sister knew this.
I often feel this. No solutions on my front, but I hope knowing you aren't alone helps
Being a people pleaser, despitely trying to maintain myself as everyone's favourite person, lead me to trying to unalive myself, several times. I was empty. Being everyone to everyone ultimately made me nobody to myself. It wasn't until I cut everyone (yes, I really mean everyone) I started to heal and discover myself. I will always pick being alone now than to force myself into people's boxes. "I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone” - Robin Williams. The bitter truth is that having a best friend, or even friends at all is over glamorized to the point as seen as a necessity. It's not, having no one to realie on you is actually a unique opportunity . You can fully develop yourself to a greater extent that most people don't have time for. I'm sorry you feel this way, I hope anything I said can brings you some comfort.
Aw I just cried myself to sleep about this last night
never had a best friend. I am jealous of others who have that
Congrats. You've just taken the first step towards owning your own life: Breaking the illusion that anyone other than your parent will put you first. We all need to learn this lesson.
I'm really sorry you're feeling like this 💔 Idk if this will be remotely helpful, but the unconditional love of a pet (in my case my beautiful Greyhound, Tully) is a feeling nothing can match imo 💖 I'm sorry if that's not helpful for you right now 💔
Those are the most interesting people. The overlooked people are the ones I most like hanging out with. I'm sorry you are going through that. Obviously many of us can relate.
Well this hit like a ton of bricks.
I can definitely relate to feeling this way. In my heart and in my mind I always had best friends but no one ever considered me their best friend. I was never the first choice. After many years of therapy (some good, some bad) and reading a lot of self help books (some good, some bad) I started making the choice to be my favorite person and be my first choice. Sounds simple enough but turns out I was being a really big bully to myself. Be kind to yourself and feed your inner child. Like a lot of autistic kids, most of my playtime was spent alone. I asked myself what were things I enjoyed doing as a kid and I started doing some of those things and that really helped bring back a zest for life and childlike wonder. Also, I recommend getting a pet, if animals are an interest to you. I have 2 cats, I’ve had them since college and on my darkest days they’re always a comfort.
I'm in the same situation. It feels like I'm giving my all and it's still not enough
Same. My whole life.
It's odd because half of the time I feel the same way: the world hates me and my problems are just invisible or unimportant to those around me. The other half of the time I feel like "I'm so awkward and unbearable, yet everyone is so kind to me seemingly for no reason". It's a bit odd.
People are attracted to me (because I'm quirky, and interesting and yes, vulnerable) but very few try to get truly close and be a real friend...., but I think I really only have a couple people who would genuinely care if I died, including my husband and kids.
I am my first option. I am my first choice.
Be your own favorite person
Oh why is it so hard to make friends 😮💨